Healing Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat

After you lose your beloved companion, you may be surprised at how bad you feel when you think “I miss my cat.” These eight ways to cope with the grief of your cat’s death will help you through your loss. I also share advice from cat owners who understand the sorrow and sadness of losing a beloved pet.

Hope and Healing for Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat

“I miss my cat”

“Grieving the loss of a beloved cat is an extremely personal experience,” says Michelle on for How to Survive the Loss of Your Pet. “Everyone copes differently, every cat owner has a different way to work through the loss and sadness. But one thing stays the same: we all have to find our own method of grieving. Otherwise the pain never heals. I miss my cat dearly and deeply, but I have to let him go. Otherwise I’ll never be happy again.”

When you miss your cat, there isn’t much that can take the pain away. “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone, her own burden, her own way,” said Anne Morrow Lindbergh. The sadness you feel when your cat dies can’t be shared and is yours alone. But, it can help to read about how other people coped with the death of their cats. Below are five ways to cope when you miss your cat more than you can imagine.

These tips may not take away the pain of missing your cat, but at least they’ll help you see you’re not alone. Sometimes just knowing your pain has been shared can help you heal.

8 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Cat

Surrounding yourself with people who understand what it’s like to grieve the loss of a cat is one of the most important things you can do. If you feel alone – and if you are alone because you isolate yourself – then you may take longer to heal.

Reach out to others. Talk about how difficult it is to deal with the death of your cat. Find people who understand, who can genuinely relate to your pain.

1. Share memories of your beloved furry feline

“As a child, we were encouraged to talk about the pet and remember him or her,” says cat lover Pam Vetter. “Pets are family members and have important roles in our lives. Whenever a frog, lizard, parakeet or guinea pig has died in our house over the last 14 years since my kids were born, we’ve held a mini-funeral in the backyard.  We bury the pet, put a rock marker on top, and share our memories about the pet. The time together serves to recognize the pet’s role in our lives.  My kids are encouraged to share their memories about our lost pets.”

Don’t bury your pain or try to hide how much you miss your cat. Even just telling someone “I miss my cat” can help you through the grieving process. Sadly, you have to feel the pain before you can heal.

2. Give yourself time to heal after your cat dies

“Healing takes place over time, and there is no single formula to saying good-bye when your cat dies,” says Dan, whose 12 year old cat disappeared without a trace.

Hope and Healing for Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat“The loss of a cat is the loss of someone you loved, and when anything you loved is abruptly taken away from you, there is no substitute. Four years ago, my cat Peep disappeared without a trace. I live in an exclusive suburb of Los Angeles in the hills. It’s often you have wild life and predators roaming at night. I was sick with some dental problem and when I came home from pharmacy at 9 pm, I couldn’t locate both my cats…one of then came home and the other didn’t.”

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Cry as much as you need to. Weeping – letting your heart melt in sorrow – is the only way to deal with a loss so great. Try to spend time outdoors in the fresh air, away from the invasive noise of people. Allow the pure music of nature to fill your ears, the smells of forest and soil and grass to fill your nose. It will do your soul good.

3. Learn different ways to grieve the pain of missing your cat

Robert Neimeyer, a professor of psychology at the University of Memphis in Tennessee, says grief is more than simply a ­series of emotional stages. Grieving a loss isn’t just about going through the stages of grief – and healing isn’t just about letting time pass.

“We do have a great deal of agency in how we embrace our suffering, and the sense we make of it,” says Neimeyer, author of Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved. He has published 30 books on grief and counselling therapy and has a clinical practice.

It is often new purpose – not time – that can be most beneficial to a grieving heart. Newer grief therapy helps grieving people understand the lessons of their loss and places a premium on their capacity to find a new normal, new meaning and “construct a kind of resilience even in the storm of ­bereavement.” With regard to the pain of losing your cat, this means finding a new normal to help you deal with the loss you feel.

“Our work is all about understanding grieving as a process of trying to reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss,” says Dr Neimeyer. “What happened, and why and what are its implications for our lives, while also looking at the life we shared with our loved one and carrying it forward in ways we can in their physical absence. Time heals remarkably few wounds of grief because it’s not what time does for the bereaved person; it’s much more a question of what the bereaved person does with that time that matters.

4. Give yourself time to grieve your cat’s death – and find purpose in your life

After I lost my cat, all I could think was “I miss my cat.”

I miss my catBut I learned that as tempting as it was to focus on how much I missed her, it was creating more pain and suffering in the long run. Focusing on my grief and pain was actually making things worse. It’s important to do the work of grieving your loss – and your cat’s death really is a huge loss! – but not allowing yourself to get swallowed up in the black night of the soul.

There is a difference between healthy grieving and unhealthy dwelling on the pain of loss. Grief takes time and energy – so you will find yourself more tired than usual. Unhealthy dwelling on your loss will suffocate you and prevent healing. So, give yourself time to grieve…but gently distract yourself from the long-term suffering that dwelling on a cat’s death can bring. Make an effort to remember joyful memories of your cat’s life. Keep busy. Find activities, places, and people who sooth your soul and quiet your mind. Learn ways to gently encourage yourself to come alive when you feel dead inside.

5. Consider rescuing an abandoned kitten or cat

“I had my multi-coloured white and ginger cat, Penny, for eight wonderful years,” says Cynthia Colby. “Her death was sudden. She seemed to be losing weight to a point until she appeared too thin, so I took her in to the vet’s and got the bad news. They suggested an operation, but the next day I got a call during the surgery that she might not make it. I rushed in, and she died in my arms. In my case, whether or not to get another cat was already solved in a way, as I had just rescued a small black kitten. I missed my cat so much, but I found it helpful to foster the new kitten for the local Cat Adoption Team. The month before, I had decided to adopt her myself. After Penny died, I called her my ‘Little Gift from God’.”

Rescuing a cat who needs a home may be one of the best ways to cope when you miss your cat. Fostering or adopting an abandoned animal may give you a sense of purpose, and may help you look beyond the pain of your present grief.

