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5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Making Time for You

Your boyfriend says he loves you, but he’s not around when you need him or want to be with him. What do you do when your boyfriend doesn’t spend time with you? These tips will refresh your perspective and renew your heart, mind and soul. You may feel neglected and lonely, but you have more power than you think! You don’t have to sit around and wait for your boyfriend to make time for you.

These tips are inspired by a reader’s comment: “I am always lonely, and I complain to my boyfriend,” says Dee on 5 Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You. “He says I need to give him time, and we both need to weather the storm together. It’s been five months. I’m lonely and confused. Is he not interested in me anymore? How do I get my boyfriend to spend more time with me?”

You can’t change your boyfriend, but you can focus on becoming your healthiest, brightest, best self! Not only will this make you happier in your life – regardless of how much time your boyfriend spends with you – it will make you more attractive. And he might just start spending more time with you than you can handle :-) . Check out these tips for blossoming into who God created you to be…

Your boyfriend is in love with you. He tells you he wants to spend time with you, but he can’t because of work, school, friends, health problems, emotional issues. He’s prioritizing other things above you. Sometimes this is a valid and even a good thing to do. For instance, if your boyfriend is dealing with depression then he needs to take care of his emotional health. If his work is incredibly busy or his family is demanding his time for a short-term reason (eg, a funeral, move to a new place, or even a family celebration), then he needs to spend time with them.

The reason your boyfriend isn’t choosing to spend time with you is important.

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You

You won’t find “one size fits all” tips on how to get your boyfriend to spend more time with you in the tips below. I don’t know why your boyfriend can’t spend time with you…but you do. You need to tailor your response to him according to who he is and what he says.

These tips will help, but you need to do a little work!

1. Figure out what you want out of your relationship

Your boyfriend is clear on what he wants. He knows how much time he’s willing to invest in your relationship. You need to get clear on what type of relationship – and perhaps marriage – you want. You have the power to control your future. It’s up to you to take control of your part in this relationship! It’s time to rise above your yearnings and feelings, and start using your intellect. You need to put your emotions (“I want to be married, I want him to love me, I want to start a family”) in the back seat, and put your brains in the front seat (“Is this the man I should marry? Will he be there for me and my kids? Is he financially stable?”).

If you think you want to marry your boyfriend but you’re worried that he’s not spending time with you, read 5 Ways to Know if You’re Settling in a Relationship. It’ll help you figure out if he’s the right man for you.

2. Decide if you can live happily with your boyfriend as he is right now

Don’t hope and expect your boyfriend to change, because he won’t. If he’s been immersed in his games, work, friends, hobbies, or goals for a few months, then he probably won’t change his habits. If you want this relationship to work, you need to accept that your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you now and he probably  won’t have time for you after you get married, settle into a house, and have kids together.

You need to accept your boyfriend for who he is right now. Don’t expect or (worse!) nag him to change. It won’t make him want to spend more time with you…in fact, the more you talk about your relationship expectations, the less time your boyfriend will spend with you.

Be honest with yourself. If you know deep down that your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you because he doesn’t love you as much as you love him, start grieving the hurt. The truth isn’t easy, but it must be faced.

3. Voice your concerns about and wishes for your relationship – once

Tell your boyfriend how it makes you feel when he spends all his time working, hanging out with friends, or working on his car. Say something like, “I feel ____ and _____ when you don’t spend time with me. My ideal relationship would involve us spending X amount of time together.”

Ask him how much time your boyfriend can reasonably commit to your relationship. One date a week? Two hours a month?

Don’t initiate this conversation more than once. It doesn’t help to keep telling your boyfriend that you’re lonely and frustrated because he doesn’t have time for you. If you said it once, you don’t need to repeat it.

4. Remember that all relationships go through ups and downs

Here’s the rest of Dee’s comment:

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Spend Time With You

“The project that my boyfriend spent all his money failed, and he banked on another. That failed, too. It’s been five months since the misfortune, and my once beautiful relationship is now a shadow of itself. He doesn’t give me attention and he doesn’t let me visit him, although he pays me surprise visits at intervals. My boyfriend said he wants to be left alone, as he is working tirelessly to get back on his feet.”

Some men get their value and self-worth from their work and finances. Some don’t want to embark on a committed love relationship until their career is stable and even prosperous. Others can’t focus on both work and love. They simply need to focus on one aspect of life at a time. If your boyfriend doesn’t have enough time for you because of his work commitments, he may simply be in a stage of life that requires more focus in one area. But if your boyfriend is a workaholic or an entrepreneur driven to succeed, he may never be at the point where he can easily let go of his job.

For tips on living with men who are consumed with work, read How to Cope When Your Husband Puts His Work First.

5. Create a life outside your relationship

This is the most important – and the most fun – thing to do when your boyfriend doesn’t spend enough time with you: create your own interesting, fulfilling, exciting life!

The healthiest way to respond to a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you is to renew your relationship with God and build a life you love. Do not make your boyfriend the center of your existence. Find what inspires and energizes you. What makes you happy? Your boyfriend is part of your life – he is not your whole life. The happier and healthier you are, the more attractive you’ll be to him.

Are you spiritually healthy? This is the perfect time to renew your relationship with Jesus, and blossom into who God created you to be. Are you emotionally stable? If not, spend time with yourself. What needs healing in your heart, soul and mind? What do you need to grieve and let go of? Most importantly right, now, why are you in a relationship with a boyfriend who doesn’t want to spend time with you?

Want to convince your boyfriend to spend more time with you?

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You

Read 52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple’s Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together by Randy Southern.

You’ll get playful ideas for dating and spending time together, and you’ll learn more about God as a couple. Developing a spiritual life together will bring you closer than you thought possible, and give you power and hope for your future.

Most importantly, create your own life and identity outside of your relationship with your boyfriend. Don’t let your self-image and self-worth get wrapped up in him or his life, or you’ll lose yourself.

What do you think about my tips on what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t have time to spend with you? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.

