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What to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Sending Text Messages

“My boyfriend stopped sending me text messages,” isn’t what what you wish you were searching for, but here you are. I have good news, though! My tips will help you figure out what to do with a boyfriend who texts and calls less than he used to.

First, do not worry that your boyfriend isn’t sending you as many text messages as he used to. Try not to obsess about him or your relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, but honestly there is nothing less attractive than a girlfriend who is freaked out because her boyfriend stopped sending text messages! Don’t fall into the trap of becoming a needy, emotionally suffocating “clingy girlfriend” who needs to get hourly or even daily texts from her boyfriend.

Second, know that you are not alone. It’s normal for boyfriends to call or text a lot at the beginning of a relationship, and slowly send fewer and fewer messages. Here’s what one She Blossoms reader says:


“My boyfriend of less than a year recently stopped sending me text messages,” says Patty on 10 Things to Remember When You Miss Your Boyfriend. “I know he loves me and is busy with work stuff but I hate not hearing from him all day! It’s even worse when he doesn’t text for 2 or 3 days in a row. I know he’s still thinking about me but I sometimes I worry he’s losing interest or is emotionally unavailable. Then I remember that sending text messages isn’t the main sign my boyfriend loves me. I go around in circles in my mind!!!”

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Sends Fewer (or No) Text Messages

Yes, it feels scary and when your boyfriend stops texting. You’re vulnerable, waiting to hear from him. It’s not just the text message…it’s his love and your whole relationship that’s in question. Sending text messages is a sign your boyfriend is thinking about you. When he stops texting, you wonder what’s going on with him.

I’ve been married for almost 14 years and I still don’t like it when my husband doesn’t send me a text message during the day! I’m not worried about our marriage or what he’s doing; a text is just a comforting sign that he’s out there. No matter how old the marriage or relationship is, it’s a drag when a husband or boyfriend isn’t texting messages anymore.

But it’s normal for relationships to lose the crazy sexy loving and passionate text messages! Life has to go one — and so does work, family responsibilities, health issues, goals, school and daily hassles. So, the good news is that it’s normal for a boyfriend to send fewer text messages and even call less often.

1. Talk to your boyfriend about texting

My Boyfriend Stopped Sending Me Text Messages
My Boyfriend Stopped Texting Me

Is it reasonable to expect your boyfriend to send text messages or call every day? It depends on both of your lifestyles, future relationship plans, health, work situations, and stage of life. For instance, if your boyfriend is stressed and depressed because he lost his business and is searching for a job, perhaps it’s too much to expect him to be sending his girlfriend text messages. Maybe your boyfriend needs time and space to sort out his life, job, or family problems.

Even if your boyfriend isn’t dealing with a crisis, it still may be unreasonable to expect him to send you a text or two a day. It just depends on the type of guy he is — and on your and his relationship “agreement.” Do you want one text message a day from your boyfriend? If so, does he know this? You may need to be honest about your expectations. Your boyfriend can’t read your mind, and may not even realize he’s sending fewer text messages than before. Talk to him!

2. Be honest, but don’t try to force your boyfriend to send more texts

How do you feel about saying, “You’re not sending me as many text messages as you used to. What’s up with that, boyfriend?” Be honest about how you feel. Tell your boyfriend that you feel scared and rejected when he doesn’t call or text, because you’re worried he’s not interested anymore (if that’s how you feel).

But, don’t nag him. Tell your boyfriend once that you’ve noticed that he stopped sending text messages. Listen to his response and try to understand his perspective. Then, let it go. Try not to put constraints on your boyfriend or demand that he sends text messages at certain times of the day. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking your boyfriend “should” do this or “should do that. This will drive him away, and make you feel like you’re a crazy lunatic girlfriend.


3. Get busy with your own life!

Are you a happy woman? Do you love life? Are you enthusiastic about your day, your job, your life, your place in this world? THAT’S the best way to respond when your boyfriend isn’t sending as many text messages or calling you as much. Get busy making your life fun and interesting.