6. Imagine your cat being held by an angel

When Your Cat Dies Ways to Cope With GriefThe Willow Tree – Angel Holding a Cat With Affection is a beautiful symbolic way to remember your beloved cat. I always find it comforting to think of the cats I lost as being in Heaven, resting in peace, their souls intertwined with the angels’ and my other lost loved ones.

Think of your kitty being held in the arms of an angel; feel the peace and love and acceptance that comes with the thought of your cat resting comfortably. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or if you can prove the existence of Heaven.

Now is not the time to debate whether cats have souls…now is the time to comfort yourself with the image of your cat being held in the arms of an angel. This will help you get through the dark days, when all you can think is “I miss my cat.”

7. Welcome another cat into your home – when you’re ready

“Last January we had to have our beloved cat, Janvier, put down,” says cat lover Jessica. “He was suffering from renal failure, and the treatment would have crushed his spirit and terrified him, so we made the hardest decision of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having my first baby around. It’s pathetic, but we haven’t even gotten rid of his kitty litter (it’s clean!) or his leftover food.

I still think I can hear him puttering around at night. We have two young children and insanely busy lives, so we haven’t adopted a new cat yet. We feel like we wouldn’t be able to give him or her enough attention at this time, which would just not be fair. I really believe that having a new kitten would help us survive our cat’s death. I also think that bringing a new pet into our lives would help us honor Janvier, by constantly reminding us of the cute and funny things he used to do. So I hope that one day soon-ish, we’ll open our homes to a new pet both to help heal our hearts and so our children know the joy a cat can bring to a home.”

“There is something about the presence of a cat that seems to take the bite out of being alone.” ~ Louis J. Camuti. If you’re thinking about opening your heart and home to another cat, read Should You Get a Cat After Your Cat’s Death?

8. Let your cat go – and heal your heart

Kitty Comfort Coping With Cat LossI wrote Kitty Comforts: Help and Hope for Coping With the Loss of Your Cat for you – my fellow cat lovers. Saying goodbye and letting go of my beloved animals is one of the most painful parts of my life, and in this ebook I share what helped me heal.

Give yourself time and space to say farewell to your cat. Grieve the way you need, and allow your heart to heal in its own time. You may be ready to open your home and heart to welcome a new cat…and your spirits will be lifted when you accept the companionship of others.

Life without your pet is a sad adjustment of heart and home. Whether your loss was a planned or accidental, you’re grieving the end of a season of your life…and you’ll never be the same.

How are you feeling? Your stories and thoughts about grief and your cat’s death are welcome below. It’s good to write about your experience – not only does writing help you heal, it also shows other sad cat owners that they’re not alone.

Blessings, with sympathies,



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879 thoughts on “Healing Your Heart When You Miss Your Cat

  • Dave Shaver

    I lost my beloved angel Shasta on March 13. She was 12. I had to get her euthanized because of kidney disease. I miss her terribly. She was my angel, my daughter, my kitty and my very best friend.

    Thank you all and much love to you for sharing your stories <3 🙂

  • Binx's Mom

    This article really helped me a lot! Thank you!
    We lost our beloved, Binx, 3 weeks ago Saturday (he passed in the early morning hours here at his home on Saturday March 24, 2018). He was the best cat ever. I’m having some trouble accepting that he’s gone and I’ll never see him again. He was about 15 years old so I understand and I’m grateful that he had such a long cat life. And that he had a family that loved him. He had a nice home with high quality food! We went out of our way to make sure Binx was happy 24/7. I know we did everything we could to keep him comfortable in yhe end too.

    Anyway I’m rambling. Thanks to this article I realize it’s ok to grieve just don’t stay in constant deep sadness. Honor his life and be grateful for all of the amazing memories.
    I also bought a special piece of jewelry in honor of my Binx. My purchase fed 20 shelter cats. So I feel good about that. I visit his grave often too.
    His Sissy (Binx’s cat sister) misses him too. She sits by his grave all the time. It’s sad and beautiful at the same time. I’m making sure to give her extra attention now. Since she’s the only cat. That’s what Binx would’ve wanted anyway…….I know it.
    I miss you Binxy. You were the best. I’ll never forget you. And I hope I see you on the other side one day……..Until then take care of everyone in Heaven and BE NICE…lol.

    I’m sorry to everyone who’s lost a pet. I know it’s hard. Sending hugs to all.

    • Linda

      Sending you hugs. I lost my beloved Tiger about a month ago. It hurt so much. I loved him so much. So, I know how you feel. Know that you will be reunited with Binx in heaven.

  • Olliekat

    I had my darling 19-year-old Ollie put to rest just 7 weeks ago based on wrong information by the vet. He gave me the most graphic details of how Ollie would die which haunts me still. He gave him just 2 days to live, but a week later he was still alive but because he hadn’t been given diuretics at the time, his lungs were full of fluid and his breathing was very laboured. By the time I called a vet to the house, I was told that Ollie could have a heart attack if I tried to give him a tablet. Ollie was sitting next to me looking at me with his sweet innocent eyes when I made the decision to give him a peaceful ending. He died on my lap. My heart has been broken into a million pieces and I can’t forgive myself for not getting a second opinion before he got worse, but I believed the first vet. I’d had him since he was 6 months old and he was the funniest most gentle and friendly cat in the world. I cry a lot and miss his physical presence so much that I ache. The pain is so intense that I feel swallowed up by it. I keep thinking if the first vet had just offered him diuretics that his symptoms would have eased, even if it was temporary. I am haunted by the fact he could have still been here.

    • Helen

      Dear Olliekat I went through something similar, my vet told me my cat had hours to live & to stop giving him his medicine & renal food (he had CKD) & to take him home to say goodbye. My kitty lived 18 days & Im sure if I had requested sub fluids he would be here today… sadly we have to trust the people we take our babies too but sometimes they are way off the mark. It’s been six weeks since I lost my boy & I feel like I am in a daze. I am truly sorry for your loss. Your beautiful kitty would not want you to feel guilty, you were only doing your best for him on the advice given to you. Be gentle with yourself, grief is a long & hard process without guilt added on. Missing your precious fur baby is enough to cope with right now. Keep in mind how loved your kitty was & how you always had his best interests at heart. God bless you & I hope you find some peace & comfort. x x x

      • Olliekat

        Hi Helen. So we both lost our furballs at around the same time. I have just been through the vet mediation service with my complaint about the vet, and was further distraught to discover he lied about everything and said he didn’t describe Ollie’s death to me in detail (he did) and that he offered him treatment, which I apparently declined. The only things he offered were treatments that he said could kill Ollie, so why would I say yes to them? But he never once offered diuretics and I wasn’t clued up enough to know they could help until it was too late. He also said I wasn’t crying, but when I said I could describe the room they shunted me off to so I didn’t upset the other people who were there with their pets, he changed his mind and said he did remember after all!

