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How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance

The bad news is that you broke up, but the good news is that many breakups aren’t permanent. Here are seven tips that will help you convince someone to give you a second chance.

These tips for reconciling with your ex are inspired by a reader’s email.  “I would do anything to get her back, anything,” says Terry on How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. “I screwed up our relationship, I made mistakes that I regret so bad. Now I wish I could go back to the way things were. What do I do? How do I get her back? I just need to convince her to give me a second chance. I know I can prove my love and commitment if we get back together. Advice?”

Here’s a spiritual perspective that may not convince someone to give you a second chance, but may help you cope with the breakup: have faith that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you’ll get back together with your ex, and maybe not…but the relationship and the breakup happened for a reason.

Maybe your ex – and the mistakes you made – was meant to prepare you for a future relationship. Maybe your past relationship is meant to help you grow, mature, and become a better person. Is it possible that you’re better off learning how to find peace after a breakup?

If you’re sure that you want to convince your ex to take you back, here are a few tips for convincing her to give you a second chance.

7 Tips for Convincing Someone to Give You a Second Chance

One of the most important tips for reconciling is to give your ex time and space to breathe. The more you call, text, email, and contact her, the more she’ll pull away. The trick is finding the balance between wooing her romantically and giving her time to miss you. It takes careful thought when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back.

While you’re giving her space to breathe, use the time to get emotionally and spiritually healthy. The healthier you are, the more attractive you will be – and the happier you’ll be! A happy, healthy person is difficult to walk away from. We gravitate towards people who are grounded, centered, and whole.

Asking someone to give you a second chance isn’t about manipulating or convincing them to take you back. It’s about learning from the experience and becoming a better person.

1. Apologize for your role in the relationship and breakup

Apologizing for your actions and attitudes is a simple, powerful way to make up with your ex. You’re both in pain, you both may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step towards convincing someone to give you a second chance. Take it a step further by sharing what you actually learned from the breakup. Is your love stronger – and why? Are you more convinced than ever that you’re meant to be together? What do you regret about the breakup, and how can you use your newfound wisdom to convince your ex to take you back?

Here’s what I’d like to hear from my husband if we had an argument that led to a breakup: “I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. I wish with all my heart that I didn’t do “X”, but I did. I can promise you it will never happen again because I learned __________ from that experience.”

2. Discuss the reason your relationship broke up

If you had a physical or emotional affair, your ex deserves answers. Share some details of how and why the affair happened – such as how it came about and why you know it’ll never happen again. Talk about ways you and your ex can ensure it doesn’t happen again. Pinpoint the reason for the breakup, and discuss ways to protect yourself from it happening again.

Don’t avoid the difficult discussions or painful moments. Do not brush her questions away, even if you feel painfully uncomfortable. One of the main things I hear from women is that men don’t want to talk about stuff. This tip for reconciling with your ex is one of the most important – and one of the most difficult. Be honest about how you feel and what you think. If you don’t know what to say, tell her that. If you don’t know how to convince her to give you a second chance, say so. Share what’s on your heart.

3. Change your lifestyle to prioritize getting your ex back

Are you clear about why you broke up? If not, listen to what people are telling you. Were you working too much, spending too much money, or not around enough? After you figure out why you broke up, make changes in your life that solve that problem. For example: if you cheated on your ex, you can no longer do the things you did. Of course you can’t cheat again – but you also lost your freedom to go and do whatever you want. If you really want to convince your ex to give you a second chance, you have to accept new limits and boundaries. You can’t go out for drinks or dinner with women, or hide your computer or phone passwords from your wife or girlfriend. If you want to make up with your ex, your life has to be an open book..

You need to rebuild trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior. If you don’t know what this means, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling.

One of the biggest obstacles to getting back together with an ex is lack of communication. Sometimes, an ex simply doesn’t want to talk about the breakup or the relationship, and you’re forced to move on without further communication. If this describes your situation, you might find How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure helpful.

