It’s easier than you think to find things to talk about with your girlfriend. Making conversation is an art – as well as an act of love and connection. Small talk that bonds is also the fastest way to your girlfriend’s heart.
“I love my girlfriend but I never know what to say to her,” says Sam on 10 Most Important Questions to Ask a Guy You’re Dating. “I don’t want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. I just want to have a nice time, an interesting conversation. What do I talk about with my girlfriend?”
Here’s the first thing to remember when you’re looking for things to talk about with your girlfriend: be curious about her. Ask how she spent her day, what she did, how she felt and what she say.
The more you know about your girlfriend’s life, the more things you’ll have to talk about. What are her interests, beliefs, values, thoughts, hobbies, work, friends, family, pets, passions, dreams, dislikes, likes, plans for the future, fears of the past, favorite foods, pet peeves, irritating roommates or neighbors, favorite subjects in school, most disliked teachers, favorite sports? That’s a huge list of things to talk about with your girlfriend! And that doesn’t even scratch the surface of my 10 easy ways to make conversation!
Here’s another important thing to remember: listen to your girlfriend when she talks, and ask her followup questions in future conversations.
Asking your girlfriend questions and truly hearing what she says is more difficult than you think. And it’s more important than you realize! Even if your girlfriend is shy and quiet – an introvert – she probably enjoys talking about herself. We all do…but we don’t have people who will truly, sincerely listen.
Show your girlfriend that you’re interested in her by talking about things that interest both of you, and by developing a sincere and genuine curiosity about her life. The conversation starters below will not only give you lots of things to talk about with your girlfriend, they’ll make you a better listener. And that will make you a better boyfriend.
10 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend
Women like to talk. For most females, conversation comes naturally. Indeed, conversation is a requirement that must be met in order for women to feel happy in in their relationship! That’s why finding things to talk about with your girlfriend is crucial – even when you’ve been together (or even married) for years.
This list of things to talk about with your girlfriend will help you make conversation more easily, whether you’re on the phone or in person.
1. Don’t talk. Ask your girlfriend about her, and listen
Of all the things to talk about with your girlfriend, the last topic should be you. Don’t talk endlessly about your video games, sports, work, school, or hobbies.
The key to being an excellent conversationalist is to LISTEN. Allow a few seconds of silence to pass after your girlfriend stops talking, or say “mmhmm” to show you’re listening. People respond well to moments of silence – it gives them a chance to collect their thoughts and continue talking.
You’ll find more things to talk about with your girlfriend if you:
- Are present – focused, mindful, not playing games on your phone – when she is talking. Don’t daydream, don’t drift off off from conversations, and don’t interrupt with questions that aren’t related to what she’s talking about. Don’t check your texts or email messages when you’re talking to your girlfriend.
- Become a “whole body” listener. This means listening with your eyes (watch her nonverbal cues), your heart (pick up on those signals your heart is sending you when she talks), and your ears (the most traditional way to listen to your girlfriend).
- Show your girlfriend that you’re actually listening to what she’s talking about. How? By responding. Nod, say “mmhmm”, and offer feedback such as “So, what I hear you saying is…”
Let your girlfriend know that you hear her. How? By focusing on the next nine things to talk about…
2. Ask what the best part of her day was
Sometimes I ask my husband what the best thing was about today; I love hearing what made him happy or gave him a good laugh! Ask your girlfriend what made her happy, or what brightened her day at work or school. Maybe you could even send her flowers or give her a gift – maybe YOU could be the best part of her day.
If your girlfriend says the best part of her day was lunch with the team, ask her questions about it. Here are some questions to get her to keep talking:
- Tell me more. What did you guys do after lunch?
- How interesting! Has that happened before?
- Along that same line, will you…?
- What do you mean by that?
One of the best ways to start a conversation – or change the subject – is to say, “I’ve always wanted to ask you…” This shows your girlfriend that you’re thinking about her when you’re not together.
3. Ask about the worst thing that happened to her today
This can be the most interesting of all things to talk about with your girlfriend, because it’ll give you a chance to learn more about what fires her up. She’ll talk about what annoys, frustrates, hurts, and even grieves her. This helps you get to know her more intimately, and gives you the chance to comfort and commiserate with her.
If you haven’t been with your girlfriend for long, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.
