Home > Mind & Soul > Grief & Recovery > Hope and Help for Living Alone After Your Husband’s Death

Hope and Help for Living Alone After Your Husband’s Death

Adjusting to life alone after your husband dies – especially after years of marriage – is one of the most stressful transitions you’ll ever experience. I am so sorry for your loss, and wish I could tell you that you’ll wake up tomorrow feeling happy and healed! But the truth is that your life will never be the same…and neither will you.

Living Alone After the Death of a Spouse

In When Your Soul Aches: Hope and Help for Women Who Have Lost Their Husbands, Lois Rabey describes the confusion and devastation she felt after her husband’s death. This book is a thoughtful collection of inspirations and insights about the grieving process as a widow. In the weeks and months following the loss of your husband, you may be numb with shock. Or you may feel overwhelmed by a wide range of heartbreaking and sometimes emotions. Books like this can help you survive the worst of your grief and offer companionship for your journey.

How do you live alone after your husband dies? First, remember that you are not alone. The practical tips and ideas in this article might help you move forward – but even more comforting are the readers’ comments below. You’ll find more help and hope for living alone after your husband’s death in the company of other widows than any blog post or book. Please do read through their comments and stories.


The following ideas for living alone after your husband dies are inspired by a reader. “I miss my husband so much,” says Jan on What to Do When Grief Overwhelms You. “His death is the hardest thing that I have gone through. We were married 44 years. I miss his voice, his loving ways. I feel totally alone. I have two grown sons but nothing or no one can take the place of my husband. I cry almost every day and I don’t know how to live alone. He was my soul mate, my friend and so many other things to me. I feel if my whole world has fallen upside down. I get frightened when I think of the future without my husband.”

Thinking about the future is scary and overwhelming. Instead of getting too far ahead of yourself, try to stay focused on today. What do you need to take care of today? How can you be kind and gentle to yourself? That is a good place to start.

How to Live Alone After Your Husband Dies

These ideas for living alone after the death of a spouse are practical – and they won’t work for everyone. Nothing works for everyone! These are just suggestions that helped other widows cope with the loss of their husbands; they may not meet your needs, but I hope they help you feel less alone.

Take it slowly and be gentle with yourself

Many women rely on their husbands to take care of the car, yard, and even the finances. Husbands are often the “go-to guys” when the dishwasher breaks, the trees need trimming, or the car needs snow tires. I rely on my husband to pay the bills, do the taxes, and even take care of our retirement fund. I know this is a mistake, and that one day I may regret not inserting myself into our financial affairs. I trust my husband and know he’s taking good care of our financial affairs, but I really should know more than I do.

If you’re like me, you may feel hopeless and helpless when you think of certain household chores and financial responsibilities. You may even feel embarrassed because of how little you know about your portfolio, retirement fund, taxes, and so on. Learning all this is a big job – especially when you’re adjusting to life alone after your husband dies. You feel tired, lonely, and overwhelmed with grief. Go slow, and be kind to yourself. Reach out and ask for the help you need.

Consider inviting a new life into your home

Some widows say living alone after their husband’s death is easier when they have a cat or dog to take care of. A pet doesn’t just offer companionship; a dog or even a cat can become the reason to get out of bed and even get out of the house. Dogs and cats can offer life and presence in an empty house, and be companions to women who aren’t used to living alone.

Living Alone After Your Husband Dies
How to Live Alone After Your Husband Dies

Taking a dog on walks will encourage you to interact with neighbors and get fresh air and exercise. The health benefits – both emotional and physical – of walking a dog include uplifted mood, increased appetite, and reduced feelings of isolation.

If you’ve never had a dog, read Adopting a Dog – Tips for Women Over 60. I wrote it for a grieving widow who asked for help deciding if she should get a pet. She knew she needed help and hope for living alone after her husband’s death but had never owned a dog before. I encouraged her to consider fostering a dog or cat for a short time. This is a good way to learn if a pet is a good idea, and give you something different to focus on.

Talk to friends and family about getting a housemate or tenant

This wouldn’t be my first choice on how to adjust to life alone after my husband dies; I cherish my solitude and space! I’m an introverted writer and I love being alone. But, many women find their homes too empty and quiet after their husband’s death. The silence is deafening, the loneliness too much. Getting a housemate or tenant can fill the emptiness and help you adjust to living without your husband.

Were you socially active before your husband died? You may find living alone much more difficult. Maybe you’re an extrovert who needs conversation and company. Just like fostering or adopting a pet, a short-term rental situation can ease the loneliness and help you cope with living alone after the death of a spouse.


6 Tips for Living Alone After Your Husband’s Death

You may find How to Live Alone After Years of Marriage helpful – especially if you’re struggling spiritually and emotionally.

Here are a few quick tips on how to adjust to life alone when your husband dies:

  1. Declutter your home, clean out the closets, go through the attic and basement. Ask a friend to help you.
  2. Rearrange the furniture in your living room and bedroom. This can be a symbol that everything is different now, and help you adjust.
  3. Lighten up the dark corners and areas; white twinkle lights are a beautiful way to brighten a home.
  4. Avoid watching the news or other programs that distress or depress you.
  5. Pay attention to what drains your energy and brings you down. Do less of that – even if it means spending less time with friends and family members you were once close to.
  6. Find kindred spirits to talk to. You don’t necessarily need to join a grief support group for widows, but it’s important to get the help and hope you need by reaching out to others.

What do you find to be the hardest part of living alone after your husband’s death? Talk to other widows about what you’re experiencing. Maybe you want to talk about your husband more – or maybe you talk to him all the time! Maybe you sense his presence, and don’t really feel like you’re alone.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Was your husband’s death expected? What are you most surprised by? Are there any benefits to having the house to yourself?

You might also read Starting Over in Your 60s – After Your Husband Dies. Again, pay attention to the comments section. You are not alone.


Want to Blossom?

Get my free "Echoes of Joy" email! Once a week, short & sweet.

* indicates required



*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

242 thoughts on “Hope and Help for Living Alone After Your Husband’s Death”

  1. This article is an excellent primer on what to do after the loss of your spouse. I must say however that its tone is somewhat condescending to “the wife left behind”. Almost as if she is a helpless wimp.
    The women I’ve met in a bereavement group were pretty self sufficient.Sad but at the same time the most resilient people I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with.(I was in the minority of Male attendees).
    We laughed, we cried, we dreamt together of ‘what’s next”. Their stories were inspiring and uplifting. Their experiences on coping and surviving the loss of their loved one were beacons of hope .
    After all life does go on and we’d better enjoy our new role before we join our spouse once again.

  2. My husband died suddenly 11-16-2018. I read the other posts and see myself. I am 63. I tried going to church, a grief share class, and small church groups. The void, emptiness, and aloneness is still there. My husband and are Christians and for 42 years served God, attended church, and shared our love for Christ. I find it difficult to do that any more. I miss him every minute of every day. I don’t know who I am without or how to be without him. Every day is a step of faith.

  3. I don’t know where to start or what’s even wrong. My husband died suddenly. I am a very strong woman but within a week I went into a tailspin. Anything and everything I did was literally automatic. Said the right things, did what was expected of me. Then I apparently began to suffer Widow’s Fog of which I’d never heard of before. My husband died 11 months ago and I still am suffering bouts of self dilemma, can’t make a decision. Stupid little decisions put me into a panic. Oh yes, panic attacks too, out of no where. I had to quit work because I couldn’t remember what all I was to do, or how. This is a job I’d had 15 yrs. I was a supervisor. Went to my dr and he said my reactions I was having was much like PTSD. My brain was shielding me automatically. I am on medication now. Now I am beginning to want to leave here. I want to pack a few things and head out, but I can’t. Only income I have is my own social security. I am very restless lately, and just wander through the house. There is plenty to do but I just don’t have enough energy, both physical and mental to do what’s needed. Now what? I admit I’ve thought about how it would be if I passed away. No more anything, anymore.
    No, I don’t feel suicidal, but very melancholy all the time, with fugue too.

  4. He’s been gone now for 6 months. I still cry every day. He was my life. Everything revolved around him. I own my own business and I want to sell, I am worn out. He was retired. He loved life every thing made him happy. We had a good marriage. I was one of the lucky one. I can’t imagine a life without him. I am in denial, although I know in my heart he’s not coming back. I can’t seem to go on. Nothing makes me happy. Can’t seem to make myself do anything. No routines. We are listing the business with a broker. I have no children in my town. So it is doubly lonely. He needed a new heart and a new kidney but he was too old he was 70, but a young 70. We were married for 46 years. I was 20 when we got together. How to go on. Help.

  5. Felisha,
    I am sorry for your loss.
    I too have lost my husband. It will be 2 years in November. 2 years!!!! I have no idea how I even made it this far. The sorrow remains.
    For me, I had/have to face my sorrow each and every day and whenever I push memories away, they come back with a vengence!! I am almost forced to deal with the sadness and trauma.
    The medication yoy are taking is only masking and pushing your pain aside. Believe me, I get it. There were times where I just didnt want to feel. Our feelings of fear and sadness have to be addressed.
    Perhaps you need other support?
    A grief councellor or group?
    All I can offer, is that the feelings of giving in to the sorrow and desperation has improved; a little. I’ m not sure what else is compounding your grief, because this grief in and of itself is overwhelming.
    God saved me.I wouldnt be here without His grace. Are you spiritual?
    You are not alone. We are all in it together. Keep writing.

    Best wishes for you.
    Antonella

  6. I lost the love of my life through Leukemia. It will be 3 years next mouth. I am so ashamed but the pain is so extreme when I finish my work week I come home and knock myself out with prescription drugs until I wake up Monday morning to go back to work. Dear God please forgive me I can’t fathom this intense pain.

  7. Dear Susan,
    I am so sorry for both of your losses, the pain you’re experiencing & for the decision you had to make to cease your fiance’s life support. I lost my father & my husband in rapid succession & they were the only somebodies that ever loved me for me, so when I read your post, it resonated with me & made my heart ache for you.

    I too had to make that horrendous decision & wish it on absolutely no one. On 10/27/2017, my sweet husband went to work, fell off of scaffolding & I had to remove him from life support 6 days later. He was 41…I continue to miss him every second of every day & still have no idea how to live without him.

    I wish that I could tell you that the pain/guilt had subsided more & that the mental pictures of that moment were gone, but I would be dishonest to say that. I know, logically, that he was braindead & he was never going to wake up, but my heart still questions the decision…’woulda, coulda, shoulda’. The initial ‘take your breath away’ intensity has diminished a bit, but it seems as though the intense sorrow will never disappear.

    I have depended on God more than I probably should, but I know not everyone believes. I also started meditation 3mo after he died & continue to this day. Not sure it’s for everyone either, but it is all I have to share. I pray you find peace & healing for your heart, mind & soul. {{{prayers & hugs}}} Haily

  8. I have lost the only two men I have ever loved. My husband died in 2005 and my fiance’ on 7/1/19. I am 53 and do not have children. Both my parents are gone and I feel totally alone. My cats and job are the only things that keep me going. I began to see the writing on the wall that my fiance’ and I were not going to grow old together but did not expect him to die at 55. I was the one who had to make the decision to have him removed from the ventilator and cannot forget what I saw or seeing him at the funeral home before cremation.

  9. Vicky,
    If it’s any consolation, you are not alone! There are many of us left behind that now have to go on with our lives feeling just like you do! I am 2 years alone and am still taking baby steps. The first year with all the milestones was the hardest. Hang in there and good luck.

  10. 11 months have gone by after losing my mate of 41 years and I can’t believe he’s been gone that long. I had no idea how one gets through this yet here I am 11 months later. It feels like I’ve been living in a bubble but as the 12 month mark approaches, I’m awakened to the pain of reality. He’s gone, I’m alone and I will never see him again. The pain and truth that I am without him seems unbearable while life seems meaningless, lonely and empty. He was my world my rock and my everything. He was my soulmate and we did everything together. I miss him so much and now I need to find who I am in this world without him.

  11. My Husband died over 7 years ago and I still am not over his death. Life just means nothing without him. He was my soul mate.

  12. My husband died after 5 weeks with pancreatic cancer. That was 9 months ago. We were on our own and although people came and went away; I was the only one there when he took his last breath and looked at me. The curtain shook and the light shown on his dead body for about a minute. Then poof; gone forever. Nobody will be able to help you through the “til death to us part bit” if you are the living and he is the dead.

    It takes a long time to learn to love your partner; his music, his food, his art, his favourite people. I loved him but the rest took time. The worst part is knowing he won’t be there to share the life, the irony, the sarcasm, the future of just watching the world go by.

  13. My husband and soulmate of 27 years passed away on 3/4/17 after fighting cancer for a year. He was a strong and determined person who never completed about his illness or the treatments he had to endure. I took a year off work to look after him and went back to my job 3 months after he was taken from me. I don’t think I really had time to grieve. He was my life, he always protected and supported me. Made me feel balanced. We were so close so right for each other from the very start of our relationship. Now my life is empty and I don’t know how to live again. I try to go on but I seriously feel I don’t want to be here without him. Nothing is the same without him. I don’t know how to change my life. I miss him so so much.

  14. Trudy there are no words to make the pain any better. 4 Months ago I lost my Grandpa who was like a father to me. Yet the pain and loss I feel cannot begin to touch on the pain my Gram feels. I moved back to help care for my Gram and Gramp and within weeks he fell ill. They were married 73 years and both 93 years old. I have moved in with my Gram to help her try and live somewhat of a life without him.

    I watch her try and get through it every day , she sleeps alot and they were old school. She doesn’t believe in counsling , that sent their generation. I so wish she would have someone to talk to about how she feels because I can’t begin to understand how difficult it is for her. They were very active well into there 80’s . She has excellent health for her age , even for 60 yo she would. That I think pains her the !ost because she just wants to join my Gramp. I would love if you two could speak on here.

    It is as if all the life has drained from her. I hate seeing her like this . P
    Ease be strong and I pray to hear from you . 73 years , they lived almost a century together , I just can’t imagine the pain and heart ache she endures.

  15. I am in the same boat, trying to help my mom after losing my dad. While also dealing with my own and my kids’ grief. My parents had been married 61 years. It’s only been two weeks. I want to do what is best but it’s hard. She won’t tell us what she needs. Family members have been spending the night each night, but it’s hard to keep doing that and we are afraid it may keep her from adjusting. How are things going for you?

  16. I found this very helpful. It was like you have been reading my mind for the last three months!

  17. I lost my love my life my best friend my everything My husband. I dont know how to live ..I see hkm everywere. His voice in my ears like he is still saying something… Just want to die.

  18. Joan, I lost my husband 20 months ago. Like you, living alone terrified me. I often thought about ending my life. However, I have been putting one foot in front of the other. I went into therapy which really saved me. It does get easier with time. The thing I learned is that most of us feel the same way. We are NOT alone. I have found that I can give encouragement to others walking in our shoes. It makes me feel useful. Good luck to you. If you would like to stay in touch, please do.

