Solving problems in your relationship depends on the type of problems you’re having and how willing you both are to working them out. These tips for reconnecting with your spouse or partner can help you repair your relationship quickly and easily — but you have to remember that building a happy, healthy love relationship takes time, energy, and commitment.
I’m reading 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by marriage therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch. Based on the latest research about what works in happy marriages, Dr. Orbuch offers an accessible, step-by-step roadmap for reconnecting with those feelings and gaining a deeper appreciation for the things you and your spouse share. She defines the five simple strategies to help couples navigate the daily minefield of marriage…from defusing frustrations that erode your relationship to the simple things that will keep your partner happy…from the 10-minute rule to help you really get to know your spouse to reducing boredom and weeding out unprofitable behaviors.
But before the marriage tips, a quip: “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, the grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson.
Every married couple or couple in love – even the happiest ones – can find grounds for divorce…but the key to a happy marriage is to find reasons to stay married.
And, here are a few ways to find solutions to your love problems without going to couples counseling…
6 Ways to Solve Problems in Your Relationship
If stress and anxiety are overwhelming you and your partner, read How to Reduce Stress in a Relationship.
1. Decide that you want to stick together and find solutions
If you aren’t fully committed to the idea of saving your marriage or love relationship, then you won’t go far as a couple! Before you can even hope to make your relationship happy, you need to consciously decide that you want to build a better marriage. And, you need to accept that it takes time, energy, and effort to build and sustain a happy relationship.
2. Identify the source of the unhappiness in your relationship
What is the underlying problem? Sit down and make a list of the things that are troublesome in your love relationship. Then, figure out what you can live with – because marriage is about acceptance and unconditional love – and what you can’t live with. Though couples counseling can help you determine the difference between the two, it’s not always necessary. That is, if you know the source of your unhappiness is, for example, boredom with life or meddling in-laws, then you can focus on fixing what’s wrong and enjoying what’s right.
3. Read books – as a couple – about building a happy love relationship
In addition to 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, I’m readin 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever. No matter what stage your love relationship is at – even if you’re rebuilding trust after physical or emotional infidelity – you’ll find her tips helpful. But, the key is to read the book as a couple and talk about the marriage tips. To reconnect with your spouse, you both need to be committed to saving your marriage.
4. Let go of the past
Are you holding on to old resentments or unfulfilled dreams of the way your marriage or life should be? Try to let go of those old ways of thinking or hoping. To solve problems in love relationships, look at yourself and your life in new ways as you move forward into a new chapter in your marriage. Focus on the great things that have happened with your family, home, career, and relationship. Savor your successes, and refocus on new dreams or goals for your relationship.
5. Consider a weekend marriage retreat
Many churches, nonprofit organizations, and counseling centers offer weekend marriage retreats. You can learn a surprising amount about your marriage and partner in a couple of days – and the intensive focus on your relationship can be as helpful as months of couples counseling.
If your relationship problems are because of disconnection, read How to Reconnect With Your Spouse.
6. Try online couples counseling
I often feature Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program in my articles, here on Quips and Tips for Love Relationships. Recently, I was thrilled to hear one of my friends describe how great his program is for couples – and she didn’t even know that I have his Marriage Fitness tips here on my blog! Fertel is a marriage coach who doesn’t do traditional couples counseling; he’s the author of Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
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For more tips on solving love problems, read How to Fix Marriage Problems You’ve Had for Years.