4. Talk about how your lifestyle and relationship has changed

How are you different now? Share how your life, habits, and perspectives will be different after you make up with your ex. Ask your ex what changes she would like to see in your relationship.

how to reconcile tipsWhen you’re trying to convince someone to take you back, talk about the changes you’ll both need to make. But, be very careful not to blame her for the relationship problems. If you want to save your relationship, you’ll both need to change in some way. You need to learn new ways to communicate and be together as a couple.

Make this part of your apology! When you’re figuring out how to convince someone to give you a second chance in a relationship, you have to be honest, real, and humble. Apologize for your part in the breakup; not only is saying “I’m sorry” good for your soul, research shows that apologies repair relationships and help to facilitate forgiveness.

5. Don’t just talk

Part of the reason it’s difficult to convince your ex to take you back is that talk is meaningless. You can talk until you have no words left, you can repeat yourself over and over, and you can write everything until you’ve used every letter of the alphabet a million times. It’s meaningless, useless – especially if you and your ex have had these problems before.

So, how do you convince your ex to take you back by going beyond talk? By going into counseling, reading books about relationships, and changing your habits to reflect your commitment to your ex. And, when you’re thinking about how to convince someone to give you a second chance, keep learning what she thinks about the breakup. Don’t assume you know why she’s mad or what you did wrong. Ask sincere questions about the breakup, and listen between the lines. Watch her face and body when she talks to you; look for nonverbal cues that show hurt, pain, or grief.

6. Listen carefully to your ex’s words

No matter how difficult it is, try to hear your ex’s thoughts and perspectives all the way to the end. Don’t try to convince her to think or feel a different way. Listen intently – without interrupting – until your ex has nothing else to say about you, your style of love, or your relationship. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Your shame and regret shouldn’t be the focus of attention when you’re trying to save your relationship.

Convincing someone to give you a second chance is about setting aside your own viewpoint and trying to see your relationship from your ex’s perspective. A counselor would be able to help you work through your emotional issues so you can be open and honest with your ex.

7. Make a gesture of love and reconciliation

how to convince someone to give you a second chanceA fresh bouquet of sunflowers, alstroemeria, and snapdragon flowers is a classic way to say “I’m sorry” and ask someone you love for forgiveness.

One of the most traditional ways of convincing someone to get back together is flowers. A surprise bouquet of flowers at work or home is a romantic, thoughtful gesture. Flowers – and chocolate! – are classic ways to say sorry and convince someone to give you a chance to prove your love. An ex-boyfriend sent me flowers at work once, and I’ll never forget it. Flowers are inexpensive and easy, and will change how your ex sees you.

Building a better relationship doesn’t happen overnight, especially if a partner was betrayed physically or emotionally. Sometimes it takes weeks for wounds to heal; other times, they never do. Healing and reconnecting takes conscious effort – but it’s worth it if you really want to make up with your ex.

convince someone to give you a second chanceRead When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.

This book will help you:

  • Cool down heated arguments
  • Offer apologies that are fully accepted
  • Rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain
  • Restore and strengthen valuable relationships
  • Trade in tired excuses for honesty, trust, and joy

If you combine the information you learn in When Sorry Isn’t Enough with a beautiful bouquet of “please give me a second chance” flowers, you have a better chance of convincing someone to give you a second chance in a relationship.

What do you think – will you try to convince your ex to give you a second chance? I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t give relationship advice, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.

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38 thoughts on “How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance”

  1. My wife left just short of 25 years together. I have talked tobher regularly now, and we have better communication then we have had in years. I honestly believe we well be back together soon, but we BOTH are prolonging the seperation to heal the hurt on both sides. Don’t want to jump right in the deep side. We are both needing to see the changes, and if they well last. I now realize how I took asvantage of her. Did not respect her enough. She recognizes that she neeses to communicate better, to speak up, and me to listen! We are getting there, and I honestly believe we well be stronger. Took patience, apologies, and a lot of learning and self recollection though!

