Q: I left him numerous times, but keep going back to my husband. I am 37 and have been married for 18 years. We have six children together. I guess I’m a complete co-dependant and domestic violence victim (verbal, physical, and sexual). I think my husband is very mentally unstable. I am staying at my mom’ss 30 miles away from him. He gets mad at me and throws me out. I got the police to stand-by as I went and got my children the next morning. I have left him numerous times but me like a big dummy always go back, believing him when he says everything will be alright. I keep going back to him because he calls crying with the same story all the time, like he doesn’t know why he does it. This is taking such a big toll on me. I’m not the same person anymore, I want to be a good mom, but some days I just can’t stop crying. And on top of everything, I’m broke, have no money and no car. I left him with only the clothes on our backs. How do I do this?
Maybe This Will Be the Last Time You Go Back to Your Husband…
You’ve taken an important first step in leaving him and not going back! You’re beginning to realize that he won’t change, no matter what he says. You’re learning to trust yourself, not him. You’re starting to see your marriage and your husband for what they are, instead of what you wish they were.
I think you need to start thinking in terms of rebuilding your life, apart from your husband. How do you do that? You create a strong support network – that’s just a fancy way of saying that you need to start hanging out with women who are strong, encouraging, and independent. You’ll gain strength and courage from women who pulled themselves out of bad marriages, who kept going back to their husbands and finally left.
You’re strong and brave – I know that because you called the police to be there when you collected your kids. You have your mom to stay with for the time being, and I bet you have friends to talk to.
Have you called a women’s support network, or social services? There are programs to help women leave bad marriages, and there are support groups that can help you figure out why you keep going back to your husband.
I know it’s easier said than done to find the strength to get out of a bad relationship. I know having six kids makes life more difficult, especially since you want to be a good mom to them. But, part of being a good mom is tapping into your inner strength, and breaking the patterns that make you keep going back to him.
Does it help you to know you’re not alone? Read Why Do I Stay With a Husband Who Makes Me Feel So Bad? – you’ll see that many women keep going back to husbands who aren’t good for them.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.