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6 Ideas for Women Who Are Tired of Being Alone 

I’m an introvert, which makes it harder to cope when I’m tired of being alone. Most of my time is spent writing, reading, and contemplating the mysteries of God and our world. I rarely get lonely, but when I do I find myself at a loss for ways to reach out to others.

I recently received an email from a “She Blossoms” reader who asked for tips on how to be happy alone when a relationship ends. I’m not big on giving advice, but I’ve been thinking about her for days. I don’t know her exact situation – or even if she’s an introvert or an extrovert – but I know what I do when I’m tired of being alone.

These ideas for women who are tired of being alone include practical tips, commonsense advice, spiritual insights, and general thoughts on life and love. Whether you recently lost a loved one or you feel lonely in a marriage or long-term relationship, these ideas will help you reconnect with yourself.


The best way to cope when you feel lonely and tired of being alone is to reach out. You may not be able to pick up the phone or visit with friends this minute, but you’re welcome to share your story with me in the comments section below! You might be surprised at how comforted you feel after writing your thoughts down and expressing your feelings.

Here’s a snippet of my reader’s email:

“It’s been a week since I broke up with my boyfriend. After four years, I caught him with another woman. We started having problems with this same girl last year. He told me he loved me and I’m who he wants to be with. He also said they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. But little did I know it was more than friends. When I caught them he then told me to get out of his house. I’m not welcome there anymore. I’m so heartbroken. I lost friends because of him. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I just feel lost, depressed, and tired of being alone.”

When You’re Tired of Being Alone

It’s often helpful to get to the root of why you feel alone and lonely. For example, Melissa is going through the painful process of healing after a breakup and letting go of a man she loved and trusted. It takes time to grieve the end of a relationship – and she might even be a little bit feeling sorry for herself (she emailed in response to my article 4 Ways to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself After He Leaves).

The grief that follows a death, divorce or breakup always brings feelings of loneliness. We’re faced with the sadness and disappointment of the end of a relationship. We have to cope with the thought of being alone for now…and perhaps for the rest of our lives. Being alone is hard because we were created for relationship and connection.

When I’m tired of being alone, sometimes I step back and take an objective look at my life. I ask myself questions like these – which I invite you to answer for yourself:

  • How long have I been feeling alone and lonely?
  • What specific experience led me here?
  • Am I grieving something or someone I lost?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable am I being alone?
  • What is the worst part of being alone? The best part?
  • Who do I miss? Who do I want back in my life?
  • Is this feeling of being alone and lonely normal for me?

The more you know about yourself, the easier it’ll be to cope with feelings of loneliness. For example, I remember often felt lonely and alone. I called it “existential angst”, The One You’ve Been Searching For – Echoes of Belonging. It’s normal to feel the loneliness of human existence, even when you’re happily married or surrounding by a loving family. We get lonely for something we can’t even name.

1. Learn the difference between “being alone” and “loneliness”

I rarely feel lonely even though I’m alone 70% of the time. I love silence, and could live happily as a nun or hermit. I rarely get lonely and in fact often feel lonelier in a group than when I’m by myself. But even I get tired of being alone; we really were created to be in relationship, and we feel the physical, spiritual, and emotional effects of isolation.


I'm tired of being alone
Ideas for Women Who Are Tired of Being Alone

An idea for women who are tired of being alone is to understand the different types of loneliness. In How to Cope With Being Alone When You Feel Lonely, life coach and author Martha Beck describes three types of loneliness:

  1. Separation loneliness, which results from being physically distant from family and friends;
  2. Absolute loneliness, resulting from the belief that nobody understands – nor do they want to; and
  3. Existential loneliness, which is what Beck calls “a bedrock fact of the human condition: the hollowness we feel when we realize no one can help us face the moments when we are most bereft.”

What type of loneliness do you feel? Separation loneliness is about being physically alone, such as after a husband dies or a boyfriend breaks up with you. The other two types – absolute loneliness and existential loneliness (which I call existential angst) – are about feeling lonely emotionally and spiritually.

When I feel tired of being alone, I’m most often coping with existential loneliness or angst. It typically results in questions such as “why am I here?” and “What is the meaning of life?”

