How to Protect Yourself From a Stalker Who Won’t Leave You Alone

These tips on how to deal with a stalker will help you stay safe and protect yourself – whether you are being stalked by your ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, a former coworker, or someone you recently met online. Even if you only suspect you’re being stalked, you need to know how to deal with stalking behavior.

“Thank you for these tips on surviving life with an angry man,” says Tory on 7 Ways to Survive Life With an Angry Man – When You Can’t Leave. “I lived with my ex-husband for seven years before I finally found the courage to get away from him. The problem is now my ex is stalking me. He showing up at my work, he’s following me when I run errands on the weekends, and he makes angry phone calls in the middle of the night. I know he’s stalking me and I know he’s a controlling and angry man, but I don’t know how to deal with him stalking. How can I protect myself? I don’t want to have to move to a new city because my kids are established here. But of course I want us to stay safe! I think my ex-husband could really hurt us. What can I do?”

The best way to deal with an ex-husband stalker is to learn what stalking is and how to protect yourself from stalking behavior. Your ex may not stop at “just” stalking you; he may target your family, your children, boss, colleagues, co-workers, neighbors, and friends. Stalkers hope to isolate you socially and force you to come running back. An ex-husband who is obsessed with stalking you wants to communicate that he still “loves” you, is still interested in you and that, no matter what, you are inseparable.

If your ex is stalking you, you may receive unwanted:

  • phone calls
  • text messages
  • messages left on social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn)
  • notes left on your car
  • flowers left at your home
  • an awareness that you’re being followed
  • being continually stared at by another person

When you’re being stalked, you may feel like you’ve lost control over your life. You’ll probably be forced to change your routine and behaviors. It’s not fair and it’s not right, but it’s the way it may have to be until your ex-husband decides to leave you alone.

“Your angry ex-husband may cope with the pain and humiliation of separation by spreading lies, distortions, and half-truths about you and by proffering self-justifying interpretations of the events leading to the breakup or divorce,” says Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited. 

How is your ex-husband stalking you?

How to Deal with a stalker ex husband boyfriend

How to Deal With Stalker Ex Husband

Write down everything your ex-husband does – especially if nobody else is around to witness his behavior.

In this article, you’ll learn how to deal with a stalker from an ex-wife whose ex-husband stalked her for years. She shares her best tips on how to protect yourself from a stalking ex-husband. I also share tips from an expert on ex-husbands who stalk their former wives.

The most important thing is to get in-person help when you’re dealing with an ex-husband who is stalking you. You can’t fight this dragon – or go on this adventure – alone. Not if you want to survive.

How to Protect Yourself From an Ex Who is Stalking You

Stalking includes watching you, being near you, or hanging around your work, school, or home. Stalking involves a persistent course of conduct or actions by a person – obsessive behavior – for the purpose of getting power and control over you. When you’re being stalked, you feel scared, out of control, or harassed. Stalking can involve threats or innuendo; the stalker generally tries to intimidate or induce fear in you.

1. Contact the police and a lawyer immediately

Most areas in Canada and the US have some sort of anti-stalking laws. The laws vary – and so do the abilities of the police to protect you from an ex-husband who is stalking you. However, the more documentation you have that shows your ex’s stalking behavior (screenshots, records, etc.), the more likely you’ll get help.

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Seeking out a Restraining Order against your ex-husband is also a good idea, as it gives you another barrier for protection and another legal option if your ex keeps stalking you. A Restraining Order also means that your ex-husband has been notified by an outside authority to stop stalking you and leave you alone. This way, he can’t claim ignorance or a misunderstanding.

Read What You Need to Know When You Call a Shelter or Safe House if you need to leave your home, but don’t know where to go.

2. Tighten the security and privacy settings on all forms of social media

Block your ex on all forms of social media. It’s also important to take a screenshot of the social media’s page showing the block. For example, when you block your ex-husband on Facebook, take and save the screenshot that proves you are trying to stop him from following you.

how to deal with a stalker

How to Protect Yourself From an Ex Who is Stalking You

Also, reset your privacy settings on every social media account you have – including LinkedIn, GooglePlus, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. To protect yourself from digital stalking, you need to make sure you cover all your online accounts. Allow “Friends Only” and get rid of any social media accounts you don’t absolutely need to have. This will help you deal with an ex who is stalking you – especially if you remember to reset all your passwords for your emails, websites, financial information, and even your library accounts.

