It seems like ending an affair should be easy, doesn’t it? And yet, it’s surprisingly difficult to actually stop cheating on someone you love. These tips will help you end the affair and start living in peace, freedom, and joy.

“It’s not easy to stop cheating in a relationship because an affair is an emotional connection,” says Sibella on Why Married Men Cheat – and How to Prevent It. “A married man is in love with me, and though I share his feelings I would never allow anything to happen. I don’t want to have an affair with him. I sincerely hope he and his wife find their way back to each other. His children deserve both their parents with them. And husbands and wives need to respect the sacredness of marriage.”

I have bad news and I have good news for you. The bad news is that because relationship cheating involves an emotional connection, it is difficult to end an affair. But wait, there’s good news! If you rely on God or a Higher Power, you will find yourself stronger, more powerful, and smarter than you feel right now. You only FEEL like it’s difficult to stop cheating. But the truth is that your thoughts are more powerful than your emotions.

You already know how destructive it is to keep cheating in a relationship. It’s destroying your soul, killing your spirit, and ruining your relationship with your spouse. You want to end this affair – I know because you’re curious enough to search for tips on relationship cheating.

You know that ending this affair is the only way to find peace and self-forgiveness. Now, it’s time to put your knowledge into action.

5 Steps to Stop Relationship Cheating

I was inspired to share these ideas for ending an affair because of a reader’s description about why she cheats on her husband. She didn’t ask for tips on how to stop cheating, but I realized from her comment how powerless and helpless she feels.

An article like this won’t give you all the answers, support, and help you need. But it’s a start! You’re already thinking about how to stop cheating – and your thoughts are more powerful than you realize.

1. Figure out why you’re having the affair

Instead of getting stuck in pain and self-loathing, start reflecting on why you’re cheating in your relationship. What is this affair doing for you? You need intimacy and connection in your marriage or primary relationship, and you’re cheating because you’re trying to meet those needs.

People have emotional or physical affairs for different reasons, but the bottom line is that they’re getting something out of the adulterous relationship. If you want to stop cheating, start figuring out why are are unfaithful. Maybe you’re a cheater because your affair partner makes you feel attractive, understood, and loved. Your emotional needs are being met, so you find it difficult to stop cheating.

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, marriage counselor Gary Neuman discusses several reasons people have affairs. Knowing why you’re cheating in a relationship will help you end the affair.

2. Find ways to meet your needs in your marriage

You aren’t cheating just because you’re struggling in your relationship. There is something else going on, isn’t there? If you don’t think you can meet your needs in your primary relationship, then you might have to seriously consider leaving it.

“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons to break up,”  said Patti Henry on How to Break Up With a Married Man and Heal Your Heart. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re being cheating on or if you’re the one who is cheating in a relationship…you can’t continue. Long-term affairs – even if they’re secret for now – will eventually catch up with you. You will be destroyed emotionally and spiritually, and perhaps even professionally and physically.

3. Expect it to be painful to stop cheating in a relationship

It won’t be easy to end the affair even if you know how much it hurts your partner and children (even if they don’t know that you’re a cheater). Even if you truly want to save your marriage, you’ll struggle to stop cheating. Relationships are emotional and heartfelt, and even the unhealthiest ones are difficult to end.

Preparation is half the battle: expect it to be difficult and even painful to stop cheating on your partner. Get support, help, and resources. You don’t necessarily need to go to marriage counseling…but you should learn why people cheat in relationships. The more knowledge and insight you have, the more equipped you’ll be the end the affair.

4. Accept that you’re letting go of someone you love

You know one reason it’s so difficult to stop cheating in a relationship: you are emotionally connected to your affair partner. Even if your affair is strictly physical, your connection with the person you’re cheating with is strong and tempting.

how to break up with someone you don't loveRead How to Let Go of Someone You Love for ending the affair and moving forward in your life.

If you’re truly in love with the person you’re cheating with, you will end the affair for her sake. True love never drags the loved one into lying, betraying, sneaking around, and blackening each other’s souls.

Emotional infidelity or “affairs of the heart” may be seem difficult to end because you’re in love with the person you’re cheating with…but the truth is that it is more loving to stop turning them into a liar and a cheater.