  19. My husband has end stage pulmonary fibrosis and we will lose him unless God heals him with a miracle. I am retired, and the thought of living alone terrifies me. I think often of ending my life because I don’t think I can bear the pain of living alone the rest of my life. I am 71 years old, and we will be married 57 years on May 19. My husband and I did not really socialize, so I have only one close friend.

  20. Sandy,
    I understand. I felt like I was reading my story. My husband was diagnosed and lived eleven weeks and passed away the middle of July, 2018. His name is Steve. He is the light and joy of my life. The deepest connection I will ever have. My soul aches for him every day and I’m trying to find my way through this. I know he is guiding me, but sometimes the physical separation gets overpowering.

  21. I was raised not liking men, my Dad was a chauvinistic and an alcoholic. I was truly blessed to meet my husband when i was twenty two years old. He was wonderful, understanding, and totally loved his wife and family. I am so grateful for thirty four years of loving this man. Now that he has died I have gone right back to who I was before. The core person who I was has returned. I seem to be living in the shadow of his love and can’t seem to consider anyone else. There seems to be plenty of men out there, I have men from my school days coming back to me. I have no interest in them knowing that I had an exceptional man, he took such good care of me that I don’t have a whole lot of miles. I don’t trust other men and am extremely protective of my feelings. He did a great job keeping me to himself. What a smart man.

  22. I took my husband for a lower extremities angiogram on 3/22/19. He never came home and died of renal failure on 4/7/19. He was only 65, I’m 54. I understand your pain as I’m living it too.

  23. I lost my husband five years ago. He took his life. I found him in our garage in the front seat of his car. The worse day of our lives. My husband was a wonderful man, husband and father (two girls). We had a very good marriage ……. almost empty nesters….. making plans. Then boom! – totally unexpected our world is turned upside down and into pieces. For the first two years I was ridden with so much guilt. I was in such a dark dark place…… not wanting to go on anymore without him. How could this have happened to us ?! to him?
    He was a beautiful soul (and still is). Every day was such a struggle to get through the day. My daughters were hurting sooo much for their dad. He left them! As time went on we realized that my love, my partner, my best friend had been suffering from deep depression since he was young, but never showed it (until the end). Such a hard pill to swallow! After two years I woke up one morning and said I have a choice, I can keep going down this dark path to who knows where or I can chose life. So, I chose life! I chose to go on without him, to be there for my girls no matter what. The hardest thing that I ever had to to, beside watching my husband be buried. I changed jobs (finally doing something I always had a passion to try and do) , repainted and updated my house. Unexpectedly found a home in town by the beach and sold my home. The move was such a difficult and emotional event for all of us, but in the long haul definitely for the best. Since the move, I went for training and became a facilitator for Spousal Loss. I wanted to help others while also helping myself. Our lives will never be the same. I think of him and miss him every day. He is this large puzzle piece missing in our puzzle of life. Know that you can do this new normal. It takes time, healing, support and strength. There is life after we lose our spouse; though not the life we chose or wanted.

  24. Thank you HMJ. My husband too died quickly. After 5 days.it was over and he was gone forever. He was the.best thing that happened to me. He was my.world. Nobody can ever replace him. I don’t want to even try. I want to just run to him and squeeze him so tight. I loved him so much.😍

  25. I am so sorry that your pain is so intense & overwhelming. I know that kind of pain quite well & have been living with it since 11/04/2017. My sweet husband died without warning & I have wished for God to take me more often than I care to admit. I am 49 & don’t think that there is anything foolish about your pain & loss. I pray for solace, comfort & peace for you🙏

  26. How do I feel right now? I want to die and go with him. I know how painlessly and I don’t care about living. Dogs are great but that isn’t enough. I am sick myself and do not have quality of life. He was my rock, my caretaker, my lover, my life. Without him I have no life. He was 78 and I am 75. I know younger people think that is foolish. Just wait you will find out old people love each other too. There is more to love than sex. Passion and being passionate lives long beyond that. I reach for him at night and he is not there . His pillow is still there but his precious head is not on it.
    I will not be able to live without him.

  27. I’m so sorry Sandy, I just lost my husband on 3/14, very unexpect. I feel so numb. I will survive this, as you will too. I still feel his present in our home. I’m expecting him to walk thru the door any time now. I’m 62 years old, wow how time flys. Take care, and God bless.

  28. In reading the postings it appears we all have many of the same feelings. The void in our lives do not get filled even with pets, outings or hobbies. Not even being with other people. My husband died three years ago. He was healthy and then suddenly deteriorated from melanoma in his bone marrow and passed away in four very difficult months. I have no answers. I feel something which I can’t identify. I wonder if anyone feels the same way? I have a dog, & wonderful family. I’m very blessed. After the shock, fear, depression , numbness I do things, but this feeling always comes back. I know what you are going through, I am deeply sorry for your pain.

  29. Your story is the same as mine. I could barely get thru your comment. So much the same. My husband also passed in the hospital after 5 weeks..He had congestive heart failure and his kidneys failed the dialysis didn’t work.. Like you I never thought he wouldn’t come home again. We had 2 beautiful daughters together and have 3 grandkids. A long marriage of 46 years and all I do is cry every hour of everyday. I am a strong Christian and pray long and hard everyday for some peace from this awful heartache..I also am in grief counseling it does help a ?little.

  30. I am so sorry,
    Losing a beloved parent is heartbreaking.
    You have lost your daddy and your mom has lost her partner, her friend, her sidekick and the list goes on. I, too have experienced both, more recently, my husband. It has been 10 years since my father passed. My mom was/ is heartbroken.They too were married for 50 years and they had a beautiful relationship. As a daughter, I missed and still miss him terribly and now, having lost my own husband, I only now understand how she felt to be widowed.
    As a daughter, just support her and let her guide you as to when SHE may be ready. It will be a forever type of mourning and sadness. Let her decide when to put his belongings away.
    Just be patient and compassionate just as she is with you, having lost your daddy. There is no timeline, I can attest to that. Losing a spouse is a very different and torturous type of loss. It changes everything about your life.
    Hope this helps, even a little.
    Antonella

  31. My dear husband Stan passed away Jan 19/19 (54 days ago as of this writing) from liver failure. Watching him deteriorate for 23 days in the hospital was traumatizing & so painful. He always rebounded in the past but this time he didn’t. I didn’t know that when I took him into emergency Dec 26/18 that that would be the last time he would ever be home with me. He never came home again. We were together for 31 years and my heart is so broken. So crushed. I am so deeply lonely without him. I miss everything about him. Many things trigger my grief & tears (a song, a chocolate bar, a movie, his favorite this, his favorite that, etc..) He was the love of my life, my best friend. The love we had for each other was so deep & profound. He was a professional musician (classic country, classic rock, old time fiddle), so talented a singer & guitar player. I miss the fact that I will never hear him sing again or watch him strum his guitar & sing to me. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. I cry & cry for him every single day. The pain I feel is overwhelming. I feel physical pain across my chest & shoulders. I’ve been checked for any heart problems but everything is good. Living alone is hard. Going home to a lonely apartment after work is agonizing. I dread it each day I leave work. No one can fill the hurt, the sorrow, the pain & loss I feel. Stan was everything to me. The legacy he left for me is our 2 adult children & grandbabies. It seems like I am comfortless, inconsolable. I’m lonely wherever I go & in whatever I do. I am seeing a counselor, I go to GriefShare group but feel so lonely anyway. I get scared that I will die from this pain & grief and my children will be left motherless too. I don’t know what is normal anymore. I am so broken up, full of despair & loneliness & depressed. Maybe one day I will get a cat for company but right now, I am in no shape to care for one. I am so lonely, so sad. I don’t know how to get through this.

  32. my daddy died last Sunday. I am hurting so bad and trying to take care of my mother. She and my dad were married 55 years. How do I know when to let her go back to her house and stay alone? When do we remove all of Daddy’s things that are a reminder he is gone?
    Please help me with some advice

  33. I know how you feel – I lost my husband July10, 2018 and we were married 45 years – He was adventurous and we went all over – He developed Lyme disease which went to his heart and caused the heart mussel to harden which cause sudden heart failure – up until that point he was a very healthy man and a body builder – and I thought for sure he would out live me – I feel like you do – In shock – numb and so depressed – We were going to move to Baja California after the Holidays – I guess it wasn’t to be and this is so hard to understand – He to was a talker and made friends easy – I love our home and have two beautiful cats that are helping me get threw this and friends who take me out – but not having him when I get home is total heartbreak!

    I understand your pain and heartbreak – Many Hugs, nrobertsbear@earthlink.net

  34. Peggy,
    My sympathies for your loss.
    Sounds like you were meant to be together and you will be again, just not now.
    It’s very difficult to go on without them but somehow each day becomes another.
    My husband of 29 years passed away and we were together since I was 18. A part of you is missing in EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE.
    The loss of a spouse or partner is a different type of loss bc the death impacts everything about your life and your sense of identity. I grew up with him and now I am learning to be by myself and to learn who I am without him. Tough lesson.
    A different type of growing up.
    God has guided me. Hope He can guide you as well.
    Blessings.
    This site will help. It has helped me.
    Antonella

  35. We had our ups and downs I married this man when I was 17. Then we divorced and were apart 2 years then remarried. Neither 1 of us could leave the other 1 a lone. hOW DO U GET THRU feeling he is not going to let u go.He was the love of my life and soul mate. He died from cancer after a long battle. I was beside him all the way till the end.

  36. Joyce y0ur story sounds like mine my wife 0f 37 yrs passed away Nov 24 2018 we had always been best friends we knew people but it was always me and her she had bad heart had stroke and sezers for the last 5 yrs she stayed most of her time sleeping I took care of her and spent most of my time with her.im not sure how I’m going to live without her I find myself talking to her a lot or thinking she’s lying here beside me I have no friends left most have passed on I feel like my life is gone tring to deal with new feeling like crying alot something I’ve never done before I keep thinking she’s not in pain anymore but then I wonder why God couldn’t heal her instead of taking her I’m sorry for getting so long winded first time able to talk to someone I’ll pray your grief will get better soon and you will just remember the good times you two had and and how much he loved and adored you

  37. Hi Deborah, I know what you mean about probate, my husband died in June and I was advised to get attorney since house was just in his name, I am still trying to get estate settled , my husband had a personal loan with our local bank which we both dealt with for over 20 years Farmers Bank of Willards and 2 weeks after he passed, no condolence letter just a notice of lien against the estate. I was late getting everything together, then my attorney advised you can get penalized. It is ironic and a hard road to travel, however I am learning alot on the way!

  38. Thank you for being here, and sharing what you’re going through. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be to say goodbye to your beloved husband and start over. I wish I had the right words, but I don’t know what to say. Hugs for broken hearts seem to be the only “answer”…and it’s no answer at all.

    I’m not sure where you are or what you need, but I wanted to tell you about Blossom Pen Pals. It’s a venture I started just today, to help women who need support and encouragement. The seed was planted by a She Blossoms reader who said, “Laurie, is it possible to put together a pen pal list for those of us who have lost our husbands so we can connect with someone? I would love to email a widow that is a Christian, in her 70’s, husband recently passed, and who desires to make a friend.”

    So I’m going to do the best I can to help women find each other. If you’re interested, here’s the information:
    Are You Tired of Blossoming Alone? Pen Pals – Blossom Tip 70
    https://howloveblossoms.com/want-someone-new-to-talk-to-pen-pals-blossom-tip-70/

    May you find hope and healing, comfort and love as you move forward in your life. Know that you won’t always feel this bad, or this alone. It does get better — and it gets better when you’re walking alongside a friend who cares.

    With His love,
    Laurie

  39. Hi Sandy, your story sounds very much like mine. You said you moved to a retirement village in Florida. I also am in Florida. If we are in the same place, The Villages, we could get together.
    Hang in there,
    Joanne

  40. My husband and best friend died the end of July.2018. I still feel numb, depressed and alone. I realized two months ago
    I am not married anymore. It just hit me like a brick. Steve was always my rock. I sold our home and moved to a
    retirement community in Florda because so many people there and so much to do. I still do nothing but sit in the
    house. I still feel paralized with loneliness and fear. Not really sure how to move on without him. Steve had cancer,
    and lived three months from the time he was told. I feel for all of you that are experiencing this overwhelming grief.
    Maybe writing this down will help me come to grips with my feelings, take a deep breathe and get out. I am not one that
    likes to be alone but Steve was the outgoing one and made friends easy. I am more quiet and reserved. Blessings to all
    of you.

  41. I feel your pain the loneiness alone will stress you out all the thing your sharing I feel the same sorry for your lost

  42. I was married for 28yrs very happy one day nov 23rd 2017 he pass away he was sick one day never woke up we were in shock in disbelieve he was the love of my life im lost I sold our place im living with my daughter for comfort but I still feel all alone and started staying lock in my room away from every one he took care of everrthing we were always together if we wasing working I dont know how to move on or even if I want to I have depression im disable I have a cat and a dog I have no friends was gone to church I stop gone I feel im giving up life with out him is very painfull

  43. And if losing your spouse it’s bad enough, then you’re faced with probating the estate. Your brain is exhausted from suddenly having to make every decision since your loved one passed away and your heart feels like it won’t ever heal or beat normally ever again but you still have to do it. You’re supposed to put value of all property and such on paper. So many stupid details that you are supposed to know. And, you have a time limit to do it all in. So frustrating. I noticed today while at the probate court office, it’s also the same office you file for a marriage license. So you start your life together there and if you stay married long enough, you close out your spouse’s life there. Kinda ironic.

  44. Vince, can we both meet? My own loneliness is nothing to write about My wife died some years back and since then I’ve been living alone

  45. Audrey,
    I’m sorry for your loss.
    The loss of a spouse is a different kind of loss and has a different pain. I lost my husband and I therefore understand your aches and loneliness.
    How long ago did she pass away? It changes your life, who you are, everything.
    Take time to miss her and to grieve her. It is the most difficult thing to go through. There is no way around it.
    Give your children time to cry and express their feelings. In my opinion, another person will not cover the hole and wound. I have two kids and it has been so difficult to support their pain while dealing with my own, but Im trying to let them miss their dad in their own way.
    Hoping this gives you a little comfort.
    Here, we all understand.

