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How to Know If He’ll Cheat on You Again

Once a cheater, always a cheater? Not necessarily. Here’s a surprising reason to stay with a boyfriend or husband who cheated on you once, plus tips on how to know if he’ll cheat again. The answer will surprise you! Marriage coach Mort Fertel says spouses who cheat are less likely to cheat again. So, you shouldn’t necessarily leave your boyfriend or husband if you caught him having an affair.

“My boyfriend cheated on me, and said he wouldn’t do it again,” says Cordelia on 9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating. “But he wouldn’t go to counseling with me and he wouldn’t read any self-help books about relationships. So I broke up with him. A week later he was in a relationship with another girl and he cheated on her a month later. I knew he’d cheat on me again, and I was right.”

If your boyfriend or husband cheated on you, he probably also promised that he’ll never cheat again. But promises aren’t enough, are they? While he was making the promise not to cheat, he probably meant he’d never cheat on you again. But, when he finds himself in a situation where he’s actually tempted to cheat on you again, he may fall into his old pattern. “The flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak” is one of those Bible sayings that applies to all aspects of life…including relationships. So, how do you know if you can trust your boyfriend not to cheat on you again?


It’s not enough that he says “I’m sorry I cheated on you.” Your boyfriend or husband has to actively work towards winning your trust back and rebuilding your relationship. If a he’s willing to work hard on the marriage, he isn’t likely to cheat again.

Here’s what marriage coach Mort Fertel says: “At this point in a husband’s life, given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that he’ll cheat again? If this woman gave him another chance, what’s the likelihood that he’d make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family years before? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.

According to Mort, men who cheated in a relationship may be more trustworthy than guys who never cheated. Do you agree with his statement? Below, he shares why he believes his theory is true.

Will He Cheat Again? The Surprising Answer

“My wife cheated on me, apologized 100 times, stopped her affair, and is committed to being a new woman,” says Ben on Is Your Wife Having an Affair? 5 Signs of Cheating in Marriage. “Her whole demeanor has changed, and she’s even considering getting a new job because she cheated with a guy she works with. He works in a different department, but they see each other randomly. I see that my wife has changed but I can’t seem to trust her. But wouldn’t I be better off divorcing her and starting fresh with someone new? We don’t have kids and have only been married two years.”

An affair is the worst betrayal in a marriage or relationship. It hurts on so many levels. And, it hurts different people for different reasons. For example, I grew up without a dad or brother. I never learned that men were trustworthy; I always assumed men are cheaters and family-abandoners. So I grew up thinking that if my husband or boyfriend cheated, I wouldn’t be surprised.

That was before I got married and spent 12 years building a happy, healthy marriage! Now I know that not all men cheat…and some husbands who cheat regret it. They can be trusted not to cheat again. So, it doesn’t make sense to break up with a boyfriend or divorce your husband (or wife) because of cheating. 

A good sign he won’t cheat again

If you’ve been burned by a betrayal your first instinct might be to run away. Instead of fleeing, take time to work through your thoughts and emotions about cheating in relationships. Talk to someone you trust – such as a counselor or pastor – about the wisest way to move forward.

And, consider marriage coach Mort Fertel’s perspective on cheating in a relationship:

“Most spouses who cope with infidelity (and other emotional hardships) believe that they’ll be safer in a relationship with someone who never cheated or hurt them,” he says. “I completely understand this feeling…but the opposite might be true. If a spouse who cheated is genuinely remorseful and really wants to save the marriage, then he won’t cheat again. He will want to reconnect with his wife and rebuild their relationship.”

Mort adds that he’s seen seen many people transform themselves after getting the “I want a divorce” wake up call from their spouses. “Unless the cheating husband is a pathological liar or an addict, he’s less likely to cheat on his wife again,” he says, “especially compared to someone whose track record is clean.”


In other words, once a spouse learns their lesson about how destructive an affair is to a marriage, they’re less likely to make the same mistake than someone who never cheated.

