Breakups > Letting Go > When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

You love your boyfriend more than you can say, but you have a feeling he isn’t interested in a relationship with you anymore. Maybe your boyfriend even said he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want you in his life. How do you respond? These tips will help you cope with heartache, shame and grief. Instead of staying in the pain you’ll find ways to move forward with your life.

One of the most important things you can do — especially if you feel helpless because your boyfriend said he no longer loves you — is to recognize that you CAN take charge of your feelings and future! You can decide you won’t be controlled by his love or beaten down by his feelings. You can choose to think of yourself as a worthwhile, valuable, worthy woman even if your boyfriend does not love you.

Your worth and value does not come from your boyfriend’s love, or from your relationship. Your self-worth, self-identity, and value has to come from your relationship with God. Your love was not powerful enough to save your relationship – and that’s not your fault! The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less your boyfriend’s love will matter. Shift your hopes from “I’m nothing because my boyfriend doesn’t love me” to “my boyfriend’s love does not change who I am.”

And, remember that you are not alone. Your boyfriend may not love you anymore, but you do not have to weather this pain alone. Read through the comments section below; you’ll see that your relationship and breakup may not be happy or good, but it is normal.

Here’s what a reader recently wrote: “I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on 7 Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Talk to You. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”

When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t love or want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be.

Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to help you cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. You’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.

When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You

The slow ache of realizing your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore can be worse than the sharp, sudden heartbreak of a breakup. They are two different types of rejection, and each hurts in different ways.

My Boyfriend Doesn't Love Me Anymore
When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Here’s what a reader says about her breakup: “My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy on 5 Healthy Ways to Cope When You Miss Him. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”

Sometimes you have no choice but to force yourself to move on. That’s what both my readers had to do: decide that there was nothing they could do to manipulate or convince their boyfriends to want them. They had to accept that their relationships – and their boyfriends – couldn’t be what and who they wanted.

You can’t change your boyfriend’s mind or heart. The only thing you can do when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore is change is your own mind and heart. These tips will help you do that.

Surrender to your new reality

If your boyfriend doesn’t want or love you anymore, it’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and maybe even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you. But it wasn’t enough.

One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. She can’t save a relationship by herself. At some point, if a boyfriend doesn’t start moving toward her and loving her back, she has to give up. It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. If he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore, then he just doesn’t love you. Accepting that is so important; fighting this reality will prolong your pain. If your boyfriend doesn’t have feelings for you, you have to let him go.

It’s time to accept the reality of this broken relationship, and be honest about your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved. If you want to get over a difficult relationship or painful breakup, you have to change how you think about yourself, your life, and your boyfriend. You can learn how to cope even with the painful reality that your boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with you.

Stop trying to change your boyfriend – or save your relationship

This wasn’t the man for you. Your boyfriend was once part of your life, but he is moving on. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be beside you tell. He wouldn’t have told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. Your boyfriend told you he’s not the man for you, perhaps directly with words or indirectly with action, lack of attention, neglect or even abuse. Maybe your boyfriend told other people he’s finished with you, that he doesn’t love you anymore. You need to listen to your boyfriend. Believe your boyfriend when he says he doesn’t love you, and let him go.

It doesn’t matter what you think about your boyfriend or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase your boyfriend or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as sad – as that. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.

Rebuild your self-respect

It’s time to focus on healing. You can become a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman! You can learn how to respect yourself, admire yourself, and focus on healing your heart and spirit.

A woman who is healing after a breakup might say:

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore
When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
  • I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
  • I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
  • It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
  • There are other men who will love me for who I am.
  • I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
  • I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
  • I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
  • I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.

It’s your turn: how do you think an emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t love her or want her in his life anymore? What would she do?

Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted, because it’ll only drag you down.

Grieve the end of your relationship

Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.

But don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you. You will heal and move on! You’ll accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore – it’ll always hurt a little, but you will move forward into a new season of life.

Read 5 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Boyfriend So Much It Hurts.

Feel free to share your thoughts below. Write through your heartache, express your sadness, and get the pain out. Ask yourself questions! Ask yourself the question, “What do I do when my boyfriend doesn’t want or love me anymore?” and answer it your own way.


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59 thoughts on “When Your Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

  1. Hi.

    I am so glad I found this article. It’s just gone midnight and I’ve been in bed crying into my bf of 19months has said he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. We are long distance. Said he loves me but it’s not working. This was all by txt as he is out the country at the moment. I was replying saying I love you and were good together and then I realised that I can’t make him want me or love me and that if he is saying all these things and saying we may never see each other again that I deserve better ! We are not young I’m 32 he is 38. Heartache still hurts the older you get. But I’m going to honour these emotions and then pick myself up. I deserve to be loved and wanted . An I deserve to love and want someone who in turns feels that way.