5. Call on a Higher Power than yourself

You know you made the wrong choice when you started this physical or emotional affair….and you’re too weak to learn how to stop cheating in your own power. To end the affair, you not only have to accept that you made a mistake, you need to admit how helpless and powerless you are.

Rebuilding your relationship won’t be as simple as ending the affair and communicating with your spouse. Infidelity is a symptom of other problems in the relationship – and to reconnect with your partner, you need to deal with what the real problem is. This tip on how to stop cheating in a relationship is about getting as emotionally and spiritually healthy as you can.

Who is your Higher Power, and how can He help you heal? If you want me to gather tips for relying on God to help you end an affair, I’ll be happy to do so! Just let me know in the comments section below.

How to Stop Relationship Cheating

how to stop cheating in a relationshipIn When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships Mira Kirshenbaum leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. She also identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means.

Are you having an..

  • “See-if” affair?
  • Ejector-seat affair?
  • Distraction affair?
  • Unmet-needs affair?
  • Panic affair?

Kirshenbaum helps readers figure out what’s missing in their marriage, and how to decide between two people you love. She’ll help you learn how to stop cheating in a relationship…or decide if you should end your marriage.

How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship – She BlossomsIn How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald will help you avoid the problems that doom marriages after affairs, give you skills to cope with your partner’s obsessions and “triggers,” and help you find ways to undo the damage from your lies and cheating. If you want to stop cheating in a relationship, you need to learn the difference between helpful and harmful apologies, and focus on rebuilding your broken life, relationships, and integrity.

I welcome your thoughts below on how to stop cheating in a relationship. Tell your story, for you might find that writing about your affair can bring you clarity and insight. I have no advice to give, but I can offer my support and encouragement.


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35 thoughts on “How to Stop Cheating in Your Relationship”

  1. I don’t know why I don’t stop cheating on my wife with a lot of girls though she is the most good person to me and I don’t know why iam not satisfied with her I have tried to stop it but I still find myself in the same please what should I do to find the joy in my own wife and what could be wrong

  2. OMG..thank you. You’re right on point. After several years of telling my husband of 28 years that I was emotionally starving, I allowed God’s comforting hand to keep me (I never out right lied or cheated on him & had plenty of opportunity to do so)… Then it happened. After yet another big blow up argument (over the same thing) out of sheer weariness – I let my guard down, reached out to a friend (married also) we both know (James) and began calling, texting and sending intimate pics to him. I did this out of anger, resentment and frustration against my hubby. Yet I am oddly comforted because there has been low key heavy petting/kissing — no sexual intercourse., However, at the same time I can’t help but think if I continue with this emotional affair – sexual intimacy WILL occur. Since day 1 of meeting him 10 yrs ago there was ALWAYS an unmistakable electric current between us but we kept it in check over the years.
    Now after a month of lying, sneaking to see him he says he’s in love with me & really does not want to just let me go. I kept asking myself WHY can’t I leave this married man alone? He’s become like a drug for me & I could not figure out why – until I read your article. I have MS degree in Psychology & know what my triggers are. Yet, I am completely at a loss to just stop seeing, texting,, calling & meeting with him. James feeds my psych, emotions, excellent sense of humor & oh how I LOVE laughing & being told how gorgeously sexy I am especially @60. I used to model professionally & still have the body of a 35-40 year old :) Anyway, thanks for listening. I welcome ANY advice. I tried cold turkey with James & it did not work either time. BTW, yes, I do love him, but not in love with him. I do not think I am still in love with my husband as PAINFUL as that is to acknowledge for me. James is the only one totally aware of the physical abuse my husband has done against me within the last couple years & has not hid his anger about it from me. (emotional ties yikes).
    Ok, 1 last thing: Why yes, hubby & I tried counseling to improve communication skills but unfortunately he literally got up and walked out during our last counseling session because he did not want to do the work involved to improve building a healthy marriage. This was five years ago. Communication been down hill ever since. I struggle with being faithful because I’m so turned on by James I try to avoid ever being totally alone with him cause I am losing will power. OMG…staying in view in public places limits temptations to kiss, grope & be all over each other. This is tougher than quitting cigarettes after 33 years of smoking – but yet I did it with God’s help. Surely this emotional affair can be stopped with as less pain — as possible.