Don’t rely on your boyfriend to make you happy – and don’t fool yourself into thinking that text messages are the key to a fulfilling, deep, meaningful life. Figure out what your dreams and goals are. Make your relationship part of your life. Think of your boyfriend’s text messages as a happy aspect of a great day. Do not make your love relationship your whole entire life or reason for being. Your boyfriend can’t sustain that type of pressure; he’ll disappoint you in more ways than not sending as many text messages as you want.

4. Remember that happy women are very attractive girlfriends

If your life bores, frustrates, disappoints, or depresses you, then it’s time for a change. You need figure out what makes you happy, and start doing that. Your boyfriend is not your sole source of happiness – you need to create multiple levels of fulfillment. The best thing to do when your boyfriend sends fewer text messages is to create a life you love.

If you’re enjoying your life and experiences, then your boyfriend will naturally gravitate towards you. He’ll want to spend time with you because he won’t feel pressured to make you happy. Your boyfriend won’t feel like texting you is a chore, or that you’re demanding that he sends more text messages than he’d do on his own. If you’re happy and healthy, your boyfriend will WANT to message you.

5. Learn what a healthy relationship is

What if you’re searching for help because you don’t know what it means to have a healthy love relationship? Maybe you don’t need help figuring out what to do when your boyfriend stops sending text messages…maybe you need to learn what to expect from a mature, healthy dating relationship.

I don’t know you personally, but I do know that we all need to learn as much as we can about healthy relationships! Building a strong bond with a boyfriend or husband isn’t an overnight miracle — and it’s certainly about a lot more than sending text messages. Maybe it’s time to start learning what a healthy relationship is instead of focusing on how often your boyfriend texts you.

When Your Boyfriend Stops Sending Text Messages – One Last Tip

How to Stop Being a Clingy Girlfriend

Remember not sending text messages is NOT necessarily a sign your boyfriend has stopped loving you. Nor does it mean he wants to break up with you, or that he’s cheating on you.

If you’re worried about your boyfriend and suspect he’s texting less for a reason you’re worried about, read Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It by Leslie Becker-Phelps. Learn more about healthy relationships — and whether or not you’re anxiously overreacting to your boyfriend not texting as much as he used to. If possible, talk about what you’re learning with your boyfriend…but not in a text message! :-)

I welcome your thoughts on what to do about a boyfriend who sends fewer text messages than before. Share your story!

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23 thoughts on “What to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Sending Text Messages”

  1. my boyfriend and I we’ve been together for 5 months @ first he would text me all day n call me several times a day ,we would talk non stop
    But now he doesn’t talk anymore I’m always the one who start the conservation or do the calling and he doesn’t keep the conversation going, my boyfriend takes long to reply or text me even when he’s online
    I’m feeling lonely n sometimes I feel as if I’m used,don’t knw wat to do

  2. When your boyfriend stops texting you, it’s difficult to know if he’s just busy or if he’s gone cold. It’s especially difficult when he changes every day!

    But, there are often signs that he still loves you…and there are red flags that he doesn’t.

    Here’s an article that may help:

    5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love With You
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/signs-he-loves-you/

    Trust your intuition. Listen to that still small voice inside you that is telling you what you want to know. (but do you want to hear it?)

  3. My boyfriend totally runs hot and cold on me. One day he’s all lovey dovey and wants to hang out all day and night. The next day I can’t find him anywhere. I want to believe my boyfriend loves me but sometime I think he’s just using me because he’s bored or something. How do I know if he loves me? He’s never said it but that doesn’t mean anything.

