You love him with all your heart, but your boyfriend says he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Here’s how to pick up the pieces of your heart and move on.
If you’re lost and sad, you may find You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, or Death helpful. Louise Hay and David Kessler wrote this book that brings self-awareness and compassion to life, and can give you courage to face the loss of a breakup. You need to learn how to work through the grief and pain. It hurts to accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore, but that’s the first step to healing your heart.
If you want to get over a bad relationship or breakup, you need to change how you think about yourself, your life, and your boyfriend. You can learn how to be happy single…but it may take some time for your heart to heal. You can speed the process by learning how to cope when a man says he doesn’t want you anymore…
Here’s what a reader says about her breakup:
“My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy onon How to Get Past the Pain When He Breaks Up With You. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”
When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You
How do you recover from such a devastating breakup, when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore?
Accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. He texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. He doesn’t love you, and you have to accept that he is not the one for you.
It’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you.
But it wasn’t enough. One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. At some point, he has to step up and love you back…and if he doesn’t, you have to accept that your boyfriend doesn’t love want you in his life anymore.
Read What to Do After a Breakup – Emotional Healing for help accepting that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life.
Stop trying to change him – or change his mind
This wasn’t the man for you. He was an experience, a chapter of your life. How do I know he’s not the man for you? Because he doesn’t want you in his life anymore! He told you he’s not the man for you. You need to listen to him, believe him, and let him go.
It doesn’t matter what you think about him or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase him or beg him to come back to you.
You can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as terrible – as that. He doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.
Pretend you’re a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman. Pretend you respect yourself, admire yourself, and only want the absolute best for yourself. Now write down 10 ways you’d move on after her boyfriend says he doesn’t want her in his life anymore if you were that woman.
Here’s how I think a confident, healthy woman would respond to a breakup. She would say:
- I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
- I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
- It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
- There are other men who will love me for who I am.
- I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
- I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
- I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
- I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.
It’s your turn: how do you think a strong, emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t want her in his life anymore? What would she do?
Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted because it’ll only drag you down.
Grieve the end of your relationship
Set aside 15 minutes a day to grieving the fact that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. It’s important to express your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. Writing is my favourite way to get the pain out – but art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, reading, and road trips can be effective ways to mourn.
But, don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Set boundaries. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you.
Your boyfriend may have made this decision, but you are a smart, amazing, beautiful woman who is strong enough to move on and be happy….even after your boyfriend says he doesn’t want you in his life anymore.
Read How to Deal With the Pain of Rejection. Feel free to share your thoughts below; I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to write about your experience.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.