It’s not easy to know when to end a relationship, especially when you hope things will change. You wish you could go back to the way your relationship was when you first got together, but deep in your heart you know that’s impossible.
Getting emotionally and spiritually healthy is the most important thing you can do. Books like Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma will help you take a step back and look at your relationship objectively. You’ll gain strength by learning why relationships end and how to cope with a breakup, separation, or divorce.
I can’t tell you when you should end a relationship, but I want to share a few important insights and tips from a reader. His mom’s friend is in an abusive relationship, and he has learned so much. His objective perspective on when to end a relationship might help you see your boyfriend more clearly.
Knowing When to End a Relationship
In 13 Ways to Get Money to Leave Your Husband, a male reader offered lots of good advice on ending a relationship. Here are his most important tips – I edited them a little, but did not change his overall meaning.
Recognize when you’re being bullied
It’s never your fault if a man is bullying you or pushing you around. You did not bring it on yourself, no matter what he says. The first step of ending a relationship is getting out of his physical proximity.
A bully’s energy grows when he makes you feel bad. To stop him from getting stronger – and you from getting weaker – you need to get away from him. Detach yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and even online. Take a few days, weeks, or even months and separate yourself from him. Give yourself a chance to see your relationship from a distance. This will help you know when to end a relationship, and might even show you how to end a relationship with someone you love.
Learn how bullies take control and overpower people
You might feel paralyzed because he controls and manipulates you. Maybe he wakes you in the night, calls you horrible names, sells your stuff, takes all your money. Sometimes we get trapped in the cycle of abuse – because most of us have never learned how to cope with abuse in a relationship in healthy ways.
My reader said his mom’s friend went to the library where there was free internet. That’s where she started her search on when to end a relationship. Through talking to people – and being honest about the abuse she was dealing with – she met more and more people who could help her.
“She got out a little bit into the world, even though she just wanted to curl up into a ball,” says my reader. “She took small steps, talking to people, listening. You never know what social contact is going to bring. We don’t know what is going to happen, but the static situation of daily bullying is going to change.”
Know you are not alone
This may be the first time you need to know when to end a relationship, but other strong women have gone ahead of you! Maybe you’ve been suffering in this relationship for a long time, but it’s still your first time. Get help from experts who have seen a thousand women in this situation, and who helped them know when to end a relationship. Learn what options you have. Believe you will find something that is better than the relationship you’re dealing with now.
This advice on when to end a relationship is straight from my reader: “Screw ‘The Secret’ and other diluted spiritual nonsense. And don’t go through your garbage looking for coke cans (to find money to leave your relationship). Get to the internet, find a professional, and tell people who are around you that this is the path you are on. You will find allies.”
You might have to fight to make contact with someone, especially if you feel like you are the most isolated being on the planet. Pick up the slightest tiniest spiritual reserve you have, that bit of courage you would use to save someone helpless and powerless, and use it to fight for yourself.
If you’re still not sure when to end a relationship, read How to Decide When to Leave a Relationship.
Learn where your energy comes from
Some people draw energy from being skilled at an art form or being an expert in their field. Some get energy from feeling connected with everyone and seeing how precious life is. Some get energy from calming their mind and conquering their emotions. Some people feel energised by helping others. Some get energy by making others laugh, or even just a smile. Some people just feel good by making their small corner as happy as it can be, in this scared and greedy world.
I get energy from connecting with God. I believe in the strength, power, freedom, and love of Jesus. That’s how I cope with every problem I have – and I’ve had lots of pretty bad problems! Where do you get energy and strength? Go there. Run, don’t walk!
If you are living with someone who is getting energy from making you feel bad, then get professional help now. He will get stronger as you get weaker, so the time to fight back is right now.
I welcome your thoughts on when to end a relationship. I can’t offer personal advice or counseling, but I can listen. It may help you to share your experience, emotions, and plans for your future.
May you find peace as you think about ending your relationship.