Help and Hope When You’re Living Alone After He Dies


These practical tips and ideas will help you figure out how to live alone after your husband dies. The solo life after a spouse’s death is one of the biggest transitions you’ll ever experience. That’s the bad news. The good news? You’re not alone. Here, you’ll find a combination of practical support and emotional comfort.

Living Alone After the Death of a SpouseIn When Your Soul Aches: Hope and Help for Women Who Have Lost Their Husbands, Lois Mowday Rabey describes her firsthand experience of confusion and devastation after her husband’s death. This book is a thoughtful collection of inspirations and insights about the grieving process after the death of a spouse. If you haven’t experienced a loved one’s death, you may be overwhelmed by the variety and surprising emotions you feel! In the weeks and months following the loss of your husband, you may be numb with shock. Or, you may feel overwhelmed by a wide range of heartrending, and at times conflicting, emotions. You can and will make it through this difficult time. No matter how you feel – even if you’re unhappy living alone – you can find companions for your journey.

The following tips for living alone after the death of a spouse are inspired by a reader on my article for grieving widows. “I miss my husband so much,” says Jan on What to Do When Grief Overwhelms You. “His death is the hardest thing that I have gone through. We were married 44 years. I miss his voice, his loving ways. I feel totally alone. I have two grown sons but nothing or no one can take the place of my husband. I cry almost every day and I don’t know how to live alone. He was my soul mate, my friend and so many other things to me. I feel if my whole world has fallen upside down. I get frightened when I think of the future without my husband.”





How to Live Alone After Your Husband Dies

What advice have you already received about living alone after your husband dies? I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.

Here are five thoughts on how to live alone after the death of a spouse. They may not meet your needs, but I hope they help you feel less alone. My tips range from finding practical support to leaning on God for spiritual and emotional comfort.

Get help with your finances and home maintenance

My husband and I divide the household chores, and he is primarily responsible for our financial situation. He takes care of the mortgage, bill payments, and investments. I have my own bank accounts and I earn a full-time living from my blogs, but he’s in charge of the finances.

This is a mistake on my part, and I will regret not knowing about our finances if I have to learn how to live alone one day. I know my husband is trustworthy and responsible to take care of our financial affairs, but I should at least know what’s going on!

If money is part of your problem living alone after the death of a spouse, read 6 Ways to Take Control of Your Finances.

Invite new life into your home

I bet you didn’t expect “get a pet dog or cat” to be one of the tips for living alone after your husband dies. Dogs and cats offer life and presence in an empty house, and are beloved companions for widows who aren’t used to living alone after the death of a spouse.

A dog will get you outside. Taking him on walks will force you to interact with neighbors and learn more about your community. The health benefits – both emotional and physical – of walking a dog are numerous. You’ll feel happier, your appetite will increase, and your brain will welcome the oxygen and stimulation.

If you’ve never had a dog, read Adopting a Dog – Tips for Women Over 60. I wrote it for a reader who lost her dog, and asked for help deciding if she should get another pet. She wasn’t dealing with the problem of living alone after the death of a spouse, but she was lonely.



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You might also consider fostering a dog or cat for a short time. This will show you what it’s like to have a pet, and help you decide if you’d rather live alone or with an animal companion.

Consider getting a housemate or tenant

I wasn’t sure about including this tip on how to live alone when your husband dies. Why? Because the last thing I’d want is a roommate or tenant if I was living alone again! I’m a writer, I love my solitude, and I can’t imagine sharing my home with someone other than my husband. I’m an introvert and I’d choose to live alone after the death of my spouse because I’ve always been happiest alone.

Were you socially active before your husband died? Then you’ll find living alone much more difficult. You need conversation and stimulation from other people. Consider sharing your home with a short-term roommate or tenant. Just like fostering a pet, a short-term rental situation can ease the loneliness and help you cope with living alone after the death of a spouse.

You may find How to Live Alone After Years of Marriage helpful – especially if you’re struggling spiritually and emotionally.

A List of Tips for Living Alone After the Death of a Spouse

Here are a few quick ideas on how to live alone when your husband dies…

Living Alone After Your Husband Dies

How to Live Alone After Your Husband Dies

  • Declutter your home; give yourself space to breathe
  • Rearrange the furniture in your living room and bedroom
  • Add light to the dark areas of your house; white twinkle lights are a beautiful way to lighten up a home
  • Foster a dog or adopt a cat
  • Think about sharing your home with a housemate or tenant
  • Play uplifting music that makes you feel happy
  • Avoid watching news programs that are more than 10 minutes long

What other practical tips for living alone after the death of a spouse have I missed? Please do share your experiences and ideas.

A blessing for widows living alone

May you find comfort, peace, and hope in your new life. I pray for strength and courage, and for the blessing of good companions and fulfilling experiences to fill your life. I pray that your grief subsides, and that the healing process begins to take root in your soul. May you turn to God for guidance, comfort, love, and joy. May peace be yours.

The previous season of your life is over, and it’s so difficult to let go of the past. May you feel His peace, and the comfort of faith that surpasses all understanding.

How do you feel right now?

What is one word that describes how you feel about living alone after the death of a spouse? Tell me below. You can write more than a word if you’d like. Sometimes it’s helpful to bundle all your feelings into a word and share how you feel.

To learn more about living alone, read Starting Over in Your 60s – After Your Husband Dies. Pay special attention to the comments section, which will show you you’re not alone.

My next article is about how to have more energy. Grief depletes our resources, doesn’t it? Make sure you sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of this post to receive new articles.

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of living alone after the death of a spouse. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings of grief and loneliness.







Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books

growing forward book laurie pawlik she blossoms
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.








letting go book laurie pawlik she blossoms

How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.









miss him book laurie pawlik she blossoms
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.







xo


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157 thoughts on “Help and Hope When You’re Living Alone After He Dies

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such honesty, courage, and compassion for each other! I’m so glad you’re here, and that you take time to comment. It’s such a gift to other women who are living alone after their husbands die…you have no idea how much your words matter.

    I wrote this article, and hope it helps you:
    Handling Emotional Numbness After Losing Someone You Love
    https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-handle-emotional-numbness-after-you-lose-a-loved-one/

    And when I shared that article with my She Blossoms Facebook Group, I received the following comment I think it’ll help you. I posted it below – and please feel free to join our private group! We’re for women only – not just widows, any woman who wants to walk through loss into a new season of life.

    Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    And here’s what Linda said: “For me personally griefshare was a lifesaver. My life changed in an instant–my husband passed on April 8 with no warning. He’d had a checkup in December and was fine. He had a massive heart attack and my life changed. We were married almost 45 years and dated 3. I went into individual counseling but it didn’t really help. I then when to GriefShare which helped tremendously. They would usually go out after the meetings for coffee. I have made a friend from the group who we have become best friends. She is my lifesaver. I sometimes shut down–turn my phone off, shut down facebook–and of course then my loved ones worry. I have had a friend at my door at 10 p.m. because she was afraid I wouldn’t be there in the morning. I have learned to reach out and call people. I cry every day. I am 66 years old and was getting ready to retire and thank god I didn’t as at least I have my job during the day. We had a wonderful marriage and everybody says how they looked up to us that good marriages do exist. I am beginning to feel a bit better but oh how I miss him. He will always have my heart and I wait for the day when I will see him again.”

    With warmth,
    Laurie

  • Angelia M.

    My husband died 13 days, 14 hours, and 24 minutes ago. He was 47. He had a GBM IV brain tumor that we fought since November 22, 2016. I have no idea how to describe what I feel – or rather what I don’t feel and that concerns me. I have yet to have my gut-wrenching cry or a fit of rage. I do shed some tears when I replay the songs I chose for his funeral or scroll through his obituary on-line, but when is this “Dam” going to break and everything come rushing out? Does it always happen for every person that has their soul ripped in half? If it does, when? I’m only 45 and I feel like I’m doing something wrong or disrespectful by putting one foot in front of the other and moving through this like I have a checklist – and being sad/breaking down isn’t anywhere on there. I do lay in our bed holding the throw blanket that covered us when he took his last breath, but even reliving that night or smelling it hasn’t evoked an emotional response beyond whispering “I miss you” while looking at his photograph on the nightstand. Can I really be this strong or do I just have to wait for it when I’m least expecting it?

    • Joanne

      Angelia,
      I’m so sorry for your loss. I too had no emotional breakdown after my husband’s passing and he died suddenly. I asked the doctor and my counselor about it, they both said I was in shock. I lost my husband 1 year ago yesterday. I will say that at first,for me, I felt like a heavy blanket was on my back. About 4 months after, it lifted, but was replaced by sadness. I still have sadness and put one foot in front of the other and thank God I make it through each day. Don’t let negative comments from some people, like you will never get over it, or it doesn’t get better, bother you. Your husband would want you to go on with your life. Try to keep busy, it helps.

    • Denise K.

      I understand, I too lost my husband two weeks and 4 days ago from a GBM. He only lived 3 months from diagnosis and we were in a state of shock while trying to find treatment for him. Regardless he died so fast. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like I am walking in someone else’s life and just want to wake up and know my old life with him is back. It doesn’t happen. We don’t have family or kids so its’ just me now trying to figure out how to go on without him. I have cried a lot but now I am not crying and feel like I am numb. His things are all here of course, like he lives here. I donated his walker and wheelchair to help someone else. I am frightened and force myself to go out some but I think friends just want to go on with their lies because thru these months, they had to deal with both of us and his diagnosis and the ugly part of his dying. My BIL just really walked away back into his own life. They were not close so he has his own issues to deal with but he has been controlling through the whole process of my husband’s illness and death. I want him to just go away now.

