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When You Miss Your Cat More Than You Thought Possible

You knew losing your cat would be sad, but the pain you feel after your cat’s death may be overwhelming. When Zoey died, for weeks all I could think was, “I miss my cat so much.” If you’re sad and lonely without your cat, you’ll find words of comfort and compassion here.

In this article I share a variety of ways to cope with the grief of a cat’s death. They gave me the comfort I needed after I lost my cat, and they helped other readers cope. Even more comforting are the words of support and compassion in the comments section below. Our stories are different, but the feeling is the same: we miss our cats so much.

“Grieving the loss of a beloved cat is an extremely personal experience,” says Michelle on When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Your Cat’s Death. “Everyone copes differently, every cat owner has a different way to work through the grief and sadness. But one thing stays the same: we all have to find our own method of grieving pet loss. Otherwise the pain never heals. I miss my cat dearly and deeply, but I have to let him go. Otherwise I’ll never be happy again.”


When you miss your cat, nothing erases the pain. But, our words of comfort and compassion will help you feel less alone. We’re grieving alongside you, we know how it feels to face an empty home without a beloved cat, and we care how you feel.

In our stories below you’ll see how others coped with the death of their cats. You may cry, but you’ll feel better. You may even share your own story of how you’re coping when you’re missing your cat more than you thought possible.

8 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Cat

Hope and Healing for Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat
I miss my cat

Surrounding yourself with people who understand what it’s like to grieve the loss of a cat is one of the most important things you can do. If you feel alone – and if you are alone because you isolate yourself – then you may take longer to heal.

Reach out to others. Talk about how difficult it is to deal with the death of your cat. Find people who understand, who can genuinely relate to your pain.

1. Share memories of your beloved pet

“As a child, we were encouraged to talk about the pet and remember him or her,” says cat lover Pam, on Comforting Prayers for the Loss of Your Cat. “Pets are family members and have important roles in our lives. Whenever a frog, lizard, parakeet or guinea pig has died in our house over the last 14 years since my kids were born, we’ve held a mini-funeral in the backyard.  We bury the pet, put a rock marker on top, and share our memories about the pet. The time together serves to recognize the pet’s role in our lives.  My kids are encouraged to share their memories about our lost pets.”

Don’t bury your pain or try to hide how much you miss your cat. Even just telling someone “I miss my cat” can help you through the grieving process. Sadly, you have to feel the pain before you can heal.

2. Give yourself time to heal after your cat dies

“Healing takes place over time, and there is no single formula to saying good-bye when your cat dies,” says Dan, whose 12 year old cat disappeared without a trace. “The loss of a cat is the loss of someone you loved, and when anything you loved is abruptly taken away from you, there is no substitute. Four years ago, my cat Peep disappeared without a trace. I live in an exclusive suburb of Los Angeles in the hills. It’s often you have wild life and predators roaming at night. I was sick with some dental problem and when I came home from pharmacy at 9 pm, I couldn’t locate both my cats…one of then came home and the other didn’t.”

Cry as much as you need to. Weeping – letting your heart melt in sorrow – is the only way to deal with a loss so great. Try to spend time outdoors in the fresh air, away from the invasive noise of people. Allow the pure music of nature to fill your ears, the smells of forest and soil and grass to fill your nose. It will do your soul good.


3. Learn different ways to grieve the pain of missing your cat

Robert Neimeyer, a professor of psychology at the University of Memphis in Tennessee, says grief is more than simply a ­series of emotional stages. Grieving a loss isn’t just about going through the stages of grief – and healing isn’t just about letting time pass.

Dr Neimeyer believes that if we can make sense of our grief, we find meaning and healing in loss — even if we “just” lost a cat. “We do have a great deal of agency in how we embrace our suffering, and the sense we make of it,” says Neimeyer, author of Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved.

It is often finding a new purpose in life that helps heal our hearts when we miss our cats. Time doesn’t magically heal all wounds. Newer grief therapy helps grieving people understand the lessons of their loss and places a premium on their capacity to find a new normal, new meaning and “construct a kind of resilience even in the storm of ­bereavement.” With regard to the pain of losing your cat, this means finding a new normal to help you deal with the loss you feel.

missing my cat so much
Missing my cat

“Our work is all about understanding grieving as a process of trying to reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss,” says Dr Neimeyer. “What happened, and why and what are its implications for our lives, while also looking at the life we shared with our loved one and carrying it forward in ways we can in their physical absence. Time heals remarkably few wounds of grief because it’s not what time does for the bereaved person; it’s much more a question of what the bereaved person does with that time that matters.

4. Give yourself time to grieve your cat’s death – and find purpose in your life

After I lost my cat, all I could think was “I miss my cat.” But I learned that as tempting as it was to focus on how much I missed her, it was creating more pain and suffering in the long run. Focusing on my grief and pain was actually making things worse, sort of like probing a sore tooth with your tongue. It’s important to grieve loss – and your cat’s death is a huge loss! But it’s also important not to allow yourself to sink into the depths of grief. Find ways to miss your cat and still see the goodness in everyday things.

There is a difference between healthy grieving and unhealthy dwelling on the pain of loss. Grief takes time and energy – so you will find yourself more tired than usual. Unhealthy dwelling on your loss will suffocate you and prevent healing. So, give yourself time to grieve…but gently distract yourself from the long-term suffering that dwelling on a cat’s death can bring. Make an effort to remember joyful memories of your cat’s life. Keep busy. Find activities, places, and people who sooth your soul and quiet your mind. Learn ways to gently encourage yourself to come alive when you feel dead inside.

5. Consider rescuing an abandoned kitten or cat

“I had my multi-coloured white and ginger cat, Penny, for eight wonderful years,” says long-time cat lover Cynthia Colby. “Her death was sudden. She seemed to be losing weight to a point until she appeared too thin, so I took her in to the vet’s and got the bad news. They suggested an operation, but the next day I got a call during the surgery that she might not make it. I rushed in, and she died in my arms. In my case, whether or not to get another cat was already solved in a way, as I had just rescued a small black kitten. I missed my cat so much, but I found it helpful to foster the new kitten for the local Cat Adoption Team. The month before, I had decided to adopt her myself. After Penny died, I called her my ‘Little Gift from God’.”

Rescuing a cat who needs a home may be one of the best ways to cope when you miss your cat. Fostering or adopting an abandoned animal may give you a sense of purpose, and may help you look beyond the pain of your present grief.

6. Imagine your cat being held by an angel

When Your Cat Dies Ways to Cope With Grief

The Willow Tree – Angel Holding a Cat With Affection is a beautiful symbolic way to remember your beloved cat. I always find it comforting to think of the cats I lost as being in Heaven, resting in peace, their souls intertwined with the angels’ and my other lost loved ones.

Think of your kitty being held in the arms of an angel; feel the peace and healing that accompanies the thought of your cat resting in loving arms. It doesn’t matter if you can prove the existence of Heaven. We don’t know…we can only choose to believe in love, faith and hope.

Now is not the time to debate whether cats have souls. Now, give yourself the comfort of imagining your cat being held in the arms of an angel. This will help you get through the dark days, when all you can think is “I miss my cat.”

7. Welcome another cat into your home – when you’re ready

“Last January we had to have our beloved cat, Janvier, put down,” says cat lover Jessica. “He was suffering from renal failure, and the treatment would have crushed his spirit and terrified him, so we made the hardest decision of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having my first baby around. It’s pathetic, but we haven’t even gotten rid of his kitty litter (it’s clean!) or his leftover food.

I miss my cat

I still think I can hear him puttering around at night. We have two young children and insanely busy lives, so we haven’t adopted a new cat yet. We feel like we wouldn’t be able to give him or her enough attention at this time, which would just not be fair. I really believe that having a new kitten would help us survive our cat’s death. I also think that bringing a new pet into our lives would help us honor Janvier, by constantly reminding us of the cute and funny things he used to do. So I hope that one day soon-ish, we’ll open our homes to a new pet both to help heal our hearts and so our children know the joy a cat can bring to a home.”

“There is something about the presence of a cat that seems to take the bite out of being alone.” ~ Louis J. Camuti. If you’re thinking about opening your heart and home to another cat, read Should You Get a Cat After Your Cat’s Death?

8. Heal your heart with comfort and compassion

Kitty Comfort Coping With Cat Loss

Give yourself time and space to say farewell to your cat. Be gentle with yourself; losing a beloved pet is terribly painful. Allow your heart to heal in its own time. You miss your cat now, but the pain will lift. You might even feel ready to open your heart and home sooner than you think!

I wrote Kitty Comforts: Help and Hope for Coping With the Loss of Your Cat for you – my fellow cat lovers. Saying goodbye and letting go of my beloved animals is one of the most painful parts of my life, and in this ebook I share what helped me heal.

The Comfort I Need When I Miss My Cat
Memories of your missing cat

The Willow Tree Girl Holding a Cat might be a comforting reminder of your cat – and your fellow cat lovers’s compassion and kindness. Hold on to the warmth and comfort of your cat, and the support and encouragement you feel knowing that you are not alone in your pain.

Give yourself time to adjust to life without your cat. You may never stop thinking “I miss my cat so much” but you won’t always feel so sad, heavy, and lonely.

How are you feeling? Your comments are welcome below. It’s good to write about your experience with losing your cat…and it may even better to comfort others who are experiencing the same loss.

Warmly,

Laurie

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1,208 thoughts on “When You Miss Your Cat More Than You Thought Possible”

  1. Dear Shyann:

    I’m beginning to think we may be a “sister and brother from another mother”, and I feel that way about others here. Yes, I also experience the same roller coaster of emotions as you. It seems you are finding some peace, and out of the blue, a thought or event that reminds you of your fur baby just releases the floodgates. Dealing with Micah’s death has been a journey through uncharted territory that’s been difficult to navigate. If I had left it to my own devices, I would have been a miserable failure. When I finally decided that I couldn’t find a way to deal with his death and my pain, I came here and wrote about his life, but the reality is I was crying for help. No one here disappointed and they have given me some semblance of peace and understanding.

    Being that “rock of stability” is a gift, and at times, a curse. The gift is your friends and family know that you will be there for them in their time of need. The curse is that when you are suffering through your own pain and grief, you sometimes become a master of deception. You summon up your inner “Tom Hanks” or “Meryl Streep” to portray to others that you have successfully handled your grief and that you have moved on. All we have really done is bury our grief temporarily. At some point it can no longer be contained and must be released.

    I also accept all prayers and you, as well as others, are in my prayers daily. My desire for you is to finally come to the time when your memories of Shawnee bring more smiles than tears. The tears will never go away completely but the thought of the how they blessed and enriched our lives will bring us peace.

    Nothing would make me happier and bring me more joy than to be able to exchange photos of our guys, if allowable. I also thank Laurie for giving us a forum to seek help from our fellow grieving cat parents.

    Affectionately,
    Steve

  2. Dear Steve,

    Thank you for such kind words. Again, you always seem to know the right thing to say. Your friendship and caring are cherished. Last night a combination of your message, along with the hymns I was listening to, released a floodgate of tears. I have these releases, followed by peace (and the notion that I’m healing)– only to face another floodgate. Do you experience this?

    I keep my pain so private, except when I come here. As someone who is seen by friends and neighbors as a rock of stability, I find myself isolating, afraid of letting them see how weak and vulnerable I’m actually feeling right now. It doesn’t fit the strong, independent image they have of me. Even the wonderful people I work for (I’m a live-in caregiver for a wheelchair-bound senior couple), have no idea how many times I’ve sobbed silently into the night.

    Here, though, I share my guarded heart. Though yesterday was rough, today I’m doing a lot better. The day began early and ended late. I accomplished a lot, and I talked and laughed with friends. Thank you for putting December 9th on your calendar as a day to pray for Shawnee and me. I accept with gratitude all prayers! Please know that you and Micah are in my prayers, also. I wish I could see a picture of your dear Micah. (If Laurie is willing to share my email address with you, would you send me a photo of him?)

    Oh, I’m so happy to hear that Shawnee found her forever home. Another kitty saved… That brings a smile to my face and heart.

    ***Thank you, Laurie, for your wonderful, WONDERFUL site!!! I’m not sure if you could even know the magnitude with which you have helped grieving cat people with your uplifting sharing and suggestions, and your generosity in allowing us to lean on each other. God bless you, dear, sweet soul. We all love you, and this site!***

    Kindly,
    Shyann

  3. Dear Sylvia:

    Oh my, you are a very talented poet. It is my humble opinion that you should be published. “Love is Needed” was everything that I needed to read at this time. You’ll never know the comfort it brought to me and how it lifted the intense burden I was experiencing. I am more convinced than ever that these poems written decades ago, were penned not only for you, but for me. They have just been waiting all these years for me to make an appearance on the scene. It has to be God’s hand and not just some coincidence.

    I will admit that it has been extremely lonely for me these last few months. I quit trying to explain to my wife about my feelings for Micah many months ago. I could see that she didn’t understand and did not know how to respond. I’m not at all angry about that because there was not the same bond with her as Micah had with me. When my emotions can no longer be contained and I’m not alone in the house, I will go to my office, close the door, and let the tears flow. When my emotions are unbearable, I come here on this forum to seek solace.

    Last week was a very painful time for me as I was fully aware of the approaching 6th months of being without Micah. When the day finally arrived, I came here to seek help and the cavalry came to my rescue. Your prayers and words have lifted a heavy burden from my heart and have given me a reason to go forward and plow right through this grieving process.

    I just have to believe that Oliver and Micah have found each other and are having good time and are watching over us. I also believe they have found every cat that has been memorialized on this forum. Can you imagine what a group picture that would make?

    Thank you for helping this grieving man in one of his most desperate hours.

    Blessings,
    Steve

  4. Dear Shyann:

    I’m so very happy to hear from you again. It is true that it doesn’t seem like six months have passed since Micah left me and soon it will be the same for you at the loss of Shawnee. I too worried about my motives when reaching out to others and being too much of a “Debbie Downer” to those that need some help. Was I reaching out to comfort the recipient or myself? The honest answer is that I was doing it for both of us.

    I cannot speak for others, but here is the truth in a nutshell: “I NEED You”. I need to know that you’re OK. I need to hear of your good days and the bad days, maybe I can help. I need to know when you feel all alone in your grief, maybe I can give some confirmation that you are not. I need to know there is one place I can come to release weeks’ worth of pent-up emotion that can no longer be contained and have my friends respond. I could probably write the entire day about my needs but that would be rather selfish of me. I honestly do not know what would’ve become of me if I hadn’t found this forum and found so many caring and compassionate people.

    I have put December 9th on my calendar to remind me that I need to say a special prayer for you and to honor the life of you beloved Shawnee.

    Thanks for the website recommendation. I will most definitely have a look.

    Just a little off topic here but several months ago I told you about a kitty at our local humane society named Shawnee. Well, I haven’t seen her picture in over month so I can safely assume she has found her forever home. I was so happy when I noticed she was MIA on the web site.

    Affectionately,
    Steve

  5. Dear Steve,

    You are more than welcome to the poem… consider it yours to hang on the wall and enjoy. I’m so glad that it has touched you and has stirred something within. I’ve posted another one based on my prayers for you last night… I messed up the bottom part by splitting it with my name. Silly me. I have so many poems that I have never shared with others and I think you are right, in that I wrote it in the 90’s and have only now shared it until the right moment has come: it makes writing my poems all the worthwhile. God Bless, Sylvia x

  6. Love is Needed

    Wrapped in the softness of delicate angel wings
    My Lord, you’ve shown in the midst of the storm
    And with every breath and every mortal tear I cry
    Your heart always listens

    As the evening eclipses a new awareness awakens
    And stirs my soul
    And my being is filled with the essence of your love

    And your divinity carries my heart and lifts my soul
    And angel wings bring comfort dispelling my fears
    For deep in the heart of those who suffer
    Love is needed

    Sylvia Grace

    And your breath has given life to my Spirit
    Renewing my strength to carry on.

    Sylvia Grace

  7. Dear Steve,

    Last night I lay in bed thinking of you and the poignant letter you had posted of Michah, which I re-read. My heart aches at the thought of you being alone in your grief and, I do worry that you may not have enough support throughout the grieving process. It must be so terribly hard for you my friend so, I am writing a few words to you today.

    My mind often drifts back and thinks of each of the pets I’ve lost, both cats and dogs, and I can recall the times when I was alone like you, with no support at all, friends and in-laws would say all the wrong things which would deepen my grief and leave me feeling a lost worse and isolated. Grieving is such a deeply personal process and we all grieve differently. However, one thing remains the same and that is that our heart is in pain for our much loved feline companion who has meant the world to us. They become such an integral part of our lives and it was only when I read your letter a second time, that I understood just how much.

    As a cat lover, I reach out to you and I want you to know that even though I live in another part of the world, I do care about how you are coping because, it’s important to me that I know that you are okay even though I know your heart cries deep tears for dear, sweet Michah. I prayed last night that God draws close to you and that angel wings wrap around you bringing peace and comfort to your soul.

    God Bless You Steve and know that my thoughts are with you and I hope that Michah and Oliver have found each other in the Spirit Realm and the are watching over you.

    With Prayers, Sylvia

  8. Dear Steve,

    Your beautiful tribute to Micah has my tears flowing freely tonight. Oh how I share these very sentiments with you! Has it really been six months already? I’m following closely behind you… In 17 days it will be six months for me, too, since I lost Shawnee. I stopped commenting on this forum a little while back because I worried that my grief, as deep as it’s been, was only pulling others down. I wanted to reach out to fellow grievers with a spirit of strength and buoyancy, but felt unable to do so. You, on the other hand, have what seems to be a natural gift for knowing just what to say to everyone around you.

    Your dear, sweet Micah was (**IS**) a special soul. I cannot believe that God created a little being so pure and loving and beautiful for naught. Though I don’t yet understand why we have to say goodbye here on earth, I trust that someday the reason things unfold this way will be revealed and will make perfect sense. In the meantime, I’ve been turning to soulproof.com: “When Your Pet Transitions from Earth.” This website has brought glimmers of peace to my grief-stricken heart.

    Cats have shorter earth-lives than we do, but it’s such a blessing when they are deeply loved while they’re here. You deserved a cat as companionable as Micah, and he deserved a human as devoted as you. I think God places these “special” cats in the hands of his most trustworthy children. I’m sending you a warm hug from northwestern Montana. You’ve touched Micah, me, and a whole lot of other people with your compassion and caring. Bless you, Steve. Tonight I’m thanking God for you.

    Lovingly,
    Shyann

  9. Today it has been 6 months since Micah’s death. This is what I wrote for him earlier today:

    It has now been 6 months since Micah left me. These have been the most painful and agonizing months of my life. How could such a beautiful, graceful, and loving cat have such a profound effect on one man’s life? I do not know the answer to that question, but I miss him so very much.

    When I awake in the morning, my thoughts are of Micah. As I retire for the day, my thoughts are of Micah. I miss opening my eyes in the morning and having Micah laying by my head or just sitting and staring at me. I miss having him help me prepare his breakfast in the morning. I miss having my assistant while I’m doing some work at the computer. I miss having my buddy at nap time. Nap times will never be the same anymore. I miss having him following me around all day. I miss him telling me that he’s tired and ready to go to bed and that I should probably go to bed also. I miss coming through the door after a few hours or several days away and having him greet me. I miss watching TV while he is “making biscuits” on my stomach. I miss having my buddy watching football with me, usually with our eyes closed. My first task of day now is to tap Micah’s urn and tell him how much I miss him and that I love him very much. Then I plop my butt in front of the computer to fill my mind with more depressing news. Maybe I should go “off the grid” for several months. There remains a huge and painful void in my life. Most days I feel like only a shell of the man I once was.

    Having said all the above, I find that when the occasion calls for it, I will step away from my grief and interact with others. I will suggest we go out to eat, attend a show in Branson, or heaven forbid, go to the mall for some shopping. That is going above and beyond for me, because I hate shopping. These are all tiny baby steps in coping with my grief.

    There is no option left but to move forward and honor Micah’s memory and love and hope the day arrives where there are more smiles than tears. When my journey ends, we will be reunited again.

    Blessings,
    Steve

    1. Dear Steve,

      I so want to hold you and give you a big hug then, brush away the tears of grief from your eyes and heal your heart. Alas, if only I could! As we both know grieving is an up and down process and it takes time to come to an acceptance of our loss. I find the loneliness of missing our much loved buddy, very painful and I know you do to of Michah.

      Your write so beautifully Steve and with a depth of sincerity that touches my soul. I find it very moving! When I read your post my eyes welled up for you and I was thinking that it was six months on the 13th since Oliver passed. My beautiful Ollie Baby… and he was my baby too. Although we live in different countries, I embrace your sorrow and pray for you that God will stay close to you and look after you every day.

      I could easily imagine you and Micah going through your favourite routines and snuggling up together to watch tv. as well as Micah waiting patiently for his breakfast.. Oliver and I were so close and even though I love all of my cats, Oliver was very special. He was more human like and understood what I was saying. I spoiled him rotten and he loved me for it. Like I said before, they wind their way around our hearts and when they leave they take a piece of it with them and it hurts so much. Over the years we become so used to their presence, that’s it’s hard to think at the time that one day they won’t be with us. It’s such a deep and painful sorrow and we love them and miss them with every ounce of our being.

      Tomorrow Steve, I’ll post a poem that I wrote a few years ago that I think you may like. I’m no poet but often put my thoughts into words. I’m sorry this is so short but it’s late in the evening here and I’m so tired. I went to shut the computer down and saw your post then, felt compelled to write a little in the hope it will ease your heart and bring hope of a brighter tomorrow. Sorry if the email sounds a bit disjointed but I am tired.

      God Bless you Steve and sweet dreams of your beautiful, sweet Michah. x

      1. Dear Sylvia Grace:

        Even though you are “across the pond”, your embrace was felt by every fiber of my being. All this normally stoic old man needed and wanted yesterday, was a shoulder to lay his head on and release all the pent-up pain and tears. It’s as though you were right here beside me offering that shoulder. I am eternally grateful.

        Writing has always been difficult for me as I’m very OCD about it. Am I properly conveying my message? Are my words helpful or harmful? Is my spelling correct? Am I using proper punctuation? I’m so OCD that I don’t even trust today’s spell checkers. I’ve found when writing about Micah, it’s “damn the torpedoes” and I just “let er rip”.

        As I finished writing yesterday, I stepped back and reflected on my friends here who have suffered the loss of their cats. Names like Oliver, Bruce, Shawnee, and so many others that are too numerous to mention just seemed to flow from my lips. I found myself crying for people and their angels who I never have met nor had a relationship with. Remembering names has never been a forte of mine, but I honestly think if you sat me down and asked me, I could remember every name and a little of their story without going back and rereading their post.

        Thank you for taking the time from your own weariness to lend me your shoulder and offer comfort. I appreciate your prayers, and know, that I also pray that God be with you to offer you comfort and peace.

        I am so looking forward to your poem Sylvia. I know it will be a blessing to me and will touch my heart.

        God Bless you,
        Steve

        1. Dear Steve, Here’s the poem as promised. It’s the setting and the cat that I feel you will resonate with you being a cat lover. Imagine you and Micah. God Bless x

          Me And My Cat

          I’d reached the end of a worn out day
          Soft hues of the evening sky dissolved into gray
          A fading sun took her last breath
          Before casting shadows over the earth
          Dark shadows and shapes formed in the night
          The beauty of nature now hidden from sight.
          Tired and weary from a days work done
          And with aching feet and untidy hair
          I kicked off my shoes and pulled up a chair
          Next to the fireplace I quietly sat
          With my feline friend curled up in my lap
          I listened in the silence to her gentle purr
          Then ran my fingers through her soft, silky fur.
          The log fire burning lit up the room, and
          Ate up the coldness dispelling the gloom.
          I watched shadows from flickering flames
          Dance and play as though in a game
          At this moment I hadn’t a care
          While snuggled up in my old armchair.
          A wave of contentment washed over me
          There was no other place I’d rather be
          What more could I want just me and my cat
          All cozy and sleepy by the fireside we sat
          Sylvia

          1. Dear Sylvia: I just knew when you said you were sending me a poem, that I would receive a blessing. Well, you certainly didn’t disappoint. That was the most beautiful poem I have ever read because it was sent by a friend expressly for me. I could vividly picture being with Micah in practically every stanza of that poem. The tears came quickly and freely.

            I have read many poems and quotes online about the joy of having a cat and the loss of a cat, but this one touched my heart and soul like no other. It’s as though you were instructed to write this poem several years ago because eventually you would cross paths with a grieving man who needed to hear your words.

            It has been a very painful two days for me as I reflect on Micah’s life and his death at the six-month mark. A simple thank you just doesn’t seem enough. I can never repay your act of kindness and compassion and for being there for me when I needed you the most.

            Hugs,
            Steve

            P.S. I just happen to have a picture of me and Micah sitting by my fireplace. With your permission, I would like to superimpose your poem on that picture and hang it in a prominent place in the house.

  10. Dear Marie:

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Cece and the pain you will have to endure. All of us here understand your grief and our wish for you is that you eventually come to a time when your thoughts of your precious Cece brings more smiles than tears. You will always grieve for Cece but someday, no one knows how long, you will come to a healthier acceptance of your loss.

    The world would be a better place if every child had a cat like Cece. Just think, she helped raise you and taught you many valuable lessons such as unconditional love. Sometimes we humans when confronted with a loved one’s problems, our first instinct is to try and “fix” the problem. Not your beloved Cece. Her instincts told her she needed to curl up beside you and tell you, “Hey Marie I’m so sorry for your pain. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and that I’m here to help you.”

    There is no time limit to grieve and anyone who tells you otherwise, has probably never lost a piece of their heart. When you decide to give a piece of your heart to another cat, you will not be betraying Cece but honoring her for raising you into the young adult that you are today.

    Every human should have the joy and honor of having a Cece in their lives. If you need help on this difficult journey, there are so many helpful people here for you.

    Blessings,
    Steve

  11. The morning of September 19, my Archie walked from my windowsill across the head of my bed, and I petted him as he walked down the length of me and jumped down to the floor. I wanted him to stay and cuddle but I was too tired to get up and grab him. An hour later when I was in the kitchen having a bite to eat and making coffee, my son came in and said “is Archie dead? He’s laying on the road” from the moment that he said those words I couldn’t swallow the food that was in my mouth, I raced across my house to the door, I saw him laying in the middle of the street and in an instant I was on my knees beside him checking him to see if he was still alive, the sound of my own voice breaking when I called his name trying to get him to come back to me still rings through my mind like it just happened. The worst moment of my life was picking him up as traffic slowly drove around me and taking him to my lawn where I layed with him petting him until my boyfriend came and brought me out of my deviation and put my beloved Archie in a box. I can’t stop hurting ? if I would have just grabbed him to cuddle he would still be with me.

  12. Dear Murmur:

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel. You shared a special bond with her that most people who’ve never had a cat can understand. You gave her your love, your time, and your resources to do all that was humanly possible to keep her in your care. In return she gave you her unconditional love and requested so little in return.

    All of us here know just how painful that day is when we finally help them to move on. It is a pain that has probably never occurred in our lives. I fortunately had work at the time that Micah left me which required very infrequent office appearances but even though I could work from home, I almost felt like I was stealing their money. You did the right by taking some time off.

    In Laurie’s article on this thread, step #6 has helped me a lot when I have had the same doubts as you about where our precious cats are. It is my own personal belief that she is in heaven and you will be reunited when it is time for your journey. She is fully aware of the pain you are in, is very sad for you, and wants you to know that she loves you so very much.

    Blessings,
    Steve

    P.S. I’m guessing that your little angels name is Murmur? I wasn’t 100% sure so forgive me for not addressing her by name in this post.

    1. Thank you Steve. Yes, her name was Murmur. Your thoughts were comforting. It’s been a month and a half now and I still cry every day, but how could I not? Luckily it is less overwhelming so I am able to work and not “steal time” which I also felt like I was doing, at least for the few days when I knew we were going to have to help her move on peacefully.

      1. Also, your story on your own fur child brought me to tears. Although I wish we never felt this torture it’s nice to feel less alone knowing others love their animals as much as I do Murmur.

        1. Thank you very much. Micah was my life and I still miss him as much as the day he left me. Today it has been 6 months since he left me and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember him and shed a tear. Our only hope is to plow right through our grief in the hope that someday there will be more smiles than tears. We will never stop grieving but we will deal with it in a more healthier way.

          You are certainly not alone in your grief. All of us here understand and feel your pain. I can assure you that when you first told us of Murmur there were many tears shed other than your own.

          I found a quote online when I first lost Micah that helped a little in understanding my grief. I can’t properly credit the author as none was listed.

          “If you have a cat, you will most likely outlive it.
          To get a cat is to open yourself to profound joy and
          prospectively, to equally profound sadness.”

          Warmest regards,
          Steve

  13. I lost my cat cece 2 weeks ago and I’m really struggling. I had her since i was 5 years old. She lived to be 18 and had such a beautiful life. She went through the hardest experiences I’ve ever had to go through growing up with me. Whenever I would cry it’s like she would know and immediately come up and lay next to me. She was unlike any other cat, she was so perfect in every way. She was sick for awhile and throwing up so we took her to vet and got blood tests that said she had pancreatitis. We gave her meds temporarily until she got better but then for about a year she would throw up every day. We could not afford to get further testing and she was completely herself eating and drinking and happy, besides the vomiting. We know she was not suffering so we just let her live her everyday life as happy as can be. Then within 3 days everything went down hill, one second she was her happy and friendly self and the next she was on the floor and could barely move. Putting her down was the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do. I sat there with my cat in my arms as she died. I held her in my arms afterwards for 10 minutes looking at her lifeless body bawling my eyes out. Since then I can not get that picture out of my mind. We got her cremated and have her ashes with us, but I feel this overwhelming amount of grief for putting her down. She was barely alive when we did put her down so it was the right thing to do but I feel like I killed my own animal. I miss her so much. She was with me 24/7 and now life is so lonely without her. I feel like whenever I get Another animal that I will be betraying her.

  14. All,

    All of the stories shared have been so helpful. In a few days, it will be one month since we had to put our beautiful fur-daughter to sleep. She was diagnosed with lymphoma and only three weeks later her time had come.
    We spent thousands, only to be panicked out of our minds unsure whether we made the right decision to help her move on, particularly because it was one of her “good days”.

    It was the worst night of my life. I had never felt pain like that before and sobbed uncontrollably, even getting violently ill. I took a week off of work because I couldn’t function, miserable for missing her and feeling helpless having no idea where she is and that I couldn’t protect her anymore.

    I can go to work now and hold down most normal activities, but I can’t look at a picture without crying, still worried about not knowing where she is and I still cry myself to sleep every night. I feel like my chest has collapsed in on myself like a dying star and the happy times I feel are shallow, quick to suck through that void.

    There could never be anything like her. She was so unique and beautiful to me. Adopting another wouldn’t repair the vacancy I feel.

  15. Dear Sylvia Grace:

    Thank you for your kind words. You are so very correct; we all share a common love of our cats and the grief associated with losing them. Who better to offer comfort and encouragement to someone than a cat owner who knows all too well the pain you are in? One of the many lessons Micah taught me is the gift of serving others. Just trying to reach out to someone to help, eases the pain of your own burden. I’m so thankful for the help everyone has given me and even when their help is not directed personally to me, I receive comfort from their words.

    They certainly do cleverly train us. I think God put them here on the earth to do just that and they must instinctively know that they are doing it for our own good. If I may quote from one of your posts Sylvia: “Remember, cats know a thing or two.”

    Our cats don’t get angry when we forget their birthday and are grateful for the small things like always having on hand a couple of paper grocery bags they can play with and hide in as well as some boxes around the house they can turn into their fortress. They aren’t disappointed when they don’t get that special Christmas gift they always wanted. They just rejoice in the day and have a great time playing in all the gift-wrapping paper on the floor, the gift bags, and some new boxes. They comfort us when we are sad, calm us when we are angry, and rejoice when we are happy. They give so much of themselves and expect so little in return. God, I miss Micah.

    Blessings,
    Steve

  16. Dear Steve,

    When I read the third paragraph of your post to Miss Kitty, I welled up with tears. How beautifully said! Its so very true and your words touched my heart. We all have one thing in common and that is our love of cats and our shared grief when they die. Sharing our grief with other cat people who are going through the grieving process, is a powerful thing.

    Cats are special creatures… we can’t train them but they very cleverly train us. They have a way of winding themselves around our hearts and they can be just as compassionate as dog’s are. They fill our hearts with joy and can be very faithful too.

    Thank you for sharing Steve and I send you my Blessings. Sylvia x

  17. Dear Miss Kitty:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved Peanut Man and the intense pain you are having to endure. They do become our life and when they leave us, we are inconsolable and can find no reason to carry on. Although I do have children, they are now making their own way in life. When I lost Micah, he was my child, my reason for existence, and my life. The pain you are feeling is felt by many people here. I’m tearing up as I try to compose this message.

    The first three months after Micah’s death was the most miserable time of my life. I didn’t want to see anyone, be bothered by anyone, or even attempt to have anything resembling a social life. I rarely left the house and when I did, I would see to it that it wasn’t for long.

    After the first month I decided that I needed professional help. I found a group of people who offered their services for free even though I doubt they were licensed. Those people are found right here, and they are 10 times better at their craft than paying someone sitting across from you at a desk offering you sympathy, guidance, and who probably have never had a cat that they loved more than life itself. I encourage you to come back during your painful journey. Even if you don’t reach out on a personal level you will find some comfort in the help, they give others.

    I still talk to Micah and cry every day for his loss even after 5 long months, but I do find myself engaging with others and letting them engage with me. Often when I’m sitting at my desk, I’ll look down expecting him to be staring at me saying, “Hey I’m kind of tired. Would you mind tucking me in?”

    This will be a long and painful process for you Miss Kitty but the people on this site will always be happy to step away from their own grief to help you along the way.

    Blessings,
    Steve

  18. Dear Stevie,

    I wish I had a comforting answer for you. I’m sorry that I have so little to give in the area of wisdom. I’m going through the same thing that you are. I understand completely about your cats being your life.

    Tahoe and Shawnee were Siamese brothers– the pride and joy of my life. We were such a loving and affectionate little family. I have no children, because I never wanted kids, only cats. I ended relationships with good men because the ones I picked always seemed to dislike felines. I passed up more camping trips and weekend getaways than I can count because I couldn’t bear to be apart from my cats. Happiness, for me, was spending a blustery Montana winter day cuddled together in our warm little home. All I needed for contentment was my cats and a good book or movie.

    I lost Tahoe in November 2018 at age 15 and Shawnee in June 2019 at age 16. They were my everything. Until I found this site, I thought nobody in the world could understand the depth of my grief. Bless you, Stevie, for being the loving, devoted cat-person that you are. You deserve peace in your heart for that. I will include you in my prayers.

    Shyann

  19. I had to have my sweet lil’ Peanut Man put to sleep October 15th, 2019. He had lymphoma. He was my WORLD! My BEST FRIEND! I’m horribly upset and grieving his loss. I feel dead inside. I’ve sobbed for days and days. I, too, wish my vet would have euthanized me alongside my sweet cat. I even ended up in the hospital and had to be sedated the evening it happened. I’m beyond heartbroken. I wasn’t able to have kids, my animals ARE MY CHILDREN! The pain I feel is more than I can bear. God Help Me! I MISS YOU SO MUCH PEANUT MAN.

  20. For WEEKS? How about for years? My girl Roo died nearly 4 years ago, her sister Monkey died a few months later. I still think about them EVERY SINGLE DAY and I shed a tear for them nearly every day. I had them for 15 years – most of my adult life – and I don’t know how to get over it. Maybe it’s easier for people who actually have lives; but they WERE my life and I wish the vet had offered to euthanize me alongside Monkey.

  21. For Sylvia and Steve.

    To Sylvia: That’s amazing that Timmy was able to fight off 2 foxes. I’m hoping Cheeto is never in a situation like that but also hope that he’d be strong and fierce, like Timmy, to fight off anything if he’s ever in that situation. I’m happy that my story could help out some.

    To Steve: Thank you, that makes me feel much better. I hope that my story brings some joy to people in their time of sadness. Best wishes Steve.

    Also to anyone else who may comment on this, thank you. Even if I don’t comment back, I still see your comments and am very appreciative of your words. My thoughts and prayers to everyone on this site.

  22. Dear Isaiah:

    Alright, a story with a happy ending. I’m so very happy that you found Cheeto and sharing your story with us. It’s exactly the kind of story that needs to be posted on a site devoted to coping with grief and guilt.

    Do not feel bad for one second about sharing your joy with those of us who are dealing with our own grief. We all know the joy and happiness of having a loving cat brings to our lives. Your story brought a tear to my eyes and there is a world of difference between tears of joy and tears of sadness. Thank you for sharing.

    I wish you, your grandmother, and Cheeto many more years of happiness in each other’s love and company.

    Warmest regards,
    Steve

  23. Dear Isaiah,

    Wonderful News!!!
    I’m so very happy that you and Cheeto have been reunited again and that he’s back with his loving owner. What a lucky kitty he is to have you to love and care for him. Yes, cats are amazing survivors no matter what age they are. They are masters at seeking out the best places to hide from predators so that they are hidden and well out of sight. Also, many an animal that has attacked a cat, has learned much to their detriment, that, they’ve come of worse because cats are fearsome fighters.

    I had a cat called Timmy who took on two foxes at the same time. The foxes may have thought that it would be easy to overwhelm Timmy, but no! This was witnessed by people who reported back to me that Timmy lashed out at their faces and eyes: Shocked the foxes ran off!

    Isaiah, it matters equally when someone’s cat is lost: the distress, the sense of grief and helplessness, from not knowing if your cat is alright causes so much stress to a loving cat owner. It can be overwhelming. I understand this only too well. I have been more than happy to give you support and above all prayers for his safe return. I seem to be an old hand at this since I’ve had cats all my life and understand the feline psyche so well. So, I wish all the very best for you and Cheeto and many happy years together. Blessings, Sylvia x

  24. Dear Sylvia,

    I’m happy to type that Cheeto was found early Thursday morning passed a cow field and passed a small small field of trees at the housing complex at our reservation. You were right about cats and kittens being survivors, he must’ve been terrified in that thunderstorm. He did have a couple scratches on his face so I don’t know if he got into it with another animal but he seems to be fine. Thanks so much for all the thoughts and prayers but while I’m happy about that, I now feel really bad because I know most of the people on here actually did “lose” their pets. Reading their stories I wish I could do something to help with the pain. I don’t know how much it’ll mean to some but I will be praying for everyone. And when that actual dreaded day comes I know I’m not really alone. I’ll still come on here from time to time to read everybody’s stories, I just wish pictures could be posted in the comments so we could see everyone’s pets. And again thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

  25. Dear Isaiah,

    Your doing all the right things and I agree with you that someone may have taken Cheeto in. Lets hope that is the case and the person brings him back to you. I fully understand your fears about animals: I lived in the States for five years and I too lived with a fear of one of my cats being taken by one because we were surrounded by all sorts of wild animals. It didn’t happen!

    It’s a very upsetting and stressful time not knowing where Cheeto is or, if he’s safe and well. When I’ve had cats that have gone missing, like you I’ve walked all over the place calling and feeling more and more desperate. Then out of the blue he or she shows up days or a week or two later. So I’m saying prayers for little Cheeto’s safe return home again to his loving owner: you sound like a very caring person and I wish you good luck. Be Strong! With Blessings, Sylvia

  26. I’m not sure what happened to my comment from last night but yes I’ve drove to the dollar store everyday I don’t know how many time calling Cheeto’s name along the way. I walked by the woods by my house calling his name but still no luck. I’m really worried because we had a bad thunderstorm Tuesday night and now we’re in a cold front. My hope is that he ran somewhere where there’s people and that someone is now taking good care of him. It still hurts to think about if another animal got to him. I’m being hopeful tho and I’m not giving up on my little Cheeto. My cousin did say that he stopped by his house before he went to town. His house is just a 3 minute walk and I can see it from my front yard. I don’t know if Cheeto jumped out by the stop signs or at his house, or somewhere in town or along the way. Everyday I wake up pretty early and go drive and try to find him. Honestly I haven’t eaten since before I lost him, i just can’t eat. It hurts even more because I’m going out of state today til Sunday and I feel like I should be looking for him. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, they really do mean alot.

  27. Dear Scott,

    You have my sincerest sympathies! My heart goes out to you because your loss is great after having Jimmy in your life for 19 years. Grieving is a hard but necessary road to healing the heart when we lose our much loved feline companions. It really hurts Scott, I know! I had a cat called Erik who died when he was 20 and at the time it seemed like I’d never get through his loss: We do though!

    It takes time to work through our emotions and to come to a place of acceptance, so be kind to yourself and don’t expect too much too soon. Allow yourself to cry… crying washes out the soul and with each tear we shed we are a tiny step further along the path of healing. People find different ways of dealing with the grieving process. I’ve lost many cats of all ages throughout the decades and I’ve grieved so many times that when I lose another cat the grieving process is like an old familiar road. Here I go again, I think.

    Jimmy has shared a big part of your life, and cats have a way of winding their way around our hearts and, they understand the human psyche so well. Think of all the beautiful memories the two of you have shared over all those years and hold on to them. It’s those memories of loving times that will sustain you and stay with you for the rest of your life. Find ways of honoring Jimmy such as a photograph of him and lit candle. Do whatever feels comfortable for you and have faith that one day the pain of grief will be gone. You will look forward and carry all the love you have in your heart for Jimmy with you every day but, you’ll smile at the loving memories instead of feeling pain.

    I wish you well Scott, I really do! Take good care yourself. With Blessings, Sylvia

  28. It was my cousin who drove my car to the dollar store in town actually but yes I’ve been going the same route every day since. He told me that he stopped by his house first which is like right near my house less than a mile away. I’m not sure if Cheeto jumped out then, by any of the stop signs or somewhere in town. I live on an Indian Reservation(outskirts technically) and there’s woods all around here but the town my cousin went to is a small one. I’m also worried because it poured down raining all night last night and there’s a cold front hitting us now. My hope is that someone found him and is taking good care of him. Today I went walking to my church just so I could pass some of the woods and call his name but still I haven’t had any luck. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

  29. Dear Isaiah,

    I’m so sorry that Cheeto is missing. I know it’s such a worry when this happens and the unknown is very stressful for you and your grandma especially after your grandpa died this year. I’ve had cats all my life and I’ve lost count of the times when one of them went away: we would always think that we’d never see the cat again and like you both we’d cry a lot. Inevitably, the missing cat would come home again none the worse for it’s venture wherever it went. I know how very distressing this is for you both because the unknown is hard to deal with…. I so wish I could do something to help bring Cheeto back.

    He’s a little two month old kitten and even tho he’s very young, please don’t forget that cats, even the kittens are survivors: think of all the feral kittens that are born outside! Cats have never lost their instinct to survive and they are remarkable creatures. I had a kitten once that climbed under the bonnet/hood of the car and I didn’t know it was there. I drove about two miles and when I got to my destination and parked, the kitten jumped down from underneath the car. I couldn’t believe it had hung on all that time but it did.

    Have you gone to the town where you drove to just to check? Perhaps a few leaflets posted locally and in the town would alert people. Ask neighbors to check their outhouses, sheds and garages incase Cheeto has got inside and shut in. Go out and call his name… if he’s there he’ll recognize your voice.

    I do hope that you find Cheeto and soon but, never give up hope because as I said, cat’s are survivors. They’re truly amazing! I wish you both luck and much blessings and I’ll say a prayer for Cheeto to come home. Sylvia

  30. I really appreciate the article. I’m really grieving the loss of my 19 year old companion, friend, my cat Jimmy. It hurts so much everyday and I feel like I’ll never get over it.
    Thank you again

  31. Me and My grandmother lost our little kitty Cheeto Monday night. He was in indoor kitty but we’d let him outside sometimes. I remember the last time I seen/fed him, the time was 6:24 pm and I know he went missing at 7 pm. I let my cousin borrow my car to go to town but I didn’t get to tell him to make sure Cheeto wasn’t up under the car and he’s been missing since. I looked everywhere around my house and even took the same route(still do) that my cousin took to town but he’s not on any of the roads. My heart just breaks thinking that he must’ve been so so scared and I cry every time I think about if some other animal got to him. We had him for 7 weeks and he’s helped me and my grandmother cope with the pain of losing my grandfather earlier this year. Now the house feels so empty without hearing his little footsteps running around the house. I’m gonna miss when he’d climb onto my shoulder to take a nap or the many naps we took together. I should’ve brought him inside earlier… I feel like I failed him. I just wish he knew how much he is loved and missed. Its hard getting through work whenever you’re breaking down every few hours and even more when he’s not there to meet me at the door when I get home. I miss my little Cheeto so so much.

  32. Dear Wendy,

    Please accept my sympathies at the loss of your sweet, beautiful girl Tabitha, and know that you will carry her in your soul, heart and psyche forever more. We love our beautiful feline friends with all our heart and their loss leaves such a gapping hole in our lives. Deciding to euthanize our pet is something that none of us wants to face. Letting go is so very, very hard but we do it with love and kindness to end the suffering of our much loved pet. Honor the many years shared together and hold on to those beautiful memories forevermore. I believe in a life after the physical and have experienced more than one loving pet who has passed, draw close to me…. there was no mistaking what I felt and sensed. As you move through the stages of grief, you will grow stronger and your heart will heal though, you will never forget Tabitha. She will always be around you and watching you. Celebrate the years of being together and know it is a gift between feline and human to have bonded with such eternal love. My blessings to you! Sylvia Grace X

  33. Dearest Ellie…
    My heart weeps for you! I’ve read your story and if a could wrap my arms around you and make it all go away, I would! Although we are strangers, I live in Scotland, your loss has brought back memories of when I was a three year old girl and the day that my dad brought home a ten month old puppy whom, he’d taken from and elderly couple who were finding him to energetic for them. His name was Bob. Although he was the family pet, from the moment he ran through the door into the room he came straight to me and licked me all over and fussed and fussed. That was the beginning of a love affair between a small child and a dog that still hasn’t ended and I’m now 68. Just like you have grown up from three years old and Holly was your ‘shadow,’ and always there for you, I too grew up from the same age with Bob until he died in my arms when I was only 15. The shock and intense overwhelming pain devastated me. I was beside myself with grief. Like you Ellie, the loss of our beloved pet was too much and for the first two weeks I cried non stop. I couldn’t go to school either because I wasn’t coping.

    Time does soothe the heart and it does heal the deep emotional wounds of a pain that we feel that we won’t recover from. In the first weeks and months that ensue, we may feel that our life won’t ever be the same. I recall not even wanting to go on without Bob because life without him was unimaginable and unbearable. The deep sense of emptiness and painful longing to have our beloved pet back again, and the day to day emptiness is too much. As awful as it may seem, we must go through the pain of loss in order to heal and here is my wish for you….

    I wish you lots of love and comfort at this very painful time. Right now you are in the depth of grieving but, I know from first hand experience that you will come to accept your loss. As you move on you will be able to think of your beautiful Holly and look at her photographs and feel a new found joy in your heart again. You have been blessed with 17 years of a special love shared between you and Holly. The pain will fade and the loving memories will sustain you and carry you through your life. Though death separates us physically, know this, death has no hold on Love… it cannot destroy the bonds of Love. Love conquers all things. Be quiet, Be still, and focus your senses…. think of a loving memory of Holly and let her draw near to you from the spirit realm. She is now free from all the pain and is renewed again. You will never forget Holly or she you and she’ll be watching over you every day. Death has no power over Love. With my blessings and heartfelt sympathy, Sylvia Grace xxx

  34. Dear Wendy,

    Those of us here can so completely relate to the pain that you’re going through after having just said “Goodbye for now” to your beloved Tabitha. I made the choice to euthanize my own dearly-loved cat four months ago. I was more racked with grief over losing him than when previous human family members have passed. It was like I had lost love itself. I’d like to tell you that I’ve overcome my grief, but I’m still working my way through that process.

    We all hope for a natural death, but must often intervene out of kindness. Unfortunately, the natural death process can cause suffering that may be distressing, painful, and fearful for the animal. So a gentle death is often the most selfless, precious last gift we can give them. Your sweet Tabitha is no longer struggling to breathe (and likely in pain due to the cancer). She is now free and at peace. Thank you for being courageous (it’s such a hard decision to face, I know) and making this choice for her.

    Near-death experiences have always interested me, so I’ve read many books on them over the years. One constant theme is people explaining how, when they went to the other side, they felt such relief that they didn’t want to return to earth (and were often depressed when they did). Those who have passed on and returned often report seeing former pets joyfully awaiting them. I often think about this to comfort myself. Perhaps it will bring you a little comfort, too.

    Hugs,
    Shyann

  35. My Tabitha was euthanized two days ago. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I loved her so much. She was 14-1/2 and she had nasal cancer. She was having a hard time breathing and she had fluid around her heart. When we went to the vet my daughter was hopeful that maybe there was medicine to help her, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. The vet said we were doing the right thing. She was struggling so hard to breathe. It was so sad to witness. The vet said it was like breathing through a straw. She had breathing problems for about a year, but medication was helping and it was only a once in a while occurrence, but it gradually got worse and worse. This past week her breathing problems were non stop. She was hiding all the time which wasn’t like her. She was the sweetest and most loving cat. It was hard letting her go, but I know if was the right thing to do. Her suffering is over and she is finally at peace.