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59 thoughts on “5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Making Time for You”

  1. Giving your boyfriend space is one of the best ways to make him want to spend time with you — if you are a priority in his life! If you stop making plans with him, will he text or call you? If he doesn’t, then your relationship may not be a big priority for him. A man will pursue a woman he wants to spend time with. If she’s always pursuing him and making plans, then he has no reason to pick up the phone.

    Find ways to make your life interesting and fulfilling! This will make you happy, and the icing on the cake is that it’ll make you more attractive to your boyfriend. He’ll WANT to spend time with you if you’re a happy, fun, joyful woman who is engaged in her own life.

  2. Well hello I have been in a relationship for 4 months, we text serveral times a day, talk on the phone. He constantly tells me how much he loves me, that I am his princess and that he wants to spend the rest of our lives together we do live an hour apart. We see each other once a week for now. He is a contractor and is pretty busy and I am a Dietary Aid/Chef. I seem to be the one who makes the plans for us to get together, I would really like him to start to do that a little more. Please give me any ideas of what I could do to make things better..

  3. I stumbled on your blog in a full meltdown over my relationship. And your words have been a lifesaver. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. We both overcame a lot of personal emotional trauma to even be in a relationship with one another.We both flat out refused intimacy for decades… until we met each other. I still go to therapy here and there but he stopped going to therapy several months ago. However, I feel like we’ve hit a plateau. I know my bf has commitment issues. The more time I want to spend with him, the more he pulls away. We spend about 3 nights a week together. Its very scheduled. Any more time spent together and its almost like he needs a 5 day breather from me. I casually brought up the subject of living together. I didn’t say I wanted to live together (even tho i do, i think) and instead I said, “what are your thoughts on living together.” He said he thought if we had been together for 2 years we could talk about it. To me, this response felt like he was “buying time” or he just threw out the two-year rule to shut me up. I put this conversation to rest but then today I was struck by how little time we spend together. Every sat and sunday he goes to work smack dab in the middle of the day. We have to go our separate ways every afternoon. We’ve spent like, 5 entire days together in the entire year. Every sat at 2pm I have to find ways to kill time until we can see each other again at 7pm. However, he’ll skip work to do things he deems are fun. Seeing his friends, sports, etc, but I fear that if I asked him to play hooky from work for one day to just spend aimless time with me, he wouldn’t do it. I know he likes activities but I just one day together where I don’t have to “go away” from him for 5 hours in the afternoon. I don’t even care what we do, I just want to sleep in, go for a walk, read books on the couch, but If I told him to ditch work for ONE day to do any of these things he’d think I was crazy to suggest skipping work to “walk around.” But it hurts my feelings that he’ll leave work easily if the option to do something fun with the boys comes up. I’m afraid of his commitment issues and his inability to prioritize me. However, when we are together, our connection is incredible and fulfilling, but I just don’t know if I want a fulfilling relationship that only lasts for a few hours in the morning and at night. How do I get him on my level? It seems crazy to walk away from a man I adore but I don’t know how he’ll overcome his commitment issues AND want to spend more time with me. I understand the two are linked, the more time spent with me, he interprets as loss of his independence which is also tied up in love/committment/marriage etc. I’m so confused.

  4. I have been engaged for a year to a guy I’ve been with since I was 14 (we are now both 20). We used to spend tons of time together, hanging out and listening to music and talking. Here lately we have been pretty busy with our jobs and I also go to school. Any free time we get all I want to do is spend it with him, but he always wants to play video games. I understand that he wants to spend his free time doing what he likes to do, I get that, but I can’t help but question why is spending time with me not something that he seems like he wants to do? Its really effecting how I feel about myself and it makes me feel lonely and frustrated. Any time I bring it up he gets mad at me and tells me that he doesn’t have to “be up my ass” all the time. All I’m asking for is some time together like we used to have. I really love him, and I don’t know what I should do.

  5. If my boyfriend didn’t make time for me, I would plan interesting things to do and invite him along. I wouldn’t sit down and ask him to talk about spending more time together – although this would depend on the boyfriend and the relationship! Some guys will bend over backwards for their girlfriends, and others are a bit more casual about relationships.

    The happier, more fulfilled, and more confident you are in your life, the more time your boyfriend will want to spend with you. Of course, if he’s going through a super busy stage at work or school, he may simply have no choice right now.

    I think the best thing is to focus on yourself. Create an interesting life that you’re passionate about, outside your relationship. Get involved with life, do things that bring you alive. Blossom!

    And listen to that still small voice. Are you truly happy with your relationship the way it is? What do you have the power to change? Will your boyfriend change – is he going through a busy season, or is he just a less involved boyfriend?

  6. Hey all. Ive been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years now and my boyfriend is extremely busy with work (were both 18+ years old). I totally understand that he has a job and he needs to put time and effort into it but its kinda getting annoying. Every morning, we say our good mornings to each other, through text, and literally have a 5 minute conversation and hes off to work and doesnt talk to me for the rest of the day. I sen him funny texts and sometimes I just belatedly ask are you done with work. I do try to voice my opinion, but it feels like im talking to a wall: he either says ok or doesnt text me back or he sees the text and says nothing. I dont know if im being too pushy, I definitely dont want to break up and having a break a break would be redundant because we havent seen each other for months, or something else or should I just let this storm out. Any constructive advice would be helpful.

  7. Hi. I have been in a relationship for two years now, we are both 18. Until this summer we prioritized our work, and said when the summer came we would indulge in each other until we had to go to university. However his parents seem to be keeping a firm hold and restricting him, yet he doesn’t seem to want to fight back. We spend a few hours together every few days, even though we live a five minute walk away. He’s not particularly busy. I’m not sure if it’s better that I offer for us to be friends… I feel like that’s all that we are. Any advice about what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t make time for you?

  8. There may be several reasons your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you, but it always boils down to one thing: he isn’t prioritizing you in his life. Can you live happily in this relationship?

