Healing Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat


The pain and sadness you feel after your cat’s death may surprise you. When my kitty Zoey died, all I could think for days was, “I miss my cat.” If you’re missing your cat like I miss mine, you’ll find these tips helpful. I collected eight ways to cope with the grief of a cat’s death, to help us all walk through the loss of our beloved kitty cats.

I also share advice from cat owners who understand the sorrow and sadness of losing a beloved kitty.

“Grieving the loss of a beloved cat is an extremely personal experience,” says Michelle on When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Your Cat’s Death. “Everyone copes differently, every cat owner has a different way to work through the grief and sadness. But one thing stays the same: we all have to find our own method of grieving pet loss. Otherwise the pain never heals. I miss my cat dearly and deeply, but I have to let him go. Otherwise I’ll never be happy again.”

When you miss your cat, there isn’t much that can take the pain away. “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone, her own burden, her own way,” said Anne Morrow Lindbergh. The sadness you feel when your cat dies can’t be shared and is yours alone. But, it can help to read about how other people coped with the death of their cats. Below are five ways to cope when you miss your cat more than you can imagine.

These tips may not take away the pain of missing your cat, but at least they’ll help you see you’re not alone. Sometimes just knowing your pain has been shared can help you heal.

8 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Cat

Hope and Healing for Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat

I miss my cat

Surrounding yourself with people who understand what it’s like to grieve the loss of a cat is one of the most important things you can do. If you feel alone – and if you are alone because you isolate yourself – then you may take longer to heal.

Reach out to others. Talk about how difficult it is to deal with the death of your cat. Find people who understand, who can genuinely relate to your pain.

1. Share memories of your beloved pet cat

“As a child, we were encouraged to talk about the pet and remember him or her,” says cat lover Pam, on Comforting Prayers for the Loss of Your Cat. “Pets are family members and have important roles in our lives. Whenever a frog, lizard, parakeet or guinea pig has died in our house over the last 14 years since my kids were born, we’ve held a mini-funeral in the backyard.  We bury the pet, put a rock marker on top, and share our memories about the pet. The time together serves to recognize the pet’s role in our lives.  My kids are encouraged to share their memories about our lost pets.”

Don’t bury your pain or try to hide how much you miss your cat. Even just telling someone “I miss my cat” can help you through the grieving process. Sadly, you have to feel the pain before you can heal.

2. Give yourself time to heal after your cat dies

“Healing takes place over time, and there is no single formula to saying good-bye when your cat dies,” says Dan, whose 12 year old cat disappeared without a trace. “The loss of a cat is the loss of someone you loved, and when anything you loved is abruptly taken away from you, there is no substitute. Four years ago, my cat Peep disappeared without a trace. I live in an exclusive suburb of Los Angeles in the hills. It’s often you have wild life and predators roaming at night. I was sick with some dental problem and when I came home from pharmacy at 9 pm, I couldn’t locate both my cats…one of then came home and the other didn’t.”



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Cry as much as you need to. Weeping – letting your heart melt in sorrow – is the only way to deal with a loss so great. Try to spend time outdoors in the fresh air, away from the invasive noise of people. Allow the pure music of nature to fill your ears, the smells of forest and soil and grass to fill your nose. It will do your soul good.

3. Learn different ways to grieve the pain of missing your cat

Robert Neimeyer, a professor of psychology at the University of Memphis in Tennessee, says grief is more than simply a ­series of emotional stages.

I miss my catGrieving a loss isn’t just about going through the stages of grief – and healing isn’t just about letting time pass.

“We do have a great deal of agency in how we embrace our suffering, and the sense we make of it,” says Neimeyer, author of Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved. He has published 30 books on grief and counselling therapy and has a clinical practice.

It is often finding a new purpose in life that helps heal a heart after a cat’s death. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Newer grief therapy helps grieving people understand the lessons of their loss and places a premium on their capacity to find a new normal, new meaning and “construct a kind of resilience even in the storm of ­bereavement.” With regard to the pain of losing your cat, this means finding a new normal to help you deal with the loss you feel.

“Our work is all about understanding grieving as a process of trying to reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss,” says Dr Neimeyer. “What happened, and why and what are its implications for our lives, while also looking at the life we shared with our loved one and carrying it forward in ways we can in their physical absence. Time heals remarkably few wounds of grief because it’s not what time does for the bereaved person; it’s much more a question of what the bereaved person does with that time that matters.

4. Give yourself time to grieve your cat’s death – and find purpose in your life

After I lost my cat, all I could think was “I miss my cat.”

I miss my catBut I learned that as tempting as it was to focus on how much I missed her, it was creating more pain and suffering in the long run. Focusing on my grief and pain was actually making things worse. It’s important to do the work of grieving your loss – and your cat’s death really is a huge loss! – but not allowing yourself to get swallowed up in the black night of the soul.

There is a difference between healthy grieving and unhealthy dwelling on the pain of loss. Grief takes time and energy – so you will find yourself more tired than usual. Unhealthy dwelling on your loss will suffocate you and prevent healing. So, give yourself time to grieve…but gently distract yourself from the long-term suffering that dwelling on a cat’s death can bring. Make an effort to remember joyful memories of your cat’s life. Keep busy. Find activities, places, and people who sooth your soul and quiet your mind. Learn ways to gently encourage yourself to come alive when you feel dead inside.

5. Consider rescuing an abandoned kitten or cat

“I had my multi-coloured white and ginger cat, Penny, for eight wonderful years,” says Cynthia Colby. “Her death was sudden. She seemed to be losing weight to a point until she appeared too thin, so I took her in to the vet’s and got the bad news. They suggested an operation, but the next day I got a call during the surgery that she might not make it. I rushed in, and she died in my arms. In my case, whether or not to get another cat was already solved in a way, as I had just rescued a small black kitten. I missed my cat so much, but I found it helpful to foster the new kitten for the local Cat Adoption Team. The month before, I had decided to adopt her myself. After Penny died, I called her my ‘Little Gift from God’.”

Rescuing a cat who needs a home may be one of the best ways to cope when you miss your cat. Fostering or adopting an abandoned animal may give you a sense of purpose, and may help you look beyond the pain of your present grief.

6. Imagine your cat being held by an angel

When Your Cat Dies Ways to Cope With GriefThe Willow Tree – Angel Holding a Cat With Affection is a beautiful symbolic way to remember your beloved cat. I always find it comforting to think of the cats I lost as being in Heaven, resting in peace, their souls intertwined with the angels’ and my other lost loved ones.

Think of your kitty being held in the arms of an angel; feel the peace and healing that accompanies the thought of your cat resting in loving arms. It doesn’t matter if you can prove the existence of Heaven. We don’t know…we can only choose to believe in love, faith and hope.

Now is not the time to debate whether cats have souls. Now, give yourself the comfort of imagining your cat being held in the arms of an angel. This will help you get through the dark days, when all you can think is “I miss my cat.”

7. Welcome another cat into your home – when you’re ready

“Last January we had to have our beloved cat, Janvier, put down,” says cat lover Jessica. “He was suffering from renal failure, and the treatment would have crushed his spirit and terrified him, so we made the hardest decision of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having my first baby around. It’s pathetic, but we haven’t even gotten rid of his kitty litter (it’s clean!) or his leftover food.

I still think I can hear him puttering around at night. We have two young children and insanely busy lives, so we haven’t adopted a new cat yet. We feel like we wouldn’t be able to give him or her enough attention at this time, which would just not be fair. I really believe that having a new kitten would help us survive our cat’s death. I also think that bringing a new pet into our lives would help us honor Janvier, by constantly reminding us of the cute and funny things he used to do. So I hope that one day soon-ish, we’ll open our homes to a new pet both to help heal our hearts and so our children know the joy a cat can bring to a home.”

“There is something about the presence of a cat that seems to take the bite out of being alone.” ~ Louis J. Camuti. If you’re thinking about opening your heart and home to another cat, read Should You Get a Cat After Your Cat’s Death?

8. Let your cat go – and heal your heart

Kitty Comfort Coping With Cat LossI wrote Kitty Comforts: Help and Hope for Coping With the Loss of Your Cat for you – my fellow cat lovers. Saying goodbye and letting go of my beloved animals is one of the most painful parts of my life, and in this ebook I share what helped me heal.

Give yourself time and space to say farewell to your cat. Grieve the way you need, and allow your heart to heal in its own time. You may be ready to open your home and heart to welcome a new cat…and your spirits will be lifted when you accept the companionship of others.

Life without your pet is a sad adjustment of heart and home. Whether your loss was a planned or accidental, you’re grieving the end of a season of your life…and you’ll never be the same.

How are you feeling? Your stories and thoughts about grief and your cat’s death are welcome below. It’s good to write about your experience – not only does writing help you heal, it also shows other sad cat owners that they’re not alone.

In sympathy,

Laurie

xo


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1,028 thoughts on “Healing Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat

  • Nick

    Thanks for this article, it’s nice to know others experience the same level of grief. We’ve just had to have our cat Austin (who was actually a girl – long story) put to sleep today. She’d had a stroke in the night and couldn’t stand up bless her, so we had no choice but to let her go. She was 20 or near about, she was a stray when she found us. I know she’s had a good long life but you always want longer. It comforts me knowing we took her in and looked after her all these years and I hope she knew we loved her. I keep looking at her food dish and litter tray and start crying. She was a character. I hope she is being looked after in heaven, she deserves it xx

    My thoughts are with everyone else suffering with the loss of a cat xx

  • JR

    For Jeannie- who lost JoJo, and for all those people who loved their cat so dearly, and had to make the decision to say Good Bye to a wonderful friend, for the last time. ( Thirteen months ago I held my best friend of 19 years, as she left me , with only memories, which are probably a little overrated) Just my feeling, and not profound, but I suspect that the decision to put a beloved cat to sleep is Never done too early. My darling had a stroke and kidney disease but loved life, and clung on ; but we are the caretakers , and all they have, so we must decide. We hold on because we cannot imagine life without them; but we do know when they have tried enough. I think that moment may sometimes be a little late, but never early. There is no perfect moment. The love of a cat; a beautiful part of life; I wish everyone could experience it.

  • Kathryn

    Thank you for this. We had to put our 11 year old kitty down yesterday. He had been losing weight like crazy and it was found he had cancer. The vet did what he could do and we got some extra time with our boy, but we had to make the difficult decision to let him sleep as he was not getting better. We miss him so much. His brother is here with us and we are luckily loving on him, but this loss is so hard. I know he is up in heaven with a beautiful angel getting all kinds of attention and love. I miss my boy so very much. We will be able to pick up his ashes at the end of the week and plan to sprinkle his ashes in our flower garden where he loved to hang out. I wish I had more time with my sweet boy.

  • Jeannie

    This past Saturday I said “see you later” to my best boy. Jojo was the heart of our home, the little man among all the women. Jojo was a lover, he was gentle, kind and loving. Everyone who met him fell in love with him. He was sweet and loving, accepting every animal I brought in the house. He would groom, play and love my foster kittens. He loved his sisters and often broke up their fights. He was in the hospital from March 9th – March 12 for tests and oxygen therapy. And soon after on April 9th, he was diagnosed with advanced stage, diffused lung cancer and fluids were building in his lungs causing his breaths to be labored. We had done two lung taps a week apart already and the fluids were still coming back even after heavy doses of diuretics for three days. On April 20th, I struggled with bringing him in for another tap or letting him go. In the end, I let him go. But now I start to regret my decision because he was still eating, he would still come to cuddle with me. He still wanted to hunt lizards. But for the most part he would sleep and struggle to breath with his nose flaring. I wonder did I do right by him when I made the decision to let him go?

    I miss him so much. Our home is not a home without him. Every inch of space in the home was occupied by him and it hurts to see that he’s not there. His sisters Lola and Honeybelle miss him and I know I have to be there for them but I can’t feel but miss the void, the pain and the tears don’t stop. I had a bond with him that I did not have with the two girls and it’s just been so difficult. I feel alone and that no one understands my loss or the extreme heartache I feel. I feel angry and so mad at the world and God. But at the same time, I am grateful for 10 years with my boy. Yet, I also feel cheated we only had 10 years together. But most of all, I keep coming back to, Did I do the right thing? Should I have tapped him again giving him another week… or tapped him as long as possible to keep him around? I hope he forgives me and still loves me for my decision.

  • Chelsea

    Knowing when it was the right time to say goodbye to my cat was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Murphy was one of those cats that everybody adored. He was friendly with everybody, would play fetch, loved to wear his bow ties and be the center of attention. He was with me through tough break ups, college, and family issues. We found out Murphy had oral cancer directly under his tongue at the age of 12. Everyday became harder and harder for him to eat and drink, but he would always stay his positive self until the end when he got really scared. My fiancé and I loved him so much and did everything we could to make him as comfortable as possible. We took him to multiple vets (even the top cancer specialist for felines in the area), switched foods multiple times that were easier for him, sat and helped him as he ate (took 45 minutes to eat his proper meal sometimes), subcutaneous fluids once he struggled with drinking, constant meds, and giving him all of the love and support he deserved. After we made the hard decision to put him to rest, I couldn’t stop thinking about how he must of felt, and if there was anything I could of done differently to help him or prevent it in the first place. We did an at home euthanasia to make him comfortable and where his cat sister could say goodbye. We also had him cremated. He is on a shelf in my bedroom. I made a collage to remember him and placed it near his urn. My best friend had somebody hand draw a picture of him that is displayed as well. Knowing that somebody cared to have a drawing of him made helped me tremendously. When a friend of mine loses an animal, I will do something similar as that made me cry, yet put a smile on my face. Once I was ready, I rescued a cat who was struggling and terrified at the local humane society. Adopting another animal to help in his time of need is what gave me the boost I needed to come to peace with Murphy’s death. Murphy’s death may of been extremely difficult for me, but his passing has lead to motivating me to help another animal. When or if the time is right, I highly recommend channeling sadness into helping somebody in need. I adore my new cat, and he’s progressing really well. I wish Murph was here and still think about him all of the time.

  • Harvey Hochfeld

    I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY BEST BUDDY, CHESTER, AFTER 18 WONDERFUL YEARS TOGETHER. i AM GRIEVING VERY HARD FOR HIM , BUT i’M GRATEFUL FOR SO MANY YEARS WITH HIM ! EVERY MORNING WHEN i WAKE UP AND PULL THE COVERS UP, i MISS HIM COMING TO LAY AT MY HIP FOR SOME LOVE! I DEEP DOWN BELIEVE SOME DAY WE WILL SEE OUR ANIMALS AGAIN, OUR BOND OF LOVE IS JUST SO STRONG !!

  • Christina

    It coming up to 52 hours since i had to put down my big brave boy Lexx. Lexx was a shorthair black cat that came to me as a stray 19 year and 4 months ago. He has been by my side everyday and I miss him dearly. I have lost cats in the past due to unfortunate circumstances but loosing Lexx has hit me hard.

    I know I made the right call by putting him out of his pain, because he was ill and had lump in his mouth that could not be cured, plus by the time the 12th April came round, he was in a lot of pain and could not eat. However my mind and body are in turmoil since that fateful day. I see him everywhere in the house and cant stop thinking “what if i had caught the lump earlier etc etc”. I feel like i killed my Lexx and took away the rights for Gizmo my other cat to say goodbye but could not, because Gizmo is under going radiation treatment many miles away and he left us on 8th April. I know Gizmo will be back home in about six weeks but I feel i need him now but cant.

    I feel so alone even though, i have talked to friends who have had their older moggies put to sleep but my mind, body and soul are still in turmoil. Lexx was my everything, i looked after him like he was a child and nursed him when he was ill or been in fights. I didn’t even feel like this when my mum died 1 and half years ago or when my mums cat was put to sleep unexpectedly on the 3rd April 2019 with a similar condition in the mouth.

    I am picking Lexx’s ashes up tomorrow and I hope this will help me move on a little more, my eyes hurts from crying so much and my heart is broken. I wish we could turn back time…

  • Rich U

    It’ll be 4 weeks this Sunday since I lost my Snickers. I’m a 55yo man who was abused as a child, and I’ve never been able to form (adult human) relationships. Snickers was the first “person” I’ve ever been able to tell “I love you” and really mean it.

    I had to put her down after a long period of a problem that made it painful for her to eat, even tuna juice at the end. She’d lost 25% of her weight. She still looked beautiful (but thin) and had the same sparkle in her eyes…but she was slowly starving to death. The vet said they could do PET cans surgery but it would probably come back. Besides the cost was far beyond my means.

    It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I couldn’t just drop her off; she’d have died in terror. I held her and comforted her as she died. It was surreal; I didn’t feel much of anything – until I got home. I felt like I’d murdered her. I wanted to die. I called (understanding) family & friends. It helped some.

    I’m getting better. Last Sunday I decide it was time to try to let her go. I cried and cried. I went outside and it was a clear night. I envisioned her heading off into the universe with wide and curious eyes. I picked a star and chose it to be my “Snickers Star” so I could always look up and see her. This has helped me a lot. Maybe the idea will help others too. I hope so.

    Thanks, Snickers. I love you and I always will.

    • Aarin

      My orange tabby Milo was three days shy of his 5th birthday. He got a blood clot last night and I had to let him go…. He was my only friend on this earth and the thought of him not existing is eating me alive let alone all the morbid intrusive stuff. He was so smart and beautiful. Im not sad for me, I am sad for him. He deserved more time to snuggle and eat and play and be fussy. I don’t know how to cope all alone.

      • Rich U

        Thank you so much for sharing.

        “He was my only friend on this earth”…I know…that’s how I feel too. I’m so sorry for your loss.

        My main thought is: stay true to your love of Milo. I think of my Snickers and ask “If I were in her shoes”…I am certain that I would thank goodness for release. It sounds to me like Milo would say the same: “Please release me, and thank you for all of the love.”

        I know it’s tough right now, but remember the love between you and Milo. Hold on to those memories. Revel in them. You gave those to him, and he to you. You loved him, **and he loved you**. Don’t forget that. You did the best for him that could be done. He knows.

        I hope that you find peace with Milo’s passing. I’m slowly getting there with my Snickers…she was so incredibly special to me, as I know Milo was to you. If there is an afterlife for kitties, I hope they meet and play and have a really fun time.

        Peace, to us both.

  • Robert B

    IN 2007, I adopted a 2 year old part Siberian. Her previous owner had no business having a Cat, It took months before she would sit on the furniture. She was always healthy and strong, smarter than any Cat I’ve ever had. Well mannered and always wanted to be close. She even enjoyed an occasional swim in the bathtub. 4 weeks ago she became constipated, something all long hared cats suffer from occasionally. This was different. She stopped eating. She lost 25% of her body weight in 2 days. Took her to the vet for a through check up, blood work ect, and meds. No Change, Went back for fluids, and seemed to be OK but still wouldn’t eat. Fluid Therapy and an enema…check out. I had to feed her from my hand for 7 days. Slow progress, but still progress. Monday she ate a hand full of treats and wet cat food n her own. 3 Hours later she collapsed, thru up. I had to help her stand to pee. Yesterday, and almost 4 weeks of intensive care I told her it was OK, she could leave. Tail gently wagging she drifted off. I am more grief stricken than the loss of my parents and closest friends and even a fiance. I can’t stop crying. I’ll recover in time, but I will always miss her deeply.

    • Helen

      I am so very sorry Robert for your loss. I understand perfectly when you say how much more grief stricken you are than when losing human loved ones. I lost my beautiful Maine Coon boy last February & I still have little or no interest in life. I would give anything to hold him & kiss his little head once more. I suppose this absolute heartbreak is the pay off for having the unconditional love of these beautiful kitties for the duration of their (too short) lives. God bless you at this heartbreaking time.

    • julie

      3 week ago i had to my 18 half year old cat put to sleep, 3 week after my other 19 year old cat sadley passed away , struggling with grief losing them both so close together

  • Tricia

    My gentle tabby Tigsy came to me as a rescue cat when he was four and half years old. I am not wiccan but a Reiki Master teacher but consider Tigsy as my familiar he was nearly eighteen when I had to make the decision last Tuesday to say goodbye. He had kidney problems , after fourteen years I am lost , my boys all grown up and flown the nest. At just seventy years old I too “miss my cat ” but the thought of another one now is just too much. I am very blessed that I am working and busy but ” I miss my cat ” your words say it all.

    I am waiting for his ashes to be ready for collection, I have ordered a ring that can have some of his ashes sprinkled with diamond dust and resin , set in silver. (My three boys have decided that this is the gift for Mothers Day.) I will wear the ring on my right hand and when I am working I will have my right hand man with me , but still ” I miss my cat ” I wept out loud as I held him while he passed. said goodbye Tigsy , thank you for being in my life.

    The decision to order the ring was inspired by the thought that Tigsy can still work with me in Spirit, as one of my Reiki guides. ( I attuned him to the Reiki energy , because he loved the Reiki energy )
    Its now Sunday not a week yet, so I understand why I feel so raw. I miss him sat at the side of me while I type, I miss him sitting on the key board when he wants a fuss.
    I really hope that the ring will ease my pain. You see even as a successful Therapist ” I miss my cat ” I hug his blanket everything else I took to the cat shelter for them to use, just stood there in tears and handed it all over. I know the pain will ease and happy thoughts will return. But in the mean time ” I miss my Tigsy ”
    Thank you for allowing me to express my pain
    With gratitude Tricia & Tigsy. x

  • Adele

    I had to euthanize my beautiful young cat yesterday due to Feline infectious peritinitis.
    My heart breaks. Yet he wouldn’t want me so sad I know it….
    This article tells me not to wallow. I hope I don’t but it’s only day 2 and I can’t get up apart from basic tasks.
    I’m shocked at the depth of the love and the sorrow in measure.

    • Jennifer

      Thank you Adele for your very sweet comment on my post about my beloved cat Carly. It has been nearly five months since her passing and during that time I’ve experienced many phases and stages. I’m doing much better these days and realize in my heart and head that Carly wants me to be happy and to experience joy, indeed much of the same joy I experienced with her. Her spark, her spirit and love has seen me through, I believe.

      Sending love and wishing you the best on your journey of healing, and loving remembrance of your cat.
      Jen

    • Gillian

      Hi I’m so sorry for your loss. I had to put down my eight month old kitten on Tuesday due to FIP. He was my beautiful little boy, Emrys, who I adopted when he was two months old. He was the tiniest little guy at the shelter and was in need of a lot of TLC and I took so much joy in watching him grow. He was close with my twenty lb cat and got along with my female cat . Even though he was only around one lb at the time he absolutely adored our nearly 100 lb German Shepherd. He snuggled with me constantly, and was always on my lap when I did schoolwork and even ate dinner. And he’d suckle one of my blankets as if it were his mom and had a stuffed purple monkey that he loved, and his favorite foods were pumpkin purée and applesauce (which he’d beg for when I ate it). Two weeks ago he woke me up by sitting on my chest and sneezing. I quarantined him to my room, set up s humidifier, and wiped his eyes and nose. He fell twice when he tried to jump from my bed to my desk,and landed on his hip which worried me, and he had to climb up my desk chair rather than jump to get on my lap. I took him to the vet and they said everything seemed fine except that his ears looked a little jaundiced and gave me medicine for his URI. Then he seemed to have gotten better the next day so I let him out of my room but he seemed to wobble when he walked and couldn’t get up the step down to the living room. But I thought it was just weakness from being sick. A week after I took him in for his URI I took him in for the jaundice and the limp. When the vet tech saw him walk and said it wasn’t normal, the way she said it made me feel cold and scared. The vet came in examined him and said it was probably a virus messing with his nervous system and that some were treatable but many were not and that it could be FIP. They took blood, brought him back and said it would be ten to fifteen minutes for a result but I waited for probably forty minutes. I started crying a little scared of what it could be. It didn’t hel that while I was waiting a man in a different room was crying. The vet came in, went over his blood work and told me that everything was consistent with FIP. I was told there was no cure and no treatment and I started crying . They went to get medicine—steroids, anti nausea and painkillers. I called my family and told them that he was dying. The vet helped give him his pills, told me to take him home, spend time with him but since I’d already seen such rapid decline in him in such a short time that I’d need to euthanize him in a couple days or a week. I took him him, sobbing in the car, and he was still able to walk enough. I couldn’t stop crying. I snuggled with him on the couch, with his favorite blanket, monkey, in front of the heater. He slept on my bed that night but had a hard time getting around. The next day he jumped off my bed and landed on his side so I started carrying him to his food, water, and litter box. He had to sit in the kitty litter cuz he couldn’t stand. I then laid on my bed with him on his pillow and continued that pattern, crying, and praying a novena and a prayer to my patron St. Francis. In the evening I didn’t go to work but sat on the couch, snuggling him and trying not to fall apart. I also took a lot of pictures. I knew we couldn’t sleep in my room because he could hurt himself if he fell off the bed. So I gave him his medicine, he ate, drank, used the box. I set up blankets and pillows on the couch, his pillow, monkey and favorite pillow in front of th heater. I kept waking up to him jumping off the couch and feeding him dry food. At around four in the morning he walked up to the couch rubbed his face on my hand and I put him on the couch. Six hours later when I woke up, he was still there, he hadn’t moved. I felt cold and knew it was the day. I picked him up and set him by his water and he fell over. I helped sit him up but he wasn’t very thirsty but I could hear him smack his lips and gulp like he was. He didn’t want food unless it was pumpkin or applesauce and he couldn’t move his feet apart by himself to sit in his litter box. I sat there crying each time these things happened because he’d deteriorated so much in only six hours, and so I kne it had to be that day. If I kept him alive another day he could fall off the couch and injure himself so I could sleep on the floor. But then he could crawl off and die alone, or become paralyzed and be unable to breathe and be scared, or he could have a seizure. So I waited for my mom to come home, told her that it had to be that day, and cried over my little raven haired boy. We got an ink pad and took his paw prints, I took pictures of him and we waited for the appointment at six. I held him in my arms and my family said there goodbyes. There was no need for a crate, I held him in the car wrapped in a blanket and the sun streamed through his golden eyes as he watched the world outside with wonder. It was hard because his eyes were so clear and he was still so alive. Then I had to put him down. It also scared me because the vet said she’d seen another case of FIP the week before and I grieved for the person who was going through what I was. I held him after he fell asleep which was hard because he was so jelly like, and out of it almost like he was already gone. And then I put him back on the blanket and they helped him pass. I cried for a long time and brought him home for the other animals to see. Our dog nosed him and whined, the cat he was close with meowed, freaked out and pawed at him after sniffing him. My other cat hissed and ran. It was harder because I didn’t know where to burry him, we rent a house but I was tired of leaving my pets behind when we moved. We were supposed to be getting our own house eventually and my cat was supposed to live a long life, I want supposed to have to deal with this for at least a decade, not six to seven months after I’d adopted my boy. But i buried him in the yard in a way that I hope one day I can move him, and put my snowdrops over him and we said a prayer. It’s hard, it’s only been a few days and even harder because it’s finals week in my last quarter of college. The night he died I couldn’t stop hyperventilating and downed whiskey which I hate just so I could sleep. I kept looking st photos and remembering how I. My twenty first birthday a couple weeks ago he was fine and interested in the balloons. How on Halloween he was fine, and Thanksgiving he mootched for pumpkin purée, and Chtistmas he slept under the tree. I thought about all these moments that he was fine and I didn’t know this was going to happen. I keep think how he should be outside the bathroom door, or on my bed, iron my lap, or rounding the corner meowing and hopping on the couch before plopping down at my side or playing with his monkey, snuggling with his brother or staring at the chinchilla or hamster, or sleeping by our dog on a bed thirty times too big. I keep rembering him at the shelter, how I’d wanted a kitten for so long, and how he was the first one I saw, how I scooped him up and his little head flopped back and he gave me a very out of it expression, and how I fought so hard to adopt him. And how I took so much joy in him getting bigger, his full belly, and even his insidious farts. It feels like just yesterday especially when I go through my diary and see events surrounding his adoption that feel like they happened just a second ago. He had such a beautiful, yet short, life. But right now my grief is outweighing the joy. I keep asking myself why. I’d never heard of FIP, nor had anyone I know ever heard of it before. It’s not fair. He was such a beautiful little boy, my Emrys, my little bear, my baby man. I hardly eat now and have even caught a cold with fever and the chills. It’s even worse because now I’m worried about my other cats although the vet said that they’ll probably be fine. I keep wondering whether the vet was wrong, should I have ran more tests, was the litter box not clean enough etc. I hope this gets easier with time and I wish there was more awareness about this disease, and a cure so no one else has to watch a baby deteriorate like this and see their small shoulders slouch as you hold them while they sleep. I don’t regret my time with him at all, he was always meant to be my cat. But I feel like this will haunt me forever,as I watch my cats and pray they remain well, and if I ever get another cat I’ll just be waiting for them to get sick. If I ever get another little black cat I feel like I’d just be comparing them and thinking about how baby man should have grown to be a big boy, live to be old and get a little grey on his face. Sorry for the novel.
      Just know that I’ll be praying for you.

      • Natalie

        Thank you for sharing your difficult loss – accept my sincere condolences. I just had to euthanize my dear Siamese cat after he lost all function over a week likely from a brain tumour that couldn’t be treated. I can relate to how sad you were watching your dear boy deteriorate, as I did. Have heart that you loved & cared for him deeply & gave him much joy in his short life. You did your very best for him – he knew he was cherished & loved. You have a big heart.

  • milissa fleischer

    My beautiful Lilly was put down Dec 27th 2018 she was 16. I live alone and also have a chihuahua, I’m having a terrible time grieving my precious Lilly,she was a polydactyl kitty that I rescued. I cry every night as she would of greeted me in the bathroom before I went to bed. I just wait for her to come through that bathroom door for our nightly routine 😢. Its been almost 2 months and it still feels like yesterday.

    • Linda

      Hi Milissa….My 20 yr old cat died Sept 5, 2018. Magic was my only pet and I’ve grieved deeply for her. Finally I can think of her with love and gratitude instead of heart ache though I’m sure I’ll still have some tears for her. This only happened after 5 months. Please trust that this will get better for you but it takes time. I printed all the pictures I have of her and look at them and talk to her. Wishing you strength and courage to get through this….warm regards….. Linda

    • david

      I just lost my little buddy on February 11 2019. Trouble was a feral cat I was fortunate to rescue 22 years ago. He was aggressive, playful, silly, and humble and loved raw meat and whole milk. When I first brought him into house he was a frightened little kitten unable to understand the concept of play. Trouble was a scavenger earning his keep from garbage cans and insects every piece of food was attacked and pounced on it took him 6 months to understand and trust that I was his friend and would be provide for him. The pain i have been experiencing is intense I will continue to use this site as a place to tell Troubles story.
      David

      • alli

        I am so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. My Prince Harry was a rescue, but I got him at about two months old and people had been feeding him and his sister they where living under a deck of a house in my neighborhood, I had no idea until someone told me, I went and got both of them, I had a time getting them at first, I had to set have a heart traps, but I got them and I still have the sister but Harry passed suddenly out of now where, he had just had blood work done and he was good, the vet said he threw a clot nd was gone. I found him dead on the floor, it was horrific. He was my best friend, he did stuff the other cats (all rescues) that have been in my life never did, I had a special bond as I am sure you did. I did lots of things to try and help my pain, but two months later still as if it happened yesterday. I have a elder 17 year old, I am going to give her peace and when she goes try and find another guy that I can rescue with the hopes he can heal my heart. Maybe knowing that there is one out there for you to rescue again will help…

    • Kathy Peterson

      I’m so sorry, I totally feel your pain. I lost my boy 3 months ago today and it feels like yesterday. He also was a polydactyl with his adorable 28 toes. I loved his big huge precious feet. I still cannot believe he is gone. He slipped out that Saturday night and the coyotes were out that night and I haven’t seen him since. I never let him out at night for that reason. I hate what happened to him and I will never get over it. The sorrow and pain is so deep and I can’t escape it no matter what I do. Even if I get my mind off of him for a few hours it comes right back like a knife stabbing my heart. He gave me so much joy and happiness and that is gone now. I loved him so much. He was my best friend, my company, my companion. The love of my life. He was different and so special. I’ll never get over this pain of loosing him and missing him. My life evolved around him. I have 4 other cats that are special too but nothing compares to my boy. I hope you find comfort for your pain and the loss of your baby. God bless you!

  • Gillian Waterhouse

    My beautiful and beloved Cassie passed away on the 6th Feb and I am just so heartbroken. SHe would have been 22 years in September. Her sister Cleo died at the age of 20 years. Cassie had Chronic Kidney disease and I knew the time would come when I would have to let her go. She was a gentle and loving cat and over the last 2 years because of her kidney disease I spent most of my time seeing to her every need. She became my first priority and everything I did was about her and for her. So of course I now feel so empty without her and miss her terribly. I don’t have any more cats and do not have the strength to have any more as I cannot go through what I am going through now without my darling Cassie. SHe is buried in my front garden so I can talk to her every day. I still feel guilty at having called the Vet to put her to sleep.

    • TA

      Dear Gillian, I’m thinking of you, Cassie and Cleo. Look out for signs of them visiting you in your sleep and in your home. They love you very much and stayed with you as long as they physically could. Now, they are forever in your heart and with you in another way. But they are with you xx Please don’t feel guilty. They are both so lucky to have you care for them. We all question decisions but we all did the best we could at that time. Not that many cats are blessed to live to their 20s and to have someone so loving who prioritizes them before anything else. I know Cassie is there with you and doesn’t want you to feel sad. I planted some spring bulbs for my special girl and I love watching them bloom each spring. They are her flowers. Sending you lots of healing hugs x

      • Gillian Waterhouse

        Dear TA thank you so much for you comforting words. They mean such a lot to me. I am currently looking to have a water fountain on the area where Cassie is buried. Sadly becasue we oved home just over 6 months ago my beauriful Cleo, Monty, Portia and Felix are buried in the home we lived in for around 38 years. However the water fountain will be in memory of all my beloved cats. I miss Cassie so much and someitmes it is quite hard when I come home and she is not here. I know time is a great healer, I was so lucky to have all these beautiful cats who gave me their unconditional love. So I have now decided not to have any more, however if a stray cat happeans to visit me who knows what the future will bring. Thank you once again for your beauriful words. Lots of hugs.

  • Jennifer

    I miss my cat so very much; she was my familiar, we were very close. Carly was over 18 years old and in my life for fifteen and a half. We met on Valentine’s Day and she passed on the last day of summer. She brought a steadfast gentleness into my life and enchanted everyone she met. I’m not the only one who misses her: my better half does as well as her adopted feline sister, Katie. Something along the lines of 70 individuals offered their condolences on my partners’ facebook as well. She was extraordinary in every way, exceptionally beautiful, polydactyl, mesmerizing tabby stripes that defied counting and eyes that could only be described as numinous. On the winter solstice I felt I tuned a corner and as the pain subsided, I began to weep, as I am again today. I suspect I began to let her go (as suggested in the article), I realize now with the approach of our anniversary (Valentine’s Day) she will be on my mind in profound ways. Her life is celebrated, her passing is mourned… Sister cat is fifteen this month and I’m loving her with renewed purpose and realization of the preciousness and rarity of our time together. As winter matures and with the promise of spring on the horizon, my heart is open to being adopted again.

  • Matthew Jones

    Really sorry to here these stories as it sounds like a lot of suffering going on. My heart goes out to the lady whos cat died in the ottoman. Tragic but I hope you have found some peace for you. I too am missing my boy badly. We got him as a rescue cat 9 years ago. They said he was 3 and he was big, black and beautiful. We decided to call him Rocky on account of him being found in the city on a building site and felt it was apt. He took to us and became our baby boy as me and my partner never had kids. On first letting him loose outside he set about the local cat population to show them who was boss. He was always present and loved company and it was always a joy to see his face that always had the look of a tramp who had just won the lottery and now was in a 5 star hotel and boy did he lord it up. Then 2 years ago he starts drinking a lot and we got him to the vets. After bloods and urine test he was diagnosed with ‘chronic kidney disease’. Hearts were broken but we were told that this is a progressive illness and time would tell. So first to slow it down we tried the renal diet. He hated it and started losing weight. Of all the brands we tried we did manage to find one brand of renal biscuits he would have. Eventually we said to the vet look can we give him what he wants and get him on a meds instead. So a new drug called ‘Simintra’ was prescribed and we continue with that for a long time. In that time we had to hospitalize him once to rehydrate him then was fine. But last few months he was getting constipated and then in November started to loose a lot of weight and we could only get liquids in him. Vet said if it was her cat she would put him down. Hardest decision we have ever made but we wanted to do it our way. He still liked being with us on the bed close for the warmth and comfort and that’s all we did for 3 days with him between us while we watched Netflix. Then on a Monday morning with Rocky fast asleep on me while lying on the bed the vet came in and gave him a sedative then injection and he was gone. We literally snuggled him to death but still I beat my self up as I wish I had rehydrated him once more but we did not want to stress him. Best cat ever and I’m really feeling his loss and my heart goes out to you all. xxx

    • tab

      You boy sounds like he was spoilt, remembering the good times is so important and sounds like you had so many lovely times, thank you for your kind words I am trying to find peace, i’m trying to focus on how much she was loved and how happy she was rather than the end, i cant turn back time or change time so have to look forward and remember how beautiful and happy she was, but thank you for your kind words means a lot to me xx

  • Rae

    12 years I spent with my beautiful cat Lily, she followed me everywhere, slept on my bed every night, until a neighbour ran her over on 22/1/19. I’m heartbroken, I miss her so much, her soft fur, her purr, her presence, her cuddles, her meow. The house is not the same without her, nothing is the same without her here. Our other cat is lost without her too, he’s searching the house, howling at night etc. I keep hoping in my mind she will come back and keep thinking I see her out the corner of my eye, but obviously it’s not her 😔. I just miss her so much 😢

  • Tab

    I am in complete shock at present my beautiful girl was going to be 15 this year. I have a lift up ottoman bed, I don’t remember putting it down, I normally always check she’s not in there, as she has gone in it before when its up, I’m not sure if my husband pushed it down. I couldn’t find her last night and was late going to bed as she doesn’t normally stay out at night, but sometimes she does. This morning I still couldn’t find her then I remembered the bed had been up. I found her at the back with her head out and her neck flattened. I’m really struggling to deal with the traumatic way that I found her. I couldn’t breath this morning and have been reliving yesterday to try and remember if I push the bed down. I feel the most horrendous guilt. The loss that she is gone is horrendous and that I could have done it is too much for me to cope with, I just can’t believe I would have closed it without checking but I don’t remember. I have 2 children who loved her very much and I’m trying to be brave for them but im completely heart broken, I don’t think I can sleep in the bed now, I feel so sick

  • Lynn

    I had to say farewell to my darling girl Mimi 3 days ago. She was a month short of her 18th birthday. I live alone and she was my life. She was diagnosed hyperthyroid 9 years ago and so had to be given tablets twice a day. In all of those 9 years she never showed any aggression, she just opened her little mouth and let me pop them in. She made life so easy during this time, she was so gentle. On a routine visit to the vet in November she was diagnosed with cancer of the spleen. I brought her home and slowly watched her deteriorate.. Her tabby coat was left ungroomed, she ate and drunk in huge amounts and the light seemed to go from her eyes. I finally realised that I had to do the right thing and have her put to sleep. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to do. She was an absolute delight to have around and I would do anything to have her back.

