When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You in His Life Anymore…

How do you respond when your boyfriend – who you love more than anyone or anything – says he doesn’t love you? He doesn’t want you in his life anymore, he doesn’t want a relationship, and he’s ready to move on. These tips will help you cope with pain, regret and grief.

One of the most important things you can do – especially if you feel helpless because your boyfriend said he no longer loves you – is to give yourself time to grieve. Your heart is broken, you lost an important relationship, and your world may even feel shattered. A breakup cuts to the quick and hurts to the core. It may be too soon to start thinking about finding a new life purpose after breaking up with someone you love, but it’s not too soon to take good care of your heart, mind, body and soul.

You are not alone. Your boyfriend may say he doesn’t love you anymore, but you do not have to go through this pain alone. Read through the comments section below; you’ll see that your relationship and breakup may not be happy or good, but it is normal.

Here’s what a reader recently wrote: “I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”

When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t love or want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be.

Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to help you cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. You’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.

How to Cope When Your Boyfriend Says It’s Over

The long process of accepting that your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you anymore is different than the sharp, sudden heartbreak of a breakup. Each type of rejection each hurt in different ways.

My Boyfriend Doesn't Love Me Anymore
When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Sometimes you have no choice but to force yourself to move on. That’s what both my readers had to do: decide that there was nothing they could do to manipulate or convince their boyfriends to want them. They had to accept that their relationships – and their boyfriends – couldn’t be what and who they wanted.

Here’s what a reader says about her breakup: “My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy on How to Get Through a Breakup When You’re Still in Love. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”

You can’t change your boyfriend’s mind or heart. The only thing you can do when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore is change is your own mind and heart. These tips will help you do that.

Accept your boyfriend’s feelings

If your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore, it’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and maybe even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you. But it wasn’t enough.

One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. She can’t save a relationship by herself. At some point, if a boyfriend doesn’t start moving toward her and loving her back, she has to give up. It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. If he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore, then he just doesn’t love you. Accepting that is so important; fighting this reality will prolong your pain. If your boyfriend doesn’t have feelings for you, you have to let him go.

The sooner you accept the reality of the breakup, the sooner you can start facing your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved.

Stop trying to change him – or hoping you can save your relationship

This wasn’t the man for you. Your boyfriend was once part of your life, but he is moving on. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be beside you tell. He wouldn’t have told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. Your boyfriend told you he’s not the man for you, perhaps directly with words or indirectly with action, lack of attention, neglect or even abuse. Maybe your boyfriend told other people he’s finished with you, that he doesn’t love you anymore. You need to listen to your boyfriend. Believe your boyfriend when he says he doesn’t love you, and let him go.

It doesn’t matter what you think about your boyfriend or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase your boyfriend or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as sad – as that. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.

Rebuild your self-respect

It’s time to focus on healing. You can become a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman! You can learn how to respect yourself, admire yourself, and focus on healing your heart and spirit.

8 things to tell yourself when your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore:

  1. I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
  2. I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
  3. It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
  4. There are other men who will love me for who I am.
  5. I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
  6. I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
  7. I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
  8. I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.

It’s your turn: how do you think an emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t love her or want her in his life anymore? What would she do?

Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted, because it’ll only drag you down.

Grieve the end of your relationship

Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.

But don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you. You will heal and move on! You’ll accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore – it’ll always hurt a little, but you will move forward into a new season of life.

Read 5 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Boyfriend So Much It Hurts.

Your worth and value does not come from your boyfriend’s love, or from your relationship. Your self-worth, self-identity, and value has to come from your relationship with God. Your love was not powerful enough to save your relationship – and that’s not your fault! The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less your boyfriend’s love will matter. Shift your hopes from “I’m nothing because my boyfriend doesn’t love me” to “my boyfriend’s love does not change who I am.”

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore
When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

How are you feeling? Your thoughts and stories – big or little – are welcome below.


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61 thoughts on “When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You in His Life Anymore…”

  1. Hello ladies,
    5 months ago I was blindsided by my boyfriend of two years who dumped me without warning. He said a lot of hurtful things that came from a place of anger I still don’t understand. I barely had a voice in this breakup, which he did very quickly before he could change his mind. These past 5 months have been a whirlwind of rebounds that have set me back, yoga, and counseling. I resonate with each of these replies and hope to soon fully surrender to my breakup and trust that God knows what He’s doing because I sure don’t. I Would love to connect with anyone going through similar situations and how you overcame them.

  2. Hi.

    I am so glad I found this article. It’s just gone midnight and I’ve been in bed crying into my pillow.my bf of 19months has said he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. We are long distance. Said he loves me but it’s not working. This was all by txt as he is out the country at the moment. I was replying saying I love you and were good together and then I realised that I can’t make him want me or love me and that if he is saying all these things and saying we may never see each other again that I deserve better ! We are not young I’m 32 he is 38. Heartache still hurts the older you get. But I’m going to honour these emotions and then pick myself up. I deserve to be loved and wanted . An I deserve to love and want someone who in turns feels that way.