  2. Thank you so much for your help!
    My girlfriend recently broke up with me after 14 months of relationship (she’s English and I’m French)
    I’ve been reading your blog since in order to fix things together and the advices I’m picking are very valuable and helped me a lot.
    I just hope for the best that I will manage to convince her to give me a second chance.
    Let me developp:
    I didn’t cheat on her, I didn’t betrayed her but she left me because I was dragging her down with my negativity the past 6 months.
    Frustration has grown in me during that period because of different things like lack of work and stress which comes with it, feeding my anger and frustration with social media and news…
    She lost her hapiness and couldn’t wait anymore for me to sort myself out.
    I never denied any of this but I let her down and pushed her to her limits.
    So even if she tells me that she’s still physically attracted to me today, she can’t give up her happiness to live an unhappy life in a relationship full of negativity and lack of affection.
    So she broke up and told me she needs some tima alone to process this breakup.
    On my side I took action, went to see a doctor, I’m getting rid of my negativity, I’ve appologized to her and shown her genuine regrets of hurting her by sending a flower bouquet with a card to her home.
    I guest I just have to hope for the best…
    (sorry for my poor English level though), Julien

  3. Well here goes…. I fell in love with this man and he said he lived me too. We have been friends, couple, engaged, separated, back together, and kind of back thru a few times. I have been in some bad relationships and due to this I have had to take care of everything cuz of the other’s laziness, so this has led me to just do what needs done without asking for help. I asked God many times for a man that would love me and let me just be a woman and not have to take care of the house, yard, cars,etc.
    Well God did,I fell in love with him, but when he didn’t turn lazy, or treat me like total dirt, I unknowingly was trying to make him into that type. That is when all the arguments would start, mean vicious things would be said, other people got involved, and I never wanted to hurt him. I felt so guilty for hurting him, and nothing I did to try and stop worked, I hate fighting, and I couldn’t bear to see him hurt all the time. I left. This happened twice. We got back together after the second time and I misunderstood and didn’t communicate with him well enough and I got an apartment so we could have space while we took it slow. He took it that I left again. We have communicated since. He has said he loves me still. He says I still have a chance but I have to give him time to get over what has happened over the past year. I love him still. I have no interest in dating, or any thing like. I see him quite often as we live very close. He says the same about dating and looking for a woman. I know if he would come to me right now and ask me to try again, “yes”. And from him proposing before it would still be the same answer. He tells me to not push the issue of trying again. I try not to. I am so afraid ‘I am way too late, and a whole paycheck to short.’

  4. I broke up with my boyfriend and really feel bad about it. I really regret it and only wanted him back. I didnt cheat. We just had trust issues and mostly heated our arguements. I didnt intend to break up with him, it was just sort of anger or remorse that made me decide to break up with him in an instant. I tried calling him but he never respond. I tried texting him over over but he responded in a very negative way. We never discuss it in person. So bad he left the town and Im so hurt that we didnt even talk face to face. I really wanted him back in my life. What should I do?

  5. I’ve been dating a guy for over a month now. He lives1hr and 45 min from me. I really love him a lot. I accidentally said something where he thought I meant I wanted to break up. So now he just wants to break up because he thinks I complain to much. Which all I’m trying to do is see him. Because I’m trying to make plans To Hang so we can see each other to like talk about making this stronger. He always says will you stop I’m always busy. But no matter what I want this to work! But he said he was done putting up with my BS. I don’t want to lose him. I will change to make this work. What do I say to make him believe I will change ?

  6. Which of the seven tips in this article have you already tried? Before you start thinking about how to convince someone to give you a second chance, you need to consider what hasn’t worked in the past.

    Also, why did the breakup happen? Whatever you do to convince him to give you a second chance has to take the reason for your breakup into account.

  7. I have been in a relationship for a year now. and my boyfriend n i had an issue n i disrespected him. so he said he was going to post my nude pictures on the internet,so i took his hard drive to my house. i returned it the next day. now he says he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. what should i do?

