You don’t have to feel lonely, sad, and bored because your relationship is in a slump! Instead, here’s what to remember when all you can think is “I miss my boyfriend.” Filling your life with good and fulfilling things will make you happy and healthy – and bring you alive in a whole new way.
“I am constantly asking my boyfriend if he misses me and loves me,” says Bridget on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “We live three states apart but we do see each other every month. I know my constantly saying how much I miss him makes my boyfriend frustrated. He has his own interesting life and I can’t force him to miss me as much as I miss him. I want to be happy in myself, whether or not my boyfriend is here with me. I will take your advice and work on myself and do things that will be good for me, such as my college studies and career plans. If my prince returns to my side than I’ll know he truly loves me and if not the right one will come in time!”
The most important thing to remember when you miss your boyfriend is that he is not the source of your joy, hope, peace, or life. He is not your prince or knight in shining armor. Your boyfriend is simply a man with faults and weaknesses – and strengths and talents, too! But he is just a guy, and your life is bigger than one relationship.
If you make your boyfriend the source of your joy, love and purpose, then you’re missing out on Something Even Greater. What could be better than the love of a boyfriend, you ask? You’ll see…
In this article, I share the seven most important things to remember when you feel sad and lonely because you miss your boyfriend. This is what works for me when all I can think is “I miss my husband” (he’s a geologist who goes away on field trips for most of the summer).
What to Remember When You Miss Your Boyfriend
I know how you feel if your boyfriend is away for a business, pleasure, or family trip. My husband left today for a month-long work trip in the Yukon – he’s a geologist, and every summer he goes away for long stints in the field. We’ve been married 11 years, and it does get easier…but I remember those “I miss my boyfriend” days before we got married! It was a sharper, more piercing heartache. Sort of sweetly painful, deliciously heartbreaking.
1. Tell me why you’re missing your boyfriend
Maybe you miss him because:
- You’re in a long distance relationship
- You and your boyfriend broke up recently – or long ago
- Your boyfriend is traveling for work or school
- Your boyfriend is depressed and emotionally unavailable
Maybe your boyfriend is sitting right beside you, and yet you miss how close your relationship used to be. Maybe you miss the conversations you had, or the activities you did as a couple.
It’s important to figure out why you miss your boyfriend, because your “why” will help you figure out how to fill your life in more fulfilling ways. Learning how to stop missing him depends – in part – on your personality, lifestyle, and interests.
Even more importantly, filling that empty space in your heart and soul requires you to accept that your boyfriend is not your purpose in life. There is only one way to fill your life with peace, joy, and freedom – and that is the gospel truth.
If you want to tell me why you’re missing your boyfriend, feel free to share in the comments section below. I don’t give advice, but you may find that writing about your feelings, thoughts, and experiences can help you heal.
2. Take this time to Blossom
Every time my husband goes away, I don’t focus on how much I miss him. Instead I learn something new about myself, my life, my passions. One summer I learned that I could no longer live on a tiny small island in British Columbia. My husband was away for nine weeks that time, and I was so lonely. I’m a full-time writer, so I don’t have alot of “people” time. I’m an introvert so I’m happy with that – but even I couldn’t handle that much time alone! I learned that to be fulfilled – to Blossom – I needed to move off that isolated island.
What about you – what can you learn from this time apart from your boyfriend? Do a quick scan of your body: do you feel physically heavy, sore, sick, or tired? Take care of your health. Maybe you need a massage, a new exercise routine, or a different type of diet plan. Maybe you need to run, swim, bike, or dance! Listen to your body; she is telling you what you need.
3. God is calling (whispering? shouting?) your name
Here’s what a reader called Sally said about her boyfriend on What to Do When He Doesn’t Have Time for You:
“My boyfriend is a workaholic and only sees me once every 2 weeks. It’s not enough time for me. My last boyfriend was the same way but he had a different job. I miss my boyfriend but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. If your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you then you need to let him go. Stop thinking how much you miss him and get a life!!!”
The bad news is that you feel empty, lonely and sad NOT because you miss your boyfriend, but because you miss God. He created you for a reason – and it’s not just so you could enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend! The good news is that God loves you and knows exactly how you feel. He created you to be in a relationship with Him, to accept Jesus into your heart, and to live in joy and peace.
Maybe God is calling your name. Maybe the sadness you feel isn’t about missing your boyfriend…maybe it’s about reconnecting with your God and building a life of joy, love, and peace.
4. Know that you are in this season for a reason
Whether you’re missing your boyfriend because of a breakup or a long distance relationship, there is a reason for this time in your life. God is working behind the scenes, drawing you closer, waiting for you to pay attention to Him.
If you find yourself dealing with the same problems – emotionally distant boyfriends, breakups, unstable relationships – you haven’t learned what you’re supposed to learn. God will keep giving you this experience until you learn what you need to know. The reason I struggle with the same problems over and over is because I don’t deal with them properly. So, I have to live through the same season over and over. It’s like Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. He had to relive the same day repeatedly until he learned what he needed to know.