  3. I had an affair for 3 years, stemmed only from the fact that my wife continued to reject my advances for intimacy (for 10 years). We were in a sexless marriage (defined by having sex 10 or less times per year) the sex was unfulfilling as well,she was not engaged, there was no emotional connection, it hurt like crazy being rejected, so many negative emotions attached to that. Throughout the affair, whilst i was fulfilling certain needs, i felt like crap deceiving and lying to my family. Our affair wasn’t always fantastic, she was quite nasty at times and lied on occasions that affected my trust in her (Karma). We ended the affair and its taken a long time to recover, still recovering. I tried to reconnect with my wife, i broke all contact with the OW and self assessed my own behaviors to make any improvements. But the intimacy is still not there despite working very hard. I bought her flowers, nice lingerie and set a mood one evening to help move things along but all she could say is “what are you up to”, not the reaction i was looking for; the lingerie is still in the box. I don’t know if things will change, i have tried so hard, she tells me its not a priority for her and to move on! I do not want to cheat and lie again, i hate it and the best way forward might be to separate, start a new life, find someone who also finds intimacy important in their life?

  4. I’m in a relationship with a married man. And I really want to refocus on God for Him to help me end this affair. Please help me to gather a list of things that I can do concretely.

    1. God is the only one that can help a person stop cheating. I am a single lady aged 30. Today I broke up with my lover a married man of 39. We have been lovers for three years. As a matter of fact he dis virgin me. He was and still is a perfect gentleman. He loves his wife and three children but we have been sleeping together at least once every month. I tried to let go but every rime he would just increase his show of love with calls, care, gifts and concern. Surprisingly he balances the relationship perfectly. He calls me secretly and lavished his wife and children with so much care. I knew I was wrong so I began to seek God on the matter. I wanted to be free. I wanted to draw closer to God without constantly thinking of my sin. God helped me, I began to build a stronger intimacy with God by studying and meditating the word of God. Also by praying without ceasing. The more I did this, the more it began to dawn on me that I had to walk away from this risky relationship. I told him, he didn’t take it easy. He was sad but I know with time he would heal. For me I had healed even before I told him. God had healed me now am focused on seeking God and living a life of purpose

  5. I need help…..I have been with my boyfriend who I love very very much and who I know is the one for a little over a year. I have cheated on him 4 times now…and I can’t figure out why..well the first two were because he was not emotionally available and I actually ended the relationship because he wasn’t trying to work on it. But time passed and he went to therapy and said he has bettered himself and so I gave him another shot. And since we have gotten back together I have cheated on him with 2 people. I thought that I could stop this problem on my own. I even went to a therapist to figure out why I continue to make these choices. But I just can’t figure it out. I just want to stop, I want to be able to be loyal and not have to worry about it anymore. And worst of all I don’t know if I should tell him about it or not. I’m so scared of losing him…please help me

  6. My husband is having a affair, base on me not being there. It’s been going on for at least 5 months. He left the house last night bed made in the bedroom he is sleeping in. He took a wash off and wash cloth was wet he let the night light on in the bathroom, downstairs light on and in the kitchen locked the top lock on the door and his work bags was gone. He left at 10 and return around 11:50 which he never does. I notice this morning his work bad was in the same spot and his coffee mug he always take. What to you think really happen for him to come home last night.

    1. start by seeking a place of congregation with good values of the word of God. then find a counselor. help from God is found in His word. the bible says ,renew your mind with the molds character.

  7. I have two beautiful kids with my wife and am so sad that I have cheated on her several times and i have no reason to cheat. I regret so much. But I will heal coz God will give me resilience and heart to overcome forget and move on.

  8. I revised this article — it’s still about “how to stop cheating” — but it offers more in-depth suggestions and tips. Hopefully, it’ll give you another idea or two on how to end the affair and rebuild your marriage or primary relationship.

