How do you respond when your boyfriend – who you love more than anyone or anything – says he doesn’t love you? He doesn’t want you in his life anymore, he doesn’t want a relationship, and he’s ready to move on. These tips will help you cope with pain, regret and grief.
One of the most important things you can do – especially if you feel helpless because your boyfriend said he no longer loves you – is to give yourself time to grieve. Your heart is broken, you lost an important relationship, and your world may even feel shattered. A breakup cuts to the quick and hurts to the core. It may be too soon to start thinking about finding a new life purpose after breaking up with someone you love, but it’s not too soon to take good care of your heart, mind, body and soul.
You are not alone. Your boyfriend may say he doesn’t love you anymore, but you do not have to go through this pain alone. Read through the comments section below; you’ll see that your relationship and breakup may not be happy or good, but it is normal.
Here’s what a reader recently wrote: “I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”
When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t love or want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be.
Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to help you cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. You’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.
How to Cope When Your Boyfriend Says It’s Over
The long process of accepting that your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you anymore is different than the sharp, sudden heartbreak of a breakup. Each type of rejection each hurt in different ways.
Sometimes you have no choice but to force yourself to move on. That’s what both my readers had to do: decide that there was nothing they could do to manipulate or convince their boyfriends to want them. They had to accept that their relationships – and their boyfriends – couldn’t be what and who they wanted.
Here’s what a reader says about her breakup: “My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy on How to Get Through a Breakup When You’re Still in Love. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”
You can’t change your boyfriend’s mind or heart. The only thing you can do when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore is change is your own mind and heart. These tips will help you do that.
Accept your boyfriend’s feelings
If your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore, it’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and maybe even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you. But it wasn’t enough.
One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. She can’t save a relationship by herself. At some point, if a boyfriend doesn’t start moving toward her and loving her back, she has to give up. It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. If he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore, then he just doesn’t love you. Accepting that is so important; fighting this reality will prolong your pain. If your boyfriend doesn’t have feelings for you, you have to let him go.
The sooner you accept the reality of the breakup, the sooner you can start facing your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved.
Stop trying to change him – or hoping you can save your relationship
This wasn’t the man for you. Your boyfriend was once part of your life, but he is moving on. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be beside you tell. He wouldn’t have told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. Your boyfriend told you he’s not the man for you, perhaps directly with words or indirectly with action, lack of attention, neglect or even abuse. Maybe your boyfriend told other people he’s finished with you, that he doesn’t love you anymore. You need to listen to your boyfriend. Believe your boyfriend when he says he doesn’t love you, and let him go.
It doesn’t matter what you think about your boyfriend or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase your boyfriend or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as sad – as that. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.
Rebuild your self-respect
It’s time to focus on healing. You can become a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman! You can learn how to respect yourself, admire yourself, and focus on healing your heart and spirit.
8 things to tell yourself when your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore:
- I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
- I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
- It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
- There are other men who will love me for who I am.
- I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
- I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
- I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
- I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.
It’s your turn: how do you think an emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t love her or want her in his life anymore? What would she do?
Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted, because it’ll only drag you down.
Grieve the end of your relationship
Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.
But don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you. You will heal and move on! You’ll accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore – it’ll always hurt a little, but you will move forward into a new season of life.
Your worth and value does not come from your boyfriend’s love, or from your relationship. Your self-worth, self-identity, and value has to come from your relationship with God. Your love was not powerful enough to save your relationship – and that’s not your fault! The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less your boyfriend’s love will matter. Shift your hopes from “I’m nothing because my boyfriend doesn’t love me” to “my boyfriend’s love does not change who I am.”
How are you feeling? Your thoughts and stories – big or little – are welcome below.