Should you lend money to your boyfriend? It depends. Here are five things to think about when your boyfriend asks to borrow money – especially if you aren’t sure if you should loan it to him.
These tips are inspired by a She Blossoms reader. “My 65 year old boyfriend is preparing to retire,” says Barbara on Signs It’s Not Smart to Loan Money to Someone You’re Close to. “Part of his preparation will be filing for bankruptcy and walking away from his home/mortgage. He owns a really nice motorcycle that we both enjoy. He has asked me to buy his bike in order to protect it from the bankruptcy. This purchase would equate to me paying him $10,000 and him then making payments of $250 a month. We have know each other for about eight months and I like him a lot, but this request has made me uncomfortable. My boyfriend isn’t asking to borrow money, but it feels dishonest. I don’t want to buy his motorcycle. What do I say?”
No! She needs to tell her boyfriend no – she will not buy his bike, she won’t loan him money, and she won’t put her financial security at risk for a man who is filing for bankruptcy. He may be a perfectly nice guy to date, but he’s not a good financial investment. Barbara needs to trust her gut and keep her money safe.
If you’re in a similar situation – your boyfriend is asking you to loan him money or buy his property – you have to stand up for yourself. Don’t let your love for him override your common sense.
You are a smart woman. You know your boyfriend is asking to borrow money because he’s not good with the finances. You know you can’t afford to give or lend him money. You’re here because you don’t want to lend him money – and you’re right to be hesitating.
Be strong. If your boyfriend gets mad because you won’t give him money, let him go.
What to Do When Your Boyfriend Asks for Money
In almost every case, I think girlfriends should say no when their boyfriends ask to borrow money – especially when the boyfriend is financially bankrupt or has a bad credit rating! He does not know how to manage his money.
His financial mismanagement does not mean he’s a bad person or that you should stop dating him. But, it does mean that you should keep your finances separate from his. Even if you get married, you need to make sure you are financially independent and that you retain your own good credit rating.
Despite my solid gold advice, many girlfriends will say yes when their boyfriends ask to borrow money. If you’re one of those kind, loving women who can’t say no to her boyfriend, here are a few ways to protect yourself.
Make sure you’re not in debt and can afford to lend the money
Here’s more of Barbara’s story (my reader whose boyfriend asked to borrow money):
“He is a very generous man, but he is not good with money as evidenced by his need to file for bankruptcy at this stage of the game. I’m retired and on a fixed income, this is a lot of money for me. I currently carry $11,000 in debt that I am trying very hard to pay down. I also have a savings account with about $1,200 in it. Though I do have stock I could sell if need be, I don’t feel that is very wise of me to sell it at this time.”
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You should never loan money to your boyfriend when you’re already in debt! Do not put your financial future at risk because your boyfriend can’t manage his money. You can love him with all your heart, but keep your money in your savings account, stocks, and retirement investments.
Separate business from your love life – because a financial loan is business
“My problem is that I think the world of him, but his mismanagement of his own money make me very uncomfortable in trusting his ability to repay me. Do I go with my gut feeling? How would I explain my reasoning to him without hurting our relationship?”
Yes, you go with your gut feeling. You know it’s not smart to “buy” your boyfriend’s motorcycle and hope he pays it back! It’s not a financial investment – it’s a mistake that you will regret.
Tell him the truth – you can’t afford to lend him money
This is what you say when your gut is telling you to say no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money:
“I think the world of you and I’m happy in our relationship, but I just can’t afford to lend you money. I’m in debt, I have mortgage payments, I don’t earn much money, and I don’t know what my financial future holds. I wish I could help you, but I don’t have the money you need.”
If you’re worried about saying no to him, read How to Tell Your Boyfriend the Truth. Learn how to respect yourself, set boundaries, and stand up for your boyfriend. Saying no and being strong now is smart and good, even though it’s hard. Better to say no and lose him than say yes, lend your boyfriend money, and go into financial debt or lose your future.
If you say yes when your boyfriend asks to borrow money…
If you lend your boyfriend money – such as buying his motorcycle and getting paid back over a few years – then you need to make a contract and get him to sign it. The contract needs to make the terms of the loan clear: how much money your boyfriend borrows, when and how he’ll pay it back, the interest rate, and the date that all the money should be repaid.
Do you need tips on how to draw up a loan contract? Let me know in the comments section below. But it’s super easy to search the internet for “sample loan contract” if you’re certain you want to lend your boyfriend money. You don’t need a fancy formal agreement, just a few details. Remember, however, that a loan contract won’t guarantee you’ll get the money back from your boyfriend.
Do not expect to get your money back from your boyfriend
If anyone asks to borrow money from you – boyfriend or not – the smartest thing for you to do (besides say “no”!) is to let go of the money forever. The reason the person needs to borrow money is likely because he can’t manage his finances. This is a problem that doesn’t disappear overnight.
When you lend money to someone you love, you need to expect never to see it again. That way, your relationship will stay loving and you won’t resent your boyfriend when he gives you excuse after excuse for not repaying the money he borrowed.
If you don’t know how to say no to your boyfriend, read How to Stand Up for Yourself.
What do you think about these tips for lending money to boyfriends? Your big and little comments are welcome below! Is your boyfriend asking to borrow money? Trust your gut instincts. You know what you should do…but do you have the courage to do it?
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.