  3. Hello I was with my boyfriend for two years. And even though we had our problems I felt like he loved me. Our friends destroyed us and he let them.to start our downfall was he got mad at our friends and I ended up hurt and he was in jail. The dv case was stupid. But it happened . The courts put orders in place stating we could not see each other. Hw ended up moving two hours away.. but he would call me to go see him and I would. We were better outside of our friends. I always had a great time with him away from them. The last time we spent together we were fine. I left and came home. Within the next few days he stopped talking to me. No response nothing no reason why nothing.
    But I figured it out and it was our friends. He called me the night he came in and went to our friends house and again stopped talking.. I dont know why we split up we were fine. I dont want to be around the same town as him and the friends. He just shut me out for them ..this is the worst pain I have ever felt.. I miss him but cant reach him.. so I decided to pack up and leave . It’s not right for me to do thiS but this town is small and I run into him which is not health for me.. one day we are fine he is happy. The next he hates me.. and really not happy himself. One day he might see what he has done by then it will be to late.

  4. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine months next week (if we get there), I know not as long as you other ladies…but I still loved him with all my heart and soul. Last night I was talking about the future and how my aunt suggested that I wait for him to graduate school (he’s one year younger than me) before I move, so we can move in together. But he was acting strange. So I pressed him to tell me what was going on and he said that while he loves me, everyone in his life keeps pressing a future with me. His best friend said told him he was lucky to find true love, his mom said if he let me go that’d be the biggest mistake of his life…and he said that it feels like other people are speaking for his feelings. He said he can’t see himself moving in with me, much less marrying me. I’m dying and feel like I can’t breathe. He said he needs time to think and he’ll let me know this Friday if a week without talking either made him miss me or not….it’s hard because I feel so helpless. He told me I’m perfect for him but he can’t help how he feels. I love him and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I would do anything for him. I feel so scared and empty. I was alone and struggled in love for such a long time before him, and when we got together I told him, “you were worth the heartaches”….but now…this heartache I feel doesn’t compare to anything in the past because this was the love I thought was gonna last.

  5. I’m here now in the balcony 9:53 in the morning I still haven’t slept because my boyfriend has been picking up fights with me. For the past 3 nights I felt like I’m going to end up in a mental hospital or gonna die. I can’t believe how he is treating me right now. By reading this article made me see a light a hope that theres going to be a better day for me . I hope I can survive this it’s so painful I want to collapse. I hope this is just all bad dream. He became heartless just like that. 💔

    1. I feel your pain. My now ex-boyfriend cane over last night and blindsided my by telling me he cannot be the man for me and broke up with me. He told me he loves me but is not ready for what I need. When I asked him how he can do this if he says he loves me, he said his love is a friendship love and he can not seeing himself with me in 10 years. He tried to love me more than a friend, but he just couldn’t. We have been in a relationship for over 3 years. I couldn’t understand how it wasn’t ever romantic love because that is how he treated me. He said he doesn’t know what he wants in life and he doesn’t want me to waste my time anymore. He still wants to eventually see other people and experience life. Just the day before he showered me with so much kisses and love. I couldn’t wrap my head around the things he was saying, but I had no choice but to accept his decision. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. It’s so hard to move on but I know I have to try. All I can do now is day many prayers and put my life in God’s hands. I can only trust he will heal my heart and someday bring a man in my life that truly wants me.

      1. Hello Ladies, I am so sorry for what y’all are going through. All of the stories below are heartbreaking and it’s unfortunate that we have to go through this. Kylie, I can relate to you so much. Just 2 days ago, my now ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he realized 2 months ago that he does not want more kids, or to get married again or to be in a relationship. I don’t want to believe it but all I can do is accept it for what it is. The messed up part is that this is not the first time he tells me that he doesn’t want a relationship. We broke up last year for 2 months and he came back apologizing and reassuring me that he was going to do things right. So, I wish I never gave him that chance because I wouldn’t be in this situation again. This time it’s different though, because I know that I have a lot to offer and that any man in his right mind and intentions would truly appreciate a woman like me. As you said, all we can do is pray, heal ourselves, be better and know that one day we will be with someone that will reciprocate everything we wanted and everything we were willing to give. This article is just what I needed to hear. <3

    2. I understand… I was in a relationship for 11 years and he cheated and fathered a child with his lover. I honestly thought I’d go batty. It was really hard. I won’t lie – it was really hard. Eventually and still it’s better. I see now that by not focusing on them and instead on me and my future I could ease the disappointment. If they weren’t ready, weren’t in love, blah blah blah so be it. It doesn’t matter. Life is short. Live it and enjoy it moving forward.

    3. You are doing great girl! Maybe we are now suffering in pain but you are not alone.. we should put in mind that our ex’s are not the reason why God gave us Life.. it so happened that we met the wrong guy along the way and we wasted our time, love and effort to this kind of guy. We need to ask God to give us courage to surpass this emotional painful breakup.. Remember.. there’s a sunshine after the rain.. God bless you girl! Hold on…

  6. My boyfriend of a year and half broke up with me a few days before my birthday. I was away for a few weeks and he told me the week before he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We had a few arguments and a big one before I left, but we worked it out over the phone. We even had a birthday trip planned, but was cancelled without my knowledge and caused another strain in our relationship. I forgave him, but he seemed to want me to move on, but I resisted. I didn’t understand why he would say that. It’s hard to find someone you connect well with. He’s my best friend and know he’s going through life struggles, but he was cruel to end it the way it did.