  8. I have dated this girl for eight yrs. Nw she gave up cz she’s always hurt by the more girls that have a heart for me. We are apart nw. How do I get her back.

  9. Me and my girlfriend just broke up a week ago, this hit me as a complete blindside since i thought our relationship was unbreakable.. We have only been dating for about a year but the chemistry we had with each other was amazing, physical and mental. So my story is she broke up with me because she was so sick of hearing about my ex from friends, family and constantly seeing her around. I never saw how much it bothered her but after we broke up it woke me up, i was so self centered and took her for granted, she was the best thing that happened to me.. I have made all the changes in my life to never hear from my old ex girlfriend and really took the appropriate measures i just hope she will give me a second chance but im afraid im to late :(

  10. Dear Sincere People,

    My virgo girl had recently broke up with me for two months ago. We been dating nearly less than a year. She had breakout with me twice and we back together after I a couple trip which I arranged earlier on. We both knew each other from colleague to become friend> close friend> couple> now back to stranger again. In this break up period of two months we are still contact each other few times a week which is the conversation is related to her rented room which need to be rent out during her semester break. Both of us had last met up in Sydney 2 weeks ago to have our last two friends trip since it is already been arranged before she broke up with me 2nd time. The things started to happened on the first day when reach Sydney and that night I accidentally saw a conversation in the phone that I had borrowed her. She had a cybersex texting by sending her photos and short video to the stranger that she barely know.

    Summary: We both make mistake but no matter how serious our mistake were, one thing I could not lose is to be able to be her friend again (Which I think it is not possible). I would like to hear all of your advice how should I able to get her back as best friend and regain her trust to me as best friend again? I thinking to send her a flower with Forgiving Note but then will this make the things worst? I regretted screwed up the last trip by telling her cheated on me and the photos. I just wish this can help her to understand and never do this again. Thank you for all your time to read this and hope to hear from you guys soon.

    Scorpio Guy who still care for her Ex

  11. I been dating this guy for 3 months and then we had the talk since he wasn’t really talking to me and I always had to make plans with him and stuff so it made me feel like I was just a friend to him. I was crying and a complete mess we both never actually said we were over for good! But we had a long hug and went our seperate ways a week later I texted him maybe once your live starts to calm down a bit we can try us again? And he said I mean i think it’s worth another shot I just don’t know exactly when that will be so I said it’s ok and I know so I gave him space for a month and I texted him hey and we ended up getting deep into details and he said that it really hurt that we broke up and he didn’t want too and he things that we aren’t worth another shot since we will just break up again you should be with someone you work better with. But I get people change there mind I hope the best for you! And I got no response from that either :( so I haven’t spoken to him since then I don’t know what to do I really want him back but I don’t know if I should give him a second chance. Feel like I’m just gonna make it worse if I keep texting him. Especially since he won’t respond to them as of now. If you have any thoughts on what I can do please let me know!!! After all he was my first and I really want him to be my last!!

  12. I have been talking to the guy about 5 months,a couple of weeks ago he told me he was done and completely ignore me,like any other human being I got drunk and had a one night stand,then on Monday morning he called and apologized of course I had to tell him what happened,I did,now he’s asking why I should be given a second chance,he’s been hurt in the past,and wants me to tell him why I should be worth the chance,what should I say?

    1. If you think that “like anyone else, I got drunk and had a one night stand” then to be honest, there is no reason he should take you back. You’re wrong, and that’s unacceptable. Until you understand that I wouldn’t bother.