    • Antonella Totino

      Angel is,
      I am so sorry.
      The early days are sheer shock, trauma, fear, and anything and everything in between.
      I am 10 months in and the first days and weeks, I was a walking zombie.
      I too, functioned. I had to or I would lose everything. I have kids. So even in my state of trauma, I had to keep on going. Was it the best thing for me? Looking back I don’t think so as I have had to slow down bc of emotional and physical exhaustion but SOMEHOW I kept on going. God’s grace for certain.
      Everyone is different. Just handle what you can.
      It’s not easy and the ache and sadness can be overwhelming.
      What you’re going through is “ok”.
      Peace in your journey.
      Antonella

  • Andrea

    I’m a year on after partner died. I have a dog it doesn’t help that much if anything it’s not fair to the animals. Ok you go out with them but your hearts not in it.
    In this day and age a tenant when your grieving . I don’t see that as the answer unless you run a bed sit.
    The uplift music. I loved music but one yr on I dare listen to music that sets me of breaking my heart as words are unbearably heartbreaking.
    Queen Elo Adele most songs are wrapped around love. Not a good idea.

  • Joanne

    Antonella, you are right when you say we are the ones left with the pain and loneliness!! This weekend marks a year since my husband’s sudden passing, and I can’t get used to the loneliness. Prays for all!

    • Antonella Totino

      Joanne,
      How did u manage your feelings leading up to the one year? I am fearful of reliving the days, minutes to losing him.
      All of October and then up to 4th of November, coming up. Don’t know how to handle it.

      Blessings.

      • Joanne

        Antonella, I have some really sad times. They happen any time during the day. My counselor said not to dismiss them, but allow a certain part of the day to grieve. I have been planing to stay with family and friends so as not to be alone. We are doing fun things, so we are not so sad. I’m hoping after the year of “firsts” is over that it might be a little more tolerable. Good luck to you. Be strong!

      • Haily Jones

        Antonella,
        We lost our husband on the same day. I am coming toward these days fearfully as well. He fell October 27th & died November 4th. Prayers & hugs to you.

        • Antonella Totino

          Oh my. So sorry.
          Not sure whether to celebrate Thanksgiving as it was the day I had to call 911 and then he was gone on that dreadful day in November. All of October.
          All of the worry, fear, sadness, hope, exhaustion, despair, hope, hope, prayers.

          All for what?
          He didn’t come home.
          Don’t think I can relive it again.

          • Haily Jones

            I know what you mean about not celebrating. My birthday is 11/27 & I avoided it completely. He just went to work & never came home. Still have a hard time wrapping my head around it also. Hugs

  • Deborah Huckaby

    My husband woke up early May 17, 2018 with a bad headache. I thought maybe it was a bad migraine. Come to find out it wasn’t a migraine at all. It was an aneurysm. I spent the next couple days besides his hospital bed praying harder than I ever had before. I did a lot of begging for God to give him a miracle. On May 19 with family and friends beside my son and I, I had to sign the papers to have him taken off life support. He would have been 70 years on June 27 and we would have celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary August 3. There was no celebration for either days just a deep core sadness and pain of how unfair it was that he died. He hadn’t been sick. We were smack in the middle of working on the new addition we added to the house. There was still a lot of work that had to be done to finish it. I had so many decisions to make that I often felt overwhelmed, angry, sad and just so deeply hurt and upset that he wasn’t there to help finish everything. It’s all finished now and I’m glad it is but, I don’t feel the joy and happiness I thought I would feel and should feel, only guilt that I get to use the beautiful new kitchen I always wanted and he will never be here to enjoy it with me. And it hurts. To my soul. People tell me how much he wanted it for me, but I want him more. I would give it all up just to have him back. But I know it’s not possible. Now, with the holidays fast approaching, I have a sense of dread instead of excitement like I always normally have. I’m one of many that normally decorate November 1st. I can’t help myself. But now, I don’t know when or if I will decorate. I miss him so much. More than I ever thought possible. I will have to just take baby steps as the holidays gets closer. I have this constant ache in my chest and always a lump in my throat and always one second away from tears. But to honor him and his memory, I will do my best to enjoy the holidays and just life in general because it’s what he would want. But God knows, I miss my husband.

    • Antonella Totino

      Sorry, Deborah.
      So many unfinished tasks and dreams.
      Left for us to finish.
      We, the ones left behind to combat the pain and loneliness.
      May God guide you in this time of darkness.

      Antonella
      10 month survivor

      • Haily Jones

        Beautifully stated, Antonella. So sorry, Deborah. I also had to remove my husband from life support dur to a head injury after he fell off of scaffolding at work. My heart goes out to you & I hope you will enjoy your new kitchen in time. I am continuing our remodel also by myself.

        • Deborah Huckaby

          Hailey I am so sorry for your loss and what you are also going through. Death of someone we love is hard enough to deal with but when remodeling and construction are added to it, wow!!!!, so overwhelming. People want and need answers but it’s just hard to make those decisions. The worry of making sure you have the money and that you have honest people working for you adds to all the stress. I wish you all the best with your remodel and hope it goes as you want.

          • Haily Jones

            Deborah,
            I initially wanted to hire contractors, but was unable to find any for the exterior or kitchen. I decided to do all of that work myself, but have the bathroom being done in January. He was in construction & had all of the tools that I could ever want/need, so all I have had to do was learn to use them properly & purchase the materials. It has given me projects to keep my mind occupied some of the time.

          • Deborah Huckaby

            Hailey I completely salute in doing the work yourself. I find that amazing!!! I can pick out things to decorate and such and I know how to make all that come together but the labor of putting down hardwood floors or putting up tiles and painting I absolutely hate. I was lucky, the man that we hired to finish the sheetrock owns a construction company and his guys finished the work for me. I don’t know what I would have done without them. I’m pretty much finished now and it feels good to know that. One of these days I will actually start enjoying it. I’m looking forward to that.
            I wish you all the best with your project. Again, I salute you!!

  • rebecca bennett

    hello im a recent widow and im in such a jam my husband did not want me to work, so I did not work for the time we were together, 8years, he just passed in july and now I find out we we’re supposed to only be living at our present address for a little amount of time, Per his boss which is our landlord, now I have little money and I have no job and a poor work history, Ive worked my last job in 2009. I’m very worried I will not find a job in time to move. his boss got his life Insurance money. I just needed to vent and I really need some kind of advise to go on.

    • Antonella Totino

      Rebecca,
      I am so sorry. How devasting this must be for you to lose your husband and now to have worry about where to live. Can someone help you?
      When my husband was in hospital and then lost his ability to talk or be awake, I was in a different state of panic bc we hadn’t drawn up wills or Power of Attorney. We thought we each had time. I certainly didn’t expect him to pass away!!! And yet he did. I was out of my mind with concern. Thank Goodness, I had support and I got help to finalize the awful paperwork and such. There are so many aspects and levels to grief and loved ones left behind. I was also in no state of mind or emotions to make such important decisions.
      Is there someone at the hospital who can help. The social worker on the palliative care floor was very helpful in directing me to resources and people.
      Lawyers who may assist?
      My heart goes out to you.

  • Gerri Geraci

    I am devastated, crying everyday, I lost my husband of 18/years to pancreatic cancer. Last 8 months were horrible trying to find out what was wrong and when got diagnosis too late to do anything but admit him to hospice help him say goodbye toFamily and friends and sit by him as he died. Heart wrenching, horrible.
    Than after the death our beloved 3 yr old cat ate some Lilly pedals off one of the flower arrangements from the funeral and Lillie’s are toxic to cats and she went into kidney failure and had to be put to sleep. Reads like a bad soap opera,! I am so lost but had to return to work as had no more time off. I barely make it thru the days I miss my husband and I miss our sweet cat. It is too much.

    • Antonella Totino

      Gerri,
      How terrible.
      My heart goes out to you.
      One second at a time. Sometimes anything more is too much to bear.
      My husband also passed in a short time and it is unbearable. I am almost 10 months in and the ache and loneliness is a constant. This site is a saving grace.
      Peace for you today.

  • Valerie Reid

    I feel anxious.My husband Andrew has been dead almost 16 months and I am trying to learn to trust my decision making process concerning my financial affairs. I am having trouble asking for help from family and friends. I miss him so very much but I have come to the realization that I must move on with my life.It is not easy but I am trying each day to move forward. I am staying close to God’s promises, to get me through.

  • Lois Keil

    I am truly sorry for your loss….it is an unbelievable heartache…the realization of my husbands death hit me about a month later as I was,driving..out of the blue it hit me like a thunder bolt..I started to cry so hard I had to pull off the road..I sobbed and shouted he is dead…that was my moment of the fog lifting a bit for me..now at nine months although I will always miss him I am living my life with zest for both of us as I would want the same for him had the situation ben reversed…trust me I still have my days but am blessed with four wonderful adult children who love me and that definitely helps…

  • Antonella Totino

    Presently, I just feel empty and incredibly sad. Still, at almost the 10 month mark.
    In fact, I think that the realization that he is truly gone has hit me.
    I think that the earlier months were
    shock effects, fear and confusion and having to handle everything. I feel that I was so overwhelmed that I wasnt truly able to fully grasp the concept that he is gone.
    Today, I am still so sad and missing him so much that my heart hurts. But the reality is even harder to bear as the initial trauma settles. Don’t know if that is the word to describe. settle?
    Don’t know how I got here.
    THANK you God. I haven’t been able to do this alone.

  • Lois Keil

    What a wonderful voice of words..a heart warming read…grief is such a odd journey..I am 8 months through my journey and do I.g much better them even two months,ago..god bless you and god bless us,all.

  • leigh s

    To everyone
    I am glad i have found this website and am so grateful for kind words and support. This is the hardest thing i have ever been through and can be frightening and overwhelming. Please keep posting-i read everyone for courage and helps me continue on. God bless all of us

  • Jill

    I’m 6 months out. Able to function despite the constant presence of mixed up feelings and numerous fears. I need to set time aside each day to think and pray about everything related to my husband; past, present and future. If not, things start to get dark very quickly.
    I go to a bereavement group at a Church twice a month and listen to GriefShare Audio tapes(you can download them) Trying to get some exercise in, Iisten to the Audio tapes on the Treadmill. Also ordered a grief workbook and journal. I have never been a big journal person, but it does help by guiding me each day. My thinking is definitely slower right now, so the guidance and outline from the workbook help give me direction or I would be all over the place.
    Sending out my love to everyone here.