Turn off the location on all your social media accounts and phone apps. Your location doesn’t have to be shared in your online space, especially since knowing your location will help your stalking ex-husband find and harass you.

Change or remove all your personal information on social media sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn – including your profile picture. Delete all types of information, such as your places of employment, relationship status, vacation destinations, etc. Screen, block, or do not accept any new followers or friends on social media. Your ex-husband may create multiple accounts to get in contact with you, so be very careful about who you let follow or add you to their accounts.

3. Learn how cops and legal authorities deal with stalkers

how to deal with stalking ex husband

In Stopping A Stalker – A Cop’s Guide To Making The System Work For You, Captain Robert Snow offers a comprehensive, practical guide to dealing with stalking from ex-husbands, former friends, and even men you’ve just met.

Snow discusses the 10 types of stalking – from intimate-partner stalking to serial stalking – and shares many celebrity-stalking and other anecdotes from the media and the author’s own experiences. The best part of the book details how to protect personal information from your ex-husband’s stalking eyes and how to respond to unwanted contact before it becomes violent.

4. Record everything your ex-husband is doing to stalk you

Even if it seems like a “little” form of stalking behavior, write it down. Be organized and diligent with your screenshots  contacts, notes, photos, and observations. Keep a separate file of all contacts you have with your ex-husband – even if it doesn’t seem like an instance of stalking. Write down all the sightings, dates, and times you interact or see your ex-husband.

Remember that your ex-husband is stalking you, even when he’s being charming and cute. You know him better than anyone…do you trust him? Probably not, if you’re searching for tips on how to deal with a stalker! So don’t stop making notes of your interactions with him.

5. Tell your friends and family that your ex is stalking you

You may feel embarrassed or even ashamed to tell your friends and family that you’re being stalked by your ex-husband, but you have to notify them. Telling them about your ex’s behavior will help keep them and you safe – and it’ll keep the children safe, too.

Tell your close friends and family members not share your information with your ex. Tell them how dangerous your ex-husband is, and that he can use seemingly innocent information to stalk and hurt you. Advise them to document everything your ex does to them – especially if he starts stalking them as well. Make them aware you may need to leave a place or event quickly if your ex-husband shows up, and that you may need to contact the police in such an event.

If you’re being stalked by an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, read How to Break Free From a Controlling Relationship.

6. Limit contact with people who don’t take stalking seriously

Your friends and family know your ex-husband – and may even be related to him. They may dismiss your concerns, and say your ex would never stalk you. If your friends and family don’t take your concerns seriously, then limit everything they know about you. Don’t include them in your life and activities, even if it feels rude or painful.

Remember that if your friends and family don’t take your ex’s stalking behavior seriously, they won’t respect your need for privacy, safety, and not being talked about.  Limit what they know about you so you can protect yourself. This will help you deal with your ex’s stalking behavior.

12 Quick Tips for Dealing With an Ex Who is Stalking You

These additional tips on how to protect yourself when an ex-husband is stalking you are from Sam Vaknin.

  1. Do NOT contravene the decisions of the legal or justice system when you’re dealing with an ex-husband stalker. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings – but NEVER rebel against judgements or ignore them. You will only turn the system against you and your interests, which will make it easier for your ex to stalk you.
  2. Do not respond to your abusive ex-husband’s pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages.
  3. Return all gifts your ex-husband sends you. Don’t be afraid to be rude!
  4. Refuse to allow your ex into your home or work. Do not even respond when the intercom buzzes or the doorbell rings.
  5. Do not talk to your ex on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his voice. Make it clear to him, in a single, polite, firm sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him.
  6. Do not answer your abusive ex-husband’s letters.
  7. Do not visit your ex on special occasions, or even in emergencies.
  8. Do not respond to your ex-husband’s questions, requests, or pleas – even if he sends messages through your friends and family. This is still stalking, even when the messages don’t come directly from your ex.
  9. Disconnect from third parties (eg, family, friends) if you know or even suspect they’re reporting your activities back to your ex-husband.
  10. Do not talk about your ex-husband with your children. Don’t tell them what your ex is doing, or how you plan to deal with his stalking behavior.
  11. Do not talk about him to anyone.
  12. Do not ask your ex-husband for anything, even if you are in dire need.