  13. Me n mine stared as friends we got along very well n i was very sweet to her for about a year n a half n during that time she always brought up the relationship n turned it down said she was scared to have her heart broke,so i ended up in jail before thanksgiving n she was their for me the whole 90 days i got out n about a mounth after that she decied she wanted the relationship we started off good start n little issues came up she would break up with me get back together n break up this is the second serious break up i have beged pletted and sent her a promise ring she called n said she realy apprciated the ring but could not accept it she never droped the ring off or my apt keys its been a mounth that we been broke up know im in no contact mode its been 13 days any addvice n my drinking kinda of caused it both times n ive solbered up i love her her kids talk to me all the time n when she sees me she will stop and look at me

    1. Hey bro I been there done that don’t plea or beg just go on and live your life do what’s best for you think about what keeps on causing those break ups think about your old habits of doing things and changing them for the better not for her but for yourself the only way you can get her back if you make a change of your bad habits go workout do something new that will inspire her to see that you have potential in life just be confident and as for right now just work on yourself and live your life sometimes it’s them but they don’t know it but for a girl who been there for you during jail time she loves you so don’t show her your weakness just man up and live your life for now make a change that’s it no need to change for who you are but change those bad habits add some positive things in your life like I said hit up the gym look good be confident and you’ll be good to go if she doesn’t come around anymore it’s ok there is always plenty of tacos out in this world bro keep ya head up and live it up one life to live

      1. Hey pong shes kinda coming around, i work at an apartment complex she lives here too any way about a week ago she came up to the office,, when she was walking out i said good morning sweetheart she just walked away so after i picked my grounds up i went into the office to check my service orders n the accountant said your ex was here she reqested for ou and told her to use my key that she trusted me ib her apt without her being there i was shocked so i texted her n when i got there she was there weve kinda been talking n ive told her i quite drinking,, guess time will tell so do you think shes done with me?

        1. Hey bro that’s a good sign my brother you still got a chance but my advise is to not hope for it to come let things unfold naturally play your cards smoothly show her you did change by not telling her but show it within your actions just be nice and live your life normal on a daily basis I cannot say she will want you back but for now be a good friend towards her in a way but for now that’s a good sign trust is the main key in a relationship to be given A key is a very good start of trusting so like I said play it smoothly don’t go back to those bad habits bro at the end you will never know good things might happen and if u do get her back don’t ruin it again good luck bro

  14. My ex says that he doesn’t believe in second chances and even though he misses me he doesn’t want to get back together. What should I do?

    1. My ex is the same but we still both love each other so while there’s no hope in his eyes of a second chance I’m trying everything I can to show him I will change. I haven’t cheated on him. It’s just the arguing he is over. I believe if I show him how much we are still good together he may come round and give me another go.

  15. I see this article is old, but I have to try. My gf recently told me she needed a break. That’s fine, but I still asked why. At first, it was that I smoke to much, never wrote her a love letter and that she didn’t feel I loved her anymore. During the same conversation, she said that she didn’t feel the same now as when we started. She said she doesn’t see us working out in the long run and that we would be better off as friends. I have no idea what to do about this.

    1. Make a change within yourself go workout do something new stop the old habits of you really love yourself then it’s possible you can change your ways in order to love someone else and if you really want her back not as a friend but it’s time to step it up and show her your alpha side hit up the gym look good and I guarantee you’ll she’ll start noticing you again and build that interest again

  16. I been single for 2 years. I met a guy I really care about. We dated for a few weeks and upfront I told him I had one problem and that’s when I drink and go out I could wild out. So I stopped going out. My gf had boyfriend issues and wanted to go out. Me wanting to be there for my friend I went out. The spot was at an event the guy I was dating was having. When I pulled up I begged my gf whatever happens please don’t let me drink to much. Please let’s leave the club if you see me over my limit. I never go out with people that can’t watch over me. Well that didn’t happen she let me drink and drink and I got drunk and wilded out. Even thou I’m grown I knew better but also I accept knowing I have a problem. So I embarrassed and hurt the guy I care about by being all over guys laughing and having fun. I was very much out of control. Outside of that one problem I’m a loyal and good hearted person. I never want to see anyone hurt and I love to see others happy.
    Well I sent flowers, teddy bear etc all over to his house to show I’m sorry but he never wants to speak to me again. I’m taking this as a learning experience because hurting someone with my actions I never want to do again. He’s hurt mostly because his friends were there. I completely understand. No one is perfect but I wish he could see past that mistake and see me for the person I am.
    Do guys ever forgive and give a person a second chance.