    If you think he’s scared of commitment, here are two articles that may help:

    When Your Boyfriend Keeps Pushing You Away

    When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love

    But remember that you can’t change who he is or how he’s decided to have a relationship. All you can do is change how you think about and respond to him.

  9. I live with my boyfriend and his son. We have been seeing/dating for a year. I take his son to school, feed him, help him with reading, I try to do the “women” thing as much as I can. I’m an athletic trainer I work weird hours. My boyfriend seems like he’s always on his phone goes out with his friends once a week and doesn’t come home until 5am. He hasn’t said I love you or will take me out to the bars together. I’m concerned that he’s not committed or scared. I’m confused bc when I seem like I’m getting close to him he takes 10 steps back. I’m lost on what I should do. I’ve expressed how much it hurts me yet he still does it. I’ve told him what I wanted out of the relationship but hrs not on the same page.

    1. He has a live in babysitter, why does he need to spend time with the babysitter? Think bout it. You’re doing all the wife/babysitter things with out him truly making an effort. Why be this kids mother, when you’re only this man’s girlfriend?

  10. I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We started the relationship at a distance and didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves in to. I live in Italy and he lives in London. At this point we have phone calls and I get daily texts which is more than enough, but I need to see him. He is unable to travel during the summer because he job is very demanding and works at the airport with an airline and sometimes has some seriously long shifts where he doesnt get home till 3 in the morning. I want to go see him but im wondering to myself whether this whole thing is worth it if he doesnt have any time for me, just his demanding job.

  11. My boyfriend is a workaholic and only sees me once every 2 weeks. It’s not enough time for me. My last boyfriend was the same way but he had a different job. I miss my boyfriend but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. If your boyfriend does’t have time for you then you need to let him go. Stop thinking how much you miss him and get a life!!!

  12. my boyfriend doesn’t have time for me..we r in a relationship ship from past 3 years..we have 10 years age difference between us..I loved him bcoz I always heard that if your bf is very much older then u than your relation will work out well..he was very loving very caring in the first 1 year then all of a sudden he changed…he still is not the same person I loved..I really love him..I jst want him time and love..which he is not giving me..he is too much focused in his work…I crave to talk with him but i dnt think he cares…I jst dnt knw wat to do…now he shout at me like animals…I can never stay without him..i dnt know wat to do plz help me out guys..

  13. Me and my boyfriend live together but he spends all his time out side with the laptop. The only time we spend time together is at his mates house. Where he play guitar or smoke weed or play bbs. His always asking for money and we only comucate by facebook from the same house. When I go and speak to him its like ive intrupted his game to talk to him. Now he wants to do a ativity without me but thats the only time we spend to gether when were at his mates. I feel so alone. I have some stuff going on and feels like im on my own. What can I do?

  14. So me and my boyfriend have been together just over 16 months we moved in together 3 months after being together we spent most of our time together, he moved out in July and he went back to his mums until a week ago when she kicked him out, he’s now living with his mates and he doesn’t make any effort to see me, he says he’ll come and see me but then he either doesn’t turn up or he’ll ring me hours later and say his not coming. What can I do I miss him terribly and want to see him but he doesn’t understand that because he sees it as being clingy?

  15. We just got back together we loved each other in high school, but after high school we lost contact and now I am a university graduate and he is still in school at a community college and he is my age 24 years, he goes back to school to go to a university. The problem is that he is a workaholic and he always has time for work and friends, but when it comes to me he rarely calls me. I left three weeks ago to visit my grandma with my mom in Chicago from Berkley California. This whole time we have talked on the phone but its only for a brief time not even 10 minutes into the conversation he says he has to go to work on a project with his classmate and will talk to me tomorrow. He is not good at texting at all and his communication skills are weak. Just tonight we talked and I asked him where he is going it took him a second time to reply to me and he said he has to go somewhere, and when he was not descriptive about where he was going he got upset and his tone of voice was aggravated with my question. I am only asking where he is going do I not have that right? just to ask? he gets very upset when I ask questions. I believe it is his patriarchal thinking that the women should not ask too many questions about what he is up to because many times I feel men want to be alone and not have to feel tied down. Even though I am his first relationship and he has no experience in these things its just common sense to be able to balance both work and social life. Both him and I have grown up here, but our Pakistani culture though he is not religious or practicing, the system and his family environment contribute to his thinking. Even if he does not follow it, and he is more of a modern person that mentality I think is still present. I just feel that the relationship is somehow not how I pictured it to be. Maybe I am over thinking this? He never forgot about me these years when we first got back together and it seems that he really loves me, but now I am unsure I feel we come from different economic backgrounds and that our upbringings are different though we come from the same culture his priorities are different than mine and I am not sure if I should continue with this relationship.

  16. I dont want to deal With the hurt with this he dont want me leave and let me deal With the hurt i ask him to go he say he love me t why stay he. Not sleep together nothing

  17. So I posted 2 months ago. I just talking about what is going on in my relationship makes me feel better with the letting go process. My friend and I are in our 8th month together. I told him last week I couldn’t do this anymore and I have to step out of the relationship. I told him in a very kind way that I understood him spending time with his adult daughters I get it and that his other responsibilities he has, there’s no time for me and that it’s all about him. He didn’t agree with that and was quiet for the rest of my spill. The issue for me is that he doesn’t have time or include me in his life with his family. When his daughter or stepdaughter are in town he doesn’t include me in any activities. I feel like it’s an unspoken rule that I stay away. I really like this guy too…. After I told him what I felt something inside me broke… It was a freedom that came over. It was like I was in emotional bondage because I wasn’t being my authentic self. It’s been 5 days since I broke it off. He texted on Friday and said that he had been thinking about me and was trying not to text and if he didn’t care this would be easy but he cares and love me. He said he didn’t want me to think that he never really thought much of our relationship. Then he said he had a clear dream from God that He was going to do something with him. He said he wanted to keep the details to himself and see what God does. He just wanted me to know that I am not an afterthought and that he missed me and that he’ll have to work this one out with lots of prayer. I was glad he sent the text but I can’t go back to the way things were. Loving someone is a funny not so funny thing because when you’re upset or angry with the person you can walk away easy but when those feeling wear off, the love resurfaces and you want to be with that person. Like I said in an earlier post.

