Breakups > Emotional Affairs > How Do You Overcome an Obsession With a Married Man?

How Do You Overcome an Obsession With a Married Man?

The affair is over. He’s a married man, and you know you need to move on. The problem is you don’t know how. You still love him and you can’t stop thinking about him. You know you should walk away because he’s cheating on his wife. He’s a married man and you have to let go…but your heart wants him back.

“I have to keep reminding myself of how many lies I have told over the years,” says Anonymous on How to Break Up With a Married Man. “I have been lying to everyone who is most important to me for 5 years. I’ve been sneaking around with this married man, ignoring my own husband who loves me more than anyone in this world. I have taken my husband for granted and I am finally realizing that. I find myself wanting to talk to my husband more and be excited about becoming parents (I’m five months pregnant). I decided to end my affair with the married man and still feel like I’m on a roller coaster. I know I’ll have some good moments and bad moments, but hopefully as time passes I’ll have more good. I really do want to end this affair and because it makes me sick that I was involved with a married man for so long. I’m just looking for strength to let go and get through the next few hours, days, and weeks until I stop thinking about him.”

You’re not alone if you’re searching for suggestions on how to let go of a married man you still love. I’ve written several articles about infidelity, and the most popular ones are about letting go after an affair. After you read my tips on letting go of a married man, scroll through the comments section. You’ll see you’re not alone. You’ll see how destructive and unhealthy it is to stay stuck in the affair…and you may even find strength and courage to let go of a married man who will never love you the way you want to be loved.

In this article you’ll find a list of reasons affairs are destructive and toxic, plus several tips on how to get over a married man and heal your heart. It’s important to focus on why you have to let him go and what you have to look forward to. Even more important is to renew your relationship with God, rebuild your spiritual self-identity, and come back to your healthy, whole self.

Reasons to Stop Cheating With a Married Man

You already have your own reasons to stop dating a married man, but this list may help you see how toxic an affair is. Accepting a breakup you didn’t want is easier when you focus on why the relationship ended.

Affairs with married men are never headed anywhere good.

  • Adultery is destructive, immoral, and painful
  • A married man won’t commit to a future with you
  • You can’t trust a married man who cheats on his wife
  • You can’t talk about dating married men with your friends and family, so you won’t get much support
  • A married man doesn’t respect the woman he’s cheating with
  • You’ll waste your life waiting for him to make a decision – and the chances he’ll decide to commit to you are slim
  • A married man is living with guilt and shame, which will eventually affect your relationship
  • Good, kind, loving men don’t cheat on their wives
  • Cheating damages families and destroys lives
How to Get Over a Love Affair With a Married Man Blossom Tips
Getting Over a Love Affair With a Married Man

What is your reason for searching for advice about how to let go of a married man? Make it as concrete and real as possible. This will help you stay away from him and focus on your future.

Remember that married men who cheat are liars. You see the good part of this married man, but he would cheat on you, too. Married men don’t truly respect or love the women they’re cheating with (their affair partners). No matter what they say, married men don’t respect women who let themselves be used.

It may be easier to let go if you learn how the married man’s wife feels. Read When Your Husband Still Works With His Ex Affair Partner.

5 Ways to Stop Being Obsessed With a Married Man

I’ve written several articles with practical tips on breaking up and healing after broken hearts. In this article, I want to focus on the power of love to help you move forward in your life. This may seem ironic because you think you’re losing love…but actually, the end of this affair can actually be the start of a whole new life of freedom, peace, and joy for you!

1. Focus on finding freedom to break the chains of the affair

Instead of allowing your heart and emotions to dictate your choices, choose to let go of a man who is married and end the affair. Yes, it’ll hurt. Yes, you’ll think about him all the time. But you can be free from the chains holding you to a man who isn’t good for you.

I know it’s easier said than done. Your head knows the right thing to do, but your heart won’t let you move forward. It’s especially difficult to let go of a married man when you don’t feel good enough to be loved by someone else. It’s also hard to let go when you don’t believe you could love another man the same way.

The chains holding you in this relationship are strong. You have to find something stronger, bigger, and more powerful than yourself. You can’t stop loving this married man by willpower or choice alone. You’re too weak and the temptation is too strong. The only way to let go from a relationship you know is unhealthy and destructive is to find spiritual strength. God created you, loves you, and wants you to be your happiest, healthiest self. He wants you to be grounded and centered in His will for your life…and God’s love doesn’t leave room for an affair with a married man.