How to decide if you should give him another chance

Weigh all your options – using your head, not your heart. Here are a few things to think about:

How to Know If He’ll Cheat on You Again

  • Talk to your husband or boyfriend. Is he willing to rebuild your relationship? Is he genuinely sorry he cheated…or is he just sorry he got caught?
  • Pay close attention to what your boyfriend or husband is saying to you…and to others
  • Pay even closer attention to what he does. Has his behavior changed? What is he doing differently?
  • Take time to grieve the end of your relationship as it was. Regardless of what happens next, you and he have moved to a new stage of life
  • Talk to a marriage counselor as a couple, and as individuals
  • Take time to learn why he cheated in the first place
  • Spend time with God. Listen for His still small voice, His wisdom and guidance
  • Consider the effect of divorce on your children and family

Above all, be honest with yourself and others. Often, we avoid facing the truth about our lives, relationships, and selves because it’s painful. We know the truth but we refuse to face it because it hurts.

The question is: how do you heal after finding out that your husband cheated on you? How do you forgive? How do you get to the point where you’re able to give your husband another chance? Read How to Trust Your Husband After He Betrayed You for tips and ideas.

Help Getting Over Cheating in a Relationship

How to Know if He'll Cheat on You AgainIn Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair, Dave Carder offers wisdom and insight into why cheating happens in relationships – and how to know if you can trust your boyfriend or husband not to cheat on you again.

In Torn Asunder, this pastor and counselor sorts through the factors that contribute to infidelity. He also  maps out a recovery process for both partners. With compassion and wisdom rooted in the Bible, Carder offers insight for the victims of adultery, the spouses who cheated, and anyone seeking to understand why affairs happen in relationships.

This book also answers questions such as:

  • Why did this happen?
  • We didn’t actually sleep together, so is it still an affair?
  • Can I trust my boyfriend or husband again?
  • Should I reveal a secret affair?
  • What if my spouse doesn’t want me back?
  • What do we tell the kids?

Don’t lose hope! Your relationship isn’t necessarily over because of an affair. And, remember that your husband or boyfriend’s choice to cheat on you isn’t a reflection of you. His choice is a reflection of who he is and how he feels. Take time to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Spend time in God’s presence, seeking His love, compassion, and guidance. Learn who Jesus is, and how He can give you freedom and healing.

 

How do you feel? Your thoughts and comments are welcome below. You may find it helpful to express your emotions and share your thoughts. Tell me how to know if he’ll cheat again! Writing can bring clarity and insight, and help you see discover things you hadn’t thought of before.


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167 thoughts on “How to Know If He’ll Cheat on You Again”

  1. I have been married for 52 years. My husband just told me that he cheated on me about forty years ago. He said he never did it again because it made him feel sick and he regrettid it. He was on drugs and drinking alot at the time and said he doesn’t remember much about it but it really had him thinking that he should tell me so it would be off his mind. He never could tell me because he loves me and did not want to hurt me because he said he knew I would devorce him and he would not able be without me because he loves me so much.He says he is so sorry . I do not know what to do. I love him so much. I just can’t understand why he never told me. It hurts I think more now then it would have if he would have told meny years ago. It makes me think our marriage was a big lie.

  2. Wow, a lot of women on here who are like, get him outta here, he’s trash!! Lol I guess I come with a different light than most comments. I am from a 2-parent household, my husband from a single Mom. We met in college, as college athletes. So, as you should fairly assume, we were both confident people. As a woman I was not only physically strong, but mentally. On top of that, I loved and adored the Lord, since I was 5 years old.

    We were in love, though young, we matched! We were truly friends at first, both in relationships already, but when God showed me he was my husband, I was shocked!! I didn’t even like him like that. Long story short, we had our son by our junior year, after we had talked about being together for marriage. This was the first error…fornication is a sin and it leads to “death.” We got married at 24 years old, and my husband told me 5 months later that he didn’t want to be with me. I was devestated!! We JUST had our 2nd child 3 months before.

    His sin turned to “death” in his life, and he came back. I never believed vengeance was for me. I would only hurt myself and my own salvation. So, I left it to God, and sure glad I did! However, we got back together, but bitterness and unforgivness began to grow in me. It caused issues in our marriage on top of other family members getting in the way of our peace. My husband I have come to learn sadly began cheating, again, but with multiple one night stands. I was not getting the love I needed at home, and so I didn’t feel a connection. He wasn’t getting the sex he needed (it’s Biblical), so he searched outside of the marriage. We were a mess, the 2nd main issue to cause infidelity.