  • Briana

    I got Shairo at a time where I was in a dark place. I never expected to have such a strong connection with a cat. It was as if he knew when I was sad. Shairo would immediately snuggle up to me and cuddle whenever I was on the verge of a panic attack. His purring calmed me. His presence and him simply being there was therapeutic. I had him for only 6 months and it breaks my heart. The day before he got ran over, I wasn’t giving him much attention and would kick him out of my room to study for a test. This is my biggest regret. I miss home so much and I wish I would have just held him. I feel extremely guilty and I don’t think I’ll own a cat for a very long time. I don’t want to risk losing another cat. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know how long I will have to grieve for.

      • Louise

        My darling girl Puss died six months ago and I still think of her kindness every day, but the pain has lessened. It’s normal to feel guilty, whatever the way they passed, thinking we should have tried harder or done something different. I certainly did. But we loved them and looked after them the best we could, and they knew that and loved us back. They wouldn’t want us to feel bad now. Best wishes to you and everyone on this site.

  • A

    I had to put my little man down back on oct 24th, it’s been months and there’s still not a day I don’t miss him or a night I don’t cry about him. I had my baby for 14 years and I can’t remember what it was like before i had him. Had a dream about him last night and just woke up sobbing, god i miss him so much.

    • JR

      A- The pain and sorrow you feel is profound and real; and the folks in this forum understand it, all too well. Perhaps to the people who have never experienced the love of, and for a cat it seems strange. But I suspect he was close by every moment, and became a part of you. One of life’s wonderful gifts- they steal your heart and seem to take it with them, when they leave. I wish and pray that you will find peace; and feel joy in his memory. I know you will never forget him. Maybe in the fullness of time, you will feel you are able to rescue another creature; that desperately needs- you.

  • Randy Relva

    I care not to heal I want to love her forever and never forget it’s better this way so I never hurt again and I hope I’m with them all and more love to rub cheeks with a panther or hug a bear this works for me she’s my last your my girl

  • Jacob

    My Mekah left us almost 2 years ago. She was so very young. 2-3 years old we are not sure. She was an abandoned kitten. The first time I saw her she was just a black blur in the alley. Every time I saw her for a few months she was just a black blur running. I spoke gently to her when I would see her though. When winter hit it got COLD. We live in Minnesota so cold is anywhere from 20f to – 20f. We had 2 cats. We didn’t want another cat even. But she would sit on my lap. I would cover her in my jacket to keep her warm. One of our kitties has FIV so we were hesitant just to bring her in as we did not want to expose her. Our neighbors decided they would adopt her. She stayed with them for about a week. She continuously and we would find her on our porch begging to be let in. So we did. Our neighbors liked her but were fine with us taking her.

    She was our baby girl. Family. Our child. We gave a piece of our soul to her. We didn’t get her tested for feline lukemia. We kept meaning to but time, money, and life just…

    Mekah would stay out during the day. Everytime I came home from work she would be standing just inside the back gate waiting for me. I still look for her when I get home. I can almost see her standing there. Strutting under me as I walk. Brushing against my legs. Pawing at the door while I fumbled for the keys. When she stayed in I would come home to her sleeping on the couch. She didn’t even wake up when I layed on top of her and scratched her face. She had super long ear fur sticking out that I would pull on. She would just start purring and keep sleeping. Sometimes I lay on one of her spots and pretend I am scratching her. I half see her everywhere. Ghosts.

    2 years ago she wasn’t feeling well. We thought little of it for a couple days. It does happen after all. She was low energy and wasn’t eating too much. We thought she had a kitty flu. After some blood work the doc told us how low all her values were. They let us know that it was feluk. It was way too late to try to control. It looks like her mom had it and she was born with it. She never had a chance. She wasn’t even 3 years old. We only had a year and a half with her.

    She died at home with us. We have had cats put down. The last time we went to the vet to confirm the diagnosis (we went to an emergency vet before) the vet let us know she had days. On the way there Mekah was so miserable in a carrier that I promised this was the last time she would have to leave home. She loved our home. Our garden. I didn’t want her to die on that cold steel table. It was about a week later she finally gave up. I layed with her on the floor the whole week. Any time I was not working or out to grab supplies I was with her on the floor, in the yard, in the bathroom on the mat watching netflix on my phone with her. She slowed stopped eating at all. I got her to eat yoghurt for a couple days as thats all she wanted then that stopped. Couldn’t drink water towards the end. She kept trying to hide but couldn’t walk enough to get to her spots so I would place her gently in places that seemed to help a little. I slept with her in the corner of the living room by her favorite drinking fountain ( we have a little lotus drinking fountain for them). On the last day my lady and I were talking about what to do as the weekend was ending and I didn’t want her alone. She got agitated. Started having trouble breathing. She was crying (she never spoke much just purred). I thought she needed the bathroom and put her in the box. But she just couldn’t breathe. She ended up in her little kitty bed and I carried her in it out to the back porch. The same porch where I first met her. The same porch she would hide in my jacket to keep warm. She died there gasping in my lap. We buried her in the garden. 2 of our kitties visit her grave often in the summer. Its now a hang out spot it seems. I mentioned her name once and my other kitty who loved her got all in a panic and started looking behind my computer for her. It broke my heart all over again. Even now I think of her daily and carry her picture with me.

    We don’t know if we could have done anything more. I do know we could have tried. But we didn’t know. We didn’t check. I’m so sorry baby girl. I know I will never let you go. And that big giant piece of my soul you are carrying……that’s how I will find you when I follow along after my own end.

  • AMY

    I lost my Bear Grylls 1/9/2018, he was my soul companion, so smart ,loving, and full of life. I was his person. Wherever I was he was. Once when I was in the pool he even demanded to be on a floaty with me. He slept with me every night. He died as I gently held him. I have had him since the day he was born. His mother, a stray gave birth to 7 lovely kittens on our porch. We kept 3. Bear was mine from the first moment. He went everywhere I did and greeted me home from work. We had are everyday rituals so engrained. I feel as if a piece of my soul is gone. All my family are devastated. He was such a wonderful cat, what a gift. My sweet caring husband made him a velvet lined coffin and carved a lovely stone. I miss everything about him especially they way he looked at me and the presence of his warm weight on my chest and lap. You are missed, and I love you eternally Bear.

  • BK

    There was a time when all I had was my little kitty he was the one who kept me going. My gf left me 6 years ago during the holidays and my place of business was closing. There was a lot of uncertainty of what direction my future was about to go. I did everything I could so I wouldn’t let that cat down and make sure that he had a place to call come. The bond we formed was amazing he was very intuitive with people and he would always bring me toys or try and play with me when I was down.
    I loved him so much and I could tell it was mutual. He would sit by my shower and wait for me to finish so he could have a shower too. Sitting on the counter he would put his paws on my chest and purr in my ear while I wiped him down. He would come sit on the counter while I prepared his breakfast but never while I was making my own. He was such a smart kitty that way. If I came home with a coffee he used to try and drink any off the top that spilled out. No matter where I put the coffee he would always find a way to come and make sure it was safe for me to drink. He was such a part of my life there isn’t anything I didn’t do without thinking of him first. He would sit by the door and wait for me to come home from work. If I worked overtime he would start to cry because I wasn’t the one home to be with him.

    I was sick with the flu for the passed week and he lived on my lap or on the couch arm beside me. He just always wanted to be with me. Sunday night when it was time to give him his daily treat he fell over and had a heart attack. I knew right away there was little hope It was the most gut wrenching painful thing to watch my kitty struggle. I tried to rush him to an emergency vet 35 minutes away. Watching him fight for his breath and his life only to pass away just before arriving for help. It was honestly the saddest thing I have ever seen in my life and I miss him so much. I feel so terrible I wasn’t able to help him or end his suffering. He deserved so much better and it hurts in a way I can not describe. I wish I could have done more, I wish I had taken him for frequently to vet for checkups. Your brother and I miss you so much. Its so painful to watch him look for you
    I’m so sorry my kitty and I hope one day to be with you again. Lost but never forgotten I’ll always love you <3

    • alli

      Dear BK,
      This exact thing happened to me on December 17th. My baby boy who was ten years, he was with me through some rough times, more than any people were…he was my BFF and he used to sit and watch my every move a few people made comments about this. He slept with me every night, He was always with me 🙁 …He “threw a clot” Everything was normal and the next he was gone, I too feel awful, but I had just taken him to the vet in August and they said his blood work was great. I have done some research and apparently this is not uncommon. I have had many cats over my adult lifetime and this was my “soul cat” I am crushed. There must be something going on with cats and their hearts and possibly cardiovascular disease that is not caught on tests. I read that cardiomyopathy can come on slowly or very fast, like humans who have heart attacks out of nowhere…I am so sorry for your loss, I do know what you are going through as I am having a real hard time too.

    • Kathy

      My beautiful sweet loving baby boy, Sidney, rescued me 12 years ago when he was just a kitten. He was a tuxedo cat and he was my world. He followed me everywhere and slept with me every night. I would rush home every day after work just to be with him, and he always greeted me at the door. Two weeks ago today, on Friday night, I came home and told him “Guess what, Sidney! I have two whole days off to spend with you!” He was the most loving cat and curled up in my lap every evening and just purred away until he fell asleep. I loved him more than anything. Saturday was just like any other day, he ate, drank, played, went outside in my fenced-in backyard hoping to catch a mouse or a bird – no signs of anything wrong. Sunday morning, I woke up to find he had passed away on my basement floor. He was still warm when I found him. I cannot even begin to describe how excruciatingly painful this was. I cannot stop crying. My heart is shattered. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this. I’m a wreck. I guess he had a heart attack because he was in perfect health. I buried him in the backyard by myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I will never forget him and the loving bond we shared for 12 wonderful years. Sidney didn’t just take a part of my heart with him, he took all of it.

  • Jeff

    My little Best Buddy Jeepers had a strong 5 month fight with his oral cancer. Just a short 2 months ago!
    He even would sit without much restraint, and let me syringe feed and give water to him for his last
    two months on this earth…..
    I have now lost my best Friend of 14 years, only Son(and child), and Third parent!
    He was there to GREET me every Morning when I got up.
    He was at the steps WAITING for me to come in, every time I came Home!
    He was there to COMFORT Me as my previously deceased Mother would have.
    He was the ONLY cat of the three(at the time) to GREET me when I came home from a 10-day hospital stay.
    He was there to CONSOLE me when I lost my job 10 years ago.
    He was there to COMFORT me during my Dads 9 year bout that he lost with Alzheimer’s, which was just 2 months prior to his own death.
    He was everywhere I look in my home.
    He always sat with me, or next to me when I watched my favorite sports teams.
    I miss him soooo much I just can’t believe, just how much.
    He was so SPECIAL! I will never find another kitty as good as him.
    The four I had previous to him were pretty good, but not nearly as Special.
    I just know after all the cats I’ve ever had, or been around, that Jeepers was one in a million!
    I truly believe that I’ll never find(when I’m ready) another cat that comes close to equaling him!!
    He was Very Smart, So Well Behaved, Mild Tempered, didn’t beg, and Friendly to all.
    Everyone who ever met him, just LOVED him!
    I will miss him eternally and more than anything I’ve ever loved!!!

    • SG

      Dear Jeff, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Buddy Jeepers sounds wonderful! Lots of people have cats that they love but you are extra lucky to meet such a special little soul. Your soul cat. You are both one and Buddy Jeepers will always be with you. All of us on here understand the pain and loss you feel. I still cry every day and cannot accept my girl is not coming home months later. And I still keep going over things in my mind hoping for a different outcome. I do not like people talking about her in past tense. She is always here with me because I know she wants to be. Grief isn’t logical and isn’t the same for anyone. Some people say getting a little rescue friend can help their grief… not to replace. Or maybe planting some flower bulbs so when they flower each spring you can think of Buddy? I expect you’ll think of him everyday anyway. And how lucky you are to have such a special friend who chose you and loved you. He clearly did everything he could, as did you, to be with you in person as long as he possibly could. But I know you will see him again one day. Keep a look out for little signs that he’s letting you know he’s OK. I love my dream visitations and how sometimes my other cat looks at her bed in a way like she is sitting in there. I hope with all my heart she is. You speak about how wonderful Buddy Jeepers has been to you. I best you have been wonderful to him, too. You are his everything and he would want you to try and get sleep and look after yourself like you always look after him too. Please take care and come back here if you ever need support. We all share and understand your loss x

  • Sarah

    My baby girl died at 1 and a half years old. My heart is broken that she couldn’t have a longer life, and I can’t help but feel guilty even though it wasn’t my fault (she got run over). I don’t know what to do about it. She was so young, and was always there for me.

    • J

      Sarah, I feel your pain. My darling cat just died at only 2 and a half in the same way. I keep thinking if I never went out he would have been inside with me. I don’t know how I will ever get over it. He was my soul car and just knowing he won’t be at the door waiting for me or off causing mischief in the house somewhere again just kills me. They are special little souls and deserved much better. You’re not alone.

      • Natalie

        My beautiful kitten was also hit by a car 2 days before Christmas. It still breaks my heart to think about it. She would’ve been one in March. I keep wishing I had been more pushy when I said she was not to be let outside but she loved playing outside. I remember our last day together we were playing in the garden. She would sleep on my shoulder as I slept. I miss her so much.

  • Acacia

    I lost my cats 4 days ago… her name was Pedro and she was 15. I keep trying to force happiness and I feel guilty for grieving because no one seems to understand me but reading these messages written by other people makes my feelings feel warranted. Pedro was the runt of her litter from a barn of 100 cats ran by my teacher in the 7th grade. I inquired about the last two kittens she had. The next day she came over with them both. Both sisters, one for both my sister and I. My sister orignally choose my cat and I was fine with either but my sister couldn’t seem to get Pedro from her small hiding space behind the fridge. So she asked to trade me cats. I didnt mind. I grabbed a pillow and a blanket to sleep next to the fridge to wait for Pedro. I trailed food to where I was, I tried to entice her with tuna but I patiently waited for three days until she knew I wasnt going to give up. That was the start of our bond. She knew I’d never give up on her and that’s just what she needed. When it came time to take her to the vet because both cats were extremely small and malnourished, we took them and it took a turn for the worst. My sisters cat got all of her shots but my could barely handle one. She was too small, with worms, fleas and earmites. Treated for everything but unable to have shots because she barely could recover from small treatments the vet told me she might die in the next few months. I said okay, took her home, spoon feed her water, crushed up her food and did whatever I could to keep her alive. The second I would come home from school, I’d take care of her. I couldn’t give up on this little fur baby and she never gave up on me. She ended up surviving and we had 15 beautiful years together. She still always stayed small but never had any sicknesses and didnt have to go to the vet. Just once to get a check up to make sure she was doing alright. She was fine. We went through 15 years of ups and downs but we always had eachother. She is always going to be apart of my family and was like my best friend. If I cried she immediately jump on my bed and curl up next to me until we both fell asleep. She just knew when I had depression, anxiety or just needed a good snuggle. When she needed help, I’d be there for her and the same for me. Until the last few months of her life. It all happened fairly quickly. She went blind, I took her to the vet, she had arthritis too, they then claimed she had IBS so they prescribed her prednisolone. Turns out she actually had cancer. All the symptoms hit within a few days, she refused Tuna and her favorite Pastrami. She didnt want water, her regular kibble, I had to groom her, she didnt want to get up anymore, she wouldn’t call out to my husband and I when we came home, she would cuddle at night to stay close to us but in the morning tried to move somewhere else that was secluded. We took her to the 24 Vet clinic and they told us she had cancer. We couldn’t afford the treatment and they told us they didnt think she would be able to make it. Her heart rate had slowed, she didnt cry when we came to the vet, she just wanted me to hold her and she had no more white blood cells to fight off the disease. It was time, and I figured so the night before when I was crying. I held her all night. I would hold her again one last time, talking to her, rocking her and saying my last goodbyes. Everything felt like it was in an instance. This is the only cat I’ve ever lost and I’m not sure I want another. I really wish to be reunited with her one day because she was family. It still hurts. I’m a college student and I’m in the middle of finals so I cant grieve alot. So I have to suppress alot of emotion and so I’m reading articles inbetween classes/at night when I get home about coping. This whole thing is new and difficult to me. I just keep saying how much I miss her and how I want her back. It’s just difficult but I appreciate having the chance to tell our story.

  • Michele

    I’m going too be homeless. I lost my job,its snowing here.I have most of the rent,but I can’t fund help.my cat had been my everything. For 3 years since my husband left.I can’t imagine my life with out him.or having too give him too a shelter.he wouldn’t understand. I love him beyond anything. I’m scared,terrified.he’s all I have.

    • Peggy

      Hi Michele – Don’t give up yet. You need your precious cat now more than any time. Are you sure you checked every possibility. I know what this feels like. I am looking for a job right now too. The holiday season is tough for jobs but I PROMISE there is one for you. Have you checked out seasonal work just to get by temporarily? They usually hire immediately. It may not be ideal but it’s better than nothing. Can any family help out? Can your rental place work something out with you considering your unexpected circumstances? Don’t give up. I always keep in mind “God will make a way where there’s no way.” Stay positive. Expect the best. I promise, good things are coming your way!! Please comment back when this is resolved — I know it will be. I’d love to hear your successful outcome… because you will have one! Cheer up! We’re routing for you!!

  • Shane

    I just lost my cat today… I fee so numb
    for the longest time.. The only people in my home were my mom and I. Things changed last year in March when this little kitten showed up at our door looking lost and afraid.. He was about 2 -3 months old at the time, we fed him for the night, thinking that he must’ve wandered away from his mother/litter and they’ll soon find him, or he’ll find them.
    Over the period of a week, his appearance became more frequent, our interactions with him became more common and he turned out to be the most loveable bundle of mischief I’ve come to know.
    My mom treated this cat as her second son, he would want for nothing and we always made sure he ate well and had regular health checkups.
    He would wander off from time to time and sometimes put me in risky situations when I had to bail him out of trouble. But he was worth the risk and we loved him.
    Two nights ago, he left home and never returned.
    Both my mom and I were distraught and feared the worst.
    This was confirmed this morning, we found him on the side of the road in our neighborhood. He had been knocked by a car.
    My mom and I are devastated, her more than me.. She was very close to the cat. He’d often wake up from his sleep ( we presumed it was from a bad dream) and he would seek comfort by sleeping on my mom’s chest.
    It’s only been a few hours since we’ve laid him to rest and I really can’t imagine what life is going to be like moving forward.
    I don’t know how to support my mom through this.. I feel like just being there isn’t good enough.. I feel helpless 🙁

    • JR

      Shane – I am so sorry for you and your Mother – losing your kitty; such a short life you shared, but full of love. Please don’t feel guilty for losing her to an accident. The argument rages among dedicated Cat Lovers about confining a cat to the house or letting them roam outside. I lost my cat to kidney disease after 19 years; and she came to my front door as a stray, and never left. But she demanded, from day one, to be allowed outside. There is not just one, proper way for a cat to live it’s life. The folks in this place, do understand your suffering; nothing quite like the love and bond with a cat. I hope you find peace, and someday, maybe in the fullness of time, allow another kitty to experience love in your Home.

      • Shane

        Hi JR, Thank you for your kind words. We’ve been in a dark place recently, and you have no idea what a positive impact your reply has had on my mom and I. We were still in the infancy stage of cat parenthood, and having been reassured that the death of our beloved pet was not our fault by someone who has taken care of their cat for 19 years has brought us much comfort. Thank you.

        I’m sorry for the loss of your cat, I hope it brings you comfort knowing that she lived a full life (almost my entire life span) and is now resting in eternal peace; free from any pain and suffering.
        My mom and I spoke about your suggestion of getting another cat. Our cat saved us from a lot of psychological pain, and we’d like to adopt a kitty from an animal shelter, so we can in some way save a life in a way that’s similar to how our cat saved ours. Thank you for opening our eyes to this. Wishing you all the best ⭐

        • Neal

          Shane,
          Hi, my Name is Neal.
          I don’t know where you live, but I just started volunteering at a local animal shelter here in Isle of Wight, VA
          As I was feeding the cats and Kittens, one of them jumped out of the cage and started rubbing up against my legs, my shoes, climbing on me and running around the cat room. This cat went to the toy box and brought me the toys it wanted to play with. Don’t know if the kitty was male or female but the name was “Sugar Baby” very smart kitty. If I could have, I would have adopted it on the spot. I can’t have kitty cats right now, but will have again we I can.
          Keep looking

  • Sonia

    I was away this weekend, and my boyfriend found our sweet Angie, already passed away, on Saturday morning. We had no indication that anything was wrong, except for the fact that she was even more clingy to me than usual in the week before she passed. I am absolutely heartbroken – she was with me for 10 years. I adopted her when she was four as a companion for my senior cat, Bo, who had just endured cancer surgery… he had his leg amputated. Angie kept him active for four more years until I had to make the decision to put him to sleep due to kidney disease. He was nearly 18! Angie’s death has utterly devastated me, and I am wracked with guilt over not knowing she was sick, wondering if she suffered, and wishing I had just one more day with her, to comfort her, and tell her again how much I loved her. Our house is so quiet without her… I have been through this before, and know things will get better, but it is awful right now.

    • Abigail MacKenzie

      So sorry to hear about your sweet Angie. I know you are in a lot of pain & will miss her so much.
      My big boy Milo died late summer, he was 10. I didnt think I was going to make it. I was hurting so much. I cried & crird & cried for days, weeks.
      I’m able to now think of Milo & look at his photos without becoming overwhelmed. I still,4 months later, have bad days but time does help heal. Yes, it’s going to be difficult now but in weeks to come, Angie’s precious memories will make you smile.
      R.I.P. sweet Angie.

  • Missy

    I just put my 18 year old cat Jake down today. I just feel sad, heartbroken and empty. I still have one cat here with me, but Jake was my special boy. I know I did the right thing for him, but I feel so awful right now.

  • Liliana Pacelli

    Thanks to all of you for sharing the loss of your beloved pets. We just took the hard decision of helping our beloved Nino to stop suffering. It was an act of LOVE, absolute LOVE. We were able to overcome our own pain for his own good. We all fought this for a while, he and us but he couldn’t anymore. Although it hurts so much, we know it was the right decision for him. It wasn’t for us. He and his well being was more important. We are devastated and life will be hard without him. We are grateful for all his love and all the things we shared together. Warm regards to all of you who can feel this way for a pet and recognize that they are real angels in our lives. Be strong, they always wanted us to be comforted. They still do andcthey will never leave our hearts.

  • Barry Paul

    Unrelenting grief – I’m just being selfish, we had a great time together. We were utterly perfect for each other – actually spectacular every single day of her over 23 years of life with me even up to her last day.

    Miss Whiskers waited for me to wake up to say goodbye last Saturday and then collapsed – I was there as she purred herself to a restful sleep almost immediately after our morning greeting. I try to smile thinking that she wanted me be close by when she was going to pass – she did not hide, she was clearly peacefully waiting for me – acknowledging me being with her at our last moments together.

    I new something was up that early Saturday morning since her indoor litter box was clean as it never was before. She also slept outside that last night but close by her pet door (my outside is completely fenced in so she can go in and out freely). She always sleeps inside except for this last day. I went to pet her as I asked her what’s up and she questioningly meowed something is awry. She looked up after sleeping in a tight ball – the area around her was clean – so she had one good last night’s rest as she plopped down for that night.

    As I began to pick her up she meowed more and lost control of being able to stand on her own. She was perfectly fine yesterday. I held her up and she relieved herself – then she struggled a little to try to stand but was unable. She really wanted to get up and used her front paws but could only rotate her body slightly by clawing the ground. So I thought this may be the time as so did she. I got her some blankets and brushed her furry coat as it began to sink in. She lie in the shade of her orange tree on a beautiful morning as I weeped. Hoping or maybe denying to myself that maybe this is temporary or can be healed, I tried further to pick her up. She seemed to enjoy me holding her up as if making believe she can stand on her own but she lost almost all ability to move – only to lie down peacefully on the blankets.

    I got her some catnip that I have been growing for her in my garden the last few years – and she did enjoy that scent. Surprisingly since she was so immobile –she was apparently enjoying her surrounding and was fully aware I am there with her. She meowed almost defiantly as if she going to stand up and she tried hard. But she just couldn’t move her muscles to follow her commands. I came in the house and got her favorite food – draining a can of my Costco tuna for tuna juice. It was sad to see, but she wanted to slurp it up by raising her head up. So I picked up her limp body, and also had to lift up the dish of tuna juice to her mouth and sure enough, she sipped it rapidly. It got all over her whiskers but she was not able to digest – but boy did she want to. I lay her back down, wiped off her mouth, and continued petting her. So far it’s been only about 30 minutes but she was fading fast.

    As she lies with a few meows as I pet her, she seemed not to be in any pain but at first puzzled as to why she can’t move much – she was still responsive and purring. I stroked the bottom of her feet as I have done in the past to tickle her – she was always sensitive there – she actually enjoyed that as seen from the smile on her face as her toes spread out. She was wagging her tail even. I was elated for a moment but the heaviness set in – now being completely immobile and slightly twitching of her front paws, her body was starting to get really cold – so I got out a heating pad and let her rest under the warm sun.

    It all happened so fast. Her energy simply drained from her body. No way would she would make it to the vet – and that’s the last place I’d want her to be if she is about to pass peacefully. How wonderful, I thought briefly, to be able to pass peacefully with me at her place where she lived 23 years. (The only time she was at a vet about 10 years ago, she had a scratch under her chin that got infected and she had a very high fever. She freaked out going to the vet back then. It was sadly funny though, I thought she was going to die then but she stayed overnight at the vet and actually enjoyed being there as I saw the next morning.)

    I pulled up a chair and sat with her all thru the Saturday and into the night. I’m not sure exactly when she passed – maybe within a couple hours, but I was with her the entire last day weeping at her side – petting her even after it was clear she passed. I then let her enjoy the last night under the stars, blanketed up. I can’t believe how peacefully she passed – just a few meows and a murmur as I petted her.

    On Sunday morning, I made my preparations slowly and listlessly to prepare her final resting place in the garden she loved the last 23 years of her life with me. With her Miraculous Medal my mom gave her, her nametag with her address so she can come home if found, and her special magnet that allows her to freely enter her cat door still on her neck – I buried her in a coffin with 2 cans of her favorite food and a bag of her favorite treats. A silent sober ceremony of just us two.

    Over 23 years of bliss – she never had a serious illness. Her only symptom that was different the last couple weeks was just a little diarrhea which actually got better the last few days. She threw up very infrequently and never the last year or so and consistently had a hearty appetite. She was slim and fit and healthy up to the day she died. She looked like she’d live forever. I need to remember how precious that is. I was jealous of how healthy she was when I’m the one that biked and went to the gym. I knew she was over 23 years old – given to me as a kitten from a neighbor that moved away exactly 23 years ago this month. I expected perhaps a very painful experience and for her at the end as I knew was approaching in the near future– as I’ve read from so many posts. I should feel elated of all those years including the last day that couldn’t have been more special – but there is no way to prepare for the grief and emptiness that follows now.

    We spent that entire last Saturday in the warmth of the sun as her body grew cold. I could not ask for a more perfect beautiful life with her – no regrets. She gave me so much. Nothing can compare to coming home after a bike ride to the beach and mountains to her waiting for me and enjoying a beer in the afternoon sun with her. I made it a point in the last 7 years that I retired to be with her – every single day. I choose to enjoy every morning, the afternoon and evenings with her. Always on my mind when I went to the store. When I went on my bike rides, would miss her and couldn’t wait to be with the in the afternoon sun and get her her afternoon treats. I never left her the last 7 years longer than one night. She loved riding in my corvette, loved being held, enjoyed my friends company, loved my cooking, loved watching TV and movies together.

    I couldn’t be more grateful of all our time together. We had a wonderful time up the last days. Strangely, we happened to watch 2 movies together that last week that happened to both have sad death bed scenes at the end – “Behind the Candelabra” with Liberace dying and ”Mr. Turner” with the famous boat painter dying. I’m sure it’s an ironic coincidence. I watched all home movies with her lying on my lap the entire time. Morning always was always hers first – habitual routine with no deviation – clean the litter box, clean up any mess, and bring her outside to the sunshine to give her the longest brush to get her happy and perky, bringing her back in and fixing her breakfast all before making my breakfast. She would then stare at me as I’d eat with her and read the papers. I’d cook everyday and have her watch and taste the different foods I’d be preparing. She was my muse. She sit on her kitchen table and watch me and look outside fascinated at everything she saw. It was so much fun, just last week on Halloween watching her watch the action of the neighborhood.

    Today is the third day, Monday. I am mourning incessantly – there is absolutely no let-up in the pain of missing her after over 23 years. So far this is the worst day so it may even get worse as I wipe the tears from my keyboard. As I’ve read hundreds of grief stories on forums today, my only solace is having no regrets. I fear this will be a long grieving time – how to come home everyday to an empty home, I barely can think about going out – and this is the beginning of the holiday season. I need to be alone in my grief. I have never felt such loss. I wasn’t going to write about the last couple days – but near the end of this third night, I feel the need though it’s really not helping me now. Well – maybe a little as I write fond memories. I’ll attempt to go to sleep shortly, but the heartbreak will be back in the morning. When will I be able to put on a face and be myself again – I hope soon. I’m not ready to share this with grief with anyone right now.

    I never would have imagined that would I actually miss cleaning up her mess and litter box first thing every morning. As others who have lost loved ones have said, I would do anything to spend another moment with her. But there I go again, I’m just being selfish. I need to focus on being grateful for our bond and wonderful long life together.

  • October

    I had to put my tortie down yesterday. She was in her teens (not sure exactly how old, since we found her when she was already at least a year, but I’d had had her for about 13 years). We’d always had regular vet visits and tests and she was always fine (a bit fat, but fine), but then at the end of August she stopped eating and started losing weight fast, so we had more blood tests; she was in the end stage of kidney disease. It seemed rather sudden from my perspective, but the vet said kidney disease can progress fast. She powered through for the past two months, and even though she was getting weak, needed pain meds every day, couldn’t jump up on things anymore, didn’t play, and slept most of the time, she still had her signature attitude. She was still vocal, and she’d get irritated if I gave her too much attention. She wasn’t physically active anymore, and she clearly hurt, but her personality was still so vibrant. I didn’t want to watch her fall into depression and lose all that fire, so I had the euthanasia vet come yesterday. It was really rough; the whole time she was sedated and just limply laying in my lap, I kept wondering if I should call it off and let her live longer, if we did it too early, and I’m still wondering that. Everyone insisted that her kidney disease at such a late stage was incurable, and her condition would only get worse, that she only had a couple months left either way, and I know that’s true, but I still feel so bad. I was so stuck between killing her too early, and letting her go on too long in pain. And I really, really miss her.
    She would sleep under my covers with me almost every night, and I would hug her every day when I left and when I came home. She was a very big part of my life since I was twelve years old; she was my best friend in middle school and high school, she went to college with me, she was there to see me off and welcome me home from work. She would comfort me when I was down, and she gave me a reason to get help for my clinical depression. I might not even be around if not for her. I have always been more of a dog person, and I’ve had cats before, but she was my shining star. She was just so unique, such an individual. I’ve been through the deaths of a lot of companions, and I still miss my dogs all the time, but she has been with me the longest. She was like my rock in a very tumultuous time of my life.

    I buried her on a mountain about an hour away from my house, and I was hoping that would give me closure, but now I realize I don’t want closure. I want my cat. I want to see her chase a laser around, and I want to nap with her in the sun, and I want to watch her roll around in the dirt. I want her to paw at my face in the middle of the night, and I want her to howl at me from the kitchen, and I want her to bite me when I’m fussing over her too much. And every time I realize I’m never going to hear her purr, or her greetings, or her annoyed yowls ever again, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

    I feel like I’ve cut her life too short, and I wonder if euthanizing her was selfish of me, just because I didn’t want to see her die painfully, or what I thought would be painful. Maybe she would have died peacefully in her sleep someday, and I took that from her. With all the other animals I’ve had to put down, I always knew it was time. But for her I’m not so sure it was, and it leaves me a bit bitter.
    I know its only been a day, but I really miss her.

    • Jacob

      Our kitty had kidney issues years ago. We opted to keep her as long as we could. She was a tortie too. Our Ojibwae. My lady found her as a kitten. Words really can’t describe what she meant to us. But as other have noted. It did progress. We had to give her fluids daily. She eventually went blind about 3 months in. This is when we decided to let her go. We brought her to the vet. I remember every detail of that room. The steel table. The flickering fluorescent lights. Wanting the waiting to stop. Wanting the doc to not come in the room. I don’t regret it. But I regret it dearly. I do know that she was suffering bad. We did what we knew to do to make that stop.

      Me I’m slow to heal. But 10 years later when I remember her its not usually this. Now when I think of her I remember her sitting on top of our garage in the sun. Draped on our shoulders. She would even make us bend over, put her on our backs, then carry her around the house like a queen. We do what we have to do to help the ones we love even if it hurts us. Because the ones we love are more important than avoiding pain. Her final gift to us was the strength to ride above this and help her anyways.

  • Andrea

    I lost my beautiful 11 years old baby boy Muffin just a couple of days ago and have not been able to stop crying since. It was fairly sudden and unexpected, and especially horrible given I just brought him home less than 2 weeks earlier from having radiation treatment to cure his hyperthyroidism. I noticed on Tuesday when I was feeding him, he stumbled and fell, as if his leg gave way. Since he went outdoors, I thought he may have hurt his leg or was bit. I checked him, but he didn’t seem to be in any pain, was eating and drinking. Fast forward, 2 days later, I came home from work to find that he was having trouble walking and wouldn’t eat. I tried all different foods, even chicken, but nothing. But he was crying out in pain, still purring and wanting to be next to me. However I knew something was not right, so I took him to the emergency room. The vet ran a bunch of tests and told me that Muffin probably had always had heart issues and blood clots that formed around his heart were “throwing” themselves throughout his body. I think she said thrombosis from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and the most humane choice would be to euthanize him. She said he was in pain and having trouble breathing, and by that point his front leg was cold and lifeless. Needless to say, I became hysterical. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do, so I told her I needed time to think, but call me if anything changes. Less than 2 hours later, vet called back and said his breathing was worse and she put him on oxygen. I rushed back to the hospital, and wanted him so badly to be ok, but knew in my heart that wasn’t going to happen. So the vet let me spend some time with him, and I held him, told him I loved him, how much joy he brought to my life, and cried on him, It made it all the worse letting him go, because he never cried out in pain. Just purred, although now I know cats purr when they are in pain too. I miss him horribly, I feel like my heart has been ripped out, he was the sweetest soul, would roll over like a dog so you could pet his fluffy belly, let me mush and lay on him (he was a big boy), never scratched or bit. He was a super friendly cat, and all who met him loved him too. I keep thinking I hear his meow to let him in, or the thump of his big paws coming down the stairs to come sit by me. I know over time my grief will not be as bad, but I just miss him so much right now, it’s hard to stop seeing his face in my mind as I let him go and the vet saying he’s gone. I feel like I let him down and should have tried to save him. But it helps to write this down and share it with all of you. I know I’m not alone, and I hope that Muffin has crossed the Rainbow Bridge to a place where he’s in no pain and is scratching his back on the pavement and stretched out laying in the sun. Thanks for letting me ramble on.

    • Charles

      You’re not alone, Andrea, and I’m sorry for your loss of Muffin. Each time I read these heart felt posts, I still shed tears of my own having lost my little girl earlier this year. I still miss her incredibly. I’ve since adopted two middle-aged brothers who have worked themselves into my heart and I realize I’m just the type of person who wants (needs?) the relationship of the incredible feline species. And I love these guys to bits with the same level of love I had, and still feel, for my princess Kitty. The level of loss we feel shows the level of love we have for our furry companions. You obviously loved Muffin with all your heart.

      Be well.

      Charles

    • JR

      For Andrea, (and Sophi & Chris) and all others who have lost that dear cat, that brought joy to every moment of your life. The kitty expected you to heal every hurt, solve every problem- and you did- until it was just not possible. Please, forgive yourself for that; your kitty certainly would- because he felt the love, every single day. It hurts so much because you for so close, and the bond was unbreakable. Nothing I say will make it better; but know that the multitude of cat caretakers who understand your pain; hope and pray that peace will come to you. And- that someday you will share your love- again.

  • Sophi

    I lost my dear cat Gomez Sept 28 at 2 AM. I wasnt there too see him die but my stepdad was. I saw his body in a small bag and I couldnt stop crying and petting him. It’s been a month or two and I still cry almost every day because I miss him so much. I cant tell anyone how much I miss him because they dont care, and I dont wanna seem pity hungry. Gomez would bop his face on mine when I would say the word ‘kiss’, he’d come running when I called his name., and he’d cuddle every second of every day. I still cant handle the fact that hes gone.

    • christine

      Hey Sophie…Theres nothing pityfull about mourning the loss of your beloved cat!I just lost mine today and it was not a pleasant sight, the way she died…..from hyperthyroidism and related problems….I dont know the exact cause of death for that would have ment one more x ray and she was suddenly gone…After her passing grieve overwhelmed me..She has been my compaion for over 10 years…she came walking in one day and never left…..We buried her today in the woods but the emptyness i feel is overwhelming..i guess this one will take time to heal.its a pity people dont understand your pain…its perfectly natural…I had the same with some neighbours who were making loud noise in front of my window.i asked them to cut it of for a bit since she just dies..and they reacted in a rough and uninterested manner…thats awful…Take care and a big hug. from The Netherlands

  • Chris Thornley

    I lost my beloved Mrs Kitten very suddenly and traumatically nearly five weeks ago. I live alone, so she was my sole companion, she was also an indoor cat. I got home from doing some work for a friend quite late, it was around 21.30. She was at the door as I came in to greet me as usual, I gave her a stroke and she seemed perfectly normal. I went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat and feed Mrs Kitten of course and I noticed she hadn’t followed me into the kitchen. This struck me as odd, she was always ready for a feed. I called and looked for her but couldn’t find her at first. Eventually, I located her under my bed. I knew from the look on her face she wasn’t well. From then on, things went down hill rapidly. She started moving around to her different cat beds I had dotted around the apartment as though she was trying to get away from something and she couldn’t get comfortable. She wouldn’t respond to me trying to pet her and comfort her and I noticed her becoming very wobbly on her back legs. I began to panic, I realised something was badly wrong with her. I went on line to get an emergency vet number, while I was doing this, she began to cry out, a most dreadful yowl. I got through to the vet and got the location of the 24 hour emergency practice. By this time, Mrs Kitten was in a terrible state, her back legs were completely paralysed, she was vomiting and her breathing was laboured. I got her into the pet carrier as quickly and gently as I could. She still kept crying out. I got her to the vet as soon as I could. The vet diagnosed the condition almost immediately, she said it was a saddle thrombus or Aortic Thromboemolism to give it its correct name, then she gave me the terrible news. The prognosis even with intensive treatment was poor and even if they got her through this crisis, she would probably develop another blood clot quite soon and the condition was extremely painful. The blood clot had cut off blood supply to her back legs. The underlying cause was most probably hypertrophic cardiomyopathy she then recommended euthanasia. She administered a powerful pain killer to Mrs Kitten and allowed me some time alone with my poor poppet. I could not stop sobbing, at least the pain killer seemed to calm Mrs Kitten. I kept stroking and kissing my poor baby and just wanted it to all go away and for her to be fit and well. Finally I came to the dreadful decision, I did not want my Mrs Kitten to suffer any further, so I followed the vet’s advice. I held her while the vet put my beloved pussy cat friend to sleep. This was the worst decision I’ve ever had to make. I carried my poor babies lifeless body to the pet carrier and brought her home reeling, stunned and utterly devastated. This condition is every loving cat owner’s worst nightmare. I can honestly say I’m grieving more than when I lost my parents. I took my Mrs Kitten’s body to my own vets and arranged a private cremation with the ashes returned to me in a small wooden box. I also trimmed some fur from the body and have placed that in the box with the ashes. In the weeks since, I’ve also found five of her whiskers and collected shells from her claws from her scratching post. I’ve put these in the box too. I loved my Mrs Kitten so much and I miss her dreadfully. My heart is shattered. My flat seems so empty without her. I miss the sounds of her and all her funny little ways. It’s worst at night, she used to sleep in the bed with me. I sleep with her ashes now and I light a tea light by a photograph of her. It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this, I’m torn apart. I will never forget her and I will always love her, she will be in my heart constantly.

