9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

If you think your husband is cheating on you, you may be picking up on subconscious clues that he is having an affair. Here are 5 signs your husband is cheating, plus 4 ways to know if he’s lying to you about the affair.

These tips are from Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It. On the Dr Oz show, this marriage counselor shared why men cheat and how to know if your husband is cheating. It’s important to learn the reasons men cheat, because that knowledge will help you determine if you can save your marriage.

Infidelity shatters trust, causing insecurity and resentment in marriage relationships. Women who think their husbands would never cheat are destroyed when they find out their husbands are lying about cheating. Some wives have discovered their husbands were cheating after their husband passed away, which is why I wrote How to Forgive Your Husband for Cheating While He Was Alive. In this article, you’ll learn why men are men unfaithful and if infidelity be prevented. What do men say they’re getting from their mistresses that they’re missing at home? Do a man’s friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience, 30% of women think their husbands were lying about cheating, not everyone knew for sure.

Below are marriage counselor Gary Neuman’s signs that a husband is having an affair. Plus, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.

Husbands cheat for several reasons:

  • Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
  • Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
  • Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
  • Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
  • Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives, so they cheat.

But, there is good news! According to Neuman, you can not only prevent your husband from being unfaithful, you can learn how to tell if he’s lying about cheating. This will help you take steps forward and perhaps even heal your marriage.

How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?

Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating because he wanted to empower women by showing them how men think – which includes why husbands cheat on their wives.

This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy. Surprisingly, 48% say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives.

The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.

Not surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that your husband’s friends have a very real, direct effect on your marriage. If your husband’s best friend is cheating, then the chances are higher that your husband may cheat on you.

5 Signs of Cheating Husbands

  1. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
  2. He avoids physical and emotional contact
  3. He criticizes you more often
  4. He picks fights or starts arguments with you
  5. He stays away from home

According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s intuition is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.

It’s normal to feel confused and get mixed messages from your instincts, because this is an extremely emotional subject. Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating.

If you’re confused, read 11 Common Signs of Cheating – Wisdom After the Affair.

Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.

4 Ways to Tell if Your Husband is Lying About His Affair

Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it. These tips are good, but not enough to know for sure if your husband is lying about cheating on you.

1. How your husband talks can be a sign of lying

Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something.

2. What he says – specific statements – are indications of lying about his affair

When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying. When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).

3. Your husband’s nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating

Driver calls this the “belly button rule.” When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them.

Is My Husband Cheating and Lying About His Affair

5 Signs Your Husband is Cheating and Lying About His Affair

When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating! If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement.

Never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Always believe your husband’s nonverbal cues, especially if you suspect he’s lying about cheating.

Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.

4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying

If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.

It helps to know your husband well. The better you know him, the easier you’ll spot the signs he’s lying about cheating. You also need to know yourself! Are you ignoring red flags? Do you know deep down that something isn’t right with your marriage…but you’re scared to face it?

To learn more from Gary Neuman, read his book The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It.

Help With Marriages Shaken by Cheating Husbands

husband lying about cheatingIn Is He Lying to You? An Ex-CIA Polygraph Examiner Reveals What Men Don’t Want You to Know, Dan Crum reveals the two biggest signs of deception, the best way to trap a liar, and what to look and listen for when you suspect your husband is lying about having an affair.

A  complicating factor about affairs is the difference between physical and emotional cheating. If your husband is best friends with a woman and leaving you out of the relationship, it may be an emotional affair.

Read Emotional Affairs Vs. Innocent Friendships to learn the difference between the two types of cheating.

Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About CheatingIn Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration, Cindy Beall describes how her life changed forever after an ordinary Valentine’s Day.

She listened with disbelief to her husband, Chris, a respected pastor, confess to pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the startling news that another woman was pregnant with his child. In her book, she describes how to protect a marriage from lies and cheating.

Why do you suspect your husband is cheating – what are the signs he’s lying to you? Feel free to share your stories and suspicions below! Sometimes writing your thoughts can help you work things out, because it can bring clarity and insight.

You’ll find it helpful and enlightening to read the comments about cheating below. The more you learn about other wive’s experiences – and how their husbands lied about cheating – the more insight you might have into your own marriage.


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492 thoughts on “9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating”

  1. There is an direct correlation between the way husbands are treated by their wives and the odds of them cheating. Husbands generally do not want to cheat, the vast majority of husbands seeking sex outside of their marriage are driven to it. Successful marriages without cheating have been found to be between two people who take their vows seriously, the same way they live according to their values. They usually form friendships with people who have similar views. You can often find solid families forming friendships with other solid families; this is one of the major reasons why America became such a wealthy, powerful nation, because a community is stronger if it has more people with good values. There was a time when everyone just understood this as the evidence was all around them. Anyone who doubts what I have said should travel overseas, and you will change your mind.

  2. It can be very difficult to know if your husband is cheating and lying. You need substantial evidence. In my case I had to hire an investigative team who did everything for me. They found call logs, text messages and social media chats. It was stressful but worth it.

  3. Hae, my fiance and date for four months now I just found a message asking our neighbor if she is around so they can go and have sex. I confronted him but he says that the lady asked him to text that so that she could make his boyfriend jealous, I don’t believe this at all, on top of that he has been sex texting with his ex girlfriend telling her how he love her p***y and would like to cum in actually he asked her if she can preserve herself for him until she come back, I feel devastated, he does not admit to it, all he says “I know you don’t believe me but that the truth”

  4. My husband has been having an affair for over a year and a half. He is planning on leaving with her. I work and he stays home. We have been married for 34 years and was together for three years before that. I never dreamed any of this would happen. He is the love of my life. I feel devastated, angry, hurt and also feel like my life is over. I have two adult kids and do not want to burden Them with this. I feel so alone and don’t know how to cope with this. Please help.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of trust In your marriage. I found out last month that my husband of 11 years has been having a year long affair. We’ve been together for 18 years. I always thought of him as my best friend. We have been through so much together. Like you, I have a successful career and he stays home. It’s so painfully disappointing. I truly believed that we had a stronger bond. Now I don’t know what to believe. Even though I can see that he is trying to repair the damage that he has caused, I’m so fearful of finding trust again in our relationship. I know that the trust that i felt will never be the same. Warm wishes to you as you recover from the loss of trust that you once had. It’s so painful. The first step is finding trust in yourself. All the Best.

  5. I suspected my partner having a one off fling and I ask him to take a lie detector test in our home which no one would know about and he refuses to do that to save our 20 year relationship and 4 kids

  6. I recently found out that my friend had been secretly meeting at my partner’s place IV overheard her say to him long time no see, they had only seen each other an HR prior, my partner and I were arguing over the fact that he gets to check my fone anytime he wants and he makes it a huge deal that I ask to check his, so I asked him for it while my mate sat next to me on the bed, and instead of him throwing the fone to me he’s thrown it to my mate instead, I went on his fone account prior to this and had seen many early morning texts and fone calls at times she should be home with her man, my intuition is telling me they’ve slept together numerous times and that when he threw her the fone it was so she cud delete the messages from his fone before she handed it to me, 3 months later I was sitting at his table and he all of a sudden slid over to me and said I slept with her and I have a few times just telling u wat u wanted to hear and then he goes back to denying it and it comes straight back up when he’s angry telling me he slept with her and then back to he didn’t, am I getting this right or not, so sick of the gutless games, just tell the truth and own it, Then I can finally dump this morons ass and prove to my kids he’s lied to us all, because the BS he tells them I’m so sick of being the one at fault

  7. I found his Google Voice activity. “Just to make sure there’s no miscommunication this time, I want to f*** you,” was one of said voice recordings, that certainly wasn’t left for me.
    Interesting note about the truth being encased in a misleading word structure – apparently I never f***ing learn to leave his s*** alone, and that if I look I’ll find it. Moreover, he claims to plant false evidence on his own Google account but that it would be surely fake, as a form of retribution.
    Either he made that recording to hear the sound of his own voice, had gotten a friend to “help” with said false evidence, he thought the words he chose in that sentence had a different meaning than they actually do – theories and possibilities if it was all some “elaborate hoax” in all its astronomical odds.
    In some other astronomical event where odds are stacked, I still hold onto that dream we once openly had… I want to believe it’s possible…
    My only weapon and defense is aligning everything I do with remembering my, “No Matter What,” as far as my goals are concerned.
    It’s all I’ve got left.

  8. After being in a relationship for 3 years, in January my husband sat down and openly admitted with tears and a cross in his hand that he cheated on me with his coworker. I was devasted. I screamed at him why? What did you do? He then told me he kissed her, put his hands up her shirt, and made out with her. But didn’t sleep with her. He waited 7 days to admit this, I remeber that night he came home, boy did he ever have amazing sex with me? Which made me think was he thinking of her. I felt sick, he was crying and I told him you were not crying when you did this. Man the f**k up and get your s*tt together because I’m going out . And I left . I cried. I went back. We talked and I told myself ” God forgave ” and I’ don’t go to church , but I tried so hard to find it in my heart to forgive . And I did. I held him because it hurt more to see him broken and more devasted than me because well I’ve been cheated on before you know. Idk. But here we are 4 months later, things have gotten much better but I still find myself afraid that it’s going to happen again, I wish for this feeling to all go away, i wish it never happened but it did. And I’m not sure what kind of advice I’m looking for but I had to share this somewhere. With someone .

    1. I hope you two got counseling. It is possible to recover from an affair, but it takes time and frankly, a professional to help. There was a reason it happened, and it is very important to address that reason. Good luck to you both.

  9. I know how you all feel. As I read your comments I think to myself “YES! This is my story, why do we all stay?” But we do! I too have been in this marriage for almost 20 years now. Three kids later and feeling like I’ve wasted my life on this abusive man I found out he was having an emotional online and over the phone affair with someone from college when our son graduated. Even when we were driving him to college he was talking to her on the phone and making plans to meet up with her at our son’s college town! The only reason I found out was because I accidentally stumbled across the messages. I never thought my husband would be this person. I trusted him with my every being. He has been very controlling and there have been other issues, but never did I think he would have another relationship. That was a couple years ago and the past few months I have a very uneasy feeling that something is going on. He’s been aquising me of things and sneaking around. He started smoking and just acting very strange. Tonight I literally felt sick to my stomach because he won’t even sit by me or look me in the eye. There is something going on.

  10. 2 years ago my husband of 20 years lied to me about a phone call. It was a women but he said it was his friend who is male. He had been acting weird more secretive than usual, especially with his cell phone. He lied black and blue that he was helping an older women after family catastrophe , we did marriage counseling and I have tried to move on. I now find 2 years later he is gifting money h, car and query taking someone overseas on a business trip, I only saw notes over a couple of weeks but I feel devastated all over again . We fought and he says the he is not having affair but can’t remember what the notes refer to. He tries to put it back on me saying I’m paranoid. I have no access to our money, phone bills only brings home credit card bills that I use , he had several others. I just want some proof so that I can feel that I have made a decision on facts. He says he can’t be having an affair because he’s home everynight.

  11. My husband travels for work and at the moment is traveling more because of a project he was nominated to be in. I normally trust him. I mean maybe in the back of my mind I have thoughts but that’s normal since he’s been traveling for our whole relationship. Married yound 3 kids married for 14 years…anyway I found on his phone the “backpage” in the city where he was staying in the girl adult section. Then a girls page. I did look at his recent calls and didn’t find number. I was furious at him still am. He says that him and some co workers were looking at it together at dinner because another coworker got caught doing this. So him and this guy was curious I guess. He swears up and down it’s not what I think. But my mind tells me different. He’s been very angry lately with us. Tells me last night that our relationship is boring. And is always accusing me of messing around. Makes me feel bad when I don’t want to have sex. Things like that. Am I jumping the gun here? Also I told him the only way to prove to me is if I can talk to this guy he was with last night looking at this. But he won’t. He tells me that it’s not professional and there’s other ways. Which he hasn’t done for me. Which tells me he’s guilty.

  12. My husband cheats on me all the time; friends, friends of friends, friend’s wives/partners, doesn’t matter anymore. Everyone else knows and I know, but I choose to do nothing about it.

    1. Jennifer, I want to start by saying that I am truly sorry you’re going through this devastation. You have to do something about it. You can’t just let someone take advantage of you in that way. Woman up and have more self respect for yourself than you do. You deserve better than settling for less. I pray that God gives you the strength that you need to succeed in this situation. I’m here if you want to talk.

  13. My name is Melissa I’ve been with my boyfriend for 15 years I lost my brother and father 2 years ago and me and my boyfriend started to get distant. Sexually he changed didn’t pay me no attention I felt in my gut he was cheating but he assured me I was crazy my gut never lied in the past. My neighbor across the street said to me that he had sex with a woman when I confronted him he said she was a lier. We split up for over a month 2 this day I do not no we’re he stayed during that time we moved he started staying gone from 4 am until 2 in the afternoon with his buddy leaving me alone I address how lonely I was but still continued to leave me alone I go to jail he moves out the next day and into his buddies home who he shared with another woman he never came to see me left me 13 dollars in 32 days and took 4 calls just a couple days before I got out. I no in my heart he’s cheated but he won’t admire it which I so want from him. Just a month before he left for 7 days and still never told me were he was Rhodes 7 days. I’m hurting I thought this man was my soul mate that he loved me but he says I’m crazy its in my head and he’s never cheat on me but his past says different. My gut feeling has never lied or been un true in the past I believe in the 15 years there has been at least 5 please help I’m very desperate to have closer I’ve never stayed with a cheater but he’s slick I could never catch him

  14. My husband is lying cheater, I catch him every time. I can tell by his tone on voice, eyes, sentences that make no sense, his posture. It’s just so easy. He makes up stories, I already know he is lying but he continues doing it thinking I won’t find out. Will this ever end? Does he have some growing up to do? It’s like dealing with a child. I’m tired of this but I don’t want to give up on our relationship. I worry, he might be cheating on me as well (reaching out to other women). He cheated many times on his previous women while in relationships. They say “once a cheater always a cheater”. Why not leave me and go be single and have all these women he can have. I’m tired of playing the detective almost everyday, im exhausted.

  15. I don’t know if your husband is cheating, or lying, or both, or neither. But I did find a really interesting book about men who cheat, and I wrote this article:

    Is He Cheating? How to Be Your Own Private Investigator

    There are some really interesting tips and ideas for how to know if your husband is cheating in the book I cite. The best thing is to get evidence, so you have something solid to confront him with.

  16. Hi, my husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We had seperated in September 2015 until November 2015. Long story short he left me 3 hours away from home and went back home, after he realized he screwed up he called crying. Fast forward to April 2016, I had recieved a phone call from a private number at maybe 1-2am from a female stating she had been screwing my husband. Well I broke it to her that I had just screwed him and it upset her so she hung up. Well he falls asleep and I went through his phone and found somethings from a female he said was like a sister. It crushed me and sent me into a very bad depression not only was my husband cheating but I had also found out 2 weeks prior that a good friend had been murdered. My world was shattered. Well I broke it to him that if we are going to work he cannot hurt me anymore because if he does I will walk out and he can never get me back. Well fast forward to about 2 months ago. His job was hiring and I had a friend whom I had worked with previously looking for a job. She started work and it was all good except he started to care a lot more about his apperence. Wearing jeans, nice shirt, nice shoes and doing more to his hair. (He has a very chill job and usually wore sweats) well Up until 3 weeks ago. He started to change, being very mean, being out late, changing his phones password, blocking me. All different types of things. Well she started posting things on her social media about if she’s worth anything she’s worth anything now, how she wants a movie date and other things which had me feeling like those were directed towards him. They had been texting, talking on Facebook and God only knows what at work. Well I began to ask questions and my husband kept saying I was crazy and how I was always accusing him but I have always been right about him. Fast forward to 3 days ago, he says they don’t talk well I had somehow managed to get on his snapchat and saw that they had been talking. He messaged her saying “thanks for leaving punk” so she says “I’m starting to get hate for you” but was joking. So I blocked her and him and I fought. When I questioned it he flipped on me. Well I posted a Meme on my snapchat saying “it’s sad we live in a generation where a female will pass up on a single man just to pursue a married man bc she likes the way he treats his wife”. Well that triggered her to post something about if you have to block/unfriend a friend of the opposite sex of whomever you’re with you have insecurities. He told me he didn’t tell her anything but I know he did. He then sent her text messages that he deleted before I saw them. And he’s since then changed his phones password so I can’t login. Is my husband cheating? What should I do?

    1. yes he is cheating with your friend .Your instincts are dead on .You need to confront your friend and end the friendship with her as well .If you cant work it out with your husband divorce is a great option .Based on the information you have posted here ,your husband is a serial cheater .Men like to make u think that you are the crazyone but you are intuitive and intelligent enough to see what is going on .It is up to you to love your self ,not lower your standards and find youa good man that will treat you like a queen .

  17. hi! can anyone tell me if my husband is cheating or am i having the wrong feelings. My cousin lived with us for one year as house helper, after few months i suspected something between my husband and my cousin, like they sometimes look for each other without telling me the reason, one time we were on vacation and he went home because his reason was of that our business, and one time i saw him running after her when she was about to go home, and many more,. so i confronted him about it and he suddenly get angry. later we talked and he assured me that there was nothing between them. After a year the girl was not with us anymore. 5 years after, for this year to be exact, i happened to brows his facebook history, there i saw that hes been checking her facebook profile almost every month but when i confronted him, he didnt get angry but told me that there was nothing between them. he was just looking at her picture for fantasizing and thats all. But i am confused and i doubt hes lying. can anyone tell me whats the meaning of all these?

  18. My husband and I have been married two years now. Together for about seven years. Before we were officially together he treated me like no other had before. About a month into our relationship he became more interested in”friends and drinking” than me. We were on and off until I thought he understood that I didn’t want that in my life. I fully explained what I expected from our relationship and the balance of friends and romance time. He excepted. We moved onwards from there, but it always felt like something was wrong. Something was different. He wasn’t treating me like before. It was as if I was a chore or a roommate. It made me so confused and depressed. I did everything for him. I told myself that it would go back to the way it was. Things would be okay. Maybe it was the slowing down of drinking? One night he was on call at the local tow company he worked for and a text message came in that he slept through. I checked his phone and under the name”Jelly” was a ton of disturbing messages and pictures! I cried and cried and then cried some more. My amazing man who lifted up my spirits like nobody else could, had shattered my world with an affair. I checked his Facebook page while I was at it. At least seven more affairs. One emotional affair with a ” family friend who’s like a sister” and one very questionable message. “Sorry I left marks.” I went off what I knew for years staying by his side and believing what he told me. We went to couples counseling to try to heal the wounds within our relationship. It ended up being more like his therapy sessions. I was invisible there. There was and still has been no sympathy or compassion for my broken heart. Not from him or the therapist. Thinking that I had known everything now and maybe we could be stronger, I married him. Big mistake. I soon found out what ” sorry I left marks” meant. Yet another one. He refuses to talk about it or even accept his own guilt. He still makes me feel like it’s my fault and that I don’t need to know anything about it. I just have to deal with it and move on. I believe that he has tried to hook up with this girl again. He gets very defensive about her and didn’t remove her until I did for him. He truly thinks that with his past he should be trusted and that he needs to do nothing to fix this. I’ve been willing to work, but am growing impatient and feeling more and more like I should just leave. I wish I had known everything before we were married.

    1. I so sorry ur going through this. Like all women, we fell hook, line and sinker…They got us, but still wants to live the single life. If I was in ur shoes, I would sit down and have heart to heart talk with him. C what he wants and what u want. U don’t mention u have any children. Just thank god for that… PLEASE don’t have children until this is fix. You don’t need to bring children into this. Even if there are children, no children or adult should live like this….my guess he is cheating. You need to find out….looking forward to reading ur future posts…good luck…

    2. Samantha- I read your story. I must tell you, if want any chance at a happy life… DUMP THAT MAN! You will regret wasting your life with a man that clearly has no respect for you and most likely doesn’t even love you. You had faith, it was broken. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, that was thrown in your face. Are you waiting for a sex tape to arrive at your house? You seem like a kind trusting person. You would not do those things to him! You deserve a man who is like you, NORMAL. Trust me, there is a man for you. Some women think they’ll never find another guy… BS. You will! Move on and leave him behind. You won’t regret it!!!!!

    3. Hi Samantha,
      I’m really sorry to hear what you have gone through. I am in a VERY similar situation: married for 1.5yrs, been together for 5. He always treated me like a princess, and like I was the most incredible thing that’d happened too him. I thought we were so perfect together, he was my safe place and my best friend. About a month before our 1 year anniversary I caught him lying about something. I wandered how much more he’d lied to me about. My gut instinct took over and I went through his email and found disgusting emails from him to other women, lining up dates to ‘come ride his….’. I was so deviated. In that moment in felt like the man I had loved had just died..he no longer existed.
      Since then he was sworn black and blue he’s never ‘followed through’ and it was only ever fantasy to get himself off. I still feel like this is cheating either way. I also found he’d subscribed to a number of online cheating websites for married people..dating back to before he proposed to me.
      We’ve also had therapy, and he doesn’t seem to take ownership or show empathy for his actions, expecting me to get over it and understand how this being out in the open ‘looks on him’.
      I’ve tried to stay with him and not give up on us so soon. But my trust for him is gone, and so is the beautiful relationship I thought we had. Its devastating.
      Are you going to stay with your husband?

  19. My story is a little different. A married man took advantage of me 3 year ago. It started as normal as can be. We both live in the same building. I live for 39 he 23 years. I first saw him 20 plus years, never spoken to each other. Then about 4 years ago, I was telling a joke to my other neighbors and there he was laughing…I introduced myself to him. All innocence. There is and was nothing going on between us but a friendship…well I thought. We spent many hours talking and spare life stories. Little did I know, he was waiting for the right moment to assault me. I didn’t press charges, thinking of his wife and family..U see I kind of know his wife, and went to high school with his sis-in-law. I could walk away from this and just take it a misunderstanding..and I wanting a blood test. He wouldn’t…for the next 20 months I learn about a lot about him. He is chronic liar and a cheater. I always ask him to take a test..but the answer will be no. On Dec 18 he came to my home and threatened me, which I don’t take likely. I waiting and waiting until Feb 21, I told his wife. His wife called me a liar and everything on the book. Which I expected. 7 weeks later I received a call from the police wanted to (talk) to me…2 questions later I was arrested for hassasment which was later dismissed. 2 months ago I written a letter to him, which he had kept hoping to try to press charges on me with it instead it back fires. He was force to tell his wife and the polices his affairs, his one nightstands and what he did to me…After all this, do I regret telling his wife…NO. First, I wanted to put him and every man like him in his place. And second I wanted to hurt him and if it means going through his wife, then YES. Half of my neighbors have known he was cheating for years. I didn’t. I wish I have known, I spent 3 years with him…I feel stupid to trust him and every man…even though telling his wife makes me feel better but I’m not there 100%. I in therapy…As far as I know the wife still with him, knowing he cheats. But I don’t think she know about a woman name Cecilia a woman he been with for the past 9 years. He takes care of her by paying her rent and etc. There are women out there like his wife who are blind and stupid…I was stupid for 3 years,,,where his wife over 23 years…why she and other stay is the answer I would like to know….thanks for listening everyone…

    1. Hey lost! I was also taken advantage of when I was in a VERY vulnerable position, just experienced a lot of major trauma, huge losses (my entire family), he hurt my grown son, etc. He began coming over to “comfort me” letting me cry which I thought was out of a sincere “care” due to all the enormous grief I was suffering thru which I foolishly thought was outta kindness!!! Then little by little he began weaving his was into my life, we became very “emotionally close”! I wasn’t even thinking straight due to so much loss! I was devastated from losing my whole family! I’d always said, “I NEVER in a million years go with a married man!” It was WRONG! I wouldn’t want it done to me & I’d never do that to another woman!” After therapy, grief counseling, C-PTSD (still have it but slowly recovering) I began to slowly wake up & confronted him! He got VERY ugly, snapped, etc., I’m no fool tho & KNOW if he “really” cared as he’d claimed he’d have never spoken to me like that, I snapped back at him & went off on him! It was at a horrendous time too when Is just been dealt another loss! How cruel I thought! I was doubled over in severe emotional paun, crying out to God! I know now he runs around with other women too behind his wife’s back! I’m wanting to tell her, he KNOWS I’m NOT afraid of speaking up, taking full responsibility & spilling the beans! I was truly taken advantage of at a very vulnerable time, he added a LOT more severe emotional pain & acted like he could care less about hurting me worse! I’m livid now & want to tell his wife! But don’t know if I should tho? But I’m really pissed cause he hurt my only child, my grown son! What should I do? But don’t feel alone “lost” it happened to me too! I wanted to jump in here so you’d know you’re not alone!

      1. Sweet Pea,
        It gives me some comfort knowing I not alone. I HATE people especially MEN who takes advantage of woman. Now that 7 months had past, I recognized I was played, taken advantage of, plotting against me, setting me up and like the police said, “they deal with men like that all the time. He is not a nice man. He PREYS on vulnerable woman like myself. It was all his fault.” I don’t know whether u r going to tell this (Man) wife, but prepared. You don’t know how some woman reacted. Don’t get me wrong, I DON”T regret telling his wife at all. I come from a difference race. He thought I wouldn’t say anything. But I prove him wrong. And if hurting him means going through his wife I will….and I wanted to put him and every man like him in his place…I wish you much luck with your journey….

  20. My husband has been working for the past month from Sunday to Sunday. It’s been three weekend now he’s been going the Saturday and coming back the Sunday. For the first time he stayed out the whole night and lied where he were. Up to this day he hasn’t told me where he was. He gets so fustrated for everything and talks to me as he don’t care anymore. We have a three year old daughter together. What’s the best option for me?

    1. Girl, he’s cheating. I’ve have suspected my husband of cheating sooo many times, but never confirmed until three weeks ago. I prayed that God would reveal it to me so plainly that I couldn’t ignore or feel crazy. I prayed with someone else ( where two or more are together Jesus is in the midst). 12 hiurs later I found an “unfiltered message” on Facebook from his mistress. She was mad and threatening to tell me. I that affair started when I was pregnant and I found out when our son was 15 months old. TRUST YOUR GUT AND PRAY THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD REVEAL ANY DARKNESS TO YOU.

      1. Wow. Such a smart response. I love it. I have prayed that too and God has revealed it when it needed to be, every time! Wise words Heidi!

      2. You are absolutely right! I to prayed That The Lord would reveal to me what I needed to know! In a few days from that first prayer, something kept gently nudging me one night “check his phone”. I found the texts and my world collapsed! I’m so thankful that The Holy Spirit told me to check his phone. Out of all the nights to check and all of the times he deleted texts before coming home, this one night, he forgot.

      3. Heidi,

        I’ve been praying for seven years for God to confirm the feelings I’ve been having that my husband has cheated on me, and haven’t received an answer. I’m still praying and waiting.

  21. My man has a child from another woman actually she’s Russian…they both had that child before I came into his life. Everytime he goes to visit them. A day came when I was going through his messages with the woman…i saw where she asked him why did you sleep with me if you don’t love me. I confronted him n he denied saying she meant before I came into his life. Some months passed and one day she called saying she was pregnant again…he became moody. He didn’t tell me all this while until after the phone call. He took me outside on a stroll…we talked and he said he was sorry about wat he had to tell me. He told me that when he went there he drank with her and her friend…n became drunk. He can’t remember if they had sex but he feels they made out. He said when he woke up he asked her and she said they did but didn’t believe. This took him months to tell me. I feel he lied about everything. I feel he had sex with her and didn’t want me to know so he made the story up. He even told me that he thought she was actually pregnant unless I wouldn’t have known. I want to find out if he slept with her but don’t know how to go about it.

    1. does it really matter if you find out if he “really” cheated? to me its clear that he is still connected to his childs mother. Nothing against you more against them. He already disrespected the relationship by (1) going over there and drinking (it should only be about his child) that doesn’t require liquor. (2) That bs story about not knowing they had sex, but he remembers that they “made out.” I don’t know why you need the bread when you have all the crumbs. if you choose to stay i hope you understand that you will be allowing this.

    2. Are you serious!!!!! Yes he slept with her and I’m sure more than once. Yes he made the whole story up. Tell her the story he told you and it will piss her off and she will tell everything

  22. My husband was texting a female at work all night, I asked who the woman was and he said it was an older woman from another line (he works in a large assembly plant). I asked to see the text and he deleted them. So, I called the number and it was a female his age. Come to find out this lady had left her husband a few yrs ago for another man at the plant and he works the opposite shift as them. She was also pentecostal and stopped wearing skirts, started wearing make up and cut her hair. Well, I text her from my husband’s phone while he was asleep and acted like him and asked if she still had the text and she said she had deleted them. It has haunted me bc he won’t tell the truth.

    I called her and acted like he was sitting there, she tells me they are just really good friends and that she was telling him she was done meaning done being friends with him. She also said they met up at a parking lot where a lot of people go to hang out and drink after work at around 2 or 3 am when they get off work. She swore nothing sexual but all she cared about was her boyfriend who works the other shift and was very defensive. So he wakes up and I told him she called me and he denies being good friends and that he doesn’t know her like that, he also denies meeting up at the parking lot, he says he would only go to get gas and cig and leave, that was a lie bc that particular place isn’t open at 2am. He then says she must just want him and is trying to ruin him and that he’s going to lose his job when he goes back to work. I told him no and that if he talks to her without me around I was leaving, I said you have the entire weekend to call her with me sitting right here. He never did. I just felt like that if he was really that mad he would have called her. I just need as many opinions I can get on what’s going on….kind of makes me think it’s still going on because of how she said she was done and then changed her mind after “he” explained what happened and he couldn’t help it. PLEASE HELP!

  23. My husband went away on business the same weekend i took our daughters on a shopping trip, but my gut told me different. I was right but he said he needed to get away from “everything”. He has a history of lying to me but thought he had stopped. I found strange underware but we all joked it off. His “untruths” are more frequent. He geta defensive when I ask small questions. Coverststions are less, sex gas gone from 2 times a day to, once every 3 months. No hand holding no romance pretty much nothing!!! He owns his own business and ends his day at the same place before coming everyday (another womans business). I have confronted him several times, showed up there once (that was a bad idea) he got so upset. He gets very defensive when i bring anything up. He has his cell phone attached to his side constantly only to turn it off and LOCKED when he’s sleeping. It’s off limites to me! I have seen flirtations in emails to and from other women that he denies. He REFUSES to go to counciling with me and i told him it’s because he’s affraid a professional will expose him and his lies! He tikd me that he loves me and does not want a divorce but “if you think that your correct than you have to do what you need to do” is what I am told. I tell him I love him. I do little special things for him. I don’t know what else to do!!!! I just need to know 100% the truth before I walk away i need clousure. Not to walk away thinking what if i was wrong, did I just give up. There are a lot of financial issues as well that could be keeping him here I think thats the only glue. Please help by telling me what you think! Thanks

    1. He already walked out if he’s not there for you; how many more years do you want to waste, go running and you will be much happier, how much more are you willing to take a big part of your life is gone for years cause he hasn’t been there.
      I waited 30 years,same stuff,now go running. my only regret is that I didn’t smarten up sooner.

    2. Vickie-
      It’s a shame you have to endure this…but I think you are putting yourself through Hell. It’s super clear that you know your husband is up to NO GOOD. Why are you wasting what is left of your youth on a man who is interested in other women? Please don’t. You will find another man, someone who wants only you. Not you & who ever catches his eye! His phone is his personal property, but to consider it “off limits” to his wife is ABSURD! He’s hiding sh!t, he’s lying to you and girlfriend, he’s cheating on you. You know it and he knows you know it. Dump his ass. You are worth so much more than this!!! You can do it. Xox

    3. Vickie, you already know honey. You don’t need to find evidence to make it 100% certifiable. He is treating you
      disrespectably. At this point, anything you endure is your own fault. I know that sounds harsh, but you know better. Your belly is screaming at you. Don’t ignore it any longer. I know you don’t feel it, but start building self respect by treating yourself with respect. That means leaving him and not allowing it. If you have children, you do not want to show them this as an acceptable way to treat people, or allow yourself to be treated. You are worth more. Act like you are even if you don’t feel it yet.

      Listen honey, right now you can’t think your way into right living, but you can live your way into right thinking. That means act as if, fake it til you make it. Once you get through that you will feel good and be empowered.
      I sat it all the time, but remember this. It is so important.

      message me if you need help with perspective or support.


  24. We have been together for 7 years and been married for 2 years+. And we are blessed with 22months old son. If i say i understand whats happening in my marriage now am lying. I cant even say i understand my husband anymore. He lies so much that it piss me off all the time. six months ago, i bumped into his whatssap conversation where he was telling a lady that can he come and show her his big blah blah blah. when i confronted him, he said it was because of his work, that they were making an investigation on the lady in question, that he was doing that so that he can catch the lady. Well, to cut the long story short, i believed him and we moved on. Last 2 weeks again, i saw a picture on his whattsaap, when i asked him, he said it was his late sister’s daughter, when i made my investigation, i discovered it was another lie from my cheating husband. When i confronted him, He accepted and told me it was the daughter of a male colleague at work, when i investigated, it was another lie. The daughter actually belong to one whom he has actually been talking to over the phone. Am just tired and i dont know what else to do. Am contemplating ending the marriage. Please advice me

    1. Abiola- I feel bad for you, but the writing is crusty on the wall. The man is trying like Hell to cheat on you. It’s very clear. AND you caught him lying over and over… Why is he lying? Because he’s cheating.
      An ultimatum isn’t even in question. He’s got no respect for the marriage at all. Dont wait till he leaves for someone else! Get rid of him.

  25. Hello folks, reading many thoughts of. Cheaters just make me sick. Been there, had husband of 13yrs cheat on me. Tells me as a VOLUNTEER FIREMAN & EMT, needs to respond to calls. BS, she was calling him all hrs of night, evening…… wow how stupid I was. Sure some where calls i heard radio traffic, but after it was over several hours later not home. Then when he did get home it was jump in shower, well i read that you can tell if man had sex especially in hurry to leave gf, check underwear for late ejectuation. Yup, white crud in underwear, but i couldnt prove it. Than took job out of state and he insisted that i go. Fing my dream job calling for 8months gone, sure we’d see each other, talk every day and night. When furloughed , wow eye opener i got. Went to use my lap top and he was on earlier but due to a fire call, oopsie he forgot to log out! And what i found; all the naked pictures of her in his email, his IM on fb with more naked pictures of her in my house, pictures at her house saying if her family found out she is done. Well being pissed i took those pictures printed out , mailed to her husband, her neighbors all on fire department who helped lie for him. Few weeks into it her husband dyes of cancer, her son disowned her and my husband said he didnt do anything and is innocent. Hmmm , i find bs. Well i went to counseling, tried to turn other cheek, live what bible says about forgiveness ,we even MOVED out of state. Been two years and he is starting to lie to me and our son. Talks rude disrespectful and down grade. “Once cheater always cheater” comes to mind. My son begs me wait til he is in mid teens to leave his father, but am so misable. I can dance naked on the bed in front of him, dont do anyghing, bring out my toy he dont care, what do i need to do to let him know am here?

