Here are 10 healthy ways to cope – and important things to remember – when all you can think is “I miss my boyfriend.” I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I know what it’s like to miss someone so much it feels like you’re missing a piece of yourself.
These ten tips will comfort and cheer you, and perhaps even help you blossom in ways you never thought possible. Whether your relationship in a slump, your boyfriend is too busy or you’re coping with a breakup you’ll find encouragement here. And, you’ll see that you are not alone.
“I am constantly asking my boyfriend if he misses me and loves me,” says Bridget on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “We live three states apart but we do see each other every month. I know my constantly saying how much I miss him makes my boyfriend frustrated. He has his own interesting life and I can’t force him to miss me as much as I miss him. I want to be happy in myself, whether or not my boyfriend is here with me. I will take your advice and work on myself and do things that will be good for me, such as my college studies and career plans. If my prince returns to my side than I’ll know he truly loves me and if not the right one will come in time!”
The most important thing to remember when you miss your boyfriend is that he is not the source of your joy, hope, peace, or life. He is not your prince or knight in shining armor. Your boyfriend is simply a man with faults and weaknesses – and strengths and talents, too! But he is just a guy, and your life is bigger than one relationship.
If you make your boyfriend the source of your joy, love and purpose, then you’re missing out on Something Even Greater. What could be better than the love of a boyfriend, you ask? You’ll see…
In this article, I share the most important things to remember when you feel sad and lonely because you miss your boyfriend. This is what works for me when all I can think is “I miss my husband” (he’s a geologist who goes away on work trips for most of the summer).
10 Things to Do and Remember When You’re Missing Your Boyfriend
If your boyfriend is away for a trip, I know how you feel! My husband left today for a month-long work trip in the Yukon – he’s a geologist, and every summer he goes away for long work stints in the field. We’ve been married 14 years, and it does get easier…but I vividly remember those “I miss my boyfriend” days before we got married.
Missing your boyfriend is bittersweet. You love him, yet he’s not around. This makes his absence sort of sweetly painful, deliciously heartbreaking.
1. Know why you miss your boyfriend
It may sound silly at first glance, but there are many different reasons you may be missing your boyfriend! And the reasons you miss him will affect how you cope with his absence.
Maybe you miss your boyfriend because:
- You’re in a long distance relationship
- You and your boyfriend broke up recently – or long ago
- Your boyfriend is traveling for work or school
- Your boyfriend is depressed and emotionally unavailable
Maybe your boyfriend is sitting right beside you, and yet you miss how close your relationship used to be. Maybe you miss the conversations you had, or the activities you did as a couple.
It’s important to figure out why you miss your boyfriend, because your “why” will help you figure out how to fill your life in more fulfilling ways. Learning how to deal with life when you miss your boyfriend depends – in part – on your personality, lifestyle, and interests.
Even more importantly, filling that empty space in your heart and soul requires you to accept that your boyfriend is not your purpose in life. There is only one way to fill your life with peace, joy, and freedom – and that is the gospel truth.
2. See your boyfriend’s absence as an opportunity for you to blossom!
When my husband goes away I don’t focus on how much I miss him. Instead I try to learn something new about myself, my life, my passions. For example, one summer I learned that I could no longer live on a small island in British Columbia. My husband was away for nine weeks that time, and I was so lonely. I’m a full-time writer, so I don’t have alot of “people” time. I’m an introvert so I’m happy with that – but even I couldn’t handle that much time alone! I learned that to be fulfilled – to blossom – I needed to move off that isolated island.
What about you – what can you learn from this time apart from your boyfriend? Do a quick scan of your body: do you feel physically heavy, sore, sick, or tired? Take care of your health. Maybe you need a massage, a new exercise routine, or a different type of diet plan. Maybe you need to run, swim, bike, or dance! Listen to your body; she is telling you what you need.
3. Blossom into who you were created to be
I wrote When You Miss Him Like Crazy for readers who feel helpless, hopeless, and alone. “I miss him so much it hurts,” said a woman after her boyfriend broke up with her after nine years. Another said reader can’t stop thinking about her ex and obsessing about the divorce. She just can’t move on.
You might still be in a relationship and missing your boyfriend because he lives far away, or is too busy for you. Use this time to grow forward in your life, to get in touch with your hopes, dreams and faith. You were meant for more than this! Don’t sit around waiting. Start blossoming.
“My boyfriend is a workaholic and only sees me once every 2 weeks. It’s not enough time for me. My last boyfriend was the same way but he had a different job. I miss my boyfriend but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. If your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you then you need to let him go. Stop thinking how much you miss him and get a life!”
4. Believe that your boyfriend’s absence is happening for a reason
Whether you miss your boyfriend because of a temporary trip or you’re actually struggling to fill the emptiness of missing your ex-boyfriend, there is a reason for this time in your life. God is working behind the scenes, drawing you closer, waiting for you to pay attention to Him.