    • Deidre

      I lost my beautiful husband 4 weeks ago. I miss him more than words can say. He was everything to me for over 25 years. I can’t bear the thought of navigating life without him. We had so many plans. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I thought visiting our favorite hiking place and sitting at the top of the mountain would help, but it only emphasized just how alone I am. I pray every day for guidance, but I just want to be with him. I’m so sad, lonely, and confused. We did everything together. I feel so detached. I pray this gets better for all of us.

      • Joanne

        Deidre,
        I lost my husband after 44 yrs. I feel like you do. I visit places that were once significant and happy for both of us and it makes me sadder. The first year is really hard. Lots of firsts, holidays, anniversaries, etc. even when friends share a memory, I start crying. I have to push myself every day to get through it. I just found this site. Hope it helps. Good luck to you on your journey!

    • Antonella Totino

      I am sorry for you.
      Three months are the very, very early days of grief. I found that those early days, weeks and months horrific. I too, was scared, worried, confused, overwhelmed. Alone after 29 years of marriage. Terrible.
      Give yourself time to grieve. Express your pain as much as you need to.
      After almost 10 months, I too can’t believe my husband is gone, but all I can say, is that you simply become accustomed to his absence. The pain is atrociously lonely but then somehow each day becomes another.
      Ask God for his strength. He has supported my sorrow.
      I am hardly the person to give u the right answer as I am still within the trenches of grief.
      What I can say is that by sharing my feelings and experiences on this site,I have been comforted bc so many understand.
      Wishing you some peace.

  • Antonella Totino

    Your phrase ” the previous season of your life is over” hit me like a million ton brick. Oh no. I’m not ready to accept that. You mean my husband is now part of my past? That hurts.
    Didn’t ever reach that conclusion.
    I guess I was meant to read it.
    NOW WHAT?? So sad.

  • HMJones

    He would never take His hand off of you. I am much earlier in my grieving than you, so I cannot give you any advice…I lost my husband this past November. I will be where you are when my youngest son moves out also (he is almost 18). My heart goes out to you.

  • Martha

    I lost my husband 5 yrs ago. My adult 26 yr old son has been living with me. He works and supports himself. He does his thing and I do mine. He is moving out and I am devastated. It’s just knowing someone is in the house. I am very anxious about living alone. I lived alone 1 yr after my husband passed so I know what it is like. I would like to live with my daughter and son in law but know that’s really a dream. I feel God has taken His hand off me.

    • MONICA H SHAPIRO

      Hello Martha, I know how you feel. I lost my husband 3years ago this July. I also have a 26yr old son who lives in my small town.He works and rents out our old vacation home here. It is hard living alone. I did get a cat when my husband passed and that helps some. I am fortunate to have enough means to do some modest traveling and have joined a senior group in town who travel to near and far destinations. But between trips I have not been getting out at all except for errands. I have some health issues , mitral valve prolapse which bother me a lot and anxieties. My husband was ill for about a year with cancer, but before that had diabetes for years. He was only 69 when he passed, I had assumed he would have at least 5 or 10 more years together. I know I would like to live in one of those 55+ communities. Only problem is I live 200miles from any big city. Maybe that would be an option for you? I know my aunt went that route and she loved it. Anyway, if you would like to talk my email is phillmonica@frontie.com, I am sure God is watching out for us. –Monica shapiro

  • Antonella

    I feel alone. Even though my children are with me, they are at the ages where they go out. The first time that they went out, I panicked and cried the entire evening. I realized that this was my new normal. I walk my dog, alone. Everything is done alone and if I’m not alone, when I arrive home, his chair is empty.
    Sadness, fear, fear of the future, growing old alone.
    I talk to God and I’ve been saying the Serenity Prayer. The first two.
    So hard.

  • ANN OSBORNE

    I am now more accepting of my life without my husband….I miss must of all being told how much I am loved..and having someone to share that love with..my children express this almost on a daily basis via text or email…I am independent but miss that very important ingredient to life..now ready to give out and accept love….I feel I am on the ‘outside of life’..I work full time..have many work colleagues but not friends outside of work..my children live interstate..I am blessed to have two dogs and the love which they provide. Mostly I am ALONE but at times so lonely life seems pointless…I know there are many men and women feeling this ‘isolation from life’ who are familiar with this feeling ….I don’t socialise as much as I should…I believe in fate and live in hope and that ‘quite by chance’ I may meet the person, who like me, is striving for happiness. My best wishes for happiness to you all,

  • Thomas

    I lost Diane after 43 years of marriage to brain cancer. I was caring for her in our home until the end. She passed away with me at her side. She had totally lost all ability to speak and spent the last month just staring at the room and out the window. About 2 days before the end came I sensed she was looking at me. I looked over at her and she suddenly gave me one of her beautiful smiles and out of nowhere said “I love you”.
    Those were her last words. I live now with a huge hole in my soul. The only relief I get is when sleep mercifully comes. But if I awake in the middle of the night the aloneness is crushing. We had 3 children and I know I must remain steady and strong for them. They have been rocked too. But clearly, I wish I could join her in Heaven. She made all of us better.

    • Julie Stevenson

      I lost my husband almost 11 months ago. His death was very shocking and unexpected. I am in a terrible place mentally as I am angry, sad and broken. I believe in God, but I do question a lot of things now. I have grown children so I now live alone. The loneliness is almost too much to bear. We were married 29 years. I am a young widow, but I am also ready to join him in the afterlife. I want more than anything to be by his side again. My prayers go out to all the hurting people posting on this blog.

  • Lois Keil

    Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your husband …it is y months since my husband of 49 years died as a result of a massive heart attack..his first heart attack was two years ago and his health just slowly decreased from that point..he was left with only 10% heart strength..when he died I cried till my tears just wouldn’t come anymore..but for me grief began two years ago with the realization he would not be in my life for years to come…we all walk this path differently no two people grieve the same….just go with your feelings and let them happen its the only way we get to the other side is this horrible road..you will get through..Lois Keil

  • Linda Arsenault

    On June 2 I lost my husband of 44 yrs. He was my best friend. We were so connected. The whole in myheart is so hard to explain. He was 68 and suffered a heart attack at 36. Five years ago it was discovered he had liver cancer. On May 25 he had a massive heart attack. Spent the next week in the hospital. Came home on the Friday with only 15% heart function. On Saturday he laid down after lunch and never got up. It is the small stuff that triggers my flood of emotions. It seems like at times I will be crying forever. I miss him so much.

  • Paul

    I’m trying to do what I can. I’m in grief counseling, I go to events, I initiate things, exercise and even trying some meditation. I still feel extremely isolated and not connected to the people I’m meeting. I still haven’t found a single true friend. The one person who meant the world to me is gone.

    I’m young but my heart feels so heavy. This is too damn hard and I’m scared that I’m failing. I’ve tried everything to heal but I’m getting nowhere.

    • Jill

      I’m sorry for what your going through.
      Making good friends is challenging, for all of us. I remember now why I disliked High School.
      I can’t think of anything positive to so say to you because I’m going through the same thing!
      It’s been my experience that what you want happens when you least expect it.
      I guess try to do be comfortable with yourself and find activities you really like.
      I’m planning on doing some volunteer work, and recently started attending a different church that’s not so cliquey.

    • ANN OSBORNE

      Paul
      I found that writing my feelings into a Journal helped enormously. I wrote a letter to my husband for 12 months as if he was still there. When you feel you are ‘falling’ just fall..this is your body ‘getting in touch’ with your emotional pain..your body and mind will do the healing for you..just let this happen.. Words have just come to mind ‘time and tide wait for no man’ I guess this means ‘go with the flow’ don’t ‘fight’ the pain just ‘fall into it’ allow yourself time to grieve and at the same time..remember..those who have ‘left us’ stay with us until they feel we are strong enough to find our way again…in time our special one will nestle warmly in our heart…..it has taken me two years and yes, I do have times of immense lonliness but I know my hubby wouldnt want me to feel like this..so all we can all do is to ‘plough on’…BIG HUG

    • Savannah

      Dear Paul,

      I to am going through these intense emotions as well, its a rollercoaster of emotions that just won’t come to an end. Some days can and will be WAY worse than others, as we both know. I lost my partner in August, very unexpectedly. I won’t go to far into details, but came home from work to our apartment we’d shared for over 5 years to find him unconscious and without a pulse on our floor. It’s traumatized me in ways I never thought possible, I can’t express those shocking emotions i’d never felt before.

      However what caught my attention on your post in particular is that you’re young too, as am I (a 25-year old female). I still wonder how I made it the past year without him. It’s almost as though I am stuck as well, like the whole two steps forward, two steps back.

      I admire the fact that you’ve attempted to do things such as attending counseling, events, exercising, meditation….that initiation right there is a HUGE step in self-healing. It’s a journey that won’t be by any means easy, especially those scary thoughts of re-starting life after something so traumatic. My heart goes out to you and although you have doubts of failing, your actions speak way louder than you know in the best possible way.

      I send you lots of strength, light, and endless support at this time.

      Keep trying to do the things your partner would sure won’t nothing, but to see you happy and to see you taking these steps.

      Best,
      Savannah

  • Haily Jones

    My husband died November 4, 2017 from a traumatic brain injury sustained a week prior when he fell from scaffolding at work. He was alert & ambulatory when I arrived at the hospital, but by that night, was sedated & intubated…I never spoke with him again. I have tremendous guilt & the lonliness for his presence never goes away. I am searching for ways to learn to be alone & have been unable to cope well as of yet. I grieve with you all & am heartened to see people being so kind here…God Bless

    • Jill

      I’m so sorry Haily. I’m struggling for the right words. There was nothing you could have done. I would think you experienced complete shock and now are starting to feel all the grief.
      Be gentle with yourself.
      Check for Bereavement groups in your community. Usually your local Hospice will running different groups and may offer counseling. You are in my prayers.