  36. My cat Holly had to be put to sleep on October 9th. She had been sick for a couple of months- we first brought her in suffering from severe anaemia and at the time I thought we were going to lose her then and there she seemed so tired. But the vet prescribed steroids and antibiotics and she perked up and started acting like her old self- she even gained back most of the weight she’d lost. Even when the vet told me “she’s not out of the woods yet” I convinced myself that she was going to be fine, because I couldn’t imagine life without her.

    But she didn’t get better, the past couple of months was a constant battle. With a vet visit every week, we monitored her. We never got her back to 100% but the vet was happy with her quality of life. She was seventeen years old, no one expected her to be running around like a kitten after all. Then a couple of weeks ago, she lost weight again- not much but it was enough to concern our vet. I tried not to concern myself too much when the vet asked me to collect a urine sample. “Cancer” was the one thing we kept coming back to, there were no growths or masses that our vet could detect without x-rays and bone marrow testing- all of which required her to be put under and the vet wasn’t confident she’d survive the anaesthetic. So we upped her steroid dosage and hoped the urine results would be okay.

    The results came back! A mild urine infection. I allowed myself a breath of relief. That was treatable, not the prognosis I’d been dreading. MORE antibiotics- but I wouldn’t be there to administer them- I had to go away for a few days to help care for my elderly grandparents. But I was confident in my family giving my beloved cat her meds.

    I returned 5 days later on October 8th. My first thought when I went into the living room and scooped my baby up into my arms for the first time in almost a week was “oh my god she’s so skinny!” alarm bells went off in my head. Because Holly had been underweight when I’d left her- but now she resembled one of those animals you saw on those animal cruelty shows, I felt nothing but skin and bones. My first thought was that my family hadn’t been feeding her enough, she’d been off her food recently so I’d become used to sitting with her and making sure she ate little and often- very often. But I was assured they’d been feeding her and administering her meds. The next thing I noticed was that she was tired, more-so than when she’d first gotten sick. She’d walk a couple of paces and then lie down, her little head on her paws in complete exhaustion. I gave her some food and left her to finish it downstairs in her own time.

    At 11pm I go back downstairs to find her curled up on the couch again, her food untouched, so I wake her up- she starts a little in confusion before relaxing when she realises it’s me. I carry her to the kitchen and get her some fresh food. Then I sit with her and encourage her to eat and she does! But… After merely a few moments she rolls over onto her side, she doesn’t have the energy to eat. I could tell she was hungry. She was starving but she didn’t have the energy to eat her favourite food.

    I sat there for a few minutes, just watching her and I think it was then that I realised I might be losing her. “Tomorrow I’ll get you an emergency appointment and the vet will fix you- don’t worry you’re gonna be fine” I told her. But even as I said the words, I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes and my throat closing with emotion. I carried her upstairs and allowed her to sleep in my bed that night, not wanting her to be cold.

    After a fitful sleep, I half expected to wake up and find her dead in my arms that morning. But she was still breathing, still struggling. The first thing I did that morning was give her her medication, attempt to get her to eat and phoned the vet. They wanted to see her immediately. I called a taxi and rushed her in, my mum met me there and I explained the circumstances- that I hadn’t been there for a few days and returned to find my baby girl a husk of her former self.

    They weighed her, she was around 2kg and she should’ve been 4kg+. Her vet was obviously concerned, just like I was concerned by this dramatic drop in weight that had really only happened in just over a week. Then she said the words I was dreading “I honestly don’t think you have much time with her left” and I cried. The tissues came out and I resigned myself to nodding instead of answering any questions verbally.

    I was told that she didn’t have a quality of life anymore and that considering how drastically her condition had changed so suddenly… There was probably some type of cancer involved. We just didn’t know what it was. The vet said that we could keep searching, performing tests in order to figure out what was wrong with her but over all it wouldn’t change the eventual outcome. I was going to lose her.

    The only choice I had to make was. Did I want to put her through a few more weeks of tests when she was so clearly suffering, or did I want to end that suffering and allow her to finally have her peace.

    “I can’t do it today, my sister wanted to say goodbye” I bargained, looking desperately to my mum. It was a selfish attempt to buy me one more night with her, because I hadn’t known that last night would be HER last night and I wanted more time. I needed more time.

    But in the end I couldn’t prolong her suffering. I had to accept that it was her time. She was ready to go… I just wasn’t ready to watch her go. The vet said we could wait- she didn’t have anymore morning appointments so we called my sister and my step-sister and waited until they both arrived. It was really nice that they were allowed that moment to say goodbye.

    I asked for a moment alone with her. It only felt right- I had so much to say to her, I needed to let her know that she was going to be okay and although I was choking back the tears I managed to stroke her head and talk to her. I told her “You are the best thing that ever happened to me and this is going to hurt so much, it’s gonna hurt like hell to lose you, but you’re going to be okay and I’m going to be okay- you don’t have to worry because I’m gonna be fine, it might take me a while but eventually I’ll be okay and I will always remember you… And we’ll see each other again soon, it might not be as soon as either of us would like but eventually we’ll see each other again. This isn’t goodbye, it’s just see you later”

    I sat with her a while, until I stopped crying and then I called my family back in. It was another twenty minutes before the vet joined us again and she asked if we were ready. I still wasn’t ready but I nodded. My mum said I could wait outside but that was never an option for me, I needed to make sure that she knew I was there for her and that she wasn’t alone. But I did ask for my sisters to step outside, so it was just me, my mum and the vet present. “Are you ready?” my mum asked me but I stood back, shaking my head “I don’t want to do it” I told them but I’d already made my decision- I needed to get it over with.

    I held her tightly to my chest, my coat was still on because I hadn’t yet thought about removing it. I watched as the vet injected her with the anaesthetic, silent tears were sliding down my cheeks and I couldn’t find it in me to speak. “Is she gone?” I heard my mum ask, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. The vet tested her reflexes and then listened for a heartbeat.

    “Yeah, she’s gone already… I’m so sorry”

    I felt myself fall apart in that room as the words sank in. I remember sobbing uncontrollably. Looking back, I know that it was the saddest most broken sound to ever leave my body. I think at one point my legs started to buckle because my mum and our vet guided me back to sit in the chair provided and I sat there sobbing, holding Holly close to me and I remained there for what felt like hours, just holding her and whimpering and wishing that I could turn back time.

    Eventually, we had to leave. I couldn’t stay there forever, even if I wanted to. I didn’t ever want to leave her alone. I know now that I wasn’t clinging to Holly, I was just clinging to the body that I’d come to know and love with my whole heart. Holly wasn’t there anymore, she was gone but free of pain.

    I didn’t eat that day. I think it’s the first time I’ve gone a full 24 hours without eating. But all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt sick and my head hurt and whenever I woke up all I could do was cry. I was a mess.

    Now it’s October 12th and the shock has warn off. I chose to get her cremated so that I can get her back and just have her with me. I thought the pain of losing her would be never ending, a continuous pain that was soul consuming. But it’s not? I’m not saying that I’m over losing her- I’ve actually cried pretty much the entire time I’ve been writing this. But… I feel numb? I took the week off work because I anticipated being so deep in depression I couldn’t do anything and for the first couple of days that was true. But now… I’m numb.

    Every so often I’ll get a severe wave of grief and be consumed with tears and sobbing and overwhelming desire to hold her and breathe in her familiar scent that put a smile on my face every time. But most of the time I’m numb. The closest thing I can think of describing it as and I know it’s cliché and cheesy but it feels like a part of me is missing. Like there is a hole in my heart where she used to be and now there is nothing and I don’t know how I’m ever going to feel whole again?

    I was three years old when my mum gave me that cat. She was a tiny kitten, not old enough to leave her mother but the result of an accidental litter, her owners were going to drown her. So my mum gave her to me. Her three year old daughter who’d been begging her for a puppy for just about as long as she could talk and she presented me with this kitten… Who was not a puppy… And not what I wanted… And I immediately fell in love. I’m twenty years old now and Holly has been with me that entire time. She helped me through the toughest years of my life, was there for me when I came home from school most days wanting to die because the bullying was so bad and she kept me going- because who was going to be there for her, if I wasn’t?

    It doesn’t feel real. And I suppose that’s because she’s practically been with me my entire life. How do you wrap your head around no longer having something that you’ve had for as long as you can remember? It’s like… I’ve lost a limb and I don’t know how to function. I go downstairs and still expect to see her sleeping on the couch or begging for food in the kitchen. Her tiny mews always sounded like she was saying “now!” feed me now human before I starve! You haven’t fed me in thirty whole minutes!!

    That cat was my entire world for 17 years of my life… I don’t know what the next 17 years are going to look like, but I know that not a day will go by that I don’t miss her.

  37. Dear Lauren Jean,

    What a beautiful obituary you have posted of your much loved and best wee friend, Zoe. When I read your post the love you have for Zoe seem to shine out with each word. I know just how painful it is when the time comes for our cat to pass, I’ve been there many times myself. Please know this, Love never dies and death has no power over Love. I’m sure at some point you will feel Zoe’s presence around you when she draws close to you from the spirit realm to let you know that she is happy and in good health again. I send you my blessings and sweet dreams of Zoe as she lives on. With love, Sylvia Grace x

  38. Dear Sue,

    My heart goes out to you and though I don’t know you, I wish I could be there with you to comfort you during this shocking and most painful time whilst you grieve the loss of your sweet, loving kitty. When a pet dies from illness it brings so much grief to the heart but, when it’s a sudden, unexpected death we recoil with the shock and feel completely overwhelmed. I understand the place that you are in right now… confusion… has this really happened, the if ‘only’ I did this or didn’t do that, and more. Do you have an empathic someone to turn to…. someone who will give you the support you need.? I hope you do! If you can and if your are able, it may help to spend a while with Kitty to say your goodbyes. I’ve done this with some of my cats and I’ve found it to help the healing process. Please know that I will remember you and sweet Kitty meanwhile, please accept my sincerest condolences and loving, healing prayers. It’s okay to cry! Blessings, Sylvia Grace x

  39. I recently had to put my cat Zoe to sleep. She had kidney disease for the last few years among other recent complications. She was my first and only kitty and I love her dearly. I am so happy for the time I got to spend with her in the 12+ years I got to enjoy the gift of her presence. She was there during so much change in my life both good times and bad and always stuck by my side. I will miss her smell, her cute silent meow, and her soft long black and white fur. She is so pretty with perfect white cheek markings and always loved the outdoors especially these last few months.

    I am grateful that my Mom and I got to be with her during her passing and I can only hope we made the best decision to free her from any pain so she can now be at peace. We love you Zoe – you were and always will be my favorite fur baby. I will never forget you and will always keep your memories close to my heart. I hope one day I will get to see you again – until then may you find happiness forever in the great outdoors with an abundant amount of trees, flowers, sunshine…and hair ties… <3

    Love, Mom xoxo

  40. Dear Carol,
    I’m assuming you mean that your cat has gone missing?
    I understand the anguish and stress it causes when our much loved feline doesn’t come home as expected. I’ve gone through this scenario so many times over the decades by different cats, and everyone of them eventually showed up after many sleepless nights of worry. I don’t know why, but even the best looked after cats will wander off somewhere and it makes me wonder if they have been shut in someone’s garage, shed or outhouse. I want you to know that I’m thinking about you as well as wishing and praying for him/her to return safely home again.

    My heart goes out to you and I’m also praying that your husband gets stronger everyday and can return to his home to be with you again. You have my blessings! xxx

  41. Dear Russell & Lori:

    I’m so very sorry for the devastating and unexpected loss of your beloved Dusk.

    You did everything a loving cat owner would do, yearly checkups, lab work, vaccinations and dental work. I wish our cats could tell us when they are not feeling well, or they feel something is not right so we could act. We do our best and give our all but sometimes it feels we’ve failed our loved ones. You gave Dusk your very best.

    I’ve had five cats in my adult life, and I’ve loved every one of them. If we are fortunate, we get that “once in a lifetime cat”. Dusk was that for you.

    It will take some time to heal from your grief, but we are all here for you. We share your intense pain and shed a tear for your beloved Dusk.

    With deepest sympathy,
    Steve

  42. Dear Barbara:

    It is now closing in on 5 months since I lost my precious Micah. While the pain of losing him is still intense and I think of him daily, the pain is becoming a little bit more manageable and not all consuming. There was a period of 3 months where I was barely able to function.

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of Merlin. The guilt you felt for letting go is understandable and one that is experienced by a lot of us here. You are 100% correct that being loved by a cat is a gift.

    This page has helped me a lot. Unfortunately for a lot of us, we often must turn to perfect strangers to share our grief. The kindest and most compassionate people to me have been the people on this site and a few strangers at the vet’s office who understood the grief of losing a cat.

    Thank you for taking the time to reassure me and others that is does get easier in time. They left our lives but never our hearts.

    Warmest regards,
    Steve

  43. Russell/ Lori Payton

    I’m crying as I write this-not 12 hours ago we found our beloved cat Dusk dead at 7 in the
    morning. He was 13 and we are told he died of a thickening of his left vertricle that showed
    no outward signs to us. He had check-ups every year, some dental work last Summer, otherwise
    playful, curious, loving, very affectionate. This was completely sudden-the shock and grief are
    overwhelming. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for him and his three legs-he thought he was completely normal-This will take a long time to in any way heal- I pray that he is in the loving hands of God but I know we will miss him incredibly-he was just like that cat in the movie The Incredible Journey-a Russian Blue with massive personality-but so loving….

  44. To all who have posted below and all who come here seeking solace: Your have my deepest sympathy for your loss.

    It has been 13 months since my beautiful Merlin was put to sleep. He had incurable cancer in his hind leg, and after initially telling me that his leg should be amputated, the vets eventually recommended chemotherapy. I decided against it. I couldn’t afford it, and my wild, formerly stray cat would have hated it. I had pain meds to give him, but in the end he stopped eating and fought against taking the medication, so I asked the vet to put him down.

    It has been a rough year for me. Only now am I able to recognise that I did the best thing for him. I felt so guilty putting him down but he was in pain and things were only going to get worse for him. I love him to bits and still cry when I think of him. My heart goes out to all of you who are faced with the same situation. Our pets are special, and to be loved by a cat is a gift. Please know that it does get easier with time, although I will probably always cry when I think of Merlin.

    I am so grateful this page exists. I have met many people who do not understand how deep the grief runs when you lose a cat. Thank you to those who replied to my initial comments last year – Your kind words did help, I wasn’t able to respond until now.
    Barbara

  45. Dear Ashley,

    That pain you speak of is excruciating, I know. And the fact that you feel it intensely shows how deeply you love. You have a good heart, dear one. Hang in there; this won’t last forever.

    But you NEED to grieve. Find time to be alone and cry for your beloved kitty. Cry and cry and cry until you can’t cry anymore. The fastest way through grief is straight through the middle of it. Repressing the pain by not thinking about or talking of your cat only pushes those feelings down. It never heals them.

    Each time that pain bubbles up and you acknowledge it through an honest grieving session, you’ll find a quiet sense of relief. You’ll feel just a little better. You will still miss your dear kitty, but you will be on your journey toward the day when you can remember the good times again, too. That’s what your cat would want– for you to be able to cherish the happy memories and the love that you shared.

    Hugs,
    Shyann

  46. I would like to comment that I enjoy the exchanges on this forum, bringing the beauty of our beloved family forward through these anguishing times. I often admire those who highlight the positive memories when all I can do is submit to is the heartbreak. 3 months later, I avoid thinking of him, talking of him because the moment I do, I break and the tears flood. Thank you to all on this forum that continue to give me strength and, unknowingly, support through this loss.

  47. Dear Joe,

    We welcome you to our group. You’re not alone, friend. We are all slowly working our way through that same “empty hole” feeling of loss and broken-heartedness.

    On June 9th of this year, I lost the best cat I’d ever had, my beloved Shawnee. The pain, though not as intense now as it was almost three months ago, remains a constant. I miss him every single day. My tears often flow at night, when his absence is felt strongly in the silence of our home.

    In the case of Autumn having had an aneurysm, or in my Shawnee’s case of end-stage kidney failure, it’s often best to let them go. We humans, in our guilt and desperateness to hang on, can get wrapped up in trying to do everything imaginable to keep them here with us. But at what cost to their quality of life? You gave Autumn a selfless gift in letting her go and freeing her from that physical bondage. I read on another cat-loss grief forum a beautiful poem. (Wish I could remember the author’s name in order to give him due credit.) In paraphrasing his poem, he said, in letting our cats go, we are taking away all their pain so they can be free of it, and carrying that pain ourselves. This is so true to what you have done. Cats are among the most regal of animals. Autumn didn’t want to be forced to carry on paralyzed. She wanted, and was granted, the freedom from that.

    Thankfully, we do eventually heal. The day will someday arrive when your heart will have become whole again, and your pain over the loss of Autumn will be replaced with happy memories of her.

    I have read enough books on near-death experiences to be convinced that we are eventually reunited with those animals that we loved here on earth. It’s excruciating to have to wait until we, too, cross over. But try to remember that Autumn’s passing was but a tiny blip in time of what mattered most– her life. And it is clear that she was loved. Many cats aren’t so fortunate. Yet she can now look back on her earth-time, knowing well that she was cherished here, and that she has human parents on earth who can’t wait to see her again.

    Until then, bless your hurting heart. Again, welcome, and keep us updated on how you’re doing.

    Kindly,
    Shyann

  48. I’m thankful to have found your post. This past summer, in the midst of moving house, my cat Autumn became very sick. She suffered an aneurysm that paralyzed her back legs and left her unable to walk, use the litterbox, or eat on her own, and eventually we had to make the painful decision to have her put down. At the time the impact of her loss didn’t seem real, as all of the stress of moving and returning to grad school in a month was occupying my mind, but now her loss feels like an open wound that isn’t healing. I thank you for your help in coping with her loss, and I pray that God is able to heal my heart and I can continue loving my other cats just as much.

  49. Because of the negligence of a vet giving my cat Convenia antibiotic without waiting for the test result. My cat Titi had the worse side effect of this drug the back legs and one side of the body were paralyzed and also she completely lost her appetite and lethargy and neurological problems and also she was having inappropriate urination. This drug is not supposed to give to cats with kidney diseases. Convenia doesn’t disappear from the body after 14 days. Sub-therapeutic levels of the medication remain in circulation for approximately 65 days after injection. I was forced to put my baby to sleep. When the test result came there was no sign of bacteria. I am so heartbroken and depress. Why my cat has to die this way?

  50. Dear Steve,

    Thank you so much for what you wrote! I literally am crying so hard right now after reading because that was everything that I needed to hear. I am so sorry for your loss as well. It seems like you did everything that you could to try and keep your beloved, Micah, alive and well. Although nothing can take away that pain, I am so glad that we all have each other as we grieve. Thank you for taking time from your own grief to comfort me. It’s so amazing how much love our companions bring us in our lives. Thinking of you and everyone in this group. Thank you again, Steve.

  51. Dear Steve,

    Your story about the receptionist and the dog owner at the vet clinic struck a chord with me. I, too, am betting that they both had experienced the excruciating pain of the loss of a beloved companion animal and understood what you’re going through. I’m thankful that these earth-angels were there to bring you comfort when it was needed. I wouldn’t be surprised if God orchestrated it that way. I find His hand in even the smallest details of our lives.

    I agree that our meeting would foster a precious connection of like-mindedness. I find myself wishing that this wonderful group of on-line grieving cat people could meet in person. What an incredible community! Laurie is to be commended for this healing website. This is the only place where I can share this way and feel my heart touched by the compassion of others, like you.

    Hugs,
    Shyann

  52. Dear Steve,

    Thank you so much for your comment and kind words. Some days are better than others. It gets particularly difficult when I am doing a chore (like washing dishes) and I turn around and Bruce is not there. He followed me everywhere. He would sit behind me when I’d be doing dishes, just waiting and keeping me company. I would turn around, we would lock eyes, and I would call him by his name to which he responded promptly.
    I find myself talking to him every day. I call him by his name and I ask how he’s doing…except there’s no reply this time. That silence is what truly kills me.

    I am sending many prayers your way and may God give you peace in these tough moments.

    Take care,
    Alex

  53. Dear Shyann:

    Thank you for asking, and your thoughts, about Micah and me. I must admit that the pain is still intense. Any trace of being stoic when dealing with my grief and guilt, vanished in the wind the day the emergency clinic vet told me I should put him to sleep.

    I was thinking about my visit to the vet to pick up Micah’s remains the other day. When the front desk lady laid his urn on the counter, I broke down. As I reached to pick it up, she laid her hand on top of mine and gently gave it a few taps. There was another lady standing behind me waiting to check in her dog and she reached up, put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a few taps. Not a word was spoken, and none was needed. I knew that they had probably experienced the same thing in their lives and understood the pain.

    You and others here are the only people that I can share my grief with. I thank you for that and your compassion means more to me than you will ever know. I’m sure that if we ever met, we would certainly have a conversation about our boys or if we didn’t want, a gentle pat on the hand or shoulder would be all that was necessary.

    Your friend,
    Steve

  54. Dear Alex:

    I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. It is amazing that when we are feeling that our grief and guilt are not normal reactions, someone writes a simple and touching story that confirms you are indeed normal. When you wrote about the void in your life, it hit me like a ton of bricks, in a good way.

    I also have Micah’s urn, a portrait, and a memorial stone on display on my fireplace mantel. On the stone is his name, date of death, and the inscription, “If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” It is the first thing I see every morning when I wake up. I sometimes question myself if it should remain, but it is there, and will remain, until I’m no longer alive. Instead of greeting Micah and feeding him as the first chore of the day, I do no more than shed a tear for my own void and turn on the coffee pot.

    Bruce was such a fortunate cat to have such a loving parent. In return he gave you unconditional love and affection. While our grief and guilt will never go completely away, I hope you will find some peace. Should God give you more peace than you need, would you please send a little my way?

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It has helped me a great deal.

    Blessings,
    Steve

  55. Dear Alex,

    I sure get what you’re saying about everything in your house reminding you of Bruce. Also, I can really relate (as can so many others here) to what you shared about your routine feeling different and the house being so quiet now. While eventually this emptiness begins to feel normal, initially, it’s painfully difficult to acclimate to. I sometimes find myself thinking, “Please tell me he’s not really gone.” It’s almost like I’m begging God to understand how dearly I want Shawnee back– as if I pleaded desperately enough, the universe would return him to me. Your reply, and everyone else’s here, has helped me. Just knowing we’re not alone is comforting sometimes. Thanks, Alex.

    Kindest Regards,
    Shyann

  56. I wasn’t able to reply to your comment, Shyann, so I decided to create a new comment.
    Thank you for asking about how things are going on our end. It’s been tough. Everything in the house reminds us of Bruce. Our routine feels different and things are just quieter now (our other kitty is not particularly vocal). There’s certain times in the day when it hits me pretty hard and I instantly begin to cry. We just have so many fond memories of him and that’s what we try to think about.

    We brought his remains and paw prints back home a couple of weeks ago. It made us feel a little bit better temporarily. But after a while, it still feels cold when I glance at the shelf where we placed them. We printed some pictures of him and created an album as well. I find myself going there to flip through pictures of him an I together and remember the good times. I am crying as I am typing this up.
    I miss him so much. A part of me died with him that day. I just want to hold him in my arms one more time.

    Sending prayers to you all,
    Alex

  57. Dear Alex,

    Your story of Bruce brought me to tears. It’s easy to see that he was the sweetest, most compassionate, and most caring kitty companion. I can very well understand why he was your best friend. How are you doing?

    Warm Regards,
    Shyann

  58. Shyann, thank you for sharing Shawnees story. I didn’t realize that cremation options like the one you describe exist. Interesting.

    I’m glad you were able to spread Shawnees ashes in the little patch of beautiful forest you describe. I just returned from a walk around my neighborhood, and was scouting out places I will spread my boys ashes when the time comes. He had several favorite spots outside, I could always find him in one of them most evenings. (I live in the city, no forest nearby, although my neighbors backyard is pretty lush, and he spent a great deal of time there.)

    Every morning as I’m starting my work day, I open a photo of Hooks on my iPad, remove a small patch of his fur from a small plastic sack, kiss it while I look at his picture, and rub one of his whiskers on my ear. He used to sniff my ear early every morning just before poking me in the face with his paw to wake me up, and the feel of his whisker in my ear tickles, but I love it.

    It’s just my way of connecting with him, of feeling and experiencing him the only way I have left.

    Thank you again for sharing with me, with all of us, and I hope you find peace in time. Treasure Shawnees memories forever.

  59. Dear Chip T,

    I found your post intriguing. May I briefly share my experience? I think it is similar to yours, but I regret that I never thought of doing what you (so wisely) did.

    I lost my beloved Shawnee on June 9th, so just about 3-1/2 weeks ago. Like you, I had him cremated. I went all out, requesting a private “viewing” cremation, in which the pet crematory allowed me to put his body in the oven, where I placed roses and other flowers on and around it. I took a couple photos to remember it by, and then stood back while they closed the oven doors and fired it up. I returned four hours later and watched them remove his skeleton and grind it into ash. Deciding that I wanted to spread the ashes, they were returned to me in a heavy plastic zip bag with his cremation tag, instead of in an urn.

    Our property is in Montana, in the forest. Far behind the house there’s a little meadow in the midst of the pines where the sun shines through in a particularly beautiful way. Birds always seem to be chirping there and bees buzzing about. A handful of baby pine trees are sprouting around a beautiful old log. A life ended… new life beginning. It was in this spot that I released Shawnee’s ashes. I find myself going there often in a fruitless attempt to try to “feel” what’s tangibly left of him. Of course, I can’t see the ashes, as they’ve sifted down into the meadow grass. And even when I had held the ashes in my hand as I released them, the feeling was one of emptiness.

    I like your idea of keeping our cat’s fur– something recognizable and familiar– and having that tangible piece of them that can be felt after they’ve left us. I so wish I had found this webpage before Shawnee passed away. I would have been okay with even shaving the hair from this sides before it was burned up in the cremation oven, had I just thought of it.

    I’m so sorry for the pain that you, too, are enduring right now. I can tell by the way you speak of Hooks that you loved him with all your heart, and I know that your beautiful, handsome boy loved you with all of his. It is my observation that cat people are the best humans on earth, able to understand, gain the trust of, and live in harmony with a creature they cannot control. That in itself sets them apart from other pet owners. Please know that you’re not alone. Thank God for the wonderfully caring and kind-hearted people here, all supporting each other as we go through this pain together.

    Tenderly,
    Shyann

  60. Dear Ashley,

    Keeping a bit of your beloved cat’s hair is a good idea. Wish I had done this, too. Thanks for the suggestion.

    Kind regards,
    Shyann

  61. I just lost my dear sweet kitty just last Sun… She was 19 years old, we had her for 16 years. We miss her so much

  62. Dear Taelor:

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your cat. It is well beyond my understanding why these precious angels enter our lives and often, so suddenly leave us. You two were destined to find each other. Your cat was wandering the streets of NYC just hoping to find a place she could call home and share with a loving parent. You were a lonely girl In NYC looking to share your life with someone who could give you unconditional love and share the ups and downs that life gives to us all. At a time when both of you needed someone, you found each other.

    It would be wonderful if our cats could speak to us and let us know that they are not feeling well so we could take immediate action. Most all of us, myself included, have dealt with or are still dealing with the crippling guilt you are currently experiencing. Your cat loved you and is sad to see you suffering so much. Even when you moved to China, she understood that you loved her by placing her in your parent’s care.

    When I reflect on the last year of Micah’s life, I can now recall days when he was acting a little differently and I wonder if he was trying to tell me something and I was too blind to see. Hindsight when dealing with such a devastating loss as yours can be very brutal sometimes. As many people have told me, you did everything humanly possible for your gal. Only a loving cat owner would beat themselves up for thinking they should have done something different. We are imperfect Taelor but you did everything out of intense love.

    Your gal loved you when you were together, she loved you when you had to put her in your family’s care, she loves you now and is very concerned about you. They are such selfless little things.

    With heartfelt sympathy,
    Steve

  63. Dear Steve,

    Your story brought me straight to tears. When you shared what it was like coming home after three days away visiting your mother, and breaking down when you opened the garage door, because you knew that Micah wouldn’t be there walking down the hall to greet you, I could really relate to your pain. (My tears are actually flowing again as I write this…) Don’t you admire how cats choose us? It’s very clear to me that Micah picked you to be his own. The loss of that precious gift, and the loss of the way Micah celebrated your return home, cut to the core.

    Whenever I left the house, Shawnee would sit on his cat tree in the window, awaiting my return. Then, when he finally spotted my car, he would jump down and meet me at the door, meowing excitedly. I used to look forward to coming home **because** he was there. Now, when I pull up to the house, the window is empty.

    Your friendship is appreciated, Steve, as is Laurie’s webpage and this wonderful group. While those close to me have been compassionate and kind regarding this loss, nobody fully grasps the depth of my pain. This is understandable, since Shawnee was a 1-person cat. They’re naturally not going to miss him as much as I do. I therefore find myself keeping rather quiet about it around family and friends. But coming here helps me, in that I no longer have to bear this grief alone. Thank you.

    Warmly,
    Shyann

  64. I rescued a beautiful black and white stray cat that lived in the NYC streets in October 2017. She helped a single girl navigate so many of the challenges that I faced with moving from TN to NYC. I struggled through depression at different points but I could always lean on my cat to be there beside me. I recently left NYC to move to China for one year as I was feeling unsettled with my job. I wanted to take my cat, but knew that the trip might be a bit much for her. I decided to leave her with my family who has taken great care of her since I arrived in China in May 2019. Two days ago, I received a call that my sweet girl was very sick and in the vet hospital. My dad found her unresponsive in her litterbox. The vets in TN informed my family that she suffered from long-term diabetes. I had taken her to two different vets in NYC and no one ever notified that she had it. The vet said this is why she drank so much water and her eyes were yellow. Two hours after receiving the call, my mom calls and states that my cat is having kidney failure. Should they take her home or put her down…I requested that she be put down while in the midst of sobbing. Now I feel soo much guilt. Guilt for not being there for her, guilt for not knowing or picking up any of the signs, guilt for not choosing the right vet. I never grew up around cats but I fell in love with this one and she truly had my heart. I am devastated and angry at myself. I can’t stop crying. It’s like a chapter of my life just abruptly closed and I didn’t even get to turn the page. I just want to talk to people that understand right now.

  65. Dear Shyann:

    You are correct, it was indeed a most noticeable coincidence. If Laurie hadn’t allowed us to share our stories here, seeing a cat named Shawnee, and talking to a person named Shyann, would probably have been just a distant memory by now. In fact, I’m almost sure I wouldn’t have remembered the CSR’s name once I disconnected from the call.

    Wow, you have been through a very difficult year and a half. Thank you for sharing a little of Tahoe and Shawnee’s relationship. I bet they were a sight to behold all cuddled up together and they do sound like extremely handsome guys.

    As far as my journey is concerned, it remains difficult. I have yet to make it through a full day without breaking down. I miss Micah so very much. Please allow me to share just one of many of my most difficult moments. Whenever I would leave the house for 4 or 5 hours and then return, once I opened the door to enter, Micah would always be walking down the hall to greet me. It breaks my heart to now realize that once I return home, there is no one to welcome me back. We just spent three days away from home visiting my mother. When we returned home, I broke down as soon as the garage door opened because I knew when I opened the door to my house, Micah would not be there.

    I know the loneliness you are feeling Shyann and my heart aches for you. By reaching out to perfect strangers to offer comfort and receive comfort yourself, you have made many friends that will be there whenever you need us.

    Your friend,
    Steve

  66. Dear Steve,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It hit me, and I admit, I cried and cried. It seemed to be just what I needed to hear. Some days are better than others, but this evening, the loneliness and silent agony I feel over my little buddy’s absence flooded me once again.

    (By the way, a little side-note of interest is that Shawnee had an older half-brother named Tahoe, who passed away eighteen months ago. While Shawnee was always more attached to me than he was to his half-brother, he loved Tahoe very much, and the loss was really hard on him. Wish I could upload a photo of these two Siamese cuddling together. Shawnee was a seal-point, and Tahoe was a blue-point. Such pretty boys.)

    I know what you mean. I, too, am not ready for another kitty, yet I’ve been considering visiting the shelter just to be around cats. Anyway, what was the chance of another feline named Shawnee crossing your path– AND another person named Shyann?? That is a most notable coincidence! Your kind way of reaching out to others is the little touch of caring that I needed tonight. Thank you, friend.

    I wanted to ask, how are you holding up??

    Kindly,
    Shyann

  67. Caretakers have commented recently about the dilemma of the right way of preserving their departed cat’s remains. I have loved the responses, and of course there is no one perfect answer, but you must do as your heart leads you. These questions made me think of something I have commented about before in this forum. I want to share a thought (wouldn’t presume to give advice) about dealing with a kitty’s (your dear friend) loss. This may seem obvious to many and some may disagree. When I lost my my cat and dear friend of 19 years a little over a year ago , I was devastated; as all here, understand. Losing a pet was new to me, and I learned much about myself (not all good) in the aftermath. She had already taught me a lot about life when she was alive. I dealt with the loss in the only way I knew, (as cruel as it seems) by , for long periods of time, not thinking about her. There is probably a mental health term for this, but to my mind it is not healthy or proper. I encourage everyone who loses a cat to- experience your grief- cry, scream, share your emotions; live with them and show them, if possible. Think of every moment and thing you have lost- and say good-bye. Later- when you want to recall a beautiful moment , it will be there. Try not to follow my path. I hope this touches someone, and helps. Your kitty did- love you, and would want you to be happy.

  68. Dear Ashley and Sylvia, Thank you for your replies. I don’t have the option to simply “reply” suddenly, so I’m posting a new comment.

    I’m glad to hear that you also have some of their fur, Ashley. It is so special and makes a huge difference for me. So glad to be able to have an actual piece of him. (Them)

    Sylvia, thank you for sharing the story of Minnis and Bonnie. Amazing! I would have absolutely no problem with it, and didn’t seriously explore it until after the fact. The only hesitancy on my part is wondering how I’d feel when he returned home after being freeze dried – I read that it can take a few months and I wonder how I’d deal with beginning to heal and move ahead, then all of a sudden, there he is, asleep on the bed!

    Thank you both again for replying.

  69. Dear Shyann:

    Thought I’d share with you something that happened to me Friday.

    I frequently browse our local humane society’s page just looking at the kitties. It’s not that I’m looking to adopt right now, it’s way too soon for that. I just love cats.

    As I was going through the list, I came across a kitty named….SHAWNEE. I thought to myself, “Wow, I know a little bit about another cat named Shawnee. I sure hope you find a loving parent like the Shawnee I knew had.” Although this was a little black and white female, unlike your Shawnee, my thoughts were quickly turned to your precious little guy.

    Later that day, I had to make a phone call to a company I do some business with. I was put in contact with a CSR named Shyann. Don’t know if it was spelled the same but that didn’t make any difference to me. When I hung up, I completely lost it. The tears flowed freely thinking about you, Shawnee, and Micah.

    It was a nice reminder to me that our pain and suffering are shared by so very many others.

    Steve

  70. Dear Chip,

    We do what we need to do to comfort us throughout our loss. I have Olivers ashes in a wooden urn in the shape of a cat. Ever since I received Ollie’s ashes the urn has lay at the side of my pillow where he used to sleep in the bed which is a comfort to me. Like you, I have days when I look at it at break down because I know that’s all I have left of him.

    Let me tell you a story… I’m a Scot and my husband is Michigander. We moved from Scotland to live in MI for our retirement in 2013. When we moved we took all of our pets with us… all five of them. One year later, two of our much loved pets, a cat and our German Shepard dog died. By that time I knew that I didn’t want to stay in Michigan for the rest of my life due to the extremes of climate. So, Bonnie our cat, and Minnie the dog died within weeks of each other but I couldn’t bear the thought of cremation, one was nearly 19 and the other 13, and neither did I want them buried incase we moved again. So, we had the both of them freeze dried by a woman who lived on the west coast of MI. At the time we were so beside ourselves with grief that we couldn’t even think straight and felt that we were doing the right thing, and we did! We moved back to Scotland last year and brought our pets and of course the freeze dried dog and cat.
    Minnie lays on the floor at the bottom of our bed, and Bonnie lies on the dresser. Every day I kiss them and say good morning and last thing at night too.

    Now, my family have castigated us for keeping dead animals. My very unkind sister has broadcast to others what we have done and calling us crazy, hence gossip ensued. The truth is that it’s nobodies business. Both Minnie and Bonnie look like they are sound asleep and it’s a great comfort to me to still have them here asleep in death. I don’t give a stuff what other people think because it’s not for them to judge. As I’ve said, we all grieve in our own special way. There are websites whereby you can have some of the ashes put into a necklace or object which people choose to do. Whatever it takes is a deeply personal choice. God Bless you Chip and take care. x

  71. Chip: not bizarre at all! I contemplated taxidermy because I didn’t want to let go. I also have remains, but have found the fur to help the best by far. I have ziplocks bags of my cats hair (labeled by body area) and whenever I’ve broken down I have found rubbing his fur on my face or arm or leg to be the only thing that will comfort and calm me. So I agree, highly recommend to keep your babies fur.

  72. Hello to all, I just wanted to stop in and share something that has helped me a lot as I move through this sad time. It’s coming up on two months since I had to let my little boy go. Hooks, aka Boogie, aka Taco, aka Handsome-Perfect. The love of my life.

    I had him cremated. Not knowing if that was the best thing to do or not, it’s what I chose.
    Some days it’s comforting to have his ashes, somedays I am outraged that this is all that is left – his “remains.” I don’t know. Very mixed feelings about it.

    Over the course of his life, I found myself saving his fur after I brushed him. I have a large sandwich bag full of his fur, as well as a small bag of his whiskers and his claws. I would find what I assume is an outer shell from his little claws, and in many cases it was intact, so I kept them. Maybe it sounds bizarre, but who cares. So now, I have assembled a little tiny resealable bag that contains a small amount of his fur and a few of his whiskers, and I carry it with me every day while I am working. I have photos of him on my phone, and find myself spending time with him a few times a day, rubbing his fur on my cheek, rubbing his whisker on my face, and looking at his photos. As I write this, I’m feeling a little strange because it sounds so bizarre, but I’m very very glad I decided to save his fur and his whiskers when I found them lying around. They are real pieces of my little boy, unlike his ashes.

    I just wanted to share this. Think about saving their fur after brushing your cat. It is helping me quite a bit to have this little package, these real life memories of my baby boy.

    I am beginning to come to terms with his death, although I doubt the pain will probably never completely go away. At least I can still feel his fur on my face, and his whiskers tickling my ear.

    I love you Hooks, forever and ever, my little baby.

    My most sincere condolences and heartfelt sympathy to all of us who are here dealing with the loss of our beloved family members, our friends. I wish peace to all of us, and hope this might be some advice that helps someone.

  73. Amythest: You love Coco so deeply and that’s all she
    could have ever wanted and needed. We all have this heart ripping feeling and I, honestly, don’t know if it gets easier when we think of our angels, but you have support from us all.

  74. Thank you, Steve, for such kind words. Your tender understanding and compassion, especially when you, too, are grieving deeply, means so much. God bless you.

  75. Hi, I can’t sleep for crying and am struggling with what’s happened. I left my angel so happily playing last Monday, went to work and at 3.45 my son called me, very distressed, to say she hadn’t been outside long, he’d been talking to her and within a few minutes a car pulled up and handed her to him, she was dying, presumably hit by a vehicle but my son said he didn’t hear a thing, he was only a few yards away from her. I drove home as quick as I could but there was nothing anybody could do, she’d gone and my world has collapsed. We’d only had her a year, adopted her to give her a lovely, long, happy life and I feel like we’ve failed her and I feel so terrible. She spent most of her time indoors but did love the garden when the weather was nice. I tried so hard to protect her but couldn’t imprison her either. Why did this happen, I just can’t take it in. I’ve had several cats in my life and lost them, all through illness and have had to put them to sleep, that was hard enough but this is such a shock and I couldn’t say goodbye to her. I know in time I will get over this and we will adopt again, but this pain is so hard to deal with, I’ve been reading all the comments and stories so I know I’m not alone. Thank you for reading about my beautiful black Coco.

  76. Jim,

    Thank you for sharing your story and the way you describe you and Loki’s relationship is beautiful – cats are mighty special creatures.I also have one cat still with me who experienced the grief days after my Barnabas’ passing – boy, has he handled the loss better than I. What you note about getting another cat resonates with me; I want to give another fur baby a loving home yet I stall because I know, at this point, I may be disappointed the “new” cat doesn’t act like Barnabas. In due time, we know when we’ll be ready and the cat(s) will find us – just like humans, I believe it animal soulmates. I feel healing is doing what’s best for you; I write to my Barnabas, cry when I need to, have a pendant with his fur always around my neck, and have his fur (he was a long-haired boy and I took so much!), which comforts me when I hold it – no matter what you do, do it, and it will be right for you. Have even the slightest comfort knowing that Loki loved you and you made him so so happy – it’s incredible what love means and how far it goes with these little guys.

  77. I am thankful for this forum and your advice.

    This is my first experience with having a pet through its entire life cycle. Loki was, and still is, my best friend. He was the center of our home for over 16 years. He was affectionate and playful and always made me feel less lonely. In my darkest times he loved me unconditionally and it is that bond that has helped me start finding my faith again. It was little short of a miracle. He helped me live in the moment, taught me patience and comforted me when I was sad or depressed. He comforted my wife during my three deployments to the middle east. That hurts because I lost 3 years of his life by being away. Luckily, I found a job a few years ago that allows me to work from home. Since my last deployment in 2018, I got to spend virtually every day with my best friend.

    In 2016 he was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. We fought it and it went into remission for over 2 1/2 years, then right after the new year, it returned. He continued to fight and never lost the look of love in his eyes or his affectionate personality. He lost nearly half his former weight and was barely 7 lbs at the end. Yet all he wanted to do was to sit with me or be in my arms. That’s what I miss the most. He was such a huge part of this house that it no longer feels a home. Yet despite that, he continues to influence me. I had not gone to church for many years but as his illness progressed, I found a desire to reach out to God that I had not felt in a long time. I still struggle with my faith, but somehow Loki’s passing keeps me going to church to try to find some kind of answer. He has made my really try to be a better person.

    Luckily, we have his ‘sister’, Kali. During his illness, she was definitely not getting the attention she deserved. She has always been a solitary cat who can easily spend the entire day sleeping in a closet or some other hiding place, only to come out when she decides she needs attention. I believe she’s grieving in her own way and thankfully she likes to jump up on my desk in the mornings and be my ‘office manager’ for a while, which usually consists of me scratching her and her making it virtually impossible for me to get any work done.

    I only had one other pet that was ever put to sleep and that was when I was in grade school. I didn’t know it was going to happen until after it was done and that scar still hurts from time to time. I could have fought for Loki to have one more day and maybe he would have passed on his own. Thankfully, our vet hospital sent a doctor to our house so he could die in my arms in the backyard where he and I spent time on every sunny day for the last few years. I fear he was scared at the end, but probably not as scared as I was. He is the heart of my heart and I miss him very, very much.

    I made two promises to him after he got really sick. One to spend all of his last night with him. We planned to say goodbye to him on May 25th, but I failed in that because he took a turn for the worst and I got scared. I should have or at least could have fought for him, but he had become completely incontinent and was very, very weak. I believe he could have made to the next day and I still hate myself for not keeping that promise. The second promise was that we would adopt a senior or special needs cat, maybe both, in his memory. We cannot let the love that he gave us go to waste. The problem is now, one month since his passing, is that we don’t know when or even if we will be able to get to that point. There are so many cats that need forever homes and part of me feels selfish for not taking one in now, but I know we’re still grieving. I don’t know how to heal, but I know that I will never be the same.

    Thank you for this forum. I’m not one to post things like this, but this has been cathartic. Thank you again for letting me vent. This was not easy for me to write, but in some way I feel better, maybe a little.

  78. Dear Shyann:

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Shawnee. Your story is so very similar to mine. It is a very safe bet that everyone here feels the intensity of your pain and guilt. You no longer are isolated Shyann. You’ve got 100’s of people here that will help you with your long, difficult, and agonizing journey that you are on to a healthier understanding of your grief and guilt. It will never go away completely, but I hope we both can deal with it better in the future. I am so glad that you decided to share your story of Shawnee with us.

    Steve

  79. So happy I found this article. It was comforting to know that other’s experience this same loss when losing your cat. I lost my sweet Callie two weeks ago, and I’m still grieving over this loss. We were blessed to have had her for 12 years, and she grew up with my two children. I used to jokingly say that my kitty was my third ‘baby’! But in all seriousness, she truly was my special girl. This little sweetie came into my life during a very dark period. Even though we adopted her from a rescue shelter, I feel like she rescued us just as much. I know my sweet girl is in heaven, and I hope someday we can meet again.

  80. I had to put my cat Micah to sleep on 05-21-2019. It has been four weeks and this event has absolutely crushed me. I’ve had the honor and privilege of having 5 cats adopt me in my adult life and each loss has been very painful. If I could bring any one of them back, I would do it in a heartbeat, but Micah touched my heart and soul like no other. I am 66 years old, so I have experienced the painful loss of family members, friends, and pets but the grief and guilt of losing Micah has overwhelmed me like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. I wake up with tears, I sob throughout the day, and go to bed in tears. I made a video of his brief life shortly after his death thinking this would be of help but there seems to be no coping mechanism that will assuage my grief and guilt.

    In June of 2013 I noticed a beautiful white cat that had made his home under the crawl space of my neighbor’s house. After asking if it was their cat, they said it was not, but they couldn’t accept it in their home, and they would not take any measures to scare it away nor ask their landlord to fix the hole in their foundation that led to the crawl space.

    He would spend his afternoons sitting or lying in the shade on the neighbor’s steps. After a couple of days, I decided to walk out the back door of my garage while Micah was on the steps. I sat down and started talking to him and almost immediately, he came over to be petted and jumped in my lap. I tried to coax him into the house, but he wasn’t ready, so I left him some food and water. After about a month, he decided this might be a good place to call home and that I would be acceptable for adoption.

    After I concluded that he had accepted me as his parent and guardian, we scheduled a vet examination, labs, and vaccinations. Everything appeared to be OK. The vet told me he looked like a Ragamuffin and that he had been neutered. Obviously, someone’s pet. I inquired around the neighborhood and ran an ad to no avail. Thank God!!! I would have been crushed to give him up. My best guess was he had been abandoned.

    Micah was always by my side. He followed me everywhere I went and his favorite place to take a nap was on my lap or chest. When I would be doing work at my desk and my lap wasn’t available, I would look down and he would be sitting next to my chair just staring at me. I would ask if he wanted to take a nap and off, he would start walking to the bedroom with me dutifully following. He would jump on the bed onto his favorite pillow and I would pet him and give him a tummy rub until he fell into that deep sleep only cats can do. He slept with me every night and would always wait for me to wake up so he could have breakfast. Even the times my wife woke up first and was feeding the other two cats, Micah would be laying or sitting by my head waiting for me to wake up and feed him. He was such a blessing to me.

    In February of 2019 I took Micah in for his annual checkup, vaccinations, and blood work. I was shocked when the vet announced that he had diabetes and his weight had dropped from 13 pounds in 2018 to 10 pounds. How could I have not noticed such a significant weight loss? He was just a big fur ball and I guess I did not notice. When I petted him, I never noticed that he was losing weight. We started him on insulin but had a very rough time getting the proper number of units. When I would take him in every two weeks for blood work it was either too little or too much. Little did I know at the time that my beloved Micah would not be with me anymore in 3 months.

    On May 10th, which was a Friday, he refused to eat. I’ve had cats who have refused to eat one day because they weren’t feeling good but soon recovered. When he refused his food on Saturday and Sunday, I knew it was something more than not just feeling well. First thing Monday, May 12th, I made a call to the vet to make an appointment to have him checked. About one hour later he went hypoglycemic on me and I knew this was now an emergency. We rushed to the vet and after a brief check, the vet told me he was very jaundiced. We did some lab work and found out that his bilirubin counts were off the charts. The vet suggested he keep him for two or three days to try and stabilize him. They were force feeding my guy, giving him fluids, and administering meds. His bilirubin counts improved slightly but remained dangerously high. Instead of 3 days the vet kept him for 5 trying to get him stabilized. I had to go get him Friday afternoon because the veterinary clinic closes over the weekend. He gave me two options to continue treatment. I could take him to the emergency clinic for the weekend or they would teach me how to administer treatment at home. Of course, I wanted him home so that was the option I chose.

