When You’re Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work

Here are a few tips for coping when you’re tired of trying to make your marriage work. You feel emotionally alone and disconnected, and are even wondering if you should leave your husband.

You’re Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work

Should You Leave Your Marriage?

I can’t give relationship advice, but I recommend reading Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship. It’ll help you decide if it’s worthwhile to keep fighting for your marriage.

These tips for coping when you’re tired of trying to make your marriage work are inspired by a reader who calls herself Sad Lady. She says she’s tired of trying to make her relationship work, but she has no family or friends to support her. She wants to leave her husband, but doesn’t know where to start. Maybe you’ll see your own life and marriage in her comments:

I am not happy at all and I must leave my husband now before it really affects my kids. I have tried and tried to make my marriage work. I am so scared to be alone with my three small kids. I already don’t take them out much unless someone is with me because I need help with the kids. I feel so stupid for even marrying him. I am so depressed. My husband was just diagnosed with a liver problem. He stops breathing in his sleep and I feel so bad for leaving him… He is not going to take care of himself. I’m so scared for my kids but I think it’s the best thing for us to do. My husband has a bad drug problem. He spends all his money, doesn’t work, and doesn’t come home. My kids always wonder where daddy is for days at a time. I’m going back to work next week and I want to go back to school. I’m going to take my kids and leave because I’m tired of trying to make my marriage work… I just don’t know how, I don’t even have a driver license’s and no money. I have never been so scared in my life, and I have no family to help. PLEASE give my some advice.” ~ from my article on finding the strength to leave your marriage.

When You’re Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work

I’m not a counselor, and these tips may not apply to all women who are tired of trying to make their marriages work. I’m not telling Sad Lady or any wife what to do – I’m just offering a few things to think about.

Don’t take on your husband’s problems. You have enough of your own problems, without worrying about your husband’s financial problems, physical health, or drug problems (read What to Do When Your Husband is an Alcoholic or Drug Addict if you’re tired of trying to make your marriage work because of addiction).

Don’t stay with your husband because you think he needs someone to take care of him – not when you have three young children and your own health and life to cope with! You’re taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours. You’re not your husband’s mother, and you’re certainly not responsible for his health and wellness. If you’re tired of trying to make your marriage work, you need to let go of things that aren’t yours.

If you feel guilty for not wanting to keep working on your marriage, read Are You Wrong or Selfish for Wanting a Divorce? It Depends.

Remember that you don’t need family to leave your husband. Sad Lady mentioned that she’s tired of trying to make her marriage work, but she’s scared to leave because she has no family to lean on. I don’t either – I’m not leaving my husband anytime soon, but I do have to face all sorts of life problems without any family to help me out. It sucks, but it doesn’t mean I’m alone or unable to cope!

tired of marriage problems

“When You’re Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work”

Sometimes family can do more harm than good, when it comes to starting over after your marriage ends. I know how alone and lonely it feels to face something as huge as separation or divorce when you don’t have family, but please don’t let that stop you from doing what you know is right.

Focus on what you DO have. When you’re tired of trying to make your marriage work, you may feel like you have nothing, you are nothing, and you have nowhere to go. Don’t think about what you’re up against. Instead, take advantage of the support networks that are out there. You don’t have friends? Fine, call a support or distress line. You live in a small town? Fine, do a website search for the nearest support groups for divorced, separated, or single women.

Yes, you’re tired of your marriage. Yes, leaving your husband will be really difficult. But, the most difficult things in life are the ones that are most worthwhile. If you’re tired of making your marriage work, read How to Know if Divorce is the Best Decision.

Write about how you feel about your life situation, because writing brings insight, clarity, and a fresh perspective. Write about your marriage here, or in your own journal.

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7 thoughts on “When You’re Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work”

  1. Only 9 months being together bt infidelity and abuse is taking place and lm now too scared to go on wth him bt what scares me most is that we did a traditional wedding with all relatives and now to get out of that marriage l need to take few steps which includes relatives again. No child yet but lm so tired of this marriage

  2. I love my wife, but I’m so tried of trying to make this marriage work after 34 years. I thought it was going to get better, it does for a while but then right back to the same problem. God has call me into ministry to do the work of the lord, but my wife is so jealous always accusing me of our pastor which I have no entry in her, just trying to be a good person and a good pastor stewart.I always been a good husband, father and good provider for my family. I don’t bother anyone and just to myself trying to live life as normal. I stayed together with her these many years because we had a child to raise, but now my child is all grown up. I don’t know what else to do.

  3. I have been married for 20 years. From Year 1, it became evident my husband is bad with money. He is constantly running out of money, doesn’t pay a bill, then lies to me about having “taken care” of it. The biggest lie was when he pretended he was being allowed to work from home when he had really been fired. I did question him during this time and he assured me each time that he was working. When our home mortgage was 3 months delinquent and I went to the bank after he insisted it had been paid, I discovered the truth. Since that time, I don’t believe anything he tells me. He pays his bills and I pay mine. I am the primary breadwinner in our relationship and quite honestly, cannot afford to pay for two households or I would already be gone. My attorney said that I could be made to pay spousal support to him since I have all of the assets. He is entitled to 1/2 of my retirement as well as 1/2 of anything I have saved over the years we have been together if we divorce. I have given it a lot of thought and decided to stay married in order to keep control of my assets. The mortgage is in my name and I seem to be the only person in this relationship who can handle money. Honestly, it feels like I live with my brother. No sex, no common goals, no real “talking”. Just social chitchat and the feeling that I am the only contributing partner in this relationship.

  4. Dear Jane Doe,

    I’m sorry to hear your marriage is so disappointing and unfulfilling. It sounds like you’re more than tired of trying to make your marriage work — you’re ready to leave! I wish you all the best as you plan the next stage of your life.


  5. Dear Maritess,

    Sometimes marriage is so complicated, it’s hard to figure out if it’s worth trying to make it work! But if both partners want to stay together and be happy, then it’s much more likely to succeed.

    I think pity is a problem. In order to really love a man, we have to respect him. If we don’t respect him, we may not love him the same way…and our relationship is weakened.

    The question is, do you want to live this way for the rest of your life?

    Stay true to you,

  6. I am surely not happy with my husband. I am just pitying to him,.and it’s the hardest part, pity prevails more than love… I have no idea how to get out from him,. though he is a good provider, still there is lacking.