        It’s not enough that Ollie was so badly treated there, but the fact the vet had to coerce the staff into lying for him really really hurt me. One thing I managed to get included in the resolving was that the practice has agreed to provide additional training to all the staff to ensure that devastating news isn’t delivered in such a cold and callous manner.

        I am so sorry for your kitty too, and that you are also wondering ‘what if’… like I have been. It’s a very difficult cycle to get out of, because everywhere I go in the house, Ollie’s presence is absent, and he was so in your face all the time wanting to be close by that it’s still a massive shock not to see, hear, or feel his velvety fur anymore. I buried him in the garden with a little headstone and some large laminated photos and garden lights so I can always ‘see’ where he is. The pain is very intense still, but it does sort of help to know other people are also feeling the same way. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful post.

  • heidi

    me and my husband lost both our cats to anti freeze poisione holly was 12 molly 9 hooly was always there for me when my mum passed finding it hard but my husband helping no body understands unless got cats them read youre pages helped a bit paul Heidi rowson rest in peace hooly molly

  • Charles

    I am presently WK+7 (that’s Without Kitty for seven days, now). I’m all bawled out … but I remain numbed by the loss and she remains constantly on my mind. I had Kitty for 18 years, she was a feral who found me when she was only 12 weeks old, and we bonded from the point she jumped on my shoulder and burrowed her little purring face in my neck. I was so lucky that she gave me 18 wonderful years – Kitty was without fail, purr-fect.

    The empty spot on my bed where she spent nearly all of her time is a cruel reminder of my loss and each time I pass my bed, or crawl into, the emptiness is barely manageable. Her death was relatively sudden, inside of a week, with a diagnosis of liver disease with a very poor prognosis.

    That I subjected her to a battery of tests on the Thursday night which I think accelerated her decline bothers me incredibly. I know that the final outcome would have been unavoidable regardless, but that visit to the vet forced my hand and she was in obvious distress from the moment I got her home and into the next day, leaving me little choice but to move forward. I did one right thing by going the euthanize-at-home route and I held her in my arms until the very end. But that guilt continues to haunt me and overshadows the wonderful memories I should be focused on.

    I just miss my little girl (and now come the tears again).

    • Gisella

      On March 22 I had to made a decition to put my 8 years old cat to sleep. Decition that I feel guilty because who I am to make a decition for a live. He started to licked ashes from my fireplace by December and I didn’t realize til a month later . When I went to the vet she says he looks pale and he had lost a lot of weight. The vet took some blood test and told me his white blood counts was high. The vet told me that some cats have a silent cancer. She said to fed him and just keep an eye on him. Then he started to look bad by weeks so I brought him to an emergency place and they told me that he was in a bad shape and I could put him under Chemo which I couldn’t afford or put him to sleep.
      I wonder if I made the “right” choice. Should I have waited to go back to my vet? . I don’t know… and I won’t ever know.
      My first ever cat that I had I found him death but this one I had to put him to sleep, I made that decition! It is hard. I miss him and I can hear him still.

    • Helen

      Dear Charles, sadly many on here have guilt over the choices made in the last days if our beautiful furbabies lives. You & everyone else only did the best you/we could to prolong their precious lives. You were not to know that it was her ‘last’ days. You were hoping for a solution to your kitties sudden health problem & only acted with her very best interests at heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself, grieving her loss is enough to cope with without the guilt. You did your very best for 18 years, keep that in mind… I lost my beautiful boy 6 weeks ago, every time I begin to feel pain at his passing I try to think of a happy, beautiful moment from our lives together & suddenly I can smile, sometimes with tears, but still it is something. Your precious kitty wouldn’t want you to be sad, they would want to thank you for all those years love & care. Be gentle on yourself & God bless. x

      • Charles

        Thank you, Helen, for your supportive words and I’m sorry for your own loss. The pragmatic side of me agrees with you completely but seems to – at present – be losing out badly to my emotional side. I probably wouldn’t be over-analyzing or feeling such guilt if I didn’t miss Kitty so unbearably. I guess I’m not even close to the point of acceptance for the permanency and finality of Kitty’s death and maybe this is the process I have to go through, I don’t know. I ran in and out of our local humane society this morning to donate Kitty’s unused food and treats, moving so quickly that I left while the volunteer was in a mid-sentence of “thank y..” The pain of letting go is worse than any physical trauma I’ve ever experienced. I’m actually angry with myself for having become so #*&$(#$@ invested.

        But as you say, I should be gentle on myself and I should honor my sweet baby with happy thoughts – I will try. I just miss her incredibly. Thank you for responding, be well. Charles.

    • Marie

      Goodness I’m in almost the same situation. I lost Jack 9 days ago. Liver disease with an inevitable outcome. Home euthanised as you did. I crucify myself that I did not do enough tests, and that he was in a desperate state when I got him put to sleep, although heading for a rapid decline.
      I think the guilt will be there whether you felt you done too little or too much. Its part of grieving. Its something you have to make peace with. No one loved your beloved companion as much as you so you know you have done exactly the correct thing. Whats the right thing for one cat is not for another. Trust you did your best for her. I know exactly how you feel.x

      • Charles

        Thank you for the kind words and support, Marie. I’m sorry for your own loss. I, too, have guilt about not having done enough testing when Kitty was younger. As a strictly indoor princess, Kitty was remarkably healthy well into her 18th year. I had ceased vet visits a few years ago as she was so affected by them, the visits seemed like cruel and unusual punishment – and she was always deemed 100% healthy. But perhaps an earlier diagnosis during the past few years might have exposed something treatable at the time. Hindsight is 20-20 and despite doubt and guilt, I take some solace in that Kitty lived a very long and happy life (well, happy thereafter once she chose to adopt me). Thank you for responding to my post. Be well, Charles.

