What to Do When You’re Tired of Being Alone 


These tips for what to do when you’re tired of being alone range from practical advice to spiritual thoughts on life and love. Whether you recently lost a loved one or you feel lonely in a marriage or long-term relationship, these ideas will help you reconnect with yourself.

One of my newest “She Blossoms” readers emailed me, asked how to be happy alone when a relationship ends. I don’t give advice or offer personal counseling, but I’ve been thinking about her all weekend. I don’t know her exact situation (which is why I don’t give advice!) but I know what I do when I’m tired of being alone. I’ll share what works for me.

The best way to cope when you’re lonely and tired of being alone is to reach out. You may not be able to pick up the phone or visit with friends this minute, but you’re welcome to share your story with me in the comments section below! You might be surprised at how comforted you feel after writing your thoughts down and expressing your feelings.





Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of. Take responsibility for your happiness and feelings of loneliness, and reach out for what you need.

Here’s a snippet of my reader Melissa’s email:

“It’s been a week since I broke up with my boyfriend. After four years, I caught him with another woman. We started having problems with this same girl last year. He told me he loved me and I’m who he wants to be with. He also said they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. But little did I know it was more than friends. When I caught them he then told me to get out of his house. I’m not welcome there anymore. I’m so heartbroken. I lost friends because of him. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m just lost, down and depressed about being alone.”

When You’re Tired of Being Alone

It’s often helpful to get to the roots of why you feel so alone and lonely. For example, Melissa is going through the heartbreaking process of letting go of someone she loves, of coping with feelings of betrayal and disillusionment. She ended her relationship even though she was scared to be alone, and she’s grieving.

Grief always brings feelings of loneliness. When we lose a loved one, we have to face the sadness and disappointment of a broken dream. We are faced with the idea being alone for what seems like forever. Whether we chose to be alone or whether we’re forced to be alone…we’re still lonely and hurt.

Before you read through my tips on what to do when you’re tired of being alone, think about these questions:

  • How long have you been facing loneliness?
  • What started these feelings?
  • Are you grieving something or someone you lost?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you being alone?
  • What is the worst part of being alone? The best part?
  • Who do you miss? Who do you want back in your life?
  • What does “sick and tired” mean to you?
  • What advice would you give Melissa about being alone?

Take time to write your answers to these questions about being alone. The more in touch you get about your experience with loneliness, the more helpful you’ll find my tips on what to do when you’re tired of feeling lonely and alone.

By the way – this morning I found a research study that said people would rather get electric shocks than be alone with their thoughts! I encourage you to forgo the shock therapy, and make time to be alone with your thoughts. Yes, it’ll hurt. But it will heal.



Sign up for my free weekly "She Blossoms" newsletter

One Blossom Tip a week. Short and sweet. You'll love it.

* indicates required



1. Learn the difference between “being alone” and “loneliness”

I love being alone and I rarely feel lonely. Good thing, because as a writer I’m alone a lot! I’ve learned that for me the difference between “being alone” and “loneliness” is that I often feel much lonelier in a group of women than I do when I’m by myself.

In How to Cope With Being Alone When You Feel Lonely, life coach and author Martha Beck describes three types of loneliness:

  1. Separation loneliness, which results from being physically distant from family and friends;
  2. Absolute loneliness, resulting from the belief that nobody understands – nor do they want to; and
  3. Existential loneliness, which is what Beck calls “a bedrock fact of the human condition: the hollowness we feel when we realize no one can help us face the moments when we are most bereft.”

What type of loneliness do you feel? The first type is about “being alone” physically. The other two types are about feeling lonely emotionally and spiritually. I most often struggle with the third type of loneliness. Existential. For me, it used to appear in questions like “why am I here?” and “What is the meaning of life?” Luckily, I discovered that God is why I am here (and why you are here, too) and that He is the meaning of a healthy, peaceful, joyful, free life.

2. Give yourself time to grieve

Even if you haven’t lost a loved one, you may feel sad and depressed about the end of something.

What to Do When You’re Tired of Being AloneMaybe you discovered something new and disappointing about your parents, or you realized that you really don’t like the job you’ve had for years.

