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How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Unfaithful

These hints and signs of betrayal will help you figure out if your boyfriend is unfaithful – and what you should do about it. Suspecting that he is betraying you is one thing, but actually accepting it is another.

unfaithful boyfriendsIf you think your boyfriend is unfaithful, read The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted… But Chose to Ignore. It combines tales of dating disaster and advice on how to handle similar situations in your own relationship.

Here’s what Dr Phil says about accepting a physical or emotional betrayal in love (or anything else that’s difficult to accept in your relationship): “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge,” says Dr Phil McGraw. The sooner you uncover a betrayal in love, the sooner you can figure out if you should leave or learn ways to survive an affair and rebuild your relationship.

Once know about some of the red-flag-worthy problems men display (such as the signs of betrayal below), you can evaluate what you’re okay with, what you’re so not okay with, and, hopefully, gain a better understanding of what kind of man, and relationship, will work best for you.

The first step is to figure out if you have an unfaithful boyfriend. Then you can figure out how to stop cheating in a relationship.

How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Unfaithful

1. Trust your gut: if you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, he probably is. Generally speaking – in most cases – if a girlfriend suspects her boyfriend is having an affair, then he probably is cheating. Why? Because she’s picking up on the cues and clues that reveal his behaviors and actions.

Cheating is one of the main reasons relationships fail — but some couples manage to build a better relationship after a betrayal like cheating.

2. Examine the reasons you think your boyfriend is unfaithful. Is he working or staying out late, getting secret phone calls, or talking about a certain person all the time? It’s important to look at those suspicions and determine if they’re valid. It’s also important to separate your own personal issues from your boyfriend’s actions and habits. For instance, if you think your boyfriend is unfaithful because your last love relationship ended due to physical or emotional affair (and not because of reality), then you be ultra-sensitive to possible betrayal. Sometimes we’re suspicious of partners because of our own past experiences and issues.

3. Ask your boyfriend if he’s being unfaithful. He may deny it and you may be afraid to bring it up because of the effect it’ll have on your marriage, but the sooner you talk about it, the better. Describe why you think he’s cheating on you, and ask him outright if he’s cheating. And, don’t forget that physical infidelity is only one type of affair.

4. Examine your relationship. Are you physically and emotionally intimate? Do you communicate with your boyfriend? Is he indifferent to family events or activities, such as anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays? Is he more secretive? Those signs may indicate that your boyfriend is cheating on you — and can help you decide if you want to put effort into staying together and surviving an affair.

hes cheating on me

“How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Unfaithful”

5. Look at your boyfriend’s “paper” trail. Girlfriends may uncover unfaithful boyfriends by looking at bank statements, credit card statements, email messages, text messages, Facebook accounts, or even car mileage. Whether this is ethical or moral is something each woman needs to decide for herself.

6. Be aware of changes in behavior, tone of voice, and habits. Telling signs of a unfaithful boyfriend can include nonverbal body language, verbal statements, and emotional reactions to questions. Is your boyfriend suddenly more attentive than usual, concerned about his appearance, wearing a different type of underwear, trying a different cologne, or ultra-clean when he gets home (from a recent shower)? A sudden change of behavior – such as leaving work early or late – could be a sign of betrayal in love.

7. Hire a private investigator. On one of my articles on “Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals” – I think it was Learning Why Men Cheat From Gary Neuman – a private investigator commented that he’s often hired by wives who think their husbands are cheating. If you can afford it, consider hiring someone to follow your boyfriend. If he’s serious about lying to you and covering up his affair, then you need to get serious about discovering the truth. There’s nothing worse than suspecting he’s cheating on you, but ignoring the signs of betrayal.

Is Your Boyfriend Telling Lies? How to Find Out the Truth may help you figure out the difference between actual betrayal and your own suspicious mind!

Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.

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If you have any thoughts on these signs of betrayal – or you think your boyfriend is unfaithful – please comment below.

26 thoughts on “How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Unfaithful”

  1. Good day, my boyfriend maybe betrayed on me coz when I want to see his phone he won’t give me, he has many alibis, he switch the story, please advice me, is my boyfriend unfaithful?

  2. Am I crazy?! I’ve been with my husband for10 years now and he’s repeatedly cheated on me, talked horrible about me thinking I won’t hear or be told, don’t come clean about what he makes when paid ( demands to know what I make and tells me how to spend it..I have no say in it!!! Actions speak louder than words I believe and anger shows true feelings yet tells me that he doesn’t want to be without me and swears I’m just insecure and jealous…jealous I’m NOT…insecure hell yeah…I’ve never said no to anything he wants…I always answer right away his calls and texts…he won’t…always says he can’t hear me but repeats it all…I’m on depression meds and he mocks my cry a lot, calls me a baby, bipolar, says I need to take more pills..swears he is in love with me, but I can’t get how..it’s the complete opposite of love. He compliments on other females and I don’t get any. I’ve told him I feel like a beggar…I only asked for one night a week to do something together, or just stay in and relax together…nope. He’s got tons of excuses…ice always been the one to get rid of the guy or help a friend realize that she’s not chosen the right one…I’m constantly changing me when I know better.

