7 Reasons He Doesn’t Talk to You

Your husband or boyfriend is uncommunicative and silent – and if you’re asking yourself “why doesn’t he talk to me?” you are definitely not alone. Here are the most common barriers to communication that affect all relationships – even the healthiest ones.

It’s important to remember that men sometimes simply don’t know what to talk about. One of my most popular articles is 10 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend. Why? Because guys WANT to talk to their girlfriends or wives…but they don’t always know WHAT to talk about.

Before we jump into the reasons your boyfriend or husband isn’t talking to you, here’s a funny quote from Mel Gibson: “After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.”

How about a bit of both, Mel? Women want a little conversation, a little chocolate…and repeat until satisfied. My husband and I are taking a marriage course called the Marriage Course, created by Sila and Nicky Lee. Our last session was called The Art of Communication, and we had to practice talking, active listening, and summarizing each other. It was a really good session – and great practice for all types of conversations.

If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, there may be several different reasons. Here’s a list of the most common ones.

7 Reasons He Doesn’t Talk to You

If he’s not talking to you because he’s passive-aggressive, read Dealing With the Silent Treatment in Relationships. I recently updated that article, and added new research on communication between couples.

1. He doesn’t know what to talk about

My husband is a quiet man, and has often says he simply doesn’t know what to talk about. Not everyone is a brilliant conversationalist – and many people don’t talk simply for the sake of talking. If you’re asking “why he doesn’t talk to me, but he talks to other people”, then one of the other reasons on this list might apply.

2. He worries you might misunderstand him

You’ve been here, right? You say something to someone – not necessarily your boyfriend or husband – and it is totally misinterpreted and misunderstood! It’s taken out of context, or it came out wrong. This may be a reason why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you…he thinks he’ll be misunderstood.

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3. He doesn’t know how he feels or what he thinks

Sometimes men don’t talk simply because they don’t know how to respond. For instance, when I bring up an issue in our relationship, sometimes my husband says, “I don’t know what to say to that. Give me some time to think.” He used to just clam up and not say anything, until I asked if he could at least tell me that he doesn’t know what to think or say. This works a lot better, because I at least know that he’s heard me.

4. He feels he has to be the “strong, silent type”

Some men think they’ll sound weak if they talk about issues that bother them. Sometimes it’s easier to keep their mouths shut and ignore the problem, instead of going through the hassle of trying to talk it through.

5. He doesn’t want to disturb the peace

Sometimes it’s easier to just bite your tongue and not say anything, instead of speaking your mind and causing problems or hurt feelings. Some boyfriends and husbands like to keep the peace at all costs, so they keep their mouths shut.

6. The topic is too complicated

Discussion about relationship issues can get painful and confusing, and it’s sometimes easier to avoid “the talk.” If your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, it may be because he doesn’t want to get entangled in messy emotions or conversations.

7. He thinks you’ll laugh at him or think less of him

he doesnt talk to me

Does your boyfriend hesitate to share his thoughts with you because you may criticize or mock him? Maybe you’re not aware of how he feels about talking to you – or maybe you’re not aware of your own patterns of responding to him.

The best way to identify why reason or reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you is to show him this list. Hopefully, he’ll be open to talking about why he doesn’t talk to you! The best source of information is the person himself – if he can open up.

If you’re worried about your relationship, read 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love With You. It might help you see your relationship differently, and maybe shine light on the reasons he doesn’t talk to you.

I welcome your thoughts below. Why do you think your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, and what do you think you should do about it?

Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.


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8 thoughts on “7 Reasons He Doesn’t Talk to You

  • Cans

    My boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to me
    He always said he is busy with his business
    He can message me after 48 hours but he change slots since he met a another girl.he told he love me but why he doesn’t want to talk to me.why he didn’t miss me.what to do? He told I need to wait him because he want marriage with me.but why if he doesn’t love me why he ask me to wait for him? I don’t know what is truth.

  • Anne-Marie

    My boyfriend is scorpio and maybe it’s one of the reasons he doesn’t talk to me. It’s in his peculiar, passive-aggressive manner to “communicate” with me in negative ways…..it’s very painful for me but he doesn’t know that!! Is my boyfriend immature or just…… hater! But a very long silence always is hiding a lot of lies!

  • Te

    I never trusted anyone before. I never had anyone. Even when someone was there I still couldn’t trust. I was for sure gonna be just me forever. I never really thought about it. I was ok with life. But I met someone and I liked him, he made me feel safe. I ended up trusting him. At first just partying and having fun. I knew his sexual secrets and he seemed to trust and open up to me. His fantasy in no way turns me on but when he is getting into what I am doing for him it makes me feel good. I thought we were building a life here. I am completely city girl. I hate living in the middle of nowhere.

    Here I am trying really hard to show this man that I do appreciate everything he has done for this family. Getting a job he doesn’t like being there for his kids and putting up with my alcoholism for 9 years. I quit drinking over a year ago. I have been trying really hard to be what he needs me to be and do what he needs. He expects things done a certain way and at the exact time he said. I am a product of generation ADD. Sometimes I get distracted and punctuality is not my best. I am a very caring , loving person when you treat me right. I never thought the man who stood by me through all the hard times would be the one to tear me apart. He had been cheating almost the entire time. Porn never bothered me until this man would rather replace me with it. He killed my self esteem because he never talked to me and always did this behind my back, never share it with me. Then gets mad at me when I confront him. He wants me to be his friend and share things but he is a liar. He wont stop talking to these other people. He just gets hidden apps and I honestly don’t know if he is still doing it or not by no proof but in my heart he is and he will never stop.

    I am sooo confused and shocked that after I caught his crap the last time I told him never again. Caught him again and I’m still here. I have no way to move or no where to go… even if I did I couldn’t separate him and the kids. I do have a heart. But I lost all respect and trust I had for this man. I am numb I finally trusted someone completely and I knew this would be a mistake. I had to try to trust I did and I was right. I thought I was proven wrong because I really just felt that comfortable and safe. I forgot all about any more pain He was good and I was played like a fool. I guess that’s what I get.

  • Laurie Post author

    My husband is a quiet guy, and it took 11 years of marriage for me to realize that the reasons he doesn’t talk to me have nothing to do with me or our relationship! It’s just the way he is. Luckily, he’s willing to stretch out of his comfort zone and make an effort to talk to me 🙂

    If you haven’t talked to your husband or boyfriend about why he doesn’t talk to you, you might find it helpful to sit down and have “the talk” with him. Painful and uncomfortable? Yes. Worth it? You bet!

  • Laurie Post author

    It’s difficult to know the exact reasons why a boyfriend or husband doesn’t talk to his partner. Sometimes it can seem like an obvious reason – such as him caring more about his job, money, video games, or his friends. But sometimes he really doesn’t know how to communicate, and it’s easier to withdraw into himself than try to figure out what to say.

  • Aman

    ^ because he cares more about money than he does about you. Now if he were to treat you to expensive dates and buy you expensive items than you can’t say he’s greedy with his money, but from what it looks like he is more focused with his money than you.