2. Let your loneliness and grief linger

We have a lot to grieve in this world, don’t we? Even if you haven’t lost people you love, you’re still affected by the pain and suffering of others. Whether you’re grieving a personal loss or saddened by other people’s trials and suffering, surrender to your feelings. Allow yourself to acknowledge your grief. Let yourself be sad and lonely for a little while. Simply facing your pain will start the healing process.

Remember that grief and loneliness aren’t just reserved for death or breakups. We grieve the loss of our childhood homes, parents, innocence, and even our dreams. We grieve articles of clothing and jewelry because of what they represent. We even grieve when familiar stores or restaurants close down, when houses are demolished, and when new buildings or tenants move into new spaces.

Being alone gives you the chance to grieve in healthy ways. You’re finally facing your pain…and this will heal you. When you feel lonely and tired of being alone, let yourself be. Be gentle and kind to yourself, as if you were a sad lost little girl…because in many ways, you are a sad lost little girl.

3. Pay attention to what and who makes you feel alone

In one of my other articles about loneliness (4 Meaningful Ways to Hold on to Hope When You’re Lonely), I described how alone and sad I feel after spending time on social media (especially Facebook). I experience all three types of loneliness when I’m scrolling through the updates on Facebook, so I avoid it – especially when I’m tired of being alone.

Womenshealth.gov has an excellent summary of why and how social media increases feelings of loneliness: “[Social media] pictures can be misleading and make it look like people are having a lot more fun than they actually are. Social media allows people to share their best moments, which aren’t always an accurate representation of everyday life. Try to remember that your friend with the “perfect” life has bad times, too — they just don’t share those pictures.” – from Beat the Holiday Blues.

This isn’t just about Facebook. It’s about you, and how certain activities, places and people affect your feelings of loneliness. Notice when you feel most alone and lonely. Pay attention to the circumstances, and start thinking about how you can affect your own life.

4. Listen to what the still, small voice is telling you

When I feel alone and lonely these days, I go directly to God. I’ve been creating time and space for personal relationship with Jesus, and He is slowly changing everything – for the better! Growing spiritually and emotionally is painful, and loneliness is part of the deal. Deep growth requires solitude, peace, and silence…and that always includes feeling alone and lonely.

How do you cope when you’re tired of being alone? What has worked in the past? Sometimes it feels like a chore, but it’s important and healthy to make the effort to do what works for you. If God – or His still small voice, or your intuition – is telling you something, listen. What do you feel compelled to do, drawn to experience, or curious about? Go there.

5. Are you an introvert? Learn your level of “loneliness tolerance”

On How to Cope With Being Alone, I confess that my ideas for women who are tired of feeling lonely are easier for me. The majority of people in the world are extroverted (people who gain energy from being with others), and will do everything possible to avoid being alone. In fact, I recently learned that most people would rather get electric shocks than be alone with their thoughts!

One of the most important ways to cope with being lonely and feeling alone is to know your own personality. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Take this quick, free little A Test for Introverted Personality Traits to find out.

6. Allow loneliness to lead you onwards and upwards

When You’re Tired of Being Alone
Tired of Being Alone?

Research from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst found that older adults have different – and more positive responses – than young adults about feelings such as serenity, sadness and being alone. According to this study (called “Older adults have their own perspectives on sadness, loneliness and serenity” in the Aging and Mental Health Journal), it seems that the older we get, the more we welcome being alone.

“Older adults report feeling more serenity than younger persons,” says associate professor Rebecca Ready, who works in the department of psychological and brain sciences. “They also have a richer concept of what it means to feel serene than younger persons.”

What do you think of the idea that the older you get, the more serene and settled you feel? How does this relate to your loneliness when you feel tired of being alone?

Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! Answer the questions I asked in my first tip for coping when you feel alone, or when you’re tired of being lonely. Share your experience and story. Writing can bring clarity and insight, help you sort through your feelings, and grow you forward in unexpected ways.


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16 thoughts on “6 Ideas for Women Who Are Tired of Being Alone ”

  1. I am waiting on a special someone to make their way back into my life. Sometimes it feels over whelming. Sometimes I feel as if I can’t wait another moment for HIM. I love God and can be totally happy by myself with my children however, I know the amount of happiness that this addition (HIM) would bring to me and my children. My oldest son (4) is craving the attention of a strong male figure. My youngest which is 7+months would love him dearly. And ME, well, I have always loved him. From the moment we had our first date. (It was a hockey game) Just patiently waiting….and sometimes impatiently too!