    “I’m done and getting to me and the things that make me happy. I really like this guy. I decided to step back and get back to ME!!

    On a journey and loving life!!!

  18. Sometimes i feel like he isnt trying to spend time with me and that I always have to try and figure out plans, mostly ones that go with his time and where he has to be. We have been dating for a bit more then a month now and I have not seen him in over two weeks because everytime I ask him to meet up he’s doing something but when ever i ask him what he’s doing at a random time he says nothing. For example last week was our one month and he did not see me the whole week even when I asked if he could hang out.
    But my sister and my friends are telling me that I should end things with him because “He does not deserve me” but I still really like him

  19. Hello!
    I don’t know what to think of my relationship. We’ve been together about 6 months now but lately we both have seemed to get so busy all the time. He’s working as nurse and he is basically at work 24/7. I understand that he is tired after work and wants to rest but then, when there happens to be days off and he know I also don’t have anything, he still does not make effort to see me. When we started dating this summer, we saw each other almost 3 to 4 times a week. Now we barely see each other once a week and that is bothering me a lot. Especially because I am leaving to student exchange to another country after Christmas. I am irritated that why he doesn’t want to spend time with me why I am still here? I know he loves me but does he take me for granted? I’ve talked a bit about this to him but he replied that it is just because of work. But Is it just because of work or am I just being too insecure? I also happen to have more free time because university is a quite flexible due to academic freedom.
    I doubt situations all the time because couple weeks ago, we both had a weekend off, I was asking that would he like to do something with me but he answered that he was too tired and wanted to just play playstation all day long. I understood that own time is also needed because he works so much so I didn’t make any fuss about it. But then, suddenly on the same night, I get a snapchat that he is in a bar with his friends. I got pissed off, suddenly not so tired anymore? I understand that seeing friends is also important and he still manages to see his friends almost every weekend. Am I being paranoid or is there really something to be worried? Is he losing interest in me but more often, I am starting to feel lonely in this relationship. I want that exciting life back where I felt being more included in his life. We text everyday but still, face-to-face conversations are much more important to me. I hate to get disappointed over and over again by text message saying sorry, can’t see you today. What should I do? Just understand everything and stop nagging?

    1. Lone,

      I can definitely understand how you feel. I’m going through something similar with a recently retired military man under in is mid 30’s. I’ve definitely been vocal about what I want and he has continued to pull back. I love him and he loves me, but sometimes love is just not enough. Thinking about life with him a year and then years from now jolted me back into reality because he is not going to change.

      My man doesn’t know it, but I have given him 30 days to make a change. The 30 days ends December 31st and I will decide if I will begin 2016 with or without him. Sadly, as of lately, things have not changed. He’s more plugged into his phone, going out with his friends, and our time has dwindled. I can’t exist like this and I, too, want things back to the way they used to be. I’m not happy and neither are you. It’s time for a change.

      I dated a nurse once and I get the hectic schedule. The old adage that “people make time for what they deem important” holds true. The fact that your man was at a bar with friends after telling you he was tired was him not being honest and generous with his time. You are about to go abroad and I bet that he is thinking that you two will be over. I would have a conversation with him and see where things really stand because it will only get worse if you are across the sea from him.

      I wish you the best and know that you deserve the best. Good luck!

      1. Lone,
        We understand what you are going through right now but you need to think out of the present time and think into the future. Do you think in a couple of years or in a few months things will change and if they don’t will you keep up with it?
        IN my personal opinion take Nina’s advice and see where your relationship stands, Safe zone or borderline?

      2. Thank you for your reply! I really appreciated your advise and actually, we had the conversation about the matter. Things really turned out differently because I was ready to give our relationship a time-out.

        Almost right after the conversation we had, he seemed to understand the situation and suddenly he wanted to see me more and I was invited to his house and meet his parents. Some of my friends doubted that he finally realized that I am actually moving to another country. (We live in Europe and we’re both in our early twenties)

        But I totally agree with you. I was not feeling happy but suddenly I’ve started to get my hopes up. And I hope I am not getting all excited for nothing. We’re going to spend the new year together and also he asked to move to my flat for time I am going to be abroad. (He has been looking a flat for a while) I agreed because financially it helps me so much. I am actually getting feelings that he is serious about our relationship and does not want to let it go.

        He says stuff about next summer when I will be back at our home country and for me that sounds really promising. Somehow I feel more happy about the situation but there is always a problem that is this promise going to last for the time I am away? There is always doubts because I think that’s just who I am, always doubting every single thing in my life.

        I decided to try out to make this really work because I truly love him.

        I hope you’re making a good decision for the year 2016. You still have 7 days time to consider but if anything’s still not changed, do what is best for you.

        Good Luck and Merry Christmas!

      3. Hi Nina,

        I was just reading about your relationship. Could you tell he what you did? How is it going now? I’m through something similar and I would really like to know which way you went.

  20. I think if HE’s going to leave ME alone, then I’LL leave HIM alone. He gets what he dishes out. Make no mistake about that. As hurtful as this probably sounds, if they never had time for us, maybe we never really were in a true relationship. Maybe it was something that seemed like one. Something must have happened between the two lovers in the first place, to cause doubt to one of them or both of them. And something must have happened to make one or both, doubt the other person involved. Yet, they can’t know how you feel, if you don’t tell the person you have the problem with. I’d rather try to tell them, before ending the relationship. If you’re with a narcissist, it’s probably going through one ear and out of the other, unfortunately. We can only do so much. It’s up to the other one to make it up to us. Also, don’t let pride get in the way, because as long as you put on a brave face, when you’re crumbling inside, then they’ll think nothing is wrong Be true to yourself AND your lover.