    Let me explain that force feeding my cat, giving him fluids, and administering meds was just about more than I could take. Deep down I knew he was miserable and wanted it to end but I was determined that he wasn’t going to leave me just yet. Friday and Saturday evenings, he spent by my side in bed. When I would wake, he would jump down off the bed and go sit by his food bowl. I would put some food in it, but he refused to eat anything. Sunday morning started out the same way. When it was time for his meds on Sunday afternoon he was under the bed and I could not coax him out. I finally had to take the bed apart to get him. I picked him up to take to the counter, but he was very lethargic and could not stand. I picked him up and went to the recliner to let him rest on my chest. Suddenly panic engulfed me, and I told my wife to get ready because we were taking him the emergency clinic 30 miles away. By the time we arrived, he was unresponsive. The vet came back after examination and told me his heartbeat was under 100 when a healthy cat is around 200. She strongly suggested I put him to sleep, but unfortunately, gave me the option of keeping him overnight to try and stabilize him. Not yet ready to let him leave, I chose the overnight option.

    On Monday, I went to the emergency clinic to pick Micah up. The vet on call told me to take him to my personal vet to continue treatment. Looking back now, I should have realized that I was fighting a losing battle and all I was doing was prolonging my precious Micah’s suffering. My desire to keep him alive and in my care overwhelmed me. On Tuesday morning, the vet called and as gently and compassionately as he could, told me there was nothing more they could do, and it was time to let go. It was such a crushing blow to finally face reality that Micah would no longer be with me. I went to the vet to say my goodbye. I cradled Micah close to my chest for over an hour and just told him how much I loved him and how very sorry I was for the pain that I forced him to endure. I did not know it at the time, but my wife had taken some pictures and a short video of our last hours together. As I was talking to Micah, he gave me several slow blinks during this time, and I knew that he was expressing his love for me and that he forgave me. Finally, it was time and I let him go.

    I’ve read many of your stories on this site and I grieve for each of your losses. One of things I read quite often is the guilt that a lot of pet parents feel is they let go too soon. My guilt is that I was the major player in prolonging Micah’s pain and suffering. The last week and a half of his life was miserable, and it was my fault. The pain of losing Micah will never leave but I realize that in time, I will be able to cope with the loss without it totally consuming me. What I can’t see is a path to cope with the guilt I feel about prolonging his suffering.
    To all who have lost their cat, I send you my deepest sympathies. Every story I read, I can feel the pain that each of you are experiencing. I thank you for sharing a part of your cat’s life with me and thank you for allowing me to share a little of Micah’s life.

    1. Dear Steve,

      My heartfelt sympathy at the loss of your beloved cat Micah. The two of you had a lovely, loving relationship and were so attuned to each other… the heart breaks when they finally leave us x I think the bonds formed between human and animals can often be just as deep or even more intense than what some of us experience with people. I’ve found this so for myself. The grief felt when our best wee friend dies can be so crippling, and when we feel guilty it’s compounded. My cat Oliver was euthanized on the 13th of May and I felt guilty because I knew it should have been done at least three days sooner. Only a loving cat owner would beat up on themselves for believing that we could have, should have, done it sooner. Alas, in our human imperfection we try our best and yet we come down hard on ourselves if we believe we got it wrong. Steve, you did everything humanly possible for Micah whilst at the same time living through the shock and despair of the painful circumstances. Making that decision is so very, very painful as we hold on hoping for the best. We try our best and that is all we can do, and from reading your post you most certainly gave your all to help Micah. Be kind to yourself and know that Micah is looking over you and he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for anything. Remember, cats know a thing or two. With blessings, Sylvia

      1. Dear Sylvia:

        Thank you for your very kind and heartfelt response. I find it amazing that at the time we need someone the most, in walks a perfect stranger to offer comfort. The thought that you would step away from your own painful loss of Oliver to offer me comfort, means more to me than you’ll ever realize. I’ve felt so alone in my grief as none of my friends or family are cat people, but you stepped in when I needed you the most.

        When I read the posts of people losing their beloved cat, I find myself shedding tears for them and their pet. Know that I have shed a few tears for you and Oliver. In reading about your loss, I see little bit of Oliver in Micah.

        I’m so very grateful for you Sylvia and your compassionate heart. I’ve read through many stories here and noticed that you’ve helped many more people through their grief than just me. May God continue to bless you Sylvia.

        Steve

    2. Hey Steve, I am so sorry that you lost Micah. He sounds like a wonderful cat, one who really understood you and connected to you in ways deeper than you could have imagined. The feeling of guilt you feel is eating at you, and I can understand where you’re coming from. But Micah knows that it was all because you were fighting alongside him the whole time. He knows that every decision you made to prolong his life was made out of love. You were trying to give him every chance to fight for his life that he could have possibly needed. He is in Heaven now, I am sure of it.
      It’s been about 4 days since we lost our Bruce. I light a candle every night for him, I pray, and I talk to him daily. I can feel he is listening. I remember that when Bruce was still around and I would get sad for various reasons, he would come to check on me and keep me company until I felt better. His favorite place to nap was also in my lap. I could feel how worried Bruce would get when I had a tough day. I’ve been incredibly sad and cried nonstop these last few days. That won’t stop anytime soon because he was my best friend. But I also feel deep down that he is still worrying about me, even though he is in Heaven and he should feel happiness only. That’s just how Bruce is.
      Although incredibly difficult, try to remember Micah’s happy life and all the amazing memories you created together. It doesn’t help to remember the small percentage of his life when he was sick. He wouldn’t want you to torture yourself like you’re doing right now. He is watching over you and he is worried about you. Our pets have a way of living life so selflessly. And even in Heaven, I think they still look down and worry about us. Which is why I think we should try (although it feels inpossible) to commemorate them in happy ways. That way, then can Rest In Peace in kitty Heaven and be happy that they are in a better place than before.
      I wish you to find peace in your heart knowing that you did everything you could…and that Micah knows it and he loves you even more for it.

      1. Dear Alex:

        Your are so incredibly kind. The thought that you would step away from your own painful loss of Bruce to offer me comfort means more to me than you’ll ever realize. I’ve felt so all alone in my grief until you, a perfect stranger, stepped in to offer a grieving old man comfort.

        It is very painful to read the stories here of the loss of our beloved cats. I have shed tears for you and your beloved Bruce. I can see a little bit of Bruce in Micah.

        To me, you and Sylvia are a couple of angels sent from heaven to console, comfort, and remind me that I’m not as alone in my grief as I thought. I can’t ever begin to repay your incredible kindness.

        May God continue to Bless you.

        Steve

    3. Dear Steve,

      Right now I, too, am grieving the loss of my soul-mate cat, Shawnee, whom I made the heart-wrenching decision to euthanize on June 9, 2019. Though I have dearly loved the five cats who have shared my life– and the loss of each one has been very hard on me– Shawnee was a truly special Siamese. When I say he was my soul-mate cat, I mean that on the deepest level. And he was the last cat I had. I felt blessed that he had at least outlived the others. I have been sobbing every day, turning inward and isolating myself because well-meaning family and friends say things like, “It was only a cat. You can always get another. At least it wasn’t a person you lost.” The grief caught me off-guard again tonight, and I found myself crumbling. I miss him SO much. That’s why I’m here.

      Shawnee was a 1-person cat, and I was his chosen. While the other cats went off and did “cat things,” Shawnee cuddled with me or following me around, completely absorbed in whatever I was doing. Whenever I had to leave the house, he sat in the window, faithfully awaiting my return. Even if I was at work during mealtime and another family member fed him, his loyalty remained steadfast. I was his human mother, and there was no other for him. Admittedly, I was just as fiercely devoted to him, quietly putting my love for him ahead of other people. That sounds awful, but if I am to be completely honest with myself and with you, it is the truth.

      Shawnee was diagnosed with renal failure six years ago. He did well until the last eight months, when he began to decline steadily. Though standard treatment includes subcutaneous fluids, and this is what our veterinarian recommended when he reached stage 3, she confirmed that he was hyper-sensitive to needles (even though I bought Terumo ultra-fine-walled needles in a smaller-than-average gauge). The pain he experienced made him dread the procedure, which adversely affected his quality of life. He couldn’t seem to understand why I would do something so hurtful to him. Some cats learn to connect the sub-q fluids with feeling better, but he did not. It hurt, and he wanted no part of it. So I discontinued the fluids, making the decision to no longer try to prolong his life, but to keep him as comfortable as possible during the time he had left. I had him on AminAvast from stage 3 to the end, though, which I’m certain did buy him some time.

      Then I took him to a holistic veterinarian, whom I wish I had learned about sooner. She was so gentle and compassionate, the only vet who didn’t stress him to the gills. She agreed that we wouldn’t resume the fluids unless there was a crisis, and instead began giving him weekly acupuncture sessions. Even those tiny, fine needles bothered him, but the acupuncture did help him, and he learned to handle the sessions with grace, often falling asleep peacefully after the needles were inserted. She also suggested non-psychoactive CBD oil to reduce inflammation, keep him comfortable, and calm the anxiety he had toward the end. His care was extensive and very costly. I was also buying a variety of expensive, high-quality foods, most of which I wound up throwing away, as he refused meal after meal.

      The last couple weeks he made it clear in a loud, vocal way that he was miserable and ready to go. He would still seek me out and cuddle with me, locking eyes and holding that loving expression. He would also reach up with his paw and take hold of my hand. I sensed how torn he was– ready to leave, yet hanging on with that incredible love that tied us to each other. On the morning of Sunday, June 9th, five days after his 16th birthday, he had a seizure. I knew he was beginning the dying process (there were other symptoms, as well), and I had read nightmare stories from cat lovers on another forum who related their experiences about how traumatic nature death can be. Many have deep regrets about not choosing euthanasia sooner, and vow that they will act sooner next time, rather than later. With that in mind, I called a vet in our area who now devotes herself full-time to at-home euthanasia, and Shawnee was sent on his way very peacefully.

      Still, there is guilt. Guilt that I didn’t persist with the subcutaneous fluids. Guilt that I didn’t find AminAvast sooner. (If started early enough, it has been known to reverse kidney disease.) Guilt that I didn’t learn about acupuncture sooner. It has been my observation that guilt goes with the territory, so know that you’re not alone. Sometimes I think it’s the devil’s way of trying to beat us down. We have to be mindful to remember that our hearts are in the right place– filled to the brim with love for our kitties– and we do the best that we can in our care for them. I try to remind myself, too, that Shawnee’s passing is but a short blip of what really counted, his vibrant life.

      Still, I’m hurting deeply right now. I’ve lost my best friend, and cannot imagine any other replacing him. Sometimes I awake in tears, keenly aware of how stark the house feels and recognizing that I will never see him here again. Then there’s the thought that I was his sole caregiver, the only one he loved and trusted completely. And now I’m not there to take care of him, nor do I even know where he’s at.

      I’m grateful for this website and the kind, caring cat people here. Thanks to each of you.

  81. My husband and I lost our 3 year old kitty, Bruce, this past Sunday. We went in for an emergency check-up because he couldn’t urinate and was straining every time he went to his litter box. He was dripping blood too. The X-ray showed a couple of stones in his bladder but also showed a fully obstructed urethra. He had a surgery and they removed the bladder stones, but they couldn’t clear his urethra. The doctor believed that there was a stricture (excuse my spelling of it isn’t right) which is what prevented them from learning out his urethra. They suggested another surgery where they would cut a new opening for him to pee out of. Highly invasive and risky. A Hail Mary.
    Our baby Bruce was really active and a very happy kitty. He was suffering so much and we made the most difficult decision to put him to sleep. We were sobbing the whole time while we held him in our arms as he gave his last breath.
    We can’t believe he is gone. The house feels so empty. We are having a really hard time. I can’t sleep or eat. I am crying non stop. I am blaming myself because maybe there were signs. I try to remember, but I don’t recall him being unhappy except the last day or so of his life. It’s like he was trying to be strong for us.
    We don’t know what to do. Our other kitty, Cleo, seems sad and confused. We are comforting her a lot, but she is choosing to spend some time alone too. We are so devastated.

    1. Dear Alex,

      My heart goes out to you and your husband at the loss of your lovely kitty, Bruce. It’s such a dreadful shock when it happens out of the blue, I know, and even worse when our much loved feline is still so young. It’s so very unexpected. I once lost a young cat suddenly too… he threw a blood clot and we couldn’t take it all in because of the sudden shock of it all. It’s such a very painful time and I’m deeply sorry that this happened. Bruce sounds like he was a beautiful soul and I do believe that they stay around us in Spirit. Please look after one and other at this incredibly sad time. God Bless you both, Sylvia X

      1. Thank you very much for the kind words, Sylvia. It was very unexpected and truly a shock when we realized it was time to let go. We were not prepared in the least. Although incredibly difficult, we did hold Bruce in our arms in his last moments of life. Despite it being a painful memory, it brings me a little peace knowing he didn’t die alone and that he was surrounded by love and affection.
        We are not regular Church goers, but we believe in God and that there is life after death. We believe we received some subtle signs that he made it okay into Heaven.
        – a couple weeks ago we decided to prune the rose bush in the front yard pretty aggressively. It wasn’t doing well. We trimmed a heavy amount (reduced its size by 75%). When we returned Sunday night from the clinic (right after Bruce’s death), we saw a single rose bud that blossomed. We felt that although small, it symbolized life and perhaps his journey into Heaven.
        – another fond memory we have of Bruce involves a tiny lizard that snuck into our home last summer. We live in the SouthEast. Bruce loved life! Insects, birds, bugs – everything! My husband and I were trying to catch the lizard and release it back outside. But the lizard was just way too fast. We turn around and we see Bruce GENTLY holding the lizard in his mouth. His teeth were not out at all, he was just holding it so he could play with it. We got the lizard out of his mouth and released outside. Bruce went to check on it and looked through the storm door at the lizard as it scurried away.
        ….well, on Monday (one day after Bruce died and the rose bud blossomed), we went outside for fresh air. We looked at the same rose bud that recently blossomed and we saw a green, little lizard cuddled in the rose bush. It instantly took us back to the memory of Bruce and the lizard from last summer.

        Thank you again for your support, your kind words help us all more than you know.

        1. Dear Alex,

          Like you I’m not a church goer; I used to be a long time ago but, I then found my own path. I do believe, know, that there is a consciousness/ beyond our physical existence and I’ve had many experiences to validate that this is so. My Oliver died on the 13th of May. Like all of us grieving the loss of our much loved best wee friends, my emotions have been up and down and all over the place. Exactly one month to the day after Ollie died, I was curled up in bed thinking about the days events. At that time my mind wasn’t on Oliver. Then it happened…. around my legs I could feel what I describe as a lot of energy buzzing. Whenever I’ve had this happen in the past it always precedes a visit from one of my pets, cat or dog, who has crossed over to the other side. In the next moment I could feel a cat kneading the bed cover. Since I still have five other cats I assumed it was one of them. This went on for several minutes and the energy got stronger before I realized it was a visit as I call them. I quickly sat up and guess what? No Cat! I checked my other cats of which three were sound asleep in their favorite places and the other two were out. I got back into bed and it began again. I was then sure that it was Oliver paying me a visit to let me know that he was fine. How very uplifting it was for me and my husband, too. I’m most definitely a skeptic, rather a healthy sceptic, where I don’t immediately assume that it was one of my Spirit pets. I always check for other possibilities but the big difference is the build up of energy that happens.
          In 2006 our 20 year old cat called Erik died. That day we decided to go for a long walk in the country side to let our grief wash through us and to have the freedom to cry and laugh whilst we shared memories of our beloved Erik. Then a beautiful monarch butterfly appeared …..it fluttered around then settled on my hand before flying right in front of me. This butterfly led the way for about 20 minutes which I considered a long time. Butterflies that behave in unusual ways like this are often a sign from Spirit that all is well and we both knew then that Erik was safe and sound on the other side. However, that wasn’t the end of it… on our way back home my husband was driving when I looked upwards and there in the sky was a face of Erik. this was no random cloud formation that may have imitated an image, rather, the sky looked like someone had drawn Eriks face in graphite. Erik was a Turkish Van cat and his features were quite different to other cats and there it was, a picture of him in the sky. As my husband drove along I watched the sky and it took about 20 minuted before it dissipated. Two signs within hours of Erik passing. Also, my collied dog Patch visited me for years after he died. I’ve written about it in one of my other posts.

          The rose and the lizard is remarkable, and Bruce knew exactly how to let you know that he had made his transition to the other side safely and that he is around you. He always will be! Bruce was a beautiful little soul and always remember that death has NO power over LOVE It’s the energy of LOVE that helps our deceased pets and humans to communicate with us here in the physical. Bruce is watching over you both and one day we will all reunite with our feline companions and rejoice. Take care and lots of LOVE, Sylvia X

          1. Dear Sylvia,

            I loved reading your stories about Ollie and Erik. I find it incredible that our beloved pets love us so very much and continue to care about us even after moving into a new world. They are selfless and know how much peace it brings to our hearts when we hear from them in unusual and unexpected ways. We just have to keep our heart open to welcome the signs they send to us. And what a beautiful way to communicate with you through a majestic butterfly, the clouds, and pure energy in your home.

            We are heading back to the Cat Clinic later today to pick up Bruce’s remains. He is going to be back home with us soon. I know that simply visiting the clinic will be overwhelming since that is where he spent his last hours of his life, but I am at peace that he is being returned to us. On Sunday (exactly 1 week since his passing), we plan on planting a little tree in his memory. We also want to plant sunflowers. We think the sunflower captures his essence best. He had yellow eyes and black pupils (just like the flower) and he loved sunbathing by the window sill. Just some little things to honor him.

            Thank you to everybody that had taken time out of their day to write and comfort complete strangers. There are times when I lose a little hope in our world and humanity. But seeing that there are so many of you out there willing to give so much love and comfort to people you don’t even know, has restored some of my faith in the people around me.

            May God bless you, Sylvia, and everyone else who reads this message.

  82. I took my cat Pete to the ER yesterday (Sunday). He had breakfast on Saturday and seemed normal but by the afternoon he hopped up in one of the cat trees and remained there the rest of the day. I checked on him during the night and he had moved to the utility room, which is the place he goes to when he is scared By morning he was up in another cat tree. He wouldn’t eat breakfast. . The ER vet found a mass in his left chest. It was pressing on his left lung and making him short of breath. The x-ray along with the blood work led her to diagnosis him with probable lymphosarcoma. I made the decision to euthanize. On Friday he was playing. Jumping in some boxes that I had from a delivery earlier in the week. By Sunday he was dead. He was only 6 years old. He also had a quirky personality which I will miss. I still have his sister Tinkerbell thankfully. Although I worry about how she will be reacting in the days to come. They were very close.

  83. Saturday we made the decision to put our beautiful black cat Mischief to sleep. She had lost so much weight and we were not sure if she was eating or drinking enough due to our other cats.
    The afternoon before we took her to the vet she just laid on a blanket and when she tried to walk she fell over.
    She was breathing but her eyes looked sad and sunken.
    I felt so sad and heartbroken because my husband and I got her shortly after we were married. We had to put his cat to sleep and we decided to adopt two sisters from a litter of six all black cats.
    She used to chase balls of paper that were thrown in the house and she would take them in her teeth and bring them back to you to throw again, like a little dog. She and her sister were just kittens so she lived to a good age of 16 years, but still it is difficult because of all her funny little ways and now she’s gone forever?

    1. Abigail MacKenzie

      So sorry that you lost your sweet Mischief. I know the pain is great. I lost my big orange Milo almost a year ago & I’m still grieving and trying to find a new “normal” without him. I wish you well.
      Abigail

    2. Hi Beth
      It’s now four weeks since we put our 19 year old lady to sleep. You made a brave decision Saturday, a selfless decision that was the best for your cat at that time. Passing away with those you love most around you- what more could any cat want at the end of their earth life. You will miss her, you had her as part of your family for 16 years, i still miss Bacon very much after four weeks and I’m sure I will continue to do so for a long long time. What a lucky kitty having been a part of your life for 16 Happy love filled years xxx

  84. HI I had my cat Striples for 9 wonderful years. Its only been 4 weeks since she died. I came home from work to find her under her fav duvet on the spare double bed. I always came home to kiss and cuddle her , She was like my shadow , We had a great loving connection . She was our Baby . To my surprise i lifted the duvet back thinking she was sleeping . But then realised she had died, It was an awful shock. That Friday morning i spent time with her , And left around 11.30 to return in the afternoon to this sad day , I am heart broken as i loved her so much , The place is empty without her. I cant stop crying . I am glad i found this Forum as i feel am not alone . karen

    1. Hi Karen,
      I too am still grieving my beautiful companion that we said goodbye to 4 weeks ago, I know how you are feeling, it’s so very hard but try to think of those wonderful 9 years you had with Striples, she knew she was and still is loved. I too still burst into tears when I think of Bacon who was my companion for 19 years. I’m sure they are both still with us, we only have to think of them and smile at the funny loveable things they treated us to over the years. Striples was at peace passing in her most favourite of places, in her loving home after spending time earlier with her favourite person. Much love x

      1. Dear Lesley So sorry to hear of your sadness losing Bacon. Ohh is Heartbreaking our lovely furry friends . I have cried so much over
        Striples, I miss her very very much . But we feel so lucky to have had many great years and to be blessed with such love from them. It will take time . But as you said Lesley there in our hearts forever . I do hope you too will start to feel better over time. And all the other members on this page that have lost there beautiful cats too Xxx

  85. It is heartbreaking to hear the pain that people share here, when their beloved cat dies, and leaves a huge hole in their heart and life. My kitty arrived on my doorstep, and stayed for almost nineteen years, always by my side- so I understand. I have mentioned this here, before, but I think it bears repeating. Just my own deep feeling, but it may carry some truth. I hope it helps someone. Often, caretakers write and agonize over the final days of their cat’s life, and always it seems, they feel that they let go too quickly, and should have waited . They put their darling to sleep too soon. Further medical procedures could have bought more time. Just another day. Well, you were always going to face-that day; and look into those eyes and say goodbye. My sense, is that it is never too early, ever. You loved that creature like no one else. Something told you that it was finally- enough. If it was someone else’s cat, you could see the truth. Maybe you were a day late, but it was time. Hard to let the best part of your life go. Please, forgive yourself. Your cat always did, for all those years. And would, right now, if she were here. We are all so fortunate for having shared our life with a cat.

    1. JR,
      Such beautiful sentiments and so very true…….
      I’ve had many pets euthanized and without doubt each time I’ve questioned myself. Did I do it too soon or, I should have done it earlier. It’s only human nature that we want to hold on and don’t want to lose our most faithful and loving companion after sharing many years together. Sometimes, we may hope against hope and often question if the vet could do more for our feline children, and that somehow or in someway, the inevitable won’t happen. It’s so terribly painful when trying to come to terms with the fact that we have to let go and it really is the time. We don’t want it to be true hence, we may go in and out of denial for a while.

      Yes, the gift of having shared our lives with our most loved companions in the end brings pain and despair. The act of letting go is something that none of us want to face but, that day will come sooner or later. What I have found helps me through the initial stages of grief, is holding on to all the beautiful and most loving memories of the years spent with my treasured feline boy or girl. As soon as I find myself slipping back into the, ‘I should haves’ I focus on a memory that makes me smile… and cry, but inevitably it does help to stop me from castigating myself.

      To everyone here… guilt is a very punishing and heavy energy to hold on to and it will drag you down into the mire and interfere with the grieving process. I know, because I’ve made mistakes in the past and beat myself up day after day until I was once very ill from grief. That was many years ago. Someone once said to me if it was a case of a friend being in the same situation as yourself would you forgive your friend? The answer was, yes. Then learn to forgive yourself for your mistake or perceived mistake. Hold on to all of the beautiful memories and know that we are not alone. We can all identify with each other and after all, we are only human. Hold on and have Faith. With all my love to each and everyone of you throughout this painful time of grieving for our much loved pets. The sun will shine again… our hearts will heal… and our memories will sustain us and see us through and one day we will reunite with our loved cat. God Bless x

    2. JR,

      Thank you for this message. You are right in your words. I would have had to face the inevitable if not that day, then the following week or weeks after but it was bound to happen, he didn’t have long and I guess that’s why the oncologist only gave us a week’s worth of meds. I just hate that there was nothing more that could have been done. I prayed so hard. I wanted him to be well. To be back home. I just thought he was too young to go through this, to have lung cancer and to be sick even though his spirits were still good. That’s what makes me feel the guilt and self doubt. If he was an older cat or legarthic, I could have dealt better with it. It wouldn’t have been easier to say goodbye but I could have accepted it more because he was sicker or older. But to be 10- years old and have good spirits, I think it’s what made it hard for me. And what you said above is spot on. I would have said the same thing to another pet parent. But I guess as we are faced with the decisions for our babies, it’s always harder and the guilt and doubt always comes. I am so honored to be loved and be Jojo’s mom. And I will always love him and miss him.

  86. I had a cat named Martha for 19 years I bottle fed her when her mom the neighborhood stray was hit by a car… I found homes for all her sisters and I loved her till she died in my arms after a sudden stroke. I miss my cat, I resent my husband every time I see his cat in his lap.. I Resent the angle who I tried imagining holding my cat because I can’t.. My heart is Broken

  87. It’ll be seven weeks since I lost my sweet boy, Jojo. I still miss him so much, some days have gotten easier and at times it’s unbearable.
    I call out to him and look at the places he would have laid or sat. I would stoke him as if he were still around. I don’t want to remove anything or even want to wash the blanket where he laid and slept with me. I am afraid I will forget him. Forget all the little details of him. It already seems like he was never been in my life. It feels as if he never existed and that he was just an imagination. While I do have my two other cats, the bond Jojo and I shared was strong. He did things the girls didn’t. I miss his purrs and cuddles. I miss the fact that he didn’t value my personal space and used me as his personal lounger. I miss his loving and sweet nature. I miss his tapping and force petting gestures. The other day, during a meal with family at the table, I miss that he would jump on the empty seat and sit with us as we dined. I thought it would get easier but it hasn’t gotten easier, it’s just different. It definitely is strange. I guess it’s the new norm now. I have to get used to the fact that he is not coming back or that the girls will never be as loving and cuddly as he was. But what I do I still struggle with if I did the right thing by letting him go. Maybe I should have done another lung tap or kept doing it as much as we could? Was it the wrong decision to let him go when I did because he wasn’t lethargic, he still wanted to do things even though he was struggling to breathe? Did I do enough for him? Did I do right by him? I have this guilt and I feel like I was his executioner. I played God and took his life. I ask him to come to visit me in my dreams, but I don’t see him in my dreams. Is he mad at me? Does he hate me? I ask for his forgiveness every day and have to deal with if I did the right thing. It’s what kills me the most.

    1. It’s been 7 weeks for me too. He is the first pet I have lost. We only had 5 short years together. I am feeling the same way that you do. I am asking the same questions too. I feel guilty and so full of sorrow and regrets. The pain is excruciating and it won’t go away. I feel so alone and am surprised to read all these stories and realize I am not the only one. It doesn’t make the pain any less but I don’t think I am crazy anymore for being so heartbroken. Thank you everyone for sharing and for being here. I truly hope our beloved companions are in a better place and I really need to believe we’ll see each other again. I miss my beautiful kitty cat, I love him very much.

    2. You didn’t do the wrong thing. I lost my beloved Columbus, my “Butsey” just about the same time that you lost your most loved Jojo. Butsey, like Jojo, was my cuddler, he laid across my shoulder and slept beside me at night with his legs around my arm and his head on my pillow. Our other kitties are not like that and two of them prefer my husband to me and lay on his lap which is very hard to see when my Butsey is gone. Once is a while our girl kitty will lay on my lap but none of them cuddle like Butsey did. That being said I am starting to get a little better in my grief. I still say goodnight to him and also my beloved Meow Meow who has been gone for almost 2 years now. Your Jojo would not want you to be sad. I had Butsey’s chest tapped twice but he was not going to make it and I let him go. I don’t think he would have lived much longer and I didn’t want him to suffer any more. The vet did a post mortem and found that he had a mass in his intestines, one in his stomach and one in his chest. Jojo may not have had the same thing but he was having difficulty breathing which is not a good thing at all. You gave him the last best act of love that you could do for him. You let him go with grace and dignity. Many hugs to you and please know that you did the right thing for your fur baby.

      1. Thank you, Dawne. I miss my boy so much and I always told him I loved him more than all the stars in the sky. Now he’s my star in the sky. I just keep feeling like I should have kept doing the chest tapped for as long as he could have taken it. At that time, I just didn’t want to put him through it anymore. But then at times, I second guess myself thinking was it because I didn’t want to do it anymore? Aside from not being able to breathe normally, he ate, he wanted to hunt lizards and such but was limited in what he could do. I wish animals can tell us sooner when they are not well so we can get them a good fighting chance. I never knew Jojo had lung cancer. And it manifested so quickly… From the day that they found cancer to his last day was about a month.
        My grief has gotten better but I still have at least two to three episodes a day where I would break down and cry because I miss him so much! I just can’t believe he’s gone. He was only 10. I know it will get better. My niece found a 3-week old black kitten last night. My Jo was a beautiful black kitty and I felt like it was him giving me a sign that all is well and life can go on. While I would love to adopt this black kitty, I can’t right now as my hands are full with the girls and I think our household needs to adjust before I bring any more animals home.

        I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved sweet Butsey. I know how you are feeling and you are definitely not alone. Butsey sounded like your little love bug as Jojo was mine. Know that he sends you signs to let you know he’s ok and around you. It’ll take some time and I hope that you will find another baby to love and cuddle. My love and thoughts are with you. Sending you lots of hugs.
        –Jeannie

  88. My heart is broken after losing my special girl. I can’t think of our special memories, look at her photos or say her name because it makes me choke with grief. Yet I’m so scared of forgetting the minutest detail about her and our love. I yearn for her so much and yet there is nothing I can do or say to bring her back. I just want to hold her and kiss her and tell her that I love her. Every night I go to sleep and stroke her where she sleeps on my pillow and hope she is there with me. We were blessed to be together for 22 years but the last six years were hard for her. She’s the bravest little girl and I’m so sorry If I let you down in the past few days and at the end. I didn’t mean to, especially on that last day. She’s my soul mate and I am finding life so hard without her. I just want to be where she is and hope with all my heart she is still near me. I love you so much my little girl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1. So sorry for your loss, it breaks our hearts to loose our wonderful companions. Be sure that you did not let her down, you made the ultimate selfless decision for her. She loved you and is still with you, beside you. My beautiful girl left me three weeks ago after 19 years, I too pat the place she slept next to me every night, and this morning I woke up when I felt her claw on my arm, so I know she is still here as is your beautiful kittie.
      Much love x

    2. If there is even the slightest comfort know we have been or are where you are now. I struggled so much with crying out for my baby and also laying or staring at where he would lay. It’s so so so hard and THE hardest experience of my life. Dang, there’s no way to get around it. I wish you great support from those around you and these comments. What has helped me and crying when I need to cray, writing to my baby, looking at his photos (and crying some more). There will come a time when you think of the love you brought to you baby’s life – you were their world!! How incredible is it that you can bring that kind of joy to someone’s life. We’re all here for you. My sympathies.

  89. It’s nearly 4 weeks now since I lost my beautiful girl Princess. Yes she is the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thing I think about before bed. I see her in my head when I look around the house, think back to when she last sat on the chair, lay on my bed, sat under the coffee table, it feels as though she is still around; I only wish she was. It is so wonderful that we are able to share how we feel to those that are also grieving for their little ones.

    Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates by Gary Kurtz is definitely a recommended read. Thank you for the lovely poem jeannie.

    1. Sylvia, I never thanked you for your reply. Thank you. Just about a month now since my lovely little boy went away. The pain is crippling. I’m having an especially difficult morning today. But I just wanted to let you know that I read your reply quite often and the only glimmer of hope right now is the hope that one day I’ll see my little boy again. Somewhere, somehow. God Almighty I miss my little love.

      1. Chip: I, as well, have found great comfort in these comments and experiencing empathy with everyone. It’s so hard to know our babies are gone although I try not to drown in my sorrow, but let myself cry when I need to cry. Think of how much happiness you brought to your little boy. All animals want are love.. and food! I wish you continued support. My sympathies.

      2. Dear Chip,

        Like you, I had a particularly bad morning only last Sunday. I sat on the edge of the bed and wept like a small child. I so wanted to hold Oliver just one more time, and I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful if all our loving pets could came back for a day every once and a while just so we knew that they were okay. The pain comes and goes like a tidal wave and that’s how grief works. The good days, and the not so good days then, the really bad days and, yes the pain is crippling. Then my mind drifts back to the very first day I held Oliver, he was a four month old kitten that had somehow got lost or had been abandoned. Even though I advertised locally and out-with no one claimed this beautiful, all black kitten who had a blue collar on that was too tight for him. So, I named him Oliver and it was the beginning of a long and loving journey together for 15 years. He would his way around my heart and he’s still in it and I’m so very, very grateful that we had all those years together.

        As of yet I’m not sure that I’ve had a ‘visit’ from him although, early one morning when I wasn’t fully awake, there was purring in my ear on the side of the bed where he always slept with me. Was it Oliver? Then the next morning, I was aware of claws grabbing the covers to climb up in the exact spot where he would do so. I cannot prove it but, it’s all of those funny little things that happen that gives me a sense that he is hanging around me. Often we dismiss all the little things like this as imagination but, I do believe that Oliver is there. Many years ago I had a beautiful border collie called Patch. I bought him from a pet shop and the bond between us was so strong. Patch died under tragic circumstances. I was so overwhelmed with grief and shock that I could barely function but, I had to because I had a baby to look after. Then it happened… I was lying in bed when I felt someone or something climb on the bed and lay alongside me, even the weight made the mattress sink and I could feel a weight pressing against my back. I was so afraid that someone had managed to break into the house and terrified to open my eyes and look. It dissipated! I looked and there was nothing there. Then it happened again and again and again. As I became a little braver I would look and saw nothing but, it was obvious that there was a weight on the bed. I was confused as well as afraid. When I moved house the same thing happened. It had followed me! Many years passed before I woman whom I’d met quite by chance, and whom I never saw again, described the events that had happened. She described Patch to a T and told me that he was visiting me and lying on my bed to comfort me because I was so ill with grief. I was astonished! She was 100% accurate and it all made perfect sense. After that I opened my mind and embraced the after life and since then I’ve had so many experiences of the myriad of ways in which our loving pets contact us from beyond. They are never far away!..

        Chip, this is a true story and I do hope that it will in some small way give you hope for a future reunion with your much loved boy whom, I feel certain is watching over you. Death has NO power over LOVe. It can take the physical but the bonds of love live on within us forever. With much love, Sylvia

    2. Hi Lynne
      I have found these messages helpful to me, knowing how much we all loved our wonderful cats. I sometimes forget that Bacon isn’t here anymore and miss her so much. I miss having her to stroke and hear her purr.
      Princess is with you in spirit and always will be, under the table and beside you on the bed.
      It’s so dreadfully hard being without them but think of the wonderful lives they had with us knowing they were cared for and loved.
      With love xxx

      1. Hi Lesley
        Thank you for your comforting words. Our cats meant so much to us. I have beautiful Princess’s picture by my bedside xx

  90. My cat recently passed away. Death is inevitable. But I never thought it would such a tragic one. My cat comes in and goes as she pleases. She usually stays indoors but since one of my cat has given birth ( will be spayed soon), she comes in only for food and sleeps at the balcony.M neighbours forgot to cover their well, some workers cam over and left the well open. My dad sleeps late, so he saw Mimi (name of our cat) sleeping just outside their room, where there is a varandah. (It was her fav. Place to hang out). So most probably around 3 to 4 am, she jumped up the wall and landed on the well (which always remained closed with a big lid). Sadly, part of it was left open. She fell into it. Nobody heard. Then around 6 am, they found a dead cat. The worst part is, we couldn’t even see they body since they threw it away :(. Couldn’t give her a proper burial. We went to ask about the description of the cat, and I knew it it was Mimi. I cried the whole day. Woke up in the middle of the night and remembered of my car and cried some more. She had been with us nearly 8 years. Such a sad way to die all alone, scared and cold. I hope she is in a better place now. But I know for sure, she loved us very much and was a silly cat who loved to play like a kitten. I will miss her very very much.

  91. Laurie allows us to express our grief over losing a cat; and the heartbreaking stories here are profound and the responses are wonderful and wise; and the connection is a remarkable thing. Of course, we can explain a path to healing, but a person has to travel that desperate road alone, sometimes, and it is painful. There is nothing quite like – the love of a cat. They seem to really only show that affection for one person. I lost my darling kitty 14 months ago, and still miss her; probably always will. She was the very best part of every day.The writers here express this whole experience, much better than I. For those who have recently lost their furry best friend, something to consider. Remember how ( am sure it’s universal) when maybe you were sad, angry, in sorrow, perhaps shedding a tear; and your kitty saw it for the first time- and was truly perplexed and upset. (“We are together, how could you not be happy?). And that brought you out of it. For me., it was when I found out my cat was ill (heart and kidneys), and I cried while she was on my lap. (She lived six more years) Bad kitty response- never did that again. What I trying to say is that your cat loved you, always, and would never, ever want to see you suffer. Honor her, love him, and remember how she loved to see your joy as she pranced into the room. Your love was real and should live on. And maybe some day, another cat will steal your heart away.

  92. For everyone here including myself, the pain and real heartache we feel after loosing our companions shows how much love and respect we had for our darling cats.
    My Bacon has been gone nearly two weeks and I miss her so so much, I still talk to her and sometimes think I can hear her.
    My grief goes through stages, pure pain and complete sorrow, guilt – did I do the right thing, and sometimes relief that she is no longer suffering.
    We all share one common feeling, we miss them so much because we love them so much. I’m sure as time passes we will be able to smile at the thoughts of all the quirky funny things they did, all the love they gave us.
    They are watching over us now and always.
    We gave them all wonderful lives and they knew they were loved.
    What more could any cat want than to slip away knowing that the person they loved most in the world was with them right to the end, stroking and talking softly to them as they left us. Time will help us all but our memories will never fade and our cherished babies will be with us always xxx

  93. My little Piper came to me one day when I was home from work. Her backside was soiled from diarrhea and she was lost and hungry. I coaxed her in my house and she allowed me to clean and feed her. The next day she was back. I made her a basket with a blanket by the front door and each day she came to sleep and eat. She decided to stay. A special little calico cat with a black heart shape on one side of her white body and a white spot on the very end of black tail and little orange ears. I could not understand how she did not have a home, just the sweetest little girl. The vet said she was between 6 and 10 years, and I had her for 8 years. I had to put her down yesterday at the vet. I know it was the right thing because she suffering. I did it because I loved her so much. And I know she loved me. I just miss her. It hurts.

    1. Dear Denise,
      I’m so sorry that your sweet little girl Piper is no longer with you. It hurts so much when they go, and it takes time to go through the grieving process and heal. Meanwhile, hold on to all the beautiful memories that you made with Piper over the years together. No one can ever take those away from you. I wish you love and healing. Hugs, Sylvia x

  94. I just lost a cat. Not really mine. it was feral cat that i fed her and let her stay inside my house. She was old, has two extra claws of her front legs. She always ask for the company from us. Might be she knew she about to go so she really asks for me. My wife has deviated septum and my selfish thought that the cat’s fur would make her difficult to breath. So i allow her to come inside and we not hold her in hands much. the last time i saw her when we go to the church and she was standing and looking at us. When we come back, she is really gone and i dont know the reason why. Just 1 and half hour, Six Claws (we named her) was already gone. I feel guilty not petting her more, i feel regret not spending more time with her. I just cant stand the feelings that i could do more for her. i am feeling the pain and regret everyday. I dont know why i love the cats so much comparing to the humans.

    1. Dear Lee,
      I feel your pain and I’m so sorry for the loss of Six Claws, poor girl. I’ve had many cats in my life, of which most of them have lived into old age, and nearly all of them have died from some type of cancer or kidney failure. In those situations there really isn’t a lot that can be done. You allowed Six Claws to stay inside, you gave her Food, Warmth and a Safe place to stay away from other animals that would attack her and maul her because she wouldn’t be able to defend herself. How awful that would have been. Six Claws ended her days Peacefully, and that was because of YOU Lee. Your cared for her and did the best you could do and that was a Beautiful thing. What you did for her was done with love, kindness and compassion so, please don’t ever forget that. Most of us have some regrets about what we should have or could have done better or differently but, please remember that you did do something for her which may not seem like a lot to you but, for Six Claws it would be all that she needed and wanted at the end of her life. Be kind to yourself. With sympathy for your loss. God Bless, Sylvia

      1. Dear Sylvia,
        I really appreciate your time & effort to reply my message. It really helps me through this difficult time and i just read your story. I’m sorry for your loss. It looks like you have lots of experiences dealing with this emotional scratch. I definitely read your posts, just so you know. We all appreciate your time & efforts to read our stories and having thoughtful discussion together. I just realized that losing Six Claws scratches my heart even though we were together only 1 month. But i know, after that loss, i will spend more time playing with my 3 other indoor cats: Lucky, B and Kiki. I know life is short and i will take care of them. They will be my everything, not just part of my lives. Everything/everyone has it own purposes to be exist on this earth and i believe one day you and I will be united with Ollie and Six Claws at Rainbow Bridge.

        1. Dear Lee, Thank you for your kind response, and I agree with you that one day we will be with our feline fiends, me with Oliver and you with Six Socks. Yes, I’ve had many pets in my life because I’ve been rescuing cats and dogs for the last 35 years. I’m getting close to 70 now and that means a lot of years and lots of pets and many loses and lots of tears. Somehow though, as I’ve grown older, there is an acceptance of death that I didn’t have when I was younger. Also, because I’ve had say 70 years of life experiences, many mistakes etc., I’m wiser. This site is a wonderful site for cat lovers to support each other through the pain of loss. I wish you all the be best and healing, too. Your kitties are so lucky to have someone you like. Sylvia

  95. It’s now been a month since I said “see you later” to my darling boy, Jojo. I miss him every minute of every day. I struggled with if I did the right thing as many have done so. Today’s I came across this poem, and I hope it will bring you all some peace as it did me.
    The Last Battle

    If it should be that I grow frail and weak
    And pain should keep me from my sleep,
    Then will you do what must be done,
    For this — the last battle — can’t be won.
    You will be sad I understand,
    But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
    For on this day, more than the rest,
    Your love and friendship must stand the test.

    We have had so many happy years,
    You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
    When the time comes, please, let me go.
    Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend,
    Only, stay with me till the end
    And hold me firm and speak to me
    Until my eyes no longer see.

    I know in time you will agree
    It is a kindness you do to me.
    Although my tail its last has waved,
    From pain and suffering I have been saved.
    Don’t grieve that it must be you
    Who has to decide this thing to do;
    We’ve been so close — we two — these years,
    Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

    Unknown

  96. I’m so sorry about your sweet boy Hooks. I can’t offer you anything but to tell u that I understand. I lost my beautiful boy Milo last June due to lymphoma. Tears still come easily & I’m still so sad. Wish I had the right words for you. Just know we understand.

    1. Thank you Abigail. So sorry for the loss of Milo. Life is surreal right now, going through the motions and looking forward to a time of acceptance. God bless.

  97. Thanks for this article. Two weeks ago, I had to have my beautiful best friend and love of my life euthanized. His name is Hooks. On April 8, I noticed he was putting on weight. By April 27, I’d come to learn that he had liver cancer and the weight was fluid building up inside his abdomen as a result of his liver failing. He had not a single symptom of any condition prior to this. He was acting fine, just being my little baby boy, when this issue came to my attention. On May 1, I held him as he was euthanized.

    He had two ultrasounds performed as well as lab tests on the fluid in his belly, and the results were, quite honestly, a horror story. His liver was overrun with tumors, his kidneys and spleen both enlarged and showing tumor development.
    I had his belly drained twice, each time the vet removed over a liter of fluid, and within days, it was building up again. Four vets examined him and all four opinions were identical – there is nothing to be done, his liver is dying.

    In a space of three and a half weeks, my little boy lived the final stages of a disease that had been silently ravaging his organs for quite some time, and I had no clue whatsoever, until I noticed him ballooning up with fluid.

    I am a wreck. Emotionally, spiritually. I am using drugs to deal with this loss. Hooks, at 7 years old, was my SON. I missed his birth by an hour, and we were together every day, rain or shine, until he breathed his last. His mother was a stray that I rescued. She was pregnant and sick, and she gave me the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received. Hooks taught me love – what it feels like, how to do it. He was (and I told him this daily) my life and my love, my heart and soul, my world.

    I cannot process what has happened. My mind is just not able. I have his ashes, but can’t do anything with them. This all happened so quickly, and noone held out hope for my little boy, there were no miracle surgeries that could offer hope, there was nothing other than “we’re so sorry.”

    I’ve never experienced loss and grief like this. Never. Never. I miss my little boy so much, I want him back so badly. All that’s left now is pictures, videos, and ashes, when five weeks ago, I had no clue anything was wrong. Oh god.

    I’m sorry to be so wordy. I am searching for outlets for this misery, and I am a very reclusive anti-social person with no friends to speak of and a shabby support network. This is the first public forum on which I’ve shared this story. To those of you also dealing with this type of loss, please accept my sympathy and my love. I’ve learned so much about what beautiful souls these animals are, and live in total awe of their unique characteristics.

    I am heartbroken. I am angry, at everything. I want my baby back, nothing else. I miss him so much. I don’t know where any of this will lead, I can’t see past each day at this point in time. I want to die, just to see if it’s true that we’ll be reunited after death. I miss my love.

    1. Dear Chip t…
      Your loss is great and so is the grief, and it will continue to be like this for a while yet. Allow yourself to cry, wail, scream… let the grief wash over you and through you. Do not try to stop the process. It is a very painful time but, you will become stronger and more accepting of losing your beautiful boy Hooks… give it time. You and Hooks loved each other so much, that, his loss has devastated you. Your Heart has been torn apart. Yes, it’s so very, very painful and it seems like the hurt won’t stop, but it does and will get easier. Right now I know that you feel that you’re trapped in a huge bubble of agony, and probably feel so desperate that you may even feel that you’ll go crazy. You won’t! I’m no more than a name to you, a complete stranger, but trust me when I say that you WILL move beyond the initial stages of shock, anger and grief… and, you have had a terrible shock!

      I have gone through almost the same as you and Hooks have. Oliver, my 15 year old cat was put to sleep just this last Monday the 15th. Three weeks before that Ollie seemed fine and then one day I noticed his belly swollen . Off we went to the vets thinking it was something that could be sorted with medicine after which he’d get better. But, no! The vet examined him and told me he either had a tumor or FIP…
      Feline Infectious Peritonitis. I’d never heard of that before. The vet’s words were like a blow when he told me that there was nothing he could do except palliative care and, so, with the aid of an ant-inflammatory and diuretic to keep him comfortable, that’s what happened for three weeks before Oliver was euthanized. The vet took some fluid and blood for testing but both tests came back inconclusive.

      Chip, I’ve had pets in my life since I was three years old. For the last 35 years I’ve rescued lots of cat’s and five elderly dogs. Over the decades I’ve had to put each one to sleep because of different types of illnesses. Each time, my heart was broken. Each time I told myself that I won’t have anymore pets. Each time, I’ve opened my heart and home to another lonely, rejected or abandoned animal. I’ve rescued and domesticated several feral cats and feral kittens too. Many of them lived into a ripe old age but, it doesn’t matter how long or short they live, when we loose them it feels like we are dying inside too. We want to stop the pain and move on but grief is grief and we all must be patient with ourselves and allow the process to happen. Meanwhile, hold onto all of the beautiful and happy memories that you’ve made with Hooks. Let those memories be of comfort to you. Hold them dear and hold them tight.

      You asked if it’s true that you’ll be reunited after death. Since I was a young girl I’ve had numerous experiences of the Spirit Realm. I know from my experiences that there is life after we leave the physical body. No one knows for sure why we were given life in the first place then all things die. However, I can tell you this, and that is, it is my strong belief ( and experience ) that all life on planet earth is here for a reason but we won’t find out until we pass over. All life is much more than a physical body. We have an etheric body and at the time of death, our etheric body goes back to Spirit. We are reunited with our loved ones and pets. When death affects my life, I still grieve hard but I also know that one day when I die that I will be with all my pets again. I’m not delusional. I’ve been able to comfort many people when trying to cope with grief. There is a plan for us including all the animals too and life is better on the other side of the veil.

      There are several books on the market about losing our much loved pet, and this site is a wonderful support for everyone who has lost their precious feline companions. Keep reaching out to others who have experienced or are experiencing the same loss. Let others be there for you. Finally, and it will be some time in the future, please open your heart to another loving, feline companion. Pets help us to heal and are here to teach humans. Do it in Memory of Hooks. My Loving and Healing Thoughts Are With You. Blessings, Sylvia Grace x

    2. I am so sorry to read of the depth of your loss. I too had to say goodbye to my best buddy Symon three weeks ago. Life is never to be the same once we have been privileged to have that indescribable bond with our buddies. It gives me comfort to know that I have taken care and looked over Symon for 14 wonderful years, now he is returning the favor by looking over me. I know that Hooks is now taking care of and looking over you and he will continue to do so. Even though you can no longer see him, touch him, smell him, he is there, he is still with you.

