How to Win Your Girlfriend’s Trust After Lying to Her

Here’s the first thing you need to know about getting your ex girlfriend back after you lied to her: If you truly love her and want her to be happy, you have to let her make the decision to get back together. The more you push, beg, manipulate or argue her into getting back together, the less authentic your love is. These tips on how to get your girlfriend back after lying to her will help you see your relationship – and yourself – more clearly.

“When I first started dating her, I told her I had about $10,000 in credit card debt and was addicted to smokeless tobacco,” says Frank on 5 Ways to Get Healthy When You’re on a Relationship Break. “These were two things that my girlfriend QUICKLY said she cannot stand and could not keep the relationship going (especially tobacco) unless I took steps. To deal with the credit card debt, I put a plan together to pay it off. I quit the smokeless tobacco for 2-3 months, but started dipping again. I also started the credit card spending again. Last week, she found about about both and she went off the deep end. She had told me that her ex lied to her for two years and that is why it hurts her now because she thought I was different. What do I do to get her back?”

Getting back together isn’t about finding psychological tricks or relationship hacks. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you can say and do specific things to reconcile a broken relationship – especially after you lied to your girlfriend multiple times. She has every right to be angry and hurt. She doesn’t trust you anymore.

Instead of trying to do and say the right things, be honest with yourself and your girlfriend. The truth is surprisingly hard to tell – but the more honest you are, the more appealing and lovable you will be to your girlfriend.

5 Steps to Getting Your Girlfriend Back After You Lied to Her

1. Know why you lied to her

Whether or not you and your girlfriend get back together, knowing why you lied to her is important for you. All your relationships will improve if you understand why you lie to people. After all, you don’t just lie to your girlfriend, do you? You lie to other people too. You lie to protect yourself. You lie because you’re afraid. You lie because it’s easier and more exciting than telling the truth.

5 Tips for Getting Your Girlfriend Back After You Lied to Her
Winning Your Girlfriend’s Trust After Lying to Her

Why did you lie to your girlfriend? Write down three reasons you couldn’t tell her the truth. Go beneath the story you always tell; find the feelings and emotions that make you lie to people. If you want to get your girlfriend back after lying to her, learn why you have to hide who you are.

2. Simply apologize

Have you apologized for lying to your girlfriend? Put it in writing. Write down what you did wrong, how you think it made her feel, and what you were thinking at the time. Try to speak from your heart, from your true feelings and emotions. Your girlfriend is smart; she’ll know if you’re just trying to trick her into getting back together with her.

You lied to her once, she’ll have a hard time trusting you again. Know this. Make it part of your apology. “My lies damaged the trust you have in me and our relationship. I deeply regret and am sorry I lied to you. You are my girlfriend, and you deserve better. Can we start again, and rebuild our relationship?”

If you lied about your finances (or you stole money from her), read How to Apologize to Your Spouse After a Money Fight.

3. Get emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy

Do you lie to your girlfriend, parents, friends, coworkers, and even the neighbors? Admit it if you’re a habitual liar. Get help! Getting your girlfriend back after lying to her isn’t the most important thing in your life right now. If this isn’t the first time you’ve been caught in a web of lies – whether or not you were the lying boyfriend – then you have something bigger to think about. Your lies are the result of bigger issues. Take care of them. Take care of yourself.

Learning why you lie and how to be truthful is more important than getting back together with your girlfriend. It’s not possible to be in a happy, strong, long-term relationship unless you are physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. This may not be the right time for you to be asking if you should try to get your ex girlfriend back. Instead, do some work on yourself.

4. Give your girlfriend time and space

“My girlfriend told me she needs time and space to think about our relationship,” said Frank. “I said by all means, you are worth it to me. I will put in the time and patience to make it work if she will give me another chance.  She said she wasn’t breaking up with me, that we were going back to ‘square one’ to rebuild the foundation of the relationship. She even told me NOT to push too hard or I would push her away.”

Frank’s girlfriend gave him excellent advice on how to get a girlfriend back after lying to her. He is one lucky man – no wonder he wants to get back together with her! His girlfriend’s advice is perfect for all boyfriends who lie in relationships: Give your girlfriend the time and space she needs to heal and move forward.

5. Respond to your girlfriend with flexibility and openness

“Should I contact my girlfriend every day?” asked Frank. “Or not contact her at all even if she contacts me? Should I respond to her texts but let her tell me when she wants to meet up?  Or just wait until she says she wants to get back together? I’m lost here.”

There are no hard-and-fast rules for getting your girlfriend back after lying to her. It depends on you, her, and what type of lies you told. It also depends how long you and your girlfriend have been together and how long you’ve been lying to her. How often you contact your girlfriend now depends on how much contact you had in the past (eg, if you were living together, you might have more contact than if you are in a long distance relationship).