4. Follow up with your girlfriend – what happened with “that thing”?
Did your girlfriend tell you about something that happened last week, month, or even year? Follow up on it – find out what happened. For example, if your girlfriend told you about a problem at work or school, ask her how it turned out.
You might say, “When you were talking about _____, I remembered what you told me about _____. Whatever happened with that?”
This is one of the most thoughtful things to talk about with your girlfriend. Why? Because it shows you actually remember what’s happening in her life. She will be so pleased and happy to tell you about how a situation was resolved – or if it’s still ongoing.
5. Start conversations about serious life topics
How often do you initiate serious conversations about your future as a couple, money, sex, family, home ownership, or work? I suspect women are more comfortable talking about these things…but we like men to start the conversation sometimes! If you and your girlfriend haven’t talked about your future yet, you might start asking questions.
If you think marriage is the next step for you and your girlfriend, read Premarital Questions – What You Need to Ask Before the Wedding. That will give you plenty of things to talk about with your girlfriend, believe me.
6. Talk about being introverted or extroverted with your girlfriend
Is your girlfriend an introvert or an extrovert? Talking about different personality types is one of the most interesting and best ways to get to know someone. Are you introverted or extroverted? Are your personalities compatible? You don’t have to be exactly the same to have a great relationship, but it helps to know where you fall on the personality spectrum.
It’s okay if you don’t know your girlfriend’s personality type. Ask her! You might even take a personality quiz together, and talk about the results. Read How to Know If You’re an Introvert or an Extrovert.
7. Ask what she wanted to be when she was 7
One of my favorite conversation starters is asking people about their childhood. Most of us love to talk about when we were kids – especially the happy memories of summer days or vacations or playing with friends.
If you’re looking for things to talk about with your girlfriend, don’t just ask, “What was your childhood like?” Instead, ask specific questions about her life as a kid. What did she want to be when she grew up? What was her favorite sport, game, or toy? Who was her best friend?
8. Ask your girlfriend what her 3 favorite things to talk about are
First, think about your three most favorite topics of conversation. Mine are God (especially Jesus and Spirit), blogging, business, my dogs, personal growth, psychology, and food. I love talking about all sorts of things, which makes conversation with people of the same mind easy.
Then, ask your girlfriend what she loves to talk about. If she can’t think of anything right away, give her my list – or tell her your favorite things to talk about. Spend some time talking to your girlfriend about your and her favorite topics of conversation. This is important, and can tell you something very interesting about your relationship.
Do you and your girlfriend have trouble finding things to talk about? This exercise might be very revealing. If you and your girlfriend have totally different ideas about interesting things to talk about, then you know why conversation is a drag. You have little in common.
9. Talk about your spiritual beliefs and values
If you’re serious about this relationship, here’s one of the most important things to talk about with your girlfriend: God. How spiritual are you? If you believe in Jesus, talk to her about your spiritual life. If you feel like you’ve been burned by God or you’re an atheist, talk about that.
And remember my first tip on this list of things to talk about with your girlfriend: LISTEN! Don’t just talk to her about your beliefs, values, and experiences with faith and religion. Ask her about her spiritual history. You might even share your spiritual autobiographies.
Don’t shy away from difficult conversations or spirited arguments that are healthy and open. Remember, “There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” Michel de Montaigne.
10. When you talk to your girlfriend, don’t do anything else
I tend to multitask, and I know I don’t communicate well when I’m talking and driving and planning and thinking ahead. The LAST thing I do when I’m talking to anyone is scrolling through my iPhone or clicking around the internet on my laptop. This isn’t exactly something to talk about, but it’ll make your conversations with your girlfriend so much more meaningful.
If you see your girlfriend every day at work, read 10 Things to Talk About on a First Date With a Coworker.
Need help making conversation?
TableTopics for Couples – Questions to Start Great Conversations is a fun, lively, interesting way to find things to talk about with your girlfriend.
The beauty of getting TableTopics – or another “conversation starter” game – is that it shows your girlfriend how much you care about her and your relationship. You care enough to make an effort to have better, deeper, more interesting conversations with her! That is huge, and she will love you for it.
What have I missed – what would you add to this list things to talk about with your girlfriend? For more conversation starters and ideas, read 10 Things to Talk About on Your First Date.