    We talked everyday on the phone and I missed him dearly and couldn’t wait to love and hold him again. I felt lucky to have such a sweet man when I returned home. It came crashing down after his birthday. He went out with his friends and enjoyed himself, but I was having a bit of family drama that really upset me. I told him about it and he tried to cheer me up, but I was really hurt and regrettably ruined his mood. The next day, he ended it over the phone and I was in utter disbelief. I said some things that were mean, but I didn’t want the heartbreak. That’s not even the worst part.
    After he ended it and blocked my number, my doggie was having severe health problems. Both my ex and I have small dogs and they’ve become close during our relationship. I felt so alone dealing with this battle. I didn’t have my best friend to confine in and feared losing my furry best friend too. On my birthday, my dog had emergency surgery and I spent the day crying my eyes out til it was dry and passed out. I love that little canine and give him the best care I possibly can. I felt like I was failing in everything in my life. With all my stress and agony, the one thing I wanted was to hear him say “everything will be alright,” but I never got a call or text from him. Instead, I saw his profile on Tinder the same day.
    Never in a million years did I expect this or think I would be writing this.
    Thankfully my doggie is recovering and will live a healthy life.

  7. I feel broken. My heart into a million pieces my stomach turned inside out. My head throbbing my eyes wet and my face red. My heart thumps for the laughs we shared over silly things. I wish he would just try again. He said he fell out of love with me and I feel like I am abandoned left in the dark while he finds who he wants and I’m stuck. It’s easy to say these things to “make us women feel better” but the truth is that no one moves on from an ex they thought about a future with, it only fades. Will he want me back when he does what he wants? Will he text me one day and say “I miss you”, that’s the unknown. I’m pregnant with his child early on still and I have no idea what to do. Well I do but my heart wants another thing. He doesn’t want it he strongly goes against me going through with the pregnancy and I just want him to say “I need you and I will be here through everything” he said if this ever happened that he would love it and love me and our baby but I guess it was all a lie. I was there for him through anything he did, he never cheated or anything like that but I could tell we were growing apart. I hate starting over whenever that time comes. This has happened before with us but this time feels so real. He’s confused and tells me one thing and then the next couple days tells me another. He wants to talk to other people and have his old life back he described to me. I didn’t do anything wrong I was always there and I loved him through everything. It can’t just be all black and white. I hold back my tears because I don’t want to feel it. My sister and mom are different they tell me he’s not the one for me and just wanted something temporary they do not know I am pregnant, I am 17. I am not the temporary type of person and he said so many things to me just a month ago and then all of a sudden did this. Is there someone else? Did someone catch his eye? Am I not good enough? I just don’t understand

    1. Sweetie you’re young. And I know you feel like you’ll never be whole again. But you will. You won’t forget the pain but you’ll become stronger than it. I don’t know if you kept the baby or not. But if you did I have you did it for you and not because you hoped he’d stay if you did. I hope your heart feels better and you’ve come to realize that the person for you will never treat you the way he did.

  8. Even though it solves nothing, I have Google and read over a thousand things like this. Because I’m lost and pissed off at myself for being lost. We dated for a year and 3 month, and I thought “this is it, he is the one for me”. It’s been long distance and I was finally getting everything in order for me to move across the world so that we could be together. And then, the breakup. He doesn’t know what he wants, he’s not sure if he will always feel this way, and finally today, to give myself so sort of closure, I told him that if he truly doesn’t love me anymore: say it. He did. So now I’m here, broken hearted and confused. But also, empowered and excited for the future even though I can’t stop crying. I have no idea where life will lead me next and of course I’m sad because I still love him. But mostly, i am grieving for the fact that I really believed this man, who hurt me this bad, was going to be the person I’d spend my life with. I’ve written down why he was wrong for me and I’m carrying it with me everywhere I go. He was emotionally closed off. We had a poor sex life. He was half a world away most of the time. I have my life planned and I know what I want. It’s not him, it was never him and if I can remind myself that enough I know I’ll be okay in time. Stay strong ladies, we don’t deserve anyone who doesn’t see our worth.

  9. Sign up for my weekly newsletter, and I’ll help you find the light, love, encouragement and hope you need! I can’t offer individual advice or support, but I can share my weekly Blossom Tips.

    Here’s the link: http://eepurl.com/ca2mJr

    May you find healing and hope, love and joy in surprising places. I know how hard it is to cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t want you anymore — I’ve been left more times than I care to remember :-) But I also know that moving forward, healing, and growing into a new season of life is the only option for a woman who wants to Blossom!

    Choose to let the past go, to move forward, and to hang on to what little light and life you have left. Come with me, let’s grow forward with joy and hope! Because sometimes all we have is hope for the future….and a friend to walk forward with….

    With His love,

  10. I gave all i had. I revolved my entire life around him. I tried to fix him, so many bad things happened to him and i tried to be his rock, his strength. To show him that someone truly loved him. And he used how much i cared to take full advantage of me. And i felt him start to push me away. I knew after 3 years it was coming. He said he didnt want a relationship. Then said he was sorry and theres still hope. Then never said goodbye to me. Its been a week of nothing from him. I said goodbye over text in a moment of weakness, and he didnt even say goodbye. Just that hes been busy and loves me. Too busy to say goodbye to someone who loved him unconditionally for 3 years. But not too busy to be all over social media. To be laughing at my pain. To show just how little i meant and how little i effect his life. I cant remember how to even live and hes living as if i was never anything to him. Its honestly killing me. I spend 90% of my days crying and wishing i was gone. I have a perfect son, i have a lot to be thankful for, i know that. But i cant see through this. Nothing feels good. All i think about is him. All i want is him to care about me. But nothing can be fixed. We will never be together again. There isnt a world that exists where we end up together. Its like i know but i cant accept it. I have no one to talk to and im drowning.