      1. Dear Randy,
        Your words are beautiful! I felt encouraged by them and I’ve written them down to keep on my night stand. I’m so very sorry that Symon has passed away…I know just how hard it can be when our loving, feline companions are no longer with us. Thank you so much for sharing. With Blessings.

    3. I lost my beautiful baby, Barnabas, yesterday after going into cardiac arrest for a simple dental procedure. I have him for 10 years and I feel the same way. I’m so so broken and lost a great friend that I loved so so strongly (more than many humans in my life). I want the pain to be over and not be overwhelmed with sadness. I barely slept last night. Every time I woke I looked for him and burst into tears knowing he’s not coming back. As comes with grief I can’t help but think what could I have done differently; go to a different vet? Would he still be alive? I am finding comfort, however, in others feeling as i do. Not having lost a loved one before this is the hardest feeling I experienced. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I’m going to try pet loss groups and writing and try to think of good memories in the tough days to come.

      1. Dear Ashley, I’m so sorry that you’ve lost Barnabas. My heart goes out to you and I’m sending you lots of love and healing thoughts too. I too, Hate the grieving process but it’s something that we all have to go through to heal. It’s a week today since I last held Oliver, by beautiful feline boy and I miss him so very, very much. Take care and lots of love, Sylvia x

        1. Sylvia: thank you for your response. I wish you great support during this tough time as well. Although still in some shock, what “lifts” me at this point is thinking I was an angel to him; I rescued him, I loved him, I cared and protected him. Knowing we gave our cats the best loving home is all you can ask for. I don’t think I could’ve loved my Barnabas anymore!

      2. Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. Our babies are so special. They love us unconditionally. You are not alone in your grief. It helps to talk to someone. I have been lucky to have friends I could text with. If you feel you need to chat about it, you can always email me.

  98. Tara y Terminiello

    Thankyou for the article. It can hurt so much, I know. We only had our Turkish Van, Beau, for about a year, but being part cat, part squirrel and part monkey we got used to this amazing little animal and family member so quickly we felt as though she had always been part of our lives. She rode around on shoulders, greeted us at the door, ate at the table, played fetch and slept between us…when she died I cried for a month. After three years it still hurts.
    I have one piece of advice that worked for me although everyones different….dont bury your pet in the back yard. Going out and seeing the little grave on a daily basis is just….awful. Better to have the animal cremated and spread the ashes somewhere beautiful.

    And dont feel bad about grieving for “just a cat” Were not alone.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/u0eG60J

  99. Just last Monday, 13th of May, I had my wee best friend of 15 years euthanized. His name was Oliver or, Ollie Baby when he came for the attention he loved so much. Oliver didn’t mind if he woke me in the middle of the night to be stroked, it was my honor that he allowed me to touch him in the first place. My Oliver I would call and some time he would answer in his beautiful crooning way. I’d answer back trying to imitate the same sound and we’d go back and forth as though talking to each other. Sometimes those sessions would go on for several minutes and I loved them. Oliver new quite a few words, for example I would say ‘food’ Ollie, and he would be waiting for me in the kitchen before I arrived, passing me quickly in the hallway or down the stairs. NO! I’d say to him if he was about to scratch the furniture instead of the post provided. He knew what that meant and would obey by walking over to the scratch post and that was that.
    OUT I would cry, then he’d walk towards me, take a look outside to check the weather and if it didn’t suit he would walk away.
    My Ollie Baby, my heart aches for you and I miss you sorely. The days and weeks ahead will be very, very sad and hard without you here in my life sharing it each day with all your funny little ways. I had to let you go so that you didn’t suffer a painful passing bu, it wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was for you to get well again and be with me for the rest of my life however, that wasn’t possible. So, I will carry you in my heart, mind and soul until the time comes when I, too, will leave the physical earth, then we’ll meet at the Rainbow Bridge and once more be together again. I love you Oliver, you are my shining little star. Goodnight my sweet Ollie Baby… ’till we meet again. x x x

    1. Dear Sylvia Grace, I’m so sorry to hear of your Ollie’s passing, it’s so painful, I know exactly how you are feeling. I cry everyday for my little Bacon of 19 years who Ieft me on Sunday 12th May, and wonder if I will ever be able to think of her without my heart aching so much.
      Ollie and Bacon were with the people they loved most at the end, what more could a cat ask for, than to be stroked and soothed as they passed, knowing that we were still there giving them all our love at the end.
      They are now running and playing pain free and happy waiting until the day comes that we can be with them again.
      They never truly leave us.
      Much love To you at this sad time. Lesley x

      1. Dear Lesley, Thank you so much for your very kind and gracious words. It does mean a lot to me that others can reach out during their own grieving process. We must both remember Ollie and Bacon, with a heart full of love and beautiful memories made during the many years we shared our lives with our precious feline children. Making a decision about euthanasia is always a painful thing to do, but please hold tight to the fact that you ended Bacon’s suffering, as I did for Ollie. To end our much loved cat’s suffering is an act of pure love and kindness. Please, do not allow guilt to interfere with your grief because it will only complicate and prolong the process. Aside, there is nothing to feel guilty about. If we could ask Ollie and Bacon if we did the right thing, I know the answers would be, YES! Like you, I was with Ollie every second and I kept telling him how much I loved him and that I would see him again one day. After the vet left the house, I wrapped Ollie in his blanket and hugged him to my breast whilst I cried my eyes out. We will both cry and feel the pain of grief until we heal and that is exactly what Ollie and Bacon wants us to do…Heal! They would be so sad for us if we allowed recriminations to hold us back. I too, lost a cat some years ago who was 20 and his sister died six months before him at 19 and a half. The pain is great but our love is so much greater. Lesley, stay in the light and feel all the love you had and still have for Bacon and hold on tight to the wonderful memories which will help to heal us but we’ll never forget. Much love to you too. With Blessing, Sylvia Grace x

    2. I’m so very sorry. Ollie sounds like a wonderful friend. What fun you and he shared. I hope you find peace in time.

      1. Dear Chip,

        My heart aches for Oliver and it aches for you, too. Losing our beautiful feline friends is so very, very painful. Please know that I remember you in my prayers and daily thoughts too. Hold on tight Chip…. With much love to you, Sylvia x

    3. Jeannie: thank you for offering your support. My partner has been with me since the loss and has been perfect throughout this experience. All I needed was to cry and he would rub my back just being there. I agree that talking about it is one of the best outlets. I have another cat and talk to him as well along with how we’ll support one another – although they weren’t best friends I think he’s grieving some as well.

      Finding this article and thread has also been one major element of helping through the grief. Bless She Blossoms!

  100. We said goodbye to our 19 year old cat today. She had been slowly going down hill, overactive thyroid and bad arthritis. The last couple of days she was off of her food and slept in the same spot constantly, looking sad and depressed. She always slept next to me on my bed and we spent so much time together. Seeing her so lethargic, floppy and off food and drink this morning we decided the time had come, and it was kinder to let her go. This day has been the worst ever, we stayed with her until she fell asleep, stroking her gently. I have cried all day long and miss her so much my heart hurts. I am feeling guilty and keep questioning if I made the right decision even though the vet agreed, I still feel that I let her down when she trusted me most.
    I don’t know how I am going to get over her loss, she was with us for 19 years and a wonderful kit xxx ??

    1. Dear Lesley,

      Please know you did the right thing by your baby. That was the greatest gift of love. You didn’t let her down. You said that she no longer wanted to eat or drink and was lethargic. I’ve always talked about quality of life versus quantity for my Jojo. While I know these words won’t bring you comfort at this time, but what you did for her was out of love because you did not want to see her suffer any longer. It was the most selfless and loving gift you gave her. I had to make the gut wrenching decision to let my boy go. He would have been 11 this week. I miss him so much. I feel like a part of me died with him and even though he still had an appetite and didn’t seem like he was sick, he couldn’t breath. He was rapidly declining. His lungs were building fluids much quicker than we can tap him him and meds weren’t working. Even though he seem like he was still ok he was drowning in his own fluids and I didn’t want to see him suffer and struggle for breath anymore. His mind and spirit was willing but the body (lungs) was not. I did what I did out of love, pure love for him. If I kept tapping him every week stressing him out was it for me or for him. So in the end I didn’t want him to put him through anymore poking and prodding for a few good days until the next tap and soon his body could only take so much. Yes, i wish he was still here. I still second guess my decision. But i know i couldn’t stand to see him struggle to breath. You absolutely did right by your girl and she is free from pain and healthy once again. It hurts like heck right now but we will get through this. We will see our babies again. She loves you and thanks you for giving 19 wonderful years of love. I hope soon you can find comfort in your memories of her. Sending you hugs and love, Jeannie.

      1. Thanks Jeannie for your lovely reply and I am so sorry for your loss, Jojo obviously meant the world to you as did Bacon to me, and it’s so hard loosing them when you love them so much. I sometimes think I can still hear her meowing for attention, just this morning I woke with a meow from my lovely girl but I must have been dreaming 🙁
        I hope the days and weeks ahead bring us all comfort in some form.
        You also did the most selfless act saying goodbye to Jojo to stop him suffering any longer, and like Bacon we were told she could have tests, more meds etc and maybe get a couple of extra weeks/months but still ending up in the same heart wrenching place a few weeks down the line.
        This site is wonderful and making me realise I am not alone and we are all grieving our wonderful cats. Stay strong in the fact that Jojo is now painfree and watching over you. Lots of love x

        1. Dear Lesley,

          While I still have Jojo’s sisters to care for. Our home is really thrown off. Jojo was the lover of our family, everybody loved him and took turns cuddling with him. He welcomed everyone who entered our home with love. His side of the bed is empty without him. Sometimes, I feel him and I swear I felt he climbed on my chest as I was drifting off into a nap (he often did that). You see, I had let Jojo go on a Saturday, I was so devastated and looking so hard for anything from him. I was in so much grief, I missed a lot of signs that he was sending me, I realize that now. A few days later, a Thursday morning, I had a very vivid dream where he came to visit me. I got to hold him and love on him, he was breathing normal, happy and purring so loudly. That very afternoon I received a call to pick up his ashes. I truly believe he came to me in my dream to let me know he was OK now, that even though he was not physically here, that he would be “coming home”. And now, I look for signs everywhere from my sweet Jojo. And some days he leaves me a lot, some days none at all. But I believe he spends his time between heaven and with me especially when I need him most, until that day I’m strong enough and he can just check on me every so often. But I do believe we will be reunited one day! It’s been a month now and I still miss him every minute of every day. My heart is still broken and longs for him.

          That meow you heard, was from Bacon. She was letting you know she’s with you. Bacon will always be a part of you and with you, she may be having lots of fun chasing butterflies and running the field right now, but she will return to be by your side. look for signs from her. You’ll see them in a passing butterfly or a red cardinal. It could be a song you’ve sang to her or another cat who looks like her. She’s everywhere giving you signs she’s with you. I read this today and found it comforting.

          I Walk With You

          I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
          I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

          I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
          “It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
          I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
          You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.

          I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
          I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

          I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
          I want to reassure you, that I’m not lying there.

          I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
          I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said “it’s me.”

          You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
          I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

          It’s possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
          To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”

          You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew …
          in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

          The day is over and I smile and watch you yawning
          and say “goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”

          And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
          I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.

          I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
          Be patient, live your journey out then come home to be with me.

          Unknown

    2. Im sort for your loss and I’m feeling as you are, although my baby just passed yesterday it helps to know others are feeling so heartbroken, lost and confused. It’s so so tough knowing that you’ll never experience them running around the house or sleeping next to you. My Barnabas always followed me around. It’s easy to say to others you have them a great happy and loving life. That’s what I’m trying to do but keep coming back to he’s gone.

      1. Ashley, thank you for replying.
        I am so sorry for the loss of Barnabas, it’s very recent a raw in your heart I’m sure. We said goodbye to Bacon 6 days ago, and I have cried every single day for her. Barnabas had a wonderful life with you, he loved you very much and knows that you loved him too.
        I hope in the days/weeks to come your pain gets a little easier to bear and always be sure in the knowledge that you are not alone. Much love X

      2. I know exactly how you are feeling. While I do have two babies to take care of, the relationship is not the same. Jojo was my little lover. He greeted everyone, welcomed everyone and loved on everyone. There wasn’t a person who met him that didn’t fall for him. I have left Jojo’s things still in its place. The blanket he slept on stays in the same spot on my bed. It’s so strange not having him around. I miss him so much it hurts, it’s been a month now and I am still as lost as that day we parted ways. And I feel like if I put the things away, I’ll be removing what was him/his. I am afraid of forgetting him.

        1. Although it’s been only a few days for me, I’ve learned and have been told to take all the time you need. I stare at my babies food bowl and find it difficult him not being there – I took it away thinking it would help, but found it more unusual and hard to handle. There was a lovely sentence I came across on another one of SHe Blossom blogs: my love for you is greater than my grief. We wouldn’t feel this way if we didn’t love our babies so so much and I hold onto that and thank Barnabas for showing me what beings can do for one another. I’ve been writing to my Barnabas about what I’ve been going through, how I’m feeling and writing down my memories of him (good and bad!) – I sometimes chuckle when I think of the stinker things he would do. I know as time passes our memory recall isn’t the greatest so these memories are now fresh in my head. It has helped leaving the journal by my bedside when something pops into my head. I’ve spoken with family members and friends on their memories and asked for photos. With the impact they’ve had on us, please rest assured we will never forget them. My partner put it as ‘we just get used to them not being there’. I want to share my love with another kitty and give them the best life possible. This lifts my heart and I think one of my purposes is to give unwanted animals a loving home. As the saying goes “pets are a big part of our lives, but to our pet we’re everything”. It helps to think Barnabas had his best life with me and our babies our patiently waiting for us to join them.

  101. My 15 year old cat Simon passed away early yesterday morning. I dont understand what happened to him. He had been losing weight so I took him in for a vet visit. Seeing the vet was always a traumatic experience for him so I probably waited longer than I should have. He was severely anemic according to blood work and the vet said he was in renal failure. He injected him with a steroid shot and prescribed a blood pressure medication. He was to return for a visit in two weeks. After we returned home he seemed OK but distant which was very unusual. He went to our bedroom and seemed to want to stay there. I gave him the prescribed medication and at bedtime he was laying in the floor by the bed. I got up to go to the restroom around 4:30 am. I petted him and got back in bed. Almost immediately he was making an unusual noise. I got up and went to him. He was on his side with his tongue hanging out. I awoke my husband and we stroked him and talked to him. He was taking short deep breaths and stretched out his body twice then was gone. We are devestated and don’t understand what happened to cause him to die. The vet thinks it could have been a heart attack but why? Did the blood pressure meds hurt him or could the shot or just the stress from the vet visit? I couldn’t help him in the end and I feel beyond guilty. I loved him so much and he loved me. He was always by my side except for that last night. We MISS him and I don’t know how to get passed this.

    1. Hi Brenda
      I feel your loss, isn’t it the worst ?
      Whatever happened to Simon I am sure he had a wonderful life and you were there to comfort him at the end.
      I hope time helps and that remembering all the happy times brings you comfort.
      We said goodbye to our beautiful cat today and I am a complete wreck. Sending you strength and hoping that I can find some too. Xxx

    2. Brenda, I hope you may find even the littlest comfort that I’m going through these exact emotions right now. I question my babies death as well and feel the guilt. Them Always being by your side and not knowing how to get past this is what’s breaking my heart. I have another cat but we don’t have the same bond so I unfortunately feel some level of resentment but have some comfort in there’s a cat around. Last night when I saw the cat lying in the floor I quickly peeled my eyes open because I thought it was my other baby. Not looking forward to seeing my cat out of the corner of my eye and realize he’s not there.

  102. My 15 year old cat Simon passed away early yesterday morning. I dont understand what happened to him. He had been losing weight so I took him in for a vet visit. Seeing the vet was always a traumatic experience for him so I probably waited longer than I should have. He was severely anemic according to blood work and the vet said he was in renal failure. He injected him with a steroid shot and prescribed a blood pressure medication. He was to return for a visit in two weeks. After we returned home he seemed OK but distant which was very unusual. He went to our bedroom and seemed to want to stay there. I gave him the prescribed medication and at bedtime he was laying in the floor by the bed. I got up to go to the restroom around 4:30 am. I petted him and got back in bed. Almost immediately he was making an unusual noise. I got up and went to him. He was on his sise with his tongue hanging out. I awoke my husband and we stroked him and talked to him. He was taking short deep breaths and stretched out his body twice then was gone. We are devestated and don’t understand what happened to cause him to die. The vet thinks it could have been a heart attack but why? Did the blood pressure meds hurt him or could the shot or just the stress from the vet visit? I couldn’t help him in the end and I feel beyond guilty. I loved him so much and he loved me. He was always by my side except for that last night. We MISS him and I don’t know how to get passed this.

  103. To Frani, Alli, Connie, Donna, Randy, Dawne, Lynne, Nick, and everyone who recently posted the loss of their loved fur baby. It’s been three weeks since I said Goodbye to my best boy. I still miss him terribly and my heart aches for him every day. He is the first thing I think about when I wake, the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. I still call out to him all the time. I have his sisters but the connection and bond is not the same. I miss his cuddles and the closeness we had with each other. I pray that soon we all will find comfort in our memories of our fur babies. I understand your loss and pain, I want you to know you are not alone in your grief. I know how it can be when you feel like you are overburdening your family and friends or feel like no one understands what you are going through. If you feel the need to “chat” please feel free to email me. F4rtncookiNY@gmail.com.

    1. To Jeannie

      It’s nearly 4 weeks now since I lost my beautiful girl Princess. Yes she is the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thing I think about before bed. I see her in my head when I look around the house, think back to when she last sat on the chair, lay on my bed, sat under the coffee table, it feels as though she is still around; I only wish she was. It is so wonderful that we are able to share how we feel to those that are also grieving for their little ones.

      Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates by Gary Kurtz is definitely a recommended read for all.

      I also call out her name, yes I find it rather comforting.

  104. We said goodbye to our lovely little boy Maxi on 29th April, I’m so heartbroken and finding it difficult to come to terms with loosing him. We had no Idea he was ill, we got up on the Saturday morning and he didn’t want to move from his favourite footstool but he was still purring, we took him straight to the vet as he didn’t want to eat anything, she examined him and he had no temperature which surprised me and she gave him an anti sickness injection and said take him home but come back in the morning and we’ll see how he is, but cancel if he’s eating, I bought him home thinking he’ll be fine but next day he still wasn’t eating although he had perked up and he purred his head off. Took him to the vet and she wanted to do blood tests and she would ring us with results Sunday afternoon.i still thought he’d be fine. she phoned me and said he was anemic and there was a problem with his liver and made an appointment for the following day. she said if he deteriorated to phone and get him admitted but still I thought he’d be fine. On Monday morning he seemed a lot better he ran across the room to greet me still purring. We took him to the vets and she wanted to keep him in and put him on a drip. I thought ok that would make him better. 2 hours later they phoned and said he was very poorly and he had bleeding internally and his red blood cells were dropping and we should go in to say goodbye. We spent his last 1/2 hour with him cuddling and talking to him and he purred all the time and when it came to the time to say goodbye he fell asleep peacefully in my husband’s hands. I can’t get over loosing him. He was our little one although he was a big ginger boy. He has a brother Paddy and I’m trying to take care of him now, but my grief is overwhelming. God bless my lovely little one Maxi xxx

  105. I read an article recently by Dr. Karen Becker, DVM a holistic vet she has lots of YOUTUBE videos but I read this one it talked about a little known disorder in cats called FARS I was shocked to learn of this and too late to save my boy 🙁 but if anyone out there has a cats that is jumpy around certain noises like plastic bags, like when you come home from grocery shopping, the vacuum cleaner… it can cause a seizure 🙁 in older cats. I think this is what happened to my guy, the vet said he threw a clot but I am skeptical after reading this article because all his life he was pretty scared of certain noises, Had I only known 🙁 But on the other hand it could have been the clot, I will never know, the vet rushed me into making a decision about what to do with his body
    (I had him picked up and cremated) I was not offered an autopsy but I probably would have not done it, but the constant wondering is pretty awful at some point I will heal.

  106. I lost my sweet cat we lovingly called baby kitty and pee pee and pin pin. He had several nick names but his original name was Finley. He just turned 2 in march. We have his sister and my best friend has his twin sister. He was an emotional support animal for me as i take medication for ptsd and anxiety and depression. My husband will not give me any details on how he died but i do know a neighbor killed him. He slipped out the door tuesday morning and that was the last time any of us seen him alive. He was truly a special cat and had the patience of a saint with our 3 daughters. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that i will never touch his soft bunny like fur and looking at his curled back toes when he slept in my arms like an infant. The pain is breath taking, full of anger, and like trying to sleep in the cold without a blanket. My husband did take him to be cremated and i know receiving that small box of his remains will dig deep into the pit of mourning, but he will be home again. I find solace in the stories of other lost babies below. I known i am not alone. Pets are a precious gift that are sewn right into our hearts for eternity.

  107. CONNIE ROBINSON

    I lost my cat Thor suddenly last Friday night. I felt so helpless, all I could do is hold him and scream until I felt the last breath and heartbeat. I’m still trying to cope with the loss. It was so devastating.

  108. Yesterday I took my little buddy to the vet for the last time. I rescued him from a farm 13 years ago when he was 6 weeks old. He has had a lifetime of health problems but I gladly spent any amount of money to fix him up. A month ago he was sick again and blood tests revealed end stage kidney failure, it happened so fast, his kidneys were fine at his last check up in December . I nursed him for a month but when the bad days started to outnumber the good I knew it was time. He gently layed his head in my hand and drifted away. Walking out of the vet with the empty pet carrier was devastating, I am so honored that I was given 13 years of joy with him. I’m so glad that his struggle is over but my house is so empty and my heart is broken into a thousand pieces. Until we meet again Symon…

  109. My heart is broken. My beautiful Columbus, “Butsey”, is gone. He had been losing weight since December. I took him in and they did blood work which came back perfect. They thought it might be because our daughter moved to her new house and he didn’t like the change but the weight kept dropping. In April he quit eating. He was still playing and snuggling. He was my constant companion, always needing to touch me, laying across my shoulder, laying behind me on the couch and sleeping with his leg around my arm and his head on my pillow at night. The second time his blood work came back with a slightly elevated white blood cell count. He was put on antibiotics but we had to force feed him. He had an ultrasound which didn’t show anything. The day after Easter I called and asked them to keep him and find out what was wrong. An xray revealed fluid around his abdomen and lungs, so they did a tap. The next day the vet that had been treating him called and said things didn’t look good, he had fluid again. I said I wouldn’t put him through any more tests and she said she agreed. I could either have him put to sleep right away or the next morning. I went over right then. When they brought him in he already looked like he was half gone. I held my beautiful boy and told him how much I loved him until he was asleep. My husband stayed until they gave him the second shot. The vet asked if she could do an autopsy and it showed that he had a mass in his intestines, one in his stomach and one in his chest. Poor baby, there was nothing that we could have done. We still have four cats in our home but they are either bonded to my husband or are not affectionate. I watch his kitties cuddle with him and my heart breaks. I have no one to cuddle with me. I miss my Butsey so much, I miss his cuddles and his warm little body in my arms. I have prayed for a sign that he is ok but I haven’t gotten one yet. He was 10 years old and I thought I would have him for many more years. I hope that at some point I can cope with not having a cuddler of my own. Right now it just hurts.

    1. Dawne, my heart breaks for both of us. I had to put my fur baby to sleep on Tuesday. We had ten years together. We were all the other really had. I am bereft. I want to be there with her at rainbow bridge more than I ever wanted anything. That includes losing my partner to cancer. Just know you are not alone. And know that butsey is still with you. You just can’t see him for now. I’m talking to Zoe about how I’m feeling because I know she’s right here. I visualise holding her in my arms at night. Two things that have brought me great comfort that I suggest you look at are a book called all pets go to heaven by Sylvia Browne, and the poem the rainbow bridge. If you want to chat feel free. My heart breaks to think of you watching hubby and kitties. Perhaps with time your bond with them will change, you know how intuitive they are to their mummy hurting. Love and light to you and your fur baby.

  110. My lovely cat Princess died on the way to the vet last week. She had been poorly for quite a while and I nursed her till the end. It has left a terrible loneliness as I try to adjust to my landlady’s house without her. Sometime in the future I will consider adopting another cat when I have moved from my current address to my own place sometime around the end of next year.

    Princess was diagnosed with a tumour which developed very quickly and very aggressively, it has been a very difficult six months as she had been in and out of the vet having bloods, urine tests and ultrasound, prior to that she had had consultations which the vet originally thought her condition was down to osteoarthritis. In the end her condition turned out to be fatal.

    She was a beautiful girl, part Persian, very loyal and loving and we had 9 lovely years together through all the ups and downs. I regularly took her to the nurse so that she could be weighed and checked over, sometimes Princess was stressed and other times she quite enjoyed the attention. People would often comment on how lovely she was and was loved by others as well as myself.

    Two days before she died we were sitting next to each other on the chair and she rubbed her little head against me; she always did that but had not for a while, probably because she had not felt like it. That will be one of my lasting memories of her and the fact that we were so special to each other. My grief will go on until it subsides and my memories of her will last a lifetime. Even though I knew she was dying I gave her everything she needed and felt deep down the end was nearing. Those past couple of months and weeks I cried as I cuddled her but she didn’t seem to be too bothered about her condition so we carried on taking each day as it came. Yes she was a truly special cat for which I am grateful that I had the opportunity to call her mine.

  111. So very sorry about your loss. Yes, Austin knew you loved her. And, yes she is being well-taken care of in heaven. We always do want them longer but hopefully the wonderful memories we have of our fur-babies will give us peace.
    R.I.P. Sweet Austin.

  112. Thanks for this article, it’s nice to know others experience the same level of grief. We’ve just had to have our cat Austin (who was actually a girl – long story) put to sleep today. She’d had a stroke in the night and couldn’t stand up bless her, so we had no choice but to let her go. She was 20 or near about, she was a stray when she found us. I know she’s had a good long life but you always want longer. It comforts me knowing we took her in and looked after her all these years and I hope she knew we loved her. I keep looking at her food dish and litter tray and start crying. She was a character. I hope she is being looked after in heaven, she deserves it xx

    My thoughts are with everyone else suffering with the loss of a cat xx

  113. For Jeannie- who lost JoJo, and for all those people who loved their cat so dearly, and had to make the decision to say Good Bye to a wonderful friend, for the last time. ( Thirteen months ago I held my best friend of 19 years, as she left me , with only memories, which are probably a little overrated) Just my feeling, and not profound, but I suspect that the decision to put a beloved cat to sleep is Never done too early. My darling had a stroke and kidney disease but loved life, and clung on ; but we are the caretakers , and all they have, so we must decide. We hold on because we cannot imagine life without them; but we do know when they have tried enough. I think that moment may sometimes be a little late, but never early. There is no perfect moment. The love of a cat; a beautiful part of life; I wish everyone could experience it.

    1. JR, Thank you for your response. Sorry for the delay but it’s been a very difficult past week. It doesn’t get easier. I miss my Jojo so much!
      Every day I ask for a sign from him that he’s ok and that he forgave me for the choice I made that day. I struggle with guilt. If only I had just had tapped his lungs again. He would have been with me last week.

      I’m still so angry that he was young and not given a chance to live into his teens, I am sad because he is no longer here. I feel my heart is in a million pieces and it’s hard to put back together. Every time I look at his sister, I cry even more. I hope he’ll come to my dreams. I really hope he forgives me and knows how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.

  114. Thank you for this. We had to put our 11 year old kitty down yesterday. He had been losing weight like crazy and it was found he had cancer. The vet did what he could do and we got some extra time with our boy, but we had to make the difficult decision to let him sleep as he was not getting better. We miss him so much. His brother is here with us and we are luckily loving on him, but this loss is so hard. I know he is up in heaven with a beautiful angel getting all kinds of attention and love. I miss my boy so very much. We will be able to pick up his ashes at the end of the week and plan to sprinkle his ashes in our flower garden where he loved to hang out. I wish I had more time with my sweet boy.

  115. This past Saturday I said “see you later” to my best boy. Jojo was the heart of our home, the little man among all the women. Jojo was a lover, he was gentle, kind and loving. Everyone who met him fell in love with him. He was sweet and loving, accepting every animal I brought in the house. He would groom, play and love my foster kittens. He loved his sisters and often broke up their fights. He was in the hospital from March 9th – March 12 for tests and oxygen therapy. And soon after on April 9th, he was diagnosed with advanced stage, diffused lung cancer and fluids were building in his lungs causing his breaths to be labored. We had done two lung taps a week apart already and the fluids were still coming back even after heavy doses of diuretics for three days. On April 20th, I struggled with bringing him in for another tap or letting him go. In the end, I let him go. But now I start to regret my decision because he was still eating, he would still come to cuddle with me. He still wanted to hunt lizards. But for the most part he would sleep and struggle to breath with his nose flaring. I wonder did I do right by him when I made the decision to let him go?

    I miss him so much. Our home is not a home without him. Every inch of space in the home was occupied by him and it hurts to see that he’s not there. His sisters Lola and Honeybelle miss him and I know I have to be there for them but I can’t feel but miss the void, the pain and the tears don’t stop. I had a bond with him that I did not have with the two girls and it’s just been so difficult. I feel alone and that no one understands my loss or the extreme heartache I feel. I feel angry and so mad at the world and God. But at the same time, I am grateful for 10 years with my boy. Yet, I also feel cheated we only had 10 years together. But most of all, I keep coming back to, Did I do the right thing? Should I have tapped him again giving him another week… or tapped him as long as possible to keep him around? I hope he forgives me and still loves me for my decision.

  116. Knowing when it was the right time to say goodbye to my cat was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Murphy was one of those cats that everybody adored. He was friendly with everybody, would play fetch, loved to wear his bow ties and be the center of attention. He was with me through tough break ups, college, and family issues. We found out Murphy had oral cancer directly under his tongue at the age of 12. Everyday became harder and harder for him to eat and drink, but he would always stay his positive self until the end when he got really scared. My fiancé and I loved him so much and did everything we could to make him as comfortable as possible. We took him to multiple vets (even the top cancer specialist for felines in the area), switched foods multiple times that were easier for him, sat and helped him as he ate (took 45 minutes to eat his proper meal sometimes), subcutaneous fluids once he struggled with drinking, constant meds, and giving him all of the love and support he deserved. After we made the hard decision to put him to rest, I couldn’t stop thinking about how he must of felt, and if there was anything I could of done differently to help him or prevent it in the first place. We did an at home euthanasia to make him comfortable and where his cat sister could say goodbye. We also had him cremated. He is on a shelf in my bedroom. I made a collage to remember him and placed it near his urn. My best friend had somebody hand draw a picture of him that is displayed as well. Knowing that somebody cared to have a drawing of him made helped me tremendously. When a friend of mine loses an animal, I will do something similar as that made me cry, yet put a smile on my face. Once I was ready, I rescued a cat who was struggling and terrified at the local humane society. Adopting another animal to help in his time of need is what gave me the boost I needed to come to peace with Murphy’s death. Murphy’s death may of been extremely difficult for me, but his passing has lead to motivating me to help another animal. When or if the time is right, I highly recommend channeling sadness into helping somebody in need. I adore my new cat, and he’s progressing really well. I wish Murph was here and still think about him all of the time.

  117. I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY BEST BUDDY, CHESTER, AFTER 18 WONDERFUL YEARS TOGETHER. i AM GRIEVING VERY HARD FOR HIM , BUT i’M GRATEFUL FOR SO MANY YEARS WITH HIM ! EVERY MORNING WHEN i WAKE UP AND PULL THE COVERS UP, i MISS HIM COMING TO LAY AT MY HIP FOR SOME LOVE! I DEEP DOWN BELIEVE SOME DAY WE WILL SEE OUR ANIMALS AGAIN, OUR BOND OF LOVE IS JUST SO STRONG !!

  118. It coming up to 52 hours since i had to put down my big brave boy Lexx. Lexx was a shorthair black cat that came to me as a stray 19 year and 4 months ago. He has been by my side everyday and I miss him dearly. I have lost cats in the past due to unfortunate circumstances but loosing Lexx has hit me hard.

    I know I made the right call by putting him out of his pain, because he was ill and had lump in his mouth that could not be cured, plus by the time the 12th April came round, he was in a lot of pain and could not eat. However my mind and body are in turmoil since that fateful day. I see him everywhere in the house and cant stop thinking “what if i had caught the lump earlier etc etc”. I feel like i killed my Lexx and took away the rights for Gizmo my other cat to say goodbye but could not, because Gizmo is under going radiation treatment many miles away and he left us on 8th April. I know Gizmo will be back home in about six weeks but I feel i need him now but cant.

    I feel so alone even though, i have talked to friends who have had their older moggies put to sleep but my mind, body and soul are still in turmoil. Lexx was my everything, i looked after him like he was a child and nursed him when he was ill or been in fights. I didn’t even feel like this when my mum died 1 and half years ago or when my mums cat was put to sleep unexpectedly on the 3rd April 2019 with a similar condition in the mouth.

    I am picking Lexx’s ashes up tomorrow and I hope this will help me move on a little more, my eyes hurts from crying so much and my heart is broken. I wish we could turn back time…

  119. It’ll be 4 weeks this Sunday since I lost my Snickers. I’m a 55yo man who was abused as a child, and I’ve never been able to form (adult human) relationships. Snickers was the first “person” I’ve ever been able to tell “I love you” and really mean it.

    I had to put her down after a long period of a problem that made it painful for her to eat, even tuna juice at the end. She’d lost 25% of her weight. She still looked beautiful (but thin) and had the same sparkle in her eyes…but she was slowly starving to death. The vet said they could do PET cans surgery but it would probably come back. Besides the cost was far beyond my means.

    It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I couldn’t just drop her off; she’d have died in terror. I held her and comforted her as she died. It was surreal; I didn’t feel much of anything – until I got home. I felt like I’d murdered her. I wanted to die. I called (understanding) family & friends. It helped some.

    I’m getting better. Last Sunday I decide it was time to try to let her go. I cried and cried. I went outside and it was a clear night. I envisioned her heading off into the universe with wide and curious eyes. I picked a star and chose it to be my “Snickers Star” so I could always look up and see her. This has helped me a lot. Maybe the idea will help others too. I hope so.

    Thanks, Snickers. I love you and I always will.

    1. My orange tabby Milo was three days shy of his 5th birthday. He got a blood clot last night and I had to let him go…. He was my only friend on this earth and the thought of him not existing is eating me alive let alone all the morbid intrusive stuff. He was so smart and beautiful. Im not sad for me, I am sad for him. He deserved more time to snuggle and eat and play and be fussy. I don’t know how to cope all alone.

      1. Thank you so much for sharing.

        “He was my only friend on this earth”…I know…that’s how I feel too. I’m so sorry for your loss.

        My main thought is: stay true to your love of Milo. I think of my Snickers and ask “If I were in her shoes”…I am certain that I would thank goodness for release. It sounds to me like Milo would say the same: “Please release me, and thank you for all of the love.”

        I know it’s tough right now, but remember the love between you and Milo. Hold on to those memories. Revel in them. You gave those to him, and he to you. You loved him, **and he loved you**. Don’t forget that. You did the best for him that could be done. He knows.

        I hope that you find peace with Milo’s passing. I’m slowly getting there with my Snickers…she was so incredibly special to me, as I know Milo was to you. If there is an afterlife for kitties, I hope they meet and play and have a really fun time.

        Peace, to us both.

  120. IN 2007, I adopted a 2 year old part Siberian. Her previous owner had no business having a Cat, It took months before she would sit on the furniture. She was always healthy and strong, smarter than any Cat I’ve ever had. Well mannered and always wanted to be close. She even enjoyed an occasional swim in the bathtub. 4 weeks ago she became constipated, something all long hared cats suffer from occasionally. This was different. She stopped eating. She lost 25% of her body weight in 2 days. Took her to the vet for a through check up, blood work ect, and meds. No Change, Went back for fluids, and seemed to be OK but still wouldn’t eat. Fluid Therapy and an enema…check out. I had to feed her from my hand for 7 days. Slow progress, but still progress. Monday she ate a hand full of treats and wet cat food n her own. 3 Hours later she collapsed, thru up. I had to help her stand to pee. Yesterday, and almost 4 weeks of intensive care I told her it was OK, she could leave. Tail gently wagging she drifted off. I am more grief stricken than the loss of my parents and closest friends and even a fiance. I can’t stop crying. I’ll recover in time, but I will always miss her deeply.

    1. I am so very sorry Robert for your loss. I understand perfectly when you say how much more grief stricken you are than when losing human loved ones. I lost my beautiful Maine Coon boy last February & I still have little or no interest in life. I would give anything to hold him & kiss his little head once more. I suppose this absolute heartbreak is the pay off for having the unconditional love of these beautiful kitties for the duration of their (too short) lives. God bless you at this heartbreaking time.

    2. 3 week ago i had to my 18 half year old cat put to sleep, 3 week after my other 19 year old cat sadley passed away , struggling with grief losing them both so close together

  121. My gentle tabby Tigsy came to me as a rescue cat when he was four and half years old. I am not wiccan but a Reiki Master teacher but consider Tigsy as my familiar he was nearly eighteen when I had to make the decision last Tuesday to say goodbye. He had kidney problems , after fourteen years I am lost , my boys all grown up and flown the nest. At just seventy years old I too “miss my cat ” but the thought of another one now is just too much. I am very blessed that I am working and busy but ” I miss my cat ” your words say it all.

    I am waiting for his ashes to be ready for collection, I have ordered a ring that can have some of his ashes sprinkled with diamond dust and resin , set in silver. (My three boys have decided that this is the gift for Mothers Day.) I will wear the ring on my right hand and when I am working I will have my right hand man with me , but still ” I miss my cat ” I wept out loud as I held him while he passed. said goodbye Tigsy , thank you for being in my life.

    The decision to order the ring was inspired by the thought that Tigsy can still work with me in Spirit, as one of my Reiki guides. ( I attuned him to the Reiki energy , because he loved the Reiki energy )
    Its now Sunday not a week yet, so I understand why I feel so raw. I miss him sat at the side of me while I type, I miss him sitting on the key board when he wants a fuss.
    I really hope that the ring will ease my pain. You see even as a successful Therapist ” I miss my cat ” I hug his blanket everything else I took to the cat shelter for them to use, just stood there in tears and handed it all over. I know the pain will ease and happy thoughts will return. But in the mean time ” I miss my Tigsy ”
    Thank you for allowing me to express my pain
    With gratitude Tricia & Tigsy. x

  122. I had to euthanize my beautiful young cat yesterday due to Feline infectious peritinitis.
    My heart breaks. Yet he wouldn’t want me so sad I know it….
    This article tells me not to wallow. I hope I don’t but it’s only day 2 and I can’t get up apart from basic tasks.
    I’m shocked at the depth of the love and the sorrow in measure.

    1. Thank you Adele for your very sweet comment on my post about my beloved cat Carly. It has been nearly five months since her passing and during that time I’ve experienced many phases and stages. I’m doing much better these days and realize in my heart and head that Carly wants me to be happy and to experience joy, indeed much of the same joy I experienced with her. Her spark, her spirit and love has seen me through, I believe.

      Sending love and wishing you the best on your journey of healing, and loving remembrance of your cat.
      Jen

    2. Hi I’m so sorry for your loss. I had to put down my eight month old kitten on Tuesday due to FIP. He was my beautiful little boy, Emrys, who I adopted when he was two months old. He was the tiniest little guy at the shelter and was in need of a lot of TLC and I took so much joy in watching him grow. He was close with my twenty lb cat and got along with my female cat . Even though he was only around one lb at the time he absolutely adored our nearly 100 lb German Shepherd. He snuggled with me constantly, and was always on my lap when I did schoolwork and even ate dinner. And he’d suckle one of my blankets as if it were his mom and had a stuffed purple monkey that he loved, and his favorite foods were pumpkin purée and applesauce (which he’d beg for when I ate it). Two weeks ago he woke me up by sitting on my chest and sneezing. I quarantined him to my room, set up s humidifier, and wiped his eyes and nose. He fell twice when he tried to jump from my bed to my desk,and landed on his hip which worried me, and he had to climb up my desk chair rather than jump to get on my lap. I took him to the vet and they said everything seemed fine except that his ears looked a little jaundiced and gave me medicine for his URI. Then he seemed to have gotten better the next day so I let him out of my room but he seemed to wobble when he walked and couldn’t get up the step down to the living room. But I thought it was just weakness from being sick. A week after I took him in for his URI I took him in for the jaundice and the limp. When the vet tech saw him walk and said it wasn’t normal, the way she said it made me feel cold and scared. The vet came in examined him and said it was probably a virus messing with his nervous system and that some were treatable but many were not and that it could be FIP. They took blood, brought him back and said it would be ten to fifteen minutes for a result but I waited for probably forty minutes. I started crying a little scared of what it could be. It didn’t hel that while I was waiting a man in a different room was crying. The vet came in, went over his blood work and told me that everything was consistent with FIP. I was told there was no cure and no treatment and I started crying . They went to get medicine—steroids, anti nausea and painkillers. I called my family and told them that he was dying. The vet helped give him his pills, told me to take him home, spend time with him but since I’d already seen such rapid decline in him in such a short time that I’d need to euthanize him in a couple days or a week. I took him him, sobbing in the car, and he was still able to walk enough. I couldn’t stop crying. I snuggled with him on the couch, with his favorite blanket, monkey, in front of the heater. He slept on my bed that night but had a hard time getting around. The next day he jumped off my bed and landed on his side so I started carrying him to his food, water, and litter box. He had to sit in the kitty litter cuz he couldn’t stand. I then laid on my bed with him on his pillow and continued that pattern, crying, and praying a novena and a prayer to my patron St. Francis. In the evening I didn’t go to work but sat on the couch, snuggling him and trying not to fall apart. I also took a lot of pictures. I knew we couldn’t sleep in my room because he could hurt himself if he fell off the bed. So I gave him his medicine, he ate, drank, used the box. I set up blankets and pillows on the couch, his pillow, monkey and favorite pillow in front of th heater. I kept waking up to him jumping off the couch and feeding him dry food. At around four in the morning he walked up to the couch rubbed his face on my hand and I put him on the couch. Six hours later when I woke up, he was still there, he hadn’t moved. I felt cold and knew it was the day. I picked him up and set him by his water and he fell over. I helped sit him up but he wasn’t very thirsty but I could hear him smack his lips and gulp like he was. He didn’t want food unless it was pumpkin or applesauce and he couldn’t move his feet apart by himself to sit in his litter box. I sat there crying each time these things happened because he’d deteriorated so much in only six hours, and so I kne it had to be that day. If I kept him alive another day he could fall off the couch and injure himself so I could sleep on the floor. But then he could crawl off and die alone, or become paralyzed and be unable to breathe and be scared, or he could have a seizure. So I waited for my mom to come home, told her that it had to be that day, and cried over my little raven haired boy. We got an ink pad and took his paw prints, I took pictures of him and we waited for the appointment at six. I held him in my arms and my family said there goodbyes. There was no need for a crate, I held him in the car wrapped in a blanket and the sun streamed through his golden eyes as he watched the world outside with wonder. It was hard because his eyes were so clear and he was still so alive. Then I had to put him down. It also scared me because the vet said she’d seen another case of FIP the week before and I grieved for the person who was going through what I was. I held him after he fell asleep which was hard because he was so jelly like, and out of it almost like he was already gone. And then I put him back on the blanket and they helped him pass. I cried for a long time and brought him home for the other animals to see. Our dog nosed him and whined, the cat he was close with meowed, freaked out and pawed at him after sniffing him. My other cat hissed and ran. It was harder because I didn’t know where to burry him, we rent a house but I was tired of leaving my pets behind when we moved. We were supposed to be getting our own house eventually and my cat was supposed to live a long life, I want supposed to have to deal with this for at least a decade, not six to seven months after I’d adopted my boy. But i buried him in the yard in a way that I hope one day I can move him, and put my snowdrops over him and we said a prayer. It’s hard, it’s only been a few days and even harder because it’s finals week in my last quarter of college. The night he died I couldn’t stop hyperventilating and downed whiskey which I hate just so I could sleep. I kept looking st photos and remembering how I. My twenty first birthday a couple weeks ago he was fine and interested in the balloons. How on Halloween he was fine, and Thanksgiving he mootched for pumpkin purée, and Chtistmas he slept under the tree. I thought about all these moments that he was fine and I didn’t know this was going to happen. I keep think how he should be outside the bathroom door, or on my bed, iron my lap, or rounding the corner meowing and hopping on the couch before plopping down at my side or playing with his monkey, snuggling with his brother or staring at the chinchilla or hamster, or sleeping by our dog on a bed thirty times too big. I keep rembering him at the shelter, how I’d wanted a kitten for so long, and how he was the first one I saw, how I scooped him up and his little head flopped back and he gave me a very out of it expression, and how I fought so hard to adopt him. And how I took so much joy in him getting bigger, his full belly, and even his insidious farts. It feels like just yesterday especially when I go through my diary and see events surrounding his adoption that feel like they happened just a second ago. He had such a beautiful, yet short, life. But right now my grief is outweighing the joy. I keep asking myself why. I’d never heard of FIP, nor had anyone I know ever heard of it before. It’s not fair. He was such a beautiful little boy, my Emrys, my little bear, my baby man. I hardly eat now and have even caught a cold with fever and the chills. It’s even worse because now I’m worried about my other cats although the vet said that they’ll probably be fine. I keep wondering whether the vet was wrong, should I have ran more tests, was the litter box not clean enough etc. I hope this gets easier with time and I wish there was more awareness about this disease, and a cure so no one else has to watch a baby deteriorate like this and see their small shoulders slouch as you hold them while they sleep. I don’t regret my time with him at all, he was always meant to be my cat. But I feel like this will haunt me forever,as I watch my cats and pray they remain well, and if I ever get another cat I’ll just be waiting for them to get sick. If I ever get another little black cat I feel like I’d just be comparing them and thinking about how baby man should have grown to be a big boy, live to be old and get a little grey on his face. Sorry for the novel.
      Just know that I’ll be praying for you.

      1. Thank you for sharing your difficult loss – accept my sincere condolences. I just had to euthanize my dear Siamese cat after he lost all function over a week likely from a brain tumour that couldn’t be treated. I can relate to how sad you were watching your dear boy deteriorate, as I did. Have heart that you loved & cared for him deeply & gave him much joy in his short life. You did your very best for him – he knew he was cherished & loved. You have a big heart.

  123. My beautiful Lilly was put down Dec 27th 2018 she was 16. I live alone and also have a chihuahua, I’m having a terrible time grieving my precious Lilly,she was a polydactyl kitty that I rescued. I cry every night as she would of greeted me in the bathroom before I went to bed. I just wait for her to come through that bathroom door for our nightly routine ?. Its been almost 2 months and it still feels like yesterday.

    1. Hi Milissa….My 20 yr old cat died Sept 5, 2018. Magic was my only pet and I’ve grieved deeply for her. Finally I can think of her with love and gratitude instead of heart ache though I’m sure I’ll still have some tears for her. This only happened after 5 months. Please trust that this will get better for you but it takes time. I printed all the pictures I have of her and look at them and talk to her. Wishing you strength and courage to get through this….warm regards….. Linda

    2. I just lost my little buddy on February 11 2019. Trouble was a feral cat I was fortunate to rescue 22 years ago. He was aggressive, playful, silly, and humble and loved raw meat and whole milk. When I first brought him into house he was a frightened little kitten unable to understand the concept of play. Trouble was a scavenger earning his keep from garbage cans and insects every piece of food was attacked and pounced on it took him 6 months to understand and trust that I was his friend and would be provide for him. The pain i have been experiencing is intense I will continue to use this site as a place to tell Troubles story.
      David

      1. I am so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. My Prince Harry was a rescue, but I got him at about two months old and people had been feeding him and his sister they where living under a deck of a house in my neighborhood, I had no idea until someone told me, I went and got both of them, I had a time getting them at first, I had to set have a heart traps, but I got them and I still have the sister but Harry passed suddenly out of now where, he had just had blood work done and he was good, the vet said he threw a clot nd was gone. I found him dead on the floor, it was horrific. He was my best friend, he did stuff the other cats (all rescues) that have been in my life never did, I had a special bond as I am sure you did. I did lots of things to try and help my pain, but two months later still as if it happened yesterday. I have a elder 17 year old, I am going to give her peace and when she goes try and find another guy that I can rescue with the hopes he can heal my heart. Maybe knowing that there is one out there for you to rescue again will help…

    3. I’m so sorry, I totally feel your pain. I lost my boy 3 months ago today and it feels like yesterday. He also was a polydactyl with his adorable 28 toes. I loved his big huge precious feet. I still cannot believe he is gone. He slipped out that Saturday night and the coyotes were out that night and I haven’t seen him since. I never let him out at night for that reason. I hate what happened to him and I will never get over it. The sorrow and pain is so deep and I can’t escape it no matter what I do. Even if I get my mind off of him for a few hours it comes right back like a knife stabbing my heart. He gave me so much joy and happiness and that is gone now. I loved him so much. He was my best friend, my company, my companion. The love of my life. He was different and so special. I’ll never get over this pain of loosing him and missing him. My life evolved around him. I have 4 other cats that are special too but nothing compares to my boy. I hope you find comfort for your pain and the loss of your baby. God bless you!