Learning how to protect yourself from the man you once loved is painful and difficult. But you have to remember that he isn’t the man you fell in love with. Remember that you’re searching for tips on how to protect yourself from an ex-husband who is stalking you…and you can’t let your guard down.

9 Ways to Deal With Scary Stalking Behavior

It’s important to reach out for help if you’re dealing with an ex-husband who wants to stalk you. These tips are for information only – they’re not a personal plan to protect yourself from a stalker. Call a police station or women’s advocate organization for help protecting yourself from a stalker.

1. Don’t try to appease your ex-husband

You may feel like the only way to deal with your ex’s stalking is to try to buy peace. It doesn’t work, and it’ll backfire in the long run. Submissiveness and attempts to reason with your ex-husband will only make him stalk you all the more. He sees your attempts to appease and make peace as contemptible weaknesses, vulnerabilities to exploit.

You cannot communicate with an ex-husband who is stalking you because he’s paranoid. Why? Because he will distort everything you say to support his suspicious delusions. Your ex has a sense of entitlement and grandiose fantasies – that’s why he’s stalking you. You cannot appeal to a stalker’s emotions or sense of compassion.

If you have to talk to your ex-husband, read these Examples of Verbal Abuse in Relationships. The more you know about abuse, the better able you’ll be to protect yourself from stalking behavior.

2. Consider taking a self-defense course for women

how to deal with a stalker

“How to Protect Yourself From a Stalker” image by notfetishistka via DeviantArt

When you are forced to meet the stalker, do not discuss your personal affairs. Don’t allow yourself to get trapped into talking about his life or personal affairs.

You might consider taking a self-defence for women course, from an organization such as Wen-Do Women’s Self-Defence. They believe that, in a male-dominated society, women’s experience of violence and the fear of violence is typically different from men’s. Therefore, it’s vital for women and girls to have access to self-defence courses taught by women, for women and girls only.

3. Never meet your ex-husband alone

Ask your lawyer, counselor, divorce mediator, accountant – anyone involved – to take care of all discussions with your ex-husband. Know in advance if you have to have contact with the stalker, and always have someone else around (preferably a professional who is aware of how to deal with stalking behavior from ex-husbands).

4. Always keep your distance from your ex

If at all possible, put as much physical distance as you can between yourself and the stalker. Change your address, phone number, email accounts, cell phone number, enlist the kids in a new school, find a new job, get a new credit card, open a new bank account.

Do not tell your ex-husband about your whereabouts and your new life. If you want to stop your ex’s stalking behavior, you must make painful sacrifices…perhaps even including having minimal contact with your loved ones, family and friends.

5. Always be alert and prepared to protect yourself from the stalker

Make your local law enforcement officers aware of changes in your ex-husband’s stalking activities. Check out your neighborhood domestic violence shelter, consider owning a gun for self-defense (or, at the very least, a stun gun or mustard spray). Carry protection with you at all times, even if you think your ex would never stalk you in certain places. To protect yourself, keep your protection close by and accessible even when you are asleep or in the bathroom.

6. Protect your computer from electronic stalking

Is your computer being tampered with? Is someone downloading your e-mail? Has anyone been to your house while you were away? Any signs of breaking and entering, missing things, atypical disorder (or too much order)? Is your post being delivered erratically, some of the envelopes opened and then sealed? Mysterious phone calls abruptly disconnected when you pick up? Your ex-husband may have found sneakier ways to monitor and stalk your activities and life.

7. Notice any unusual pattern, strange event, odd occurrence

Someone is driving by your house morning and evening? A new “gardener” or maintenance man came by in your absence? Someone is making enquiries about you and your family? Your ex-husband may be stalking you in different ways.

8. Teach your children what stalking is – but don’t terrify them

how to deal with stalker ex husband

How to Protect Yourself From an Ex Who is Stalking You

Every situation between ex-husbands, ex-wives, and children is different. Learn the best ways to deal with your ex’s stalking behavior from a counselor or police officer who is aware of your situation.