    • Neal

      I understand the lose anyone must feel when loosing a beloved pet. I too, grieve the loss of my pets sometimes more so than I do others, that have been a part of my life. I did not lose my two babies (Zoey and Zebulon) due to illness or death but rather to divorce. I know that they are loved and well taken care of! But that does not ease the pain I have in my heart. I cry every night about those two kitty cats and will miss them forever. I often wonder if they remember me.
      One thing I know, is that “All of my beloved pets, will always hold a special place in my heart and no one or anything can or will take that away from me.

      Although my living situation does not allow for pets right now, I believe that having a new pet in your life will provide love, comfort and joy and help with the lose of the others. Just a thought!

      Neal

    • diana

      I dont know what to do … I live alone and my cat has disappeared without a trace ….. I live in a very heavily wooded area and my Titten was an outside cat. no matter what I tried , He was outside more that he was inside … I just wanted him to be happy … I loved him so much , we had a bond that was very special ..we actually could communicate with each other ….. He was only 2 years old , I had him from 6 weeks old and he was everything to me . He was also a hunter and I was constantly worried about him …. whenever he left for any longer than a half hour I would be calling for him and most of the time he would come running to me … yesterday that did not happen I spent most of the day calling and looking but no response …. I was so upset ,all I wanted was for him to come barreling through his door , demanding his dinner just like he always does .. I havnt seen him now for almost 2 days and my heart is broken , I cant stop crying , I want my little guy to come back … I strongly feel that he has been attacked and killed by one of the many preditors around or he would have been back by now … Im writing this because Im having such a hard time and maybe by telling someone who understands what im going through may help me a little . Titten was my best friend and suddenly he is no longer and I feel so alone ….. how does a person go on , its so hard 🙁

    • Julie

      Hi, I know just how you feel, and hope you are getting your head around stuff. My cat sufferd same symptoms in June. She was the baby I never had, for 16 luvli years. To this day, holding her and letting the vet put her to sleep, I feel I betrayed her, could I have saved her. After she passed I saw a cat similar to her peep through a Window, like it was really looking for me. I know this was Lucy sending me a message, I’m ok mum.😘. I now have fosterd and kept two young cats, they are luvli, u would not be without them, but I wish too i was not without my Lucy,keep strong it gets a bit easier..

    • P--

      Hi Chris — I know the pain, the shock, and the loss you’re feeling because my cat also had the same incidents. He had gotten a blood clot and there were many similarities to your events. He was 13 but I only had him for 9 years. Your writing brought back so many vivid memories that never really left. The only difference was the emergency clinic kept my cat overnight and were able to revive him. [I’m sorry yours went so suddenly.] My cat’s incident was caused by a heart condition which was the same as what you named. His medications kept his heart in check and was able to get back to his same happy cat-self and routine. I was told he had 6 months to a year and it was almost exactly a year later (this past spring) when not even the medications could save him. He went downhill quickly and this time there was nothing anyone could do.

      I plan on keeping his memory alive for a long time. There will always be a hole in my heart but it will always be filled with his treasured memories. It’s been since April and I’m in no rush to get over his loss. I know we all move on and maybe add another pet. Though it helps to put our love into another, it will never replace the furry personality of the special one we lost (it will add to our furry family but not replace). So as you did, I did similar things to remember him. I think of him everyday and remember our routine. It’s hard, as so many write here, to have that joy suddenly gone and our homes not feel like home. I’m thankful your Mrs Kitten was a part of your life and that she was loved so much, as I am with my own sweet cat. I know you’ll cherish your memories forever and Mrs Kitten will always live in that special place in your heart forever.

      TO OTHERS WHO HAVE COMMENTED TO SHARE YOUR LOSS HERE: Though I haven’t been able to reply to everyone, know that my heart goes out to you as well. Take the time you need. It’s your personal loss and no one can tell you how long to grieve or how to grieve. Do whatever you need to remember your furry loved one. Your furry companions were so privileged to have your love!

  • Fefes mom

    My beautiful little Fefe just passed away 9/22. She has been my baby since I was a teenager. Her and I have been through so much together and have such a strong bond. Fefe and my cat Snowball are also my moms cats and they live with her. Recently my fiance and I moved to the next state over. I would visit whenever I could. Now that she’s gone I’m so angry at myself for moving out of state and not visiting her more. I thank God I was down here the week before she died. That I got to touch her and love her. Hear her squeak and get her hugs and purrs.

    Fefe died unexpectedly just out the blue. She wasn’t sick or displaying any sort of symptoms. She was only 12 years old. My mother had gone out for the night and my aunt went to go feed the cats in the morning and noticed Fefe not coming for breakfast which is not like her. She went upstairs to check and found her passed. My mom called me all upset. I became physically sick. How could this have happened? I just saw her, she was fine! Now she’s gone. I just don’t understand. I thought I was in some type of sick nightmare.

    The pain I’m feeling is not like any other. I can’t stop crying. I think I’ll be doing better only to randomly break down. Everything reminds me of her. I feel such guilt. I shouldn’t have moved so far. I wish I didn’t leave her at all. My mom wanted to keep the cats with her and I know they would have hated the drive to the new place. We should have brought her to the vet more, did I miss something? The most painful part is it being so random. Not expecting it, not knowing what happened. I keep wondering if she suffered and it’s killing me.

    I have been very worried for Snowball. He just seemed so confused. He’s been doing ok but he still seems to look for her. It’s just even more heartbreaking. I’m terrified everyday now that I’ll wake up and Snowball will be gone. I’ve been staying with my mom the past few days. I am just praying God spares him of pain. He’s just a baby. I don’t want him to hurt. I’ll be downstairs and get this sick feeling to check on him to make sure he’s alive.

    Thank you for listening. I am just torn into pieces. And just wanted to get it out and talk about my fefe. She was a tiny tortie with attitude. She was so sweet and lovey but if you tried to pick her up when she didn’t want to you’d face her wrath! Her meow was so tiny it was a squeak and she had giant round beautiful eyes. Her fur was silky and she loved to be brushed. She was always purring whenever I was near her. She would give me constant hugs or sit on my lap. She would squeak all night sometimes, she didn’t like it when you would sleep! She was not like any other cat and she was and will always be my baby.

    Fefe I love you. I love you so much. I miss you more than I can even explain. The pain of losing you it’s like someone ripped my heart and soul out. I am so sorry no one was there when you passed, that thought is going to haunt me forever. I hope you know how much mom and I love you, and Snowball. We miss you so bad. You will forever be in our hearts. Please please visit us when you can, we need a sign that you are ok. I love you so much. I just want you to come back. We need you. Please let Snowball be ok I don’t want him to be sad I would take on his sadness, I just don’t want him hurt. I love you Fefe, I just want you to come back to me. I hope we gave you a wonderful life. You gave us one. We think of the things that you would do and laugh, it hurts so bad. Looking at your pictures hurt. I just want this pain gone and for you to be home. I love you my she’s pretty.

  • Jodi

    A person I know had a mother cat of four kitties. When they were big enough to be away from there mother, I could have them. He would give me updates that the mother cat was really taking good care of them, they were all so cute, and each kitty was like there mother and had a white tip on there tails. I didn’t need to take all 4, just what I wanted. We live on a farm, and have a lot of boy cat’s and were primarily looking for just the females. I thought about it, that it wouldn’t be fair, to break up the litter, just because of there sex. I took them all. To this day, I still can’t tell the sex of cat where there still young. I’m very glad I took all 4. Playing, wrestling, and jumping around. They were all siblings and it would of been a shame to break them up. There mainly white, with different shades of gray and black, and all 4 have white tips on there tails. Just like there mother. I gave each kitten a name. Cloudy, Feather, Vanilla, and Coconut. They were the Marsh mellow Family. After some time they all knew there names, were played with and loved. I wanted them to stay and enjoy there new home. The other cats eventually welcomed them also to there colony, and there was no more silly hissing. All seemed well. Then it was just a couple days ago, I couldn’t find Coconut. Coconut was a shy kitty. Came out on her own. Didn’t think nothing of it. She was not in the barn the next day either, and I just couldn’t find her. Two more days passed, and I thought what happened to Coconut. There is a hay field next to our barn. My brother tried to help me find Coconut, and he saw something in the distance in the hay field that was white. He walked over to it, and it was Coconut. He said something must of killed it, and it must of been a painful death, because her mouth was open. She was killed by a predator, we think a raccoon. The bottom half of her was gone. I just found this out last night. I cried, and lost sleep over this. She was a 4 month old kitten. It angers me very much, how I was a good person to take all 4, adjust my life in picking them up, adjust them to there new home, and getting the other cats to like them too. Then this has to happen. Vanilla looks very identical to Coconut, only slightly different. Every time I see Vanilla, I think of Coconut, and it makes me very sad, that she was killed. There are only 3 marsh mellows and not 4.
    She was just wondering around in the hay field, and then to die a horrific death. I keep re-playing this in my mind, the pain she must of endured, and didn’t deserve this. There is also plenty of corn still standing, so there is food available for the coon. No, they have to pick on a helpless kitten, and probably was killed also for sport. I came upon this website, and the tips above do help, that you have to move on, and keep thinking of the good times of seeing her. It does help a little that I got this off my chest, but it still don’t seem right and why did this have to happen to her. I prayed to God to watch over the other 3 kitties, and our other cats, so no more die this way. There cats. They like to roam the fields, and look for mice. Probably she picked this up from the other cats, this is what we also do. There is nothing I can do to change what happened, but I know now God is looking after her and nothing bad can happen to her again. Let her know I’m angered and sad of what happened to her, and that I WANT HER BACK. Why did you make raccoons God? All they do is make property damage, mischief, and there nothing but a vicious animal. To me, I say to myself that people would probably say just get over it, and that it was just a cat. I’ve learned that animals help you when your in a bad mood, or have problems figuring out this world and trying to keep your sanity. It is hard to cope with a this loss and I just miss my Coconut. Hopefully time will help.

  • Ginny

    I had a Bengal cat that was only 8 years old. She suddenly started losing weight over the course of 2 weeks and stopped eating for 3 days. We found out she had a ruptured abdomen and needed to be put down. We euthanized her today in my arms and I cant stop crying. I can’t stop looking around and wondering where my cat is and what her soul is doing and if she’s happy.

    • Abigail

      I’m sorry about your sweet kitty. It’s difficult I know, my Milo has been gone 2 months now.
      I believe there is a Rainbow Bridge & that your little kitty & my little Milo are happy & healthy and making a lot of new friends!
      I wish you healing & one day soon you will be able to think of your kitty with big smiles. I can now.
      Abbey

  • JR

    Just a thought for Janice ,Abbey, and Mark, and all others who have a lost a beloved cat; and agonize over those last days, and wonder if somehow they could have or should have, done something differently. I know- your kitty always counted on you to solve every problem, heal every hurt. And you did- until you couldn’t. The grief is sufficient; don’t blame yourself. Remember when- you messed up and angered your kitty, even if it was just stepping on it’s tail. She looked at you as if to say- Why? Well, in a short time, he forgave you completely and the love quickly returned. Your cat knew you loved him, always, and would forgive you Everything, this very moment; if she could.

  • Janice Moy

    Our most beloved cat Archie died on Tuesday, August 21. Since then, my waking thoughts are about him — about how much I miss him and also about his last hours, which were filled with pain that I could not spare him. Though I loved Archie’s ‘brother’ Ralphie as much — Ralphie died exactly 18 months ago — my feelings about Archie’s death are much harder to bear because I feel that I failed him. My husband and I were able to ensure Ralphie a peaceful death at home — but in Archie’s case things happened so quickly that we were not able to give him the same gift.

    We were away for a few days because I had promised my father that we would take him to Minneapolis to visit my 94-year-old godmother. The morning we left (Thursday), Archie seemed ‘off’: he did not come out for breakfast, which never happens. We were worried and thought about postponing the trip, but when my husband brought his food to him, Archie did eat some of it, so we decided we should go ahead with the trip.
    We had our usual petsitters/plant waterers come in to feed Archie and our new cat Kedi.

    When we returned home early Sunday evening, Archie did not come to the door, which also had never happened before. We came into the living room to discover Archie huddled under the coffee table. He was drooling and it was clear that he was ill. He showed no interest in eating, and I realized that he was dehydrated. I picked him up, put him up on the counter and gave him water; he drank and drank. My husband and I discussed what to do. We decided not to take Archie to the emergency veterinary hospital because we’ve been there before and it’s an awful experience; we’d wait until morning and take Archie to our regular vet.

    After drinking a lot, Archie went out onto our balcony, where he spent several hours. He accepted a little petting, but it was clear that he was ill. We kept the balcony door open, and I tried to sleep on the sofa so that I could be aware of how he was doing. Eventually, he came in and huddled under an armchair.

    The next morning, we took the earliest appointment we could get at the vet’s. We ended up seeing a young vet we’d not met before because he was available. The vet suspected pancreatitis and decided to give Archie fluids, pain medication and an appetite stimulant; he also did bloodwork. Then he sent us home with additional medication and special food.

    At home, Archie’s condition did not improve. When I spoke to the vet, we agreed to wait to see if the meds would help and to “reassess” in the morning. But as the day, and then the evening and night, wore on, I could feel that Archie was dying. We kept him in a quiet room and I slept on the floor so that I could be near him. My husband came in from time to time to check on Archie. I didn’t think that he would last the night because I could hear his labored breathing.

    But he did survive the night, and in the morning he wanted water again. (I hadn’t thought that he would ever drink again.)

    When the vet called with lab results, I told him that I thought that Archie was dying. The vet said that the lab work seemed to indicate that Archie was fighting an infection. He suggested that we might give Archie more fluids and an antibiotic. I had already accepted that Archie was dying — but, offered this ray of hope, my husband and I decided to take Archie in to the vet’s once more.

    Now I regret with all my heart our decision to do that. The vet administered more fluids and gave Archie an antibiotic. But in the following hours, Archie’s condition did not improve. He was hanging over his water dish, and it was clear that he was in pain. I called the vet’s again and waited for them to return my call.

    When another vet called back, I told her that I thought that Archie was in a great deal of pain. She said that we had agreed to give the meds time and to reassess later. But I could see that Archie was suffering. I brought up euthanasia; she said that we would have to bring him in (which I was reluctant to do).

    Eventually she agreed to give us additional pain medication. I called my husband, who had gone out to run a quick errand, and told him to go to the vet’s for the medication. But none of this mattered — our beautiful Archie was struggling and groaning in pain and there was nothing that I could do to help him. He died an agonizing death right before my eyes — and this was the thing I wished with all of my heart to spare him from.

    When I called my husband, he was just reaching the vet’s.

    Everyone is telling me that we cannot always control circumstances and that I should try to remember all the years of happiness we had with Archie. But the memories of his final hours and dying moments haunt me, and my grief is layered with feelings of terrible guilt that I was not able to spare our brave, beautiful boy a painful death. I know that we tried our best, but I also feel that we failed him.

    It is such a terrible feeling — that you were not able to alleviate the suffering of someone you love.

    Thank you for giving me a place to share these words. I needed somewhere to record what happened and to ‘be’ with others who have also experienced the loss of a beloved pet and family member.

    Finally, I’d like to share a little eulogy I wrote about Archie:

    This afternoon, we lost our beautiful, bright-eyed boy Archie after a brief, sudden illness.

    When he arrived in our house almost 15 years ago, he was small enough for Bruce to hold in the palm of his hand, but also a little spitfire. When his adopted brother Ralphie arrived a few months later, it was suddenly Archie’s job to raise him. Archie grew up to be a real family man as well as Supervisor, Household Manager, and Man of the House. God never made a more noble, elegant and dignified cat than Archie.

    In our home, he was easily the smartest and most responsible of all of us. He also had the best social skills. He never played favorites and took care of all of us equally. He and Ralphie were two halves of a perfect whole, and together they were the light and joy of our lives.

    Thank you, Archie, for all you gave us. We will always miss you.

    • Abbey

      So beautifully written. I experienced the same with
      My Milo. Your words has brought up Milo’s last 2 days on this earth so with a very heavy heart & lots of tears…RIP Archie and God Bless those who dearly loved him & miss him greatly.

  • Mark

    Our beautiful, gentle, loving Pippa (Silver British Shorthair) went to the vets last evening and she didn’t come home. I’ve worked at home with her as a constant companion for almost 15 years. She told me to turn the music down when it was too loud, got me to follow her when she wanted to go out, or wanted a biscuit or water top-up or just some company and loved it when we were in the garden together. She has been such a major character in our lives and now she is just not there suddenly. I’m distraught as we all are. She developed a horrible polyp coming out of a nostril and it made her sneeze so much she just fell over in exhaustion. Eventually she sneezed it out! We were so relieved but then it came back much worse and ended up like a horrible bubble outside her nose. I’m a big, strong, 58 year old man and I just find myself bursting into tears every time I come across anything that reminds me of her. I’ve just put her bowls away and her litter tray and her scratch pole and basket which was difficult. I hope it gets better with time. I feel guilty for her being poorly. Last Sunday morning she jumped up on our bed as we were having a cup of tea (unheard of) and wouldn’t get off. I think she was worried and looking for us to make it better and i feel so guilty that I did’t realise it was getting much worse for her, but she still loved her water and biscuits and running (well, walking lately!) for her treats. I miss her so much. Cats are the most beautiful and enchanting animals! We are lucky for our time with them.

  • Merlin's mum

    Thank you for a beautiful article and my love and condolences go out to all who have lost their beloved cats, whether through death, divorce or disappearance. My beautiful baby Merlin was put down 6 weeks ago after he stopped eating. He had an aggressive form of lymphoma and it was only going to get worse for him. The night before he died he lay next to me in bed and put his paw on my hand as we went to sleep. I miss him terribly and still cry my heart out. On a good day I can be grateful for the wonderful 10 years we had together. I was so blessed to have him. My life would have been so much poorer without him.

    • Abbey McKenzie

      So sorry about your sweet Merlin. I know you are in pain, it hurts a lot when you lose your precious fur baby. I hope, with time, you will be able to start to heal & can start to think about all the good times you had with Merlin.
      My sweet Milo passed away 8 weeks ago, he also had lymphoma. He was being treated with chemo, was doing beautifully & then one Saturday he started to fail. In 24 hours he was gone. I cried hysterically for days. I lost my voice & it took over a week to start to get it back.
      My kitty came to me 9 years ago as a stray but he stole my heart & brought joy to me every single day. I know that’s how you felt about your baby Merlin.
      I wish you the best & again, so sorry about your loss.
      RIP Sweet Merlin

  • Destiny Potts

    My sister is a very loving person and had problems with anxiety and depression. We went through pet after pet but she needed something to pet and hold. After her month old hamster passed she suddenly asked about a cat. Our house has only been a dog one. I was unsure as well as the rest of us, but we love her so we went to a pet store. We were busy trying to shove an unwilling tabby when I saw my sister looking at this sickly little black cat. She put her finger on the glass and he put his paw on top. She asked if she could change her mind. His name was lucky. We brought him home and she named him Merlin. He was very sick and when we went to the vet to get shots and whatnot she told them he would have died soon if we wouldn’t have adopted him and he was around 6 months old. Long story short, after a time of love and care he became king of the house with all his strange ways and too intelligent eyes. He turned my old cat hating father into putty, they became very close. He was everyone’s baby, our number one. We ended up adopting 2 other cats but he was still the number 1, he was just so different. Then, we noticed he was acting off and hiding like he does when he doesn’t feel well so we decided if he still felt bad in the morning we would take him to the vet. However, the next morning he was his usual self, everything was normal. Then, suddenly, when he tried to get down from the couch he stumbled and I thought, “Oh god, no, Merlin doesn’t stumble” and he fell off the couch completely and onto his back, he tried to stand but his legs on one side were limp, he just went around in circles. We rushed him to the vet and they told us the problem was in his head and nothing could be done. They gave us options since he wasn’t in pain but one side of his brain wasn’t functioning. We decided all we could do was put him on supportive care, steroids, antibiotics, and hope for the best. The next morning they called and said he was dying, we wouldnt make it in time, and not an hour later they said he was gone. It doesnt feel real even though i held his body for hours, I’ve cried for days, and everytime I wake up I forget for a moment and then my heart breaks all over again. My family is devastated and nothing feels the same. We lost a friend and family member in less than 24hours and he was only 3 and we don’t even know what killed him. I’m at a loss, I see him everywhere. I don’t know what to do.

    • Harry’s mum

      I lost my beautiful boy Harry almost 6 weeks ago. It was sudden & symptoms very similar to Merlin. He was at the vets & had lots of tests it turned out he had a brain lesion. He made it through the tests but had a cardiac arrest during the night while waiting on a treatment plan. I feel so bad I couldn’t be with him, I would of stayed but thought he would be ok.
      I’m so heartbroken, I miss him more than words can explain. He has been with me every night for 11 years, how am I going to live without him.
      He is everywhere I look. He was a ragdoll & even though I’m super clean & tidy I keep finding bits of his white fur around the house, stuck to mats etc. I have a bundle I keep with me all the time & his ashes are on my bedside table.
      I miss our cuddles & purring sessions.
      I am breaking down every day but I am trying very very hard to be thankful that I had 11 yrs of unconditional love from him & I know he knew how very much he was loved in return. Try not focus on the last day or two. His liife was so much more.
      😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

  • Anna

    i lost my kitten yesterday morning.He jumped from the window and leave this world. As his owner,i didnt not take care of him,i cried from yesterday till now,i
    can not live without him,the home was full of his smell.Even i still can feel him when i miss him..i will keep his ashes with me ..

    • Neal

      Anna,
      I know how you must feel and I am sure that you took care of him the best way you knew how. I do not feel like I can live without my kitties either. But isn’t it good to know that the time you spend with them is your’s and only your’s! A friend suggested to me: “To remember those kitties and the good times”. You do the same!!!!!!!!!!

      Neal

    • Lois

      You loved him and gave him a good life. He was a lucky cat. Try not to feel guilty about how he left this world. My dear cat died nine days ago. I feel for you. Love and best wishes.

  • Maddy

    My cat didn’t die, but I made the decision to have her adopted and I’m missing her so much. She’s in a home now with an amazing owner who is such a sweet, loving soul and is giving her so much love and attention, which I was unavable to provide much of this year. Although I am so utterly grateful and pleased that she is so happy in her new home, I can’t help but miss her and our special bond we had. It’s been nearly a month and today I was missing her so hard I actually cancelled dinner plans with friends and just stayed home and moped. Reading this I decided I ought to be grateful she is alive and happy and healthy in a loving, attentive home.

  • Neal

    I miss my kitty cats!!
    I found this site last night while thinking of how much I miss my kitty cats and feeling the overwhelming need for a place to express my loss. I pray that I am in the right place as I did not loose them due to death but of divorce. So, the sadness, loneliness and pain in my heart might as well be the same as if I had lost them due to death. Zebulon and Zoey are best friends as well as brother and sister. We got them when they were babies. Of course they are still babies in my heart but they are about 7 years old now.
    Zebby and Zoey were taken from me on July 12, 2018 and I never got a chance to say goodbye. I had been struggling with whether or not to fight for one if not both of them but ultimately decided that I was being selfish and that the best option was keeping them together regardless of who had them. I will never get to hold them, play with them feed them or see them again. I miss and love them with all my heart and they are my best friends, I have not found a way to overcome my grief or loss and have not be able to stop crying. My heart aches and I have no one to share this loss or my feelings with. It does me good to know that they are loved and will be taken care of but it does not relief the pain, sadness and loneliness I feel. When I think of all the good times I have had with them, it only intensifies my loss.

    Thanks for listening,
    Neal

    • JR

      Neal- Like most of the kind people in this community, I have lost a cat, and know the pain that comes with that. Reading the replies in the past months, I have wondered about the caretakers who have been separated from their cats/ best friends; by illness, natural disaster, and breakups/divorces. It seems like a different kind of suffering, and especially cruel; as they too, wonder where you have gone, and why. I hope you will see them again; but perhaps that is impossible. It hurts because you shared so much; and I hope you find that again. I am not a therapist, but have a suggestion for you; really for anyone who has lost a cat. To many people this may seem so obvious, but the experience was profound for me. In dealing with the hurt, some people may try to fight the pain by somehow, simply not thinking about what they have lost. Maybe there is a word for this process. I suggest that anyone not do this. It dulls the memories of love and joy that are there; and need to be held on to- til your last day. And can be experienced again. Remember those kitties and the good times.

      • Neal

        JR, Your right!
        I will always remember my kitties, Zoey and Zebby and the great times that I had with them. Regardless of whether it makes me feel sad or not. One good thing that I am grateful for is to feel that they are being taken care of.

        Neal

  • Karen

    Just 3 days ago, I had to put down my cat, Yoda. Words can’t describe the unimaginable pain and loss I feel. He was 16 years old, but I thought he would live forever. We were pals, best friends. I am devastated and my heart is broken. I know I gave him a good life, but I feel guilty for letting him go. Could I have taken him to the vet earlier and prevented this? He was definitely one of a kind who liked to sleep by your head and put his paws around your neck and hug you. He would let himself outside by pulling open the sliding screen door (even though he wasn’t supposed to). He would meet me in the morning at the bathroom sink to get a drink. I hope that time helps ease the pain and what would be left is just sweet memories.

      • Karen

        Thank you. Reading the many stories helps me greatly. I will miss Yoda forever but know that I gave him unconditional love and he gave that in return.

    • Alan M

      Karen,
      Sorry for you kitty Yoda. Its an empty feeling for sure. I guess we find peace by knowing we didn’t let them suffer the best we could. Its 3 weeks since I lost Oliver. He was 18 1/2 yrs old. I miss him so. I feel somewhat less depressed now so hang in there it’ll get better with time. Thinking of you. Alan

  • Gawkface

    I came across this article from the meme “if love could save you, you’d live forever” and even though I never had a cat, it made me think of the friend who has left this world…
    One can replace cat with his/her beloved friend in the article andnit still applies… The feelings are lovingly expressed

  • Natalia

    2 years ago, a cat called Cauliflower passed away. He wasn’t even my cat, he came from neighbourhood and lived outside with our other cats. He was really vocal cat, but a little bit terrified by humans, maybe his owner was abusive to him, idk. He could lie on the downstairs for hours and talk, hug my hand and purr. But one day he was lying down without too many movements, and breathing quickly. We knew, that tommorow he will be gone. Even in his last hours, he was looking at me with love, purring and meowing like he used to do. So smart and unforgettable cat, I miss him so much.

  • Harry,s mum

    I lost my beautiful boy Harry 2 weeks ago. He was only 11 I thought I would have for many more years. He has a massive brain tumour & had a cardiac arrest while we were waiting on his mri results. He was incredibly affectionate, loving & loyal, we loved him & he loved us unconditionally.
    He has left such an empty space everywhere I look I expect to see him. The nights are the worst as he slept with me every night.
    I miss home so so much.
    It is comforting to find many others are feeling the same😻😻& that we can grieve together.

    • JR

      Harry’s Mum- I felt I needed to say something, that might comfort you; though the grief at losing Harry may seem unbearable. I cannot say that I know what you feel; but everyone on this forum understands the – Empty Space. I suspect he stole your heart , brought joy to every day, and became a part of your existence. Eleven years was not nearly enough, but hope you can find peace in the thought that he felt the same way about you; and he surely did.

  • Alan M

    Two weeks ago I lost my first cat Oliver. We rescued him at 12 weeks. He was 18 yrs old.
    I am so empty inside, so sad, I have cried every day since we had to make the decision to put him down because of a large mass the vet discovered in his belly that day. He lost half his weight, and was in obvious distress. The vet never said to us, we should put him down. Instead he left the final decision to us. We made the hard choice and I cannot get that day out of my head. It plays over and over like a bad nightmare. I hope that this pain will ease and I will be able to remember all the good times and not so good times we share without tears. All of you that are going through this as I am, I understand your pain. I get it! Maybe we can all help each other heal somehow. Thanks for listening and for having this forum to share our feelings with others dealing with the loss of their best buddy.

    • George Hirtle Jr.

      Alan
      I am so very sorry for your loss and I am so thankful for this site where we can all express our deepest emotions for the pain and loss of our beloved fur babies.
      It was 6 weeks ago today that my wife and I said goodbye to our beloved 14 year old beautiful calico cat “Princess”. Although the pain for us has subsided a bit it has not gone away completely. There are times when I still expect to find her sleeping in the closet or sitting on the kitchen table waiting for her treats or looking up at me when she wanted to be brushed. About a week ago we sought help through our local Cornerstone Hospice. They have grief councilors who spent time with us and helped us to understand the process of grieving for the loss of our “Princess”. They have a program that we will be volunteering for where we can foster a pet ( cats in our instance ) of someone who is in the care of hospice. Through their program we will be able to help the patient who may be stressed about leaving a pet behind and also help the pet by giving it on-going care and love in our home. We will be doing this in memory of our beloved “Princess” and all of our cats that we have lost over the years.
      Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

      • Alan M

        George,
        Thanks for the kind words. Also, my thoughts are with you for your loss.
        Its a lonely feeling, I know, its 3 weeks today since Oliver passed. Its gotten a little better, I almost have no more tears Ive cried so much. I swear sometimes at night I hear a meow or a flash from the corner of my eye I think, no, just my mind playing tricks. We all gave our kittys the best most loveable home possible. Hopefully we can move forward and just be left with great memories. Good to meet you George.
        Alan

  • Juliette Giles

    My cat Bagpuss died 2 days ago and my heart is broken I really miss her I can’t stop crying and it just feels like I am so alone I do have 2 other kittens but Bagpuss was my baby I have read other messages on here and I agree with you all they are not just cats they are very special friends and she certainly was God Bless you Bagpuss I will always love you xx

  • Melissa

    Thank you for the article. My 10 year old cat died from cancer 2 months ago. I’ve been having such a hard time adjusting to life without him. A lot of people don’t understand, they feel it’s just a cat. Truth is- my Elliott was my best friend. I’m happy to say he didn’t have the chance to suffer, yet I feel robbed of the years we could of had together. RIP my sweet boy.

  • Abigail McKenzie

    I don’t know how I found this site but I’m glad I did!
    I lost my sweet boy to cancer 3 weeks ago & it was nice to find a place that I could express my feelings. I thought I was the only one who found themselves devastated by the loss of their cat but I see I’m not!
    It’s difficult, my boy passed away 3 weeks today but I still find myself crying everyday. I really miss him & my house is lonely without him.
    For all those in pain because of their loss, God Bless You. I’m hoping time will heal our pain.
    Abbey

  • JR

    Thanks to Laurie for providing this forum for expressing the love we have for our dear companions. Peace and healing to Delaney and all the others who are hurting from the loss of a cherished friend. We are grateful to folks like Helen who take the time to to offer kindness to a stranger. There is nothing quite like the love we share with a cat. One of life’s great blessings.

  • Delaney

    This past Monday i had to put my best friend down. BB, the sweetest Siamese. I got her two years ago and she was only a pound and a half!! My first pet for living in my own. She was everything to me, struggling with panic attacks and depression she was my little therapist. Always by my side, always calming me down. Always in my way too! Couldn’t even put makeup on without her in my face… she even drove across the United States with us (my fiancé) and I for the biggest change of my life! She slept the whole ride like a champ.
    A week ago my fiancé brought me flowers home, lilies. We had no idea they were poisonous to cats. She played with them and what not til she finally started acted funny. Rushed her to the emergency vet and for days I spent absolutely freaking out, thinking the worst… after a couple of days, those stupid flowers caused kidney failure. I’ve never felt such heartbreak. I’ve never felt such emptiness in my heart, and my home. For stupid flowers. I hate being home. It’s not home without her in it. I’m completely lost and I see her everywhere. I don’t know if that’s bad or good. I haven’t even been able to dream without seeing her. My sweet girl is gone, and it’s so so heavy. My fiancé and I are so heartbroken over this. Most painful loss I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to hurt anymore, but I miss my sweet BB so much

    • Helen

      Dear Delaney I am so very sorry to hear about your precious BB. What a devastating thing to happen. So very heartbreaking to lose a kitty at such a young age. There is probably not much anyone can say to ease your pain but you gave your kitty (by the sounds of it) a pretty amazing life – hold on to those memories of the wonderful adventures you both shared & the love & care you gave her. You were her Momma & she wouldn’t want you to be in so much pain. Sending you a very big hug, god bless x

  • Cara

    Last night I had to put my best friend down. His name was Talcum and he was 17 years old. I got him on Easter when I was 3 years old. I still remember picking my little fluff ball out. And we have been together ever since.
    I went out to college two years ago and I couldn’t take him with me. I always came home to see my kitty. I have a feeling he was holding on to see me one last time because when I got home he noticeably stopped eatting and drinking water. I tried so hard without luck even put him on appetite stimulants. The vet checked him out and couldn’t find anything wrong with him.
    Finally I woke up didn’t find him sleeping next to me like usual. I found him under a chair outside wheezing and looking frail. I pet him and cuddled him and cried until I decided starving and having a hard time breathing wasn’t a quality of life.
    In his final moments he was looking at me in the eyes. I scratched behind his ear and told me he was my best friend and hes been such a good boy all these years. And like that… his eyes went from focused to empty.
    Last night, in a half asleep daze my boyfriend gently sat on the edge on my bed. I got up excited thinking it was my cat because my cat always got up on my bed from the edge by my feet like that. I thought this was just a sad dream and we were still together. The joy faded as fast as it came.
    I’m missing my childhood friend.

    • Abigail McKenzie

      So sorry to hear the very sad news about your sweet boy. I do understand your pain. My big, beautiful, orange boy passed away a week ago. My kitty was 9 years old & had cancer, he was in the middle of his chemo treatment, his little body gave out.
      I have found that once the memory of my kitty’s last day or two started fading, I could begin to remember the love, friendship, loyalty that we shared over the years. My boy was suffering those last 2 days, your boy seemed to have suffered too. All I could think about were his sad eyes. Now I think about his bright eyes, his big feet & paws & how he loved to cuddle.
      I wish you sweet memories of your kitty. 🐈❤️

  • Ali

    My name is Ali. My wife and I lost our 1yr 11month old cat Glen. He was a rescue cat who we got at 6months. He entered our lives and completely turn them round. He made us smile and gave him all our love. Last night (7hrs ago) he popped outside for his evening stroll and within 10minutes I heated this shriek from the garden. Glen was on the floor not able to move. He was crying and scared as were we, we took him to the emergency hospital and he died on route. I am completely devasted as is my wife and I cannot see the light st the end of the tunnel in terms of coming to realise that our cat is no longer alive. It’s not confirmed but we were told it’s suspected blood clot that led to our cat’s sudden death. We try and seek comfort in knowing the short time he did have. We gave him a life full of love. This is the first time we have not had a pet in 6years (had guinea pigs before Glen) I can’t imagine another cat being as lovey as Glen was. I would like to maybe think another kitten down the line is a good idea but worry that it won’t be as affectionate as Glen.

    • JR

      Ali – I am so sorry that you and your wife lost Glen, the cat you loved so much, and at such a young age. There is little to say that will ease your grief. I hope you may take comfort and find peace in the thought that Glen was rescued, cared for and was loved at the moment he needed it most. I spend time every week with shelter/rescue cats, and am certain that there is one that needs your love, and will return it, when you are ready.

  • Abbey McKenzie

    My big handsome orange kitty passed away 2 days ago on his own time in the hospital with me holding him. He had cancer, just had his 8th of 15th chemo treatments. He had been doing so well, a great little patient who purred while he got his IV’s. He deteriorated over night, he was suffering, God knew best.
    TB came to me as a stray 9 years ago. He was God sent as my 14 year beloved doggie had died only months before. He turned out to be the most loving little guy, he helped me through my cancer battle. He cuddled with me every night & it didn’t matter to me that my shoulder or neck or leg hurt in the morning because he had layed on it all night. To me he was perfect & he was my baby.
    My heart is breaking, I’ve had many severe crying spells, sometimes I can’t breath. I’ve lost many pets over the years, TB’s passing has hit me extremely hard. Maybe because he tried so hard to get better. We were making plans to move into a new home, my heart aches that he won’t be moving with me.
    Thank-you for letting me share my boy’s story here, it helps.

  • Sufjan’s Mom

    I lost my perfect little prince, Sufjan, earlier this month. It was the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced. We adopted him from a shelter over ten years ago – they said he was one or two at the time. I learned just how special he was pretty early on.

    Sufjan was a diva, a lover, and an old soul all wrapped into one. He would wrap his gangly silver arms around my neck and gave me a hug every time I picked him up. Sometimes he’d rest his head on my shoulder while we embraced. He loved holding hands by squeezing his little paw around my finger. Sometimes he’d initiate hand holding when he needed comfort.

    He loved people and a good party. He was a social cat to say the least. He welcomed everyone but dogs or outsider cats into our home. He made sure that anyone who visited was greeted and had a chance to pet him.

    Suf sat in a chair at the dinner table and would sometimes pat the table with his paw indicating that he was ready for some grub. He liked to eat with his paws.

    He had to inspect every bag that came into our home, and knew what things were ours and what were his before anything was unpacked. Once he found a toy that I had bought for him and took it out of the bag, separated it from the cardboard (it was tightly secured with plastic ties) and was playing with it before I even had a chance to put whatever groceries and things that were in there away.

    He was sweet and he loved his routines. He knew how to open doors by standing on his hind legs and using his front paws to pull levers down and push. He would often do this to go spend time after eating breakfast to cuddle with my partner before he had to head off to work. Sometimes he’d wait for me to let him in if he was feeling patient enough.

    There’s so much that I could say about him – he had a lot of dimension to his character. He was the sweetest and most beautiful grey cat. We tried to give him the best life that we could and also the most peaceful departure that we could.