    • Olliekat

      So so sorry for you.My Ollie had just six days in between visiting the ‘bad’ vet and putting him to sleep. The last few days were exhausting emotionally as I was waking up every few hours to see if he’d eaten (he did eat a little but it hurt him because of the fluid build up). I knew he wouldn’t last forever, but prior to his last steroid shot for his asthma, he’d been just fine.The steroid pushed him into heart failure but the other vet thought Ollie was worthless and did nothing to alleviate his symptoms. It kills me to think that he could have been more comfortable with diuretics but he wasn’t offered them until it was pretty much too late. I never envisaged the end of his life in this way and I have as yet been unable to come to terms with it. I feel I failed Ollie in the worst possible way and that I cut his life short when he could have had another year or two. He was such a happy and contented cat throughout his entire life.

      I did the same as you and had the euthanasia carried out at home right after Ollie decided to eat an entire bowl of food in front of the vet. The guilt is something that weighs heavy on my heart so I sympathise hugely with you. We have to try and remember that our babies didn’t think about the future or what they’d be missing out on. All they remember of their last moments is of being with someone who loved them. It is us who continue to suffer, not them. But I wouldn’t trade a single second of my time with Ollie even though I really can’t ever imagine feeling happy again. I spent this evening looking at the tons of videos I took of him over the years and that made me weep, but I liked seeing him when he was alive and enjoying himself.

      The suddenness of the death is very hard to move on from, but we need to try to focus on the many many good years we shared with them, and not the final moments, which is not what defined their lives. I wish I could take my own advice, but it’s too soon. I hope you will gradually remember more of the good times you shared and how lucky she was to have you. The pain we’re feeling shows just how much they were loved, so we did our job and gave them fantastic lives. Ollie was spoilt rotten, especially in the last few years when I figured he could go at any time. I’ve had cats before, but Ollie was the only one for 19 years. His food bowls and toys have been left untouched as I can’t remove them right now. I guess we have a long way to go and I wish we could fast forward some of the pain because it’s so debilitating and tiring and comes out of nowhere at random times (like today when one of my students showed me a photo of her cat) and I came home and cried solidly for an hour until I got a cracking headache. I have to hope this will lessen over time as it’s not possible to continue feeling this sad without completely falling apart.

  • Renee

    I wanted to thank everyone for sharing there stories. I lost my cat, Sid, yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, he died at home. He had CKD but showed no signs of it really, until a week before he passed. He started throwing up and we noticed he wasn’t eating, so we made a vet appt. The vet recommended putting him down, but we wanted to give him a fighting chance. He seemed ok until Friday night, when he started rattling breathing. Saturday, I called the vet because I was worried I gave him too much ringer’s lactaid solution. The vet gave us Lasix and told me not to give him any more subQs Saturday. He was still breathing hard on Sunday, so I didn’t give him any Sunday. But, he drank water for the first time on his own Sunday night and we were hopeful. He wasn’t eating on his own. Monday he was kinda wobbly around 11am. He cried two type meows around 3 but I thought he was just trying to throw up because he cried like that last Monday when he did throw up. I left to get him stuff. My husband called me close to five and said I needed to get home because he pee’d himself and was crying a little bit. I called the emergency vet and they told me to bring him in. I knew it would be to put him down, but when I got home, I knew he was going. He was laying down breathing shallow and he passed and I saw his eyes go completely black and he stopped breathing. Then he came back and went into a rigged position and passed again. From the time he peed until passing was 30 mins, I knew we didn’t have time to get him to the vet. I feel unbearable sorrow and heartache. I have cried all nigMonday and all day today. I feel guilty for not putting him down sooner. I feel guilty for how he died. I feel guilty we didn’t catch it sooner. I feel like I may have hastened his death. I just feel bad. We had Sid for almost eight years. He was a feral cat that started hanging around our house. He was at least two when we. got him, so that would have made him around 10. He had a rough start to life. He had heart worms and was starving when we found him. In in the process of catching him, he bit us. We were encouraged to have him put down then, but we saved him and he lived with us just a few months short of eight years. He had more love than any cat I have ever owned. He had the best personality and would do silly things. Like running in the house making a happy noise after taking a poo. Playing with his toy fuzzy and running through the house and sliding into things while playing. Loving on everything in the house. Folllowing my husband..everywhere. He definitely chose my husband as his person. I miss the happy noise he would make when he slept. Almost like he was dreaming. I miss the way his ears went back when he yawned. I miss the way he would thump his foot, while itching his ear. I miss him and it’s very hard. I hope it eases some because the pain is very deep.

  • Mer

    My Max ( Maine coon cat) was hit and died Saturday(indoor cat) just got him back to healthy and happy. He got out 2 x last week so quick and he would see murray( my savy indoor /outdoor cat) go out, and Max would be upset. So i thought sat am would let him out fir a few minutes but think Murray chased him into the street( im mad at murray) and within 15 min of being out was hit. I came out with the dogs to walk and dog officer was there; some one saw my max inthe road and put him over in the side of street. He was completely intact.
    Intellectually i know he was happi being out. But feel guilty i let him out. After 3 years of getting him to optimum health, im upset at myself for not stcking to him being sn inside cat.

    When he lived with jane( my older friend, who passed) going out was into the hallway, so i think he thought it was the same thing☹️
    Im having a real hard time adjusting to him not being here, even tho he required a lot if attention.

  • Marie

    I lost my sweetheart Jack yesterday. The pain is so intense and physical I feel I will never heal. I live alone so he was my reason to come home at night, and get up in the morning. I feel I may have acted too soon as he was in end stage liver disease, less than two kg and not eating, but he still washed his face and loved his cuddles. I just couldn’t take the chance that he would rapidly deteriorate and suffer😔

    • Kendra

      Dear Marie, I’m sorry for your terrible loss. Im the same. I Live alone and had my cat Ziggy since he was a kitten. I put him down today or kidney failure. It’s one of the hardest decisions ever. He was my baby. God bless you and I wish you peace.