    What have you tried so far? Make a list of all the ways you’ve tried to stop cheating in your relationship. It’s time to try something new! No more relying on willpower or doing what you’ve always done…instead, you need to do something different.

    So, make a list of the action steps you’ve taken to end the affair. You can do it here or in your private journal. Then, start comparing your list to other ways to stop relationship cheating…I can guarantee you haven’t tried everything!

    Do the work it takes to end the affair. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

  9. I have a wife and 3 beautiful children and I cannot stop cheating on her. I don’t know if it’s the rush of the chase or just intimacy or what, but it’s destroying my life both inside and out. It’s stressing me and every time I hurt her it destroys me even more. The pain in her eyes and the way she looks at me kills me. She deserves so much more, but I don’t know how to stop this addiction that I have.

  10. I have been with my husband for 16 years. I have cheated on him over 10 times. I hate the fact that I’ve been a cheater and I don’t want to cheat on him anymore I want to go to marriage counseling I committed the ultimate betrayal this time. I cheated on him with his brother. I love my husband all together we have seven children. Three are mine and four of them are ours. One of our children died at the age of two and a half months old that just made my cheating worse. I’m very insecure I have low self-esteem and I stay severely depressed all the time. I really want to do right by my husband this time. I feel that I don’t deserve him. He stays so angry with me and constantly throws it up in my face so that I have to live it down every day. When all I want to do is forget about it and move on. I know why I cheat and I know what to do to prevent it from happening. I know that I am deeply in love with my husband and don’t want to lose our marriage. I have asked him about buying those CDs. He’s not willing to spend that kind of money. He believes that if I really love him I will just won’t cheat on him but he can’t get past it. I feel in my heart that my cheating days are over. I’ve never felt this way since the first time I cheated on him. I want to grow stronger and be a better person please help.

  11. Hi im a cheater and with my last affair the guy wants me to have a divorce and go live with him and thats when i realised in so deep down and so very sad ive got 2 daughters who will break when i leave . Ive hurt the guy so badly i feel i wanna die. Please can you help me im so messed up and depressed

  12. hello everyone, I have a serious problem, I am a cheater and a liar. I want to stop this kind of life because I don’t know what exactly makes me to cheat. help me.

  13. I was married and left her for another women I really love this women and I got caught showing my private to some women and her on Facebook I really love the women that I’m wit she’s help me threw so much in my life to think I would or could do this to her many that I’m a horrible person I want to and need to change my ways and my thoughts I need some help wit this so email me and help me out

    1. get out of that relationship, take some time to think about your life n your future,n ask yourself what exactly do you want in ur life n what kind of women you want.

  14. I am having an affair with a married man, I know it’s wrong and we both tried to call it off several times, but we are drawn back to each other like magnets. I have read so many books on how to leave someone you love and even encouraged him to go to marriage counseling. He says to me please don’t leave me, but I feel lost and alone. Should I just cut ALL ties with this man. Never talk to him again ,never text him again ?

  15. Together 17 years

    I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, been married for seven of it. I’m a very messed up person I’ve been messed with all my life, raped I don’t know how many times, sex has been a big role in my life. At one point in my life I thought if you loved me you had to have be intimate with me, haha joke was on me. I really don’t know why I cheat on my husband or how to stop cheating.
    I didn’t cheat on him like once or twice I’ve done it like 10 or 20 times. I don’t want to, I really don’t. It just happens. I know “how can cheating just happen?”
    I don’t get up in the morning and say hey, I think I’m going to find someone to go cheat on my husband with today. I don’t see someone and say “oh he’s cute, I’m going to cheat on my husband with him.” It just happens. Maybe it’s like I was when I was a kid and I thought “if you loved me you had to have sex with me.” My brain twisted to make it ok. I am messed up and I know I will do it again and again and again. And I know we will be looking at a divorce in the near future if I can’t find a way to stop cheating. I love my husband, I know the thing that happened to me as a child had a big impact on my everyday life and I think that’s why my husband stayed so long. He knows about my past and how it impacts me still today.
    I’m not saying it’s OK to cheat in a relationship because it’s not. But sometimes for us girls, our past impacts us and our brains justify cheating to make it ok so we can move on in our everyday lives.