    When we noticed he wasn’t feeling well, we made a vet appointment for him the next morning. They said he was stable and sent him home. He declined rapidly and he took him to the ER that evening. He was admitted and stayed in the ICU for a week. We finally took him home since all results were inconclusive and I stayed home from work to be with him 24/7 to try to get him through everything. He was on so many medications round the clock. I tried dropping food and water into his mouth because he had lost the urge to do it for himself. It tore me apart to see my baby hurting. We tried our best to save him but finally his body gave out. We had to call an at-home vet to help him transition peacefully. My partner and I each held one of his paws and kissed him goodbye.

    I haven’t had any dream visitations yet and I just miss him so very much. We were soul bonded. I wish that he could tell me where he was and how he’s doing.

  • George Hirtle Jr.

    Thursday, June 21, 2018
    It has been four days now since my wife Carole and I had to say goodbye to our beloved 14-year-old cat Princess.

    Princess was the youngest, at 14, of the other 4 cats we’ve had to say goodbye too. All of our cats we’ve had since kitten-hood.
    We were in Massachusetts when we lost Mindy, Molly and Dennis. Molly was in August of 2002 at age 16, Dennis was 18 in January of 2004 and Mindy was 18 in December 2004 (New Year’s Eve). We found Samantha in 1993 and Princess in the springtime of 2004.
    We moved to Florida in November of 2005 with Samantha and Princess. We found Joey in 2006. Samantha went to heaven in 2011 at age 18.
    It’s been a long journey and I’m grateful for having them all in our lives but it’s just so hard when you have to make the decision to let them go. Grief comes in big crashing waves. I have my moments of peace but then I have memories of seeing my Princess on the kitchen table waiting to be fed some of her favorite treats or hiding in our bathroom closet or the hall closet during a thunderstorm or letting me know that she wanted to be brushed. I’m having a very hard time with this. There is a heaviness about it that I don’t quite understand. I miss her very much and I don’t know as if I’ll ever get over the fact that I’ll never see her again. I know that one day soon we’ll get a call that her ashes are ready to be picked up and then she will be back home with us again.
    George H
    Ps
    At about 1:45 PM today we received a phone call that Princess’s ashes were available for pick up. She is now back home with us.

  • Cheryl

    I had to put my dear sweet little Miss Maddie down on Monday. She was only six years old but had stomach cancer I could no longer see her suffer.

    She stole my heart and now I am absolutely heartbroken I hate being home and I hate being with people I just want her in my arms one more time. As a single mom I rescued her when my son was getting ready to go off to college saying to myself I needed someone, something to take care of she became my companion my best friend. I miss her so much I feel lost I wake up crying I go to sleep crying I sit and have my morning coffee and expect her to jump on the table to join me…. I go to sleep at night missing her crawling up to me and listening to her pit, she used to wrap her two front paws around my arm when we slept. she took a piece of my heart, i’ve been praying every day since Monday to have her please visit me whether it be in my dreams absolutely lost I don’t know what to do.

    • JR

      Cheryl- I don’t know if I can say anything that will lessen your sorrow in losing your beloved Miss Maddie. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that the people in this forum understand your grief. I never thought I could love anything so much, as I did my cat, Shelly, that left me three months ago. Six years is not nearly enough, but I’m sure Maddie knew how much she was adored, every single day. One of life’s wonderful gifts is that bond that you shared with her; nothing quite like it. The fact remains that she is still not there; but I wish you peace, and hope that someday your thoughts of her will be beautiful ones. And forgive me if I say, that in time, I hope your heart will be healed; and another kitty will steal it away.

      • Cheryl

        Thank you JR for your kind words .

        Nighttime is the worse time, Maddie would sit on my lap and keep me company and then it was time to go to bed I would say come on girlie, I would go to bed she would jump on and call right next to me until about 4:30 AM and she would swap meet with her paw and tell me it was time to feed her….I miss her so much.

  • Tracy Mcgilp

    I have lost yet another wee cat to a road accident , and it’s me who has found them both, 1st cat was wee Rosie and was just 3 years old , I got Rosie and her sister Tilly together , Tilly was always the quiet 1 and Rosie outgoing but Tilly got lost and I searched for over a week for her and found her all thanks to a wee girl that took her in because she was so skinny and phoned the number on tags , all my pets have been microchipped too, Tilly won’t venture far now after her stay outside for over a week , she sticks to my side like glue if I’m out in backyard or front garden. It was just 3 weeks after I got Tilly back I got a chap at door saying one of my cats were hurt , don’t ask me how I got round so fast but knew in my heart that she was gone before I even got to her! And now to wee poppy who my friend thought would cheer Tilly and dogs up after about 6 months after Rosie passing, seemed to lift my spirits a wee bit too not seeing Tilly depressed without her sister and Angel and Kylie my dogs took to her like she was always here , she even slept with Angel while Tilly prefers me to cuddle into , had Poppy too for just 3 years and it was same road on a Saturday again that I lost her to a speeding driver once again who didn’t stop couldn’t get registration number off my cctv in garden , but seen her run through garden a just lay down she was trying to come home , she must have had internal bleeding as her mouth and nose were bleeding , I found poppy myself again that was 5 weeks ago nearly on 12th of May, she was still warm when I lifted her up into my arms , I couldn’t bear to let her go , my friend had to call her husband so they could put her wee body in a box till I decided what to do with her get her cremated like Rosie and put ashes together , but cremation couldn’t come till Monday, so decided to bury poppy in garden and ashes of Rosie there too , don’t know if it’s because I know she s out there I can’t stop crying every night , know my other fur babies are grieving too as Angel is always in every room crying for her I don’t know what to do , I talked to my friends and they say it will get easier , hate seeing my fur babies sad but hate myself for letting poppy out later as weather been good she was hour past her time usually got her in , so sorry for long story but this is first site I came across and your words were very soothingxxxccc

  • Charlotte

    Farewell To My Sweet & Beloved Cat – Little Bai Bai

    Rest in peace my sweet and beloved little baby! Losing you is utter devastation, a deeply shattering experience that won’t go away any time soon. Though police refused to investigate your tragic death in a hit-and-run accident on 15 May 2018 due to unjust animal’s law in Singapore, but God will execute justice and judgement for you one day!! Current law in Singapore, if a motorist knocks down a dog, pig, ass, mule, horse, goat, sheep or cattle — which activists describe as animals with farm value — the Road Traffic Act states that failure to stop and help the animal could be a crime and the driver could face S$3,000 fine or jail term of up to a year. Unfortunately, the Act is silent on other animals such as cats, birds, rabbits, monkeys and wild boars. What a nonsensical and ludicrous Road Traffic Act for animals!! Can you still see a horse, ass, mule, sheep, pig, goat or cattle running on the road in Singapore?? There are so many stray cats and monkeys in Singapore but the Road Traffic Act does not protect these animals.

    Unfortunately, a cat hit-and-run in Singapore is not illegal!! Despite the fatuous law, if a person who intentionally hit my beloved cat died horribly and painfully, even though he or she could escape from the judgement of law, but I believe in the end he can’t escape from his guilty conscience for cruelly killing my beloved pet!!

    My dear little baby, you are not only belonged to me but to many old uncles and aunties who love and fed you. They are still grieving over your sudden and tragic death!! I didn’t expect you died sudden at a young age. If I know I would force and lock you at small utility room, despite you didn’t love to stay at home and ran out few times from home and made so much noise every time I bought you back.

    Thanks God for giving me such a sweet, adorable, beautiful and wonderful cat for the past two years. Though her life was so short, but she brought me so much joy, fun, laughter and happiness into my life. She loved me unconditionally, and God You love me unconditionally through this sweet little baby too. I strongly believe that God would take good care of her now and evermore in the heaven. And she would rest safely in Your arms and my heart until we meet again. I pray for peace, comfort and healing as I let go of this sweet little baby on Your Hands that I love so deeply!

    Miss & love you so much my sweet and wonderful little baby!!

  • Hedda

    My cat is being put down today, in 3 hours. I don’t know what to do. I’m lying in the sofa with her by my legs, her head resting om my foot, just bawling my eyes out. I cannot understand that this is the last moment I have with her. These are the last times I can pet her, kiss her, carry her and hug her. I will never feel her shiny fur against my skin again. I will never hear her purr again. I will never feel her little body coming up to me in bed, watch her trying to get in underneath the cover. She will never be here again.
    I already miss her so much, I can’t focus on anything. I can’t imagine coming home and her not being there. I’ve had her since I was 4 years old, I can barely remember when we didn’t have her. This is the hardest thing ever.

    Tiara, I love you, forever and always. Please come visit us sometimes. You can sleep in my bed, next to me, every night if you want to, but I won’t be able to see you, that’s all. You can sit outside the shower when I’m showering, listening to the water, I know how much you like that.
    You are my best friend, the only one I feel 100% comfortable with. You literally are the only one I can be fully myself around. You are deeply loved by us and I hope we’ll meet again, sometime, somewhere.
    I love you.

    • Charles

      Dear Hedda,

      Few words can give you relief from the pain you are feeling. I’ve been exactly where you are now. The emotional hurt is excruciating – know you are not alone in this pain, that so many of us have gone through it and understand. When you are able, heed the advice of many in this forum on how to move forward no matter how difficult it may seem. The passage of time is relentless – this is actually a good thing as time does heal. But first things first, give your darling the gift of your strength, be strong for her, let her know she is not alone and is so adored.

      I am sorry for your loss.
      Charles

    • R

      Oh Hedda – I am so so sorry. I’m sobbing as I read your post because I felt every word you wrote exactly 7 weeks ago today when I put my own precious cat down. In fact, so many of these heartfelt posts in these comments echo my own feelings. I wrote in a notebook everyday for the first week as a letter to my cat — all my feelings and everything I miss. I had to because I was so overcome with grief and I also wanted to look back on those words in the future. I still write at least once a week and it has been helpful.

      My heart goes out to you. I can tell your Tiara loved you so so much and must have been so happy to have such a loving, caring mommy like you. Take your time and do what you need to as you work through your grief in the weeks, months, or years to come. And take as long as you need. This is what I plan on doing for myself as my beloved cat was my everything and filled the void of a best friend, significant other, child, everything since I live alone, am single, and no kids.

      I hope this quote from a pet loss book I have gives you comfort : “Remember your deep sadness reflects the intensity of your love for your departed friend.” “…We hope you allow yourself to imagine a moment sometime in the future. In that moment, some time from now, you’ll know to have loved so fully means you have received one of the most special gifts that life grants us.”

      These initial days are the hardest but know I truly am thinking of you. [And my heart goes out to anyone else reading this in the future.] Our beloved pets change our lives forever and they will never, ever be forgotten.

    • JR

      Hedda- I just wanted to say how profoundly sorry I am, that you have lost your dear companion- Tiara. Charles and R expressed my feelings far better than I ever could. Those of us fortunate enough to have shared the love of a cat; do understand the sorrow when you talk about the “last times.” I suspect she was always- there- a comfort during difficult times, growing up. Now, on maybe the worst day of your life, she is missing. Now, it seems too much to bear, but I hope you find peace, and know she adored you, every minute of her life. Possibly, although it seems impossible today, you will visit a cat somewhere, lost and alone, and desperate for love. Despite yourself, you gather it in your arms as it clings to you for dear life. And that will be the very best day of that creature’s life; as it steals your heart away, once more.

    • D

      I’m so sorry, Hedda. It really is one of the hardest things in life to lose our beloved fur babies who have been there through so much of oru lives. Tiara is always in your heart and you gave her a good life.

      When I lost my kitty, I missed her on my bed so much that I chose my four favorite pictures of her and had a pillow made on one of those photo sites. It’s beautiful and I love that I get to see her every morning when I make my bed and every night before I go to bed.

      You will always miss her, but that speaks to the depth of the love you had for each other. <3

  • D

    I am coming up on 2 months without my angel kitty. I got her when I was 21 in college. I thought we had years more together but she has a tumor in her mouth that originated in her nasal cavity. It never even occurred to me that she would die anytime soon, and now it haunts me because she had been sneezing a lot for a few months and it was unlike her. Maybe if id taken her in sooner she would have been able to get treated. Her last good day was a Friday and then she went downhill, started drinking from the toilet and not eating. I stupidly didn’t cancel my plans I had that night, I thought we had more time and she was feeling better.

    On her last day she went and slept in another room and we lay down together for a long time. I took a video of her purring and it feels like a knife in my heart every time I watch it but I can’t stop. I’m so grateful to have had those last precious moments with her. I only knew she was sick for about a week and a half before I took her for her last visit. I couldn’t bear to have her get sicker. But I’d do anything for one more good day with her.

    The worst parts are the moment of excitement that I get to see her when I’m on my way home before I realize “oh.. yeah.” And When I switch off my light at night, she would always come running over to lay on me and purr me to sleep… not having that kills me. I’ve had pets before but we went through so much together. It feels like it will never feel the same, I miss her so much and only a few days have passed where I havent totally lost it at least once. I think about getting another cat someday and it jut makes me sad to think of someone else in “her” spots.

    I miss her so much and I can’t seem to let go.

    Thanks so much for listening.

    • JR

      A word for D and Karen. I understand the emptiness and devastation you feel, as I lost my kitty and best friend,eleven weeks ago. I was buying something for her at a yard sale when she first came into my life nineteen years ago. A lady there told me – ” She will change your life”, and I just laughed. Little did I know. If you are lucky, they will steal your heart- but then they take it with them when they leave. I just hope you will find peace in the truth of the Love you shared; and possibly are able to experience it- again.

      • D

        Thank you so much for your kind words JR. I hope the same for you. They really do change your life in ways you can’t anticipate. I’m thankful to know what it feels like to love so deeply, and while it seems unfathomable, I hope to experience that again one day. And for you to have it again one day.

      • Tracy Mcgilp

        Jr you’ve got the part where they steel your heart I can’t stop crying and heart aches so much not see I g my poppy , my other cat and my dogs feel the pain too wee Tilly my other cat keeps coming up and head bonking me every time I cry 😢x

  • Karen

    Today I had to let go of my best friend, my mister, my common law spouse, my booty, my Tigs. Adopted him 16 years ago. Orange tabby stole my heart – he’s struggled with hyper thyroid the last five years which we managed with medication. Then last year between hip replacements for me, his fur got all funky. We thought it was just old age but when I took him for his checkup – they found kidney failure. We managed his diet, gave him IV fluids which worked for a while. The past few weeks, he had stopped eatting his dry food. I was giving him pretty much whatever he wanted. He stopped sleeping with me but still demanding nightly cuddles. Until 48 hours ago – his meow was different – he was so frail. I held him Thursday night as much as he would allow. Last night he didn’t want to be held. This morning we decided that the light was gone from our dear old man’s eyes. I called my vet & we took him for his last visit with “dem girls” at the vets office. I laid my head next to him and told him it was almost over & soon he could rest. It was quick – I’ve cried all day – the silence in my house is deafening. I’ve never been home alone. I’m heart broken for my loss of my mister. But he loved me – I was truly his person. I miss him so but I know I gave him all I could. And best of all I gave him a peaceful exit with me there to comfort & love him. I’m grateful for the support & unconditional love he unselfishly gave to me. Life will be lonely without my booty……..I miss his face.

    • Charles

      Your love for your little guy is obvious, Karen, and I send a spiritual (and virtual hug) your way. I know how you feel and it’s amazing how huge an impact these furry guys and gals have on us. Time will pass and the pain will lessen and you should find ways to honor the memory of having been blessed with such a wonderful relationship. It’s difficult now but in time you will smile at the wonderful times you spent together. I know I am a better person for having had my precious girl for 18 years (lost this past March).

      Be well,
      Charles

      • Dawn Elston

        I lost my girl Sadie on March 31, 2018. She was 18 years old and had lost her voice in January and slowly during those 3 months she was slowly losing weight and I will never know what was wrong with her…she used to cuddle under the blanket with me and she was such a sweet cat. I have 2 more cats to go though this process with (1 is 18, Sadie’s Brother….and 1 that is 14). I held her in my arms as the color changed in her eyes and I saw the light and color leave her eyes. I just kept holding her as 2 of my friends took me to the river where I could bury her and they dug the hole and 1 of the guys took her gently away from me and put her in that hole as I bawled my eyes out. My 2 cats I have still just kept walking around the house and looking around corners ….like they were looking for her. It’s been 3 months since she passed and I still cry. I bought a puppy dog ring as a tribute and to remember Sadie.

  • Nancy Berger

    I had the best cat ever. I am so happy I had him for 20 years. But he was showing his age, and I reluctantly began to think
    about the time when Inky would no longer be with me. He rested a lot, of course, but seemed okay (given his age) otherwise.
    One day I went to work and I said bye-bye to him as I did every morning. My father was getting ready for work, and he went
    into the sunroom where Inky was lying on the rug, and petted him. Then dad went to the bathroom, and when he came out,
    he went to see Inky again. But Inky was gone.

    I can’t forgive myself for not being there when he died. I wish I had held him in my arms and petted him as he left me.
    I know it might sound over the top to some, but I still tear up when I remember my baby. He might have wondered
    where I was at the last.

  • Madini Ladino

    On May 19, 2018 my beloved Nino Ladino passed away naturally in our home with the company of his beloved family.

    He was 15 years old, and he went peacefully in our arms, just like he was falling sleep, his last sleep.

    It could be sound a little strange, but a day before his departure I felt that it was the last day. On Thursday he eats a lot (his favorite carpaccio), he jumps on his favorite couch like he was cured, but I felt that weird sensation….then the next day stops eating, and stops drinking, and everything was clear for me. I decided play for him the whole piano repertory that I have in my head, including his favorite (and mine) composer: Mozart.

    It’s very difficult to me write this, but I miss him a lot, he was a smart, intelligent cat, he talks with me every day, he sings with me, he enjoys when I played piano, he cares about me when I was sad, he was brave: he killed a bunch of snakes and scorpions to protect us. He was a smart, intelligent, wise and a gentleman. Now is a beautiful angel. RIP my beloved Nino.

  • jerry

    Over the past nine weeks I have read every story on this Blog; although all are heart-breaking, wonderful that so many cats received a lifetime of love. I never imagined that I would fall in love with a cat; as the folks here will understand it is an amazing thing, when a cat picks you- to love. I was in my fifties when my cat, Shelly, showed up on my front porch, nineteen years ago , weak and hungry, and decided to spend her life with me. I didn’t know it then, but my life would be transformed; every day, even the hard ones, a joy. I could write a book about our life, but as you can imagine, it was never dull, and full of love. She lived for years with kidney disease ( she may have been 22 years old), and over a year after a stroke.; and loved every day of her life, until she became ill. I fear now that I waited too long to let her go; but didn’t know when or how to say good bye to my best friend. She has been gone 9 weeks now, and the pain and emptiness is constant. I don’t know how she found me; but it was the sweetest gift that I ever received.

  • Kristin

    This morning I lost my Devon. He was the the strongest bond that I have had with any pet I’ve had on my almost 40 years. I knew the end was nearing but I thought I had more time. He was fine yesterday and gone today. I am most grateful that I was with him in the end, he saw me and I held him. I told him it was ok and that I loved him. I’ve had a rough year, including a terminal cancer diagnosis of a sibling and he was my rock. I’m buried by regrets of not spending as much time with him the end as my personal life was changing, and I can’t get that time back. At times I cry so hard I can’t breath and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is getting cremated and the vet will provide me with a paw print impression but I can’t imagine that void ever getting filled….

  • Scott Irving

    March 24th this year.

    Her legs just…stopped working. Renal issues, apparently.

    I knew what was gonna happen as soon as I saw her lying there. I didn’t wanna accept it, but we brought her in. She was so good, barely fussed, popped her head out of the carrier and just looked around. Wasn’t scared by everything new around her, just watched with such beautiful curiosity in her eyes. Must’ve been the first time she’d seen a dog in 17 years, and she was barely phased by it.

    And then we took her in. We took some time to say our goodbyes. We held her while she tried to move around a bit and explore. Silly kitty, your legs don’t work, you can’t go crawling around.

    And then I held her while she died. And a little part of me went with her.

    I miss you Abigail. So, so much. I’ve never been one for spirituality, but I hope there’s something after all this so I can see you again and tell you all about the wonderful stuff that’s gonna happen. You were my favorite girl.

  • Kenny Smith

    I lost my Nell-Bell Sunday. I had her almost 19 years. She was a petite calico cat and she was gorgeous. I am not saying that because she was mine. She was GORGEOUS. Anyone that met her, cat lovers and cat haters, commented on her beauty. She had the beginning stages of kidney issues and was put on a good diet. She started pee’ing all over the place and once she had a healthy diet, she was fine. However she had these seizure like episodes that we could not diagnose. The vet said it couldn’t be seizures as she bounced back immediately and they were oh so brief. She would just fall over. The severity of the issues varied. Sometimes it was as if she just lost her balance. Others she would fall over completely. It broke my heart. Last week she had a bad one. I laid down with her and had her on my chest. We were face to face and I could tell it must not of felt good She then urinated all over me. It broke my heart. I knew my baby needed to go. I wasn’t able to afford it until 5/4/18 which was my next payday. I had spent a lot of money over the last three months on her. Which I would do it again. Well last Thursday she had 3 of those episodes in a row within 45 mins. I borrowed money from a family member and had it scheduled Sunday April 29th. I took off work Friday and spent the whole weekend with her. There is an organization called Last Wishes that comes to your house. The sedate then give the final injection. That was the most heartbreaking experience EVER. I held her through the whole thing. I had my arms wrapped around her with one of my hands on her midsection. I felt her last breath/last heartbeat. I have been so broken and so lost. I live alone and I cant stand going home. Ive lost family member’s so I am familiar with grief. I had no idea the severity of the loss of my baby. I was taken by surprise. I am having her cremated and will get the remains back. A friend gave me an idea. I contacted build-a-bear and spoke with a manager. She said that she would have my Nell-bells ashes sewn into the bear. I bought a small blanket. When I took it out and put it on the couch she jumped on to it. The vet allowed her to be wrapped in blanket and took it with her. I will get it back with her remains. I sob uncontrollable at home. I tell her I miss her and I love her with all my heart. I tell her I hope she has piece and if she can please let me know that she is ok. I always left a bedside lamp on for her and I don’t have the heart to turn it off. I.had.no.idea.

    K

  • Margaret Dowding

    Simon we think has been knocked down by a car I found him in a friends drive not a mark on him his eyes were open and he looked like he was running he was trying to get through there locked gate it’s usually open but they were away. He went missing Sat pm and I found him Sun night having looked for him all day. He was a beautiful cat he had a great character I miss him so much I can’t stop crying I just want him home ,he was only two and a half.

  • Margaret Dowding

    Simon we think was knocked over by a car I found him in my neighbours drive he was trying to get through her locked gate he looked like he’d been running he had his eyes open he was trying to get home he was only two and a half. I just can’t get it out of my head that he died in pain he was such a beautiful cat full of character it’s breaking my heart it happened 2 days ago I can’t stop crying I just want him home

  • Marie

    We lost Our Lacey today. She was 10 years old and we had her from birth. She had diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, and irritable bowel disease. We lost her mama cat, Chanel, last month, on March 31. Chanel had stage 4 kidney disease and was only 11 years old. Both kitties required a tremendous amount of care, medication, and financial support. I am emotionally, physically, and financially drained. Caring for them through their illnesses took a lot out of me. I loved them both and miss them terribly though. I also lost another cat, “Cinco”, last Sunday, April 22. He had a blood clot that blocked blood flow to his back legs, and had to be euthanized. This was so sudden and so unexpected. Losing these three loved kitties has left me with immense grief.

    • Linda

      Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. You were a great Mommy to all of your kitties. You took such good care of them. I know they appreciated it and eventually, the pain will get a little better.

  • Dave Shaver

    I lost my beloved angel Shasta on March 13. She was 12. I had to get her euthanized because of kidney disease. I miss her terribly. She was my angel, my daughter, my kitty and my very best friend.

    Thank you all and much love to you for sharing your stories <3 🙂

  • Binx's Mom

    This article really helped me a lot! Thank you!
    We lost our beloved, Binx, 3 weeks ago Saturday (he passed in the early morning hours here at his home on Saturday March 24, 2018). He was the best cat ever. I’m having some trouble accepting that he’s gone and I’ll never see him again. He was about 15 years old so I understand and I’m grateful that he had such a long cat life. And that he had a family that loved him. He had a nice home with high quality food! We went out of our way to make sure Binx was happy 24/7. I know we did everything we could to keep him comfortable in yhe end too.

    Anyway I’m rambling. Thanks to this article I realize it’s ok to grieve just don’t stay in constant deep sadness. Honor his life and be grateful for all of the amazing memories.
    I also bought a special piece of jewelry in honor of my Binx. My purchase fed 20 shelter cats. So I feel good about that. I visit his grave often too.
    His Sissy (Binx’s cat sister) misses him too. She sits by his grave all the time. It’s sad and beautiful at the same time. I’m making sure to give her extra attention now. Since she’s the only cat. That’s what Binx would’ve wanted anyway…….I know it.
    I miss you Binxy. You were the best. I’ll never forget you. And I hope I see you on the other side one day……..Until then take care of everyone in Heaven and BE NICE…lol.

    I’m sorry to everyone who’s lost a pet. I know it’s hard. Sending hugs to all.

    • Linda

      Sending you hugs. I lost my beloved Tiger about a month ago. It hurt so much. I loved him so much. So, I know how you feel. Know that you will be reunited with Binx in heaven.

  • Olliekat

    I had my darling 19-year-old Ollie put to rest just 7 weeks ago based on wrong information by the vet. He gave me the most graphic details of how Ollie would die which haunts me still. He gave him just 2 days to live, but a week later he was still alive but because he hadn’t been given diuretics at the time, his lungs were full of fluid and his breathing was very laboured. By the time I called a vet to the house, I was told that Ollie could have a heart attack if I tried to give him a tablet. Ollie was sitting next to me looking at me with his sweet innocent eyes when I made the decision to give him a peaceful ending. He died on my lap. My heart has been broken into a million pieces and I can’t forgive myself for not getting a second opinion before he got worse, but I believed the first vet. I’d had him since he was 6 months old and he was the funniest most gentle and friendly cat in the world. I cry a lot and miss his physical presence so much that I ache. The pain is so intense that I feel swallowed up by it. I keep thinking if the first vet had just offered him diuretics that his symptoms would have eased, even if it was temporary. I am haunted by the fact he could have still been here.

    • Helen

      Dear Olliekat I went through something similar, my vet told me my cat had hours to live & to stop giving him his medicine & renal food (he had CKD) & to take him home to say goodbye. My kitty lived 18 days & Im sure if I had requested sub fluids he would be here today… sadly we have to trust the people we take our babies too but sometimes they are way off the mark. It’s been six weeks since I lost my boy & I feel like I am in a daze. I am truly sorry for your loss. Your beautiful kitty would not want you to feel guilty, you were only doing your best for him on the advice given to you. Be gentle with yourself, grief is a long & hard process without guilt added on. Missing your precious fur baby is enough to cope with right now. Keep in mind how loved your kitty was & how you always had his best interests at heart. God bless you & I hope you find some peace & comfort. x x x

      • Olliekat

        Hi Helen. So we both lost our furballs at around the same time. I have just been through the vet mediation service with my complaint about the vet, and was further distraught to discover he lied about everything and said he didn’t describe Ollie’s death to me in detail (he did) and that he offered him treatment, which I apparently declined. The only things he offered were treatments that he said could kill Ollie, so why would I say yes to them? But he never once offered diuretics and I wasn’t clued up enough to know they could help until it was too late. He also said I wasn’t crying, but when I said I could describe the room they shunted me off to so I didn’t upset the other people who were there with their pets, he changed his mind and said he did remember after all!

        It’s not enough that Ollie was so badly treated there, but the fact the vet had to coerce the staff into lying for him really really hurt me. One thing I managed to get included in the resolving was that the practice has agreed to provide additional training to all the staff to ensure that devastating news isn’t delivered in such a cold and callous manner.

        I am so sorry for your kitty too, and that you are also wondering ‘what if’… like I have been. It’s a very difficult cycle to get out of, because everywhere I go in the house, Ollie’s presence is absent, and he was so in your face all the time wanting to be close by that it’s still a massive shock not to see, hear, or feel his velvety fur anymore. I buried him in the garden with a little headstone and some large laminated photos and garden lights so I can always ‘see’ where he is. The pain is very intense still, but it does sort of help to know other people are also feeling the same way. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful post.

  • heidi

    me and my husband lost both our cats to anti freeze poisione holly was 12 molly 9 hooly was always there for me when my mum passed finding it hard but my husband helping no body understands unless got cats them read youre pages helped a bit paul Heidi rowson rest in peace hooly molly

  • Charles

    I am presently WK+7 (that’s Without Kitty for seven days, now). I’m all bawled out … but I remain numbed by the loss and she remains constantly on my mind. I had Kitty for 18 years, she was a feral who found me when she was only 12 weeks old, and we bonded from the point she jumped on my shoulder and burrowed her little purring face in my neck. I was so lucky that she gave me 18 wonderful years – Kitty was without fail, purr-fect.

    The empty spot on my bed where she spent nearly all of her time is a cruel reminder of my loss and each time I pass my bed, or crawl into, the emptiness is barely manageable. Her death was relatively sudden, inside of a week, with a diagnosis of liver disease with a very poor prognosis.

    That I subjected her to a battery of tests on the Thursday night which I think accelerated her decline bothers me incredibly. I know that the final outcome would have been unavoidable regardless, but that visit to the vet forced my hand and she was in obvious distress from the moment I got her home and into the next day, leaving me little choice but to move forward. I did one right thing by going the euthanize-at-home route and I held her in my arms until the very end. But that guilt continues to haunt me and overshadows the wonderful memories I should be focused on.

    I just miss my little girl (and now come the tears again).

    • Gisella

      On March 22 I had to made a decition to put my 8 years old cat to sleep. Decition that I feel guilty because who I am to make a decition for a live. He started to licked ashes from my fireplace by December and I didn’t realize til a month later . When I went to the vet she says he looks pale and he had lost a lot of weight. The vet took some blood test and told me his white blood counts was high. The vet told me that some cats have a silent cancer. She said to fed him and just keep an eye on him. Then he started to look bad by weeks so I brought him to an emergency place and they told me that he was in a bad shape and I could put him under Chemo which I couldn’t afford or put him to sleep.
      I wonder if I made the “right” choice. Should I have waited to go back to my vet? . I don’t know… and I won’t ever know.
      My first ever cat that I had I found him death but this one I had to put him to sleep, I made that decition! It is hard. I miss him and I can hear him still.

    • Helen

      Dear Charles, sadly many on here have guilt over the choices made in the last days if our beautiful furbabies lives. You & everyone else only did the best you/we could to prolong their precious lives. You were not to know that it was her ‘last’ days. You were hoping for a solution to your kitties sudden health problem & only acted with her very best interests at heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself, grieving her loss is enough to cope with without the guilt. You did your very best for 18 years, keep that in mind… I lost my beautiful boy 6 weeks ago, every time I begin to feel pain at his passing I try to think of a happy, beautiful moment from our lives together & suddenly I can smile, sometimes with tears, but still it is something. Your precious kitty wouldn’t want you to be sad, they would want to thank you for all those years love & care. Be gentle on yourself & God bless. x

      • Charles

        Thank you, Helen, for your supportive words and I’m sorry for your own loss. The pragmatic side of me agrees with you completely but seems to – at present – be losing out badly to my emotional side. I probably wouldn’t be over-analyzing or feeling such guilt if I didn’t miss Kitty so unbearably. I guess I’m not even close to the point of acceptance for the permanency and finality of Kitty’s death and maybe this is the process I have to go through, I don’t know. I ran in and out of our local humane society this morning to donate Kitty’s unused food and treats, moving so quickly that I left while the volunteer was in a mid-sentence of “thank y..” The pain of letting go is worse than any physical trauma I’ve ever experienced. I’m actually angry with myself for having become so #*&$(#$@ invested.

        But as you say, I should be gentle on myself and I should honor my sweet baby with happy thoughts – I will try. I just miss her incredibly. Thank you for responding, be well. Charles.

    • Marie

      Goodness I’m in almost the same situation. I lost Jack 9 days ago. Liver disease with an inevitable outcome. Home euthanised as you did. I crucify myself that I did not do enough tests, and that he was in a desperate state when I got him put to sleep, although heading for a rapid decline.
      I think the guilt will be there whether you felt you done too little or too much. Its part of grieving. Its something you have to make peace with. No one loved your beloved companion as much as you so you know you have done exactly the correct thing. Whats the right thing for one cat is not for another. Trust you did your best for her. I know exactly how you feel.x

      • Charles

        Thank you for the kind words and support, Marie. I’m sorry for your own loss. I, too, have guilt about not having done enough testing when Kitty was younger. As a strictly indoor princess, Kitty was remarkably healthy well into her 18th year. I had ceased vet visits a few years ago as she was so affected by them, the visits seemed like cruel and unusual punishment – and she was always deemed 100% healthy. But perhaps an earlier diagnosis during the past few years might have exposed something treatable at the time. Hindsight is 20-20 and despite doubt and guilt, I take some solace in that Kitty lived a very long and happy life (well, happy thereafter once she chose to adopt me). Thank you for responding to my post. Be well, Charles.

    • Olliekat

      So so sorry for you.My Ollie had just six days in between visiting the ‘bad’ vet and putting him to sleep. The last few days were exhausting emotionally as I was waking up every few hours to see if he’d eaten (he did eat a little but it hurt him because of the fluid build up). I knew he wouldn’t last forever, but prior to his last steroid shot for his asthma, he’d been just fine.The steroid pushed him into heart failure but the other vet thought Ollie was worthless and did nothing to alleviate his symptoms. It kills me to think that he could have been more comfortable with diuretics but he wasn’t offered them until it was pretty much too late. I never envisaged the end of his life in this way and I have as yet been unable to come to terms with it. I feel I failed Ollie in the worst possible way and that I cut his life short when he could have had another year or two. He was such a happy and contented cat throughout his entire life.

      I did the same as you and had the euthanasia carried out at home right after Ollie decided to eat an entire bowl of food in front of the vet. The guilt is something that weighs heavy on my heart so I sympathise hugely with you. We have to try and remember that our babies didn’t think about the future or what they’d be missing out on. All they remember of their last moments is of being with someone who loved them. It is us who continue to suffer, not them. But I wouldn’t trade a single second of my time with Ollie even though I really can’t ever imagine feeling happy again. I spent this evening looking at the tons of videos I took of him over the years and that made me weep, but I liked seeing him when he was alive and enjoying himself.

      The suddenness of the death is very hard to move on from, but we need to try to focus on the many many good years we shared with them, and not the final moments, which is not what defined their lives. I wish I could take my own advice, but it’s too soon. I hope you will gradually remember more of the good times you shared and how lucky she was to have you. The pain we’re feeling shows just how much they were loved, so we did our job and gave them fantastic lives. Ollie was spoilt rotten, especially in the last few years when I figured he could go at any time. I’ve had cats before, but Ollie was the only one for 19 years. His food bowls and toys have been left untouched as I can’t remove them right now. I guess we have a long way to go and I wish we could fast forward some of the pain because it’s so debilitating and tiring and comes out of nowhere at random times (like today when one of my students showed me a photo of her cat) and I came home and cried solidly for an hour until I got a cracking headache. I have to hope this will lessen over time as it’s not possible to continue feeling this sad without completely falling apart.

  • Renee

    I wanted to thank everyone for sharing there stories. I lost my cat, Sid, yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, he died at home. He had CKD but showed no signs of it really, until a week before he passed. He started throwing up and we noticed he wasn’t eating, so we made a vet appt. The vet recommended putting him down, but we wanted to give him a fighting chance. He seemed ok until Friday night, when he started rattling breathing. Saturday, I called the vet because I was worried I gave him too much ringer’s lactaid solution. The vet gave us Lasix and told me not to give him any more subQs Saturday. He was still breathing hard on Sunday, so I didn’t give him any Sunday. But, he drank water for the first time on his own Sunday night and we were hopeful. He wasn’t eating on his own. Monday he was kinda wobbly around 11am. He cried two type meows around 3 but I thought he was just trying to throw up because he cried like that last Monday when he did throw up. I left to get him stuff. My husband called me close to five and said I needed to get home because he pee’d himself and was crying a little bit. I called the emergency vet and they told me to bring him in. I knew it would be to put him down, but when I got home, I knew he was going. He was laying down breathing shallow and he passed and I saw his eyes go completely black and he stopped breathing. Then he came back and went into a rigged position and passed again. From the time he peed until passing was 30 mins, I knew we didn’t have time to get him to the vet. I feel unbearable sorrow and heartache. I have cried all nigMonday and all day today. I feel guilty for not putting him down sooner. I feel guilty for how he died. I feel guilty we didn’t catch it sooner. I feel like I may have hastened his death. I just feel bad. We had Sid for almost eight years. He was a feral cat that started hanging around our house. He was at least two when we. got him, so that would have made him around 10. He had a rough start to life. He had heart worms and was starving when we found him. In in the process of catching him, he bit us. We were encouraged to have him put down then, but we saved him and he lived with us just a few months short of eight years. He had more love than any cat I have ever owned. He had the best personality and would do silly things. Like running in the house making a happy noise after taking a poo. Playing with his toy fuzzy and running through the house and sliding into things while playing. Loving on everything in the house. Folllowing my husband..everywhere. He definitely chose my husband as his person. I miss the happy noise he would make when he slept. Almost like he was dreaming. I miss the way his ears went back when he yawned. I miss the way he would thump his foot, while itching his ear. I miss him and it’s very hard. I hope it eases some because the pain is very deep.

  • Mer

    My Max ( Maine coon cat) was hit and died Saturday(indoor cat) just got him back to healthy and happy. He got out 2 x last week so quick and he would see murray( my savy indoor /outdoor cat) go out, and Max would be upset. So i thought sat am would let him out fir a few minutes but think Murray chased him into the street( im mad at murray) and within 15 min of being out was hit. I came out with the dogs to walk and dog officer was there; some one saw my max inthe road and put him over in the side of street. He was completely intact.
    Intellectually i know he was happi being out. But feel guilty i let him out. After 3 years of getting him to optimum health, im upset at myself for not stcking to him being sn inside cat.

    When he lived with jane( my older friend, who passed) going out was into the hallway, so i think he thought it was the same thing☹️
    Im having a real hard time adjusting to him not being here, even tho he required a lot if attention.

  • Marie

    I lost my sweetheart Jack yesterday. The pain is so intense and physical I feel I will never heal. I live alone so he was my reason to come home at night, and get up in the morning. I feel I may have acted too soon as he was in end stage liver disease, less than two kg and not eating, but he still washed his face and loved his cuddles. I just couldn’t take the chance that he would rapidly deteriorate and suffer😔

    • Kendra

      Dear Marie, I’m sorry for your terrible loss. Im the same. I Live alone and had my cat Ziggy since he was a kitten. I put him down today or kidney failure. It’s one of the hardest decisions ever. He was my baby. God bless you and I wish you peace.