At the very least, teach your children to tell you if anything their father does is out of the ordinary in their relationship with him. Stalkers often strike where it hurts most: your children. Explain the danger to your kids without being unduly alarming. Make a distinction between adults they can trust versus adults they need to protect themselves from. Involve your children in your safety plans.

9. Avoid your instinct to get revenge on your ex-husband

Sometimes the stress of being stalked is so painful, frustrating and infuriating that you feel like striking back at your ex’s stalking behavior.

Don’t do it. Don’t play his game. He’s better at it and he will likely to defeat you. Instead, unleash the full force of the law whenever you get the chance to do so. Use restraining orders, press charges against your ex-husband when you can, and allow him to spend time in jail for stalking you. Remember that the more your ex-husband is visited by police and other law officials, the less likely he’ll be to keep stalking you.

Your comments and stories about protecting yourself from a stalker – or an abusive ex-husband – are welcome below. I can’t offer advice on how to deal with stalking behavior, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.

Also, please share insights or information about protecting yourself from ex-husbands who stalk women. Knowledge is power – the more we know, the better equipped we’ll be to protect ourselves.

Help Dealing With Stalking Behavior

how to protect yourself from a stalkerRead How to Stop a Stalker by Detective Mike Proctor. One out of every 12 women and one out of every 45 men in the United States are stalked in their lifetimes.

If you’re dealing with an ex-husband who is a stalker, this book is an essential. It’s a survival guide for women who are targets of predatory ex-husbands. In How to Stop a Stalker Mike describes how to identify a stalker, how and why they stalk, what to do if you are being stalked, how to collect evidence, and how to get the criminal justice system on your side. Get as much information as you can about dealing with a stalker.

If your kids are having trouble with your separation or divorce, read How to Help Your Children Through a Painful Divorce.


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74 thoughts on “How to Protect Yourself From a Stalker Who Won’t Leave You Alone

  • Samuel Vain

    this is all geared to the male stalker, but us guys have to deal with it too. I’ve never been stalked and harassed before, have no idea how to deal with it to a successful resolution in my favor. Thanks for giving us ideas how to handle this type of mess.

  • Brandy

    I got out of a 2 year relationship a year ago and my ex is still showing up places. I recently had to change my number to stop the blocked calls. He used to drive by my work on my breaks and when I got off, he showed up at my home, he showed up places I usually frequent. Sometimes after showing up, he would just drive away as he stared me down. I used to call him after he did that to ask why and he would say he missed me. Over time I stopped asking why and I started to ignore what he is doing. That’s when he started to show up pretending to run into me. The biggest problem is that I have retaliated out of anger. There have been times where I called him back over and over after I got blocked calls from him. He would deny he ever called and this would make me even more angry. I finally changed my number because I didn’t want to start acting crazy. When I was in a relationship with this person he used to turn off his phone and ignore me anytime he was mad, to control me and teach me a lesson. I started to become a very angry person ano that’s why I decided to cut all contact from him. Right now, after changing my number I feel like I’m in the calm before the storm. I’m constantly checking out my window, I’ve stopped going out, I’ve stopped doing hobbies I love, I’m always checking if he’s driving by at work. I’ve become extremely paranoid. I just hope that this feeling goes away. Sadly with my experience with him, he usually comes around when I am just about to feel at peace.

  • Loved

    I’m stalked by him and his gf I have a protection order. She breaks in while my kids are sleeping I’ve seen her leave my home. What’s wrong with these people. Why don’t these sociopaths just move on? I’m isolated he got my friends thinking I’m the nut. My kids know the truth and want to press charges for the abuse he did to them. This is a mess and most people don’t get the severity.

  • Danilo

    Go overboard when you’re trying to protect yourself from a stalker! Don’t under estimate his ability to cause serious problems in your life and relationships. Learn how to stop stalking behavior by reading as much as you can and learning what resources are available in your city. Your safety and health is at stake.

  • kassy

    I dont even know if Im talking to him because he is such a stalker but it ok I do believe in karma andI never thought this person would do this he was stalking me the whole time we were going out , I asked him if he was hacking me and he lied right to my face, the sad part I still love him and that may never change but I know I true and I dont cheat . I had to lie about who I talk to because he would get upset about everything and I feel guilty about that.I have lost all faith in relationship and I hope I will trust peole again but I dont think I will . We were really close at least I thought so I quess not.