    In 2016, he started back up with a woman he had cheated with at the first separation, but she was not the only one back then. This time, she (a married woman) became the main one. One night in mid 2017, I caught him on the phone with ANOTHER woman. So, he was cheating on everyone! See, as he now realizes, his issues had more to do with him and his immaturity, and the loose women he was seeking.

    I left, frustrated with all I had done for him, our 3 children, & our home, only to have this betrayal occur. I wanted space, but we agreed to reconcile. Lo and behold, 2 weeks later, he changed his mind. I was stuck in an apartment, while he was in our family home; he wanted a relationship with the married woman. I was, again devastated. I sought God hardto find answers, hope, healing, and love. Don’t get me wrong, had a few very sad and angry moments, but God was speaking to me about my marriage, life, and my own issues that weren’t right. Yes, I heard his whispers. I wanted to divorce my husband, but God told me to trust him, so I did.

    God’s vengeance and wrath came down on my husband; I was constantly praying for conviction and healing of this addiction he had to the unreal feelings he had, to his need for selfish desires, and for God to save him. I was seeking God for what He had for me. I never dated anyone else, I never sought vengeance only justice. My husband filed for divorce divorce, having me served with papers. Yet I was at peace.

    One month after filing, he was seeking forgiveness from me, seeking my love. I ignored him. I knew I deserved better than to be treated as unkind as he had been. For two months he came after me heavier and heavier. I called him one night, and told him to cut it out, that love like that was gone. I had moved on to something higher. He cried, and I felt sore for him. For 2 weeks I said nothing unless dealing with the kids, but he still gently pursued. I decided to give him a chance to talk.

    We are still separated, but a lot of tears, conversations, confessions, prayers, kisses, and forgiveness have occurred over the last 3.5 months. I’m still seeking God, still trying to be a better me. He has changed so much! So much better of a man to the children and me! I would have NEVER thought he would be this in love with me, again. But God is working on his heart and mind. We have “dips” of emotions, but I can see the sun rise over the mountain, and I’m banking not on my own works solely, I know that God will do what He promised me! His Word (Bible) is true: He will allow us to choose to sin, allow the wages of sin, punish us, then restore us to Him, to a good life because of His love.

    Our journey isn’t perfect nor free of boughts of distrust, tears, blame, or fear, but it’s our journey. Trust not in man, but in God. 🙏🏾❤️ Bless you all.

  3. My cargo pilot husband had a ONS while on a layover in shanghai. We had been married for nearly 20 years & I had a gut feeling that he was up too something. Never ever had I worried about him cheating before. He ended up confessing 3 weeks later by phone from China scared to death he had contracted hiv. That was 5 years ago & it has forever messed my head & heart up. Also found that just two months after this nightmare he had signed up for porn membership. Of course he lied about that too even while I’m holding the cc bill with the charge on it. He only tells what he wants & I have become the dumbest idiot who does not what is real & what’s not. It’s too late for me to salvage anything, I’m really mentally damaged

  4. Why would you stay with a cheater? it’s far far more to do with whether or not they’d cheat on you again.

    They have broken trust
    They do NOT RESPECT you
    They do not care about your feelings
    It’s not a sign of love

    Once that special bond has been broken, no amount of ‘oh my wife/husband/bf or gf’ has been a nrw person, really changed and so more attentive and going to maybe change jobs. Yes, funny how when thr cat is out of the bag the cheater becomes the better person to avoid losing both the suffering partner at home ANd bit on the side. Cheatings about getting something you aren’t at home, wrongly, whether that’s sex, emotion and just another relationship (but still becomes physical). If someone cant stay faithful after any amount of time to you, they are not right for YOU. Why should the victim suffer their issues?!