    Antonella

  46. Hello keran
    My heart hurts beyond measure. It’s the kind of pain you don’t want anyone to feel. I also hate night time because my pain increases then. I cry as I type this post because I miss my Wife so bad. She was truly my best friend. If I needed to go to Target and pick out lipstick she was right there with me to hold my wallet if need be :-). My buddy is gone and now I’m left to raise our 4 and 11 year old alone. I’m 47 with great family and friend support but it’s not the same…I’ve never been without a companion. I was born into this world with a friend because I’m an identical twin so I’ve truly never been alone. My wife was only 38 she had a heart defect we found out about 5 years ago. I’ve been his care giver for 5 years through good and bad. I’m at peace knowing shes asleep in death because I didn’t want to see her in pain and suffering anymore, but the pain from not kissing, smelling, hugging, and talking to her is so painful my body aches. Right now I think I need another woman to move on in life but it’s very difficult for me to find one and my two kids need a motherly care as well please some one should help me out…

  47. My heart hurts beyond measure. It’s the kind of pain you don’t want anyone to feel. I also hate night time because my pain increases then. I cry as I type this post because I miss my Wife so bad. She was truly my best friend. If I needed to go to Target and pick out lipstick she was right there with me to hold my wallet if need be :-). My buddy is gone and now I’m left to raise our 4 and 11 year old alone. I’m 47 with great family and friend support but it’s not the same…I’ve never been without a companion. I was born into this world with a friend because I’m an identical twin so I’ve truly never been alone. My wife was only 38 she had a heart defect we found out about 5 years ago. I’ve been his care giver for 5 years through good and bad. I’m at peace knowing shes asleep in death because I didn’t want to see her in pain and suffering anymore, but the pain from not kissing, smelling, hugging, and talking to her is so painful my body aches. Right now I think I need another woman to move on in life but it’s very difficult for me to find one and my two kids need a motherly care as well please some one should help me out… Please i think I need your help

  48. Hi Karen
    I read your comment and felt that I understand how you must be feeling. It hard when you been married to someone for such a long time.
    It’s great that you go your children, around you because been in a house by myself made the loneliness worse, so i try and have music in the background.
    I got back to my part time job and feels happy to see other people and to listen to there story about the festive period.
    Reading other people comment is helping me a great deal.
    I have joined a few group to meet other people and also to find new interest as ,now i only got myself to think about. Good luck with the future.

  49. Hello
    My husband died on 7 March 2018 last year from stomach cancer.
    I took early retirement in November 2015 from my full time job to care for him.
    He started chemotherapy therapy shortly after he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I knew that if it was left to him that he would of us given up.
    Last year when new year started he kept telling me and my daughter that he wasn’t going to make it to his 65 birthday which was on the 4 March.
    He had got so weak and looked so thin that he didn’t want people to come and see him.
    He told me and my daughter that he wanted to be cremated and didn’t want a church service, and he wanted this to happen as soon as possible.
    He also didn’t want anyone to see him, so we had a closed coffin.
    Then he wanted his ashes scattered in Jamaica.
    We were together for 42 years and married for 38 years, he was my soul mate and I can’t explain how sad and vulnerable I feel without him.
    It’s been a learning curve without him as he did everything. I don’t even know how to change a light bulb, but I am learning lots of things from my daughter.
    I feel so lucky that I got my daughter,but she worked full time and have her own family. She very good to me and I would be totally lost without her.
    This was our first Christmas without my husband and we went to Jamaica to have a family holiday and to scattered his ashes.
    Coming back to UK I feel like I have lost my husband all over again. As i was sick with flu since coming back from Jamaica.
    I know that he wants me to get on with life but it’s never the same when you lived with someone for that many years.
    Each morning i wake up I thank god that I was so lucky to have someone who loved me , and who I deeply loved.
    My life is very lonely but I have joined a few groups and keep myself busy but it doesn’t take away the pain of being alone.
    I have been reading other people comments and i know that lots of other people are experiencing a lot of the same feeling that i have got.
    I would like to meet someone and don’t want it to feel like i being disloyal to my husband memory, but life goes on that what everyone tells me.
    I am learning to take one day at a time, and hope one day that the pain of losing my husband will ease.
    Ann

  50. My husband passed away a year ago last Thanksgiving. This past Saturday was our anniversary of 34 years. He had kidney failure and was on dialysis. I was lucky that he left me with 2 great children including a daughter who currently lives with me. Before he died, he invested in some home improvements, left some financial documents on the desk, and made sure to replace our old cars with a new one. He also left me with some wonderful gifts: I was the one who handled the routine finances, he supported me in starting a small business, and he surrounded us with supportive friends in the local community who are priceless for me.
    But, there is sunshine in my life. The year before my husband died, my daughter met a wonderful guy and this past December, he proposed and they are getting married in October. Our life has been rather depressing over the past several years, but this year was full of good news that was too good to keep. While I am crying tears that my husband won’t be with us on our daughter’s special day, another friend of ours will be standing in for him to walk her down the aisle (along with lots of others we’ve invited). I bet there won’t be a dry eye in the church.
    My next challenge is my mixed feelings. When he died I felt like he left me. Now, if I look at another man, I feel like I’m cheating on him. Any ideas how to deal with this? I know he said I should find someone else after he was gone, but how do you “date” after 35 years with the same man?

  51. Bob,
    Sorry for your loss.
    As a widowed woman, can you please describe how losing your spouse ( woman) is different for a man.
    I understand the different roles and responsibilities that a couple may share. For example, my husband handled the finances. So, of course that was an added shock when he passed away.
    Peace for you.
    Antonella

  52. Yes Vince, it is different for a man. I lost my wife two months ago, almost to the minute I am writing this. None of the prescriptives given seem to help, at least not at this point. The only thing that gives me a little solace is: that I am going through this, so she doesn’t have to. I am GLAD to do it. For her. Still…

    I can do any/every thing around the house, finances etc. Did so for half a year, caring for her 24/7. I don’t need domestic help, I need HER! A dog isn’t going to do it.

  53. Antonella,
    Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It helps to hear about your experience. Your recommendation to take time to grieve seems wise. I am going to wait until the end of January to make any decisions about returning to work.
    I do feel really disorganized. It takes so long to do the simplest thing. Today I walking back into my office three times before I remembered that I needed a phone number. Each time I got distracted before looking up that number. I can see why returning to work was difficult for you. I can’t imaging trying to get through a day or week of work right now.
    Thank you again. Best wishes to you in your journey.
    Dianna

  54. Thank you for your kind reply Deborah.
    I am sorry for your loss. I hope for both us peace in this new year.
    Regarding the trip, my children say the same thing and are very encouraging. I meet with the organizer, my yoga teacher, and it sounds like the group would be supportive (and not all couples). I think I may go. Your encouragement means a lot given that you are also traveling this sad ahead of me.
    All the best to you. May you find comfort.

  55. Vince, I’m so sorry to hear about your loneliness. If more men would write in, there would be a better knowledge and support system for you.

  56. Hello, Vince. I hope the holidays weren’t too difficult for you & you were able to get through them with some peace. I am pretty sure the loneliness is universal for us all after losing our mate. I wish I had an answer for you, but alas, I have yet to get to a place in my grief that the loneliness doesn’t feel overwhelming & so very heavy each day. My sweet husband died 11/04/17 unexpectedly. I have no idea who I am without him & I miss him more than words can express. I pray, meditate & try to stay busy, but there is only so much you can do to alleviate this, as you know. Hugs & prayers to all that are navigating this terrible journey.

  57. Dianna,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. My husband died a little over seven months ago. The holidays were pretty tough but I made it through. I did spend New Years Day pretty much in bed. I just needed that day to face the fact that I’m starting my first year in over 43 years without him. It’s hard but I know I can do it.

    You should for sure take that trip you’ve wanted to go on for so long. It will be good for you to have new memories and since your husband didn’t like traveling, no reason to feel sad or guilty for going. There is the inevitable of coming home to an empty house, but you are strong and can do it. We women are much stronger than we think we are.

    I wish you all the best.

  58. Dianna,
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    I lost my husband of 29 years one year ago Nov. 4th, 2017. It seems so long ago with the now new year.
    The shock and trauma leaves you feeling vulnerable, terrified, lonely, lost, forgetful, disorganized, foggy and so many other things.
    The world seems foreign without them there and you constantly question, if it actually happened.
    All I can offer is that you must take time to grieve, and feel everything that comes your way. If you can take some time away from obligations, do so because if not, the sorrow will catch up with you.
    I went back to work a little too early bc I was so terrified about my financial obligations but in so doing, I blundered. I couldn’t focus. Luckily, and bc I work in a school, Christmas break arrived and so I was able to take time away again.
    Hoping you can rest a little. It’s a very difficult journey but it can be travelled. I’m here. I’m still here!!!.
    Antonella

  59. I lost my husband, partner, soul-make, best friend on December 1, 2018. He went from robust health and fitness to death in one year after being stricken with cancer. We faced so many horrible times together this past year and found that our relationship deepened even more as we relied on each other.
    He was so strong and I am in awe of his acceptance of illness and death. He used to say “I have physical pain but you are suffering more.”
    Now I don’t know what to do. I can’t just carry on as if nothing has happened. I am trying to let go and re-inhabit my life. I am meditating, I walk my dog and try not to sink. I don’t know whether to go on a long retreat (could I even handle that so soon), go back to work, sign up for a trip that had been on my mind for many years (my husband had encouraged me to do this when the opportunity last came up 5 years ago; he didn’t like to travel).
    I love him so much. I keep expecting that he will return, like he is just in the next room or just stepped out. I was fortunate to have spent 25 years with him and in the presence of steady love, I fell in love with him so many times over the years. The last time was just before he died. He was so sick. We were talking and he stretched his long arms like I have seen a thousand times. There was so much grace and beauty in the movement that it caught my heart and I told him “you are such a beautiful man”. He smiled with tears in his eyes. How can I live without such deep love and joy?

  60. Hi Carolyn,
    I’m so sorry for your loss and I know exactly how much it hurts. I lost my husband seven months ago. Its been tough getting through each day but somehow I do. I actually had my first family and friends Christmas party a couple weeks ago. I wasn’t sure if I could do it but I did. We were under a huge construction project last Christmas so we really didn’t have a Christmas. We decided this Christmas we would have a big party to celebrate the holidays and the completion of the project. Of course he was supposed to be here with me to plan it and prepare for it. Unfortunately God had other plans. I debated so many times with myself on if I actually should plan one or not. Then I remembered the talks we had before he died. I knew I had to fulfill those plans. It was hard but I did it and I’m glad I did. I proved to myself I can survive doing things, even though I miss him like crazy. He would be upset with me if I didn’t continue to live my life to the fullest. Of course I’m taking tiny baby steps. You have to do that also. Don’t waste what time you still have on this earth just waiting until you can be with him again. Live your life and enjoy it. Make your husband proud. I know Mike would be terribly upset with me if I sat around being sad all the time. I’m thinking your husband would be upset if you did the same. Life will never be the same, but it can still be enjoyed and one day we will realize we feel happy.
    I wish you the best in this fast approaching New Year. I myself know its going to be a bit hard knowing this will be my first full year without him. But we can do it. I wish you peace, joy, contentment and happiness.

  61. Dear Caroline, my heart and prayers go out to you. Sometimes it feels as though I am a robot, just going through the chores of daily life. However, I came across this saying, which I am posting in my home, to help me get through each day. Maybe it will help you somehow. “If you don’t leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken alway”. I know, easier said than done. We will be together again with our husbands, Of that I’m sure. However, maybe there is a good life left for us to enjoy. God bless you.🙏🏻

  62. Somehow God gets us through the sadness of the funeral, it is the aftermath that knocks us down like a terrible hurricane and makes us face the reality of losing our soulmates and trying to go on without them. I lost my husband suddenly 8 months ago and sometimes I still can’t believe he is gone. The grief has been unbelievable. Never experienced such gut retching grief like this before even though I have lost other family, sisters, Mother, Father and brother. It is totally different when you lose a husband. We were married 56 years and 8 months, he was my soulmate, we were so close and in love forever. I am just waiting until I will be with him again. Love seems to grow more and more even though we are apart. I feel his love around me everyday. I know I will never be the same and not sure when or if, this grief will ever go away. I miss him terrible, with all my heart. I try to rely on God to help me get through this, some days are better then others, but I know none of this will go away over night, so I am hanging in there with my dog by my side trying the best I can between the tears of pain.

  63. Thanks Laurie, I think I have a good relationship with God. He has answered a lot of my prayers. I just would like to feel closer to him. As for my husband’s visits, they have started since the beginning. Turning on his bedroom light, turning TV on and off, pushing me up when I was falling into the water beyond when I could have saved myself, stroking my head at night and my blankets rising as he came into bed and slept next to me. That one scared me, my heart was pounding out of my chest, but I was happy he was there and I slept great! I talk to him always and he comes through with mediums. I just feel stuck. Take care and thanks for your supportive site. I enjoy it.

  64. I’m glad you’re here, Joanne – I don’t mind you if you vent! I’d love to learn more about the signs you get that your husband is still around. Did it freak you out at first? One of the hardest things about living alone after the death of a spouse is the silence and loneliness….but it sounds like you still feel your husband’s presence.

    I can only imagine how hard it is to live alone again. It sounds like you’ve tried many different things, but nothing has filled the emptiness. And maybe that’s the thing — nothing will ever fill the emptiness. Your husband occupied a place in your head, home and heart that nobody and nothing can ever replace. Maybe the loneliness is something you just learn to live with, like a chronic illness (or depression!).

    But just because you’re coping with chronic loneliness and grief doesn’t mean you can’t find joy, peace, freedom and love in your life. I noticed you didn’t mention God or spirituality in your comment…have you tried turning to Jesus? Or at least learning more about Him? You never know what treasures await 🙂

    With His love,
    Laurie

  65. Lonely. I’m so lonely most of the time. I don’t care for pets, have trouble enough taking care of myself. Friends say go out, do things. I try, but it doesn’t change my mood. I have been dealing with depression half of my life. I’ve been on meds. But to not be able to turn to my husband and speak to him, ask questions or even go out together, is really depressing. Most of the time I just want to sit home. I know he is around because I get a lot of signs, however it makes me more frustrated because I can’t see him. I’ve tried gardening, projects, crafts etc. I lose interest quickly. Thanks for letting me vent.
    Joanne

  66. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your husband – and learning to live alone after years together – is hard. It can be especially sad at Christmas, when families are gathered and memories rise up.

    May you find comfort and peace in this season. I pray for strength to keep going, surprising bursts of joy to brighten your day, and hope to rise in your heart and spirit. I pray for healing and love, and for unexpected sources of support and companionship. May your relationship with God become stronger, and may Jesus be the rock that you cling to.

    How are you doing?

    With His love,
    Laurie

  67. My husband died on November 14 in the middle of a sentence. I’ve been through a lot of emotions since then most of them stress, not a lot of time to grieve. I found comfort in your article. Thank you

  68. Tom,
    Yes, the fall was the cause of his death. He went to work, fell from the scaffolding & was braindead. Removing him from life support was excrutiatingly painful & remains so to this day.

    I too am so sorry for your loss & I pray for comfort for you.
    Haily

  69. To Haily, Sorry to hear of your loss.your situation is similar to my wife’s passing. Although my wife had other medical problems she to died 6 days after a fractured hip fall. Did the fall cause your husbands passing? Thanks from Tom

  70. December 8th will be one year since I lost my husband of 28 years. I am able to function, and even find joy in moments, but the loneliness is overwhelming at times. There are just some things I’ll never be able to share or experience again, and a void that will never be filled, and some days that is still so hard to accept.

