If you can solve other people’s problems but you don’t know what to do about your own relationship problems – you’re normal! Solving problems in our relationships is never easy, because we’re caught smack dab in the middle of it all.
Help is on the way – but you have to step up and take action. Below are a few ideas that will help you know what to do about your relationship problems. This article was inspired by a reader who is struggling with the end of her marriage.
“My husband told me he doesn’t love me anymore,” says M on How to Move on After Your Marriage Ends. “He’s just waiting for our daughter to finish college and then he will leave me. He treats me like a trash but despite all of that I still love him. He told me that he cannot make himself love me again. He womanizes a lot. I forgive him again and again because I don’t want to end our relationship. I’m from a broken family and I don’t want my daughter to have what I have had for a family. My husband treats me like I have a contagious disease, and he doesn’t want to come near me.”
Being happy in your life is about more than figuring out what to do about your relationship problems – it’s changing how you see yourself.
M says, “I am very very sad and I feel like the most worthless and ugly woman in the whole world. Not even my parents wanted me. What should I do when I only know how to live my life for my husband? I don’t know how to start my life when I’m already old. How will I find a decent job to support myself? I don’t know what to do with my life. How can I start again?”
See what I mean? It’s not about fixing problems in your relationship…it’s about healing the view you have of yourself so you can handle anything that comes your way.
What to Do About Your Relationship Problems
Put the problems you’re having in your relationship aside for a moment. Focus on how you see yourself – and how you can change your self-image. You can increase the power you have in your life if you choose to step out in faith!
Examine the lies you believe about yourself
M tells herself that she is worthless, ugly, and unlovable. Are those true facts about herself, or are they lies that the Deceiver is telling her? I am 100% sure they are lies. M tells herself that she doesn’t know how to start her life over and that she doesn’t know what to do? No! She DOES know what to do. I am 100% certain that if I asked her to write down three things she could do after her husband walks out the door forever, she would be able to write down ten things.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
What lies are you telling yourself? That’s what’s holding you back.
The truth is that you already know what to do about your relationship problems, but you’re allowing yourself to stay stuck. You are a strong, smart, valuable woman – but you’re holding yourself back.
If you’ve allowed your marriage to consume you, read How to Recover After Losing Yourself in a Relationship.
Be honest with yourself
I love how self-aware and insightful M is. She knows the reason she keeps forgiving her cheating rat of a husband over and over: because she comes from a broken family and she doesn’t want her daughter to experience the same thing (as if her daughter doesn’t know how unhappy her mother is, and how bad the marriage is). M knows her husband doesn’t love her, and she is aware of her own weaknesses and limitations.
Simple self-awareness is an excellent, wise, and healthy step towards healing and happiness. Towards Blossoming! You will know what to do about your relationship problems if you start with self-awareness. But, it does take courage and strength to be self-aware! It’s hard to admit how you’re holding yourself back.
Get help with your emotional health issues
Being self-aware is awesome…but it’s not enough if you can’t get past your problems.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, courage and wisdom. Reaching out for in-person support and guidance is the smartest, healthiest thing you could do. You will know exactly what to do about your relationship problems if you first take care of your own emotional and spiritual health.
Are you hiding secrets about your life? Are you ashamed to admit the relationship problems you’re facing? Write about them in your journal or in the comments section below – anonymously. Make up a name, and pretend you’re writing about someone else. Then give yourself advice, tell yourself what to do, and sort out your relationship problems.
Are you depressed? Read What Depression Feels Like – and How to Blossom.
Are you scared to be alone? Read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
But remember that NOTHING – no amount of reading articles about relationships or sharing your problems or asking for advice from relationship experts – is more effective than getting help with your emotional health issues. You need to deal with whatever is holding you back. It won’t go away by itself.
Give yourself relationship advice
I can’t tell you what to do about your relationship problems because I don’t give advice. Half the time I can barely figure out what to do with my own problems, much less someone else’s. I’m a writer, not an advice giver.
The best person to give you advice about your relationship problems is YOU. You already know what to do. You’re just scared to do it.
Don’t believe me? Try this. If your daughter (or sister, or best friend) came to you and said her boyfriend cheats on her and treats her like trash, would you tell her to stay with him? If someone you love is being abused, treated like she has a contagious disease, and feels worthless, would you tell her how to solve her relationship problems?
Of course you would. Not only that, you’d want to rip her boyfriend’s head off and feed it to the lions! Treat yourself with the same love and care that you’d extend to your daughter, sister, or best friend.
What to Do Next
Make one little decision today. You may already know a whole heap of options for your life – or you may feel like you have none. Doesn’t matter. Today is the day you make one decision about what to do about your relationship problems. Your decision could be to call a women’s help line and ask for support, or to tell a friend about your relationship problems, or to get a book about healthy relationships. Or maybe you could pray, reconnect with God, and accept His healing, love, and peace in your life.
Read 10 Ways to Figure Out What to Do With Your Life if you need to start over after a breakup. What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?
Share your thoughts! What do you really want to do about your relationship? If you could wave a magic wand, what changes would you make in yourself? Leave your husband out of it because you can’t change his personality, attitude, behavior, habits, etc…what do you want to change about yourself and your life?
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you decide what to do about your relationship problems.
“There are far better things ahead than what we leave behind.” ~ C.S. Lewis.