  124. My beautiful and beloved Cassie passed away on the 6th Feb and I am just so heartbroken. SHe would have been 22 years in September. Her sister Cleo died at the age of 20 years. Cassie had Chronic Kidney disease and I knew the time would come when I would have to let her go. She was a gentle and loving cat and over the last 2 years because of her kidney disease I spent most of my time seeing to her every need. She became my first priority and everything I did was about her and for her. So of course I now feel so empty without her and miss her terribly. I don’t have any more cats and do not have the strength to have any more as I cannot go through what I am going through now without my darling Cassie. SHe is buried in my front garden so I can talk to her every day. I still feel guilty at having called the Vet to put her to sleep.

    1. Dear Gillian, I’m thinking of you, Cassie and Cleo. Look out for signs of them visiting you in your sleep and in your home. They love you very much and stayed with you as long as they physically could. Now, they are forever in your heart and with you in another way. But they are with you xx Please don’t feel guilty. They are both so lucky to have you care for them. We all question decisions but we all did the best we could at that time. Not that many cats are blessed to live to their 20s and to have someone so loving who prioritizes them before anything else. I know Cassie is there with you and doesn’t want you to feel sad. I planted some spring bulbs for my special girl and I love watching them bloom each spring. They are her flowers. Sending you lots of healing hugs x

      1. Dear TA thank you so much for you comforting words. They mean such a lot to me. I am currently looking to have a water fountain on the area where Cassie is buried. Sadly becasue we oved home just over 6 months ago my beauriful Cleo, Monty, Portia and Felix are buried in the home we lived in for around 38 years. However the water fountain will be in memory of all my beloved cats. I miss Cassie so much and someitmes it is quite hard when I come home and she is not here. I know time is a great healer, I was so lucky to have all these beautiful cats who gave me their unconditional love. So I have now decided not to have any more, however if a stray cat happeans to visit me who knows what the future will bring. Thank you once again for your beauriful words. Lots of hugs.

  125. I miss my cat so very much; she was my familiar, we were very close. Carly was over 18 years old and in my life for fifteen and a half. We met on Valentine’s Day and she passed on the last day of summer. She brought a steadfast gentleness into my life and enchanted everyone she met. I’m not the only one who misses her: my better half does as well as her adopted feline sister, Katie. Something along the lines of 70 individuals offered their condolences on my partners’ facebook as well. She was extraordinary in every way, exceptionally beautiful, polydactyl, mesmerizing tabby stripes that defied counting and eyes that could only be described as numinous. On the winter solstice I felt I tuned a corner and as the pain subsided, I began to weep, as I am again today. I suspect I began to let her go (as suggested in the article), I realize now with the approach of our anniversary (Valentine’s Day) she will be on my mind in profound ways. Her life is celebrated, her passing is mourned… Sister cat is fifteen this month and I’m loving her with renewed purpose and realization of the preciousness and rarity of our time together. As winter matures and with the promise of spring on the horizon, my heart is open to being adopted again.

  126. Really sorry to here these stories as it sounds like a lot of suffering going on. My heart goes out to the lady whos cat died in the ottoman. Tragic but I hope you have found some peace for you. I too am missing my boy badly. We got him as a rescue cat 9 years ago. They said he was 3 and he was big, black and beautiful. We decided to call him Rocky on account of him being found in the city on a building site and felt it was apt. He took to us and became our baby boy as me and my partner never had kids. On first letting him loose outside he set about the local cat population to show them who was boss. He was always present and loved company and it was always a joy to see his face that always had the look of a tramp who had just won the lottery and now was in a 5 star hotel and boy did he lord it up. Then 2 years ago he starts drinking a lot and we got him to the vets. After bloods and urine test he was diagnosed with ‘chronic kidney disease’. Hearts were broken but we were told that this is a progressive illness and time would tell. So first to slow it down we tried the renal diet. He hated it and started losing weight. Of all the brands we tried we did manage to find one brand of renal biscuits he would have. Eventually we said to the vet look can we give him what he wants and get him on a meds instead. So a new drug called ‘Simintra’ was prescribed and we continue with that for a long time. In that time we had to hospitalize him once to rehydrate him then was fine. But last few months he was getting constipated and then in November started to loose a lot of weight and we could only get liquids in him. Vet said if it was her cat she would put him down. Hardest decision we have ever made but we wanted to do it our way. He still liked being with us on the bed close for the warmth and comfort and that’s all we did for 3 days with him between us while we watched Netflix. Then on a Monday morning with Rocky fast asleep on me while lying on the bed the vet came in and gave him a sedative then injection and he was gone. We literally snuggled him to death but still I beat my self up as I wish I had rehydrated him once more but we did not want to stress him. Best cat ever and I’m really feeling his loss and my heart goes out to you all. xxx

    1. You boy sounds like he was spoilt, remembering the good times is so important and sounds like you had so many lovely times, thank you for your kind words I am trying to find peace, i’m trying to focus on how much she was loved and how happy she was rather than the end, i cant turn back time or change time so have to look forward and remember how beautiful and happy she was, but thank you for your kind words means a lot to me xx

  127. 12 years I spent with my beautiful cat Lily, she followed me everywhere, slept on my bed every night, until a neighbour ran her over on 22/1/19. I’m heartbroken, I miss her so much, her soft fur, her purr, her presence, her cuddles, her meow. The house is not the same without her, nothing is the same without her here. Our other cat is lost without her too, he’s searching the house, howling at night etc. I keep hoping in my mind she will come back and keep thinking I see her out the corner of my eye, but obviously it’s not her ?. I just miss her so much ?

  128. I am in complete shock at present my beautiful girl was going to be 15 this year. I have a lift up ottoman bed, I don’t remember putting it down, I normally always check she’s not in there, as she has gone in it before when its up, I’m not sure if my husband pushed it down. I couldn’t find her last night and was late going to bed as she doesn’t normally stay out at night, but sometimes she does. This morning I still couldn’t find her then I remembered the bed had been up. I found her at the back with her head out and her neck flattened. I’m really struggling to deal with the traumatic way that I found her. I couldn’t breath this morning and have been reliving yesterday to try and remember if I push the bed down. I feel the most horrendous guilt. The loss that she is gone is horrendous and that I could have done it is too much for me to cope with, I just can’t believe I would have closed it without checking but I don’t remember. I have 2 children who loved her very much and I’m trying to be brave for them but im completely heart broken, I don’t think I can sleep in the bed now, I feel so sick

  129. I had to say farewell to my darling girl Mimi 3 days ago. She was a month short of her 18th birthday. I live alone and she was my life. She was diagnosed hyperthyroid 9 years ago and so had to be given tablets twice a day. In all of those 9 years she never showed any aggression, she just opened her little mouth and let me pop them in. She made life so easy during this time, she was so gentle. On a routine visit to the vet in November she was diagnosed with cancer of the spleen. I brought her home and slowly watched her deteriorate.. Her tabby coat was left ungroomed, she ate and drunk in huge amounts and the light seemed to go from her eyes. I finally realised that I had to do the right thing and have her put to sleep. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to do. She was an absolute delight to have around and I would do anything to have her back.

  130. I got Shairo at a time where I was in a dark place. I never expected to have such a strong connection with a cat. It was as if he knew when I was sad. Shairo would immediately snuggle up to me and cuddle whenever I was on the verge of a panic attack. His purring calmed me. His presence and him simply being there was therapeutic. I had him for only 6 months and it breaks my heart. The day before he got ran over, I wasn’t giving him much attention and would kick him out of my room to study for a test. This is my biggest regret. I miss home so much and I wish I would have just held him. I feel extremely guilty and I don’t think I’ll own a cat for a very long time. I don’t want to risk losing another cat. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know how long I will have to grieve for.

      1. My darling girl Puss died six months ago and I still think of her kindness every day, but the pain has lessened. It’s normal to feel guilty, whatever the way they passed, thinking we should have tried harder or done something different. I certainly did. But we loved them and looked after them the best we could, and they knew that and loved us back. They wouldn’t want us to feel bad now. Best wishes to you and everyone on this site.

  131. I had to put my little man down back on oct 24th, it’s been months and there’s still not a day I don’t miss him or a night I don’t cry about him. I had my baby for 14 years and I can’t remember what it was like before i had him. Had a dream about him last night and just woke up sobbing, god i miss him so much.

    1. A- The pain and sorrow you feel is profound and real; and the folks in this forum understand it, all too well. Perhaps to the people who have never experienced the love of, and for a cat it seems strange. But I suspect he was close by every moment, and became a part of you. One of life’s wonderful gifts- they steal your heart and seem to take it with them, when they leave. I wish and pray that you will find peace; and feel joy in his memory. I know you will never forget him. Maybe in the fullness of time, you will feel you are able to rescue another creature; that desperately needs- you.

  132. I care not to heal I want to love her forever and never forget it’s better this way so I never hurt again and I hope I’m with them all and more love to rub cheeks with a panther or hug a bear this works for me she’s my last your my girl

  133. My Mekah left us almost 2 years ago. She was so very young. 2-3 years old we are not sure. She was an abandoned kitten. The first time I saw her she was just a black blur in the alley. Every time I saw her for a few months she was just a black blur running. I spoke gently to her when I would see her though. When winter hit it got COLD. We live in Minnesota so cold is anywhere from 20f to – 20f. We had 2 cats. We didn’t want another cat even. But she would sit on my lap. I would cover her in my jacket to keep her warm. One of our kitties has FIV so we were hesitant just to bring her in as we did not want to expose her. Our neighbors decided they would adopt her. She stayed with them for about a week. She continuously and we would find her on our porch begging to be let in. So we did. Our neighbors liked her but were fine with us taking her.

    She was our baby girl. Family. Our child. We gave a piece of our soul to her. We didn’t get her tested for feline lukemia. We kept meaning to but time, money, and life just…

    Mekah would stay out during the day. Everytime I came home from work she would be standing just inside the back gate waiting for me. I still look for her when I get home. I can almost see her standing there. Strutting under me as I walk. Brushing against my legs. Pawing at the door while I fumbled for the keys. When she stayed in I would come home to her sleeping on the couch. She didn’t even wake up when I layed on top of her and scratched her face. She had super long ear fur sticking out that I would pull on. She would just start purring and keep sleeping. Sometimes I lay on one of her spots and pretend I am scratching her. I half see her everywhere. Ghosts.

    2 years ago she wasn’t feeling well. We thought little of it for a couple days. It does happen after all. She was low energy and wasn’t eating too much. We thought she had a kitty flu. After some blood work the doc told us how low all her values were. They let us know that it was feluk. It was way too late to try to control. It looks like her mom had it and she was born with it. She never had a chance. She wasn’t even 3 years old. We only had a year and a half with her.

    She died at home with us. We have had cats put down. The last time we went to the vet to confirm the diagnosis (we went to an emergency vet before) the vet let us know she had days. On the way there Mekah was so miserable in a carrier that I promised this was the last time she would have to leave home. She loved our home. Our garden. I didn’t want her to die on that cold steel table. It was about a week later she finally gave up. I layed with her on the floor the whole week. Any time I was not working or out to grab supplies I was with her on the floor, in the yard, in the bathroom on the mat watching netflix on my phone with her. She slowed stopped eating at all. I got her to eat yoghurt for a couple days as thats all she wanted then that stopped. Couldn’t drink water towards the end. She kept trying to hide but couldn’t walk enough to get to her spots so I would place her gently in places that seemed to help a little. I slept with her in the corner of the living room by her favorite drinking fountain ( we have a little lotus drinking fountain for them). On the last day my lady and I were talking about what to do as the weekend was ending and I didn’t want her alone. She got agitated. Started having trouble breathing. She was crying (she never spoke much just purred). I thought she needed the bathroom and put her in the box. But she just couldn’t breathe. She ended up in her little kitty bed and I carried her in it out to the back porch. The same porch where I first met her. The same porch she would hide in my jacket to keep warm. She died there gasping in my lap. We buried her in the garden. 2 of our kitties visit her grave often in the summer. Its now a hang out spot it seems. I mentioned her name once and my other kitty who loved her got all in a panic and started looking behind my computer for her. It broke my heart all over again. Even now I think of her daily and carry her picture with me.

    We don’t know if we could have done anything more. I do know we could have tried. But we didn’t know. We didn’t check. I’m so sorry baby girl. I know I will never let you go. And that big giant piece of my soul you are carrying……that’s how I will find you when I follow along after my own end.

  134. I lost my Bear Grylls 1/9/2018, he was my soul companion, so smart ,loving, and full of life. I was his person. Wherever I was he was. Once when I was in the pool he even demanded to be on a floaty with me. He slept with me every night. He died as I gently held him. I have had him since the day he was born. His mother, a stray gave birth to 7 lovely kittens on our porch. We kept 3. Bear was mine from the first moment. He went everywhere I did and greeted me home from work. We had are everyday rituals so engrained. I feel as if a piece of my soul is gone. All my family are devastated. He was such a wonderful cat, what a gift. My sweet caring husband made him a velvet lined coffin and carved a lovely stone. I miss everything about him especially they way he looked at me and the presence of his warm weight on my chest and lap. You are missed, and I love you eternally Bear.

  135. There was a time when all I had was my little kitty he was the one who kept me going. My gf left me 6 years ago during the holidays and my place of business was closing. There was a lot of uncertainty of what direction my future was about to go. I did everything I could so I wouldn’t let that cat down and make sure that he had a place to call come. The bond we formed was amazing he was very intuitive with people and he would always bring me toys or try and play with me when I was down.
    I loved him so much and I could tell it was mutual. He would sit by my shower and wait for me to finish so he could have a shower too. Sitting on the counter he would put his paws on my chest and purr in my ear while I wiped him down. He would come sit on the counter while I prepared his breakfast but never while I was making my own. He was such a smart kitty that way. If I came home with a coffee he used to try and drink any off the top that spilled out. No matter where I put the coffee he would always find a way to come and make sure it was safe for me to drink. He was such a part of my life there isn’t anything I didn’t do without thinking of him first. He would sit by the door and wait for me to come home from work. If I worked overtime he would start to cry because I wasn’t the one home to be with him.

    I was sick with the flu for the passed week and he lived on my lap or on the couch arm beside me. He just always wanted to be with me. Sunday night when it was time to give him his daily treat he fell over and had a heart attack. I knew right away there was little hope It was the most gut wrenching painful thing to watch my kitty struggle. I tried to rush him to an emergency vet 35 minutes away. Watching him fight for his breath and his life only to pass away just before arriving for help. It was honestly the saddest thing I have ever seen in my life and I miss him so much. I feel so terrible I wasn’t able to help him or end his suffering. He deserved so much better and it hurts in a way I can not describe. I wish I could have done more, I wish I had taken him for frequently to vet for checkups. Your brother and I miss you so much. Its so painful to watch him look for you
    I’m so sorry my kitty and I hope one day to be with you again. Lost but never forgotten I’ll always love you <3

    1. Dear BK,
      This exact thing happened to me on December 17th. My baby boy who was ten years, he was with me through some rough times, more than any people were…he was my BFF and he used to sit and watch my every move a few people made comments about this. He slept with me every night, He was always with me 🙁 …He “threw a clot” Everything was normal and the next he was gone, I too feel awful, but I had just taken him to the vet in August and they said his blood work was great. I have done some research and apparently this is not uncommon. I have had many cats over my adult lifetime and this was my “soul cat” I am crushed. There must be something going on with cats and their hearts and possibly cardiovascular disease that is not caught on tests. I read that cardiomyopathy can come on slowly or very fast, like humans who have heart attacks out of nowhere…I am so sorry for your loss, I do know what you are going through as I am having a real hard time too.

    2. My beautiful sweet loving baby boy, Sidney, rescued me 12 years ago when he was just a kitten. He was a tuxedo cat and he was my world. He followed me everywhere and slept with me every night. I would rush home every day after work just to be with him, and he always greeted me at the door. Two weeks ago today, on Friday night, I came home and told him “Guess what, Sidney! I have two whole days off to spend with you!” He was the most loving cat and curled up in my lap every evening and just purred away until he fell asleep. I loved him more than anything. Saturday was just like any other day, he ate, drank, played, went outside in my fenced-in backyard hoping to catch a mouse or a bird – no signs of anything wrong. Sunday morning, I woke up to find he had passed away on my basement floor. He was still warm when I found him. I cannot even begin to describe how excruciatingly painful this was. I cannot stop crying. My heart is shattered. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this. I’m a wreck. I guess he had a heart attack because he was in perfect health. I buried him in the backyard by myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I will never forget him and the loving bond we shared for 12 wonderful years. Sidney didn’t just take a part of my heart with him, he took all of it.

  136. My little Best Buddy Jeepers had a strong 5 month fight with his oral cancer. Just a short 2 months ago!
    He even would sit without much restraint, and let me syringe feed and give water to him for his last
    two months on this earth…..
    I have now lost my best Friend of 14 years, only Son(and child), and Third parent!
    He was there to GREET me every Morning when I got up.
    He was at the steps WAITING for me to come in, every time I came Home!
    He was there to COMFORT Me as my previously deceased Mother would have.
    He was the ONLY cat of the three(at the time) to GREET me when I came home from a 10-day hospital stay.
    He was there to CONSOLE me when I lost my job 10 years ago.
    He was there to COMFORT me during my Dads 9 year bout that he lost with Alzheimer’s, which was just 2 months prior to his own death.
    He was everywhere I look in my home.
    He always sat with me, or next to me when I watched my favorite sports teams.
    I miss him soooo much I just can’t believe, just how much.
    He was so SPECIAL! I will never find another kitty as good as him.
    The four I had previous to him were pretty good, but not nearly as Special.
    I just know after all the cats I’ve ever had, or been around, that Jeepers was one in a million!
    I truly believe that I’ll never find(when I’m ready) another cat that comes close to equaling him!!
    He was Very Smart, So Well Behaved, Mild Tempered, didn’t beg, and Friendly to all.
    Everyone who ever met him, just LOVED him!
    I will miss him eternally and more than anything I’ve ever loved!!!

    1. Dear Jeff, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Buddy Jeepers sounds wonderful! Lots of people have cats that they love but you are extra lucky to meet such a special little soul. Your soul cat. You are both one and Buddy Jeepers will always be with you. All of us on here understand the pain and loss you feel. I still cry every day and cannot accept my girl is not coming home months later. And I still keep going over things in my mind hoping for a different outcome. I do not like people talking about her in past tense. She is always here with me because I know she wants to be. Grief isn’t logical and isn’t the same for anyone. Some people say getting a little rescue friend can help their grief… not to replace. Or maybe planting some flower bulbs so when they flower each spring you can think of Buddy? I expect you’ll think of him everyday anyway. And how lucky you are to have such a special friend who chose you and loved you. He clearly did everything he could, as did you, to be with you in person as long as he possibly could. But I know you will see him again one day. Keep a look out for little signs that he’s letting you know he’s OK. I love my dream visitations and how sometimes my other cat looks at her bed in a way like she is sitting in there. I hope with all my heart she is. You speak about how wonderful Buddy Jeepers has been to you. I best you have been wonderful to him, too. You are his everything and he would want you to try and get sleep and look after yourself like you always look after him too. Please take care and come back here if you ever need support. We all share and understand your loss x

  137. My baby girl died at 1 and a half years old. My heart is broken that she couldn’t have a longer life, and I can’t help but feel guilty even though it wasn’t my fault (she got run over). I don’t know what to do about it. She was so young, and was always there for me.

    1. Sarah, I feel your pain. My darling cat just died at only 2 and a half in the same way. I keep thinking if I never went out he would have been inside with me. I don’t know how I will ever get over it. He was my soul car and just knowing he won’t be at the door waiting for me or off causing mischief in the house somewhere again just kills me. They are special little souls and deserved much better. You’re not alone.

      1. My beautiful kitten was also hit by a car 2 days before Christmas. It still breaks my heart to think about it. She would’ve been one in March. I keep wishing I had been more pushy when I said she was not to be let outside but she loved playing outside. I remember our last day together we were playing in the garden. She would sleep on my shoulder as I slept. I miss her so much.

  138. I lost my cats 4 days ago… her name was Pedro and she was 15. I keep trying to force happiness and I feel guilty for grieving because no one seems to understand me but reading these messages written by other people makes my feelings feel warranted. Pedro was the runt of her litter from a barn of 100 cats ran by my teacher in the 7th grade. I inquired about the last two kittens she had. The next day she came over with them both. Both sisters, one for both my sister and I. My sister orignally choose my cat and I was fine with either but my sister couldn’t seem to get Pedro from her small hiding space behind the fridge. So she asked to trade me cats. I didnt mind. I grabbed a pillow and a blanket to sleep next to the fridge to wait for Pedro. I trailed food to where I was, I tried to entice her with tuna but I patiently waited for three days until she knew I wasnt going to give up. That was the start of our bond. She knew I’d never give up on her and that’s just what she needed. When it came time to take her to the vet because both cats were extremely small and malnourished, we took them and it took a turn for the worst. My sisters cat got all of her shots but my could barely handle one. She was too small, with worms, fleas and earmites. Treated for everything but unable to have shots because she barely could recover from small treatments the vet told me she might die in the next few months. I said okay, took her home, spoon feed her water, crushed up her food and did whatever I could to keep her alive. The second I would come home from school, I’d take care of her. I couldn’t give up on this little fur baby and she never gave up on me. She ended up surviving and we had 15 beautiful years together. She still always stayed small but never had any sicknesses and didnt have to go to the vet. Just once to get a check up to make sure she was doing alright. She was fine. We went through 15 years of ups and downs but we always had eachother. She is always going to be apart of my family and was like my best friend. If I cried she immediately jump on my bed and curl up next to me until we both fell asleep. She just knew when I had depression, anxiety or just needed a good snuggle. When she needed help, I’d be there for her and the same for me. Until the last few months of her life. It all happened fairly quickly. She went blind, I took her to the vet, she had arthritis too, they then claimed she had IBS so they prescribed her prednisolone. Turns out she actually had cancer. All the symptoms hit within a few days, she refused Tuna and her favorite Pastrami. She didnt want water, her regular kibble, I had to groom her, she didnt want to get up anymore, she wouldn’t call out to my husband and I when we came home, she would cuddle at night to stay close to us but in the morning tried to move somewhere else that was secluded. We took her to the 24 Vet clinic and they told us she had cancer. We couldn’t afford the treatment and they told us they didnt think she would be able to make it. Her heart rate had slowed, she didnt cry when we came to the vet, she just wanted me to hold her and she had no more white blood cells to fight off the disease. It was time, and I figured so the night before when I was crying. I held her all night. I would hold her again one last time, talking to her, rocking her and saying my last goodbyes. Everything felt like it was in an instance. This is the only cat I’ve ever lost and I’m not sure I want another. I really wish to be reunited with her one day because she was family. It still hurts. I’m a college student and I’m in the middle of finals so I cant grieve alot. So I have to suppress alot of emotion and so I’m reading articles inbetween classes/at night when I get home about coping. This whole thing is new and difficult to me. I just keep saying how much I miss her and how I want her back. It’s just difficult but I appreciate having the chance to tell our story.

  139. I’m going too be homeless. I lost my job,its snowing here.I have most of the rent,but I can’t fund help.my cat had been my everything. For 3 years since my husband left.I can’t imagine my life with out him.or having too give him too a shelter.he wouldn’t understand. I love him beyond anything. I’m scared,terrified.he’s all I have.

    1. Hi Michele – Don’t give up yet. You need your precious cat now more than any time. Are you sure you checked every possibility. I know what this feels like. I am looking for a job right now too. The holiday season is tough for jobs but I PROMISE there is one for you. Have you checked out seasonal work just to get by temporarily? They usually hire immediately. It may not be ideal but it’s better than nothing. Can any family help out? Can your rental place work something out with you considering your unexpected circumstances? Don’t give up. I always keep in mind “God will make a way where there’s no way.” Stay positive. Expect the best. I promise, good things are coming your way!! Please comment back when this is resolved — I know it will be. I’d love to hear your successful outcome… because you will have one! Cheer up! We’re routing for you!!

  140. I just lost my cat today… I fee so numb
    for the longest time.. The only people in my home were my mom and I. Things changed last year in March when this little kitten showed up at our door looking lost and afraid.. He was about 2 -3 months old at the time, we fed him for the night, thinking that he must’ve wandered away from his mother/litter and they’ll soon find him, or he’ll find them.
    Over the period of a week, his appearance became more frequent, our interactions with him became more common and he turned out to be the most loveable bundle of mischief I’ve come to know.
    My mom treated this cat as her second son, he would want for nothing and we always made sure he ate well and had regular health checkups.
    He would wander off from time to time and sometimes put me in risky situations when I had to bail him out of trouble. But he was worth the risk and we loved him.
    Two nights ago, he left home and never returned.
    Both my mom and I were distraught and feared the worst.
    This was confirmed this morning, we found him on the side of the road in our neighborhood. He had been knocked by a car.
    My mom and I are devastated, her more than me.. She was very close to the cat. He’d often wake up from his sleep ( we presumed it was from a bad dream) and he would seek comfort by sleeping on my mom’s chest.
    It’s only been a few hours since we’ve laid him to rest and I really can’t imagine what life is going to be like moving forward.
    I don’t know how to support my mom through this.. I feel like just being there isn’t good enough.. I feel helpless 🙁

    1. Shane – I am so sorry for you and your Mother – losing your kitty; such a short life you shared, but full of love. Please don’t feel guilty for losing her to an accident. The argument rages among dedicated Cat Lovers about confining a cat to the house or letting them roam outside. I lost my cat to kidney disease after 19 years; and she came to my front door as a stray, and never left. But she demanded, from day one, to be allowed outside. There is not just one, proper way for a cat to live it’s life. The folks in this place, do understand your suffering; nothing quite like the love and bond with a cat. I hope you find peace, and someday, maybe in the fullness of time, allow another kitty to experience love in your Home.

      1. Hi JR, Thank you for your kind words. We’ve been in a dark place recently, and you have no idea what a positive impact your reply has had on my mom and I. We were still in the infancy stage of cat parenthood, and having been reassured that the death of our beloved pet was not our fault by someone who has taken care of their cat for 19 years has brought us much comfort. Thank you.

        I’m sorry for the loss of your cat, I hope it brings you comfort knowing that she lived a full life (almost my entire life span) and is now resting in eternal peace; free from any pain and suffering.
        My mom and I spoke about your suggestion of getting another cat. Our cat saved us from a lot of psychological pain, and we’d like to adopt a kitty from an animal shelter, so we can in some way save a life in a way that’s similar to how our cat saved ours. Thank you for opening our eyes to this. Wishing you all the best ⭐

        1. Shane,
          Hi, my Name is Neal.
          I don’t know where you live, but I just started volunteering at a local animal shelter here in Isle of Wight, VA
          As I was feeding the cats and Kittens, one of them jumped out of the cage and started rubbing up against my legs, my shoes, climbing on me and running around the cat room. This cat went to the toy box and brought me the toys it wanted to play with. Don’t know if the kitty was male or female but the name was “Sugar Baby” very smart kitty. If I could have, I would have adopted it on the spot. I can’t have kitty cats right now, but will have again we I can.
          Keep looking

  141. I was away this weekend, and my boyfriend found our sweet Angie, already passed away, on Saturday morning. We had no indication that anything was wrong, except for the fact that she was even more clingy to me than usual in the week before she passed. I am absolutely heartbroken – she was with me for 10 years. I adopted her when she was four as a companion for my senior cat, Bo, who had just endured cancer surgery… he had his leg amputated. Angie kept him active for four more years until I had to make the decision to put him to sleep due to kidney disease. He was nearly 18! Angie’s death has utterly devastated me, and I am wracked with guilt over not knowing she was sick, wondering if she suffered, and wishing I had just one more day with her, to comfort her, and tell her again how much I loved her. Our house is so quiet without her… I have been through this before, and know things will get better, but it is awful right now.

    1. So sorry to hear about your sweet Angie. I know you are in a lot of pain & will miss her so much.
      My big boy Milo died late summer, he was 10. I didnt think I was going to make it. I was hurting so much. I cried & crird & cried for days, weeks.
      I’m able to now think of Milo & look at his photos without becoming overwhelmed. I still,4 months later, have bad days but time does help heal. Yes, it’s going to be difficult now but in weeks to come, Angie’s precious memories will make you smile.
      R.I.P. sweet Angie.

  142. I just put my 18 year old cat Jake down today. I just feel sad, heartbroken and empty. I still have one cat here with me, but Jake was my special boy. I know I did the right thing for him, but I feel so awful right now.

  143. Thanks to all of you for sharing the loss of your beloved pets. We just took the hard decision of helping our beloved Nino to stop suffering. It was an act of LOVE, absolute LOVE. We were able to overcome our own pain for his own good. We all fought this for a while, he and us but he couldn’t anymore. Although it hurts so much, we know it was the right decision for him. It wasn’t for us. He and his well being was more important. We are devastated and life will be hard without him. We are grateful for all his love and all the things we shared together. Warm regards to all of you who can feel this way for a pet and recognize that they are real angels in our lives. Be strong, they always wanted us to be comforted. They still do andcthey will never leave our hearts.

  144. Unrelenting grief – I’m just being selfish, we had a great time together. We were utterly perfect for each other – actually spectacular every single day of her over 23 years of life with me even up to her last day.

    Miss Whiskers waited for me to wake up to say goodbye last Saturday and then collapsed – I was there as she purred herself to a restful sleep almost immediately after our morning greeting. I try to smile thinking that she wanted me be close by when she was going to pass – she did not hide, she was clearly peacefully waiting for me – acknowledging me being with her at our last moments together.

    I new something was up that early Saturday morning since her indoor litter box was clean as it never was before. She also slept outside that last night but close by her pet door (my outside is completely fenced in so she can go in and out freely). She always sleeps inside except for this last day. I went to pet her as I asked her what’s up and she questioningly meowed something is awry. She looked up after sleeping in a tight ball – the area around her was clean – so she had one good last night’s rest as she plopped down for that night.

    As I began to pick her up she meowed more and lost control of being able to stand on her own. She was perfectly fine yesterday. I held her up and she relieved herself – then she struggled a little to try to stand but was unable. She really wanted to get up and used her front paws but could only rotate her body slightly by clawing the ground. So I thought this may be the time as so did she. I got her some blankets and brushed her furry coat as it began to sink in. She lie in the shade of her orange tree on a beautiful morning as I weeped. Hoping or maybe denying to myself that maybe this is temporary or can be healed, I tried further to pick her up. She seemed to enjoy me holding her up as if making believe she can stand on her own but she lost almost all ability to move – only to lie down peacefully on the blankets.

    I got her some catnip that I have been growing for her in my garden the last few years – and she did enjoy that scent. Surprisingly since she was so immobile –she was apparently enjoying her surrounding and was fully aware I am there with her. She meowed almost defiantly as if she going to stand up and she tried hard. But she just couldn’t move her muscles to follow her commands. I came in the house and got her favorite food – draining a can of my Costco tuna for tuna juice. It was sad to see, but she wanted to slurp it up by raising her head up. So I picked up her limp body, and also had to lift up the dish of tuna juice to her mouth and sure enough, she sipped it rapidly. It got all over her whiskers but she was not able to digest – but boy did she want to. I lay her back down, wiped off her mouth, and continued petting her. So far it’s been only about 30 minutes but she was fading fast.

    As she lies with a few meows as I pet her, she seemed not to be in any pain but at first puzzled as to why she can’t move much – she was still responsive and purring. I stroked the bottom of her feet as I have done in the past to tickle her – she was always sensitive there – she actually enjoyed that as seen from the smile on her face as her toes spread out. She was wagging her tail even. I was elated for a moment but the heaviness set in – now being completely immobile and slightly twitching of her front paws, her body was starting to get really cold – so I got out a heating pad and let her rest under the warm sun.

    It all happened so fast. Her energy simply drained from her body. No way would she would make it to the vet – and that’s the last place I’d want her to be if she is about to pass peacefully. How wonderful, I thought briefly, to be able to pass peacefully with me at her place where she lived 23 years. (The only time she was at a vet about 10 years ago, she had a scratch under her chin that got infected and she had a very high fever. She freaked out going to the vet back then. It was sadly funny though, I thought she was going to die then but she stayed overnight at the vet and actually enjoyed being there as I saw the next morning.)

    I pulled up a chair and sat with her all thru the Saturday and into the night. I’m not sure exactly when she passed – maybe within a couple hours, but I was with her the entire last day weeping at her side – petting her even after it was clear she passed. I then let her enjoy the last night under the stars, blanketed up. I can’t believe how peacefully she passed – just a few meows and a murmur as I petted her.

    On Sunday morning, I made my preparations slowly and listlessly to prepare her final resting place in the garden she loved the last 23 years of her life with me. With her Miraculous Medal my mom gave her, her nametag with her address so she can come home if found, and her special magnet that allows her to freely enter her cat door still on her neck – I buried her in a coffin with 2 cans of her favorite food and a bag of her favorite treats. A silent sober ceremony of just us two.

    Over 23 years of bliss – she never had a serious illness. Her only symptom that was different the last couple weeks was just a little diarrhea which actually got better the last few days. She threw up very infrequently and never the last year or so and consistently had a hearty appetite. She was slim and fit and healthy up to the day she died. She looked like she’d live forever. I need to remember how precious that is. I was jealous of how healthy she was when I’m the one that biked and went to the gym. I knew she was over 23 years old – given to me as a kitten from a neighbor that moved away exactly 23 years ago this month. I expected perhaps a very painful experience and for her at the end as I knew was approaching in the near future– as I’ve read from so many posts. I should feel elated of all those years including the last day that couldn’t have been more special – but there is no way to prepare for the grief and emptiness that follows now.

    We spent that entire last Saturday in the warmth of the sun as her body grew cold. I could not ask for a more perfect beautiful life with her – no regrets. She gave me so much. Nothing can compare to coming home after a bike ride to the beach and mountains to her waiting for me and enjoying a beer in the afternoon sun with her. I made it a point in the last 7 years that I retired to be with her – every single day. I choose to enjoy every morning, the afternoon and evenings with her. Always on my mind when I went to the store. When I went on my bike rides, would miss her and couldn’t wait to be with the in the afternoon sun and get her her afternoon treats. I never left her the last 7 years longer than one night. She loved riding in my corvette, loved being held, enjoyed my friends company, loved my cooking, loved watching TV and movies together.

    I couldn’t be more grateful of all our time together. We had a wonderful time up the last days. Strangely, we happened to watch 2 movies together that last week that happened to both have sad death bed scenes at the end – “Behind the Candelabra” with Liberace dying and ”Mr. Turner” with the famous boat painter dying. I’m sure it’s an ironic coincidence. I watched all home movies with her lying on my lap the entire time. Morning always was always hers first – habitual routine with no deviation – clean the litter box, clean up any mess, and bring her outside to the sunshine to give her the longest brush to get her happy and perky, bringing her back in and fixing her breakfast all before making my breakfast. She would then stare at me as I’d eat with her and read the papers. I’d cook everyday and have her watch and taste the different foods I’d be preparing. She was my muse. She sit on her kitchen table and watch me and look outside fascinated at everything she saw. It was so much fun, just last week on Halloween watching her watch the action of the neighborhood.

    Today is the third day, Monday. I am mourning incessantly – there is absolutely no let-up in the pain of missing her after over 23 years. So far this is the worst day so it may even get worse as I wipe the tears from my keyboard. As I’ve read hundreds of grief stories on forums today, my only solace is having no regrets. I fear this will be a long grieving time – how to come home everyday to an empty home, I barely can think about going out – and this is the beginning of the holiday season. I need to be alone in my grief. I have never felt such loss. I wasn’t going to write about the last couple days – but near the end of this third night, I feel the need though it’s really not helping me now. Well – maybe a little as I write fond memories. I’ll attempt to go to sleep shortly, but the heartbreak will be back in the morning. When will I be able to put on a face and be myself again – I hope soon. I’m not ready to share this with grief with anyone right now.

    I never would have imagined that would I actually miss cleaning up her mess and litter box first thing every morning. As others who have lost loved ones have said, I would do anything to spend another moment with her. But there I go again, I’m just being selfish. I need to focus on being grateful for our bond and wonderful long life together.

  145. I had to put my tortie down yesterday. She was in her teens (not sure exactly how old, since we found her when she was already at least a year, but I’d had had her for about 13 years). We’d always had regular vet visits and tests and she was always fine (a bit fat, but fine), but then at the end of August she stopped eating and started losing weight fast, so we had more blood tests; she was in the end stage of kidney disease. It seemed rather sudden from my perspective, but the vet said kidney disease can progress fast. She powered through for the past two months, and even though she was getting weak, needed pain meds every day, couldn’t jump up on things anymore, didn’t play, and slept most of the time, she still had her signature attitude. She was still vocal, and she’d get irritated if I gave her too much attention. She wasn’t physically active anymore, and she clearly hurt, but her personality was still so vibrant. I didn’t want to watch her fall into depression and lose all that fire, so I had the euthanasia vet come yesterday. It was really rough; the whole time she was sedated and just limply laying in my lap, I kept wondering if I should call it off and let her live longer, if we did it too early, and I’m still wondering that. Everyone insisted that her kidney disease at such a late stage was incurable, and her condition would only get worse, that she only had a couple months left either way, and I know that’s true, but I still feel so bad. I was so stuck between killing her too early, and letting her go on too long in pain. And I really, really miss her.
    She would sleep under my covers with me almost every night, and I would hug her every day when I left and when I came home. She was a very big part of my life since I was twelve years old; she was my best friend in middle school and high school, she went to college with me, she was there to see me off and welcome me home from work. She would comfort me when I was down, and she gave me a reason to get help for my clinical depression. I might not even be around if not for her. I have always been more of a dog person, and I’ve had cats before, but she was my shining star. She was just so unique, such an individual. I’ve been through the deaths of a lot of companions, and I still miss my dogs all the time, but she has been with me the longest. She was like my rock in a very tumultuous time of my life.

    I buried her on a mountain about an hour away from my house, and I was hoping that would give me closure, but now I realize I don’t want closure. I want my cat. I want to see her chase a laser around, and I want to nap with her in the sun, and I want to watch her roll around in the dirt. I want her to paw at my face in the middle of the night, and I want her to howl at me from the kitchen, and I want her to bite me when I’m fussing over her too much. And every time I realize I’m never going to hear her purr, or her greetings, or her annoyed yowls ever again, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

    I feel like I’ve cut her life too short, and I wonder if euthanizing her was selfish of me, just because I didn’t want to see her die painfully, or what I thought would be painful. Maybe she would have died peacefully in her sleep someday, and I took that from her. With all the other animals I’ve had to put down, I always knew it was time. But for her I’m not so sure it was, and it leaves me a bit bitter.
    I know its only been a day, but I really miss her.

    1. Our kitty had kidney issues years ago. We opted to keep her as long as we could. She was a tortie too. Our Ojibwae. My lady found her as a kitten. Words really can’t describe what she meant to us. But as other have noted. It did progress. We had to give her fluids daily. She eventually went blind about 3 months in. This is when we decided to let her go. We brought her to the vet. I remember every detail of that room. The steel table. The flickering fluorescent lights. Wanting the waiting to stop. Wanting the doc to not come in the room. I don’t regret it. But I regret it dearly. I do know that she was suffering bad. We did what we knew to do to make that stop.

      Me I’m slow to heal. But 10 years later when I remember her its not usually this. Now when I think of her I remember her sitting on top of our garage in the sun. Draped on our shoulders. She would even make us bend over, put her on our backs, then carry her around the house like a queen. We do what we have to do to help the ones we love even if it hurts us. Because the ones we love are more important than avoiding pain. Her final gift to us was the strength to ride above this and help her anyways.

  146. I lost my beautiful 11 years old baby boy Muffin just a couple of days ago and have not been able to stop crying since. It was fairly sudden and unexpected, and especially horrible given I just brought him home less than 2 weeks earlier from having radiation treatment to cure his hyperthyroidism. I noticed on Tuesday when I was feeding him, he stumbled and fell, as if his leg gave way. Since he went outdoors, I thought he may have hurt his leg or was bit. I checked him, but he didn’t seem to be in any pain, was eating and drinking. Fast forward, 2 days later, I came home from work to find that he was having trouble walking and wouldn’t eat. I tried all different foods, even chicken, but nothing. But he was crying out in pain, still purring and wanting to be next to me. However I knew something was not right, so I took him to the emergency room. The vet ran a bunch of tests and told me that Muffin probably had always had heart issues and blood clots that formed around his heart were “throwing” themselves throughout his body. I think she said thrombosis from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and the most humane choice would be to euthanize him. She said he was in pain and having trouble breathing, and by that point his front leg was cold and lifeless. Needless to say, I became hysterical. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do, so I told her I needed time to think, but call me if anything changes. Less than 2 hours later, vet called back and said his breathing was worse and she put him on oxygen. I rushed back to the hospital, and wanted him so badly to be ok, but knew in my heart that wasn’t going to happen. So the vet let me spend some time with him, and I held him, told him I loved him, how much joy he brought to my life, and cried on him, It made it all the worse letting him go, because he never cried out in pain. Just purred, although now I know cats purr when they are in pain too. I miss him horribly, I feel like my heart has been ripped out, he was the sweetest soul, would roll over like a dog so you could pet his fluffy belly, let me mush and lay on him (he was a big boy), never scratched or bit. He was a super friendly cat, and all who met him loved him too. I keep thinking I hear his meow to let him in, or the thump of his big paws coming down the stairs to come sit by me. I know over time my grief will not be as bad, but I just miss him so much right now, it’s hard to stop seeing his face in my mind as I let him go and the vet saying he’s gone. I feel like I let him down and should have tried to save him. But it helps to write this down and share it with all of you. I know I’m not alone, and I hope that Muffin has crossed the Rainbow Bridge to a place where he’s in no pain and is scratching his back on the pavement and stretched out laying in the sun. Thanks for letting me ramble on.

    1. You’re not alone, Andrea, and I’m sorry for your loss of Muffin. Each time I read these heart felt posts, I still shed tears of my own having lost my little girl earlier this year. I still miss her incredibly. I’ve since adopted two middle-aged brothers who have worked themselves into my heart and I realize I’m just the type of person who wants (needs?) the relationship of the incredible feline species. And I love these guys to bits with the same level of love I had, and still feel, for my princess Kitty. The level of loss we feel shows the level of love we have for our furry companions. You obviously loved Muffin with all your heart.

      Be well.

      Charles

    2. For Andrea, (and Sophi & Chris) and all others who have lost that dear cat, that brought joy to every moment of your life. The kitty expected you to heal every hurt, solve every problem- and you did- until it was just not possible. Please, forgive yourself for that; your kitty certainly would- because he felt the love, every single day. It hurts so much because you for so close, and the bond was unbreakable. Nothing I say will make it better; but know that the multitude of cat caretakers who understand your pain; hope and pray that peace will come to you. And- that someday you will share your love- again.

  147. I lost my dear cat Gomez Sept 28 at 2 AM. I wasnt there too see him die but my stepdad was. I saw his body in a small bag and I couldnt stop crying and petting him. It’s been a month or two and I still cry almost every day because I miss him so much. I cant tell anyone how much I miss him because they dont care, and I dont wanna seem pity hungry. Gomez would bop his face on mine when I would say the word ‘kiss’, he’d come running when I called his name., and he’d cuddle every second of every day. I still cant handle the fact that hes gone.

    1. Hey Sophie…Theres nothing pityfull about mourning the loss of your beloved cat!I just lost mine today and it was not a pleasant sight, the way she died…..from hyperthyroidism and related problems….I dont know the exact cause of death for that would have ment one more x ray and she was suddenly gone…After her passing grieve overwhelmed me..She has been my compaion for over 10 years…she came walking in one day and never left…..We buried her today in the woods but the emptyness i feel is overwhelming..i guess this one will take time to heal.its a pity people dont understand your pain…its perfectly natural…I had the same with some neighbours who were making loud noise in front of my window.i asked them to cut it of for a bit since she just dies..and they reacted in a rough and uninterested manner…thats awful…Take care and a big hug. from The Netherlands

  148. I lost my beloved Mrs Kitten very suddenly and traumatically nearly five weeks ago. I live alone, so she was my sole companion, she was also an indoor cat. I got home from doing some work for a friend quite late, it was around 21.30. She was at the door as I came in to greet me as usual, I gave her a stroke and she seemed perfectly normal. I went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat and feed Mrs Kitten of course and I noticed she hadn’t followed me into the kitchen. This struck me as odd, she was always ready for a feed. I called and looked for her but couldn’t find her at first. Eventually, I located her under my bed. I knew from the look on her face she wasn’t well. From then on, things went down hill rapidly. She started moving around to her different cat beds I had dotted around the apartment as though she was trying to get away from something and she couldn’t get comfortable. She wouldn’t respond to me trying to pet her and comfort her and I noticed her becoming very wobbly on her back legs. I began to panic, I realised something was badly wrong with her. I went on line to get an emergency vet number, while I was doing this, she began to cry out, a most dreadful yowl. I got through to the vet and got the location of the 24 hour emergency practice. By this time, Mrs Kitten was in a terrible state, her back legs were completely paralysed, she was vomiting and her breathing was laboured. I got her into the pet carrier as quickly and gently as I could. She still kept crying out. I got her to the vet as soon as I could. The vet diagnosed the condition almost immediately, she said it was a saddle thrombus or Aortic Thromboemolism to give it its correct name, then she gave me the terrible news. The prognosis even with intensive treatment was poor and even if they got her through this crisis, she would probably develop another blood clot quite soon and the condition was extremely painful. The blood clot had cut off blood supply to her back legs. The underlying cause was most probably hypertrophic cardiomyopathy she then recommended euthanasia. She administered a powerful pain killer to Mrs Kitten and allowed me some time alone with my poor poppet. I could not stop sobbing, at least the pain killer seemed to calm Mrs Kitten. I kept stroking and kissing my poor baby and just wanted it to all go away and for her to be fit and well. Finally I came to the dreadful decision, I did not want my Mrs Kitten to suffer any further, so I followed the vet’s advice. I held her while the vet put my beloved pussy cat friend to sleep. This was the worst decision I’ve ever had to make. I carried my poor babies lifeless body to the pet carrier and brought her home reeling, stunned and utterly devastated. This condition is every loving cat owner’s worst nightmare. I can honestly say I’m grieving more than when I lost my parents. I took my Mrs Kitten’s body to my own vets and arranged a private cremation with the ashes returned to me in a small wooden box. I also trimmed some fur from the body and have placed that in the box with the ashes. In the weeks since, I’ve also found five of her whiskers and collected shells from her claws from her scratching post. I’ve put these in the box too. I loved my Mrs Kitten so much and I miss her dreadfully. My heart is shattered. My flat seems so empty without her. I miss the sounds of her and all her funny little ways. It’s worst at night, she used to sleep in the bed with me. I sleep with her ashes now and I light a tea light by a photograph of her. It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this, I’m torn apart. I will never forget her and I will always love her, she will be in my heart constantly.

    1. I understand the lose anyone must feel when loosing a beloved pet. I too, grieve the loss of my pets sometimes more so than I do others, that have been a part of my life. I did not lose my two babies (Zoey and Zebulon) due to illness or death but rather to divorce. I know that they are loved and well taken care of! But that does not ease the pain I have in my heart. I cry every night about those two kitty cats and will miss them forever. I often wonder if they remember me.
      One thing I know, is that “All of my beloved pets, will always hold a special place in my heart and no one or anything can or will take that away from me.

      Although my living situation does not allow for pets right now, I believe that having a new pet in your life will provide love, comfort and joy and help with the lose of the others. Just a thought!

      Neal

    2. I dont know what to do … I live alone and my cat has disappeared without a trace ….. I live in a very heavily wooded area and my Titten was an outside cat. no matter what I tried , He was outside more that he was inside … I just wanted him to be happy … I loved him so much , we had a bond that was very special ..we actually could communicate with each other ….. He was only 2 years old , I had him from 6 weeks old and he was everything to me . He was also a hunter and I was constantly worried about him …. whenever he left for any longer than a half hour I would be calling for him and most of the time he would come running to me … yesterday that did not happen I spent most of the day calling and looking but no response …. I was so upset ,all I wanted was for him to come barreling through his door , demanding his dinner just like he always does .. I havnt seen him now for almost 2 days and my heart is broken , I cant stop crying , I want my little guy to come back … I strongly feel that he has been attacked and killed by one of the many preditors around or he would have been back by now … Im writing this because Im having such a hard time and maybe by telling someone who understands what im going through may help me a little . Titten was my best friend and suddenly he is no longer and I feel so alone ….. how does a person go on , its so hard 🙁

    3. Hi, I know just how you feel, and hope you are getting your head around stuff. My cat sufferd same symptoms in June. She was the baby I never had, for 16 luvli years. To this day, holding her and letting the vet put her to sleep, I feel I betrayed her, could I have saved her. After she passed I saw a cat similar to her peep through a Window, like it was really looking for me. I know this was Lucy sending me a message, I’m ok mum.?. I now have fosterd and kept two young cats, they are luvli, u would not be without them, but I wish too i was not without my Lucy,keep strong it gets a bit easier..

