You love him with all your heart, but your boyfriend says he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Here’s how to pick up the pieces of your heart and move on.
“I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”
When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing her heart. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be. Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to do the same. You’ll learn how to cope when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore, and you’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.
The slow burn of realizing your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore can be worse than the sharp, sudden heartbreak of a breakup. They’re two different types of rejection, but one goes to the core of who you are.
Sometimes it helps to know you’re not alone. Here’s what a reader says about her breakup:
“My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday,” says Mandy on 5 Healthy Ways to Cope When You Miss Him. “He said he is unhappy and that he’s not in love with me anymore. We moved to a new city to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me for 3 months and we wanted to start over new. I still love him but I know I have to accept that he doesn’t want me anymore. My boyfriend was my life and I can’t even hate him. I can’t explain the feeling I have. I’m numb. I can’t believe it because I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me but I know I will have to survive.”
What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You
Sometimes you have no choice but to force yourself to move on.
That’s what both my readers had to do: decide that there was nothing they could do to manipulate or convince their boyfriends to want them. They had to accept that their relationships – and their boyfriends – couldn’t be what and who they wanted.
You can’t change your boyfriend’s mind or heart. The only thing you can do when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore is change is your own mind and heart. These tips will help you do that.
Surrender to the reality of your relationship
If you know deep in your heart that he doesn’t want you anymore, then it’s time to stop fighting for your relationship. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart – you gave him your time, energy, love, thoughts, and even your money. You did everything you could to save your relationship, to love him enough for both of you. But it wasn’t enough.
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One woman can’t love a man enough by herself. She can’t save a relationship by herself. At some point, if a boyfriend doesn’t start moving toward her and loving her back, she has to give up.
It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. It’s harsh, but he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. He doesn’t love you, and you have to accept that he is not the one for you. If your boyfriend doesn’t have love for you in his heart, you have to allow him to have his true feelings. You have to accept your relationship, and be honest about your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved.
If you want to get over a difficult relationship or painful breakup, you have to change how you think about yourself, your life, and your boyfriend. You can learn how to be happy single…but it may take some time for your heart to heal.
Stop trying to change your boyfriend – or save your relationship
This wasn’t the man for you. He was an experience, a chapter of your life. How do I know he’s not the man for you? Because he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Because you’re searching for tips on what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He told you he’s not the man for you, maybe with words or maybe with actions. Maybe he told other people he’s finished with you. You need to listen to him, believe him, and let him go.
It doesn’t matter what you think about him or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase him or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as terrible – as that. He doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.
Rebuild your self-respect
It’s time to focus on healing. You can become a self-confident, healthy, stable, secure, happy woman! You can learn how to respect yourself, admire yourself, and focus on healing your heart and spirit.
A confident, healthy woman might respond to a breakup by saying:
- I won’t call, text, or email my boyfriend because I respect myself more than that.
- I will accept his decision, and re-create my life.
- It didn’t work out with him because it wasn’t meant to be.
- There are other men who will love me for who I am.
- I will use this experience to be stronger, smarter, and more compassionate.
- I will lean on my friends to help me heal, but I won’t overwhelm them with my stories or tears.
- I will grieve the end of this relationship, and I will move on.
- I will work on building a stronger, healthier self-identity.
It’s your turn: how do you think an emotionally healthy, confidant woman would respond to a boyfriend who says he doesn’t want her in his life anymore? What would she do?
Write down how you wish you were responding, what you wish you were doing, and who you wish you were. Focus on where you want to be and go in your life. Let go of all the stuff that didn’t work out the way you wanted, because it’ll only drag you down.
Grieve the end of your relationship
Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.
But don’t let your life be consumed by grief. Don’t let your emotions rule you, and don’t fall into the trap of believing that this is the only man for you. You will heal and move on! You’ll accept that your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore – it’ll always hurt a little, but you will move forward into a new season of life.
Read How to Deal With the Pain of Rejection for more encouragement.
What do you think, how do you feel? Share your thoughts below. Write through the pain, express the sadness, and allow yourself to get all the awful feelings out. Ask yourself questions! Even just writing down the question, “What do I do when my boyfriend doesn’t want or love me anymore?” can nudge your brain and heart into finding answers.
Take good care of yourself. Take a deep breath, and let your heart be filled. Look up toward God, and reconsider your relationship with Him. Perhaps now is the perfect time to reflect on Jesus, on His healing power, joy and peace. Maybe now is the perfect time to open your heart and receive His love.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.