Your husband is a good guy (or maybe not), but he has no motivation to do anything. These tips on how to motivate a lazy husband will help you decide if it’s worth pushing him, or if it’s time to cut him loose and move on.
Last week, my friend told me about that she has had it up to HERE with her husband. He’s a sweetheart, but he hasn’t had a job since she’s known him. They’ve been living together for 12 years, and he’s never had money or a job. He wants to be a musician, and he spends all his time working on his music. Since he’s over 55, it’s not likely he’ll hit it big as a rock star. My friend didn’t call him a “lazy husband” – and maybe she doesn’t think of him as lazy. But he definitely has no motivation to do anything but play with his music and let her support him financially, socially, and in every other way.
Yesterday, a reader wrote in with a similar problem. She says:
“My husband is not abusive, but he just seems like he is existing. He isn’t making the money he used to make so he is just there. No motivation, no drive, not like the man I used to know when we first fell in love. Do I wait around for him to get back on the wagon, or do I keep it moving? I’ve invested time and money. I put in applications for him to get jobs and go to school. I paid for his school. I’m trying to be there but I just have become too frustrated and TIRED!!”
She wrote her comment on my article called How to Leave Your Husband. She may be ready to focus on leaving him, not motivating him. She may not need tips on how to motivate a lazy husband – but maybe you do. These are for you to think about…
How to Motivate a Lazy Husband
Consider his health. Sometimes we mistake psychological or emotional health issues – such as depression – for laziness. That is, sometimes people are suffering from clinical or serious depression, which makes it extremely difficult to go to work, do chores, engage in hobbies, or find motivation to do interesting things in life. I don’t know if you have a depressed or a lazy husband, but it’s important to think about the possibility that his mental or emotional health is affecting his behavior.
Read Screamfree Marriage. This is an awesome book – it was written by a man who was a lazy husband. He shares tips on how his wife motivated him to make the bed, do the dishes, be on time when they’re leaving the house, do his fair share with the kids, etc. She didn’t scream at him, nag him, or even try to change his behavior. Learn how to motivate your lazy husband by reading ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer.
Remember that you can’t change your husband. Reading books about motivating lazy men will change your perspective, but there is no guarantee your husband will magically become less lazy! You can’t change him. You might do and say all the right things, but even a professional psychologist or counselor can’t change a lazy husband unless he wants to change.
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Figure out how to make him want to change. My best tip on how to change a lazy husband is to think about what motivates him. This is really hard, but if you want to try to encourage your husband to pick up the slack, you might learn ways to “trick” him into wanting to change. This is hard, and it definitely doesn’t work with all men. The tips in Screamfree Marriage will help you motivate him to make the changes you want to see.
My final suggestion is to talk to a counselor. If you can get clear on how your husband’s laziness affects you – and more importantly why it’s a problem for you – then you’ll be better able to cope with him. For instance, maybe you’re too controlling. Maybe you need things too neat. I don’t know, I’m just thinking out loud here. But I do know that the more you know about yourself, the better chance you’ll have to motivate a lazy husband.