  • rajkumarie

    that great I wish was that simple I have a real psycho who has taken over all my social media , facebook and using as he is me , twitter , instagram, pinterst, all me email and he is also using all my email account, the sad part is he has taken over my life because he cant get his own its really sad. I do have faith in the , but he was in law enforcement so he thinks he is above the law. He is trying to hurt my daughter who is disable and my mother who is also disable , this person has no morals or values and he thinks he is going to get away with this. I will tell tyat I have a lot of support from my friend and family and I will die trying.

  • Zeke

    I need help i have an ex who keeps stalking me its been 4 years already i cant take it anymore seriously ive tried everything 🙁

    • AnonymousGirl

      Me too Zeke….

      I found this page because I just saw my ex from 5 years ago. He took advantage of me when I was 16…he was 31… I didn’t live at home, sort of couch hopping, and we ended up together. He became really abusive, mostly verbally but sometimes physically. I left him 7 times; Each time, packing and running away while he was out. Still, he always hunted me down and forced his way back…literally sometimes MAKING me stay with physical force until I gave in… I actually didn’t leave because of the abuse. I was brainwashed. I left because he kept cheating on me. Part of me was hoping I could change him, but deep down I felt like I was being held captive.

      When I was 20, I finally left for the last time. I called a cab while he was gone and hopped on a plane and started a new life several hundred miles away. I stayed with a friend.. The only friend I had left. I sacrificed my car because he was using it at that time I left. I thought it would be too difficult to get away with it… so I decided it wasn’t worth it and just abandoned my car. I left almost everything I owned and started over.

      After I left for the last time, he eventually figured out which friend I was staying with since he knew that was pretty much the only person I still talked to. He did drive by a few times, but it was a large, maze-like apartment complex and he didn’t know which unit I was in, so he never came to the door. He had my friend’s number so he started calling him. He called him every single day, for about a year and a half. My friend was too nervous and shy to be rude…he would humor him and talk to him. I said it wasn’t a good idea but I never felt threatened for my safety, really. My ex called me as well but I never answered…so he just kept calling my friend, asking how I’m doing, if I’m seeing anyone, etc.

      Well I am now 25. It’s been almost 5 years since I left him. I haven’t spoke to him since, and I haven’t heard anything about him except for the rare mentions from mutual friends. Maybe once a year, they tell me they ran into him. They always say “he asked about you” “he’s still not over you” “he really misses you”. I ended up cutting off all our mutual friends about a year ago, because of him. I didn’t want to risk it. I only speak to one girl…she was dating my ex’s cousin while I was with my ex, so we became friends…she is the only person I know currently who knows him. She hardly ever sees him or speaks of him.

      Today is different, that’s why I’m here, reading this article. Last month I moved 800 miles away to a new town, wanting a fresh start. I am planning to go back to college (my ex talked me into dropping out) and saving my money (my ex didn’t work and he blew through all my savings and landed me in $11k worth of debt). I just recently paid off my debt so I can finally start saving. Anyway, the one mutual friend we have came to visit me the other day. She stayed for two days and then flew back home. This morning, I got a phone call. It sounded like some middle aged guy, he asked if I’m “available to hang out”. I hung up, thinking it was some weirdo or a wrong number. I then walked outside, got in my car, and as I was pulling out of the complex, guess who I see?? My psycho ex from five years ago!!! He found out through my friend’s social media where I am, and drove all the way here!! I haven’t seen this guy since I was a scared 20-year-old, easily manipulated little girl who ran away from him… It startled the hell out of me… I instantly started turning corners in my car hoping to lose him (surely he got in his car to follow me). I drove straight to the bank and deposited all the cash I had on me. I normally prefer to keep most of money in cash, but my ex is capable of robbery. Easily. As I was pulling out of the bank, I saw him in the parking lot, a few cars away, trying to hide from me. I don’t know what to do. I just rushed home and locked up my doors and windows. I’m researching how to obtain a gun license. I have a taser but he’s immune to them (`I saw it first hand once, long story). This guy is like 250+ lbs, 6’6, and – something I didn’t realize until about an hour ago- still has an affect on me mentally. All I could think about was the times I left before…how he always found me somehow…one time he pretended to be the manager at a seedy motel I went to and when I opened the door he rushed me inside and beat me until I agreed to take him back. The problem is, I never reported any of this stuff. I was young and foolishly in love. I didn’t want him to get in trouble…I just wanted him to leave me alone.