    And…. I’m saying this from a cheaters perspective, stupid awful time of my life. Horrific jealous bf at that time, controling and physically plus verbally abusive….I ended up in an affair as an escape. But I realised I was in an affair as so desperately unhappy at hone with bf of 2/3 years. And if someone cheated on me now I’d assume the same thing. There is no changing them – your relationship is what it is, they can improve but before affairs…. not after! I left my ex as recognised the reason for my craziness. 4 years on I’m with a winderful guy who I wouldn’t ever consider cheating on at all, ever, totally alien to me. So cheating can’t be forgotten – because there are deep reasons this happens!! The relationship is broken, the cheating breaks it more. Yes some people are assholes and just cheat and cheat on every partner, but just leave them too!
    Respect is important, and not messing with someones heart and spirit. Cheating you screw all this around, there’s no fixing, just a better more suited person it there for you.

  5. This article is for the birds. I know from common sense and experience.my husband cheated on me with strippers (3rd base sex favors in the VIP rooms) since apparently before we even got married. Didn’t find flirtations of his to other girls via fb until after I was already married and pregnant with his child, he promised he was done, then i didn’t find clues of possible physical cheating until right after our child was born. From there I went on an absolutely obsessive investigate mission for proof and the truth. He refused, while claiming he would never “try” to cheat again (his excuse, when presented with evidence, was that he bought condoms right after our child was born because he couldn’t bear the thought of going 6 wks postpartum with no sex, tried to get a girl who showed interest in him but was ultimately stood up/rejected). Lied like this all through months of expensive therapy that I was stuck footing a good portion of the bill for while on reduced pay maternity leave and then back at my low pay job. Caught him in many “possible but not proven” cheating scenarios after that. Discovered how to look up his location history on his phones and found out he’d gone to nearly 50 strip clubs just within the year and a half we were married by that point. Continued withdrawing $100s at a time of OUR household money to spend on strippers, even after I nearly divorced him over doing this same thing 4 weeks earlier, and even after he knew I was pregnant with yet another (surprise) kid of his. I’m livid. He says he’s changed but I doubt it. I was sick of feeling like a string-along chump last year so I went to a strip club myself (one with male strippers) and had a revenge fling with the hottest guy there. Months later my only regret was chickening out of anything past 2nd base, which I stopped only because i wanted eye for an eye but still didn’t know what or if my husband had actually done anything sexual with strippers himself. I also arranged multiple happy hours with guys I met through putting myself on risque sites like Ashley Madison or Craigslist, although those encounters always stayed platonic/nonphysical. Months later i was sick of waiting for a compulsive liar like him to tell me his trickle truth. So I went back to the male strip club and this time I had a full sexual revenge affair with another stripper. I don’t regret it one bit, only regret making myself wait so long to seek vengeance and fun. It wasn’t until after this revenge affair that my husband even confessed to getting 3rd base (handjobs and blowjobs) from strippers. Who knows if he’s even telling the whole truth. He acts somber and humble about my own cheating but who knows if that’s just an act to keep me.

    You might be Wondering why I won’t divorce. Primary reason: I literally can’t afford it. Divorcing him would cost me lots because of being in a no-fault state. We struggle to pay bills with two incomes; me paying for all the house bills alone plus spousal support,child support, and legal fees would literally put me in foreclosure, leading to homelessness and losing custody of my kids. My in laws would do anything to take the kids into their house but have made it obvious they don’t really care about me or my happiness. I know because my mother in law first angrily refuted my claims that her son had stolen money from me and cheated on me. Then later she believed me but has hinted that I’m partly to blame for my husband’s cheatings, even before i did my revenge cheating. I’m trapped.

    At this point I’m settling for an open marriage where I just use him as a father figure and housemate (kinda the way I feel he uses me at times) while f’ing other guys, unbeknownst to him. I do not feel I owe him full honesty and disclosure yet after the years of deception he put me through. I refuse to be a loyal doormat to a cheater. I have a meme that says you’re a fool to be loyal to someone who isn’t loyal to you.

    So in closing, no I do NOT believe that cheaters permanently fix themselves and I definitely do not believe cheaters are less likely to cheat again. Especially if they stay with the same person they cheated on. Screw that.

  6. I disagree with this 100 percent. I cheated on my husband the first year of our relationship. We been together for 10 years this year and have never cheated on him sense then… it’s truely does depend on the person and if they really do want to change.

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