Grief isn’t just reserved for death or breakups. It’s for the loss of anything you once held dear. You might grieve the loss of your favorite blue sweater because of what it represented to you, or a favorite shop in your community because of the positive associations you have with it.

Grief and being alone are woven together. So what do you do when you’re lonely and tired of being alone? Allow yourself the time and energy it takes to go through the grieving process. Give yourself time to heal.

3. Reconsider how much Facebook you “consume”

In one of my other blog posts about loneliness (4 Meaningful Ways to Hold on to Hope When You’re Lonely), I shared that social media – Facebook especially – makes me feel incredibly lonesome. I drown in all three types of loneliness when I’m on Facebook, so I avoid it whenever possible. Which is all the time. Except for my new habit of posting my Blossom newsletter blurb on my personal Facebook page, because it most closely represents my life today. But when I’m tired of being alone, the last thing I’d ever do is log on to Facebook.

Womenshealth.gov has an excellent summary of why and how social media makes us feel more lonely and alone: “A recent article encouraged people to avoid looking at social media during the holidays. Pictures can be misleading and make it look like people are having a lot more fun than they actually are. Social media allows people to share their best moments, which aren’t always an accurate representation of everyday life. Try to remember that your friend with the “perfect” life has bad times, too — they just don’t share those pictures.” – from Beat the Holiday Blues.

How does Facebook affect you? Pay attention to how you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually after your time on Facebook. Do you feel less lonely and tired of being alone? Now you know what you need to do. But will you do it?

4. Listen to what the still, small voice is telling you

Maybe you’re tired of being lonely and alone because you haven’t been listening to the still small voice inside of you. Deep down, you know what is causing your loneliness. And you know what to do about feeling less lonely and alone. Sometimes the problem is finding the motivation to reach out and connect, because we fall into slumps that are hard to get out of.

What advice would you give yourself about being alone? Write down five things to do – and write to yourself in the third person. For example, if you were Melissa you might write, “Melissa, you’re grieving the breakup of a four year relationship. Here’s what you’re feeling, and here’s what you need to do about it….” Let that still small voice inside of you do all the talking, and start taking steps forward.

5. Learn your level of “loneliness tolerance”

On How to Cope With Being Alone, I share that my tips for being alone are easier for me partly because of my introverted personality traits. And, partly because I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old. I’ve never lived with a boyfriend, never had a long-term love relationship outside of my marriage. I lived in Africa for three years and traveled to many distant parts of the world…all by myself.

I like being alone. I prefer being married, but I would be happy single. Maybe this is what makes my marriage healthy and strong – I don’t need my husband, but I do love and appreciate him so much! He is a gift from God, a blessing….but I would find many blessings in life if I wasn’t married. How do I know this? Because we can’t have kids, and I am incredibly, richly happy. I love life! Why? Because of God. No other reason. Nothing comes close.

If you can get to this place – of loving and appreciating your life for what it is right now, of connecting to God and developing a relationship with Jesus – you don’t have to fear being alone. Why? Because you will never be alone again.

6. Take heart, for you won’t always be alone and lonely

Research from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst found that older adults have different – and more positive responses – than young adults about feelings such as serenity, sadness and being alone.

what to do sick and tired being aloneIt seems that the older you are, the happier you are about being alone. Elderly people may feel sick and tired, but it’s not because they’re alone.

“Older adults report feeling more serenity than younger persons,” says associate professor Rebecca Ready, who works in the department of psychological and brain sciences. “They also have a richer concept of what it means to feel serene than younger persons.”

The older adults in this research study associated more positive emotional terms with serene, such as cheerful, happy and joyful, than did younger people. This is because older adults report more calming positive emotions than younger people and have a broader concept of what it means to be serene.

This study also found that younger adults associated more self-deprecating terms with feeling sad and lonely, such as being ashamed of themselves, dissatisfied with themselves, angry and disgusted with themselves. Maybe it has something to do with social media sites such as Facebook! The full article, called Older adults have their own perspectives on sadness, loneliness and serenity has been published in the Aging and Mental Health Journal.