  • Linda

    I lost my sweet cat, Tiger (pronounced Tigger) last Tuesday. He was precious. He loved me and followed me all around the house. He would greet me when I got home from work, slept on the floor next to my bed and would be staring at me with his beautiful green eyes when I awoke each morning. He purred with his entire body and would pat me with his front paw to get my attention and get me to pet him. I would sing to him and he would watch me dance. We would bump heads and tap our noses together. He constantly guarded me. If I was fussing at my kids, he would also chastise them. He gave such unconditional love. I only had him for 5 years. He was 5 years when I got him from the pet store. I thought we would have more years together. He lost weight and was vomiting. I had hoped it wasn’t serious but when I got him to the vet it turned out he had many tumors. The vet told me it looked like cancer but we set up an ultrasound for 3 days later. This gave me time to hug him, love him and spend extra time with him. Once he had the ultrasound, I was told it was very bad and chose to put him to sleep so that he would not suffer any more. I miss him so much. Every day. Every day. Taking it day by day. I know I will get to see him again.

  • Juanita curtis

    Look,I lost my precious boy Alex my Maine coon kitty I received on my birthday Nov 15th 2003 the best 14 years of my life until December 30th 2017 when my world changed forever:-(Alex jumped up on the table in the living room looked at me me out and I noticed that he was heavy breathing through his mouth I didn’t understand why? I had seen this Behavior once before, so I decided to wait a couple of days I just thought he might have had like a stuck hairball or something so on December 6th I brought him to the vet one of those emergency clinics the lady wanted between 300 and $600 on the spot in cash that I didn’t have in order to even look at him I didn’t have it so I left I 2 Days Later went out and purchased a humidifier after doing some research online figuring that would help his breathing on December 15th my roommate moved out after giving me a week and a half notice that she was moving after 10 years I think he died from the stress between me and my roommate we weren’t actually fighting but there was tension in the area she met some guy and she didn’t want anything to do with us anymore after that but I don’t mourn for my loss of almost 10 years with my friendship with my so-called best friend because my best friend was my Maine coon Kitty a 14-year is name Alexander Coo ca doos the Great, sugar foot,etc. The 30th of this month will be 3 months that I’ve lost my kitty and there hasn’t been one day that I have not broken down and cried over him I blame myself for not having the money to take him to the vet when my roommate left she took the car I had a Vespa Scooter in New England in December I was going to get him help because he was still eating drinking and eating his treats but I would have done anything for him and now I look back even though my rent was unstable because I’m currently unemployed I should have found a way to get him help sooner because I’m paying more with a broken heart than I could have ever paid with paper I will miss him till the day I die I miss him so much I talk to him every day in fact I still have his body in my freezer as we speak and if someone tells you that you could not keep a dead pet in your freezer after they die they are lying to you he looks exactly the same as when he died he hasn’t corroded at all he looks absolutely beautiful I held his paw and told him not to go but I guess a higher power had other plans which definitely ended the chapter in my life for a friendship that wasn’t there and a friendship that was the most meaning I’ve ever had in my life human or pet. He was so smart he would answer me he was my boy my only boy no one else’s boy daddy’s boy:-( so if anyone ever tells you then it gets easier they’re lying to try to make you feel better it does not get easier I am more depressed than I’ve ever been in my f****** life and I currently think of suicide my best friend killed himself in front of me when I was 17 he was 19 when he shot himself with a gun I can’t see ever taking my own life but I can see myself dying from broken heart 🙁

    • RR

      Wow, that all sucks. You have a lot of crappy things stacked up against you, and I can only imagine how you feel having lost the best thing in your life- your cat. I’m a hell of a lot older than you probably are (I’m 71), and I’ve had dozens of cats and dogs die during my lifetime, and I swear it never gets any easier, and it kills me to think that if I’d only done this or only done that maybe he/she would have lived a lot longer. I think I’ve learned a lot more about symptoms of illness and when to get the pet to a vet, but you’re right – they want their money and if you don’t have it, well tough luck (although I ‘m sure there are some vets who will help for less money or maybe none).

      It all truly sucks, big time. I still grieve for all the furries in my life that are now gone. One thing I’ve found though, that may or may not help you, is to adopt another kitty, maybe one from a shelter that really needs a home and someone to love it. It won’t wipe out your grief at losing your friend, but I’ve always found that a new cat helps to fill the hole in your life. The new cat likely won’t be the same, but you will come to love it for itself as it is, and create a new bond with it. Someday it will die too, but that seems to be the way life is, and it does suck. But you will be helping yourself and another little critter get through life, at least for a while. I wish you luck. You sound like a good person.

  • Cielo

    Yesterday I lost my cat in my arms, I can still remember his last breath. I can’t stop crying. Everytime I see his catfoods and his shampoo all I can do is cry until I sleep. Tonight I heard a cat crying outside my window and I know it was him, when I open the window there’s no cat and then I’m crying again.

    • ML Stewart

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furntiture around and thought to myself this would be more for when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help. Plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

    • ML Stewart

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furniture around and thought to myself this would be more fun when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help for you too. Or, plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

  • julia salazar

    can you help me? i was nursing a kitten abandoned by its mother for 3 days now. we found the kitten on the ceiling of our house. its has been crying non stop for 5 days and thought we had to save it. its eyes were shut and a little swollen. when we got her out she was so skinny. just today after feeding it. the kitten fell asleep. but when i returned back to check on it after about 20 mins, the kitten was gone. I looked everywhere thinking it cant be possibly leave on its own not unless someone or something took the kitten. as i am writing this i am still crying because i have gotten attached to this kitten. its about less than a month old. would it be possible that its mother came back for it?

  • julia mahan

    I have been alone for 21 years. I rescued 2 kitties and bottle feed them. I lost my girl to cancer and 2 months later my boy to disc disease. He had a $6,000 surgery , but a year later was in pain. I had to put him down. I’m so miserable and miss them so much. They were only 7 years old. Will the pain and loneliness ever go away?
    They were my family. I want them home and cry constantly. Julie

    • Kendra

      😥😥😭😭 I know. My Ziggy was my best friend. Always loved me. I had to put him down today. Im wondering if I could have done something different. Breaking my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Laurie Post author

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, and the sadness at losing a cat you loved with all your heart. There is no “getting over it”…there’s only learning how to live with the wisps of sadness and love.

    You will get through the worst of the pain, though…and you’ll remember your beloved cat with more peace and love than pain or sadness. You’ll know your cat is resting in peace, and finally frolicking in fields of catnip and mice to play with!

    Take good care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace.

    I wrote another article healing your heart when you miss your cat. Perhaps it’ll offer some comfort:

    When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Your Cat’s Death
    https://blossomtips.com/when-you-feel-like-youll-never-get-over-your-cats-death/

    In sympathy and with prayers,
    Laurie

  • SG

    I lost my 22 year old beloved feline friend three months ago and I’m completely heartbroken. We spent almost every night and day together. My heart, soul and life feels dark: an eternal night. My girl was unwell for many years, but we always found a way though… I always thought our love would defy death, but it didn’t. She has helped me through my own difficulties, but more than that, she is the best friend I’ve ever had, and will ever have. She slept every night by my face. Watching the person I love so dearly slowly demise was heart-breaking. I keep questioning everything – could have done more? Did I let her suffer because I couldn’t bear to be apart from her? The vets told me several times they thought her quality of life was low, but I thought otherwise. What if I was wrong? Why did she have to go blind in her last week? Why did the vets not manage her blood pressure and renal failure? I could have made her happier and she might still be here. Everything feels a blur and I’m trying to make sense of something which doesn’t make sense. I feel sick at the thought of time passing by. I saw her so recently, yet so long ago… how can I last a lifetime without seeing her? What if we never meet again? I wish I could close my eyes and wake up somewhere with her. I don’t want this life without her. I just can’t believe she isn’t in her warm bed. I don’t know where she is. And I’m scared she is sad without me… what if I will never see her again? I love and miss her so much.

    • Mandy

      I wish I could ease your grief, I’ve been experiencing the same the past several weeks, but all I can offer is reassurance that your cat is in a wonderful place now. I’m not religious, but experienced a shared death experience with a friend’s dog who was passing. For her, it was a homecoming, and there was a feeling of joy and celebration, like what we feel at a birth. She was welcomed and surrounded by the most incredible love I’ve ever felt, and she was free from all pain. Your cat is more than fine where she is (better off than we are here to be honest) and you don’t need to worry about her. Try to think about the good times you had together, and remember that you will see her again. And if you don’t believe me or need more reassurance, then please look up near death experiences involving pets. It might be a good idea to do this regardless. I also question whether I made the right calls for my boy (he was diagnosed with inoperable and very aggressive lymphoma, they gave him a matter of days to a month to live), and all that does is tear you apart. You did the best you could, and you acted out of love. That’s all anyone can ask. I feel the same way you do right now. LIke everything’s dark and when he died the light went out of my life. But I’ve been through this before, and I’m telling you (and me) that it’s going to get better even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Remember and talk about the good times you had with her. Cry when you need to. Trust that she is loved and in a great place now. Distract yourself from your grief when you can – don’t suppress it, but don’t wallow in it either if you know what I mean? It’s just gonna take time. I still talk out loud to him when I’m alone, telling him how much I love him and miss him, and how sorry I am that I couldn’t save him. Just do whatever you have to do to get through this, and don’t beat yourself up.

    • Helen

      Dear SG, I feel like I could have written your very comment myself – you echoed EVERYTHING I have been feeling. I lost my beloved kitty to CKD four weeks ago. Since losing him I have no interest in life, people, anything. I yearn for my baby & wonder too how I can even contemplate life without him. To have to get through a day without looking into his beautiful eyes & feeling his love is impossible. Everyone around me gets uncomfortable when I get upset so I do it alone in my room but I feel so empty, so lost without my baby. I loved my cat more than I love anyone in my life & to have to live without him after 18 years is agony. You will see your baby again, our babies love us as much as we love them, they will wait for us. Just try to remember how much love your precious kitty had for you, that kind of love doesn’t just end, it transcends time & space. I wish you well SG & hope you feel some comfort eventually. God bless x

  • ML Stewart

    Last Sunday Winston was fine in the morning, has breakfast, cuddled on the couch, and then went off to do his thing in my apartment. He was an indoor only cat. Hours later I began to make lunch and he didn’t come out to the kitchen. I looked for him, called him and he didn’t come. Later when he did appear he wasn’t putting any weight on his left hind leg and it hurt when II touched it. My regular vet wasn’t available so I made as comfortable in one room as possible until I could take him in the next day.
    We drove to the vet the next morning, he sitting in a tote box curiously looking at the senery going by. I didn’t want him gettin gupset or nervous so I’d stroke his head, talk to him and occassionally replace the cover. At the vet’s office he looked around scared and in the exam room he didn’t want to be on the table. The tech took vitals and injected him with pain relievers and a sedative so they could take xrays. I expected some torn ligiments, at worst a dislocated hip, from an ill timed leap to or from a counter.
    The vet came back looking sober and said it was bad news. Winston had a broken leg and it was caused by cancer. We talked over all the options. There were no good outcomes. At 12 his surgery risks were high. The cancer could come back in as little as six months or at best we’d have two years but it would come back. Knowing his personality and not wanting him to suffer I made the decision to send him on his way to the next realm where all cats live long and healthy lives.
    I sat and craddled his sedated self for awhile and held him through the final moments. I knew my heart was breaking but amputating a leg, chemo and radiation to keep him alive would have been a selfish choice on my part. I stayed with him until his ears and paws were chilled. Stroking the softest of fur, crying, and telling him again how much I loved him. Finally I tucked his paws and tail close to him and wrapped his still body in the towel. I said my last good bye.
    My heart breaks anew every day. My apartment is empty. I packed away his dishes, not every to be used by another. Winston is being cremated and will come home in a few weeks. I’ll shop for an urn. A small part of his ashes will be blown into a glass sized marble so that each time I see it I can think of him chashing comets in his new life. A street urchin that became my best friend and favorite cat now resides with the gods. I was so blessed to have been owned by him.

  • Clarence

    The illness of my handsome black cat, Polonius Monk, and my subsequent poor judgment of nearly every aspect of the chain of events that lead to his euthanasia have left me with a crushing weight of guilt, and self-loathing, along with the vacuum of pain I feel from his absence.

    Losing him at such an unthinkable age, and in such an alarmingly quick onset is bad enough. But realizing too late that leaving him at the vet would crush his spirit is inexcusable behavior on my part. Not to mention the further emotional damage done to him by the procedures that were intended to revive his kidney function, which I try hard to not think about, and describing in writing would surely result in more of my uncontrollable sobbing.

    He had been vomiting the night before, and my regular vet was closed on Sunday. After a blood test, I was told that he needed IV fluids to try to lower his BUN and creatinine levels. My initial reaction was, “I can’t leave him”. And in hindsight, that would have been the correct decision. But then, somehow, I changed my mind, and left him.

    When I think about what it must have been like to be suddenly moved from his warm, quiet, familiar, and comfortable home, to a cold, foreign, bright, harsh room, locked in a cage, it makes me quake with panic and cry. My mind aches with bewilderment at how I came to that terrible decision.

    For over eight years I had lived with him, professed to love him, strived to care for him, and placed above all his comfort and happiness, only to betray his trust and brake my promise to him to keep him safe, which turned on a moment of second guessing what I knew in my heart to be the right decision for both of us. In that desperate feeling of loneliness I felt, that first time that I had laid down to sleep without him, haunts me every time I think about it, and particularly when I try to sleep now.

    After leaving him for two nights, his condition worsened with respiratory complications from the fluids they were giving him, and I brought him home for one last night, because I didn’t want him to die alone in that cage. The next morning, Valentine’s Day, I drove him to my regular vet and held him in my arms as he was released from his suffering.

    I have experienced the grief of losing a cat and would eventually heal from that. But I cannot seek a rationale, nor do I want to find a way to justify my actions, saying that leaving him seemed a reasonable price to pay for having him healthy. Only forgiveness directly from Polonius Monk would begin to counteract the emotional turmoil I feel, and that isn’t going to happen. Even if he could somehow forgive me, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. And I can’t forgive myself.

    I believe the most proper action would have been to have brought him back home, call my regular vet the next day, and tell them the results of the blood test (which is an indication of renal disease), and try to make my dear friend, Polonius Monk, as comfortable as possible at home, until it was time for that final ride. The indication is that he would have probably died soon anyway, and the trauma of the procedures, and the uncomfortable surroundings, being alone, did not help his technical chances for survival.

    I would have much preferred those final three days with Monk without treatment, than 2 days without him, and both of us suffering needlessly, before reaching the same ultimate outcome. I can’t see my self ever having another cat. But if I ever did, I would not place my selfish desire to make him healthy, over his comfort and dignity.

  • john councilman

    I lost my Zoey about a week ago, best companion ever, I found Zoey on the side of the road in southwestern Ohio, during the winter of 08’ she had been abandoned, she was frozen, sick, starved, & pregnant. I took her home with me to Kentucky, where I got her to a vet, he told me, ‘she’s pretty sick, but if she survives, boy, are you gonna have a cat. He was 100% right, Zoey was never more than an arms reach away when I was at home, greeted me at the door every day, knew the sound of my truck. When I found Zoey she weighed about three pounds, when I dropped her off to be cremated last week she was five pounds, Zoey had her check up a week before she died, the vet found one flea on her, so when I got home I cleaned house, anyway last Monday morning I gave Zoey a pat on the head, told her I loved her, & said I’ll see you later baby girl. I got home from work, Zoey was on my side of the bed near my pillow, stretched out like she was reaching for me, Zoey & I we’re together for 10 years. Toughest thing I’ve ever gone through, called the vet, they told me to bring her in, I wrapped Zoey in her favorite blanket & drove to the vet, I paid the extra, to have her individually cremated, I’m having a really hard time without her, I’m 67, still working 50+ hours a week, never married, I’m a Vietnam Vet, with no family. i’ve made up my mind to get a shelter kitty to adopt, can’t stand coming home to an empty house, I gotta get another kitty. Jack C.

    • Kendra

      Sorry for your great loss. Losing my cat Ziggy is the hardest loss in my life, next to my mom. I’m single too. I have another cat, but I’ll never have the type of relationship with one like I had with Ziggy. Coming home after putting him down yesterday, was easier by having my other cat Louie. But the hole in my heart is deep. Hugs to you.

  • Laura

    I lost my cat my beloved cat Felix on Feb 10th he had just turned a year old On January 20 I had to put him down due to severe complications I raised Felix literally since birth his mom is a two year old long hair cat that still lives with me Felix was the nicest sweetest cat in the Of all time he never had a mean bone in his body he was very different an unique from any pet I’ve ever had he had this thing I called the forever petting because once u start petting him it never ends he never got tired of it he was the only cat I let sleep with me because our bond was so special now that he is gone I cry ever morning an ever time I feed the other cats because that’s when he would put his paw up on the bottom cabinet looking at me waiting for me to open the can of food I have other cats but they are not like him I miss him so much hours before I brought him to be put down I held his sick lifeless body an cried so hard I’m still crying even now never knew how much this would effect me but it truly has I have pictures an videos of him from the time he was an new born an every time I watch them I cry my eyes out I just miss him so much

    • Marwa

      I know and feel your pain, my cat Mimi died on 11th of feb i really didn’t know this would be soooo painful, i have no words i jjust want to see her and hug her like i used to do, i’m also still crying till now, she is just 7 months old. I feel i’m losing my mind because of her, i keep searching for her hair on wherever she used to sit, staring in every single place she played in, i cant take the image of her looking at me in my eyes out of my mind. It’s really hard , so depressed and sad. She was very playful and hyper very lovely freindly she had amazing character i’ll never forget her i really miss her badly

  • Deidre

    I got my cat when i was 6 years old. He was my first pet and i was so excited to take him home. We got him as a kitten from my grandmas house – she always has wild cats running around because she lives out in the country and she is terrified of mice. Anyway, he was a black cat and i appropriatly named him Blackie. It was love at first sight. He was my cat and i was his human. I was the only person he would cuddle with, he would play with and he felt most comfortable with.
    I had (and still do) have a baby blanket. Years ago it had little tassels on it, and every morning before school started, Blackie would come in and lay on top of me and the blanket and suckle on the tassels as if he could get milk from it. He did that for probably 2 years straight.
    Anyway, the years went on. I finally graduated high school and started my freshman year of college. I lived in the dorms but made friends and we had plans to move into a house together. The first thing i checked was to see if they allowed pets, and my landlord approved of me moving Blackie in too.
    A few weeks went by and i called my mom to let her know i was planning on moving Blackie to college with me, and that’s when she told me he had a stroke.
    The next time i went home…my heart just broke. He wasn’t my kitty. He couldn’t hold his head up, his fur was coming off in clumps when i would pet him, he would get angry and bite if you got too close, and i just knew in my heart he wasn’t happy here. The next weekend we scheduled for him to be put down.
    I desperately wanted to be there. I wanted to be in the room with him. To say goodbye…but i had to work.
    So instead i drove 2 hours home the night before and spent time cuddling and holding him, telling him that i was sorry and i would love him forever and that i would see him soon enough.
    The next day my mom texted me at 10am that he was gone. I work as a dance coach and at the time i had to be strong and not breakdown in front of my kids.

    It’s almost been 1 year since God called my sweet kitty back. Most days it doesn’t bother me and i don’t really think about him. But sometimes i just sit up at night and miss him terribly. I’ve tried to adopt other cats but they’re not the same. Other times i feel crazy becuase I’ll absolutely bawl my eyes out over him. If Heaven wasn’t so far away and i could speak to him now i would just tell him how much i love him and that i miss him so much. I hope wherever he is, he’s happy, safe and if i could let him live forever, i would.

  • Donovan Jacoby

    Eye doctor I appreciate your time I had a 14 year old Maine Coon since 2004 I got him , and shots at a year old.everything but the aids vaccine,my cat knew was a he:-) but back in October around Halloween ish my cat was trying to get in the window through the blind and I didn’t want him wrecking my blind so I tried to pull him out from between the blinds and he was really fighting me so I won that battle and then he went back and again and I grabbed him again not really hard though just hard enough to let him know who is boss and and then I realized that he was getting caught up in the blind so I said it’s okay okay and I I just got them out real gentle and then he hit on me because I had good went out for 5 hours to Goodwill came back and I couldn’t find him anywhere I call my mama crying thinking someone that stole them the whole reason why I didn’t want him in the window he was absolutely beautiful but after I get off the phone with my mom where he’d be under the sink in the kitchen but I noticed that he was getting thinner when I found him, he just looked at me like what I’m trying to sleep then it look like I woke him up so he could have been in much pain if you was sleeping but I would say after a couple of weeks to a month afterwards I noticed that he started to open mouth breathe because December 9th I went out and I got in my humidifier when I should have got a vaporizer because I brought him to the vet and they want an astronomical amount of money to help him so I decided to bring him home instead because she was talking about possible euthanization I thought and blame myself maybe I hurt him pulling him out between the blind. but I followed him everywhere for about a month with a humidifier when I probably should have got a vaporizer to help him breathe. But he was eating and drinking and eating treats up to the day he died hours before just this weird thing was going on with his stomach I noticed I was going to bring them to another vet but I didn’t have a car only had a moped and ironically on Christmas Eve I cut my thumb so bad I thought I was going to need stitches and I had some surgical tape and I taped it up real quick because I couldn’t afford stitches so I couldn’t ride him on my scooter even talk to my jacket to the vet if I wanted to which I did but it was freezing out I’m in New England it’s like 4 degrees below zero Legend me and a cat on a scooter. after 10 years my roommate decided to just give me a week and a half notice and leave and that’s the last memories my cat will ever have because he got to know her 10 years she had moved out and he was listening to every sound of the hallway hoping she would come back say goodbye which broke my heart I would look under the bed where he was hiding and I would see death in his eyes and feel powerless because here’s my best friend dying and I have no way of getting him help I really thought he was getting better because he would come out and he would eat and he would drink but I noticed that he had fluid in his lungs cuz I start come on his mouth both days 2 days before he passed it didn’t help though I tried to lay down with him on the loveseat and he laid down on the pillow next to me and I had to reach over and turn the humidifier and I think it’s squished him a little bit because 3 hours later he was dead in the night before you crawled into my lap and collapsed but I was so uncomfortable because I’m 6ft and it was a love seat I was on so I scooted out from underneath him slowly they left them on the loveseat alone and would have my own bed because I have been up with him for days following him around humidifier and laying down next to where he was, and sleeping next to him. letting him know that I was there for him do you think it was just something that was pre existing in the breed like a while ago started happening always indoor cat.thanks

  • ian

    Thanks. My cat passed on the other morning. He was born here to. My wife and daughter loved as much as I did. Bert was his name. We were blessed to have him for thirteen years. Some people say cats are not effectionate but they are.
    We have been crying on and off for a few days now but it helps to talk about him he was a huge character in our lives a little person very friendly.
    Being a man I felt silly for crying but after reading some of your paragraphs I feel it’s quite normal. I’m now giving all my affection to my other two cats but they are not berth. He was one special little boy.
    Thankyou

  • MT

    I am reading all the posts, and I am glad I found this site. I just lost my lovely 15 year old tabby, Russ, on January 23, 2018. He had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer tumour in his mouth back in November, 2017. I had him at home up until the 23rd, but I knew it was his time – I saw it in his eyes. Up until then, I held him and sang to him his favourite son, “ Moon River”, and told him about crossing the Rainbow Bridge. Russ was my first and only pet as an adult, and I am deeply hurting and missing him so much. He will never be replaced and no other cat could ever be Russ. I am hoping to heal and then someday find another, but grieving is what I need. I brought his body home, but because it’s winter, will not bury him. I thought of cremation, because my husband and I are only renting a house – and I will not bury him here. He had a big cage build by my husband a few years ago, that kept him safe with chicken wire. That’s where his body is in a closed container – frozen. There is such a deep ache for his physical precense and I think I’ll have a hard time even having him cremated. Does anyone else feel awful about this? Not having your cat physically? Am I the only one feeling like I don’t want to give his body away. I know I can’t keep him and I want him at rest, it’s just so hard letting his body go. Does anyone have any ideas, or does this feeling just go away …maybe it’s because I just lost him 3 days ago. I feel fine that his resting in his cage where he loved to be – especially at night in the summer where he was safe. Thanks and I hope we can all see our feline babies again one day.

    • Thais

      Hi MT, sorry about Russ. I just just lost my little Videl, 6 month old kitten I found abandoned by her mother alongside her sibling, Vlad.
      What we did was keep her little collar, as well as her favourite toy. She fell from a tiny air vent we never imagined she could even reach from the 7th floor and well… I’m having a hard time not blaming myself but well… accidents do happen.
      Did Russ have a favourite toy? Perhaps a favourite blanket? It can help a lot to build a little shrine. Their photo + their toy and some incense to burn and help soothe feelings. You could even build the little shrine in his chicken cage, I’m sure he would have liked that.

    • Vanessa

      Hi, I had to euthanize my 13 year old cat on Feb 2. I had known since November that the end was near but I wanted so much to stay in denial. He was my baby and I miss him so much. I feel for you as my cat’s body is in a freezer as well, though at the vets. I won’t be able to bury him until at least April as I am in Canada and the ground is frozen and the snow is deep. In 2015 i had to euthanize a cat and it was all so sudden that I had her cremated but didn’t get her ashes as the vet said I’d have to keep her in a freezer till the ground thawed out (it was early April). I regret that now as I want something of her near me and I know the cat I just lost would want to be buried next to her as they were best buds. Anyway, my sympathies to you, I know how horrible this feeling is. I have one car left to take care of and she is 15. Take care everyone. Don’t let anyone tell you your grief over a cat doesn’t matter.

  • Anna

    My cat Minnie died yesterday morning when I was sleeping.. My mother found her dead next to our house.. Minnie was a 10 year old, happy cat. She loved me and I loved her. I’ve buried her with my own hands and cried all the way through that moment and I am still crying. I see all the places she used to sit and lay on and now they feel so empty.. It tears me apart that I won’t see her anymore because she was more like a friend to me, that I could always go to, without having that feeling of bothering her.. And there was something else that made her so special for me and that was that I owned three generations of her family, like her grandma and her brothers, her mother and then her.. So her bloodline stops with her I suppose.. She made me happy and proud and I will never forget her and hopefully I will move on soon from her death.
    Rest in Peace my baby girl..

    PS: I’m glad that I found this blog, it helps me out alot, to read about how other people are dealing with their cat’s loss. Sorry if I have some grammar issues in my text, but english isn’t my first language..

    Have a nice day!

    Anna

  • Laura

    It is comforting knowing there are other people out there experiencing the excruciating grief of losing their best buddy. I lost Noodle on January 13. She was about 17, She adopted me and they did not know exactly her age at the shelter. She was with me for 12 years through my entire adult life. Through thick and thin, countless moves, horrible boyfriends, many jobs, broken relationships, financial struggles, meeting my life partner, my first child… EVERYTHING. She slept with me every night, greeted me when I got home and was always so full of love for me and I for her. We shared my snacks. We played a silly game who could whack who’s hand/paw first and she often won. She communicated with me through different types of meows and her “looks”. I swear we had a psychic connection. She was ALWAYS there and ALWAYS loved me when I needed her. More than any human in my life. I’m not sure how I will heal from the loss but I guess it happens? I threw up 7 times the day she died just from sheer grief. I found her dead at the bottom of the stairs. I could tell from her position that she had just died. Her body gave up. She had a proper burial in our back yard and I planted a dwarf juniper bush over her. It reminded me of her. My hope is that one day soon I will feel peace about this instead of just pain. I love her so much.

    • R

      I feel you. My 16 year old childhood cat died just before Christmas.. She was sick and suffering, and she had a good, long life. But nonetheless I can’t help but to continue to feel awful. I’m not enjoying things that I normally would. I also can’t help but think of how I could have appreciated her more and treated her better while she was still here. I know that these are futile/wrong things, yet it’s hard not to think that way.

    • julie zuckerman

      Dear Laura,
      I know it’s been a month since you lost your baby, and I know how deeply sad you must still feel. I lost my Hammie Cake, my 13 year old,
      stuck in my armpit most of the time, boy, 6 weeks ago. He is so deeply ‘imprinted’ everywhere…..he is everywhere and nowhere. I’ve been through it several times before, but I think, I know, I (fortunately) don’t remember clearly just how agonizing the pain is of such loss.
      I hope for you and for myself and others who suffer loss of their special kitty loves, to soon be able to adopt a needy, or abandoned or shelter baby as there are millions without homes. I’m so sorry you have lost Noodle.
      With the Affection of someone who understands……
      Julie

  • Geraldine Nolan

    Sadly my beautiful cat of nearly 15 years, Tiddles was pure joy.
    I worked from home for most of her time with me so spent every day with her…and her life intertwined with mine. She was ill for a few months last year and I nursed her through all of it.
    The vet’s attitude was that she was too old to be ‘helped’.
    She had many happy days, even up to her last day with me on 20th December last year. I had already realised that she was not going to be with me for much longer but nothing prepared me for her eventual passing.
    Tiddles was my first pet and my first ever experience of unconditional love….something I didn’t even get from my mother. I have no family, so my cat was my family.
    Tiddles was great fun . I offered her a taste of most things I ate including olives and tomatoes, which she loved. If I went shopping I would think of Tiddles and what we could share…maybe some prawns? Tiddles learnt all kinds of words and would come when called just for the love of it.
    When she was a kitten we played a game of fetch for hours. This involved me throwing her stuffed mouse down the stairs and her bringing it back to me! Like a puppy! I felt so much love from her. I never even went on holiday in 14 years because I didn’t want her to go to a cat home… Nothing was a sacrifice…I was proud of the life I gave to Tiddles.
    Because Tiddles died at home I was able to have a ‘funeral’ and bury her under a lovely Holly tree. The practical side of preparing Tiddles and organising everything was pretty easy. But the next day I was a mess. I began drinking too much, not eating….sleeping long hours…waking at 6am and getting up….but for what?
    It’s been 3 weeks. I still have ‘bad’ days. I only realised today that there’s an instinctive part of me that ‘feels’ Tiddles is in another room. It’s gut wrenchingly painful when I realise she’s not here anymore. I even say it out loud…”She’s gone…she’s gone…and she’s never coming back”. It doesn’t really help. But I’m trying everything to help me come to terms with the enormous change Tiddles’ passing has brought to my life.
    It seems like a dream…her being with me. And with every day that passes I am torn between weeping and feeling like I’m moving on.
    Everyone keeps saying get another kitten…..Maybe I will. But for now I’m struggling with the loss of Tiddles. I miss everything about her but mostly I miss my expression of love. It’s so ‘quiet’ in my home with just me…..unbearable silence.
    Thank you for giving me the space to share my feelings.

  • Jade

    My best friend Roo has been unwell for most of 2017 pulling her fur out, seemingly unhappy – Id taken her to several vets as no one had an answer – shed had blood tests & Id changed her to an allergy cat food. Before Christmas she became very unwell & was scratching and biting herself to a point she was covered in blood. Another visit to the vet said she was stressed, prescribed some medications which did nothing. Poor Roo got worse, she would just lay in my arms, then took to hiding in a box of tools in the garage. I finally found a reputable vet who told me that Roo was actually suffering from a severe allergic reaction to something uncontrollable in the environment – dust, grass, pollen etc. It would take months to diagnose & create a possible vaccine she couldn’t guarantee that Roo would get better & nothing could fix her immediate pain. As she had suffered enough it was decided it was time for her to go to sleep. She passed away peacefully cuddled in my arms. She was with me for 12 years, but no amount of time would ever be long enough. I feel so lonely she slept with me and followed me to every room in the house. My only comfort is that Roo is not suffering.

  • Kelly Zhou

    My cat, Mimi, just died today, after we made the painful decision of putting her to sleep. She was just 10 years old. It was just last week when she was not eating or drinking, and she could not litter. She would always meow this raspy meow and was also very weak. Today we finally decided to take her to the vet, who, after checking her, said that she has cancer and it is untreatable. We either had to put her to sleep or let her die on her own. She was suffering, as she could not eat or sleep, so we thought the more humane way would be to end her suffering. This is very heartbreaking for me because she was such a good, and friendly cat, I am not sure how I could live without her.

  • Alison

    Hello I lost my daisy on this January 4-2018 due to kidney failure plus heart problems but her body was shutibg down due to her kidney fail so she died at home with us around her I had her 16 years as of January 1 2018 she was a fighter she was so sweet and liovesble I cry all the time after reading things on line I feel a lot better I can sence she is still here I have to try to b happy so she can rest cause daisy New when I was crying and upset so I’m better just got to be happy for her but I have a outside homeless kitty I think I’m gone take n and give a home like I did daisy I will try to love again but daisy will always b in my heart for ever

  • Bobby

    My cat, Mr. Chesterton was an absolutely fantastic cat, who purred and always desired to sit with my wife and I on a nightly basis. He was such a sweet cat, and I can’t imagine a nicer cat exists. A little over a month ago, he developed a bump on his head. I monitored it, and thought it was getting smaller. But it got bigger, and it was affecting his eye. He also did not seem to be eating as much. I took him to the vet and they took a sample of his bump. I heard a nurse say from the back that he had a dinosaur head, and she was kind of right. The doctor thought it was an abscess at first, and that it would pop when he inserted the needle, but it was definitely a tumor of some kind. Yesterday, on January 2nd, the doctor called and told me that not only was it cancer, but that it was a highly aggressive lymphoma that manifested in a place in his body the doctor saw only twice before in his practice, and the options were rather limited. He had stopped eating and drinking, and really moving around a whole lot. My wife and I made the decision that had to be made, and he was put to sleep yesterday. I started crying the night before when I knew this was a real possibility, and I stayed with him, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. I continued to do that, and I wanted to be there for him and I wanted him to hear my voice as he died. And I stayed in the room for a good while, petting my poor lifeless cat and telling how much I loved him. He died at eight years old, and he could have lived another ten years. I was walking around Lowe’s today buying something, and I found myself talking to him, saying “I love you, Mr. Chesterton.” I am just beginning to process his death, and I am still rather incredulous that it happened at all. All I know is that dreams are usually not this painful. I just do not know what to do next as I try to recover from this devastating event in my life. If you believe in prayer, please pray for me.

    • Erin Jonsson

      I lost my sweet baby girl of 12 years today. I am a total wreck. I feel your pain and am sending you so much love. The bonds we have with our animal kids is just beyond beautiful. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I am praying for you right now. Heart broken in California

    • Martha

      MARTHA

      oh Bobby bless your heart, I so feel for you, I lost my cat Oreo Dec 2, 2017. I don’t have children or a spouse and no other animal now, Oreo was my first pet and I grew up around dogs so I had no idea what I was getting into with a cat but he was so sweet and precious. I can’t imagine life without him, I have so much guilt because I am not smart on the medical stuff and he was diagnose with kidney disease May 2016 and then Oct 2017 he had pancreatitis and then we couldn’t get it under control – he had diareah everywhere on the night of the Las Vegas shooting, then they said it was stomach cancer and my poor baby I had no idea his raspy purr meant he felt bad nor did I understand the weird noise sounds he was making – I have a hearing impairment and I kept calling people to see what the sound was or meant, I didn’t no if it was a purr or him in pain…………..I hate the idea of putting animals to sleep but I couldn’t let him suffer – he didn’t have a quality of life so I had to put him down 6 days before my b-day Dec 2017 – I feel like a lost puppy and my house is completely empty and had to work from home today without him for the first time since he died and it was soooooo hard I cried all day while trying to work – it was bad weather so I couldn’t drive in to the office. I am praying for you Bobby – bless your heart. I could use a miracle and I know you could too. I want to save all the animals in this world. I don’t understand how people can be so mean to animals.

    • Karen Bond

      I think I will never get over this pain, it’s been five days since I had to put Garfield, my eight year old orange tabby, down. He was my best buddy and my furry love bug that laid on my lap and looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes. He got me through some hard times. I miss being able to put my face in his soft fur, his cuddles and how silly he could be. I had no clue he had somehow gotten pneumonia, he had no signs, and had just been to the vet the week before for something totally different, they didn’t see anything either, how can that happen, but he got really lethargic on Sunday so I took him to the 24 hour emergency vet, he was there two nights on antibiotics and oxygen, with no signs of recovery I knew I had to let him go. I still blame myself, I adopted him a year ago and was given his little life to care for. I cry everyday, how could this have happened, no no no, my heart has been broken. I also held him in my arms as he went to sleep, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. I stayed in a room for awhile holding him, it was so hard to let go of his warm body.
      I talk to him as I cry, sometimes angry at him that he didn’t give me a sign until it was too late. This has truly been a devastating event in my life also Bobby, I’m so sorry for your loss, I suffer with you.

    • Sam

      I feel for you.
      I just put my Maloo to sleep at aged 9 on 2nd of March.
      I am really struggling with all this. Maloo to had lymphoma and fiv+ but the vet was unsure of exactly his decline.
      I feel as if i am being punished in this life as I have never had a cat live past 10.
      My Bubbles was pts at 6yrs diabetes did not respond to meds. Tahlia my soul kitty aged 8 to intestinal adencarcinoma. Now maloo aged 9.
      😢

  • Deb

    We lost our almost 12 year old Cat, Spooky, on December 31st 2017. She was our first family pet. My daughter is almost 13, so she grew up with Spooks her whole life. Cats have this stereotype of not being as cuddly as dogs. We have 3 other cats, which would fit into this stereotype. But Spooks was different. She literally came to bed with us. On her own! She would curl up right in with us. Whether it be me, my hubby, my daughter or sons. She was the most cuddly cat I have ever known. But over the years, she became afraid of the other cats. She had lived with the others her whole life. ( Ages are 9,8 and 7). She also had pain in her backside, you could tell, whenever you tried to pick her up, she would growl. You knew something was wrong. Her walk became worse. She was on medication the past few months, but it didn’t seem to be working. So we made a family decision to let her go. All 5 of our family went with her. To hold and kiss her at the end. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through. And to see my children go through it, broke my already broken heart. I feel empty without my Spooks. I miss her so much. Yes, we have 3 others. But it’s not the same. I keep telling myself she’s finally at peace. We are weird, lol, so we paid to have her ashes with us. We got her paw print taken. I’m hoping once I have that at home, it’ll help knowing she’s still with us, in a way where she’s no longer in any pain. Where she’s not completely terrified to be here. I loved her, and will continue to love and miss her everyday. 🐈❤️

  • Stephanie Tracey

    My Chloe was only 1 year and 4 months old, she passed away today. She started acting sick yesterday but no vets we’re open. I took her in first thing this morning. She was okay but very week. The vet office was really busy and by the time they saw her she had worsened quickly. The vet came out to tell me she started seizing and crashing and they were doing cpr. Then she revived and crashed again. My poor baby didn’t make it. This was so sudden and completely unexpected. She was such a wonderful cat and companion. We had a special bond that I have never had with any other animal. She was so smart. I swear she would meow and it would sound like “hello?” When I would walk in the door after work. She would purr constantly and insisted on licking and grooming me, it was adorable. I miss her so much my heart just hurts. I’ve never really had to deal with grief in life before, with animals or people, and I’m not sure how I will overcome this! Seeing her stuff in the house is painful, and I keep thinking I hear her, or expect her to come into the bedroom to cuddle any second now. This is so painful and difficult.

