When Your Husband Wants Out of Your Marriage


What do you do when your husband says he doesn’t want to commit to your marriage anymore? These tips are inspired by a reader whose husband is done being married.

When Your Husband Wants Out of Your MarriageIn Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, therapist Bruce Fisher helps people get back on their feet after a traumatic divorce or separation. This book combines a straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of people facing divorce – it’s just the right balance of shoulder-to-cry-on and kick-in-the-pants self-help. If your husband wants out of your marriage commitment, you need to find that balance.

On How to Leave Your Husband, my reader said: “He says he cannot commit to the marriage anymore. I am overwhelmed and so disappointed. I have been there for him through so much and he says he feels the right thing to do is divorce me as his “heart isn’t in this.”


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There’s more to her story than this, but the bottom line is that her husband wants out of their marriage commitment. It’s heartbreaking – a devastating blow to the life she has built for her family. If your husband doesn’t want to honor his marriage commitment anymore, then you know how she feels.

Walking Away From a Marriage Commitment

There is nothing I can do or say to make it easier when your husband wants out of your marriage. I wish I had a magic wand, but I don’t. All I can do is encourage you to start picking up the pieces, and moving on. Your husband may want your marriage to end, but you can still have a beautiful life.

Be realistic about your husband’s commitment to your marriage

I don’t know if you can save your marriage – it depends on why your husband is leaving and how long your marriage troubles have been going on. There are so many factors that contribute to marriage breakdown. Sometimes counseling can save a marriage, other times it just confirms that the marriage is over. The painful truth is that you can’t save your marriage by yourself, and you need to be honest with yourself about how commited your husband is. If he wants out of the marriage, then it might be healthiest to let him go.

Accept the end of your marriage

Walking away from the commitment you made to your marriage, husband, and family will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Accepting that your marriage is over is devastating – it’s the end of a dream, a hope, a future. But if your husband wants out of your marriage, then you need to walk away from your marriage commitment, too. You need to accept his choice, and start the painful process of letting go of someone you love.

Grieve

not committed to marriage

When Your Husband Wants Out of Your Marriage

It’s time to grieve the end of your marriage, just like you grieve the loss of someone you loved dearly. Healing your broken heart after a breakup is a process that takes a long time. You’re not just grieving the loss of your marriage, you’re working through the disappointment, shock, pain, and emotional turmoil that divorce brings.

Connect with other divorced women

It’s time to start thinking and saying the “d” word. Divorce is ugly, even when it goes smoothly. Divorce means different things to different people: failure, loss, weakness, stigma, pain, bankruptcy, hurt children, divided families. One of the best ways to deal with the loss of a marriage is to talk to other divorced women – women who have thrived after divorce, women you respect and admire. Hook up with strong, smart, successful women who rebuilt their lives after divorce.

There are no easy answers when your husband wants out of your marriage, and no easy tips for walking away from a marriage commitment.

I welcome your thoughts below, on when your husband wants out of your marriage. I can’t offer advice or marriage counseling, but it may help you to share what you’re going through.

For more tips on healing after your husband says he doesn’t want to be commited to your marriage anymore, read How to Survive a Christian Divorce.

My prayer is that you find healing and peace, and that you can accept that your husband wants out of your marriage. I pray you are able to let him go, and move forward with joy.


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5 thoughts on “When Your Husband Wants Out of Your Marriage

  • Monique

    My husband wanted an open marriage and I said no. He has been having multiple affairs and blames me for all his issues.
    I refuse to leave our home and if he wants out he needs to be man enough to file for divorce. He goes out openly but does not want friends to know of his double life. Has my,tip,e hook up but no one serious..these girls are using him.

    We have no children and so my attitude is I will live here amicably, we can share finances but if he wants out have the guts to be the one to do so…
    I see him trying to date women 20-30 years younger than himself. He is 67…rediculous. He will find someone ..who will use him for his money. It’s just pathetic and sad.

  • Dana

    My husband and I have been struggling for a year now with our marriage, went to counseling, talking through arguments and not yelling and things were improving, so I thought. He blurted out during a confrontation “I filed for divorce.” I was in shock. Then found out it was 5 weeks prior. We traveled, made love during those 5 weeks while I was working on our marriage, he knew the entire time he filed for divorce. I felt violated. After weeks of ‘recovery’ I started feeling grateful since he made the decision for me, and easier to leave a man who flat out lied to me. I have not shared any of these facts with his friends or family, but I certainly have with mine. I need the support and to speak the truth, confirms the divorce.
    Recovery is daily with meditation, informing myself with my rights, exercise, eat right, and take many deep breaths. Thank goodness for our girlfriends, and family for support!

  • Rose Lawton

    Yep this is true my ex husband of 14 years and I just broke up because of all his cheating. He was such a dog that I know three of his whores by their first name. He even put one on the phone for me to speak to. Dorian the who’re that he told me was riding and sucking on his equipment like I would never be able to do. Amy the slut who is his fun girl. They go to the motels and hotels quite frequently even after 10 years and she knows about me because when she set eyes on him I was right next to him coming out of my house. Yolanda the prostitute. I’m not actually sure if she’s black, white, Porto Rican or what all I know is that they were texting one another back and forth. But they are all nothing but a piece of used up assholes. So ladies take heart someone else is sure to show up on your door step one day. But we can’t hurry love. We’re just have to wait.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Denise,

    Thank you for your thoughts on when a husband wants out of your marriage. It sounds like you’ve had experience with this, and can relate! Sometimes the best thing to do is let your husband go, and not break your back trying to keep him.

    Changing a husband’s mind when he wants out of the marriage may backfire…you may end up married to a man you don’t even want.

  • Denise

    My comment is about when your husband wants out of your marriage. There are SEVERAL answers to this. These questions need to be asked before beneficial answers to every situation will help. How long in the marriage? Are there children under the age of 18? What is your current financial situation, (can you support yourself, without him)? Is he leaving you and children?
    A man wants what he can’t have. If a beautiful co-worker has no children, a gorgeous house, a high paying job, and can suck a tennis ball through a garden hose throws herself at him…why wouldn’t he leave? The Mr. Wonderful you met, is the man she sees, the carefree, fun loving, gentleman YOU haven’t seen in years. You both work, you bust your ass taking care of the house, the bills, the children, the meals, wake up early to look good for him… The gorgeous b***h who has the perfect body (with no children) has plenty of money, a nice car, is never tired, a “gourmet chef”, laughs at all of his jokes is VERY TEMPTING!
    WHY! ? wouldn’t he walk out the door to live a care free, fabulous life with her?
    Believe it or not…there is a way to keep your husband.