How to Get Over Your Affair With a Married Man


You’re unhappy about having an affair with a married man, but you don’t know how to get over him. Here, you’ll find tips for breaking off a relationship with a man who is married. May you find freedom, peace, love and joy in your life – and may you hold on to your vision of a beautiful future with a man who is dedicated to you.

“I have to keep reminding myself of how many lies I have told over the years,” says Anonymous on How to Break Up With a Married Man – and Heal Your Heart. “I have been lying to everyone who is most important to me for 5 years. I’ve been sneaking around with this married man, ignoring my own husband who loves me more then anyone in this world. I have taken my husband for granted and I am finally realizing that. I find myself wanting to talk to my husband more and be excited about becoming parents (I’m five months pregnant). I decided to end my affair with the married man and still feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I know I’ll have some good moments and bad moments, but hopefully as time passes I’ll have more good. I really do want to end this affair because it makes me sick that I was involved with a married man for so long. I’m just looking for the strength to get through the next few hours, days, and weeks until I stop thinking about him.

You’re not alone if you’re searching for suggestions on how to break up with a married man. I’ve written several articles about infidelity, and the one that’s most searched for is my blog post on getting over an affair. This surprised me, actually. I was aware that many men cheat on their wives, but I hadn’t thought about who they were cheating with. The comments section on my article about breaking up with a married man has given me a whole new perspective on marital affairs.





Here’s a list of reasons you shouldn’t date other womens’ husbands, plus several tips on how to get over a married man and heal the pain of heartbreak. Having an affair with a married man can rip your heart in pieces…but the good news is that you’re on the right track! You’ve begun the process of healing, simply by searching for ways to get over a married man.

Reasons to Let Go of a Married Man

I suspect you already know these reasons not to date married men, but this list may give you the extra push you need to get serious about the healing process.

  • Adultery is destructive, immoral, and painful
  • A married man won’t commit to a future with you
  • You can’t trust a married man who cheats on his wife
  • You can’t talk about dating married men with your friends and family, so you won’t get much support
  • A married man doesn’t respect the woman he’s cheating with
  • You’ll waste your life waiting for him to make a decision – and the chances he’ll decide to commit to you are slim
  • A married man is living with guilt and shame, which will eventually affect your relationship
  • Good, kind, loving men don’t cheat on their wives
  • Cheating damages families and destroys lives

This last tip would drive me to quickly learn how to get over a married man! Guys who cheat don’t respect or love the women they’re cheating with. No matter what they say, they don’t really respect women who let themselves be used.

If you want to break up with him but feel like you can’t, read How to Get Through a Breakup When You’re Still in Love.

How to Get Over a Married Man

I’ve written lots of articles with practical tips on breaking up and healing after heartbreak. In this article, I want to focus on the power of love to help you move forward in your life. This may seem ironic because you think you’re losing love…but actually, the end of this affair can actually be the start of a whole new life of freedom, peace, and joy for you!

Focus on finding freedom to end this relationship

May you break free from the chains that hold you in this relationship – a relationship you know is unhealthy and destructive for you and others. May you find freedom, peace, and joy in your life. I pray for courage and strength, and for wisdom to learn how to get over a married man without feeling compelled to return to your old way of living. I pray that you take time to bow your head and lift your heart to God.

Instead of allowing your heart and emotions to dictate your choices, decide to end this affair. Yes, it’ll hurt. Yes, you’ll think about him all the time. But you can be free from the compulsion to see this married man. May you find yourself quickly and free from the bondage of this affair. End your suffering, move forward in freshness and light.

Look at the obstacles in your way

What is holding you back from getting over a married man? Maybe you’ve invested time, emotional energy, or even money in the affair. Maybe you hope he’ll leave his wife and marry you. Maybe breaking up with him is an admission of guilt, and you can’t forgive yourself for the affair.



Relationship Help

Do you regret the breakup? Learn how to Text Your Ex Back

If you feel confused, find out what men secretly want




Maybe you love him.

Being clear on your reasons for having the affair – and breaking it off – will help you find freedom. Why are you searching for tips on how to get over a married man? Start digging around in your heart and soul, and figure out why you started the affair and what’s holding you back from a healthy relationship.

Decide that this affair is over. Period.

This is my favorite comment from a reader on my other article about getting over a married man:

How to Get Over a Married Man

How to Get Over a Married Man

You have to make up your mind to break up with your married man…It’s hard for me to believe that there are other men who are willing to love me even more but there are. If you do not let go of what’s bad for you, then you’re not making yourself available for a good man. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone I like than in a relationship with a married man I love who can’t make me his priority.