      Well, now I’m older and slightly wiser. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I know I’m not going out like that again. One advantage 25-year-old me has over 17-year-old me: I am no longer in love with this man. He doesn’t have that advantage anymore. He can’t manipulate me into taking him back. However, he can hurt me. He can rob me. I am all alone in a city I barely know because I wanted a fresh start.

      Sorry this story is so long. I’m in shock. I never thought I would see this man again. It helped a little to get it off my chest….but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. It’s not like I can go to the police and say “hey this guy hurt me 5 years ago and I just ran into him today, so please arrest him”. Yes, he is guilty of statutory rape. Yes, he is guilty of robbing me and beating me and stalking me. Yes, he is guilty of keeping me hostage against my will. But I can’t prove any of it. I should have reported it when it was fresh, when I had the chance. I hope this helps someone who took the time to read my story. Abuse isn’t really love…. It won’t last forever. But the scars will, and his obsession might…so PLEASE report it. Keep a record of it. Or else you’ll end up like me. I’m sure the cops won’t do anything to help me until he does something really bad.

      • Jess

        I’m sorry if this is late but documenting what u have been through up until what he has been doing then going for a restraining order may help prosecute him.

  • Len

    This isn’t related to an EX per sae, but I have some issues with my mom. She was very abusive to me when I was growing up, and still can be, and I left her when I was able. She has some mental issues, like she told me about seeing things that were not there and many of the other things she pulled when I was still living with her. She has blackmailed me into seeing her (a huge fiasco with going to college as the person I live with now does not accept the school I am going to)
    Anyways she keeps sending me really creepy messages, like ” found my bottle of that sand scrub we picked up in (a place we vacationed in) do you still have yours? Used it tonight. Thought of our nightly sunsets. Always think about you. Hope all is well. I love you.” and other messages like that.
    She has also sent my dad texts about being on tumblr, and how it has influenced me in bad ways (I’m asexual and non-binary, but have not come out about being non-binary to her) But in those messages she has mentioned gender stuff. So i’m a little freaked out with that as I am an artist and have worked hard on that blog. She also may be following me on another art site.
    She is extremely controlling, and has forced me into a relationship before, (still guilt trips me into going back to it after months of being broke up)
    She does go to a coffee shop I frequent (even though she lives 40 minutes away) and tries to get me to be with her there, and to drive me around.
    I don’t want to completely turn my back on her, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a litter terrifying because she has seeped into every part of my life, even here, where during the time she was blackmailing me demanded to go to every meeting, arrange meetings behind my back, and talked to countless staff. She has a habit of spreading lies about me, especially if I am not “behaving” and people tend to believe her, which is hard because then I have to prove a preconceived judgement over me wrong on top of doing well in school when I rarely have the guts to speak in class. Even though this is problematic I love this school too much to leave it, but am unsure if they can do anything about it, as all of the people she has talked to do not answer any of my questions, nor do they treat me as a capable adult (which is annoying because other than being shy I am perfectly capable)

  • Sheri Plott

    I have been stalked by my own nephew for almost two years,it’s escalated…I cared for both of my parents for 32 years…my mom passed 13 years ago ,she had scleroderma and was a multiple amputee…my dad had a stroke right after she died and I cared for him for 10 years until his death a year and a half ago…I’m now 50 years old,never married,no children…when my dad was alive my nephew (28 years old,my brothers son,who is serving several life sentences in prison) would come to our home up to 15-20 times a day,always bringing trouble with him…he tried to control every aspect of me and my dad’s home and lives…I couldn’t even have a nice flower garden…,my nephew,would destroy it on one of his visits….he was very verbally abusive to us both…if I even glanced at him he would cuss me out calling me the most horrible names…my dad was in the hospital 3 times…each time I would come home from visiting my dad to find our home had been broken into and we once again got robbed….my dad begged me not to call police,as he couldn’t take the additional stress…I even had someone house sit while I attended my dad’s funeral….when my dad died I thought the misery with my nephew was over but he started stalking me right away….driving constantly by my home in the country, coming over with his friends trying to get me to let him in…he loved destroying my property so I did not let him in…I did call the Sheriff’s and told them my concerns…I tried to obtain a restraining order but was denied one because “he hasn’t actually hurt me yet or broken into my home”….
    I am afraid,,tired and I just want this to stop…I don’t understand why he keeps hounding me…he won’t get a job and is very jealous of everything he sees I have bought….new outside plants,a drone,everything…..I want peace…it’s also embarrassing…this is my NEPHEW!! Not a jilted lover,it’s very disturbing and he may try breaking into my new home as he has no consciousness of personal boundaries unless they are his….Thankya for reading my stalking ordeal…I’m praying this all ends soon….