There is a reason you’re here. There’s a reason you miss your boyfriend, and a reason you’re going through this season of your life. What is it? Take time to figure it out, because that is how you will find joy and peace.
5. Remember that feelings don’t have to rule when you miss your boyfriend
Sadness, loneliness, depression, rejection – those heavy feelings don’t have to rule your heart and spirit. You feel sad, lonely, and depressed because the I miss my boyfriend thoughts are crowding every positive or powerful thought you have…but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Allow yourself to admit your feelings. Maybe you feel unloved, broken hearted, stressed, sick, obsessed with your boyfriend, used, or hopeless. Take a moment to figure out how you feel. Then, decide what feelings you want to rule your day.
Do you want to live in the toxic and unhealthy “I miss my boyfriend so much I could die” world? No! You’d rather live in the healthy and joyful world of “I miss my boyfriend, but I am growing spiritually and emotionally stronger, and I am pursuing peace, joy, acceptance, surrender, and God.”
Decide what feelings you want to follow, and step out of the boat. If you want to feel happy and peaceful, then accept Jesus’ into your heart (for He gave His life so you could be saved! Awesome love, how can it be?). Do things and think thoughts that help you feel centered, calm, peaceful, joyful.
It really is as simple as that – but it takes an effort. Make an effort to feel good about your life and yourself. Learn how to feel good.
6. Create a life that interests and amazes you!
Are you consumed or obsessed by thoughts of your boyfriend? Read 11 Ways to Stop Being the “Clingy Girlfriend” in a Relationship. Every time you find yourself sad and lonely because you miss your boyfriend, pick something new to try on the list. This is a practical thing to do when you miss your boyfriend.
If you’re lonely and sad because you and your boyfriend broke up, you need to find healthy ways to cope when you miss your boyfriend. Don’t allow your pain to swallow you, chew you up, and walk all over you. Grieve your loss, and seek joy in your life. Remember that your feelings of loneliness and sadness will pass. Whether you and your boyfriend broke up for good or are only separated for a short time, you will feel better if you actively try to rise above the gray feelings.
If your boyfriend is away – or you’re in a long distance relationship – remember that he cares about you. This time apart can actually be good for your relationship, and might even make your love stronger. Or maybe it’ll help you see your boyfriend for who he is…and maybe you’ll see the need for change in your relationship and your life.
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” – Art Williams.
7. Learn how to accept that you miss your boyfriend – and be happy anyway
Whether you’re suffering from a broken heart – or you’re obsessing about your current boyfriend – you need to learn what healthy attachment in love is.
Read How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart. It’s an ebook I wrote to help women stop missing their past relationships and start moving forward in joy, peace, and strength.
Learning how to miss your boyfriend, grieve, and get on with your life is a process. It won’t happen overnight, and there are no quick and easy tips…but it will be the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
I once believed that time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t. God heals our hearts and souls – but we have to connect with Him first. He’s not a Santa Claus who bestows fun gifts and healing and joy when we ask; He’s a living, powerful force who loves us dearly.
But no matter how much He loves us, He doesn’t just wave a mighty magic wand and change our lives. We have to do some work, too.
8. Find better ways to spend your time – and your life
Your boyfriend is one part of your life. He is not (or he shouldn’t be!) the reason you exist. He isn’t the foundation of your happiness or joy, and shouldn’t be the focus of all your time and attention.
No matter how wonderful and lovable your boyfriend is, he is not God. Your boyfriend is lovable. Sweet. Kind. Sexy. But your boyfriend is worthy of only one portion of your life, time and energy – not matter how much you miss him. Give him that portion…and give yourself the gift of freedom. Don’t make your boyfriend the center of your life or the reason you exist. Don’t fall into the trap of only caring what your boyfriend thinks, wants, and does.
Instead, take a deep breath. Look upwards and open your heart to God. What do you feel when you consider Him, His creation, His reason for putting you here? What dreams, plans, aspirations has He planted in your heart?
What to Do When You Miss Your Boyfriend
Read How to Fill the Emptiness When You Miss Your Ex – especially if you feel like something huge and important is missing from your life!
Give yourself advice when you feel sad because you miss your boyfriend. First, write down how you feel and what you wish was happening in your life. Then, give yourself three pieces of advice. This is a good time to decide if you really want to make this change. What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?
Refocus your thoughts. Instead of thinking “I miss my boyfriend, I miss him so much I can’t breathe” over and over, pick one thing on my list above. Actually do it, don’t just gloss over it. Allow the thought of missing your boyfriend to flow in and then flow out of your mind. Don’t allow the negative gray emotions to overcome your sunny optimistic self.
Share your thoughts below. What do you think about these things to remember when you miss your boyfriend? Is it possible to make the changes I suggested?
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.