Everyone says how nice your husband is – and you agree! You’re married to a good man but you’re unhappy and unfulfilled. You don’t love your husband. You’re not happy, and haven’t been for awhile. The good news is that you have the power to make changes in your marriage that will lead to a happier, more fulfilling life.
Below are three ways to find happiness when you’re bored or unfulfilled in your marriage. I was inspired to write this by a reader, who said made the following comments about being not being happy even though she’s married to a good man..
“My husband is a good man, but I don’t love him and want out of my marriage,” says Donna on How to Live With a Husband You Wish You Never Married. “My relationship is safe and comfortable; he’s my best friend. But at what point is he supposed to move beyond my best friend and be my partner? I’m not sure we’ve ever had that connection that seems so vital to me. He disagrees. It would almost be easier if I had tangible reasons for wanting to leave (abuse, anger, neglect). All I have is saying that I’m just unhappy even though he’s a great guy. He doesn’t take care of himself like I wish he would, but he’s still a good husband. I feel like such a failure because I can’t just be happy with what I have.”
The biggest reason you’re not happy even though you’re married to a good husband is because no man can fill the hole in your soul.
We were created with a longing for something more than a man. Good husbands and great marriages are wonderful, but they don’t have the power to make us truly happy. We can only find happiness when we have a relationship with God or a Higher Power.
3 Ways to Find Happiness When You’re Married to a Good Man
There are no quick tips or easy answers to the “My husband is a good man but I don’t love him and am not happy” problem. It’s time to dig into your heart and soul, and find the answer you’re searching for.
These thoughts and questions will help you decide if you should try to be happy with your husband, or start thinking about how to recreate yourself after a divorce…
1. Pull your focus away from your husband
If you’re married to a good man and you’re unhappy – or bored, unfulfilled, grumpy – the problem isn’t your husband. You already know that he’s not the reason you’re unhappy. You know your marriage is fine, if not the most exciting relationship on earth. You know there’s something more to life, but you can’t put your finger on it. So, you look to the most important person in your life for answers: your husband.
But even the best man in the world can’t make you happy, because happiness has to come from within you. Your unhappiness and boredom isn’t about your husband. It’s about you. Even if you decided to leave your husband and start your life over as a totally new woman in a completely different place, you’d find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled again.
2. Think back to when you were truly happy
When was the happiest time of your life? What were you doing, who were you with, where were you, and how were you participating in relationships, work, and life in general? When were you Blossoming into who you were created to be?
The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.
3. Experiment with different ways to blossom into who you were created to be
You don’t need to read articles about how to have a happy marriage (though they can’t hurt!). Rather, it might be better to learn how to be happy no matter what kind of man you’re married to.
Maybe your husband isn’t holding you back from the life you were meant to live. Maybe he’s not the one preventing you from being happy, or stopping you from exploring your passions or finding your life purpose. Maybe your husband is a good man and you love him, but not the way you expected. It might be time to learn why you’re unhappy in your relationship.
One of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage is how healthy each partner is, emotionally and spiritually. The healthier you are, the better your relationships are. If your husband is a good man and yet you’re not happy, then the answer is somewhere in you. It’ll take time and effort to dig it out and deal with it, but it’ll be worth it.
Your thoughts — big and little — are welcome below. You may find it helpful to share what you think and how you feel after reading this article. Often, we don’t know what we really think or feel until we start writing; hand writing with paper and pen is especially helpful in helping us sort through the tangled emotions and thoughts.