  3. I think my boyfriend is cheating on me cause last Thursday he stayed some where else then home and he told me it was one of he’s neices then the next couple days we were talking about and he changed the story to it was another niece and he did not text me for 4 hours and when he finally did he said he was sleeping but he can’t even go to bed that early at he’s own house idk what to think cause every time I bring it up he gets mean and defensive and swears and me and walks out on me and my daughter I don’t know what to think. Do you think he is cheating on me?

  4. Emz,

    I don’t know if your boyfriend is cheating on you for sure, but I think it’s extremely important to trust your gut instincts. If you are picking up on signs of betrayal, you need to be careful that you don’t ignore what you know to be true.

    Don’t be so desperate to be loved that you ignore your boyfriend’s unfaithfulness. Don’t be so needy for a relationship that you forget that you are valuable, smart, lovable, beautiful, and worthy of a man who respects you!

    My prayer for you is that you find strength and courage from God, that you are able to see your boyfriend for who he is. May you realize how wonderful and unique you are, and may you have the guts to break up with a boyfriend who you don’t trust. Amen.

    In peace,

  5. Hey,
    Were jst 4 mons wd my bf..he stils call me up & answering my txt msg..but i hav ds woman instinct dat his betraying me..he stays at d gym most of d tym & he has a new sport & spending hours wd hs frnds..is it positive dat his cheating me?

  6. Dear Angel,

    I can’t email you or give you advice, but I think you need to trust your gut instincts! If you don’t feel good about what your boyfriend is doing, then you have to decide if you want to continue to be with him.

    I DO think he is betraying you. It isn’t right, especially since you’ve asked him not to do it. You aren’t over analysing your relationship, in my opinion.

    He won’t change. Can you live with him and his actions for the rest of your life? Can you tolerate what he looks at? I think it’s disgusting, and would consider it a betrayal if my husband did that.

    Your comments inspired me to write this article:


    I hope it helps you figure out what to do next. Let me know.


  7. Hi, I’ll go from the top, 4 years ago I was cheated on by the father of my two eldest children, I’m now in a new relationship and have been with him for 2 years now I have a child with my new partner also, he is very suspicious with what he looks up in YouTube. Tonight I caught him looking up soft core porn!!!! He knows how I feel about it in any shape or form and promised he wouldn’t do it and didn’t care about it!!!! Is this a form of betrayal or am I just over analysing things???? I’m not sure what to do please e-mail me and let me know on your thoughts.

  8. CORRECTIONS ON MY COMMENT. Oops……called him back to the table and asked him…….and the last two times he said ” are you gonna start again and he turned around and he walked away

  9. I think my husband is cheating because, I’ve been having this gut feeling and not just that but the hours that he says he works don’t match with his pay check. About 3 weeks ago we were invited to a co-workers b-day party and when we go out to parties he usually stay with me but this time he was as far away from me as possible and when I called him to come sit by me he stayed a few feet away and told me to sit down that he would be with me in a couple of minutes well, a couple of minutes turned to 90 minutes. So I called him back to the table and sakes him to take me home and he said sure go to the car and wait for me. After he took me home he said he was going back to hang out with his friends. His actions were very suspicious. Lately he disappears and won’t tell me where he goes or when I ask him he stutters and takes a while to answer. I confronted him 3 times the last two times he”are you gonna start again and walks away. Please help i cant afford to hire someone any advise on what i should do to catch him because I’m 100% sure that he is cheating.We have been married for 25 yrs. and I don’t want to be made a fool of. HELP

  10. Dear Sehar,

    If you think he’s cheating on you, he probably is! Your gut is picking up on signs, and you need to pay attention. It’s heartbreaking and painful in the short run to leave your boyfriend when he is unfaithful, but much better for you in the long run.

    I wrote this to answer your question:

    What Should I Do When I Suspect He is Cheating on Me?

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.


  11. Hey.
    I really need some help here. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months now. He has cheated me before but we had worked it out. We really like each other. But i suspect he’s cheating on me again! What should i do??

