How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

If you’re too shy to date, check out my tips for overcoming fear of rejection. I’m a freelance writer who gets rejected ALL the time – and let’s face it: rejection is rejection, whether it’s on a date or at work.

How to Overcome Fear of RejectionDo you feel too shy to date? The good news is you’re normal. And, more good news is that there are resources that will help increase your confidence – such as The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible.

Want more good news? Overcoming fear of rejection is something we all have to do every day – sometimes two or three times a day – and it gets easier with practice.

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Here’s what one reader says: “The man I like is in a relationship,” says C. on Single and Nervous About Dating. “Since I don’t want to be the third wheel, I’ve accepted the fact. I admit that I am a bit (too much) shy when it comes into getting to know people. I’m also afraid of possible rejection.”

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

Here’s the rest of this reader’s comment:

“What should a woman like me do? How will I get over my bashfulness and get on with my life? I’m only 21 years old, I can’t be stuck with a man who doesn’t return my feelings for all eternity, can I?”

Nope, you definitely shouldn’t get stuck there! These tips will help…

Don’t “invest” in your feelings of fear of rejection

I was at a writing workshop last night, and the facilitator said we can’t “invest” in our feelings of fear, insecurity, and self-doubt. I asked what that means; she said we should experience our fears, say “Hm, that’s interesting” and keep writing.

This works for dating, too. Instead of drowning in your “too shy to date” feelings and fear of rejection, acknowledge them and move on. You’re shy. Perhaps you’re an introvert (take this test for introverted personality traits to see). That’s okay – it’s who you are. What is not okay is letting your shyness stop you from falling in love. And, remember that attracting someone is easier than you think.

If you never know what to talk about on a date, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.

Find ways to stay motivated, to keep dating despite your fear of rejection

I’ve been trying to get my books published for years. I’ve received hundreds of rejection letters, and yet I keep plugging away. What motivates me? My dream of being a published author. I stay focused on what I want to accomplish in my life, and that fuels my daily efforts to find a publisher.

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

If you’re too shy to date, how do you stay motivated? How do you overcome your fear of rejection in love? By focusing on what you want to create in your life. Write down where you want to be in a year, in terms of your love life. What kind of man do you want to be with? What activities do you want to do with him? How do you envision your relationship unfolding?

You create the things you think about, my friend. Stop thinking about being too shy to date, getting rejected by someone you like (or even love), and how hard it is to meet people. Instead, focus on the happy, healthy, strong, committed love relationship you will have one day.

Just like I focus on the published book I will one day hold in my hands, as the author and creator!

Advice from a dating expert and psychologist

“You deserve someone who is fully emotionally and physically available,” says Dr Paulette Sherman, author of Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart. “Through the process of dating, you will learn what you like and don’t like in a romantic partner. You will also learn to express and reveal yourself in a relationship, which takes practice.

[To overcome shyness and fear of rejection in love], make a list of all the great things about yourself and remember that any guy will be lucky to get to know you. This will help you  be brave in reaching out. You may get some rejection in the process (like everyone does) but don’t reject yourself as a result. Remember that the right guy will stick around! Dating isn’t easy but it can be a huge growth process.”

Are you too shy to date? Tell me why below. I can’t offer advice, but you may feel better if you write about how you plan to overcome your fear of being rejected. You CAN overcome fear of rejection and fall in love; it just takes time and practice. And a thick skin.

May you move forward in eagerness and enthusiasm, and not let fear of rejection hold you back.

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8 thoughts on “How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Thank you for your thoughts on how to overcome fear of rejection. May you find faith, courage, and strength to move forward without fear or trembling!


  • Margarita

    I spent almost 20 years in an abusive relationship and divorced (alone) for 10 years. I was always told I was never good enough, pretty enough or even intelligent enough to be with anyone or speak to anyone. Thus here I am trying to step out of those realms and become me and give myself the chance to be happy and share happiness with someone.
    Your site helps me a great deal with overcoming certain feelings and pressures I never could before.

  • Laurie Post author

    Hello JW,

    A friend of mine is in the same situation – he’s about 46 years old, single, and owns his own home. He’s never had a girlfriend, and rarely dates. I don’t know if he’s too shy to date. I think his fear of rejection comes from things that happened in his childhood. I pray for him all the time, and have encouraged him to seek counseling. He believes he should talk to a counselor, but hasn’t taken that step.

    You’re not alone. So many of us are scared to be rejected – we’re so scared that we hide ourselves away. Sometimes it doesn’t matter why we’re too shy to date. Other times, we need to deal with the root of the problem so we can overcome fear of rejection.

    Are you involved in any singles groups, from church or places like MeetUp? Those can be excellent, safe ways to meet people – especially if you’re too shy to date.

  • J W

    I’m very shy. I’m a 36 year old virgin. I’ve never dated. I don’t have a vehicle or a job; I live In a 1 bedroom apartment alone so that’s a big part of It. I get disability. I have love shyness.

  • Michelle

    Rejection is something we all have to face, and it shouldn’t stop you from dating. Rejection should be thought of as not about you, but about the person or her life.

    I was never too shy to date but I just didn’t have the time.

  • Laurie Post author

    Here’s the article about making small talk, to help you be less shy and overcome fear of rejection:

    What to Talk About on the First Date – 10 Tips for Small Talk

    I hope it helps!

  • Laurie Post author

    I wrote an article about first date conversation starters, which used to be my most popular article on Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals. If you’re too shy to date and scared of rejection in a love relationship, let me know – I’ll post the link to the article here.