  71. My husband of 49 years has been gone 10 months and. I am living my life with a happy heart…I chose to be happy and although I still have my bad days I am living and building a new life for myself…you will do the same..

  72. I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer on 30th October 2018. I have deep feelings of sadness and cry a lot at night mostly. I have also lost my little dog this week of 16 uears and i am truley devastated to lose them both. But i will try to love again my husband was clear that he wanted me to grieve and then live a full life. No idea how i will do that but i will try.

  73. Hi Ashley,

    I am so sorry for your loss. With the way it happened I just can’t imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. The loss of someone we loved is never easy no matter how it happens, but I think when it happens so unexpected and so fast it’s worse. It’s just so senseless. I question every single day why it happened and I keep thinking somehow it’s just all a mistake or a bad dream. I know also your feelings of not wanting to live in the house without him. I plan to sell everything in a couple years because the house is now just too big and too much responsibility for just me to deal with or even want to deal with. I look at his chair he always sat in. It’s weird knowing he won’t ever sit there and fall asleep and snore so loud I have to keep bumping up the TV volume.

    I don’t think if you sell your house you will lose all the memories. Those memories will forever be locked up inside your heart. A house is just walls. It will be hard to sell and move on. I know when I face that there will be tears, but I now speaking for my husband, he wouldn’t want me being so sad and upset. He would want me happy and enjoying my life. I’m thinking your husband would want the same for you. But, give yourself time. Don’t rush things no matter how hard things are nor how much it hurts. That’s why I’m going to give myself a couple years before I start the process of selling. Making tough decisions should be done when we are thinking more clearly.

    My heart goes out to you. I don’t know the circumstances of his death but I hope you get the closure you need. I wish you the best. I hope you can find some joy in the fast approaching holidays. Take care of yourself.

  74. And so the one year anniversary of my husband’s passing has passed. Sunday, Nov. 4h to be exact.
    Today would have been visitations at the funeral home and tomorrow the burial. 1 year. Unbelievable.
    Did this really happen? Yup.
    The most awful, horrendous, exhausting time of my life. But it has continued. My life, I mean. AND the pain and sorrow. Now it’s emptiness and loneliness.
    But I’m here and writing.
    Listen to noone ‘s comments other than this wonderful site. Such support and understanding. God has carried me this far.
    Prayers to all.

  75. Hi, your post really touched me deeply. I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband of 11 years on September 30th. He was so amazing and always cared for others so much. He was tragically murdered by gunshots. It’s been 1 month and 5 days and everyday all day my heart aches in my chest. Every second I’m thinking of all the memories we share. I can barely drive in the car without breaking down remembering when we was at any location of where I currently drive. I don’t know how I will survive without him by my side. I feel so alone and I thought about moving out of the house we had but I am afraid that I will forget our memories of us being in our home.

  76. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such honesty, courage, and compassion for each other! I’m so glad you’re here, and that you take time to comment. It’s such a gift to other women who are living alone after their husbands die…you have no idea how much your words matter.

    I wrote this article, and hope it helps you:
    Handling Emotional Numbness After Losing Someone You Love
    https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-handle-emotional-numbness-after-you-lose-a-loved-one/

    And when I shared that article with my She Blossoms Facebook Group, I received the following comment I think it’ll help you. I posted it below – and please feel free to join our private group! We’re for women only – not just widows, any woman who wants to walk through loss into a new season of life.

    Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    And here’s what Linda said: “For me personally griefshare was a lifesaver. My life changed in an instant–my husband passed on April 8 with no warning. He’d had a checkup in December and was fine. He had a massive heart attack and my life changed. We were married almost 45 years and dated 3. I went into individual counseling but it didn’t really help. I then when to GriefShare which helped tremendously. They would usually go out after the meetings for coffee. I have made a friend from the group who we have become best friends. She is my lifesaver. I sometimes shut down–turn my phone off, shut down facebook–and of course then my loved ones worry. I have had a friend at my door at 10 p.m. because she was afraid I wouldn’t be there in the morning. I have learned to reach out and call people. I cry every day. I am 66 years old and was getting ready to retire and thank god I didn’t as at least I have my job during the day. We had a wonderful marriage and everybody says how they looked up to us that good marriages do exist. I am beginning to feel a bit better but oh how I miss him. He will always have my heart and I wait for the day when I will see him again.”

    With warmth,
    Laurie

  77. Angel is,
    I am so sorry.
    The early days are sheer shock, trauma, fear, and anything and everything in between.
    I am 10 months in and the first days and weeks, I was a walking zombie.
    I too, functioned. I had to or I would lose everything. I have kids. So even in my state of trauma, I had to keep on going. Was it the best thing for me? Looking back I don’t think so as I have had to slow down bc of emotional and physical exhaustion but SOMEHOW I kept on going. God’s grace for certain.
    Everyone is different. Just handle what you can.
    It’s not easy and the ache and sadness can be overwhelming.
    What you’re going through is “ok”.
    Peace in your journey.
    Antonella

  78. I understand, I too lost my husband two weeks and 4 days ago from a GBM. He only lived 3 months from diagnosis and we were in a state of shock while trying to find treatment for him. Regardless he died so fast. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like I am walking in someone else’s life and just want to wake up and know my old life with him is back. It doesn’t happen. We don’t have family or kids so its’ just me now trying to figure out how to go on without him. I have cried a lot but now I am not crying and feel like I am numb. His things are all here of course, like he lives here. I donated his walker and wheelchair to help someone else. I am frightened and force myself to go out some but I think friends just want to go on with their lies because thru these months, they had to deal with both of us and his diagnosis and the ugly part of his dying. My BIL just really walked away back into his own life. They were not close so he has his own issues to deal with but he has been controlling through the whole process of my husband’s illness and death. I want him to just go away now.

  79. Angelia,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I too had no emotional breakdown after my husband’s passing and he died suddenly. I asked the doctor and my counselor about it, they both said I was in shock. I lost my husband 1 year ago yesterday. I will say that at first,for me, I felt like a heavy blanket was on my back. About 4 months after, it lifted, but was replaced by sadness. I still have sadness and put one foot in front of the other and thank God I make it through each day. Don’t let negative comments from some people, like you will never get over it, or it doesn’t get better, bother you. Your husband would want you to go on with your life. Try to keep busy, it helps.

  80. My husband died 13 days, 14 hours, and 24 minutes ago. He was 47. He had a GBM IV brain tumor that we fought since November 22, 2016. I have no idea how to describe what I feel – or rather what I don’t feel and that concerns me. I have yet to have my gut-wrenching cry or a fit of rage. I do shed some tears when I replay the songs I chose for his funeral or scroll through his obituary on-line, but when is this “Dam” going to break and everything come rushing out? Does it always happen for every person that has their soul ripped in half? If it does, when? I’m only 45 and I feel like I’m doing something wrong or disrespectful by putting one foot in front of the other and moving through this like I have a checklist – and being sad/breaking down isn’t anywhere on there. I do lay in our bed holding the throw blanket that covered us when he took his last breath, but even reliving that night or smelling it hasn’t evoked an emotional response beyond whispering “I miss you” while looking at his photograph on the nightstand. Can I really be this strong or do I just have to wait for it when I’m least expecting it?

  81. Hailey I completely salute in doing the work yourself. I find that amazing!!! I can pick out things to decorate and such and I know how to make all that come together but the labor of putting down hardwood floors or putting up tiles and painting I absolutely hate. I was lucky, the man that we hired to finish the sheetrock owns a construction company and his guys finished the work for me. I don’t know what I would have done without them. I’m pretty much finished now and it feels good to know that. One of these days I will actually start enjoying it. I’m looking forward to that.
    I wish you all the best with your project. Again, I salute you!!

  82. Deborah,
    I initially wanted to hire contractors, but was unable to find any for the exterior or kitchen. I decided to do all of that work myself, but have the bathroom being done in January. He was in construction & had all of the tools that I could ever want/need, so all I have had to do was learn to use them properly & purchase the materials. It has given me projects to keep my mind occupied some of the time.

  83. I know what you mean about not celebrating. My birthday is 11/27 & I avoided it completely. He just went to work & never came home. Still have a hard time wrapping my head around it also. Hugs

  84. Hailey I am so sorry for your loss and what you are also going through. Death of someone we love is hard enough to deal with but when remodeling and construction are added to it, wow!!!!, so overwhelming. People want and need answers but it’s just hard to make those decisions. The worry of making sure you have the money and that you have honest people working for you adds to all the stress. I wish you all the best with your remodel and hope it goes as you want.

  85. Oh my. So sorry.
    Not sure whether to celebrate Thanksgiving as it was the day I had to call 911 and then he was gone on that dreadful day in November. All of October.
    All of the worry, fear, sadness, hope, exhaustion, despair, hope, hope, prayers.

    All for what?
    He didn’t come home.
    Don’t think I can relive it again.

  86. Antonella,
    We lost our husband on the same day. I am coming toward these days fearfully as well. He fell October 27th & died November 4th. Prayers & hugs to you.

  87. Beautifully stated, Antonella. So sorry, Deborah. I also had to remove my husband from life support dur to a head injury after he fell off of scaffolding at work. My heart goes out to you & I hope you will enjoy your new kitchen in time. I am continuing our remodel also by myself.

  88. Antonella, I have some really sad times. They happen any time during the day. My counselor said not to dismiss them, but allow a certain part of the day to grieve. I have been planing to stay with family and friends so as not to be alone. We are doing fun things, so we are not so sad. I’m hoping after the year of “firsts” is over that it might be a little more tolerable. Good luck to you. Be strong!

  89. I’m a year on after partner died. I have a dog it doesn’t help that much if anything it’s not fair to the animals. Ok you go out with them but your hearts not in it.
    In this day and age a tenant when your grieving . I don’t see that as the answer unless you run a bed sit.
    The uplift music. I loved music but one yr on I dare listen to music that sets me of breaking my heart as words are unbearably heartbreaking.
    Queen Elo Adele most songs are wrapped around love. Not a good idea.

  90. Joanne,
    How did u manage your feelings leading up to the one year? I am fearful of reliving the days, minutes to losing him.
    All of October and then up to 4th of November, coming up. Don’t know how to handle it.

    Blessings.

  91. Antonella, you are right when you say we are the ones left with the pain and loneliness!! This weekend marks a year since my husband’s sudden passing, and I can’t get used to the loneliness. Prays for all!

  92. Sorry, Deborah.
    So many unfinished tasks and dreams.
    Left for us to finish.
    We, the ones left behind to combat the pain and loneliness.
    May God guide you in this time of darkness.

    Antonella
    10 month survivor

  93. My husband woke up early May 17, 2018 with a bad headache. I thought maybe it was a bad migraine. Come to find out it wasn’t a migraine at all. It was an aneurysm. I spent the next couple days besides his hospital bed praying harder than I ever had before. I did a lot of begging for God to give him a miracle. On May 19 with family and friends beside my son and I, I had to sign the papers to have him taken off life support. He would have been 70 years on June 27 and we would have celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary August 3. There was no celebration for either days just a deep core sadness and pain of how unfair it was that he died. He hadn’t been sick. We were smack in the middle of working on the new addition we added to the house. There was still a lot of work that had to be done to finish it. I had so many decisions to make that I often felt overwhelmed, angry, sad and just so deeply hurt and upset that he wasn’t there to help finish everything. It’s all finished now and I’m glad it is but, I don’t feel the joy and happiness I thought I would feel and should feel, only guilt that I get to use the beautiful new kitchen I always wanted and he will never be here to enjoy it with me. And it hurts. To my soul. People tell me how much he wanted it for me, but I want him more. I would give it all up just to have him back. But I know it’s not possible. Now, with the holidays fast approaching, I have a sense of dread instead of excitement like I always normally have. I’m one of many that normally decorate November 1st. I can’t help myself. But now, I don’t know when or if I will decorate. I miss him so much. More than I ever thought possible. I will have to just take baby steps as the holidays gets closer. I have this constant ache in my chest and always a lump in my throat and always one second away from tears. But to honor him and his memory, I will do my best to enjoy the holidays and just life in general because it’s what he would want. But God knows, I miss my husband.

  94. Rebecca,
    I am so sorry. How devasting this must be for you to lose your husband and now to have worry about where to live. Can someone help you?
    When my husband was in hospital and then lost his ability to talk or be awake, I was in a different state of panic bc we hadn’t drawn up wills or Power of Attorney. We thought we each had time. I certainly didn’t expect him to pass away!!! And yet he did. I was out of my mind with concern. Thank Goodness, I had support and I got help to finalize the awful paperwork and such. There are so many aspects and levels to grief and loved ones left behind. I was also in no state of mind or emotions to make such important decisions.
    Is there someone at the hospital who can help. The social worker on the palliative care floor was very helpful in directing me to resources and people.
    Lawyers who may assist?
    My heart goes out to you.

  95. hello im a recent widow and im in such a jam my husband did not want me to work, so I did not work for the time we were together, 8years, he just passed in july and now I find out we we’re supposed to only be living at our present address for a little amount of time, Per his boss which is our landlord, now I have little money and I have no job and a poor work history, Ive worked my last job in 2009. I’m very worried I will not find a job in time to move. his boss got his life Insurance money. I just needed to vent and I really need some kind of advise to go on.

  96. Gerri,
    How terrible.
    My heart goes out to you.
    One second at a time. Sometimes anything more is too much to bear.
    My husband also passed in a short time and it is unbearable. I am almost 10 months in and the ache and loneliness is a constant. This site is a saving grace.
    Peace for you today.

  97. I am devastated, crying everyday, I lost my husband of 18/years to pancreatic cancer. Last 8 months were horrible trying to find out what was wrong and when got diagnosis too late to do anything but admit him to hospice help him say goodbye toFamily and friends and sit by him as he died. Heart wrenching, horrible.
    Than after the death our beloved 3 yr old cat ate some Lilly pedals off one of the flower arrangements from the funeral and Lillie’s are toxic to cats and she went into kidney failure and had to be put to sleep. Reads like a bad soap opera,! I am so lost but had to return to work as had no more time off. I barely make it thru the days I miss my husband and I miss our sweet cat. It is too much.

  98. I lost my husband almost 11 months ago. His death was very shocking and unexpected. I am in a terrible place mentally as I am angry, sad and broken. I believe in God, but I do question a lot of things now. I have grown children so I now live alone. The loneliness is almost too much to bear. We were married 29 years. I am a young widow, but I am also ready to join him in the afterlife. I want more than anything to be by his side again. My prayers go out to all the hurting people posting on this blog.

  99. I feel anxious.My husband Andrew has been dead almost 16 months and I am trying to learn to trust my decision making process concerning my financial affairs. I am having trouble asking for help from family and friends. I miss him so very much but I have come to the realization that I must move on with my life.It is not easy but I am trying each day to move forward. I am staying close to God’s promises, to get me through.