    1. Nicole I’m sorry you’re going through that episode but believe you’re going to get past it. I know it hurt but it seem hard now to let him go but it’s best that he stay gone instead of coming in and out of your life. Now that would be a major set back towards healing. Take deep breath long walks and trust in God. He is the only one who can lift your pain

    2. I’m so sorry to hear that you went/are going through this. Hopefully you’ve found some peace since you posted this. I am going through something very similar and it feels like someone just keeps punching me in the chest. I havent eaten or slept more than a few hours in nearly 6 days and I’m honestly amazed I’m still functioning at all. I loved this man with all of my heart. I stood by him through thick and thin, through an alcohol addiction and rehab and subsequent court issues for a DUI. He has been sober 5 years now so I feel like I contributed positively to his life. He made me feel more loved than I have ever been, and then suddenly last Wednesday he tells me hes done. There is nothing left, he doesnt love me anymore. How?? What did I do wrong? I never lied or cheated. I tried to show him appreciation for all the things he did for me. I kept house as best I could and formed close relationships with his family. How do you just suddenly unlove someone like that?? I am reeling at the loss and he is being quite cruel about me hurrying up and moving out, though I havent even found somewhere else to go yet. I feel like an ax came down and just severed us because I cant understand how he can just erase a 6 and a half year relationship like that. How can he just stop loving me? It is beyond my comprehension. To say I feel lost is an understatement.

  11. My boyfriend of almost 4 years just broke up with me again, he says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I keep begging him cause I think it will help cause he does this alot it’s been a few month since the last time though that why I keep trying to hard to help us cause we also have a 2 years old boy and I’m now 35 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. It hurts so much and I really have no body to talk to besides family which is nice cause there always there for me but when he finally decides he wants me which usually takes about a week or so for him to eventually say to come back home. It’s so hard for me cause I’m only 18 and I have been with him since 15. It’s so hard because I feel like I have nothing besides our kids which he’s been saying he’s going to take them from me too. I have no money or a job I just feel like I have nothing, and I’ll have e to move back to my grandmother’s house which isn’t so fit for our kids to live but I will do what I have to do, it’s so hard too cause I also have his family saying that I should stay and not run away and I want too but how can I stay when he don’t want me anymore I keep trying but there’s no point when he tells me to leave him alone and he’s already adding other females and I don’t know if he’s talking to them everyone tells me to leave him alone but it’s probably been about 3 hours since I’ve tried to take to him about us. I love him and it’s so hard but I’m gonna try to take this advice which I usually what I do when he does break up with me but this time I don’t want to stop trying because I’m so close to giving birth and I just don’t want to give up so easily anymore

  12. My boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months woke up one day and told me he don’t want me anymore and that my kids and I need to move out. I gave up my apartment to start a life with my boyfriend. My daughters and I dropped everything and moved in with him because he was so good to us, and me and him was tired of staying in separate homes. On New Year’s Day he woke me up out my sleep and told me that he have issues he need to work on so he think I should go. I damn near begged him by telling him that I love all of his flaws and that I’m willing to stay with him while he get whatever help he needs but he still wanted me gone. So now I am here today still in his house with a broken heart walking around looking pitiful waiting for him to tell me that he didn’t mean what he said the other day. He don’t sleep in the bed with me anymore, the house no longer feels like home to me. I know I need to move out and give him his space but it’s so hard to let go of what I believe in my heart can be save. My mind is telling me to go and that I deserve better than how he’s been treating me this week. My heart and my feet won’t move. I plan on getting my kids some clothes packed tonight and going to stay with family until an apartment comes available for me. But it’s so hard to leave the person you in love with even when that person no longer give any care about you. I’m so hurt.

  13. After almost 7 years on and off and 2 kids later I find myself being told I’m not wanted anymore not in love with. I’ll be the first to admit our relationship was very rocky we started off inseparable every moment we wanted to be around each other I became pregnant with our son 9 months in and then I saw a change in my partner he was fighting a drug addiction to synthetic marijuana,we began to crumble fighting physically,verbally all the time. By the time he was able to kick his drug addiction he had completed 6 months In jail and at this time I have another child our beautiful daughter and had been struggling to make ends meet with out him I danced to provide for myself him and 4 children. through all this I lost custody of my children due to family violence between us two right before he was incarcerated. I lost myself and quickly spiraled out of control of my life. Around the same time I found out my partner was never faithful during the time we were together even at times turning to Craigslist. To say the least I’m still shocked. While he was gone I too turned to other men and decided to be honest with the father of my kids probably the worst thing I did,it cost me my trust no matter how bad of things so many times he cheated nothing could compare to me doing it. When he got out we gave it another try both agreeing to forget the past. He never kept his word everyday it was thrown in my face somehow so I seeked happiness in another man for 2+ years in the mix of us not being together he hears about me and at the time boyfriend being at a local fast food joint and aggressively shows up trying to fight and throws me in a car shortly after the father of my kids house is shot at about 30 times by the grace of God no one was hurt. I’m blamed for that happening when I had nothing to do with it that’s one of the reasons he claims he doesnt want me anymore. Needless to say we separated and got back together continuously. We recently moved into a fresh start apartment just the two of us where we both agreed once again to forget the past because we “love” eachother and finally pick up and be happy. I did everything to try and make us work but he says ” karmas a bi $#@ and he can’t forgive me,he no longer loves me and doesn’t want me” I live with him because I have no family/friends or anywhere to go. I know he hates that I’m here but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken I love this man he is my only family,friend and Person I want to be with. I don’t know what to do. Fight for my heart or Let go