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Quinn,

    I’m sorry you’re going through this – it must feel so scary to be stalked by your ex-husband. I can’t imagine how helpless and alone you must feel. It’s especially difficult when people act differently around you, and he is having contact with them. I can tell from your comments how scared and confused you are.

    I think the first step is to contact the police. Ask them for help protecting yourself from an ex husband who is cyber stalking you. Also, call the women’s resource centers and organizations in your community. I don’t know what’s available in your area – you need to call and find out what in person resources you can access to protect yourself.

    Also, be open to making major changes in your life. Perhaps you need to move to a new city, or even just get a new cell phone! I don’t know what exactly your ex-husband is doing to cyber stalk you, which is why you need to call the police in person. Get specific tips to protect yourself.

    Will you call for in-person help today, and let me know what you discover about protecting yourself from your ex-husband’s stalking behavior?


  • Sad state

    I am being accused of stalking. I came from Australia to california, but not before caring for my ex financially and emotionally for 2 years in Australia. She had no money and I took care of her completely. In Cali she kept using me .. Then one day she leaves me with out telling me anything. All i wanted was a reason.. I figure in my mind. All I did for her financially surely is worth a conversation. Maybe an apology? She could even send a txt msg explaining her actions. I’ve been used. I just need something from her to feel balanced and so I can return home to Australia feeling whole. If that’s 1 conversation and a few questions answered. Then I can leave.
    Take responsibility for your actions and don’t cry stalker. I’m naturally suspicious of anyone that says “I’m being stalked” now. God has witnessed the BS I’ve had to endure. And now being labelled a stalker.

  • Quinn

    I’m having problems with an ex husband. He’s cyber stalking me and my friends and family are listening to the recordings he’s sending them. He’s trashed my former job, my school with class mates and teachers turning against me. Also turning other people of importance against me. It’s been two years now and I think he either bugged the house or keeps breaking into my phone. I can’t stop this and people get mad at me when I bring it up. I have no privacy. I’ve been recorded having sex without my consent, everything I say when at home or in my car has been recorded, my car had been broken into, my house. He’s ruining my life as people turn against me and they blame me. No one will really tell me how he’s contacting them, I just know he is and now I’m not working and I’m on a leave for school. Also I think he’s editing what he’s sending to others to frame me. People act very different around me now. I know he’s doing this because people repeat what I say what it wasn’t said to them. It was at my home. I don’t know how to prove this but I am fearful, I feel horrible and I feel miserable because no matter what I actually say everyone in my contacts, Facebook or email hears what he wants them to hear and he makes me look like a monster. How do I prove he’s doing this? He once told me revenge is a dish best served cold. He’s a gun collector and he’s still angry that I divorced him. I had to. How can I protect myself when he’s got me right where he wants me and he’s doing the stalking through the internet/my phones he keeps breaking into. He turns people on me and he doesn’t make contact with me, but he scares the sh*t out of me. Please help

    • Andrea

      Oh my god this sounds just like my story! Please tell me how you are holding up. I am losing my mind here and have nowhere else to turn and I am about to lose my mind.

  • Maria

    I am currently being stalked by my Exs new partner. We remain friends and now this woman is hacking all of my accounts email social media local memberships to find out what I’m
    Up to. Her family owns a huge internet company so she uses their access to harass me. She calls my children and yells at them ☹️ Tells them to stay away cause he’s got a real family now. She threatens him to get a restraining order against me or she will help make sure my kids are taken away. I left him cause he’s a huge asshole and don’t want him back in the least! She is telling him that if he gets a restraining order against me then she will leave me alone unless we talk she will have me arrested!!