  16. i am on the verge of ending my marriage as i write this. i couldnot stop cheating addicted to seduce all women i meet even on web, wish i could get some help, my wife is disappointed with me since some yrs back and knows all the immature inferior behaviors i have. i feel now that she gave up and she could be dating somebody, that i donot blame her. even a couple of ladys i date knew i am married and have children

  17. I been married for 12 years. I can say that our married life is too complicated. I never felt happy in our relationship. I never felt that he loves me. I did everything to satisfy him especially in sex life just to get his attention to love me fully. But sad to say that I am fail for what I am longing. Time passes by I know that he have another woman. That really makes me crazy. I always keep crying. I felt a self pity to myself. Maybe he can’t blame me if I fall to other man. He is the reason why I cheat him. It really so bad. But I decide to stop this foolishness coz guilt is always in my heart.

  18. I love a women that is thousands of miles away, I say I am Christian but I do not act like it. my wife loves me she knows but has not confronted me yet. help

    1. I m honestly telling u, leave the other. It’s so painful but sooner or later it will happen, she will find someone n she will leave u. I went through that, we worked hard to stay together n meet to stay together, but as much as we madly loved (I still do) each other, he found his way out, he needed someone closer as we all need. No one can live out of txt, calls n skype. I m totally crushed. I thought I was going to get a heart attack out of the pain of losing him, I still feel so sad, ugly n lost. So beg u, find your way out. It won’t work but if u think it will, then make it work ASAP don’t waste anyone’s time at the end an affair of 2 will break the heart of 3.

    2. I had a 6 years relationship. It was successful, caring n loving but we all need to build a life. We both worked hard to make it work until, he said he needed someone too, after that we stayed together successfully for 1 year and a half until he found his way out. I don’t blame him, he needed a real relationship as I have mine. The dreams of a lifetime love are gone now. I have to fix myself now n from there fix my family too, who never knew but were neglected. Picking up the pieces now

  19. I’ve been married for almost 15 years and I am having an affair with a coworker who is also married. I have always suffered from low self esteem and think that is the root of my problem. To feel desired by someone makes me feel worthy. My husband is a great provider and lover but I sacrificed so much in this marriage that no matter what I don’t can’t seem to remain faithful. Maybe it’s a learned behavior from my past relationships where I was cheating on all the time. At the end of the day this is killing me inside. I am going crazy inside. I love my husband and he loves me. Why is it not enough?

    1. I am so in the same shoes. It sucks. 14 years with my wife and out of those 14, for ten years I’ve been with the other woman. I love my wife. She is the mother of my children but I can honestly say I love the other woman as well. I don’t know how to fix this. I feel helpless. I cant continue to live a double life bit idk how to stop. I feel stuck

  20. I have been with my husband for ten years I cheated on him but I don’t want to anymore I want to be with him and only him but every time its going good he brings that I cheated on him all over again so I go and talk to the person that I had cheated with and start talking to him I need help

  21. I think the basis of cheating is because somehow a person is filling a void. What I think is important to know is its temporarily going to numb the pain but not heal it. On the other habd tho in order for there to be healing the person cheating also needs a level of commitment from the one they are cheating on. For example if the cheater has always made effort to conmunicate and their partner tunes it out then sooner or later they will again seek a sympathetic ear. Often the affair starts because the so called victim stopped doing their part.

    1. I agree. I have tried to change my ways but my husband doesn’t make an effort and will never change his ways. I gave up having children for him and maybe I secretly hold a grudge against him because it’s not what I want. I’m afraid of living the rest of my life not getting what I want and need. I just can’t seem to move past it. What is wrong with me?

  22. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for sharing these resources on how to stop relationship cheating! I’m glad the book worked for you, and helped saved your marriage :-)

  23. I stopped my husband from cheating. I was devastated with I found out he was having an affair, but a friend gave me this book, I read it and now my marriage is stronger than ever. The book is called “Learn How To Stop Him From Cheating” and it was helpful.

  24. I read “Learn How To Stop Him From Cheating” by GM Robert and it helped me regain my marriage. My husband is working, back home and I’m so happy. I highly recommend the book to all couples.