What do you do when your husband says he doesn’t want to commit to your marriage anymore? These tips are inspired by a reader whose husband is done being married.
In Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, therapist Bruce Fisher helps people get back on their feet after a traumatic divorce or separation. This book combines a straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of people facing divorce – it’s just the right balance of shoulder-to-cry-on and kick-in-the-pants self-help. If your husband wants out of your marriage commitment, you need to find that balance.
On How to Leave Your Husband, my reader said: “He says he cannot commit to the marriage anymore. I am overwhelmed and so disappointed. I have been there for him through so much and he says he feels the right thing to do is divorce me as his “heart isn’t in this.”
There’s more to her story than this, but the bottom line is that her husband wants out of their marriage commitment. It’s heartbreaking – a devastating blow to the life she has built for her family. If your husband doesn’t want to honor his marriage commitment anymore, then you know how she feels.
Walking Away From a Marriage Commitment
There is nothing I can do or say to make it easier when your husband wants out of your marriage. I wish I had a magic wand, but I don’t. All I can do is encourage you to start picking up the pieces, and moving on. Your husband may want your marriage to end, but you can still have a beautiful life.
Be realistic about your husband’s commitment to your marriage
I don’t know if you can save your marriage – it depends on why your husband is leaving and how long your marriage troubles have been going on. There are so many factors that contribute to marriage breakdown. Sometimes counseling can save a marriage, other times it just confirms that the marriage is over. The painful truth is that you can’t save your marriage by yourself, and you need to be honest with yourself about how commited your husband is. If he wants out of the marriage, then it might be healthiest to let him go.
Accept the end of your marriage
Walking away from the commitment you made to your marriage, husband, and family will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Accepting that your marriage is over is devastating – it’s the end of a dream, a hope, a future. But if your husband wants out of your marriage, then you need to walk away from your marriage commitment, too. You need to accept his choice, and start the painful process of letting go of someone you love.
It’s time to grieve the end of your marriage, just like you grieve the loss of someone you loved dearly. Healing your broken heart after a breakup is a process that takes a long time. You’re not just grieving the loss of your marriage, you’re working through the disappointment, shock, pain, and emotional turmoil that divorce brings.
Connect with other divorced women
It’s time to start thinking and saying the “d” word. Divorce is ugly, even when it goes smoothly. Divorce means different things to different people: failure, loss, weakness, stigma, pain, bankruptcy, hurt children, divided families. One of the best ways to deal with the loss of a marriage is to talk to other divorced women – women who have thrived after divorce, women you respect and admire. Hook up with strong, smart, successful women who rebuilt their lives after divorce.
There are no easy answers when your husband wants out of your marriage, and no easy tips for walking away from a marriage commitment.
I welcome your thoughts below, on when your husband wants out of your marriage. I can’t offer advice or marriage counseling, but it may help you to share what you’re going through.
For more tips on healing after your husband says he doesn’t want to be commited to your marriage anymore, read How to Survive a Christian Divorce.
My prayer is that you find healing and peace, and that you can accept that your husband wants out of your marriage. I pray you are able to let him go, and move forward with joy.