    1. 4 years of a toxic on off relationship dancing through thr cycle the makeup the break up but this time its over.. The avoident partner emotionally distant the devastatuon of unrequnited love i feel reduced to nothing i based my entire life around him he told me he couldnt care less about me he doesnt love me anymore the rejection. He was my world he was my arm i cant imagine my life without him but after 4 years i cant make him happy he says im useless i have to just let go put my trust in god except my reality cos i feel more alone being witb him the mental anguish the torture of wanting someone to love you when they cant the past kills me but it was not meant to be

  14. I thought my partner was the one. Cheesy as hell right! I went back home to visit my parents for a month. He was supposed to come but made up excuses like he couldn’t get time of work, money ect. He broke up with me a week after being home over the phone while I was on the other side of the world literally. It was so hard going back knowing I had lost my house, cat everything. I had to live at a friends house until I found my feet again. He asked my to find a house in another state! Which for some stupid reason, I did!!? He new he wanted to break up with me before I left. He couldn’t give me a reason. Nothing. It was just because. It took him over a month to tell me some sort of reason. But still to this day tells me how much he loves me how much he wants to see me and every now and then reminds me we will never be together. He told me today he slept with someone else. It killed me inside. I’m numb, confused and so so hurt. Who new your actually felt pain when your heart gets torn to spreads. I find my self reading this artical and I think what the fk was I thinking chasing someone who doesn’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. Great article.

  15. Don’t lose hope! Just because this relationship didn’t work out – and even though it’s your child’s father – doesn’t mean your child will grow up without a dad or a loving family.

    It is painful and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know how terrible it feels when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore. I’ve experienced it, and it hurts awful.

    But take heart! Grieve the end of this relationship, let him go. He wasn’t meant to be with you — and you deserve to be with a man who loves you and wants to be with you.

    You deserve love. Don’t chase a man who doesn’t want you. Take good care of yourself…because if you don’t, who will?


  16. After reading all this I just had to post my story in a short paragraph , I been with my boyfriend 4 years and half . We had a baby not so long ago he just turned one . And he’s telling me he’s not in love with me anymore that he just wants to be free and explore the world after we had plans of getting married we had almost everything planned out . We had our ups and down but that’s any relationship . And am here just thinking my baby is just 1 year old and I wanted him to grow in a family something that I never had , and I guess he won’t either . He tells me everyday he doesn’t want to try but it’s just so hard I always end up going back to him but he refuses me and it just hurts I feel I need to give me my place but I always end up going to him …..

  17. I met a guy through MySpace. I later started taking to his cousin because he started texting me out of the blue. During the time he was calling and texting everyday almost all of the time. For some reason he wasn’t my type but i soon went on to start liking him then so forth and so on i started to fall in love with him. He told me he loved me, we were really close. It took 9 years until i finally went to go see him. He was in LA at his brothers i caught Amtrak, we had sex, i really thought he was the one. When i came back from LA he just started acting funny. He told me he wasnt ever my boyfriend. He loved me but i act childish, He also told me he didnt want to be with me anymore. He went on to keep it cordial we both agreed to be friends but he always wnted something from me. Either money or sexual encounters. Im over him but for anyody going through this bless your heart time will soon heal the pain, love yourself and god first. Take care of yourself and your heart.

  18. I am going through a similar situation. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago right before my last year in college. We began texting and talking on the phone every single day non-stop! The chemistry was crazy! I had never experienced such a connection with anyone like that before. Long story short, we started an official relationship and were inseparable. After I graduated from college, we shortly moved in together with a goal of marriage in the near future. Once our daughter came, things got worse. There were arguments after arguments. Then I began to notice we were stuck in a cycle. A cycle of arguing for days at a time, then we would have a week or two of good terms. At the beginning of this year we were having a conversation about our futures. He told me marriage was in the near future. Now all of a sudden he tells me I’m not on his level, I’m not the one for him, and he doesn’t know if he wants to continue with me. I feel so numb. I’m hurt and don’t know what to do. Not only for myself but for our daughter. I often wonder what she would think if we did end our relationship. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

    1. Growing up from a family that my parents are always fighting, it would have been better if my parents were happier and separated before I even got mature. Decide whats best for yourself. Your daughter would not want her mommy to be forcing her daddy to be with her because she exists.

    2. I understand where your at, Im in the same situation. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now and we have a 1 year old. He tells me he doesnt want us anymore. I cant seem to let go nor move on. I keep on trying to make him love me because I dont want to lose the chance at having my kids miss out on a family. I cant seem to make him love me again. I do feel foolish because he doesnt feel any love for us, and thats not enought for me to get up and leave.