  • Linda

    I lost my sweet cat, Tiger (pronounced Tigger) last Tuesday. He was precious. He loved me and followed me all around the house. He would greet me when I got home from work, slept on the floor next to my bed and would be staring at me with his beautiful green eyes when I awoke each morning. He purred with his entire body and would pat me with his front paw to get my attention and get me to pet him. I would sing to him and he would watch me dance. We would bump heads and tap our noses together. He constantly guarded me. If I was fussing at my kids, he would also chastise them. He gave such unconditional love. I only had him for 5 years. He was 5 years when I got him from the pet store. I thought we would have more years together. He lost weight and was vomiting. I had hoped it wasn’t serious but when I got him to the vet it turned out he had many tumors. The vet told me it looked like cancer but we set up an ultrasound for 3 days later. This gave me time to hug him, love him and spend extra time with him. Once he had the ultrasound, I was told it was very bad and chose to put him to sleep so that he would not suffer any more. I miss him so much. Every day. Every day. Taking it day by day. I know I will get to see him again.

  • Juanita curtis

    Look,I lost my precious boy Alex my Maine coon kitty I received on my birthday Nov 15th 2003 the best 14 years of my life until December 30th 2017 when my world changed forever:-(Alex jumped up on the table in the living room looked at me me out and I noticed that he was heavy breathing through his mouth I didn’t understand why? I had seen this Behavior once before, so I decided to wait a couple of days I just thought he might have had like a stuck hairball or something so on December 6th I brought him to the vet one of those emergency clinics the lady wanted between 300 and $600 on the spot in cash that I didn’t have in order to even look at him I didn’t have it so I left I 2 Days Later went out and purchased a humidifier after doing some research online figuring that would help his breathing on December 15th my roommate moved out after giving me a week and a half notice that she was moving after 10 years I think he died from the stress between me and my roommate we weren’t actually fighting but there was tension in the area she met some guy and she didn’t want anything to do with us anymore after that but I don’t mourn for my loss of almost 10 years with my friendship with my so-called best friend because my best friend was my Maine coon Kitty a 14-year is name Alexander Coo ca doos the Great, sugar foot,etc. The 30th of this month will be 3 months that I’ve lost my kitty and there hasn’t been one day that I have not broken down and cried over him I blame myself for not having the money to take him to the vet when my roommate left she took the car I had a Vespa Scooter in New England in December I was going to get him help because he was still eating drinking and eating his treats but I would have done anything for him and now I look back even though my rent was unstable because I’m currently unemployed I should have found a way to get him help sooner because I’m paying more with a broken heart than I could have ever paid with paper I will miss him till the day I die I miss him so much I talk to him every day in fact I still have his body in my freezer as we speak and if someone tells you that you could not keep a dead pet in your freezer after they die they are lying to you he looks exactly the same as when he died he hasn’t corroded at all he looks absolutely beautiful I held his paw and told him not to go but I guess a higher power had other plans which definitely ended the chapter in my life for a friendship that wasn’t there and a friendship that was the most meaning I’ve ever had in my life human or pet. He was so smart he would answer me he was my boy my only boy no one else’s boy daddy’s boy:-( so if anyone ever tells you then it gets easier they’re lying to try to make you feel better it does not get easier I am more depressed than I’ve ever been in my f****** life and I currently think of suicide my best friend killed himself in front of me when I was 17 he was 19 when he shot himself with a gun I can’t see ever taking my own life but I can see myself dying from broken heart 🙁

    • RR

      Wow, that all sucks. You have a lot of crappy things stacked up against you, and I can only imagine how you feel having lost the best thing in your life- your cat. I’m a hell of a lot older than you probably are (I’m 71), and I’ve had dozens of cats and dogs die during my lifetime, and I swear it never gets any easier, and it kills me to think that if I’d only done this or only done that maybe he/she would have lived a lot longer. I think I’ve learned a lot more about symptoms of illness and when to get the pet to a vet, but you’re right – they want their money and if you don’t have it, well tough luck (although I ‘m sure there are some vets who will help for less money or maybe none).

      It all truly sucks, big time. I still grieve for all the furries in my life that are now gone. One thing I’ve found though, that may or may not help you, is to adopt another kitty, maybe one from a shelter that really needs a home and someone to love it. It won’t wipe out your grief at losing your friend, but I’ve always found that a new cat helps to fill the hole in your life. The new cat likely won’t be the same, but you will come to love it for itself as it is, and create a new bond with it. Someday it will die too, but that seems to be the way life is, and it does suck. But you will be helping yourself and another little critter get through life, at least for a while. I wish you luck. You sound like a good person.

  • Cielo

    Yesterday I lost my cat in my arms, I can still remember his last breath. I can’t stop crying. Everytime I see his catfoods and his shampoo all I can do is cry until I sleep. Tonight I heard a cat crying outside my window and I know it was him, when I open the window there’s no cat and then I’m crying again.

    • ML Stewart

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furntiture around and thought to myself this would be more for when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help. Plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

    • ML Stewart

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a month out from lossing my Winston. My heart breaks and the tears flow for the slightest reason. I moved furniture around and thought to myself this would be more fun when he came running through the apartment – more tears!! But, it does get better. I put a file on my computer – notes to Winston – and when I think of him a write down a note. Sometimes it’s just to say how much I still love him. This might help for you too. Or, plant a new plant in your garden – something you can lavish with care and that will come back every year. Most importantly – take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, go for a walk and feel free to lose yourself in an old movie. Don’t feel like hanging out with other’s – that’s okay. There’ll be a time in the future. Cry when you need to even if it hurts at the time. Think of all the times your cat made you laugh, made you feel whole, and just made you shake your head in wonder. Physically they leave us behind but they never leave our hearts.