THIS ISN’T HAPPINESS. We deserve more. And it starts within ourselves. His wife doesn’t deserve this, either.

Start recreating your life

Part of learning how to break up with a married man is to create your life in a way that incorporates new perspectives, new attitudes, new priorities, and new values. One of your new attitudes has to be acceptance – because you know that resisting this change will stop you from learning how to live happily without the man you love.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I need to let go of in my life that is no longer alive?
  • What is sacred to me?
  • Who or what do I love?
  • What have I sacrificed in order to love this married man and have an affair?
  • What is calling to me now in my life?
  • How can I start living the life I really want?
  • What changes do I need to make so I can live without him?

Take one question at a time and sit quietly with it. Write about it in your journal or the comments sections below. Turn it over in your mind. Don’t overanalyze or overthink your answers. Don’t pressure yourself to come up with an answer. Be willing not to know how you will live without him. What is important is that the questioning gets energy moving deep in your emotions and spirit. From here, change will naturally unfold in your life.

What is one thing you can do today to take care of yourself, and help your heart heal?

Learn how to let go and emotionally detach from him

In How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About I describe how to let go of someone you love. Breaking up and letting go takes time, but it will happen. You have more power than you think – and you deserve better. You deserve a man who will love and cherish you, wholly and completely.

May your heart and soul heal from the pain this relationship caused, and the grief of the breakup. I pray for forgiveness, compassion, and mercy. May your heart turn towards the love and peace only God can bring. May you open your soul to the only one who truly loves you unconditionally and wholly, consistently and forever.

If you want to share your story, please write below. I can’t offer advice, but you might find it helpful to share your experience. Writing helps us untangle our emotions, refocus our thoughts, and heal from destructive patterns in our lives.

Getting Over a Married Man

In The Handbook for Healing Heartbreak: Finding Peace Within, After Loss of Love, Pamela DeNeuve offers ways to stop feeling consumed with pain, anger, or anguish because the man you loved walked away. You’ll learn how to stop repeating painful self-defeating cycles in your love life.

In this easy-to-read book, you will discover hidden beliefs that women have accepted for generations – ideas that cause them to repeat painful patterns in their love lives.

May you blossom in freedom and faith. May joy and peace be yours. May you always see the beauty of the simple things in life.



SheBlossoms newsletter

xo


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19 thoughts on “How to Get Over Your Affair With a Married Man

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being so honest, and sharing what it’s like to be with a married man. I can only imagine how painful it must be to be in a relationship that has no hope, even though it seems like there is so much love. Pain like this is difficult to go through, and the grief is heavy.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers, for healing and peace. May you find the strength you need to cope, the faith you need to let go of the past, and the courage you need to keep moving forward. And may you find yourself experiencing the peace and joy that surpasses all understanding! May you reconnect with God, and may you find ways to Blossom into the woman He created you to be.

  • Marie

    I want this to be the last time but don’t know how to do it. I keep giving him excuses and going back to him. Help. I have been seeing a married man for about 2 years now. We are both married, have children and use to work together. I actually found another job in part to help me get away from the situation. Unlike most of the stories I’ve read we would only see each other every 6 weeks or so as we live in different cities. As I write that it seems that it should be easy to get over this guy. But I fell hard. To his credit he never made any promises or even told me he felt anything for me. We never talked on the phone and only texted. Of course the texts would turn to sexting and photos. On the rare occasions when we were in the same city we would meet for dinner and drinks and I would ultimately end up staying the night with him. The sex was fabulous and there were real moments of intimacy that went beyond sex. I would try to tell myself it was just sex and those feelings were only because we were physical but honestly I know it was more for both us. There was a time where I would have blown up my whole world for him. But I know that wasn’t really possible. The only time we spoke of it he made a very pointed statement that I completely understand and that was that too many people relied on him and he felt responsible. The whole thing was a continuous cycle of the excitement the weeks before I knew I was about to see him, the pure happiness when I would actually get to see him, horrible humiliation and sadness I would feel when I left the hotel room, mind numbing sadness when he wouldn’t contact me for weeks thereafter, a couple weeks of acceptance and I would finally get to feeling better, then the text would come that he was visiting and it would start all over. It was such high highs where I would be glowing and grinning all day to low lows where I would breathless with sadness and crying endlessly. The last three times we were suppose to meet something always came up and we didn’t see each other even when we were in the same city. The reasons for not meeting were always justifiable so I would always forget the horrible feelings I would get since I didn’t see him. This last time when he told me he couldn’t meet I just didn’t reply and erased all his contact information. I am beyond broken-hearted. I just wanted him to at least try to get ahold of me but of course he didn’t. I know that I have to never contact him again but am afraid I will find some excuse. I am actually fantasizing about him contacting me but I know he won’t and I think that is what is hurting me even more. I actually thought he felt something for me. Was I really that dilusional with lust/love? Or was I just looking for attention and excitement and the drug like feeling of an affair? While it does help to talk and write about it I really don’t know how I am going to get thru this.