    1. Make a change within yourself and stop drinking do it for yourself maybe he’ll come back around either way stop the old habits

    2. i hear you i feel the same thing toward people i like to see them happy just never felt what they feel it’s just painful not to have someone to care back i lost many feelings yet hatred didn’t get inside my heart i never dated someone because i might not be worth to be loved i hope you find happiness in your life and i wish i lose mine

    1. You convince or tell someone to fall back for someone they don’t want to be with just leave it alone everything is built by natural feelings if she or he wants them back they’ll make the effort if not let it be plus it’s not your choice it’s his or her so leave it alone from there

  17. My ex boyfriend broke up with me coz of something he heard from someone i dont know who. He said ive been seeing other guys and that is not true. He believed on other people rather than me. How can i convince him that its not true and how do i make him come back to me.

    1. My suggestion is to let him know that you weren’t talking or seeing anybody behind his back if it’s true let him know and leave it from there just give him time and space and just go on living your life and leave him alone for now a few weeks

  18. I’m trying to get my ex boyfriend back I really really love him and I’ve tried to nc rule but he only gets angry and wants nothing to do with me we have a lot of history together and I miss him more than anything and I feel that I’m completely in love with him I have begged yes and I guess I am being obsessive but how can I get him back without doing the nc rule

    1. Coming from a guy’s perspective I been through that phase with my ex gf what you have to do now is let it be go silent for a month or so give him space and time let things balance off before then it’s up to him to contact u first within a month or you can reach out to him then with a greeting but for now work on yourself and live your life analyze what went wrong and just let things be for now don’t beg or plead trust me it dosent work it just pushes him further away so relax just redefine yourself for now just don’t think about him ok keep your chin high and just try to be happy even though it’s tough on your part but when he notice you’re living it up he’ll come back around and then the power is in your hands it’s either take him back or forget about him there is always plenty of male fishes in the sea

    2. No matter how hard you try begging pleading it just pushes the person away so don’t do that I wouldn’t like my ex gf doing that to me it’ll just push me so far I’ll cut her off completely so just relax and live your own life for now don’t even contact him at all for now if he calls or texts you don’t pick up or reply back play hard to get a little that will put him into curiosity mode and wi attract him more knowing that your not needy and desperate so keep your cool and be positive and leave him alone for now if it’s meant to be he will contact u ok but for now work on yourself good luck

      1. Give him a month even when he contacts you don’t respond within that nc period 21 to 30 days ok if he does contact you respond back in two days or so but keep things short let him know your worth something not just a toy to play with and throw away

  19. I want to convince my ex to come back she really means something to me and I never felt this way about anyway about any other girl that I dated

    1. Give her space and time let her reach out to you my brother I’m in the same stage but I actually pushed her away far by begging and pleading and talking crap about the guy she is seeing so don’t do that keep yourself busy and leave her alone for now nc is the way to go give her 21 to 30 days until then reach out to her

    2. If it’s meant to be she will come back just give her space and time like 21 days or so if she dosent contact you you can try to reach out to her but don’t plead or beg just try to act like a friend first and be nice don’t talk about the relationship unless she does first ok good luck

  20. Dear Ashenafi,

    I hope you are able to convince your husband to save your marriage, but I encourage you to be open to whatever God wills! Sometimes we can’t convince people to do what we want, no matter how hard we try and how important we think it is.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that you are open to accepting life and the future even if the reconciliation with your husband does not happen.


  21. Dear Laurie,
    I really appreciate all the tips mentioned. I am in the middle of marriage crisis. I will use as appropriate to end the crisis.
    Because of the crisis, I am confused & frustrated. I hope the tips help me to solve the problems.

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