    • Jill

      I’m so sorry. (Please forgive me if this is a repeat response, my first one did not go through.)
      You must have been in complete shock. How can anyone process that type of trauma? Your only now probably just feeling the grief.
      I would suggest getting involved in a local Bereavement group and journal your feelings, write letters to him..
      There was nothing you could have done to prevent his accident. Hard for us all to accept we really have no control in this world.
      Please be gentle with yourself. Your husband knows you love him.
      Your in my prayers.

      • Haily Jones

        I am a nurse, so failing to be able to save him & having to remove him from the vent were the primary sources of the guilt. Is it dysfunctional to remain so deeply immersed in pain when I think of him? My loneliness for him never seems to ease & I break down multiple times per day. I feel like I am failing at this grieving thing terribly. I am doing all I can to function & ‘get better’ (meditation, counseling, antidepressant, etc.), but it isn’t improving.

        • Jill

          I am a Hospice nurse (for 23 years) and I have been with countless patients as they die. I know that if people have a choice to have their loved ones healed, they would choose it.
          Cure just isn’t a choice. (At least for some people)
          Yet I will always question if I tried hard enough. God knows our hearts.
          We can’t “fail”grieving. We’re working through it. Our lives will never be the same. But I do believe ( and pray) that there will be some happiness again. I must admit , I currently believe that mostly because I have a daughter and want her to experience love and joy… It’s a daily struggle for me to remember that I have a purpose in life as well.
          You know yourself. If you are struggling to function, keep perusing help. Go back to your doctor, increase your counseling, etc. Don’t give up.

          • Haily Jones

            He went from oriented x 1 (person-he knew all of our names/recognized himself, me, our son, my 2 daughters) & completely ambulatory to sedated/intubated within 4hrs after I took our son home to get him situated. He has a trach, so I had to find care for him to go back to the hospital b/c his nurse was out of town. Our son was 16 & couldn’t handle seeing his Dad writhing in pain & would jump & get scared each time he would attempt to get up.

            That was just the first night & was followed by licox/barbituate coma within the next 24hrs as his ICP continued to rise. Nothing we did for the next week brought & kept his ICP down. By 3 days post fall, when they finally did the craniectomy, the surgeon said his frontal lobes were full of infarcted tissue. He fell on a Friday morning & the weekend crew held off on the craniectomy until Monday morning.

            By 1wk/1day post fall, I was afraid we were “getting in God’s, or my husband’s body’s, way”. It seemed that they were trying to tell me to let him go b/c nothing helped for more than a few hours, which was why I switched him to comfort measures & allowed extubation. He died 19min after they extubated him. My head understands the implications of his quick death following extubation, but my heart doesn’t.

            My guilt is from that first night. He kept trying to get OOB to use the restroom & get a drink (he was so thirsty), that I told them to put restraints on him. Had I stayed, I would’ve caught that he was rapidly deteriorating, made them act faster & he might still be alive. He was only 41 & had no health issues.

            Suicide is not an option. I promised God that I would never attempt suicide again if he let our son stay here with us when he was born at 28weeks. I just don’t know how to WANT to live for 20-30yrs without him.

            I am sorry to keep posting & tying up your time, I just have no one to talk to. Everyone gets sad, or irritated, if I bring it up & I have no insurance now, so I cannot afford to go to the psych for anything more than a med check/adjustment.

          • Jill

            You did the best you could do. You were not his assigned nurse or doctor! If something really was missed in his care, it lies on them. As my husband was declining that last week, I should have kept demanding to have him re-evaluated. He was going bad (lost vision out of right eye, had a shuffled gait, increased restlessness and pain) but because he had so many specialists, they didn’t see the big picture. I had to fight for everything. I don’t think my husband ever had a chance from when they found the Melanoma. (He was already battling a Glioblastoma brain tumor) but the doctors kept saying that they could extend his life. At the end I had to ask them to stop their futile treatments and move him to hospice . They looked at me like I was crazy. His symptoms were escalating hourly.
            The past can’t be changed. We only have today. continue to love our husbands and keep the same goal as before- keep this family going.. Maybe try only thinking about today, “ Just do the next thing”. I can’t imagine living without my husband either, but by dying while I’m alive doesn’t honor him or bring him back. In fact he would be upset with me for letting my daughter down.
            So we press on. We live because we have that option (our husbands didn’t) I accept God is sovereign and he love us perfectly. Small steps each day. Prioritize. My focus now is to turn to God, pray, probate the will ,changing all the accounts that require constant forms and calls…
            Get my daughter to school with lunch each day, keep my horrible job that pays the bills. Also read my Bible, go to my griefshare group and try to make new friends that I can relate to.
            As you implied, you can learn to live but you don’t want to without him. I get it completely.
            Any free counseling services that you can combine with what you have. Any Social services that help you with your sons needs? Don’t give up Haily❤️

          • Haily Jones

            Jill,
            Thank you for sharing so much of your story with me. I felt terrible yesterday for blabbing on so much. Alas, no edit button. It seems our sweet husband’s died similarly & I am sure you well know what it is to have seen them in such pain, unable to help them & having had to let them go while desperately wanting to keep them here. God saved me & my older 3 by bringing my Jason to me & by giving us our son, Gage. I don’t question His plan, I am just struggling to figure a way to finish raising Gage as we were planning to. Sounds like you’re doing the same with your daughter. God bless & keep you both.

    • Antonella

      my husband too died on November 4th.

      sedated and intubated too. Unconscious and unable to talk. we were unable to tell each other our feelings our fears, even what he wanted for a funeral, nothing. Terrible.
      sharing here and seeing others feel the exact same way has helped. It’s a very sad journey. Just let it out when u feel it.
      It’s such a short time and yet 9onghs feels like infinity bc I miss him so much and my children miss him too.
      I spend a lot of time at home bc it’s too Sad to go out and deal with returning to an empty chair. Easier to stay home.
      Heartache and sleepless nights.
      Ask for God’s guidance. Ask for your guardian angel for help.

    • Lois Keil

      Theresa,, please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband…my husband of 49 years died on January 3, 2018…we were retired living in North Carolina . ..we always discussed what would happen if one of us was alone given that our four children live in the north…it was a very lonely exsistance although I was not afraid of being alone…I sold my home and moved back to New York where I am originally from…now I am closer to my children and grandkids and it has made such a high difference..hang in there you will do just fine.

    • Jill

      I’m sorry for your loss.
      I struggle with the same feelings as well. I never lived alone and was always with my husband. I try not to act scared in front of my daughter so she feels secure. We live in a safe area so my feelings are irrational. I keep the outside lights on at night and have a house alarm.
      So much to do and learn when you feel your weakest. Get to know your neighbors and make sure you have their phone numbers.
      Since my husband died, everything went wrong with the house and there is an endless amount of paperwork. I’m learning how to do new things every day. I have had to ask for help and hire for everything that I can’t do. Which is a lot!
      Don’t give up. Make a list and try to get a couple things done each week.

    • Arlene Stells

      Dear Theresa,
      I am sorry for your loss.
      First, allow me to say that you are the first person I have responded to online after losing my husband of 44 years. I thought it would help me to try and help someone who’s heart is hurting.
      My husband had leukemia for about 11 months and I prayed he would get well but he did not.
      The pain in my heart made me also feel like I couldn’t make it by myself. I began to journal my feelings, and
      as I wrote down what was in my heart it helped me to release them, a way that seemed to. I can’t leave out the fact that I wept a-lot and prayed, that has helped me as time has passed that I was being taken care of, and that God was with me holding me. At first I thought God wasn’t fair and why couldn’t He heal my husband after praying so long and hard for him to be well. After all, I thought my faith was strong. Let me say again, that is what I thought.
      I became angry with God and decided I wouldn’t pray to someone who didn’t seem to care. I now know after trying to do things on my own without Him I had been wrong. Even when I didn’t pray, didn’t even want God, I’m thankful He didn’t fail me. After all He said that He would never leave me or forsake me. It’s a very hard thing to lose the one you’ve spent so much time and shared your life with, and God knew that. I did a lot of shopping, and just whatever I could to get through one day at a time. I don’t know what God has planned for either of us or anyone who has lost someone we love. But I do know God loves us and is always a friend we can depend on. That was and still is a hard lesson but it’s true, even when you cry yourself to sleep or you are feeling in despair there is someone who loves you very much. It’s true, and you can make it.
      I hope what I’ve said in some way has been helpful, even though it’s so soon after your loss of him. There are others who feel your pain and know what you’re going through. I am 67, still alone after 3 years and still taking one day at a time. You are in my prayers. Psalm 147:3

  • susan

    My husband died 2 years and 6 months ago, I still can’t come to terms with living alone. I was married for 46 years and lost myself I find it hard to find any enjoyment in life. How do you learn at 69 to make friends and learn to laugh and enjoy life again.

    • Lois Keil

      Susan, let me begin by saying I am sorry for your loss..my husband of 49 years died in January of this year…he had failing health issues sine suffering a major heart attack two years prior..trying to go for “us” to “me” is difficult to navigate at best….I just go forward one day at a time….get back to doing things like a little at a time….I have made the decision to be happy and focusing on attaining that…but trust me the tears still come whether it be a song or something someone says…just hang in there…we can do this,,,

    • Lois

      It is awful but now at the 6 month mark for me I realize there is no more “us” its “me” and I choose to begin to feel happy again I would want for my husband if the situation was reversed…it is not an easy decision by any means but one I needed to make…he is never coming back….just remember any reply I make is my personal choice for.me that does not mean that is the right choice or something someone else should do.. .this grief thing is totally an I individual process not a one size fits all..

  • Pat Jones

    I feel lonely in the mornings. My husband and I spent the first hour of the day enjoying our coffee and radio. Now I barely drink coffee, I spend the first hour taking my dogs to the dog park and sometimes seeing neighbors, I miss those hours so much but Ii am moving on, I moved to a 55 plus community and it has helped a lot. There are many activities and am trying them out to see what “fits” me.