  • Natasha

    I ended my “relationship” with a married man on June 19th. It was so hard on me. But, the lies killed me more. We met online, yes I knew he was married. We started off friends. Talked every day. He became part of my daily routine. It got to the point that if I didn’t talk to him for a day or two, I felt I was missing something. He intrigued me. He was a younger guy, so handsome. He gave me the attention I so badly needed. That is the hardest part now is that I no longer have his attention and conversations. It feels like such a void. We talked on text for 10 months. He was all over the place then. He later told me, it was because he was trying to fight his feelings for me. But in the end, he couldn’t. He started telling me he loved me and it felt so amazing. The feeling of that lust and passion that a “new relationship ” brings. He ended up telling me he wanted me to move near him because he “wanted me close to him till the day he died”.. I did. I first went there a month before I moved there, we met in a hotel room and the passion and spark was explosive. He was everything I wanted him to be. I fell hard for him. The ride home (12 hour drive) I cried the entire way, because at that point I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to move there.. but I cried all the way back home and I realized I was so deeply in love with him that I was willing to make the move. So the next month I did just that. The fantasy quickly turned into a hard reality pretty much as soon as I got there… he pretty much seen me when it was good for him to and I spent lots of time alone. Completely alone. I knew no one but him there. He was all I had and I barely had him. But when we did get together it was so amazing… but I found myself sad a lot. But I fought thru it and stayed. Weeks turned into months.. I kept video diaries of how I was feeling.. I’m glad I did as I look at them now, I ask myself what exactly did I get from this? Lots of time alone.. broken heart.. lonlienes… it was not the dream I had hoped for… as the months rolled by it’s now 16 months since I moved here, it ended badly. I couldn’t take the loneliness anymore and I couldn’t take being last. So I ended it with him and told his wife, because of how badly he played with my head. Now I’m trying to figure out where to go from here… what now? My heart is so broken but mostly it’s that I miss our daily chats. I miss hearing the sound of his text going off in my phone.. I miss how important I felt to him before he had me… I do miss his touch and his kisses and the passion we once had… but the hardest part is not having that contact… I want so badly to move on with my life and be happy… I’m so scared I’ll never have what I had with him again. How he made me feel. That terrifies me. But he wasn’t mine. And, I don’t want a man who can break every single vow and promise he ever made to his wife. If he can hurt her that way, he can and will do it to me too. How do I let go? How do I stop thinking of him every second? I don’t want him to consume my thoughts anymore…

  • Laurie Post author

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! For healing, strength, and courage as you get over the affair. May you find forgiveness and patience as you work your way through the aftermath of this relationship, and may you find it easier than you think to let go of this married man.

    And, may this experience make you a better person, with a renewed sense of faith, hope, and compassion in your life. May you find your identity in Jesus, and Blossom into the women God created you to be!

  • Faith

    I’m so thankful I have found this site. Wow God is so good. I can praise Him even though my heart is broken. I have ended my affair just this week. It has taken all my strength not to reach out to him today. I’m a Christian, and so is he…..so we certainly knew better. We were friends at work that grew into something more. He even prayed with me for my husband. I am also married to a man that loves me very much. We have only been married 4 years. It is my 2nd, his 3rd. We were having issues and I turned to the male Christian co worker and created a mess. I fell out of love with my husband, and in love with other man. He has been married to his wife for 30 years. I am thankful I broke it off after over a year but the pain is real. I loved him. Trying to piece my life back together. My husband thought we broke it off long ago. His wife knew all along. She even reached out to me begging me to end it. She loves her husband and will fight for that. I understand. Please keep me in prayer to resist him and to keep me on the path God intended.