    1. nothing .. just dont pay him any attention.. thats the best way .. one day he will see what he lost if he really loves u.. act as if u dont care what he is doing , go out with friends and have a good time .. i promise the thoughts are still there and u wish he was there .. Do U!!

  26. The open and honest communication you and your husband are having now is awesome. He is learning about emotional affairs, and you are learning how to recognize and talk about the signs a husband is cheating. This is excellent growth — you and he and moving forward in your relationship. I hope you can see and appreciate this, because focusing on your growth and communication will help you and him get closer.

    If I were you, I’d suggest a session with a counselor. You may not need to embark on “couples therapy” — but maybe you and your husband need a little guidance on communication, trust, boundaries, and expectations.

    What do you think about talking to a therapist, just to sort through your issues?

    1. Hi. Thank you for your comments. He does not want to go to counseling. Thinks we can work on this together and tells me that I can go if I want to. It hurts me, but he doesn’t believe in it. I still don’t know if I’m getting the whole truth. He says he has told me everything after initially lieing. He is remorseful at hurting me and our marriage. I try to tell myself if he wanted to be with that other woman, he would just leave me. Right?

  27. Hi. I have been with my man for 8 years and married for two. In October of 2015, I went on a five day vacation with my daughter. I returned and didn’t think anything until I saw a picture of a woman in my husband’s gallery that was in an autosave file. I asked him who this was. He swore up and down for one week saying he didn’t know. That it must of been attached to a junk email he got. A week later, because I found an unknown name in his address book of his email and asked him who it was, he confessed that it was the girl in that picture. I cried and cried. He told me that a few days before I left for vacation, this girl called him at work leaving a message that she was in town and that he could stop by to see her. He said he had worked with this girl many years ago and they were friends then. He admitted after dropping me off at the airport, he went to work on his day off, listened to her voicemail to retrieve her number. He admitted he called her the next day. They talked and he said he told her that he would stop by when he was working if he could. Two days after he returned to work and stopped at her relatives house where she was. He said this girl’s relatives were there and they spoke for 15 minutes or so. He told me that she asked if they could stay in touch. He admitted he told her he would not text or call because his wife wouldn’t like it if he was friends with a female. He gave her his email address. He admitted she emailed him for the next four weeks and he would answer her back. He said it was more frequent in the beginning then got less frequent as the week’s went on. He admitted he told her not to email on his days off or at night because he would be with me. That leads to the day he accidentally autosaved a picture she sent him and I found it. He tells me it was the only picture she ever sent. She was fully clothed, just a selfie of herself. He admitted he deleted the emails as they came in. He told me he knew it was wrong, but wasn’t thinking. We talked and came to the determination together that our marriage had some problems and that if he was happier in our marriage, maybe he would of not decided to allow this to happen. She sought him out. He swears they only had a friendship and is not nor ever was attracted to her sexually. He said he never got that feeling from her either. Saying it was old friends catching up and when I found the picture, he didn’t tell me saying he knew I would blow it out of proportion and think it was more than it was. He said during the week he lied to me about the picture, he was trying to figure out how to tell me. He said that during the time he and she were emailing, he felt guilty because he knew it was wrong and was going to let it phase out because it seem to be. So, he only ended it the day I found the picture. He told me this that day a week later when I found her name in his address book. He said he emailed her afterward telling her I found the picture and they would not be contacting or emailing anymore. The day he confessed, I asked him to email her in front of me so I could see how they interacted. He wrote just hi to her. She replied asking him how is he emailing her from that email. He replied by asking why. She relpied by saying she didn’t think he could have friends that were girls. That response made me feel like maybe they were just friends.

    I showed him an article about an Emotional Affair and he told me he didn’t realize that what he did was considered that, but accepts that now. He told me he secretly emailed an old friend for 4 weeks, but did not see her in person other than that one time. He said he never kissed all the way to sex with her. I told him I didn’t know if I believe him and told him I would be tested for STD’s. He told me there wasn’t a need to do that because he didn’t sleep with her. I went through with it anyway. All came up negative. He tells me he knows he lied when I first found the picture, but has since told me everything and is being honest. Since this has happened, there has not been a day that I don’t talk about it with him. He tells me he can’t keep doing these daily talks because he has told me everything and doing so will hurt our relationship further.

    He has sincerely told me he loves me, is still in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He seems to be telling the truth, but why do I still feel unsure? I am consumed in what happened. I want to stay with him, but am afraid he did sleep with this woman. Maybe he didn’t. I find peace in her response to him when he emailed her and she replied that she thought he couldn’t have friends that were girls. Help?

    1. Hi Kim,
      I recently had a very similar experience with my long term boyfriend (13 years). I am also having a hard time dropping the “daily talks.” I’d love to chat with you privately if you’re interested. I feel like I have gone insane. I was reading these articles and I ran into your comment. It hit me straight in my stomach. I’m so mixed up between how bad what he did actually is and how much I’m overreacting. But at the same time, how can I be overreacting? He swears he didn’t sleep with this woman (a co-worker) and I 99.9% believe him. But why can’t I shake this feeling? I feel tormented by this.

  28. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    There are no easy answers when you’re getting signs that your husband is cheating and lying about his affair – or his Facebook activities, or his relationships with coworkers. There is no one “right” piece of advice, no black and white answer that will solve your problem.

    Listen to your gut. Elisa said that she had a weird feeling, and she found her husband viewing the profile of another woman on Facebook. She trusted her gut – her intuition – and she was right.

    What is your gut telling you about what you should do next? Don’t just jump to “I don’t know what to do.” Instead, take 15 minutes and ask your body and soul what you should do. Write down the answers.

    What is your gut telling you?

    1. Well my situation continues to spiral downwards. There were favors involved (working her shifts). I recently learned that he kept track of the days he saw her by drawing smiley faces in his calendar. When I asked why there were none for me he said it was because we are married and I am home everyday. He admitted to me that four months ago when he learned she would be transferring to another site he bought her a small gift – a necklace. It was not expensive but he made sure he took money out of our bank account to purchase it behind my back. I think its progress that he admitted to this and did so as an attempt to save our marriage. We are in therapy – just started – but I am not sure that I can bear the pain of this deception and all. He was able in therapy to admit to an attraction but to say its mostly a mentor relationship. He maintains this woman is in no way, shape or form interested in him. I happened to find out recently that someone I know knows her and her history and said that my husband really wasn’t doing anything wrong and also that there is no way this woman is interested in him. I just don’t know what to do or think anymore.

    2. Spot on answer!!

      I’ve been in therapy a number of times for various “issues”. I used to think I was in therapy because of how my parents treated me, or because my wife was emotionally abusive, or because she had cheated
      on me, etc, etc. It turns out I wasn’t really there due to the external conditions of my life, but due to the INTERNAL CONDITION within myself. Those “issues” were merely symptoms. My last therapist said to me toward the end of one of the last sessions “Tom, you already have all the answers….you just need to look within”. I had ignored my gut for so long that it had gotten sick so to speak.

      She is right….follow that feeling 2 inches behind your belly button. It will get you to where you are supposed to be.


  29. I have been married for 18 years. I spent a week home with my husband and things seemed good. When he returned to working his night shift, I had a weird feeling and felt compelled to check his Facebook. When I checked the history, I saw he had been viewing the profile of a 28 year old woman he works with (he is 50). The pictures on her profile were all bikini pictures. I confronted him the next day about this and he admitted he had a crush on her but that nothing happened between them. I was devastated because he was checking out her photos one night while I was asleep. He also admitted that he had been regularly deleting his FB history but that he was careless this one time and forgot to do it. He has told me he cares about her because she gets into trouble (she is a real gem – married, has a coworker boyfriend and has been through six men at work already). It bothered me because up until this incident, I thought he only had eyes for me. He also admitted that this crush of his has been for about a year. I decided to forgive him and he decided to deactivate his Facebook. I checked his laptop and saw that he has reactivated his FB account several times. The history has probably been cleared again. I don’t get it. I know men are visual creatures. I didn’t ask him to deactivate his account – that was his decision. Do I confront him about the reactivation? I feel like I cant win here.

  30. I’ve been dating my bf in a long-distance relationship for 1 year. I’m a very young 43 and he’s 31, from another country and was honest about seeking a green card but I told him that’s not what I’m interested in helping him with. He told me he still wants to date me even if he married someone else for his citizenship which I also told him I wasn’t comfortable with and wouldn’t work for me which he understood. He does seem to genuinely like me just not sure how much.

    I see him usually 1 week a month, sometimes 2. Two months ago, I got a bad feeling in my gut, the kind I had in one past relationship where my ex cheated on me. So even though it’s wrong, I looked at his FB private messages. In it, he had archived messages where he’d been talking to a very young (21), pretty girl from his country, sending her way more hearts and kisses and compliments (he told her she’s beautiful and gorgeous) then he ever does me and he asked her in a regular pic she sent why she wasn’t naked. He seemed much more emotionally in tune with her then with me from what I could tell and he also knew her long before he met me. I confronted him and he said he just talks to her when he’s bored and she’s funny which made my heart drop. I told him I don’t send those kind of things to my guy friends. Well he must’ve said something to her, because she’s since blocked me and taken herself off of his fb page which made me feel a little better but he’d been talking to her the entire time we’ve been together. He’s only told me he loves me twice in the entire year and it was more at the 3 month mark, not so much anytime in the past few months. I’m planning on moving to the state where he lives, which I’d planned before I met him. 2 weeks ago when I was visiting him he said I should look for an apt. for the 2 of us but today when I spoke with him he told me to just look for a place for myself and we’d see what happens. I’m so confused, I feel like he’s giving me mixed messages and it’s leaving me feeling unsafe and not secure with him. I also think he’s still eyeing other candidates and other woman but hasn’t stepped over the line. Is it that he is bored with me and can’t connect? He doesn’t run away when I bring things up but I can tell he doesn’t really want to talk about it either yet he listens and doesn’t get crazed. I do love him but do not want to go further with someone who can’t make me feel safe. On the one hand anything I’ve brought up he’s addressed. On the other hand something still feels off. How do I truly find out what’s really going on with him and how he feels about me or is he already telling me?

    Should I wait until I move closer to him where I can see him day in and day out and then decide or is he already giving me signs that I’m confused on? Any advice would be appreciated.

    1. I also want to add that he does talk about a future with me. He talks about me going back to his country with him to visit and to meet his family. When I’m at his place I talk with his parents on Skype and have met his friends both from the US and his country. Also he texts me 4-5x a day and has ever since we met. We’ve never had 1 day go by where we haven’t texted or spoken. So you can see where I’m thrown off.

      1. Hi,
        He is a man who is a cheater aka; player. He is using you any way he can.
        If your relationship with him were in a safe situation you wouldnt even be questioning his behavior you would know right off the top of your head if he were crazy in love with you.
        This isn’t your fault he is either an addict or He has been doing it his entire life. Say good bye, change the locks go see a nice psychologist who can lift up your spirits while you are sad about this. So you can move on and steer clear of losers like this.

    2. Trust your inner feelings, you will find in the end you were right. You have to protect Yourself, as he seems to be giving you mixed feelings. You are the one that counts the most, never let anyone take advantage of you.

  31. About 3 months ago(2015) on a Thursday morning at 7:50am in the morning my husband’s cell phone rang while we were being intimate. He looks over to see who was calling and got up and redialed the number. I heard him say, “I called you yesterday but you were out of it”. He then walked off into another room. When he came back I asked who was he talking with and he said the sister of someone we know well. And he grinned and said she had knee surgery and he had called to see how she was doing. And I said what did she want and he said she was just returning the call. I thought it strange because I didn’t know he knew her that well.She works at the hospital where he works as a cashier in the cafeteria. He had introduced her to me about a year previous to this incident and gave me her name and said she was the brother of the person we both know. He said he found out her brother was in the same singing group as my brother back in the 80’s and they began to talk more when he came through the line. In 20113 is when he began to ask me if I knew her and I told him I did not. I only know the brother and a couple other sisters of his. Well one evening he came home after their father died and asked me if I was going to the wake. I told him no, because I did not know her father like that. He said well lets go, I know her and you know her brother. Lets go and support them. When we got to the wake she comes in and he goes up to her and ask me if I know her and I again I said “no”. Both times this lady never opened her mouth to me. She just looked at me and said nothing both times. My husband usually works on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday’s. I think she forgot he was not at work when she placed that Thursday Morning call. Had she not placed that call I never would Have questioned him about this woman. He told me he had known her for over thirty years and we have been married for 49 years. It bothered me that he did not mention this to me when we were introduced and I knew nothing of this woman the whole time we have been married. I told him he should have wished her good luck on her last day at work with her surgery and that should have been it.I asked him how many men who come through that line everyday called her to see how she was doing and they probably have been knowing her just as long or longer than he has. I think there is something sinister going on here. He said she is just a friend don’t you have friends. I checked his phone and he had deleted the calls to and from her from his phone but I found them on the internet bill. There were three calls and he said he only called her once. I think if this woman is such a good friend of his I should have known this years ago since she came into our lives after we were married. After I got married I had no male friends because he accused me of going with every man I came in contact with. what are your thoughts on this situation?

  32. Hi Mr. Tommy, me and my husband has been married for almost 2 years, we’re a young couple with a 10 month old and a baby boy on the way. I’ve recently caught him lying to my face multiple times, like yesterday he told me that his going to his friends house to pick something up and going to go get gas, I said okay. Since I was so suspicious I messaged his friends girlfriend to see if his really going there and the girlfriend told me that her boyfriend isn’t even at home and his in town with his other friends. Plus my husband told me that he was going to go get gas before he comes home from work the other day, and my husband hasn’t used his car since then. His been coming home a couple of hours late, and he works 15 minutes away from our house, his excuse is he needs to hang out with his co workers because he doesn’t want them to think like his only there to go to work??? I’ve went on his phone looking for names or whatever but he deletes everything. And he has his phone on him all the time, sometimes he leaves without telling me and his excuse is that his walking the dogs but when I call him while his walking the dogs it seems like his in the beach bathroom all the time (we live right next to the beach). His been acting different lately. Please help me. When I try to ask him about him cheating, he calls me crazy or a dumb ass. He Denies it and try to cover it up . I’m only 20, his supporting me, I don’t have a job because he doesn’t want me to have one, I’m a stay home pregnant mom. I want to leave him but I can’t until I prove that his cheating. He doesn’t want to get a divorce because of the kids. Please give me advice thank u.

    1. My husband did the same sort of things to me and he was definitely cheating. Don’t trust what he says. Believe me, he is feeding you a bunch of bunk. I am sorry this is happening, but you are very young and have your whole life ahead.
      I had two small children, too, and I moved on from me cheating husband.
      I will pray for God to give you strength. I hope you have family close who can help you make a new start. You are worth it!!
      Much prayers and good luck!!

    2. Krizen, you have a few problems here. I know what you’re experiencing. You just don’t have any solid proof, but you know something is going on. I was in the same situation with my wife many years ago. There were just too many loose ends that were unexplainable or the excuses just didn’t really make any sense. Your gut is telling you something is wrong, and unfortunately and I’m sad to say that indeed something is wrong. You deserve to be treated better, and with honesty and respect. The other problem you have is that you are dependent on this man. I would consider trying to make other arrangements. If you have family or friends that can help and be supportive in the meantime while you try and get things together so that you can stand on your own 2 feet, that is something you should really consider. You’re only 20 years old sweetheart….you have a long life ahead of you. Trust me, what this dumbasses doing is just one little page in the entire book of your life. Don’t give him your power. Your well-being is not dependent on this man, nor should it to be. He’s not trustworthy enough to be responsible for that obviously. I’m sure it 20 years old you are still attractive and can easily and will easily find somebody who is better. I hope you do. I know change can be scary but sometimes we have to walk through that fear to get something good on the other side.
      You need anything else or any other device or want to contact me just let me know.

  33. Hi Mr Tommy D. I am in a relationship with someone that I’ve been with for almost two years now and I do think it’s love. However, he has cheated on me five times now. None were sexual but, he has told other women that he loves them, he’s had women bring him lunch to work, he’s driven their cars, etc. but, there was never any sex involved (so he says). I can admit that I’ve cheated on him once in the past but he’s done it to me FIVE TIMES! I do want to believe him and stay with him the only thing is, I’m afraid of being cheated on again. He cheated and a month later he moved to another city. He says he isn’t interested in any of the women where he is and he tells me he has learned his lesson. I just don’t know if I should leave him or believe him.

    1. Theresa,
      Sweetie, you are wasting your time. At least if you want something exclusive with this man. He is not behaving in any way that should gain your confidence. YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY!! Trust your belly honey. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be the one to shatter your dream, but it’s best recognized sooner than later. Why are you wasting your time with him? You are worth more. Trust me, you are capable of more than you’ll ever know. It is easy. Show a man love, faith, warmth, hard work and he will follow you. You are a woman, you have control in the end.
      Be strong sweetie. Act like you are worth more than how he treats you. With time, you will feel it I promise.

  34. I found out that my husband was cheating on me when I hired a hacker to look into my husband’s Gmail account, Facebook, and LinkedIn for me, I saw his conversation with the other lady.

    1. Dear H, Yes, who did you hire?I walked into my husbands office unexpectedly and saw his phone under a file. I picked it up to Google some advice on vitamins when I saw “Where to find a prostitute ?’ in the search field. At first I thought nothing of it. Then someone told me things just don’t pop up like that in any search field. So if your friend can do it again please let me know.

  35. We have been married for 16 years. We both have had infidelity issues in the past but we have worked on them and moved on. I found out I had an std while I was pregnant, and the doctor gave him and I medication to get rid of the std. I got to follow up 2 weeks after and doctor said I was “clear”.
    I am pregnant again, and my husband insists we use condoms. If we have been cleared before, and I am pregnant, why use condoms? My instincts tell me that he may be cheating… but I cant figure out how he would have the time.

  36. Hi, my husband has changed a lot. He always start agruments even in small things which always turn out to be a big issues between us. He’s no longer as sweet as before. He’s no longer that happy spending time with me. I feel like somethings is really wrong. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before. He always go to work even weekends. It seems that he spend more of his time away from home than to stay home. What can I do to discover if he’s really cheating on me?

    1. Mrs Pinkstuff,
      I’ve replied to a number of posts on here. Usually, the women posting describe behavior from their man that makes its even quite obvious that he is cheating. In your case, that’s not what I got from what you described. You are correct in saying that something is wrong. The things you explained demonstrate that the relationship may not be going too well and that communication between the two of you has broken down. Obviously, the connection between the two of you is suffering. But, none of this means that your husband is cheating. Of course it is possible that he is but his behavior also may just be him pulling away. Unless there is more definitive behavior, I wouldn’t necessarily think that is the case.
      Do you still love him and want him and want to work to keep it together? If you do, talk to him….try to ask him what he wants and needs. Find out what’s wrong…my guess is you already know what issues are between you two. If you have tried and can’t get through, see if you can get him to marriage counseling. If he won’t go, that is not a good sign (doesn’t mean he’s necessarily cheating, might just mean he doesn’t care), which could be a worse situation than just cheating.
      In the end, if you’ve put your heart in and really tried to make this person happy and he remains unhappy within the relationship and won’t participate or communicate, then you are being mistreated and deserve better.
      At that point, it’s up to you if you want to stay and put up with it and continue to try, or if you want to go along with his actions and create some distance from him yourself.
      Either way, I tell people this all the time, but it’s important to remember that your well-being is not dependent on this man. You can be OK with or without him.

      Good luck honey!


    2. Hi Mspinkstuff, I feel the same with you. Now I’m still trying to catch my husband i don’t want to accuse him without hard evidence because i know he won’t tell me the truth. It’s hard to pretend in front of our husband that we’re ok even we’re not but sometimes we need to be an actress in front of them. A piece of advice i know it’s hard to deal this kind of situation but you need to be more patient. If you have access to his cell phone try to download “spy my phone” free app to his phone but first try this app to your phone so that you know how it’s work. It’s hidden so he won’t see. In his car, buy hidden gps tracker in amazon so you will check his location everytime. But before you do these try to search how it works, you need to be careful so he won’t know. Even you track him in gps or on his cell phone don’t say nothing unless you see him in your eyes cheating, again they will lie if we don’t have hard evidence. And no matter what happen don’t tell him your source why you catch him so next time if ever it happen again you know what to do. If he ask you how did you know just tell him you hired a private investigator or what even but again don’t reveal your source even in your friend just keep this to your self. I hope it will help you. By the way i know already that my husband is lying because i track him in his phone but i can’t say nothing unless i see in my eyes, i learned my lesson. Good luck & be safe…

  37. Women cheat too, they do it because the need children from different partners to keep a tribe intact.
    It’s not only in the nature of man to have multiple partners.

    1. Hi Jan
      Of course women cheat! I’ve been the other man numerous times. The majority of women I’ve had sex with were married or in a LTR.
      They don’t typically do it to have a brood of offspring from different men…although that might be a part of the reason at a subconscious level. Usually they cheat because they don’t feel connected to the man they are with emotionally. They get bored and feel mistreated or unappreciated and unfulfilled. Sometimes this is not the case and they are just sexually unfulfilled, but usually it’s the emotional part.
      I will share my experience and suggest a motive for infidelity amongst men and women.
      I personally have been in several long-term relationships including one marriage of nine years. That marriage by the way ended because my wife was sleeping with another man. Despite the fact that I have been cheated on in a relationship, I myself have actually never cheat on the person I was involved with.
      But I believe that in reality monogamy is unnatural for humans. Honestly, it does not feel natural.
      I’ve done it…but it goes against my God given instincts.. Mother nature tells me that it’s a good idea to have sex with lots of women. God gave me my sex drive. If monogomy were natural, then why would so so many people cheat?
      Science has proven that genetic diversity is healthier within biological populations. This is fact!
      This again supports the idea that monogomy is unnatural…we are supposed to want other people.
      Jan, you are correct in a round about way. There is an instinct within us that drives us to procreate with different partners because that results in successful dispersion of our genes.
      Science has shown that genetic redundancy produces problems in offspring. We all know, that inbreeding animals or humans causes increase in defects. That results from breeding within small populations with people in the same gene pool….defects crop up.
      But when new genes are brought into the picture (different partners like a new man or woman from somewhere else). Healthier offspring are produced and thrive more.
      So bottom line, to me it looks like Mother Nature makes us that way. We are created with that desire to have sex with different partners because in the end…it makes stronger kids.
      It doesn’t hurt that it’s fun.
      It’s feels good to be bad and naughty…that’s in us!!!
      It’s why so many say YESSSS to doing the no no.

      I don’t mean to offend anyone, and I am not speaking from a place of moral judgement.
      This is not a religious debate, and if you are considering replying with such, don’t waste your time. I am very familiar with those opinions and philosophies too.

      I was merely trying to share from a place of rational thought based on personal experience and what I have observed in others.


      1. Your philosophy makes sense. But saying that Monogamy is unnatural for all humans can’t be factual. I believe most women genetically have a strong ability to remain with one lover for life with out question. Take into consideration that the era has taken more of a front seat to cheating lifestyles than ever before. Faithfulness and marriage will become something of the past and soon enough obsolete. Very unfortunate.

        1. Laurie, I do agree with you. When I suggested that monogomy was unnatural by no means was I trying to imply that what I was suggesting was factual or applied to everybody. It’s just something I’ve observed frequently in many people I’ve known. I also have to concur that monogomy certainly appears to come more easily and natural to the female human than to the male. Women tend to have a “nesting” type of instinct that lends itself more toward monogomy than a mans instinctual drives. Nonetheless, as we’ve stated above women still cheat, I just think that it’s probably a bit less frequently than men. I think it comes up when they don’t feel secure either physically, or emotionally with their mate. When a woman’s instinctual desires for these things are not being met, she is more likely to stray than a woman who feels secure with her mate. I also have to agree with a statement you made above….I too think that marriage will slowly become a thing of the past and eventually will be considered old fasioned or obsolete. Is it unfortunate?
          I don’t know the answer to that….I suppose that’s a matter of personal opinion. It does appear there is a Momentum to this place and indeed a Mother Nature or Deity directed current, but I have to humbly admit I don’t seem capable of really understanding it too much with my terrestrial based mind

          Thanks for the reply Laurie!!


          1. Thank you for the comments and your insight. Your point is very well taken. Reading posts that evaluate the male and female’s ability to be monogamous has always intrigued me, especially coming from a man’s point of view and what kind of man it is coming from and his experience in life with women in particular is very interesting. This is why I commented on your post (experience). A good open point of view helps to evaluate the thoughts and feelings of uncertainty in our own minds as women. I’d also like to add that therapy and books are wonderful way to get insight on this issue but a real discussion is much more effective with people who don’t know you personally and will not be bias or possibly because you are paying for their expertise. In addition I’d like to say that women’s love & essentially “commitment” to you as men is such a powerful expression that more often than not gets taken for granted (vise a versa). Usually pornography is a catalyst for other problems in a marriage that can be waiting to surface. That area in a marriage should always be up for discussion, never hid or kept secret like an affair because surprisingly some women may be opt to get more comfortable with your hobbies and of course others may not. So, unfortunately it brings us to men having a very strong “need” to roam, to see, to fantasize and woman have an even stronger instinct to feel. That instinct being so strong that it gets us into our own set of troubles just as much as your need to have multiple lovers. Unfortunately that “need” inside coupled with insecurity and weakness has created a flood of uncertainty in a good marriage or potential relationship. A lucky man will find a woman with possibly a good foundation, good direction, an abundance of commitment, and good values and then put that all at risk to have an affair or try something they consider natural? Very unclear! Companionship = Man. Love = Woman. Is it okay to say that generally men don’t require commitment the way a woman does? I’d have to say that motive for infidelity is “insecurity” and is most commonly as you stated an “emotional” factor for a woman. What about a man?
            In the end, there’s nothing natural about looking to plant 100 seeds inside 100 women. It is more natural to plant a seed into one woman and watch her give you what only she could produce. It is called STENGTH and unfortunately muscles don’t have anything to do with it. It’s a perfectly “natural” ability to obtain and foster. That strength lies in all of us. A lot of science goes into the nature of how we think as a gender but it’s not that complicated. Faithfulness is difficult for some but very do-able!

        2. Laurie, you’re quite sharp. It’s been quite a while since I commented on here or read anything on here. You express yourself quite well. I have to agree with a lot of the points you make. I do think a man would be crazy to give up a woman who offers what you suggest. It’s just in this world with all of that superficial nonsense, that is a rarity. It almost seems to me like they quit making that model.

  38. My husband and i have been together for 6 or 7 years now and married for 3 years. He recently switched jobs and now he is a flagger i have been really worried lately that he has been maybe messing around with her. He has cheated on me multiple times in the past. And i think he is starting up again. With the company he works with he has to have a partner and it is a female so he is spending most of his time with her. They text and call each other on a daily basis. She texts me a lot but not as much as she does him. When i confronted him about it he got so angry. I talked to his mom about it to and she claims i am jelouse of her. And when i was talking to him today he told me that she was talking on the phone with her boyfriend and the she started talking about she was horny in front of my husband. He claims nothing is going on but i am worried something is going on. Please can any one give me advise on this..

  39. My boyfriend I’ve been and lived with for 15 years also have 3 kids with use to come home hurt me bad physically his favorite thing was strangulation and suffocation hes been to prison for it more then once his answers were always I was crazy I made everything up the emotional abusive way almost unmanageable he rejected me and are kids with out a care everyday I’ll never be the same after being in prison 2 years hes back and no more violence but rejection and emotionally detached since he got out a year ago still continues badly he truly shows no emotion that he cares with I could understand why someone would still be this way?

  40. I’ve been in a serious relationship for five years (the type where we’ve always talked about growing old together/marriage/kids/all of that stuff). He had an indiscretion with a woman three years ago and we have since recovered. We were young and stupid and I thought we had grown since, but I am worried he is cheating again. Due to financial problems, him and I were living with his parents the last few years and in early October of this year, I moved out. We talked about it and it was made clear that it was due to other factors of the current living situation that had nothing to do with each other. I didn’t want to be living with his parents anymore and he wouldn’t be financially ready to move for awhile. So we figured me moving in with my brother would be a good in between until we could get a place (alone) together.

    Now I am honestly wondering if it was an excuse for him to cheat on me. The first two weeks I moved, things were normal. We saw each other once or twice a week (I now live across the state of CT so we can’t see each other too much more). We texted frequently enough. He would say good morning and goodnight. Tell me he loved me. Be lovey. All the usual stuff.

    He’s sorry he lied. Blah blah blah. Promises he won’t lie again and he’ll tell me next time he goes out. This is the point where we start a steady decline. He doesn’t text anymore or call. He goes over a friend’s house one night at 7PM and I don’t hear anything until 3PM the next day. He doesn’t text me when he’s up or going to bed. In the fallout from the first lie, I removed him from my Facebook relationship status. When I try to add him back, it just says pending on my end and that he’s single. He claims that I’m wrong and it says we are in a relationship. When I ask him to fix it he gets mad. If I post on his page he either deletes it or ignores it (especially if it’s something like “I love you”). He’s never reachable by phone and his schedule is magically so mixed up I can never see him (or he won’t tell me his work hours until last minute so I can’t plan to see him). He has started shaving (which he never did), brushing his teeth more, and showering at night and in the morning. He’s lost a lot of weight. He never really says he loves me or goodnight or good morning and when I confront him about it he apologizes, says he’ll change it, but does nothing and still ignores me.

    When he’s with me, he’s distant. He doesn’t ask any questions about me and when I ask him stuff, he keeps it short and sweet. He only talks about work and seems particularly bitter about one girl in particular because she’s “sleeping around the place” (which is very evident on Facebook and makes me wonder if he’s bitter she’s used him and done with him). He doesn’t care to ask for my work schedule to see if we can hang out nor does he make any efforts to hang out. When I asked him point blank if he was cheating, he asked me why I thought he was cheating. When I told him why, he didn’t respond. So I asked him again and told him I wanted an direct answer. I asked “Are you cheating?”. His answer? “Nope. So go F yourself.”

    I was wondering if I should just leave him now or wait until I have concrete evidence? I will admit, I actually can be a little paranoid and jealous since that first time, so I don’t want to jump the gun. But his behavior has changed so drastically it kind of says to me that now that I’m gone, he wants the single life.


    1. Remy- sorry that you are going through this. But I have to be honest, why do you even want to continue this relationship? It sounds totally one sided and he sounds like he’s treating you like crap. There is definitely something or someone who is distracting him; distracting him enough to change his appearance and stop contacting you willfully. Do yourself a favor and move on – start dating someone else AND NEVER BOTHER WITH HIM AGAIN. Let him see that you’ve chosen to be “above” him and treatment of you. I have a gut feeling that you’re too good for this guy anyway!!! ?

    2. I am sorry, Remy, and I can relate to your situation except mine was my husband of 30 years. You need to understand that you deserve better and cut your losses before you are 30 years, 3 kids and 3 grandkids in. I wish I would have realized that he was an insecure, selfish, narcissist before I had invested all of this time and made the prospect of leaving so complicated. This is an opportunity to find who you are and what you like; in doing this you will find the one who really knows and appreciates you.

    3. If you haven’t already…dump his ass immediately. There is no question he is cheating and possible on drugs. Remember, actions speak louder than words (assuming he is actually saying some nice things too) …no matter what he might say, he does not want to be with you. I know its not easy but he doesn’t live close anyway so cut the cord so you are free to find someone who really loves you!

    4. I just went through this, the only difference is that we have four kids together. He just three days ago tried to strange me because I wanted to be alone and all of a sudden, he has turned into this Angel who all of a sudden wants to kiss me, touch me etc.. I don’t believe this crap for a second and I prayed on it. I hate to tell you but he’s cheating. The thing is that they will lie, deny and push you away. My advice to you is leave him alone. Get a New job or hobby and he will see you are not thinking about him. Its on you if you wan to fix it. Be careful with your heart honey. God Bless

  41. Ok so I don’t know if I need advice or answers maybe both right now my boyfriend or fiance has been going through issues. We did fall on hard times. Now yes we are in love and I know he won’t leave me unless I left him but we fell so hard we moved into his mother’s home now honestly he is on parole so he decided to stay at his brothers back home until he was off when I first came out here we stayed in contact and 2 weeks went by his mom and sister decided to go out there because of a birthday party. We went and the night before the party we were all drinking and at a indoor pool having a get together. Then by nightfall, apparently he was tired and more than 2 weeks without sex is unfair and its more unfair to me that he fell asleep on me. We never did get to do it. Now it’s been over a month and from the time we came back to his mother’s house he was slowly treading away from staying in contact. A week ago he left a 2 min voicemail on my phone with him and a girl having a conversation. Yes I confronted him even let his mom listen to it and he said it was the old gay women that I talked to that stays with him in a room.

    I don’t want to have to keep changing schools for my son right now I rather he be in a stable place. It’s just messed my other guy friends give me more attention than he do. I don’t want to break down crying and I don’t want things to end this way I understand if he didn’t love me I would not be living with his mother. Just please help me and honestly I thought about not calling him anymore I used to call him in the morning and he would stay on the phone until my son got on the school bus but now he doesn’t do it anymore sometimes I literally have to keep calling him just so he can answer doesn’t work for me now would it be best if I didn’t call him at all or just continue to do what I have been doing everyday.

  42. I started cheating on my fiancé after he was holding back on intimacy. We were fighting a lot of the time but I still needed intimacy and he refused for months. Coincidentally an old high school hook up from 10 years ago added me on a professional social media website. We messaged each other and then started texting. It took me a couple of months to start sleeping with him. I do all the 5 signs of cheating listed above. I don’t enjoy sex as much as I used to with my partner. I stay with him because he’s good to me despite him refusing sex during our rough patch.

  43. Me and my husband been together 15 years, Recently I discovered my husband is using his smart phone sending heart shape , love , and kiss emoji to someone ! Question is
    I never ever receive any emoji sign from my husband , how can those love emoji are showing on his phone frequently used??
    It seems like he texting someone n messages deleted. But emoji still appear on frequently used.
    I asked him about that, he insist that not he send! He didn’t know about that!
    Kindly advice.