  100. I am truly sorry for your loss….it is an unbelievable heartache…the realization of my husbands death hit me about a month later as I was,driving..out of the blue it hit me like a thunder bolt..I started to cry so hard I had to pull off the road..I sobbed and shouted he is dead…that was my moment of the fog lifting a bit for me..now at nine months although I will always miss him I am living my life with zest for both of us as I would want the same for him had the situation ben reversed…trust me I still have my days but am blessed with four wonderful adult children who love me and that definitely helps…

  101. Presently, I just feel empty and incredibly sad. Still, at almost the 10 month mark.
    In fact, I think that the realization that he is truly gone has hit me.
    I think that the earlier months were
    shock effects, fear and confusion and having to handle everything. I feel that I was so overwhelmed that I wasnt truly able to fully grasp the concept that he is gone.
    Today, I am still so sad and missing him so much that my heart hurts. But the reality is even harder to bear as the initial trauma settles. Don’t know if that is the word to describe. settle?
    Don’t know how I got here.
    THANK you God. I haven’t been able to do this alone.

  102. Deidre,
    I lost my husband after 44 yrs. I feel like you do. I visit places that were once significant and happy for both of us and it makes me sadder. The first year is really hard. Lots of firsts, holidays, anniversaries, etc. even when friends share a memory, I start crying. I have to push myself every day to get through it. I just found this site. Hope it helps. Good luck to you on your journey!

  103. What a wonderful voice of words..a heart warming read…grief is such a odd journey..I am 8 months through my journey and do I.g much better them even two months,ago..god bless you and god bless us,all.

  104. To everyone
    I am glad i have found this website and am so grateful for kind words and support. This is the hardest thing i have ever been through and can be frightening and overwhelming. Please keep posting-i read everyone for courage and helps me continue on. God bless all of us

  105. I lost my beautiful husband 4 weeks ago. I miss him more than words can say. He was everything to me for over 25 years. I can’t bear the thought of navigating life without him. We had so many plans. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I thought visiting our favorite hiking place and sitting at the top of the mountain would help, but it only emphasized just how alone I am. I pray every day for guidance, but I just want to be with him. I’m so sad, lonely, and confused. We did everything together. I feel so detached. I pray this gets better for all of us.

  106. I’m 6 months out. Able to function despite the constant presence of mixed up feelings and numerous fears. I need to set time aside each day to think and pray about everything related to my husband; past, present and future. If not, things start to get dark very quickly.
    I go to a bereavement group at a Church twice a month and listen to GriefShare Audio tapes(you can download them) Trying to get some exercise in, Iisten to the Audio tapes on the Treadmill. Also ordered a grief workbook and journal. I have never been a big journal person, but it does help by guiding me each day. My thinking is definitely slower right now, so the guidance and outline from the workbook help give me direction or I would be all over the place.
    Sending out my love to everyone here.

  107. I am sorry for you.
    Three months are the very, very early days of grief. I found that those early days, weeks and months horrific. I too, was scared, worried, confused, overwhelmed. Alone after 29 years of marriage. Terrible.
    Give yourself time to grieve. Express your pain as much as you need to.
    After almost 10 months, I too can’t believe my husband is gone, but all I can say, is that you simply become accustomed to his absence. The pain is atrociously lonely but then somehow each day becomes another.
    Ask God for his strength. He has supported my sorrow.
    I am hardly the person to give u the right answer as I am still within the trenches of grief.
    What I can say is that by sharing my feelings and experiences on this site,I have been comforted bc so many understand.
    Wishing you some peace.

  108. I am lost and fearful after the death of my beloved husband 3 months ago-I can’t believe he is gone. Does this get better?

  109. It’s been four years since my husband passed. Today is our 45th anniversary. I am lost without him…

  110. Your phrase ” the previous season of your life is over” hit me like a million ton brick. Oh no. I’m not ready to accept that. You mean my husband is now part of my past? That hurts.
    Didn’t ever reach that conclusion.
    I guess I was meant to read it.
    NOW WHAT?? So sad.

  111. Hello Martha, I know how you feel. I lost my husband 3years ago this July. I also have a 26yr old son who lives in my small town.He works and rents out our old vacation home here. It is hard living alone. I did get a cat when my husband passed and that helps some. I am fortunate to have enough means to do some modest traveling and have joined a senior group in town who travel to near and far destinations. But between trips I have not been getting out at all except for errands. I have some health issues , mitral valve prolapse which bother me a lot and anxieties. My husband was ill for about a year with cancer, but before that had diabetes for years. He was only 69 when he passed, I had assumed he would have at least 5 or 10 more years together. I know I would like to live in one of those 55+ communities. Only problem is I live 200miles from any big city. Maybe that would be an option for you? I know my aunt went that route and she loved it. Anyway, if you would like to talk my email is phillmonica@frontie.com, I am sure God is watching out for us. –Monica shapiro

  112. my husband too died on November 4th.

    sedated and intubated too. Unconscious and unable to talk. we were unable to tell each other our feelings our fears, even what he wanted for a funeral, nothing. Terrible.
    sharing here and seeing others feel the exact same way has helped. It’s a very sad journey. Just let it out when u feel it.
    It’s such a short time and yet 9onghs feels like infinity bc I miss him so much and my children miss him too.
    I spend a lot of time at home bc it’s too Sad to go out and deal with returning to an empty chair. Easier to stay home.
    Heartache and sleepless nights.
    Ask for God’s guidance. Ask for your guardian angel for help.

  113. He would never take His hand off of you. I am much earlier in my grieving than you, so I cannot give you any advice…I lost my husband this past November. I will be where you are when my youngest son moves out also (he is almost 18). My heart goes out to you.

  114. I lost my husband 5 yrs ago. My adult 26 yr old son has been living with me. He works and supports himself. He does his thing and I do mine. He is moving out and I am devastated. It’s just knowing someone is in the house. I am very anxious about living alone. I lived alone 1 yr after my husband passed so I know what it is like. I would like to live with my daughter and son in law but know that’s really a dream. I feel God has taken His hand off me.

  115. I feel alone. Even though my children are with me, they are at the ages where they go out. The first time that they went out, I panicked and cried the entire evening. I realized that this was my new normal. I walk my dog, alone. Everything is done alone and if I’m not alone, when I arrive home, his chair is empty.
    Sadness, fear, fear of the future, growing old alone.
    I talk to God and I’ve been saying the Serenity Prayer. The first two.
    So hard.

  116. Dear Paul,

    I to am going through these intense emotions as well, its a rollercoaster of emotions that just won’t come to an end. Some days can and will be WAY worse than others, as we both know. I lost my partner in August, very unexpectedly. I won’t go to far into details, but came home from work to our apartment we’d shared for over 5 years to find him unconscious and without a pulse on our floor. It’s traumatized me in ways I never thought possible, I can’t express those shocking emotions i’d never felt before.

    However what caught my attention on your post in particular is that you’re young too, as am I (a 25-year old female). I still wonder how I made it the past year without him. It’s almost as though I am stuck as well, like the whole two steps forward, two steps back.

    I admire the fact that you’ve attempted to do things such as attending counseling, events, exercising, meditation….that initiation right there is a HUGE step in self-healing. It’s a journey that won’t be by any means easy, especially those scary thoughts of re-starting life after something so traumatic. My heart goes out to you and although you have doubts of failing, your actions speak way louder than you know in the best possible way.

    I send you lots of strength, light, and endless support at this time.

    Keep trying to do the things your partner would sure won’t nothing, but to see you happy and to see you taking these steps.

    Best,
    Savannah

  117. Hi Ann,
    Now is not the best time to consider a new dog, as I am not sure where I will be relocating to.
    As soon as my life takes shape again, then most definitely a new fur baby will be the next step.
    My Mesa will be hard to replace, but I know a new loving furry companion will bring me a new kind of love and happiness.
    All my best to you as well!

  118. DONNA
    One of my furr babies died shortly after my husband .. she has gone over the rainbow bridge ..this poem is very comforting to read.,,.Starting somewhere new? the memories will move with you…adopting another furr baby from a Dogs Home..who is also sad and lost will help ease the pain enormously..all the very best for your future….

  119. Sagess. a dog is never meant to replace someone we have lost..but there is nothing that reduces the lonliness more that the ‘whirlwind of love’ when I come home each day.. we already had two dogs although sadly one died shortly after my husband..I like to think they are together..I like you am reluctant to share my home with a stranger….hope life become easier for you as time progresses…..

  120. Paul
    I found that writing my feelings into a Journal helped enormously. I wrote a letter to my husband for 12 months as if he was still there. When you feel you are ‘falling’ just fall..this is your body ‘getting in touch’ with your emotional pain..your body and mind will do the healing for you..just let this happen.. Words have just come to mind ‘time and tide wait for no man’ I guess this means ‘go with the flow’ don’t ‘fight’ the pain just ‘fall into it’ allow yourself time to grieve and at the same time..remember..those who have ‘left us’ stay with us until they feel we are strong enough to find our way again…in time our special one will nestle warmly in our heart…..it has taken me two years and yes, I do have times of immense lonliness but I know my hubby wouldnt want me to feel like this..so all we can all do is to ‘plough on’…BIG HUG

  121. I am now more accepting of my life without my husband….I miss must of all being told how much I am loved..and having someone to share that love with..my children express this almost on a daily basis via text or email…I am independent but miss that very important ingredient to life..now ready to give out and accept love….I feel I am on the ‘outside of life’..I work full time..have many work colleagues but not friends outside of work..my children live interstate..I am blessed to have two dogs and the love which they provide. Mostly I am ALONE but at times so lonely life seems pointless…I know there are many men and women feeling this ‘isolation from life’ who are familiar with this feeling ….I don’t socialise as much as I should…I believe in fate and live in hope and that ‘quite by chance’ I may meet the person, who like me, is striving for happiness. My best wishes for happiness to you all,

  122. I lost Diane after 43 years of marriage to brain cancer. I was caring for her in our home until the end. She passed away with me at her side. She had totally lost all ability to speak and spent the last month just staring at the room and out the window. About 2 days before the end came I sensed she was looking at me. I looked over at her and she suddenly gave me one of her beautiful smiles and out of nowhere said “I love you”.
    Those were her last words. I live now with a huge hole in my soul. The only relief I get is when sleep mercifully comes. But if I awake in the middle of the night the aloneness is crushing. We had 3 children and I know I must remain steady and strong for them. They have been rocked too. But clearly, I wish I could join her in Heaven. She made all of us better.

  123. Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your husband …it is y months since my husband of 49 years died as a result of a massive heart attack..his first heart attack was two years ago and his health just slowly decreased from that point..he was left with only 10% heart strength..when he died I cried till my tears just wouldn’t come anymore..but for me grief began two years ago with the realization he would not be in my life for years to come…we all walk this path differently no two people grieve the same….just go with your feelings and let them happen its the only way we get to the other side is this horrible road..you will get through..Lois Keil

  124. On June 2 I lost my husband of 44 yrs. He was my best friend. We were so connected. The whole in myheart is so hard to explain. He was 68 and suffered a heart attack at 36. Five years ago it was discovered he had liver cancer. On May 25 he had a massive heart attack. Spent the next week in the hospital. Came home on the Friday with only 15% heart function. On Saturday he laid down after lunch and never got up. It is the small stuff that triggers my flood of emotions. It seems like at times I will be crying forever. I miss him so much.

  125. I’m sorry for what your going through.
    Making good friends is challenging, for all of us. I remember now why I disliked High School.
    I can’t think of anything positive to so say to you because I’m going through the same thing!
    It’s been my experience that what you want happens when you least expect it.
    I guess try to do be comfortable with yourself and find activities you really like.
    I’m planning on doing some volunteer work, and recently started attending a different church that’s not so cliquey.

  126. I’m trying to do what I can. I’m in grief counseling, I go to events, I initiate things, exercise and even trying some meditation. I still feel extremely isolated and not connected to the people I’m meeting. I still haven’t found a single true friend. The one person who meant the world to me is gone.

    I’m young but my heart feels so heavy. This is too damn hard and I’m scared that I’m failing. I’ve tried everything to heal but I’m getting nowhere.

  127. Jill,
    Thank you for sharing so much of your story with me. I felt terrible yesterday for blabbing on so much. Alas, no edit button. It seems our sweet husband’s died similarly & I am sure you well know what it is to have seen them in such pain, unable to help them & having had to let them go while desperately wanting to keep them here. God saved me & my older 3 by bringing my Jason to me & by giving us our son, Gage. I don’t question His plan, I am just struggling to figure a way to finish raising Gage as we were planning to. Sounds like you’re doing the same with your daughter. God bless & keep you both.

  128. You did the best you could do. You were not his assigned nurse or doctor! If something really was missed in his care, it lies on them. As my husband was declining that last week, I should have kept demanding to have him re-evaluated. He was going bad (lost vision out of right eye, had a shuffled gait, increased restlessness and pain) but because he had so many specialists, they didn’t see the big picture. I had to fight for everything. I don’t think my husband ever had a chance from when they found the Melanoma. (He was already battling a Glioblastoma brain tumor) but the doctors kept saying that they could extend his life. At the end I had to ask them to stop their futile treatments and move him to hospice . They looked at me like I was crazy. His symptoms were escalating hourly.
    The past can’t be changed. We only have today. continue to love our husbands and keep the same goal as before- keep this family going.. Maybe try only thinking about today, “ Just do the next thing”. I can’t imagine living without my husband either, but by dying while I’m alive doesn’t honor him or bring him back. In fact he would be upset with me for letting my daughter down.
    So we press on. We live because we have that option (our husbands didn’t) I accept God is sovereign and he love us perfectly. Small steps each day. Prioritize. My focus now is to turn to God, pray, probate the will ,changing all the accounts that require constant forms and calls…
    Get my daughter to school with lunch each day, keep my horrible job that pays the bills. Also read my Bible, go to my griefshare group and try to make new friends that I can relate to.
    As you implied, you can learn to live but you don’t want to without him. I get it completely.
    Any free counseling services that you can combine with what you have. Any Social services that help you with your sons needs? Don’t give up Haily❤️

  129. He went from oriented x 1 (person-he knew all of our names/recognized himself, me, our son, my 2 daughters) & completely ambulatory to sedated/intubated within 4hrs after I took our son home to get him situated. He has a trach, so I had to find care for him to go back to the hospital b/c his nurse was out of town. Our son was 16 & couldn’t handle seeing his Dad writhing in pain & would jump & get scared each time he would attempt to get up.

    That was just the first night & was followed by licox/barbituate coma within the next 24hrs as his ICP continued to rise. Nothing we did for the next week brought & kept his ICP down. By 3 days post fall, when they finally did the craniectomy, the surgeon said his frontal lobes were full of infarcted tissue. He fell on a Friday morning & the weekend crew held off on the craniectomy until Monday morning.

    By 1wk/1day post fall, I was afraid we were “getting in God’s, or my husband’s body’s, way”. It seemed that they were trying to tell me to let him go b/c nothing helped for more than a few hours, which was why I switched him to comfort measures & allowed extubation. He died 19min after they extubated him. My head understands the implications of his quick death following extubation, but my heart doesn’t.