  • Janet

    Gotup, don’t feel guilty. My mother lost both her son and her cat this year. I honestly think she sometimes misses the cat more. Lots of grief there.

  • Gotupl8

    I never thought I would feel so empty. It’s hard to say this, but my grief is worse than when a person close to me has passed.. is it because my beautiful Sammey cat spent more time with me than any person ever has? Is it because he knew everything about me? The absolute honesty of who I really am? Does any one thing know us in this way? Only my Sammey and anyone else with a pet knows this..no matter who we are they love us. Not just love but hard love. The kind that will never be replaced, bought, bribed etc. Real as we will ever know. Now the days are strange without him. I don’t know what time it is because he isn’t there to tell me it’s time to eat! How do I walk through my house and pretend everything is ok? Or walk in my yard without him tagging behind me talking a mile a minute? His personality was huge- he made me smile Every Single Day! He was such a good boy. The details of him passing unexpectedly and unnecessarily conjures up guilt so strongly I feel like I’m going to pass out. In reality, it was no ones fault. The Vet at the emergency room was only trying to help. Who knew that pill would sit there and eventually have his throat close up? I did everything I could to help him. I torture myself with guilt- even though I know it isn’t my fault. It’s part of the “grieving process”. He trusted me, he loved me and accepted me for who I really am. He never judged me and if he did, he never told me! Well, maybe when I took to long to get him dinner.. he was judge mental about that I guess. Not having that sammey cat around anymore is monumental. Daily rituals, his chirping noises, his beautiful eyes, his snuggles under my chin, his polite waiting by the door to go outside, his demanding yell to come in! I know everyone here is feeling it. I found a lot of help from reading other people’s experiences. I’m not alone in this wave of emotional turbulence that seems to drown me at the weirdest moments. Forget about holding back the tears when the wave crashes over me! It’s on. After spending everyday with him for over ten years, there is so much more to remember. That cat taught me so much about life and what is really important. He insisted I stop whatever was so important at the time and live in the now by holding him close. He always did need to be held close. This is super hard but I know it gets easier. I have decided that it’s probably pretty normal to feel so much pain and emptiness now that he is gone. How could I not feel this way? He knew me intimately, he loved me continuously, he didn’t care if I was socially awkward, didn’t notice my weight gain, never once complained when I was broke, never once said “ I told you so” even when I was wrong . Anyone reading this know what I am talking about. I send everyone strong love who is experiencing a loss of a beloved family member pet. These animals do not have to learn to love us- they are born that way the minute they enter this world. Maybe that is the reason they don’t live that long. The price we pay to love them and for them to live us.

    • Geraldine Nolan

      I totally feel your pin. I too have no family r spouse or kids so my cat was my entire family. I thought I was pepared for her passing but I had no idea of the depth of pain I would feel….and am still feeling, I worked from home too for years so she was always by my side….we shared our lives. She would sneak into my bed especially in the colder months and I would laugh silently at the sight of us both under the covers with our heads on our pillows. She was my everything.
      Even writing this brings tears to my eyes. Its 3 weeks since I buried Tiddles….or as I think of it…she left my home for good. Life has to go on regardless….but I’m so fragile I worry about seeing neighbours etc who don’t know Tiddles has gone. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact we would not feel such grief if we had not felt such love. That’s the price we pay. Our pets don’t need to forgive us….their love is unconditional and they know when they are loved. Cats especially have a 6th sense.So they know …without words. Your cat knew how much they were loved by you…and had a great life. I believe their souls are forever with us and will help and guide us with the same sweet love they gave us when they were in our arms. Stay strong. Remember how much you were loved too.

  • Gaya

    I lost my 11 month old cat almost 3 weeks ago. I still can’t seem to get over it. He was a rescue and we weren’t even planning to get a cat. I was quite lonely and down after a miscarriage and he just seemed to float into our lives. Suddenly things weren’t so bad. I work from home and there he was, playing on my desk, sitting on the keyboard or stealing my chair if I vacated it for a second. He was in our bed, sneaking under the blankets when it was cold, sitting on either husband or me early hours of the morning purring like a tractor. He loved playing with a fake fur toy and balled up aluminium foil. He never learnt to say meow, it was always “meeee”. He spent the days with me, following me around, playing or sleeping on the side of my desk. My husband says that he cried when I was away, looking through the house for me. When I got pregnant again, he stayed with me while I was sick for 5 months. When I was on bed rest for threatened miscarriage, he stayed by my side. He even brought his little fur toy upstairs to the bedroom to play with me. I’d never have gotten through that period without him.

    On that fateful day he was acting all strange. While he was a cuddly and affectionate cat, he rarely let us hold him for very long. This day he let me carry him around and cuddle him for as long as I wanted. In the evening, he sat in a place he has never sat at, watching me and husband intently. It was spooky in a way, it was as if he was studying us. But we put it down to the closed windows and doors and him trying to get one of us to let him out. Shortly after, I went up to bed and he came up with me as usual. He lay down by my feet and seemed to fall asleep instantly. Usually I coax him to use his bed which is just at the foot of ours. This time I let him stay and stroked him for a while. it looked like he was really sleepy (or pretending to be asleep). I too fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours after, he was no longer on the bed. I went downstairs and husband said he managed to get outside. I wasn’t too concerned because he’d done that before. But then he didn’t return when I called. He didn’t return the next morning either. We started searching around the house but nothing. I walked all over the neighborhood calling his name and shaking a bag of his favorite treats. In the evening husband drove around looking for him. He found him by the side of a road, near a pedestrian crossing. He had been hit by a vehicle, my poor baby. I had walked that road earlier, but hadn’t seen him. We brought him home and buried him in the back yard. I miss him so much. I feel cheated. I was looking forward to introducing him to his baby brother next month, celebrating his first birthday, and at least enjoying a few more years of his company. The whole house reminds me of him. Even after 3 weeks, his fur is still around. I made a photo album with pictures we and friends had of him. It helps a little. But most of the time it feels like a part of my very soul is missing.

  • Susan White

    Our 21 year old cat Richie went out of the front door without us noticing on 19th November, we have not seen him since. He was old and frail, with a touch of dementia and arthritis in his back legs and he was deaf. All that said, otherwise he was very healthy. He had a monthly visit to the vet where he was loved for his gentle acceptance of anything that had to be done. The vet thought Richie was amazing for his age. We spoiled him so much – he had little packs of fresh chicken to eat, took over half the sofa on his cushion, had his own bench outside for sunbathing in summer. On the 19th, our daughter was loading the car outside and Richie must have gone out, he certainly could not climb the six foot wall at the back of the house. We searched the streets, left both back and front doors open all night, sat up to wait in hope. But nothing. In his younger days he had got out a couple of times and returned in the early hours, but not this time. We leafleted hundreds of houses in nearby streets, we put up posters in local shops and businesses, a missing cat advert was put in the local newspaper, we reported Richie’s loss on social media and on missing animal sites, and walked for miles looking for him. There have been suspected sightings, but none successful. Every day just seems to get worse, I cannot seem to accept this at all. I miss him so terribly. I see him everywhere, hear the cat flap, I can’t bear to walk past the pet food in the supermarket. He was my sweet baby and I just love him so much. Christmas feels pointless, I’m just going through the motions. To have had to take him to the vet for that last visit would have been awful, but what I was expecting to do, not this. Not knowing what has happened, thinking of him dying cold and alone is breaking me every day.

    • julie zuckerman

      Dearest Susan….
      I am so very sorry about your loss of your sweet Richie. I know it has been a bit, but these things just well up and grab us by the throat
      for a very long time. To lose a baby kitty (even at 21yrs, yes, Richie was your baby) and not know what happened is especially torturous.
      I’ve been there. Kitties, when they are unwell, are masters at hiding. Our Sissy Baby also was 21 y.o. when she went out and did not return. Richie may have had a stroke, or a stopped heart. I think that about Sissy since we never found her…..I think she went where she
      wanted to be, well hidden, to pass away. That was 15 yrs ago. I just recently lost Hammie Cake, my precious boy of 13 yrs. I had to have
      him euthanized (vicious lymphoma of sm bowel.) I love him and miss him so much I’m still in tears every day after 6 weeks. I know what you mean about seeing Richie everywhere. My baby Cakes is everywhere and nowhere.

      I’ll hope for calm for your heart and your soul,
      Julie

  • Laurie Post author

    I’m so sorry for your loss. There are no words to heal the emptiness and sadness of a cat who is gone. Our cats leave a hole in our hearts and homes, a space nothing can fill.
    May you find peace and healing, comfort and warmth as you grieve your loss. Give yourself time, let yourself weep. Go through the pain, and you will come to the other side. Know that your cat isn’t feeling any pain or suffering, and that your spirits are forever intertwined.
    You’re in my prayers, for comfort and peace.
    xo
    Laurie

  • Kathy

    On Tuesday Dec 5 morning I got up to start my usual work day routine. Turn on the computer to warm up, turn on the coffee and feed my cat fur babies Vito and Sabrina. But something was not right. Sabrina the little 5 lb Siamese was not on my heels jumping up on the counter for breakfast, pacing back and forth and talking and as if she had not eaten in days. I fed Vito but knew something was wrong. I called her and searched for her praying that she just got stuck somewhere and couldn’t get down. She was a jumper. But the silence persisted and I had found her lifeless little body on the cold hard concrete basement floor all alone. The cause of her death is so unbelievable and I don’t understand what the hell happened. So I can’t describe it for others to understand. I blame myself over and over for not getting rid of the trash that took her life in a way I can’t understand. I was sick with bronchitis and doped myself in hopes of getting a few hours sleep without the body wracking cough. If only I had not been so sound asleep I could have heard her. I know the death was slow and painful. She had to cry out and I was not there to save her.
    Now when I close my eyes all I see is her motionless little body who suffered a horrible death. When my eyes are open all I can see is her lying in all her favorite places, in all the different size boxes she laid in or on. But she is not there. She was never more than a few feet from me and jumped up the minute I made a move so she could be 2 steps ahead prancing on with her tail standing straight up like she was the proud leader, wherever we were going.
    She laid on the table beside my computer while I worked. And jumped up the second I shut the computer off knowing it was time for dinner and spending the evening together.
    Sometimes I think I hear or see her but then realize she is gone forever. No more talking. No more mad dashes up and down the stairs for no reason in particular l.no more lying on my chest sometimes with her butt in my face.
    I have been sobbing uncontrollably since I found her and can’t find a way to stop.
    I need to be stronger than this for Vito but can’t stop
    I just want her back. She was perfectly healthy and only 11 years old. Our time together was so so short.
    I forget I don’t have to split the can of cat for her and Vito. The sobbing gets harder.
    I have lost fur babies in the past but it was after illness and I got to hold them on my lap and give them kitty morphine for comfort until they fell asleep and did not wake up.
    I have never lost a baby suddenly and totally unexpelije this and it’s killing me inside.

    • Geraldine Nolan

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Cry as much as you need…weep…let hot tears flow. That way I think we can get better….slowly. It’s bereavement and we need to treat it as such. I was loved more by my cat than my only family member…my mother. My heart is broken…but slightly less broken than it was 3 weeks ago when Tiddles passed away at home. Even though I knew she was not going to be with me for long nothing could prepare me. Mentally yes…but I am still struggling like you, with the silence. I tell my friends its ‘beyond silent’. There’s an energy missing from my home, And I miss her smell her warmth, her little heart beat, her soft tummy…her breath that smelt like fresh air….and her beautiful face.

      Some days I think the whole relationship was a dream…..I’m struggling to adjust. I can’t remember what it was like before Tiddles came to my home 14.5 years ago. I feel lost. But I know if I allow myself to grieve how I need with supportive loving friends who understand the significance of my loss, I might be ok. When you live alone with a cat…they ARE family. Like a friend said to me…It’s like losing your partner”. And I agree. Stay strong and know your cat knew how much they were loved. Their 6th sense is what its all about.

  • Thyra

    I had to put my cat Gary to sleep yesterday,it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! He was 20 years old,and was ferro for many years he became tame with me the last 4 years, I stayed with him till the end I miss him so much, I remember the first time he let me pet him the first time he meyoud, and the first time he purred, I know how hard it is for you, my cat was always there for me he became the most loving cat and I tried to keep him safe from other cats while I had him, oh how I miss him

    • Geraldine Nolan

      I feel your loss…but when I read your post all I could think was how lucky Gary was that you took him in and showed him love. That was the greatest gift you could ever have given him and he knew it. You gave him years of love and security for years, and he knew that. That’s why you were so loved by him. He’ll be in your heart forever. My friend called my cat “a four legged angel”….and I think shes right. Stay strong. When you’re ready you can think about the good times. There will be less pain and tears as time goes by. It’s only cos you loved him so much you hurt so much now. I remember that every time I think of Tiddles who passed away 3 weeks ago. My friends cat died 6 years ago and there are still moments when she cries remembering. Its called love.

  • Sherri

    I lost my little guy Gryffin about 6 weeks ago and I grieve daily and can’t shake the feeling that I can’t get past this. We have no idea how old Gryff was, he just showed up one day on our porch and immediately stole our hearts. He was the only source of lasting comfort to me when I lost my 18 yr old cat soon after he showed up. I always felt he was the angel who was sent to me to help me through that awful time and now he’s gone too. It feels too much to bear. I feel so incomplete without him, not only is my heart broken, but a huge part of my soul feels like it’s missing too. And I feel an incredible guilt about not getting him the right care in time. His illness came on so quickly and despite taking him to multiple vets and specialists over 3 days, no one could figure out what was wrong or treat him effectively. At the last vet’s, his organs started failing and we had to make the horrible and painful decision to let him go peacefully. If I had noticed his illness earlier, I keep thinking there were signs that I missed, perhaps the vets could’ve saved him. It is very difficult to accept he’s gone and deal with the days without him. It feels like the joy has gone out of or lives, we miss our little guy so much.

  • Hayley

    I lost both of my cats recently, my 17 year old boy, Splash, in September, and my cute little 19 year old girl, Alice, just this past weekend. I am 23 years old and have never not had a cat in my house. We had one before these two came into my life but I was very young and barely remember him. I got Alice as a Christmas present when I was 4 years old, and she’s been here every since. She was only a few months younger than my brother. She was always a healthy little thing, never had any noticeable health issues, unlike my other kitty. Part of me thought she would live forever. Then on Saturday she just changed. She was laying down the whole day..but it was different than normal. She just looked different. At night my mom went to really look at her and she knew, she was dying. We wrapped her in a blanket and brought her upstairs to lay between us. She only ever liked myself and my mom. We were hoping she would go peacefully at home. But she started to get a bit agitated, she wanted to move but her body wouldn’t let her anymore. We ended up taking her to the emergency vet at around 10:30pm, thank goodness we have an emergency vet nearby, I couldn’t imagine watching her suffer. Watching her pass was one of the most surreal moments of my life. When I lost Splash, it felt more tragic in a way, he was suffering far more visibly than she was, due to all his health problems, but in a way it was also a relief that he wouldn’t be in so much pain anymore. Losing him was incredibly hard, he was a sweet goof-ball who loved everyone. But losing Alice felt different, it didn’t…and still now two days later, doesn’t feel real. She’s just always been there, in high spirits, begging for her favorite food (chicken), and basking in the sun, and now suddenly with no warning…she’s gone. I’ve been very lucky that both of them lived such long lives, I will never take that for granted. I’ve never had any other pets, so experiencing this sort of loss for the first time…and having them both pass away so close together has been very hard for me. I know I’ll have more cats in my life, perhaps even in a few months we will get another, but I don’t know if I’ll ever love another cat like these two, my childhood/tween/teen/young adult cats. This may be a silly fear but for now it is a very real one. Has anyone else dealt with this fear?

  • MD

    I am so glad I found this. I lost my kitty this past weekend. I’ve had her since she was 4 months old, and she’s been my little buddy. She was only 11, but had been sick with a mystery illness for the last year and a half that made her itch and lick constantly, but also not eat or use the litter and just hide under the bed, barely moving. When she was healthy she was the most social cat, always on my lap, meowing, purring – she would greet me at the door when I came home…over this last year and a half I took her to the vet so many times, steroids helped but as soon as they wore off the symptoms came right back and she would be miserable. She was a bigger cat, 12 lbs Maine Coon mix and would lose 2 pounds in a week from not eating, and seem disoriented and forget where her litter was. Even though I knew it was risky to keep her on steroids, she was just so happy and back to normal on them that it was either that or watch her be miserable (or put her down). The vets would switch them up or try alternative therapy, and check her bloodwork periodically, which always came up normal. I was away this past weekend and had my parents who live nearby come in 2-3 times a day to check on her, feed her etc, but Saturday my mom called me; Whiskey didn’t eat her food that day and she was meowing a lot, seemed to be disoriented. This was how she was sometimes since she’s been sick, especially when she got a hair ball. My mom stayed with her and petted her, and she curled right up in a cardboard box and purred. Everything seemed fine. A few hours later my mom checked on her and she was gone. My mom said she looked very peaceful but I feel so guilty I wasn’t there. She was always in my lap when I was home, or right up in my face if I was laying down, especially these last few months. I have a feeling she knew it was her time soon because she had been extra clingy. Before I left for the weekend I held her in my lap and she gave me cat headbutts, and then went off to eat her crunchy food like no big deal. Even though I knew she was sick and I spent so many hours and weekends lately just laying around reading so she could be on me, I still feel like it wasn’t enough time. It is so hard right now, being home without her in my lap. I can’t believe she is gone and miss her so much.

  • Jan Thompson

    Yesterday I had my cat Murphy put down. He was suffering from renal failure. He was 16 and a huge part of our lives but he also had a wonderful bond with me. I seemed to be his favourite. When I came home he was waiting to greet me at the door. He called out to me in the mornings when he heard me up making coffee each morning. He patiently waited on top of the sofa in the living room for me to come and put him over my shoulder and rub his back as he snuggled into my neck purring. It was our morning ritual and we both looked forward to it. In the evenings when we watched the news he was up on my lap to cuddle …often several times during the evening. Before I went to bed as I passed his spot on the sofa with his special plush blanket he softly called me. I spent a few minutes petting him as he purred loudly as I said goodnight and I always gave him a head rub and kiss before I headed to bed myself. I miss Murphy terribly. I wish he was still here but a part of me knows his quality of life was quickly diminishing and he was so sick. He lost another 2.5 lbs in three weeks and hadn’t eaten in days and was not getting enough fluids even though he seemed like he was drinking all the time. I didn’t want him to suffer so the decision was made. I held him close cradled in my arms as our Vet administered the dose. We looked into each other’s eyes, me reassuring him his mommie was here and how much we loved him. I felt the life leave his frail body and the light in his eyes was gone. I held him and talked quietly to him for a time then wrapped him gently in his favourite blanket, kissed his face and said goodbye sweet boy. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

    I find myself holding back tears often and from time to time just having a good sob. I try to imagine him walking through a beautiful garden swatting at moths and butterflies like he loved to do in my garden. I imagine him stretched out on some grass lying in the sun enjoying the warmth. I remember his healthy days and how we enjoyed his company over the years. I am grateful that we took him into our home from a farm litter and gave him a good Happy home and a long life. I’m happy my grandson loved his gentle patient spirit. I know it will take some time to let my sadness go but I look forward to the time I can remember Murphy with no tears only joy we had him in our lives for many years.

    • Naveed Yazdani

      Dear Jan
      I lost my male siamese Bhola on 18th of this November. He was 10 years and 6 months and my love. He slept with me every night and had adopted my routine to the maximum.
      I know when I will be dying he will come to take me with angels. I pray after every Namaz to Allah that he is with me in the Hereafter.
      Don’t grieve. Pray for Murphy. You will be healed.

    • Rick

      i understand the pain you have i just put to sleep my cat “trouble” on saturday she was with us 19 years sounds like murphy and also had a great relationship with her since she was a kitten
      when i was making my morning coffee she would leap to my shoulders to purr in my ear she was the most gentle cat never bit or scratched all black and always looked like a kitten maybe weighing 7 or 8 pounds
      but the past few years i can see her losing her sight and hearing but never her purring and love till finally she just slept a lot i wouldnt let her go outside no more afraid something may attack her then the last month i knew she was fading fast didnt eat for 3 days or drink and then just meow looking at me though she was mostly blind lost a lot more weight and i knew it was time no more purring even with my best efforts i was afraid she was suffering greatly i am sad but i believe that 1 day at the end of time we will meet again

      • fiona

        misty, 18yrs, was dead in her box when my husband came downstairs this morning. she was a very agile outdoor cat, slightly arthritic the past few months. she was not inside first thing yesterday morning, we eventually found her hiding under neighbours car, picked her up, came in to house, she made no noise, and couldnt move properly. phoned the vet who said next appointment was in 1 hour. with hindsight,we should have taken misty there immediately. vet diagnosed a back injury, gave her anti-inflammatory and pain-killer injections and sent us and misty home. why the hell was misty not given a proper diagnosis? surely she should have been x-rayed. i can”t stop crying. she was my life. she”s still at the vet, dreading collecting her tomorrow to take for cremation, but can”t bear thought of burying her in garden. will watch everything to make sure we get misty”s ashes . will miss her always, and will never replace her with another cat. ( she was someones unwanted cat, chucked out of a car, aged 7 months )

    • Thyra

      I had to put my cat Gary to sleep yesterday,it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! He was 20 years old,and was ferro for many years he became tame with me the last 4 years, I stayed with him till the end I miss him so much, I remember the first time he let me pet him the first time he meyoud, and the first time he purred, I know how hard it is for you

  • Kelly

    I’m amazed to see so many comments from people missing their cats – makes me feel better somehow. I lost my 20 year old cat, Mayuka, this Monday. I had her since she was a kitten, and she was with me through everything – junior high, high school, college, cross-country moves, graduate school. She was a gorgeous, sweet cat and a total mama’s girl. I loved picking her up, lying with her on my bed, playing with her paws. Everyone always commented on how pretty and young-looking she was; at 20 years old she was still running around and playing (although sleeping most of the time, of course!) and super bright-eyed.

    On Saturday she had a stroke and I took her home from the emergency vet that night. On Sunday all she could do was lie on the floor. I was giving her water with a syringe. Monday morning I woke up at 4 in the morning to check on her, and she was clearly suffering horribly. I had her on my chest or on the couch next to me until my vet office opened, then carried her there (no car) wrapped in a blanket I’d crocheted so she would be surrounded by familiar smells. I said goodbye to her and my vet put her to sleep. It was so hard to watch her die, but I’m glad she didn’t suffer long. I took her ashes home on Tuesday and she’s in my bedroom now, which was always her favorite spot.

    I thought I had gotten used to the idea of her leaving, since she was 20, but I miss her horribly. Every time I hear a sound I think it’s her bunny-hopping down the stairs. Seeing the empty spot under my desk where she would lie in her cat bed brings me to tears. The same for her toys, her favorite spot on the couch, pictures of her on my phone, basically everything.

    I miss you, Mayuka. Thanks for being such a good friend.

  • christopher murray

    My cat died last night beside me . I had her for 12 wonderful years here in France. I found her in a forest , a feral kitten. She was so amusing and so intelligent . She hunted all day , every day , her mother had taught her so much. There has never , ever , been another cat like Mimi – it would take too long to describe. Two weeks ago I noted she was loosing weight . The vet said she had enlarged kidneys , a disease or cancer. She would not eat or drink and wasted away. Last night she sat beside me all through the night convulsing . I rushed her to the vet in the morning not realizing she was already dead. She slept in the Summer in the roof of the garage [ a feral cat away from predictors] , I had made a box bed from wine boxes lined with straw. This box and straw became her coffin and buried her under her favorite apple tree. I sometimes called her ‘ daddy’s little Marine’ me being a former Marine [ British] because she was always so brave and uncomplaining. So I awarded her my medal for her coffin. I will never forget her. Thank you for this Laurie it does help.

  • Andrea

    My Charlie went missing exactly 2 weeks ago today. I have searched and searched, talked with neighbors, put out flyers, everything and still nothing. I am devastated. He was neutered, 1yr old Orange cat. He was the best boy. He slept with me every night. I just cry and cry and don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. I live by myself, he was just like my baby, and he made me feel so much love. I feel so empty without him here. I still call and call for him, and pray and pray he’ll come back to me. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him so much. I just don’t understand.

    • samantha

      I’m so sorry Andrea. I had an orange cat named Reuben and he went missing several years ago. I really hope you find him, and I will pray that you do. Don’t give up hope! Losing your baby is the worst thing, especially when you weren’t expecting it and he was only a year old. I really hope you find Charlie or he finds you <3

    • Andrea

      My Charlie went missing exactly 2 weeks ago today. I have searched and searched, talked with neighbors, put out flyers, everything and still nothing. I am devastated. He was neutered, 1yr old Orange cat. He was the best boy. He slept with me every night. I just cry and cry and don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. I live by myself, he was just like my baby, and he made me feel so much love. I feel so empty without him here. I still call and call for him, and pray and pray he’ll come back to me. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him so much. I just don’t understand.

    • Amber

      Andrea,
      Our cat Leo went missing on December 6th. No sign of him anywhere. Its devastating. The tears will not stop flowing. I hope your baby comes home. Breaking the news to my daughter has beeen extremely difficult. I feel like my home is empty even though we have others. Every cat holds a special place in our hearts.

      • Carly

        So sorry to hear about your missing cat. We have two missing one over a year and another 15 weeks just vanished we miss them both so much. Fingers crossed they all return but it’s heartbreaking I even went to a pet communicator who believes Max is still alive and Monty might of been hurt as seems very weak it’s heart wrenching I feel sad all the time and just miss them so much. My children keep asking will they ever come home. Really hope all the missing cats return safely and having fun somewhere. Carly x

  • Katie

    I had to put my best friend, my Maine Coon cat Henry he was 18 1/2 years old down on Tuesday 11/7/17 and it was the most heart wrenching and worst decision I have had to make.. He was having trouble breathing and had fluid around his heart and it just came out of now where, it all happened so fast.. the vet came to my home so I could be with him and hold on to him and cherish my last moments with my Henry.. I am getting his ashes back I just need to have him in my home because I can’t live without him… I know he lived an amazing life but I just miss him so much and can’t stop seeing his handsome little face and seeing him around the house especially all his favorite places.. I just want him back to hug and cuddle and live life like we were..

  • Lenore

    Molly my sweet “Maamaa” got cancer in May and had 2 surgeries, a month of chemo and then no treatment for the last few weeks and now she’s gone.The doc said she had 6-9 months to live. She lasted a few days . She died on a big soft pillow. When I got home from work, I found her breathing slightly and just nearly gone. I have now cried and sobbed 6or 8 times in 24 hours. My eyes are puffy and sore. My son and I had to dig a hole in the ground tonight. No one ever said life was going to fair.She deserved a few more years of life. Damn those injection site sarcomas.
    Rest in peace my beautiful sweet loving cute cuddly Maamaa. Love that girl.
    .

  • Emma M

    My beautiful Maine Coon of nearly 14 was put to sleep by the vet hete at our home 2 weeks ago today. She had s heart problem, lost loads of weight, stopped eating and drinking – I had to let her go – it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We were so close and she slept in my the crook of my arm every night. I had time to prepare myself for her passing on but it was so horrible to have to say goodbye . She does in my arms and I’m trying to be strong. She had a great life but whenever I hear a sound I think it’s her padding about . She went downhill fast – she caught a rabbit in August and was dead by Ictober. It happened fast and I don’t think anything could have been done that she could have coped with. I miss her so much / it’s hard to bare. She meant the world to me and the unconditional love she gave me was so beautiful and we had a great bond. I know I have to be positive but it’s also ok to be sad . I keep seeing her face at the door but I know she’s gone and it was her time but it’s brutal without her. Love to all reading this who are suffering a loss of a dear friend

  • Karen Sandblom

    My indoor only cat got out 3 nights ago and has not returned. I am devastated and cannot stop crying. I asked my son if he was heartbroken and he said not really. He said he just wasn’t going to think about it. That is all I can think of!

    • Pearl Close

      Hi Karen, sorry to hear sbout your cat not returning home.
      It is worrying when a cat does this. Have you tried the neighbours to see if she got in their shed or garage , outhouses.
      She may have lost her bearings a little bit they do have a way of finding their home. Hopefully she will come bounfingbin very soon. It may help you to put some leaflets out with a picture of your cat and your details, asking people to look in their sheds and outbuildings.
      I hope you see her back very soon. Take care.

  • Pearl Close

    I lost my cat Merlin last night. He passed away in his sleep. I stayed up all night with him. I don’t think I could believe he’d gone.
    He was on thyroid treatment from the vet which seemed to be helping and we was going back to the vet for blood tests this coming week.
    We’ve buried Merlin in our garden but I am devastated even knowing it may happen one day.

    I’m reading self help for coping. I miss him and wish I could have him here with me healthy and as usual sat beside me on the sofa.

    • Catherine

      We had to put our beloved 12 year old Biscuit down two weeks ago and it seems to be getter harder by the day. My 22 year old daughter is also very sad. Never felt this bad for any other past pets. Love them all though.

      • Pearl Close

        Hi Catherine. So sorry you lost your beloved Biscuit. They bring such joy and happiness into our lives. It’s so hard to part from them.
        I have had several cats over my lifetime and given them the love and looking after they needed and deserved, in turn they gave us unconditional love,
        For this I am truly grateful that I have been part of their lives. Though it breaks my heart I know in time I will Look back on the special times shared.

  • Ellen

    Yesterday I lost my 14 year old red persian cat Poema. He’s been in my life as long as I can remember.(I’m 18) He was suffering from failing kidneys and other problems (from being old). I feel like I can’t go on anymore, he meant the world to me. The house is so empty now and everywhere I look I see things that remind me of him. He was the cutest, sweetest cat ever. He would never fight with other cats and he liked being with me all the time. I loved him so so much, he was like a sibling I never had. He went peacefully and was with my parents when he died, but I wasn’t there and I really regret not having been there with him. But I also probably wouldn’t have been able to handle his death right in front of me. He is in heaven with his sister now, who died 7 years ago from cancer. I have never been in a house without cats, we used to have 4 persian cats. My life will never be the same. I will remember and love him forever, and I hope that he’s in a good/better place now. “To love” means to let go.

  • Samuel Stines

    I recently lost my best friend I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I felt what I lost my Isis she was my best friend in the world she was there for me through a really really hard part of my life 11 years to be exact. There was a period of time I was very alone and she brought me so much love, loyalty like I’ve never seen and I could swear I understood her words. Our souls were definitely intertwined. She constantly was in my dreams while she was still alive. She died so suddenly everything seemed so fine she was strong and climbing and playing never showed any signs of pain then one day she collapsed and couldn’t walk and all of a sudden she was blind out of nowhere what do a couple seizures I held her in my arms as she went, it was so a shock to my system I still hear her and I look for her still and catch my self. there is nothing that can prepare you for the pain of losing such a friend that literally is so loyal they know nothing else but the love of their owner I’ll miss her forever. Rest In Paradise my best friend. I recently adopted a new little girl from a shelter her name is Pasch and it does help ease the pain and my other love Osiris doesn’t have to be alone cats have fun together.

  • Miriam Sulaiman

    My 1 year old Siamese/Persian mix died today of kidney failure she was the sweetest cat I’ve ever had she would sit next to me whenever possible she would just stare at me with nothing but love in her eyes she would give me little kisses with her eyes (opening and closing her eyes slowly while looking at me ) and I would give them back she was so well behaved never did anything wrong in her life little Coco was so quiet she was a little angel if only I noticed the signs of kidney failure but I had no idea until it was too late I feel as though I have failed her 😖 I hope she forgives me and little Coco will be the first one I ask for in heaven or maybe she will be waiting for me ❤️💔
    Her life was short and sweet as was she

    • Trisha Gray

      Hello:
      I am so very sorry for your loss. I just lost my 7 7 year old Seal Point Siamese Boy, Dexter to kidney failure on October 22 & my heart is shattered. I don’t know if I can ever mend the pieces of my heart, but in honor of him, I must try. Like your little one, my boy was sweet, living and sent from heaven! I am not going to offer suggestions on how to cope or heal, but will say from how you described you bond, that I get the sense that you little one knew how much they were loved and you did the best you could do given your situation at the time. Remember, we are mere humans with our flaws & shortcomings. The beautiful this about our fur baby bonds is that they love us inspite of our imperfections. Please try to forgive yourself as I believe you little one already has. Take Good Care, Trisha ❣️

      • Donovan

        Simon, my Tonkinese who was just about to turn 15 and whom I adopted when he was six months old, died early this morning from his chronic kidney condition. The hard thing is that he died at an animal hospital quite a distance from me in the suburbs of my city, because the vet whose office is two-and-a-half blocks from my home closed his office for a week completely in order to go out of town. Simon had become so dehydrated by Friday afternoon that I knew it was essential that he get a subcutaneous fluid injection immediately, and that’s why I brought him to that hospital, where he had been seen last year for another problem. I could not make it out there when the vet called me a little past 10:30 last night to say that his condition had worsened (I don’t drive and it was my nephew who had taken me out there with Simon that morning). The upshot of all this is that I missed the opportunity to be there with him when he died, and consequently the opportunity to just let the tears flow in the company of sympathetic people. I seem incapable of crying at home all alone. Perhaps that’s because I am a guy.

        I am really feeling the initial stages of grief. I live alone, don’t have many friends or a spouse or partner and Simon was indeed my most constant companion for fourteen-and-a-half years. I work from home and it will be hard not knowing that he is not in the next room relaxing to movies and music on YouTube while I am hammering away. Simon, I love you, your warmth and intelligence; I know I took you for granted and only now do I realize that you were my everything. I had always imagined that I would be there with you during your final moments touching you and telling you that I am with you. My, we were a team. You anchored me in the present keeping me from getting angry or depressed about things that happened in the past. I love you, Buddy. Now I have just had something of that cry that I missed this morning.

    • christopher murray

      Don’t you dare for one moment feel guilty . My cat just died [ above ] of kidney failure , there are no ‘signs’ , they just stop eating and by then it is already too late no matter what some will tell you.Be thankful you gave it a good life and have peace.

  • vicky

    I had to have my gorgeous handsome tabby Maffery put to sleep 3 weeks ago it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do ,he had flu last year and I nursed him through that I was surprised he survived he was so ill, as he was semi feral he hated strangers but loved me he followed me everywhere just like a dog he was a great big cat and very muscly and so healthy for I think 15 as he turned up on my path at I estimate 2 years of age ,he slept in the summer house in a comfy bed and lots of blankets I even put a carpet in there for him as he would only venture into the kitchen now and again ,he adored his garden and I always left him nice places to sleep in the sun ,but he got an ulcer in his eye and needed it removing and would have been unable to be an outside cat any longer as he was always fighting other cats so would have been at a disadvantage and he had infection in his ears and mouth ,he was terrified at the vets shedding fur everywhere so I thought the stress would be too much ,so I let him go ,big big mistake now I feel I made the wrong decision ,I feel like I murdered him and stole his last few years ,my heart is broken I can’t eat ,sleep and can’t stop crying I am sooooo guilty ,I loved my friend dearly and miss him so much ,my lovely maffery moo ,i’m so sorry if I could turn back the clock I would bring you back home after the operation ,people have said I would have been selfish to do that but the way I feel losing him I want to be selfish ,wait for me in heaven and I will give you a great big hug when I arrive ,love you maffles xxx

  • Fiona Craig

    My beloved cat Mr Man died in my arms yesterday evening. He was 15 and had Lymphoma. He would never have coped with the madness of back and forwards to the vet and pills and chemo,so i opted for palliative care. He lasted 5 weeks after his diagnosis. My vet came to him at home to spare him the trauma of the catbox and car,and i held him while she gave him the injection. He was very relaxed and it was very peaceful. I think he just wanted to go.I have not been able to stop crying,he was my rescued little boy and adored his mum. I got him and his ‘sister’ when he was a year old and don’t know how i will manage without that beautiful face and bundle of fur in the crook of my arm every night. My other kitties know he has gone, and were on the bed with me last night,but there is a hole in my heart…..

  • Fred

    My black Sampson died today. He was 18. He was very strong willed ( in a good way) and was one mighty cat. He loved catnip and hunting lizards in the backyard. He loved to eat until one day weeks ago he stopped eating. I gave him chicken broth and he got better fior a few weeks. Today he didnt want food so i just held him. He pooped in my lap but that was ok. I thought it ment he was getting better . He was very sluggish and couldnt clean himself so i cleaned his bottom. He layed on the couch for a few minutes then he lifted his head up like he was looking at someone. His eyes looked so bright and green. After about 1 second he dropped his head down and he was dead. I am so sad. I cant believe he’s gone. “I wanna talk to Sampson!” — from the movie half baked…he was like sampson from that movie cos he would boss around my pitbull and my chow chow dog and he was the catnip king ,i miss sampson, he lived w/ me in college, He used to party with me and my friends there. I had so many friends then and they all knew Sampson. He was the funkdapuss. Miss you catman…. ps. I 1st thought he was a girl so i named him Delilah but then the vet showed me he was a boy and said i should call him Sampson. He was all black and part Siamese. Miss you boy.

    • Trisha Gray

      Hello
      I’m very sorry for the loss of your Boy Sampson. I lost my Seal Point Siamese Boy Dexter on October 22 as well due to Kidney failure. I know the pain is unbearable and how you miss your boy beyond belief. My thought are with you at this time and we must take comfort in knowing that both our boys are at peace and no longer in any discomfort or pain
      Take Good Care, Trisha ❣️

  • Zach H

    It’s been years since my cat died, at least 4 or 5. Yet, today I saw a scar on my chest, one he left me when we were both young and new to each other. Now I can’t stop crying. I miss you, Buddy. I wish you hadn’t been out that night. I wish you had come back home. I wish I could have said goodbye. I will forever cherish and remember you by the scar you left me.