    1. A sign your husband is lying about cheating is the frequently used words on his phone. When I had an affair I used intimate words. Those words don’t appear on your phone for no apparent reason. Check to see if there’s sexual or loving words he doesn’t frequently use with you.

  44. I just recently went on my husbands app purchases and found multiple free text and calling apps that he has downloaded and a flirty emoji app that he had downloaded. None of which we use together. Should I be suspicious that he is chatting with someone else and doesn’t want it showing up on our bill?

    1. I have been with my husband for almost 3 years, we have had our ups and downs but we still find away to work it out. But there’s been a few times I have had a strong guy feeling he is cheating on me. Hes not very affectionate and he can go months without having sex with me. Every time he has a phone, he is so protective with it, he always has it with him wherever he goes, sometimes sleeps with it. I have asked him a few times is he cheating on me, I get your crazy, your insecure, or I love you I married you, but it sure doesn’t feel like marriage to me. I don’t know what to do, does it sound like he’s cheating on me?

  45. Ok 7 months ago I lost my job my husband said they are hiring at his job so I filled out an application a few times a month I would ask him if they were hiring yet he kept telling me that he didn’t see them hiring anyone that he thought that they were hiring but I guess they’re not so then I seen a temp service hiring for their job and I applied and I got the job now let me back up a little bit about 2 months ago my husband and I got in a fight he said that that was his space and that he didn’t really want me working there without got my eyebrows rising because I figured there was something actually going on so when I started this job come to find out they had been hiring there was a girl there that he didn’t tell me about that had been there for 3 months of course I was pissed all day long and I confronted him and told him I couldn’t trust him and that he had to know I was going to find out now he tells me there’s nothing going on with this girl and they didn’t act like it when I was there I don’t work there now and I don’t like the fact my husband works there but I can’t control him or the situation what my question is do you think he was cheating emotionally or physically because of all the lies he told me he tells me that there was nothing going on with her and why would he have to tell me everything I said that you deliberately lied to my face time and time again I kept asking you if they were hiring anybody new and you would tell me no please help me in this because I have looked on the internet over and over again and I can’t find an answer

    1. Renee, in my opinion, no, he wasn’t cheating on you. I’d have hated having my husband in my work space every single day. Everybody needs that time apart and you invaded that space. If he wasn’t having an affair before you could just be driving him to one. Back off…he didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t want you working with him without hurting you and causing you to massively over react.

  46. I need help! I have had suspicion of my husband cheating or trying to so I put a tracker on his phone. I found he is on hook up sites. He even has a profile set up I confronted him and he denies it’s him he says someone set him up. I don’t want to tell him about the tracker cause I want to keep track so I know he is lying to my face, this is killing me and I can’t function we have 2 girls 7 & 4 and I don’t want to break up our home but I’m so scared it’s killing me. Please I need help. Thank you

    1. Once infidelity and that type of dishonesty occur in a relationship, it is difficult to ever feel secure or fully trust that person again. I’m so sorry you are going through this! I hate to be negative, but most likely your husband has done more than you have evidence for. The bottom line is not whether or not he actually slept with someone, it is the betrayal and lack of respect demonstrated by the behavior. It’s unacceptable for him to disrespect you and your children with this. In my experience, once trust and respect are violated in a relationship it becomes a very painful and resentful situation unless you live in denial (which is not reality).
      Bottom line, you deserve better honey! We all do. You deserve to be loved and respected and raise your children in a healthy environment. Whatever happens, it’s ok. I’ve had to tell myself this many times because I’ve been in a couple very toxic relationships….YOUR WELL BEING IS NOT DEPENDENT ON THIS PERSON!!!
      Sometimes we get “sick” along with our sick partners and it’s hard to see the truth.
      My heart goes out to you.
      Lotsa Love

      1. Thanks for pointing these things out. I was trying to convey this to my H tonight when he tried making me wrong for having trust issues. In the end, I’m sure it will be my fault for the trust issues. They will try to blame you for not being able to trust.
        “you have never trusted me” is what I hear now. Garbage in, garbage out I suppose. His idea for repairing the trust–forget it ever happened, I am sorry (because I was caught, of course), suffered thru my guilty time, and we can now move forward. Trust me now or you are the jerk! I regret to inform you that you speak the truth. I doubt that I will fully trust him again. The history of deception is so great. Unless he was willing to help me repair it. This is part of a behavior pattern.

        1. I’ve been through it myself. My wife had a “roving eye” despite the fact that I’m hotter (both physically and emotionally) than anybody she ever cheated with. In the end, when it was over, she begged to come back…but for me, that is impossible and crazy. It took me a couple of years to get up the courage to do that though. For quite some time, I looked the other way and stuffed those feelings and it made me more and more sick. Trying to contain all that toxic waste is very unhealthy.
          I need to tell you something honey that is of utmost importance. YOUR WELL BEING DOES NOT DEPEND ON HIM NOR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!!
          You can be free, you can be healthy, you can learn to love again if you so choose. We get sick ourselves being with someone like this because we are codependent. If you get healthy and whole again you may actually be able to figure out what a healthy one (man) looks like. We allow things and behavior we know that we should not. It makes us feel ashamed and weak. You can recover honey. There is hope. It is on the other side of the fear of going through the imagined pain of splitting. What you don’t realize is the pain you are enduring is worse and unending until you make that change. If you need support or encouragement, let me know.
          we all deserve to live and be loved


      2. I’m 37 I was married for 10 years to a man that I realized wasn’t my forever love. We have 2 children together which are now teens. After my divorce I swore off men for a while. Finally I entered another relationship big surprise whammy !!! I have a 3 year old daughter from this relationship. 3 third times a charm right. WRONG second marriage I now have a 9 month old daughter with him. Four months in I discover he’s cheating I find emails to women whom he answered ads for on the personals of craigslist. Classy right. I confronted him of course he claims to be sorry and it will never happen again. Guess what three months later naked pics of his ex on his phone. Again I’m 8 months pregnant he claims to be sorry. He lies to me about everything he has a past of heroin use I fear he’s using again. I came from a broken home all my life I dreamed of a loving big family. I now have 4 children which I love more than anything. My own family turned their back on me even my own mother. Knowing this my husband hurt me after all the hell I’ve been through. We all are asking the same question why ???? I’m such a bright educated woman yet I’m so alone. My heart aches and all I have to show are tears. I’m exhausted disappointed. I feel like such a failure I miss being me and being happy : ( it should be a crime to cheat to rob your spouse and children of love and joy that you promised when you spoke vows.

    2. Tracey,my name is Linda my heart goes out to u but would like to know where to purchase the phone tracker from as I have been trying to find one to link to my husbands phone as I feel he is cheating on me too but hides everything and deletes everything on his phone. Where do I get the phone tracker?

      1. Linda, you don’t have to go anywhere to buy a tracker. You just have to have access to his phone while he’s sleeping or when you have a little time to play with it. If he has a smart phone (either an android or an iPhone) you will just download an application that keeps track of information that you can access whenever you want from your own smartphone or computer.
        I will include a couple links to give you ideas. Just do a little research and you’ll get the Idea. Try googling “how to put a tracker on my husbands phone” and plenty of info pops up. I found these sites and they’ll get you started.


        Once you read some of this you’ll have an idea of what to do. Some apps track location, some keep track of calls and texts, and so on. Some are free, some cost money.
        The bottom line is if you trust your gut, you know what’s going on…if things are right or not. That’s the scary part….I ignored what I felt in my belly for years, I tried to hope and pretend it wasn’t happening or that it would change. Trust me, in your heart, or in that spot 2 inches behind your belly button, you can feel it. Don’t ignore it! Its ok to stand up for yourself, it’s ok to want to be treated fairly and with love and respect. If he disrespects you, that is his bad and in him. If you disrespect yourself, and allow him to lie and cheat and continue to mistreat you, then that is on you and in the end it’s the hardest thing to live with. You are worth more! We forget that and get sick with our sick partners. If your best friend had the same circumstances going on in her life that you currently are facing, what would you advise her to do? Do what you would tell someone you love to do in the same situation. That is loving yourself and the solution starts there sweetie.
        Your strength will grow.

        Lotsa love

    3. Stacey how did you put tracker on his phone without him knowing my husbands is password protected and they have to except thanks for the help pam

    4. What tracker did you use for his phone? I can’t find one because I have an iPhone and he has an android. Don’t know if that makes a difference but I’ve searched high and low. I’d really appreciate it thank you.

  47. My husband went to a concert out of town last night. I tried calling him several times after the concert should have been over. On my end, the phone rang multiple times, then went to voicemail. I finally got ahold of him at 4:00 a.m. and he says that his phone died. In my experience when a phone is dead, it goes straight to voicemail. I don’t believe him. He was very defensive and didn’t apologize for worrying me until the end of our conversation. Should I believe him? He has cheated in the past, multiple times, before we were married.

    1. No…u def shouldn’t believe him…once a cheater, always a cheater in most cases. If he is lyen bout his phone something is up…and a phone goes to vm when it’s dead..he had the ringer down

  48. I just found out my ex husband has been dating someone he met at work while we are married. The problem is that we had moved and my husband had a new job when we got divorced. I think he had an affair with the women for these reasons:
    1. We had almost no sex life, and when we did have sex he couldn’t have an orgasm
    2. He was very critical of me
    3. We had almost no physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc)
    4. He never wanted to do anything with me.
    5. He stopped inviting me to his company picnics
    6. He once was mad at me and told my why don’t you just go and have an affair
    7. When I found out his girlfriend, the only girl he has dated since our divorce a year and a half ago, was someone he had met at his old job, I asked, “Were you having an affair.” He looked down at the floor and said, “No, No.” I hardly knew her when I worked there. He then got angry and said he was not like his father, who had left his mother for another woman.
    9. I thought at the time, there was a good chance of an affair.
    10. He was secretive with his emails and phone.

    What do you think. Please help.

    1. This is all too familiar. All 10 resonate with me, what I’m going thru. I was telling him something is going on and even though I don’t kknow what it is, I don’t like the feeling I get. We had one of the worst yelling matches ever! His response to my statement-something is terribly wrong–you think I’m having an affair! Has had several FB conversations that made my jaw drop, telling one of his old friends (female) I am crazy, he’s stuck, he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place because of our child, he would prefer a single life right now, I don’t love him the same. Heh loves me very much but I don’t love him….electronic communication is the best way to find things out. TThis IS also deceptive but where the trust, respect, is already broken, I figure it’s all fair game. I tend to strategically check texts and have found out a lot of painful truth just 2 days ago. You must determine what you will live with and at what cost. I’m personally doing some soul searching at the moment and making a contingency plan…even if that means getting a storage unit to keep some belongings at for my son and I and leaving after he falls asleep. Or goes to work. Have a safe place he doesn’t know about. Some CASH and even a prepaid debit card (he can’t trace), your important documents, somewhere you can go if you don’t feel safe, someone who won’t give your hideout away. Protect that location. Be very careful who you trust. They can be very convincing with people. I feel for you, stay safe. Don’t ever underestimate your partner.

  49. I have known my husband for 6 years and will be married for 2 on new years day. 3 months after my son was born i caught my husband in the shower watching porn which is not allowed under my roof and he agreed at the time but now hes constantly lying to me and feels like he is always going behind my back and when i see him in his work place it looks like he stares and flirts with everyone. How can i trust or get him to admit

  50. First of all, me and my husband have been together for almost six years. We first met through a mutual friend. I was single for about two years, when I first laid eyes on him. He was a tall good looking man with a great personalty. I had never met a man like him before and over a two year period we ended up falling madly in love with each other. After six moths of dating I had only eyes for him. Because he made me so happy and treated me and my son really good. One night out of bordom we decided to go out with some friends and a female friend was already to drunck and acting out. So I asked him to take her home to her boyfriend. He was gone for over two hours. I was starting to get suspicious so I then asked my friend Amy if she would take me to her place to see if she had gotten home okay and to convince me that I am just scared of getting hurt again by another man. When we arrived over there she was not there and her boyfriend looked very angry at us. I then asked if he knew where they may have gone? he said know. I went back to the bar where we were going to for karaoke. When we arrived he was drinking and laughing like it was no big deal he had been gone for so long. I then asked him where you? he said she didn’t want to go home and he was worried that she and her boyfriend were going to have problems if he didn’t take her home and she kept refusing to go home so he said that he dropped her off at another bar. I said we came here together why didn’t you come back for over 2 hours. He said I already told you I just didn’t want to cause my friend to loose his girl friend I was trying to help. This was the first excuse he has ever given me. Over the years even after we got married back in 2013, our relationship has become more and more difficult. Because lately all he seams interested in is video games, porn, and what ever he wants to do. I have tried talking to him to see why he has become uninterested in me. Although sex has never been a problem between us. On Friday I went to meet him at work, and on my way there he called me and asked if I would meet him by his car. I said that I was already in the parking lot near the doors around the corner from the office. The wired thing about the time he called he called me 23 minutes early before his lunch break. But I shrugged it off and when I asked him aren’t you worried about getting in trouble with work? he said no that is why we are going out this side door. While we were walking together there was this blond haired women that locked eyes with him, he then let go of my hand and stared back at her and walked ahead of me.

  51. Hello, how could I find out that my husband keeps cheating. We are married for 4 years, but we are together for 7 years. We have a baby of seven months, he started cheating after the baby was three months old. He told me the truth because his lover’s husband or partner was threatening him so she couldn’t continue with the affair. At first he said he asked for my forgiveness and since Iam very blessed, I said I can not just forgive out of the blue. Now he shows no remorse, he even confessed he loves her and that if the husband of hers didnt threaten hi, they would both continue together because they love each other. He even told me I am nothing compared to her, that I suck in bed. He wants me to leave because he doesn’t support me anymore and he doesn’t want to live with me anymore. I had say yes, I live, but I think I will leave until a judge or someone competent says so. The separation will help me see things better, but I don’t want to be with him anymore. In the meantime, I say he received a phone call from soneone and I just realized the person’s name coincides with her lover’s real last name. I could t hear the message cause his phone is blocked, but I honestly suspect he keeps lying to me. He keeps being aggressive verbally saying he hates me and that it is my fault that the was unappreciated at home and that is why he was with her. It seems he just cares about her and not about the mess he created in our family. We both are foreigners and it complicates things for our baby. He has been a real as….le , he brought her to our home, to our bed, and he even brought my baby to her several times and he was making love while my baby was sleeping in the car or so he says so. His lover still works at the same work place than he does. My gut says he is still after her. I don’t care anymore, I just want this nightmare to be over, I just want to know he is with her so I finish to convince myself to separate. But how could I catch him in the lying, if he blocks his phone all the time and it is with him all the time. I don’t know what to do, please help me, thanks.

    1. just leave him. date but dont get married. just spruce your self up. it aint your fault that ur were not sexy in those three months after ur baby. u deserve much better

    2. Why do you need to know that he’s with her before you separate? That is stupid and fruitless. Why bother? You know he doesn’t love you….he’s told you that. You know he’s cheating on you. You know he thinks you’re unattractive and worthless compared to his lover ….he’s told you that. So unless you’re prepared to accept all that and convince yourself that you’re okay with it then why bother? Why torture yourself when you already know that he wants her and is no doubt screwing her every opportunity that he gets. May sound harsh but it’s the brutal truth. You’ll have no one but yourself to blame if you wake up in 20 years after wasting your life trying to hold on to a man who has made it clear that he thinks you’re not even worth trying to lie to.

  52. I suspect my husband is cheating. In June 2015, he did not come home one night. He didn’t answer any of my calls nor did he return my calls as he usually does. I go in and check his email, I found an itinerary for a hotel room in our city. I never confronted him about that one. In July 2015, he didn’t come home at his regular time. By 9:00 pm he still wasn’t home, so I called him. He didn’t answer my calls. He didn’t return any of my calls. He still wasn’t home by early morning. I went in and checked his email. I found an itinerary for a king sized suite for two at a hotel in our city. I confronted him and lied and said that someone saw him at the hotel. He became defensive. He’s a car salesman and said that he was with the woman to reserve the room with his credit card because a credit card was required. He said the woman lives in another city and it was too far and too late for him to take her home. He said she bought a car from him and the car broke down. He had to fix it, so he just told her he would get a room for her. While he was reserving the room, the woman’s mom called and said she was going to come to our city and spend the night with her daughter because she didn’t trust my husband when he said that he was not going to spend the night with her daughter. Okay, well then, my next question was where he slept if he didn’t sleep with her? His answer was he went out of town to get her car fixed and that he spent the night at a rest stop. How does he expect me to believe this story? He’s cheated on me before in the past, so I’m very insecure with him. He says the new allegations are all in my head and that he does not know why I’m accusing him of cheating on me when he loves me so much. I asked him why he cheated on me in the past if he loved me. I found out he cheated in the past because he has two girls younger than our children.

  53. Hi. Well i have been married for 23 years and i thought we had a good run. For the past 4 years my husband has worked away from home only coming home on weekends. Last year july he told me that he was going on a fishing weekend with some guys from his work, i did not think it strange as he did that often. Anyway. I went through his phone bill and found 2 numbers that he texted so often it was not funny. I called both ladies and turns out he was having affairs with both women at the same time. Both ladies did not know about one another he had told them that i was a total mental case and extremely nasty he told them that i abandoned him and my kids when they were young as well as some really nasty other things, When i asked why he said those thing he said he did not mean any of it. I am wondering if he did mean what he said?
    Then a couple of months ago i once again found a number on his phone and i called it and a women answered and she said it was her sons phone bla bla bla , I also found numbers of escort services and he said that the guys at work told him that if you called them they send you pics of themselves. He tells me he has not done anything with them and so on. Since then he has a new phone number so i cant check his phone as it never leaves his side as well as a email at work, Do you think he is cheating again? On top of all this he says he loves me and the other women were just mistakes as he was feeling rejected by me,

    1. Charmaine- I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this so many times. But honestly, YES, he’s cheating again. It’s not rejection, it’s not guilt… The guy is a cheating liar. Period. He will continue to cheat as long as you are with him. Screw this guy. He obvious does not have intent to stop. Get what you can from what’s left of the relationship and move on. Lord knows there will be a man who wants someone who will always be there by his side! Your current husband doesn’t seem to care less who is by his side; as long as it’s someone- escort or you. That’s completely a smack in your face. Send him packing! Good luck and be strong!

    2. Hi Charmaine, I’m male,37and married.

      My opinion is he is cheating but the call girl thing suggests he’s looking for sex more than anything else. It sounds like your marriage is pretty much finished unless your very forgiving.

      One big thing though if you do end up with anyone else in the future, myself and my mates all have the same moan about our wives. We all say that sex and physical contact went off a cliff after we got married/ had kids on our wives part. I have tried speaking to my wife about it many times but her attitude is what we did before was the past and what we do now is how it is and deal with it. This is where men and women differ, her idea of dealing with it is not the same as a mans idea, hence escorts etc!

      Only you and him know what your sex life is like but basically it’s probably a lot bigger deal to him than it is to you.

      Good luck.

      1. Well nearly 2 years after trying to work things out with my husband and putting myself second to what he needs, i came home from work yesterday to find he has gone. So the lesson learned is does not help to try mend a broken marriage if i you meant so little for him to cheat what has made me think that it could of changed, Stupid Charmaine lesson learnt

  54. my boyfriend gave a girl the eating out gesture and didn’t know I saw so when he looked at me he pretended to be funny and stuck his tounge out at me.. what do I do? Is he cheating on me?
    Like this is not the first flirting scene he’s done.. A few months ago I looked at his phone and he was messaging a Colombian girl saying everything he has ever told me to her! Example: ”I’ll bring many smiles to your life. We can travel the world together. Your not only my girl, your my best friend, partner and my everything ” He denied that it was him and blamed his brother but this Colombian girl said his name in the texts.. So is he cheating?

    1. Well… If he hasn’t actually cheated yet, he is surely trying to! That man is doing you wrong. End of story. Woman, you need to pack his stuff up and send him “to the left”! Have strength, have pride in yourself and ditch his ass.

  55. Hi, I have been married for 7 years and this year I was away from my husband for 6 months.When I was away it was the first time in six years we didn’t talk for 3 days cause I told my husband to do something which he would forget everyday to do.Since it was long distance I would get frustrated.During this long distance I was almost paranoid most of the time thinking is he cheating on me but would never mention it to him cause I didn’t want a fight.But since subconsciously I thought like that we would eventually fight.When I came back home from abroad I found out that my husband was WhatsApp ing my friend and he didn’t tell me.Plus he was deleting their message even though it was nothing.When I asked him he said he would have told me but he didn’t know if I would react to that or not plus he didn’t want to think otherwise.After a week I found out they used to talk over Viber while I wasn’t in town almost every other day.Plus there were 3-4 days they talked for 1.5 hours.I asked me why he hid it from me again he said he would have told me but he didn’t get the right time.My husband is scared of losing me he says that every time.I am furious that I had to sneak and caught him.I didn’t like the fact he hid it from me.Is he really scared of me?I asked my friend and she said it was stupid of him to not share it with me.But why didn’t she share it with me?My husband claims they had nothing and they never met which is true.They only talked over the phone also they talked about how we met and how my husband needs to open up more to me and how much he loves me.I am confused as what to think?

  56. I have been married for 32yrs my husband cheated on me all that time .then he had sex agirl from there and he had cheated on with younger girl at gas station .he never stop ever he still doing it he said he love me but it hard to believe and trust him ever he go every morning to see the one of them her he wants to have baby with but her.

  57. Hi, I was cheated on about a year ago by my husband! I just found out through pics on his phone and he said it was just porn. You would look me directly in the face with loving eyes and tell me that it was nothing. I know this must sound crazy and to extravagant. I didn’t trust him he left that work place and I told him if he didn’t get me the girls number then I would call his ex boss and disclose everything to him. He gave me her number, even though I was so angry I knew I would be able to get much information out of her if I wasn’t calm and didn’t play the part of being calm in this matter. I got answers a little more then him, I confronted him and told him she told bla blah. The story just would match up. So it took me days to build his trust and get him to talk about it eventhough I was burning with anger and rage. He still kept denying it and then I used a triump card which was. Listen Husband if I don’t get the answers from you, I have a private investigator and I have been advised that nothing from your phone is deleted. Even if you delete it from the trash. Nothing is lost it is all stored on ghost memory. We are unfortunate for him living in today generation where things can easily be accessible. I told him the the guy is waiting on me to send him money and he has his number and the girls number and I will be able to get any information. But for my own self I don’t want to do it as I don’t really want to read all that trashy stuff. He knew I wasn’t lying as he researched himself and told me the truth. I know it was a long shoot but knowadays with our cell phones being our food which we can not live with out if a husband is cheating on you. There will be calls, text messages, emails other chats like what’s app and etc. He knew he was corned, I had suspected when when she actual hugged my husband infront of me our but I overlooked my gut feeling. My husband was the best coz he slept with this women on the day my daughter was really ill in hospital (it was the first u time she had become this ill) I was in another country and it was 2days after my daughters birthday. The best 1st birthday present she received.
    My husband would blame me for this. I never would be type to look through his phone or anyone’s but I would do it to annoy him as he would look at mine as he knew what he had done and was always projecting his shortcoming. Just a week before I said to him that if someone came up to me and said you cheated on me I would not believe them I trust you 150% and he looked at me with love eyes. But I should have known better coz I knew what his family like was. I come from affluent well to do family were things were more about vanity and luxury. His family dynamics were very different. He has taught me the biggest lesson of my life! I am still very angry and hurt. Never trust anyone 150% it’s all BS!

  58. My gut keeps saying my husband is unfaithful, but I’m just not sure. Sometimes, he looks me in the eyes, with tears in his, and tells me that I’m his entire life and he would never cheat on me. Yet, other times he gets angry, cussed at me, tells me I need mental help and that I’m crazy for accusing him. The reason I’ve accused him to begin with is because things just don’t make sense. Granted, I admit I’m insecure. I was injured at work last year and have had to back surgeries and am laid up for the most part. He spends less time fishing, going to the pool, skating and doing activities with our kids. I do recognize that he has been the one who has had to take over all chores like cooking (which he did before), cleaning, laundry, etc. One of our children is 14 and he is a huge help. So, although my husband has extra work, he does have extra help. He uses the extra chores as his excuse for always being tired. He’s taken me for two walks, which means pushing me in a wheelchair around the lake because I can’t walk that far with my walker, in a month. He doesn’t take as much time for me as he could. We used to have movie night with popcorn or game night with the kids. This is TMI, but he had an “idea” on a new way I could give him oral sex. He trimmed down there, because he said it was too hot out and he was also doing it for me. He gets mad and says he’s going for a drive and comes home an hour or two later. I confront him, he gets angry, gets the kids involved, they get upset, and he accuses me of ruining our family. We’ve been married 14 years, together 16. But he makes me coffee and has it ready every morning, leaves me notes on the bathroom mirror and makes sure all of my needs are met. I just can’t imagine him actually having an affair. Am I overreacting or am I searching for things? Oh, and when I accuse him and we’re coming back from physical therapy or somewhere and he gets mad, he just leaves me in the car knowing I can’t get out and has our son come get me. He says, if I’m going to treat him like crap then he’s not going to do anything for me. God, I wish He would tell me the truth! Any advice? Thoughts please.

    1. Teresa, I’ve read many posts on this site and believe most of the women posting have a pretty clear example of cheating, or lying, or some sort of evidence. But you Teresa have not described any circumstances or evidence that leads me to think your husband is cheating. It is possible that you have experienced those situations but did not put them here. Do you have any suspicious activity like phone calls, texts, emails, etc? You do say he takes long drives but he might just need to get away from you if you two are arguing or you are giving him a hard time. Let me share this with you Teresa…I had a wife like you with chronic back pain and surgeries and all that. She took lots of narcotic pain pills and it changed her personality. She didn’t want sex anymore and her medication became her real love.
      Let me ask you something Teresa…are you on a lot of narcotics? If you are, that might be the real problem. He may feel he has lost you and if you are on pain pills everyday, then he has lost you. He’s lost you to addiction.
      You must be honest. Look at your part. What do you love more, your husband or your pills? If you had to give one up completely and forever, which would it be?
      If any of this sounds familiar, your answer may lie within. If you need help, let me know. I’m a recovering addict myself, and have been through a marriage where my wife was cheating.
      Let me know.


  59. The best way to find out if your husband is cheating. I found out by placing a tape recorder in the house and in his vehicle. I was able to be my own detective. That’s how I caught u husband cheating on me. With the phone calls . I was able to hear how far the relationship had gone. Also look at the phone call list on the bills. You will find the repeated number with dates and time. I called her told her who I was and told her to leaves husband alone.
    She was shocked, it stopped for a while. My husband continued to make contact with her. Stated he couldn’t stop.

    Sorry for anyone having to go through this. I was married 27 years never thought my husband would had done this. I believed and trusted him.

    We are now on the process of getting a divorce. His excuses was he was not happy.

    I hope this can help anyone out there. This was the best way for me to have found I had the facts.

    1. I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been married 18 years and I have a suspicision but that’s it….hopefully it”s nothing.

    2. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I see you posted on 4/8/15. I too found out on that date that my husband of 26 years (33years together) had been cheating on me. I feel so humiliated and betrayed. I found out by looking at his phone logs, in hindsight I knew something was wrong but never this! He accused me of nagging him, disrespecting him, not trusting him! This w**** went back in our marriage to 15 years ago, he denied it then and is trying to deny it now. I have since uncovered lots of other information which proves him and her are guilty as charged! To all you loyal wives out there, if you have any suspicion, follow your instinct.

    3. I planted a recorder in my husband’s car but he found it. He said he heard a beeping noise and checked under the seat. He asked me if I put it there but I denied it. I doubt he believes me because he said it was still recording but he did not know how to turn it off. He straight up denies cheating on me. I want so much to believe me but that little voice tells me he’s not being faithful to me.

  60. I have been married for 5 years. We have been together 6. My husband admitted he never stopped 4 ongoing emotional affairs during our entire marriage. He states that he talks to some of them 4+ times a day, sometimes up to an hour. He also has a girl on Twitter that he talked to over 38 times in one day. She is married. He crosses the line between friends and sharing too much personal information. Talking about his sex life, his past relationships and this is all with strangers. He has made pictures by taking real life people and searching the internet and putting real people on nude bodies. He has every single sign of an affair. One is with a coworker. He has refused sex with me on multiple occasions. An empty condom wrapper fell out of his bag and now i have a yeast infection. I am 47 years old and this is only the 3rd infection in my life. All three have been in our marriage. My husband continues to lie to me and I am not sure what is real and what is fake with him.

    1. SexyMom- I’m very sorry that you are going thru this… However, your question of whether or not things are real or fake is sort of ridiculous. It very very clear that your husband is cheating. He does not value your marriage AT ALL. Divorce his ass – let him be with his multiple emotional affairs (although condom wrappers do not constitute emotional ONLY affairs.. If you’re using a condom on your penis, you are putting it somewhere!).
      You deserve better!!! You are worthy of better!! Stand up for yourself and have pride. The guys a jerk.

  61. So here is my story. I’m not married but I have a baby with my live in partner. When I moved in to his house i really had no idea that his ex girlfriend live there too. When i’d try to clean up the room i saw all the things of her ex. He disn’t even throw it. When i touched his phone he got mad and push me knowing that i am pregnant that time. When accidentally i saw his phone password i tried to open it and bouala there it hoes all the msg. And he even try to contact his ex.( my baby’s dad has no ball) andi saw another he dated this woman when we are already together. When I confronted him same act the mad mood. I think until now he is up into simething. I wanna break this relation but i am thinking about the kid. I Don’t really know what to do. He is 15 years older than me. Maybe that is why he tooked advantage of me. I hate this feeling. I don’t deserve to be treated this way.

  62. my husband and i have been separated for 2 months he slept with a co-worker twice in one night and still has her number and talks to her we have been sleeping together and talking the last three weeks the first week we started talking he slept with another girl and lyed and said he didn’t answer because he slept in late for work he admitted all this to me except the talking to the co-worker i found that out my self you say’s he only loves me but wont let me know what he has been saying to her and wont let me see his phone what do i do

  63. I’ve been with my husband for 23 years, married for 18 years. I’ve always have a gut feeling that my husband has cheated on me, but I’ve never been able to prove it. An incident happened this weekend and I wantnto get your opinion on this. Some background first. My husband had friended a young lady (who is single) on Facebook about 3 years ago. When I questioned my husband who this young lady was he said that it’s one of his co- workers sister and that the meet her through him. I expressed to him that I just didn’t get why he needed go be friends with her. He saw that it bothered me and did nothing about it. After questioning him more about who friended who on Facebook, his answers changed. He said that she had friend requested him and then he changed his story and said that he had requested her to get more coins for a game.. To me the Facebook friendship never made any sense. He finally deleted his Facebook account because it caused a lot of problems in our marriage. So over the weekend we went out with friends and this certain young lady was there. I pulled my husband aside and asked him to please just keep his distance. Things were going okay, until we started bowling and my husband got a strike and they ended up giving each other a high five. Of course I got upset & he said that I’m over reacting. Other than thst I didn’t witness any other interaction between them. Am I over reacting?


    1. Nancy, your Husband is cheating with the young lady. How did she end up being at the same bowling ally? He deleted the account because they have each other’s phone numbers. Is he away from home and you do not know where he is? Does he allow you to look at his texts or does he whisper when he is in the phone sometimes? These are some of the signs. How often do you two make love? Does he pick fights with you over the little things?

  64. So I am male at the age of 31 and I am 4 out of 5 of these things that are listed. I’m very moody so my mood changes a lot and I disagree with her when she says something illogical. When I explain she doesn’t listen then we argue. So am I a cheater? No I’m not. Sad that articles and prog and a all over the web, and feminist shows like the view bombard women with such advice instead of actually attempting to talk things out with their significant other. Currently I was told that my wife went up to the super market to go shopping. It’s a 5 minute walk from the house and it’s been nearly 3 hours. Yet however she probably thinks I’m cheating on her because she read rubbish like this.. so sad so sad… this world looks for too much advice and is too gullible when they receive and never question what is presented to them instead of theorizing and attempting to figure out things first hand. Sad that people say guys who cheat hang out with other guys who cheat when a matter of fact, my friend is getting g a divorce with his wife because she is the infidelic person. So maybe men who get cheated on hang put with each other as well. Stop believing everything you read from people you’ve never met who people you have no clue what experience they went through. I call bullsh**. And good men get cheated all around and you fail to see them when you meet them so maybe you should stop blaming nature and men and start figuring out what’s wrong with you

    1. I agree with you 100%. As a female I get sick and tired of other females male bashing. There are good men who get cheated on or just get stereotyped. There are also men that get continuously accused of cheating when they aren’t and that wife badgers him, controls him, goes through his phone and smothers him that “guess what Honey you pushed him into another woman’s arms” and now he looks like the bad guy. The wife got what she asked for…a cheater. If the woman is so paranoid that her spouse is cheating if he is or not then instead of torching both herself and him realize it’s time to move on. The marriage isn’t working and you’re not compatible. I’m just tired of all this ugliness and wished there was more love in the world.

    2. Chris if you are 4 out of 5 of these things then perhaps you need to work on yourself and be more compassionate and understanding of the confusing mixed signals you are sending your wife. You are creating insecurities if one day you loving and the next day your moody. Are you in love with your wife and want to connect with her more? Is she your best friend and the first person you want too share things with? Then why wouldn’t you want to make sure she not only hears it from you but feels it through your actions? Make loving jesters like leaving love notes and sweet text messages! If you give her mixed signals and no answers then you have left her playing a guessing game how authentic you are, women are used to lip service and can get it anywhere, we want to know your intentions and your love and for it to not waiver so we can feel safe and secure to completely open up all our doors. Just give it a try, what would it hurt? Romance her like you would in the beginning, most men act like once they have the woman the work or effort is over. ….remind her that she is always worth the effort and the romance for a month and I bet your whole relationship will change for the better! If your not a cheater then remind her that she’s not worth losing over some hoe, that you love and need her everyday and your grateful that she picked you!