If your girlfriend contacts you, you should definitely respond to her! And yes, you should let her tell you when she wants to meet up. But if you haven’t heard from your girlfriend in a couple of weeks, you might want to email, text, or call her.

How do you get your girlfriend back after lying to her? You learn how to rebuild trust in your relationship. You show her that getting back together with you is a risk that is worth taking. Even if you and your girlfriend don’t get back together, learning about trust will help you be a better – and more honest – man in your next relationship.

How to Get Your Girlfriend Back After Lying to Her
Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship

In I Love You but I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum helps couples understand the stages by which trust strengthens when the rebuilding process is allowed to take place. Learn how to avoid the mistakes that prevent healing and discover how to help your girlfriend feel secure with you again.

For more ways to get your girlfriend back after you lied to her, read 8 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship.


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15 thoughts on “How to Win Your Girlfriend’s Trust After Lying to Her”

  1. Ok so here’s the thing.
    I’m 50 and going through a divorce now because we couldn’t agree on the smallest things for years now.
    One year ago I met this woman and everything was absolutely amazing with her. Perfect, in one word. I couldn’t even dream to such a way to communicate and almost reading our thoughts. Every day with her is perfect.
    The point is this: when I met her, I didn’t tell her that I’m still married. She found out months later and it was devastating for both of us. I couldn’t tell her from the beginning because one day, in a casual talk, she told me she would never accept me if I would be married. After I told her, after one month of excruciating pain for both of us, she forgave me, asking me not to tell her lies anymore. I didn’t, until two days ago. It was my birthday and my future ex-wife sent me a text message with “Happy birthday”. I replied “Thank you.”
    Same day, hours later, I was with my girlfriend – we are not living together – and she asked me if my almost ex-wife congratulated me for my birthday and I said no. I don’t know why I did it. I think I didn’t want to bring in the matter, I really don’t know why I did it.
    Couple of hours later, we were searching something together on my phone when she saw the message and my reply. From there on, all hell break loose.
    We both cried the rest of the day and all night. She asked me to explain WHY I did it, to let her understand the reason for doing this and I couldn’t find one – I still can’t.
    I feel inside me how much is she suffering and how much pain I caused. My heart is bleeding and my soul is crushed. I know I won’t be doing this again, never ever. I apologized from the deep of my heart and asked her for forgivness, promising her it won’t happen again. She told me thst she feels that she’s going to have doubts about me in the future and now she need some time to try to go through this.
    I wouldn’t be able to cope with her loss… to find my soulmate then losing him because of a stupid thing I did it’s horrible.
    She wrote me a letter telling me that it’s over but she didn’t send it. Now she tells me that she needs some time but she still talks to me on the phone and on messages like we always did – she’s pretty cold and very upset and hurt – but she asked me not to tell her “I love you” now because she is having a hard time to respond.
    Are there any chances to win her back? I would do anything humanly possible not to lose her.

  2. Dear Laurie,
    I knew this girl for years but we started talking just last year and getting to know each other. She’s in UK and I’m in Ghana. We started dating officially this year January so she came to Ghana just last month , for holidays and it’s because of me that made her come to Ghana…

    whiles knowing each other I didn’t let out some secrets in the cupboard. I was scared to tell her the truth to ruin her holidays in Ghana.. I have been lying to her during this time of dating. I made her believe all that I told her but they all were lies. I did tell her some truth about me but lied too. I decided to tell her the truth but I was so scared of losing her…
    , hmmm, just this weekend something silly happened…. I rented a car and over used it. We went out for a date and the rental guy came to where we went, and disgraced me, in front of her and her friends….

    I don’t know how to type all that happened there but to cut things short, she got to know that all what I told her were lies. Now trust is broken. She broke up with me, even though it was a tough decision to make .. We still love each other but she is scared to trust me again and give us a 2nd chance….

    When she was going back to UK, she said she didn’t want me to come to the airport because things will be worse for her. She won’t be able to control her tears, as well as me, …

    I have sincerely apologized to her, she ‘has forgiven me but I still want ‘US’ back… I really love her i cant move on.. I’m finding it difficult to move on.. Now she said i should give her space to put herself together..

    Do you think I should give her some time to get over issues and ask her out again? Or I should let go? I can’t just let her go… We plan settling down next year God willing…

    Need your help and advice….

  3. I told white lies about being alright when i really wasn’t, I also lied about being in work when i wasn’t and just became a mess. I have tried apologising for it but to no avail. Time has passed and I am curious as to whether is should contact her again?
    I did try apologising shortly after the break when we were emotional still so I don’t think it helped at the time as she did not trust me then. I do want to re build the trust and show I am still the man she fell for.
    How should I word it out? Words are wind and I don’t want to just say it as if it was a feigned act.