    My guilt is from that first night. He kept trying to get OOB to use the restroom & get a drink (he was so thirsty), that I told them to put restraints on him. Had I stayed, I would’ve caught that he was rapidly deteriorating, made them act faster & he might still be alive. He was only 41 & had no health issues.

    Suicide is not an option. I promised God that I would never attempt suicide again if he let our son stay here with us when he was born at 28weeks. I just don’t know how to WANT to live for 20-30yrs without him.

    I am sorry to keep posting & tying up your time, I just have no one to talk to. Everyone gets sad, or irritated, if I bring it up & I have no insurance now, so I cannot afford to go to the psych for anything more than a med check/adjustment.

  130. I am a Hospice nurse (for 23 years) and I have been with countless patients as they die. I know that if people have a choice to have their loved ones healed, they would choose it.
    Cure just isn’t a choice. (At least for some people)
    Yet I will always question if I tried hard enough. God knows our hearts.
    We can’t “fail”grieving. We’re working through it. Our lives will never be the same. But I do believe ( and pray) that there will be some happiness again. I must admit , I currently believe that mostly because I have a daughter and want her to experience love and joy… It’s a daily struggle for me to remember that I have a purpose in life as well.
    You know yourself. If you are struggling to function, keep perusing help. Go back to your doctor, increase your counseling, etc. Don’t give up.

  131. I am a nurse, so failing to be able to save him & having to remove him from the vent were the primary sources of the guilt. Is it dysfunctional to remain so deeply immersed in pain when I think of him? My loneliness for him never seems to ease & I break down multiple times per day. I feel like I am failing at this grieving thing terribly. I am doing all I can to function & ‘get better’ (meditation, counseling, antidepressant, etc.), but it isn’t improving.

  132. I’m so sorry. (Please forgive me if this is a repeat response, my first one did not go through.)
    You must have been in complete shock. How can anyone process that type of trauma? Your only now probably just feeling the grief.
    I would suggest getting involved in a local Bereavement group and journal your feelings, write letters to him..
    There was nothing you could have done to prevent his accident. Hard for us all to accept we really have no control in this world.
    Please be gentle with yourself. Your husband knows you love him.
    Your in my prayers.

  133. I’m so sorry Haily. I’m struggling for the right words. There was nothing you could have done. I would think you experienced complete shock and now are starting to feel all the grief.
    Be gentle with yourself.
    Check for Bereavement groups in your community. Usually your local Hospice will running different groups and may offer counseling. You are in my prayers.

  134. My husband died November 4, 2017 from a traumatic brain injury sustained a week prior when he fell from scaffolding at work. He was alert & ambulatory when I arrived at the hospital, but by that night, was sedated & intubated…I never spoke with him again. I have tremendous guilt & the lonliness for his presence never goes away. I am searching for ways to learn to be alone & have been unable to cope well as of yet. I grieve with you all & am heartened to see people being so kind here…God Bless

  135. Dear Theresa,
    I am sorry for your loss.
    First, allow me to say that you are the first person I have responded to online after losing my husband of 44 years. I thought it would help me to try and help someone who’s heart is hurting.
    My husband had leukemia for about 11 months and I prayed he would get well but he did not.
    The pain in my heart made me also feel like I couldn’t make it by myself. I began to journal my feelings, and
    as I wrote down what was in my heart it helped me to release them, a way that seemed to. I can’t leave out the fact that I wept a-lot and prayed, that has helped me as time has passed that I was being taken care of, and that God was with me holding me. At first I thought God wasn’t fair and why couldn’t He heal my husband after praying so long and hard for him to be well. After all, I thought my faith was strong. Let me say again, that is what I thought.
    I became angry with God and decided I wouldn’t pray to someone who didn’t seem to care. I now know after trying to do things on my own without Him I had been wrong. Even when I didn’t pray, didn’t even want God, I’m thankful He didn’t fail me. After all He said that He would never leave me or forsake me. It’s a very hard thing to lose the one you’ve spent so much time and shared your life with, and God knew that. I did a lot of shopping, and just whatever I could to get through one day at a time. I don’t know what God has planned for either of us or anyone who has lost someone we love. But I do know God loves us and is always a friend we can depend on. That was and still is a hard lesson but it’s true, even when you cry yourself to sleep or you are feeling in despair there is someone who loves you very much. It’s true, and you can make it.
    I hope what I’ve said in some way has been helpful, even though it’s so soon after your loss of him. There are others who feel your pain and know what you’re going through. I am 67, still alone after 3 years and still taking one day at a time. You are in my prayers. Psalm 147:3

  136. I’m sorry for your loss.
    I struggle with the same feelings as well. I never lived alone and was always with my husband. I try not to act scared in front of my daughter so she feels secure. We live in a safe area so my feelings are irrational. I keep the outside lights on at night and have a house alarm.
    So much to do and learn when you feel your weakest. Get to know your neighbors and make sure you have their phone numbers.
    Since my husband died, everything went wrong with the house and there is an endless amount of paperwork. I’m learning how to do new things every day. I have had to ask for help and hire for everything that I can’t do. Which is a lot!
    Don’t give up. Make a list and try to get a couple things done each week.

  137. Theresa,, please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband…my husband of 49 years died on January 3, 2018…we were retired living in North Carolina . ..we always discussed what would happen if one of us was alone given that our four children live in the north…it was a very lonely exsistance although I was not afraid of being alone…I sold my home and moved back to New York where I am originally from…now I am closer to my children and grandkids and it has made such a high difference..hang in there you will do just fine.

  138. I lost my husband on May 4 2018. We were married for 25 years. I am lonely and scared living alone.

  139. Susan, let me begin by saying I am sorry for your loss..my husband of 49 years died in January of this year…he had failing health issues sine suffering a major heart attack two years prior..trying to go for “us” to “me” is difficult to navigate at best….I just go forward one day at a time….get back to doing things like a little at a time….I have made the decision to be happy and focusing on attaining that…but trust me the tears still come whether it be a song or something someone says…just hang in there…we can do this,,,

  140. My husband died 2 years and 6 months ago, I still can’t come to terms with living alone. I was married for 46 years and lost myself I find it hard to find any enjoyment in life. How do you learn at 69 to make friends and learn to laugh and enjoy life again.

  141. It is awful but now at the 6 month mark for me I realize there is no more “us” its “me” and I choose to begin to feel happy again I would want for my husband if the situation was reversed…it is not an easy decision by any means but one I needed to make…he is never coming back….just remember any reply I make is my personal choice for.me that does not mean that is the right choice or something someone else should do.. .this grief thing is totally an I individual process not a one size fits all..

  142. Just read your comments and I can relate..Lamar the point of trying g to fine the “me” when for 49 years it was “us”…I know I will just have to be patient and keep moving forward.

  143. I feel lonely in the mornings. My husband and I spent the first hour of the day enjoying our coffee and radio. Now I barely drink coffee, I spend the first hour taking my dogs to the dog park and sometimes seeing neighbors, I miss those hours so much but Ii am moving on, I moved to a 55 plus community and it has helped a lot. There are many activities and am trying them out to see what “fits” me.

  144. I bought a small dog after my husband passed away on December 31, 2017. He cuddles with me through the long nights, sits on my lap when ever I sit down. He does so many silly things that I know that there will be at least a little joy in each day. Getting a pet will not be for everyone, it’s not a silly idea though. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I hope that you will find the things that will bring you the most comfort at the time when you need it most.

  145. A dog will not replace my husband. Why would i want to rearrange the bedroom…keeping it the same brings me connection and comfort. And inviting a stranger in as a room mate when in a vulnerable state of grief is a bad security risk. One of the silliest articles i have read.

  146. Sarah,
    I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it’s completely traumatizing.
    I cared for my husband as well until he died January 15th of this year. He was 47 and he battled a Brain Tumor since we were married in 1996. He was on Chemo since 2006. 1 Month before he died he was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma, probably related from all the treatment he received throughout the years.
    I think about him constantly. All the good and bad. Everything we went through, from when we met until his last breath.
    We fought a lot from all the stress we were always under, especially when he started forgetting to take his medications correctly or a million other reasons related to stupid Cancer. I wish I could go back and change that.
    We have to hold on and know that we all did the best we could do under horrific circumstances and our spouses knew (know) we loved(love) them.
    We will never be the same. We can sort of heal, but will always love and miss them.
    My husband and myself always lived knowing the truth; no one has control over 1 second of their life. Our friends and family never understood.
    Since my husband died I feel like I’m kind of being forced to reinvent myself, like when I was a teen.
    Except now I know what’s really important in life, helping and loving others.
    I do believe in God(he did as as well) and believe each person has a purpose in life, a race to run.
    I’m trying to figure it all out. Everyday is an emotional roller coaster.
    Maybe join a local grief support group? I did, and I downloaded Audio tapes from “Griefshare” I find them very helpful.
    I’m taking it one hour at a time, and I know my husband is with me. Your husband is with you as well.

  147. Traveling to Australia in Sept and I hope to have some idea of what my next step will be for moving forward by the time I return.

    I definitely feel changes are very near.

  148. One thing that really helped me was selling “our” retirement home in NC and moved back to NY where I am originally from…what was icing on the cake is that my children and grandchildren are in NY and CT…I am truly blessed…

  149. Hi Valerie,

    So sorry for your loss.
    It’s tough trying to figure out where to go after so many losses.
    I just came back from a few days away and realize that I must make a change of scene to help move on.
    I feel and act different when I leave and am in a new environment
    I have nothing keeping me where I am , except for my work and a few friends, but I need more at this point in my life.

    Are you able to make a move or at least get away for awhile, so you can think about your future?

  150. Thank you…learning to live without my husband is where I am at…it’s a bit confusing so I just take it one day at a time.

  151. Thank you for being here – and I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it is, to have your husband with you for all those years…and have to start over without him. It’s just so sad.

    I wish I had comforting words and good advice, but the truth is that I’m just sad. I sit with you in grief. If we were in person, I’d listen to your stories about your husband. I’d hug you, and let you cry on my shoulder.

    Your husband will never be forgotten, even though he’s no longer with us here on earth. He isn’t living with you in your house, but he’ll always be in your heart. And, he’s watching over you! I believe that our lost loved ones really are part of our lives. They’re with us in spirit.

    May you find peace and healing as you move forward without your husband. May you find unexpected bursts of joy and sunshine, light and life! May you find God’s strength and Jesus’ love…and may you lean on the Holy Spirit for courage to keep moving forward.

    Are you getting my weekly “Blossom Tips”? It’s a free email I send, short and encouraging. I just want to help women Blossom and grow, and my readers love the lift they get from reading it 🙂 Here’s the sign up link: https://eepurl.com/ca2mJr

    With His love,
    Laurie

  152. Sarah O'Callaghan

    I’m 28 years old and lost my husband of nearly 9 years in January 1 month after beind diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour the size of a tennis ball. I was his sole carer for 18 months after he had a cardiac arrest in 2016. Which I now know was his tumour which wasn’t picked up on during numerous hospital visits. I have alot of animals which he got for me over the years and they have helped. I don’t live near any family. They all live in UK whilst I am alone in county cork ireland. I have found comfort living in our home alone however I do suffer. I find my self lost without him and don’t know what to do. I spent everyday for 12 years with him we never spent a day apart even when I was working I spoke to him on my breaks and lunch. Now I can’t hear his voice unless I watch videos he took of me and family. I see his face every time I close my eyes. He is the first and last thing I think about every day. I struggle to sleep, I struggle to eat. The only comfort from his death I got is knowing he isn’t suffering anymore and that the last words he said was I love you and I was the last person he looked at before he died at home in our bed in my arms. The way he wanted to go. It is a heart wrenching relief that I was able to him what he wanted in he end of his life. I just feel guilty that in the last 18 months of his life we could both be very volatile towards each other as we both did not know or understand what was happening to him. How to I get past that how can I continue my life without him. I know I’m young but thelive I had for my dear Phil is still so strong. I still fall more and more in love with him as each day goes on. Please help me to understand how to live a life without him, how to carry on and still make him proud of me. Sarah

  153. Hi Donna. I went through the exact same and really don’t know what to do with my life or how to move on. I’m isolating myself and only leave the house for work and food. I feel like my so called friends and family are avoiding me because they can’t deal. I’m a mess.

  154. Your post is like a true ray of sunshine..it helps me to know that life will go on and I will go n to enjoy it…thank you.

  155. Can I give an Update?
    Its been a year (13 months exactly) and yes I still miss him but dont cry like I did, and I actually enjoy life, I am constantly on the go and sometimes have to tell myself to slow down, I have widowed friends, travel friends, church friends, neighborhood friends and I never have to cook as I always have someone wanting to go out to eat.
    I travel and have been to 5 States we never traveled to together, in fact I am looking forward to more adventures this year.
    I try to stay positive and active. I find I am more adventurous and last year went Zip linning and goal this year is to go Skydiving.
    This is chapter two of my life.

  156. For everyone, I am sorry for your loss…my husband past away four months ago…I recently sold my house and moved back to New York (where I am originally from) to be closer to my children and grandchildren.,,too much sadness in the NC house…I consider myself in a transitional limbo and hope that I can eventually figure out just who I am in this new chapter of my life…anyone I put appreciated…Lois

  157. My husband died 14 years ago and being disabled for 12 years. I worked 2 jobs so he wouldn’t worry about bills. He wasn’t always easy to live with and wanted to blame the world because he lost both legs 6 months apart. He lived 12 years after that. My life centered around him.
    I was lost after he died but I moved on because I had a job and my church. I don’t date, my choice.
    Sometimes I can’t talk about it without getting upset. I wish now that I had got out and dated some. Not looking for a husband I am 75.

  158. Dear anonymous,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your difficult and sad question. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this grief. Not only did you lose your husband, you lost what the life you thought you had with him.

    I wrote this article, with you in mind:
    How to Forgive Your Husband for Cheating While He Was Alive
    https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-forgive-your-husband-for-cheating-while-he-was-alive/

    May you find healing and forgiveness. I can’t imagine how you feel, and my heart is broken for the pain you’re feeling. I pray for strength and comfort, and that you find people and places that will help you move from pain to peace and joy in your life.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  159. Nobody has addressed being married to a husband and finding out after he died that he cheated with a coworker the entire marriage or most of it…and then you are left to grieve the death and the ‘loss of your life’ from being cheated on but not finding out until after he died. This is even more unbearable than the death itself. How do you cope or deal with that?

  160. Like Laurie i also fear of meeting new people. i lost my husband of 34yrs recently. Most of my dearest friends have also passed prior.
    I feel like i lost my whole world. My children are all grown and have a life of their own. their lives are miles away so their visit are very much appreciated. i dont know where to go to meet new people as i dont go out to bars etc…. i have acquintances in town but fear inviting stranger in my home as i live alone and have trust issues…
    thanks for reading me.

  161. I’m sorry you lost your husband, Nadine. I can’t imagine what it was like, or how you feel now. He was a wonderful man, encouraging you to blossom even after his death! Wow.

