It’s the most common problem in love: you don’t want to break up, but he does. Do you pursue him, or try to move on with your life?
“My boyfriend just dumped me for another woman,” says Tamara (not her real name) on What to Do When You Catch Your Spouse Cheating. “I found out about her six months ago and tried to save our relationship. But 3 1/2 months later I realized that no matter how hard I tried, he wanted to be with her. I lost the battle, and he now lives with the other woman. It has been 5 weeks now and it hurts less, but I can’t stop wishing he’ll realize he made a mistake. I can’t stop believing he loves me still, even though he is living with her. He told me he loves her, and he’s not in love with me. I have decided that I need to cut off contact with him for my own sanity. I wish I could find someone else, but no one else can take his place. It hurts soooo much.”
When you don’t want to break up, you have to force yourself to cut off contact. Even if you want to fight to get your boyfriend or husband back, you still need to step back, re-evaluate your relationship, and figure out what your next steps should be.
When You Don’t Want to Break Up – But He Does
Don’t decide right now if you want to purse your boyfriend and get him back. Instead, think about these things…
Figure out why you want to be with a man who wants to break up with you
Yes, you love him. Maybe he loves you, too. But he doesn’t want to be with you! Maybe it’s a bad reason – maybe he’s emotionally unhealthy or unable to commit. Maybe he cheated on you. Whatever the reason is, he broke up with you. You have to accept that it’s over.
And, the break up may be the best thing that could happen to you.
If you’re in love with a man who doesn’t love you back, read Why Do Women Stay in Loveless Marriages? 5 Reasons. It’ll give you insight, which can help you see yourself and your relationship more clearly.
Decide where you want to be in one year
Where do you want to be in one year? Who do you want to be with? Where do you want to live? What do you want your life to look like? How do you want to spend your time?
Write it all down. Don’t just think about your relationship, especially when you don’t want to break up with him. Write for at least 15 minutes about ALL aspects of your life, getting more and more specific about the life you want to create for yourself.
Your ex-boyfriend is not the source of your happiness, passion, or joy. He is simply a man who loved you, but can’t be with you anymore. You need to accept it and move on.
Figure out how you will create the life you want
Yes, you can be happy even when you don’t want to break up, but he does!
The way I see it, you have three options:
1) Keep wishing that you didn’t break up and that he still loves you. Keep hoping he’ll change his mind about the break up.
2) Pursue him and try to get him back.
3) Let him go. Give him time, freedom, and space. Take a deep breath, and focus on getting emotionally and physically healthy.
Here’s where the real work comes in: you have to create a plan that will get you from Point A (where you are right now) to Point B (where you want your life to go!).
Read How to Let Go of Someone You Love – especially the readers’ comments. It’s full of both the pain of heartbreak and the wisdom of people who didn’t want to break up, but survived.
When you don’t want to break up, but he does…how will you move on?