  12. hi …

    it”s a big pleasure to send you this message …i”m writing this comment and i”m feeling very hurting by my boyfriend…we were felt in love very deeeeeply, our relation lasted more than one year but the problem is that recently we were chating and he said that he want to share a pic with me i thought his pic buuuuuuuuut i was sooooooooooo suprise by him that he send me a lady pic i was asking him who is this girl ??? he said she is his friend”s office girlfriend ??
    so strange ?? i was telling is that correct that your friend share his girlfriend pic with strange people ???then he only said the reason why i showed you this pic because she looks like me i said if so why you keep her pic in your mobile ???he doesn”t wanna answer and i get soooooo mad to talk to him …please tell me if he cheating on me ???

  13. Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. The first 7 months of the relationship were great. Then we moved to a different state together for three months for internships, while there it started going down hill. We were constantly stressed. When we moved back to our home state we went back to living with our parents. About a month and a half later he bought a house and I moved in with him. While moving in with him I waas working 50-60 hour weeks plus school full time. So I was forever tired and irratible and our relationship just got even worst. It wasnt till after living together in the house for 9 months that I finally moved out because it was down right miserable together. This is my first relationship and I have trust issues. about a month ago I caught him on craigslist responding to casual encounter ads and sending pictures of himself and his cell #. When I asked him about it he said he wasnt going to do anything adn I was the reason why he was doing that bc I was making him so miserable. I dont know what to do, he shattered what little trust I had gained over 2 years. I dont know how to trust and I have walls that are up. I have no idea what to do. Any help would be nice.

  14. If you have to try to believe your boyfriend that he’s not cheating on you, then you need to dump him! When you trust a man, you feel secure, safe, and confident in your love.

    You have to trust your gut when it comes to love – or any aspect of life. You have to find the strength to leave a guy who cheats and betrays your love. You deserve better than that!

  15. In the past he has lied, he is always looking around at other women constantly, lied about where he went on holidays,even lied about who he works with, says he never talks to any one at his work he has worked there for 10 years, he says he has no friends, i have believed or tried to believe him but having a hard time believing him. I have been with this man for 10 years it has been a constant battle.He got turned on at the beach when he was starring at another woman and said if i wasn’t there he would have acted on it. He has also lied about having a calling card when he never needed one he had a cell phone, i found the callling by accident. I have always had this feeling he has cheated on me.I have never gotten over him lying to me. there is very little trust.

  16. I think you should follow your gut. If your instincts tell you not to trust your boyfriend – whether or not you spot the signs of betrayal – then you need to walk away.

  17. Hi, Maybe you can give me some direction.. Ive been with a man for over 5yrs, broke up 10 times and now back together with the big proposal (after being engaged for 3yrs – 3 times). This time, date is set, future planned and no turning back! The problem is… had 6mnths to do planning on big day, nothing till now! Time running out, 1 month to go, when I sit him down to discuss the matter to finalize the event, there is arguments and excuses (money, time etc) He feels that I put him under presure and everything will happen in faith! I just can not trust the situation nor him. Please tell me what I should do, he say he loves me and want to marry me, but can not give me a proper commitment. I have been married 3x before and dont want to go through the same mistake again. I also have to change my religion to his, which Im busy doing….
    Hope to hear from you soon>

  18. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear J,

    Thank you for sharing your story here – I appreciate it! It’s always tough to know what to do when you’re in love, especially when it seems like your guy isn’t as invested or interested as you are.

    Here are my thoughts about your relationship:

    Is He Right for You? Signs It’s Time to Stop Dating Him

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts and questions.


  19. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 10 months and i dont know why but i feel like im always doubting him back and forth. i dont know how honest he is with me and usually i have to text him everyday about how hes doing or call to say hello. he wrote me a long text about how im the best girl and he loves me so much but when it comes to saying the words out loud he has a hard time. i try to be cute and lovey dovey cuz thats just how i am but this always makes him say to stop with the corny stuff. ive been contemplating breaking up but i keep going back and forth. the thing that really annoys me is that hed rather hang with his friends and he texts all the time but always away from me. occasionaly he’ll show me a text from one of his buddies but i dont know if i should suspect this as being ususual behavior or im just paranoid. what should i do?

  20. I am single but am talking to an old boyfriend..
    I really like him but the thing is he is with my BEST FRIEND!!
    I know I shouldn’t talk to him.. but i can’t hep it..
    I really really like him!
    I want to tell her but don’t want her to hate me…
    What do I do?? :(

  21. Lawrie, i’m very interested to know what your take on spouses watching pornography? is it a sign of betreyal?
    Thank you.

  22. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Cy,

    You know your boyfriend loves you when you feel totally secure with him, and you totally trust him not to betray you or cheat on you. When your boyfriend loves you, he’ll put you first and do everything he can to make you happy.

    I hope this helps…if you have a more specific question, please ask!

    .-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…Establish Good Financial Habits – 6 Ways to Make Money Saving Tips Stick =-.

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