Everyone says how nice your husband is – and you agree! You’re married to a good man, yet you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, or just bored. The good news is that you have the power to make changes in your marriage that will lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. Change isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
Below are three ways to find happiness when you’re bored or unfulfilled in your relationship. I was inspired to write this by a reader, who said made the following comments about being married to a good guy, yet struggling with unhappiness…
“I want out of my marriage and can’t figure out why I can’t just be happy with this great guy,” says Donna on How to Live With a Husband You Wish You Never Married. “My relationship is safe and comfortable; he’s my best friend. But at what point is he supposed to move beyond my best friend and be my partner? I’m not sure we’ve ever had that connection that seems so vital to me. He disagrees. It would almost be easier if I had tangible reasons for wanting to leave (abuse, anger, neglect). All I have is saying that I’m just unhappy even though he’s a great guy. He doesn’t take care of himself like I wish he would, but he’s still a good husband. I feel like such a failure because I can’t just be happy with what I have.”
The biggest reason you’re not happy even though you’re married to a good husband is because no man can fill the hole in your soul.
We were created with a longing for something more than a man. Good husbands and great marriages are wonderful, but they don’t have the power to make us truly happy. We can only find happiness when we have a relationship with God or a Higher Power.
3 Ways to Be Happy in a Good Marriage to a Great Guy
There are no quick tips or easy answers to the “I’m married to a good man, why aren’t I happy?” question. You need to dig into your own heart and soul, because the answers really are within out.
Here are a few thoughts and questions to consider, to help you figure out how to be happy in the marriage you have…
1. Pull your focus away from your husband
If you’re married to a good man and you’re unhappy – or bored, unfulfilled, grumpy – the problem isn’t your husband. You already know that he’s not the reason you’re unhappy. You know your marriage is fine, if not the most exciting relationship on earth. You know there’s something more to life, but you can’t put your finger on it. So, you look to the most important person in your life for answers: your husband.
But even the best man in the world can’t make you happy, because happiness has to come from within you. Your unhappiness and boredom isn’t about your husband. It’s about you. Even if you decided to leave your husband and start your life over as a totally new woman in a completely different place, you’d find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled again.
2. Think back to when you were truly happy
When was the happiest time of your life? What were you doing, who were you with, where were you, and how were you participating in relationships, work, and life in general? When were you Blossoming into who you were created to be?
The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.
3. Experiment with different ways to Blossom into who you were created to be
What do you think? Is your husband holding you back from the life you were meant to live? Maybe he is stopping you from exploring your passions or finding your purpose…if so, how can you balance marriage to a good man with venturing forward in curiosity and excitement?
One of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage is how healthy each partner is, emotionally and spiritually. The healthier you are, the better your relationships are. If your husband is a good man – emotionally and spiritually healthy – and yet you’re struggling with boredom, lack of fulfillment, and unhappiness in your life and marriage…then the answer is within you.
Your big and little, positive and negative, thoughts are welcome in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you, and I think you’ll find that writing your emotions and thoughts will help you gain clarity and insight.
You may think I’m completely wrong in everything I’ve written – and you may be right! So, you tell me…if you’re married to a great guy, why aren’t you happy?