Let’s face it – some people just bring out the worst in each other. If your boyfriend says you bring out his worst qualities, then you need to walk away.
Here’s what a reader said on my relationship closure article – it’s a boyfriend talking about his girlfriend:
“We started bickering at each other, then it came down to yelling, then I grabbed a rag and stuffing it in her mouth for a second after telling her to stop yelling at me three times. Another time I slapped her in the shoulder, she claimed she was bruised. She then tells me that we bring out the worst in each other. Well, she brought out a lot of good as well. Does anyone feel this is a lost cause?”
I think this is beyond bringing out the worst in a boyfriend – this is abuse. And yes, this relationship is a lost cause.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend says you bring out the worst in him or her, then you need to walk away! I know walking away is easier said than done, so I wrote 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love. I’ve had to let go of guys I loved, my sister, and my mother. In this book, I reveal the best tips for healing from psychologists, life coaches, counselors, and grief experts. If you feel hopeless and depressed because you bring out the worst in your boyfriend, get that e-book. It’ll help you see that you’re not alone, and it’ll help you move on.
And here are a few tips for girlfriends who bring out the worst in their boyfriends…
When You Bring Out the Worst in Your Boyfriend
First, you need to learn the difference between abuse and bringing out the worst in each other. The girlfriend in the comment above wasn’t bringing out the worst in her boyfriend – he was bringing out the worst in himself.
It’s common for men who abuse to blame their partners, and then to apologize by saying stuff like, “you bring out the best in me, baby.” If you’re confused about your relationship and think you might be abused, read about the abuse dynamic. You’ll see how women stay with men who are mean.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Don’t blame yourself, even if he says it’s your fault
If he yells, shoves, or gives you the silent treatment – it’s not your fault! Even if you bring out the worst in each other for some reason – because people do rub each other the wrong way – it’s not because of a flaw in your personality. You’re not doing anything wrong, and you don’t need to change who you are.
Sometimes people just don’t bring out the best in each other. This is normal! It’s crummy when it happens with someone you love and want to be with, but it’s just the way it is. You have to accept yourself for who you are, and remember that bringing out the worst in your boyfriend isn’t about you. It’s about him.
And it’s about your personality traits – maybe you and he just have wildly different personalities!
Accept that your boyfriend isn’t “the one”
It’s easier said than done, but if you can see your break up from an objective, long-term perspective, it might be easier to accept that the relationship is over. Try to accept that you’re breaking up for a reason — you and he don’t bring out your best selves. You and your boyfriend aren’t compatible, and your relationship isn’t working.
The sooner you accept that you and he aren’t made for each other, the sooner you can start the process of healing after a breakup.
Make a clean break from your boyfriend
In the comment above, the boyfriend said that he’s been trying to get in touch with his girlfriend but she’s ignoring his calls, emails, and text messages. Good for her! Why would she want to be with a guy who brings out the worst in her – and vice versa?
If you’ve decided that you’re not meant to be with your boyfriend, break up with him. Don’t talk to him on the phone, or text him. Don’t meet for coffee or email him. Don’t talk to his friends, family, or coworkers. Even if you’re thinking of getting back together, make sure you take at least a three month break from the relationship — a clean break!
You need to find your self-identity and figure out who you are apart from your relationship.
Take control — find ways to empower yourself
You can’t change how you feel, but you can control what you focus on. You can control what you do, what you talk about, and what you think about. Instead of obsessing about this guy who blames you for bringing out the worst in him, focus on other aspects of your life.
One of the best tips for breaking free from a bad relationship is to think about where you want your life to go. Where do you want to be in one year, or five years? Also, think about the great things in your life: the people who love you, your hobbies, your pets, your job. If you don’t have enough good things to focus on, now’s the time to make changes in your life.
If you feel insecure and unsure in your relationship, then maybe your boyfriend is bringing out the worst in you.
If you’re not ready to break up, read 10 Tips for Improving a Bad Relationship.
What do you think – are you ready to leave a guy who is bringing out the worst in you, and vice versa?