  19. Me and my boyfriend had our 2 year anniversary about a week ago, and he went out drinking for his friends birthday the next day. When he came back (at 4 am), we had an argument which ended up with him telling me that he’s not sure if he loves me anymore and also that his friends have been trying to get him to leave me. I was heart broken, I couldn’t stop crying, and I didn’t want to be in the same room as him. I told him that I still love him and he told me that he does love me, but at the same time he doesn’t know if he is IN love with me anymore. We decided for him to move back in with his family, so that he can figure out whats been going on in his head. He’s told me numerous times that I haven’t done anything and that this is his fault. We’ve been messaging each other since he moved out and he’s stopped saying ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’ and also calling me beautiful. I say it all to him instead and he just ignores it. I don’t know what to do, he’s said that he’s trying to sort himself out, but it just seems like he’s pushing me away.

  20. My boyfriend of five years as going to propose to me, but instead here I am 1 mth later, crying myself to sleep. He didn’t think it’s work, that it’s inevitable us ending. I have to find a home now… he says he loves me, but that we’re not meant for each other. I’ve given him everything, and now we’re not meant to be. Can’t we just go back!?

  21. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, we have definitely had our ups and downs but throughout everything we’ve always stuck by each other’s side. About a month and a half ago he told me that he wanted to take a break from our relationship so that he could take some time to work on himself & I was 100% okay with that, but eventually it was revealed that he’s been having doubts about our relationship because I’m younger than him (2.5 year age difference) & there’s also this girl that he has like me for some time now that he wants to talk to. I know he has some strong feelings for this girl because anytime we’re remotely close to getting back together he runs into her (they go to school && work together) and totally second guesses our whole relationship. It hurts me because I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I know deep down he really wants the other girl. I’ve asked him several times if he would rather be with me or her & he always says “I don’t know.” That tells me that he doesn’t really want me anymore because how could you even compare a 4 year relationship to a crush? I’m just really in a sad place right now because I feel like our relationship is over. He still tells me he loves me and tries to act like we’re still together but I know that it’s her that he really wants. I’ve told him to go be with her because I know that’s what he really wants and I love him enough to let him go so that he can be with someone who is everything that he wants and more. He tells me he won’t do it because he doesn’t want me to get involved with anyone else. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s literally my best friend and I have no one else that I can talk to about our relationship. I really don’t want to leave him.. I want us to be happy together again.

  22. Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We’ve always been having ups and downs but always come out on the other side. I think he is an amazing person and I admire him a lot. We both have very strong personalities and this is really our first adult relationship. I’ve grown to love him. A lot. In spite of all our issues. I wouldn’t want him out of my life. Since recently he’s been miserable to me. Always agitated and frustrated. When I confronted him about it he said hes hurt by all our arguments and he sees that when he looks at me. This makes me very sad. I work with him and I can’t imagine going to work everyday and working side by side with him and he feels this way. He said he feels like he’s in relationship with someone he doesn’t want… I don’t know him like this and I have no clue what to do. I want to save my relationship and help him to forgive me. I do love him. And I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know if I’ve been my best and fairest with him. And I feel guilty when I know I’ve hurt him. I’ve loved the life I’ve had with him and I truly can’t stand to see him miserable. I want to do something about it. I treasure him and I want to build back our relationship. Please help me

  23. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year, we don’t live together in the same place, we are in a long distance relationship. I don’t think my boyfriend wants me anymore. At first we used to meet every week, we were happy in love but now that love is gone he doesn’t want me to visit him. He is digging in my past n other people tells him lies about me especially male people, if I call him he is not answering my calls and if I don’t call him its a problem. My boyfriend accuses me of have an affair when he’s not around (which is not true). So I wonder if my boyfriend want to breakup with me or what because now its a long time since we saw each other again.Advice me please.

  24. I left my boyfriend of 15 yrs because I thought I wanted more. I was completely wrong. I told him 3 months ago and he said he still loves me and wants to come back home bit he hasn’t yet. He lives with another girl because he needed somewhere to go. He’s at my house alot but not home. It kills me everyday to not know if I should give up or wait on him.

  25. I don’t know if anyone will read this but I feel so alone the last 2 weeks that this is the best I can do. My first serious relationship ended a week and a half ago. The man I first moved in with, first went on vacations with, got a cat with, and planned my life with. There were no real indications that this was coming, we had been slightly more distant the last two months but we were both very stressed by out individual troubles so I didn’t think much of it. I came home one evening to my boyfriend telling me it was over. My entire world that I had just built on my own was shattered. I had a home I loved in a town I loved, I had my own cat, my new second family, my boyfriend, and I was finally starting school. And it was all gone because he decided he didn’t want me anymore. He didn’t think we were right for each other in the long run. But I did. I so saw my life with this man and he didn’t see it back.. I am completely grief stricken and I can barely bring myself to do the things I have to do. I struggle so much with getting through the day and I’m embarrassed of my inability to “fake it till I make it”. I feel like my sadness is a burden to others and that I’m just negative to be around. But I can’t hide how utterly distraught I am. I wish I could start feeling better, but I just cant. My brain always reverts back to our love and what I can’t have anymore. I wish and dream that he will take me back and that makes me even more embarrassed. I wish I could just accept that we can never be together and just move on. But I miss him so much.