    Please, join our group. We’re not focused on bereavement or grieve….we’re all about Blossoming after loss, in all seasons of life!
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    And, take good care of yourself. Give yourself lots and lots of time….for after great love and loss comes a great period of healing.

    With sympathy and love,
    Laurie

  162. I can’t believe I found your blog. My husband of 38 years died earlier this month from pancreatic cancer. He was 64 and a beloved physician who spent much too much time at the office and his retirement was upcoming which was supposed to be ME time….
    It was 8 months of almost constant pain, nausea and fatigue. About a week before he died I hugged him crying and asked, “What am I going to do without you?” He lifted his head, closed his eyes with tears and said in his uplifting, goofy voice, “You’re going to blossom!” It was tender and silly and we both hoped true….Not quite blossoming yet but hopeful. Thanks for the support.

  163. Hello Lois,

    I’m so sorry for your loss of your dear husband. I lost my husband on July 22, 2017. I am still very very sad and trying to find peace and acceptance every day. Right now you are most likely in a numb state where the depth of your grief may not be fully realized. I have received so much support from grief counseling through my local Hospice Center. Maybe you can seek their help and support in your area. I learned something so important about grief that does help.. Your coping and traveling through the stages of your grief and sadness isn’t linear. It seems to go in a circle. I have days where I feel somewhat “normal” and able to get through a day without crying uncontrollably and then the next day I’m down so low I don’t know how I can climb out of the dark place of pain and sadness. Having been through many of these cycles now I can find some small comfort knowing that I can get through the severe down days because the sky will open again soon and I’ll be Less sad and closer to acceptance and a healing heart. I pray you find a path through your grief that is not difficult and will help your smile return.

  164. I lost my husband in 2013 and the only thing that helped me survive was our fur baby Mesa.
    Now, I am lost again.
    I had to say goodbye to Mesa 2 weeks ago and I’m grieving once again.
    She was my world. We were a team.
    A chapter of my life has closed.
    Mesa was my link to my husband.
    I know I will get thru this, and the heartache will ease
    over time, but trying to figure out where to go from here
    is overwhelming.
    I feel I need to change my environment and start fresh somewhere new… far away from the constant reminder of my losses.

  165. Dear Tammy,

    Thank you for being here, and asking such an important question! I’ll write an article called “How to Cope With Your Fear of the Unknown”, and share the link here. Give me 2 days 🙂

    How are you doing today?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  166. I thankfully still have my husband. But tonight…after talking on the phone to a very sick acquaintance of ours…I went into a SEVERE panic attack. My blood pressure (normally good)..went to 189/103….I was Sobbing Uncontollably thinking of how ALONE I was going to be when if I lose my husband. No children…no close fiends to even call…I FLIPPED OUT….I just realized how alone I will be…It petrified me….please help…if and when…I do lose him (he is older)…I’m going to lose my mind…(seriously)…I felt like I was losing my mind….please…please…help me

  167. My husband of 49 years died two weeks ago…as of this writing I am still numb and cannot totally wrap my mind around it..neither can our four adult children… I do cry and seem to operate on auto pilot..when will this change..I feel I should be doing something different regarding grief..

  168. Thank you for making me feel a little better, I’m so devastated after a life of 52yrs of joy with my Husband , we did everything together we truly were joined at the HIP , I can’t imagine doing anything without him .my word for all of this would be Diabolical ❤️

  169. I lost my partner of 10 yrs on August 17th 2017 it’s been 6 weeks now, I can’t stop crying I miss him so much, he left behind a 6 yr old son and a 8 yr old daughter, my son is special needs and keeps see in men that look like his dad, he shouts for him but of course they don’t answer to which he says “why he not talk to me” I feel my heart cracking every time, I have family of sorts, my mum knew he was dying but I haven’t heard or seen from her for over a yr, she’s even changed her mobile number so I can’t ring her, that makes me sad as she can’t even be here for her little grandchildren. lonely is a word I’d use angry and sad. I have to sprinkle his ashes tomorrow and am not looking forward to it.x

  170. sorry for my typing errors , hate the keyboard on my phone should have edited before hitting send. !!

  171. Hi Ken ,

    Young wrote this a while ago , so you may not see it. My husband of 31 years passed away two years ago .
    We also did not have children and we did everything together. I try to do thr things you mentioned in thr same way but think also what am I doing this for. Even something as crazy as a sale on an item at thr supermarket that we both liked or a new restaurant or store opening means nothing now as he is not sharing it with me. I understand everything you said.

  172. I know that it’s difficult adjusting to live when you’re living alone after the death of a spouse, and nothing can really alleviate the pain…and I am sorry for your loss.

    Here’s an article I just wrote, about getting through long nights when you feel alone and sad. I don’t know if it’ll help, but maybe if you know you’re not alone, you’ll feel better…

    How to Get Through the Night When You Feel Sad and Lonely
    https://blossomtips.com/how-to-get-through-the-night-sad-and-lonely/

    Take care, and feel free to come back anytime and let me know how you are.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  173. Dear Brandi,

    I’m sorry you lost your husband…I wish I had the right words of comfort, help and hope…you’re in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward in your life, even though the pain is so bad. You will get through the worst of this, and the grief will ease up. Stay connected to people who love you. Your husband’s spirit and soul will always be with you, and he is resting in peace. He loved you so much.

    Take care of yourself, and please come back anytime.

    In sympathy, with warmth,
    Laurie

  174. My heart hurts beyond measure. It’s the kind of pain you don’t want anyone to feel. I also hate night time because my pain increases then. I cry as I type this post because I miss my husband so bad. He was truly my best friend. If I needed to go to Target and pick out lipstick he was right there with me to hold my purse if need be :-). My buddy is gone and now I’m left to raise our 4 and 11 year old alone. I’m 38 with great family and friend support but it’s not the same…I’ve never been without a companion. I was born into this world with a friend because I’m an identical twin so I’ve truly never been alone. My husband was only 41. He had a heart defect we found out about 5 years ago. I’ve been his care giver for 5 years through good and bad. I’m at peace knowing he’s asleep in death because I didn’t want to see him in pain and suffering anymore, but the pain from not kissing, smelling, hugging, and talking to him is so painful my body aches.

  175. Sarah, thank you for being here. A widow at 44…I can only imagine how tough it is to raise three kids without a husband or their father around. In addition to the grief and loneliness of living alone, you have your hands full of kids, responsibilities, and serious commitments.

    What sort of support do you have? It is a scary world, and the more reinforcements you have, the better! Surround yourself with family, friends, grief support groups — all the help you can get. Rely on people now, and they’ll be able to rely on you later, when you’re back on your feet.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers…is there anything specifically I can pray for, for you?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  176. My husband has been gone for 9 1/2 weeks. We were at church and we were leaving to go home and he grabbed for the wall and gave me one last look before he collapsed. Myself and our 11 & 15 year old watched him collapsed. He had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in his lung that travelled to his heart). He died instantly. I feel so lost without him. He was only 47. All my friends and family have their busy lives with their husbands and children. I have my kids, but its not the same. Its so hard. Everyone says, day by day, minute by minute. I look at it as another day closer to being reunited with him. The widow support groups are all older women. I am only 44. Its a scary world out there.

  177. How about being a widow at age 44 with 3 kids still at home. Its super tough being a “single” parent. I have thought about trying to date and to meet someone but I am scared because I don’t want to meet some whack job that hurts my kids or myself. its a scary world! I can’t imagine even being intimate with anyone else. I just need that companionship to fill the void in my life.

  178. Rena, you sound like such a strong and centered woman! You let your husband go because you know it’s better for him to be with the Lord instead of suffering here in this world…and now you’re alone.

    You know you need to get out and start living, but where do you go? How do you find your place in this world?

    I think being lonely is better than shallow, meaningless friendships that don’t offer comfort or joy. The trick is finding the friends who offer fulfilling connections and good, deep, interesting conversations. And the only way to do that is to get out there and meet people.

    So…how do you feel about getting out, and meeting people who you might eatablish really good friendships with? I know it takes energy and time, and you may feel more comfortable and safe being alone….but do you want to spend the rest of your life alone at home?

  179. I am not grieving because my husband died, as he was so very sick, and I kept him at home and cared for him. He went to be with the Lord in November, and I have not been able to regain my strength yet. Decisions as to stay here,or move north where my family is weighs much on my mind. I hate the cold, and I really like my home and the mild winters here,but the loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. Perhaps I would be just as alone back home as I am here. I know that I need to get out,but at this time it seems that lonely seems better than seeking friendships. Sometimes I feel like I have gone around the bend.

  180. Thank you for being so honest about your painful feelings. I am so sorry for your loss; I wish I had words that could help ease your grief and make you feel better.

    Do you ever visit Facebook? If so, please join our She Blossoms group. I post a flower and a word of encouragement every day. Maybe you’ll find it encouraging and uplifting.

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  181. Audrey Ramsden-Green

    Thank you Rose for your last message. I have been feeling particularly bad since sunday.
    I really don’t like being in my bungalow anymore. We were married 10 years ago and bought our bungalow soon after Everything in it we chose together and as I said before I am nervous at night so don’t sleep. I always said to my husband I would not want to be left on my own here. I have just been out to a Tai Chi class and then went off for coffee afterwards. We ended up staying for a couple of hours and having a meal together. They both lost their husbands last year and feel the same as me. I need to be out most of the time. It makes the evenings more bearable. Have your thought of counselling. I go to a meeting but I’m thinking of going one to one which might help more.
    Anyway I do hope you start to feel better soon. Life will never be the same again for either of us.. .

  182. Dear Audrey, I hope things get easier for you as well. Right now that doesn’t feel possible to me. I had a meltdown today, and couldn’t stop crying. Another night alone, there is just no joy in my life anymore.. I wasn’t feeling well today, and had no one to tell. My husband was always concerned and could make me feel better. You are in my thoughts.

  183. Audrey Ramsden-Green

    Hi Rose,

    It must have been awful for you to see your husband die like that.
    I wish I had been with my husband but it wasn’t to be. Nobody really knows how you feel and when asked it is hard not to break down and cry. I have had to get a fan for my bedroom as I am too nervous to leave the windows open in our bungalow. I don’t see my children very often. They just think I can cope. There are many things to fix that my husband would have done but I find it hard to ask for help.
    Well I will think of you Rose and hope things get better for you in time. x

  184. Dear Audrey, we are in the same frame of mind. I hate coming home to a house I used to love. It is so empty now. Today is Fathers Day and I’m sitting alone on the porch we both loved. My kids don’t come as often, I think they want me to get accustomed to being alone. Right now it doesn’t feel like I ever will. My husband of 461/2 years died of a heart attack while helping a neighbor with a fallen tree. I was with him and will never forget his face. They took him to the hospital, but he was as good as gone. He had agonal breathing so awful to have seen him struggle for air. I feel dead inside.

  185. Audrey Ramsden-Green

    Hi Rose,
    My husband also died 6 weeks ago. Like you I feel so lost and alone. I find it difficult to sleep especially now we have warmer weather. I live in a bungalow and I am too nervous to leave the windows open. We have a golf driving range behind our garden so it is very open. My husband paid all of the bills but did everything on the computer so we were completely paperless. This would have been fine but I didn’t know who our utilities were and who we were insured with etc. etc.
    I find it easier to be out of the house. I have had coffee in practically every café and supermarket in our town. We were due to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We were both retired so we spent all our time together. He used to give me pedicures and we both loved dancing. I was married before but my husband of 39 years also died. It was difficult then but so much worse now. I am devastated life can never be the same. I think of him every waking moment. We travelled a lot and were due to go on a Baltic cruise to celebrate our anniversary. My children suggested getting a dog but I don’t think I could do that at the moment

  186. My husband died six weeks ago today. I feel lost and alone, and so afraid. I have never lived alone in my life. Nights are the worst, I am afraid, I listen for noises. If not for my dog I would never sleep. I can’t explain how devastated I am, I now have to see to everything. My husband took care of everything all I did was pay bills clean do laundry and cook he did everything else. I know nothing about finances, and I’m having difficulty collecting his pensions my kids help but it’s not the same. I can’t find joy in anything.

  187. Audrey Ramsden-Green

    I have just lost my second husband. I was married for 39 years the first time. I have 4 children.My husband died of an aneurism
    I was so lucky to meet my second husband and we were married for 10 wonderful years. I was 63 when we met and he was 5 years older. He died of the same thing as my first husband and I am numb with grief and shock. We moved home when we married to a location that was new for both of us. we spent all our time together , had wonderful holidays and we both loved to dance. He was such a lovely man and very talented. I go out most days because I cant bear to be at home without him. I don’t tell my children how I feel and they don’t live close to hand anyway. I believe they think I got through the death of their Dad so I will be ok. It is so much harder this time around. I didn’t cry until after the funeral which was 2 weeks ago. Now I cry when I’m shopping etc. When people ask how I am it makes it worse.
    I just ache for him. Just want to hold his hand and laugh together like we did before.

  188. Richard, I also worked with my husband We did everything together his sudden death literally knocked the air out of me.Its been 2 years and I still call out for him I know how you feel I feel left behind He was the person that “got me”I don’t think I’m making u feel any better bit at least u know that another person feels like u do
    Angela

  189. 15 months ago I lost my wife of over 50 years. We were incredibly close. Ran a business together. Did everything together. Never knew anyone to be as close as we were. Now well it just seems to get harder and harder to go on without her. I know I was blessed , we both did. But looking forward I see nothing to look forward to. I’m loosing my hearing (product of the 60’s) so I’m not comfortable joining groups, etc

  190. My husband of almost 34 years passed away on February 19, 2017. As far back as I can remember I wanted to be a wife and mother. We were blessed with four children within 7 years. We lost our son tragically in 2008 which put a huge strain on our marriage because of our grief. With God’s soverinty we found a way (although never the same) to embrace our loss.
    I miss him and his special way of making me feel secure and cared for.

  191. I so feel for you…….and I pray for your peace daily also. Its only been a couple weeks and I do not know how to scope. Your words were exact!

  192. Veronica Fogelman

    heartbroken,sad,lost,broken,numb. I don’t think we have a word that describes the anguish I feel . It is so deep and painful that I cant even tell my fiends. My husband died last month. We would have been married 51 years next month.. We were inseparable and were rarely apart even overnight. I try to work at my small company, I have two dogs, three wonderful children and amazing friends. None of it helps. I just stand in the living room and pray, “If I close my eyes,please be there when I open them” Just let me hear your voice,your laugh, please God give him back. The house is quiet, the deck where we had coffee every morning is so, so sad.I just miss the love of my life.

  193. It’s only been 15 days! I have read about the grieving process and know it will take time. But as I read these comments I realize that this pain will never end. It won’t be a month or year. It will be forever that I will miss him. I really do not know how to live without him. I feel for every person that lost their love. And I’m scared that this terrible feeling will never go away. I want to forever think and remember but hopefully without the gut renching pain in my heart and without the tears.

