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How to Motivate a Lazy Husband

Your husband is a good guy (or maybe not), but he has no motivation to do anything. These tips on how to motivate a lazy husband will help you decide if it’s worth pushing him, or if it’s time to cut him loose and move on.

Last week, my friend told me about that she has had it up to HERE with her husband. He’s a sweetheart, but he hasn’t had a job since she’s known him. They’ve been living together for 12 years, and he’s never had money or a job. He wants to be a musician, and he spends all his time working on his music. Since he’s over 55, it’s not likely he’ll hit it big as a rock star. My friend didn’t call him a “lazy husband” – and maybe she doesn’t think of him as lazy. But he definitely has no motivation to do anything but play with his music and let her support him financially, socially, and in every other way.




Yesterday, a reader wrote in with a similar problem. She says:

“My husband is not abusive, but he just seems like he is existing. He isn’t making the money he used to make so he is just there. No motivation, no drive, not like the man I used to know when we first fell in love. Do I wait around for him to get back on the wagon, or do I keep it moving? I’ve invested time and money. I put in applications for him to get jobs and go to school. I paid for his school. I’m trying to be there but I just have become too frustrated and TIRED!!”

She wrote her comment on my article called How to Leave Your Husband. She may be ready to focus on leaving him, not motivating him. She may not need tips on how to motivate a lazy husband – but maybe you do. These are for you to think about…

How to Motivate a Lazy Husband

Consider his health. Sometimes we mistake psychological or emotional health issues – such as depression – for laziness. That is, sometimes people are suffering from clinical or serious depression, which makes it extremely difficult to go to work, do chores, engage in hobbies, or find motivation to do interesting things in life. I don’t know if you have a depressed or a lazy husband, but it’s important to think about the possibility that his mental or emotional health is affecting his behavior.

Read Screamfree Marriage. how to motivate a lazy husbandThis is an awesome book – it was written by a man who was a lazy husband. He shares tips on how his wife motivated him to make the bed, do the dishes, be on time when they’re leaving the house, do his fair share with the kids, etc. She didn’t scream at him, nag him, or even try to change his behavior. Learn how to motivate your lazy husband by reading ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer.

Remember that you can’t change your husband. Reading books about motivating lazy men will change your perspective, but there is no guarantee your husband will magically become less lazy! You can’t change him. You might do and say all the right things, but even a professional psychologist or counselor can’t change a lazy husband unless he wants to change.

Figure out how to make him want to change. My best tip on how to change a lazy husband is to think about what motivates him. This is really hard, but if you want to try to encourage your husband to pick up the slack, you might learn ways to “trick” him into wanting to change. This is hard, and it definitely doesn’t work with all men. The tips in Screamfree Marriage will help you motivate him to make the changes you want to see.





My final suggestion is to talk to a counselor. If you can get clear on how your husband’s laziness affects you – and more importantly why it’s a problem for you – then you’ll be better able to cope with him. For instance, maybe you’re too controlling. Maybe you need things too neat. I don’t know, I’m just thinking out loud here. But I do know that the more you know about yourself, the better chance you’ll have to motivate a lazy husband.

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5 thoughts on “How to Motivate a Lazy Husband”

  1. I am sorry to say ,he will never,ever change. If you love him stay ,but it is extremely tiring to continue like this year after year. Trust me ,I live it every day.

  2. My fiance is very lazy as well. I think he tries to help when he sees something that reminds him, such as if i go to empty the dishwasher he will help etc, but if I do not ask him to help or start doing it myself he will not do it on his own. Sometimes even if I am cleaning he will act distracted or do something such as a hobby so he is too busy to help. It is very annoying. I have found that the only time he will take it upon himself to clean is when I “go on strike” and completely stop cleaning up. There will be dishes on the sink and counters, an over flowing garbage, dirty bathroom sinks and showers etc, before he cleans. In those occassions he will go all out and clean the entire house which is amazing, but the inbetween upkeep is what he seems to be blind to the majority of the time. I am 24 weeks pregnant now and have expressed how I would like to be able to work together once the baby arrives so we act as a team and partners and take on more equal responsibilities. I have even expressed that I am tempted to start looking at apartments to seperate as I feel like taking care of a baby will be easier than taking care of him AND a baby. He says he will help out more but the words are the only thing I have gotten so far. Very little action to back them up. It is hard but I think the best thing to do is be honest and open about how you feel, know what you deserve, and make a plan B so if he doesnt change you can leave him. Hopefully when he sees that you are serious and will leave he will be force to look at his own actions in the situation and take full responsibility for himself and his responsibilities. I am lucky in that he is a very sweet and caring person and does go out of his way to work very hard professionally. I think that really is the saving grace for us at this point. If he were lazy professionally as well as domestically I do no think I would be able to continue being in a relationship with him. When you have children it is very hard but I do think that they deserve a better example than a lazy selfish father who acts like a teenager.

  3. “Figure out how to make him want to change. My best tip on how to change a lazy husband is to think about what motivates him. This is really hard, but if you want to try to encourage your husband to pick up the slack, you might learn ways to “trick” him into wanting to change. ”

    Um, isn’t this controlling behavior? Worst advice ever on how to motivate a lazy husband.

  4. I am a young mom with a soon-to-be 3-year old boy. I love my boyfriend very much, but he is very lazy. He studied to be a chef, and his parents recently started a new business for him to run. He doesn’t seem interested. He keeps saying that someday we’ll have everything we need and be financially stable, but he refuses to do the work. I try my best to earn and save as mich as I can, but I can’t do it alone. I really love him as I said, but I really need him to change his lazy attitude. He also gets mad at me when I point it out.

  5. Hello, i am a mother of 4 with one in the way :), i married my husband
    2 yrs ago my kids are from 2 other relationships, my kids see him
    As their dad and i am very grateful for that, now i am mexican not
    Not hispanic but mexican my kids are too, and i see now
    What other people say when ur in an interracial marriage
    We are from differebt cultures but thank God we both are christians
    Now my thing is that he dont wanna do anything around the
    House or with me or the kods when his friends ask for help
    Or wanna do something he is up and going but with me is like
    An obligation rather than a joy i dont know what else to do to
    Motivate him i am 8 weeks pregnant and about to call for
    A divorse i have a full time job and have to xome home to
    Kids and dirty dishes he sits around the house all day
    And when i get home from work he is ready to go with his
    Friends he calls me names when i try to talk about the situation
    And gets upset and just leaves the house sometimes the whole nighr
    I know is nt about another woman but idk what to do since
    He dont seems to wanna be with us and im just done with this
    What would u do in my case? He hasnt work in 6 months and
    When he gets money he uses it for alcohol or other things