  4. I lied to my girlfriend of two years and now she left me but she’s all i want. First about me im a single father to two girls . When i first met my gf she knew i had kids but what she didn’t know was that they were from two different women. I’ve been wanting to tell her and i know that if i did in the beginning there wouldn’t be a problem but as time passed i was afraid she wouldn’t accept it and im absolutely in love with this girl. The problem is she thinks im kying about other things when everything else i haven’t you see in trying to hide my history i always reflected questions when they got to personal. Just a little side note i come from a European famiky and they made me feel that i should be embarrassed about my situation and i was afraid that if i told her in the beginning i wouldn’t have a chance although she accepts my kids . its hard dor me to open up about it . I never lied to this girl about anything else although she thinks i have . I want her back so bad . I moved to another city to be with her . Any suggestions would be appreciated . I know i screwed up but i would spend the rest of my life making it up to her . Oh ya im 41 and she’s 37. Thanks

  5. Im sorry to post here like this i need help getting my girlfriend back after lying to her :(

    I have an ex who I lived with for 5 yrs, after we broke up and i fall in love with a new girl. She and I lived together with for almost 8 months. She is the closest person i ever have. Im happy live with her and i love her so much.
    Until one day everything messed up because I make a big mistake in our relationship.
    I contacted my ex when me and my gf still together. in the beginning just only normal talk, after that she said want to be my best friend. She gave me advice every time I had a problem. One day me and my girlfriend got in a fight, and I called my ex and ask her advice. Surprisingly she helped me to fix my relationship with my girlfriend. So I kept calling her when I had problems with my girlfriend, and she would help.
    One day me and my gf got in a fight because I still have too many things belonging of my ex in our home. My girlfriend she asked me to text my ex and arrange her to pick it up. Now my girlfriend is upset, angry and disappointed to me and said wanna break up and move out from the house.
    I honestly tell her my stupidity for being friends with my ex, and that I really love my girlfriend and i dont want her to go. I need some advice, I know I am the one who is wrong and I deserved it for lying to my girlfriend. But is that any chance i can save my relationship? I love her so much.

  6. Hey Dan,

    The best way to get your girlfriend back after lying to her is to be as honest as you can. Tell her the truth, tell her how much she means to you, and try to explain the reasons you lied to her. Girlfriends appreciate honesty, because it shows respect.

    And then, after you’re honest with her, give her time and space. Don’t chase her. The more you try to convince her that you love her or that you’re meant to be together, the more she’ll pull away. Allow her to freely make up her mind, without pressure from you.

    You might also examine why you lied to your girlfriend in the first place. This is for your own personal reasons, for your own growth and emotional stability. The more aware of why you felt so insecure that you had to lie, the less likely you’ll choose lying again in the future.

    I wish you all the best. Trust that whatever happens between you and your girlfriend, it was meant to be. It will work out the way it’s supposed to, if you allow things to unfold naturally.


  7. Hey Laurie,

    i thought i was losing my girlfriend to her ex so i lied to her about a home break in to get her to stay but when i did lie she asked me over and over again. but i finally came clean after 2 weeks cuz i couldn’t take the girl no more. i love this girl its gonna be a year on the 7 of September. she told me how hurt she was but she has lied to me about her ex so many times yet i have forgiven her the same day after we fought. it does not matter where i stand i love this girl so much i can’t see life without her. first she tells me that she broke up with me then she tells me that she wants time away form me? i don’t get whats going on? will she come around to me? i did see my promise ring on her as she told me all that?

    Thank you

  8. Hi Lennox,

    When I found out my boyfriend lied to me, I needed time and space to forgive him. I understood why he lied, but it made me feel worried that he could just lie to my face and I didn’t even know he was lying! As you’ve learned, lying to your girlfriend is extremely damaging.

    That said, I do understand why you lied to her. Being associated with a particular culture can be embarrassing, and she may think the wrong things about you.

    Did you tell your girlfriend why you lied to her? If I were you, I would write her a letter (in print, an actual handwritten letter) and explain exactly what led you to lie. And, tell her what you learned from this experience. Tell her how painful it’s been and how terrible you feel about lying to her. Be honest and vulnerable. After all, you have nothing to lose!

    Since this is an issue of rebuilding trust, I encourage you to read this article:

    Dealing With Trust Issues in Relationships

    I wish you all the best. I hope your girlfriend forgives you for lying to her, and that you and she can rebuild your relationship.


  9. Dear Laurie,

    My lie was a self inflicted wound. I lied to my Girlfriend about my Nationality and my past. I did not want her to think less of me because of who the real me was . Certain group of people are associated with terrible things especially if they are from a certain part of the world

    I never realized how much I loved her till now . It been so much grief since she wants space to think about us. I am sort of in a limbo on what to do because i cant afford to lose her. I will give up the world to be with her.

