Here’s what to do when you need money to start over, inspired by the parable of Midas – and a reader’s comment on getting money to start her life over again.
How To Make Any Divorce Better: Specific Steps to Make Things Smoother, Faster, Less Painful and Save You a Lot of Money by lawyer Ed Sherman will show you that even though divorce is a difficult milestone, there are practical things you can do to make it easier. Securing the money you need to start over is one step – and you need to be aware of the other issues that divorce brings.
“Ladies, planning is a must,” says Kim on 13 Ways to Get Money to Leave Your Husband. “It may seem wrong, but really it’s not. It’s never too late to figure out what to do when you need money to start over. YOU ARE VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT, so plan ahead like I did! Also I found a great life coach at church, who I saw two to three times a week to keep me motivated. BE GOOD TO YOU! This life is short. Don’t waste it in an unhappy marriage and/or in danger from abuse. Good luck to you all. If I can do you can too.”
Below are a few ideas on how to start over when you need money after a breakup, separation, or divorce. First, though, I want to share the parable of King Midas.
The Midas Touch – A Parable
“He’s got the Midas touch”…or so we say about people who seem to be good at making money. The story of King Midas comes to us from ancient Greek mythology.
King Midas once found Silenus, the tutor of the god Bacchus, and showed the lost Silenus the way back to his pupil. Excited at the return of Silenus Bacchus promised Midas any reward he wished. Midas’ wish was the wish shared by many – unbelievable wealth.
Midas asked that everything he touched might be changed to gold. Bacchus immediately granted his wish and Midas returned to his palace with his newfound talent. True to Bacchus’ promise, everything Midas touched turned to gold. Midas could take a stick and with a touch turn it into a stick of gold. He could take a mud brick and with a touch turn it into a brick of gold.
But this talent was not the blessing it first appeared to be. Elated at his new talent, Midas had his servants prepare a sumptuous feast. The choice dishes were placed before him, but the moment Midas touched anything it turned to gold. The cloth, the plates, the cups, the food, all turned to gold as soon as they touched his fingers or his lips.
In the end Midas found enormous wealth could not satisfy his most basic need. Desperately hungry, he returned to Bacchus and begged him to remove the gift, which Bacchus did.
How to Start Over When You Need Money
The lesson that stands out to me is the idea that money won’t solve all your problems. Money can create new problems and make existing weaknesses grow even bigger. If you think money is all you need to start over after a relationship ends, then you’ll be unpleasantly surprised to find that money doesn’t offer as much freedom as you think.
These tips for financial planning are from a guide that was developed to assist survivors of domestic violence, by Click to Empower. For a more comprehensive look at financial planning when you need money to start over, contact your local domestic violence program, state domestic violence coalition or download the complete “Moving Ahead Through Financial Management” Curriculum at Click to Empower.
Secure a bank account in your name only
The first step in assessing your financial state is to look at your joint bank account. If you leave your husband, he may withdraw all your cash and find ways to hide money. This is a deliberate attempt to regain control over you and your children, and it can be a very powerful way to manipulate you. Whether or not you need money to start over, consider securing at least half of the money in your joint accounts in another account under your name only, as soon as possible.
Protect yourself financially and physically
It may be too late to start learning how to save money for a divorce, but it’s not too late to learn how to protect yourself financially! You need to ensure you have the means to take care of yourself and your children. You may be asked to account for how the money was spent at a later date by the court, so it’s a good idea to track how you spend money.
Be aware that gathering your financial documents and opening bank accounts may put your safety at risk. Talk to an advocate to create a safety plan and help you learn how to start over when you need money.
Take stock of your current financial assets and liabilities
When you need money to start over, it’s important to know what you currently have access to so you can plan and protect it. Do you have savings and/or checking accounts at the bank? Is the car in your name? Do you have a mortgage, student loans, credit card debt? It’s time to start thinking about your living expenses, even if you think you’ll never have enough money to start over. Do you have expenses that are critical to your daily life, such as medications, transportation expenses, childcare costs, food, etc? It’s important to start planning now so that you optimize the resources.
Learn what documents you need to start over
The following list of documents will help you stay safe and rebuild your financial life. In some cases, you may also need to obtain these documents for your children as well. Don’t be discouraged if you are unable to obtain all of these documents – knowing how to start over when you need money is about being resourceful and clever! You can find other ways to move ahead with your life.
Legal Documents You Need to Start Over
- Birth Certificate(s)
- Marriage Certificate Divorce
- Custody Decree(s)
- Passport/Immigration Paperwork
- Social Security Card(s)
- Will/Trust Documents
- Records of Pending Legal Actions
- Protection/Retraining Orders
- Driver’s License/ID Card
Those are the legal documents to take with you when you leave; they’ll help you learn how to start over when you need money.
Financial Documents You Need to Start Over
- Bank Statements
- Credit Card Statements
- Pay Stubs
- Tax Records
- Public Benefits Documents
- Money Order Receipts
- Lease/Mortgage Documents
- Titles (Car, Home, etc.)
- Vehicle Registration Insurance Policies
- Pictures of Property/Furnishings/Collectables
Knowing how to start over when you need money is about being organized and disciplined when you leave your marriage.
Health Documents You Need to Start Over
- Insurance Cards
- Medical Records and Prescriptions
- List of Doctors
Starting over after your marriage ends is hard. You have a lot of things to take care of, and it may seem like money is all you need to start over. But, it’s important to remember that money is only half the battle. The other half is finding the emotional and spiritual strength to take care of yourself, and to ask people for help.
When you need money to start over, you have to keep telling yourself that there ARE resources, people, organizations, and places that will help you! The key is to keep knocking on doors, and keep asking for the help you need. Now is not the time to be proud. Now is the time to accept all the help you can get…and know that you’ll be in a position to help someone else in the future.
If you’re worried about starting over, read How to Make a Life After Divorce.
I welcome your thoughts on when you need money to start over. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to share what you’re going through.
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My prayer is that you find the money, resources, and help you need to start over. May you find God in all of this, and renew your connection to Him.