  65. i wanted to know what someone else thinks of this situation because its driving me crazy. I have been with the same guy for 20 years we have been together since i was 16 and him 18. We got married back in 2006 and went on our honeymoon. Well we were on our honeymoon my husband said to me only as this girl was walking towards us at the pool o by the way that girl there i went to the bar last night and had some drinks with her and went for a walk on the beach well you were sleeping. He didn’t mention anything to me in the morning or the rest of the day he only said this to me because she was walking toward us and i thought because he was afraid that she might come up and say something to us but instead she walked right my us and just gave me a look which made me think even more that something happened because when your on vacation usually people are very friendly and i would think she would have come up to me and said something like hey i met your husband last night you must be chrissy or something but nothing she just looked at me and walked away. She was very pretty she was wearing a black string binkini and had a perfect body. I was very upset with my husband but he keeps telling me nothing happened whenever i bring it up but the story always changes. The story would always have something more added to it. one time when i asked him about it he said he was drunk. He would say nothing happened your stupid dont think that. i would never cheat on you i love you and only you. I will never do anything like that again. But would i know i was sleeping the whole time this happened and who knows what happened or for how long he was gone for. He even remembers her name and what she did for a living even after all these years. I know this sounds crazy after all these years but i keep thinking about it and really dont know if he is telling me the truth or not. I mean who goes on there honeymoon and leaves his new wife in bed well your down at the bar getting drunk with another woman and going for a walk on the beach.

    1. Chrissy, anytime someone breaks our trust especially in marriage, it’s like a two by four hitting us in the trust zone. We become somewhat cynical and lose the ability to completely trust always thinking in the back of our mind, their unfaithfulness could happen again. I’m very sorry you went through that on your honeymoon. It’s definitely disturbing. I feel for your heart but I’m guessing that at times….. it’s consuming you. My personal opinion is you need to come out of the place of mistrust. In some form or another, you need to NOT let this consume you. Either you leave him or you learn to forgive and move on.

      I think most women who feel cheated, just want to know if their husband had an affair, in order to make a good decision on whether to stay or leave. Oddly enough, even with the knowledge that a man has cheated, some women stay. What is it for you?

      I think in your mind, you knew he cheated. And, if he didn’t have a sexual relationship, you feel cheated that your best friend, your husband, your groom would even dare spend time with another woman while you slept in your hotel room especially on your honeymoon. That feels like someone cheated on you. I get it. Most women, I think, would feel that way, too. The problem today (ten years later) is in cornering him ten years ago and today, you focused on whether he had sex with her – not the fact that he spent the night with another woman while you slept. You stayed despite knowing he spent the night with another woman irrelevant of whether he had sex. But, here’s the amazing thing, Chrissy. You always have known that in some form or another, he cheated but you stayed. You have to ask yourself why you stayed. And, why even ten years later does it become so important to know if he had sex? Do you feel that fateful night on your honeymoon began a cycle of mistrust that has spiraled to where you doubt some things he says are truthful today? Has he been faithful to you for the past ten years? Has he been unfaithful? These are answers to questions you don’t know because from day one of marriage, you’ve been doubting his integrity.

      Wish I could give you a hug because that’s a looooong time to keep that in your gut. I can’t tell you whether you need to stay or go. I can say that you know the answer to the question on whether he was faithful or not on your honeymoon. He had an affair of the heart spending time with a woman that he knows everything about and maybe that worries you more than whether he had sex.

      Only you can answer those questions. After ten years, his answers will not change. Your ANSWER on whether you can forgive and move on is the only answer that matters now.

      Wishing you the absolute best, Chrissy.


  66. I been in a relationship with a man who is separated from his wife. we are together for over 8 yrs with two kids now. since we met he is cheating with various women includes his wife. we have separated many times and he came back and say he sorry he love me and want to work it out. I care for him a lot hence reason I gave him a second chance and chance and chance and he never change all he did he change the young girls, co-worker or anyone he can find.. I personally don’t he think he would change. I concern is my two young kids who really need a father in their life. and their father don’t want to change.. please help. what should I do?

  67. Found out husband had 2nd affair with same girl
    He begged for me to stay
    This was 4 years ago told and he still has not come clean
    He has been really sweet lately
    Told him I can not get past it if he cannot be open & honest
    Recently and in past he told he does not care how I feel
    Where do I go from here if not out the door
    Recently he

  68. My husband cheated threw my trust right out the door
    It has been 4 years i told them both they could have each other.
    He begged I stayed but he still is lying about it
    He has been extra sweet
    I said if he would be honest I could get past it but just recently I asked him to be honest so I could trust him he jumped up & replied I DON’T CARE
    What option does that leave me

  69. Hi, I read your comments and stories and i just want to share mine.
    I am in a relationship with this guy for 7 years he recently start cheating on me. I would out when one night he came and took the keys to his parents’ house, because they were on vacation abroad. My instinct tell me something was wrong and I followed him, when I got to the door I could see the woman giving him oral sex. I was so devastated, I pause awhile then I tried open the door. He
    quickly shielded her away from me and they left short after that.
    We talk and i forgave him, thinking that this was going to stop. He bought a smart phone and has security lock on it which make me so curious. So I manage to unlock it and I found out that she was pregnant with his child and has abort it and he was paying for her to leave the country to a small island. I say where text a friend of his stating that he just put one of the realest girl her had ever met on a plane. they refer to each other as baby. I was furious and I try confronted him and he get so angry call me names and he does want to talk to.
    We have a child together and I done know what to do.

  70. I have a friend who I am interested in. He too is interested in me but I do not know why he wants to even take the risk or chance of having an affair with me when he also wants to work things out with his wife in the long run (both are in counselling separately at the moment) & he has told me so. I asked him the same as in why & the only thing he said is he has a thing for me which really does not tell me much. He has said he is not sexually satisfied. But his interactions with me don’t come across as just sexual interest (we haven’t had sex yet, not crossed that line thank goodness but are close. We have kissed occassionally). His wife had cheated on him almost 8/9 yrs ago & they have stayed together. He admits he had the chance to walk away back then but he didn’t. I do not know if he regrets that decision (although I personally think he does at some level). It did hurt him & it did break his trust on her. He says she hasn’t cheated on him since. He did have an affair about 6/7yrs ago which he’s ended since. His reasoning for it was he was heart broken ‘coz his wife cheated on him & was hurt which is what led to the affair. He just wanted to feel something. So today I do not understand why he wants to risk it while he’s also trying to work it out with his wife? He says he’s doing it for his kids which is great but the question for me is again why risk having anything to do with me. I really like the guy & I know exactly why I want to take a chance with him. But I want to understand why any guy in the right mind would want to risk having an affair while he wants to work it out with his wife. Please note I consider this guy as a very good friend & I’d rather keep the friendship & risk the friendship as well if that’s what it takes, than let him get involved with me for the wrong reasons from his perspective if truly wants to work it out with his wife. Any insight or suggestion you can give is appreciated. I’ve smacked him on his head but that hasn’t helped yet.

    1. I have a cheating husband, we are separated and getting a divorce. The best advice I have to give to u is go running from this guy because as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. I talked to several of the girls he had been with and he told them the same thing your guy did. That he wasn’t happy etc. but he was begging for me back the whole time telling me I was the love of his life. I caught him several times throughout the marriage and every time he begged me back and said it wouldn’t ever happen again. But it did. If this man cheated already on his wife and currently cheating with you why would u think he would remain faithful in your relationship with him. He won’t. And you can’t trust that he’s not lying about his wife cheating first. I finally decided to report him to cheating websites only for the fact that I truly pitty anyone that gets with him. As u said u and him are good friends. My husband is considered by everyone the nicest guy but little did they know. My sisters didn’t even believe. Good luck

    2. You have received a very generous and kind response and recommendation from a wife of a cheater which is to run from this married man. I, too, would recommend you run. But, I’m thoroughly confused as to why you are posting on this site. Writing to women who are victims of cheaters is like asking dog lovers if you can use one dog for a violent scene in a movie and try to justify why you are asking the question to dog lovers. What woman on here, who has suffered seeing her husband cheat by virtue of finding photos, text messages or any other way would tell you to have an affair with a married man? So why would you ask spouses of cheaters if you should get involved with a married man? Even…eeeeven if the man were in any way shape or form justified in your mind to have an affair, there is no justification for someone cheating. Everyone here who has been cheated on empathizes with the spouse of a cheater because we know the pain. Having an affair is just not adultery, it includes lying, deception and breaks a vow and trust between the couple. The risk is huge for a married couple not only emotionally and mentally but financially. But, I think you know that. I really do. I think you must know the pain the wife would suffer should you have an affair with her husband given you understand the pain the husband went through eight years ago at his wife’s alleged affair. So, it brings me, again, to ask why are you asking women who have and can lose everything they ever wanted in life: a husband who is faithful if you should have an affair with a married man? I don’t get it. BUT when I try to step in your shoes and assess your risk, your risk is and you state that you risk losing his friendship. Really? That’s what you are concerned about losing…….his friendship? And, you think someone who wants to cheat on his wife is a valued friend? And, even if you justified that and counted all the wonderful things about this guy and pointed out the amazing loss of a potentially wonderful friendship with him, you still identify the loss of his friendship as a “risk.” So is this the reason you are asking women who have suffered financial loss, emotional pain beyond words because you want to be sure to get a different perspective from women who have suffered so you can prevent yourself from making a mistake and taking an unnecessary risk? Whatever your reason for asking us, my dear, here is my personal answer. If you really want to ask someone who cares, who understands the risk and who can lose everything……….ask his wife. Don’t bother us with your egotistical, egocentric question of whether you should have an affair with a married man. Ask his wife because she is risking not only her best friend but a potential financial ruin and I don’t care what smooth talking husband has told you. She loses. Ask her and if you don’t have the balls to ask her yourself before you have an affair with a cheater (her husband,) then walk away and walk away from the alleged friendship. A friend doesn’t cheat on his wife. Because if he can lie to a woman with whom he has taken a vow, what’s he going to do to a person with whom he has never taken a vow and to whom he has absolutely no commitment? I’m just disappointed that you even entertained the idea of an affair and felt compelled to ask the question to women who have risked and lost so very much.

      1. April, your response to this woman was perfect! I wish this could be shown to all women considering having a relationship with a married man. I hope what you said to her made an impact!

    3. I am 100% and completely amazed by the fact that you posted this!!?? This just so happens to be the EXACT situation I am currently in with my husband! If you happen to be in the Muncie/Indiana area, and his name happens to be Donald then Hi!! You need to realize first of all there are children involved! The children are also the ones getting hurt in the situation! My 4 year old little girl has a VERY close relationship with her father! We have both been through hell and back trying to repair the damage that has been done! So for a person like you to come into a married mans life like this, you obviously know he loves his wife! Or he wouldn’t be working in counseling to work things out! You have to think of all the heartache involved with EVERYONE in the family! My advice to you would be to stop the friendship before you get into a mess you’re not prepared to deal with!!

    4. Ami, Im sorry in my experience men and women can’t be friends because you take away from his relationship with his wife. Most men will start out as friends and will end up cheating on their wife.. Your friend sounds like he was the cheater all the time..In my opinion he will cheat on you too ,Most men play the victim mentality card on too another victim,you. You answered your own question. You can’t trust him because he is out for sex.. You sound pretty smart,so for your own piece of mind you should stay away from him.

    5. Ami,
      You need to walk away and let him work it out with his wife. He most definitely would not be telling you the truth and could be telling you what you want to hear. Of course he is going to run to you as together you two do not have all the resposibilities of raising a family and day to day life. You are an escape but you are not reality!

  71. I just watched “The Other Woman” and somehow found it comforting? We’re 3 years after the big reveal, on my birthday, as my husband was reading to the boys upstairs. A text came in on his phone that read “Sorry about our fight today. Just think about how happy we’ll be in our happy little house.” She’d found a rental in the neighborhood for him to move out into, 3 bedrooms so the boys could go back and forth. ON MY BIRTHDAY. We were 44 at the time. She was 25. Younger than our niece. She was born the year we graduated from high school. And a big time “feminist”(b/c she’s Up With Woman). He swore it was just an emotional affair for 4 more months. He finally fessed up that they (of course) had slept together and it’d been going on for over a year. Then I realized that since he had a vasectomy, he probably didn’t wear a condom. Imagine me at my doctors asking for VD testing. I still suffer from PTSD. We are together today and he thanks me for saving him and our marriage (which he was wanting to scrap– get a mediator and divorce. I refused.). My boys never knew, which was my one objective. We’ve been in therapy now these 3 years and we have a “new normal” which is ‘better’ objectively than ever, after all our therapy, together and apart. But I still have flashback days when I crawl into the bathtub and cry, and I continue to monitor what she’s up to on Facebook, though I know it’s self-destructive. I’d gladly swap this jittery post-nightmare reality for what we had before (which was a happy marriage) to not have to have gone through that. Awful. Stay strong everyone. Believe in you. You’re stronger than you know! This is a painful but good talk to watch: https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

    1. My gut instinct was screaming!! I asked him numerous questions about his new secretary… His reply,” give me a break,she’s 28 yrs old. Our daughters age. I’m not attracted to her at all”. And I believed him. I completely trusted him. Completely.
      It was a friend, who also disliked the girl. I said, I know the relationship looks like more than it is but he has assured me that they are,”just friends”. And she said she thought so to until one day she asked to borrow his phone real quick, and he walked away for a quick second. She KNEW he was deleting text. So I had HUGE suspicions after that.
      I bought spyware, and while he was away from his phone, I installed it.
      All the text from her were gone, and she worked for him. So how odd is that. Then I went to his office and conveniently his American Express bills were not in the files. So while he was sleeping, I changed the password on his American Express account. And bingo!!! All the proof was on his credit card from work. Jewelry, eating out, flight details!! He had taken her on a vacation when I thought he was on a golf outing!! Stupidly, he had paid for her bag, and when you open up details, passenger name was right there!! I felt like the STUPIDEST woman alive!! Because I trusted him.
      I learned about the affair Christmas morning.
      It was a nightmare…..he cried, he bawled like a baby.. Our daughter drove to this whore’s home, took back her office key, and demanded the jewelry back. I confronted her by text. She said, they make a mistake. I told her, no, you made a nasty choice.
      He blames it almost all on his drinking and how after years it snuck up on him and he really didn’t think he had a problem. He now uses a bactrack breathalyzer everyday after work. I extended the spyware for 2 years.
      So to ALL my wife friends out there. IF my husband will cheat, then I don’t believe there is a man out there who won’t.
      He has admitted, he never thought he’d get caught.
      The last clue, but an easy one is to look back at phone records.
      He went from 400 or so text a month, to almost 2000 text during the affair. The affair girl was keeping a close eye on him. And if she knew he was doing things with me, then she would txt. I think it was a control thing. One small thing I can be grateful about. He always came home by 5:00 or so. He has told me she asked numerous times to eat dinner but he said he needed to be home with me and family. Not sure about his reply but other than their sickening vacation he was home every night, every weekend. Which made me so blind to it all.
      Good luck to all. I have only stayed because she was GONE the minute I found out. Alcohol GONE the minute I found out. Complete access to everything the minute I found out. He knows, it’s the only way I will stay.
      Take care.

  72. Need Ladies and men insight. So I have NEVER suspected my husband of cheating til recently. He started a new job a few months ago and a few weeks ago I went to his work and this girl have me the strangest look. She even went out of her way to pretend she was going upstairs to an office just so she can pass my husband. When I ask who is that girl he said “oh I’m I don’t know her, she’s a voulunteer” but he has to pass that girl every day to get to his office. Am I being super paranoid or have a good gut feeling? Since then he’s been super nice and sweet and my house is always clean. NOT his typical behavior so now it has me wondering.

  73. Hi Karen! Put God in the center and everything will come together! Make Him the 3rd cord in your relationship which cannot be easily broken! You two should marry quickly after you both pray for forgiveness! 3John2

  74. Been there too honey….we’ve been married 20 years and have 3 kids so I understand the place you’re coming from. It’s not that easy to cut and run when it’s not just you to consider. You need to make a conscious decision….accept him as a lying cheating bastard who probably won’t change or deal with it however you see fit…..I have a don’t tell policy…..I ain’t interested in what his up to when he’s not home….but embarrass me or humiliate me in public and there will be hell to pay. I’m prepared to carry the burden of this decision …..my kids are young and for the most part we actually get along very well. I just don’t trust him with my happiness…..that stopped years ago. Good luck xx

  75. I have been there.In December i found out..aBen out my husband i lost weigh,could not eat or sleep.,but as time goes by it gets a bit better.Please talk to someone i have flash backs but just make sure you take care of yourself first.

  76. So I have been suspecting my husband for a while of cheating on me (maybe more emotionally than physically). He is a marine and we are living overseas right now with our two kids. About a year into living here he starts staying late at work more and more often…usually getting home at midnight sometimes even 2am. He changed all his passwords to Facebook and email and he always deletes everything off his phone. Sometimes I will see messages from girls he works with and he talks about them more than he ever did before we moved here. I know he is going to the barracks rooms at night but I can’t prove anything. I feel like if I ask for his password to check his Facebook he will immediately know what I want to look for and delete any evidence if there even is any. We are physically and emotionally distant recently and really the only reason I stay here is because of the kids and because of the money it would take to bring us home. I want to ask him whats really going on but I have caught him lying to me in the past and I don’t think he would tell me the truth. I don’t know what to do and its driving me insane to always be wondering whats going on. I know if I ask any of his friends or their wives any questions they will tell him. Should I confront him and take my chances with getting an answer or just let it go until our time is up overseas? We’ve talked about divorce in the past because of other problems but he always says he wants to keep trying although he never takes any actions. Is my marriage over?

    1. Hi Stephanie- it seems to me that you really don’t have a question for your husband; you seem certain that he’s cheating. The only question now is if you want to remain married to the man who is doing this to you & the kids. I think you do… Because you seem to be willing to wait it out until you return to The States and it all blows over. Soooo, you can simply tell him that you love him and that you are aware of the affair… Ask him to please end it and hope that he does. If you’re afraid hel lie to you about it.. you can catch him in the act. That will require following him & having definitive evidence to give to him. Bottom line…. Do u want to stay???

  77. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience of trust in your marriage. Whether you’ve been married for a year or committed to each other for 20, it’s confusing and painful when trust starts to slip.

    Since I don’t know you, your partner, or your relationship, I can’t give advice on if your husband is lying about cheating. My prayer for you is for wisdom and clarity. I believe you know deep in your heart if you can trust your husband – as much as you know if you can trust anyone. We’re weak, we’re flawed, and we make bad choices! Both men and women are vulnerable to temptation and mistakes…and that’s where trust comes in.

    The best way to know if you can trust your husband is if he takes himself out of possibly “bad” situations. If he has female friendships, if he has strong online relationships with women, and if your gut is telling you that he’s not being honest….then you may have trust issues in your marriage. Your gut is telling you something, and you need to listen to it. I can’t predict if your husband will cheat on you, or lie to you. You also can’t guarantee that you can trust your husband forever.

    The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time, and listen to your gut instincts. If you think he’s lying to you, then he probably is. If you feel like he’d cheat on you, then he probably will. Your subconscious is picking up on hints and signs that you’re not consciously aware of — and that is a far better predictor of his lying and cheating than my advice will ever be.

    May you find wisdom, hope, and guidance. I pray for strength and courage as you make decisions about your marriage.


    1. Hello ladies, whatever you do, think, feel or say, give yourself a moment to realize what’s important in the grand scheme of things…., and that’s for you to stay emotionally strong and healthy. That’s for yourself and for your children, if any. That does include pets.

      I’ve been with the same man for almost thirty years, and really do hate to break it to other women, but men cheat. And some will continue to cheat unless caught. That is neither respect, love or caring that they are showing to you when they do this, it is a selfish, self pitying behaviour no matter how anyone sugar coats it. Without being vindicative, maybe he isn’t getting what he feels he needs or expects or is entitled to because he’s not holding up his end of the relationship? It has to start somewhere.

      Men love to look at younger, better bodied women. That’s a fact. With the addition of the unrealistic expectations of porn, who can measure up through time? Mine, for example, wants a 100% totally devoted wife who will support him 100% towards working for his goals, financially and physically, be there 100% of the time at his beck and call and look after house, yard, business (without the money to compensate for work done), have the body and shape of a 20 year old woman plus just listen, talk and laugh, cook and clean, and be always sexually available for his pleasure. You know the type, like a Stepford wife of the movies. And it hurts to be slapped in the face with this realism.

      This is every man’s fantasy, isn’t it? So, be real. You can love a man, he can be a good man, and he can say he loves you back, support you financially. But the worst thing that any woman of any age or relationship status can do is give up her own sense of worth, independence (financially and emotionally), and self respect. I did all of those things, and I have sincere regrets. A woman has no power in any relationship if she lets go of any or all of those three attributes.

      In my belief, at just shy of 50 and with the same guy almost 30 years, if you lose who you are and give up your own dreams and independence, you not only will eventually find your spouse and yourself at opposite ends continually but you will find yourself at 50 wondering why you became one of the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” clan.

      Love yourself, don’t cheat with guys who are already involved with other women. It shows weak character. And if you do, you honestly do deserve what you get afterwards. Someone else has already put in the time, effort and commitment.

      1. Sorry, I should have also have said that he started his straying days early on, always claiming he couldn’t get what he was needing at home, and emotionally supportive partner. I genuinely believe he feels this way most of the time. Though, as petty as it may appear, I have to defend myself by saying he worked away for weeks at a time and when he did come home, there was a lot of partying, etc. I had two small daughters to care for and wasn’t into him leaving partying for days on end. Duh.
        Mine has also recently been seeing hookers, so that is primarily for the sexual aspects I would assume. Different, young (mid 20s), easily disposable. He admitted to it. Now, I am also in a change of life situation.
        Can a cheating spouse, male or female, be so remorseful that they stop,some do. I cheated one weekend in retaliation of a hooker episode 15 years ago, and never did it again. Who needs it? It is crazy when we don’t do the thing that we know and feel is right. And no amount of talking and making excuses will cover up the fact that we chose to stay with a spouse that can’t be trusted. It’s them that has to do the work to earn back trust, its us that has to do the work to help them to do that if we choose to stay with said partner.

        And for those who do get into physical or emotional relationships with married men, you have no pity, no excuse. He had the ring on the finger, true, but you have no morales if you cheat with him. And it is true, what goes around comes around.

    2. My neighbor husband is cheating on his wife throughout their marriage. They been together over 23 years but married 17 years. Love is blind when all this time she cant figure it out..Half of my neighbors know he cheating because he brings women into the home when the wife is at work. I even caught him and his woman making out in the back of our building…Next day he ask me whether I was going to tell his wife…U c I know his family…He put me in his mess, since I went to high school with his sis-in-law…and I still stay in touch with her…O, did I tell u, he assault me 3 years ago….to make story short I told his wife…..they went to the police to filed charges of hassasment, which later dismissed….I do not regret telling his wife….2 months ago I sent him a letter, he try to use the letter but it backfire, which force him to tell his wife of his cheating throughout the marriage….in the end I have the last words….why the wife stay is a million question. They don’t have children…He is still cheating wht a woman named Cecilia for the past 9 years. My neighbors and I see her all the time…but not the wife…

  78. ok, my bf and i have been togetherf for almost 5yrs now. our first four years have been very challenging, we both drank alot and would argue alot, he never tried to get close to me emotionally, mentally,or physically. we have one child together i have two before him and now we have another on the way. i have aassumed he was messing around on me but anytime i would confrony him he would get very angry and upset tell me it was the way im thinking that i needed to trust him. while drinking and talking he would blame me for his drinking, he tolde he would leave if i didnt change me, when i felt he needed to change sum things as well. He would tell me i didn’t parent correctly considering he is a new parent. of course we r not perfect as parents but we do try to better ourselves. He never admits to much fault in our problems, he blames me for everything. He be littles me constantly which is very hurtful. Im very confused by this. recently 6 months ago he started new job an old co-worker we both worked for got him job. I feel he’s lying to me about any type of affair w her. He’s deleted texts to her but left hers. mayb not all this is while they r out of town on job. i confronted him he says she is like a little sister to him and he feels when they r out of town he has to protect her from weird guys. He has promised me he wouldn’t get drunk while out of town but he does anyways and is always w her getting drunk. ive told him it makes me uncomfortable but he says n acts as if he doesn’t care or tells me i don’t trust him. i trust him but not her.. reasons i thought she was my friend but she won’t respond back from calls or texts from me. My bf even tried calling her from my phone and she never answered or called back. only when he uses his phone she responds. should i trust his words?

  79. If your husband really is cheating on you and lying about it, it is better to leave him. But what if your suspicions that your husband is having an affair are unfounded? Some software programs let you know all about hidden actions that your husband does online. If your suspicions are not confirmed, breathe and live on together. Well, if your spouse is cheating on you really better to divorce him.

  80. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here – it takes alot of courage to share how things are going in your marriage. It’s a process – sometimes it takes time to build the strength to talk about the suspicion of an affair. It’s hard to know if you should confront your husband about lying about cheating, or just accept what he says.

    My prayer is for wisdom and guidance. May you know deep in your heart and soul the right thing to do, and may you feel confident in how you choose to bring the matter up. May you know the truth. May you accept the most painful reality – because the first step to healing after an affair is to know if your husband is lying about cheating. My prayer is that you know and accept the truth, and that you find ways to move forward in your life. I pray for you, your husband, and your family. I pray for your future – for you to have faith, courage, strength, and hope for your future, whatever it may hold. May you find the right people and resources to help you through this stage of your life, and may you be strong even when you feel like your world is falling apart.

    Be strong. Take courage. Lean on your friends. Be vulnerable. Be wise. Know that one day you will be done with all this, and you will be wiser, more compassionate, and healthier than you’ve ever been before.


  81. I’m not one to share my emotions so this is a big step for me.

    When I first met my husband, I knew I had found the one my soul loves. Everything was wonderful and I was more than greatful that God had placed such a humble man in my life. We had been dating for six months when my husband had to return home for family reasons. He was there for 2 weeks and in that time I had recieved a facebook message from a girl I’d never met before. It turned out to be one of his ex-girlfriends and she had something she wanted to share with me. What she shared were text messages from him to her asking if she would have sex with him. She said she wouldn’t just because she wasn’t looking for that, she wanted a relationship and she didn’t want one with him because she didn’t want to go down that road again. She then proceeded to ask him if him and I were still together and he bluntly told her no, that I was the one that left him and he had been single for a month. He then went on to tell her that he really enjoyed sex with her and that he missed it and wanted more. Again she said no because she knew we were still together. Reading the texts between them two shattered my whole world. I had no idea what to think. She told me that that was the way he was and she was upset that he would do something like that to me. She called me and we chatted on the phone about it, me crying my eyes out and her telling me it’d be okay and he wasn’t worth the tears.
    When my husband returned I had every intention to confront him about it, but I just couldn’t. I hinted toward it a few times and then he finally realized what I was getting at. He looked me in the eye and told me I shouldn’t believe anything she had told me and that she was crazy and loved to mess his relationships up. I looked at him and with a heavy heart I said “okay”. But little did he know I had the texts between the two of them proving that she wasn’t crazy and that he was a liar.
    I never asked him about it again but it was always on my mind. I was and still am constantly wondering why he would do such a thing. 3 more months went by and he popped the question and of course I said yes. I thought to myself this is it, this proves to me that I am his one and only, the only woman he wants. But again I was wrong. 5 months into our marriage I find that he has the app Tinder on his phone, at first I didn’t open it up. A month went by and I noticed he had notifications on his phone from it so I opened it up. To my amazement he had been telling women that the only reason he was on there was to have sex. And that once again shattered my heart in a million pieces. I pourposefully left the app open so he’d know I looked in it. A few hours later I look again and find he had deleted the app. I asked him if he would ever do anything to ruin our family and he looked at me and said “no of course not.” I left it at that knowing that if I were to continue trying to get something out of him it would only make things worse.
    My husband and I have been married for 9 months now and we have a 2 month old baby boy together. It pains me to know that he is in search of women to have sex with. I have asked him multiple times if I was what he really wanted and if I wasn’t I would be okay with it. His answer is always the same “you’re the only woman I want, the only one I need.”
    I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take and I really wish I could confront him about it all.

    1. This is me, except I’m accessible to his lies via email, phone bills, etc. It is hurtful. We’re barely past our first wedding anniversary. I dunno who to talk to or just confront him cos he might leave me. Too much at stake.

    2. Hi Allison- I was so sad to read your message. You seem to be a very loving person, with hopes for a wonderful family. You will have a wonderful family… Unfortunately, your new husband has a terrible problem. Having sex blindly with anyone who will agree is extremely dangerous, for you too! Your husband is being very deceitful, even when he knows you KNOW what he’s doing, he continues to manipulate you… He is not husband material. I know it’s embarrassing, but you need to take the proof you r come across and ask a friend or family member to help you tell your husband that he must leave. Any of these women could turn up at your home or God forbid pass an STD on to you. I really hope you’ve found strength since you wrote this… I’m praying for you!

    3. You sound like me I went and am going through this. I’m just as confused as you are about my life. I’m thinking about leaving. I can’t take it anymore. This has been going on since Spring of 2010′, the suspicions. Then, Fall of 2010′, I thought my hub. cheated while I’d be out and about. Meanwhile, I just had a baby. Then, by the Summer of 2011′, I was suspicious of him getting this woman pregnant. It was too many obvious signs. She would always be in his face. He would get overly mad when I bought her up. He acted as if he took up for her. When she was far along her pregnancy, she would call out his name to speak to him, and he would ignore her. She wouldn’t act like she envied me and have anger plus rage towards me. This bothered me for the facr she was our neighbor. He would want to leave all the time. He wouldn’t leave around the same time she would leave. When, she had the baby I saw it and it looked similar to my husband. I asked him about it many times. And, he always get upset and denies it. He’s made it out like I’m the one crazy. I know I’m not crazy. I don’t know what to do. I even overheard him talk to his friend about: “when the last time you’ve seen (them)?” And, my husband called out the age the child was. I know he cheated, I just can’t prove it. I’ve thought of different techniques. I’ve thought about going on ‘Maury’ for a lie detector test. I’ve thought about confronting her, and I’ve thought about hiring a private investigator… What should I do? Should I stay and investigate or Leave my relationship of 7 1/2-yrs. And, marriage of 5 1/2 yrs. S O S Please help me … :(

    4. OMG I know how you feel my Husband is a Pastor and I snooped and found out he meets women on a dating site and one lady he even gives her money. I have read some texts he does not tell women that he is married. We have been married for almost two years. We I confronted him once he was very defensive and said he would never cheat on me. He is a Godly man etc. the problem is I can’t tell him what I know because then he will know that I snooped, so I am praying that God will reveal all. I love my Husband so I too don’t know what to do.

    5. allison ‘ sorry hun . WOW it’s like the devil destroy marriages ‘ including mine of 28yrs . I know it feels like your world is ending .. back to the women who messaged you she wants your life she is jellouse . I am truly sorry and know your pain ‘ I am going through divorce it’s hard as hell ‘ going back to school further my education moving to FL after divorce .. please take care of yourself and know your not alone hugs ..

  82. I just found out my husband of 7 years cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. I found texts from a local number talking about hooking up. I also found he had been searching craigslist for girls that were down for sex in an area that he was going to be in for a business trip. He swears he never met up with any of the women. He was only looking for attention and compliments. We have a 8 month old daughter and I’m a stay at home mom. This is not the first time that I’ve caught him texting/ flirting with other women. I do not know what to do. He’s offering to go to therapy by himself as well as with me. I want to believe that he didn’t sleep with any of these women but deep down I dont trust him at all. Help!!

  83. Dear Cris, thank you so much for being here!

    You say you’ll be OK — and I believe you’ll be better than OK. You have connected with yourself, you are getting stronger and healthier every day. Even on the days you feel weak and scared – you’re still growing and flourishing. May you find renewed strength and energy, and may nurture the most important relationship in your life: the one you have with YOU. (Well, I actually think the most important relationship is with God, but that’s a whole different animal :-) ).

    Blessings on you,

  84. May you find healing and peace, especially if you know for sure that your husband is lying about cheating. I pray for strength to move forward in your life, to decide what you need to do with your future! There are so many possibilities for you – can you see them? Can you imagine who you could be without your cheating husband, what you can do, where you could go?

    If the possibilities for your future aren’t clear to you right now, take time to sit in silence. Open your heart and mind, and stay alert to what God whispers in your ear.

  85. Hi…I am pretty sure my husband of 11 yrs has or is cheating online. I have tried to talk to him about it, but what began as a question, became an “accusation” according to him. We do not have any children nor is there anyone else living with us that I would be able to ask as well therefore; how is it that I am ACCUSING him?? It has been quite sometime now and if I do see any suspicious activity on our computer, I have, for the most part, kept it to myself because I was tired of arguing because he denies it and gets rather defensive and I end up getting so upset over something that he obviously won’t admit to or even talk about, not to mention something I didn’t ask for! I am at the verge of leaving…I feel as if he is giving me no other choice. I would love to work it out, but I can’t do it alone. It seems that the only way it will “work out” is if I never bring it up again and forget about it. I “tried” to do that however; I found myself getting depressed, moody and becoming someone I refuse to be.

    It hurts me to read everyone’s stories…but I have to say, it did help knowing there are others, like myself, that are going through very similar situations. Like me, I’m certain, you too never imagined something like this would ever happen to you…Let’s try our best to be strong for ourselves, as well as one another.

    Thanks for reading my story

    1. I have the same story … Except we have 4 kids … But nothing is stopping him from cheating over computer or phone . He is so much addict of it that I am pretending that all is fine around me . I m so tired with taking this all in but I have no other choice except bearing it . Also the fact is that we had LOVE MARRIAGE . Lol

  86. Dear Naive,

    I don’t know if you can trust your fiance any more that you do! It’s interesting that you called yourself naive, though. Maybe your gut knows something that your heart doesn’t want to accept.

    One of the problems with cheating is that it’s a slippery slope. We don’t immediately jump into bed with people we’re attracted to, so your fiance’s claims that he would never cheat aren’t necessarily a lie right now. Cheating starts with friendly online flirtations, emails, texts. When that isn’t satisfying enough – when the spark of that excitement wears off – then it progresses to meeting in person, dinners, drinks, hotels, etc.

    So, your future husband may not be lying about cheating (unless of course you believe that visiting a cheating website is cheating, which I do). He may sincerely believe that he would never cheat.

    The problem is that he’s bored. That’s the root of his inclination to stray. It’s not that YOU’RE boring, it’s that he may not know how to sustain a long-term relationship. Why aren’t you guys married, after more than four years together?

    Maybe it’s not the cheating or the lying that’s the issue. Maybe your fiance doesn’t want to – or can’t – settle down.