  21. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you all for sharing! Your experiences are very helpful to other readers who don’t know what to do when their boyfriends don’t have time for them. It takes courage to share about your relationship, and I’m honored you chose to be here.

    Cathy – I don’t know if your boyfriend has commitment issues, but I did share a few thoughts on your relationship here: http://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-know-when-to-give-up-hope-in-a-relationship/

    It doesn’t seem like he’s treating you with love, affection, or respect. He isn’t prioritizing you or your relationship with him, and he hasn’t committed to anyone in the past.

    I think you already have your answer….it’s just difficult to accept it.

    Read the article, let me know what you think.


  22. I was dating a man for a couple of months now. He swears he is single and just a workaholic. But, we only saw each other 2 weeks at a time and he texted me more than he called me. So he would say we should hang out on the weekend but the weekend would come and he’s caught up paying bills and doing laundry or some excuse. It does NOT take all day to do this. I’ve been to his place and it is super clean like he doesn’t live there. Chances are he probably is with someone else, or he doesn’t care to prioritize his time. He says I’m so important to him and he cares about me, but I don’t feel that way. I’m 30 and he is 45. I have no kids but his are grown. I realized today that I’m not a priority no matter what he says, because his actions don’t show it and never will. I’m a good woman with a loving heart and a kind spirit, but I won’t allow myself to be stuck in a situation that makes me unhappy. I believe that God has something wonderful coming my way, but I can’t hold onto this. I had to text him today to let him know that this is it and we need to go our separate ways. I didn’t want to text that but that’s the only way I can reach him. He sent me an angry text back saying that I wasted his time. Lol what time? All 2 hours we spent together. This goes to show me that he didn’t care about me like he said. Selfish, because he only states that I wasted his time. Anyway, my point is ladies, move on…life is too precious and short to be an afterthought. He is done and over. It made me sad but then I think of the promise of me spending my life with a man who treasures me. I won’t have to spend time questioning what did I do to deserve this. Just like a flower can’t grow without dirt, water, sun, air, and time, neither can a relationship.

  23. I relate to you guys so much, do you think this is a one sided relationship
    Hi my name is Cathy I am a female (37 years old).i am currently in a relationship with a 37 male who works m-f lives with his parents .we live 10 minutes away from each  (no obligations other than himself) The longest relationship he has been in has only been 6 months.   He never calls but he suggests we have a night were we talk on the phone and I always call cause if it was our night to call and he did not hear from me he still would not call and it is late at night and he is always sleepy because he suggests it be at 9pm,  I always ask if it can be early but always says he has something to do, I do all the texting if I did not text we would not talk to each other until we see each other the next scheduled night.  He has our nights scheduled Thursday night, Saturday night and all day Sunday, as time has gone by I have wanted to see him more but he gets mad when I want to see him more,  he claims that he feels like I don’t think he does enough for me, and I never say anything like that because he gets defensive.  But he does get upset if you ask him to stay over on a night that we normally don’t see each other.  One incident I was going away for the weekend with my mom and sister and I asked my him if I could see him on when I got back, I wanted to see him on Tuesday night and he wanted to wait until the following Thursday night and he finally agreed to seeing me on Wednesday night but it was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to it.  I just thought he would have missed me but he definitely did not mind waiting until our scheduled night.  He did finally say he would try to stay an extra night once a month but it’s is when he can do it,  it’s all when it’s good for him,  on his terms.   When it comes to affection he lacks it big time!  I love to be affectionate, but he does not hold my hand if I want to hold his hand I have to grab it and one time we were out walking I held his arm and he said that I was wrinkling his shirt.   And in private I have iniate cuddles,  he will only on his terms but basically it is me who always wants to cuddle he is very very closed off emotionally. I ask all the questions about feelings and if we go to the movies we don’t hold hand or even watching TV, I get sometimes you don’t have to cuddle buy I love to cuddle or hold hands or have some kind of contact, it’s a must! I will admit I am not perfect at all I give him his space but I mean I thought a boyfriend would want to see there girlfriend a little more than he does, he has never said “I miss you or I love you”.  I think he has commitment issues, I have asked him twice if he would like to move in with me he always says relax,  breathe we are young but we are young but not like we are 30yrs old.   All these issues have been brought up in conversation more than once in the time we have been together currently we are together. If you could give me insight on him and I know you can’t anylaze him.   Thank you for your help.

    1. this is my relationship totally…………i am still waiting out my 3rd week no response….. i had a hard time with this in the end WHAT AM I WORTH TO THIS PERSON AS HE CLEARLY DOESNT PUT IN ANY EFFORT its breaking my heart its playing with my emotions so in the meantime i decided to wait it out and as soon as HE wants to see me, i will not say a word see him take rest my stuff out of his house and just leave…….imagine a future with someone like this………

  24. I am in a relationship of 6 months with a gentleman that is 61 and I am 55. I feels 45 and full of life. After date two I noticed he wasn’t a talker. I am a communicator and very inquisitive. During the first month and a half we talked on the phone everyday, went out on many dates and enjoyed each others company. As time went on He let me know he didn’t like talking on the phone and that stopped me in my tracks as I couldn’t tell he didn’t like talking on the phone since we talked all the time. I accepted that and we tappered off on talking on the phone, however he likes sending a good morning text, maybe a conversatin at 5pm and always always calls around 10pm everyday. To make a long story short, we are in our 6th month and lately we see each other aobut 1 day a week and even longer sometimes. He is a retiree, divorced 3 years, has adult children that live in other cities and participates in church activities . He has time for all the things i just stated, but I don’t feel like a priority in his life. I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times. I understand he is set in his ways and that him and his ex lived seperate lives for a long time and he is use to doing his own thing. I do take that into consideration, however should I get knots in my stomach when we make plans and he just blows them off or donot make an effort to pursue me. In the begining he told me he and his ex didn’t put God first in their lives and we want to make sure God is in our relationship. I was in my kitchen a month ago and something within said “don’t pursue him STOP” so I have, however I had my last conversation about me being a priority in his life last night. I”m done and going to get to me and the things that make me happy. I really like this guy. I decided to step back and get back to ME!!

