You may feel like you’re the only single woman in the world – but you are not alone! Here are a few ideas for what to do when you’re tired of being single. I was inspired to write this by Tamara, one of my readers. She’s a 39 year old woman who wanted to settle down a million years ago. All she has ever wanted is to get married and have a family.
“It is so hard to plan a life alone and that’s what I’ve been doing for so many years,” Tamara says on What if You Never Find Your Soulmate? “I had a boyfriend for a year and he changed all of that. I thought we were a good fit. But it didn’t work out, I really am better off single than with him. I see that now but I’m tired of being single. It’s hard to be optimistic when you keep getting slapped down to the point where your spirit is broken.”
If your peace and happiness depend on whether or not you find love, then you are setting yourself up for a life of disappointment! A man cannot complete you or make you whole. Only you – and a meaningful relationship with God – can do that. Your heart, spirit and soul cannot be made whole by a boyfriend or husband.
I understand what it’s like to be tired of being single. I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old; I thought it would never happen! And it took me ten years of marriage to realize that my husband can’t make me happy. He is part of my life and I love being with him, but he is not in control of how happy, healthy, or peaceful I am.
Now – when you are single – is the perfect time to learn how to be happy with yourself. And then you can be happy in all situations: single, married, divorced, widowed. If you are your own best friend and favorite person, you won’t need a relationship to complete you. You are already complete…and a man will be delighted to have you on his arm.
What to Do When You’re Tired of Being Single
In 5 Ways to Find a Good Man, I offer practical tips on what to do when you’re unhappy and tired of being single. This article is different. It’s not practical advice for meeting and dating (eg, take a class to meet new people, tell your friends and family you’re tired of being single and ask them to set you up, etc).
Rather, this article is more spiritual in nature. It’s a prayer and a blessing that this season of your life will be deeper and more fulfilling than you could ever imagine.
1. Know that you will find the right man when it is time
I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old, and boy was I tired of being single! I didn’t know what to do – other than be as active, healthy, and happy as possible. I saw a counselor for a year because I didn’t know what marriage was like (I grew up with a single mom, and was in foster homes for some of my childhood).
What worked for me was to decide what it meant to live a meaningful life, and pursue that wholeheartedly. So I lived in Africa for three years, started my own business, and earned two undergraduate degrees from university. My prayer for you is that you never lose hope for a relationship, and that you focus less on how tired you are of being single and more on what you can do with the time and life you have.
2. Find courage to take risks
When I was 35 years old, I married the guy I met when I was 18. We were good friends for about eight years. We lost touch for three or four years – I was living in Africa and he was living with his girlfriend. When I moved back I called him. His relationship had fallen apart, and he, too, was tired of being single! It was natural for us to pick up our friendship where we left off, and even more natural to fall in love and get married.
What risks can you take? It was a risk for me to call Bruce after we hadn’t had any contact for a few years. He could’ve been married with six kids, or worse. My prayer for you is that you get little nudges about what to do when you’re tired of being single – and that you take healthy risks to achieve your goal of being in a relationship.
3. Work on healing your old wounds
Recognize how you’ve been hurt by others. Find ways to heal, to work through the wounds of the past and find freedom. The healing process can be natural and organic – but still painful. May you find strength to face your wounds, and be willing to explore different resources for growth. Open your heart and mind to the possibility of counseling, support groups, helpful books, or other ways to heal from broken relationships.
Start by reading How to Be Happy Single When You Wish You Were Married.
4. Be patient. Don’t rush into a relationship
One of the most important things is not to rush into a new relationship, even if you’ve been tired of being single for years. Research shows that fear of being single leads people to settle for less in relationships. Both men and women tend to ignore the signs of a bad relationship because they don’t want to be alone.
The stronger your fear of being single, the more willing you are to settle for a partner who isn’t a good match for you – or someone who abuses you. When you’re tired of being single, you’re more likely to date people who aren’t good for you.
5. Avoid focusing on how tired you are of being single
How do you feel when you think, “I am so tired of being single”? All those painful, negative emotions are emanating from your mind, body and spirit. Those thoughts and feelings are energy…and your energy is not inviting or lovely.
Getting healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually is the best way to create joy and positive energy in your life. You don’t need a life purpose; you just need to find yourself. Your true self. Not the tired self who doesn’t want to be single anymore, who feels old and discouraged! Your true self. How? Watch the movie Inside Out twice, and remember who you were when you were a kid. Dig into those core memories and emotions, and allow your true nature, personality, and interests to bubble to the surface. Start poking around in the attic of your brain, and be creative about
In The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass, Mandy Hale shares her stories, advice, and enthusiasm for living life as an empowered, confident, God-centered woman who doesn’t just resign herself to being single — she enjoys it! Being single has its downside, but it also has advantages. Mandy’s wisdom and wit will inspire you to celebrate and live fully, even if you’ve been tired of being single for years. Or decades.
May you cherish the friends and family members in your life, and accept the love they offer. May you be open to all the various forms of love that life brings, even if it’s not romantic love. And may the connections in your life be fulfilling and meaningful. May you eagerly embrace the blessings offered by the people who love you.
I welcome your thoughts on what to do when you’re tired of being single. You may find it helpful to share your experience. Writing can bring insight and clarity, and will show others they’re not alone.