    I don’t have any answers for you. My prayer is that you rally the courage to find the answers that are in your gut, and that you become strong and wise enough to face what you know to be true before it causes more damage in your life. I pray for wisdom, clarity, insight, and connection with people in person who can help you find and face the truth. I also pray for your fiance, that he is willing to dig into his feelings of boredom and needing a spark, and that he can find that spark in his relationship with you. I pray for you both as parents to your son, for unity and healing and connection. Amen.


    1. Laurie,

      Your response to “Naive” had a huge effect on how I have been feeling about my own situation and has helped me towards finding the best solution and/or direction for ME more so than for my husband and I. I always justified his online activities and never thought (or wanted to think) that they were any kind of threat or not enough to worry about because after all, it’s ONLY entertainment right??

      I would sincerely like to thank you for helping me realize that I need to start thinking of what I need in order to be ok, rather than what we need…I have also realized that I have been waiting for him to answer me and in actuality, by not answering me and reacting as he has been, he pretty much gave me his answer sometime ago. It hurts oh so much, don’t get me wrong, to admit and to face this, but I have to believe that when all the dust settles and the wounds are almost healed, I will be…OK! (anything more than that, will be icing on the cake…God willing!)

      Thanks again for helping me in making a difference in the life of someone I never really thought about and finally I have….ME <3

  87. Not sure what to do… Been with my fiancé for 4 years, we have an amazing little boy together. Found some odd emails in his phone tonight, so I clicked one and discovered that he had setup an account on a cheating website Ashley Madison. He stated he was bored and wanted a spark again. His login Id is his nickname tattooed on both arms. His age, birthdate, city of residence and height/build. I confronted him. Of course he denied cheating. While he may not have done through with it, the intent was there. He said he had set this site up for his friend who he went to visit a few weeks ago. His friend doesn’t even live close to us. He’s not even close to the same height/build. He’s adamant that he would never cheat. In fact he’s always been a huge anti-cheater. I’m extremely torn, maybe I just want to believe him for the sake of keeping my family together, or maybe he’s telling the truth… Am I being naive?

    1. I think you know the right answer. He did not set up the account for a friend- it is for him. And what is the statistic, 77% of guys who cheat are friends with other guys who cheat. And you are right the intent is there and whether he has gone through with physical contact or not, he will eventually cheat. Just like when my husband reconnected with a woman from his past on facebook and he claimed nothing was going on and I grew more and more suspicious and they ended up sleeping together multiple times and I can’t believe to this day that I took him back but of course I did if for our child. I am unhappy to this day and can’t get over what happened and will never trust him again.

  88. Thank you for sharing your experience here, with us. It takes courage and strength to be honest about your marriage, especially if you suspect your husband is cheating and lying to you about his affair. Your honesty will help other wives deal with their husbands’ lying and cheating.

    I will keep you in my prayers! I pray for wisdom, peace, hope, healing, and courage. May you find faith for the journey, and trust in God to guide you through. May this experience give your life a deeper meaning somehow, and revive your spirit and soul.

    Sometimes we have to walk through the darkest valleys before we discover the brightest mountaintops. Stay hopeful, stay connected to people who are supportive, and stay connected with God.


  89. Cautionary Wives Tale

    My husband was doing all 5 things – starting more fights,which I thought was job stress, and sexually more distant, which I assumed was his diabetes. He also stayed at work more. And he is dismissive lately of me, and impatient. I thought I knew him: this is my husband on work stress. I didn’t really suspect he was cheating until I noticed something strange: he had returned from a business trip and given me a cute skirt, but withheld other cute, sexy items and said, “these things are none of your business”. I assumed they were gifts for me for Valentine’s Day. But one day cleaning, I realized these items that were “none of my business” had never turned up as gifts to me. And it happened that very night, he was out working late, not even coming home for dinner. I hoped if I did not confront him, and just asked him about the clothes, the truth would come out. And it did.

    When he came home we were talking and I followed him to his dressing room to put away some clean clothes and mentioned the missing gift garments. He reacted instantly saying he’d forgotten and reached up to the closet, and produced these beautiful, sexy clothes he’d bought me, and a bottle of my new favorite perfume. He’d forgotten. He’s been very stressed at work. And yes, it turns out, all the other things were stress at work, including being out at a very tense meeting that ran late. Sometimes, what looks like it might be cheating, is not. It is a cautionary tale, don’t get upset, or insecure over these things. If you’ve caught him red-handed, with love notes and pictures, that’s one thing! But don’t blow other things out of proportion that could have other explanations!

  90. I do not agree with the emotional and defensive reaction when you accuse him of cheating. This may not be the case. If you accuse him habitually of cheating or have insecurity issues and take them out on him and he has been patient all along, he would begin to get upset once your accusations are amped up in intensity and start to happen everyday. This was the case with my man. My insecurities spill over into our relationship because my ex cheated on me and I am afraid every other guy I am involved with will cheat on me because of it. He has tried to reassure me time and again and has been patient…. but he got angry and emotional the last time…. I am sure because his patience is now wearing thin from all my accusations and worries. So I need to decide if I will allow myself to trust him or if I can handle all this paranoia and worry because if I can’t, that should be enough for me to leave the relationship. Easier said than done when you love someone. So hard because you wonder how much is made up in your head due to paranoia and if any of it has any truth in it? I just cannot seem to grasp that.

  91. Sorry if my ealier statement about husbands lying and cheat seemed perhaps aggresive. My depressive thinking is letting me down when I feel cornered. I will admit myself. Please understand. It limits me so much. What really can crash a feeble marriage is lack of communication. Just try to see the funny side. Get psychologial help. Nobody shold deal with anxiety issues alone. What really can devastate a relationship is stinky feet.

  92. hi ladies,

    my name is ashleigh i am married with two children after ready your advice to other woman i should ask as well. we have been married for two years. i need your help to figure out if he is cheating on me because i have no idea, for a couple months now he has beeen very distant from me with affection not reall wanting to be affectioniate with me. he use to want to have sex 4 to 5 times a week and now if we do it once a week he doesnt mind. when we go out i am normaly the one who holds his hand or tries to be cute with him, i notice when we are out he looks at other woman and then when i ask him about it he says i did not. the most concerning things to me are we have a picture on our fridge from his work a x mas card he looks at the picture a lot and just the other day he said sasha is in that picture i said ok you have been taking quite a bit about her recently he said no i have not shes ugly and tries to hard. which means he notices her. he hides his phone from me or he just keeps it really close to him and never lets me use it. he deleted everything off his ipad.

    i just need some help figuring this out please HELP!!! thank you

    1. Dear Ashley,

      I understand your pain and where I don’t have any answers for you, I do have my own story. My own story is sad like yours and in trying to discern if I should leave my husband, a dear person told me to break my story down to “stupid.” So I did, which lead me to leave my husband a last week.

      Here’s my break down:

      1) About three months ago, after I got out of the shower, my husband said I was ugly with a towel on my head and demanded I take the towel off immendiately.

      2) Around that time, I found that he was looking for women on facebook.

      3) About two months ago, in addition to him withdrawing affectionately from me, he started telling me frequently (when I asked for a hug) that I needed to say “please” if I wanted or needed a hug.

      4) He is very frequently secretive with his phone, for example, he may go into another room to go on his phone, especially in the bathroom, where he will be for approximately 20 minutes at a time. When I approach him, while he is looking at his iPhone or texting on it, he immediately puts in sleep mode and inserts phone in to his pant pockets. Everytime, we get in an argument about him being so private about his phone.

      5) For the past two months, he would sleep close to the edge, on his side, of our king bed. He would only hug if he wanted sex.

      6) Two weeks ago, I found numerous pictures of women in his “photos” on his iPhone to which he responded those women are not a threat. When I asked about the women he was searching for on Facebook, he said they are possibly a threat.

      7) The day after I found the photos, I told him I did not trust him. He was angry. He said he dreaded coming home and felt like he walked on egg shells. He wouldn’t talk to me for 10 days.

      I left him last week. We have only been married seven months. I do not know what your story is or how I could even help you. I know the pain is deep when we lose trust in our husbands. There are many hurtful circumstances which must have lead to the mistrust. So, I can only hope that my story is either consolation during your trying time or it’s food-for-thought during your careful consideration on staying married.

      Best to you.


    2. Wow-so many women who seem torn about what to do when it comes to a cheat in their life. LEAVE HIM. It’s really THAT simple. Of course there are other hardships that come along with ending a relationship, but to stay where you aren’t respected or loved just seems outrageous to me. Hope each and every one of you with a cheater can cut him loose and find some happiness.

    3. Hi,
      I am at a loss for words. I just found out that my husband cheated on me last night which he told me he was working late. He booked a trip for us in London and now a night to the trip, he cheats. Just found the messages in his phone. I am even pregnant, I have unpacked my bags because I can’t stand going on a four days vacation with him knowing he just cheated on me. Am so heart broken, our marriage is not even up to a year. I can’t deal with this….please help me. what will I tell my unborn baby.

  93. Marriage success is build on trust. If you can’t trust your husband because you believe he is lying about cheating on you, then you need to reevaluate your marriage and your relationship with your husband. I write articles on marriage success and I believe you shouldn’t be with a man whom you suspect of having an affair and then lying about it.

  94. I think you pooring ur heart heart tells u that u know u should, NO TRUST is a serious thing and most times impossible to over come. i spent 22 years with my high school sweetheart stayed even after finding out he cheated on me with my younger sister more than one and this had happened before we were married denial seems easy and blissful but deep down it eats and eats till one day it completely destroyes u. if his cheating this early on what is it going to like in 2 years, while ur pregnant, after the baby comes these are hard times on strong faithful men, can’t imagine how it would be for a weak man. save yourself the years and decades of pain. i’m only 36 and i just finally came to my senses and have left the relationship it hard scary but there’s relief from lies manipulation and abuse it only got progressively worse never better. Good luck follow ur gut not all those other fluttery feelings u matter and u deserve to be truly loved!!

  95. If you suspect your husband is cheating on you and lying about it, why don’t you leave him? It’s better to start over than stay in a marriage that contains suspicion of affairs and mistrust. I left my husband 5 years ago because I found out he was cheating and lying, and I am so glad that part of my life is over.

    1. I’m in the same position, and I don’t know what to do. I ask myself if I leave him, will I find a better one? That’s the question, b’cause it seems like all men are cheaters! Better being alone, I think!

      1. Hear are 5 tips that you man is cheating.

        1)He is not interested in physical intimacy as he was before

        2)He avoids physical and emotional contact

        3)He criticizes you more often

        4)He picks fights or start arguments with you

        5)He stays away from home

  96. You poor thing :( I’ve just had a baby and to be told “I know u get paranoid when ur pregnant ” just makes u paranoid it’s a bit insensitive if u ask me. Anyhow, any man that cheats while his partner is pregnant simply cannot be called a man. It sounds like he did do something dodgy that night or he would of told you where he went but I suggest you talk to him very calmly and just say that you won’t get mad you just need to know if he’s done it again because you’d like to work things out for the sake of your children if he admits or not you should get couples counselling. Work at it because there are children involved but don’t put up with him if he is blatantly sh**ting on u and u can’t work it out as that won’t help ur kids but make them as tense and upset as u instead, good luck xxx

  97. I don’t normally comment in internet sites but sweetie you dimply have to leave him right away, it’ll be hard at first because you evidently love him but I promise it’ll get easier. If you don’t leave this sh**tbag now he will worm his little way right back into you heart through his disgraceful lies he has already done this once before and you were kind enough to give him another chance 2 chances is more than enough! Trust me, from experience I know and you will soon find your true Prince Charming who will treat you like the princess you are, change your number and get away from this lying husband who is cheating on you! Good luck xxx

  98. Hi. So my story is..
    I met my husband three years ago. We started dating, finally we understood that we are a match and want to spend the eternaty togehter. We were together about a year when he left. He is a marine, so he had to go to work in another country. Of course long distance relationship is hard, yet not impossible. We stayed in long distance for 2 years. Yes, we had hard times, but we were strong enough to get to this point where we get married.
    One time, it ws just the beginning of us, I saw a log book in the marine house, where all the marines had to write down their guests. And I saw this girls name as my husband’s guest. A few times, late night. We talked about it and he said, that yes she did come over, but they are just frinds. That time, I mean we just started dating and he met both of at the same time, so I guess he was choosing. So I let go of it. Life goes on.
    After it, I never had a problem about not trusting him. We skyped as much as we could and talked on facebook every new day. Finally arrives the moment for us to meet again and this time we stay together. We get married and I feel happy. Like two weeks after we got married we went on a honeymoon. The same country he was last stationed, so he could get his stuff and orders. On one day, We visited the marine house and altough it is not permitted, we to his room. I needed to check something online and he gave me permission to use his PC. So, the first I notice as I log on: pictures of him and a girl on his destop. I decided not to open them pictures, because I have pictures with guys aswell. But the things that occured a bit later. I was done with the Internet and he went on his PC and I guess he saw them pictures to and before he deleted them he made sure I could not see. And yet I did see. It was all so awkard and odd.
    My mind started going crazy. I did not ask about this photos, cuz I felt I don’t have the right. But the more I hold it in the more it would make me loose my mind. One night we wanted to watch a movie. He asked if I have seen sextape movie with Cameron Diaz, and I was like not, do you. He went to theatre to watch it. Hmm..that is obviously girly movie..
    We get back home. As soon as he is back at work, I decide to sniff around. I go to his facebook messages. I saw chat between him and this girl (from the same last duty station country), they try to meet up several times. She send a messages with her picture and saying she misses him..Then there is another girl, same country. At first it is just a crap, basically how they both are and talk about their common friends. Then my husband asks her to send him a photo of her. I did not see any photos. So new conversation later and husband mentions her that she never sent him a photo. Why would he need a picture of this girl, if the already has million pictures of herlself everybody to see? Then from activity log I can see who he sent friend requests, who he deleted. So this first girl, I assume they met in the beginning of this year. He would search for her on facebook every month. Sometimes couple of times in a month. Why? Then he send friend request and they become friends. And this second girl, by their chat I would say they consider each other as a friends. And just before he gets friends with girl number on, hes unfriends this second girl. I’ll be honest, I did a lot of searching. After I saw everything on facebook, I went to see his skype. I use skype for videocalling mainly and with the people who really matter to me a whole world. Family, few close friends and of course my husband. On his skype I see a girl, who he met at the same time with me. When we first started off. Then I see them both girls who has been messaging with him on facebook. Why would you skype with them people?
    I asked him about them pictures just recently, the ones he had on his desktop, the ones he deleted. He said, that he knows me. So before we were getting ready to marry and start living together he was going through his pictures by deleting all them he had from past and now with girls. Yes, I may get jelous pretty easily about one picture. Maybe few. But why should you have that many pictures with one person? Why does a girl writes to you that she is missing you by sending a picture of her drinking and partying. Why should you ask a girl to send you a picture of herself when she has tons of them to everybody to see? Why do you have this girl on your skype who you met long ag, the same time with me? And why you would never mention me them.
    I mean he has telling me stories that they went out with marines, or did that or third, but nothing about meeting or becoming friends with a female. And then you are surprised why I loose myself over a picture. He even wiped his Ipad from everything you possibly can wipe.

    I just want him to be honest. I dot want to tell him that I have been on his messages and skype, I know I crossed the line. It just this whole picture I had about him, is not real. It seems like I don’T know this person. I love him with all my heart, but if there is no trust there is no life together.
    Yesterday I wrote him a letter. He can tell that something is off. But I can’t tell him that I have been sniffing on his things. So, I decided to write a letter, why I feel the way I do. I almost told him everything. Is there a way to confront him? Maybe certain questions ? I would especially like him to talk about skype. That why he would have all them girls on his skype. What should I do? Please help me.

  99. Is your husband lying about cheating? I don’t know. But I believe your gut instincts are telling you something loud and clear. Your subconscious is picking up on hints and clues, and that’s why you’re suspicious of him.

    Are you happy in your marriage? If not, what changes can you make that will make you happy? Those are questions only you can answer. Also, it’s important to remember that you can’t change your husband. You can change yourself, your expectations, and your life….but you can’t change him.

    My prayer for all women who think their husbands are lying about cheating is for clarity, wisdom, and guidance. I also pray for strength and energy to find ways to change your life and become happy again. I pray for faith and hope…and maybe even a miracle, that your marriage can be restored and your trust be renewed in your husband and your relationship. Amen.


  100. My boyfriend lied to me. I caught him.
    When a man lies… He is likely to cheat.
    Always trust your gut feeling. I knew my boyfriend was cheating on
    Me even though I couldn’t prove it.
    We still live together but I don’t have sex with him.
    No sex. No dinner… Nothing. I decided to do my own thing as far as dating.
    LADIES KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH! Why hold on to a bad relationship?
    Let the other person deal with that drama. If a man is dirty enough to cheat on you..
    He will eventually do it to the other person. There are TONS of good men. You get what
    You allow. Love yourself. Love yourself!

  101. Dear Confused,

    It sounds like your marriage has been filled with emotional upheavals, suspicions, disruptions, and lack of communication. It’s difficult to be in a relationship like this, especially when ex-wives and children are involved. I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating, but there certainly hasn’t been alot of honesty about what he’s doing.

    Have you talked to a counselor? I think talking to someone who is objective — in-person, not online — is the best way to work through feelings of suspicion, hurt, rejection, etc. You don’t need someone to tell you that you are right or acting appropriately. What you need is someone to help you see your marriage and your self objectively, so you can figure out the healthiest ways to respond.

    I encourage you to work through your feelings with a counselor. Don’t keep circling around your emotions and experiences alone, because you won’t get anywhere. And, don’t rely on the internet or online advice blogs! You need to talk through your situation in person with someone who can help you see things clearly.

    My prayer for you is that you find peace. May you find the right person or people to support you as you journey forward. May you accept your husband and marriage for what it is — whether it’s divorce or working through things as a reunited couple. I pray you find strength, wisdom and peace. There is so much emotional turmoil in your comments, so much confusion, pain, hurt. I pray you work through the negative emotions, and find yourself in a peaceful place on the other side of all that pain. May you be blessed with a peace beyond all understanding. Amen.


  102. My ex husband was cheating on me and lying about it. I knew it but didn’t want to believe my marriage was over. I think that if you suspect your husband is cheating and lying to you then he probably is.

    Don’t waste your time in a bad relationship. Leave. You will have to leave sooner or later, it might as well be now.

  103. Thank you for sharing how to know if your husband is cheating. I feel like I should trust my husband but he lies. I catch him lying too much, almost all the time. It helps to know other women are going through the same thing.

  104. Dear Jennifer,

    It sounds like you and your husband have been through so much together, and you haven’t been happy in your marriage for a long time. When you said “for better or for worse”, you didn’t expect your marriage to unfold this way, did you? We hope for the best, but don’t always get it.

    My prayer for you is that you find clarity and insight, and that you make a decision that feels right to you. May you find guidance and support from other people who have traveled a similar road, who can help you make the right choices about your future. May you find strength and courage — and may you realize that the healthiest choices are sometimes the hardest ones. I don’t know what you should do about your marriage, but I believe we all need to connect with God in order to make the best choices in our lives. Joy, freedom, and strength comes not from within, but from our Creator. May you find peace with whatever your future holds, and may you be strong enough to move forward with what you know in your heart is the right thing for you to do. Amen.


    1. Dear Laurie,

      I am so confused. My husband decided it was ok to drive in the car for 6 hours with his ex wife and son to and from and spend time at a concert for his other son. He never told me he was going to be in the car with her. There have been several other times he has spent time with her without me and my kids and says I need to deal with it or be with someone else. When I found out he had driven with her in the car the other day, I got angry and lashed out at him, he then said he doesn’t want this and wants a divorce!!! Really? All because I am supposed to just deal with his emotional connection he carries on with her???? Please help. Is this ok? Am I over-reacting? Is it ok that he texts and calls her on a regular basis. They say it is simply over the kids, but I feel there is something more going on. He is secretive with his phone and computer. I just don’t know how to feel about all of this. I feel crazy, insecure, confused, helpless, and cheated on and lied to. He has no concern about my feelings and says I am jealous and need to get help. It says it is all my own problem and I need to fix it. He also took his wedding ring off and when I asked him why he said he was working on switches at work and left it in his car. Really? Had nothing to do with the fact that he spent all day Sunday with his ex wife and kids? I feel like he is leading a dual life like having two families. Me and my kids and his kids and her and his kids.

    2. He is gas lighting you . Smells of a narcissist . Does he insinuate you are crazy? That you are nuts? Constantly twisting the truth? Rewriting history? Your history? It’s not going to change.

  105. Nov 21,2013 I found out my husband was cheating on me. We met young, but I believed we were in love. I’m 36 years old, him 38. We started dating 19 years ago and have been married 15 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters that are 14 and 12. On that day, Nov 21st, 2013, I found out he was sexting another woman. I knew our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I never would have believed this kind, gentle man would do this sort of thing. I had doubts, is it really true, maybe this just started because of the distance that had been between us. We spoke of how much we loved each other, sex was never an issue as we are/were both sexually attracted to each other, so I thought. We didn’t have much of an emotional connection, I just chalked it up to the fact that is didn’t talk much to many people anyway. He is very much of an internal man. He would buy me gifts occasionally but only when I was super upset (a couple times a year I would talk to him about not being “happy”), never just because he loved me or for birthdays or celebrations. I felt alone almost all the time. I’m somewhat independent and move with focus and intent. He isn’t. He is very much a go with the flow, take, take, take kind of person but polite in that manner to add to it. He is in some way, lazy in life, except for work. Work is work when he is there and he worked dang hard at his job. When he would come home, i would get the hug and I love you, then he would sleep, watch tv, or read a car magazine. The kind of relationship that once i learned he didn’t take “daily responsibilities” seriously, I began to do them as i felt it was my “job” in our marriage. That each one of us had “roles” so to speak and i took my “role” as an important job to make our marriage work. I stayed home with the kids when they were babies, planned dates, read marriage books, self help books, planned weekend getaways, romantic suppers and weekends for the just the 2 of us. All because i wanted to keep a spark in our marriage. I wanted to be the 80 year old couple that were madly in love, still holding hands in the nursing home in our wheel chairs. And then Nov 21st, 2013 hit. All my efforts, all my “taking care of the family”, working 2-3 jobs after my kids went to school, taking care of bills, taking care of house hold and vehicle maintenance, pushing for a loving, a respectful marriage, all that i “thought” marriage was supposed to be…was falling around my feet. I never had a feeling he was cheating. I just felt he was depressed. I’ve been through depression as i was beat severely by my father while going up. I know how it can rock your world. I “thought” or assumed that was his issue most his life. He didn’t battle in the sense of ups and downs, he was always fairly calm. He is some what awkward in things, but over all, people enjoy his company except they always ask me…..why is he so quiet? He is always helpful when people need it, no questions asked, just does because they need help. ETC ETC. He always has been a sweet man. This sweet man, one that said i love you everyday, one that hugged me everyday, one that we had no sexual issues with…..had a long distance girlfriend for the past 4years and “hooked up” with her twice. Sexting and video sex. Had one night stands with strangers at truck stops. Met woman on craigslist for sexting and video sex. Had sex with 2 of my friends before and after we got married. Received blow jobs from strangers at truck stops. Multiple sexual encounters with the same woman while i was pregnant with our daughters. One woman was even at our wedding. Finding out she was having sex with him, just before our wedding and again after we got back from our honeymoon. 7 different woman total BUT, multiple occasions with these woman over the course of the last 18 years. WE were only just “us” the first year we started dating. He says he wants nothing more than me now. He’s asked what can he do to “fix” this. I tell him what I’d like, get it for about 2 weeks and then nothing from him until I “nag” at him or question him on “why” he isn’t “present” in making this work. He says he was depressed in him being molested once by his older brother….i just found this out. He says he has never felt like a “full MAN” and the women made him temporarily feel like a “full MAN”. He says that he loves nothing more than me and they meant NOTHING to him then the pure satisfaction of “nailing” other woman like a macho man does. He says he will never do it again, that i will be his focus and that when he feels like he needs to be a “full MAN” again, he will focus that energy he spent on finding craigslist women, he will focus on finding things to spice up our marriage, OR plan weekend getaways. I wanted to believe, because i LOVE this man. I don’t know why I still love him but I do LOVE him. Deeply. Even after all this crap! BUT having said that, I hate him deeply as well. I cringe when he tries to hold me when i’m in tears or falling to the floor because my legs can’t hold me up. I dont’ believe the things he “says” he wants to improve on because its now Aug 2014, almost a year since i found out all the crap that came out over the months of Nov and Dec 2014, he doesn’t plan romantic wkends, he doesn’t talk to me much and when he does, it feels like excuses for why he doesn’t do anything… not enough money (which is BS) not enough time, what do i do with the kids, i’m tired, i work a lot, etc etc. Saying he loves me so much, how it kills him that he hurt me the way he did, says soooo incredibly much…..but DOES nothing to show it. Except his tell tale previous behavior of ….only when I’m vocally upset. When I “nag”, then he buys me things. He bought me a Water pitcher and 2 coffee mugs, wow….he bought me a 1961, run down camper as a “project” for me to keep my mind “busy”. We went to marriage counseling for 2 months, he started to believe in God, would pray together….but has since stopped. Everything he has “tried” that made some great steps in the beginning….changed jobs, changed cell phone numbers, now has a “dumb phone”, prayed as a family….all stopped over that last 4 months. I have pulled away significantly since, where right after all this came out, I tried my best to help him. Forgive him. WANT him. I now don’t know if i do. I can’t continue on in a married where I, me, myself, do ALL the work when he wont contribute anything but money to pay the bills. Is that a marriage??!! I don’t know what else to do. I told him that i was going to move out. That we needed space. He cried and threw up and then later said….. may i date you? I said…..why can’t you date me NOW! While I’m still here??!!! Still havn’t gone on a “date” that he’s “planned”. I don’t understand. Maybe me as a naive, virgin girl and living with abuse and learning how to deal with abusive men when i was a child, formed me into what I am doing now. I forgave my dad, I love my dad, I understand why my dad was the way he was. I don’t understand why my husband is the way he is. I’ve tried, but nothing is pointing toward someone who wants me for ME. Only that he wants someone to take care of him like a mother. I’m not his mother. I don’t know what to do. I’m expecting some money to come in from my previous employer, a nice severance package. When it comes in, I do believe i’ll be moving out then. It kills me, it pains me….but i can’t continue to wallow in this pain of “waiting” for the man i felll in love with 19 years ago to come back to me. I only knew him for a year of the 19 years we’ve been together, really KNEW the loving man he was. I can’t keep inflicting pain upon myself…..this is the only thing I know to do right now, and I don’t even know if thats right. For better or worse is what I said on our wedding day….i meant those words down to the core of my being but when is worse, actually the end?

    1. Dear Jennifer,
      I feel your pain hugely as I never said no to sex in all our 27 years of marriage. My husband is a recovering sex addict and a recovering alcoholic. I am still in shock as we never even had a fight. I caught him several times and so he recently went to a treatment facility. Your story sounds similar to mine. Could he have Aspergers Syndrome? Please look it up. You deserve to be loved! I am a strong woman who has endured child abuse, rape, death of a young child to cancer, etc. I loved my husband with my whole heart. I caught him looking at porn several times and then caught him viewing it 5 feet away from me. He then took it from 2d to 3d visiting many strip clubs and admitting to paying for more than 20 naked lap dances. I look great for my age and look much younger than most 55 year old women. Finally, after he entered a treatment faicility for alcoholism and sex addition, I have decided to leave the marriage. I can not think of another relationship at this time. Men are highly overrated. I wish you happiness and please don’t give in to him. I gave my husband sex for a while because I wanted to feel that I could satisfy him like the 20 year old lap dancers. No more! You and I are worth more than that! God bless!

    2. Dear Jennifer,

      Oh how I feel your pain. I can tell you every word you wrote resonated with me. The internal struggle , the tug of war between disgust-rage-pain-humiliation- rejection and fear- love- desire- want- need is enough to kill you. This October woukd have been my 20 year anniversary. We are not yet divorced, but we are apart . It began in 2009. He was in another state, working and came home on the weekends. We had many problems but there was always a level if trust that I really didn’t question. I never had a real true fear that he woukd actually cheat. My only fear was an ex girlfriend from many years before that I wondered about during our dating time up until we got married. I had this strange feeling or question in my head because they were still friendly and their last break up somehow , to me, seemed to be left open ended. He never really woukd talk about her. I never really heard him open up about her. It was almost like he was protecting her or their memory. But she lived far away and I just did not allow it to consume my thoughts. I do seem to remember at some point asking him if he still had feelings for her and he said no, it woukd never have worked or something like that.
      In March of 09 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I called my husband to tell him. It was a total shock . She was terminal and very sick. He came home but I had found out he had begun using while away. Battling addiction was part of the crisis with our marriage. I was always the one holding it all together. My children had such an unpredictable childhood and the guilt and shame I feel now only adds to the pain this man has caused me. About a year before he left to go out of state for work, we all got Facebook pages. Big regrets. Facebook opened the floodgates for ghosts of girlfriends past . Guess who was included?
      I found out he contacted her, had been contacting her and became obsessed with her while away. The thoughts that went through my mind drove me insane. I imagined him pleasuring himself while on the phone with her, uninterrupted in the comfort of his hotel room where he lived for that year. I found all kinda of correspondence between them. But before that , before Mom died, I saw something she posted on his Facebook page that I found simply disrespectful to me so I made a snarky comment. In the past she never referred to me by my name. Just, ” The Wife”. I found that so disrespectful. They had communicated a couple of times because she’s a drama queen and needed to make a production about telling him she was getting married and when she got pregnant. I really resented the idea that she seemed to be placing herself of great importance and was really his Number One Girl and I was some kind of consolation prize. I felt that she saw herself that way.
      One night after returning from taking care of my mother, we got home , and he asked me to do something. I had noticed earlier that he kept texting and checking his phone. He actually had the lack of respect for me to ask me to email her and basically tell her that I was fine with them communicating. She was upset by my snarky comment. I was in such a state about Mom, that clearly I wasn’t thinking but did email her and assumed by hearing from me and knowing my mother was dying , this woman woukd have the decency to respect boundaries. Nope!!!
      I realized later my husband asked me to sign off in his emotional affair.
      It only got worse, and to make a really long story short, it continued for over a year, he went out with her one night , treated me like garbage. Like trash, put her on a pedestal. He craved her like he was intoxicated . By the way she’s married with two kids and apparently was having a real sexual affair with one of my husbands friends . It was all a game to her. I tried to tell him she was just playing a game with him. Her being a huge narcissist. With her Facebook page full of selfies with her and other men. We fought and fought. He refused to stop communicating with her. He made an ass of himself. Telling her he woukd protect her always . From Me!!! I finally had enough after he got her to call my father in law to basically say I was crazy and they weren’t doing anything. I think my father in law shut her down and told her simething like , be a woman and to call me. I deserve an explanation. If course, she wouldn’t . I contacted her and her husband exposing every detail, email, pictures and texts. She tried to throw my husband under the bus. My husband went into treatment after being arrested for getting drunk and being abusive. It’s been Hell. He said he wanted to reconcile and I told him I didn’t know if that was possible . He had moved out at one point for a long time staying with ” Friends”. That is when his addiction became a monster.
      We saw counselors while he was in treatment and I expressed I felt he was truly in love with this woman. He had changed so much after the night he went out with her. Was never the same. The counselor suggested he write her a letter telling her she was a big mistake, that he woukd not protect her ever, and that she was never to contact him again. I was supposed to see it before it was mailed by the staff. I was promised that this woukd happen, by him and the staff. It never happened. So he came home , I couldn’t trust him and things just got worse. He’s been in and out of hospitals. He now says he never loved me. We became mortal enemies and have damaged our kids from all the fighting. I could not handle the rejection from my husband . I couldn’t handle being told he didn’t love me, had no desire for sex with me, it’s been almost a year and a half since we had sex. Living in the same house , sleeping in separate rooms . He just checked out of the marriage .
      He stayed at a friend ( another ex) who was going through a divorce. Her kids were there. I know her and never once had any thought or concern, especially since she is overweight and that is a problem for him where women are concerned. But I found something in his phone that made me question what happened up there . He denied , so did she. But I found something else that was undeniable. When confronted he totally flipped and I know now, something happened between them. She was my friend. I thought I could trust her. I cried on the phone to this woman all the while she was probably F-ing my husband.
      I have no idea who he is. I now know he is a narcissist as well. The supply, putting people on pedestals, no empathy, no remorse, impulsive, full of shame, lack of responsibility , he is jealous of my accomplishments , envious, very envious and resentful. He cannot tell the truth because the truth will expose him as someone not regarded as honest or honorable. He lives to be complimented. Was never really a caring parent. Wanted our kids to do well so he looked good . He has no use for them now, or me. He has just destroyed himself in so many ways.
      To think it began with Facebook and he allowed our life together to be contaminated by someone who was using him, the way he uses others. When she had enough, she just kicked him to the curb. He told me that she liked the idea that she could just pull a string and he woukd come running. What she liked more was that it hurt me, bothered me, upset me.
      The sickness and lack of respect and boundaries, that this woman and my husband along with the other ex and God knows who else I don’t know about has changed my life forever . I’m now 49. Facing the world on my own. I will never have the answers to so many questions because my husband doesn’t respect or value me enough after 20+ years of love and devotion, to give me any answers so I can have some kind of closure. To feel respected and to once again feel powerful . He chooses to protect his cohorts and hide the truth, swallowing his lies. His lies are now eating him from the inside out. He knows I know. He knows my heart knows the truth. He woukd rather die in his addiction and never set the truth free. Because a narcissist, fears the truth. To them the truth is a hallucination of a monster waiting to turn them into a rubble of shame. He never put me first. He put other people first. He confused real friendship with time. Some of these people I have never met, not in 20 years. He thinks if you met someone 30 years ago, yet you haven’t really had a relationship in over 20, that still counts as something meaningful. Just disregard our time together, having children, deaths of friends and family, holidays, birthdays. Speaking of, he hadn’t remembered my birthday in 5 years. Should tell me something, huh? I never forgot his birthday. Ever, even when we were on the outs.
      That is the true loss in my story. I married someone that I didn’t really know or understand. I wanted to love him and have a life with him that I probably ignored a lot. Or I thought I could change him, or he would change. The biggest eye opener was when he used something I told him that Was very hard for me to tell him against me. I can’t be vulnerable with this man. That is a very dangerous place to be.
      I don’t know if my story helps you at all, it’s pretty grim. But our fear of the unknown holds us back more than anything. There is no excuse for infidelity of any kind. He tried to blame me , that I wasn’t loving enough, wasn’t complimentary enough . Such BS. He made his choices. He acted on his impulses. He chose not to communicate . He chose another woman over me and continued that choice despite the horrible affects it had on me. He ignored me to continue his game.
      Step up. Stand your ground and do not believe you do not deserve better. You do. Just imagine being with someone that doesn’t do all the crap he does and you never have to worry about any of that again. Think about it.

