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What Should I Do When I Suspect He is Cheating on Me?

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Here are several things to do when you suspect your boyfriend is cheating on you.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. He has cheated me before but we worked it out. We really like each other. But I suspect he’s cheating on me again! What should I do?

When You Suspect He’s Cheating on You…

The short answer is to dump him right now, because if he cheated on you within the first few months, then he’ll cheat on you again. Read 10 Signs of a Bad Relationship – I can almost guarantee you’ll see your relationship in that article.

The long answer involves a comment from Pam, who suspects her husband is cheating on her:

“I know that my husband cheated on his first wife. I used to think I was special to him and he would never cheat on me. For the last 7 years or so, he has been doing so many things that make me feel like he doesn’t care how I feel. He goes out and gets drunk. He spends all his time away from home. He now works about 2 hours away, and isn’t home most of the time. When he is home, he sleeps all the time. When I ask him if he loves me, he says yes. If feel like he’s cheating on me, I ask him and he says no, that I am his one and only. I still feel like he’s cheating on me. How can I know if I’m right or wrong?”

If you’ve been with a guy for less than a year and you already suspect he’s cheating on you, then you can bet he’ll still be cheating on you in five, ten, or 20 years. You need to dump him right away, and save your self-esteem and self-respect. You also need to make sure you’re physically healthy (no STDs – because guys who cheat spread disease).

Do you want to stay married? Read How to Save Your Marriage After the Affair.

If you’re married to a guy you suspect is cheating, you need to determine why you’re suspicious. Your subconscious is picking up on signals that make you think he’s cheating…what are those signals? It’s much easier to recognize the signs a guy is cheating in hindsight, after you have an objective perspective on your relationship and his behavior. But, I encourage you to try to get an objective perspective now, before you go through more pain and suffering.

It might also be helpful to write down the worst and best case scenarios. The worst case scenario is your suspicions are right, and he is cheating on you. What steps will you take to leave him – or will you stay with a husband who you think cheats on you? Many women do. The best case scenario is that he’s not cheating; it’s just your mind or insecurities playing tricks on you. In that case, you need to get emotionally healthy so you can rebuild trust and save your relationship.

If you really really love him and really really don’t want to leave him, read Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated? 5 Ways to Tell.

Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.

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I updated this article, and re-posted it on my new love blog. Read it again at Is He Cheating? What to Do When You Suspect an Affair.

2 thoughts on “What Should I Do When I Suspect He is Cheating on Me?”

  1. Dear Tracy,

    Thank you for sharing your story of your husband with me. I’m sorry he’s acting this way, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like a very difficult time in your marriage, and your husband isn’t being very loving or kind :-(

  2. I’ve been with my husband since I am sixteen. I am now 37. We’ve been together for 20+ years and twelve years ago he did cheat on me. I just had our second child and I was depressed and he figured he would go get it some where’s else. I forgave him ( believe me it wasn’t easy) and now he works 3 hours away for the last 6 months . He comes home 1 a month to see the kids and I and yet the last month it’s lime he has no emotion when he talks to me. He hasn’t said i love you or I miss you in over that. His answers are always short and simple to anything. Our conversations are short and to the point cause that’s how he wants them. And now I am really thinking he is having an affair again. I am so hurt by how he is treating me and want to know the truth and not!

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