    On a journey and lovin life!!!

  25. Hi Laurie,

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 1 and half years. its been 5months since he started teaching and adjusting to his work. he wants me to understand what he is doing and just not demand time for him. I’m actually sad that I’m revolving my life to him and so focus about spending enough time with him. I always feel disappointed when He can’t give me his time willingly. i felt that i always force him. I feel that he don’t know my worth and he can just walk away from this relationship at anytime. Sometimes i nag him coz he don’t understands me, my feelings and my needs. if i’m telling him that i need time he just say that he is doing this for our future but how about us now? how can we work things out if he is not open to change and realize that we need time together.

  26. am passing thru a lot in my relationship, we have been dating for d past 6mnths now suddenly he changed he don’t call m he chooses his female friends over me he don’t pick my calls but yet he said am perfect whenever I complain.what shld I do? I love my boyfriend but he doesn’t have time for me. I need advice

  27. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and we have lived together for a little over a year now.. I’m pregnant with his baby and I’m so concerned because I feel like he’s making no effort at all in this relationship. I have told him several times how I feel neglected, stressed, and just down right depressed because not only does he ever spend time with me… He doesn’t commit to his promises either. Every time he says he will spare the day for me, something always comes up in preventing him from doing so. I feel like he doesn’t even notice how it effects me. If he does notice, then maybe hE just doesn’t care as much as he says he does. I love him so much and I want this to work, but my friends and family all have noticed how miserable I am lately. I basically have no one but him, since I’ve moved so far from my family. It’s so hard to make the right decision, especially since there’s a baby along the way. I feel awful for thinking about leaving him, but sometimes I feel that there’s no better choice. Talking to him seems to be making no difference…

    1. Oh my goodness. Reading your comment made me feel like i wrote this myself! My boyfriend and i got together 12/8/13 and i moved in with him 12/28/13, an hour away from all of my friends and family. We had our baby girl 5/7/15. And i feel the way you do constantly! I’ve told him so many times how i feel, but nothing has really changed. He is getting better, spending more time with me, talking to me more, but I feel like he doesn’t feel attracted to me or care about me as much as he used to.. I’m going to start taking my 2nd walk of the day everyday again. Since having my baby girl it’s been hard fitting both of my walks into my day, but I’m definitely going to! Im going to start scrapbooking again. Im going to start training my dog new and fun tricks again. Im going to get back into my drawing and painting. I’m going to do me and also take care of our home and cook and all that. But I’m not going to wait around for my boyfriend’s time and attention anymore!

  28. Hello! I’m in dis relationship for eight months the first time we met he was giving me more attention to have him all the time, we used to be together every weekend but lately he changed I don’t know why he can’t even call o text me I’m de one who start conversation when I asked him why he can’t spend time with me he says” he’s busy” I mean everyday ubusy why??? but I don’t get full xplanation… I need advice please or maybe he’s tired of being in love with me I don’t know really

  29. We were in a good relation for one year and half ..but lately wen we have gone to different states for the last 2 months.. My boyfriend is behaving too weird..for some days he turned abusive and after too many fights he tried understanding but that changed to him making fun or laughing at any important thing i spoke on our relationship.. He hardly calls me unless i do ..he s too busy with friends..I feel like a despo calling him all the Time..i want attention .love. Importance but nothing is working, he says he vl try but in vain.. I dont see any change.. I hv tried tellin him all my problems but nothing has actually worked..now i seriously duno what to do..he says he loves me but i truly feel they are mere words..please help

    1. Shalom Mundra,

      It seems to me you may be caught up in an abusive relationship and having been in one the most important thing to know is that you can’t fix or change him. That is always going to be way beyond you. I tried for seven years. In abusive relationships the abuser always has a very twisted idea of love. When I left mine I had many things to work on and I made sure I had support through a local organization and friends. I hope the best for you and that you put yourself before him.

  30. Hello
    I started dating this guy for 6 months and in the beginning it was really good but because he’s working so much I really lost interest but still like him a lot I understand we all have our lives but lately he doesn’t even have time to text or call or even see me . I feel like I need something more I just don’t know what to do I’ve discussed him about this more than I can count but it’s still the same and he replies back with im so busy with work but I try. I mean he always does start the conversation and sometimes I even tried ignoring him because I thought maybe that would be easier but it makes me more sad and he ends up calling me and asking why I’m ignoring him I know he likes me but i dont know if he likes me as much as I do sometimes I feel like I should just end it but than I think okay I know he’s working a lot and I have to understand that about him but it’s like he can’t even see me I don’t know if I get more sad that he doesn’t have time for me or I get more sad if we end it I NEED HELP! Should I end it and find some one that does have time for me or keep going and see if things would change ? He is a good guy doesn’t party is loyal but I just don’t know anymore like I should discuss again how I feel or just let it be ? I would love to have a reply back and get suggestions I just get more drained inside knowing that we don’t communicate that often anymore but than I also get drained if we ended it

    1. Hi Samantha, I am in the same exact situation. I talked to my best friend about it and she says that my bf definitely cares for me and wants to have a great future with me with a good job so he may be busy for now, but later he might not. But then my selfish side kicks in and I imagine how I’m supposed to deal with days, months, or maybe even years of no attention from him…It’s not so selfish actually, just very human of me and I have no idea what to do about it. Right now, we are on break, but he texts me everyday asking what I’m doing several times a day. I just wish I could see him more and have more from him. Please let me know how your situation is going because reading your story made me feel a little better and that I’m not being selfish by asking for too much. It’s what we do:)

