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Accepting a Breakup – 5 Tips From Pandora’s Box

These tips for accepting a breakup are inspired by the parable of Pandora’s Box, and will help you heal after breaking up with someone you care about. Complete acceptance after breaking up may not be achievable, but you will eventually move forward into a happier, healthier stage of your life.

accepting a breakupHow to Let Go of Someone You Love is an ebook I wrote after experiencing one of the most painful breakups of my life. I was desperate for help accepting the breakup – and I’m a writer, so what better way to learn how to move on than interview experts and write about it?

Unfortunately, there are no perfect secrets or no-fail tips on how to get over a break up and accept that it’s over. It takes different people different amounts of time to accept a breakup and move on – but the underlying thing we all need after losing someone we love is hope.

And that’s what the parable of Pandora’s Box is all about.

The Parable of Pandora’s Box

According to the Ancient Greeks, Pandora was the first woman on Earth. She was created by Zeus, and she was bestowed her with many gifts: beauty, speech, musical talent, and the ability to persuade.

Pandora also received a handsome lidded jar that she was told never to open.

But she could not resist the temptation. She opened the jar and all manner of evil and pain flew out. Deceit and mistrust, war and famine, illness and death – it’s ours now, because Pandora opened her box.

She hurriedly tried to close the jar, but she wasn’t quick enough. Luckily, she did manage to keep the last thing from escaping: the spirit of hope.

5 Tips for Accepting a Breakup

The most important thing to remember about breaking up is that there is no such thing as complete acceptance. Sometimes we just need to live with loss.

And we need to hope that we will heal and open our hearts to love again.

Hold on to your hope for the future

The good news about Pandora’s Box is that hope is not lost. Hope didn’t escape from her jar. It’s there for you, for me, for anyone who has to let go of someone they love. What do you hope for? Not the past. Hope for the future, for inspiration, for confidence and creativity and energy to move forward with your life. Don’t lose the hope that you will love again, you will be loved again, and you will share your life with someone you care about! Hope. Hold on to hope.

Know that getting back together is opening Pandora’s Box

You will open Pandora’s Box if you get back together with your ex. The only reason to reconcile is if something has changed significantly about you, your ex, or your relationship. Accepting a breakup involves letting go of the hope that you will get back together. Accepting a breakup means you know that getting back together with your ex is a mistake that will release unhealthy toxins in your life (as opposed to those healthy toxins).

Accept that complete acceptance is impossible

“There are certain events that we may never accept fully,” writes Melody Beattie in More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations. “What can be accepted, though, is that we are required to live with these losses and find a way to go on.” I read her book every morning – it takes less than five minutes to read one of her daily meditations, and they help me accept everything about my life! The good, the bad, the ugly. Accepting a breakup is a daily process – it may even take years for you to feel like you’re truly healed and ready for a new relationship.

Tips for Accepting a Breakup

5 Tips for Accepting a Breakup

I’ve experienced so many losses in my life, and I’m convinced that I’ll never fully heal from any of them. All the people and pets and possessions I’ve lost…they are gone from my life, but not from my heart and soul. Accepting a breakup is like accepting death because it IS a death. It’s the death of the hopes and dreams you had for your relationship and future as a couple.

Allow yourself time to grieve the breakup

You may never fully accept a breakup, but you will start to remember your ex and the relationship with less pain. You may still feel a twinge of loss or regret, but you won’t feel raw. Your heart and soul are intertwined with your partner’s when you’re in a relationship – especially if you have kids together. Separating and breaking up is a huge loss in your life. You need to give yourself time to grieve before you can heal.

Accept that life is different now

“There is no such thing as complete acceptance,” says David Viscott in Emotionally Free. “When you can remember a loss with a little distance and much less pain, you have accepted the loss and mourned it fully. You accept that life is different now and move on.”

If you’ve accepted the breakup but can’t let go of your ex, read How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.

I welcome your thoughts on accepting a breakup. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to write about breaking up and acceptance.

Are you struggling with your relationship? Get free help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.

The engraving in this post is called “Opened up a Pandora’s box” by F.S. Church.