    • Shirley

      Faith– I can relate with all you are saying! I have been DONE with the affair, very similar to yours. Was in the affair for 6.5 years! We mutually broke off the affair 8 months ago. Time is helping heal and MUCH prayer! This site has helped me move forward. I still think about him everyday. We were very much in love. He wanted to try & recover his marriage. I feel so FREE! No longer his dirty secret, no longer dealing with his erection problems, no more only getting the crumbs! Hang in there! These married men, who enter into an affair are LYING TO YOU, THE WIFE, & THEMSELVES! They lean towards Narcissistic qualities & are ROGUES!

  • Hafez

    I met this married man when i was 53 y and it was love at first sight .at the v begining i didn t know he was married but after i knew it was too late . I had this admiration for him and this connection and of course the amazing sex . I felt my feminity with him . He never said he loved me or promiss anything but we saw each other regularly snd inwas so attached to him . Suddenly he was distant and didn t contact me for a month when he came back he said he had issues with wife and children but i was hurt and felt insulted so we had a talk where he was tensed and tried to be intimate again but i refused and since no contact .. My problem is i ldo love him and i wanted so much to be with him . Never wanted something like this in my life . I m liiving my life but i m unhappy and i cry a lot and miss him and still deep down think that may be he would one day want to be with me . He had problems with his wifw and i m sure of that . Part of me wants to forget him and let go amd part is holding on . He is the love of my life i pray god everyday to ease it on me

    • Heart broken

      I had been seeing married man for almost 4 years, his wife checked her phone records and saw that we had been communicating by text message or phone call anywhere from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm daily for a year and a half, of course the phone records on go back a year and a half, but technically it has been that way for almost 4 years, needless to say, she was devastated, and demanded that he tell her whom it was, well he couldn’t tell her, because we have been caught a couple times before, and so he lied and told her it was a lady at work, I know this relationship should have never started, but over time, it turned to something more than we expected or wanted, he was also my best friend, we could talk or text about anything, we would have coffee some mornings before work, work out together, among other things, so I feel I have lost not only a lover, but a friend as well, also, I am married, and my marriage was missing a lot of connection and love, which is probably why this situation was born, now that his wife found out, well obviously that has been cut out, because she checks the bill periodically, if not everyday, and he has completely shut me out, once upon a time, he would talk to me about what’s going on, but nothing but small talk, he asks me how my day is, how I am doing, on a daily basis, but that is the extent of it, allowing my emotions to take control, I was taken back by the new way he was communicating with me, considering all we had been through, and I thought our relationship had grown to the point we could still communicate as we were, but when I stepped outside my feelings and saw it for what it really was, his new behavior was exactly as it should be, I was the dessert, and not the main course,
      I was and am devastated when I decided to call it quits, I have had a few crying spells, and sleepless nights, this has not been easy at all, but I have walked away for good, as of a week ago, and have not looked back, of course he has reached out, he has told me to hold on, wait this out, we can get through this and get back to where we left off, yes we could, but at what price? Would it be worth it? I have ignored the calls, texts, and emails. Part of me is glad it’s over, but the other part of me has a big void that seems at this time can not be filled, but I believe through prayer and suffering, this too shall past, and I need to focus on my marriage, to see if I can get back what we lost or get out of the marriage. I need to focus on me, and find out what is missing that I felt I had to go this route to begin with, and make changes to better myself, and be happy within, without help of someone else. This is a great website, very informative, good place to vent, I pray that each of you and myself find the strength, love, fulfillment, and peace in ourselves to walk away for good, and never look back. If you are driving away from somewhere, while looking back, you are sure to have an accident, which could possible be fatal. Take care, and I wish you all well.

  • Peace

    I met this married man on a social media we met became friends then lovers,he told me of his intentions to be away for a month,while he was away we always communicated,he returned after a month and 2weeks later i found out he actually got married while he was away,i was disappionted i brokeup with him but later got back together again, we have bin dating for over a year. He stays in a diffrent city from his wife due to his nature of job but goes home regularly,his wife found out about me but he refused to let go of me, i hang out with him and his friends,his elder brother knows me,he spends most of his time with me. He always tells me he wished he met me earlier he wud have bin with me and thid word hurts me. I cnt do without him i try to end the relationship but he always says he is truly in love with me but i dont take that statement of his to heart. Im tired of been his side chick, pls how do i move on