    • Lois

      Just read your comments and I can relate..Lamar the point of trying g to fine the “me” when for 49 years it was “us”…I know I will just have to be patient and keep moving forward.

  • Sagess

    A dog will not replace my husband. Why would i want to rearrange the bedroom…keeping it the same brings me connection and comfort. And inviting a stranger in as a room mate when in a vulnerable state of grief is a bad security risk. One of the silliest articles i have read.

    • deb frey

      I bought a small dog after my husband passed away on December 31, 2017. He cuddles with me through the long nights, sits on my lap when ever I sit down. He does so many silly things that I know that there will be at least a little joy in each day. Getting a pet will not be for everyone, it’s not a silly idea though. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I hope that you will find the things that will bring you the most comfort at the time when you need it most.

    • ANN OSBORNE

      Sagess. a dog is never meant to replace someone we have lost..but there is nothing that reduces the lonliness more that the ‘whirlwind of love’ when I come home each day.. we already had two dogs although sadly one died shortly after my husband..I like to think they are together..I like you am reluctant to share my home with a stranger….hope life become easier for you as time progresses…..

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being here – and I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it is, to have your husband with you for all those years…and have to start over without him. It’s just so sad.

    I wish I had comforting words and good advice, but the truth is that I’m just sad. I sit with you in grief. If we were in person, I’d listen to your stories about your husband. I’d hug you, and let you cry on my shoulder.

    Your husband will never be forgotten, even though he’s no longer with us here on earth. He isn’t living with you in your house, but he’ll always be in your heart. And, he’s watching over you! I believe that our lost loved ones really are part of our lives. They’re with us in spirit.

    May you find peace and healing as you move forward without your husband. May you find unexpected bursts of joy and sunshine, light and life! May you find God’s strength and Jesus’ love…and may you lean on the Holy Spirit for courage to keep moving forward.

    Are you getting my weekly “Blossom Tips”? It’s a free email I send, short and encouraging. I just want to help women Blossom and grow, and my readers love the lift they get from reading it 🙂 Here’s the sign up link: http://eepurl.com/ca2mJr

    With His love,
    Laurie

    • Lois Keil

      Thank you…learning to live without my husband is where I am at…it’s a bit confusing so I just take it one day at a time.

  • Sarah O'Callaghan

    I’m 28 years old and lost my husband of nearly 9 years in January 1 month after beind diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour the size of a tennis ball. I was his sole carer for 18 months after he had a cardiac arrest in 2016. Which I now know was his tumour which wasn’t picked up on during numerous hospital visits. I have alot of animals which he got for me over the years and they have helped. I don’t live near any family. They all live in UK whilst I am alone in county cork ireland. I have found comfort living in our home alone however I do suffer. I find my self lost without him and don’t know what to do. I spent everyday for 12 years with him we never spent a day apart even when I was working I spoke to him on my breaks and lunch. Now I can’t hear his voice unless I watch videos he took of me and family. I see his face every time I close my eyes. He is the first and last thing I think about every day. I struggle to sleep, I struggle to eat. The only comfort from his death I got is knowing he isn’t suffering anymore and that the last words he said was I love you and I was the last person he looked at before he died at home in our bed in my arms. The way he wanted to go. It is a heart wrenching relief that I was able to him what he wanted in he end of his life. I just feel guilty that in the last 18 months of his life we could both be very volatile towards each other as we both did not know or understand what was happening to him. How to I get past that how can I continue my life without him. I know I’m young but thelive I had for my dear Phil is still so strong. I still fall more and more in love with him as each day goes on. Please help me to understand how to live a life without him, how to carry on and still make him proud of me. Sarah

    • Jill

      Sarah,
      I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it’s completely traumatizing.
      I cared for my husband as well until he died January 15th of this year. He was 47 and he battled a Brain Tumor since we were married in 1996. He was on Chemo since 2006. 1 Month before he died he was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma, probably related from all the treatment he received throughout the years.
      I think about him constantly. All the good and bad. Everything we went through, from when we met until his last breath.
      We fought a lot from all the stress we were always under, especially when he started forgetting to take his medications correctly or a million other reasons related to stupid Cancer. I wish I could go back and change that.
      We have to hold on and know that we all did the best we could do under horrific circumstances and our spouses knew (know) we loved(love) them.
      We will never be the same. We can sort of heal, but will always love and miss them.
      My husband and myself always lived knowing the truth; no one has control over 1 second of their life. Our friends and family never understood.
      Since my husband died I feel like I’m kind of being forced to reinvent myself, like when I was a teen.
      Except now I know what’s really important in life, helping and loving others.
      I do believe in God(he did as as well) and believe each person has a purpose in life, a race to run.
      I’m trying to figure it all out. Everyday is an emotional roller coaster.
      Maybe join a local grief support group? I did, and I downloaded Audio tapes from “Griefshare” I find them very helpful.
      I’m taking it one hour at a time, and I know my husband is with me. Your husband is with you as well.

  • Carolyn

    My husband died 14 years ago and being disabled for 12 years. I worked 2 jobs so he wouldn’t worry about bills. He wasn’t always easy to live with and wanted to blame the world because he lost both legs 6 months apart. He lived 12 years after that. My life centered around him.
    I was lost after he died but I moved on because I had a job and my church. I don’t date, my choice.
    Sometimes I can’t talk about it without getting upset. I wish now that I had got out and dated some. Not looking for a husband I am 75.

    • Lois Keil

      For everyone, I am sorry for your loss…my husband past away four months ago…I recently sold my house and moved back to New York (where I am originally from) to be closer to my children and grandchildren.,,too much sadness in the NC house…I consider myself in a transitional limbo and hope that I can eventually figure out just who I am in this new chapter of my life…anyone I put appreciated…Lois

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear anonymous,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your difficult and sad question. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this grief. Not only did you lose your husband, you lost what the life you thought you had with him.

    I wrote this article, with you in mind:
    How to Forgive Your Husband for Cheating While He Was Alive
    https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-forgive-your-husband-for-cheating-while-he-was-alive/

    May you find healing and forgiveness. I can’t imagine how you feel, and my heart is broken for the pain you’re feeling. I pray for strength and comfort, and that you find people and places that will help you move from pain to peace and joy in your life.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • Nadine

    I can’t believe I found your blog. My husband of 38 years died earlier this month from pancreatic cancer. He was 64 and a beloved physician who spent much too much time at the office and his retirement was upcoming which was supposed to be ME time….
    It was 8 months of almost constant pain, nausea and fatigue. About a week before he died I hugged him crying and asked, “What am I going to do without you?” He lifted his head, closed his eyes with tears and said in his uplifting, goofy voice, “You’re going to blossom!” It was tender and silly and we both hoped true….Not quite blossoming yet but hopeful. Thanks for the support.

    • Laurie Post author

      I’m sorry you lost your husband, Nadine. I can’t imagine what it was like, or how you feel now. He was a wonderful man, encouraging you to blossom even after his death! Wow.

      Please, join our group. We’re not focused on bereavement or grieve….we’re all about Blossoming after loss, in all seasons of life!
      https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

      And, take good care of yourself. Give yourself lots and lots of time….for after great love and loss comes a great period of healing.

      With sympathy and love,
      Laurie

      • anonymous

        Nobody has addressed being married to a husband and finding out after he died that he cheated with a coworker the entire marriage or most of it…and then you are left to grieve the death and the ‘loss of your life’ from being cheated on but not finding out until after he died. This is even more unbearable than the death itself. How do you cope or deal with that?

  • Donna

    I lost my husband in 2013 and the only thing that helped me survive was our fur baby Mesa.
    Now, I am lost again.
    I had to say goodbye to Mesa 2 weeks ago and I’m grieving once again.
    She was my world. We were a team.
    A chapter of my life has closed.
    Mesa was my link to my husband.
    I know I will get thru this, and the heartache will ease
    over time, but trying to figure out where to go from here
    is overwhelming.
    I feel I need to change my environment and start fresh somewhere new… far away from the constant reminder of my losses.

    • Valerie Sims

      Hi Donna. I went through the exact same and really don’t know what to do with my life or how to move on. I’m isolating myself and only leave the house for work and food. I feel like my so called friends and family are avoiding me because they can’t deal. I’m a mess.

      • Donna Victor

        Hi Valerie,

        So sorry for your loss.
        It’s tough trying to figure out where to go after so many losses.
        I just came back from a few days away and realize that I must make a change of scene to help move on.
        I feel and act different when I leave and am in a new environment
        I have nothing keeping me where I am , except for my work and a few friends, but I need more at this point in my life.

        Are you able to make a move or at least get away for awhile, so you can think about your future?

        • Lois Keil

          One thing that really helped me was selling “our” retirement home in NC and moved back to NY where I am originally from…what was icing on the cake is that my children and grandchildren are in NY and CT…I am truly blessed…

          • Donna Victor

            Traveling to Australia in Sept and I hope to have some idea of what my next step will be for moving forward by the time I return.

            I definitely feel changes are very near.

    • ANN OSBORNE

      DONNA
      One of my furr babies died shortly after my husband .. she has gone over the rainbow bridge ..this poem is very comforting to read.,,.Starting somewhere new? the memories will move with you…adopting another furr baby from a Dogs Home..who is also sad and lost will help ease the pain enormously..all the very best for your future….

      • Donna Victor

        Hi Ann,
        Now is not the best time to consider a new dog, as I am not sure where I will be relocating to.
        As soon as my life takes shape again, then most definitely a new fur baby will be the next step.
        My Mesa will be hard to replace, but I know a new loving furry companion will bring me a new kind of love and happiness.
        All my best to you as well!