    So confused right now on what to do

  10. Sir,i love a girl who has left me because i lied to her about my result and also about my job. Actually i have failed 3 times in engineering because i was not serious about my life but now after my 3rd time failure in engineering i got serious and started to make it better by doing a project and also i have thought of starting a startup business. Sir but as i lied about my result and job to her,but she came to know about it and has left me saying that she wont come back to me and will never forgive me. Sir what should i do to get her back,please help me out. She has not talked to me since the day she came to know about it. She earlier also got angry about my studies and left me earlier also but she came back to me when she saw that i am doing some work to make my life better. I fear that this time maybe i have hurt her alot and she wont talk to me now.

  11. Dear Darryl,

    It sounds like you genuinely want to help your ex-girlfriend, but even though your heart is in the right place…you can’t be part of two women’s lives. It also sounds like you chose your ex over your girlfriend. Your girlfriend may think that if you lie to her about that, then you’d lie about other things.

    It’s difficult to get someone to trust you again after you lied to her. Your girlfriend needs to know that you are devoted to her and her alone, and that you won’t be seeing your ex-girlfriend behind her back.

    There aren’t any magic answers on how to get your girlfriend back after lying to her. Some women forgive and forget easily, while others take lying very seriously. It may take time, dedication, and perseverance to get your girlfriend back — as well as the promise that you won’t be involved in your ex-girlfriend’s life anymore.

    Give your girlfriend time. Don’t give up on her too easily. Cut all ties with your ex-girlfriend, no matter how sad this makes you or your ex. Be steadfast and faithful in the attention you give your girlfriend. Don’t lose hope — and make sure that you show your girlfriend what you have learned from this experience!


  12. Here’s my story. I had an ex that needed help to get surgery done, so I told my girlfriend at the time, that my ex needed help. She didn’t like the idea cause it was my ex….but never told me not to do it. I only did it as a favour, nothing more. About a month later the same ex asked me to look after her youngest, which when we were together I helped her raise from 6 months old to 2 1/2 years. I said yes to babysit, cause I reallymissed him. I was in the town of my ex, at the local hockey rink and I told my ex that I was going to babysit. She asked for who and I told her. Before all this she asked me to cut all ties with my ex, and I said that I would. I told her who I was babysitting for….and she also found out on my facebook. I told my ex that I couldn’t wait to she them (meaning her kids) she has an older son as well. My gf got upset and we broke up. I know I never should’ve lied to her, and never meant to hurt her. I love her more than anything and would do anything to get her back. I have talked to her after the breakup ,we went for a coffee. She knows I’m very sorry for what I did and that Iwould do whatever it takes to make things right again. She told me in a text when we were together that she couldn’t wait to walk through life into the future with me, not sure about that anymore. Please help!!!!!



  13. Dear Paul,

    How you get your girlfriend back after lying to her depends on many things. If she’s been hurt in the past by other boyfriends – especially if they lied to her – she may not easily trust you again. Some women do not give their boyfriends a second chance.

    Have you written her a letter, sent her a gift, or done anything special to sincerely express your regret? Have you listened to her — did you give her the chance to express her anger and hurt that you lied to her? Getting your girlfriend back is about letting her tell you why she was so hurt, and how she thinks you can help her trust you again.

    The most important thing is to give her the space to share how she feels. Don’t interrupt her or try to defend yourself. Just listen, and learn how she feels. Trying telling her what you heard, and ask if you got it right.

    Women need to be heard, and need to be able to share their thoughts about their partners. I hope this helps you get your girlfriend back, and I trust you’ll never lie to another girlfriend again!


  14. Well here goes
    I want to get my girlfriend back after I lied to her.
    The lie was that I had organised a girl to come on a dinner date with friends for a work function before we meet
    Wasn’t interested on this other girl then in the mean while I met my girlfriend and we hit it off
    We had only seen one another two or three times then I went away for a week and come back on a Thursday and had the dinner / function with friends so wasn’t as if it was an inter mate date
    And ended up being the worst night of my life ..
    I had told my girlfriend about this but never mention that it was just after I met her.
    So we went on over the weekend and seen this other girl talking to one of my girlfriends friends do I pointed her out and then my girlfriend start to get angry and said that the date was when I met her and I denied it and said that it was before we met as it was 12 months ago and I td her about the dinner from hell
    It wasn’t till later when I really thought about it that I realised it was
    Just after we met but the dinner/ function was organised a month before as they needed numbers and names.
    I can say I haven’t lied to her about anything else I have been open and honest and give her no reason to question anything she go through my phone read my text messages read my emails,
    How do I get her back,
    Never done this before but this women is the one shy did I lie to her I don’t know I can only say that I felt obligated to the one that I said I would take and didn’t want to loose the one I meet
    Hope you can help