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7 thoughts on “Accepting a Breakup – 5 Tips From Pandora’s Box”

  1. For me “Letting Go and Acceptance go hand in hand.” Letting go to me means accepting the things I cannot change and learning to Accept Change.Change is an unknown so therefore it can be easy to slip and hold onto past regrets as I do very often. Why? I ask myself over and over Why do I feel for someone who rejected me, embarrassed me in front of her mom, said nasty things and aired out all my baggage? Because I thought I loved her.Because I thought she was the one who can love me regardless of what my career field is or how high or low my income is. There is no price tag in a relationship!…. then I realized and come to terms with reality with the abandonment, experiencing a near death experience. It was like my heart was ripped out my body and given back to me. The feeling of loneliness and a sense of abandonment… It went on for one year until.i realized that it is healthier to move on PAST THE HURT, despair, turmoil, pain… Because I am meant to experience LOVE because I am worth it… I thank God for my life and look to the future… a brighter future filled with promise, filled with joy, filled with happiness…

  2. I had a relationship from past 2 years…I love mah bf a lot…I think than he love me…evething was going fyn..b4 he hav a visit with his friend(gal) v had an argument about meeting her…from d day 1 I have givenup manythings fr him I jus made evething to c his smile but he neva respct me…he is concerned abot his own life n carrier doesn’t think about mah happiness…frces me to b happy fr things he plan for our future……..n always blame fr the things mostly about stopping him going fr his job far away…n he had left those things by his own though blames me fr mah inner feelings tht he didn’t go bcoz I felt in heart tht he shouldn’t leave me alone….im typically attached to him n I love him a lott jus can b a sec with out him..im kindoff insecure with his past relationships…I cant leave him not to burn mah self esteem I wish I could make him understand how much he mean to me

  3. Keep your feet planted! I too had to walk away from my bf because he didn’t love me. I personally am taking one day at a time. Baby steps. Some days are wonderful and others I feel emotionally beaten down. Be proud of yourself for having the strength to not settle. Be picky. There are so many good people in the world and life is far too short to be in a relationship that is painful. Best of luck to you!

  4. Hi , its my first visit here, i like every letter written and i saw myself in each comment, i have been through tough break up my gf suddendly changed like i was nothing in her life and just a friend and she always says she cant fall in love for any one and not only me and she is stronger than love while she was in deep friendship with a married guy twice her age, later on she tried to call me several times but i didnt answer , her last try she called me at my work place and i answering asking her to never contact me in a polite way but from inside i was burning like volcano, i told her i need space in my life and i dont wont any contact with u, i removed her number, blocked her in whatsapp and facebook but to be honest iam in my healing process still, and i know she is not the girl i want to be with, i was an option in her life and a moment to play with, and the worst thing is, she lived close to my house , i would like to hear some advices thx a lot … Peace

  5. Laurie,
    Do U remember me???
    I need your help!!!
    One of my friends had to face a breakup. Now she says that she will never make a BF. But, this time a nice guy is loving her a lot. But, there is a problem, that guy is a year younger than her. When I indirectly informed her about this she said that she will never love anyone in her life. I know that she is fearing one more breakup.
    what to do? That guy is loving her truly .But she isn’t willing to accept that proposal!!
    It’s very sad for him.

  6. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Diana,

    I’m so sorry that your ex left you – it must have been such a shock, and so heartbreaking! Accepting a breakup is always hard, but when it’s unexpected and sudden, it’s even harder to accept.

    My prayer is that you find peace and healing. If these tips for accepting a breakup don’t bring you hope or strength, I pray that you find resources, people, books, or exercises that help you grieve the end of your relationship. May you accept that this breakup had to happen for some reason, and your life may be brighter and better because of it. May you find that accepting a breakup is easier and easier over time, and may you move forward into a new stage of life with hope, faith, and confidence.

    Be well. Hold on to the hope that this breakup is actually a blessing in disguise. Accept that your relationship is over, and fix your eyes on your future. Have faith!


  7. hi i am having a heard time letting go of my ex we were together 13 years and then 1 day hes gone he packed up and left me he said i did not let him go and hang out with hes friends, so he leaving he needs to have fun and live he life he 48 years old and we have a 8 year old son. he just left and never came back i am crying every night. he found a new apartment all the way in new jersey. he calls me every once in awhile and askes me do things with him. he showed me where he lives at but when it comes closeto 11pm he disappears and i dont hear from him i think there is another woman but he wont come out and tell me . i have to leave i cant be around him it hurts too much