  4. No one is ever to busy to call out of 24 hours. Doctor Phil says a healthy relationship has at least 17 min, equal to a break time at work. If you think your man is working 24 hours in a day, you are crazy. He has checked his cell several times during the day, so he could of easily dialed out to you. If a man cared for you and made you a priority he will call you every day. He will reserve time just for you, cause you are a priority. I bet you women who fall for that busy stuff, you see each other mostly when he says it’s a good day to. Ladies 70 percent of narcissist are men, and narcissist want every thing on their terms and will always say they busy when they just don’t want to speak to you certain days. Also. Him shooting you a brief 4 word text early morning don’t count. He is simply seeng if you are with someone in the morning. My x actually admitted that’s why he only called me late at night and early morning. I later found out he was cheating. Shortly after he begged for me back but I realize it was only until he found someone new. He has used me for my car, sex…etc. I decided to make sure he can never reach me again. After he get his things soon, he is blocked from every way contact. Ladies please don’t fall for the busy excuse. Every man who has said that to me, had other women on the side.

  5. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for your thoughts on what to do when your boyfriend lost interest and doesn’t call. I agree, it’s not possible to be happy all the time, and I definitely agree that being yourself and accepting yourself is crucial. Especially if your boyfriend has lost interest – because that’s when you really need to find yourself.

  6. Not everyone is riding the Happy Train all the time. In fact, that’s not even normal or healthy. A full, rich life encompasses all experiences and emotions (which are only fleeting states of being), but not our true essence. We are allchasing something: happiness, money, the elusive psrtner. Be yourself. Accept ypyrself. And hopefully ypu will be blessed with someone who is thete for you throughout All of your life, happy, sad, challenged, grievong. In other words, a grown up actualized person. A life without games anf psychobabble. iI highly doubt one would pressure the man to always be happy. In fact, this very article does not. Accept Yourself and Others.

  7. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for sharing your experience of your boyfriend texting you less – it’s really helpful to hear how other girlfriends are coping. The best thing is to rebuild yourself, figure out who you are, and blossom into someone you admire and respect. Fall in love with yourself, and your boyfriend will fall in love with you.

    How can you take your power back, even if your boyfriend is texting you less?

  8. I’m going through the same thing. This guy that I met online and in person twice was texting me every day. He and I both would reach out to each other equally. But, the last I heard from him was Sunday night when he called me and I wasn’t available to talk. He left a vm and I responded yesterday morning. He didn’t respond. So, I texted him again about 6 hours later. He texted back a smiley face. That’s been it since yesterday (Monday) at around noon. I don’t want to be the one to initiate again. We aren’t in a relationship and I’m not really sure what we are. He is flying to be with me in three weeks and I feel anxious about that. Not sure why since we have no problem communicating.

  9. I don’t now what to do? we have long distance relationship n we be dating for 4 days I now its a few days but we text every day but today he text less n I text him first n I feel weird but I wait for him to text me we pain to see each other but I think we are not because he text me less n I’m not sure n I’m a teenager n he is a teenager we are the same age n the same grade. I don’t now what to do I miss texting him ?

  10. Okay so I have been dating a guy for about a month. We are in a long distance relationship. I met him online.Before we started dating I met him in person cause I didn’t want to risk not having a physical attraction towards him and him not having one towards me. We saw each other about 4 times and the last time was for only 10 minutes cause i was leaving to go back home but hey I’m not complaining… Its time with him. Anyways during these times he was a TOTAL gelntleman towards me and my family. He tells me sweet things ‘almost’ every day BUT since we started the relationship texting and calling has slowly gotten to no text or calls or its either i call him and its short or no call. With texting, snapchat etc. I am the first to send messages. it doesnt bother me some days but one day i would like to get a sweet goodmorning text without sending one first. I have allready brought this up with him and what he told me is that he wont do it again cause he doesnt want to lose me and to not think he is uninterested in me… but it still is happening. Should i ignore him? Stop texting him first? break up? or just deal with it? I thank you in advance :)

    1. this is my problem/question exactly!! Me and him have seen each other pretty much every other weekend though… But, he has completely stopped communicating with me this last week (we were together this last weekend). I decided to not text or start a convo with him for a full 24 hours to see if he’ll say anything at all… If anyone or you have any advice or updates (especially on your situation) please let me know!