      1. Hi Meghan,
        Omg reading your response is making me feel better knowing too I’m not the only one we are on a break but he has been trying to contact me but it’s like I don’t know what to do because i haven’t replied because I’m so confused you know? All of my friends are telling me don’t talk to him because it’s just gonna be the same thing but it’s like I know I need to make my own decisions! But it’s hard ! Cause I wana reply back so bad but I don’t wana her hurt and keep waiting on him again and Because he told me he doesn’t have time and stuff but yet he tries to contact me and he actually sended me a long text to talk about us and I haven’t responded and actually right after that text he posted something on IG that I know it’s about us and he wrote “I guess that’s how it’s suppose to be “with a girl and boy separating as the post but how can he tell me he doesn’t have time when I know he doesn’t and told me he wants to work on it and he’s trieing but it’s not enough for me cause we don’t see each other for weeks I just don’t understand and before when we started going on a break we were on the phone and I told him I don’t wana keep waiting on us and he said well I don’t wana keep you waiting and hung up on me and I haven’t been calling or texting him back so now he’s trying to contact me but it’s like I’m hurt and confused and I told him I’m not gonna keep going with us if it’s not gonna lead to anything more I can’t just do the simple text thing and only text each other sometimes that’s not enough for me we’re girls we know what we want and if it’s not what we want we try to move forward of course I still like him sometime I wonder if I should talk to him and talk about us and I have more than. I can count and it’s the same thing idk what to do anymore I need advice if I should just move on with some one who has time for me or work it out but I have been trying to and nothing working just heartbreaking but good luck on your relationship!

    2. Your post sounds very very familiar.He is just not into you,he wants you to be available for him without commitment from his side,you will be the only one to be blamed for the way he would treat you: things will get worse,either his way or hell will break loose! He will tell you he did not make any promises,he is not going to change.
      Please,move on,and you will meet someone else who will value you.
      If your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you now, you will be trapped. Nobody loves somebody without spending time with them. If you stay with this guy,you will loose a lot of yourself identity,your confidence will be wrecked and you will end up being insecure and having a sense if worthlessness.
      My advice to you,run for the hills,don’t look back,don’t have a baby with him,and the right guy will come your way.
      Think whether this is how you want to spend your life and your time?please move on..someone will appreciate you before you get depressed.

      1. Hi girls! I just came across this page and reading your stories almost made me cry. I have the same problem. Would be nice if I could tell you about it. Also, I was wondering what Heidi’s suggestions were on this situation:
        First you have to know that I live in Germany and that my boyfriend is from Peru, which means that it has been quite hard for him to find a proper job here although his German is excellent and he is a really hard working guy. We have been together for about two years now and during this time my love for him has grown so much. I would very much(!) like to spend the rest of my life with him..but: He is always busy! First he was writing his thesis, then doing some kind of mini job. Now after all these years he has found the perfect job and I am so happy for him!! And so is he- he constantly tells me about what is going on at work, seeks my advice on things, … . He is so proud to finally to have made it. The downside is that this job is so very time consuming! We hardly see each other although we live in the same city. Like Meghan said, he sometimes works up to 13 hours! He doesn’t do anything else but work and hardly ever goes out with his friends or family. He only plays football once a week and whenever he can spare an hour, he wants to meet up with me. At the beginning I was okay with the situation but now I feel it’s nagging me more and more. Seeing him that little just doesn’t make me happy although I’m really trying to enjoy the time we spent together. But now it’s been two weeks since we last saw each other (we text each other daily though). He has asked me to be patient but I don’t know if I can. My mum had a husband who never had time for her/ us..and I am afraid the same will happen to me. (I know it’s silly but that’s just how I feel.) What should I do? Am I making too big of a deal? Please help if you can. God bless! All the best from Germany. Julia

  31. My fiance and I have been together 4 years this July. Everything was great until about 3 months ago. He always seems to bust for me now. He’s not working anymore hours or have any new hobbies. He just Is too tired to go together or just makes sure he is busy. I mentioned it to him 6 weeks ago. “can we please go out alone as a couple just you and I. I like to spend time with you as a couple and it makes me feel appreciated ” ever since, when ever he’s got time off work he bring she’s daughter up for the whole week !! So we don’t get any time together , then when she’s not around he insists on inviting his male friend to stay for the whole week, just this week we have Thursday night off together so I left a polite note on the calendar about perhaps we could go out sometime the end of this week. Well he invites 2 of his friends to the cinema and then texts me to ask ” me and hhh and ggg are going to the cinema do you want to come with us?”
    Granted he thought I might like to go but I want to spend time with just is two as we haven’t for 6 weeks. I have tried explaining it bit it’s like he doesn’t listen. I hate nagging and being unhappy with him. I’m just so unhappy with the relationship and tired of trying to fix it on my own. He makes no effort to keep me happy I feel. It’s very important to me for us to spend alone time together , even just curled up on the sofa. It makes me feel loved and that he thinks about me. Time costs nothing yet you would swear I’m asking for gold !! His response when I ask why we don’t spend time alone. ” well you know I have my kid most of the week, I hardly see said kid when I’m working” ( single father, so I know it’s difficult for him) but he hasn’t got her 24-7 as his folks have her a few days for him too when he’s working or got other stuff to do.
    My whinge basically is because he always manages to dump his kid when he wants to go cinema with mates or the pub etc but won’t dump.his kid to spend time with me once a fortnight. It’s not like I want to go out every night. Don’t see the difference when he manages to dump his kid to go with his mates but won’t do same for me. He’s 43 I’m 28 . I’m feeling like I should leave and fond someone who appreciate me and wants to spend time with me. We can go weeks without sex too. Down to the fact that I don’t feel like having sex with Him because he doesn’t spend any positive time with me alone .

  32. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how it feels when your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you. If you and he have very different personalities, then the issue goes beyond how much time you spend together as a couple.

    I really appreciate the courage it takes to share how you feel, especially in writing. It’s not easy to admit that you’re having relationship problems. Writing about them makes them more real, and forces you to accept that something needs to change.