    3. And Jennifer ,

      Excuses are just that. It’s a form of manipulation. Love in its purest form does not require so much effort to show. It comes naturally. I know love can withstand the test if time. For better or for worse does exist. We do choose the familiar. As children we learn our value from those that we depend on the most . If they fail us, we go through life with an incorrect assessment of our own self worth . That assumption of ourselves has been years in the making and our hurt and pain, humiliation and disappointment has hindered our ability to thrive. As humans, especially as women, we have a need to love and be loved. It’s not a myth or a fairy tale. We are dynamic creatures being women. We have the ability to grow life inside our bodies. Our bodies produce nourishment for our child. We are God’s blessings to those in our lives that we love. It’s time you reassess yourself and really determine your self worth. You have not failed by giving love and trusting. If you step back and rise up above the pain for a moment, you will see your anger turn to pity. As much as we woukd like to give back what we got, some of us just can’t . And thank God for that because I don’t ever want to know what it is like to not know the real meaning of love and not be able to be grateful for the gifts God gave me and to never be happy or satisfied with a person that loves me so much. Personally , I think my husband can’t and should not be married . He cannot give of himself. He just can’t. I can’t help that . Sometimes it’s better to just let go. It’s very very hard. You have to take this journey and I pray along the way, you find the real Jennifer in all her glory, living life and loving life as it should be.


    4. After accidentally catching my husband cheating on me 4 years ago – he finally admitted all of the suspicions I had and it turns out he cheated on me twice. We went through counseling to salvage our marriage. He changed jobs since he cheated with a co-worker who is also married and a chronic cheater. Going through it was the worst experience, sleepness nights, fear, doubts- and four years later – life is better but Trust is just not there anymore. We are still together and sometimes I can see that he is a better man. Although lately I have this same gut feeling I had when I was suspecting him of cheating. I just want the truth and validation, then I will move on. Life is short, it is not worth to keep forgiving a repeat offender….there is no point to continue caring for and loving someone who just don’t value you……

  106. Dear vt335,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing your experience with your new boyfriend.

    If I were you, I would follow my gut instincts. I think you are 100% correct in wanting to end the relationship because you can’t trust him. He lied to you about his relationship with the other woman (it’s not just work!), and he is leading her on. He is deceiving her — even if he never actually has sex with her, he is making her believe that he’s interested. Why would he do this? There is no good reason.

    It doesn’t matter why he behaves like this (though I believe men lie and cheat because it’s exciting, because they can get away with it, and because women want to believe what the men say, not what men do. Of course your boyfriend wants you and her! His ego is having a party – he has two women who want him! If he can find a way to string three women along, so much the better!).

    But this is about you, not him. Why would you want to be with a man who does this to other women when he’s in a relationship with you?

    When women whose husbands lie about cheating are later asked if there were any red flags earlier in the relationship, 95% of them say YES. This is a huge red flag in your face, and if you ignore it, you’re setting yourself up for more pain and suffering. I can’t predict the future — but I know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

    It doesn’t matter what I would do if I were you….what matters is that you follow your intuition. Trust yourself, my friend. You know what you should do. My prayer for you is that you do not let this man deceive you the way he has deceived other women. I pray that you are strong and wise in this relationship, and that you follow your heart and gut instincts. I’m glad for you that your spirit and soul has already told you what you need to do! And my prayer is that you follow yourself, for you already have the answers.

    May you be true to you. May you not fall prey to manipulation or emotional control.


  107. Thanks so much for this advice and for responding to all these comments! Most of the questions seem to be coming from women who are in marriages or long term committed relationships–what do you think about handling cheating in new relationships?

    I have been dating someone for 7 months. He has said over and over that he is taking our relationship seriously but I just learned that he’s been texting another girl in what I consider an inappropriate manner for the past month or so (very flirtatious texts at all times of day, making plans to go to her house that he hasn’t told me about, or alternatively him making excuses for why he can’t go out that appear to be lies timed around when he was hanging out with me). He has told me about this girl but referred to her only as a “work contact” that he’s trying to do a project with, and based on their texts they have seen each other a number of times that he didn’t mention to me and their conversations are definitely not work related. I found this out because I read the texts on his phone after observing some weird behavior from him (I noticed him regularly moving his phone away from me or covering it up when he got new texts, and also that he would often make excuses about wanting to stay home so he could “clean his house,” only to find that it was never any cleaner the next time I would visit!)

    I confronted him about the texts and told him I wanted to end our relationship, but he is adamant that nothing “actually” happened (he admits to leading the girl on via text but maintains that nothing else ever happened between them). He apologized, said he doesn’t want to date her or anyone other than me and that he will stop talking to her and make it clear that nothing will happen. etc. etc.

    My first thought, and the reason why I wanted to end the relationship, is that someone who cheats this early on in a relationship is either a) going to have a ongoing problem with cheating or b) isn’t really that interested in me, so why should I bother. So I was really surprised that he wants to stay together, especially when he seems to have another option. I honestly don’t know what to think about this. When I talked to him about this I didn’t get the sense that he was lying. I think he has a lot of potential to be a great and stable partner. But I am also terrified of investing more time and energy into someone who has let me down this early on in our relationship and risking getting hurt even more later. How would you proceed if you were me?

  108. Dear Jenny,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing what you’re going through with your husband. That’s great that he wants to work things out….but does he still see the other woman every day? It’s awfully hard to move on if he’s still in contact with her.

    Maybe that’s why you’re having such a hard time moving on, and why you cry a lot. Not only has your faith and trust in your husband been destroyed, but he also has one step in his “cheating” life.

    My prayer for you is that you find the resources you need to move past your husband’s past. May you talk to the right people, read the right books, and connect with the right sources of healing, courage, and strength. May you find love, regardless of what happens with your marriage. May you be wise and clear-headed, and may the curtain of desolation and despair be lifted from you.


  109. I have been with my husband for 20 years we have been married for 16. I found out two months ago he had been sexting a work colleague. I just felt he was having an affair because the way he acted towards me subtly changed. The night before I checked his phone I had cuddled up to him in bed and he more or less shrugged me off. The next morning I got up early and checked his phone and I was not expecting to find any messages because he usually deletes them, but there on his phone was two messages from her and two replies from him. It was like a bombshell had hit me. The messages were more or less saying what they wanted to do to each other and in his he had said if she wasn’t married he would leave me tomorrow cos he loved her. I was physically sick. I confronted him that morning, he was still in bed. He said it meant nothing, he hadn’t slept with her and it was just banter. She was just someone he got on with. I was devastated. He said he loved me and he didn’t want her, but I think it was because she was married with kids and I think if she hadn’t have been he would have been off like a shot. I have since found out who she is and it breaks my heart that they see each other every day. He swears that they have no contact anymore and he wants to make it work with me. He has been really attentive and we make love often (but we used to before anyway) but still the doubts creep in. I convince myself that he’s only here because she didn’t want to leave her husband and kids. I want to believe he still loves me but it is really hard. Everything I ever believed in has been smashed to pieces. Sometimes when he’s not at home I just sit and cry.

  110. Dear Patricia,

    It’s a terrible thing, to find out your husband has been cheating and lying. The confusion and shock is almost overwhelming at first! Especially since you were battling cancer, and needed all the love and support we could give you. I’m sorry he did this.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers. My prayer for you is that you are able to find strength and courage to do whatever it is you need to do — will you leave? Confront him? Try to save your marriage? May God give you peace, strength, and even joy as you walk forward into the next stage of your life.

    If cancer can’t bring you down, neither will this! You are a survivor, and you have the power to get through this — and become a stronger, smarter, healthier woman. Draw on the resources you have, and don’t let your husband steal away your spark.

    Many blessings of peace and joy on you,

  111. I think my husband had an emotional affair online with a coworker. He denies it, but it is eating away at my heart and self-esteem. I don’t trust him anymore. There were too many coincidental and odd things that happened in the short space of 4 months when I had cancer. I feel like crap, and cannot believe he would have don’t that, but it seems rather apparent.

  112. Dear Ashley,

    You can’t help your husband get over his sexual addiction. He has to want to get help, he has to decide it’s time to overcome his problem.

    Would he be willing to talk to a military psychologist or counselor about his issues? What about you – have you thought about talking to someone about how to cope with his cheating and lying?


  113. Dear Dani,

    Thank you for being here – it took alot of courage to open up and share the way you did. I have so much respect for you, and for what you’ve survived!

    Are you happy in this relationship? What do you need to change, in order to be happy? The only person you have any control over is you. You’re the only person you can change….what changes do you need to make, in order to be happy in this relationship?

    There is no magic formula or tip that will help you get over your fiance’s cheating. Forgiving and learning to trust again is a long process. And, you can’t do it alone. If you don’t feel supported or loved by your fiance, then you’ll have a much harder time getting over the cheating.

    Can you be yourself in this relationship? I believe the answer is no, because you said you can’t tell him you’re thinking of counseling.

    I encourage you to look into the free counseling resources in your area. Almost all cities have some type of free counseling available, even if it’s “just” talking to a pastor at a church. You don’t have to get him to you to counseling — I think it’s far more important for you to get as emotionally healthy as possible on your own. The healthier you are, the easier it’ll be to see your relationship clearly — and to see your fiance clearly.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I pray you find healing for the hurts that have been done to you, and I pray you find wisdom to leave people who don’t treat you with love and respect. I pray God gives you strength to make difficult decisions, and to show yourself the love you’ve always deserved but didn’t feel worthy of. I pray you turn to God for sustenance, energy, and healing.


  114. I believe my husband is cheating on me. The points or theorys you have about men are some what true. My problem is my husband is trained to keep secrets. He is a military man n hard to read at times. He has an addict problem. I realized that after we got married. Not even two months after we were married i found out he was cheating with me with a girl he previously was with but she had an open marriage. I also found texting on fb/snapchat/oovo. Its just sex for my husband. I confronted him n he denied it even with proof. I told him to quit his stuff or we were done. Now a yr later, about the sametime, i have the same gut feeling. Only because his emails… We have lots of it at home. Its not like he isnt getting anything, just not enough. His addiction and i dont know how to help him. Because i dont want to catch anything n i love him but i dont want to keep living like this…

  115. Hello,

    So I need a bit of help. Last year June my fiance asked for pictures of a girl he worked with and as for me I consider it cheating. He has “admitted” he cheated but he always says it like I “cheated” instead of just sounding flat out he cheated. He quotes it. Him and I got into a very heated argument a couple weeks ago. I went through my browsing history and saw the girl’s name he cheated on me with in my history because he was looking at pictures of her and her bf which is his friend. I completely snapped. I really did I was yelling screaming and hysterically crying. It hurt. SO much. It brought back so much pain that I was trying to recover from. He didn’t really show any type of compassion at all. Even when I finally spilled my feelings completely about how I felt when I found out he cheated. I found out this year in March the day before my birthday actually. I think about it almost daily. Her pictures flash through my mind and it still hurts so so much. (Back to the fight) He kept telling me there is no reason in the world that can make him understand why I snapped like that. Which I can see why because I did rage pretty bad. So much anger filled me right away. Not to mention I also saw his ex’s name in the history also. The thing is, this does not happen alot at all or at least maybe I just haven’t caught him. I’ve had more issues with him with other women also. Last year in June along with the cheating. He used to talk to his Ex and I tried to trust him and I did until I read in one of the conversations he told her he is having feelings for her again. It broke my heart because I trusted him. Also last year I found another conversation with another one of his co workers that he was trying to hangout with ( a girl) and was telling her that he really wants to hangout and he would lie to me and say he is at work or working out. Thankfully, She was saying no to him and saying that isn’t being very faithful. I’m in tears typing this out because I have so much pain and I have no true compassion from him. I want more than just an apology and saying baby I love you. It’s hurt my self esteem so so much because it’s so easy for him to call another woman beautiful but I can barely get him to call me pretty. This is a lot of things he has done but emotionally in other ways he can be a very good man. Like when we have financial issues he sits me down and always reassures me that we will make it through it. I do question time to time who he truly is because sometimes I see him as this amazing man and sometimes I see him as this evil person who destroyed a part of me. I also found a journal entry that he wrote after I confronted the cheating and he said in the journal entry he feels less of a man because he vowed to me that he would never do the things all of the other men have done to me ( ex’s ) and he just kept writing that he feels so much less of a man and I honestly hated reading that because I don’t want the man that I love feeling that way but then again I want him to feel the pain i’m in. He is also the first guy I’ve ever opened up to about my childhood. I was sexually abused for 5 years of my childhood. There is a lot more but I want to get to my question. How do I get over this? How do I get our love mended again? I miss it so much. I feel it at most times but I push myself away because my trust for him is very little. We don’t have the money for counseling and I’m afraid he will think it’s nuts that I want counseling. I really need help and guidance to get through this and how to make the pain go away without bringing it up again.

  116. Hi Michelle,

    I’m not sure how to answer your question — I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating! I can’t tell you how you should or should not feel.

    It sounds like you’re already worried. What prompted you to search the internet for articles about husbands cheating? I think there must be something more going on, than just your husband having a nightmare. Whether it’s your husband cheating or you being overly sensitive or paranoid, I don’t know.

    Are there other signs of him cheating?

  117. In five year with my husband , he has never said another women name, in bed while he was sleeping I asked him he said it was a nightmare and he doesnt remember the nightmare SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

  118. Dear Assia,

    It sounds like your husband is trying to hide his activities from you, and that you suspect he is cheating. He won’t tell you whether or not he is having an affair…and you need to decide if you can continue on in your marriage this way.

    Can you live with him, knowing that he may have cheated on you? This is a decision only you can make. What would you advise your friend to do, if she was in this situation?

  119. Dear reader,
    Please help me am confused and i don’t know what to do or where to go, i bought my husband a ticket to go to Tunisia on 17juin 2014 when he arrived the next day he phoned me from that country and he i have not heard from him till 27 juin, i tried to phone him without success he bought a ticket on 18 juin next day and flew to morroco, i had that thing say to me that he is cheating because this is not the first time i confronted him but he denies all the times i found numerous time phone numbers that he was calling morocco and i tried that number and that was a women who replied to me and saying his name, when he came back home he hide his passport i asked him where he was he told me that he was in tunisia but he was not i search for hi passport and found it when i confronted him he just ripped the pages of the passport and he gave me the passport to check i can see there is missing pages in the passport he walked away he kept silent till now please help me i don’t know what to do

  120. Hello Mike,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with cheating in marriage. It’s interesting to hear your perspective, especially that you don’t lie about your affairs. I’m glad you spoke up!

    I wonder how your wife feels about your cheating on her, and telling her about it. Does not keeping it a secret – not lying about cheating – make it easier for her to understand?

  121. You’ve missed one particular sign that is true in my case. I have phrased it as if from the female partner’s point of view to keep it in keeping with the above.

    My wife would say:-

    He is more interested in physical intimacy and “makes love” again in the tender fashion that he used to when we first met, exploring and caressing my body anew, rather than in the enjoyable but routine and habitual way that we had become used to. He takes longer and gazes into my face and eyes as we connect and calls my name as we reach the crescendo, and then cuddles me afterwards.

    He brings me presents, buys me shoes and takes me out more.

    He opens the car door for me and asks me to wait in the car while he comes around to my side to open it.

    He offers his arm to me and escorts me, pointing out hazards (be careful) that could snag my heels.

    He tells me that he loves me and kisses me more often.

    When I do all of these things she knows that I have been ‘cheating’, – as she does now, because this is exactly what I have done on the three other occasions in our long marriage. I never lie and always tell her every time. The women are also either married or in long term relationships with men whom they love; just as I love my wife. They are always my work colleagues and are always independently minded, intelligent and highly educated women with a penchant for fashion, as is my wife, and two of them (who also knew each other) after admitting the affair to her became my wife’s friends too, – along with their husbands. In each case it was they who made the first approach, – after my habitual flirting and compliment paying didn’t seem to be going anywhere; I get pleasure from simply “being polite and engaging with the ladies” just as my father used to. Unfortunately my highly polished manners have no way of turning down a lady, and so it begins with the lady in the driving seat. BUT, I always go home to my wife at the end of the day, just as the ladies go home to their partners too.

  122. Dear CoriS,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your situation. I don’t know what to think about your husband’s behavior — it does seem odd, that’s for sure. But there is no way I could ever say whether or not he’s having an affair because I don’t know anything about him, you, or your marriage. And the truth is, it doesn’t matter what I think.

    What do YOU think? Do your trust your husband? What does your gut tell you about his behavior? Also, did you ask him about the texts? Maybe it would be effective to outright ask him if he’s having an affair.

    It’s so difficult when we suspect a guy of lying about cheating…the least he can do is be honest about it! It’s crazy-making. If he talked about it, then at least we could deal with it somehow.

  123. Laurie,

    I came across your articles on the web. I know you are busy and probably won’t respond, but maybe you will. My husband and I have been married almost a year now. Recently he had to go out of town for work in the oil field for 6 weeks. When he got there he told me not to be “blowing his phone up” because he couldn’t really talk while he was at work. Well while I was going through our cell phone records tonight I saw that from the weekend he got up there he has been messaging back and forth over 100 time in two weeks with one particular number. All day, every day. Then I noticed that he messages or calls his roommate early in the morning like around the time they should be leaving for work. Why would he need to message/call him if they are sharing a room together? And why would he be constantly messaging with someone after he told me he couldn’t have his phone on the rig. It doesn’t make sense. Do you think he met someone and has been having a fling, just based on that information?

  124. Thanks for your thoughts on private investigators helping wives find out if their husbands are lying about cheating, Angel!

    Research from the University of Guelph shows that people with sexual performance anxiety are more likely to cheat on their partners. That’s just one of the curious findings of a new study on the factors that predict infidelity. The study is the first to look at how demographics, interpersonal factors and sexual personality affect infidelity.

    Men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander; for women, relationship issues are stronger predictors of unfaithfulness. The study, published recently in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour, is the first to look at how demographics, interpersonal factors and sexual personality affect infidelity. For both men and women, personality characteristics and interpersonal factors are more relevant predictors than are religion, marital status, education or gender.

    “Few studies on infidelity have gone beyond exploring demographics,” said Robin Milhausen, a professor and sexuality researcher in Guelph’s Department of Family Relations and Applied Nutrition who conducted the study with Kristen Mark and Erick Janssen of Indiana University. “This research shows that demographic variables may not influence decision-making as much as previously thought — that personality matters more, especially for men.”

    The study involved 506 men and 412 women who reported being in monogamous sexual relationships lasting from three months to 43 years. Participants were asked to report on demographic variables such as religion, education and income. They also completed scales that measured sexual personality variables and answered questions about their relationships. The study found little difference in rates of infidelity reported by men and women (23 and 19 per cent, respectively). But different things predicted the behavior for men and women.

    For men, significant predictors of infidelity are personality variables, including propensity for sexual excitation (becoming easily aroused by many triggers and situations) and concern about sexual performance failure.

    The latter finding might seem counterintuitive, Milhausen said, but other studies have also found this connection. “People might seek out high-risk situations to help them become aroused, or they might choose to have sex with a partner outside of their regular relationship because they feel they have an ‘out’ if the encounter doesn’t go well — they don’t have to see them again.”

    For women, relationship happiness is paramount. Women who are dissatisfied with their relationship are more than twice as likely to cheat; those who feel they are sexually incompatible with their partners are nearly three times as likely.

    “All kinds of things predict infidelity,” Milhausen said. “What this study says is that when you put all of those things together, for men, personality characteristics are so strong they bounce everything else out of the model. For women, in the face of all other variables, it’s still the relationship that is the most important predictor.”

    Milhausen cautions against misinterpreting or overemphasizing the study’s findings. “Taken at face value, this research might seem to just support sexual stereotypes: Women are just concerned about the relationship, and, for men, once a cheater, always a cheater, regardless of their relationship. But the caveat is that there are a lot of variants and factors that are not explained here that might impact whether someone cheats.”

    Still, knowing that sexual personality characteristics — and, for women, relationship factors — are strong predictors suggests directions for therapeutic interventions, she said. To learn more, read Sexual Anxiety, Personality Predictors of Infidelity, Study Says on the U of G website http://www.uoguelph.ca/news/2011/07/sexual_anxiety.html

    How does this help you determine if your husband is lying about cheating? If he has performance anxiety in the bedroom, he may be more likely to be unfaithful in marriage.

  125. Thanks for sharing this article. In such cases I think a Private Investigator can help you find out if your husband is cheating. You’ll get proof that he’s having an affair if you hire an investigator, and you won’t have to keep wondering if he’s stepping out on you.

  126. Dear Lauren,

    I can’t give you marriage advice because I don’t know you or your husband! Even if I was your marriage counselor, counselors don’t give advice…they help people find the answer that is already inside them.

    What do you want your husband to know about how you feel about the texts he’s sending his ex? Maybe that’s the best place to start…

  127. Amy, thank you for being a voice of encouragement! It sounds like you’ve learned how to cope without living in a bad relationship, and you’re much happier.

    I’m glad you’re sharing your love around :-)

    1. I just recently got married to my husband who is in the army and just returned from deployment. My husband has accused me of cheating when he was in Afghanistan and I would constantly have to reassure him that I wasn’t. Now that he’s back I assumed everything would be better. But recently I found out that he’s been texting one of his ex’s and he knows that I don’t like her due to some things in the past. He would text her saying “Is it wrong that I think of you instead of my wife” or he’d say “I need someone to cuddle with, you should cuddle with me” I also found some photos of other girls in his phone who were naked. I know its wrong to go through his phone but I had a gut feeling that this was going on… I don’t know what to do or how to confront him about this. Help?

  128. The most difficult thing to do when you know your husband is lying about cheating is to leave. It seems like it should be the easiest decision, but it’s not.

    Sometimes I think it comes down to self-respect. Do you respect yourself enough to leave him? Do you trust God – or a Higher Power – to take care of you, love you, and give you the life you deserve?

  129. My relationship with my husband was rocky from the very beginming which was early 2002. He was married, but not happy and left his wife. He was out of town and called me crying because she was filing for divorce but he wasn’t sure that was what he wanted. She was already in a relationship too so it ended. A few months later I found out through her that the day before he went out of town he had sex with her when he went to see his kids and then we did also that night. I was sickened that he was with us both in the same day. I wanted out then, but he convinced me to stay. We both work in a federal prison and that is how we met. We go out of town from time to time for training. Once while he was gone I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. I was upset that he didn’t care enough to check on me and suspect he was up to no good, but let it go when he assured me he was busy. Through the years I have heard many stories from co-workers about he and 2 of his close friends who chased women every weekend while in the bars, cheating over and over again. Some he admits to, most he denies but I’m sure he is lying. There is too much detail to go into on that. In June of 2010 a new Secretary was hired in his department. I had bad vibes about her from the beginning she was entirely too friendly in our male dominated workplace. In March of 2011 we attended a local event and she was also there and several other friends. We hung out that night and became friends. We began to go out more often with other friends and her, and we became close friends. There was another married couple, her, and another female who was single. This girl was married but when we went out he was always at work. We had bbqs at each other’s houses, bonfires, and they went out on our boat with us, 1 time she even brought her kids whom my husband payed a lot of attention too. They usually invited themselves, she would always ask when can we go out on the boat.
    Within a couple months I heard rumors of an affair between them so I laughed it off but began to pay closer attention after all my job is an investigator. I realized they were always together and ate lunch together which most of the time I did also. When we would go out he stood between us at the table, danced with us both, a stranger wouldn’t know if it was me or her that he was married to. One night at a bar we were all outside on the patio when I noticed them gone, went inside, they were dancing she had her backside to him and he was grinding all over her. The look on both their faces was priceless and he chased me down when I walked out. He turned it on me and said I dance with other men too “true” but not like that. I had warned him twice about their relationship and told him it made me uncomfortable and to back off, he didn’t. They were together 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, so he spent more awake hours with her. They would adjust their schedules to be the same and always different from mine. They left together and I am certain they met up at times while I was stuck at work. 1time I called him after giving him time to get there he claimed he’d been shopping but didn’t buy anything. I decided to check his cell phone records and when he walked up behind me and asked why was I on our wireless account. I told him to check his records he jerked the computer away from me. 1st clue that there was evidence! He went out of town a few days later and I studied his cell phone records. Their texts began in December, it was now August, they were more and more each month, he called her when out of town before he called me, they texted every day as soon as they left work, he called her on the weekends etc. Then I questioned 2 friends of mine in his department, they were mutual friends. 1 man, 1 woman, both had witnessed rubbing, hugging, her leaning on him, playing games on a computer together in a room alone and flirting all the time. She brought him baked goods, if one was working and one was not they called each other even while on vacation. They both apologized for not telling me. I confronted her she denied it, but never changed her demeanour. If my BFF accused me of having an affair with her husband I would be concerned about what I did to make her feel that way, she was not. My husband denied it, said I was crazy and he would never cheat on me. I gave rules to them both, no hanging out all day at work, no lunches, no touching, no texts or calls, both agreed, it only lasted a week and it was back to the same except calls and texts. I confronted her again, all she did was cry and say I’m sorry, but never answered what she was sorry for, I had to walk away before I punched her. For him I had to get divorce papers to stop it. He never admitted to anything other than hugging. He says she was fun to be with. My gut instinct is what got him caught and still tells me to this day that he is guilty and lied to me. I decided to try and stay with him, it has been 2 1/2 years but feels like it was yesterday. I see her at work daily. We don’t speak, she looks at the ground and leaves the room when I come in which I do some just to taunt her. I dream about her weekly, the fighting with my husband is more frequent than ever. Found out a few days ago he has had my Facebook info to spy on me. I’m not doing anything, but wonder if he is again. 2 years ago he was checking my cell messages in the middle of the night during his affair with her. I have always heard the accuser is usually the guilty one. My doctor and a psychologist has told me to divorce and move on that I will never let it go. The other day I told him I feel like I’m on a roller coaster, up and down all the time, I’m tired and want off, he began to tear up and said he can’t loose me. I think if it was a stranger, or a 1 time deal I could move on but my best friend, a co worker that I see every day, it was an intimate relationship and he cared for her. His problem is he is constantly suspicious of me and waiting for me to pay him back even though I have assured him I won’t. His infediality has ruined my trust as well as his for me. Don’t want to give up but I don’t think I have a choice. He gets mad if I bring her up, still denies it, and won’t discuss it period.


  130. Julie,

    Thank you for your thoughts on a lying, cheating husband! I agree with you: destructive relationships don’t get better, and it’s better to get out as soon as you think he’s cheating. You’re picking up on signals and signs, and your gut instincts aren’t wrong.

  131. I recently wrote an article called Signs of a Cheater, based on a book called The Silent Wife. It’s a fascinating look into a marriage and the mind of a cheating man! I highly recommend it, especially if you think your husband is lying about cheating. It may give you fresh insight into your relationship….and yourself.

  132. Dear Tiffany,

    It sounds like you and your husband are going through so much! There’s alot of stress at home, with the kids and parents. It sounds a bit crowded, which is difficult for any relationship. Not much room for talking or any kind of intimacy!

    I don’t know if your husband is cheating – but I tend to agree with you, that you may be overthinking things. I don’t know your husband at all, but I know men sometimes pull away when they feel stressed or unable to care for their families. He may not know how to express his feelings to you, and may be feeling pressure at both work and home.

    Could you call a support line, and talk this through with a counselor? If you’re a believer, perhaps you could talk to a pastor or someone at church. It’s important to work through your thoughts and feelings, so you can figure out the best way to approach your husband and get back on the right track.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Come back anytime, and let me know how you’re doing!


  133. Hi I am not married but my bf and I have been together 2 yrs and have been friends for 14 yrs he was resently divorced right before we got together. We have a 3 mth old together. We live with my parents currently and I know hes not happy here (my parents are not the easiest people to live with not to mention we pay half the bills and are pretty much stuck in one room) and lately I have had this feeling that he has cheated on me. Im not sure if its emotionally or physically or if he has even cheated at all. He comes home after work majority of the time but lately he has been pulling away from me, we are not as intimate as we used to be and he seems to not be as open with me ( with his feelings and just things in general) we used to tell each other everything. Im not sure if I’m just over thinking things due to our lack of time we get alone since the baby was born and we have 3 other kids ( 2 from his marriage and 1 from my previous relationship) please give me some advice????

  134. My husband’s “best friend” from college who is was also intimate with at one point, found out her husband was cheating. She has used my husband as a sounding board, shoulder, and therapist for months. She lives in a different state and I don’t suspect physical cheating, but I do worry about emotional cheating. They text each other often she calls when him when he at work often. I know women can be fragile and look to attach to anyone showing attention when their spouse is not doing the job. My husband and I have an active physical relationship but he spends more and more time on his computer and texting now. How do I approach him about this without causing problems in my own marriage? He is a good hearted guy and it may really be friendship but I want it to stop. I have had enough. That’s what she has girlfriends for so text them and leave my husband out of your drama.

    1. Not all women have “girlfriends” to talk to. A lot of women prefer men as friends as they are less judgmental, often kinder, and more empathetic.

      Maybe, they’re just friends. I think, quite possibly just friends. :)

    2. I had the same issue with my bf of 4 yrs……he was still “best” friends with his first love, as well as his whole family. Needless to say, I felt pretty threatened when we first got together. She was married, but lived in another state, so I left it alone at first. But when she started having marital problems, she would call my bf, sometimes in the middle of the night…..crying and carrying on. So, I put my foot down and told him he couldn’t talk to her anymore. Then, we had a breakup, and he immediately started talking to her again. When we reconciled, I gave him an ultimatum…..her or me. I discovered, after several months, people don’t respond well to ultimatums, and all he did was talk to her behind my back. Lol. Then, we broke it off for about 9 mnths, for other reasons, and in the meantime, she moved to where we live because this is where she is originally from and she and her husband divorced. He and this girl stayed friends that whole time, and I was certain they would end up together……but they DIDN’T. During that 9 mnths I realized something……if they wanted to be together (he was single, she was single), they would’ve gotten together. So, that whole time I felt so insecure about her for no reason. Now he and I are back together, and they are still friends, and she talks about the other guys she dates, and I could care less. I learned a lot from that experience, and my advice to you would be that, it’s good to stand up for yourself, but if you try to control too much, he’ll resent you for it and do it behind your back anyway. I completely understand how you feel, but if I were you, I would just try to be chill about it, unless you see that they’re talking about something inappropriate. Chances are, the frequency that they talk will start to fizzle out as she gets her stuff together. I hope everything works out, Girl! :)

  135. I’ve been with my husband for 23 years and in the last few years 2 women have contacted him on facebook saying hes the father of their kids. How can this be? I trusted him over and over I believed him and trusted him, but now I dont buy it anymore. It was bad enough that one woman came forth but now a second one. And he denies it all. Everytime I ask him he puts the blame on me saying if I’m accusing him of cheating then I must be cheating. Ive been with him since I was 16, hes all I know and my heart is breaking. Somedays its more than I can take and I just want to end it all….

    1. Dear Crystal,

      Don’t let your husband take your power! I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish he didn’t cheat on you. But, he did. You need to get strong and find who you are outside of your marriage.

      You’ve been with him for more than half your life, but I believe you have the strength to live without him. You need time to grieve the fact that your husband cheated on you and lied to you…and then you have to think about what to do next.

      What is your source of strength?


  136. Dear Jennifer,

    I don’t know how you find out if your husband is cheating on you, and lying about. It’s a sickening feeling to be wondering if your own husband is involved with another woman! I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    My gut instinct tells me that if you have been suspecting your husband of cheating for the past 13 years, then he may very well be cheating. Your gut instinct is telling you something – your subconscious is picking up on cues from him, his actions, his words, and the environment – and those cues are based on facts.

    I believe you have the answer – I think you know whether or not your husband is cheating on you. He won’t admit he’s cheating…so will you trust your gut, or his words?

    Stay true to you,

  137. I have my suspicions throughout the 13 years that I have been with my husband. I have confronted him several times in the past and he always says that I’m full of it and he would never cheat on me. We have 3 children and one on the way. The past month or two he has been hanging out with his friends more and longer. He used to be home by 420p when he gets off work at 3pm and now hes coming home closer to 7pm. The “guys” are playing poker more frequently and I have learned recently that it is not always just “guys” that play there is the wife of one of the guys and on e of her friends. the wife has told me in the past that her friend get crazy when she drinks a few drinks. she strips and is not afraid to pleasure any man married or not in any way. this set off many alarms. but any time I confront him now he gets very angry and very defensive. I don’t know what to do. The wife of one of his friends wont tell me the truth about anything that happens, and neither will any of the guys. I cant be a stalker in a sense because my van is very recognizable to all of them and my girls will tell him. Im just so very emotional and stressed, and pissed. And im also wondering if his lack of being able to get fully erect with me is also a sign of infidelity.

  138. Dear Rachael,

    Thank you for sharing your story here; my heart goes out to you and your husband. It’s one of the worst betrayals – cheating – and it is extremely difficult to move on afterward.

    Two of the most important things to remember are that it takes a long time to forgive your husband for cheating, and forgiveness is a daily effort. It took my friend 6 years to forgive her husband and learn to trust him again after he cheated. It was a constant, almost hourly effort of rebuilding trust and intimacy in their marriage.

    Here’s an article that may help:


    I also encourage you to book a session or two with a marriage counselor, so both you and your husband can learn tools for rebuilding your marriage.

    What do you think?

    Stay true to you,

  139. Dear Beth,

    Congratulations on your baby – I hope all is well!

    I think you should get out of this relationship as soon as possible. He’s cheating and lying, and he won’t change. He’ll keep cheating and lying until he decides to leave you.

    Why do you think you deserve to be with men who cheat on you? Why do you choose men like this?

    I wrote this article for you:


    Let me know what you think!