  • julia salazar

    can you help me? i was nursing a kitten abandoned by its mother for 3 days now. we found the kitten on the ceiling of our house. its has been crying non stop for 5 days and thought we had to save it. its eyes were shut and a little swollen. when we got her out she was so skinny. just today after feeding it. the kitten fell asleep. but when i returned back to check on it after about 20 mins, the kitten was gone. I looked everywhere thinking it cant be possibly leave on its own not unless someone or something took the kitten. as i am writing this i am still crying because i have gotten attached to this kitten. its about less than a month old. would it be possible that its mother came back for it?

  • julia mahan

    I have been alone for 21 years. I rescued 2 kitties and bottle feed them. I lost my girl to cancer and 2 months later my boy to disc disease. He had a $6,000 surgery , but a year later was in pain. I had to put him down. I’m so miserable and miss them so much. They were only 7 years old. Will the pain and loneliness ever go away?
    They were my family. I want them home and cry constantly. Julie

    • Kendra

      😥😥😭😭 I know. My Ziggy was my best friend. Always loved me. I had to put him down today. Im wondering if I could have done something different. Breaking my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Laurie Post author

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, and the sadness at losing a cat you loved with all your heart. There is no “getting over it”…there’s only learning how to live with the wisps of sadness and love.

    You will get through the worst of the pain, though…and you’ll remember your beloved cat with more peace and love than pain or sadness. You’ll know your cat is resting in peace, and finally frolicking in fields of catnip and mice to play with!

    Take good care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace.

    I wrote another article healing your heart when you miss your cat. Perhaps it’ll offer some comfort:

    When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Your Cat’s Death

    In sympathy and with prayers,

  • SG

    I lost my 22 year old beloved feline friend three months ago and I’m completely heartbroken. We spent almost every night and day together. My heart, soul and life feels dark: an eternal night. My girl was unwell for many years, but we always found a way though… I always thought our love would defy death, but it didn’t. She has helped me through my own difficulties, but more than that, she is the best friend I’ve ever had, and will ever have. She slept every night by my face. Watching the person I love so dearly slowly demise was heart-breaking. I keep questioning everything – could have done more? Did I let her suffer because I couldn’t bear to be apart from her? The vets told me several times they thought her quality of life was low, but I thought otherwise. What if I was wrong? Why did she have to go blind in her last week? Why did the vets not manage her blood pressure and renal failure? I could have made her happier and she might still be here. Everything feels a blur and I’m trying to make sense of something which doesn’t make sense. I feel sick at the thought of time passing by. I saw her so recently, yet so long ago… how can I last a lifetime without seeing her? What if we never meet again? I wish I could close my eyes and wake up somewhere with her. I don’t want this life without her. I just can’t believe she isn’t in her warm bed. I don’t know where she is. And I’m scared she is sad without me… what if I will never see her again? I love and miss her so much.

    • Mandy

      I wish I could ease your grief, I’ve been experiencing the same the past several weeks, but all I can offer is reassurance that your cat is in a wonderful place now. I’m not religious, but experienced a shared death experience with a friend’s dog who was passing. For her, it was a homecoming, and there was a feeling of joy and celebration, like what we feel at a birth. She was welcomed and surrounded by the most incredible love I’ve ever felt, and she was free from all pain. Your cat is more than fine where she is (better off than we are here to be honest) and you don’t need to worry about her. Try to think about the good times you had together, and remember that you will see her again. And if you don’t believe me or need more reassurance, then please look up near death experiences involving pets. It might be a good idea to do this regardless. I also question whether I made the right calls for my boy (he was diagnosed with inoperable and very aggressive lymphoma, they gave him a matter of days to a month to live), and all that does is tear you apart. You did the best you could, and you acted out of love. That’s all anyone can ask. I feel the same way you do right now. LIke everything’s dark and when he died the light went out of my life. But I’ve been through this before, and I’m telling you (and me) that it’s going to get better even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Remember and talk about the good times you had with her. Cry when you need to. Trust that she is loved and in a great place now. Distract yourself from your grief when you can – don’t suppress it, but don’t wallow in it either if you know what I mean? It’s just gonna take time. I still talk out loud to him when I’m alone, telling him how much I love him and miss him, and how sorry I am that I couldn’t save him. Just do whatever you have to do to get through this, and don’t beat yourself up.

    • Helen

      Dear SG, I feel like I could have written your very comment myself – you echoed EVERYTHING I have been feeling. I lost my beloved kitty to CKD four weeks ago. Since losing him I have no interest in life, people, anything. I yearn for my baby & wonder too how I can even contemplate life without him. To have to get through a day without looking into his beautiful eyes & feeling his love is impossible. Everyone around me gets uncomfortable when I get upset so I do it alone in my room but I feel so empty, so lost without my baby. I loved my cat more than I love anyone in my life & to have to live without him after 18 years is agony. You will see your baby again, our babies love us as much as we love them, they will wait for us. Just try to remember how much love your precious kitty had for you, that kind of love doesn’t just end, it transcends time & space. I wish you well SG & hope you feel some comfort eventually. God bless x

  • ML Stewart

    Last Sunday Winston was fine in the morning, has breakfast, cuddled on the couch, and then went off to do his thing in my apartment. He was an indoor only cat. Hours later I began to make lunch and he didn’t come out to the kitchen. I looked for him, called him and he didn’t come. Later when he did appear he wasn’t putting any weight on his left hind leg and it hurt when II touched it. My regular vet wasn’t available so I made as comfortable in one room as possible until I could take him in the next day.
    We drove to the vet the next morning, he sitting in a tote box curiously looking at the senery going by. I didn’t want him gettin gupset or nervous so I’d stroke his head, talk to him and occassionally replace the cover. At the vet’s office he looked around scared and in the exam room he didn’t want to be on the table. The tech took vitals and injected him with pain relievers and a sedative so they could take xrays. I expected some torn ligiments, at worst a dislocated hip, from an ill timed leap to or from a counter.
    The vet came back looking sober and said it was bad news. Winston had a broken leg and it was caused by cancer. We talked over all the options. There were no good outcomes. At 12 his surgery risks were high. The cancer could come back in as little as six months or at best we’d have two years but it would come back. Knowing his personality and not wanting him to suffer I made the decision to send him on his way to the next realm where all cats live long and healthy lives.
    I sat and craddled his sedated self for awhile and held him through the final moments. I knew my heart was breaking but amputating a leg, chemo and radiation to keep him alive would have been a selfish choice on my part. I stayed with him until his ears and paws were chilled. Stroking the softest of fur, crying, and telling him again how much I loved him. Finally I tucked his paws and tail close to him and wrapped his still body in the towel. I said my last good bye.
    My heart breaks anew every day. My apartment is empty. I packed away his dishes, not every to be used by another. Winston is being cremated and will come home in a few weeks. I’ll shop for an urn. A small part of his ashes will be blown into a glass sized marble so that each time I see it I can think of him chashing comets in his new life. A street urchin that became my best friend and favorite cat now resides with the gods. I was so blessed to have been owned by him.

