You love your boyfriend more than you can say, but you have a feeling he isn’t interested in a relationship with you anymore. Maybe your boyfriend even said he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want you in his life. How do you respond? These tips will help you cope with heartache, shame and grief. Instead of staying in the pain you’ll find ways to move forward with your life.
One of the most important things you can do — especially if you feel helpless because your boyfriend said he no longer loves you — is to recognize that you CAN take charge of your feelings and future! You can decide you won’t be controlled by his love or beaten down by his feelings. You can choose to think of yourself as a worthwhile, valuable, worthy woman even if your boyfriend does not love you.
Your worth and value does not come from your boyfriend’s love, or from your relationship. Your self-worth, self-identity, and value has to come from your relationship with God. Your love was not powerful enough to save your relationship – and that’s not your fault! The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less your boyfriend’s love will matter. Shift your hopes from “I’m nothing because my boyfriend doesn’t love me” to “my boyfriend’s love does not change who I am.”
And, remember that you are not alone. Your boyfriend may not love you anymore, but you do not have to weather this pain alone. Read through the comments section below; you’ll see that your relationship and breakup may not be happy or good, but it is normal.
Here’s what a reader recently wrote: “I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on 7 Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Talk to You. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”
When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t love or want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be.
Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to help you cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. You’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.
When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You
The slow ache of realizing your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore can be worse than the sharp, sudden heartbreak of a breakup. They are two different types of rejection, and each hurts in different ways.
Here’s what a reader says about her breakup: “My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy on 5 Healthy Ways to Cope When You Miss Him. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”
Sometimes you have no choice but to force yourself to move on. That’s what both my readers had to do: decide that there was nothing they could do to manipulate or convince their boyfriends to want them. They had to accept that their relationships – and their boyfriends – couldn’t be what and who they wanted.
You can’t change your boyfriend’s mind or heart. The only thing you can do when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore is change is your own mind and heart. These tips will help you do that.
Surrender to your new reality
If your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore, it’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and maybe even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you. But it wasn’t enough.
One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. She can’t save a relationship by herself. At some point, if a boyfriend doesn’t start moving toward her and loving her back, she has to give up. It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. If he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore, then he just doesn’t love you. Accepting that is so important; fighting this reality will prolong your pain. If your boyfriend doesn’t have feelings for you, you have to let him go.
It’s time to accept the reality of this broken relationship, and be honest about your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved. If you want to get over a difficult relationship or painful breakup, you have to change how you think about yourself, your life, and your boyfriend. You can learn how to cope even with the painful reality that your boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with you.
Stop trying to change your boyfriend – or save your relationship
This wasn’t the man for you. Your boyfriend was once part of your life, but he is moving on. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be beside you tell. He wouldn’t have told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. Your boyfriend told you he’s not the man for you, perhaps directly with words or indirectly with action, lack of attention, neglect or even abuse. Maybe your boyfriend told other people he’s finished with you, that he doesn’t love you anymore. You need to listen to your boyfriend. Believe your boyfriend when he says he doesn’t love you, and let him go.
It doesn’t matter what you think about your boyfriend or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase your boyfriend or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as sad – as that. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.
Rebuild your self-respect
It’s time to focus on healing. You can become a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman! You can learn how to respect yourself, admire yourself, and focus on healing your heart and spirit.
A woman who is healing after a breakup might say:
- I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
- I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
- It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
- There are other men who will love me for who I am.
- I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
- I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
- I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
- I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.
It’s your turn: how do you think an emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t love her or want her in his life anymore? What would she do?
Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted, because it’ll only drag you down.
Grieve the end of your relationship
Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.
But don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you. You will heal and move on! You’ll accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore – it’ll always hurt a little, but you will move forward into a new season of life.
Feel free to share your thoughts below. Write through your heartache, express your sadness, and get the pain out. Ask yourself questions! Ask yourself the question, “What do I do when my boyfriend doesn’t want or love me anymore?” and answer it your own way.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get free advice and a free marriage assessment from marriage coach Mort Fertel.