Here’s a summary of the 6 things to do when you’re tired of being alone:

  1. Learn the difference between “being alone” and “loneliness”
  2. Give yourself time to grieve
  3. Reconsider how much Facebook you consume
  4. Listen to what the still, small voice is telling you
  5. Learn your level of “loneliness tolerance”
  6. Take heart, for you won’t always be alone and lonely

The truth is you don’t need my advice on what to do about the loneliness of being alone. You need YOUR advice. Better yet, you need to listen to the still small voice that has all the answers. You are not alone, even though you may be going through the loneliest period of your whole life.







Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books

growing forward book laurie pawlik she blossoms
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.








letting go book laurie pawlik she blossoms

How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.









miss him book laurie pawlik she blossoms
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.







Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! Share your experience and tips. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you sort through your feelings.

xo


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

14 thoughts on “What to Do When You’re Tired of Being Alone 

  • Sally

    I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago because he wouldn’t marry me. We dated for ten years and he always said we’d get married next year. After seven years I knew he’d never marry me. He wants to get back together but he’s not interested in marriage.

    I’m so tired of being alone, I’m lonely and I love being in a relationship. But I feel guilty for dating and wanting to move on. I feel like I’m betraying my ex boyfriend which is crazy. He doesn’t love me enough to commit to me, so why do I feel guilty for moving on? My sister says these feelings will pass. She said my tiredness of being alone will become bigger than my guilt for moving on.

    Thank you for this blog. I joined your She Blossoms newsletter.

    – Sally.

    • Andreas

      You feel bad because deep inside you know that you are the person
      responsible for all this. It’s easy to shift the blame. “He didn’t love me enough.”
      No – you didn’t love him enough.
      If you love somebody and that person is there you are happy. Period.
      No matter if you have a contract in your hand that says that you are married.
      No matter what other people say or other circumstances.
      Why do you feel guilty? Simple. You can’t lie to your subconscious mind.
      You can tell yourself all sorts of falsehoods but this will create
      cognitive dissonance and your subconscious won’t eat these lies. It will react with
      negative emotions.

  • carol moniz

    I also though alone and lonelimiss is the same. I am very busy during the week, I work 3 hours t a day at a hospital Monday through Friday. I alsoI bring my granddaughter to work, take her where she needs to be t with she is 17, drivers permit does not t not haver her license yet. I am her cab b driver all week, then the weekends come and I am alone. I go out by myself, going walking by myself, did the dating sites no luck, I volunteer, talk to my neighbors, just want some my age 68 to go out with, dining, movies, walking etc, so which one am I alone or feel lonley

  • Laurie Post author

    When you’re tired of being alone and feeling lonely, start with the first thing in front of you. It’s important to take action, to figure out what type of help and support you need….and then go get it. Searching the internet for tips on what to do when you feel lonely and alone is a good start, but it won’t fill the emptiness in your heart and soul. You’re struggling with a cosmic loneliness that only God can fill.

    If you can’t or don’t want to reach out in person, join my She Blossoms Facebook Group! Start making connections online (but in person visits are better). I’m not a huge fan of Facebook, but I love our group because we’re “alone together.”

    Take good care of yourself in the way only you can. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy by doing what only you know needs to be done!

    And find ways to fill the emptiness that are never-ending and powerful. Renew your relationship with God, and learn who He created you to be.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Jennifer

    Hi I was engaged for two years, it ended very ugly. I put all my hopes that this was going to be forever! We’ll fooled! He is out of jail now from beating me. I want a soul mate, I am partially disabled, Not to bad ,had a bad accident.Well now for a couple of years of learning of my condition, I feel excluded from the world!? We’re do I for in? I am not horribly disfigured, but my body to a hit. I don’t socialize at all,only with workers in my home, and nurse’s. I am just about to turn a very young 54 . This can’t be continuing on , I need to find people who are real, these days hard to find. Tried to make friends as I am in a new city now but they had really bad addictions. And seems I would rather hang out with guys, not bysexual,hope I spelled it right!,? No Disrespect. But woman I have reached out to can Be really nasty. I just want to be part of the world again.Afraid to trust both sex’s. Let me explain been burnt by males and females,till they got what they wanted then Said see ya!? I am easygoing,honest and true. I can’t figure it out anymore just spinning my wheels.Where do I for in now I have some physical problems,OH and my family couldn’t Handel it so they dropped me! Can I please get some feed back on where to start. I just had Thanksgiving alone invited a neighbor,But I told her to come sober put up with that to many times baby sitting her. So she bibnt show.Please any advice would help. I talk with a therapist so I can except my New Alone life,but doesn’t seem to be working? Thanks for your time.jen