  • Tammy

    I thankfully still have my husband. But tonight…after talking on the phone to a very sick acquaintance of ours…I went into a SEVERE panic attack. My blood pressure (normally good)..went to 189/103….I was Sobbing Uncontollably thinking of how ALONE I was going to be when if I lose my husband. No children…no close fiends to even call…I FLIPPED OUT….I just realized how alone I will be…It petrified me….please help…if and when…I do lose him (he is older)…I’m going to lose my mind…(seriously)…I felt like I was losing my mind….please…please…help me

  • Lois Keil

    My husband of 49 years died two weeks ago…as of this writing I am still numb and cannot totally wrap my mind around it..neither can our four adult children… I do cry and seem to operate on auto pilot..when will this change..I feel I should be doing something different regarding grief..

    • Laraine

      Hello Lois,

      I’m so sorry for your loss of your dear husband. I lost my husband on July 22, 2017. I am still very very sad and trying to find peace and acceptance every day. Right now you are most likely in a numb state where the depth of your grief may not be fully realized. I have received so much support from grief counseling through my local Hospice Center. Maybe you can seek their help and support in your area. I learned something so important about grief that does help.. Your coping and traveling through the stages of your grief and sadness isn’t linear. It seems to go in a circle. I have days where I feel somewhat “normal” and able to get through a day without crying uncontrollably and then the next day I’m down so low I don’t know how I can climb out of the dark place of pain and sadness. Having been through many of these cycles now I can find some small comfort knowing that I can get through the severe down days because the sky will open again soon and I’ll be Less sad and closer to acceptance and a healing heart. I pray you find a path through your grief that is not difficult and will help your smile return.

  • Eileen Agnew

    Thank you for making me feel a little better, I’m so devastated after a life of 52yrs of joy with my Husband , we did everything together we truly were joined at the HIP , I can’t imagine doing anything without him .my word for all of this would be Diabolical ❤️

  • rita lazzari-willan

    I lost my partner of 10 yrs on August 17th 2017 it’s been 6 weeks now, I can’t stop crying I miss him so much, he left behind a 6 yr old son and a 8 yr old daughter, my son is special needs and keeps see in men that look like his dad, he shouts for him but of course they don’t answer to which he says “why he not talk to me” I feel my heart cracking every time, I have family of sorts, my mum knew he was dying but I haven’t heard or seen from her for over a yr, she’s even changed her mobile number so I can’t ring her, that makes me sad as she can’t even be here for her little grandchildren. lonely is a word I’d use angry and sad. I have to sprinkle his ashes tomorrow and am not looking forward to it.x

  • Laurie Post author

    I know that it’s difficult adjusting to live when you’re living alone after the death of a spouse, and nothing can really alleviate the pain…and I am sorry for your loss.

    Here’s an article I just wrote, about getting through long nights when you feel alone and sad. I don’t know if it’ll help, but maybe if you know you’re not alone, you’ll feel better…

    How to Get Through the Night When You Feel Sad and Lonely
    http://blossomtips.com/how-to-get-through-the-night-sad-and-lonely/

    Take care, and feel free to come back anytime and let me know how you are.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Brandi,

    I’m sorry you lost your husband…I wish I had the right words of comfort, help and hope…you’re in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward in your life, even though the pain is so bad. You will get through the worst of this, and the grief will ease up. Stay connected to people who love you. Your husband’s spirit and soul will always be with you, and he is resting in peace. He loved you so much.

    Take care of yourself, and please come back anytime.

    In sympathy, with warmth,
    Laurie

  • Laurie Post author

    Sarah, thank you for being here. A widow at 44…I can only imagine how tough it is to raise three kids without a husband or their father around. In addition to the grief and loneliness of living alone, you have your hands full of kids, responsibilities, and serious commitments.

    What sort of support do you have? It is a scary world, and the more reinforcements you have, the better! Surround yourself with family, friends, grief support groups — all the help you can get. Rely on people now, and they’ll be able to rely on you later, when you’re back on your feet.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers…is there anything specifically I can pray for, for you?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Sarah

    How about being a widow at age 44 with 3 kids still at home. Its super tough being a “single” parent. I have thought about trying to date and to meet someone but I am scared because I don’t want to meet some whack job that hurts my kids or myself. its a scary world! I can’t imagine even being intimate with anyone else. I just need that companionship to fill the void in my life.

  • Laurie Post author

    Rena, you sound like such a strong and centered woman! You let your husband go because you know it’s better for him to be with the Lord instead of suffering here in this world…and now you’re alone.

    You know you need to get out and start living, but where do you go? How do you find your place in this world?

    I think being lonely is better than shallow, meaningless friendships that don’t offer comfort or joy. The trick is finding the friends who offer fulfilling connections and good, deep, interesting conversations. And the only way to do that is to get out there and meet people.

    So…how do you feel about getting out, and meeting people who you might eatablish really good friendships with? I know it takes energy and time, and you may feel more comfortable and safe being alone….but do you want to spend the rest of your life alone at home?

    • suzanne

      Like Laurie i also fear of meeting new people. i lost my husband of 34yrs recently. Most of my dearest friends have also passed prior.
      I feel like i lost my whole world. My children are all grown and have a life of their own. their lives are miles away so their visit are very much appreciated. i dont know where to go to meet new people as i dont go out to bars etc…. i have acquintances in town but fear inviting stranger in my home as i live alone and have trust issues…
      thanks for reading me.

  • Rena

    I am not grieving because my husband died, as he was so very sick, and I kept him at home and cared for him. He went to be with the Lord in November, and I have not been able to regain my strength yet. Decisions as to stay here,or move north where my family is weighs much on my mind. I hate the cold, and I really like my home and the mild winters here,but the loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. Perhaps I would be just as alone back home as I am here. I know that I need to get out,but at this time it seems that lonely seems better than seeking friendships. Sometimes I feel like I have gone around the bend.

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being so honest about your painful feelings. I am so sorry for your loss; I wish I had words that could help ease your grief and make you feel better.

    Do you ever visit Facebook? If so, please join our She Blossoms group. I post a flower and a word of encouragement every day. Maybe you’ll find it encouraging and uplifting.

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Rose

    My husband died six weeks ago today. I feel lost and alone, and so afraid. I have never lived alone in my life. Nights are the worst, I am afraid, I listen for noises. If not for my dog I would never sleep. I can’t explain how devastated I am, I now have to see to everything. My husband took care of everything all I did was pay bills clean do laundry and cook he did everything else. I know nothing about finances, and I’m having difficulty collecting his pensions my kids help but it’s not the same. I can’t find joy in anything.

    • Audrey Ramsden-Green

      Hi Rose,
      My husband also died 6 weeks ago. Like you I feel so lost and alone. I find it difficult to sleep especially now we have warmer weather. I live in a bungalow and I am too nervous to leave the windows open. We have a golf driving range behind our garden so it is very open. My husband paid all of the bills but did everything on the computer so we were completely paperless. This would have been fine but I didn’t know who our utilities were and who we were insured with etc. etc.
      I find it easier to be out of the house. I have had coffee in practically every café and supermarket in our town. We were due to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We were both retired so we spent all our time together. He used to give me pedicures and we both loved dancing. I was married before but my husband of 39 years also died. It was difficult then but so much worse now. I am devastated life can never be the same. I think of him every waking moment. We travelled a lot and were due to go on a Baltic cruise to celebrate our anniversary. My children suggested getting a dog but I don’t think I could do that at the moment

      • Rose

        Dear Audrey, we are in the same frame of mind. I hate coming home to a house I used to love. It is so empty now. Today is Fathers Day and I’m sitting alone on the porch we both loved. My kids don’t come as often, I think they want me to get accustomed to being alone. Right now it doesn’t feel like I ever will. My husband of 461/2 years died of a heart attack while helping a neighbor with a fallen tree. I was with him and will never forget his face. They took him to the hospital, but he was as good as gone. He had agonal breathing so awful to have seen him struggle for air. I feel dead inside.

    • Audrey Ramsden-Green

      Hi Rose,

      It must have been awful for you to see your husband die like that.
      I wish I had been with my husband but it wasn’t to be. Nobody really knows how you feel and when asked it is hard not to break down and cry. I have had to get a fan for my bedroom as I am too nervous to leave the windows open in our bungalow. I don’t see my children very often. They just think I can cope. There are many things to fix that my husband would have done but I find it hard to ask for help.
      Well I will think of you Rose and hope things get better for you in time. x

      • Rose

        Dear Audrey, I hope things get easier for you as well. Right now that doesn’t feel possible to me. I had a meltdown today, and couldn’t stop crying. Another night alone, there is just no joy in my life anymore.. I wasn’t feeling well today, and had no one to tell. My husband was always concerned and could make me feel better. You are in my thoughts.

      • Sarah

        My husband has been gone for 9 1/2 weeks. We were at church and we were leaving to go home and he grabbed for the wall and gave me one last look before he collapsed. Myself and our 11 & 15 year old watched him collapsed. He had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in his lung that travelled to his heart). He died instantly. I feel so lost without him. He was only 47. All my friends and family have their busy lives with their husbands and children. I have my kids, but its not the same. Its so hard. Everyone says, day by day, minute by minute. I look at it as another day closer to being reunited with him. The widow support groups are all older women. I am only 44. Its a scary world out there.

      • Brandi

        My heart hurts beyond measure. It’s the kind of pain you don’t want anyone to feel. I also hate night time because my pain increases then. I cry as I type this post because I miss my husband so bad. He was truly my best friend. If I needed to go to Target and pick out lipstick he was right there with me to hold my purse if need be :-). My buddy is gone and now I’m left to raise our 4 and 11 year old alone. I’m 38 with great family and friend support but it’s not the same…I’ve never been without a companion. I was born into this world with a friend because I’m an identical twin so I’ve truly never been alone. My husband was only 41. He had a heart defect we found out about 5 years ago. I’ve been his care giver for 5 years through good and bad. I’m at peace knowing he’s asleep in death because I didn’t want to see him in pain and suffering anymore, but the pain from not kissing, smelling, hugging, and talking to him is so painful my body aches.