    • Maria

      Thanks so much for your response it means a lot to me.
      I also hope that you will also find the peace that you are entitled to.
      I am a Lawyer and l know exactly what need to do. However, when you feel with depression and anxiety, you don’t have the strength to do things. Unfortunately today l was again victim of his obsessive behaviour. I went to do my nails just to make me feel good with myself. However he followed me to Costa. I just pretended l did not see him and left as soon as possible. Probably he followed me up to hairdresser he normally stays in the car and sends female friends to humiliate me in front of my friends, the owners of the hairdresser. Well l had enough and today am drafting a warning letter to him to stop his irrational behaviour. If he does not stop it then l will apply for a restraining order before the Magistrate’s Courts.

  • AK

    Thank you, this is good information about protecting yourself from a stalker. There’s alot to absorb but it’s good to refer back to. Stalking is scary.

  • Marcia Wilbur

    my cousin lives across the road from me, along with his wife. he was a perpetrator when i was a child, and he abused me. i confronted him about 6 months after he moved in across the road from me. i have had a sense of being watched for some time now, and have also been vandelized. i believe he or they have planted bugs in my home, and also have cameras. they have destroyed things in my home, emptied my garage of tools, put a hole in my roof, and tonight when i went out to walk my dog she was barking and growling in that direction. they seem to know my every move, even when i change my schedule. they have called my township and complained about my property. this has been going on for six years, since they moved here. i have no visible proof, as anything they have taken, he will have stamped his name on. i am sick and tired, and contemplating moving. this property has been in my family for 4 generations. what can i do? i’m on a very small fixed income, and i’m disabled.


    I know a gal who seems to accuse everyone of stalking her. I have a sick feeling she is also accusing me of the same thing or has once I called her out on her bs. It’s super annoying to made to feel like you’re a stalker and not only does it hurt it’s pretty messed up and narcissitic. Once I say something she doesn’t like or agree with she claims verbal abuse and instead of trying to resolve conflict she pulls the silent treatment and then accuses me of stalking …then after some time goes by and I’m finally moving on she reappeared with help I’m a victim again of some guy . Rinse lather and repeat phuck

  • Coping

    I just realized that I am being stalked by an older female employee. I always thought she was crazy and mean, perhaps a little aggressive. Recently I started really thinking about some things she has said and done , then I came across an article that gave signs that you may be being stalked.

    One year I filled in for a supervisor for a short time, so I had to answer her questions and help Anna from time to time. I believe this is when she really started this unhealthy attachment to me.

    I think I’m a nice patient person and that’s all she wrote. She started telling me stories about her family and so-called boyfriends. I felt like I could throw myself out of a window every time she opened her mouth, but I would listen. Then her conversations started getting more personal, she started grilling me about my husband and children. However, I very cautious with what I share to co-workers so I would be very vague. One day she brought me a gift for my birthday and Wham! Bam! Boom! That opened the Pandora Box.

    I could not get her off of the phone. I eventually stopped answering her phone calls, then she started calling me from different phone numbers. I then started screening all of my calls and I believe this is what is setting her off.

    Since, we work together she’s all ways making subtle comments about my body or clothes. She gives me the creeps, she has tried to follow me home. Anna waits for me when I go walking with my friends at work (they are starting to see this pattern too). She’s cut off the top of my flowers, moved my cabinet, chairs and trash can to the other side of the work floor. Of course I don’t have concrete proof but I know she did it.

    She’s trying to find out where I park my car but I’m constantly moving it so she doesn’t scratch it up. It’s hard to get her fired because she’s good at what she does, she’s one of the last people to leave the job as we work in shifts. So, it’s easy for her to do her deeds when no one is watching.

    As of the past month, I’ve saved six of her phone calls. At first my husband said delete them and don’t even listen to them. I wish I would have saved them, it would have been over 100 calls. Word of advice to someone that works with a stalker or someone like this, do not under any circumstances accept any gift, share any stories or answer any phone calls from these type of people. You will live to regret it.