    4. Hi Chris — I know the pain, the shock, and the loss you’re feeling because my cat also had the same incidents. He had gotten a blood clot and there were many similarities to your events. He was 13 but I only had him for 9 years. Your writing brought back so many vivid memories that never really left. The only difference was the emergency clinic kept my cat overnight and were able to revive him. [I’m sorry yours went so suddenly.] My cat’s incident was caused by a heart condition which was the same as what you named. His medications kept his heart in check and was able to get back to his same happy cat-self and routine. I was told he had 6 months to a year and it was almost exactly a year later (this past spring) when not even the medications could save him. He went downhill quickly and this time there was nothing anyone could do.

      I plan on keeping his memory alive for a long time. There will always be a hole in my heart but it will always be filled with his treasured memories. It’s been since April and I’m in no rush to get over his loss. I know we all move on and maybe add another pet. Though it helps to put our love into another, it will never replace the furry personality of the special one we lost (it will add to our furry family but not replace). So as you did, I did similar things to remember him. I think of him everyday and remember our routine. It’s hard, as so many write here, to have that joy suddenly gone and our homes not feel like home. I’m thankful your Mrs Kitten was a part of your life and that she was loved so much, as I am with my own sweet cat. I know you’ll cherish your memories forever and Mrs Kitten will always live in that special place in your heart forever.

      TO OTHERS WHO HAVE COMMENTED TO SHARE YOUR LOSS HERE: Though I haven’t been able to reply to everyone, know that my heart goes out to you as well. Take the time you need. It’s your personal loss and no one can tell you how long to grieve or how to grieve. Do whatever you need to remember your furry loved one. Your furry companions were so privileged to have your love!

  149. My beautiful little Fefe just passed away 9/22. She has been my baby since I was a teenager. Her and I have been through so much together and have such a strong bond. Fefe and my cat Snowball are also my moms cats and they live with her. Recently my fiance and I moved to the next state over. I would visit whenever I could. Now that she’s gone I’m so angry at myself for moving out of state and not visiting her more. I thank God I was down here the week before she died. That I got to touch her and love her. Hear her squeak and get her hugs and purrs.

    Fefe died unexpectedly just out the blue. She wasn’t sick or displaying any sort of symptoms. She was only 12 years old. My mother had gone out for the night and my aunt went to go feed the cats in the morning and noticed Fefe not coming for breakfast which is not like her. She went upstairs to check and found her passed. My mom called me all upset. I became physically sick. How could this have happened? I just saw her, she was fine! Now she’s gone. I just don’t understand. I thought I was in some type of sick nightmare.

    The pain I’m feeling is not like any other. I can’t stop crying. I think I’ll be doing better only to randomly break down. Everything reminds me of her. I feel such guilt. I shouldn’t have moved so far. I wish I didn’t leave her at all. My mom wanted to keep the cats with her and I know they would have hated the drive to the new place. We should have brought her to the vet more, did I miss something? The most painful part is it being so random. Not expecting it, not knowing what happened. I keep wondering if she suffered and it’s killing me.

    I have been very worried for Snowball. He just seemed so confused. He’s been doing ok but he still seems to look for her. It’s just even more heartbreaking. I’m terrified everyday now that I’ll wake up and Snowball will be gone. I’ve been staying with my mom the past few days. I am just praying God spares him of pain. He’s just a baby. I don’t want him to hurt. I’ll be downstairs and get this sick feeling to check on him to make sure he’s alive.

    Thank you for listening. I am just torn into pieces. And just wanted to get it out and talk about my fefe. She was a tiny tortie with attitude. She was so sweet and lovey but if you tried to pick her up when she didn’t want to you’d face her wrath! Her meow was so tiny it was a squeak and she had giant round beautiful eyes. Her fur was silky and she loved to be brushed. She was always purring whenever I was near her. She would give me constant hugs or sit on my lap. She would squeak all night sometimes, she didn’t like it when you would sleep! She was not like any other cat and she was and will always be my baby.

    Fefe I love you. I love you so much. I miss you more than I can even explain. The pain of losing you it’s like someone ripped my heart and soul out. I am so sorry no one was there when you passed, that thought is going to haunt me forever. I hope you know how much mom and I love you, and Snowball. We miss you so bad. You will forever be in our hearts. Please please visit us when you can, we need a sign that you are ok. I love you so much. I just want you to come back. We need you. Please let Snowball be ok I don’t want him to be sad I would take on his sadness, I just don’t want him hurt. I love you Fefe, I just want you to come back to me. I hope we gave you a wonderful life. You gave us one. We think of the things that you would do and laugh, it hurts so bad. Looking at your pictures hurt. I just want this pain gone and for you to be home. I love you my she’s pretty.

  150. A person I know had a mother cat of four kitties. When they were big enough to be away from there mother, I could have them. He would give me updates that the mother cat was really taking good care of them, they were all so cute, and each kitty was like there mother and had a white tip on there tails. I didn’t need to take all 4, just what I wanted. We live on a farm, and have a lot of boy cat’s and were primarily looking for just the females. I thought about it, that it wouldn’t be fair, to break up the litter, just because of there sex. I took them all. To this day, I still can’t tell the sex of cat where there still young. I’m very glad I took all 4. Playing, wrestling, and jumping around. They were all siblings and it would of been a shame to break them up. There mainly white, with different shades of gray and black, and all 4 have white tips on there tails. Just like there mother. I gave each kitten a name. Cloudy, Feather, Vanilla, and Coconut. They were the Marsh mellow Family. After some time they all knew there names, were played with and loved. I wanted them to stay and enjoy there new home. The other cats eventually welcomed them also to there colony, and there was no more silly hissing. All seemed well. Then it was just a couple days ago, I couldn’t find Coconut. Coconut was a shy kitty. Came out on her own. Didn’t think nothing of it. She was not in the barn the next day either, and I just couldn’t find her. Two more days passed, and I thought what happened to Coconut. There is a hay field next to our barn. My brother tried to help me find Coconut, and he saw something in the distance in the hay field that was white. He walked over to it, and it was Coconut. He said something must of killed it, and it must of been a painful death, because her mouth was open. She was killed by a predator, we think a raccoon. The bottom half of her was gone. I just found this out last night. I cried, and lost sleep over this. She was a 4 month old kitten. It angers me very much, how I was a good person to take all 4, adjust my life in picking them up, adjust them to there new home, and getting the other cats to like them too. Then this has to happen. Vanilla looks very identical to Coconut, only slightly different. Every time I see Vanilla, I think of Coconut, and it makes me very sad, that she was killed. There are only 3 marsh mellows and not 4.
    She was just wondering around in the hay field, and then to die a horrific death. I keep re-playing this in my mind, the pain she must of endured, and didn’t deserve this. There is also plenty of corn still standing, so there is food available for the coon. No, they have to pick on a helpless kitten, and probably was killed also for sport. I came upon this website, and the tips above do help, that you have to move on, and keep thinking of the good times of seeing her. It does help a little that I got this off my chest, but it still don’t seem right and why did this have to happen to her. I prayed to God to watch over the other 3 kitties, and our other cats, so no more die this way. There cats. They like to roam the fields, and look for mice. Probably she picked this up from the other cats, this is what we also do. There is nothing I can do to change what happened, but I know now God is looking after her and nothing bad can happen to her again. Let her know I’m angered and sad of what happened to her, and that I WANT HER BACK. Why did you make raccoons God? All they do is make property damage, mischief, and there nothing but a vicious animal. To me, I say to myself that people would probably say just get over it, and that it was just a cat. I’ve learned that animals help you when your in a bad mood, or have problems figuring out this world and trying to keep your sanity. It is hard to cope with a this loss and I just miss my Coconut. Hopefully time will help.

  151. I had a Bengal cat that was only 8 years old. She suddenly started losing weight over the course of 2 weeks and stopped eating for 3 days. We found out she had a ruptured abdomen and needed to be put down. We euthanized her today in my arms and I cant stop crying. I can’t stop looking around and wondering where my cat is and what her soul is doing and if she’s happy.

    1. I’m sorry about your sweet kitty. It’s difficult I know, my Milo has been gone 2 months now.
      I believe there is a Rainbow Bridge & that your little kitty & my little Milo are happy & healthy and making a lot of new friends!
      I wish you healing & one day soon you will be able to think of your kitty with big smiles. I can now.
      Abbey

  152. Just a thought for Janice ,Abbey, and Mark, and all others who have a lost a beloved cat; and agonize over those last days, and wonder if somehow they could have or should have, done something differently. I know- your kitty always counted on you to solve every problem, heal every hurt. And you did- until you couldn’t. The grief is sufficient; don’t blame yourself. Remember when- you messed up and angered your kitty, even if it was just stepping on it’s tail. She looked at you as if to say- Why? Well, in a short time, he forgave you completely and the love quickly returned. Your cat knew you loved him, always, and would forgive you Everything, this very moment; if she could.

  153. Our most beloved cat Archie died on Tuesday, August 21. Since then, my waking thoughts are about him — about how much I miss him and also about his last hours, which were filled with pain that I could not spare him. Though I loved Archie’s ‘brother’ Ralphie as much — Ralphie died exactly 18 months ago — my feelings about Archie’s death are much harder to bear because I feel that I failed him. My husband and I were able to ensure Ralphie a peaceful death at home — but in Archie’s case things happened so quickly that we were not able to give him the same gift.

    We were away for a few days because I had promised my father that we would take him to Minneapolis to visit my 94-year-old godmother. The morning we left (Thursday), Archie seemed ‘off’: he did not come out for breakfast, which never happens. We were worried and thought about postponing the trip, but when my husband brought his food to him, Archie did eat some of it, so we decided we should go ahead with the trip.
    We had our usual petsitters/plant waterers come in to feed Archie and our new cat Kedi.

    When we returned home early Sunday evening, Archie did not come to the door, which also had never happened before. We came into the living room to discover Archie huddled under the coffee table. He was drooling and it was clear that he was ill. He showed no interest in eating, and I realized that he was dehydrated. I picked him up, put him up on the counter and gave him water; he drank and drank. My husband and I discussed what to do. We decided not to take Archie to the emergency veterinary hospital because we’ve been there before and it’s an awful experience; we’d wait until morning and take Archie to our regular vet.

    After drinking a lot, Archie went out onto our balcony, where he spent several hours. He accepted a little petting, but it was clear that he was ill. We kept the balcony door open, and I tried to sleep on the sofa so that I could be aware of how he was doing. Eventually, he came in and huddled under an armchair.

    The next morning, we took the earliest appointment we could get at the vet’s. We ended up seeing a young vet we’d not met before because he was available. The vet suspected pancreatitis and decided to give Archie fluids, pain medication and an appetite stimulant; he also did bloodwork. Then he sent us home with additional medication and special food.

    At home, Archie’s condition did not improve. When I spoke to the vet, we agreed to wait to see if the meds would help and to “reassess” in the morning. But as the day, and then the evening and night, wore on, I could feel that Archie was dying. We kept him in a quiet room and I slept on the floor so that I could be near him. My husband came in from time to time to check on Archie. I didn’t think that he would last the night because I could hear his labored breathing.

    But he did survive the night, and in the morning he wanted water again. (I hadn’t thought that he would ever drink again.)

    When the vet called with lab results, I told him that I thought that Archie was dying. The vet said that the lab work seemed to indicate that Archie was fighting an infection. He suggested that we might give Archie more fluids and an antibiotic. I had already accepted that Archie was dying — but, offered this ray of hope, my husband and I decided to take Archie in to the vet’s once more.

    Now I regret with all my heart our decision to do that. The vet administered more fluids and gave Archie an antibiotic. But in the following hours, Archie’s condition did not improve. He was hanging over his water dish, and it was clear that he was in pain. I called the vet’s again and waited for them to return my call.

    When another vet called back, I told her that I thought that Archie was in a great deal of pain. She said that we had agreed to give the meds time and to reassess later. But I could see that Archie was suffering. I brought up euthanasia; she said that we would have to bring him in (which I was reluctant to do).

    Eventually she agreed to give us additional pain medication. I called my husband, who had gone out to run a quick errand, and told him to go to the vet’s for the medication. But none of this mattered — our beautiful Archie was struggling and groaning in pain and there was nothing that I could do to help him. He died an agonizing death right before my eyes — and this was the thing I wished with all of my heart to spare him from.

    When I called my husband, he was just reaching the vet’s.

    Everyone is telling me that we cannot always control circumstances and that I should try to remember all the years of happiness we had with Archie. But the memories of his final hours and dying moments haunt me, and my grief is layered with feelings of terrible guilt that I was not able to spare our brave, beautiful boy a painful death. I know that we tried our best, but I also feel that we failed him.

    It is such a terrible feeling — that you were not able to alleviate the suffering of someone you love.

    Thank you for giving me a place to share these words. I needed somewhere to record what happened and to ‘be’ with others who have also experienced the loss of a beloved pet and family member.

    Finally, I’d like to share a little eulogy I wrote about Archie:

    This afternoon, we lost our beautiful, bright-eyed boy Archie after a brief, sudden illness.

    When he arrived in our house almost 15 years ago, he was small enough for Bruce to hold in the palm of his hand, but also a little spitfire. When his adopted brother Ralphie arrived a few months later, it was suddenly Archie’s job to raise him. Archie grew up to be a real family man as well as Supervisor, Household Manager, and Man of the House. God never made a more noble, elegant and dignified cat than Archie.

    In our home, he was easily the smartest and most responsible of all of us. He also had the best social skills. He never played favorites and took care of all of us equally. He and Ralphie were two halves of a perfect whole, and together they were the light and joy of our lives.

    Thank you, Archie, for all you gave us. We will always miss you.

    1. So beautifully written. I experienced the same with
      My Milo. Your words has brought up Milo’s last 2 days on this earth so with a very heavy heart & lots of tears…RIP Archie and God Bless those who dearly loved him & miss him greatly.

  154. Our beautiful, gentle, loving Pippa (Silver British Shorthair) went to the vets last evening and she didn’t come home. I’ve worked at home with her as a constant companion for almost 15 years. She told me to turn the music down when it was too loud, got me to follow her when she wanted to go out, or wanted a biscuit or water top-up or just some company and loved it when we were in the garden together. She has been such a major character in our lives and now she is just not there suddenly. I’m distraught as we all are. She developed a horrible polyp coming out of a nostril and it made her sneeze so much she just fell over in exhaustion. Eventually she sneezed it out! We were so relieved but then it came back much worse and ended up like a horrible bubble outside her nose. I’m a big, strong, 58 year old man and I just find myself bursting into tears every time I come across anything that reminds me of her. I’ve just put her bowls away and her litter tray and her scratch pole and basket which was difficult. I hope it gets better with time. I feel guilty for her being poorly. Last Sunday morning she jumped up on our bed as we were having a cup of tea (unheard of) and wouldn’t get off. I think she was worried and looking for us to make it better and i feel so guilty that I did’t realise it was getting much worse for her, but she still loved her water and biscuits and running (well, walking lately!) for her treats. I miss her so much. Cats are the most beautiful and enchanting animals! We are lucky for our time with them.

  155. Thank you for a beautiful article and my love and condolences go out to all who have lost their beloved cats, whether through death, divorce or disappearance. My beautiful baby Merlin was put down 6 weeks ago after he stopped eating. He had an aggressive form of lymphoma and it was only going to get worse for him. The night before he died he lay next to me in bed and put his paw on my hand as we went to sleep. I miss him terribly and still cry my heart out. On a good day I can be grateful for the wonderful 10 years we had together. I was so blessed to have him. My life would have been so much poorer without him.

    1. So sorry about your sweet Merlin. I know you are in pain, it hurts a lot when you lose your precious fur baby. I hope, with time, you will be able to start to heal & can start to think about all the good times you had with Merlin.
      My sweet Milo passed away 8 weeks ago, he also had lymphoma. He was being treated with chemo, was doing beautifully & then one Saturday he started to fail. In 24 hours he was gone. I cried hysterically for days. I lost my voice & it took over a week to start to get it back.
      My kitty came to me 9 years ago as a stray but he stole my heart & brought joy to me every single day. I know that’s how you felt about your baby Merlin.
      I wish you the best & again, so sorry about your loss.
      RIP Sweet Merlin

  156. My sister is a very loving person and had problems with anxiety and depression. We went through pet after pet but she needed something to pet and hold. After her month old hamster passed she suddenly asked about a cat. Our house has only been a dog one. I was unsure as well as the rest of us, but we love her so we went to a pet store. We were busy trying to shove an unwilling tabby when I saw my sister looking at this sickly little black cat. She put her finger on the glass and he put his paw on top. She asked if she could change her mind. His name was lucky. We brought him home and she named him Merlin. He was very sick and when we went to the vet to get shots and whatnot she told them he would have died soon if we wouldn’t have adopted him and he was around 6 months old. Long story short, after a time of love and care he became king of the house with all his strange ways and too intelligent eyes. He turned my old cat hating father into putty, they became very close. He was everyone’s baby, our number one. We ended up adopting 2 other cats but he was still the number 1, he was just so different. Then, we noticed he was acting off and hiding like he does when he doesn’t feel well so we decided if he still felt bad in the morning we would take him to the vet. However, the next morning he was his usual self, everything was normal. Then, suddenly, when he tried to get down from the couch he stumbled and I thought, “Oh god, no, Merlin doesn’t stumble” and he fell off the couch completely and onto his back, he tried to stand but his legs on one side were limp, he just went around in circles. We rushed him to the vet and they told us the problem was in his head and nothing could be done. They gave us options since he wasn’t in pain but one side of his brain wasn’t functioning. We decided all we could do was put him on supportive care, steroids, antibiotics, and hope for the best. The next morning they called and said he was dying, we wouldnt make it in time, and not an hour later they said he was gone. It doesnt feel real even though i held his body for hours, I’ve cried for days, and everytime I wake up I forget for a moment and then my heart breaks all over again. My family is devastated and nothing feels the same. We lost a friend and family member in less than 24hours and he was only 3 and we don’t even know what killed him. I’m at a loss, I see him everywhere. I don’t know what to do.

    1. I lost my beautiful boy Harry almost 6 weeks ago. It was sudden & symptoms very similar to Merlin. He was at the vets & had lots of tests it turned out he had a brain lesion. He made it through the tests but had a cardiac arrest during the night while waiting on a treatment plan. I feel so bad I couldn’t be with him, I would of stayed but thought he would be ok.
      I’m so heartbroken, I miss him more than words can explain. He has been with me every night for 11 years, how am I going to live without him.
      He is everywhere I look. He was a ragdoll & even though I’m super clean & tidy I keep finding bits of his white fur around the house, stuck to mats etc. I have a bundle I keep with me all the time & his ashes are on my bedside table.
      I miss our cuddles & purring sessions.
      I am breaking down every day but I am trying very very hard to be thankful that I had 11 yrs of unconditional love from him & I know he knew how very much he was loved in return. Try not focus on the last day or two. His liife was so much more.
      ???????????????????????????

  157. i lost my kitten yesterday morning.He jumped from the window and leave this world. As his owner,i didnt not take care of him,i cried from yesterday till now,i
    can not live without him,the home was full of his smell.Even i still can feel him when i miss him..i will keep his ashes with me ..

    1. Anna,
      I know how you must feel and I am sure that you took care of him the best way you knew how. I do not feel like I can live without my kitties either. But isn’t it good to know that the time you spend with them is your’s and only your’s! A friend suggested to me: “To remember those kitties and the good times”. You do the same!!!!!!!!!!

      Neal

    2. You loved him and gave him a good life. He was a lucky cat. Try not to feel guilty about how he left this world. My dear cat died nine days ago. I feel for you. Love and best wishes.

  158. My cat didn’t die, but I made the decision to have her adopted and I’m missing her so much. She’s in a home now with an amazing owner who is such a sweet, loving soul and is giving her so much love and attention, which I was unavable to provide much of this year. Although I am so utterly grateful and pleased that she is so happy in her new home, I can’t help but miss her and our special bond we had. It’s been nearly a month and today I was missing her so hard I actually cancelled dinner plans with friends and just stayed home and moped. Reading this I decided I ought to be grateful she is alive and happy and healthy in a loving, attentive home.

  159. I miss my kitty cats!!
    I found this site last night while thinking of how much I miss my kitty cats and feeling the overwhelming need for a place to express my loss. I pray that I am in the right place as I did not loose them due to death but of divorce. So, the sadness, loneliness and pain in my heart might as well be the same as if I had lost them due to death. Zebulon and Zoey are best friends as well as brother and sister. We got them when they were babies. Of course they are still babies in my heart but they are about 7 years old now.
    Zebby and Zoey were taken from me on July 12, 2018 and I never got a chance to say goodbye. I had been struggling with whether or not to fight for one if not both of them but ultimately decided that I was being selfish and that the best option was keeping them together regardless of who had them. I will never get to hold them, play with them feed them or see them again. I miss and love them with all my heart and they are my best friends, I have not found a way to overcome my grief or loss and have not be able to stop crying. My heart aches and I have no one to share this loss or my feelings with. It does me good to know that they are loved and will be taken care of but it does not relief the pain, sadness and loneliness I feel. When I think of all the good times I have had with them, it only intensifies my loss.

    Thanks for listening,
    Neal

    1. Neal- Like most of the kind people in this community, I have lost a cat, and know the pain that comes with that. Reading the replies in the past months, I have wondered about the caretakers who have been separated from their cats/ best friends; by illness, natural disaster, and breakups/divorces. It seems like a different kind of suffering, and especially cruel; as they too, wonder where you have gone, and why. I hope you will see them again; but perhaps that is impossible. It hurts because you shared so much; and I hope you find that again. I am not a therapist, but have a suggestion for you; really for anyone who has lost a cat. To many people this may seem so obvious, but the experience was profound for me. In dealing with the hurt, some people may try to fight the pain by somehow, simply not thinking about what they have lost. Maybe there is a word for this process. I suggest that anyone not do this. It dulls the memories of love and joy that are there; and need to be held on to- til your last day. And can be experienced again. Remember those kitties and the good times.

      1. JR, Your right!
        I will always remember my kitties, Zoey and Zebby and the great times that I had with them. Regardless of whether it makes me feel sad or not. One good thing that I am grateful for is to feel that they are being taken care of.

        Neal

  160. Just 3 days ago, I had to put down my cat, Yoda. Words can’t describe the unimaginable pain and loss I feel. He was 16 years old, but I thought he would live forever. We were pals, best friends. I am devastated and my heart is broken. I know I gave him a good life, but I feel guilty for letting him go. Could I have taken him to the vet earlier and prevented this? He was definitely one of a kind who liked to sleep by your head and put his paws around your neck and hug you. He would let himself outside by pulling open the sliding screen door (even though he wasn’t supposed to). He would meet me in the morning at the bathroom sink to get a drink. I hope that time helps ease the pain and what would be left is just sweet memories.

    1. So sorry for your loss, Karen. Yoda sounds like he was a super special guy. I’m sure he knows how much you love him.

      1. Thank you. Reading the many stories helps me greatly. I will miss Yoda forever but know that I gave him unconditional love and he gave that in return.

    2. Karen,
      Sorry for you kitty Yoda. Its an empty feeling for sure. I guess we find peace by knowing we didn’t let them suffer the best we could. Its 3 weeks since I lost Oliver. He was 18 1/2 yrs old. I miss him so. I feel somewhat less depressed now so hang in there it’ll get better with time. Thinking of you. Alan

  161. I came across this article from the meme “if love could save you, you’d live forever” and even though I never had a cat, it made me think of the friend who has left this world…
    One can replace cat with his/her beloved friend in the article andnit still applies… The feelings are lovingly expressed

  162. 2 years ago, a cat called Cauliflower passed away. He wasn’t even my cat, he came from neighbourhood and lived outside with our other cats. He was really vocal cat, but a little bit terrified by humans, maybe his owner was abusive to him, idk. He could lie on the downstairs for hours and talk, hug my hand and purr. But one day he was lying down without too many movements, and breathing quickly. We knew, that tommorow he will be gone. Even in his last hours, he was looking at me with love, purring and meowing like he used to do. So smart and unforgettable cat, I miss him so much.

  163. I lost my beautiful boy Harry 2 weeks ago. He was only 11 I thought I would have for many more years. He has a massive brain tumour & had a cardiac arrest while we were waiting on his mri results. He was incredibly affectionate, loving & loyal, we loved him & he loved us unconditionally.
    He has left such an empty space everywhere I look I expect to see him. The nights are the worst as he slept with me every night.
    I miss home so so much.
    It is comforting to find many others are feeling the same??& that we can grieve together.

    1. Harry’s Mum- I felt I needed to say something, that might comfort you; though the grief at losing Harry may seem unbearable. I cannot say that I know what you feel; but everyone on this forum understands the – Empty Space. I suspect he stole your heart , brought joy to every day, and became a part of your existence. Eleven years was not nearly enough, but hope you can find peace in the thought that he felt the same way about you; and he surely did.

  164. Two weeks ago I lost my first cat Oliver. We rescued him at 12 weeks. He was 18 yrs old.
    I am so empty inside, so sad, I have cried every day since we had to make the decision to put him down because of a large mass the vet discovered in his belly that day. He lost half his weight, and was in obvious distress. The vet never said to us, we should put him down. Instead he left the final decision to us. We made the hard choice and I cannot get that day out of my head. It plays over and over like a bad nightmare. I hope that this pain will ease and I will be able to remember all the good times and not so good times we share without tears. All of you that are going through this as I am, I understand your pain. I get it! Maybe we can all help each other heal somehow. Thanks for listening and for having this forum to share our feelings with others dealing with the loss of their best buddy.

    1. George Hirtle Jr.

      Alan
      I am so very sorry for your loss and I am so thankful for this site where we can all express our deepest emotions for the pain and loss of our beloved fur babies.
      It was 6 weeks ago today that my wife and I said goodbye to our beloved 14 year old beautiful calico cat “Princess”. Although the pain for us has subsided a bit it has not gone away completely. There are times when I still expect to find her sleeping in the closet or sitting on the kitchen table waiting for her treats or looking up at me when she wanted to be brushed. About a week ago we sought help through our local Cornerstone Hospice. They have grief councilors who spent time with us and helped us to understand the process of grieving for the loss of our “Princess”. They have a program that we will be volunteering for where we can foster a pet ( cats in our instance ) of someone who is in the care of hospice. Through their program we will be able to help the patient who may be stressed about leaving a pet behind and also help the pet by giving it on-going care and love in our home. We will be doing this in memory of our beloved “Princess” and all of our cats that we have lost over the years.
      Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

      1. George,
        Thanks for the kind words. Also, my thoughts are with you for your loss.
        Its a lonely feeling, I know, its 3 weeks today since Oliver passed. Its gotten a little better, I almost have no more tears Ive cried so much. I swear sometimes at night I hear a meow or a flash from the corner of my eye I think, no, just my mind playing tricks. We all gave our kittys the best most loveable home possible. Hopefully we can move forward and just be left with great memories. Good to meet you George.
        Alan

  165. My cat Bagpuss died 2 days ago and my heart is broken I really miss her I can’t stop crying and it just feels like I am so alone I do have 2 other kittens but Bagpuss was my baby I have read other messages on here and I agree with you all they are not just cats they are very special friends and she certainly was God Bless you Bagpuss I will always love you xx

  166. Thank you for the article. My 10 year old cat died from cancer 2 months ago. I’ve been having such a hard time adjusting to life without him. A lot of people don’t understand, they feel it’s just a cat. Truth is- my Elliott was my best friend. I’m happy to say he didn’t have the chance to suffer, yet I feel robbed of the years we could of had together. RIP my sweet boy.

  167. I don’t know how I found this site but I’m glad I did!
    I lost my sweet boy to cancer 3 weeks ago & it was nice to find a place that I could express my feelings. I thought I was the only one who found themselves devastated by the loss of their cat but I see I’m not!
    It’s difficult, my boy passed away 3 weeks today but I still find myself crying everyday. I really miss him & my house is lonely without him.
    For all those in pain because of their loss, God Bless You. I’m hoping time will heal our pain.
    Abbey

  168. Thanks to Laurie for providing this forum for expressing the love we have for our dear companions. Peace and healing to Delaney and all the others who are hurting from the loss of a cherished friend. We are grateful to folks like Helen who take the time to to offer kindness to a stranger. There is nothing quite like the love we share with a cat. One of life’s great blessings.

  169. This past Monday i had to put my best friend down. BB, the sweetest Siamese. I got her two years ago and she was only a pound and a half!! My first pet for living in my own. She was everything to me, struggling with panic attacks and depression she was my little therapist. Always by my side, always calming me down. Always in my way too! Couldn’t even put makeup on without her in my face… she even drove across the United States with us (my fiancé) and I for the biggest change of my life! She slept the whole ride like a champ.
    A week ago my fiancé brought me flowers home, lilies. We had no idea they were poisonous to cats. She played with them and what not til she finally started acted funny. Rushed her to the emergency vet and for days I spent absolutely freaking out, thinking the worst… after a couple of days, those stupid flowers caused kidney failure. I’ve never felt such heartbreak. I’ve never felt such emptiness in my heart, and my home. For stupid flowers. I hate being home. It’s not home without her in it. I’m completely lost and I see her everywhere. I don’t know if that’s bad or good. I haven’t even been able to dream without seeing her. My sweet girl is gone, and it’s so so heavy. My fiancé and I are so heartbroken over this. Most painful loss I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to hurt anymore, but I miss my sweet BB so much

    1. Dear Delaney I am so very sorry to hear about your precious BB. What a devastating thing to happen. So very heartbreaking to lose a kitty at such a young age. There is probably not much anyone can say to ease your pain but you gave your kitty (by the sounds of it) a pretty amazing life – hold on to those memories of the wonderful adventures you both shared & the love & care you gave her. You were her Momma & she wouldn’t want you to be in so much pain. Sending you a very big hug, god bless x

  170. Last night I had to put my best friend down. His name was Talcum and he was 17 years old. I got him on Easter when I was 3 years old. I still remember picking my little fluff ball out. And we have been together ever since.
    I went out to college two years ago and I couldn’t take him with me. I always came home to see my kitty. I have a feeling he was holding on to see me one last time because when I got home he noticeably stopped eatting and drinking water. I tried so hard without luck even put him on appetite stimulants. The vet checked him out and couldn’t find anything wrong with him.
    Finally I woke up didn’t find him sleeping next to me like usual. I found him under a chair outside wheezing and looking frail. I pet him and cuddled him and cried until I decided starving and having a hard time breathing wasn’t a quality of life.
    In his final moments he was looking at me in the eyes. I scratched behind his ear and told me he was my best friend and hes been such a good boy all these years. And like that… his eyes went from focused to empty.
    Last night, in a half asleep daze my boyfriend gently sat on the edge on my bed. I got up excited thinking it was my cat because my cat always got up on my bed from the edge by my feet like that. I thought this was just a sad dream and we were still together. The joy faded as fast as it came.
    I’m missing my childhood friend.

    1. Abigail McKenzie

      So sorry to hear the very sad news about your sweet boy. I do understand your pain. My big, beautiful, orange boy passed away a week ago. My kitty was 9 years old & had cancer, he was in the middle of his chemo treatment, his little body gave out.
      I have found that once the memory of my kitty’s last day or two started fading, I could begin to remember the love, friendship, loyalty that we shared over the years. My boy was suffering those last 2 days, your boy seemed to have suffered too. All I could think about were his sad eyes. Now I think about his bright eyes, his big feet & paws & how he loved to cuddle.
      I wish you sweet memories of your kitty. ?❤️

  171. My name is Ali. My wife and I lost our 1yr 11month old cat Glen. He was a rescue cat who we got at 6months. He entered our lives and completely turn them round. He made us smile and gave him all our love. Last night (7hrs ago) he popped outside for his evening stroll and within 10minutes I heated this shriek from the garden. Glen was on the floor not able to move. He was crying and scared as were we, we took him to the emergency hospital and he died on route. I am completely devasted as is my wife and I cannot see the light st the end of the tunnel in terms of coming to realise that our cat is no longer alive. It’s not confirmed but we were told it’s suspected blood clot that led to our cat’s sudden death. We try and seek comfort in knowing the short time he did have. We gave him a life full of love. This is the first time we have not had a pet in 6years (had guinea pigs before Glen) I can’t imagine another cat being as lovey as Glen was. I would like to maybe think another kitten down the line is a good idea but worry that it won’t be as affectionate as Glen.

    1. Ali – I am so sorry that you and your wife lost Glen, the cat you loved so much, and at such a young age. There is little to say that will ease your grief. I hope you may take comfort and find peace in the thought that Glen was rescued, cared for and was loved at the moment he needed it most. I spend time every week with shelter/rescue cats, and am certain that there is one that needs your love, and will return it, when you are ready.

  172. My big handsome orange kitty passed away 2 days ago on his own time in the hospital with me holding him. He had cancer, just had his 8th of 15th chemo treatments. He had been doing so well, a great little patient who purred while he got his IV’s. He deteriorated over night, he was suffering, God knew best.
    TB came to me as a stray 9 years ago. He was God sent as my 14 year beloved doggie had died only months before. He turned out to be the most loving little guy, he helped me through my cancer battle. He cuddled with me every night & it didn’t matter to me that my shoulder or neck or leg hurt in the morning because he had layed on it all night. To me he was perfect & he was my baby.
    My heart is breaking, I’ve had many severe crying spells, sometimes I can’t breath. I’ve lost many pets over the years, TB’s passing has hit me extremely hard. Maybe because he tried so hard to get better. We were making plans to move into a new home, my heart aches that he won’t be moving with me.
    Thank-you for letting me share my boy’s story here, it helps.

  173. I lost my perfect little prince, Sufjan, earlier this month. It was the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced. We adopted him from a shelter over ten years ago – they said he was one or two at the time. I learned just how special he was pretty early on.

    Sufjan was a diva, a lover, and an old soul all wrapped into one. He would wrap his gangly silver arms around my neck and gave me a hug every time I picked him up. Sometimes he’d rest his head on my shoulder while we embraced. He loved holding hands by squeezing his little paw around my finger. Sometimes he’d initiate hand holding when he needed comfort.

    He loved people and a good party. He was a social cat to say the least. He welcomed everyone but dogs or outsider cats into our home. He made sure that anyone who visited was greeted and had a chance to pet him.

    Suf sat in a chair at the dinner table and would sometimes pat the table with his paw indicating that he was ready for some grub. He liked to eat with his paws.

    He had to inspect every bag that came into our home, and knew what things were ours and what were his before anything was unpacked. Once he found a toy that I had bought for him and took it out of the bag, separated it from the cardboard (it was tightly secured with plastic ties) and was playing with it before I even had a chance to put whatever groceries and things that were in there away.

    He was sweet and he loved his routines. He knew how to open doors by standing on his hind legs and using his front paws to pull levers down and push. He would often do this to go spend time after eating breakfast to cuddle with my partner before he had to head off to work. Sometimes he’d wait for me to let him in if he was feeling patient enough.

    There’s so much that I could say about him – he had a lot of dimension to his character. He was the sweetest and most beautiful grey cat. We tried to give him the best life that we could and also the most peaceful departure that we could.

    When we noticed he wasn’t feeling well, we made a vet appointment for him the next morning. They said he was stable and sent him home. He declined rapidly and he took him to the ER that evening. He was admitted and stayed in the ICU for a week. We finally took him home since all results were inconclusive and I stayed home from work to be with him 24/7 to try to get him through everything. He was on so many medications round the clock. I tried dropping food and water into his mouth because he had lost the urge to do it for himself. It tore me apart to see my baby hurting. We tried our best to save him but finally his body gave out. We had to call an at-home vet to help him transition peacefully. My partner and I each held one of his paws and kissed him goodbye.

    I haven’t had any dream visitations yet and I just miss him so very much. We were soul bonded. I wish that he could tell me where he was and how he’s doing.

  174. George Hirtle Jr.

    Thursday, June 21, 2018
    It has been four days now since my wife Carole and I had to say goodbye to our beloved 14-year-old cat Princess.

    Princess was the youngest, at 14, of the other 4 cats we’ve had to say goodbye too. All of our cats we’ve had since kitten-hood.
    We were in Massachusetts when we lost Mindy, Molly and Dennis. Molly was in August of 2002 at age 16, Dennis was 18 in January of 2004 and Mindy was 18 in December 2004 (New Year’s Eve). We found Samantha in 1993 and Princess in the springtime of 2004.
    We moved to Florida in November of 2005 with Samantha and Princess. We found Joey in 2006. Samantha went to heaven in 2011 at age 18.
    It’s been a long journey and I’m grateful for having them all in our lives but it’s just so hard when you have to make the decision to let them go. Grief comes in big crashing waves. I have my moments of peace but then I have memories of seeing my Princess on the kitchen table waiting to be fed some of her favorite treats or hiding in our bathroom closet or the hall closet during a thunderstorm or letting me know that she wanted to be brushed. I’m having a very hard time with this. There is a heaviness about it that I don’t quite understand. I miss her very much and I don’t know as if I’ll ever get over the fact that I’ll never see her again. I know that one day soon we’ll get a call that her ashes are ready to be picked up and then she will be back home with us again.
    George H
    Ps
    At about 1:45 PM today we received a phone call that Princess’s ashes were available for pick up. She is now back home with us.

  175. I had to put my dear sweet little Miss Maddie down on Monday. She was only six years old but had stomach cancer I could no longer see her suffer.

    She stole my heart and now I am absolutely heartbroken I hate being home and I hate being with people I just want her in my arms one more time. As a single mom I rescued her when my son was getting ready to go off to college saying to myself I needed someone, something to take care of she became my companion my best friend. I miss her so much I feel lost I wake up crying I go to sleep crying I sit and have my morning coffee and expect her to jump on the table to join me…. I go to sleep at night missing her crawling up to me and listening to her pit, she used to wrap her two front paws around my arm when we slept. she took a piece of my heart, i’ve been praying every day since Monday to have her please visit me whether it be in my dreams absolutely lost I don’t know what to do.

    1. Cheryl- I don’t know if I can say anything that will lessen your sorrow in losing your beloved Miss Maddie. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that the people in this forum understand your grief. I never thought I could love anything so much, as I did my cat, Shelly, that left me three months ago. Six years is not nearly enough, but I’m sure Maddie knew how much she was adored, every single day. One of life’s wonderful gifts is that bond that you shared with her; nothing quite like it. The fact remains that she is still not there; but I wish you peace, and hope that someday your thoughts of her will be beautiful ones. And forgive me if I say, that in time, I hope your heart will be healed; and another kitty will steal it away.

      1. Thank you JR for your kind words .

        Nighttime is the worse time, Maddie would sit on my lap and keep me company and then it was time to go to bed I would say come on girlie, I would go to bed she would jump on and call right next to me until about 4:30 AM and she would swap meet with her paw and tell me it was time to feed her….I miss her so much.

  176. I have lost yet another wee cat to a road accident , and it’s me who has found them both, 1st cat was wee Rosie and was just 3 years old , I got Rosie and her sister Tilly together , Tilly was always the quiet 1 and Rosie outgoing but Tilly got lost and I searched for over a week for her and found her all thanks to a wee girl that took her in because she was so skinny and phoned the number on tags , all my pets have been microchipped too, Tilly won’t venture far now after her stay outside for over a week , she sticks to my side like glue if I’m out in backyard or front garden. It was just 3 weeks after I got Tilly back I got a chap at door saying one of my cats were hurt , don’t ask me how I got round so fast but knew in my heart that she was gone before I even got to her! And now to wee poppy who my friend thought would cheer Tilly and dogs up after about 6 months after Rosie passing, seemed to lift my spirits a wee bit too not seeing Tilly depressed without her sister and Angel and Kylie my dogs took to her like she was always here , she even slept with Angel while Tilly prefers me to cuddle into , had Poppy too for just 3 years and it was same road on a Saturday again that I lost her to a speeding driver once again who didn’t stop couldn’t get registration number off my cctv in garden , but seen her run through garden a just lay down she was trying to come home , she must have had internal bleeding as her mouth and nose were bleeding , I found poppy myself again that was 5 weeks ago nearly on 12th of May, she was still warm when I lifted her up into my arms , I couldn’t bear to let her go , my friend had to call her husband so they could put her wee body in a box till I decided what to do with her get her cremated like Rosie and put ashes together , but cremation couldn’t come till Monday, so decided to bury poppy in garden and ashes of Rosie there too , don’t know if it’s because I know she s out there I can’t stop crying every night , know my other fur babies are grieving too as Angel is always in every room crying for her I don’t know what to do , I talked to my friends and they say it will get easier , hate seeing my fur babies sad but hate myself for letting poppy out later as weather been good she was hour past her time usually got her in , so sorry for long story but this is first site I came across and your words were very soothingxxxccc

  177. Farewell To My Sweet & Beloved Cat – Little Bai Bai

    Rest in peace my sweet and beloved little baby! Losing you is utter devastation, a deeply shattering experience that won’t go away any time soon. Though police refused to investigate your tragic death in a hit-and-run accident on 15 May 2018 due to unjust animal’s law in Singapore, but God will execute justice and judgement for you one day!! Current law in Singapore, if a motorist knocks down a dog, pig, ass, mule, horse, goat, sheep or cattle — which activists describe as animals with farm value — the Road Traffic Act states that failure to stop and help the animal could be a crime and the driver could face S$3,000 fine or jail term of up to a year. Unfortunately, the Act is silent on other animals such as cats, birds, rabbits, monkeys and wild boars. What a nonsensical and ludicrous Road Traffic Act for animals!! Can you still see a horse, ass, mule, sheep, pig, goat or cattle running on the road in Singapore?? There are so many stray cats and monkeys in Singapore but the Road Traffic Act does not protect these animals.

    Unfortunately, a cat hit-and-run in Singapore is not illegal!! Despite the fatuous law, if a person who intentionally hit my beloved cat died horribly and painfully, even though he or she could escape from the judgement of law, but I believe in the end he can’t escape from his guilty conscience for cruelly killing my beloved pet!!

    My dear little baby, you are not only belonged to me but to many old uncles and aunties who love and fed you. They are still grieving over your sudden and tragic death!! I didn’t expect you died sudden at a young age. If I know I would force and lock you at small utility room, despite you didn’t love to stay at home and ran out few times from home and made so much noise every time I bought you back.

    Thanks God for giving me such a sweet, adorable, beautiful and wonderful cat for the past two years. Though her life was so short, but she brought me so much joy, fun, laughter and happiness into my life. She loved me unconditionally, and God You love me unconditionally through this sweet little baby too. I strongly believe that God would take good care of her now and evermore in the heaven. And she would rest safely in Your arms and my heart until we meet again. I pray for peace, comfort and healing as I let go of this sweet little baby on Your Hands that I love so deeply!

    Miss & love you so much my sweet and wonderful little baby!!

  178. My cat is being put down today, in 3 hours. I don’t know what to do. I’m lying in the sofa with her by my legs, her head resting om my foot, just bawling my eyes out. I cannot understand that this is the last moment I have with her. These are the last times I can pet her, kiss her, carry her and hug her. I will never feel her shiny fur against my skin again. I will never hear her purr again. I will never feel her little body coming up to me in bed, watch her trying to get in underneath the cover. She will never be here again.
    I already miss her so much, I can’t focus on anything. I can’t imagine coming home and her not being there. I’ve had her since I was 4 years old, I can barely remember when we didn’t have her. This is the hardest thing ever.

    Tiara, I love you, forever and always. Please come visit us sometimes. You can sleep in my bed, next to me, every night if you want to, but I won’t be able to see you, that’s all. You can sit outside the shower when I’m showering, listening to the water, I know how much you like that.
    You are my best friend, the only one I feel 100% comfortable with. You literally are the only one I can be fully myself around. You are deeply loved by us and I hope we’ll meet again, sometime, somewhere.
    I love you.

    1. Dear Hedda,

      Few words can give you relief from the pain you are feeling. I’ve been exactly where you are now. The emotional hurt is excruciating – know you are not alone in this pain, that so many of us have gone through it and understand. When you are able, heed the advice of many in this forum on how to move forward no matter how difficult it may seem. The passage of time is relentless – this is actually a good thing as time does heal. But first things first, give your darling the gift of your strength, be strong for her, let her know she is not alone and is so adored.

      I am sorry for your loss.
      Charles

    2. Oh Hedda – I am so so sorry. I’m sobbing as I read your post because I felt every word you wrote exactly 7 weeks ago today when I put my own precious cat down. In fact, so many of these heartfelt posts in these comments echo my own feelings. I wrote in a notebook everyday for the first week as a letter to my cat — all my feelings and everything I miss. I had to because I was so overcome with grief and I also wanted to look back on those words in the future. I still write at least once a week and it has been helpful.

      My heart goes out to you. I can tell your Tiara loved you so so much and must have been so happy to have such a loving, caring mommy like you. Take your time and do what you need to as you work through your grief in the weeks, months, or years to come. And take as long as you need. This is what I plan on doing for myself as my beloved cat was my everything and filled the void of a best friend, significant other, child, everything since I live alone, am single, and no kids.

      I hope this quote from a pet loss book I have gives you comfort : “Remember your deep sadness reflects the intensity of your love for your departed friend.” “…We hope you allow yourself to imagine a moment sometime in the future. In that moment, some time from now, you’ll know to have loved so fully means you have received one of the most special gifts that life grants us.”

      These initial days are the hardest but know I truly am thinking of you. [And my heart goes out to anyone else reading this in the future.] Our beloved pets change our lives forever and they will never, ever be forgotten.

    3. Hedda- I just wanted to say how profoundly sorry I am, that you have lost your dear companion- Tiara. Charles and R expressed my feelings far better than I ever could. Those of us fortunate enough to have shared the love of a cat; do understand the sorrow when you talk about the “last times.” I suspect she was always- there- a comfort during difficult times, growing up. Now, on maybe the worst day of your life, she is missing. Now, it seems too much to bear, but I hope you find peace, and know she adored you, every minute of her life. Possibly, although it seems impossible today, you will visit a cat somewhere, lost and alone, and desperate for love. Despite yourself, you gather it in your arms as it clings to you for dear life. And that will be the very best day of that creature’s life; as it steals your heart away, once more.

    4. I’m so sorry, Hedda. It really is one of the hardest things in life to lose our beloved fur babies who have been there through so much of oru lives. Tiara is always in your heart and you gave her a good life.

      When I lost my kitty, I missed her on my bed so much that I chose my four favorite pictures of her and had a pillow made on one of those photo sites. It’s beautiful and I love that I get to see her every morning when I make my bed and every night before I go to bed.

      You will always miss her, but that speaks to the depth of the love you had for each other. <3

  179. I am coming up on 2 months without my angel kitty. I got her when I was 21 in college. I thought we had years more together but she has a tumor in her mouth that originated in her nasal cavity. It never even occurred to me that she would die anytime soon, and now it haunts me because she had been sneezing a lot for a few months and it was unlike her. Maybe if id taken her in sooner she would have been able to get treated. Her last good day was a Friday and then she went downhill, started drinking from the toilet and not eating. I stupidly didn’t cancel my plans I had that night, I thought we had more time and she was feeling better.

    On her last day she went and slept in another room and we lay down together for a long time. I took a video of her purring and it feels like a knife in my heart every time I watch it but I can’t stop. I’m so grateful to have had those last precious moments with her. I only knew she was sick for about a week and a half before I took her for her last visit. I couldn’t bear to have her get sicker. But I’d do anything for one more good day with her.

    The worst parts are the moment of excitement that I get to see her when I’m on my way home before I realize “oh.. yeah.” And When I switch off my light at night, she would always come running over to lay on me and purr me to sleep… not having that kills me. I’ve had pets before but we went through so much together. It feels like it will never feel the same, I miss her so much and only a few days have passed where I havent totally lost it at least once. I think about getting another cat someday and it jut makes me sad to think of someone else in “her” spots.

    I miss her so much and I can’t seem to let go.

    Thanks so much for listening.

    1. A word for D and Karen. I understand the emptiness and devastation you feel, as I lost my kitty and best friend,eleven weeks ago. I was buying something for her at a yard sale when she first came into my life nineteen years ago. A lady there told me – ” She will change your life”, and I just laughed. Little did I know. If you are lucky, they will steal your heart- but then they take it with them when they leave. I just hope you will find peace in the truth of the Love you shared; and possibly are able to experience it- again.

      1. Thank you so much for your kind words JR. I hope the same for you. They really do change your life in ways you can’t anticipate. I’m thankful to know what it feels like to love so deeply, and while it seems unfathomable, I hope to experience that again one day. And for you to have it again one day.

