If you’re too shy to date, check out my tips for overcoming fear of rejection. I’m a freelance writer who gets rejected ALL the time – and let’s face it: rejection is rejection, whether it’s on a date or at work.
Do you feel too shy to date? The good news is you’re normal. And, more good news is that there are resources that will help increase your confidence – such as The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible.
Want more good news? Overcoming fear of rejection is something we all have to do every day – sometimes two or three times a day – and it gets easier with practice.
Here’s what one reader says: “The man I like is in a relationship,” says C. on Single and Nervous About Dating. “Since I don’t want to be the third wheel, I’ve accepted the fact. I admit that I am a bit (too much) shy when it comes into getting to know people. I’m also afraid of possible rejection.”
How to Overcome Fear of Rejection
Here’s the rest of this reader’s comment:
“What should a woman like me do? How will I get over my bashfulness and get on with my life? I’m only 21 years old, I can’t be stuck with a man who doesn’t return my feelings for all eternity, can I?”
Nope, you definitely shouldn’t get stuck there! These tips will help…
Don’t “invest” in your feelings of fear of rejection
I was at a writing workshop last night, and the facilitator said we can’t “invest” in our feelings of fear, insecurity, and self-doubt. I asked what that means; she said we should experience our fears, say “Hm, that’s interesting” and keep writing.
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This works for dating, too. Instead of drowning in your “too shy to date” feelings and fear of rejection, acknowledge them and move on. You’re shy. Perhaps you’re an introvert (take this test for introverted personality traits to see). That’s okay – it’s who you are. What is not okay is letting your shyness stop you from falling in love. And, remember that attracting someone is easier than you think.
If you never know what to talk about on a date, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.
Find ways to stay motivated, to keep dating despite your fear of rejection
I’ve been trying to get my books published for years. I’ve received hundreds of rejection letters, and yet I keep plugging away. What motivates me? My dream of being a published author. I stay focused on what I want to accomplish in my life, and that fuels my daily efforts to find a publisher.
If you’re too shy to date, how do you stay motivated? How do you overcome your fear of rejection in love? By focusing on what you want to create in your life. Write down where you want to be in a year, in terms of your love life. What kind of man do you want to be with? What activities do you want to do with him? How do you envision your relationship unfolding?
You create the things you think about, my friend. Stop thinking about being too shy to date, getting rejected by someone you like (or even love), and how hard it is to meet people. Instead, focus on the happy, healthy, strong, committed love relationship you will have one day.
Just like I focus on the published book I will one day hold in my hands, as the author and creator!
Advice from a dating expert and psychologist
“You deserve someone who is fully emotionally and physically available,” says Dr Paulette Sherman, author of Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart. “Through the process of dating, you will learn what you like and don’t like in a romantic partner. You will also learn to express and reveal yourself in a relationship, which takes practice.
[To overcome shyness and fear of rejection in love], make a list of all the great things about yourself and remember that any guy will be lucky to get to know you. This will help you be brave in reaching out. You may get some rejection in the process (like everyone does) but don’t reject yourself as a result. Remember that the right guy will stick around! Dating isn’t easy but it can be a huge growth process.”
Are you too shy to date? Tell me why below. I can’t offer advice, but you may feel better if you write about how you plan to overcome your fear of being rejected. You CAN overcome fear of rejection and fall in love; it just takes time and practice. And a thick skin.
May you move forward in eagerness and enthusiasm, and not let fear of rejection hold you back.