  • Clarence

    The illness of my handsome black cat, Polonius Monk, and my subsequent poor judgment of nearly every aspect of the chain of events that lead to his euthanasia have left me with a crushing weight of guilt, and self-loathing, along with the vacuum of pain I feel from his absence.

    Losing him at such an unthinkable age, and in such an alarmingly quick onset is bad enough. But realizing too late that leaving him at the vet would crush his spirit is inexcusable behavior on my part. Not to mention the further emotional damage done to him by the procedures that were intended to revive his kidney function, which I try hard to not think about, and describing in writing would surely result in more of my uncontrollable sobbing.

    He had been vomiting the night before, and my regular vet was closed on Sunday. After a blood test, I was told that he needed IV fluids to try to lower his BUN and creatinine levels. My initial reaction was, “I can’t leave him”. And in hindsight, that would have been the correct decision. But then, somehow, I changed my mind, and left him.

    When I think about what it must have been like to be suddenly moved from his warm, quiet, familiar, and comfortable home, to a cold, foreign, bright, harsh room, locked in a cage, it makes me quake with panic and cry. My mind aches with bewilderment at how I came to that terrible decision.

    For over eight years I had lived with him, professed to love him, strived to care for him, and placed above all his comfort and happiness, only to betray his trust and brake my promise to him to keep him safe, which turned on a moment of second guessing what I knew in my heart to be the right decision for both of us. In that desperate feeling of loneliness I felt, that first time that I had laid down to sleep without him, haunts me every time I think about it, and particularly when I try to sleep now.

    After leaving him for two nights, his condition worsened with respiratory complications from the fluids they were giving him, and I brought him home for one last night, because I didn’t want him to die alone in that cage. The next morning, Valentine’s Day, I drove him to my regular vet and held him in my arms as he was released from his suffering.

    I have experienced the grief of losing a cat and would eventually heal from that. But I cannot seek a rationale, nor do I want to find a way to justify my actions, saying that leaving him seemed a reasonable price to pay for having him healthy. Only forgiveness directly from Polonius Monk would begin to counteract the emotional turmoil I feel, and that isn’t going to happen. Even if he could somehow forgive me, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. And I can’t forgive myself.

    I believe the most proper action would have been to have brought him back home, call my regular vet the next day, and tell them the results of the blood test (which is an indication of renal disease), and try to make my dear friend, Polonius Monk, as comfortable as possible at home, until it was time for that final ride. The indication is that he would have probably died soon anyway, and the trauma of the procedures, and the uncomfortable surroundings, being alone, did not help his technical chances for survival.

    I would have much preferred those final three days with Monk without treatment, than 2 days without him, and both of us suffering needlessly, before reaching the same ultimate outcome. I can’t see my self ever having another cat. But if I ever did, I would not place my selfish desire to make him healthy, over his comfort and dignity.

  • john councilman

    I lost my Zoey about a week ago, best companion ever, I found Zoey on the side of the road in southwestern Ohio, during the winter of 08’ she had been abandoned, she was frozen, sick, starved, & pregnant. I took her home with me to Kentucky, where I got her to a vet, he told me, ‘she’s pretty sick, but if she survives, boy, are you gonna have a cat. He was 100% right, Zoey was never more than an arms reach away when I was at home, greeted me at the door every day, knew the sound of my truck. When I found Zoey she weighed about three pounds, when I dropped her off to be cremated last week she was five pounds, Zoey had her check up a week before she died, the vet found one flea on her, so when I got home I cleaned house, anyway last Monday morning I gave Zoey a pat on the head, told her I loved her, & said I’ll see you later baby girl. I got home from work, Zoey was on my side of the bed near my pillow, stretched out like she was reaching for me, Zoey & I we’re together for 10 years. Toughest thing I’ve ever gone through, called the vet, they told me to bring her in, I wrapped Zoey in her favorite blanket & drove to the vet, I paid the extra, to have her individually cremated, I’m having a really hard time without her, I’m 67, still working 50+ hours a week, never married, I’m a Vietnam Vet, with no family. i’ve made up my mind to get a shelter kitty to adopt, can’t stand coming home to an empty house, I gotta get another kitty. Jack C.

    • Kendra

      Sorry for your great loss. Losing my cat Ziggy is the hardest loss in my life, next to my mom. I’m single too. I have another cat, but I’ll never have the type of relationship with one like I had with Ziggy. Coming home after putting him down yesterday, was easier by having my other cat Louie. But the hole in my heart is deep. Hugs to you.