  • Angela

    I am so sad and empty since Saturday when my two year old orange tabby Ollie was hit by a car and died. He leaves behind his buddy Oskar a bengel cross and we are both weeping every night together. I am living with the regrets and the guilt and the what ifs? I always called his name and he came running I never went to sleep till he was safe inside. He was such a happy and vocal cat and I and Oskar miss him dearly. I feel I failed to protect and I am angry his life was cut short. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. I love you Ollie and miss you 😘

  • Anjos

    If I knew it was the last day with my female Cat i would have changed everything … I can t forgive myself. My cat was my best friend.Had terminal cancer. I worked all day 09-23-2017, when I left work and came home she was breathing fast … I called the doctor who accompanied her and I said what I can do to help my cat? She replied that there was nothing else to do, I had to give her a cortisone injection that night … After calling the doctor, I brushed my cat and she got some sun … though I called a lady who was known to talk about the situation I stayed with her on the phone 50 minutes !!!!! My cat got up from the bed . I hung up the phone and tried to help my cat, I gave the water with a syringe but began to “scream” of pain … I called the doctor again and she told her to take her to the doctor’s office to put her to sleep. Now I regret … there was nothing else to do ??? Why did I spend 50 minutes on the phone with someone I’ve only seen a few times? Why did not I give those 50 minutes to my cat who was the most special in my life? Why did not I hug her while she was in pain? I do not understand …. I’m not getting peace of mind and this guilt I feel My God its destroyed me…. it’s horrible. If I knew that it was the last moments with her, I would do everything differently and our last day was tragic …More than fourteen years together and now I feel lonely and my life will not be the same …. I can not cope with these feelings …. Forgive me my love …love you now and forever love my love …

  • Katie

    I just lost my cat Molly last Sunday night she slept with me in the bed which she often did when cold or just wanted to lay with me the next morning she started showing signs of having crystallized stones(blood in urine,peeing outside the litter box) which she’s had before along with her temperature dropping but this time when I took her to the vet he decided to keep her overnight she was there for the next two days they ran tests which showed almost everything was shutting down so I made the hard decision to have her put to sleep so I went see her for one last time but she had already passed five minutes before I got there. She was my world!!😭I can’t get over the idea that she was alone or without me for those two days (was she scared or confused)and I also did not get to see her before her passing. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me cope?
    Thanks katie

    • Maria

      Dear Katie, I am so sorry for your loss ,my heart breaks for you..My cat also died alone at the vet’s. I saw her on Saturday there and the vet is closed for visits on Sunday, so I couldn’t see her.My vet tried to contact me on Sunday,to tell me she was worse but she had the wrong number and couldn’t find me.So my kitty passed alone without me and this hurts me so much…I blame myself for not calling the vet.
      You did the best you could for Molly, you took her to the vet’s so they could care for her. How could you have known what would happen?
      Your kitty knew you loved her and that you did everything to save her.
      I am so sorry for your pain, I know how it hurts.

  • Matt

    My cats name was Miss Kitty and my grandma got her for me when i was eight years old. I’m seventeen now and i loved that cat so much. We had to put her down this morning. I didn’t want to but i didn’t want her to struggle anymore. She was weak and couldn’t even lift her head. I cried so much my eyes hurt. It’s very strange being on this earth without my beloved friend and i miss her so much. I know she went peacefully and i just keep trying to remind myself that.

  • Kate

    I am so sad… I lost my 7yr old cat 2 months ago… no word of him. I look and look. The lost cat sites make me sadder still. The same week I then had to have my 18yr old cat put to sleep. I held him in my arms…I can barely think about the two at the same time… it’s crushing. Overwhelming. I feel I failed Puff and I think over and over how He might be suffering or suffered… this is awful…..

  • Ashley

    My heart and soul ache this weekend. As all of you might know I’m a total die hard cat lover and the worst thing that I could ever imagine happening to me became a reality and nightmare Friday September 22, 2017. My son and I were running late to take him to school Friday morning and he told me “Little” our cat was outside. Mind you, I usually never leave him out overnight but the night before he didn’t want to come in so I let him be on his favorite rocking chair outside. Well, I didn’t know he was underneath the car and I accidentally ran over the love of my life cat. Once I realized what I had done I got out of the car and banged on the door for my husband to come outside to help me all while trying to keep Jonah away from seeing “Lit” suffer and die. I wanted to rush him to the emergency room but he died in my husband’s arms. I thank God he was home and not working because I wouldn’t have been able to manage the situation on my own. They always say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle and not having my husband there to help me would have been extremely worse on me mentally and emotionally. I got Little as a baby right before my son was born so he’s been like a brother to him. I talk to my cats every single day and these were some of my favorite phrases to tell him: “you’re the cutest cat on the planet Lit”, you’re such a beauty Lit”, “where’ve you been all my life,” “you’re so orange Lit,” “don’t die on me Lit”. The images of him suffering will forever stay etched in my brain and I don’t know when and if I will ever forgive myself for what I did and causing pain to my family, especially my son. Little would sleep with him at night and when my son gets home from school he’s the first thing he looks for. I’m trying to cope as best as I can for my son but it’s been very very hard for me. Luckily I had one of my best friends here to console me because she’s a die hard animal lover too and was able to relate to my pain. The lessons that we’ve learned out of this is that we need to stop and take our time. Another one of my worst fears is to run a person over and all I can think of is that maybe this was a warning for me to always watch out because kids walk past our driveway daily to get to the bus and it could have very well been a person I killed. Little will not die in vein though because my son and I are going to make sure we get up earlier and are not rushing out the door anymore. We were able to take Little to a local Animal Hospital where they were absolutely loving to him. They were able to wash him up and wrap him up in a blanket for us to say our last goodbyes. He will be cremated and kept in an urn here at home and his paw print will be made into an ornament too. I plan on having a ceremony once we get him back and we already put holy water around the house and outside where he passed. My heart will forever have a void in it! Rest In Peace old friend, you will forever be in my heart and soul. Till we meet again one day!

  • Bianca

    Oh Alli this is so sad to read I’m so sorry I just don’t what to say other than he knew what it was to be loved. My joey still missing – now nearly 6 weeks I’m starting to come to the reality that he’s not coming back home, ever. I fear he has died somewhere alone and in pain and I hate the thought of never finding him. So sorry about bugsy may he rest in peace xxx

    • Maria

      Bianca I am so sorry…it is terrible not to know what happened to him, my heart hurts for you. I wish I could offer you some comfort. I know I can’t take your pain away, but your kitty had all your love and he knew it.

  • Alli Bone

    My beloved Bugsy had been missing for over 2 months now. We had just moved into a new house and he was very skittish. We were putting out the trash and he suddenly ran out the back door and just hopped over the fence. We searched and searched, put up fliers, left out food and litter, called for him and left his cat tree on the porch. Nothing came of it all. We eventually had to move on and continue our lives while still checking shelter websites and refreshing fliers.

    Our neighbor just found his deceased in his shed today and I am utterly heart broken. To think that he suffered or starved or froze in the recent snow storms we have been having is devastating. I feel so badly that he was just across the street and we couldn’t find him. We even looked in their shed when he first went missing and couldn’t find him. I thought he might be gone but there was still that hope that he would turn up one day. Now that is gone and I am left with my heart in pieces. He has a blood brother Niko that we can tell us sad he is gone as well.

    I just don’t even know how to be here knowing my baby is gone. He was a momma’s cat. Slept on my chest in the morning, woke me up with that incessant meow when he was ready for food, was so playful and full of life. I just can’t get past feeeling like I let him down, like I should have looked harder. After all he was suffering alone right across the street. I keep this king about us living our lives while he quietly stopped breathing. It is so painful and fresh I can’t stop crying. I know it will pass and get better but right now it feels impossible.

    I miss my Bugsy, my baby, my light. Nothing will ever be the same without him. This I have known for months now but the pain of knowing he is truely gone from this earth is excruciating. I have asked my Gramie in heaven to hold him close and I hope his pain and suffering and fear is long gone.

    Thanks for reading, I just thought it might help me to share me pain.

    • Maria

      Alli,I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. I know how it feels. I understand how your thoughts torment you, All this is so tragic, my heart goes out to you. Please try to think of your baby now safe and healthy on rainbow bridge. You didn’t let him down, you tried as hard as anyone could to find him. He knew how much you loved him, please don’t beat yourself up. I know the pain is excruciating, I’m going through this too. I pray you find peace as time goes by. Big Hug xxxx

  • Maggie

    My mom, and I, lost our beautiful baby boy Arthur yesterday. A little bit ago he was not eating nor drinking, but my mom‘s friend said that it was just a phase, and it would not last long. She said “just give him a few days.” ,and so I did. I regret it more than anything. He started drinking, and only licking a little bit of his food. I thought he was going to be ok, but then he stopped drinking, and eating altogether. my grandma took him to the vet. The doctors were so worried when she called. Apparently he was incredibly dehydrated. They gave him some medication and lots of water. I’m not sure if it was an allergic reaction to the medication, or if it was all just down the wrong pipe, but he died from fluid it to the lungs. The doctor did everything he could. In all honesty I could not except the fact that he was gone now. My life has no purpose and I don’t know what to do. this article helped but without him I don’t have a purpose. Everything seems so meaningless. I have no more energy, and I am not eating. My mom says that it was a sign, because about a month or two before Arther had died ,we found a cat in are back yard, she came right up to us, and we decided to take her in until we could find her owners. Months of trying went by, and no one has claimed the cat or like to to adopt her. The strange thing is last year ,on August 14 (the day before my first day of school) we had found Arthur under a barn. He was just a baby, and had one brother, and a sister there mom was nowhere in sight. We found homes for his brother ,and sister but we could not part with Arthur. We miss him more than anything, and I hope that are stray kitty we had just so recently found, can help us cope with the loss of our beloved cat Arthur.

  • Heidi

    We lost our beautiful boy Naboo only yesterday. He was very quickly taken by fluid in the lungs, most likely caused by a heart issue (he had been bitten by a cat aND we were trea ting an abscess but this was strangely coincidental). He began to seem unwell at about 11am and by 5.30pm we were called into the vets to say goodbye. Today is really hard. All his usual spots are empty, and so is a big part of me. We were a family of 3 for 9 years and now he is gone, and I feel truly broken. I am trying to focus on our great memories of him. Like how on a couple of occasions he came home proud as punch with somebodies sausage from the bbq, meowing to call our attention to his successful hunt. We were always grateful he was a terrible hunter of live prey, and only really had success with processed meats. He was a big clumsy softy with the sweetest meow. And is so greatly missed.

    • Lisa

      Heidi, I feel for you. We had to put down our dear Phoenix unexpectedly last Thursday oct. 5th (same thing, fluid in lungs turned out to be a mass on her heart that had started to bleed). My husband and I do not have children, we have cats. Losing Phoenix was a huge blow, kick in the stomach. I’m doing the same trying to remember sweet and happy times (instead of the limp little sedated kitty we last saw). We have to be thankful they didn’t suffer too long and remember how loved they were. My husband keeps telling me she would not want to see us sad, which is true. So keep thinking of the good times and memories that you’ll cherish forever.

  • Maria9

    . At the end of August I noticed that one of my cats wasn’t eating, just licking her food.I took her to my vet,who examined her and so no evidence of illness. She told me it was probably because of the heat, summer is very hot here in Greece. I didn’t press my vet for blood tests, and I regret this too.i took my kitty home relieved that she was ok. My vet would be leaving for vacation in 3 days.My cat continued not eating but I didn’t take her in again, thinking she’s ok.I regret this too.My vet left. my kitty still wouldn’t eat She was just drinking water. I tried so hard to convince myself it was because of the heat.Many days passed.My cat was getting thinner but i kept telling myself she’s ok,she’s ok. If my vet had been there I would have taken her in but I felt paralyzed, helpless, as if there were no other vets around.I truly didn’t know how dangerous it is for a cat not to eat for so many days, I googled it afterwards and I was horrified.Why didn’t i google it earlier? By the time I realized something was wrong she looked really sick I found a vet clinlc and I took her there.They examined her and they told me she had feline fip, which is a fatal disease and they could do nothing for her. I was shocked and mortified by guilt and shame, though I learned later that fip cannot be either cured nor prevented.They gave me some medications to try at home.They told me she had only a few days.I refused to believe it. I took my kitty home and tried every medication available, every kind of food available to make her eat.I never left her side day or night, giving her all my love.For a while she seemed to be getting better and my hope revived. But then she got worse.
    Thankfully my vet returned and took her in for drips and fluid-draining.Her liver was getting worse because of the virus but I was still hoping for a miracle.I visited her mornings and afternoons at the vets, i didn’t want her to feel all alone there. She became a little better and I took her home again to be with us.Then I took to the vet’s again for more fluid-draining and drips. I couldn’t admit she was dying, I kept hoping and praying. She wasn’t in pain, so I tried to prolong her life
    My kitty lost her life one night while at the vet’s. It’s been almost a month now.The pain is overwhelming, but so is the guilt.i know I didn’t cause her sickness or death, but I feel I neglected her and I betrayed her by ignoring her symptoms for so many days.I could have made her last weeks so much comfortable and I didn’t. And I loved her so much. Why did I act this way? Before this,I never failed to provide immediate care for her or my other pets. It’s true that the months before my kitty’s sickness my dad was sick and it took us a while to find a specialist who could tell us what was wrong with him. Was I avoiding to go through all this again ? This is not an excuse, pets depend on us for their very life. I cannot forgive myself for failing my kitty. I feel no one here has ever done such a monstrous callous thing.I cannot live with myself, I constantly tormented by guilty thoughts, along with my enormous grief.

    • Bianca

      Maria9 you did not do anything monstrous- you cared for her darling- as you said yourself she was too ill to save it was unfortunately inevitable- nothing you could do. I have guilt About not keeping my cats in at night – my first cat was killed by a car after 13 years of us living in the same street so I should have known and learnt my lesson but I didn’t and now my poor Alfie cat was killed by a car 5 days ago and I cannot but feel it is my fault plus my other cat has been gone over 3 weeks now. My partner keeps telling me to stop blaming myself it was not my fault but I feel guilty all the time. You obviously have a deep love for cats as I do and all the others on this thread I hope you come to some peace with this soon Maria9 big hugs you Bianca x

      • Maria9

        Bianca, my heart goes out to you…All these losses of your kitties, and your mother too….This is all too much. I wish I could say something to ease your pain, I know how much it hurts. But your partner is right, please don’t blame yourself. You loved your kitties dearly and wanted only the best for them, as we all do. We are not superhuman, we cannot predict the future or control everything that happens. And how can you keep a cat indoors when he doesn’t want to,without making him miserable? Please don’t torment yourself, you could not have known what would happen. And this goes your missing kitty ,too ,I am so sorry. But you didn’t cause this either, by stressing him or anything else. I pray that he returns soon,safe and sound. I know the sadness is too much already, don’t add guilt to it.
        Thank you for your support and understanding.
        Big Hug from here too xxx

    • Lisa

      Maria, please do not beat yourself up. However I do understand your guilt. I have the same guilt over my beloved Tigger who I lost 7 years ago. My husband thought maybe since we were doing so much traveling that it would be nice for Tigger to have another cat at home. So we went through the process of searching rescues/shelter for the cat we thought we be a good fit for him. Well we found her. Her name was Phoenix. We brought her home and the introduction was long and stressful, Tigger did not take to her. And 5 weeks later he threw a blood clot died, Oct. 6, 2010. I was convinced I killed Tigger. I probably wouldn’t have gotten another cat immediately but at this point we already had the new girly, Phoenix, who needed care (rescue with a few issues). So we carried on and raised Phoenix. Who became such a blessing to us. She died almost exactly 7 years to the date Tigger passed, she died 2 days ago Oct. 5, 2017. My husband and noticed her breathing seemed more pronounced and she wasn’t sleeping too good. We took her in and they saw fluid in her lungs. They said it could be one of three things, one of which they mentioned was fip. It was not fip, but when the doctor came back into the room she said Phoenix had a mass on her heart that had started to bleed and there was nothing they could do. We had to put her down that day. We go through the same questioning…should I have noticed sooner? In fact I didn’t notice, it was my husband, so I wonder how long would it have taken ME to notice?!?!? My husband is right, he tells me my Phoenix would not want me to distressed. And your kitty would not want you to be distressed and beating yourself up. If I recall from conversations with my vet, FIP is not something that you can prevent. It is like any other awful disease, it just happens. There is nothing you could have done to make the outcome different. Your precious kitty would not want you to feel this way. She was loved and she knows that and loves you for it. May you find peace in the coming days and months and remember all the wonderful love you gave your kitty and she gave you.

      • Maria9

        Lisa, thank you for sharing your story and for your understanding.I am so sorry for your Tigger and your Phoenix ..But please don’t beat up yourself either. You are not to blame that your kitties got sick. I understand your guilt too, about not noticing Phoenix’s symptoms, but these signs are sometimes too subtle to notice.They are not like vomiting or diarrhea. And sometimes when we are under stress or have a lot of things on our mind we cannot notice. Lisa, we are not perfect ,we’re only human and we are always doing the best we can. Your kitties knew this too and they knew how much you loved them. They wouldn’t want you to feel bad about yourself either. Think of the wonderful life you gave them ,of all those moments of love. Thank you again for support. May you find peace too. Hugs xxx

  • Carly

    We feel devastated our cat max disappeared last October and we did everything it’s as though he just vanished then 7 weeks ago today our cat Monty just vanished nothing it’s breaking my heart not knowing what’s happened to them I have three children who ask when the cats are coming home. I have been to a pet communicator who says Monty died quickly and Max is still alive but don’t know what to think or do. I have two cats still at home and just worry about them now. Why would our cats go off when they loved being at home xx

    • Bianca

      Oh no this is horrible 😩 I must say that I’m starting to think joey is not going to come back it’s nearly 4 weeks now and I’m starting to lose hope especially after my Alfie cat being killed this week I can’t help but think I’ve lost them both. My mother passed away earlier this year so I feel hopeless. I have never heard of a pet communicator I don’t know what to say Carly other than I hope he does come back a year is a long time though darling. I can’t understand why joey has left either we absolutely dote on him but we moved house 7 months ago and now love opposite a large field and his hunting went into overdrive so he has been enjoying his life here perhaps a bit too much? We did recently have a new baby so I’m worried it’s all been too much and he’s simply run off too stressful at home? I don’t know just feel heartbroken. I really do truly love cats and I can’t see myself never having another but I’ve been looking at having g a cat fence installed it’s a bit pricey but I’ve inherited a sum of money from my late mother and I’m going to use some of it to have this installed- I’m going to look like a crazy cat lady but hey who cares what the neighbors think?She loves cats too so I’m sure she would approve-at least this way they can enjoy the garden but hopefully never have to be put in danger from the road etc. Please let us know if you have any news – sending you hugs Bianca x

  • Bianca

    My cat was found dead Sunday morning he had been run over this is the second time this has happened to a cat of mine and I’m devastated- it took a long time to get on with life without my first beloved cat sapphire and now to lose another this way is unbearable- I also have a missing cat joey who has been gone for 3 weeks (he does have a history of going off for periods of time but never this long) my mother passed away 7 months ago suddenly and this is just too much

    • Angela

      Bianca
      I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is alot for one person to bear. I lost my little guy Saturday to a car accident and feel devastated as well. I lost another cat 12 years ago the same way. So I totally understand how you feel. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother as well. 🤗

      • Bianca

        Angela thank you for your message it really has helped sharing on this thread and I’m so sorry for your losses it’s a special bond a cat has with their owner and leaves a massive void. Thank you for giving your condolences for my poor mother as well she was only 54 so I have struggled with her passing too 😩. Some amazing news though I can’t quite believe I’m writing this but I got up at 1.50am this morning and found my beautiful lost cat joey asleep on our sofa!!!😳😳😊😊😊 8 weeks he has been gone and we had started to lose hope!!!He is skinny and a bit beat up but apart from that seems fine – has eaten a ton of food and came and slept by my head for the rest of the night….I’m sooooo happy 😊 taking him vets for a check up tomorrow. Would love to know where has spent the last 8 weeks 🤔 Xxx

    • Angela

      Bianca I am so grateful and happy for you that your Joey came home. Your mom must have guided him home. I am glad I found this site. Although my wound is fresh and my Ollie is gone forever, it is likely bing with the guilt of not listening to my gut and not letting him out that day. Some people have judged me for letting my cat outside but he was truly happy being there and I tried a pen but he always found a way to escape. Now my other guy cries to go outside and attacks the door but I too afraid to let him out. 💕Again I am truly happy to hear of Joeys safe return.

  • Stephen

    My cat, BC died this week 26.09.17 He appeared outside my Mum and Dads house two years ago, around Christmas time and gradually moved in. We nicknamed him BC (Big Cat) because he was bloody massive! He was a tabby cat who’d obviously been well looked after. We think he’d once belonged to someone who had died and he’d ended up a homeless moggy as a result. When he first appeared in the garden on a chilly December evening I immediately went out to see him and instead of running off he was friendly and at ease. I welcomed him into the house, fed him, let him get warm and then let him go back out again. The next night he would appear again and the same thing would happen, until gradually he eventually moved in permanently with my parents. Over the past two years he has become part of the family. Whenever I’d come back home the first person I’d ask for was BC, he’d usually be sat on my Mums knee while she watched TV, as snug as a bug in a rug! We spoilt him rotten, he’d even sleep with Mum and Dad, sometimes on Mums head which was hilarious. Recently though he’d been off his food. My folks had gone away on holiday so I took sometime off work to look after him so he didn’t have to go into a kennel, I noticed it was harder and harder to get him to eat, he was a fussy bugger anyway so didn’t think to much of it. That week I spent a lot of time with our beloved BC. In the day he’d be fast asleep, curled up on the bed as I worked on my laptop, eventually he’d get up and walk over the keyboard, meaning … time for lunch! At night he’d jump on the bed and we’d go to sleep, him purring away. In the morning he’d be up and come and sniff my face, meaning … time for breakfast!
    When my folks returned from hols their first question was … ‘how’s BC?’ I said he was fine but a little off his food. I returned to work and when I came back to visit for the weekend Mum said ‘Our boys not well.’ I immediately went to see him and my heart sank … BC’s sad eyes looked at me knowingly, he was breathing heavily, his fur looked greasy and he’d lost a lot of weight, I knew it wasn’t good. In the morning I woke early to check on him, hoping but not really believing he’d be a bit better. My poor BC got up as usual from my folks room when he heard me but he was frail and lethargic, I sat with him a while and tried to feed him but no joy, he just sniffed at it and then looked at me sadly with his beautiful big olive green eyes, he was very thin and had a melancholy, knowing look. Later that day I took BC to the vets, he was so well behaved as they examined him and I had to leave him there for an operation. I hoped and prayed he’d be ok but he didn’t make it. Now he’s gone … the chair he used to sit is empty and the house is quiet. The poem by Auden springs to mind …
    The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
    Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
    Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
    For nothing now can ever come to any good.
    BC’s death has hit me for six and I’ve felt truly down, I’ve been wallowing in grief … but just now in the car driving along, I thought about him and I smiled … thinking about him,
    The way he would sleep with his body contorted one way and is head facing the other. His disappearance for hours on end during the summer, where on earth did he go? The way he’d cuddle up to Mum while she watched TV. His fussy eating habits. His loud purrs. The way he’d flop onto his back and allow you to tickle is beautiful soft white fur. His slow lumbering walk with his head low to the ground. The thud of his paws as he jumped of the bed in the morning. His gentle playfulness and those beautiful eyes. The way he was constantly startled when you walked behind him. Having to sit and stroke him while he ate … He made our lives better and brighter and happier for his presence but it’s time to let him go … I’m going to print some pictures and frame them … I’ll not forget you BC … RIP my mate!

  • Stephen

    My cat, BC died this week 26.09.17 He appeared outside my Mum and Dads house two years ago, around Christmas time and gradually moved in. We nicknamed him BC (Big Cat) because he was bloody massive! He was a tabby cat who’d obviously been well looked after. We think he’d once belonged to someone who had died and he’d ended up a homeless moggy as a result. When he first appeared in the garden on a chilly December evening I immediately went out to see him and instead of running off he was friendly and at ease. I welcomed him into the house, fed him, let him get warm and then let him go back out again. The next night he would appear again and the same thing would happen, until gradually he eventually moved in permanently with my parents. Over the past two years he has become part of the family. Whenever I’d come back home the first person I’d ask for was BC, he’d usually be sat on my Mums knee while she watched TV, as snug as a bug in a rug! We spoilt him rotten, he’d even sleep with Mum and Dad, sometimes on Mums head which was hilarious. Recently though he’d been off his food. My folks had gone away on holiday so I took sometime off work to look after him so he didn’t have to go into a kennel, I noticed it was harder and harder to get him to eat, he was a fussy bugger anyway so didn’t think to much of it. That week I spent a lot of time with our beloved BC. In the day he’d be fast asleep, curled up on the bed as I worked on my laptop, eventually he’d get up and walk over the keyboard, meaning … time for lunch! At night he’d jump on the bed and we’d go to sleep, him purring away. In the morning he’d be up and come and sniff my face, meaning … time for breakfast!
    When my folks returned from hols their first question was … ‘how’s BC?’ I said he was fine but a little off his food. I returned to work and when I came back to visit for the weekend Mum said ‘Our boys not well.’ I immediately went to see him and my heart sank … BC’s sad eyes looked at me knowingly, he was breathing heavily, his fur looked greasy and he’d lost a lot of weight, I knew it wasn’t good. In the morning I woke early to check on him, hoping but not really believing he’d be a bit better. My poor BC got up as usual from my folks room when he heard me but he was frail and lethargic, I sat with him a while and tried to feed him but no joy, he just sniffed at it and then looked at me sadly with his beautiful big olive green eyes, he was very thin and had a melancholy, knowing look. Later that day I took BC to the vets, he was so well behaved as they examined him and I had to leave him there for an operation. I hoped and prayed he’d be ok but he didn’t make it. Now he’s gone … the chair he used to sit is empty and the house is quiet. The poem by Auden springs to mind …
    The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
    Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
    Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
    For nothing now can ever come to any good.
    BC’s death has hit me for six and I’ve felt truly down, I’ve been wallowing in grief … but just now in the car driving along, I thought about him and I smiled … thinking about him,
    The way he would sleep with his body contorted one way and is head facing the other. His disappearance for hours on end during the summer, where on earth did he go? The way he’d cuddle up to Mum while she watched TV. His fussy eating habits. His loud purrs. The way he’d flop onto his back and allow you to tickle is beautiful soft white fur. His slow lumbering walk with his head low to the ground. The thud of his paws as he jumped of the bed in the morning. His gentle playfulness and those beautiful eyes. The way he was constantly startled when you walked behind him. Having to sit and stroke him while he ate … He made our lives better and brighter and happier for his presence but it’s time to let him go … I’m going to print so pictures and frame them … I’ll not forget you BC … RIP my mate!

  • Sophie

    Everyone is talking about how they lost their 17-18 year old cat. My baby only made 9,5 years… I thought I had many more years with her. I was ready to say goodbye one day, but not now! It was all very sudden. In a matter of days, she had gotten so sick, that if she were to live a year more, it would be in pain. We didn’t want her to have to live through that.
    She was the love of my life. She was my soulmate. We spend every minute, I was home, together. She always slept in my bed. She truly was special.
    As someone who is mentally ill, I would never have gotten to where I am without her.
    I had her since I was eleven. She died shortly after my 20th birthday. It is as if she said “okay. that was my job. you’re an adult know, you have to learn to be alone”. But I’m not ready to lose her.
    Water lilies clean the water, so the fish can breathe. She was my water lilies. Now I have to learn to be my own water lilies.

    • Bianca

      Sophie I’m so sorry for your loss.

      i understand your loss my cat sapphire I’d had since I was 13 she got hit by a car & foxes attacked her as she lay in the road (I pray to god she was gone by then)when I was 26 and I was totally devastated- she was my sister my best friend she slept on my bed every night all those years sat on the edge of the bath tub as I bathed she was my beautiful shadow. I’m 32 now and still wish her good night every night she will be with you forever xx

    • Lisa

      Sophie, in my grief I say the same thing. Everyone talks about their cats who live to 20 years old! I lost one cat at 11.5 years and one at 10.5 years. It doesn’t seem fair, but I know life is not fair. 20 years would still not have been long enough with both my cats. I believe they are here for a predestined amount of time with a purpose. And I see you recognize that too. Hopefully you will bring another cat into your home someday that will bring you through another ‘season of life’. God bless you and your kitty.

  • Linda

    The Day that Nature Cried

    Dark clouds gathered
    and rolled across the sky
    weeping sleety tears;
    A precious soul had died.

    Trees flailed their barren limbs
    toward the grieving sky,
    Spent flowers bowed faded heads
    and waved a last goodbye.

    The grass where he had lain
    in summer’s sunny rays,
    shivered ‘neathe the gathering snow
    Long gone those joyful days.

    Silent birds huddled
    on ice covered branches
    as late clinging leaves
    fell in spiraling dances.

    The natural world was mourning
    A dearest one had died,
    his passing felt so deeply,
    the day that nature cried.

  • Linda

    To My Precious Cat

    I walk between two worlds
    A bittersweet place to be
    I walk between a dream of yesterday
    And today’s reality.

    We’ve had many years together
    Been through life’s ups and downs
    She was always there in loving ways
    A better friend could not be found

    She was such a pretty girl
    I often told her so
    But time and age and illness
    Had become a mortal foe

    Today, like many yesterdays
    She sought her special nest
    She tried to climb the garden stones
    But after two she had to rest.

    She could not hide the wobbly legs,
    and all the pain she felt
    She turned to me with pleading eyes
    “Mom, I need some help.”

    I took her in my arms
    To her special spot
    I sat with her and kissed her fur
    Vowing, this misery must stop.

    I held her close and stroked her face
    Her golden eyes met mine
    we’ve shared much love, but now we shared
    the knowledge that it was time.

    Yesterday was a world complete
    With my cherished friend close by
    But today is a place of sorrow and tears
    Soon she’ll be gone with a last goodbye

    So let me take the pain you feel
    And place it in my heart
    Now you may rest in comfort
    and in gentle sleep depart.

  • Justine

    I have 2 cats.Jazzie who is 21 and Angel who was 18 who died yesterday. I thought i would have Angel after Jazzie passed, but that wasn’t the plan. I have no children, they were my family. I took care of my mom for 13 yrs and Angel won my mom over who didn”t like to touch animals and she ended up spending hours petting her. Angel gave her unconditional love and was quiet and sweet. She slept with my mom until the day my mom passed away. She came to my bedroom and was trying to get me into my moms room where i followed her to and she has never left my moms bedroom since and slept next to me. In my darkest moments she was there with her head on my arm or shoulder comforting and purring to me. Every night she laid on a 2nd pillow behind mine and let her tail touch the top of my head. Last night was one of the hardest of my life going in there and not seeing my little Angel laying there waiting for me. I couldn”t stop crying. Just maybe her job on earth was complete winning my mom over and comforting both of us. Now I can go back to my bedroom but I feel so empty and alone. Jazzie sleeps in a chair in the livingroom now. She used to be with me but I fixed a spot for her there where she can see the coming and going and she perks up to see the light on the TV. I can only hope I get enough time to heal before I have to go through this again with Jazzie. My heart is so heavy despite thinking of all the joy she brought us the loss is so painful.Thanks to all for listening and may you find peace in your heart.

  • Connie

    As I lay in my bed, hardly able to move due to the cats around me, I can’t help but cry over my young Punky Monkey. I have kids so there was no unusual attachment and again, I have 5 other cats. Punk had just been with me one year. Somehow, I knew he wouldn’t last long – he was just too special, too loving, too unique. I got into an altercation with a group of thugs and one brought his pitt bull over by my house when I was gone. I made sure that prick went down – just for my Punky. He is in jail today – and I hope he’s got a new boyfriend tonight. It makes me feel a bit better because I do believe in revenge. However, I miss that kitty cat more than ever. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other cats and dog but the Punk Monk was one of a kind. It’s been a few days now since his death, but it’s crazy – I’ll see another one of my black cats walk up and for a second I’ll think – maybe it’s him, ….isn’t that insane? I just miss that cool cat so much. I can’t believe he’s dead. I’ve had many cats over the years, but he was my favorite. He’d stand up on his hind legs and give me a hug, he’d wake me in the mornings and give me sweet kitty kisses – he had such a great personality and he was jealous! So now, the other cats are on my bed as Punk would never allow them otherwise, they’d have to sleep with my son or on another bed…or with the 100 lb dog. I miss that little kitty – my heart is heavy. Thanks for listening. And yes, I will make sure that jackass who brought the dog over will pay and pay and pay some more. When he screwed with my pets, he screwed the wrong person. I don’t forgive, I don’t forget. He took from me a great cat. I miss that baby sooooo much. What a fine personality that little kitty had – a rescue kitty too. damn i miss my cat.

  • karen

    I lost my queen Cleopatra cat a week ago nearly. she was 17. I feel like I lost a child. I my self have no human children. it doesn’t feel real, that she is not here. she was laid too rest in my garden patch, with bright coloured flowers, her grave covered with marble slate and adornments.
    I go there everyday about a hundred times. I was so used too her in my life, looking after her , loving and sharing her purrs and rubs. I never thought of life without her. not ever thinking of the day she leaves this earth. its not that I didn’t know it would happen, just didn’t think about her not ever being here. I just want too kiss and hold her in my arms.
    I remember her look before the last needle. she was telling me that she was ready too go. I told her how much I loved her and said, go too sleep baby. you are the best and I promise I would take care of you even from your grave. that moment of saying goodbye too my lovely regal queen is constantly etched in my mind sight. the pain is still fresh and I am grieving, I know that over time this will get easier. I am remembering all the great times. it helps me too read other peoples stories. we all loved and received unconditional love back. we are the lucky ones too have shared a life with a cat who thought we were their world. that’s love you never forget and eventually after the grieving process, rejoice and celebrate their life. RIP CLEOPATRA. I will never forget you.

  • Lori Craddock

    It has been one week, today, since my cat “Queenie” went missing. I woke up early for work and went to get her, as I did many mornings, form our front porch only to discover that she was no where to be found. She loved being outside at night, and as much as I hated letting her, I would let her if I had to be up early the next morning and couldn’t stay up late enough to coax her in. But when she wasn’t there, and then still no sign of her by daylight, I knew. Something terrible had happened. I searched every where I could think of, all day. I would search, come inside and cry, then go search some more. Nothing.
    Queenie was a 23 year old cat that I rescued when she was around a year old. She was frail, deaf, and loved to nap in the comfort of my room on my days off. I felt such peace when she was safely sleeping. Somehow I knew that her time was drawing closer and closer. But, I never imagined that I would lose her this way. That she would just vanish without a trace. It’s absolutely devastating. I miss her every minute of every day. The pain of losing her at times feels too hard to bear.She was my cat, so I am all alone in my grief. I can’t bring myself to throw her things away. I keep thinking I’ll come home from work and find her waiting in the driveway for me like she did every day. I hope it gets easier with time. I don’t know. I pray that she didn’t suffer. The hardest part is finding closure when I have so many questions. Maybe I’ll get them some day.

  • Mervat

    I lost my baby girl cat only 2 days ago.. She was 17 years old and she was sick only last 4 months of her life.. It is really Sad and painful.. I feel losing the light of my soul and heart… I am a member on a group called bin kitty.. I thought it is better to go feeding hungry stray cats in an area to safe an innocent soul.. may be this will make me feel better.
    But eveytime I think that my cat is hugged now with the sands in her grave instead of being hugged with my arms I feel really sad and I cannot stop crying .. although I buried her in the family grave yard but still I feel that we are not together… I thought as well to search for a cat that looks exactly like her and name her the same name.. not sure if this is correct..??

  • Autumn

    My beautiful kitty nermal just died yesterday at such a young age. He was so unique. He never hissed, scratched and always gave you kisses. A unique feature about my angel is that he only had one eye. My family hasnt been too worried about my cats death but when I heard about it, I went into instant panic mode. Now every time I go outside on the patio, I always wait for him to pounce up the stairs and plop his fur ball of a body into my lap. But then I realize that he is no longer with us. I’ve been crying my eyeballs out everyday and every night since, and I can’t stop shaking. He was litterly my best friend and I told him everything. And he seemed to listen. My family tells me that I’m overreacting and that we can get a different pet sometime in the future but no other cat, dog, lizard, chicken, llama, can replace such an animal. I was reading the comments and it made me feel so much better because I know I’m not the only one experiencing the death of a friendly fur ball. I am glad that I can relate.

  • Mike

    I’m upset about the loss of the best cat I’ve ever met, Elsie. She had been abused (including paint poured over her). My friend found her. At first she was frightened of people, and very thin and shaky. He put a wooden shelter outside for her, to keep her dry in the rain. He put out food for her, with my other friend. They nurtured her, until her confidence grew.

    My friend eventually took her in, and took her to the vets. They reckon she might have belonged to someone who had died a few years previously, with no relatives! So she truly was alone. My friend and another friend looked after her better than anyone could do so. She got and gave so much love it was unbelievable. She helped people’s healing process with so many people’s mental health problems. She was like an angel coming to earth! I’m an atheist, but it sure does feel like that.

    Well, she died yesterday. I saw her dead body today, and it was so upsetting. I stroked her and she was still slightly warm. Bless her. I cried. Being upset over an animal or person dying, is only because we loved them so much. The more we love a person or animal, the more painful it will be when they die. The pain is proof we loved them so much. Of course, sometimes people don’t feel pain when grieving at first, as they are so numb, but hopefully you understand my sentiments. Hugs o anyone who’s lost their pet (or indeed a person in their lives).

  • Ania

    I lost my cat of 19 years two weeks ago, and I am broken. I had him from 7 weeks of age, and he has been my constant companion for all that time, helping me through all my adult life traumas and always being at my side. I’ve lived alone for the last 15 years, but now I finally know the loneliness of being alone. I still haven’t vaccuumed since he died, and his cupboard is still full of his food, bowls and other stuff. His photo sits next to my Dad’s, who died 3 1/2 years ago, and I light a candle for them every day. I am lost without him and miss him so much…:-(

    • Alan

      I was told today that my cat Mickey has cancer in his throat, and there is nothing they can do for him.
      I am heartbroken, truly heartbroken, i can’t imagine my life without him.
      I know i just have to enjoy the short time i have left with him, but i dread that day i know is going to come.
      I know some people will say its only a cat, but i have no human children, and my Mickey is like my baby, i love him so much. I have had so much grief in my life over the past year, i feel angry, i have lost both my parents, my mother-in-law and my father-in-law.
      If there’s a god i feel he has abandoned me.

    • Jackie Kliver

      Hi there: I am so sorry. I just lost my Skippy of 16 yrs. He was so vibrant and went into have 2 teeth taken out. But they sent him back as a as a “vegetable” To see him go from our house as a happy, loud talking cat to send him back home as a vegetable is devastating. How can this happen? I thought vets were supposedly to help our babies. Do not where to go from here, as he has left his brother of 16yrs. whom does not want to know me now. I am crushed now. What should I do now? Maybe get a rescue cat for company, maybe get Scoutie to get a mouse or a bird. The were very busy hunters, but nothing in the last 3 weeks. I look forward to any of your responses.
      Skippy seemed to know that I had a sickness “breast cancer” and never left my side since I came back on 29th March 2017. Al the stuff I have been gone thru he has always been by my side. Even when I slept with him, he always held his paw on my affected breast.
      Cheers
      Jackie

      • Justine

        I am so sorry for what happened to skippy. I do believe cats grieve as I saw a previous one I had grieve the loss of my dad and Angel whom I just lost grieve the loss of my mom to whom she was attached. I would wait a little while, let things settle and get another cat. Scoutie is used to having another cat around. That is where I am coming from. My Angel left her older non biological sister of 21 yrs. If I bring another one in to keep Jazzie company I think it would kill her. She would think I was trying to get rid of her. In actuality she needs to get to the vets but I cant do it, not after losing Angel. She ‘s not sick but should have blood work done. Also I also believe that they know when we are sick as you experienced. I’ve seen it with every cat I’ve owned. Even when I’ve had a headache Angel who slept with me after my mom passed, always wanted to touch my head. I had a knee replacement yrs ago but before that had arthroscopic knee surgery and a yr of complications and Angel and Jazzie both wanted to lay on my knees. What a sight, right? You will always have the wonderful memories of skippy, just as I try and remember the sweet good times of Angel but it doesn’t lessen the pain we feel right now. So my advice is wait a bit let him grieve Skippy and then get another to keep him company. Peace-Justine

  • Rich

    Thank you for this article. I did help. My cat, Arizona, died today after more than 14 years. I remember him being just a tiny nothing at 8 weeks and to see him today at the vet so weak and tired, it absolutely kills me. He had a variety of issues but the beginning of it was hyper-thyroid-ism about a year ago. When the vet did an x-ray and blood work today, one kidney was 4x the size of the other, his liver was swollen and his levels were more than 2.5x the norm. He was a mess. I knew this day was coming. On the one hand, knowing that he is no longer in pain or suffering, bring me joy but on the other hand I miss him so much. I also feel grief for my other cat, who is 13 and was raised by Arizona. I don’t think he’s figured it out yet that Arizona isn’t coming home but I am already so, so sad for him. Arizona was my friend and buddy through so much. He will be missed by me and my family forever. I also agree with other posters…that last one about the angel holding my cat made me lose it. RIP Arizona. Love you buddy.