    Stay true to you,

  140. Ok so me and my husband have been married for a year we have lived together for 10 years and have 7 beautiful children together. He cheated on me back in may. I have tried so hard to forgive him. He came out and told me. I never had any doubts about him trusted him whole heartdly to me he could do no wrong. He came out and told me he apologized said it was only one time and he felt so bad afterwards he didn’t know what to do. My question for anyone going through something similar is how did you handle it? How can I believe it was only one time? I try to move past it but its in my mind everyday. I work third shift and find myself wondering is he doing something behind my back? I really do love him I just don’t know how I could ever get pass this. Need advice! If I can’t get pass this would it be better to just file for divorce? I’m trying to think about my kids who are in the middle of this situation

  141. hi there. my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years and we just had a baby girl dec 2012. i recenlty found conversations of him talking to other girls on facebook, one being my so called best friend. these conversations are about how he wants to make them feel sexualy, where they are going ot meet, the one with my so called best friend says that he had gone there and that she was getting better at certin things. and when i bring it up with him, he just says he was kidding, and that he would never cheat on me. and he doesnt know why he does it. he just does according to him. funny thing is that he was cheating on his ex with me when we got together. so i dont trust him. nor any guy because of my past that every boyfriend that i hve ever been with has cheated on me. my new thing with him is that we are closing our personal facebooks, and i just made one for both of us. i have closed my old one, but he hasent even added the family and friends he wants to. he hasent even been on ours yet.

    i just keep finding conversations with him and other girls. and its always the same stuff. how they are hot, and how he wants to “play” with them. i dont get how guys can be so messed up. please give me some advice. i dont want to leave him in one way cause both my kids have different dads, and i always wanted to make sure that i was with the father of my kids. my oldest daughters father cheated on me 5 times. and as far as i know with this one, ony just talking on facebook and on texts.

  142. Dear Annabyrnes,

    It sounds like you caught your husband red-handed! The decision now is whether or not you should leave him…

  143. Dear Janette,

    It sounds like your gut instincts are telling you that something is up with your husband. I don’t know if he’s cheating or not, but am 100% sure that this isn’t a good way to live! Suspicion, paranoia, and distrust are unpleasant, unhappy places to be.

    Have you directly asked him if he’s cheating on you?

  144. Well I think my husband is cheating also he texts other girls I snooped in his phone he told one girl he. Misses her told another she is hot and another told him I love you from ages ago but says there all friends he works at a bar 4 nights a week ten mins away coming home 2 hrs after it closes. He is not affectionate anymore till he suspects in down. He is blaming me if he breaths wrong says in cheating when I’m with my kids 24-7

  145. I have a very strong feeling my husband is talking to someone(a woman engineer he works closely with?) at his work place. He used to come home between 3:00-3:30 pm always except for when there were leaks of gas, then occasionally, he’ll call he’ll be late. Lately, he’s late Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and do not call if he is. I noticed he is also starts to be critical of me, moody when he comes home and sometimes get angry easily. One time I was looking at his little notebook where he always write numbers and letters about what he did at work, but then I saw this name Vanessa written twice in that notebook. I asked him who was that name Vanessa written in his notebook, he said it’s his engineer. Also, it seems I found a brunette hair in his work truck which am truly sure is not mine. I feel so jittery right now at the pit of my stomach and my hands get cold thinking about it. As I write to you, he’s late to come home again.Yes, we usually have sex ones every week or every two weeks, that is only if I initiate it. He would always tells me he’s always tired. It seems he doesn’t want to be intimate to me emotionally and physically. I’m hurting. I feel his distance from me.

    1. Dear Janette,

      I saw your post. Did you ever get your answer? I am going thru the same issues. I hate these women working with our husbands and our husbands letting some other woman at work be the “friend”. They say nothing happens, but the actions and lack of sex and emotions says it all!

      1. I have experienced my partner being inappropriate with female colleagues. E mails, texts, and definite cheating.
        Get out from this destructive relationship… It will not get better….

  146. Dear Amber Rose,

    I don’t know if you’re being paranoid or if your husband is cheating on you — but I think you need to trust your gut instincts! What you observe and what your boyfriend says to you isn’t as important as what your “spidey senses” are telling you.

    It sounds like you’re confused and conflicted about your relationship. You don’t feel safe with your boyfriend, and you’re not sure you can trust him.

    Is this true – that you don’t feel safe with him, that you don’t trust him?

  147. Me and my fiancé have been together for 2 and half years, if you don’t count the three months we was split up. When we was together for the first part of our relationship there was this girl who I considered a good friend and all of us went to church together. I started to noticed how he acted around her and that they would always flirt and I constantly asked him if he was interested in her and every time he said no. Well we was together for a little over a year and during this time he kept it up with this girl and it had gotten so bad that I told him that he needed to either stop talking to her and flirting or just break up with me instead of leading me on. He slowly stopped talking to her so much and I thought things where getting better but then it seemed like out of the blue he broke up with me. I was heart broken. We didn’t talk for about 2 weeks then he started sending me messages on facebook asking how I was doing and stuff like that. Well to speed things along in my story, he eventually asked if we could get back together and I said no I was still to hurt over him leaving me. But after 3 months I gave him another chance and because of some other personal things his mom asked me to live with them because I had no where else to go. We where together for about 2 months when I was snooping on his facebook page cause I noticed he had been messaging the same girl from our church again reading through their messages all the way back to when we was first together I saw that he had indeed cheated on my with her before we had broke up. So we went through a bump but sorted it out, I forgave him because it was in the past and we stayed together. well now we are expecting a baby girl next month on the 20th of July and we are engaged, but I’m worried if he is cheating on me again because I ran across a condom in his wallet and well I hate condoms so we never used them after the first couple of months when we became sexually active in our relationship. I of course questioned him about it and he said he got it just in case, without any hesitation. when I asked just in case for what he just shrugged and said you and me and went back to what he was doing. Now he is talking to this girl he sees at work who babysits his bosses kids. I haven’t met her but I am scared it will be like last time. I am very paranoid with him around any female now but I don’t want to ruin what we have again. So I don’t know if he is cheating on me or not, I know my details suck and I probably left some important things out but can you at least tell if I am being overly paranoid or not?

  148. Dear Denise,

    It sounds like you can’t trust your husband — and you’re right to feel paranoid and suspicious! You’ve caught him cheating three times. He lied to your face about it, which is just as bad.

    It’s not easy to pick up and leave, is it? It’s like parenting: everything is easy in theory, but in real life it’s complicated and messy. There are so many shades of grey and complications that make decisions very difficult.

    And, your children will be devastated. They’ll survive and bounce back – kids are resilient – especially if you maintain a healthy, strong attitude.

    I encourage you to get help. Find someone you trust, and talk through your options. I’d talk to a counselor and divorce lawyer as soon as possible, just to start thinking about what lies ahead if you decide to leave.

    I think counseling is a good idea even if you decide to stay, because you need to learn how to live with a husband you don’t trust.

    What do you think?


  149. Dear Alisha,

    Thank you for being here! I’m sorry you had to be, though – I wish you and your husband were having no problems to write about.

    I wrote this article for you:


    The bottom line is that I think he’s lying about cheating, and I think it has to do with not having conflict in your marriage. That is, if you and he have never (or rarely) fought about anything, then you don’t know how to deal with something as big and scary as cheating.

    Not fighting doesn’t mean you have a healthy marriage. It means you’re avoiding problems.

    Also, I believe most wives are shocked to find out their husbands are cheating on them. Men who cheat don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m having an affair” — they are often good, upstanding, respectable men who are missing something in their marriages.

    Anyway, read the article I wrote for you. I welcome your thoughts.


  150. Hello,
    I have been married for 11 years now. My husband and I have 3 kids, the youngest is 2 years old now. 6 years ago I caught my husband talking to another woman on the cell phone. It lasted about 2 or 3 months. He would only call her at night while he was at work or during the day when I wasn’t home. I discovered it because I was the one paying the cell phone bill and it had been a bit high during that time. Anyway, I confronted him because it made me feel uncomfortable. He said she was a long time friend and he was only talking to her because her father had recently passed away. but he did stop talking to her because he knew it made me feel uncomfortable. Then last year on Facebook, he met another longtime friend, which he sent Facebook messages to. I was able to read those because I knew his password. I noticed he was acting different so I logged on one day and confirmed my suspicion. He was flirting with her basically saying he wished he had met her a few years earlier because he thought she looked hot. When I confronted him about that he laughed saying I was over-reacting. Luckily the woman didn’t respond to my husbands messages. After that we had a long talk about our marriage, we listed the things we liked and didn’t like about our marriage, and agreed to change. Now, a few months ago, I noticed he was acting different again. I looked through the cell phone company and noticed a particular phone number repeating everyday. only during times when I was not at home, or while he was at work. I confronted him, and he said it was a longtime friend and they were only catching up. I even called this woman and politely asked if there was anything going on between my husband and her. I also told her how I felt and tried to explain my perspective. Still feeling uneasy, I investigated the cell phone bill further and noticed they were also texting and sending pictures to each other. Then my husband finally confessed that they were having virtual sex (he swears nothing physical happened). I was really upset because he made me feel as a crazy person at first for even accusing him of cheating. I also later learned she was his ex, and he had at one point during when they were dating wanted to marry her.
    I feel really betrayed, since this is the 3rd time. He apologized and swears he would never do it again. Our intimate life had always been great, and I know we were bunting heads for a little while before this last incident. The hardest part for me right now is letting it go. I love him, but I feel so betrayed. I want to leave because I feel so angry of what he has done to me. I always felt and believed in being faithful to your partner, and always told myself if anyone ever cheated on me I would waste my time with them…yet here I am with him because I love him, and feeling miserable and paranoid at times when he is not with me. I feel like he will cheat again.

    1. it seems as the women, we are the ones trying to be right, do right and we get stabbed in the back. ive been there with husband texting girls, emailing. I gave him a second chance after living in his car and finding his self alone he hasn’t done it since. but im learning to be happy with myself, my 2 boys and have good friends :) if yall hear me! to all the women on here feeling confused, hurt, betrayed, alone, know I LOVE YOU and understand.

  151. Dear Ruby,

    You’re too good for that man! He is treating you like dirt, he’s taking you for granted, and he will make your life more and more miserable.

    I know you love him, but he is not treating you with love or respect. He is treating you like garbage.

    How long will you let him treat you like that? Will you teach your son that this is how to treat a woman?

    Yes, it will be hard to leave. Yes, you will struggle financially — and your heart will be broken because you have to let go of someone you love.

    But you will gain SO MUCH!!

    I wrote this article for you:


    And here’s an article I wrote for another reader, who is in the same boat as you:


    What do you think of all this??


  152. I have been with my husband for 13 years. We have four kids, our youngest 8months old. I recently went to the dr for an infection and I was possatice for chlamydia. I have never cheated and my husband swears he hasn’t either. Our relationship is amazing. Emotionally, sexually, every aspect. We are always together and never like being apart. We have a great family life and we both seem very happy. I don’t think I’m being nieve but he just isn’t the type of person to cheat on me. It doesn’t fit his personality at all. There aren’t any of the “signs” of cheating and nothing has changed between us. We never fight and we just never have any issues. I know chlamydia is and std and I even went to a specialist to see if there was any explanation other than cheating. All she could say that it’s highly unlikely that it could be anything else but there is always that >1% or freak chance that isn’t documented. I just don’t know what to do and what to believe its killing me. I am having panic attacks all the time. When we talk about it he seems completely open and honest no strange body language or voice changes or anything. I love him with all of my heart and I know he loves me and we have such an amazing family. I have told him that no matter what I want to work this out because I believe we and our kids are worth it and he sill says he innocent….please if you have time I could use some help. Thank you

  153. Hello, just letting you know that I have never done this before. But I am at a lose. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 4yrs now. The very first couple of weeks that we were together. His ex gf posted pics of my bf and her on facebook holding each other. I forgave him for that because we were not a sure thing just yet. We do have an 8 month old baby boy btw. Anyway, for the last 3yrs he kept talking and texting the girl that posted pics of them kissing and being together on facebook. Well I didn’t like that one bit mostly because I knew she was his ex and I just never felt comfortable with it, and no matter what I said or did he would still talk and text her, I told him that I felt like he was disrespecting me which he would shrug at. He would even try and hide it, but I loved him soo much I didn’t see what may never change with him. I don’t see us ever getting merried, because hes never there for me, or our son. I literaly have to beg him for a little extra money from him for our child, he works for the rail road, so I know he has the little bit of money that I ask for from him which normaly I don’t ever ask for no more than maybe 50 dollors, but I only ask because he uses the car when he gets home and when he goes to work he leaves me with no emergency money and leaves the car with no gas, and with a baby thats just not good for either of us. Mind you he is extremley greedy, and selfish which I’m just getting to know this about him. He doesn’t put his family first at all, I have even had to go into hocking my belongings to get my little man the diapers and clothes that he needs, I don’t make nearly as much money as my bf does and I love him soo much but I feel like there is no winning with him, I know that its got to be hard on him, but goodness I wasn’t the only one who had a child here. Well, just recently he decides to come up to me and say that he thinks we should have an open realationship. Ok I’m plum dumb founded at this point, so I couldn’t ansrew. As he walks away he tells me to think about it. What in the heck can I say to that? When hes home hes texting women all the time, I don’t know who they are, Nither me nor my son gets to see him very often because hes always gone to work for weeks at a time which i find strange sence his boss lets him choose his own work schedule, and lately hes been working even more, so really we never see him. Than when he comes home he leaves, he’ll go to his mothers or go where ever he can go to get away from me. And I swear I never nag him, I never tell him what he can and can’t do, I’m guessing by now he probably is cheating on me. Because all hes done sence we been together is lie to my face. I guess love really is blind, its just im on a fixed income i don’t make much money, I get government help, but if I leave him, How on earth will me and my baby make it? I am extremly heart broken and lost. I have done everything in the world that I can think of to make him happy, I’m a complete mess. I mean he has never had to do anything for himself when he comes home, i’ll have his house clean his son taken care of, I always have dinner on the table right when he walks through the door. Jeeze am I making things to easy for him? Oh I just don’t know anymore. Please give me your insight on this. Thank you so much for your time ma’am.

  154. The bad news is that I can’t respond personally to everyone’s comments, because I just don’t have the time. The good news is that you’re not alone — look how many women are struggling with the same issues!

    You are not alone.

    Here’s a question for you: if I waved a magic wand and changed your life, how would it be different? What is your perfect life?

    And another question:

    What is one thing you can do today to start creating that life?

  155. Im a 25 year old male and have been in a strange relationship for 4 years and 5 months. All is not well and reading the comments of the ladys, I feel angry of what`s happening in their relationships. Im not sure where to begin becuase there are so manny points. My fiance cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship and i forgave her, this relationship was never steady…always rocking back and forth. I loved going out with her, dancing and having fun. She had a problem with this becuase where ever we went, there were people that knew me, so i decided to take her out of town where this would hopefully not be a problem. after a few times she didnt whant to do this anymore. So now there`s none of that. She would critesise me on things like…If i see someone doing somthing wrong and I talk to her about it, she replies with something els I did wrong. That makes me feel like a target and that she cant stand by me. I dont want to talk about my feelings if i feel the need to tell her how it makes me feel because previos times it started a huge fight where she started beating me “AGAIN”. She cuts conversations short and shows no intrest in me what so ever. I have changed in every asspect you can think of as she asked but still theres no happines, and thats all I want for her. The one good thing that came out of this relationship is our beutifull and perfect duaghter which is the only reason why i`m stil in the relationship( I gues ), but I fear that whats going on between me and her mother has a negative impact on her. Im not always rite and I know that….BUT THIS I DO NOT DESERVE!!!.Last night we had another fight and I relised that this is never going to change. What do I do now……….?. Why keep on trying when nothing gets better.
    I`m now at breaking point because even Couples Therapy didnt work.
    I am now sleeping on the couch.

  156. Dear Barbara,

    It sounds like you and your daughter are very close! That’s great that she can talk to you about her husband, but it must be hard for you to not know how to help her.

    I wrote this article for you:

    How to Support Your Daughter in a Difficult Marriage

    I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a few tips! I hope they help, and welcome your thoughts.


  157. Hello Heather,

    Thank you for being here! It sounds like you’ve been struggling with your husband for a long time, and you’re confused about what to do.

    I can’t tell you if you should leave him, or if he’s cheating. But, I think you should listen to your family. I think they have a better handle on what’s going on than I ever could (because they know you!).

    I wrote this article for you:

    When to Take Your Family’s Advice About Your Relationship

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Also — what is holding you back from leaving your husband? It’s often helpful to write down your fears and concerns — or talk them through with someone you trust and respect.


  158. Hi I’m 28yrs old and my husband is 27 . We been married for 10yrs . I meet my husband at age 15 our sex life was great, then I became pregnant at age 18 I gained 45 pounds . My husband changed so much he started lying about drug use . Our sex life change completly we get intimate if I’m lucky only once a month , and when it happends he’s done in about 30 seconds. Then after that his not interested in trying again. He’s been to the doctor , the doctor said that he has a problem with the blood flow and has been given viagra . I’m so tyred of watting for my husband to get intimate . We argue alot about this topic and now we lost respect and we hardly have any comunication we avoid each other.

  159. i have been married for four years now, my husband cheated on me once.. things change now we worked it out.. but i notice he’s always interested in online porn than me..he loves me n i love him very much i told him what is doing hurts me but he wont stop its like he’s addicted to it please help!!!

  160. I am 24. My boyfriend of 3 years has always been a very loving and sensitive partner. For the first two and a half years I have been very happy with him and he and I both have talked about marriage and children and are in the market to buy our first home together….However the past few months I have noticed several changes..Our main source of argument has often been how much time he has spent with his friends but for quite some time he had settled down and we were really living like a happily married couple. He would see his friends maybe once a week and this was enough…These past few months he has been spending a lot more time then usual with his “mates” (maybe four times a week now) and when I have told him off about it he basically tells me to accept it or find someone else – which is a totally different approach then what he would usually take….. A lot of new young girls have been hanging around his friends house as well because his little sister (who lives there also) just turned 18. I don’t know if this is a connection or if I am just being paranoid. In the first year or so he had lied a few times about drug use which caused me to loose trust… I noticed he has put a lock on his phone. He has also lost some interest in sex and I have noticed he doesn’t miss me or want to see me when I haven’t seen him in a couple days – which is totally different then usual…Are we just going through a stage or are my concerns legitimate?? I thought he may have cold feet seems as though we are getting more “serious” or he maybe just wanted some space but I am no longer certain.. Please help

  161. I have been married for 17 yrs and found out about a year and half ago that my husband had two different women emailing him pictures of themselves naked. When i confronted him on them he said i knew that you saw those and its not cheating. I do think it is a type of cheating and he hides his phone when he gets texts and stuff. A couple of months ago he decided that he wanted to go on a diet and shave his gotee. i asked why he said that somebody at his office said he looked better with it off. i don’t know if he has cheated on me or not but when i do ask he tells me no he hasn’t but turns around and accuses me of doing it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I had found years ago where he was emailing two different people talking to them. So he could have cheated then and i wouldn’t have known, He emotional abuses me and i have finally started to stand my ground on this. My family says i should get a divorce and i am now thinking the same thing. I am not in love with him anymore and i am not attracted to him anymore. we have 3 kids together, i just don’t know what i should do. He told me he wouldn’t get anymore emails from these girls but i found out he did. If you could give me any advice i would appreciate it. Thank you so very much.

  162. My daughter just gave us a beautiful grandchild, however her husband has not been interested in her physically since she got pregnant. Even now after three months he says he is physically not attracted to her anymore. I want to give her the best advise, however my instinct is to say just pack your bags and leave, I think he is having an affair. He does have a job that seems to have him out of the house a lot. I asked her if he would be willing to do counseling. She does not believe he feels there is a problem. Any suggestions on the type of advise and support I should be giving her.

  163. I’ve been married 3 years now. Sadly, my husband does have a history of lying, but that was because of drug issues in the past.
    He always says he loves me and would never dream of cheating, and is just the sweetest guy….. but lately, he finds excuses to get away from the house, I found lube in his car, then just today, I see that he left for work without his ring on. When I confront him about anything, he always has an excuse. (The lube was apparently so he could get some “alone time”)??
    I don’t know what to think, I don’t want to act accusing, but at the same time, there are only so many excuses I can tolerate.
    With local traffic, I can never be sure of when he’ll get home from work, so leaving early and getting home late could be valid, or a perfect cover.
    I have chewed my nails to bits over this issue, because I haven’t the tiniest clue how to approach this situation.

  164. Hi my name is April. And I have been married for 8 years and I have 2 chidren and one bein born in may.. i think that he is cheating on mw

  165. I have a boyfriend who i love dearly. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs space…doesnt need me around 24/7. His kids love me, i do everything for all of them. He gets upset with me if i go home at night. We have been shopping for cars, furniture, but then he turns the other way. Phone is always connected to him. I would love to look through it but i dont want to b that person. I respect privacy even at my expense. Please help!

  166. If your husband isn’t willing to work on your marriage, then it doesn’t matter if he’s cheating. The fact is that he’s given up on trying to make things work.

    So, you need to decide if you want to try to save your marriage by yourself.

  167. How about when he says “I know you don’t believe me?” Or gives me access to his facebook so I can check, gives me his phone so I can go through his texts ( I don’t)…He does face me (the bellybutton rule) when I confront him, his voice doesn’t change, he doesn’t get angry….But he refuses to go to counseling and says he wants to move on with his life…..

    1. T.T.,

      I know EXACTLY what you mean .. that nagging feeling .. it is the”gut” instinct I keep reading about here .. I hav never been cheated on before (that I know of) and my 20 yr marriage ended because o other reasons .. my ex is now someone I appreciate because my now fiance cheats constantly and I think with hookers. I think he uses emails to contact them via another online account and then uses another company truck to go to these “appointments”. Asking him about it without hard “evidence” has only made him sneakier, and harder to “catch”.
      Either that, or he has joined a “hook-up” site and has found a married woman in which to have these trounces with. Doesn’t matter. I know. After he has these sexual encounters there are signs. Always.
      The fact he treats me great, calls me “his love”, and provides well for my daughter when needed (shes in college) doesn’t make this easy for me. Who would have thought it would have taken getting divorced to wind up in such a situation? My divorce left me dead broke and this man has helped me tremendously in that manner.
      I thought about just living with it, since I am over 50 yrs old .. but its not worth it. If he doesn’t STOP, and soon, my plan is to leave after getting some financial arrangements made.
      My heart goes out to you, and to myself .. heck, to ALL of the women on this board .. there IS life after this type of devastation, and the only way out of this insanity is to cut off all contact, and Heal. To focus on ME, and whats left of my life .. and Heal from this, all while knowing I am doing the most loving thing for ME.
      If these men truly knew what they did to those they proclaim to “love” by these indiscretions, they would never start them in the first place.

      Anything else would mean I would stay and keep sending myself the message that I am not good enough ..not worth it. I
      And I am. I am worth the life I picture that has me Happy, Whole, and Complete.

  168. Hi all, I am with my husband since we were teenagers (17 years now) and married 7 years we have no kids. To the outside world I am the luckiest women to have such a wonderful husband but the truth is that since 2009 we have barely held it together. He has destroyed all the trust I ever had in us as a couple and him as my husband. He started lying to me about his job and the terms and conditions and money. He lied about bills and got us into a lot of financial difficulty. We sorted it and move on, he got a new job and the lies are back but this time he lied about a business trip and who he went with. Instead of his boss he went with a female colleague. It not just the direct lies its the stories and the elaborate effort he makes to hide his lies. I can’t trust anything he tells me even when he tells me that he lies to me to protect me because he loves me. He blames me too that I don’t trust him so that why he lies. I can’t seem to make him understand that I need him to stop lying before we can regain any trust. My Mother passed away only last week and now I have this to deal with. i am so low over the loss of my best friend and Mother I think I might as well just get splitting up over and done with because he will never change.

  169. Hi Carlena,

    I think it my be a good idea for you to meet her. Meeting her may help alleviate your concerns that your husband is cheating – or it may confirm your suspicions! Either way, you may learn more about their relationship, which will help you move forward.

    I hate to say this, but physical cheating (sex) isn’t the only way a husband may betray his wife. Emotional cheating is just as destructive – especially when men don’t realize they’re doing it.

  170. Dear April,

    It sounds like you’re very confused and upset – I know I would be! It’s a terrible situation to be in.

    What does your gut tell you about your husband cheating? Are there any signs that he might be? Why would two of your friends say that he is cheating?

    Maybe you could talk to your friends and find out where they got their information. It doesn’t seem likely that they’d both make up this stuff, just for the fun of it.

    The other odd thing is that your husband brought it up again the next day. It sounds like he’s been thinking about the accusation, and it bothers him. I don’t know if he’s cheating or not, but I know my husband doesn’t usually bring up subjects that he doesn’t want to talk about! That is, if I thought he was cheating, he wouldn’t bring it up again unless I did.

    What does your gut tell you about your husband?

  171. i have been only married for a year and my husband is bi-sexual since he started this new job he has been giving a female coworker a ride to work even though she lives right down the street from their job but it is cold outside but he always calls her or text her after i leave for work. She wants to meet me but i dont know if i want to meet her. could this been a sign that he is cheating on me

  172. I have and is still married to a man for 19 years. He has never been a loving person, only behind closed doors with me. He never shows affection to me in public. I had two really great friends on the same day call me to tell me they heard my husband was having an affair. I ask him and the girl and they both denine it. He laughed and said who ever told me that must be on crack and it was a ly. He would never do that to me, that he didn’t need two wemen bitching at him that one was enogh. Then next day he ask if i was over it and I said no not till i get to the bottom of it and he said If you dont trust the truth from me then I really dont know what to tell you so you belive me. I dont know what to do with this? Why would someone tell me this. I was happy with my life tell yesterday! Please help with words of in courgment.

  173. Dear Mrs Seymour,

    If I could help you, what would you like me to do? Tell me what three things you most want to see happen with your husband — and your life.

  174. Dear Rosie,

    I cannot tell you if you should stay with your cheating husband, but I do believe he will not change. It will not get better.

    So, do you want to live with your husband the way he is right now? That is the decision you must make. Can you live with him as he cheats on you?

  175. Hello ladies I have been in my relationship for 6 yrs now and have two kids. I thought my relationship for great until I found out that he was sleeping with someone that he works with. I have entertained this woman before and she has even been around my kids. Well needless to say last year the day after my daughter’s one year birthday party I found out that this woman was pregnant by my boyfriend. Its like someone took something from me. I wanted him to hurt the same way I was hurting, but I didnt want it to affect our kids. Since then the woman has had the baby and I dont want to take my frustrations out on the baby cause its not the babys fault. I really dont know how to feel sometimes. I havent told our kids about this other baby cause I feel its not my responsibility to do so. Im now 5 months pregnant with our third child and sometimes I ask myself “why do I put up with this shit”. The sad part is I want my kids to have a mommy and daddy under one roof. Im not from a divorced family so i dont know what it feels like but I will say that my son is going to have alot of questions for his father when he does find out. Sometimes I say I understand how a lady who has an abusive husband stay and the reason why is because they think it will never happen again now his not abusive but a cheater and i still here and I can kick my own ass for that because I dont want my son to think when he grows up its ok to treat a LADY any kind of way and I dont want my daughter to feel like she can take any kind of shit from a MAN. I wasnt brought up this way and if my father was still alive he would be SOOOOO disappointed in me. But people dont know what they have until its gone I will say that.

  176. Well, I’ve been with my husband 11 years and married to him for 7 years on and off. During our marriage 3 years ago he got and 18 year pregnant, I stayed with him as long as I could. We separated july of 2011 and we just got back together october 2012 and i just found out he has a five month old baby. He’s always gone on his off days early in the am til late in the pm and on his work days he dont come home after work. No family time only myself and the kids, HELP ME!!

  177. Iv been with my partner for. A year now and 3 months. I am heavily pregnant and have 2 months left till I give birth.I found messages of him calling her baby and saying he really cared about her.she didnt say anything like that back so I messaged her to see what was going in and it was jakes friend that we uses to hang round with together. She told me that he had slept with a 15 year old on her living room floor I haven’t said anything yet but I believe it to be true should u keep quiet so I can keep calm for babys sake or should I just come out with it allthrough my relationship my partner has lied to me and flirted with other girls

  178. Hi Christy,

    Thanks for the book suggestion! I’m glad it helped you, and hope it helps others who might be in the same situation.

    Sometimes it helps to get an objective perspective on whether your husband is lying about cheating. I mean a professional, who won’t necessarily “take sides”, but who can help you figure out if your suspicions are coming from you or your husband.

  179. I read this book called Lie Detection Made Easy and then gave some copies to one of my girlfriends that suspected an affair and the information in the book worked! The book is very inexpensive, short, and really easy to understand! Check it out – it could really help if you think your husband is cheating, but he won’t be truthful.

  180. Dear Linda,

    Yes, I think your feelings are valid about your husband’s “best friend”! Not only is the age gap ridiculous, it’s also unreasonable for him to have an emotional attachment to another woman. That’s emotional cheating, and it’s wrong.

    I don’t think it’s stupid to fall in love with a man, trust him, and believe that your marriage is healthy and happy. Sometimes we can’t see reality because we’re too busy, preoccupied, tired, or even not ready to face the truth. It doesn’t mean we’re stupid…it just means that we’re human.

    Do you have to wait until the lease is up to separate? Can you start moving on now – even if it’s just by looking for your own place?

  181. Dear Priscilla,

    I’m sorry for what you went through with your husband. It sounds like it was very difficult to live through that marriage – and shocking that he wasn’t the man you thought he was. Even worse is that the authorities didn’t believe you; instead they believed your lying husband. That’s sick and twisted, and it happens all too often!

    I hope you’re okay now. I couldn’t tell from your comment if you’re still living with your husband. Are you okay? I hope you have friends or family that you can lean on, to help you through this. Please feel free to come back anytime and let me know how you’re doing!


  182. What should I think, say or do knowing that my husband of 5 years, has a new female “best friend” 25 years younger than he is. We are having major problems and are going to separate in the next month or so…have to wait until the lease is up. I do not know this other woman other than to meet her for 10 minutes when I walked into my husbands hospital room 4 months ago and she, along with 3 other young women were in there. I have to say I was in shock. I only knew 1 of the girls…she’s 19, young and ditzy and she introduced me to the others but this new “best friend” thinks that I am the rudest person she’s ever met because of the hospital incident. I don’t know about anyone else but I find it really strange that a man in his late 50’s has these 19, 21, 32 and 46 year old female friends that 1) I don’t know any of them other than the 19 year old, 2) that he goes to dinner with on a regular basis and 3) is out every single night. Of course, he always says that he’s with his male friend who is 37 years old. This man has done nothing but bring me down in the 6 1/2 years we’ve been together. Yes I am one of those women who fell for his BS, hook, line and sinker. I’ the one that I always read about and said “how could a woman be so stupid.” Well you’ve just met stupid! So are my feelings valid about this 32 year old best friend, who by the way is getting a divorce or am I just a really sick thinking person?

  183. whats wrong with men these days? I got married late 2009 and my husband must be the worst husband ever. when i got pregnant he made an appointment for me to abort it despite him being so religious and pious (the main reason I married him). I refused to abort and he would kick me on my stomach during pregnancy. however when I filed for divorce everything turned against me. He became a monster and put even my own lawyer on his side inventing stories that Im a difficult person and dirty when he never even flush the toilet. He used to complain I clean too much as well. Which is normal I think hygiene is important. However when I was with him he would talk shit behind my back whilst smiling and complimenting me. I dont think its bad if a guy gives you negative comments. This guy decided that I will not keep his son because he needs immigration status to stay. Its sad the authorities only think he wants to see his son and that I must be the problem since he was beating me. They even said he must be beating me for a reason. Like if there is an excuse for that. Enough said…when your surrounding slowly starts giving you a bad eye or bad looks then it means the person you are with is giving you a bad name. And that is a bad relationship. Look at how his surrounding and your surrounding is treating you when you are with him. I used to ignore these signs but they are very good indicators. Nowadays men are irresponsible and unfortunately the society sees men as people with little rights. They just dont have any responsibility. Some men dont care about their child but still ask for custody. They told me medical proof is not enough proof of the beatings. The guy still keeps saying he loves me and want to change but I gave him 2 years thats enough and one year of legal procedures.

    What happened to the good guys like before? Dont mess with a bad husband cause at the end people will put all the fault on the woman.

  184. Hi Jess,

    Do you think your husband is acting the way he is — the signs a man is cheating — not because he’s cheating but because he feels emotionally distant from you?

    Sometimes when we’re jealous and suspicious, we drive husbands away from us. Or we plant the idea of cheating in their heads, and they go ahead and cheat because we kept talking about it or accusing them of cheating.

    I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating, but I do know that we can sabotage our marriages by being suspicious and jealous.

    Here’s an article that may help you see your marriage and your husband more clearly:


    It’s called “How to Know if He Really Loves You.”

    Another option is to go to marriage counseling or individual counseling, and try to figure out how your jealousy is affecting your marriage.

    Why are you a very jealous person?

  185. I have been with my husband for 4 yrs.. We dated for a year before we got married. I am a very jealous person, so I am always asking if hes cheating or doing other stuff, But here lately it seems worse. He as four of the signs that hes cheating. The only one that he doesn’t have is not being home all the time. Witch makes me think if hes having a affair that its not physical but emotional. So when you say to check his phone and email I already do so he would know how to hide it really good specially sense he knows a lot about computers. For some reason knowing that it might be more emotional hurts more. Every thing that says to be done I can’t do. I can’t even tell if hes lying because hes good at conceiving people. What should I do?

  186. I never know what to say when people ask me for help! I don’t know how to help you.

    If you think your husband is lying about cheating, then you need to decide if you want to stay with him, or if you want to leave him. I know how hard it is…but staying in a marriage where you think your husband is lying to you is worse than the pain of leaving.

    What is holding you back from walking out of your marriage?

  187. Hi i been married for two years almost three.My husband is nice to me but he spends too nuch time a lone in the other room watching sports.everytime i want to talk to him he seems like hs not interesting on knowing my day.he works in an office with 4 girls i seen them and they look attracted. he always says how annoying theyre and how much he dislikes them but i feel like he has an affair with one of them. how do i find out? everytime i tell him like i feel like youre having an affair he gets mad n tells me im too much.pls help me =/

    1. buy a gps on ebay .. $40 and the monthly subscription to track it is only $10 .. and/or put a sound activated recorder in his vehicle .. you are married so you’re allowed. if that doesn’t work, and he’s really sneaky, get a keylogger for computer or his phone .. you have a RIGHT TO KNOW !!

