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How to Cope With Being Alone

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The reason you’re tired of being alone is because humans were created to be together! We are meant to be in relationships: marriage, family, community, work, church, school…we were designed for connection and love. So go easy on yourself if you’re tired of being alone, for you are normal.

tired of being aloneIn Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend, Christine Arylo takes readers beyond the idea of loving, valuing, and caring for themselves. She helps us leap into daring acts that help us experience what it’s like to be our own best friends. Arylo can teach you how to shower yourself with loving words instead of criticism and comparison, go for your dreams with conviction and courage, and choose the situations and relationships that make you happiest.

My tips below are for women who are tired of being alone; they’re inspired by two readers on my How to Be Happy Single blog post. Maya says, “I’ve been single for 13 plus years. I am honestly tired of being alone. It hurts. But God is faithful. I do things that make me happy, like going out to eat and taking a quick getaway. Those things help me out a lot. But when I get quiet, I am filled with depression. I have 2 kids, I have always been a single parent. I am exhausted.” As you know, I don’t have a magic wand – nor do I give advice – but I do have a few thoughts for what to do when tired of being alone….

What advice have you already received about what to do when you’re tired of being alone? Before you read my tips, take a moment to consider what you already know.

Sometimes we know exactly what we need to do, but we don’t want to admit it. Tell me – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.

How to Cope With Being Alone

I’m thinking of all my single and widowed friends as I write this, not just the readers who commented on my article about being happy single. I’m thinking of all my readers who are tired of being alone even though they’re married…for there is no loneliness like that of being with the wrong person.

Accept that life is bittersweet – even with Brad on your arm

Did you read Maya’s comment at the beginning of this article? She said she does things that make her happy and she is connected to God. She knows where her source of joy and peace is…and she knows what makes her feel depressed. She has kids, and I have no doubt that her children are a source of life, energy, and joy to her.

Life will always be bittersweet, whether or not you’re in a relationship. I was tired of being alone – I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old. Before my marriage, I thought a husband would be the end of all my problems. If only I could find someone to love, then I’d be self-confident and happy, right? Wrong. Not only did I NOT become magically confident and happy after the wedding day, my husband and I had to face a whole new life challenge: infertility. I am very happy married, but I also know that marriage is not the answer to all our problems.

In 5 Ideas for Women Who Are Coping With Childlessness, I share a little about our journey through infertility.

Know that a relationship isn’t the solution

Here’s another reader’s experience. She, too, is tired of being alone.

“I am always alone,” says Samantha. “I hate being alone. I am fighting depression. I feel extremely insecure about where I’m going. I feel lost and scared about my future. I feel like I’m getting older and I’m looking older and thus feel less sexy. I’ve read lots of books about how to be happy. I’ve done all those things they say to do. I’m a good and decent person. I’m a Christian woman and I have a close relationship with my Savior and I would love to find someone with most of the great qualities I’m looking for, but I’m starting to lose hope. Believe me, I am grateful for what I have and I know there are people who have it so much more worse than I. But is it wrong to long for everlasting true love? How do I know for certain that I am meant to be with someone? Maybe God wants me to be alone. But why?”

A relationship won’t solve all your problems. In fact, relationships often create new problems to deal with! Falling in love won’t cure your struggles with depression, loneliness, insecurity, fear, or addictions. Having a partner won’t erase your financial problems, your existential angst, or your broken dreams. A relationship won’t make you whole if you’re incomplete in some way.

In How to Find True Love and Happiness, I encourage us all to get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as possible. Find ways to blossom and love life even though you’re tired of being alone. Find contentment in your life, and make peace with God.

Poke around the world

Have you lifted the carpets of your life and checked for what’s underneath? That’s what I did! Below is a list of a few things I did to help me feel better about being single.

What I did when I was tired of being alone:

Tired of Being Alone

When You’re Tired of Being Alone

  • Went to university, got degrees in Psychology and Education
  • Traveled to Israel to meet my dad for the first time
  • Started a business
  • Took risks in life, such as moving to Africa for 3 years
  • Identified the emotional issues that were preventing me from being in a relationship
  • Went to counseling for a year
  • Dated a LOT because I enjoyed it

I really liked dating because I thought it was interesting to meet new people and do different things on dates. What’s your approach to dating? Do you love or hate it? That can change how you feel about being single. Look at dating as an adventure tour, not as a drudgery.

What helps you when you feel tired of being alone? Share below; I’d love to hear from you.

Whether or not you’re tired of being alone, the most important thing is to tap into the only true source of peace and joy…which is God. You’ll never find love and freedom in anything but Jesus. Finding the right partner and committing to a relationship is secondary to developing a close, vibrant, healthy relationship with God.

A question for you

What is one word that describes how you feel about being alone? Tell me below. You can write more than a word if you’d like. Sometimes it’s helpful to bundle all your feelings into a word and share how you feel.

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of what it’s like to be tired of being alone. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.

If you’re not single but you’re not close to your partner, read What to Do When You Feel Alone in a Relationship.

My next article is about how to stop loving someone. Make sure you sign up below for my weekly email to receive new articles.

“What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy.”


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2 thoughts on “How to Cope With Being Alone”

  1. I have been alone for almost 5 years now and hate every minute of it. I have tried dating but that hasn’t worked out. I have involved my self in many hobbies community activities and going to church. I spend time with my family traveled but just can’t find that happy spot or where I fit in. I miss being happy

    1. Thank you for being here, Laura, and sharing your thoughts. It really is hard to be alone..and there are no easy ways to cope. It sounds like you’re missing something deep in your spirit and soul, and you can’t find what will fill it.

      I wish I had easy answers but the truth is we all need to find our own path. Have you tried counseling or looking into why you hate being alone so much? Sometimes it helps to make a list of things that didn’t work, such as dating and getting involved in hobbies and community activities. Then start trying things that you haven’t tried yet, such as rebuilding your relationship with God or deepening your spirituality. I believe the sense of loneliness and sadness of being alone comes from a lack of relationship with God. I think if we have a strong personal relationship with God, the circumstances of our lives don’t matter as much.

      That’s just what I think. What do you think?