Here are a few reasons you’re asking “why am I so unhappy?” It’s normal to feel unhappy – and the source of happiness may be closer than you think. But it’s not in a person, place, or thing.
There are dozens of books on increasing happiness on Amazon, and I think How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People – Their Secrets, Their Stories by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks is the most promising. Learning how to be happier is about seeing the reasons why you are so unhappy – and what made other people unhappy. Learn what makes people happy, and try those activities or practices yourself.
Becoming happier as easy as trying to be happy. Have you actively searched for things that make you feel fulfilled, purposeful, free, peaceful, and alive?
Research by Yuna L. Ferguson and Kennon M. Sheldon in The Journal of Positive Psychology suggests that being happier is as simple as actively trying to feel happier and using the right methods to improve happiness. In their study, the right way to get happier was listening to happy music. But, this only works if you enjoy happy music!
8 Answers to the “Why Am I So Unhappy?” Question
If you’d rather play an instrument or write a song but you find yourself passively putting on your headphones every day on the way to work, then maybe that’s the reason why you’re so unhappy. You’re not being true to yourself. You’re not in tune with what you really feel, want, and need.
You’re not connected to God
I think this is by far the biggest reason why we are so unhappy. When I connect to God, I feel peaceful, joyous, secure, and loved. I feel good about myself, and I feel good about the world – even though I know how much pain and suffering we face. I believe in Christ, and my faith gives me peace. Peace is more important than happiness to me.
You aren’t connected to the right people
By “right”, I mean people who give you energy, support, and love. They encourage your creativity and inspire you to move forward in your life. This morning, I walked my dogs with a distant neighbor who talks nonstop, complains about everything, and is one of the unhappiest people I’ve ever met. I can only be with her for about 10 minutes, and then I flee. Who do you spend your time with? People may not be the only reason why you are so unhappy, but they could be a contributing factor.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
You’re in the wrong relationship
Read 10 Signs of a Bad Relationship. I don’t think this is the reason you are so unhappy, because you’d know it. You wouldn’t be searching for reasons why I am so unhappy on the internet if you knew you’re in the wrong relationship.
You buy stuff you don’t need with money you don’t have
Money doesn’t buy happiness. Money buys freedom, which can make you happy if you spend it in ways that are meaningful to you. What was the last purchase you made? Mine was a pair of used cowboy boots – I wanted to buy cowboy boots for about 10 years! I love those boots because I waited a long time to buy them, and they were a reward to myself for finishing my Master of Social Work (MSW) at UBC. I feel happy every time I walk by our front door because they symbolize freedom, hard work, and success. Maybe the reason you are so unhappy is because you make impulse purchases – you buy stuff you don’t need or really even want.
You don’t do things that make you feel happy
You’re unhappy because you do things because you should or ought to. You’re unhappy because you’re living up to other people’s expectations. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, read 10 Tips for Building a Life Outside Your Relationship. It’ll help answer the “why am I so unhappy” question without pushing you to break up with someone you love.
You aren’t fulfilling your purpose in life. I recently wrote an article for alive magazine, and focused how to live purposefully. One of the experts I interviewed said that if we’re not living up to our core values, then we won’t be happy. What are your core values? Mine are freedom, creativity, and authenticity. One reason I get unhappy is when I work full-time in an office (or any job that requires me to punch the clock). I love the freedom I have to write, wander the forests with my dogs, and express my creativity through my blogs.
You’re letting your soul wither away. The source of my peace, love, and joy is God. I don’t care anymore about being happy – I stopped asking “why am I so unhappy?” long ago. I know what makes me happy: connecting with God in music, nature, and solitude. What activities make you feel happy in your heart and soul, and why aren’t you doing them more often?
You look outside yourself for happiness. What do you think will make you happy? More money, friends, blog readers, popularity, kids, vacations? You’re wrong if you think anything outside yourself will make you happy. The reason why you are so unhappy is because you think something external will do the trick. But the truth is that those external successes – degrees, cowboy boots, dogs, forest walks – are fleeting. They may bring you happiness in this moment, but they will be lost when you die. What won’t be lost when you die? Your connection to God. Which brings me back to the first reason why you are so unhappy: you aren’t connecting to your Creator.
What do you think about these “reasons why I am so unhappy?” I welcome your thoughts below!
I love writing about how to be happier and find peace in life. I wrote When Your Wife Isn’t Happy – 6 Ways to Increase Intimacy and Love awhile ago, to help husbands who have unhappy wives.