    • Audrey Ramsden-Green

      Thank you Rose for your last message. I have been feeling particularly bad since sunday.
      I really don’t like being in my bungalow anymore. We were married 10 years ago and bought our bungalow soon after Everything in it we chose together and as I said before I am nervous at night so don’t sleep. I always said to my husband I would not want to be left on my own here. I have just been out to a Tai Chi class and then went off for coffee afterwards. We ended up staying for a couple of hours and having a meal together. They both lost their husbands last year and feel the same as me. I need to be out most of the time. It makes the evenings more bearable. Have your thought of counselling. I go to a meeting but I’m thinking of going one to one which might help more.
      Anyway I do hope you start to feel better soon. Life will never be the same again for either of us.. .

  • Audrey Ramsden-Green

    I have just lost my second husband. I was married for 39 years the first time. I have 4 children.My husband died of an aneurism
    I was so lucky to meet my second husband and we were married for 10 wonderful years. I was 63 when we met and he was 5 years older. He died of the same thing as my first husband and I am numb with grief and shock. We moved home when we married to a location that was new for both of us. we spent all our time together , had wonderful holidays and we both loved to dance. He was such a lovely man and very talented. I go out most days because I cant bear to be at home without him. I don’t tell my children how I feel and they don’t live close to hand anyway. I believe they think I got through the death of their Dad so I will be ok. It is so much harder this time around. I didn’t cry until after the funeral which was 2 weeks ago. Now I cry when I’m shopping etc. When people ask how I am it makes it worse.
    I just ache for him. Just want to hold his hand and laugh together like we did before.

  • Richard

    15 months ago I lost my wife of over 50 years. We were incredibly close. Ran a business together. Did everything together. Never knew anyone to be as close as we were. Now well it just seems to get harder and harder to go on without her. I know I was blessed , we both did. But looking forward I see nothing to look forward to. I’m loosing my hearing (product of the 60’s) so I’m not comfortable joining groups, etc

    • Angela Austin

      Richard, I also worked with my husband We did everything together his sudden death literally knocked the air out of me.Its been 2 years and I still call out for him I know how you feel I feel left behind He was the person that “got me”I don’t think I’m making u feel any better bit at least u know that another person feels like u do
      Angela

  • Patty

    My husband of almost 34 years passed away on February 19, 2017. As far back as I can remember I wanted to be a wife and mother. We were blessed with four children within 7 years. We lost our son tragically in 2008 which put a huge strain on our marriage because of our grief. With God’s soverinty we found a way (although never the same) to embrace our loss.
    I miss him and his special way of making me feel secure and cared for.

  • Veronica Fogelman

    heartbroken,sad,lost,broken,numb. I don’t think we have a word that describes the anguish I feel . It is so deep and painful that I cant even tell my fiends. My husband died last month. We would have been married 51 years next month.. We were inseparable and were rarely apart even overnight. I try to work at my small company, I have two dogs, three wonderful children and amazing friends. None of it helps. I just stand in the living room and pray, “If I close my eyes,please be there when I open them” Just let me hear your voice,your laugh, please God give him back. The house is quiet, the deck where we had coffee every morning is so, so sad.I just miss the love of my life.

    • Terri J

      I so feel for you…….and I pray for your peace daily also. Its only been a couple weeks and I do not know how to scope. Your words were exact!

  • Terri J

    It’s only been 15 days! I have read about the grieving process and know it will take time. But as I read these comments I realize that this pain will never end. It won’t be a month or year. It will be forever that I will miss him. I really do not know how to live without him. I feel for every person that lost their love. And I’m scared that this terrible feeling will never go away. I want to forever think and remember but hopefully without the gut renching pain in my heart and without the tears.

  • Debbie

    Absolutely miserable. Lost! I don’t feel I belong anywhere. I lost my husband 6 months ago. First few weeks, even months I was numb, in shock. Now the tears are flowing. We were new in this small town and I didn’t work so my contacts were few. The only ones I knew were through a local church and it closed!! I now travel 30 minutes to a church a really like but will have to sell my home and relocate there. Right now that seems too monumental. I also take care of my grand baby full time. She is nine months old and I have had her since 2 months old. I cannot bear being alone all the time.

  • Danielle

    I feel completely alone. Overwhelmed by having to do everything by myself. Heartbreaking pain sorrow sadness. Crying alone hiding my pain. Sick of trying to be strong. Just want to cry till the pain goes away! Exhausted!!
    Family and friends don’t get it. Not the support I need. Miss him more than I could have ever imagined. Mad he died. Wish he could come home. Miss him just miss him everyday

    • Debbie

      Sorry you feel as badly as I do. That’s terrible. But I can’t say I’m mad, just hurt, aching. I have talked to other widows that I have a church class with and they tell me they all felt like this. They assure me that I will get beyond this and will be able to live alone contently. It doesn’t seem possible to me. To ever get over this great gut wrenching pain. Not ever. I pray God will comfort us both.

  • Kimberly Sykes

    I lost my husband on November 17, 2016. We were married 22 years. I haven’t stayed in the house since he passed. I’m afraid of being alone. I have two daughters in college; they want me to keep the house. It’s just hard to realize that he is gone. I visit the house dsily, but night time would be hard. I probably wouldn’t be able to rest at night. A pet might help quite a bit.

  • Marcia Guaman

    It’s been four years in December and as I write this the tears still stream down my face. My husband of 32 years was my Man In Full as I liked to call him.

    My daughter and 5 year old daughter have been together since his passing. We have moved from California to Arizona and my daughter and granddaughter have leased there own apartment and my new forever home is about an hour away.

    I have always been very independent but now that the closing of my home is a mere weeks away I struggle a bit with the unknown. I know the Lord will wrap me in His arms but I also know that after almost 5 years I will be alone in my own home . While it is excting to begin anew and I’m proud of my daughter wanting do what we as parents have prepared her for, I can’t help but wondering if the steps I’ve taken forward can become a setback. I imagine to some extent it will as his wife I will be able to grieve completely. I trust in the Lord.

    Thank you for your work.

  • smartypants

    This is not somewhere I chose to be. My husband died in 2013 then the following week his mother died. I returned to the workforce to survive financially and to source some human contact without success. I am lost, lonely, angry, frightened, sad (oh so very sad) and without a rudder. My husband was the one who had the friends not me. I just spent my time working and caring for those now gone. This place is soulless and painful.

  • Ken Hill

    My wife died on February 20th 2017 .We were together 37 years. She died at home from Cancer with my arms around .She fought it for Seven years but the last six months was heartbreaking to see her waste away.
    She was my truest friend and my true love. EMPTY is the way i feel and lonely.
    Every day is a battle. I wake up kiss her photo and ask how do i get through the day without her.
    I honour here memory by doing things the way she did them. Keep the house clean and Tidy .Change the bed clothes weekly.Cook the way she taught me etc.
    Remember what she did for me in our life together. Continue being the man she made me and would want me to continue to be.
    We never had Children together. But we did everything together as one.
    Finding life very difficult without her. I ask myself for who am i doing things for when life without her seems so pointless and empty

    • Laurie Post author

      I am so sorry for your loss, Ken. The emptiness and loneliness we feel after a spouse dies is heartbreaking, and nothing really eases the pain. A loving marriage is a gift from God, to be cherished when we have it and mourned when we lose it.
      May you find hope and healing, comfort and peace as you move forward in your life without your beloved wife. May you be filled with faith and peace that surpasses all understanding.
      In sympathy,
      Laurie

    • Jackie

      Hi Ken ,

      Young wrote this a while ago , so you may not see it. My husband of 31 years passed away two years ago .
      We also did not have children and we did everything together. I try to do thr things you mentioned in thr same way but think also what am I doing this for. Even something as crazy as a sale on an item at thr supermarket that we both liked or a new restaurant or store opening means nothing now as he is not sharing it with me. I understand everything you said.

  • Nita

    I lost my husband a few weeks ago March 16, 2017 he had cancer and we were married 38 years. I just want to cry. I do get out and go to church and am active in alot of activities then I come home and cry. I hate this.

    • Laurie Post author

      Dear Nita, may this season of grief pass quickly. May you find new hope, life, and joy as the days pass and you heal. And may God fill you with His peace, love, and faith.
      Take care of yourself; let yourself cry for as long as you need. You’re healing the way your spirit and soul is asking you to, and the darkness will pass.
      In His love,
      Laurie

      • Nita

        Can I give an Update?
        Its been a year (13 months exactly) and yes I still miss him but dont cry like I did, and I actually enjoy life, I am constantly on the go and sometimes have to tell myself to slow down, I have widowed friends, travel friends, church friends, neighborhood friends and I never have to cook as I always have someone wanting to go out to eat.
        I travel and have been to 5 States we never traveled to together, in fact I am looking forward to more adventures this year.
        I try to stay positive and active. I find I am more adventurous and last year went Zip linning and goal this year is to go Skydiving.
        This is chapter two of my life.

  • Katrina

    Hi. Thank you all for your stories and difficulties. I lost my husband in November 2015, 2 days after our 40th anniversary. He had Parkinson’s disease and dementia. I fought hard to keep him at home until a couple of months before he died. Like so many of you i think the years will not stop. I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren but am still so lonely and do not know how to live without my husband. I got a puppy a few months ago and although she is lovely i actually find it a chore taking her out. I have turned away from the church. I have been off work for 9 months as i could not cope and now have deep depression. There are days when i don’t even get out of bed, i just don’t know what to do or how to live by myself.

  • Debbie

    I just lost my husband on February 21st suddenly I am a widow at 56 he was 65 nine years older than me we were married 35 years my heart aches for him our two kids still live with me thank goodness without them I would really be crazy he got real sick in 2012 and I quit my job to take care of him and I am so use to doing that I don’t know what to do with myself now I am lost I am not sleeping I am not eating I have lost 14 lbs since he died all I do is cry I am just a mess please pray for me to get better thanks

    • Debbie

      Thanks for sharing that you depend on your two kids whom still live with you. I keep thinking if I just had some one here with me I could survive. But my children are in another town, with their own families. I have tried to connect with other widows. We go out to eat every week or so. But that’s just not enough intimacy with another person to help me completely. I need to talk and share with others. I took care of him and our pets too. Now they are all gone. I can’t get a job right now because I care for my grand baby full time. Thank goodness that keeps me busy but she can’t talk yet. No meaningful conversations. I pray you feel better soon. Me too.