2. Look at the obstacles in your way

What is holding you back from letting go of a married man who isn’t good for you? Maybe you invested time, emotional energy, or even money in the affair. Maybe you hope he’ll leave his wife and marry you. Maybe breaking up with a married man means you’ll be alone…and you’re scared or unhappy without a relationship.

Maybe you love him.

Becoming clear on your reasons for having the affair – and breaking it off – will help you find freedom. Why are you searching for tips on how to let go of a married man? Search your heart and soul to learn the truth about why you slept with another woman’s husband. What is holding you back from a truly healthy love relationship?

3. Decide that this affair is over

Here’s my favorite comment from a reader in response to Why Your Husband Cheated: A Marriage Style That “Allows” Affairs:

“You have to make up your mind to break up and let go of the married man…It’s hard for me to believe that there are other men who are willing to love me even more but there are. If you do not let go of what’s bad for you, then you’re not making yourself available for a good man. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone I like than in a relationship with a married man I love who can’t make me his priority. THIS ISN’T HAPPINESS. We deserve more. And it starts within ourselves. His wife doesn’t deserve this, either.

4. Start recreating your life

Part of learning how to let go of a married man is to rebuild and recreate your life. Find ways to incorporate new perspectives, new attitudes, new priorities, and new values into your actions and thoughts. For example, one of your new attitudes might be acceptance – because you know that resisting this breakup change will prevent you from learning how to live happily without him.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What is one small change I can make that will help me grieve and heal?
  • Who or what is holding me back from letting go of this married man?
  • How long do I think it’ll take to let go and be free?
  • What have I sacrificed in order to have this affair?
  • What will I gain by letting go of a married man?

Write down your answers to each question; writing will help you start thinking about your future. Don’t overanalyze or overthink your answers. Try not to focus on the affair or what it feels like to let go of a married man. Be willing not to have all the answers, or know how you will live without him. Asking and answering these questions will get good, positive energy moving in your heart and spirit. The

5. Let go of this married man so you can be free

Breaking up and letting go takes time, but it will happen. You will get through this — and you won’t always feel heartbroken and sad!

Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to Keep

In How to Let Go of Someone You Love I share stories about grieving and healing from a breakup or loss from me and a few “She Blossoms” readers. Our experiences with love and loss will comfort and encourage you.

I share 25 Blossom Tips, each paired with a practical “how to.” Every tip highlights a different part of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach will help you move forward in different ways, according to your personality, mood, energy level and lifestyle.

If you want to share your story, feel free to comment below. You may find the other readers’ comments helpful; your response is welcome. Even if you don’t find the answers you need to let go of the married man you’re in love with, you’ll see you’re not alone. Letting go of this affair is the healthiest thing you could do — especially if it brings you back to yourself…and maybe even renews your relationship with God.


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2,047 thoughts on “How Do You Overcome an Obsession With a Married Man?”

  1. MM saying over last months things slowly getting better at home? Does this mean he’s subtly telling me he’s going to dump me?

    Also all of a sudden he mentions helping female friends with gardening or driving another one and her kids to the pool.

    Not sure what’s going on. We have been seeing each other for 6 months and he said he was waiting for his daughter to move out on her own. She will graduate this summer and has a boyfriend so I think this will actually happen.

    I’m also getting some excuses like his wife will be home off work for 2 wks so he wont be able to get away!

    All this is out of the blue and freaking me out! Have any of your MM said these things to you? If so is any of this anything I should be worried about??

    1. its been 10 months and I have heard every excuse under the sun from him. He calls meat all hours of the night just to tell me how MUCH he misses me and loves me and how what he said in our last conversation he was under DURESS because she MADE him say that. got another one of those tonight. He got busted once again! I do lOVE him more than anything BUT myself. i know I will get a phone call from HER once AGAIN tonight. Theres a lot going on, BUT I respect myself a lot more than my love for him. I was suppiosed to have him have some more STOLEN MOMENTS with him on Friday, but I am gonna be busy!

