Breaking up can leave you lost and lonely. Here’s what to do after breaking up with someone you care about – these steps to will take you through acceptance, healing, and rebuilding your confidence.
The Willow Tree Angel of Healing is my favorite symbol of healing, growth, and moving forward after loss. Sometimes having a physical reminder of healing after a breakup can help you forgive, forget, and forge ahead.
These tips on what to do after a break up focus more on rebuilding your self-confidence than jumping back into the dating scene. First, you heal.
One of the worst things about breaking up is the loss of confidence you feel. Getting your confidence back after a breakup involves taking control of your thoughts and behaviors. It’s about letting go of the person you broke up with and accepting that it’s time to move on. That’s the healthiest tip for how to get over a break up: learn how to accept and move into the future.
What to Do After Breaking Up
Knowing how to let go of a relationship is painful, but possible. Give yourself time to heal, and watch how your thoughts affect your mood and self-image.
Listen to what you’re telling yourself
After breaking up, some people tell themselves they’re worthless, meaningless, dumb, unlovable, fat, or not funny. They blame themselves for the breakup. Other people take the opposite extreme: they blame the other person for everything and refuse to take any responsibility for breaking up. Both extremes involve a lack of self-confidence. What are you telling yourself about your break up? How has it affected your confidence and self-esteem? Write down three things you believe about yourself and the break up. Use your insights to help yourself figure out what to do after a break up.
Challenge your thoughts
Look at your thoughts…are they really true? For instance, if you wrote “Nobody will ever love me again” – do you really believe that? Getting your confidence back involves challenging your thoughts and beliefs about yourself. I’m reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. I love it because it’s about accepting your life and circumstances while moving forward to make things better. You don’t have to believe everything you think! It’s your thoughts that create pain…not your circumstances or the people in your life.
Do something different – challenge your mind
I recently went back to school – I’m getting my Master’s of Social Work at UBC in Vancouver. It’s been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my self-confidence! It’s both scary and exciting, challenging and uplifting. What have you always wanted to do, try, experience, see, or be? To get your confidence back after breaking up, start taking small risks in your life. Take a one-day workshop, or a morning-long class. Start meeting new people, and notice how charming and kind you are. Reward yourself for taking risks – especially if you feel like you failed. Starting something new will give help you know what to do after a break up, because you’ll be immersed in your new life.
Volunteer – participate in meaningful work or service
This tip on what to do after a break up is from Preston Ni, in The Break-Up Cure: 7 Ways to Heal & Find Happiness Again: “The next to the last tip is to reach out and help others in greater need than you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit an elderly home, or engage in other types of meaningful work or community service. Realize how fortunate you are. Let service fill your heart with love and gratitude , and come back with a new perspective.” Break up or no break up, volunteering changes how you see yourself and the world.
Get out of town
Can you afford to go on vacation for a month, week, weekend, or even a day? Challenge yourself and go alone – you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to meet people! I’ve taken many, many solo vacations to places like Egypt and France. Staying in hostels makes it super easy to socialize. This is one of the best tips on what to do after a break up, because it gives you a different perspective on life and yourself. If you don’t have strong roots where you are, why don’t you consider moving to a different city?
What do you think about these tips on what to do and how to fill the void after a break up? I welcome your comments below. I can’t give advice on what to do after breaking up with someone you care about, but it may help you to share your story.
My prayer for everyone who is struggling with what to do after breaking up: may you find peace, healing, faith, and hope in God. May you move forward in confidence and strength, and know you are never alone. Amen.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.