  2. My marriage ended over a year and a half ago. We have three kids ranging from 15 to 9 who live with me but see their dad every other weekend and we are on good terms. I have put so much effort and energy into making sure the kids lives are as normal as can be and that they have a relationship with their dad and thanks to me they all do. My oldest is confused and in a bit of emotional turmoil over the separation. Hopefully therapy will help her understand herself more.
    My ex has a new relationship although they are not living together and he gets to see his children whenever he chooses. Now for me…For my part I’m so jealous that he can have both sides of his life. Im struggling with feelings of anger and guilt, guilt that I’ve torn my family apart, guilt that my daughter is struggling and that more than likely we caused it. Above all I do not want to raise our 3 kids on my own with no one to bounce things off. I’ve no close family and every fiber of my being is screaming at me. I DO NOT WANT TO RAISE MY KIDS ON MY OWN. I’m afraid they’re going to choose him over me

  3. I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago because he wouldn’t marry me. We dated for ten years and he always said we’d get married next year. After seven years I knew he’d never marry me. He wants to get back together but he’s not interested in marriage.

    I’m so tired of being alone, I’m lonely and I love being in a relationship. But I feel guilty for dating and wanting to move on. I feel like I’m betraying my ex boyfriend which is crazy. He doesn’t love me enough to commit to me, so why do I feel guilty for moving on? My sister says these feelings will pass. She said my tiredness of being alone will become bigger than my guilt for moving on.

    Thank you for this blog. I joined your She Blossoms newsletter.

    – Sally.

    1. You feel bad because deep inside you know that you are the person
      responsible for all this. It’s easy to shift the blame. “He didn’t love me enough.”
      No – you didn’t love him enough.
      If you love somebody and that person is there you are happy. Period.
      No matter if you have a contract in your hand that says that you are married.
      No matter what other people say or other circumstances.
      Why do you feel guilty? Simple. You can’t lie to your subconscious mind.
      You can tell yourself all sorts of falsehoods but this will create
      cognitive dissonance and your subconscious won’t eat these lies. It will react with
      negative emotions.

  4. I also though alone and lonelimiss is the same. I am very busy during the week, I work 3 hours t a day at a hospital Monday through Friday. I alsoI bring my granddaughter to work, take her where she needs to be t with she is 17, drivers permit does not t not haver her license yet. I am her cab b driver all week, then the weekends come and I am alone. I go out by myself, going walking by myself, did the dating sites no luck, I volunteer, talk to my neighbors, just want some my age 68 to go out with, dining, movies, walking etc, so which one am I alone or feel lonley

  5. When you’re tired of being alone and feeling lonely, start with the first thing in front of you. It’s important to take action, to figure out what type of help and support you need….and then go get it. Searching the internet for tips on what to do when you feel lonely and alone is a good start, but it won’t fill the emptiness in your heart and soul. You’re struggling with a cosmic loneliness that only God can fill.

    If you can’t or don’t want to reach out in person, join my She Blossoms Facebook Group! Start making connections online (but in person visits are better). I’m not a huge fan of Facebook, but I love our group because we’re “alone together.”

    Take good care of yourself in the way only you can. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy by doing what only you know needs to be done!

    And find ways to fill the emptiness that are never-ending and powerful. Renew your relationship with God, and learn who He created you to be.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  6. Hi I was engaged for two years, it ended very ugly. I put all my hopes that this was going to be forever! We’ll fooled! He is out of jail now from beating me. I want a soul mate, I am partially disabled, Not to bad ,had a bad accident.Well now for a couple of years of learning of my condition, I feel excluded from the world!? We’re do I for in? I am not horribly disfigured, but my body to a hit. I don’t socialize at all,only with workers in my home, and nurse’s. I am just about to turn a very young 54 . This can’t be continuing on , I need to find people who are real, these days hard to find. Tried to make friends as I am in a new city now but they had really bad addictions. And seems I would rather hang out with guys, not bysexual,hope I spelled it right!,? No Disrespect. But woman I have reached out to can Be really nasty. I just want to be part of the world again.Afraid to trust both sex’s. Let me explain been burnt by males and females,till they got what they wanted then Said see ya!? I am easygoing,honest and true. I can’t figure it out anymore just spinning my wheels.Where do I for in now I have some physical problems,OH and my family couldn’t Handel it so they dropped me! Can I please get some feed back on where to start. I just had Thanksgiving alone invited a neighbor,But I told her to come sober put up with that to many times baby sitting her. So she bibnt show.Please any advice would help. I talk with a therapist so I can except my New Alone life,but doesn’t seem to be working? Thanks for your time.jen