  188. I got married 2 yrs ago. I knew my husband for 6 yrs before marriage. Our sex life became very dull due to his lack of desire. Well i travelled to. Visit my family and was away from him a month and half. When i got back i felt something was wrong, like he had been cheating. I felt it during my time away. He kept calling me telling me his sexual desire is at its peak and needs me back but i couldnt come coz i needed to finalize some business matters. Well he tried to tell me indirectly that while i was a way he got into a over the net sexual afair by saying it was his friend. That lady is a student and didnt want to break up untill she finishes her exams. Well i confronted him with this affair after finding a msg he sent her about a romantic place and how he wishes she was with him. I sent her a msg & ended it. She said he didnt tell her he was married and i didnt see no more contact between them.He sweairs its coz he wanted to try his sexual ability with another woman since he used to be very sexual and suddenly not. He swears im the only woman he loves and wants. I have become very suspisious of him always calling him checking sms’s. I belive its due to an old friend he cought up with while i was away. He also got him smoking hash wich i stopped right away.. im so confused what can i do i cant trust him any more and suspect he is having a relation with his friends sister. Plz help

  189. I wish men would just be honest with their wives. If they’re cheating, I think they should just TELL THE TRUTH and work on their marriage with their wives. Or get a divorce.

    It’s so frustrating, to wonder if your husband is cheating and not be able to tell if he’s lying.

  190. Hi –

    I am married. My husband password protects his phone (meaing you can’t make calls, see texts or emails without a password). In the past he has forgotten to turn the feature on and I have found texts which would indicate to an ordinary reader that he was cheating. I have found inappropriate texts on three differenct occasions within the three years…most recently one which asked on October 21st husband: have you bought your ticket to las Vegas yet? other woman: No I haven’t but, my boss has already given me those days off. My husband went to Las Vegas the weekend of November 9th – November 12th. The other women also sent several pictures of herself in sexy poses to him. I have confronted him and he still denies anything is going on. I don’t have proof that an affair actually happened, but evertime I have looked on his phone he has messages telling the other female she is sexy etc. I don’t know what to do. I am so frustrated.

    1. Sounds to me like you DO have proof and you are in denial. It sounds that way on a lot of these comments actually. Why must he password protect his phone at home unless he has something to hide? Why aren’t wives DEMANDING to have the passwords to these phones? There should be no secrets in a marriage, right? What privacy does a husband deserve FROM HIS WIFE? Why marry if you can’t share ALL of yourself with the other person?

      I think too many people don’t take their vows seriously. It’s pathetic and sad. Even more-so that so many of the women with these cads end up STAYING with them!

  191. I have been getting anonimous emails about my husband seeing another woman since last year. He left me briefly last November b/c he said we fought to much and he needed a break. I tried to commit suicide and he acted like he didn’t care. He came back and I thought everything was fine. Now I am getting these emails. He gets angry, swears its a lie, and doesn’t want to discuss it anymore. I don’t know what to believe anymore!

  192. Is he cheating when you find blatant signs? Y E S! Come on – though it is hard ot accept if there’s someone texting with kisses and it’s NOT you it’s someone he finds that appropriate with, and he doesn’t trust you to look on his phone now? BIG FLASHING SIGN HERE ChEaTiNg cHeAtInG! CHEATING!!!!!! THere have been many messages here tha tmake me want to pull my hair out because it’s so obvious! PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH NOT TO LET YOURSELF BE WALKED ALL OVER!!!


  194. check his phone log, his emails, text messages. you will find what you need. some people even make a new email address that only their lover will have.

    some people cheat because its accessible… nothing you’ve done wrong. but yes it is wrong.

  195. Hi
    I m married in 2009. v have a female child. my husband is not showing interest on me. he is always fighting with me for simple reasons. he s always teasing me and comparing me with other gals. he is saying that he s not interested to hav sex with me within 3 yrs. even he cm frm job weekly once he s not interested to talk to me n sex with me. am in doubt whether he s havng any affair.. how to find out. plz help me frnds

  196. Hi
    I have been dating with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He runs his own company, and recently hired a bookkeeper at his company, I once saw a whatsapp message from the new lady (bookkeeper) to him with red lips (a kiss emoticon) when I confronted him about it, he said she again, sent another message apologizing about the mistake, that the message wasn’t meant for him, I believed him. After a few days, I saw that he had changed the name he saved her contact details with, now its a different name. I confronted him about that, he was angry and he told me me to stop looking at his phone. No he has a secret password for his phone. I would like to know if he is cheating of not?

  197. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We built a house and moved in together in June of this year. I was the one that felt we should wait to move in together, but he insisted we shouldn’t wait, he was looking forward to our life together. He has 3 children and I am very close with all of them. A short time after moving in I discovered he had made contact with an ex (had promised he would not do this again with her.) I also saw she hadn’t responded to him. About a month after we moved in things started getting weird, he would rarely have sex with me, not cuddle, etc. Things he always did before. He picks fights with me for no reason, is always angry about something trivial and will use as an excuse to sleep away from me. Then other weeks, it’s as if he can’t have enough sex with me. But the sex is different, he doesn’t look at my face, and seems to want to try more kinky ideas and he isn’t “making love” to me. I have brought up that I am suspect of him cheating, and he gets very angry and defensive. I am so confused, before we moved in everything was terrific. I KNOW there is something going on. Because of his schedule, I think it’s an “emotional” affair that he has not physically acted on yet. I know my gut instinct is right. I am thinking more and more about just leaving him. I really don’t need this crap in my life and this is not at all what I had signed up for.

  198. hi my name is kathryn and my husband has his own construction company and my son works for him times are hard so he let my sons girl frend work with him job was to wright estaments ride with him all day looking at jobs and no i didnt like this he also would carry viagra and pain pills with him and as you no he says nothing went on why cant i belive this

  199. hi
    my husband and i just got married barely 3months ago but we have been seeing each other for almost 3years before marriage.during our courtship he was the sweetest person i ever knew and so i did all i could to keep the relationship,i got pregnant for him and that was what triggered our marriage and from that time till now i found out he was just a totally different person. I found out he had been cheating on me while we were courting and funny enough he never stopped.each time i confronted him ,he came out very defensive and made me feel like i did not know what i was saying. he kept on ringing in my ears that he was the most loyal man i could ever find and probably the only one to love me best. to him he loves me but cannot do anything to please me,he calls me a controller anytime i confront him about anything.now i am almost due for delivery of our first child and all he does is to stay out the whole day and go clubbing at night.he claims he does business even in the night and will probably have no money for us when he stops his night escapades. i feel it is just too early for us to have all these problems.we are just total strangers to each other cos we don’t share any privacy together. now he blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life,for instance about 2weeks ago he got the windscreen of his brand new car smashed by one of his girlfriends leading to a police case and guess who he blames? me! why because i am always praying against his going out at night. i just completed my first degree programme and i am so shy to tell anyone these problems cos my dad felt i was rather getting married way too early.i feel like i should go back to my dads house but i can’t because my marriage ceremony was just the talk of town. i am so confused,what happens to me and my unborn child and how do i fight this fraustration cos i love him so much. pls help!

  200. I have been with my husband almost 5years and I came united state from other country. So I have nobody except him. We got married cuz I got pregnant now we have 2years old son. I was a stay home mom until we agree to get divorce.now I don’t know. Why but he is saying I have boyfriend.then I found he is talking to at least 4 other girls and one is from his childhood friend with benfit.he is talking to this girl from a year a go and that time he and this girl said to me not gonna contact each other agàin.but she keep contact him one in a while then he told me to he is going to fix his frien’s car who I know and he is living little far a way so he said he’s gonna stay the night. But he divide to have drink with this girl all night long then he said he and her did nothing except drinking and talking. I trust him. But I now not sure because I saw his text (he has passcode but luckily it was unlocked) and he was talking about sex position with this girl and say he wanna try next time.as I think they were friend with benefits so before was long time a go or anytime near today? I feel so disrespected from him and this girl. My husband knows this girl have feeling for him since I was pregnant because this girl decided to tell him she has feeling even tho she knew he has pregnant girlfriend.but I know he is not serious about her too.its just annoying because he say I have boyfriend witch I don’t.

  201. this message is to the top post SHANNON. I do not normally reply to peoples posts but I read yours all the way and it broke my heart. I feel awful for you you sound sweet and loving. It is not ok he is treating you like this! I do not know your husband nor do I even know you but if I did I would most likely beg you to go out for a drink with me and explain al the reasons why you are better then him while we knocked back martinis .. that being said I am sure you have to know he will most likely never recover from this cerial cheting he has got going on here. Men lie plain and simple my husband and I have not even been married a full month I have caught him red handed LYING about a few things. You just have to know that in your heart you are a good wife and if I were you I would tell him how to really feel. You never really stated just how you feel though so I cannot be sure. I would imagine you want to leave him? If not then the only real other option I can see here is to get into couples therapy. If he is lying and you have caught him and if he wants to stay married to the wonderful goddess who puts up with his lying ass then he should agree to do so the moment you suggest it. However God did say that man can only leave his wife if she cheats I have always assumed god was speaking about all his children when he said man.So if you catch him again and that chance sounds pretty high (if we were in vegas I would bet on him doing it rather then not sorry to say) leave him!!! You are to good to spend your life being lied to he has broken his vows to you on more then one occasion. DO NOT be afraid to stand up for yourself or you may find yourself an old woman being cheated on and lied to and those are our golden years do not let him do you like that girlfrend :)

  202. I have been married 8 years now and with my husband for 12 years. I know my husband has had at least 3 affairs on me. I know this because I caught him making out with a woman in his car outside a bar 2 years ago. During that same year, I received several text while I was at work from a woman he works with telling me all about their affair. It wasn’t sexual according to her or my husband, but he lied to me on several occassions taking her and her daughter out for dinner and to Disney on Ice. He admitted to me that he asked her out on a date, but she refused to call it a date, so it was merely just friends. According to him. But when things weren’t going as she wanted she texted me to tell me about everything. Then just two weeks ago I had a gut feeling to look at my husband texts and found he had been texting some other girl he works with about how he fell in love with her, but her feelings weren’t the same, so he was giving her her space. I called this girl and found out that my husband had for warned her that I would be calling so I can’t believe anything she told me during our converstaion. I day later my husband had a pass code on his phone. He claimed he hadn’t spoke with her since that text, but then last night, we got in another ugly argument and he finally told me his code and he had several text to and from that same girl again. Why I still love him I don’t know, but I am at a loss. My heart has been torn out and I’m not sure if our marriage is even worth working on now. I would love professional advice as to what I should do?? Is it even possible to have him fall in love with me again, or should I leave and give up on him ever loving me again?

  203. My husband is very smart so he can hide sum of the signs like wen he kums home he stil wants to hav sex but he always accuses me of things, he’ll kum home and look at the bed and snoop around, hes always saying im liying about sumthing or that im cheating. Iv nevr given him a reason to think that i am a stay at home mother literally i go nowhere its jus me (im 24) and my 2 year old lil girl. He is always gone to work weeks at a time out of town or state hes always jealous of other dudes wen he is around and doesnt want me talkin to n e one or n e one lookin at me hes very controling and argumentative and he jus started being this way about 1 year ago.
    He is ALWAYS ACCUSING of different things but wen i ask him he gets mad and defensive. And turns things around on me like im the bad guy then he starts throwing up shit thats not even relevant to the conversation.

    Is my husband cheating?

  204. I have been cheating on my husband for 3 years. I use a site called UndercoverAffairs.com and you’ll find lot of like minded people who are married (like me!) but looking for something more on the side! My husband dosen’t show me the attention that he used to and I spend hours in the gym keeping fit and healthy while he slobs out on the couch wathcing golf! I started cheating to find someone who would appreciate me! I would never leave my husband but I use the Internet to find younger guys who are up for it!

  205. Ladies…TRUST YOUR GUT! It never lies…if you think something is going on it prob is. Start paying close attention to detail. Be very observant ….he will bust himself out eventually. They always do. You can’t cheat and hide it forever, you will get caught. In the meantime…pay attention, do some research/ checking up…pop into his work to take lunch to him or pop in just to say you missed him, there’s all kind of spywear for phones and computers now…use it. And most importantly stop accusing him and telling him everything you know. The more they know you suspect or know the more they will try and hide it and the harder it will be for them to get caught!

  206. I have been married for 3yrs now, i love my husband so much dat i can even kill any woman dat come close 2 him. I dnt think his cheatin on me bt i’m just feelin so insecure n i dnt know why. He tells me 2 recieve his calls n do so many tins on his behave but why i’m i feelin dis way?

  207. Hi,
    I have been married for almost 2 years now.Off late my husband doesnt even want to have sex. I read his text message with a lady he introduce to me as a long time freind not knowing they dated each other before and i saw rge text message seeing them talking of sex, when i confronted my husband he told me he will never cheat on me and it was the past there were talking aout. And this same girl is my neighbor so i wanted to confront her but i thouhgt twice and stopped.He comes home late claiming he did over time.I know he is cheating from the looks on his face but i just don’t know what to do.Help Please.

  208. Hello. I have been married for a little over 5yrs. We have been together for 8. I think my husband has had an affair. He has done a few things different in the bedroom, when I ask him about it he says he is just trying different things as to my reaction. Also his job has a bad reputation of people having affairs. We haven’t been able to reconnect emotionally very well in the past 3 years. When confronted about having an affair he gets very defensive. He says that its because he is tired of being accused of something he isn’t/hasn’t done. He has said that he is one of the most loyal people I will ever find, and that he has never cheated on anyone before in his life because he isnt like that. But then he wont work on giving me the attention or affection or time with him that I need. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. He said that if I keep accusing him that I will never get ” what I want from him”. Meaning the affection/love that I deserve. I have no idea what to do! Please help!

  209. hi,
    This is rani my issue is that my husband seems like cheating me due to various reason.because i found some changes in him like coming late to home, avoiding me coming to his office , deleting his phone history but after asking abt tat he was managing to keep few entries .showing difference in bed,bluffing , and suddenly showing huge affection towards me somtimes mentioning three instead of two. im totally confused . i just want to know the truth. recently i asked him frankly abt it he laughed and said yes i have my mistress at office(in a kidding way) and then he replied by saying that he dont have any affair with any other ladies. but i cont beleive bec he always makes fake promises when asked about his fake promises suddenly unknowingly he bluffed like u only making me to put fake promises again started covering his tongue slip. he will leave home at 8 to8.30 like tat. and leaves office at 5.20 to 5.40 somtimes early . but i have doubt like he is taking leave from office without my knowledge. i have confront him abt it recently so he becames more cautious. iim really confused whether he is realy cheating me or im just spoling my mind by suspecting him. pls anyone help me reply me. thank u in advance.

  210. Hello,
    I don’t know what to do I have been married 10yrs and it has not always been easy. I feel that my husband wants to be single again and he may have a girlfriend. I does not tell me he loves me anymore even after I tell him. He goes out three times a week. He still finds me physically attractive because he still wants me but I feel that he is trying to distance himself from me. I thought our relationship was better and now I feel maybe I am wrong. When I was 6 months pregnant he mentioned he was unhappy in our relationship. That I was no longer exciting and that he felt he married too young. He mentioned a list of requirements that he has for a partner. He explained that he wants a partner that is young, beautiful , intelligent , and that could support him while he starts a business. These words hurt me very much because I thought I was his perfect partner. My little boy is 7 months now and my husband has not brought up his list to me again but then the other night he was very quiet and when I asked him what was wrong he said he did not want to talk about it because nothing ever changes. This left me confused because since I gave birth to our son I have lost 40lbs, found a job that pays me will, not well enough to support us without his help, and I have taken steps to continue my education. I am a good wife I treat him with respect and he has freedom he needs to have from our family. He goes out with his friends when he wants and gets drunk when he wants. I don’t mind because everyone needs time away to relax. I don’t understand how I failed our marriage and he can’t tell me either. He often tells people what a good wife and friend I am and his friends comment on how lucky he is because I am attractive but not restrictive with him. I don’t know what to do, should I end this now? We have two boys together one is 2yrs and the other is 7 months old we have been married 10 yrs together 12. We planned both of our children and as recently as yesterday he was talking about trying for a girl. Meanwhile I found out he joined a singles club and I don’t know how long he has been part of this club. Should I keep trying to save this relationship or just cut my loses.


  211. I’ve read emails and text messages my husband composed to someone. He even wrote that he dreams about her and he is always elated to receive emails from her. And when I confront him, he said it’s not true and he never sent any of those messages. He said he’s faithful to me. I even saw a video chat picture of them together chatting. And he denied it completely. He said that wasn’t him on the picture. But the video chat picture was saved in his laptop and IPAD2. I never sensed that he is cheating on me, but my instint tells me he is. I’m so confused now. I’m not sure how to catch him if he’s cheating on me.

  212. my husband always had a very abusive personality in all senses. But lately he is almost admitting to me that he has an affair, and that he is staying with me for the kids, and that when they grow up he will leave me, my youngest daughter is 7. Is he bluffing or what?…….I beleive that if he really wants to leave he will leave now!

  213. Dear Pamela Anne,

    I believe that if you think your husband is cheating, then he probably is. Your subconscious is picking up on signs that your conscious mind can’t take in. You need to listen to your gut, and make some hard decisions.

    I wrote this to answer your question – and another girl had the same question, so I answered her here, too:

    What Should I Do When I Suspect He is Cheating on Me?

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.


  214. I know that my husband cheated on his 1st wife. I used to think I was special to him and he would never cheat on me. For the last 7 years or so, he has been doing so many things that make me feel like he doesnt care how I feel. He goes out and gets drunk. He has always been a salesperson. His job is one where he doesnt have to check in with anyone really, but he spends all his time away from home. He now works about 2 hours away from home and doesnt even stay home most of the time. When he is home, he sleeps all the time. When I ask him if he loves me,he says yes. If I ever feel like hes cheating on me I ask him if he is and he says no, that I am his one and only. I still feel like hes cheating on me. How can I know if Im right or wrong?

  215. Im broken…lost…i bileve ,fell something is happening…condom that i find he admitted that is he’s…I ask him did he sleep whit someone….He sad that he left that condom for a very long time in his working truck, so I can find and we can fight and divorce….Im in shock…omg …But in other hand I don’t bilive what he sad 100%…I never open his truck. He is making the excuses because he is busted….What kind person will do something like that,if he want to divorce me.. He.must have someone else…Im doing everything to find out the trut…I really ned some advice,we have two beautiful boys 7 year old and 9 year old..they are life to me..I can’t believe what is happening..

  216. I have been married for 2 years. And I know my husband is honest with me so far.. But when you say that when my husband’s bestfriend is a cheater he has the tendency to cheat too, I am so afraid of that. His bestfriends are a group of cheater not all but most of them! But thankfully I have already ideas about cheating! Thanks!:)

  217. my fiance and i have only been together just over a year, hes cheated on me before ad i fear hes doing it again. hes constantly texting another girl and they always flirt with each other. and he gets mad when i accuse him of cheating with her. he also gets upset if i wont let him go hang out with her by himself. he also told me she did say he likes him but continues this. ive told him to stop because hes watching my heart break without realizing it. i dont know how to handle this anymore im broken.

  218. hi!!I Have been married for 11 years…I suspect that my husband is cheating on my…for all 11 years.Im 28 and he is 33..He is always out with his friends i meen always FROM DAY ONE THAT WE GOT MARIED,He never likes to take me out,he goes to the gym every day,we have sex 2 time in 6 months…Sometimes once in year…We have two kids…I .I really love my husband ,I DONT KNOW ANY MORE,,,I FEEL SOMETHING IS GOING ON…I fund condom in his working truck ,but we never use condom for us…..Im very mad…He denies everything….What to do???:(

  219. All these comments are heart breaking. they also all sound similar. None of you are crazy, nor do you deserve to be subjected to this horrible betrayal…stop taking it as a way to measure your worth! You are not the problem, his lack of morals is! You are going to keep feeling destroyed and worthless and hurting for as long as you try to stay connected to this man who has proven his untrustworthiness! He does not deserve your love or loyalty. All breakups hurry for a while but its not the end of the world and you will emerge a stringer, more confident, happier woman. Can’t find Mr Right if your with Mr Wrong. My prayers for your peace. Respectfully, Been There.

  220. im worried that my husband cheating on me he had cheated three times we just were getting ready for a baby he got me pregnat so young 16 i had no wher he started lying we just have arguments everyday

  221. ive been married for one year and we have two adorable kids, lately i heard that my husband is having an affair + that women just gaved birth. what can i do to find out if its true or it might be just a rumour

  222. I have been married for 3 years. We are pregnant with our first child. Things have been wierd with my husband and me. He hardly ever touches me or becomes intimate with me even before we became pregnant. He just blames it on stress with work. I have had this nagging feeling that something isn’t right. The other day I did something wrong and snooped through his computer. I found pictures of another woman and her son hidden. I have never seen this woman or boy before. Why would he have pictures of another woman hidden in his computer? I don’t have a good feeling. I’m not sure of my feelings because of all the hormones! I want to confront my husband, but I was also in the wrong by snooping. Any advice?

  223. I’ve been with my husband 7 years we have 3 children together plus he has a dauggter with a girl he cheated on me with, but after so many years of him cheating on me he finally stopped and devoted his life to me and our children. Recently he started working with a buddy of his to where he is gone all day from morning till night and recently I found two txt nessages to sum girl daying ” I’m home, the wifey is here” then a minute lster another one to her saying ” sorry baby” he tried to tell me he didn’t mean it like that then he got mad for me accusing him and before I found those messages he was always accusing me of cheating even though I always have my kids with me. I’m only 23 years old and I’m so lost idk what to do at this point I feel like my love for him is lost somewhere. I forgave him after having anothet womens bsby and now this!!! Also we used to be intimate almost every night and its already been 4 days he hasn’t touched. What does that tell you? Someone please give me some advice???

  224. Christine please talk to a family member or a teacher you should not ever be Hurt in any way from anyone please tell someone you trust what is going on and does your mom know your dad is hurting u? You both need to be in a safe place sweetheart I am so sorry you are going through this scary stuff please tell someone that will get you out of harms way

  225. Tomorrow I will not cry over him ever again

    I have never been so sad in my life. I feel as though the world is a dark horrible place. I’ve put up with a lying, alcoholic, cheating, emotionally abusive asshole of a husband for 8 years. We have a 7 year old son. He finally decided to get clean and stop drinking and smoking drugs. He’s been clean about 3 months. Today he tells me he can’t stand to be with me, and it hurts more to hear that now that he’s sober. When he was drunk and would say those things i thought he’s just drunk it will all be better tomorrow. But it never got better, and it never will. I kicked him out tonight. He alluded that he is cheating on me again, and I just feel sick. I dont know why I tried for years and years and hoped that someday it would get better. It only gets worse. If you are in a relationship like this one, trust me, save yourself and leave as soon as you can. The more you wait, the less strong you will feel coming out of it. I wasted the best years of my life on an alcoholic piece of sh*t that could care less about me, even though i supported him financially, fed him, clothed him. I hope he burns in hell.

  226. I’m 31 been married since I was 16 have 3 kids by him and had my tubes tied because we both agreed we didn’t want anymore kids right now and if we decided in the future we wanted more we would do what’s needed to concieve again.well now I have 2 stepkids of which one I raise(long story)yes he cheated twice with 2 different women lot of drama crazy females litterally….my mom has been married to 3 different men and I made a vow I would only get married once in my life as he knew divorce has never been an option in my book.marriage was one thing I was gonna do right.well we finally started buying our own place 3 years ago and he’s been amazing totally changed for the better. Constantly trying to make up for his mistakes and telling me he loves me everyday and that hasn’t changed but a week ago I seen some disturbing texts between him and his fast friend concerning a females number and her calling my husband that Sunday night on his cell.we had made plans to spend that Sunday together but he never came home from work that morning we he finally called he said he was taking a Co worker to a pet store in another town and then to a second town anyway he never comes home all night.next day when I confront him he blows up and we argue for two days and he’s constantly been hanging out at night and I just don’t know which way to go anymore my heart is in many pieces I try to trust but my heart can’t my stomach turns at the thought I just can’t go through the past again I need serious help I have no strength left

  227. I am 44 years old we have been together for 26 years. As in any couple we’ve had our problems. I have been with him through his drug addiction, his alcholism, and through all the mental abuse. I used to be petite and 105 pounds after my first daughter I gained almost 100 pounds. He made me so insecure. I started focusing on my daughters. I isolated myself by distancing myself from my family and friends. Eventually stopped knowing how to socialized. My life has been him and my two daughters. He is very charming and although he is 44 years old he looks like a twenty year old.He has always gone out with his friends and I would always say okay because I was scared that that he would leave me if I would complain and that I would end up alone. But I never felt that I was being cheated until 4 months ago. I found out he had been texting and seeing a 24 year old girl. I went through his phone and found a telephone number over and over again. I asked him who he was talking to and he said he had loaned out his phone out to his friend. I believed him and asked him not to lend out his phone if they were going to use it to text girls. He said okay. I checked the phone a week later and the number still kept on coming up. I told him again don’t lend out your phone it needs to stop . He told me okay i promise it will stop. This was happening on weekends. So Monday I got off early from work and checked the on line account and saw that there had been a text sent that morning. I called him at work and asked is your friend with you at work because a text just went out. I asked him to tell me the truth and he told me he was busy. I told him if he didn’t call me in 5 minutes I would call the number. He didn’t call me back so I called the number only to find out it was a 24 year old girl only 2 years older than our 22 year old daughter. She told me that they had met in a club and that he had said he was single with no commitments. She also send me a picture of them at the club. My heart just sank. I was left empty. When I confronted him he told me you are going to believe her instead of me? I told him that I had given him an opportunity to tell me the truth but he didnt. That day I kicked him out only to beg him to stay. So he stood and never really apolygized. I had to go to therapy and prayed alottttt. It only helped for a little while but the images and anger always comes back. Why did he do this to me? Since then I have lost almost 50 pounds I tried going out with him but its so had because I don’t know how to mingle and have a good time so we end up fighting. I still love him but I can’t forgive him. He has lied and betrayed me. I have given everything. I need help and don’t know how to obtain it. I feel I am going crazy…Any advise.

  228. Hello my husband and I have been together for 12 years married for 6. I was 16 and he was 18 when we started dating. We have >ow 3 boys together befor my last pregnacy I found another womens number on his account to his phone and called her she said they was just friends. I asked him and of course he lied. Before this all happened I found this phone hidden in his car.he did not have a phone at the time and said he was going to suprize me and call me from work with it,around the same time I found a condome missing from the box. This woman was bothering him at work he had her removed from his work area and she supposily left her number on his car he said he just called her to tell her to leave him alone. However he was late getting home from work a few times about 25 minutes. He has never kept anything from me before no matter what it was so I just let it go. Like I said we have three boys together all under the age of 5. Lately I’ve been wondering if he is up to no good he took a job promotion and his boss has cheated on his wife before his boss sents him text messages saying things like your wife owns you! If I was working and one of my girlfriends from work sent a message like that he would make me respond to the message but he don’t. My husband is a loving man he goes to work and comes home everyday on time he don’t ever go out with the boys or anything like that. Do you think I should encourge him to go out with the boys or am I just setting myself up for problems. I don’t want him to be thought of as being wipped at work what do you think?

  229. Lynne. Oh it hurts…I know that from just a short time of watching my ex….or will he be my BF again…’pandering’ to another woman.
    It seems to me the ‘unpaid labour’ of a year was an affair. What is so nuts about it is that the strong women that we are is crushed because we expect these weak, dick-led prats to give us the truth!!!
    And can’t move on without it!! WHY???

    I learnt recently that my gut, my intuition is really strong, and that I pick these lying men…even though I’ve spent years with different named men….with the same self-centred format of having the woman at home, looking after the kids, the home, earning the majority of the money….whilst the men swanned around pretending to be important!!

    AND I LET THEM…..this is crucial…. I LET THEM because I thought I was wrong!! How tragic is that.

    Your husband is a loser, just like my manipulative ex was! My kids were brought up in that messed up house, where they didn’t see a strong woman, their mother, me because I didn’t know how to say ‘I’m sooo unhappy, I want you to leave & never come back’….no more explanations!!

    And i’ve made a couple more errors since then with other BFs. BUT I AM LEARNING what a good guy looks like and learning how to let them get closer & let THEM LOVE ME FOR ME!!!

    Dont be dispairing….we pick the familair rubbish that our parents lived….its like a comfy pair of old slippers!!

    And I want the shiny red shoes now, that feel a little uncomfortable & a bit too bright…but I’m going to wear them because they make me smile & laugh!!

    Get out…..stay out….. go to Coda, 12 step program or Al-Anon, & learn. Your husband has been running you into the ground & you are a clever, articulate, spirited woman!!
    HE WILL COLLAPSE into regret eventually….’I cant live without you…blah, blah, blah’ …dont fall for that either. It’s his king Baby having a self-pitious tantrum….til he gets his way again.

    Pack his stuff up; change the locks, be ready with the police if needed and keep his pathetic a*** out hun xxx

  230. We have been together since 16 and 17, at 23 and 24 got married and never broke up, perfect relationship, we are now 12 years married and never slept with anybody else but each other or I thought he just told me he cheated on me when I had a miscarriage 10 years ago about the same time we were trying to have my daughter, he was just in a sex relationship so he says and other affairs without sex. He stop the cheating for 9 years until two years ago he had a 4 month relationship with a lady 10 years older than him who was paying for the hotel to have him. He says it was only sex never went out or talked about anything else but work, since she went to his company to make a project and that was how they met each other, then he finished the affair. Then 4 months after that had an internet affair with another lady that is the mom of a girl in my 6 year old classroom at school she was totally obsessed with him to the point she went after me pretending she wanted to be with me, she offered him a three-some and sent him pictures of her with other ladies that her own husband took, I of course did not wanted anything with her and avoided her but her Obsession went so far that he finally told me everything about her that she was obsessed with him and not me. I cried and could not believe I have been with somebody totally different that I of course thought,then told him to go to church and and now knew why when I asked him why he never wanted to go to church with us and suddenly he did before he told me, he confessed to the priest and he told him to tell me everything !! and face whatever if he was really sorry and remorseful so he did and he is begging for forgiveness and said he will never do it again and he was stupid and he just was curious to know what it felt to be with somebody else, had no feelings for any of them but feels horrible for doing it and keeping it a secret and he wants and loves me and knows for sure that he deserves anything I decide, it has been 3 months he cries and gives me love notes, prays every day, reads the bible, goes to church, goes to confession, and signed up us to a Marriage encounter so I won’t leave him, he says he will give his live for me to be a happy person now and to give him an opportunity even though he knows he does not deserve it. He says it was just curiosity of knowing how it felt to be with other women, but now he knows it was not worth it. What should I do?!!!!! He was the perfect husband and dad, caring, helped around the house, gave me surprises every know and then, that is why I never suspected it, and now I am totally confused and do not know if i should give him an opportunity thinking he will never do it again. OH! and of course we have always been good in bed! he always said that and keeps saying it but it was just curiosity.

  231. I’m newly married to a great man. We were friends for nearly 10 years before ever going on a date. after being together for a few months we got married and all I could think was how wonderful he was and what a blessing he is to me and my daughter. He is a hard working man, he’s absolutely wonderful with my girl, he is a great provider, my family loves him, he has never hit me or tried to hurt me in any way. He’s very supportive of me in whatever I want to do. My ex, Danny (my daughters father) was the worst kind of man. He was emotionally and physically abusive as well as sexually (to me not our daughter) He constantly cheated on me throughout my pregnancy up until my girl was 2 and I finally left him. Danny still visits my girl when he can, once or twice a month or so and when I speak to him my husband gets very jealous and angry. When Danny comes over to get my girl my husband gets this anger that I’ve never seen before sometimes he says I flirt with danny and even goes as far as accusing me of wanting danny and saying I’d cheat with him. In the last few months my husbands behavior has changed, consistant flirting, he tells half truths or white lies and when I complain about his behavior toward other women he gets very aggressive professing he’s not doing anything. at home he’s become more and more distant. The only time he ever talks to me to holds me is when he wants sex..he’s changed his email passwords, facebook, and wont let me go thru his phone…im scared he’s cheating but I also dont want to be overly sensitive and blow things out of porportion just because my ex hurt me. What should I do?

  232. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. I thoughT i did everything slow like your supposed to in the beginning. I was friends with him for years before we even ever dated. So we know each other very well. He asked me to be his girl for over a year before I said yes. Almost three years later, he has cheated on me more than once,put his hands on me, and called said things i never thought hed ever say. I was abused in every relationship i was ever in. Is it me? I love him so much. I cook,clean, work, go to school, and don’t go out often so i can get my future together. I’m 25 with no children. I’m constantly being harrassed when I do go out. (what every 3 months or so). He tells me he never wanted me to find out, that he never wanted to hurt me. I ask him how many woman, who, where, and how because he is always home. and He tells me Its not anyone you know, Nobody that live heres, and he says hes not telling me something I don’t want to know about. I’m devastated. Is there any man out there that can be single? It hurts so bad. I’m all alone. My family doesn’t speak to me, im too far away from my friends. All I have is him. I want to run away. I just don’t understand why i love him so much. This pain is torturing. I feel like im not good enough or something. If he wanted to be with other woman why isnt he single? I asked him if he wanted an open relationsihp and he said NO! I don’t get it. Ive never seen tears come from a man, but today he was crying, telling me how much he loved me and how he didnt want to loose me, and how sorry he is.! WHY me? Do you think he loves me or am i just a doormat?

  233. Dear Lynne.

    I feel for you so much. I still do not know to this day what was worse – founding out about him having an affair or what went on after he was found out. His constant criticizing me, being snobbish, distant, blackmailing… I laugh now as my initial reaction was being not confidant at all, feeling small and insignificant. I was afraid to make wrong move just so he doesn’t get angry or upset at me. He would threaten me with leaving every time my eyes got watery or when I was trying to find some answers. He was telling me I am paranoid, controlling, making him feel paranoid.. while all I wanted was to understand why and how can someone be so cruel and cold. I was puzzled by his un-interest in saving our marriage and relationship. I still kept finding little signs of their contact and all along he was telling me I’m crazy. The fact he cheated with someone I knew killed me.. I had to go and start a therapy as I was losing interest in food and life in general . Finally I found all my strength and went away for a while. The moment things didn’t turn out for him the way he planned and wanted, he was begging me back… We are still together, I’m mentally stronger and more confident than I was ever before. But I see through him.. I finally see him for what he is after 10 years together. I understand now I was bigger and better person than he was all along. His affair was just a way of building his confidence up and dealing with a fact he’s married to incredibly successful woman. All his bragging and talk was nothing but empty words.. I don’t think I’m over. I do not think I will ever be… But life goes on and I’m curious to see how this turns out…

    Keep you head up. You didn’t do anything wrong. Look back and have a good reality check to see if he was ever there for you or everything what you have in your life was only because of you…