      2. Jr you’ve got the part where they steel your heart I can’t stop crying and heart aches so much not see I g my poppy , my other cat and my dogs feel the pain too wee Tilly my other cat keeps coming up and head bonking me every time I cry ?x

  180. Today I had to let go of my best friend, my mister, my common law spouse, my booty, my Tigs. Adopted him 16 years ago. Orange tabby stole my heart – he’s struggled with hyper thyroid the last five years which we managed with medication. Then last year between hip replacements for me, his fur got all funky. We thought it was just old age but when I took him for his checkup – they found kidney failure. We managed his diet, gave him IV fluids which worked for a while. The past few weeks, he had stopped eatting his dry food. I was giving him pretty much whatever he wanted. He stopped sleeping with me but still demanding nightly cuddles. Until 48 hours ago – his meow was different – he was so frail. I held him Thursday night as much as he would allow. Last night he didn’t want to be held. This morning we decided that the light was gone from our dear old man’s eyes. I called my vet & we took him for his last visit with “dem girls” at the vets office. I laid my head next to him and told him it was almost over & soon he could rest. It was quick – I’ve cried all day – the silence in my house is deafening. I’ve never been home alone. I’m heart broken for my loss of my mister. But he loved me – I was truly his person. I miss him so but I know I gave him all I could. And best of all I gave him a peaceful exit with me there to comfort & love him. I’m grateful for the support & unconditional love he unselfishly gave to me. Life will be lonely without my booty……..I miss his face.

    1. Your love for your little guy is obvious, Karen, and I send a spiritual (and virtual hug) your way. I know how you feel and it’s amazing how huge an impact these furry guys and gals have on us. Time will pass and the pain will lessen and you should find ways to honor the memory of having been blessed with such a wonderful relationship. It’s difficult now but in time you will smile at the wonderful times you spent together. I know I am a better person for having had my precious girl for 18 years (lost this past March).

      Be well,
      Charles

      1. I lost my girl Sadie on March 31, 2018. She was 18 years old and had lost her voice in January and slowly during those 3 months she was slowly losing weight and I will never know what was wrong with her…she used to cuddle under the blanket with me and she was such a sweet cat. I have 2 more cats to go though this process with (1 is 18, Sadie’s Brother….and 1 that is 14). I held her in my arms as the color changed in her eyes and I saw the light and color leave her eyes. I just kept holding her as 2 of my friends took me to the river where I could bury her and they dug the hole and 1 of the guys took her gently away from me and put her in that hole as I bawled my eyes out. My 2 cats I have still just kept walking around the house and looking around corners ….like they were looking for her. It’s been 3 months since she passed and I still cry. I bought a puppy dog ring as a tribute and to remember Sadie.

  181. I had the best cat ever. I am so happy I had him for 20 years. But he was showing his age, and I reluctantly began to think
    about the time when Inky would no longer be with me. He rested a lot, of course, but seemed okay (given his age) otherwise.
    One day I went to work and I said bye-bye to him as I did every morning. My father was getting ready for work, and he went
    into the sunroom where Inky was lying on the rug, and petted him. Then dad went to the bathroom, and when he came out,
    he went to see Inky again. But Inky was gone.

    I can’t forgive myself for not being there when he died. I wish I had held him in my arms and petted him as he left me.
    I know it might sound over the top to some, but I still tear up when I remember my baby. He might have wondered
    where I was at the last.

  182. On May 19, 2018 my beloved Nino Ladino passed away naturally in our home with the company of his beloved family.

    He was 15 years old, and he went peacefully in our arms, just like he was falling sleep, his last sleep.

    It could be sound a little strange, but a day before his departure I felt that it was the last day. On Thursday he eats a lot (his favorite carpaccio), he jumps on his favorite couch like he was cured, but I felt that weird sensation….then the next day stops eating, and stops drinking, and everything was clear for me. I decided play for him the whole piano repertory that I have in my head, including his favorite (and mine) composer: Mozart.

    It’s very difficult to me write this, but I miss him a lot, he was a smart, intelligent cat, he talks with me every day, he sings with me, he enjoys when I played piano, he cares about me when I was sad, he was brave: he killed a bunch of snakes and scorpions to protect us. He was a smart, intelligent, wise and a gentleman. Now is a beautiful angel. RIP my beloved Nino.

  183. Over the past nine weeks I have read every story on this Blog; although all are heart-breaking, wonderful that so many cats received a lifetime of love. I never imagined that I would fall in love with a cat; as the folks here will understand it is an amazing thing, when a cat picks you- to love. I was in my fifties when my cat, Shelly, showed up on my front porch, nineteen years ago , weak and hungry, and decided to spend her life with me. I didn’t know it then, but my life would be transformed; every day, even the hard ones, a joy. I could write a book about our life, but as you can imagine, it was never dull, and full of love. She lived for years with kidney disease ( she may have been 22 years old), and over a year after a stroke.; and loved every day of her life, until she became ill. I fear now that I waited too long to let her go; but didn’t know when or how to say good bye to my best friend. She has been gone 9 weeks now, and the pain and emptiness is constant. I don’t know how she found me; but it was the sweetest gift that I ever received.

  184. This morning I lost my Devon. He was the the strongest bond that I have had with any pet I’ve had on my almost 40 years. I knew the end was nearing but I thought I had more time. He was fine yesterday and gone today. I am most grateful that I was with him in the end, he saw me and I held him. I told him it was ok and that I loved him. I’ve had a rough year, including a terminal cancer diagnosis of a sibling and he was my rock. I’m buried by regrets of not spending as much time with him the end as my personal life was changing, and I can’t get that time back. At times I cry so hard I can’t breath and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is getting cremated and the vet will provide me with a paw print impression but I can’t imagine that void ever getting filled….

  185. March 24th this year.

    Her legs just…stopped working. Renal issues, apparently.

    I knew what was gonna happen as soon as I saw her lying there. I didn’t wanna accept it, but we brought her in. She was so good, barely fussed, popped her head out of the carrier and just looked around. Wasn’t scared by everything new around her, just watched with such beautiful curiosity in her eyes. Must’ve been the first time she’d seen a dog in 17 years, and she was barely phased by it.

    And then we took her in. We took some time to say our goodbyes. We held her while she tried to move around a bit and explore. Silly kitty, your legs don’t work, you can’t go crawling around.

    And then I held her while she died. And a little part of me went with her.

    I miss you Abigail. So, so much. I’ve never been one for spirituality, but I hope there’s something after all this so I can see you again and tell you all about the wonderful stuff that’s gonna happen. You were my favorite girl.

  186. I lost my Nell-Bell Sunday. I had her almost 19 years. She was a petite calico cat and she was gorgeous. I am not saying that because she was mine. She was GORGEOUS. Anyone that met her, cat lovers and cat haters, commented on her beauty. She had the beginning stages of kidney issues and was put on a good diet. She started pee’ing all over the place and once she had a healthy diet, she was fine. However she had these seizure like episodes that we could not diagnose. The vet said it couldn’t be seizures as she bounced back immediately and they were oh so brief. She would just fall over. The severity of the issues varied. Sometimes it was as if she just lost her balance. Others she would fall over completely. It broke my heart. Last week she had a bad one. I laid down with her and had her on my chest. We were face to face and I could tell it must not of felt good She then urinated all over me. It broke my heart. I knew my baby needed to go. I wasn’t able to afford it until 5/4/18 which was my next payday. I had spent a lot of money over the last three months on her. Which I would do it again. Well last Thursday she had 3 of those episodes in a row within 45 mins. I borrowed money from a family member and had it scheduled Sunday April 29th. I took off work Friday and spent the whole weekend with her. There is an organization called Last Wishes that comes to your house. The sedate then give the final injection. That was the most heartbreaking experience EVER. I held her through the whole thing. I had my arms wrapped around her with one of my hands on her midsection. I felt her last breath/last heartbeat. I have been so broken and so lost. I live alone and I cant stand going home. Ive lost family member’s so I am familiar with grief. I had no idea the severity of the loss of my baby. I was taken by surprise. I am having her cremated and will get the remains back. A friend gave me an idea. I contacted build-a-bear and spoke with a manager. She said that she would have my Nell-bells ashes sewn into the bear. I bought a small blanket. When I took it out and put it on the couch she jumped on to it. The vet allowed her to be wrapped in blanket and took it with her. I will get it back with her remains. I sob uncontrollable at home. I tell her I miss her and I love her with all my heart. I tell her I hope she has piece and if she can please let me know that she is ok. I always left a bedside lamp on for her and I don’t have the heart to turn it off. I.had.no.idea.

    K

  187. Margaret Dowding

    Simon we think has been knocked down by a car I found him in a friends drive not a mark on him his eyes were open and he looked like he was running he was trying to get through there locked gate it’s usually open but they were away. He went missing Sat pm and I found him Sun night having looked for him all day. He was a beautiful cat he had a great character I miss him so much I can’t stop crying I just want him home ,he was only two and a half.

  188. Margaret Dowding

    Simon we think was knocked over by a car I found him in my neighbours drive he was trying to get through her locked gate he looked like he’d been running he had his eyes open he was trying to get home he was only two and a half. I just can’t get it out of my head that he died in pain he was such a beautiful cat full of character it’s breaking my heart it happened 2 days ago I can’t stop crying I just want him home

  189. We lost Our Lacey today. She was 10 years old and we had her from birth. She had diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, and irritable bowel disease. We lost her mama cat, Chanel, last month, on March 31. Chanel had stage 4 kidney disease and was only 11 years old. Both kitties required a tremendous amount of care, medication, and financial support. I am emotionally, physically, and financially drained. Caring for them through their illnesses took a lot out of me. I loved them both and miss them terribly though. I also lost another cat, “Cinco”, last Sunday, April 22. He had a blood clot that blocked blood flow to his back legs, and had to be euthanized. This was so sudden and so unexpected. Losing these three loved kitties has left me with immense grief.

    1. Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. You were a great Mommy to all of your kitties. You took such good care of them. I know they appreciated it and eventually, the pain will get a little better.

  190. I lost my beloved angel Shasta on March 13. She was 12. I had to get her euthanized because of kidney disease. I miss her terribly. She was my angel, my daughter, my kitty and my very best friend.

    Thank you all and much love to you for sharing your stories <3 🙂

  191. This article really helped me a lot! Thank you!
    We lost our beloved, Binx, 3 weeks ago Saturday (he passed in the early morning hours here at his home on Saturday March 24, 2018). He was the best cat ever. I’m having some trouble accepting that he’s gone and I’ll never see him again. He was about 15 years old so I understand and I’m grateful that he had such a long cat life. And that he had a family that loved him. He had a nice home with high quality food! We went out of our way to make sure Binx was happy 24/7. I know we did everything we could to keep him comfortable in yhe end too.

    Anyway I’m rambling. Thanks to this article I realize it’s ok to grieve just don’t stay in constant deep sadness. Honor his life and be grateful for all of the amazing memories.
    I also bought a special piece of jewelry in honor of my Binx. My purchase fed 20 shelter cats. So I feel good about that. I visit his grave often too.
    His Sissy (Binx’s cat sister) misses him too. She sits by his grave all the time. It’s sad and beautiful at the same time. I’m making sure to give her extra attention now. Since she’s the only cat. That’s what Binx would’ve wanted anyway…….I know it.
    I miss you Binxy. You were the best. I’ll never forget you. And I hope I see you on the other side one day……..Until then take care of everyone in Heaven and BE NICE…lol.

    I’m sorry to everyone who’s lost a pet. I know it’s hard. Sending hugs to all.

    1. Sending you hugs. I lost my beloved Tiger about a month ago. It hurt so much. I loved him so much. So, I know how you feel. Know that you will be reunited with Binx in heaven.

  192. I had my darling 19-year-old Ollie put to rest just 7 weeks ago based on wrong information by the vet. He gave me the most graphic details of how Ollie would die which haunts me still. He gave him just 2 days to live, but a week later he was still alive but because he hadn’t been given diuretics at the time, his lungs were full of fluid and his breathing was very laboured. By the time I called a vet to the house, I was told that Ollie could have a heart attack if I tried to give him a tablet. Ollie was sitting next to me looking at me with his sweet innocent eyes when I made the decision to give him a peaceful ending. He died on my lap. My heart has been broken into a million pieces and I can’t forgive myself for not getting a second opinion before he got worse, but I believed the first vet. I’d had him since he was 6 months old and he was the funniest most gentle and friendly cat in the world. I cry a lot and miss his physical presence so much that I ache. The pain is so intense that I feel swallowed up by it. I keep thinking if the first vet had just offered him diuretics that his symptoms would have eased, even if it was temporary. I am haunted by the fact he could have still been here.

    1. Dear Olliekat I went through something similar, my vet told me my cat had hours to live & to stop giving him his medicine & renal food (he had CKD) & to take him home to say goodbye. My kitty lived 18 days & Im sure if I had requested sub fluids he would be here today… sadly we have to trust the people we take our babies too but sometimes they are way off the mark. It’s been six weeks since I lost my boy & I feel like I am in a daze. I am truly sorry for your loss. Your beautiful kitty would not want you to feel guilty, you were only doing your best for him on the advice given to you. Be gentle with yourself, grief is a long & hard process without guilt added on. Missing your precious fur baby is enough to cope with right now. Keep in mind how loved your kitty was & how you always had his best interests at heart. God bless you & I hope you find some peace & comfort. x x x

      1. Hi Helen. So we both lost our furballs at around the same time. I have just been through the vet mediation service with my complaint about the vet, and was further distraught to discover he lied about everything and said he didn’t describe Ollie’s death to me in detail (he did) and that he offered him treatment, which I apparently declined. The only things he offered were treatments that he said could kill Ollie, so why would I say yes to them? But he never once offered diuretics and I wasn’t clued up enough to know they could help until it was too late. He also said I wasn’t crying, but when I said I could describe the room they shunted me off to so I didn’t upset the other people who were there with their pets, he changed his mind and said he did remember after all!

        It’s not enough that Ollie was so badly treated there, but the fact the vet had to coerce the staff into lying for him really really hurt me. One thing I managed to get included in the resolving was that the practice has agreed to provide additional training to all the staff to ensure that devastating news isn’t delivered in such a cold and callous manner.

        I am so sorry for your kitty too, and that you are also wondering ‘what if’… like I have been. It’s a very difficult cycle to get out of, because everywhere I go in the house, Ollie’s presence is absent, and he was so in your face all the time wanting to be close by that it’s still a massive shock not to see, hear, or feel his velvety fur anymore. I buried him in the garden with a little headstone and some large laminated photos and garden lights so I can always ‘see’ where he is. The pain is very intense still, but it does sort of help to know other people are also feeling the same way. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful post.

  193. me and my husband lost both our cats to anti freeze poisione holly was 12 molly 9 hooly was always there for me when my mum passed finding it hard but my husband helping no body understands unless got cats them read youre pages helped a bit paul Heidi rowson rest in peace hooly molly

  194. I am presently WK+7 (that’s Without Kitty for seven days, now). I’m all bawled out … but I remain numbed by the loss and she remains constantly on my mind. I had Kitty for 18 years, she was a feral who found me when she was only 12 weeks old, and we bonded from the point she jumped on my shoulder and burrowed her little purring face in my neck. I was so lucky that she gave me 18 wonderful years – Kitty was without fail, purr-fect.

    The empty spot on my bed where she spent nearly all of her time is a cruel reminder of my loss and each time I pass my bed, or crawl into, the emptiness is barely manageable. Her death was relatively sudden, inside of a week, with a diagnosis of liver disease with a very poor prognosis.

    That I subjected her to a battery of tests on the Thursday night which I think accelerated her decline bothers me incredibly. I know that the final outcome would have been unavoidable regardless, but that visit to the vet forced my hand and she was in obvious distress from the moment I got her home and into the next day, leaving me little choice but to move forward. I did one right thing by going the euthanize-at-home route and I held her in my arms until the very end. But that guilt continues to haunt me and overshadows the wonderful memories I should be focused on.

    I just miss my little girl (and now come the tears again).

    1. On March 22 I had to made a decition to put my 8 years old cat to sleep. Decition that I feel guilty because who I am to make a decition for a live. He started to licked ashes from my fireplace by December and I didn’t realize til a month later . When I went to the vet she says he looks pale and he had lost a lot of weight. The vet took some blood test and told me his white blood counts was high. The vet told me that some cats have a silent cancer. She said to fed him and just keep an eye on him. Then he started to look bad by weeks so I brought him to an emergency place and they told me that he was in a bad shape and I could put him under Chemo which I couldn’t afford or put him to sleep.
      I wonder if I made the “right” choice. Should I have waited to go back to my vet? . I don’t know… and I won’t ever know.
      My first ever cat that I had I found him death but this one I had to put him to sleep, I made that decition! It is hard. I miss him and I can hear him still.

    2. Dear Charles, sadly many on here have guilt over the choices made in the last days if our beautiful furbabies lives. You & everyone else only did the best you/we could to prolong their precious lives. You were not to know that it was her ‘last’ days. You were hoping for a solution to your kitties sudden health problem & only acted with her very best interests at heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself, grieving her loss is enough to cope with without the guilt. You did your very best for 18 years, keep that in mind… I lost my beautiful boy 6 weeks ago, every time I begin to feel pain at his passing I try to think of a happy, beautiful moment from our lives together & suddenly I can smile, sometimes with tears, but still it is something. Your precious kitty wouldn’t want you to be sad, they would want to thank you for all those years love & care. Be gentle on yourself & God bless. x

      1. Thank you, Helen, for your supportive words and I’m sorry for your own loss. The pragmatic side of me agrees with you completely but seems to – at present – be losing out badly to my emotional side. I probably wouldn’t be over-analyzing or feeling such guilt if I didn’t miss Kitty so unbearably. I guess I’m not even close to the point of acceptance for the permanency and finality of Kitty’s death and maybe this is the process I have to go through, I don’t know. I ran in and out of our local humane society this morning to donate Kitty’s unused food and treats, moving so quickly that I left while the volunteer was in a mid-sentence of “thank y..” The pain of letting go is worse than any physical trauma I’ve ever experienced. I’m actually angry with myself for having become so #*&$(#$@ invested.

        But as you say, I should be gentle on myself and I should honor my sweet baby with happy thoughts – I will try. I just miss her incredibly. Thank you for responding, be well. Charles.

    3. Goodness I’m in almost the same situation. I lost Jack 9 days ago. Liver disease with an inevitable outcome. Home euthanised as you did. I crucify myself that I did not do enough tests, and that he was in a desperate state when I got him put to sleep, although heading for a rapid decline.
      I think the guilt will be there whether you felt you done too little or too much. Its part of grieving. Its something you have to make peace with. No one loved your beloved companion as much as you so you know you have done exactly the correct thing. Whats the right thing for one cat is not for another. Trust you did your best for her. I know exactly how you feel.x

      1. Thank you for the kind words and support, Marie. I’m sorry for your own loss. I, too, have guilt about not having done enough testing when Kitty was younger. As a strictly indoor princess, Kitty was remarkably healthy well into her 18th year. I had ceased vet visits a few years ago as she was so affected by them, the visits seemed like cruel and unusual punishment – and she was always deemed 100% healthy. But perhaps an earlier diagnosis during the past few years might have exposed something treatable at the time. Hindsight is 20-20 and despite doubt and guilt, I take some solace in that Kitty lived a very long and happy life (well, happy thereafter once she chose to adopt me). Thank you for responding to my post. Be well, Charles.

    4. So so sorry for you.My Ollie had just six days in between visiting the ‘bad’ vet and putting him to sleep. The last few days were exhausting emotionally as I was waking up every few hours to see if he’d eaten (he did eat a little but it hurt him because of the fluid build up). I knew he wouldn’t last forever, but prior to his last steroid shot for his asthma, he’d been just fine.The steroid pushed him into heart failure but the other vet thought Ollie was worthless and did nothing to alleviate his symptoms. It kills me to think that he could have been more comfortable with diuretics but he wasn’t offered them until it was pretty much too late. I never envisaged the end of his life in this way and I have as yet been unable to come to terms with it. I feel I failed Ollie in the worst possible way and that I cut his life short when he could have had another year or two. He was such a happy and contented cat throughout his entire life.

      I did the same as you and had the euthanasia carried out at home right after Ollie decided to eat an entire bowl of food in front of the vet. The guilt is something that weighs heavy on my heart so I sympathise hugely with you. We have to try and remember that our babies didn’t think about the future or what they’d be missing out on. All they remember of their last moments is of being with someone who loved them. It is us who continue to suffer, not them. But I wouldn’t trade a single second of my time with Ollie even though I really can’t ever imagine feeling happy again. I spent this evening looking at the tons of videos I took of him over the years and that made me weep, but I liked seeing him when he was alive and enjoying himself.

      The suddenness of the death is very hard to move on from, but we need to try to focus on the many many good years we shared with them, and not the final moments, which is not what defined their lives. I wish I could take my own advice, but it’s too soon. I hope you will gradually remember more of the good times you shared and how lucky she was to have you. The pain we’re feeling shows just how much they were loved, so we did our job and gave them fantastic lives. Ollie was spoilt rotten, especially in the last few years when I figured he could go at any time. I’ve had cats before, but Ollie was the only one for 19 years. His food bowls and toys have been left untouched as I can’t remove them right now. I guess we have a long way to go and I wish we could fast forward some of the pain because it’s so debilitating and tiring and comes out of nowhere at random times (like today when one of my students showed me a photo of her cat) and I came home and cried solidly for an hour until I got a cracking headache. I have to hope this will lessen over time as it’s not possible to continue feeling this sad without completely falling apart.

  195. I wanted to thank everyone for sharing there stories. I lost my cat, Sid, yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, he died at home. He had CKD but showed no signs of it really, until a week before he passed. He started throwing up and we noticed he wasn’t eating, so we made a vet appt. The vet recommended putting him down, but we wanted to give him a fighting chance. He seemed ok until Friday night, when he started rattling breathing. Saturday, I called the vet because I was worried I gave him too much ringer’s lactaid solution. The vet gave us Lasix and told me not to give him any more subQs Saturday. He was still breathing hard on Sunday, so I didn’t give him any Sunday. But, he drank water for the first time on his own Sunday night and we were hopeful. He wasn’t eating on his own. Monday he was kinda wobbly around 11am. He cried two type meows around 3 but I thought he was just trying to throw up because he cried like that last Monday when he did throw up. I left to get him stuff. My husband called me close to five and said I needed to get home because he pee’d himself and was crying a little bit. I called the emergency vet and they told me to bring him in. I knew it would be to put him down, but when I got home, I knew he was going. He was laying down breathing shallow and he passed and I saw his eyes go completely black and he stopped breathing. Then he came back and went into a rigged position and passed again. From the time he peed until passing was 30 mins, I knew we didn’t have time to get him to the vet. I feel unbearable sorrow and heartache. I have cried all nigMonday and all day today. I feel guilty for not putting him down sooner. I feel guilty for how he died. I feel guilty we didn’t catch it sooner. I feel like I may have hastened his death. I just feel bad. We had Sid for almost eight years. He was a feral cat that started hanging around our house. He was at least two when we. got him, so that would have made him around 10. He had a rough start to life. He had heart worms and was starving when we found him. In in the process of catching him, he bit us. We were encouraged to have him put down then, but we saved him and he lived with us just a few months short of eight years. He had more love than any cat I have ever owned. He had the best personality and would do silly things. Like running in the house making a happy noise after taking a poo. Playing with his toy fuzzy and running through the house and sliding into things while playing. Loving on everything in the house. Folllowing my husband..everywhere. He definitely chose my husband as his person. I miss the happy noise he would make when he slept. Almost like he was dreaming. I miss the way his ears went back when he yawned. I miss the way he would thump his foot, while itching his ear. I miss him and it’s very hard. I hope it eases some because the pain is very deep.

  196. My Max ( Maine coon cat) was hit and died Saturday(indoor cat) just got him back to healthy and happy. He got out 2 x last week so quick and he would see murray( my savy indoor /outdoor cat) go out, and Max would be upset. So i thought sat am would let him out fir a few minutes but think Murray chased him into the street( im mad at murray) and within 15 min of being out was hit. I came out with the dogs to walk and dog officer was there; some one saw my max inthe road and put him over in the side of street. He was completely intact.
    Intellectually i know he was happi being out. But feel guilty i let him out. After 3 years of getting him to optimum health, im upset at myself for not stcking to him being sn inside cat.

    When he lived with jane( my older friend, who passed) going out was into the hallway, so i think he thought it was the same thing☹️
    Im having a real hard time adjusting to him not being here, even tho he required a lot if attention.

  197. I lost my sweetheart Jack yesterday. The pain is so intense and physical I feel I will never heal. I live alone so he was my reason to come home at night, and get up in the morning. I feel I may have acted too soon as he was in end stage liver disease, less than two kg and not eating, but he still washed his face and loved his cuddles. I just couldn’t take the chance that he would rapidly deteriorate and suffer?

    1. Dear Marie, I’m sorry for your terrible loss. Im the same. I Live alone and had my cat Ziggy since he was a kitten. I put him down today or kidney failure. It’s one of the hardest decisions ever. He was my baby. God bless you and I wish you peace.

      1. Bless you. You’re so brave to take that decision as its the hardest in the world. We’ll heal in time and I’m sending all my love your way. Be strong and know that you honored Ziggy till the very end. There’s no greater gift than that.

  198. I lost my sweet cat, Tiger (pronounced Tigger) last Tuesday. He was precious. He loved me and followed me all around the house. He would greet me when I got home from work, slept on the floor next to my bed and would be staring at me with his beautiful green eyes when I awoke each morning. He purred with his entire body and would pat me with his front paw to get my attention and get me to pet him. I would sing to him and he would watch me dance. We would bump heads and tap our noses together. He constantly guarded me. If I was fussing at my kids, he would also chastise them. He gave such unconditional love. I only had him for 5 years. He was 5 years when I got him from the pet store. I thought we would have more years together. He lost weight and was vomiting. I had hoped it wasn’t serious but when I got him to the vet it turned out he had many tumors. The vet told me it looked like cancer but we set up an ultrasound for 3 days later. This gave me time to hug him, love him and spend extra time with him. Once he had the ultrasound, I was told it was very bad and chose to put him to sleep so that he would not suffer any more. I miss him so much. Every day. Every day. Taking it day by day. I know I will get to see him again.

  199. Look,I lost my precious boy Alex my Maine coon kitty I received on my birthday Nov 15th 2003 the best 14 years of my life until December 30th 2017 when my world changed forever:-(Alex jumped up on the table in the living room looked at me me out and I noticed that he was heavy breathing through his mouth I didn’t understand why? I had seen this Behavior once before, so I decided to wait a couple of days I just thought he might have had like a stuck hairball or something so on December 6th I brought him to the vet one of those emergency clinics the lady wanted between 300 and $600 on the spot in cash that I didn’t have in order to even look at him I didn’t have it so I left I 2 Days Later went out and purchased a humidifier after doing some research online figuring that would help his breathing on December 15th my roommate moved out after giving me a week and a half notice that she was moving after 10 years I think he died from the stress between me and my roommate we weren’t actually fighting but there was tension in the area she met some guy and she didn’t want anything to do with us anymore after that but I don’t mourn for my loss of almost 10 years with my friendship with my so-called best friend because my best friend was my Maine coon Kitty a 14-year is name Alexander Coo ca doos the Great, sugar foot,etc. The 30th of this month will be 3 months that I’ve lost my kitty and there hasn’t been one day that I have not broken down and cried over him I blame myself for not having the money to take him to the vet when my roommate left she took the car I had a Vespa Scooter in New England in December I was going to get him help because he was still eating drinking and eating his treats but I would have done anything for him and now I look back even though my rent was unstable because I’m currently unemployed I should have found a way to get him help sooner because I’m paying more with a broken heart than I could have ever paid with paper I will miss him till the day I die I miss him so much I talk to him every day in fact I still have his body in my freezer as we speak and if someone tells you that you could not keep a dead pet in your freezer after they die they are lying to you he looks exactly the same as when he died he hasn’t corroded at all he looks absolutely beautiful I held his paw and told him not to go but I guess a higher power had other plans which definitely ended the chapter in my life for a friendship that wasn’t there and a friendship that was the most meaning I’ve ever had in my life human or pet. He was so smart he would answer me he was my boy my only boy no one else’s boy daddy’s boy:-( so if anyone ever tells you then it gets easier they’re lying to try to make you feel better it does not get easier I am more depressed than I’ve ever been in my f****** life and I currently think of suicide my best friend killed himself in front of me when I was 17 he was 19 when he shot himself with a gun I can’t see ever taking my own life but I can see myself dying from broken heart 🙁

    1. Wow, that all sucks. You have a lot of crappy things stacked up against you, and I can only imagine how you feel having lost the best thing in your life- your cat. I’m a hell of a lot older than you probably are (I’m 71), and I’ve had dozens of cats and dogs die during my lifetime, and I swear it never gets any easier, and it kills me to think that if I’d only done this or only done that maybe he/she would have lived a lot longer. I think I’ve learned a lot more about symptoms of illness and when to get the pet to a vet, but you’re right – they want their money and if you don’t have it, well tough luck (although I ‘m sure there are some vets who will help for less money or maybe none).

      It all truly sucks, big time. I still grieve for all the furries in my life that are now gone. One thing I’ve found though, that may or may not help you, is to adopt another kitty, maybe one from a shelter that really needs a home and someone to love it. It won’t wipe out your grief at losing your friend, but I’ve always found that a new cat helps to fill the hole in your life. The new cat likely won’t be the same, but you will come to love it for itself as it is, and create a new bond with it. Someday it will die too, but that seems to be the way life is, and it does suck. But you will be helping yourself and another little critter get through life, at least for a while. I wish you luck. You sound like a good person.

  200. Yesterday I lost my cat in my arms, I can still remember his last breath. I can’t stop crying. Everytime I see his catfoods and his shampoo all I can do is cry until I sleep. Tonight I heard a cat crying outside my window and I know it was him, when I open the window there’s no cat and then I’m crying again.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furntiture around and thought to myself this would be more for when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help. Plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

    2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furniture around and thought to myself this would be more fun when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help for you too. Or, plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

  201. can you help me? i was nursing a kitten abandoned by its mother for 3 days now. we found the kitten on the ceiling of our house. its has been crying non stop for 5 days and thought we had to save it. its eyes were shut and a little swollen. when we got her out she was so skinny. just today after feeding it. the kitten fell asleep. but when i returned back to check on it after about 20 mins, the kitten was gone. I looked everywhere thinking it cant be possibly leave on its own not unless someone or something took the kitten. as i am writing this i am still crying because i have gotten attached to this kitten. its about less than a month old. would it be possible that its mother came back for it?

  202. I have been alone for 21 years. I rescued 2 kitties and bottle feed them. I lost my girl to cancer and 2 months later my boy to disc disease. He had a $6,000 surgery , but a year later was in pain. I had to put him down. I’m so miserable and miss them so much. They were only 7 years old. Will the pain and loneliness ever go away?
    They were my family. I want them home and cry constantly. Julie

    1. ???? I know. My Ziggy was my best friend. Always loved me. I had to put him down today. Im wondering if I could have done something different. Breaking my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  203. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, and the sadness at losing a cat you loved with all your heart. There is no “getting over it”…there’s only learning how to live with the wisps of sadness and love.

    You will get through the worst of the pain, though…and you’ll remember your beloved cat with more peace and love than pain or sadness. You’ll know your cat is resting in peace, and finally frolicking in fields of catnip and mice to play with!

    Take good care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace.

    I wrote another article healing your heart when you miss your cat. Perhaps it’ll offer some comfort:

    When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Your Cat’s Death
    https://blossomtips.com/when-you-feel-like-youll-never-get-over-your-cats-death/

    In sympathy and with prayers,
    Laurie

  204. I lost my 22 year old beloved feline friend three months ago and I’m completely heartbroken. We spent almost every night and day together. My heart, soul and life feels dark: an eternal night. My girl was unwell for many years, but we always found a way though… I always thought our love would defy death, but it didn’t. She has helped me through my own difficulties, but more than that, she is the best friend I’ve ever had, and will ever have. She slept every night by my face. Watching the person I love so dearly slowly demise was heart-breaking. I keep questioning everything – could have done more? Did I let her suffer because I couldn’t bear to be apart from her? The vets told me several times they thought her quality of life was low, but I thought otherwise. What if I was wrong? Why did she have to go blind in her last week? Why did the vets not manage her blood pressure and renal failure? I could have made her happier and she might still be here. Everything feels a blur and I’m trying to make sense of something which doesn’t make sense. I feel sick at the thought of time passing by. I saw her so recently, yet so long ago… how can I last a lifetime without seeing her? What if we never meet again? I wish I could close my eyes and wake up somewhere with her. I don’t want this life without her. I just can’t believe she isn’t in her warm bed. I don’t know where she is. And I’m scared she is sad without me… what if I will never see her again? I love and miss her so much.

    1. I wish I could ease your grief, I’ve been experiencing the same the past several weeks, but all I can offer is reassurance that your cat is in a wonderful place now. I’m not religious, but experienced a shared death experience with a friend’s dog who was passing. For her, it was a homecoming, and there was a feeling of joy and celebration, like what we feel at a birth. She was welcomed and surrounded by the most incredible love I’ve ever felt, and she was free from all pain. Your cat is more than fine where she is (better off than we are here to be honest) and you don’t need to worry about her. Try to think about the good times you had together, and remember that you will see her again. And if you don’t believe me or need more reassurance, then please look up near death experiences involving pets. It might be a good idea to do this regardless. I also question whether I made the right calls for my boy (he was diagnosed with inoperable and very aggressive lymphoma, they gave him a matter of days to a month to live), and all that does is tear you apart. You did the best you could, and you acted out of love. That’s all anyone can ask. I feel the same way you do right now. LIke everything’s dark and when he died the light went out of my life. But I’ve been through this before, and I’m telling you (and me) that it’s going to get better even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Remember and talk about the good times you had with her. Cry when you need to. Trust that she is loved and in a great place now. Distract yourself from your grief when you can – don’t suppress it, but don’t wallow in it either if you know what I mean? It’s just gonna take time. I still talk out loud to him when I’m alone, telling him how much I love him and miss him, and how sorry I am that I couldn’t save him. Just do whatever you have to do to get through this, and don’t beat yourself up.

    2. Dear SG, I feel like I could have written your very comment myself – you echoed EVERYTHING I have been feeling. I lost my beloved kitty to CKD four weeks ago. Since losing him I have no interest in life, people, anything. I yearn for my baby & wonder too how I can even contemplate life without him. To have to get through a day without looking into his beautiful eyes & feeling his love is impossible. Everyone around me gets uncomfortable when I get upset so I do it alone in my room but I feel so empty, so lost without my baby. I loved my cat more than I love anyone in my life & to have to live without him after 18 years is agony. You will see your baby again, our babies love us as much as we love them, they will wait for us. Just try to remember how much love your precious kitty had for you, that kind of love doesn’t just end, it transcends time & space. I wish you well SG & hope you feel some comfort eventually. God bless x

  205. Last Sunday Winston was fine in the morning, has breakfast, cuddled on the couch, and then went off to do his thing in my apartment. He was an indoor only cat. Hours later I began to make lunch and he didn’t come out to the kitchen. I looked for him, called him and he didn’t come. Later when he did appear he wasn’t putting any weight on his left hind leg and it hurt when II touched it. My regular vet wasn’t available so I made as comfortable in one room as possible until I could take him in the next day.
    We drove to the vet the next morning, he sitting in a tote box curiously looking at the senery going by. I didn’t want him gettin gupset or nervous so I’d stroke his head, talk to him and occassionally replace the cover. At the vet’s office he looked around scared and in the exam room he didn’t want to be on the table. The tech took vitals and injected him with pain relievers and a sedative so they could take xrays. I expected some torn ligiments, at worst a dislocated hip, from an ill timed leap to or from a counter.
    The vet came back looking sober and said it was bad news. Winston had a broken leg and it was caused by cancer. We talked over all the options. There were no good outcomes. At 12 his surgery risks were high. The cancer could come back in as little as six months or at best we’d have two years but it would come back. Knowing his personality and not wanting him to suffer I made the decision to send him on his way to the next realm where all cats live long and healthy lives.
    I sat and craddled his sedated self for awhile and held him through the final moments. I knew my heart was breaking but amputating a leg, chemo and radiation to keep him alive would have been a selfish choice on my part. I stayed with him until his ears and paws were chilled. Stroking the softest of fur, crying, and telling him again how much I loved him. Finally I tucked his paws and tail close to him and wrapped his still body in the towel. I said my last good bye.
    My heart breaks anew every day. My apartment is empty. I packed away his dishes, not every to be used by another. Winston is being cremated and will come home in a few weeks. I’ll shop for an urn. A small part of his ashes will be blown into a glass sized marble so that each time I see it I can think of him chashing comets in his new life. A street urchin that became my best friend and favorite cat now resides with the gods. I was so blessed to have been owned by him.

  206. The illness of my handsome black cat, Polonius Monk, and my subsequent poor judgment of nearly every aspect of the chain of events that lead to his euthanasia have left me with a crushing weight of guilt, and self-loathing, along with the vacuum of pain I feel from his absence.

    Losing him at such an unthinkable age, and in such an alarmingly quick onset is bad enough. But realizing too late that leaving him at the vet would crush his spirit is inexcusable behavior on my part. Not to mention the further emotional damage done to him by the procedures that were intended to revive his kidney function, which I try hard to not think about, and describing in writing would surely result in more of my uncontrollable sobbing.

    He had been vomiting the night before, and my regular vet was closed on Sunday. After a blood test, I was told that he needed IV fluids to try to lower his BUN and creatinine levels. My initial reaction was, “I can’t leave him”. And in hindsight, that would have been the correct decision. But then, somehow, I changed my mind, and left him.

    When I think about what it must have been like to be suddenly moved from his warm, quiet, familiar, and comfortable home, to a cold, foreign, bright, harsh room, locked in a cage, it makes me quake with panic and cry. My mind aches with bewilderment at how I came to that terrible decision.

    For over eight years I had lived with him, professed to love him, strived to care for him, and placed above all his comfort and happiness, only to betray his trust and brake my promise to him to keep him safe, which turned on a moment of second guessing what I knew in my heart to be the right decision for both of us. In that desperate feeling of loneliness I felt, that first time that I had laid down to sleep without him, haunts me every time I think about it, and particularly when I try to sleep now.

    After leaving him for two nights, his condition worsened with respiratory complications from the fluids they were giving him, and I brought him home for one last night, because I didn’t want him to die alone in that cage. The next morning, Valentine’s Day, I drove him to my regular vet and held him in my arms as he was released from his suffering.

    I have experienced the grief of losing a cat and would eventually heal from that. But I cannot seek a rationale, nor do I want to find a way to justify my actions, saying that leaving him seemed a reasonable price to pay for having him healthy. Only forgiveness directly from Polonius Monk would begin to counteract the emotional turmoil I feel, and that isn’t going to happen. Even if he could somehow forgive me, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. And I can’t forgive myself.

    I believe the most proper action would have been to have brought him back home, call my regular vet the next day, and tell them the results of the blood test (which is an indication of renal disease), and try to make my dear friend, Polonius Monk, as comfortable as possible at home, until it was time for that final ride. The indication is that he would have probably died soon anyway, and the trauma of the procedures, and the uncomfortable surroundings, being alone, did not help his technical chances for survival.

    I would have much preferred those final three days with Monk without treatment, than 2 days without him, and both of us suffering needlessly, before reaching the same ultimate outcome. I can’t see my self ever having another cat. But if I ever did, I would not place my selfish desire to make him healthy, over his comfort and dignity.

  207. I lost my Zoey about a week ago, best companion ever, I found Zoey on the side of the road in southwestern Ohio, during the winter of 08’ she had been abandoned, she was frozen, sick, starved, & pregnant. I took her home with me to Kentucky, where I got her to a vet, he told me, ‘she’s pretty sick, but if she survives, boy, are you gonna have a cat. He was 100% right, Zoey was never more than an arms reach away when I was at home, greeted me at the door every day, knew the sound of my truck. When I found Zoey she weighed about three pounds, when I dropped her off to be cremated last week she was five pounds, Zoey had her check up a week before she died, the vet found one flea on her, so when I got home I cleaned house, anyway last Monday morning I gave Zoey a pat on the head, told her I loved her, & said I’ll see you later baby girl. I got home from work, Zoey was on my side of the bed near my pillow, stretched out like she was reaching for me, Zoey & I we’re together for 10 years. Toughest thing I’ve ever gone through, called the vet, they told me to bring her in, I wrapped Zoey in her favorite blanket & drove to the vet, I paid the extra, to have her individually cremated, I’m having a really hard time without her, I’m 67, still working 50+ hours a week, never married, I’m a Vietnam Vet, with no family. i’ve made up my mind to get a shelter kitty to adopt, can’t stand coming home to an empty house, I gotta get another kitty. Jack C.

    1. Sorry for your great loss. Losing my cat Ziggy is the hardest loss in my life, next to my mom. I’m single too. I have another cat, but I’ll never have the type of relationship with one like I had with Ziggy. Coming home after putting him down yesterday, was easier by having my other cat Louie. But the hole in my heart is deep. Hugs to you.

  208. I lost my cat my beloved cat Felix on Feb 10th he had just turned a year old On January 20 I had to put him down due to severe complications I raised Felix literally since birth his mom is a two year old long hair cat that still lives with me Felix was the nicest sweetest cat in the Of all time he never had a mean bone in his body he was very different an unique from any pet I’ve ever had he had this thing I called the forever petting because once u start petting him it never ends he never got tired of it he was the only cat I let sleep with me because our bond was so special now that he is gone I cry ever morning an ever time I feed the other cats because that’s when he would put his paw up on the bottom cabinet looking at me waiting for me to open the can of food I have other cats but they are not like him I miss him so much hours before I brought him to be put down I held his sick lifeless body an cried so hard I’m still crying even now never knew how much this would effect me but it truly has I have pictures an videos of him from the time he was an new born an every time I watch them I cry my eyes out I just miss him so much

    1. I know and feel your pain, my cat Mimi died on 11th of feb i really didn’t know this would be soooo painful, i have no words i jjust want to see her and hug her like i used to do, i’m also still crying till now, she is just 7 months old. I feel i’m losing my mind because of her, i keep searching for her hair on wherever she used to sit, staring in every single place she played in, i cant take the image of her looking at me in my eyes out of my mind. It’s really hard , so depressed and sad. She was very playful and hyper very lovely freindly she had amazing character i’ll never forget her i really miss her badly

  209. I got my cat when i was 6 years old. He was my first pet and i was so excited to take him home. We got him as a kitten from my grandmas house – she always has wild cats running around because she lives out in the country and she is terrified of mice. Anyway, he was a black cat and i appropriatly named him Blackie. It was love at first sight. He was my cat and i was his human. I was the only person he would cuddle with, he would play with and he felt most comfortable with.
    I had (and still do) have a baby blanket. Years ago it had little tassels on it, and every morning before school started, Blackie would come in and lay on top of me and the blanket and suckle on the tassels as if he could get milk from it. He did that for probably 2 years straight.
    Anyway, the years went on. I finally graduated high school and started my freshman year of college. I lived in the dorms but made friends and we had plans to move into a house together. The first thing i checked was to see if they allowed pets, and my landlord approved of me moving Blackie in too.
    A few weeks went by and i called my mom to let her know i was planning on moving Blackie to college with me, and that’s when she told me he had a stroke.
    The next time i went home…my heart just broke. He wasn’t my kitty. He couldn’t hold his head up, his fur was coming off in clumps when i would pet him, he would get angry and bite if you got too close, and i just knew in my heart he wasn’t happy here. The next weekend we scheduled for him to be put down.
    I desperately wanted to be there. I wanted to be in the room with him. To say goodbye…but i had to work.
    So instead i drove 2 hours home the night before and spent time cuddling and holding him, telling him that i was sorry and i would love him forever and that i would see him soon enough.
    The next day my mom texted me at 10am that he was gone. I work as a dance coach and at the time i had to be strong and not breakdown in front of my kids.

    It’s almost been 1 year since God called my sweet kitty back. Most days it doesn’t bother me and i don’t really think about him. But sometimes i just sit up at night and miss him terribly. I’ve tried to adopt other cats but they’re not the same. Other times i feel crazy becuase I’ll absolutely bawl my eyes out over him. If Heaven wasn’t so far away and i could speak to him now i would just tell him how much i love him and that i miss him so much. I hope wherever he is, he’s happy, safe and if i could let him live forever, i would.

  210. Eye doctor I appreciate your time I had a 14 year old Maine Coon since 2004 I got him , and shots at a year old.everything but the aids vaccine,my cat knew was a he:-) but back in October around Halloween ish my cat was trying to get in the window through the blind and I didn’t want him wrecking my blind so I tried to pull him out from between the blinds and he was really fighting me so I won that battle and then he went back and again and I grabbed him again not really hard though just hard enough to let him know who is boss and and then I realized that he was getting caught up in the blind so I said it’s okay okay and I I just got them out real gentle and then he hit on me because I had good went out for 5 hours to Goodwill came back and I couldn’t find him anywhere I call my mama crying thinking someone that stole them the whole reason why I didn’t want him in the window he was absolutely beautiful but after I get off the phone with my mom where he’d be under the sink in the kitchen but I noticed that he was getting thinner when I found him, he just looked at me like what I’m trying to sleep then it look like I woke him up so he could have been in much pain if you was sleeping but I would say after a couple of weeks to a month afterwards I noticed that he started to open mouth breathe because December 9th I went out and I got in my humidifier when I should have got a vaporizer because I brought him to the vet and they want an astronomical amount of money to help him so I decided to bring him home instead because she was talking about possible euthanization I thought and blame myself maybe I hurt him pulling him out between the blind. but I followed him everywhere for about a month with a humidifier when I probably should have got a vaporizer to help him breathe. But he was eating and drinking and eating treats up to the day he died hours before just this weird thing was going on with his stomach I noticed I was going to bring them to another vet but I didn’t have a car only had a moped and ironically on Christmas Eve I cut my thumb so bad I thought I was going to need stitches and I had some surgical tape and I taped it up real quick because I couldn’t afford stitches so I couldn’t ride him on my scooter even talk to my jacket to the vet if I wanted to which I did but it was freezing out I’m in New England it’s like 4 degrees below zero Legend me and a cat on a scooter. after 10 years my roommate decided to just give me a week and a half notice and leave and that’s the last memories my cat will ever have because he got to know her 10 years she had moved out and he was listening to every sound of the hallway hoping she would come back say goodbye which broke my heart I would look under the bed where he was hiding and I would see death in his eyes and feel powerless because here’s my best friend dying and I have no way of getting him help I really thought he was getting better because he would come out and he would eat and he would drink but I noticed that he had fluid in his lungs cuz I start come on his mouth both days 2 days before he passed it didn’t help though I tried to lay down with him on the loveseat and he laid down on the pillow next to me and I had to reach over and turn the humidifier and I think it’s squished him a little bit because 3 hours later he was dead in the night before you crawled into my lap and collapsed but I was so uncomfortable because I’m 6ft and it was a love seat I was on so I scooted out from underneath him slowly they left them on the loveseat alone and would have my own bed because I have been up with him for days following him around humidifier and laying down next to where he was, and sleeping next to him. letting him know that I was there for him do you think it was just something that was pre existing in the breed like a while ago started happening always indoor cat.thanks

  211. Thanks. My cat passed on the other morning. He was born here to. My wife and daughter loved as much as I did. Bert was his name. We were blessed to have him for thirteen years. Some people say cats are not effectionate but they are.
    We have been crying on and off for a few days now but it helps to talk about him he was a huge character in our lives a little person very friendly.
    Being a man I felt silly for crying but after reading some of your paragraphs I feel it’s quite normal. I’m now giving all my affection to my other two cats but they are not berth. He was one special little boy.
    Thankyou

  212. I am reading all the posts, and I am glad I found this site. I just lost my lovely 15 year old tabby, Russ, on January 23, 2018. He had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer tumour in his mouth back in November, 2017. I had him at home up until the 23rd, but I knew it was his time – I saw it in his eyes. Up until then, I held him and sang to him his favourite son, “ Moon River”, and told him about crossing the Rainbow Bridge. Russ was my first and only pet as an adult, and I am deeply hurting and missing him so much. He will never be replaced and no other cat could ever be Russ. I am hoping to heal and then someday find another, but grieving is what I need. I brought his body home, but because it’s winter, will not bury him. I thought of cremation, because my husband and I are only renting a house – and I will not bury him here. He had a big cage build by my husband a few years ago, that kept him safe with chicken wire. That’s where his body is in a closed container – frozen. There is such a deep ache for his physical precense and I think I’ll have a hard time even having him cremated. Does anyone else feel awful about this? Not having your cat physically? Am I the only one feeling like I don’t want to give his body away. I know I can’t keep him and I want him at rest, it’s just so hard letting his body go. Does anyone have any ideas, or does this feeling just go away …maybe it’s because I just lost him 3 days ago. I feel fine that his resting in his cage where he loved to be – especially at night in the summer where he was safe. Thanks and I hope we can all see our feline babies again one day.