    1. Hi Ashley, I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. My situation is somewhat similar and you are so right…it’s hard to “fake it until I make it.” I’m curious, how are you doing now that a month has gone by? It’s been 2 months for me since our breakup and I’m slowly getting better, but am still struggling.

    2. Me too its been 2 months. Just try to journal and hang out with friends. It will get better but I feel the same. Hang in there

    3. Ashley, I’m going through a similar situation. Two weeks ago my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me over Facebook messenger while I was at work. I went out to my car on my lunch break to call him and he said he wasn’t happy anymore and doesn’t know what he wants. It completely came out of nowhere. The last couple of weeks he seemed distance but I didn’t think much of it. I never saw it coming. We’ve been through so much together and his family and I were very close. I think about him everyday and have nightmares about him being with someone else. Everyone keeps telling me that he wasn’t right for me and I’ll find someone else but I don’t want anyone else. My heart hurts so much. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact it’s over. Someone who I thought I trusted and told everything to is gone just like that. My chest hurts I wish I could sleep away the pain.

      1. Josie, I feel the same exact way. My boyfriend who I trusted the most in the world completely shattered all of my dreams. Everyone thought we would be together forever. Our friends always jokingly fought over who would be best man at our wedding. His family became mine, and mine became his His dad would always say to us “don’t let this love go, it’s the real deal.” His mom would introduce me as her daughter-in-law. We discussed marriage, and rings, and where would build our life together. In august he went to a wedding for a friend and called me after and said “I cant wait to marry you.” We’ve talked about marriage, family, adventures, everything together. For years we built our life and created shared dreams. And like a fool I believed him. Not even 3 weeks after that wedding he tells me that he is having doubts, needs space, doesn’t think we’re going to make it. He pulled the rug right out from underneath me. It’s been nearly 3 months and everyday I still sob. I keep asking myself how could this happen. I found out that he slept with one of his best girl friends, and I don’t think he’s ever coming back to me. I’m so devastated. I don’t know how to let go or move on — and I don’t want to. I still want to be with him, marry him, have the life we dreamed of having together. I am still so in love with him and still feel so connected to him. I don’t want to be a distant memory in his mind. Everyone keeps telling me that he saved me a world of pain later in life by showing me who he truly is now as opposed to when we’re married with kids and winds up walking away. They say that I’ll find someone that is so much better than him. But I don’t want that. I want him. I want my boyfriend back. I want him to chose me, and love me. And there’s nothing I can do to make that happen. It’s so devastating.

  26. Oh, sweet girls, you are so precious! I am so sorry you’re going through this. I know the pain of discovering that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore. It’s a terrible, heartbreaking, lonely feeling.

    Give yourself time to grieve, cry, and be sad. Keep writing about how terrible you feel, how much you wish you could go back to the way things were. Express your emotions, share your feelings.

    But don’t share your feelings with your boyfriend! He is not interested, he does not want to hear from you. He is moving on with his life. For him, your relationship is over.

    I just wrote this article today, to help women move on when their boyfriends don’t want them anymore:

    How to Stop Crying When It’s Over

    You will heal. You won’t feel this way forever! You will grieve and cry…and you will begin to feel hope and life and light again.

    You are stronger than you know, braver than you feel, and more beautiful than you realize. You are lovable and worthy. And you will find a boyfriend who loves you the way God created you to be loved. Have faith. Trust Him; dip into His healing flow of life and peace and joy.


  27. Hey my name is linta.iam from india where love and love marriages are not considered as part of their culture.if two people love they face a lot of problems.parents completey breaks the relationship with their child.and if the caste or religion is different then the case will be the worst..still there are people who love and marry.
    I fell in love with a boy in another religion when i was 18 years old.now iam 25.we both are of same age.im his third girlfriend.he promised me that he wil love until his last breath.but our relationship has a lot of problems.i cannot think of another man in his place.i love him so much that i cant live without him.i have told him many times that how much he mean to me as a boyfriend, but he stopped talking to me now..i cant think of even a second without him.he too said that he loves me so much.but things are getting different.we both are at different states.we see twice in a year since this relation started.now he is pursuing mba.he joined his new college last year.there he got lot of friends.
    now he switches off his phone when i call and i have to call his friends to get him.i know if i stop calling him he will not call me back.but i dont want that.i cant live without him.he has told bad things about me to his friends.he said i am a psycho.now he is asking me to get lost.there is not a single day without me crying.

  28. Bf of 3 years broke up with me months ago. We are from different countries andoved abroad for a year now moved back to my country. We were supposed to have a fresh start but he broke things off before we moved. We met up a few times and made out a few times after break up. But now he said he will only come back to my life once I move on. It is so difficult to hear things like it and I am still devastated. I am sure I can make things right only if he gives us one more chance but I also know he is far away gone.

    1. Sometimes we love those people who don’t love us back and as devastating as that is, all we can do is move on. I was in love with a guy for almost 6 years and I went through a lot of ups and downs. Out of the blue he basically told me he didn’t love me anymore and this is where our chapter ends. After 6 years, that’s all I got. I grappled with the thought for weeks and then I just accepted that this person no longer loved me. Regardless of how much love I poured into it, they didn’t even love me back or care. I was devastated, this happened months ago and I’m still devastated ya know but time heals everything. I know I gave it my all and that person decided that it wasn’t good enough for them. What do you do? You gotta pick up the pieces of your broken heart, take care of yourself, and move on. It’s not the end of the world, it just feels like it right now because your heart is broken. From one broken-hearted girl to the other, we are strong beautiful women and we will get through it. It was a setback but it’s not over for us. GOD bless you and I pray for peace, joy, and true love for you and anyone else suffering from an earth shattering heartbreak.