  2. Hello I was with my boyfriend for two years. And even though we had our problems I felt like he loved me. Our friends destroyed us and he let start our downfall was he got mad at our friends and I ended up hurt and he was in jail. The dv case was stupid. But it happened . The courts put orders in place stating we could not see each other. Hw ended up moving two hours away.. but he would call me to go see him and I would. We were better outside of our friends. I always had a great time with him away from them. The last time we spent together we were fine. I left and came home. Within the next few days he stopped talking to me. No response nothing no reason why nothing.
    But I figured it out and it was our friends. He called me the night he came in and went to our friends house and again stopped talking.. I dont know why we split up we were fine. I dont want to be around the same town as him and the friends. He just shut me out for them ..this is the worst pain I have ever felt.. I miss him but cant reach him.. so I decided to pack up and leave . It’s not right for me to do thiS but this town is small and I run into him which is not health for me.. one day we are fine he is happy. The next he hates me.. and really not happy himself. One day he might see what he has done by then it will be to late.

  3. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine months next week (if we get there), I know not as long as you other ladies…but I still loved him with all my heart and soul. Last night I was talking about the future and how my aunt suggested that I wait for him to graduate school (he’s one year younger than me) before I move, so we can move in together. But he was acting strange. So I pressed him to tell me what was going on and he said that while he loves me, everyone in his life keeps pressing a future with me. His best friend said told him he was lucky to find true love, his mom said if he let me go that’d be the biggest mistake of his life…and he said that it feels like other people are speaking for his feelings. He said he can’t see himself moving in with me, much less marrying me. I’m dying and feel like I can’t breathe. He said he needs time to think and he’ll let me know this Friday if a week without talking either made him miss me or not….it’s hard because I feel so helpless. He told me I’m perfect for him but he can’t help how he feels. I love him and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I would do anything for him. I feel so scared and empty. I was alone and struggled in love for such a long time before him, and when we got together I told him, “you were worth the heartaches”….but now…this heartache I feel doesn’t compare to anything in the past because this was the love I thought was gonna last.

  4. I’m here now in the balcony 9:53 in the morning I still haven’t slept because my boyfriend has been picking up fights with me. For the past 3 nights I felt like I’m going to end up in a mental hospital or gonna die. I can’t believe how he is treating me right now. By reading this article made me see a light a hope that theres going to be a better day for me . I hope I can survive this it’s so painful I want to collapse. I hope this is just all bad dream. He became heartless just like that. 💔

    1. I feel your pain. My now ex-boyfriend cane over last night and blindsided my by telling me he cannot be the man for me and broke up with me. He told me he loves me but is not ready for what I need. When I asked him how he can do this if he says he loves me, he said his love is a friendship love and he can not seeing himself with me in 10 years. He tried to love me more than a friend, but he just couldn’t. We have been in a relationship for over 3 years. I couldn’t understand how it wasn’t ever romantic love because that is how he treated me. He said he doesn’t know what he wants in life and he doesn’t want me to waste my time anymore. He still wants to eventually see other people and experience life. Just the day before he showered me with so much kisses and love. I couldn’t wrap my head around the things he was saying, but I had no choice but to accept his decision. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. It’s so hard to move on but I know I have to try. All I can do now is day many prayers and put my life in God’s hands. I can only trust he will heal my heart and someday bring a man in my life that truly wants me.

      1. Hello Ladies, I am so sorry for what y’all are going through. All of the stories below are heartbreaking and it’s unfortunate that we have to go through this. Kylie, I can relate to you so much. Just 2 days ago, my now ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he realized 2 months ago that he does not want more kids, or to get married again or to be in a relationship. I don’t want to believe it but all I can do is accept it for what it is. The messed up part is that this is not the first time he tells me that he doesn’t want a relationship. We broke up last year for 2 months and he came back apologizing and reassuring me that he was going to do things right. So, I wish I never gave him that chance because I wouldn’t be in this situation again. This time it’s different though, because I know that I have a lot to offer and that any man in his right mind and intentions would truly appreciate a woman like me. As you said, all we can do is pray, heal ourselves, be better and know that one day we will be with someone that will reciprocate everything we wanted and everything we were willing to give. This article is just what I needed to hear. <3

    2. I understand… I was in a relationship for 11 years and he cheated and fathered a child with his lover. I honestly thought I’d go batty. It was really hard. I won’t lie – it was really hard. Eventually and still it’s better. I see now that by not focusing on them and instead on me and my future I could ease the disappointment. If they weren’t ready, weren’t in love, blah blah blah so be it. It doesn’t matter. Life is short. Live it and enjoy it moving forward.