  • Laurie Post author

    Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’ll always feel joyful, peaceful, and healthy! In fact, if you believe in Jesus, you may feel more sorrow and pain than if you didn’t. Why? Because you see more, feel more, and know more about life.

    Jesus was a “man of sorrows”, and He wept. He loved and lost many people who were important to Him, and His heart broke for the lost, the unbelievers, the weary, the poor.

    And, Jesus got tired of being alone! Remember when He asked His disciples to stay away, keep watch, and be with Him the night before He was crucified? He was so alone…and He was God.

    When I feel alone, I read Ecclesiastes. I take comfort in the fact that loneliness and existential angst is part of being human, and I’m not the first person who get tired of feeling alone. And, I won’t be the last.

    Wow, sorry, lots of blah blah but no new ideas for what to do when you’re tired of being alone? Sorry. Come join our Facebook group! I promise you’ll get ideas on how to now feel so alone…

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/sheblossoms/

    How are you doing? Have I talked you to the point of wishing you were alone? 🙂

  • Kim

    I completely understand how you feel…..people say all then time how can you be sad and full of despair if you believe in God…why not full of joy and happiness??? I have no idea how to answer this. If God is for us ..and we believe in the God almighty. …how can we still feel despair , isolation and disconnected from other humans ???

    • Jennifer Rackley

      Kim, please I am sure you heard this before, but don’t give up hope. We sound like we have some hurts uncommon. I am not down grading how you feel,or what you have been thru.Hope we can try to find a way to move on? I am still waiting myself for that to happen for me to.Hang in there.

  • Someone

    People complain when they have people in their lives. Imagine having no one. What’s the point of living? Aren’t we created for someone? People are consumed with themselves and their circle. Nothing will ever make me forget all the loneliness and pain I have experienced on this earth. It’s too bad I’m young and feel so old, no matter what I do. There’s nothing God could ever do to make happy, but for to let me go. I don’t really desire to live. I’m tired and frustrated. Everyday I’m given is about caring for someone else and I am always left in the dust. I act like everything is fine but deep down inside I’m very sad. And I feel like a reject everywhere I go. I don’t think anything can satisfy me, even if I do it for myself.

  • Laurie Post author

    I think all the pains, hurts, and wounds we experience don’t ever really go away. We heal, we move on…but I don’t think we ever fully get over the heartaches we live through.

    Unless we live in the present moment. If we can take a deep breath and know that this exact moment is all we have, if we can let go of the pain of the past and the worry about what our future holds…then we might have an excellent chance of setting down our burdens and being free to be happy, light, and joyful!

    Look upwards to God, and inwards to your own heart and spirit. What would it be like to allow His joy, love, healing, and hope to fill your mind, body, and soul?

  • Barbara rees

    My husband left me 6years ago after 28years together,he was a wonderful husband and father to our 3 boys I was devastated and found out 2yrs after it was somebody else he’d been with her for for 2 yrs within our marriage,it was a girl he’d broken the wedding off 10 weeks before I’ve still got a mortgage so there’s been a lot of worry ,he left me when I was 60 so that was a blow he is 11years younger than me it all seems pretty hopeless I was feeling a lot better getting over it but now he’s marrying her and its raked it up again,sometimes I think I’ll never really get over it

      • Anna

        That is very painful. But he was not a great husband if he left you and was no less cheating on you while you where married. A great husband does not trade his wife in to follow a boyhood fantasy of romance.
        you gave it your all and that is all one can do. It is truly a rare and beautiful thing when two people are married and that is “enough” in this culture of bigger, better, stronger etc. Even after 28 years, this man was not your true soulmate.