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How to Find a Boyfriend Who Will Love You

Yes, good men are hard to find! But if you know what you’re looking for and how to find a good boyfriend, you’ve won half the battle. Here’s how to set yourself up to meet a man who is right for you – a man who will become a loving, caring husband.

The smartest way to find a good boyfriend is to start with yourself. Get emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy by looking inward (and upward!) first. You don’t need a man, but your life may be happier with a partner. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be filled with purpose and joy, but your experiences will be deeper and richer if you have someone to share them with.

Finding true love isn’t as difficult or painful as you might think – even if you’ve recently been through a difficult breakup or painful divorce. Trust that you can find a good boyfriend and move forward in peace and joy. Know that even though you may be struggling now, you can and will be happy one day! And the good news is it all starts with you.


These tips for finding a good boyfriend will help you move forward with hope, peace and joy.

How to Find a Loving Boyfriend

These tips aren’t about how to attract a man by flirting or wearing the right makeup. That’s not how you find a good boyfriend, my friend. Rather, these tips are about being the best, strongest, healthiest woman you can be – which involves looking inward, not outward.

1. Get emotionally, physically, spiritually, and professionally healthy

Where are you going? What do you want out of life – apart from wanting to marry the right guy? If you’re stuck in a cycle of depression, binge eating, financial debt, unhealthy family relationships, or addictions, then you need to get healthy before you think about a serious relationship.

The key to finding a good boyfriend is to become a woman who is emotionally, spiritually, physically and professionally healthy.

2. Be open to meeting and dating different types of men

Take every opportunity to meet different types of men: accept blind dates from friends, meet your aunt’s neighbors, join hiking groups for singles, take classes through continuing education, join the singles group at church, and volunteer for different events and organizations.

Good men are everywhere – you just have to get in their way! And, you have to set aside your preconceived notions about what a man should look and talk like.

3. Pay attention to red flags

If your boyfriend doesn’t let you visit his home, introduce you to his friends, treat you well, or spend money on you (and let you spend money on him), then you need to reevaluate the relationship. Red flags are anything that makes you wonder about his character or values.

If you wouldn’t tell your best friend, mother, or sister what your boyfriend does or says, it’s a red flag. Don’t turn a blind eye to those red flags – because they’ll get worse, not better.

4. Put your long-term happiness over your short-term goals

I didn’t get married until I was 35, and I would’ve fallen into at least two unhappy marriages if I wasn’t saved by my boyfriends’ indifference to marrying me! I was so focused on my goal of getting married, I ignored the long-term perspective.

To find a good boyfriend who will support your long-term happiness, ask yourself if you can live with your boyfriend exactly the way he is right now for the rest of your life. Be honest as you decide if he is the man you want to be married to for 20, 30, or 50 years.


5. Go beyond his appearance – can you talk to him?

How to Find a Good Boyfriend

How to Find a Good Boyfriend

Worry less about his appearance, body, eyes, smile, and hands. Can you talk to him about life, love, relationships, spirituality, life goals, politics, and differing opinions? Does he help you feel cherished, loved, appreciated, and happy? Do you connect on all levels: professional, social, intellectual, spiritual?

If you’re struggling to connect intellectually at the boyfriend and dating stage, then you won’t connect after you’re married. What about praying with him? If you can’t connect spiritually, you’ll find yourself unhappy with your relationship.

6. Learn to enjoy dating new men and dreaming of new boyfriends

Having a boyfriend or loving husband is a wonderful part of life – but so is being single and dating! Learn to enjoy your single life; it has benefits that marriage doesn’t. Being in a committed relationship is wonderful, and sometimes it’s even more wonderful to dream about it than actually work at it :-) So, let your dreams of finding a good boyfriend sweep you away. But always use your brains when you’re actually “interviewing” men for the role.

If you don’t trust yourself to find a a good boyfriend, read 5 Tips for Trusting Your Intuition in a New Relationship.

Savor whatever stage of life you’re at – and recognize that you don’t need a man or marriage to be happy. A man can’t make you happy, no matter how good a boyfriend or loving a husband he is.

Your thoughts – big and little – on finding a good boyfriend are welcome below. What is your biggest fear about dating and starting a new relationship?


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8 thoughts on “How to Find a Boyfriend Who Will Love You”

  1. The most important thing to remember is to set your heart not on a man, but on Jesus. If you’re spiritually and emotionally settled, you will be infused with love, light and peace that will make you happier than any man could! Finding a good boyfriend is a wonderful part of life. God made us to be together, to be in couples and love each other :-) But we can’t rely on men to make us happy, for they are only men.

    Spiritual and emotional health is more important than finding a good boyfriend. That’s the first step. The man will come later, and he’ll be worth the wait! xo

  2. I want to find a serious boyfriend. Last year I met a player, so please I want a serious relationship.

  3. I just love you Laurie, I have been coming to this blog for a year now but never made one comment. I could not help it again. Just had to comment. You are good at what you do. Remain blessed.

  4. I agree that the best boyfriend could be right under your nose – he could be one of your closest friends, or even a friend of the family. I knew my husband for 17 years before we got married…we were friends almost the whole time.

  5. Sometimes woman can have a potential boyfriend already! It can be their best friends that they hang out with everyday.

  6. Sometimes we search too far to get a boyfriend, we don’t realize if the closest person could be someone who can be the best boyfriend for us. I started the relationship with my spouse from a solid friendship. At that time I didn’t realize if he’s the one. I was too busy to find a boyfriend at other places. Till one day I realize if he is the best one, and thanks God he has the same feeling with me :)

  7. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks, Theodora. If you want to be in a good relationship, you need to know how to find a good boyfriend….and you SHOULD be picky!