  194. Thanks for sharing that you depend on your two kids whom still live with you. I keep thinking if I just had some one here with me I could survive. But my children are in another town, with their own families. I have tried to connect with other widows. We go out to eat every week or so. But that’s just not enough intimacy with another person to help me completely. I need to talk and share with others. I took care of him and our pets too. Now they are all gone. I can’t get a job right now because I care for my grand baby full time. Thank goodness that keeps me busy but she can’t talk yet. No meaningful conversations. I pray you feel better soon. Me too.

  195. Sorry you feel as badly as I do. That’s terrible. But I can’t say I’m mad, just hurt, aching. I have talked to other widows that I have a church class with and they tell me they all felt like this. They assure me that I will get beyond this and will be able to live alone contently. It doesn’t seem possible to me. To ever get over this great gut wrenching pain. Not ever. I pray God will comfort us both.

  196. Absolutely miserable. Lost! I don’t feel I belong anywhere. I lost my husband 6 months ago. First few weeks, even months I was numb, in shock. Now the tears are flowing. We were new in this small town and I didn’t work so my contacts were few. The only ones I knew were through a local church and it closed!! I now travel 30 minutes to a church a really like but will have to sell my home and relocate there. Right now that seems too monumental. I also take care of my grand baby full time. She is nine months old and I have had her since 2 months old. I cannot bear being alone all the time.

  197. I feel completely alone. Overwhelmed by having to do everything by myself. Heartbreaking pain sorrow sadness. Crying alone hiding my pain. Sick of trying to be strong. Just want to cry till the pain goes away! Exhausted!!
    Family and friends don’t get it. Not the support I need. Miss him more than I could have ever imagined. Mad he died. Wish he could come home. Miss him just miss him everyday

  198. lost and excited for the future. ours was not always a good marriage, still I miss him.

  199. I lost my husband on November 17, 2016. We were married 22 years. I haven’t stayed in the house since he passed. I’m afraid of being alone. I have two daughters in college; they want me to keep the house. It’s just hard to realize that he is gone. I visit the house dsily, but night time would be hard. I probably wouldn’t be able to rest at night. A pet might help quite a bit.

  200. It’s been four years in December and as I write this the tears still stream down my face. My husband of 32 years was my Man In Full as I liked to call him.

    My daughter and 5 year old daughter have been together since his passing. We have moved from California to Arizona and my daughter and granddaughter have leased there own apartment and my new forever home is about an hour away.

    I have always been very independent but now that the closing of my home is a mere weeks away I struggle a bit with the unknown. I know the Lord will wrap me in His arms but I also know that after almost 5 years I will be alone in my own home . While it is excting to begin anew and I’m proud of my daughter wanting do what we as parents have prepared her for, I can’t help but wondering if the steps I’ve taken forward can become a setback. I imagine to some extent it will as his wife I will be able to grieve completely. I trust in the Lord.

    Thank you for your work.

  201. This is not somewhere I chose to be. My husband died in 2013 then the following week his mother died. I returned to the workforce to survive financially and to source some human contact without success. I am lost, lonely, angry, frightened, sad (oh so very sad) and without a rudder. My husband was the one who had the friends not me. I just spent my time working and caring for those now gone. This place is soulless and painful.

  202. Dear Nita, may this season of grief pass quickly. May you find new hope, life, and joy as the days pass and you heal. And may God fill you with His peace, love, and faith.
    Take care of yourself; let yourself cry for as long as you need. You’re healing the way your spirit and soul is asking you to, and the darkness will pass.
    In His love,
    Laurie

  203. I am so sorry for your loss, Ken. The emptiness and loneliness we feel after a spouse dies is heartbreaking, and nothing really eases the pain. A loving marriage is a gift from God, to be cherished when we have it and mourned when we lose it.
    May you find hope and healing, comfort and peace as you move forward in your life without your beloved wife. May you be filled with faith and peace that surpasses all understanding.
    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  204. My wife died on February 20th 2017 .We were together 37 years. She died at home from Cancer with my arms around .She fought it for Seven years but the last six months was heartbreaking to see her waste away.
    She was my truest friend and my true love. EMPTY is the way i feel and lonely.
    Every day is a battle. I wake up kiss her photo and ask how do i get through the day without her.
    I honour here memory by doing things the way she did them. Keep the house clean and Tidy .Change the bed clothes weekly.Cook the way she taught me etc.
    Remember what she did for me in our life together. Continue being the man she made me and would want me to continue to be.
    We never had Children together. But we did everything together as one.
    Finding life very difficult without her. I ask myself for who am i doing things for when life without her seems so pointless and empty

  205. I lost my husband a few weeks ago March 16, 2017 he had cancer and we were married 38 years. I just want to cry. I do get out and go to church and am active in alot of activities then I come home and cry. I hate this.

  206. My husband died September 16, 2015. I was left with a financial mess too. Whether your husband had a will or not I would suggest you seek legal council. An estate lawyer can help you sort out the finances and deal with the paperwork filing. They can help you with the insurance company – procuring the documentation. Also you can contact the Better Business Bureau or your States Attorney General and log a complaint.

  207. Hi. Thank you all for your stories and difficulties. I lost my husband in November 2015, 2 days after our 40th anniversary. He had Parkinson’s disease and dementia. I fought hard to keep him at home until a couple of months before he died. Like so many of you i think the years will not stop. I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren but am still so lonely and do not know how to live without my husband. I got a puppy a few months ago and although she is lovely i actually find it a chore taking her out. I have turned away from the church. I have been off work for 9 months as i could not cope and now have deep depression. There are days when i don’t even get out of bed, i just don’t know what to do or how to live by myself.

  208. I just lost my husband on February 21st suddenly I am a widow at 56 he was 65 nine years older than me we were married 35 years my heart aches for him our two kids still live with me thank goodness without them I would really be crazy he got real sick in 2012 and I quit my job to take care of him and I am so use to doing that I don’t know what to do with myself now I am lost I am not sleeping I am not eating I have lost 14 lbs since he died all I do is cry I am just a mess please pray for me to get better thanks

  209. I lost my Beautiful wife Faith after a beautiful 65 Years of happy Marriage. I,am a Christian & so was my Beautiful Faith. She passed away Feb. 11TH at 4:15 in the Manchester Hospitai in Manchester Ct. I know she is with our Hevenly Father & Christ in (HEVEN). But its very hard for me right now for her loss
    I read my Bible every day & have all of my life. I know GOD will help & guide me through these (VERY LONELY) times. But I just had to reply to see your comments !! Thank you in advance.

  210. I can’t find my place to be. 3 1/2 years ago my husband of 42 years passed. Given 3-6 months. He was never sick a day in his life. I’ve moved 3x since he died. His dog had to be put to sleep about a year ago. Friends were few because we did everything together, even grocery shopping. I just don’t want to get on with anything. I was always a loner. I feel him all the time. I’m frozen…yes frozen is my word.

  211. Thank you for this article and I pray that it reminds people that what they are feeling is real and what they have experienced is shared with many. My husband died suddenly in a kayaking accident April 16th 2017. Thankfully he knew the Lord so I never questioned “why”. I just question “What”. What does my life look like now and you gave me some practical advice on tangible goals to ponder and act on. I loved my husband and we had what I would say to be an almost perfect marriage. We both loved the Lord and served together while raising our 4 boys. I am blessed to have been able to raise them together. They are all grown, 3 are married and 1 will be getting married in December. My husband has trained up these grown men and did a mighty fine job. I am ready now to move on with my life and as I look at where I was and where I am today I can see that I am moving in the right direction. Life is different and will never be the same. But I look at life as a mystery that needs to unfold. Adventure awaits. I have never been alone and have no idea who I am but I am sure with Gods help and with people who impart their wisdom I will be able to navigate a new path. Thank you.

  212. I lost my husband a year ago. He went very fast and we did not have any children he left me in a financial mess. And I am going thought insurance fraud with a company who said insurance was cancel a month before he died but they have not given me any proof for a year this is going on I had to get a lawyer I pray things will all work out I did not know about the financial troble he got us in I try to take one day at a time I have no family where I live but do have some friends but they do not know about my situation

  213. ariel, I lost my husband a few weeks ago, I felt compelled to reply to you, I am in my early 50s and no children either. My grief of losing this gorgeous, beautiful man is compounded by the fact that we never had children. I feel so much regret that I don’t have children that could not only comfort me but would be a part of my husband perhaps in looks or demeanor. I will never get over many things that we never got to do or say, and that everything I read says this part of your life is over and it’s a new season. That statement makes me sick. I am so sad that my husband is not coming back. I don’t even understand why he left and how someone so caring, giving and wonderful would be taken so quickly. He was perfectly healthy and young (59) and had a fatal illness with no cure. I feel so devastated and lonely without him. I am really nothing without him.

  214. I lost my happiness a year ago, my husband was also my best friend. I was utterly and completely shattered by this catastrophic event. I didn’t want to get up out of bed, just couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t even function; thankfully I have two grown children who came to my aid…as my husband didn’t leave an estate; I had to take out a loan just to have him cremated. A few months later, the landlord evicted me because I couldn’t keep up the rent at what it was. Then come to find out, no one would rent to me. I had no clue why; I mean I know we lost our home when the economy bottomed out.

    You go through the motions as if you’re switching gears, simply to move. Breathing, after being rejected at every apartment complete was incredibly difficult. I had no place to go. But my daughter found an apartment, so she decided it would be best to ‘sneak’ me in. Can you imagine, ducking down in a vehicle so as not to be seen? I’ve been doing that for almost a year now; hoping and praying the office doesn’t find out.

    Now, my daughter is to be remarried soon. I figure if I can afford to file bankruptcy; then everything will be removed from my credit history. I have also found that I need to have a complete overhaul and my husbands’ truck. These necessary things I can do in 4-8 weeks.

    And then, I shall learn to live ‘alone’; well with a cat as a companion; not sure if I’m up for a dog. I am not a social butterfly, that was my husband.

    My daughter, trying to be helpful decided I needed to get back into ‘dating’. For awhile, I wasn’t ready; and then one day I decided to throw caution to the wind and I went out for ‘coffee’. One thing led to another and we began to see one another. It didn’t go well afterwards; so I told my daughter, “I’ve had my happy’ I am not interested in ‘dating’; as the rules for it have changed so much; well let’s just say I’m a prude. No one will every move me the way my husband did; or fill the void. And that’s okay. This will be the first time in my life I have ever been ‘alone’. And it scares the hell out of me; but I know you put one foot in front of the other, you move, you breathe, then you figure out for yourself what makes you happy. For myself, I just love making steam punk hats and things; and so I do.

  215. Being a believer of a life after death helps me. My husband of 44 year. Father of 4 and grandfather of 6 died August 2016.we prayed and prayed and then God healed David and took him home to be perfect. There are days i cry get madand am lonely, and l check on my kids and grandkids.i sleep and I don’t sleep. I go to the doctor and have been to the hospital 3 times thinking I was having a heartattack. He died of cancer that reoccurred after 4 years. I am changing the house because there were things I always wanted and needed. I still work and will try some new things . I want to travel. Things I could not do. I have 10 to 20 years left and I want to do things he would not do with me so I need to be healthy. death has not come to me yet so i’m Choosing to live because that is what he would do.

  216. Dear Susan,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a husband is such a difficult experience, especially after all the years you cared for him. You gave your life to him, and now that he’s gone…it’s hard to conceive of a new life without him. I can only imagine what you’re going through. My heart goes out to you, and my deepest sympathies.

    While I don’t have experience living alone after the death of a spouse, I did recently attend a grief workshop. Here are my thoughts for you, inspired by your comment:

    How to Get Out of Bed When You’re Grieving a Difficult Loss
    https://blossomtips.com/i-cant-get-out-of-bed-stages-of-grief-cycle/

    I know you didn’t say that you’re having trouble getting out of bed because of your grief, but in my research I discovered that may widows have trouble getting up and being active.

    May you find life in new and different ways. May you experience the healing that only the peace of God can bring, and may your heart and soul be comforted by the knowledge that you are not alone. You are deeply loved, and you were created for a purpose.

    Your purpose is not yet over. Now, as you grieve the loss of your husband, you must find a new role to fill in this world. You are unique and specially gifted to make an impact on the lives of people around you….how will you do this?

    In peace and passion,
    Laurie

  217. I feel empty. After caring for my husband for 45 years, he was ill from the age of 34 he died when he was 68. I now in my late 60s and don’t know what makes me happy, or what to do, I think, aw well I’m not going anywhere what’s the point of getting dress, can’t be bothered and I know this is not healthy. Have no idea what to do any advice would be appreciated

  218. Dear Jan,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you’re going through this – it’s terrible not to know what happened to your husband, whom you love so much! So unexpected, the shock and pain of his sudden disappearance. I can’t imagine how hard this is, the unknown is more difficult to bear than the known.

    I will keep you in my prayers, for strength and healing and comfort. May you reach out and find support and love in your friends and family. And, please do keep in touch with us at SheBlossoms.

    Here’s an article that may help you cope with the transition from marriage to living alone. I wish I could give you more than this – I wish I had a magic wand that could turn back time and erase sorrow – but all I have to offer is my writing…

    The Most Powerful Way to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone
    https://blossomtips.com/how-to-deal-with-fear-of-being-alone/

    You might be encouraged by my free weekly newsletter, called SheBlossoms. I help women look upwards to grow healthy and strong, emotionally and spiritually. You may find it helpful.

    Take care of yourself, and stay open to God’s love, healing, power, and freedom.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  219. My husband went missing in the wilderness a month ago and searches are unable to find him. He was my best friend for over 35 years and am so lost without him. The unknown of what happened to him is unbearable.

  220. The older I get, the more I realize that we don’t really grieve and heal. We grieve and grieve…and the pain lightens and breathing gets a bit easier….but there is always that shadow of sadness and loneliness that our spouse has left behind.

    Today I heard Paul Kalanithi’s widow do an interview about the book he wrote while he was dying of cancer. Her name is Lucy, and it was such an uplifting and heartfelt interview…his book is called When Breath Becomes Air…I don’t know if it’d be too sad to read it, or if it would help with the healing process.

    If reading what others are going through helps, here’s an article about living alone after the death of a spouse:

    How to Adjust to Being Alone
    https://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-adjust-to-being-alone/

    But honestly, I really do think we just learn to live with feelings of loss. Maybe having faith in God and trusting His sovereignty and will helps, too.

  221. The love of my life passed on 8 months ago after 35 years together, i loved her the moment i met her, and even more so, the day i watched her depart this physical world, to enter a new phase, what she called going home . It has been the hardest thing i have ever experienced . As time passes, i thought it would get easier , however , that is not the case, for me anyway. Anyone who says otherwise has something that i do not have.

  222. my partner died 5 years back, I miss him so much, I never looked for another man, as I know I wont find another him,i am now all alone in the world at 56 years of age, we had no children, we went everywhere together, I so wish I could get him back, he is always on my mind, always always.