If you find yourself dealing with the same problems – emotionally distant boyfriends, breakups, unstable relationships – you haven’t learned what you’re supposed to learn. God will keep giving you this experience until you learn what you need to know. The reason I struggle with the same problems over and over is because I don’t deal with them properly. So, I have to live through the same season over and over. It’s like Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. He had to relive the same day repeatedly until he learned what he needed to know.
There is a reason you’re going through this. There’s a reason you miss your boyfriend, and a reason you’re going through this season of your life. What is it? Take time to figure it out, because that is how you will find joy and peace.
5. Remember that feelings of loneliness or emptiness don’t have to control you
Sadness, loneliness, depression, rejection – those heavy feelings don’t have to rule your heart and spirit. You feel sad, lonely, and depressed because the I miss my boyfriend thoughts are crowding every positive or powerful thought you have…but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Allow yourself to admit your feelings. Maybe you feel unloved, broken hearted, stressed, sick, obsessed with your boyfriend, used, or hopeless. Take a moment to figure out how you feel. Then, decide what feelings you want to rule your day.
Do you want to live in the toxic and unhealthy “I miss my boyfriend so much I could die” world? No! You’d rather live in the healthy and joyful world of “I miss my boyfriend, but I am growing spiritually and emotionally stronger, and I am pursuing peace, joy, acceptance, surrender, and God.”
6. Create a life that interests and amazes you!
Are you consumed or obsessed by thoughts of your boyfriend? Read 11 Ways to Stop Being the “Clingy Girlfriend” in a Relationship. Every time you find yourself sad and lonely because you miss your boyfriend, pick something new to try on the list. This is a practical thing to do when you miss your boyfriend.
If you’re lonely and sad because you and your boyfriend broke up, you need to find healthy ways to cope when you miss your boyfriend. Don’t allow your pain to swallow you, chew you up, and walk all over you. Grieve your loss, and seek joy in your life. Remember that your feelings of loneliness and sadness will pass. Whether you and your boyfriend broke up for good or are only separated for a short time, you will feel better if you actively try to rise above the gray feelings.
7. Refocus your thoughts
Instead of obsessing about how lonely you feel or why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, pick one thing on this list of tips. What will you do when you miss your boyfriend? Do it, don’t just shrug it off. Accept that you miss your boyfriend, then refocus your thoughts on something else. Don’t let the loneliness and emptiness become who you are.
If your boyfriend is away – or you’re in a long distance relationship – remember that he cares about you. This time apart can actually be good for your relationship, and might even make your love stronger and deeper. Or, maybe your boyfriend’s absence will help you see him more clearly and objectively. Maybe you’ll see that you’re different when he isn’t around…and maybe you’ll like who you are without him. Maybe you’ll blossom into who God created you to be in unexpected ways!
8. Learn how to miss your boyfriend and be happy anyway
Look up and meet God’s gaze. Who did He create you to be? Why are you here on earth? What will you do with your one wild and precious life?
Don’t let your relationship with your boyfriend define who you are. He may be a good, healthy part of your life but he isn’t who you are. Your boyfriend isn’t — or shouldn’t be — your whole life. What dreams, plans, aspirations has He planted in your heart? Look beyond your relationship for your happiness. Your boyfriend can’t be responsible for how happy and fulfilled you are in your life.
9. Find healthy, fulfilling ways to spend your time – and your life!
Your boyfriend is one part of your life. He is not (or he shouldn’t be!) the reason you exist. He isn’t the foundation of your happiness or joy, and shouldn’t be the focus of all your time and attention.
No matter how wonderful and lovable your boyfriend is, he is not God. Your boyfriend is lovable. Sweet. Kind. Sexy. But your boyfriend is worthy of only one portion of your life, time and energy – no matter how much you miss him. Give him that portion…and give yourself the gift of freedom. Don’t make your boyfriend the center of your life or the reason you exist. Don’t fall into the trap of only caring what your boyfriend thinks, wants, and does.
10. Learn “healthy detachment” in your relationship
Healthy detachment is allowing your boyfriend to be himself — and allowing you to be yourself — while still loving him. One way to do this is to write through your feelings when you’re feeling particularly lonely. First, write down how you feel and what you wish was happening in your life. Then, give yourself three pieces of advice. What healthy things should you do when you miss your boyfriend? What change do you need to make in your life or relationship? What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?
If you miss your boyfriend because you and he broke up, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart. It’s an ebook I wrote to help women let go after a breakup and start moving forward in joy, peace, and strength.
Learning how to miss your boyfriend — especially after a breakup — is about grieving. It takes time to heal your heart and move forward with your life, but it will happen. You won’t always feel this bad. You’ll come through this happier, healthier and stronger than you ever were before.
Feel free to share your thoughts below! What do you think about my tips for coping when you miss your boyfriend? You might find it helpful to write about your feelings; writing is one of the best ways of working through pain and loneliness, and learning something new about ourselves.
In peace and passion,