    1. Hi MT, sorry about Russ. I just just lost my little Videl, 6 month old kitten I found abandoned by her mother alongside her sibling, Vlad.
      What we did was keep her little collar, as well as her favourite toy. She fell from a tiny air vent we never imagined she could even reach from the 7th floor and well… I’m having a hard time not blaming myself but well… accidents do happen.
      Did Russ have a favourite toy? Perhaps a favourite blanket? It can help a lot to build a little shrine. Their photo + their toy and some incense to burn and help soothe feelings. You could even build the little shrine in his chicken cage, I’m sure he would have liked that.

    2. Hi, I had to euthanize my 13 year old cat on Feb 2. I had known since November that the end was near but I wanted so much to stay in denial. He was my baby and I miss him so much. I feel for you as my cat’s body is in a freezer as well, though at the vets. I won’t be able to bury him until at least April as I am in Canada and the ground is frozen and the snow is deep. In 2015 i had to euthanize a cat and it was all so sudden that I had her cremated but didn’t get her ashes as the vet said I’d have to keep her in a freezer till the ground thawed out (it was early April). I regret that now as I want something of her near me and I know the cat I just lost would want to be buried next to her as they were best buds. Anyway, my sympathies to you, I know how horrible this feeling is. I have one car left to take care of and she is 15. Take care everyone. Don’t let anyone tell you your grief over a cat doesn’t matter.

  213. My cat Minnie died yesterday morning when I was sleeping.. My mother found her dead next to our house.. Minnie was a 10 year old, happy cat. She loved me and I loved her. I’ve buried her with my own hands and cried all the way through that moment and I am still crying. I see all the places she used to sit and lay on and now they feel so empty.. It tears me apart that I won’t see her anymore because she was more like a friend to me, that I could always go to, without having that feeling of bothering her.. And there was something else that made her so special for me and that was that I owned three generations of her family, like her grandma and her brothers, her mother and then her.. So her bloodline stops with her I suppose.. She made me happy and proud and I will never forget her and hopefully I will move on soon from her death.
    Rest in Peace my baby girl..

    PS: I’m glad that I found this blog, it helps me out alot, to read about how other people are dealing with their cat’s loss. Sorry if I have some grammar issues in my text, but english isn’t my first language..

    Have a nice day!

    Anna

  214. It is comforting knowing there are other people out there experiencing the excruciating grief of losing their best buddy. I lost Noodle on January 13. She was about 17, She adopted me and they did not know exactly her age at the shelter. She was with me for 12 years through my entire adult life. Through thick and thin, countless moves, horrible boyfriends, many jobs, broken relationships, financial struggles, meeting my life partner, my first child… EVERYTHING. She slept with me every night, greeted me when I got home and was always so full of love for me and I for her. We shared my snacks. We played a silly game who could whack who’s hand/paw first and she often won. She communicated with me through different types of meows and her “looks”. I swear we had a psychic connection. She was ALWAYS there and ALWAYS loved me when I needed her. More than any human in my life. I’m not sure how I will heal from the loss but I guess it happens? I threw up 7 times the day she died just from sheer grief. I found her dead at the bottom of the stairs. I could tell from her position that she had just died. Her body gave up. She had a proper burial in our back yard and I planted a dwarf juniper bush over her. It reminded me of her. My hope is that one day soon I will feel peace about this instead of just pain. I love her so much.

    1. I feel you. My 16 year old childhood cat died just before Christmas.. She was sick and suffering, and she had a good, long life. But nonetheless I can’t help but to continue to feel awful. I’m not enjoying things that I normally would. I also can’t help but think of how I could have appreciated her more and treated her better while she was still here. I know that these are futile/wrong things, yet it’s hard not to think that way.

    2. Dear Laura,
      I know it’s been a month since you lost your baby, and I know how deeply sad you must still feel. I lost my Hammie Cake, my 13 year old,
      stuck in my armpit most of the time, boy, 6 weeks ago. He is so deeply ‘imprinted’ everywhere…..he is everywhere and nowhere. I’ve been through it several times before, but I think, I know, I (fortunately) don’t remember clearly just how agonizing the pain is of such loss.
      I hope for you and for myself and others who suffer loss of their special kitty loves, to soon be able to adopt a needy, or abandoned or shelter baby as there are millions without homes. I’m so sorry you have lost Noodle.
      With the Affection of someone who understands……
      Julie

  215. Sadly my beautiful cat of nearly 15 years, Tiddles was pure joy.
    I worked from home for most of her time with me so spent every day with her…and her life intertwined with mine. She was ill for a few months last year and I nursed her through all of it.
    The vet’s attitude was that she was too old to be ‘helped’.
    She had many happy days, even up to her last day with me on 20th December last year. I had already realised that she was not going to be with me for much longer but nothing prepared me for her eventual passing.
    Tiddles was my first pet and my first ever experience of unconditional love….something I didn’t even get from my mother. I have no family, so my cat was my family.
    Tiddles was great fun . I offered her a taste of most things I ate including olives and tomatoes, which she loved. If I went shopping I would think of Tiddles and what we could share…maybe some prawns? Tiddles learnt all kinds of words and would come when called just for the love of it.
    When she was a kitten we played a game of fetch for hours. This involved me throwing her stuffed mouse down the stairs and her bringing it back to me! Like a puppy! I felt so much love from her. I never even went on holiday in 14 years because I didn’t want her to go to a cat home… Nothing was a sacrifice…I was proud of the life I gave to Tiddles.
    Because Tiddles died at home I was able to have a ‘funeral’ and bury her under a lovely Holly tree. The practical side of preparing Tiddles and organising everything was pretty easy. But the next day I was a mess. I began drinking too much, not eating….sleeping long hours…waking at 6am and getting up….but for what?
    It’s been 3 weeks. I still have ‘bad’ days. I only realised today that there’s an instinctive part of me that ‘feels’ Tiddles is in another room. It’s gut wrenchingly painful when I realise she’s not here anymore. I even say it out loud…”She’s gone…she’s gone…and she’s never coming back”. It doesn’t really help. But I’m trying everything to help me come to terms with the enormous change Tiddles’ passing has brought to my life.
    It seems like a dream…her being with me. And with every day that passes I am torn between weeping and feeling like I’m moving on.
    Everyone keeps saying get another kitten…..Maybe I will. But for now I’m struggling with the loss of Tiddles. I miss everything about her but mostly I miss my expression of love. It’s so ‘quiet’ in my home with just me…..unbearable silence.
    Thank you for giving me the space to share my feelings.

  216. My best friend Roo has been unwell for most of 2017 pulling her fur out, seemingly unhappy – Id taken her to several vets as no one had an answer – shed had blood tests & Id changed her to an allergy cat food. Before Christmas she became very unwell & was scratching and biting herself to a point she was covered in blood. Another visit to the vet said she was stressed, prescribed some medications which did nothing. Poor Roo got worse, she would just lay in my arms, then took to hiding in a box of tools in the garage. I finally found a reputable vet who told me that Roo was actually suffering from a severe allergic reaction to something uncontrollable in the environment – dust, grass, pollen etc. It would take months to diagnose & create a possible vaccine she couldn’t guarantee that Roo would get better & nothing could fix her immediate pain. As she had suffered enough it was decided it was time for her to go to sleep. She passed away peacefully cuddled in my arms. She was with me for 12 years, but no amount of time would ever be long enough. I feel so lonely she slept with me and followed me to every room in the house. My only comfort is that Roo is not suffering.

  217. My cat, Mimi, just died today, after we made the painful decision of putting her to sleep. She was just 10 years old. It was just last week when she was not eating or drinking, and she could not litter. She would always meow this raspy meow and was also very weak. Today we finally decided to take her to the vet, who, after checking her, said that she has cancer and it is untreatable. We either had to put her to sleep or let her die on her own. She was suffering, as she could not eat or sleep, so we thought the more humane way would be to end her suffering. This is very heartbreaking for me because she was such a good, and friendly cat, I am not sure how I could live without her.

  218. Hello I lost my daisy on this January 4-2018 due to kidney failure plus heart problems but her body was shutibg down due to her kidney fail so she died at home with us around her I had her 16 years as of January 1 2018 she was a fighter she was so sweet and liovesble I cry all the time after reading things on line I feel a lot better I can sence she is still here I have to try to b happy so she can rest cause daisy New when I was crying and upset so I’m better just got to be happy for her but I have a outside homeless kitty I think I’m gone take n and give a home like I did daisy I will try to love again but daisy will always b in my heart for ever

  219. My cat, Mr. Chesterton was an absolutely fantastic cat, who purred and always desired to sit with my wife and I on a nightly basis. He was such a sweet cat, and I can’t imagine a nicer cat exists. A little over a month ago, he developed a bump on his head. I monitored it, and thought it was getting smaller. But it got bigger, and it was affecting his eye. He also did not seem to be eating as much. I took him to the vet and they took a sample of his bump. I heard a nurse say from the back that he had a dinosaur head, and she was kind of right. The doctor thought it was an abscess at first, and that it would pop when he inserted the needle, but it was definitely a tumor of some kind. Yesterday, on January 2nd, the doctor called and told me that not only was it cancer, but that it was a highly aggressive lymphoma that manifested in a place in his body the doctor saw only twice before in his practice, and the options were rather limited. He had stopped eating and drinking, and really moving around a whole lot. My wife and I made the decision that had to be made, and he was put to sleep yesterday. I started crying the night before when I knew this was a real possibility, and I stayed with him, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. I continued to do that, and I wanted to be there for him and I wanted him to hear my voice as he died. And I stayed in the room for a good while, petting my poor lifeless cat and telling how much I loved him. He died at eight years old, and he could have lived another ten years. I was walking around Lowe’s today buying something, and I found myself talking to him, saying “I love you, Mr. Chesterton.” I am just beginning to process his death, and I am still rather incredulous that it happened at all. All I know is that dreams are usually not this painful. I just do not know what to do next as I try to recover from this devastating event in my life. If you believe in prayer, please pray for me.

    1. I lost my sweet baby girl of 12 years today. I am a total wreck. I feel your pain and am sending you so much love. The bonds we have with our animal kids is just beyond beautiful. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I am praying for you right now. Heart broken in California

    2. MARTHA

      oh Bobby bless your heart, I so feel for you, I lost my cat Oreo Dec 2, 2017. I don’t have children or a spouse and no other animal now, Oreo was my first pet and I grew up around dogs so I had no idea what I was getting into with a cat but he was so sweet and precious. I can’t imagine life without him, I have so much guilt because I am not smart on the medical stuff and he was diagnose with kidney disease May 2016 and then Oct 2017 he had pancreatitis and then we couldn’t get it under control – he had diareah everywhere on the night of the Las Vegas shooting, then they said it was stomach cancer and my poor baby I had no idea his raspy purr meant he felt bad nor did I understand the weird noise sounds he was making – I have a hearing impairment and I kept calling people to see what the sound was or meant, I didn’t no if it was a purr or him in pain…………..I hate the idea of putting animals to sleep but I couldn’t let him suffer – he didn’t have a quality of life so I had to put him down 6 days before my b-day Dec 2017 – I feel like a lost puppy and my house is completely empty and had to work from home today without him for the first time since he died and it was soooooo hard I cried all day while trying to work – it was bad weather so I couldn’t drive in to the office. I am praying for you Bobby – bless your heart. I could use a miracle and I know you could too. I want to save all the animals in this world. I don’t understand how people can be so mean to animals.

    3. I think I will never get over this pain, it’s been five days since I had to put Garfield, my eight year old orange tabby, down. He was my best buddy and my furry love bug that laid on my lap and looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes. He got me through some hard times. I miss being able to put my face in his soft fur, his cuddles and how silly he could be. I had no clue he had somehow gotten pneumonia, he had no signs, and had just been to the vet the week before for something totally different, they didn’t see anything either, how can that happen, but he got really lethargic on Sunday so I took him to the 24 hour emergency vet, he was there two nights on antibiotics and oxygen, with no signs of recovery I knew I had to let him go. I still blame myself, I adopted him a year ago and was given his little life to care for. I cry everyday, how could this have happened, no no no, my heart has been broken. I also held him in my arms as he went to sleep, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. I stayed in a room for awhile holding him, it was so hard to let go of his warm body.
      I talk to him as I cry, sometimes angry at him that he didn’t give me a sign until it was too late. This has truly been a devastating event in my life also Bobby, I’m so sorry for your loss, I suffer with you.

    4. I feel for you.
      I just put my Maloo to sleep at aged 9 on 2nd of March.
      I am really struggling with all this. Maloo to had lymphoma and fiv+ but the vet was unsure of exactly his decline.
      I feel as if i am being punished in this life as I have never had a cat live past 10.
      My Bubbles was pts at 6yrs diabetes did not respond to meds. Tahlia my soul kitty aged 8 to intestinal adencarcinoma. Now maloo aged 9.
      ?

  220. We lost our almost 12 year old Cat, Spooky, on December 31st 2017. She was our first family pet. My daughter is almost 13, so she grew up with Spooks her whole life. Cats have this stereotype of not being as cuddly as dogs. We have 3 other cats, which would fit into this stereotype. But Spooks was different. She literally came to bed with us. On her own! She would curl up right in with us. Whether it be me, my hubby, my daughter or sons. She was the most cuddly cat I have ever known. But over the years, she became afraid of the other cats. She had lived with the others her whole life. ( Ages are 9,8 and 7). She also had pain in her backside, you could tell, whenever you tried to pick her up, she would growl. You knew something was wrong. Her walk became worse. She was on medication the past few months, but it didn’t seem to be working. So we made a family decision to let her go. All 5 of our family went with her. To hold and kiss her at the end. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through. And to see my children go through it, broke my already broken heart. I feel empty without my Spooks. I miss her so much. Yes, we have 3 others. But it’s not the same. I keep telling myself she’s finally at peace. We are weird, lol, so we paid to have her ashes with us. We got her paw print taken. I’m hoping once I have that at home, it’ll help knowing she’s still with us, in a way where she’s no longer in any pain. Where she’s not completely terrified to be here. I loved her, and will continue to love and miss her everyday. ?❤️

  221. My Chloe was only 1 year and 4 months old, she passed away today. She started acting sick yesterday but no vets we’re open. I took her in first thing this morning. She was okay but very week. The vet office was really busy and by the time they saw her she had worsened quickly. The vet came out to tell me she started seizing and crashing and they were doing cpr. Then she revived and crashed again. My poor baby didn’t make it. This was so sudden and completely unexpected. She was such a wonderful cat and companion. We had a special bond that I have never had with any other animal. She was so smart. I swear she would meow and it would sound like “hello?” When I would walk in the door after work. She would purr constantly and insisted on licking and grooming me, it was adorable. I miss her so much my heart just hurts. I’ve never really had to deal with grief in life before, with animals or people, and I’m not sure how I will overcome this! Seeing her stuff in the house is painful, and I keep thinking I hear her, or expect her to come into the bedroom to cuddle any second now. This is so painful and difficult.

  222. Gotup, don’t feel guilty. My mother lost both her son and her cat this year. I honestly think she sometimes misses the cat more. Lots of grief there.

  223. I never thought I would feel so empty. It’s hard to say this, but my grief is worse than when a person close to me has passed.. is it because my beautiful Sammey cat spent more time with me than any person ever has? Is it because he knew everything about me? The absolute honesty of who I really am? Does any one thing know us in this way? Only my Sammey and anyone else with a pet knows this..no matter who we are they love us. Not just love but hard love. The kind that will never be replaced, bought, bribed etc. Real as we will ever know. Now the days are strange without him. I don’t know what time it is because he isn’t there to tell me it’s time to eat! How do I walk through my house and pretend everything is ok? Or walk in my yard without him tagging behind me talking a mile a minute? His personality was huge- he made me smile Every Single Day! He was such a good boy. The details of him passing unexpectedly and unnecessarily conjures up guilt so strongly I feel like I’m going to pass out. In reality, it was no ones fault. The Vet at the emergency room was only trying to help. Who knew that pill would sit there and eventually have his throat close up? I did everything I could to help him. I torture myself with guilt- even though I know it isn’t my fault. It’s part of the “grieving process”. He trusted me, he loved me and accepted me for who I really am. He never judged me and if he did, he never told me! Well, maybe when I took to long to get him dinner.. he was judge mental about that I guess. Not having that sammey cat around anymore is monumental. Daily rituals, his chirping noises, his beautiful eyes, his snuggles under my chin, his polite waiting by the door to go outside, his demanding yell to come in! I know everyone here is feeling it. I found a lot of help from reading other people’s experiences. I’m not alone in this wave of emotional turbulence that seems to drown me at the weirdest moments. Forget about holding back the tears when the wave crashes over me! It’s on. After spending everyday with him for over ten years, there is so much more to remember. That cat taught me so much about life and what is really important. He insisted I stop whatever was so important at the time and live in the now by holding him close. He always did need to be held close. This is super hard but I know it gets easier. I have decided that it’s probably pretty normal to feel so much pain and emptiness now that he is gone. How could I not feel this way? He knew me intimately, he loved me continuously, he didn’t care if I was socially awkward, didn’t notice my weight gain, never once complained when I was broke, never once said “ I told you so” even when I was wrong . Anyone reading this know what I am talking about. I send everyone strong love who is experiencing a loss of a beloved family member pet. These animals do not have to learn to love us- they are born that way the minute they enter this world. Maybe that is the reason they don’t live that long. The price we pay to love them and for them to live us.

    1. I totally feel your pin. I too have no family r spouse or kids so my cat was my entire family. I thought I was pepared for her passing but I had no idea of the depth of pain I would feel….and am still feeling, I worked from home too for years so she was always by my side….we shared our lives. She would sneak into my bed especially in the colder months and I would laugh silently at the sight of us both under the covers with our heads on our pillows. She was my everything.
      Even writing this brings tears to my eyes. Its 3 weeks since I buried Tiddles….or as I think of it…she left my home for good. Life has to go on regardless….but I’m so fragile I worry about seeing neighbours etc who don’t know Tiddles has gone. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact we would not feel such grief if we had not felt such love. That’s the price we pay. Our pets don’t need to forgive us….their love is unconditional and they know when they are loved. Cats especially have a 6th sense.So they know …without words. Your cat knew how much they were loved by you…and had a great life. I believe their souls are forever with us and will help and guide us with the same sweet love they gave us when they were in our arms. Stay strong. Remember how much you were loved too.

  224. I lost my 11 month old cat almost 3 weeks ago. I still can’t seem to get over it. He was a rescue and we weren’t even planning to get a cat. I was quite lonely and down after a miscarriage and he just seemed to float into our lives. Suddenly things weren’t so bad. I work from home and there he was, playing on my desk, sitting on the keyboard or stealing my chair if I vacated it for a second. He was in our bed, sneaking under the blankets when it was cold, sitting on either husband or me early hours of the morning purring like a tractor. He loved playing with a fake fur toy and balled up aluminium foil. He never learnt to say meow, it was always “meeee”. He spent the days with me, following me around, playing or sleeping on the side of my desk. My husband says that he cried when I was away, looking through the house for me. When I got pregnant again, he stayed with me while I was sick for 5 months. When I was on bed rest for threatened miscarriage, he stayed by my side. He even brought his little fur toy upstairs to the bedroom to play with me. I’d never have gotten through that period without him.

    On that fateful day he was acting all strange. While he was a cuddly and affectionate cat, he rarely let us hold him for very long. This day he let me carry him around and cuddle him for as long as I wanted. In the evening, he sat in a place he has never sat at, watching me and husband intently. It was spooky in a way, it was as if he was studying us. But we put it down to the closed windows and doors and him trying to get one of us to let him out. Shortly after, I went up to bed and he came up with me as usual. He lay down by my feet and seemed to fall asleep instantly. Usually I coax him to use his bed which is just at the foot of ours. This time I let him stay and stroked him for a while. it looked like he was really sleepy (or pretending to be asleep). I too fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours after, he was no longer on the bed. I went downstairs and husband said he managed to get outside. I wasn’t too concerned because he’d done that before. But then he didn’t return when I called. He didn’t return the next morning either. We started searching around the house but nothing. I walked all over the neighborhood calling his name and shaking a bag of his favorite treats. In the evening husband drove around looking for him. He found him by the side of a road, near a pedestrian crossing. He had been hit by a vehicle, my poor baby. I had walked that road earlier, but hadn’t seen him. We brought him home and buried him in the back yard. I miss him so much. I feel cheated. I was looking forward to introducing him to his baby brother next month, celebrating his first birthday, and at least enjoying a few more years of his company. The whole house reminds me of him. Even after 3 weeks, his fur is still around. I made a photo album with pictures we and friends had of him. It helps a little. But most of the time it feels like a part of my very soul is missing.

  225. Our 21 year old cat Richie went out of the front door without us noticing on 19th November, we have not seen him since. He was old and frail, with a touch of dementia and arthritis in his back legs and he was deaf. All that said, otherwise he was very healthy. He had a monthly visit to the vet where he was loved for his gentle acceptance of anything that had to be done. The vet thought Richie was amazing for his age. We spoiled him so much – he had little packs of fresh chicken to eat, took over half the sofa on his cushion, had his own bench outside for sunbathing in summer. On the 19th, our daughter was loading the car outside and Richie must have gone out, he certainly could not climb the six foot wall at the back of the house. We searched the streets, left both back and front doors open all night, sat up to wait in hope. But nothing. In his younger days he had got out a couple of times and returned in the early hours, but not this time. We leafleted hundreds of houses in nearby streets, we put up posters in local shops and businesses, a missing cat advert was put in the local newspaper, we reported Richie’s loss on social media and on missing animal sites, and walked for miles looking for him. There have been suspected sightings, but none successful. Every day just seems to get worse, I cannot seem to accept this at all. I miss him so terribly. I see him everywhere, hear the cat flap, I can’t bear to walk past the pet food in the supermarket. He was my sweet baby and I just love him so much. Christmas feels pointless, I’m just going through the motions. To have had to take him to the vet for that last visit would have been awful, but what I was expecting to do, not this. Not knowing what has happened, thinking of him dying cold and alone is breaking me every day.

    1. Dearest Susan….
      I am so very sorry about your loss of your sweet Richie. I know it has been a bit, but these things just well up and grab us by the throat
      for a very long time. To lose a baby kitty (even at 21yrs, yes, Richie was your baby) and not know what happened is especially torturous.
      I’ve been there. Kitties, when they are unwell, are masters at hiding. Our Sissy Baby also was 21 y.o. when she went out and did not return. Richie may have had a stroke, or a stopped heart. I think that about Sissy since we never found her…..I think she went where she
      wanted to be, well hidden, to pass away. That was 15 yrs ago. I just recently lost Hammie Cake, my precious boy of 13 yrs. I had to have
      him euthanized (vicious lymphoma of sm bowel.) I love him and miss him so much I’m still in tears every day after 6 weeks. I know what you mean about seeing Richie everywhere. My baby Cakes is everywhere and nowhere.

      I’ll hope for calm for your heart and your soul,
      Julie

  226. I’m so sorry for your loss. There are no words to heal the emptiness and sadness of a cat who is gone. Our cats leave a hole in our hearts and homes, a space nothing can fill.
    May you find peace and healing, comfort and warmth as you grieve your loss. Give yourself time, let yourself weep. Go through the pain, and you will come to the other side. Know that your cat isn’t feeling any pain or suffering, and that your spirits are forever intertwined.
    You’re in my prayers, for comfort and peace.
    xo
    Laurie

  227. On Tuesday Dec 5 morning I got up to start my usual work day routine. Turn on the computer to warm up, turn on the coffee and feed my cat fur babies Vito and Sabrina. But something was not right. Sabrina the little 5 lb Siamese was not on my heels jumping up on the counter for breakfast, pacing back and forth and talking and as if she had not eaten in days. I fed Vito but knew something was wrong. I called her and searched for her praying that she just got stuck somewhere and couldn’t get down. She was a jumper. But the silence persisted and I had found her lifeless little body on the cold hard concrete basement floor all alone. The cause of her death is so unbelievable and I don’t understand what the hell happened. So I can’t describe it for others to understand. I blame myself over and over for not getting rid of the trash that took her life in a way I can’t understand. I was sick with bronchitis and doped myself in hopes of getting a few hours sleep without the body wracking cough. If only I had not been so sound asleep I could have heard her. I know the death was slow and painful. She had to cry out and I was not there to save her.
    Now when I close my eyes all I see is her motionless little body who suffered a horrible death. When my eyes are open all I can see is her lying in all her favorite places, in all the different size boxes she laid in or on. But she is not there. She was never more than a few feet from me and jumped up the minute I made a move so she could be 2 steps ahead prancing on with her tail standing straight up like she was the proud leader, wherever we were going.
    She laid on the table beside my computer while I worked. And jumped up the second I shut the computer off knowing it was time for dinner and spending the evening together.
    Sometimes I think I hear or see her but then realize she is gone forever. No more talking. No more mad dashes up and down the stairs for no reason in particular l.no more lying on my chest sometimes with her butt in my face.
    I have been sobbing uncontrollably since I found her and can’t find a way to stop.
    I need to be stronger than this for Vito but can’t stop
    I just want her back. She was perfectly healthy and only 11 years old. Our time together was so so short.
    I forget I don’t have to split the can of cat for her and Vito. The sobbing gets harder.
    I have lost fur babies in the past but it was after illness and I got to hold them on my lap and give them kitty morphine for comfort until they fell asleep and did not wake up.
    I have never lost a baby suddenly and totally unexpelije this and it’s killing me inside.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss. Cry as much as you need…weep…let hot tears flow. That way I think we can get better….slowly. It’s bereavement and we need to treat it as such. I was loved more by my cat than my only family member…my mother. My heart is broken…but slightly less broken than it was 3 weeks ago when Tiddles passed away at home. Even though I knew she was not going to be with me for long nothing could prepare me. Mentally yes…but I am still struggling like you, with the silence. I tell my friends its ‘beyond silent’. There’s an energy missing from my home, And I miss her smell her warmth, her little heart beat, her soft tummy…her breath that smelt like fresh air….and her beautiful face.

      Some days I think the whole relationship was a dream…..I’m struggling to adjust. I can’t remember what it was like before Tiddles came to my home 14.5 years ago. I feel lost. But I know if I allow myself to grieve how I need with supportive loving friends who understand the significance of my loss, I might be ok. When you live alone with a cat…they ARE family. Like a friend said to me…It’s like losing your partner”. And I agree. Stay strong and know your cat knew how much they were loved. Their 6th sense is what its all about.

  228. I had to put my cat Gary to sleep yesterday,it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! He was 20 years old,and was ferro for many years he became tame with me the last 4 years, I stayed with him till the end I miss him so much, I remember the first time he let me pet him the first time he meyoud, and the first time he purred, I know how hard it is for you, my cat was always there for me he became the most loving cat and I tried to keep him safe from other cats while I had him, oh how I miss him

    1. I feel your loss…but when I read your post all I could think was how lucky Gary was that you took him in and showed him love. That was the greatest gift you could ever have given him and he knew it. You gave him years of love and security for years, and he knew that. That’s why you were so loved by him. He’ll be in your heart forever. My friend called my cat “a four legged angel”….and I think shes right. Stay strong. When you’re ready you can think about the good times. There will be less pain and tears as time goes by. It’s only cos you loved him so much you hurt so much now. I remember that every time I think of Tiddles who passed away 3 weeks ago. My friends cat died 6 years ago and there are still moments when she cries remembering. Its called love.

  229. I lost my little guy Gryffin about 6 weeks ago and I grieve daily and can’t shake the feeling that I can’t get past this. We have no idea how old Gryff was, he just showed up one day on our porch and immediately stole our hearts. He was the only source of lasting comfort to me when I lost my 18 yr old cat soon after he showed up. I always felt he was the angel who was sent to me to help me through that awful time and now he’s gone too. It feels too much to bear. I feel so incomplete without him, not only is my heart broken, but a huge part of my soul feels like it’s missing too. And I feel an incredible guilt about not getting him the right care in time. His illness came on so quickly and despite taking him to multiple vets and specialists over 3 days, no one could figure out what was wrong or treat him effectively. At the last vet’s, his organs started failing and we had to make the horrible and painful decision to let him go peacefully. If I had noticed his illness earlier, I keep thinking there were signs that I missed, perhaps the vets could’ve saved him. It is very difficult to accept he’s gone and deal with the days without him. It feels like the joy has gone out of or lives, we miss our little guy so much.

  230. I lost both of my cats recently, my 17 year old boy, Splash, in September, and my cute little 19 year old girl, Alice, just this past weekend. I am 23 years old and have never not had a cat in my house. We had one before these two came into my life but I was very young and barely remember him. I got Alice as a Christmas present when I was 4 years old, and she’s been here every since. She was only a few months younger than my brother. She was always a healthy little thing, never had any noticeable health issues, unlike my other kitty. Part of me thought she would live forever. Then on Saturday she just changed. She was laying down the whole day..but it was different than normal. She just looked different. At night my mom went to really look at her and she knew, she was dying. We wrapped her in a blanket and brought her upstairs to lay between us. She only ever liked myself and my mom. We were hoping she would go peacefully at home. But she started to get a bit agitated, she wanted to move but her body wouldn’t let her anymore. We ended up taking her to the emergency vet at around 10:30pm, thank goodness we have an emergency vet nearby, I couldn’t imagine watching her suffer. Watching her pass was one of the most surreal moments of my life. When I lost Splash, it felt more tragic in a way, he was suffering far more visibly than she was, due to all his health problems, but in a way it was also a relief that he wouldn’t be in so much pain anymore. Losing him was incredibly hard, he was a sweet goof-ball who loved everyone. But losing Alice felt different, it didn’t…and still now two days later, doesn’t feel real. She’s just always been there, in high spirits, begging for her favorite food (chicken), and basking in the sun, and now suddenly with no warning…she’s gone. I’ve been very lucky that both of them lived such long lives, I will never take that for granted. I’ve never had any other pets, so experiencing this sort of loss for the first time…and having them both pass away so close together has been very hard for me. I know I’ll have more cats in my life, perhaps even in a few months we will get another, but I don’t know if I’ll ever love another cat like these two, my childhood/tween/teen/young adult cats. This may be a silly fear but for now it is a very real one. Has anyone else dealt with this fear?

  231. I am so glad I found this. I lost my kitty this past weekend. I’ve had her since she was 4 months old, and she’s been my little buddy. She was only 11, but had been sick with a mystery illness for the last year and a half that made her itch and lick constantly, but also not eat or use the litter and just hide under the bed, barely moving. When she was healthy she was the most social cat, always on my lap, meowing, purring – she would greet me at the door when I came home…over this last year and a half I took her to the vet so many times, steroids helped but as soon as they wore off the symptoms came right back and she would be miserable. She was a bigger cat, 12 lbs Maine Coon mix and would lose 2 pounds in a week from not eating, and seem disoriented and forget where her litter was. Even though I knew it was risky to keep her on steroids, she was just so happy and back to normal on them that it was either that or watch her be miserable (or put her down). The vets would switch them up or try alternative therapy, and check her bloodwork periodically, which always came up normal. I was away this past weekend and had my parents who live nearby come in 2-3 times a day to check on her, feed her etc, but Saturday my mom called me; Whiskey didn’t eat her food that day and she was meowing a lot, seemed to be disoriented. This was how she was sometimes since she’s been sick, especially when she got a hair ball. My mom stayed with her and petted her, and she curled right up in a cardboard box and purred. Everything seemed fine. A few hours later my mom checked on her and she was gone. My mom said she looked very peaceful but I feel so guilty I wasn’t there. She was always in my lap when I was home, or right up in my face if I was laying down, especially these last few months. I have a feeling she knew it was her time soon because she had been extra clingy. Before I left for the weekend I held her in my lap and she gave me cat headbutts, and then went off to eat her crunchy food like no big deal. Even though I knew she was sick and I spent so many hours and weekends lately just laying around reading so she could be on me, I still feel like it wasn’t enough time. It is so hard right now, being home without her in my lap. I can’t believe she is gone and miss her so much.

  232. Yesterday I had my cat Murphy put down. He was suffering from renal failure. He was 16 and a huge part of our lives but he also had a wonderful bond with me. I seemed to be his favourite. When I came home he was waiting to greet me at the door. He called out to me in the mornings when he heard me up making coffee each morning. He patiently waited on top of the sofa in the living room for me to come and put him over my shoulder and rub his back as he snuggled into my neck purring. It was our morning ritual and we both looked forward to it. In the evenings when we watched the news he was up on my lap to cuddle …often several times during the evening. Before I went to bed as I passed his spot on the sofa with his special plush blanket he softly called me. I spent a few minutes petting him as he purred loudly as I said goodnight and I always gave him a head rub and kiss before I headed to bed myself. I miss Murphy terribly. I wish he was still here but a part of me knows his quality of life was quickly diminishing and he was so sick. He lost another 2.5 lbs in three weeks and hadn’t eaten in days and was not getting enough fluids even though he seemed like he was drinking all the time. I didn’t want him to suffer so the decision was made. I held him close cradled in my arms as our Vet administered the dose. We looked into each other’s eyes, me reassuring him his mommie was here and how much we loved him. I felt the life leave his frail body and the light in his eyes was gone. I held him and talked quietly to him for a time then wrapped him gently in his favourite blanket, kissed his face and said goodbye sweet boy. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

    I find myself holding back tears often and from time to time just having a good sob. I try to imagine him walking through a beautiful garden swatting at moths and butterflies like he loved to do in my garden. I imagine him stretched out on some grass lying in the sun enjoying the warmth. I remember his healthy days and how we enjoyed his company over the years. I am grateful that we took him into our home from a farm litter and gave him a good Happy home and a long life. I’m happy my grandson loved his gentle patient spirit. I know it will take some time to let my sadness go but I look forward to the time I can remember Murphy with no tears only joy we had him in our lives for many years.

    1. Dear Jan
      I lost my male siamese Bhola on 18th of this November. He was 10 years and 6 months and my love. He slept with me every night and had adopted my routine to the maximum.
      I know when I will be dying he will come to take me with angels. I pray after every Namaz to Allah that he is with me in the Hereafter.
      Don’t grieve. Pray for Murphy. You will be healed.

    2. i understand the pain you have i just put to sleep my cat “trouble” on saturday she was with us 19 years sounds like murphy and also had a great relationship with her since she was a kitten
      when i was making my morning coffee she would leap to my shoulders to purr in my ear she was the most gentle cat never bit or scratched all black and always looked like a kitten maybe weighing 7 or 8 pounds
      but the past few years i can see her losing her sight and hearing but never her purring and love till finally she just slept a lot i wouldnt let her go outside no more afraid something may attack her then the last month i knew she was fading fast didnt eat for 3 days or drink and then just meow looking at me though she was mostly blind lost a lot more weight and i knew it was time no more purring even with my best efforts i was afraid she was suffering greatly i am sad but i believe that 1 day at the end of time we will meet again

      1. misty, 18yrs, was dead in her box when my husband came downstairs this morning. she was a very agile outdoor cat, slightly arthritic the past few months. she was not inside first thing yesterday morning, we eventually found her hiding under neighbours car, picked her up, came in to house, she made no noise, and couldnt move properly. phoned the vet who said next appointment was in 1 hour. with hindsight,we should have taken misty there immediately. vet diagnosed a back injury, gave her anti-inflammatory and pain-killer injections and sent us and misty home. why the hell was misty not given a proper diagnosis? surely she should have been x-rayed. i can”t stop crying. she was my life. she”s still at the vet, dreading collecting her tomorrow to take for cremation, but can”t bear thought of burying her in garden. will watch everything to make sure we get misty”s ashes . will miss her always, and will never replace her with another cat. ( she was someones unwanted cat, chucked out of a car, aged 7 months )

    3. I had to put my cat Gary to sleep yesterday,it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! He was 20 years old,and was ferro for many years he became tame with me the last 4 years, I stayed with him till the end I miss him so much, I remember the first time he let me pet him the first time he meyoud, and the first time he purred, I know how hard it is for you

  233. I’m amazed to see so many comments from people missing their cats – makes me feel better somehow. I lost my 20 year old cat, Mayuka, this Monday. I had her since she was a kitten, and she was with me through everything – junior high, high school, college, cross-country moves, graduate school. She was a gorgeous, sweet cat and a total mama’s girl. I loved picking her up, lying with her on my bed, playing with her paws. Everyone always commented on how pretty and young-looking she was; at 20 years old she was still running around and playing (although sleeping most of the time, of course!) and super bright-eyed.

    On Saturday she had a stroke and I took her home from the emergency vet that night. On Sunday all she could do was lie on the floor. I was giving her water with a syringe. Monday morning I woke up at 4 in the morning to check on her, and she was clearly suffering horribly. I had her on my chest or on the couch next to me until my vet office opened, then carried her there (no car) wrapped in a blanket I’d crocheted so she would be surrounded by familiar smells. I said goodbye to her and my vet put her to sleep. It was so hard to watch her die, but I’m glad she didn’t suffer long. I took her ashes home on Tuesday and she’s in my bedroom now, which was always her favorite spot.

    I thought I had gotten used to the idea of her leaving, since she was 20, but I miss her horribly. Every time I hear a sound I think it’s her bunny-hopping down the stairs. Seeing the empty spot under my desk where she would lie in her cat bed brings me to tears. The same for her toys, her favorite spot on the couch, pictures of her on my phone, basically everything.

    I miss you, Mayuka. Thanks for being such a good friend.

  234. My cat died last night beside me . I had her for 12 wonderful years here in France. I found her in a forest , a feral kitten. She was so amusing and so intelligent . She hunted all day , every day , her mother had taught her so much. There has never , ever , been another cat like Mimi – it would take too long to describe. Two weeks ago I noted she was loosing weight . The vet said she had enlarged kidneys , a disease or cancer. She would not eat or drink and wasted away. Last night she sat beside me all through the night convulsing . I rushed her to the vet in the morning not realizing she was already dead. She slept in the Summer in the roof of the garage [ a feral cat away from predictors] , I had made a box bed from wine boxes lined with straw. This box and straw became her coffin and buried her under her favorite apple tree. I sometimes called her ‘ daddy’s little Marine’ me being a former Marine [ British] because she was always so brave and uncomplaining. So I awarded her my medal for her coffin. I will never forget her. Thank you for this Laurie it does help.

  235. My Charlie went missing exactly 2 weeks ago today. I have searched and searched, talked with neighbors, put out flyers, everything and still nothing. I am devastated. He was neutered, 1yr old Orange cat. He was the best boy. He slept with me every night. I just cry and cry and don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. I live by myself, he was just like my baby, and he made me feel so much love. I feel so empty without him here. I still call and call for him, and pray and pray he’ll come back to me. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him so much. I just don’t understand.

    1. I’m so sorry Andrea. I had an orange cat named Reuben and he went missing several years ago. I really hope you find him, and I will pray that you do. Don’t give up hope! Losing your baby is the worst thing, especially when you weren’t expecting it and he was only a year old. I really hope you find Charlie or he finds you <3

    2. My Charlie went missing exactly 2 weeks ago today. I have searched and searched, talked with neighbors, put out flyers, everything and still nothing. I am devastated. He was neutered, 1yr old Orange cat. He was the best boy. He slept with me every night. I just cry and cry and don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. I live by myself, he was just like my baby, and he made me feel so much love. I feel so empty without him here. I still call and call for him, and pray and pray he’ll come back to me. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him so much. I just don’t understand.

    3. Andrea,
      Our cat Leo went missing on December 6th. No sign of him anywhere. Its devastating. The tears will not stop flowing. I hope your baby comes home. Breaking the news to my daughter has beeen extremely difficult. I feel like my home is empty even though we have others. Every cat holds a special place in our hearts.

      1. So sorry to hear about your missing cat. We have two missing one over a year and another 15 weeks just vanished we miss them both so much. Fingers crossed they all return but it’s heartbreaking I even went to a pet communicator who believes Max is still alive and Monty might of been hurt as seems very weak it’s heart wrenching I feel sad all the time and just miss them so much. My children keep asking will they ever come home. Really hope all the missing cats return safely and having fun somewhere. Carly x

  236. I had to put my best friend, my Maine Coon cat Henry he was 18 1/2 years old down on Tuesday 11/7/17 and it was the most heart wrenching and worst decision I have had to make.. He was having trouble breathing and had fluid around his heart and it just came out of now where, it all happened so fast.. the vet came to my home so I could be with him and hold on to him and cherish my last moments with my Henry.. I am getting his ashes back I just need to have him in my home because I can’t live without him… I know he lived an amazing life but I just miss him so much and can’t stop seeing his handsome little face and seeing him around the house especially all his favorite places.. I just want him back to hug and cuddle and live life like we were..

  237. Molly my sweet “Maamaa” got cancer in May and had 2 surgeries, a month of chemo and then no treatment for the last few weeks and now she’s gone.The doc said she had 6-9 months to live. She lasted a few days . She died on a big soft pillow. When I got home from work, I found her breathing slightly and just nearly gone. I have now cried and sobbed 6or 8 times in 24 hours. My eyes are puffy and sore. My son and I had to dig a hole in the ground tonight. No one ever said life was going to fair.She deserved a few more years of life. Damn those injection site sarcomas.
    Rest in peace my beautiful sweet loving cute cuddly Maamaa. Love that girl.
    .

  238. My beautiful Maine Coon of nearly 14 was put to sleep by the vet hete at our home 2 weeks ago today. She had s heart problem, lost loads of weight, stopped eating and drinking – I had to let her go – it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We were so close and she slept in my the crook of my arm every night. I had time to prepare myself for her passing on but it was so horrible to have to say goodbye . She does in my arms and I’m trying to be strong. She had a great life but whenever I hear a sound I think it’s her padding about . She went downhill fast – she caught a rabbit in August and was dead by Ictober. It happened fast and I don’t think anything could have been done that she could have coped with. I miss her so much / it’s hard to bare. She meant the world to me and the unconditional love she gave me was so beautiful and we had a great bond. I know I have to be positive but it’s also ok to be sad . I keep seeing her face at the door but I know she’s gone and it was her time but it’s brutal without her. Love to all reading this who are suffering a loss of a dear friend

  239. My indoor only cat got out 3 nights ago and has not returned. I am devastated and cannot stop crying. I asked my son if he was heartbroken and he said not really. He said he just wasn’t going to think about it. That is all I can think of!

    1. Hi Karen, sorry to hear sbout your cat not returning home.
      It is worrying when a cat does this. Have you tried the neighbours to see if she got in their shed or garage , outhouses.
      She may have lost her bearings a little bit they do have a way of finding their home. Hopefully she will come bounfingbin very soon. It may help you to put some leaflets out with a picture of your cat and your details, asking people to look in their sheds and outbuildings.
      I hope you see her back very soon. Take care.

  240. I lost my cat Merlin last night. He passed away in his sleep. I stayed up all night with him. I don’t think I could believe he’d gone.
    He was on thyroid treatment from the vet which seemed to be helping and we was going back to the vet for blood tests this coming week.
    We’ve buried Merlin in our garden but I am devastated even knowing it may happen one day.

    I’m reading self help for coping. I miss him and wish I could have him here with me healthy and as usual sat beside me on the sofa.

    1. We had to put our beloved 12 year old Biscuit down two weeks ago and it seems to be getter harder by the day. My 22 year old daughter is also very sad. Never felt this bad for any other past pets. Love them all though.

      1. Hi Catherine. So sorry you lost your beloved Biscuit. They bring such joy and happiness into our lives. It’s so hard to part from them.
        I have had several cats over my lifetime and given them the love and looking after they needed and deserved, in turn they gave us unconditional love,
        For this I am truly grateful that I have been part of their lives. Though it breaks my heart I know in time I will Look back on the special times shared.

  241. Yesterday I lost my 14 year old red persian cat Poema. He’s been in my life as long as I can remember.(I’m 18) He was suffering from failing kidneys and other problems (from being old). I feel like I can’t go on anymore, he meant the world to me. The house is so empty now and everywhere I look I see things that remind me of him. He was the cutest, sweetest cat ever. He would never fight with other cats and he liked being with me all the time. I loved him so so much, he was like a sibling I never had. He went peacefully and was with my parents when he died, but I wasn’t there and I really regret not having been there with him. But I also probably wouldn’t have been able to handle his death right in front of me. He is in heaven with his sister now, who died 7 years ago from cancer. I have never been in a house without cats, we used to have 4 persian cats. My life will never be the same. I will remember and love him forever, and I hope that he’s in a good/better place now. “To love” means to let go.

  242. I recently lost my best friend I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I felt what I lost my Isis she was my best friend in the world she was there for me through a really really hard part of my life 11 years to be exact. There was a period of time I was very alone and she brought me so much love, loyalty like I’ve never seen and I could swear I understood her words. Our souls were definitely intertwined. She constantly was in my dreams while she was still alive. She died so suddenly everything seemed so fine she was strong and climbing and playing never showed any signs of pain then one day she collapsed and couldn’t walk and all of a sudden she was blind out of nowhere what do a couple seizures I held her in my arms as she went, it was so a shock to my system I still hear her and I look for her still and catch my self. there is nothing that can prepare you for the pain of losing such a friend that literally is so loyal they know nothing else but the love of their owner I’ll miss her forever. Rest In Paradise my best friend. I recently adopted a new little girl from a shelter her name is Pasch and it does help ease the pain and my other love Osiris doesn’t have to be alone cats have fun together.

  243. My 1 year old Siamese/Persian mix died today of kidney failure she was the sweetest cat I’ve ever had she would sit next to me whenever possible she would just stare at me with nothing but love in her eyes she would give me little kisses with her eyes (opening and closing her eyes slowly while looking at me ) and I would give them back she was so well behaved never did anything wrong in her life little Coco was so quiet she was a little angel if only I noticed the signs of kidney failure but I had no idea until it was too late I feel as though I have failed her ? I hope she forgives me and little Coco will be the first one I ask for in heaven or maybe she will be waiting for me ❤️?
    Her life was short and sweet as was she

    1. Hello:
      I am so very sorry for your loss. I just lost my 7 7 year old Seal Point Siamese Boy, Dexter to kidney failure on October 22 & my heart is shattered. I don’t know if I can ever mend the pieces of my heart, but in honor of him, I must try. Like your little one, my boy was sweet, living and sent from heaven! I am not going to offer suggestions on how to cope or heal, but will say from how you described you bond, that I get the sense that you little one knew how much they were loved and you did the best you could do given your situation at the time. Remember, we are mere humans with our flaws & shortcomings. The beautiful this about our fur baby bonds is that they love us inspite of our imperfections. Please try to forgive yourself as I believe you little one already has. Take Good Care, Trisha ❣️

      1. Simon, my Tonkinese who was just about to turn 15 and whom I adopted when he was six months old, died early this morning from his chronic kidney condition. The hard thing is that he died at an animal hospital quite a distance from me in the suburbs of my city, because the vet whose office is two-and-a-half blocks from my home closed his office for a week completely in order to go out of town. Simon had become so dehydrated by Friday afternoon that I knew it was essential that he get a subcutaneous fluid injection immediately, and that’s why I brought him to that hospital, where he had been seen last year for another problem. I could not make it out there when the vet called me a little past 10:30 last night to say that his condition had worsened (I don’t drive and it was my nephew who had taken me out there with Simon that morning). The upshot of all this is that I missed the opportunity to be there with him when he died, and consequently the opportunity to just let the tears flow in the company of sympathetic people. I seem incapable of crying at home all alone. Perhaps that’s because I am a guy.

        I am really feeling the initial stages of grief. I live alone, don’t have many friends or a spouse or partner and Simon was indeed my most constant companion for fourteen-and-a-half years. I work from home and it will be hard not knowing that he is not in the next room relaxing to movies and music on YouTube while I am hammering away. Simon, I love you, your warmth and intelligence; I know I took you for granted and only now do I realize that you were my everything. I had always imagined that I would be there with you during your final moments touching you and telling you that I am with you. My, we were a team. You anchored me in the present keeping me from getting angry or depressed about things that happened in the past. I love you, Buddy. Now I have just had something of that cry that I missed this morning.

    2. Don’t you dare for one moment feel guilty . My cat just died [ above ] of kidney failure , there are no ‘signs’ , they just stop eating and by then it is already too late no matter what some will tell you.Be thankful you gave it a good life and have peace.

  244. I had to have my gorgeous handsome tabby Maffery put to sleep 3 weeks ago it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do ,he had flu last year and I nursed him through that I was surprised he survived he was so ill, as he was semi feral he hated strangers but loved me he followed me everywhere just like a dog he was a great big cat and very muscly and so healthy for I think 15 as he turned up on my path at I estimate 2 years of age ,he slept in the summer house in a comfy bed and lots of blankets I even put a carpet in there for him as he would only venture into the kitchen now and again ,he adored his garden and I always left him nice places to sleep in the sun ,but he got an ulcer in his eye and needed it removing and would have been unable to be an outside cat any longer as he was always fighting other cats so would have been at a disadvantage and he had infection in his ears and mouth ,he was terrified at the vets shedding fur everywhere so I thought the stress would be too much ,so I let him go ,big big mistake now I feel I made the wrong decision ,I feel like I murdered him and stole his last few years ,my heart is broken I can’t eat ,sleep and can’t stop crying I am sooooo guilty ,I loved my friend dea