You’re unhappy about having an affair with a married man, but you don’t know how to get over him. Here, you’ll find tips for breaking off a relationship with a man who is married. May you find freedom, peace, love and joy in your life – and may you hold on to your vision of a beautiful future with a man who is dedicated to you.
“I have to keep reminding myself of how many lies I have told over the years,” says Anonymous on How to Break Up With a Married Man – and Heal Your Heart. “I have been lying to everyone who is most important to me for 5 years. I’ve been sneaking around with this married man, ignoring my own husband who loves me more then anyone in this world. I have taken my husband for granted and I am finally realizing that. I find myself wanting to talk to my husband more and be excited about becoming parents (I’m five months pregnant). I decided to end my affair with the married man and still feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I know I’ll have some good moments and bad moments, but hopefully as time passes I’ll have more good. I really do want to end this affair because it makes me sick that I was involved with a married man for so long. I’m just looking for the strength to get through the next few hours, days, and weeks until I stop thinking about him.”
You’re not alone if you’re searching for suggestions on how to break up with a married man. I’ve written several articles about infidelity, and the one that’s most searched for is my blog post on getting over an affair. This surprised me, actually. I was aware that many men cheat on their wives, but I hadn’t thought about who they were cheating with. The comments section on my article about breaking up with a married man has given me a whole new perspective on marital affairs.
Here’s a list of reasons you shouldn’t date other womens’ husbands, plus several tips on how to get over a married man and heal the pain of heartbreak. Having an affair with a married man can rip your heart in pieces…but the good news is that you’re on the right track! You’ve begun the process of healing, simply by searching for ways to get over a married man.
Reasons to Let Go of Him
I suspect you already have your own reasons not to date married men – and your reasons may be below.
But, this list may give you the extra push you need to get serious about the healing process.
- Adultery is destructive, immoral, and painful
- A married man won’t commit to a future with you
- You can’t trust a married man who cheats on his wife
- You can’t talk about dating married men with your friends and family, so you won’t get much support
- A married man doesn’t respect the woman he’s cheating with
- You’ll waste your life waiting for him to make a decision – and the chances he’ll decide to commit to you are slim
- A married man is living with guilt and shame, which will eventually affect your relationship
- Good, kind, loving men don’t cheat on their wives
- Cheating damages families and destroys lives
This last tip would drive me to quickly learn how to get over a married man! Guys who cheat don’t respect or love the women they’re cheating with. No matter what they say, they don’t really respect women who let themselves be used.
If you want to break up with him but feel like you can’t, read How to Get Through a Breakup When You’re Still in Love.
How to Get Over a Married Man
I’ve written lots of articles with practical tips on breaking up and healing after heartbreak. In this article, I want to focus on the power of love to help you move forward in your life. This may seem ironic because you think you’re losing love…but actually, the end of this affair can actually be the start of a whole new life of freedom, peace, and joy for you!
Focus on finding freedom to end this relationship
May you break free from the chains that hold you in this relationship – a relationship you know is unhealthy and destructive for you and others. May you find freedom, peace, and joy in your life. I pray for courage and strength, and for wisdom to learn how to get over a married man without feeling compelled to return to your old way of living. I pray that you take time to bow your head and lift your heart to God.
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Instead of allowing your heart and emotions to dictate your choices, decide to end this affair. Yes, it’ll hurt. Yes, you’ll think about him all the time. But you can be free from the compulsion to see this married man. May you find yourself quickly and free from the bondage of this affair. End your suffering, move forward in freshness and light.
Look at the obstacles in your way
What is holding you back from getting over a married man? Maybe you’ve invested time, emotional energy, or even money in the affair. Maybe you hope he’ll leave his wife and marry you. Maybe breaking up with him is an admission of guilt, and you can’t forgive yourself for the affair.
Maybe you love him.
Being clear on your reasons for having the affair – and breaking it off – will help you find freedom. Why are you searching for tips on how to get over a married man? Start digging around in your heart and soul, and figure out why you started the affair and what’s holding you back from a healthy relationship.
Decide that this affair is over. Period.
Here’s my favorite comment from a reader on my other article about getting over a married man:
You have to make up your mind to break up with your married man…It’s hard for me to believe that there are other men who are willing to love me even more but there are. If you do not let go of what’s bad for you, then you’re not making yourself available for a good man. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone I like than in a relationship with a married man I love who can’t make me his priority. THIS ISN’T HAPPINESS. We deserve more. And it starts within ourselves. His wife doesn’t deserve this, either.
Start recreating your life
Part of learning how to break up with a married man is to create your life in a way that incorporates new perspectives, new attitudes, new priorities, and new values. One of your new attitudes has to be acceptance – because you know that resisting this change will stop you from learning how to live happily without the man you love.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What do I need to let go of in my life that is no longer alive?
- What is sacred to me?
- Who or what do I love?
- What have I sacrificed in order to love this married man and have an affair?
- What is calling to me now in my life?
- How can I start living the life I really want?
- What changes do I need to make so I can live without him?
Take one question at a time and sit quietly with it. Write about it in your journal or the comments sections below. Turn it over in your mind. Don’t overanalyze or overthink your answers. Don’t pressure yourself to come up with an answer. Be willing not to know how you will live without him. What is important is that the questioning gets energy moving deep in your emotions and spirit. From here, change will naturally unfold in your life.
What is one thing you can do today to take care of yourself, and help your heart heal?
Learn how to let go and emotionally detach from him
Breaking up and letting go takes time, but it will happen. You have more power than you think – and you deserve better. You deserve a man who will love and cherish you, wholly and completely.
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love I share stories about letting go from me and a few “She Blossoms” readers. Our experiences with love and loss will comfort and encourage you.
I share 25 Blossom Tips, each paired with a practical “how to.” Every tip highlights a different part of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach will help you move forward in different ways, according to your personality, mood, energy level and lifestyle.
My life with a schizophrenic mother, absent father, foster homes, attempted rape, infertility, and three years in Africa taught me that choosing to grow forward is essential for healing.
May your heart and soul heal from the pain this relationship caused, and the grief of the breakup. May your heart turn towards the love and peace only God can bring.
If you want to share your story about loving a married man, please write below. I can’t offer advice, but you might find it helpful to share your experience. Writing slows us down and helps us untangle our emotions. It helps us refocus our thoughts and heal from destructive patterns in our lives.
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Need marriage help? Get free relationship advice from Relationship Coach Mort Fertel.