  • Jane

    I lost Milo on November 20, 2015. I still cry all the time about it. He was only 2 years and 4 months old. I love him so much and it kills me that I may never get to hold him again. He was my shadow. My sweet little baby. That last one on the list about imagining him up in heaven being held by an angel just made me sob into my hands. It’s such a nice thought. I hope there’s a heaven. I know he’d be up there and all of the angels would adore him. He was such a special guy. I saved this page within a week of his death, but didn’t have the strength to post about it on here until now. This page has helped me.

    • kate

      Thank you for sharing, I lost my Whiskey September 30, 2017. I’m heartbroken about it, he was only a year and half old. He used to be an indoor only cat but when we moved in May he became an indoor/ outdoor because he loved being outside so much. He used to only stay and play in our yard and was always by our side, but recently he became more and more curious and he was hit by a car September 30th. I miss him so much and I feel the same pain you do, he was my little baby and he didn’t get enough time on this earth

      • Bianca

        Oh Kate I’m sorry to hear this R.I.P whiskey 😥 it’s a tough one as they are free spirits and naturally wish to explore and hunt – this is why my partner tells me it’s not our fault Alfie was killed – as he was simply doing his natural “cat thing” which was to roam free. Having lost 2 of my beloved cats to the road this is why I’m having the cat fencing installed – it’s very sad as whiskey was so young try to hold on to the love he has being with you Kate. My poor Alfie was literally living in a bin when I found him and brought him to live with me 5 years ago & im trying to hold on to the fact that finally he knew what it was to be loved – whiskey was happy in the time he had in your love and in his short life – so many cats will never experience that – try to hold on to that Kate – sending you a cat hug (which are the most special ever!) xx

  • Sarah

    I just lost my sweey baby kitten Kai, who was only a few weeks old, and i miss him dearly. He had congestion, respiratory infection, and it hurts the most because he was like my son, my first child. I unfortunately had to watch him pass away in my hands while trying to rush him to the vet. I cant help but to feel it was my fault and i could’ve done something or anything better for him.

    • Kaylee

      Sweetheart.
      Sometimes we just don’t know.
      Sometimes all we can be is the vessel that cares for something until it has to leave.
      Honey, you kept him warm, you held him.
      Sometimes that’s all you can do.

  • Geddes

    I just lost my cat “Moxie” she was all I had after all my siblings moved out of the house I was so attached to her because I felt that she stayed with me even though my siblings moved on. I lay awake at night just wishing that I could look up and see her curled up on my bed. I will never forget her, she will always be in my heart. Rest In Peace moxie 2003- June 24, 2017

  • Karen cleveland

    My cat yingyang who was black and white died April 1,this year 20217 on my mothers Birthday who died three years ago.the worst kind of pain, I had him since he was 3years old he was 11when he died I miss him and so do my husband and my daughter.we just talk ,laugh and tear up sometimes.we will adopt a new kitten to raise we’re just waiting to move!yingyang can never be replaced we got him creamated He was our pet and we loved him even my son took it hard I wrote a poem to honor yingyang.It is said that cats guard the gates of heaven On April 1,2017 God called A new cat to Earn His wings to become A new Guard where Angels sing He was loved by many will be missed a lot a cat that will never be forgot yang was called to take his place to be a new guard for heaven gates!he will forever have his paws on our hearts!

  • Nancy

    I lost my cat, “Snickers”. She was a rescue, who ended up rescuing me. We first meet when she snagged my sweater as I passed too close to her cage.
    We were at the Santa Fe A.S.P.C., my teenage daughter said “oh, I want a kitty”. 16years, 7months and 19 days later she would be my furry lil” buddy. I looked to see what my sweater had got caught on,, it was Snickers. She looked away as if to say, “opps my bad!” But what I saw was a nasty cat with a nasty attitude that didn’t seem to care about my sweater at all!
    I was literally hooked from that moment on.

  • Jaymie

    We had to put Sandy down the saturday of Memorial day weekend.She was 17 years old and having strokes.I don’t know what was worse the siezures or listening to the non-stop crying while waiting for the vet to open.We cried the whole weekend.Missing her still hits without warning.We still have her sister who is also 17.Don’t if I’ll want another pet after she dies.

  • Deborah Jayne

    A few weeks ago I wrote about the loss of my beautiful little friend Pablo, a stunning black cat with a huge personality, to a road accident.Writing it all down was healing for me as I am sure is the case for many people writing about their own losses. The reason I am writing this is that if you have the love and a caring safe home to offer another cat,especially a rescue, please don’t say what I did initially which was : “never again.”
    Just a fortnight after losing Pablo I decided that I would like to make a donation to a local animal charity in memory of Pablo. I flicked on to the website of the nearest animal sanctuary to my home and staring with one glistening emerald eye from the page was a black cat, Shadow. Shadow was a road traffic victim who was left with one eye and a limp and in need of a loving home. By the end of the week and after much thought and consideration, Shadow was sitting in my window. He is a house cat and as quite an elderly fella he is quite happy with the arrangement. I could never bring myself to let a cat roam outdoors again – at least knowing the dangers at my current address. Pablo is still part of our lives as there isn’t a day goes by without something happening to help us remember him. Shadow is huge, fluffy and jet black, but his colour is where the similarity to Pablo ends, He isn’t a Pablo replacement and never could be… he is Shadow – a chilled out, aloof gentleman who enjoys being brushed and played with – when he feels in the mood! We love him as we loved Pablo and I am sure that Pablo, in the circumstances,would have approved.

    • Bianca

      What a beautiful tale – just lost a second cat yesterday to a road traffic accident and reading this has made me cry and smile – thank you Deborah

  • Brian and Rayna

    Thanks to everyone for posting their stories, they are helping me. At this time yesterday, we said goodbye to Juno, our big Siamese boy, after seventeen and a half years. We got him and his half-sister, Kaya as two month old kittens in February of 2000. We were 23 and 24 years old, and had been together for less than two years. I think a big part of the pain is realizing how much of your own life went by while they were a part of it. They have been with us for nearly our entire relationship. Juno is the best cat I’ve ever known. His personality was so awesome and sincere, even “non-cat people” loved him. In the winter, he would paw at the covers every night until we let him under to get between us. He would also barge his way into my robe to snuggle whenever he could. He had so many other funny quirks I can’t remember or list them all here. I remember when we got him, we went to the house where the people were selling them lived. It was not a good situation, there were lots of animals and kids and it was loud and smelly. I picked him up out of the cage and thought he would be sketchy b/c of the noise, but he rested comfortably and looked up at me as if to say “ok good, we’re going home now, right?” From that moment on, he was our best buddy. We of course went through many scares; him staying out all night, getting into fights w/ neighborhood cats (one ear wound resulted in an infection and a small missing wedge of his top ear, one time he had to have his eye sewn shut for 3 weeks), etc… In 2012 as we were about to leave for vacation he suddenly could not stand up. The vet offered to let him live at the clinic while we went on vacation. While we were gone he made something of a miraculous recovery that the vet did not expect and could not explain, so the last five years have been an absolute blessing. He developed bad arthritis and was on several medications, so we have been preparing ourselves for a while. None of that matters now. We are absolutely devastated. I can barely see to write this. Luckily, the decline was quick over the last couple of days so there was no argument about the decision. I stayed with him all day yesterday. He took his last drink from the sink (his favorite), laid under the car one last time and that was it. He is buried in “daddy’s robe” next to our vegetable garden. We know how lucky we got with him, and we love Kaya too. But we know there will never be another cat like Juno. We love you so much, Bubba. We will never forget you. Rest In Peace.

  • Charlotte

    Ive been sobbing uncontrollably for around 5 hours now, my furbaby mr.tibbs was found in the garden this afternoon, in the pouring rain by our neighbour who noticed him through their window, unable to move his back legs and was meowing for help (he never meows) my mum wrapped him up in a towel and called the vet immediately, with no car the veterinary receiptionist actually came to pick him up and take to the vets, (god bless her)
    He had whats called saddle thrombus, which is a blood clot that went to his legs and paralysed them, it was all very sudden, but the kindest thing was to put him to sleep as the vet said there’s nothing they can do, and he was in severe pain 🙁 this is the biggest animal loss I’ve experienced, i had him all through my twenties, through all the good and bad times, i will miss him so much. It’s comforting reading comments on here thank you all for sharing. I feel very lucky to have had such a wonderful animal in my life. X

    • Lana

      I am so sorry for your loss. And I know how you feel because the exact same thing happened to one of my cats. My husband had him and his brother since they were 6 weeks old. They both turned 9 years old this year. So I’ve been their mom for four years. He named them Dude and Manny. We came home around two weeks ago and he was on the floor howling and barely moving. His brother had licked his head and neck. We laid down a towel and he drug himself by his front paws onto the towel. That’s when we realized his legs were paralyzed. We rushed him to the vet and were told he had a blood clot that caused him to be paralyzed. It was saddle thrombus. There was nothing we could do. We don’t know how long he had laid there in pain since we had been gone for almost five hours at a high school graduation. We have been heart broken ever since. He was our friend. We don’t have any children so he was one of our children. We had his brother taken to vet to get him checked out since the vet told us it could be hereditary. He loved to eat and to get his head scratched. And he would get in your lap no matter if there was room for him or not. I am having separation anxiety from Manny and I cry and worry all the time. Manny is actually doing pretty well. He howls sometimes but we’re not sure if it’s for his brother or not. The vet said most non-dominant cats don’t grieve and Dude was definitely the dominant cat of the house. I am hoping that each day will be a little better. And I agree with you that we were lucky to have him in our life. 🙂

  • Belle

    I lost my cat, Chopper, just about 3 hours ago. We don’t live in the states or in a first world country so the vets here aren’t that great and they are also extremely expensive. He was the most precious little thing. He never made it hard for us to take care of him. He loved curling up to me and making any part of my body as his pillow. I may have looked like an idiot everhtime he meowed because I always answered back. For a more than a month now he’s been peeing anywhere in the house and on the beds but he’s trained to do it outside. Three days ago when we were about to take him to the vet we found him beneath the bed laying on his own pee and blood so we rushed to the vet. He was given vitamins and antibiotics and we were told to come back tomorrow. The vet said it was good that he can still pee and it’s not just stuck inside him. The morning we were taking him back he had more energy, he wasn’t moving the day before, he was able to fight agains me and even clawed my mom. But when we went home after he got his shots again and a new food prescription he became even more lethargic. I tried force feeding him before I slept because he hadn’t been eating for days. But he wouldn’t eat at all. So I stuck with water at least. The next day we had him on new food and fed him water. He wouldn’t move at all and he was just staring. He was still peeing with blood and we were able to feed him twice but he threw up the first one. The next one was just almost an hour before he died. My brother told me to check on him because it was like he was having trouble breathing. So I did and I could hear him breathe and it was like he was trying to throw up so I took the syringe and game him a few drops of water so he could swallow it or finally throw it up. His breathing was so loaud and I was panicking. Everyone was asleep it was almost 4 am except for my brother who just woke up and my sister who was just about to sleep. He meowed and looked at me. He meowed three times and it will always stay in my mind. Before I could still feel his heartbeating so fast but after that his body wasn’t rising and falling anymore, he wasn’t breathing and I couldn’t find his heartbeat. I yelled out to my sister and she rushed out and my brother followed. All three of us were trying so hard to resuscitate him.Then the green liquid he threw up before came out of his nose. I had already been crying and my sister said she could still feel something but he was just staring. He wasn’t breathing and I knew then that there was no more hope left. If the treatment for pets available in other countries was also a norm here I wouldn’t hesitate to loan money no matter how much the treatments were. He was just two years old and I loved him so so much. He was a smart one, he knew how to open doors and he was the baby I had.

  • Marie

    We just had to put our 19 year orange tabby Moses (MoMo) to sleep. He had kidney disease and was no longer benefiting from sub-q fluids and started having seizures. My daughter picked him out as a kitten at a shelter when she was 3years old (or should I say he picked her out? I still remember him running over to greet her) and it’s been terribly hard adjusting to him not being here. Our home doesn’t feel the same, and though we do have three dogs, it really feels incomplete without our cat. Moses was here through everything and when my daughter became an adult and moved out to her own house, he stayed and became my kitty. My husband doesn’t want another cat but I think I do…..

  • david delucca

    my kitty momo had 2 b put asleep he had lung cancer he was 14yrs old i miss him soo much alread he was my best freind in the whole world hope your happy in Rainbow Bridge i love u soo much momo ALOHA NIU LOA till we meet again angel

  • Gary

    4-25-17 Was the day I set my best friend free. Oh…I (and im sure most of us here:) wish I could show you all pictures. Felix was a Burmese/Ragdoll my Daughter got for her 5th birthday on May 31, 2000. When he was born his Moma somehow got a claw stuck in Fee’s forehead…The vet removed it and he seemed fine…slow but just fine. It was actually the deciding factor in why she chose him from the rest. I’ll probably never know how much of his “special chillness” was from that or just being a Ragdoll and thats just fine.
    As much as he became my best friend and we shared quite a special bond. Whenever my Daughter now almost 23 comes by to visit it was very clear who was his world. I know what you may be thinking as to why my Daughter didnt take him with when she moved out 3 or 4 years ago. Young and constantly on the go my daughter is. Felix had epilepsy sense he was around two years old and needed daily medication. Also…when she moved out she did take him with her…But she knew how much I had made him my world. I don’t socialize much to be honest and have battled depression for many years. When I’d get home from work he (until last fall) would greet me at the front door and we would go out for a walk. It would take him about an hour to get all the way around the house. But when he made it he would head up the steps to the front porch and inside we’d go. More and more last summer I noticed he’d hit the front lawn…find the sun and I’d let him just lay their I’d always give him an hour. Two years ago he began feeling he’d earned the right to pee in the house…anywhere he wanted. After much tension and frustration I ended up getting a precut piece of linoleum 8’x10′. added a baby fence and boom…Insert his bed, food, water, box and it was his home…in the dining room just to the right of my easy chair. He never pee’d or pooped anywhere except in his box till the last week or so before I set him free.
    So anyway, my daughter did take him for the first couple weeks when she moved but…She knew I was ALWAYS their for him and it was the best place for him and I will always be thankful to her for that.
    With his being 17 with epilepsy and kidney problems. The arthritis especially in his front legs was getting bad you could just tell. I thought if he could just get to summer with the sun and warmth it brought…but it wasn’t meant to be. Just outside of the Seattle area where its been gray, dark, cool and wet since October. The past few days weve had sun and 80s and I wish he was here as he so Loved the sun…
    Last fall I started picking him up at least an hour before I went to bed. We had our favorite soft fuzzy blanket. I’d wrap him up and we’d get into my rocking recliner and he’d slowly fall asleep looking at me. I knew the love when he would begin snoring and or tuck his face into my armpit…I know but he would just tuck himself in. When in his pen…I get up and leave for work at 3am. I would hit the kitchen to get my coffee, lunch, Felix some fresh dry food and water. I would increase the heater 3 or so degrees. I’d tell him… “I turned on the heater” and I kid you not he would ever so slowly get up…walk to his corner were he had a gap in the linoleum were the heat vent was (his favorite spot:) lay on the vent…Id cover him with his favorite blanket and off to work Id go.
    Especially since last fall I noticed he was really slowing down. I (we the whole family) set him free on a Tuesday. I had bought him his kidney diet dry food and big bag of litter the previous Friday…Then Sunday (my work week Friday) morning before I left for work…I noticed he had peed on the linoleum. I cleaned it up….I was off Monday…saw the same…watched with absolute dread, fear, grief and disbelief. Then that Tuesday morning came. Pee’d again and had fallin in it. You just couldnt walk well anymore and from all I’d been observing over the past 6-8 months…I finally understood what it was going to be and feel like…when “that day” came.
    I like to think he looked at me and told me it was time. I knew what was to do..But had no idea how to begin the intentional act of ending my best friends life…
    Absolutely no offence to others….it was just what I needed… I knew as much as I love our Vet…It is not were I wanted him to go. So having no idea what to do I googled something that brought an angel to our home.
    With all the busy schedules between my daughter, son in law, son and his fiancee myself and yes…even my ex wife made a point to be there. My Daughter called work in the morning when i told her I knew it was time. As hard as it was…I thank my whole family as nobody questioned my decision. My daughter came over right away and from around 10ish am until he left us at 6pm…he never made any attempt to walk. He just let me and her and then everyone who came hold, thank and love him. He was all clean and around 4pm we gave him his very favorite…A whole can of Tuna 🙂
    No matter how much I hurt and I still do so much. But I know in my heart if he was still here it would be for me and my selfishness. I couldn’t feel it but I know it hurt him to walk.
    The absolute wonderful Dr. Sara from Compassion 4 Paws gave us all the time we needed. She was the exact soft, understanding and caring type of person who has found their passion in life and I’m so very thankful that google helped me find her. When we had all spent a good hour saying our thank yous and goodbyes we set him free.

    Goodness having no intention of commenting and look…I wrote a book. Maybe therapy I guess. Thank you to anyone who actually read this and bless us all who are (yes:) fortunate enough to love something so much that the grief hurts so much…And I just hope we all (when the times right) have the courage to do it again <3
    Hugs to us all…

  • Persian cat

    I lost my cat last week of 13 years. Had him as a 6 month kitten. Best friend, companion anyone could ask for. Lost him to cancer. I’m devastated, lost, and empty without him. When he was put to sleep as I was holding him I felt my heart empty as his life emptied in my arms. I’m overwhelmed by the loss. The pain is unbearable. He took with him every ounce of love I had left in my heart. I miss him dearly.

  • sara

    I just lost our family pet cheetah boo boo Sunday oy 21.17 :'( I’m having a very hard time dealing with his loss. I adopted cheetah for my son who is now 6 on Dec.21.15 he I picked him up at school and we ran home my birthday was the next day also. O told my son I have a suprise for you he went to the washroom and he said “you got me a kitty” we already had 5cats we wanted to adopt one more make it 6 so cheetah was our last kitty adopted he was beautiful grey short hair with big yellow eyes :'( . I pet a few different kitties that morning and only cheetah boo boo started purring at me bitting my red Buttons on my Jacket. I said HES THE ONE! we gave him so much love and we miss him SO much! He wasn’t scared of nothing no VAccum no noises driller if I hung up picture frames nothing he was also very fast he was 5months when I adopted him . On may 4.17 I rushed him to Abbey Animal Hospital after I spoke to my vet who is further away my vet said sounds like he has a Blockage he needs vet asap so I went near home to Abbey Animal hospital who just did fast unblocking :'( catheter drain and meds he said 50/50 he might block I was pray he didn’t block, less then 24h cheetah blocked so sat may 6.17 i Rushed him to another vet Bietty Animal Hospital on Ontario I didn’t want to go back to Abbey Animal Hospital because he said he couldn’t do that again and he would have to be put down so I never went back and I paid $600 was suppose to be $760 but they kicked me out of there clinic for complaining that they didn’t do proper treatment I was upset and at EMERGENCY when I emailed them they should of known cared for my feelings but seems like most vets don’t care :'(( . At Bietty Animal hospital I did x-rays they put a syringe n drained 150ml out of Cheetah bladder n said he had to go to overnight EMERGENCY Stoney Creek so I paidb$350 left to Stoney and paid $1000 downpayment cheetah was with catheter from sat to wen he had blood urine crystals I said yes to PU surgery for Friday, he pulled his catheter out wen then I told him to stay till Friday easier but I wish I brought him home n took him back for surgery :'( instead. Surgery went well he was home next day sat I syring fed him special food gave water till Tuesday my total vet bill was $2575 . Then Tue I was worried took him for check up $95 paid he at the vet was so well we have a video him happy boy purring loved happy another vet was there he said bladder small well so I was happy but he had a respiratory infection developed fri at surgery and he had antibiotics but this other vet gave us Baytril 50mh half tablet a day so I left went home with my son new baby n cheetah . Cheetah eat his food first time alone that night only small amount but I was happy cuz he wasn’t eating much. Then started new pills Baytril wen Thur I noticed him not so well like upset tummy but I waited till Friday then he puked so I called they said continue then sat puked I called n said I’m stop Baytril I’m a bit worried vet said stop wait till tomorrow start more of other antibiotic. I noticed his left leg not working as well so I did research said may cause weak legs so I call vet he said go in or wait till SAT and since I had no car I waited :'( I feel guilty HORRIBLE I didn’t take him Thursday in :'( everytime I would ask for a ride my mom would yell n put me down :'( then Sun we had appointment for 2:30pm Bietty hospital BURLINGTON I saw cheetah I said b right back going to walk pups then we go he looked at me his back legs were weak :'( I came back we went to vet after my mom yell at me I was so worried I took my son n baby. In car cheetah started breathing thru mouth n pupils dilated so much I got so worried :'( then when I got there they took me to room nurse came then vet then vet rushed cheetah to back out IV n breathing tube cheetah heart stopped she shocked him he came back. She did x-rays blood. Blood came back KIDNEY Problems very bad KIDNEYS she said 15-20%survival but I can go to Stoney Creek EMERGENCY or put him to sleep. I cried my son cried I begged my mom to take us she said no :'( my son begged me mommy don’t kill cheetah I said I’m not I don’t want to put him to sleep but vet said he is very sick low survival rate she thinks best he sleeps :'( she said I would have to pay $600 then go to emergency pay $1000 downpayment for 3-4day stay there he has also low electrolyte :'( but vet was so scared to send cheetah incase he would die on the car or there over night she said it was best he sleep but my choice she spoke to my mom my mom agreed I didn’t want to :'( I feel so guilty I didn’t didn’t​ know if I had the extra $1000 :'( I feel guilty not taking him Thursday or Friday to the vet when Baytril made him sick I was angry blanking that drug for killing cheetah KIDNEYS :'( angry at heartbroken sad I am sad for cheetah that I couldn’t do more sad for my son crying so much with I we took photos with cheetah I wish we took more o only got him and my son hand and baby we kissed him we said sorry I love you so much we are DEVESTATED I feel like I let cheetah down maybe he wasn’t peeing like I thought he was :'( on his legs he sometimes peed himself from Pu surgery or pad r box I wonder if he re blocked DURING surgery they found 2stones also. It’s just very hard because in home and I call my cats and cheetah not here :'( I picture him everywhere I feel so sad and upset that I couldn’t do more :'( vet lady was very caring last vet she thinks cheetah had genetic Problems :'( we are heartbroken :'(. I type this crying on my mobile sorry for any spelling mistakes :'( n

  • Alana

    3 days ago I lost my best friend in the whole world. I’ve never had a bond like that with any other living creature. I adopted a kitten 6 years ago from the SPCA, and found out a month later that he had a herniated stomach and lungs. After putting him down, the SPCA gave me a chance to pick any kitten in the shelter. That’s where I found Harvey. My roommate at the time told me to pick him because his name was “Screech” and she was from Newfoundland (Screech is a newfoundland rum). I ended up moving out of that apartment 2 months later and have never spoken to that girl again… but Harvey and I moved back home, took a 26 hour train ride from Nova Scotia back to montreal, and proceeded to spend the next 4 years living there. He was the coolest cat in the whole wide world. Every day, I would come home from school or work and he would crawl into my lap and actually put his arms around my neck. Kitty hugs. He would give me kisses on my cheek during the hardest days of my life, and kept me from making any rash decisions during bouts of severe depression. I aways told him, it was me and him against the world and that everything would be okay as long as he was here with me. 2 years ago, after we had moved from Montreal to Ontario to start a new life just the two of us, when he was nearly 5, he had his first urinary blockage. I don’t know how this happened, he had always been an active outdoor cat with no health problems. I think maybe the food he had been on forever had eventually caught up… the vet said some male cats have smaller than normal urethras and that could have caused it as well. I spent over $3000 on the surgery and the emergency clinic saved his life. Two years of prescription food later, and he had been to the vet another time, and shown symptoms of blocking on and off every few months. Last week he looked irritated, but I bought some of the food that I find helps his blockages and hoped it would help. I couldn’t afford another vet bill, I’m a 25 year old woman who just graduated and barely makes enough to cover my rent and utilities. I had to leave for the weekend to attend a family wedding, so I asked a dear friend of mine to watch Harvey while I was gone. I woke up on Sunday to 9 missed calls, spanning over 3 hours. I knew. I had my boyfriend call him for me, and was told that he had died that morning. I don’t know what to do or how to deal with this pain, I can’t stop thinking about his eyes and how he would give me “eye kissies” by slowly blinking when I would sing him his favourite songs. I miss holding him and rocking him like a little baby, and dancing for hours with him sprawled out on my shoulder. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this, I feel so bad. I wasn’t there, and if I had money I could have brought him to the vet last week just to make sure he was okay. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this, I just want him back. 🙁

  • Toby

    3 days ago, my oldest cat Marley died in her sleep, she was 12 years old and it was a massive surprise when she died. I can’t believe she has gone. We also have another cat who is her younger brother, and a dog. She died the one night that i forgot to bring her up to bed with me, and all I feel is guilt. Not a minute goes by when I don’t think about her, her younger brother was there when she died and I keep replaying the noise I could hear from downstairs when I woke up, my other cat meowing at the top of his lungs. We buried her with my fish who also died recently today and I still think it was my fault. her younger brother was trying to cover up the fact that she had stopped eating, and in a matter of days, she went from a chubby, lovable cat, to a frail and thin one. I am glad we didn’t take her to the vet, because they would’ve put her down and that is the last place she would want to be in when she died

  • David Hawkins

    Try to shift focus and take a holistic view. Grief can become like a festering wound and if you obsess with looking in the same direction grief can become an obsession that never heals.
    I accidentally locked Scruff out at night. He was a Greek stray who lived the first year of his life completely outside. But still I feel guilt, (he was run over) and In think I always will.
    I am religious but I think this may help even if you are not.
    I emailed a priest. I said to her “I know God forgives me, but I can’t ever forgive myself”. She said just ask God to stand with you in your grief and guilt. And it worked ! I have not stopped feeling grief and guilt but I am no longer completely overpowered by those emotions.
    If not God then a friend or even yourself. It worked for me.
    And also a project. I’m going to make a film about the cats on Syros, the island where Scruff was born. If I can’t bring him back to life, I can do something for his brothers and sisters on Syros.
    And I going to plant a Shrub next to the tree he liked to climb and so I can look out from my balcony and remember him.

  • Iliana

    This is in the memory of Poki, the most heroic and strong newborn cat I know. He was small like a Pokemon. I found him in a mountain all alone and wild, screaming at everyone that got close to him defending himself. He even scared a big black dog. He had lost both of his eyes and he was bleeding but that wouldn’t take an inch of his strength away. I put on some gloves and I catched him. I took him home and, from being wild and screaming, he became the friendliest and sweetest creature. I was calling his name and he was running to me hitting in my shoe because he couldn’t see. He was so strong that he climbed on a cactus -literally- and tried to reach where my voice came from. We were playing, i fed him some milk and I let him rest from a while. He was sleeping so peacefully. But then I had to take him to the doctor. The doctor told me that he had to make a surgery to remove both of his eyes because they were infected and I did not have the luxury to wait until he became stronger. I had to do this immediately. I gave him the same day, did not even say goodbye and I waited in anxiety until the next day until the doctor called me and told me my happy and strog creature had died in the half of the surgery, he was so small that his heart could not make it. I could not believe this because he had a thirst for life. Whatever I say will not be enough of ypu have not met him. I knew him for one day but he will stay in my heart forever. His courage, strength and happiness were one the biggest lessons I was taught. My heart broke that day and I don’t know if I will let him go. My little fighter, I deeply hope you are in a better place because ain’t nobody that deserves it more than you.

    • Sam

      That bought a tear to my eyes…. poor kitty … x
      it brings a Smile to my face that somewhere over the rainbow they play happy and away from harm.. jumping after the butterflies and climbing up teh tall
      Tall trees..x

    • Ana

      Wow, that was so kind of you to take the time to make a difference, no matter how short. I’m sure he had the best personality. He didn’t have to die alone.

  • Deborah Jayne

    My beautiful black cat Pablo was lost to a hit and run driver last week. A week on the grief of his loss just won’t go away. Pablo was only one year old, hardly ever left his own back yard and if it wasn’t for a kind lady finding him and taking him to a local vet, we probably wouldn’t have ever known what had happened to him. Pablo was the light of my life – the focus of my little household, so playful and full of character he joined my little dogs like a fellow pack member. he curled up in their baskets and chased their tails. He was the most affectionate little friend anyone could want. I had fully intended him to be a house cat.However he hated staying indoors and loved to join everyone else on the garden. We live on the outskirts of the countryside and the risks seemed minimal – especially as Pablo spent most of his time outside on the neighbour’s shed roof sunning himself or playing with the dogs. I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was so special to all of us. His scratching posts at the side of every door where he would demand to be let through are still there and I keep finding his little stuffed mice all over the place. He was the apple of our eyes and we all miss him so much. Just a week before we lost Pablo, I had to have my very elderly dog put to sleep. He had a fabulous life and it was his time. Pablo was the comfort blanket for my two remaining little dogs to curl up with at night. How I wish I had kept him in as intended, but how hard on my adventurous little fellow who craved the great outdoors. No amount of grief can bring him back and I don’t feel i could ever bring another cat into the household after this tragedy, much as Id like to eventually. I hate the driver who killed him and probably never gave a thought to the misery and heartache he or she has caused. Pablo’s collar was covered in glow in the dark shapes. I don’t buy the idea that they might not have known they hit him. As for he should’t have been in the road. to me that just smacks of those folk who move to the country then complain about the sound of the cock crowing. Country road -slow down!!!!! I don’t know how I’m going to get over losing Pablo or include him in the little memorial garden for my elderly dog which Pablo watched me dig. Only a pet’s family can truly appreciate the gaping hole left by their loss.

  • Angela Billingsley

    I had to send my dear, sweet, Kittycat to heaven yesterday. She was 17 years old. I recently moved to new state 6 months ago for a job to begin working on my new career progression. She started fur pulling when I put the house on the market and people started coming through in August. She’d recently suffered a bad bout of pancreatitis but recovered surprisingly well, and I was so happy. I had to take her away from the house and yard she knew and loved for 16 years. She used to chase large dogs out of the yard and kept watch always. I found her in a car engine at work in 2000 at about 8 weeks old and we were inseparable since. She’d been having a hard time adjusting and also started sneezing and snorting a lot. She also had been vomiting and had some other problems that resolved, but the fur pulling never stopped. Yesterday morning she woke me as usual licking my forehead and moving to my hand. We got up and I gave her her breakfast wet food. She ate and drank well and came into the living room where I was drinking my coffee. Immediately she began snorting and coughing and there was a gurgling sound. I quickly went to her to find blood coming out of her nose. I called vet to see if I could get her in and we left immediately. I talked to her on the way and was praying for the best. The gurgly sound became worse. They rushed her back and gave her O2. I waited alone in the waiting room for what seemed like forever and then asked if they could please bring her and so I could hold her. After bringing her in I realized it was not a good situation at all and had gotten worse – her nose was swelling and she could not breathe at all and was struggling to breathe. I asked them to take her back to put her on the O2 again. The vet took films and came in. She told me of the various things she thought it could be but was not sure, among them a throat or nasal cancer. I got my mom on speaker phone and the vet talked about a nose scope, blood work, etc. But did say she could not guarantee a solution and with a cat this age, it was probably not a good prognosis. I made the decision to put her out of her misery. At 17 she had arthritis, couldn’t jump up on anything anymore (I had stairs for her to get up in bed and sleep with me) and had patches of fur missing. The that brought her in and I was really unable to hold her since she was screaming and trying to breathe. I asked the vet to hurry as quick as possible so that she could be out of suffering and pain. After they put her to sleep I stayed in the room for an hour with her and just kept telling her what a good kitty she’s been and how beautiful she was. I have not stopped crying and literally nearly sometimes heave with sorrow. Tonight I am numb and have cried so much my eyes will barely open. Her sister, Chloe passed away in January, 2014, from kidney failure, so I have no kitties left. I miss holding her and kissing her cheeks and her smell. She was always so clean. Going to bed and waking up this morning I’ve never felt so alone. I am hopeful that each day will be a bit better, just like with Chloe, but the pain is making me so slow and feels like I’m carrying 50 lbs of rocks. Thank you for letting me share and thank you to the others who shared. I do believe time will heal. ?

  • Jennifer Jefferson

    I just watched my 18 yr old orange tabby die. He lost weight this past year. I picked him up ti rock him, he wanyex down but couldn’t walk so i put him ba k on the chair by the window. I think he had a stroke then as his front legs became stiff for a little while a d his lower jaw went back and forth. I wonder if i caused his stroke by picking him up. His litter mate is still alive. I feel his loss so much.

  • Kim Lewin-Reilly

    We made the decision to put our beautiful boy Jim Jim to sleep yesterday. He was painfully thin and we presumed it was the stress of losing his sister 7 months ago, coupled with a big international move back home (to where they were born on Waiheke Island, New Zealand), on top of the fact he was 18. But when I took him to the vet yesterday morning, after he wouldn’t eat anything, she told me he had a large tumour around his tummy region. I was utterly devastated. How could I not notice? I kept saying to myself. I think because he became so skinny, his ribs started poking out and almost masked the tumour. He looked like humans who have been starved, and their tummies and ribs become enlarged. Just awful. So I bought him back home after having fluids, antibiotics and some sort of steroid injection to help ease his pain and encourage his appetite, but he went downhill throughout the day. He kept pooing everywhere outside, despite not having eaten much at all, and couldn’t settle anywhere, preferring to nestle his bum on our gravel driveway in between walking around the house, dragging his feet and generally looking very uncomfortable. I kept checking on him, seeing where and how he was. Probably deep down realising I might have to make a horrible decision later that same day. I’ve been mostly working from home these last couple of years, and Mr Jim has always been there. He really was my 1st baby. Always wanting to sit on my lap when I’m at the computer, or at night when we’re watching TV. Lying on my tummy or just being as close to me as possible when I did yoga… He was such a lovely boy, with big cleopatra lined eyes, dark tiger stripes/ tabby fur, big long legs (hence his other name; Dinosaur Jim), and incredibly loyal, warm nature…my hubby and I got him and his sister Jelly, 10 or 11 years ago as 7 or 8 year olds from the rescue centre we lived 5 minutes walk away from on Waiheke. Jim was the show pony, smooching our legs, standing up on his hind legs for a smooch or pats, big eyes looking up at us knowing we were all meant to be together. All while his beautiful sister Jelly sat perched atop her little shelf looking regal, letting him do all the work. We moved them with us several times, one of which was internationally from Waiheke to Melbourne, Australia. Each time Jelly would never really settle, but Jim would be just as happy as Larry. We lost his sister 7 months ago due to complications after having a non-cancerous lump removed affected her kidney condition within a matter of days. She was in such pain and was so sick of not being allowed to go out, living in the cold hills of Victoria, compared to the sub-tropical, lush beach haven of Waiheke… I kept thinking, if only we could get her back to Waiheke with us, I would feel so much better… She’d be happy in the sun. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, and we had to have her put to sleep. I felt like my soul had been ripped out and torn to pieces. I missed her terribly, and the boys – Jim Jim plus our other 2 Waiheke rescue brothers Scratchey and Monkey most certainly mourned for her too. Back home on Waiheke for the past 6 months, the boys have been so happy in the sunshine, with the softer climate they’re used to. Beautiful sea-views, lovely people, lush bush, no snakes. Jim Jim was always around, outside on the deck, lying in the sun, or on colder or more overcast days, inside on my lap, helping me work (ie: cuddle him). He had an appetite for fresh beef mince and chicken. Whenever we’d roast a chicken for ourselves, I’d spend a good half hour picking the carcass for the boys (and girl, when we had her). I keep feeling like I made an incredibly selfish move yesterday, putting him to sleep. He seemed to perk up a little when his Dad (Andi, my hubby) came home. Jim became even more attached to Andi towards the end… Looking up at him adoringly, making his little purp purp noises. We drove to the vet altogether, Jim so skinny and frail and trusting… I feel today like I betrayed his trust. Remembering him as he looked at us and the vet with his big, beautiful eyes. And then he was gone. His legs were so skinny, she had to try his second leg to get the needle etc in properly. I remember there was a little blood. I hugged him and kissed his head and cried, and cried and cried. Andi too. At this stage, it seems I’ll feel this inconsolable forever, but I’m trying to remember all the good times we all had together. Our little family of two humans, 4 cats, then 3… Now 2. Scratchey slept in his litter box last night. All curled up, and wouldn’t lift his head. Monkey curled up on our chests as we hugged each other on the couch. There were no purp purp sounds when we opened our bedroom door this morning. Just quiet. I miss his smell terribly, which I know sounds weird, but this beautiful being had been in my life, around me more frequently than any other living being for the last 10-11 years. I feel so honoured and grateful to have known him and to have had him in our lives. Jim, we will miss you forever. Our beautiful boy. I’m sorry we had to say goodbye. Love Kim and Andi, aka Mum and Dad.

    • ana

      So sorry! I had to do the same thing. He was lethargic and 3rd day of loose bowels. Sometimes they are in pain and they do not show it so we have to consider that. : (

  • Trudi Craig

    Our beautiful tortoiseshell cat Emily passed away two days ago and my son and I are absolutely devastated. She was 16, we’d had her and her brother Felix since they were 12 weeks old and my son was 7. My son will be 24 in two weeks. Our previous cat was so much loved and had a special bond with my son, he simply adored her. The loss we feel is unbearable, she was (and her brother) part of our family, now they’re both gone, the house feels so cold and empty. We will always love you darling Emily Rose and you will always remain in our hearts. RIP baby girl xxx

  • Ana

    I adopted my cat as a feral age 1. We moved around a bit and he had a terrific life and ate well; all organic non gmo in later years. No vaccines after he had a leisure from one of them in past. He lost weight when I went away for four days. I think the dry food dehydrated him according what I researched. It takes all the moisture out of him. I was also told my a vet that animals can start the dying process when you go away for more than a few day, if they are older, if they don’t want to upset the owner. They can be sick but not show signs til the end.
    He had a b-12 shot to help him eat and it worked and emergency canned food-vet said it’s like crack for cats-not too healthy (but it worked and then on to the healthier food). He had loose stools and was wiping himself on the floor. I would grab paper towels and tried to help