  • Laura

    I lost my cat my beloved cat Felix on Feb 10th he had just turned a year old On January 20 I had to put him down due to severe complications I raised Felix literally since birth his mom is a two year old long hair cat that still lives with me Felix was the nicest sweetest cat in the Of all time he never had a mean bone in his body he was very different an unique from any pet I’ve ever had he had this thing I called the forever petting because once u start petting him it never ends he never got tired of it he was the only cat I let sleep with me because our bond was so special now that he is gone I cry ever morning an ever time I feed the other cats because that’s when he would put his paw up on the bottom cabinet looking at me waiting for me to open the can of food I have other cats but they are not like him I miss him so much hours before I brought him to be put down I held his sick lifeless body an cried so hard I’m still crying even now never knew how much this would effect me but it truly has I have pictures an videos of him from the time he was an new born an every time I watch them I cry my eyes out I just miss him so much

    • Marwa

      I know and feel your pain, my cat Mimi died on 11th of feb i really didn’t know this would be soooo painful, i have no words i jjust want to see her and hug her like i used to do, i’m also still crying till now, she is just 7 months old. I feel i’m losing my mind because of her, i keep searching for her hair on wherever she used to sit, staring in every single place she played in, i cant take the image of her looking at me in my eyes out of my mind. It’s really hard , so depressed and sad. She was very playful and hyper very lovely freindly she had amazing character i’ll never forget her i really miss her badly

  • Deidre

    I got my cat when i was 6 years old. He was my first pet and i was so excited to take him home. We got him as a kitten from my grandmas house – she always has wild cats running around because she lives out in the country and she is terrified of mice. Anyway, he was a black cat and i appropriatly named him Blackie. It was love at first sight. He was my cat and i was his human. I was the only person he would cuddle with, he would play with and he felt most comfortable with.
    I had (and still do) have a baby blanket. Years ago it had little tassels on it, and every morning before school started, Blackie would come in and lay on top of me and the blanket and suckle on the tassels as if he could get milk from it. He did that for probably 2 years straight.
    Anyway, the years went on. I finally graduated high school and started my freshman year of college. I lived in the dorms but made friends and we had plans to move into a house together. The first thing i checked was to see if they allowed pets, and my landlord approved of me moving Blackie in too.
    A few weeks went by and i called my mom to let her know i was planning on moving Blackie to college with me, and that’s when she told me he had a stroke.
    The next time i went home…my heart just broke. He wasn’t my kitty. He couldn’t hold his head up, his fur was coming off in clumps when i would pet him, he would get angry and bite if you got too close, and i just knew in my heart he wasn’t happy here. The next weekend we scheduled for him to be put down.
    I desperately wanted to be there. I wanted to be in the room with him. To say goodbye…but i had to work.
    So instead i drove 2 hours home the night before and spent time cuddling and holding him, telling him that i was sorry and i would love him forever and that i would see him soon enough.
    The next day my mom texted me at 10am that he was gone. I work as a dance coach and at the time i had to be strong and not breakdown in front of my kids.

    It’s almost been 1 year since God called my sweet kitty back. Most days it doesn’t bother me and i don’t really think about him. But sometimes i just sit up at night and miss him terribly. I’ve tried to adopt other cats but they’re not the same. Other times i feel crazy becuase I’ll absolutely bawl my eyes out over him. If Heaven wasn’t so far away and i could speak to him now i would just tell him how much i love him and that i miss him so much. I hope wherever he is, he’s happy, safe and if i could let him live forever, i would.

  • Donovan Jacoby

    Eye doctor I appreciate your time I had a 14 year old Maine Coon since 2004 I got him , and shots at a year old.everything but the aids vaccine,my cat knew was a he:-) but back in October around Halloween ish my cat was trying to get in the window through the blind and I didn’t want him wrecking my blind so I tried to pull him out from between the blinds and he was really fighting me so I won that battle and then he went back and again and I grabbed him again not really hard though just hard enough to let him know who is boss and and then I realized that he was getting caught up in the blind so I said it’s okay okay and I I just got them out real gentle and then he hit on me because I had good went out for 5 hours to Goodwill came back and I couldn’t find him anywhere I call my mama crying thinking someone that stole them the whole reason why I didn’t want him in the window he was absolutely beautiful but after I get off the phone with my mom where he’d be under the sink in the kitchen but I noticed that he was getting thinner when I found him, he just looked at me like what I’m trying to sleep then it look like I woke him up so he could have been in much pain if you was sleeping but I would say after a couple of weeks to a month afterwards I noticed that he started to open mouth breathe because December 9th I went out and I got in my humidifier when I should have got a vaporizer because I brought him to the vet and they want an astronomical amount of money to help him so I decided to bring him home instead because she was talking about possible euthanization I thought and blame myself maybe I hurt him pulling him out between the blind. but I followed him everywhere for about a month with a humidifier when I probably should have got a vaporizer to help him breathe. But he was eating and drinking and eating treats up to the day he died hours before just this weird thing was going on with his stomach I noticed I was going to bring them to another vet but I didn’t have a car only had a moped and ironically on Christmas Eve I cut my thumb so bad I thought I was going to need stitches and I had some surgical tape and I taped it up real quick because I couldn’t afford stitches so I couldn’t ride him on my scooter even talk to my jacket to the vet if I wanted to which I did but it was freezing out I’m in New England it’s like 4 degrees below zero Legend me and a cat on a scooter. after 10 years my roommate decided to just give me a week and a half notice and leave and that’s the last memories my cat will ever have because he got to know her 10 years she had moved out and he was listening to every sound of the hallway hoping she would come back say goodbye which broke my heart I would look under the bed where he was hiding and I would see death in his eyes and feel powerless because here’s my best friend dying and I have no way of getting him help I really thought he was getting better because he would come out and he would eat and he would drink but I noticed that he had fluid in his lungs cuz I start come on his mouth both days 2 days before he passed it didn’t help though I tried to lay down with him on the loveseat and he laid down on the pillow next to me and I had to reach over and turn the humidifier and I think it’s squished him a little bit because 3 hours later he was dead in the night before you crawled into my lap and collapsed but I was so uncomfortable because I’m 6ft and it was a love seat I was on so I scooted out from underneath him slowly they left them on the loveseat alone and would have my own bed because I have been up with him for days following him around humidifier and laying down next to where he was, and sleeping next to him. letting him know that I was there for him do you think it was just something that was pre existing in the breed like a while ago started happening always indoor cat.thanks

  • ian

    Thanks. My cat passed on the other morning. He was born here to. My wife and daughter loved as much as I did. Bert was his name. We were blessed to have him for thirteen years. Some people say cats are not effectionate but they are.
    We have been crying on and off for a few days now but it helps to talk about him he was a huge character in our lives a little person very friendly.
    Being a man I felt silly for crying but after reading some of your paragraphs I feel it’s quite normal. I’m now giving all my affection to my other two cats but they are not berth. He was one special little boy.