    My prayer is that you find strength, courage, and hope in your relationship. May you know what parts of your relationship can be changed, and what parts won’t change no matter how hard you try (you can’t change your boyfriend).

    May you learn what you can live with, and what you have to accept. And, may you become spiritually and emotionally healthy so you can see your relationship and your boyfriend clearly. I pray for wisdom and guidance as you decide how to move forward in your life!


  33. Hello.
    Yes, writing about relationship problems might help.
    I enjoyed this article and I even copied parts of the text to be able to read them later.

    My relationship of 2.5 years was always challenging. But mostly because of my fears as this is the first long-term relationship I have.
    He is sometimes great and fascinating but sometimes hard to talk to. Our biggest problem is the communication and lack of time spent together.
    He works from Monday to Friday, I am a freelance writer. We don’t see each other until the weekend comes (he needs space) but, sometimes, even when we’re together, he still finds some things to do and occupy his time with. He cares about me as he told me and I do, too.
    However, he told me he is a reclusive and doesn’t know how to relate to the others. He doesn’t have close friends, while I have-I know how to talk to the others and human relationships fascinate me. So, in this sense we are very different.
    Because of this difference, it’s very hard to relate to him-he never opens up, he does not want to show his emotions. When I open up (crying or worrying) he doesn’t understand it.
    However, we have meaningful discussions together-something I never had with another man. We are connected very strongly at a mental level but it’s not enough.
    Thank you for listening. (it wasn’t easy to write this)

  34. My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and have known each other for 15 years. We have just about the closest to perfect relationship that I can imagine. However, he has 3 jobs, many friends, and we are somewhat long distance. I work only part time and am not busy. His schedule has become more hectic and while I know without a doubt that he loves me, I can’t help but feel lonely. I’ve already told him and I see the efforts he’s made but I still get feelings of resentment when I know that it’s irrational. Please help!

  35. It happens to me all the time I feel like my boyfriend don’t want to spent longer time with me. But I can tell how supportive he is in my life and I know he loves me what makes me upset is when he talk to me then say “I have to go or I’m starving” and saying talk to you later. Then I waited for how many hours just to talk to him again.and after he message me his already tired and want to go to bed,I felt like I’m always neglected by him. But I love him so much more than anybody cause he is the only person accept me as what I am. Can anybody advice me? Maybe I’m just over reacted. Thanks

    1. He is not accepting you as you are.He is training you to be what he is planning for you to become…be careful,look at the red flags…the signs of a player,I can assure you…I hope I am wrong..

  36. Hello Ruth,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how it feels when your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you….but he has time for other people. It sounds like you want things to be the way they were so badly that you aren’t willing to face the reality of your relationship.

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to see your relationship for what it is, and that you can see your boyfriend for who he is. He’s giving you all he can or wants to give, and he’s not willing to try harder. May you find other ways to get the love you need, and may you find happiness and peace in your life. Amen.


  37. My boyfriend is a truck driver and he always makes excuses to not be texting me or talking to me but when I get our cell phone bill which is detailed it shows he has plenty of time to talk to others. Including other women that he swears are just friends. If I bring this up I’m told I have to trust him ( even though he has given me reason not to more the once) or we are through. We have been together 14 years and I keep telling him that after that long I think I know a thing or two about him. I hate how he treats me like I’m stupid. It not the lies that bother me so much, I’m used to those. It’s the insult to my intelligence that does. Just want us to get back to what we use to have.

  38. The more you cling to your boyfriend and dwell on the time he’s not spending with you, the less attractive and appealing you’ll be! I think it’s important to create a life you love, that you’re happy with and are fully enjoying. People want to be around happy people.

    If your boyfriend isn’t giving you what you need, maybe it’s time to think about moving on. Be strong and courageous, and focus on your emotional health and happiness.

  39. It’s been around two months that my boyfriend had started to neglect our relationship. I feel lonelt and depress not knowing how things between us got so distance? He’s usually good about spending time with me, but lately its been down spiraled. He doesn’t have the time for me anymore, he’s either working, or doing something after work. And most of all, his kids’ are his main priorty, I really do understand that. But he’s forgetting that he has a girlfriend too…I feel like this relationship is not where I want to go by being neglected, forgotten, someone who he cares to think that is trying to save the relationship…

  40. If your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you, you feel lonely and neglected. It’s important to be honest about why he isn’t spending time with you! Is it because he’s super busy for a specific reason (eg, school or work), or is it always like this? If he’s always like this, you have to decide if you want to be in a relationship with a boyfriend who doesn’t make time for you.

  41. D:
    I’m in a similar situation, he refuses counseling and wants to suffer his depression alone!!! I’ve spent the last 7 years trying to be there for “the love of my life” as he calls himself. I believe he is bi-polar and when I’ve tried to even slightly discuss this he “rages” I AM WHAT I AM, which just seems to confirm that. Our relationship every five weeks is beautiful and playful but every 5 weeks like clockwork he goes into this awful depression, pulls back from me and consistently blames everyone else for his problems. I always believed it was chemical, prescribed, but it seems to be his personality. I recently learned he just to beat his siblings to passing out when he was young. OMG?!! It’s heartbreaking to read what you wrote because that’s me. I love his boys so much but even they are trying to stay away from him. I think we both need to decide to put ourselves first, move on, and find someone who will love us for the wonderful loving people we are. God Bless. I hope we can do it.

  42. He once told me that everyone (his parents, siblings, friends and I) are complaining about his attitude, that we should all give him his space. That he doesnot want to be consoled or encouraged and that he wants to face it alone. He further said that he is workin on that everyone should be patient with him, that trying to poke him around will even scare him off, that whenever he is in a good spirit we all feel it as we feel the warmth of his goodtimes. I felt ok at least to know that I was not the only one he was avoiding and he’s not hating me afterall! But, the others are his family, they’ll always be family but I’m his woman and I’m lonely.

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