Knowing the reasons why you’re too insecure to leave a bad marriage will help you break free from a man who is crushing your spirit and soul. Recognizing your insecurity is the first step.
In Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar, Amy Ahlers will teach you how to rewire the self-sabotaging lies you tell yourself into affirming truths that will increase self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion.
This article was inspired by a reader whose husband wants a divorce. She wants out of the marriage too, but she feels so insecure about herself. Here’s what she said:
“I need help and advice please, my husband asked me for a divorce and I do not know what to do or think!!! We have been together for 17 years, and our marriage became a chore when I found out he was on a chat site. He told me then he was not happy. He told me he wanted a divorce with a sms message, but still wants me only for sex… I just give in because I love him. I slept with another guy (threesome) because he wanted me too, and he went and told everybody I was messing around. He beat me up so bad (for another reason), I was black and blue my eyes were beaten shut! I know a marriage must come from both sides and it is hard work to keep it alive, but I am so tired of being the one that is always to blame. I am so confused and very unhappy, I feel so insecure about myself, I do not know what to do. I want out but I do not know where to go, my salary will not be enough to get a place of my own so I have to stay. Any help or word of advice will be appreciated.” – on Is Your Marriage Over? 7 Signs Your Spouse is Leaving.
Sometimes marriages are obviously bad, like in Alison’s case. Other times they’re fine, but not fantastic.
Alison, you’re stuck in a very bad marriage with a very bad man. A good husband who loves and respects you would never, ever do the things he did to you.
Why Are You Too Insecure to Leave a Bad Marriage?
Your husband repeatedly told you you’re unlovable and worthless. Bad men say bad things – and they’re often lies. Alison’s husband lied to their friends, lied to her, and is no doubt lying to the women he’s cheating on Alison with. If Alison had reported him to the cops because he beat her, he would’ve lied to them.
You may be too insecure to leave your husband because of the lies he’s told you. You’ve bought into his warped, sick, twisted perspective of life. You believe him when he tells you lies about yourself, and you’re letting his lies trap you in a bad marriage.
The hell you know is safer than the unknown. Sometimes women can’t leave bad marriages because they fear the unknown. This is a very common, human fear! We fear anything we don’t know; death is one of the best examples of this. Nobody knows for sure what death brings, and we all assume that it’s terrible, bleak, and full of despair. Even Christians who believe in heaven and reconnection with Christ are scared to die!
If you’re too insecure to leave a marriage you know is bad, maybe it’s because you’re scared of facing life alone. If so, read You’re Scared to Be Alone, But Know You Need to End Your Relationship.
You don’t think you can survive without him.
Alison said her salary isn’t enough for her to live on her own, and maybe she’s right. But, is it enough to live with a roommate? There’s nothing wrong with sharing an apartment or house with another woman – especially one who is supportive, sympathetic, and strong! In fact, living with a roommate may be the best way to transition from a bad marriage to living alone. It’s probably safer, too – especially if you’re leaving an abusive relationship.
If you’re too insecure to leave a bad marriage, call someone for help. Visit the Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-7233. Find a local women’s resource center, call Social Services, talk to your kids’ guidance counselor at school.
Don’t spend your one precious life with a bad man.
These aren’t the only reasons women are too insecure to leave bad marriages. Tell me why you’re stuck – or read How to Leave Your Husband – From Thinking to Getting Divorced.