How to Know if You Can Trust Someone in a New Relationship


A new relationship is both scary and exciting, risky and rewarding! It’s even better when you trust your new partner. These tips on how to know if you can trust a new boyfriend are inspired by a reader who says…

How to Build Trust With Your BoyfriendIn Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy, David Richo says we learn early in life to trust others (or not to trust them). In his book, he describes why we fear trusting, how to develop greater trust in ourselves as the basis for trusting others, and how to kn

A new relationship is both scary and exciting, risky and rewarding! It’s even better when you trust your new partner. These tips on how to know if you can trust a new boyfriend are inspired by a reader who says…


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w if someone is trustworthy. He also discusses naïve trust versus healthy, adult trust – and what to do when trust is broken.

On Dealing With Trust Issues in Relationships, a reader says: “Please help me. My boyfriend has trust issues and is really depressed right now. I tell him I’m here for him and I care about him but he just laughs and says okay, like he doesn’t believe me. It’s really frustrating. I don’t know how to help him because he won’t let me. If I back off he just gets even more mad. What should I do? He had a rough past and currently lives with neither of his parents.”

How to Build Trust With Your Boyfriend

It sounds like she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t! She can’t back off because he doesn’t like that, and she can’t express her desire to be there for him because he shrugs her off.

Remember that you can’t force trust in a relationship

The reader above left her comment on my article about helping a depressed boyfriend cope with depression, so I know there are emotional health issues to deal with. I don’t know if he’s getting help with his depression – and that limits my ability to help her build trust with her boyfriend.

Your boyfriend may have trust issues because of a difficult childhood. If he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents, then he may have a harder time trusting you.

Be consistent

The foundation of a trusting relationship is knowing you can rely on your partner to be there for you. You show up when you say you’re going to, follow through on your promises, and have trusting relationships with your friends and family members (because trust extends to other relationships, like a spider web).

However, emotional health issues such as depression can hinder trust because there are all sorts of other things going on in your boyfriend’s brain and body. He may not be able to trust anyone, much less someone who wants him to be vulnerable and open-hearted. Does your boyfriend trust anyone in his life? Your relationship may not be holding him back…his own walls may be preventing him from trusting anyone.

This is a serious problem, because it could stop him from getting the help he really needs.

Is trust the issue?

How to Build Trust With Your Boyfriend

How to Build Trust With Your Boyfriend

I actually don’t think trust is the real problem in this relationship, and I don’t think a girlfriend saying “I’m here for you” is enough to build trust. I think the problem in this relationship has to do with his emotional and mental health issues.

If your boyfriend doesn’t trust anyone because he’s been hurt in the past and isn’t emotionally healthy, then you can’t build trust with him. He needs to sort out his emotional health – he needs to get help for himself. You can’t save him.

How to build trust with your boyfriend

Be honest with yourself: are you getting what you need from this relationship? Is your boyfriend healthy enough to be in a committed love relationship with you? Can you see yourself with him – just the way he is – for the rest of your life?

Answer those questions for yourself. Figure out what you need from him. You can’t give your boyfriend what he needs until he himself knows what he needs. It’s possible that you may need to pull back a little, and support him as he gets the help he needs.

I can’t tell you how to build trust with a boyfriend who is protecting himself. He has to prioritize his relationship with you, and get help with his emotional health issues.

Are you uncertain about what to do? Read How to Stop Relationship Anxiety.

I welcome your thoughts on how to build a trusting relationship with your boyfriend. I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling, but it may help you to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight.

xo


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3 thoughts on “How to Know if You Can Trust Someone in a New Relationship

  • Chantelle

    I’ve been dating a man for about two years. He’s my first serious relationship after my marriage fell apart five years ago. I’m attracted to him physically, but that’s it. Intellectually we don’t really have much to talk about. Emotionally I don’t think we are on the same page. I know this, but I don’t think he does. He thinks everything about our relationship is great. I’m very conflicted about this. I don’t think he’s my forever guy but I can’t seem to break it off. My intuition is telling me he’s not the best match, but I can’t seem to make a move.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Thank you, Michelle! I hope these tips for building trust in your relationship with your boyfriend are helpful – and that you make good choices :-)

  • Michelle

    Thank you so much! This really means a lot. i hope i can just choose whats best for me now. This opened my eyes up and now it’s time decide for the better.