  • Haly

    I am in a relationship with a married man for 6 months now. From the start i know that he is married because he admitted it.i had a ldr before and I broke up with my boyfriend for 7yrs just to be with this married man. We are both here in middle east and there are many things that are not allowed here including meeting up with a guy which is not your husband but still he find ways so that we could meet he would drove almost 8hours back and forth just to be with me during his day off he would cook my favorite foods and bring it over.we talked almost 24/7 if we are not together.but realization hits me while he is on his vacation now with his family many things comes out in my mind that whatever happens he would end up going home with his family.i can not message him because he is with his family.it hurts a lot but at some point i am thinking that i need to end this because if i would not do this time will come i can’t get over with him . I tried to break up with him so many times but he always threatened me that he would hurt himself if i would leave him.pls i need some advice on what to do and tell him that he would understand that we should end this up.his on vacation now and im planning to break up with him when he came back here.my work is affected now because all i think is what he’s doing together with his family or with his wife,i can’t sleep well at night thinking about it.i know i have some faults too.that is why i need to make things right.i need some advice pls..thank you

  • Shirley

    My advice to anyone entering into an affair with a married man is–RUN! These men are ROGUES & some show NARCISSITIC qualities. I was in LOVE with the man–So many lines! I Love You, You are the Best Thing in my life! This is meant to be!! Ladies, we DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!! We need to take care of our self esteem & self respect! No MORE CRUMBS & NO MORE OF THEIR BS! The wife deserves the CHEATER!! I truly feel, he will CHEAT AGAIN, if the opportunity presents itself!! The married man, I was with, was retired military, Vietnam veteran with a VERY HIGH OPINION OF HIMSELF. Almost age 72–I see Facebook posts, where he is acting like the MODEL FAMILY MAN, CHRISTIAN–praying for everybody, and everybody’s friend! Does a lot of community service. SUCH A BIG JOKE!!

  • Shirley

    I have read some of the comments. I need constant reassurance, that I am Not Alone in the TURMOIL, that comes from an affair with a married man & the breakup! I was in an affair for 7 years with a man married 41 years! He was 65 & I was 62! It has been 5 months, since we broke it off, after a heated argument! No contact. It hurts & I think about him everyday. Same lines–I LOVE YOU, my wife does Not like sex, my 30 & 40 year old kids would be upset! I threatened to tell wife–he begged me Not too! I did Not act on it, as I would only look like the bad person. He was always generous with the gifts & money! I am more upset with the fact, that he walked away & moved on, like nothing happened! Fooled his wife for 7 years & plans to act like nothing happened! I want KARMA to bite him in BUTT! I am doing Much Better & slowly moving forward! I PRAY A LOT!

  • Mayra

    I literally just sent the breakup text. I haven’t had a broken heart like this in so so many years. I know it’s for the best. He can’t give me what I deserve.

  • Mayra

    I’m in love with a married man and hate the hypocrite I’ve become. I know I need to end it. I deserve more than the crumbs he can offer me. He’s become my best friend the past few months and that’s the hardest part. Yet logically I know he isn’t mine to be close to or leaning on for support. Lord give me strength to end this soon.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Rejoice,

    Read:

    How to Break Up With a Married Man and Heal Your Heart
    http://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/dont-date-married-men/

    And, make sure you read through the comments section! You’ll hear from many women who made the mistake of having affairs with married men, and who are learning how to break free. They are learning NOT to be guided by their emotions, but instead to be led by their values.

    What do you want from your life? You can get what you want, but you have to be strong. The first step is learning how to get over a married man. Read that article. It’ll help.

  • Rejoice

    How can I break it off with a married man I love so much? He cares for me and each time I think about letting go of him I feel so hurt. Please how do I let go of him?

  • Suchi

    I became the person i dont want to be. Irrational, rash, foolish, selfish and sad. And he got angry when i lost my temper. And because of that he dump me
    Dump our 5 yr affair because i got jealous. I knew i needed to break up with him. I knew it will not last forever. But i didnt realized the pain its causing me. The pain that he can move on easily and find a new mistress easily. Which he has been doing for the past 25 yrs of his married life, jumping from 1 mistress to the other. I pray that ill be over this pain. And that ill be able to move on.

  • Laurie Post author

    Yes, it’s really hard to let go of someone you love. It may be the hardest thing you’ve had to do….but it’s also the most important.

    You KNOW you need to learn how to get over this married man — and you already know how to do it. You don’t need my advice, because you already know that you simply have to tell him you’re fine. The relationship is over, and you’ll survive without him. You’ll miss him and you’ll always love him, but you have to put your smart brain over your feelings.

    Yes, it’s very hard to move on. Getting over him won’t be easy….but it will be worth it.

  • Maria

    How I can move on and get over a married man if he keeps sending me messages? He will contact with me because he want to make sure I am Okay.He miss me and he will always love me.
    Its hard to move on and very hard .
    Please give some advice ….

    Thank you