  11. I need help i told my bf that i loved him.by texted and ever since that day i have not heard from him.i am.worried that was 1 days ago i am worried he has gone off me please help

  12. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    If your boyfriend stops texting you, don’t wrap your life up in waiting for him! Build a life outside your relationship – a life of joy, fulfillment, and faith. Create the life of your dreams – but don’t let it revolve around a guy.

    Waiting for a boyfriend’s texts is so tempting. I know – I used to wait forever the phone to ring! But life can full of so much more. Your life is bigger than him. Go beyond, take leaps of faith, be inspired by the LIFE around you.

    Energy, peace, hope, and faith. May your life be bigger than waiting for your boyfriend to text you.

    1. this blog has helped me alot. Because I have been with my bf for over two I love him but I feel. Like I’m depending on him too much so today I’m taking a stand, I’m deleting the messages, his number and just forget about him. And focus on my own life.

  13. Same thing happen to me right now, I got my bf from POF he was like in love with me but after a month talking about future he said no we are not in the same page he went and came back and started loving me again, we got closed to each other we had one time sex and he was so pleased to have it more but just suddenly he hardly respond me and he is online always on Whatsapp, whenever I asked he said I am busy and I need to be understanding! Befor he was like its so nice always to see my messages but now I feel I am a bother to him!

  14. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    My prayer for all girlfriends who in relationships with boyfriends who stopped texting is for patience and wisdom. May you build your relationship with your SELF, and gain confidence and insight into who YOU are. I pray that you stop relying on your boyfriend’s texts to tell you that you are beautiful, smart, valuable, and lovable.

    I pray that you find love and confidence within yourself, and that you barely even notice how often or little your boyfriend texts you, because you are so busy living a happy, fulfilling life! May you live in peace with the knowledge that your boyfriend will come back to you, if your relationship was meant to be.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    1. Thank you :) This is something that i ‘know’ to do, yet every now and then i fall into panic mode and just need something to pull me out of it, and the post (along with your comment) snapped me out of that desparate mindset. You’re absolutely right, we have to find happiness, love and validation within ourselves first and foremost then the rest will fall into place.

    2. Me and my boy friend hardly call and text each other. First of all he is busy and I know we both have our own lives. We both been dating for a little over 6 months. We like each other very much, and we want to achieve our dreams. It doesn’t bother me that we sometimes we don’t text all day, or we don’t call each other 4 or 5 days later. I have patience with him, and he does too. I don’t sit there and wait for his messages, and I’m sure he does the same. It’s just part of the relationship until we want to further things seriously. Trust when I know we are committed to each, all communication will go the next level. I love how things are going slowly and the way everything is falling into place.

  15. Same thing is happening to me right now.We are high school seniors,we should be busy with our studies this moment. Maybe he’s working hard,idk,’cause he’s not there when I text him.I text him A Lot.I know that I’m an obsessive, clingy type girl,a Huge drama queen who cries a lot for his bf not texting her back,a tired,frustrated chicken who always wants her bf’s love(read ”texts”) and feels down,doesn’t feel doing anything when he’s not there-but,I just can’t help it.I’m thinking about giving him space for a long time now,you know,not texting him that much.But,I just can’t do it.Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow… I know that’ll be right,but,let’s see.

  16. I read your article and everything you said clicked with me! You are so right, the fact that I feel so depressed and hopeless when my boyfriend is not texting me sweet things everyday like before means I need to find out how to be happy with myself. I am constantly asking him if he misses me and loves me, I know its frustrating to him because his life is his own too and I cant force him to say things to make me feel content.
    I will take your advice and work on me and do things that will be good for me such as my college and studies, and if my prince returns to my side than I’ll know he truly loves me and if not the right one will come in time!

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