  2. I have a feeling MM may be trying to end our affair. He is saying things have been slowing getting better at home over the last month. Has anyone had MM say this to you? Is it supposed to mean he no longer wants me?

    He’s making a few more excuses too like wife will be home for 2 wks off work so he won’t be able to get away as much. Or he is helping a friend tonight and it will take until 9pm. Another one is he will be busy with family all weekend.

    He’s also mentioning female friends here and there, helping them with gardening or driving her and kids to rec center for swimming.

    I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid or not! He still says I live you a lot. But suddenly mentioning things getting better at home and other female friends?

    I’m going a bit ballistic!

    1. He’s managing down your expectations. This happens months after the love bombing stage.
      I’m afraid this is the beginning of the end or at least he is starting to manage you down to become low on his list of priorities to the point where you’ll just be on the shelf for when he wants/needs you.
      If you want to reverse this or at least try to stop it happening you need to disappear on him, be more aloof,
      Don’t reply to his messages, mention other blokes names etc and start making HIM worried.
      Yes it’s one big game but a game you will lose if you’re not careful. I’m sorry to say this but Trust me. I’m speaking from experience. They all know how to play us and they know exactly what they are doing we just fail to see it until it’s too late and end up heartbroken.
      Sending big hugs.

      1. Thanks Hayley for the reply. I knew something felt off. After tons of attention then suddenly he’s too busy or things better with wife? Is this a lie he was telling, about the wife? Are they just looking for someone new as he’s tired of me?

        I’m grateful for the advice! I will start distancing immediately and not be available. I’m so angry that I want to play him now too! What a creep. It means he doesn’t care. I am so hurt and disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be sucked into his charm. What a waste of my time too!

        Hugs to you too!

        1. Sharon – hope I didn’t upset you with my comment but I’ve done enough research on the subject to spot this a mile off. It makes me so mad. First the love bombing, then managing down our expectations to the final discard. I’m not saying that is what is happening but it sounds like it maybe so just play your cards right.
          My MM never final discarded me he’s still hanging around in the background incase he needs me one rainy day!! Idiot! I don’t initiate anything nowadays. He told me he was stuck with his wife for 3 years due to financial difficulties and guess what after 3 years his marriage suddenly became happy! So yes do not trust anything they tell you.. ever. They are good liars no matter how wonderful you think he may be. They never leave or only a tiny 4% do!! So Us ladies need to stay strong and remember we are the prize not the other way around.
          He won’t replace you and if he does he won’t find it easy not many women will go near a MM in general plus remember even if he does she won’t be anywhere near as good as you.
          Show him that you’ve not even noticed, don’t ask just pull back and show you don’t really care and watch what happens the last thing to do is to come across needy now. Don’t message him for a while I know it’s hard but trust me and when he cancels any plans just reply ‘no worries’. Pull back completely.
          He probably doesn’t deserve you anyway! Big hugs.

      2. Written for me. Your words are so exact it’s scary. I dumped him even though I still love him. I do feel better I was strong enough to dump him before he dumped me. Some consolation.

  3. Hi ladies. I read you guys post and it’s all about missing your Married Man and how quarantine got you down . Ladies instead of dwelling on him and what he doing this is the perfect time for us focus on ourselves and how wonderful you [ A good friend a mother a daughter,sister a auntie etc… These men was not gonna ever be our future God has so much good thing’s for us we may not see it now . A married man doesn’t feed our souls any good that why we feel so bad .Ladies look in the mirror and say a least 3 good thing’s about yourself ! And pamper yourself ! Read a good book, binge watch Nefix and Hulu .Me and my M.M been off over a year now and it seem like a lifetime ago ! And really I don’t think about him much like I use too and I hope you guys get there too. Remember life is Good and All this too shall Pass .Take Care of yourself guys !!

    1. Thanks Tricia and everyone who posted. I was doing good before quarantine and honestly I don’t think of him much even now but when I have I just feel so stupid. Like how could I have fallen for that and wasted so much time. Not productive thoughts I know but just being real. I’m shut in the house without anyone else other than my daughter, I love my spending time with my daughter but being isolated is stressful. Keeping busy has always been a saving grace for me. Ready for this serious feeling of Groundhog Day to end. Hugs to all the ladies here and let’s get through this together.