  7. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’ll always feel joyful, peaceful, and healthy! In fact, if you believe in Jesus, you may feel more sorrow and pain than if you didn’t. Why? Because you see more, feel more, and know more about life.

    Jesus was a “man of sorrows”, and He wept. He loved and lost many people who were important to Him, and His heart broke for the lost, the unbelievers, the weary, the poor.

    And, Jesus got tired of being alone! Remember when He asked His disciples to stay away, keep watch, and be with Him the night before He was crucified? He was so alone…and He was God.

    When I feel alone, I read Ecclesiastes. I take comfort in the fact that loneliness and existential angst is part of being human, and I’m not the first person who get tired of feeling alone. And, I won’t be the last.

    Wow, sorry, lots of blah blah but no new ideas for what to do when you’re tired of being alone? Sorry. Come join our Facebook group! I promise you’ll get ideas on how to now feel so alone…

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    How are you doing? Have I talked you to the point of wishing you were alone? :-)

  8. I completely understand how you feel…..people say all then time how can you be sad and full of despair if you believe in God…why not full of joy and happiness??? I have no idea how to answer this. If God is for us ..and we believe in the God almighty. …how can we still feel despair , isolation and disconnected from other humans ???

    1. Kim, please I am sure you heard this before, but don’t give up hope. We sound like we have some hurts uncommon. I am not down grading how you feel,or what you have been thru.Hope we can try to find a way to move on? I am still waiting myself for that to happen for me to.Hang in there.

  9. People complain when they have people in their lives. Imagine having no one. What’s the point of living? Aren’t we created for someone? People are consumed with themselves and their circle. Nothing will ever make me forget all the loneliness and pain I have experienced on this earth. It’s too bad I’m young and feel so old, no matter what I do. There’s nothing God could ever do to make happy, but for to let me go. I don’t really desire to live. I’m tired and frustrated. Everyday I’m given is about caring for someone else and I am always left in the dust. I act like everything is fine but deep down inside I’m very sad. And I feel like a reject everywhere I go. I don’t think anything can satisfy me, even if I do it for myself.

  10. I think all the pains, hurts, and wounds we experience don’t ever really go away. We heal, we move on…but I don’t think we ever fully get over the heartaches we live through.

    Unless we live in the present moment. If we can take a deep breath and know that this exact moment is all we have, if we can let go of the pain of the past and the worry about what our future holds…then we might have an excellent chance of setting down our burdens and being free to be happy, light, and joyful!

    Look upwards to God, and inwards to your own heart and spirit. What would it be like to allow His joy, love, healing, and hope to fill your mind, body, and soul?

  11. My husband left me 6years ago after 28years together,he was a wonderful husband and father to our 3 boys I was devastated and found out 2yrs after it was somebody else he’d been with her for for 2 yrs within our marriage,it was a girl he’d broken the wedding off 10 weeks before I’ve still got a mortgage so there’s been a lot of worry ,he left me when I was 60 so that was a blow he is 11years younger than me it all seems pretty hopeless I was feeling a lot better getting over it but now he’s marrying her and its raked it up again,sometimes I think I’ll never really get over it

      1. That is very painful. But he was not a great husband if he left you and was no less cheating on you while you where married. A great husband does not trade his wife in to follow a boyhood fantasy of romance.
        you gave it your all and that is all one can do. It is truly a rare and beautiful thing when two people are married and that is “enough” in this culture of bigger, better, stronger etc. Even after 28 years, this man was not your true soulmate.

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