If your spouse cheated, you can forgive – but how? Since forgiveness is easier said than done, you’ll need help forgiving and rebuilding your marriage.
One of my faithful Blossom readers offered several tips on forgiveness in marriage, which I’m sharing in this article. Here’s the first one:
“If you decided to stay married, you have agreed to forgive your spouse for failing you in a most devastating way,” says Hope on Should I Leave My Cheating Husband? The Best Reason to Stay Married. “Unfortunately we are not like God…we can forgive but we don’t have that wonderful ability to forget the sins too.”
If you’re struggling to forgive and forget the affair, you may find Infidelity: A Survival Guide helpful. It’s designed to help couples come to terms with an affair – it’s a bestselling book on Amazon.
And, here are Hope’s tips for forgiveness after infidelity…
How do you forgive your cheating spouse?
You need to remind yourself over and over that you have forgiven him for what he did. This is a daily act — it doesn’t just happen once and poof! Your marriage is happy again. Forgiveness is telling yourself a million times that you need to let it go because you want to stay married.
Get help from other women who rebuilt their marriages
To forgive a cheating husband, get help from other women who were in the same situation. Join an infidelity support group, or get counseling to help you heal your feelings. Visit the website bebroken.com — there are several helpful materials for wives who have had husbands who not only cheated, but were diagnosed sex addicts. Talk to other women who will share their stories, pain and what helped them forgive a cheating spouse.
Feed your mind good, positive things
If you don’t grow in healthy ways and feed your mind good things, you’ll keep obsessing about the affair. Your mind will keep repeating the past, like a record playing over and over. (read books, take an art class, play sports, take up running, biking, take your child out for walks…healthy things to refocus and grow your mind!
Get support from your husband
Ask your husband to join you in rebuilding your marriage, whether it be through books, conferences, counseling. Have him also look at bebroken.com so he can learn from other men that are overcoming temptations, which every man unfortunately has to face in this crazy society.
Keep refocusing your attention on forgiving your spouse
As soon as you find your mind thinking about the hurt, you MUST refocus your attention to something current! Guard your mind everytime those thoughts try to creep in. Don’t let it get a stronghold on your mind and heart or it can ruin your day/week/year.
Tell yourself that you’re not afraid to love fully again
Tell yourself everyday- you will not become a person that is afraid to love fully again.
You will not allow walls to be build that will change the loving person you were! When you think, “What if my spouse cheats again?”, tell yourself if something happens you will deal with it at that time. You won’t waste your energy and time driving yourself crazy with the “what if’s”! When you start to wonder where he is or if he’s cheating again, ask yourself if he’s given you red flags (you might find Is He Lying About Cheating? helpful). Until he gives you real reason to suspect he’s cheating, you’ll live your life fully and completely.
Dig into your spirituality
I can’t suggest enough to learn about God and how much He loves you. Read the New Testament starting in Matthew. It will change your entire life, bring healing, wholeness, peace regardless of circumstances and will help you see your husband through God’s eyes. That gives us strength to forgive a cheating spouse and love more than we ever could. God gives us the grace that we just could not have on our own.
Disclaimer – I’m not saying that being a Christian means you must stay with a cheating spouse – God allows divorce in such situations but like writer Paula says…it is better if you are able to work it out and rebuild your marriage.
Thank you, Hope, for this tips for forgiving a cheating spouse. If you’re considering couples therapy, read What to Expect From Marriage Counseling.
If you have any questions or these thoughts on rebuilding love and marriage after infidelity, please comment below…I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to share your thoughts.
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