  29. hi my name is Penelope i been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he said i dont know if i want to be with you anymore it made me upset but i have to repeated it i have to move on it going to be hard on the both of us but it for the best i know that i loved him so much and we cared for each other and we did everything together we going to have our memorise together we had so much fun been together and i will always love him and care for each other but we Can still be friends and love each other as friends and care for each other i will always love you Daniel forever and always

  30. My name is lizzy I had the same problem , my boyfriend n I had been together for 3 years without seeing him or evn sleeping with him , he always make excuses when we are supposed to have app , I love him so much and I realised he is taking advantage of that I have decided not to call him and chat with him , he alwaays insult me when I text him and complain I loved him so much but eventually I have realised that you can lead a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink

  31. I waa his frst choice..he was my life..but 5 month back all get changed. He doesnt want ne in his life..i asked him that y he is doing dis. He replied to me by saying that i am not that girl who he was thinking..from last few months i tried my level bst to save my relation with him but he didnt tried a single time. He always used ti say that he will leave hin if i will doubt him. He always show his temper if i disobey his words. He get angry when i say anything related to love or attachement. He has changed his self..what shuld i do?.. i love him badly..and i can imagine my lyf with him only and no one else..

  32. I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?

    1. Hello. I’ll go straight to the point. I rarely make posts online but i feel compelled to respond to this post. I hope I shed some light on your path.

      How old are you ? How old is he ?

      There is nothing wrong with you, you are a wonderful, beautiful person who can actually love another person, its a quality that is not as common as people seem to think and it can be lost very easily.

      That guy sounds like a horrible human being, plain and simple. He’s got problems. He wants to put you in a place where you will be okay with what he’s doing. IT IS NOT OK.

      Did you just type, “He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated”? You need to dump that psycho before he breaks you.

      As a matter of fact he almost has. I mean, read your own words, ” Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?”. Self esteem issues dear. Yours is at a dangerously low level and he knows it. He’s using it against you. You need to dump that weasel and start working on your self esteem. Make sure that it doesn’t depend on how other people treat you. Once you achieve that no one will ever play you like this again and get away with it.

      Believe it.


      Going to his bedroom window was bad, that’s creeping. This relationship is bringing out the bad in you. Get out now.

  33. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday. He said, he is unhappy and that we know we love each other but we are not inlove anymore. We moved abroad to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me too for 3 months at that time the relationship was in a long distance. But he chase me back and here we are now. Only 7months abroad something a new life, living in together. I asked him is there someone else so many times, at first he said none, 3 weeks after I found out he was already cheating while we were still together and before he broken things up with me with A YOUNGER GIRL at work. The day i confronted them, dont get me wrong, i still get them the respect even they did me wrong, he said he was going to tell me that night but I just knew or had proof already. I was so crashed but i know i still love him, i couldnt even hate him, he was doing her and doing me too. He said he has his reasons why he did that. But for me, you cheated. It shouldve hurt less if you didnt, upto this day he says that he has reasons why he had done such. He already moved out of our apt and chose her infront of me. I can’t explain the feeling i have. I didnt believe it until I saw it, i always tell myself he can’t do that to me but I was wrong. The person that i love so much did it and it hurts like hell.

  34. Hi Nolo, we have same situation.. we’ve been for almost 4 yrs and 9 months and my boyfriend doesn’t want me in his life anymore.. last august we’ve found out that im preggy. but recently he told me that he didnt love me anymore, but keeps on trying to love me back.. i dont know what to do and i dont know how to get over w/ this..

  35. i am also going through the same, the man I have been with for 7 years going to 8 just left me and we just had a baby. he treats me so bad to an extent that I just see it as normal. when he is happy I should be happy but when he is unhappy he also wants me to be happy, he swears at me today and the next day he tells me he loves me. I know they say you should fight for what you believe in and fight 4 your man but after he just decided to leave me without no reason , I have just decided to stop believing and just focus on my own happiness, you can love someone so bad but sometimes love is not enough when it makes you miserable, love is supposed to make you happy.

    this is a very good article, thank you for your advice, no matter how much it hurts I wont look back.

  36. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Khendise,

    The end of a relationship is always painful, even when it wasn’t a healthy relationship. It’s hard to start your life over when your boyfriend says he doesn’t want you in his life – even when you know that you’re better off breaking up.

    My prayer is that you find strength, courage, and peace. May you find a good place to live, and may you connect with friends and family who are supportive and compassionate. I pray for everything to go smoothly as you and your boyfriend make decisions, and for a new home and other practical parts of moving to fall into place quickly and easily. I pray for healing for you and him, and for wisdom as you parent your child after this breakup. May you find faith, hope, and even joy in your future! I pray for all good things for you, for your child, for your life and future relationships.


  37. Thank you… although it has been months in a loveless, no affection and no passion relationship, i still held on thinking things would change but he finally told me after me forcing him to talk to me that he doesn’t love or care for me any more and he can not force himself…. its day one and it hurts as hell, messed up thing is we will live together with a toddler… I am spinning… do not know what to do or where to go!