  • bill Strait

    I lost my Beautiful wife Faith after a beautiful 65 Years of happy Marriage. I,am a Christian & so was my Beautiful Faith. She passed away Feb. 11TH at 4:15 in the Manchester Hospitai in Manchester Ct. I know she is with our Hevenly Father & Christ in (HEVEN). But its very hard for me right now for her loss
    I read my Bible every day & have all of my life. I know GOD will help & guide me through these (VERY LONELY) times. But I just had to reply to see your comments !! Thank you in advance.

  • Leslie Bostain

    I can’t find my place to be. 3 1/2 years ago my husband of 42 years passed. Given 3-6 months. He was never sick a day in his life. I’ve moved 3x since he died. His dog had to be put to sleep about a year ago. Friends were few because we did everything together, even grocery shopping. I just don’t want to get on with anything. I was always a loner. I feel him all the time. I’m frozen…yes frozen is my word.

  • Sydney A Mabie

    Thank you for this article and I pray that it reminds people that what they are feeling is real and what they have experienced is shared with many. My husband died suddenly in a kayaking accident April 16th 2017. Thankfully he knew the Lord so I never questioned “why”. I just question “What”. What does my life look like now and you gave me some practical advice on tangible goals to ponder and act on. I loved my husband and we had what I would say to be an almost perfect marriage. We both loved the Lord and served together while raising our 4 boys. I am blessed to have been able to raise them together. They are all grown, 3 are married and 1 will be getting married in December. My husband has trained up these grown men and did a mighty fine job. I am ready now to move on with my life and as I look at where I was and where I am today I can see that I am moving in the right direction. Life is different and will never be the same. But I look at life as a mystery that needs to unfold. Adventure awaits. I have never been alone and have no idea who I am but I am sure with Gods help and with people who impart their wisdom I will be able to navigate a new path. Thank you.

  • Debra

    I lost my husband a year ago. He went very fast and we did not have any children he left me in a financial mess. And I am going thought insurance fraud with a company who said insurance was cancel a month before he died but they have not given me any proof for a year this is going on I had to get a lawyer I pray things will all work out I did not know about the financial troble he got us in I try to take one day at a time I have no family where I live but do have some friends but they do not know about my situation

    • Jackie

      My husband died September 16, 2015. I was left with a financial mess too. Whether your husband had a will or not I would suggest you seek legal council. An estate lawyer can help you sort out the finances and deal with the paperwork filing. They can help you with the insurance company – procuring the documentation. Also you can contact the Better Business Bureau or your States Attorney General and log a complaint.

  • Beverly

    I lost my happiness a year ago, my husband was also my best friend. I was utterly and completely shattered by this catastrophic event. I didn’t want to get up out of bed, just couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t even function; thankfully I have two grown children who came to my aid…as my husband didn’t leave an estate; I had to take out a loan just to have him cremated. A few months later, the landlord evicted me because I couldn’t keep up the rent at what it was. Then come to find out, no one would rent to me. I had no clue why; I mean I know we lost our home when the economy bottomed out.

    You go through the motions as if you’re switching gears, simply to move. Breathing, after being rejected at every apartment complete was incredibly difficult. I had no place to go. But my daughter found an apartment, so she decided it would be best to ‘sneak’ me in. Can you imagine, ducking down in a vehicle so as not to be seen? I’ve been doing that for almost a year now; hoping and praying the office doesn’t find out.

    Now, my daughter is to be remarried soon. I figure if I can afford to file bankruptcy; then everything will be removed from my credit history. I have also found that I need to have a complete overhaul and my husbands’ truck. These necessary things I can do in 4-8 weeks.

    And then, I shall learn to live ‘alone’; well with a cat as a companion; not sure if I’m up for a dog. I am not a social butterfly, that was my husband.

    My daughter, trying to be helpful decided I needed to get back into ‘dating’. For awhile, I wasn’t ready; and then one day I decided to throw caution to the wind and I went out for ‘coffee’. One thing led to another and we began to see one another. It didn’t go well afterwards; so I told my daughter, “I’ve had my happy’ I am not interested in ‘dating’; as the rules for it have changed so much; well let’s just say I’m a prude. No one will every move me the way my husband did; or fill the void. And that’s okay. This will be the first time in my life I have ever been ‘alone’. And it scares the hell out of me; but I know you put one foot in front of the other, you move, you breathe, then you figure out for yourself what makes you happy. For myself, I just love making steam punk hats and things; and so I do.

  • geri

    Being a believer of a life after death helps me. My husband of 44 year. Father of 4 and grandfather of 6 died August 2016.we prayed and prayed and then God healed David and took him home to be perfect. There are days i cry get madand am lonely, and l check on my kids and grandkids.i sleep and I don’t sleep. I go to the doctor and have been to the hospital 3 times thinking I was having a heartattack. He died of cancer that reoccurred after 4 years. I am changing the house because there were things I always wanted and needed. I still work and will try some new things . I want to travel. Things I could not do. I have 10 to 20 years left and I want to do things he would not do with me so I need to be healthy. death has not come to me yet so i’m Choosing to live because that is what he would do.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Susan,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a husband is such a difficult experience, especially after all the years you cared for him. You gave your life to him, and now that he’s gone…it’s hard to conceive of a new life without him. I can only imagine what you’re going through. My heart goes out to you, and my deepest sympathies.

    While I don’t have experience living alone after the death of a spouse, I did recently attend a grief workshop. Here are my thoughts for you, inspired by your comment:

    How to Get Out of Bed When You’re Grieving a Difficult Loss
    http://blossomtips.com/i-cant-get-out-of-bed-stages-of-grief-cycle/

    I know you didn’t say that you’re having trouble getting out of bed because of your grief, but in my research I discovered that may widows have trouble getting up and being active.

    May you find life in new and different ways. May you experience the healing that only the peace of God can bring, and may your heart and soul be comforted by the knowledge that you are not alone. You are deeply loved, and you were created for a purpose.

    Your purpose is not yet over. Now, as you grieve the loss of your husband, you must find a new role to fill in this world. You are unique and specially gifted to make an impact on the lives of people around you….how will you do this?

    In peace and passion,
    Laurie

  • susan wallace

    I feel empty. After caring for my husband for 45 years, he was ill from the age of 34 he died when he was 68. I now in my late 60s and don’t know what makes me happy, or what to do, I think, aw well I’m not going anywhere what’s the point of getting dress, can’t be bothered and I know this is not healthy. Have no idea what to do any advice would be appreciated

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Jan,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you’re going through this – it’s terrible not to know what happened to your husband, whom you love so much! So unexpected, the shock and pain of his sudden disappearance. I can’t imagine how hard this is, the unknown is more difficult to bear than the known.

    I will keep you in my prayers, for strength and healing and comfort. May you reach out and find support and love in your friends and family. And, please do keep in touch with us at SheBlossoms.

    Here’s an article that may help you cope with the transition from marriage to living alone. I wish I could give you more than this – I wish I had a magic wand that could turn back time and erase sorrow – but all I have to offer is my writing…

    The Most Powerful Way to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone
    http://blossomtips.com/how-to-deal-with-fear-of-being-alone/

    You might be encouraged by my free weekly newsletter, called SheBlossoms. I help women look upwards to grow healthy and strong, emotionally and spiritually. You may find it helpful.

    Take care of yourself, and stay open to God’s love, healing, power, and freedom.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Jan

    My husband went missing in the wilderness a month ago and searches are unable to find him. He was my best friend for over 35 years and am so lost without him. The unknown of what happened to him is unbearable.

  • Laurie Post author

    The older I get, the more I realize that we don’t really grieve and heal. We grieve and grieve…and the pain lightens and breathing gets a bit easier….but there is always that shadow of sadness and loneliness that our spouse has left behind.

    Today I heard Paul Kalanithi’s widow do an interview about the book he wrote while he was dying of cancer. Her name is Lucy, and it was such an uplifting and heartfelt interview…his book is called When Breath Becomes Air…I don’t know if it’d be too sad to read it, or if it would help with the healing process.

    If reading what others are going through helps, here’s an article about living alone after the death of a spouse:

    How to Adjust to Being Alone
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-adjust-to-being-alone/

    But honestly, I really do think we just learn to live with feelings of loss. Maybe having faith in God and trusting His sovereignty and will helps, too.

  • lez payne

    The love of my life passed on 8 months ago after 35 years together, i loved her the moment i met her, and even more so, the day i watched her depart this physical world, to enter a new phase, what she called going home . It has been the hardest thing i have ever experienced . As time passes, i thought it would get easier , however , that is not the case, for me anyway. Anyone who says otherwise has something that i do not have.

  • ariel

    my partner died 5 years back, I miss him so much, I never looked for another man, as I know I wont find another him,i am now all alone in the world at 56 years of age, we had no children, we went everywhere together, I so wish I could get him back, he is always on my mind, always always.

    • Anne

      ariel, I lost my husband a few weeks ago, I felt compelled to reply to you, I am in my early 50s and no children either. My grief of losing this gorgeous, beautiful man is compounded by the fact that we never had children. I feel so much regret that I don’t have children that could not only comfort me but would be a part of my husband perhaps in looks or demeanor. I will never get over many things that we never got to do or say, and that everything I read says this part of your life is over and it’s a new season. That statement makes me sick. I am so sad that my husband is not coming back. I don’t even understand why he left and how someone so caring, giving and wonderful would be taken so quickly. He was perfectly healthy and young (59) and had a fatal illness with no cure. I feel so devastated and lonely without him. I am really nothing without him.