Relationships are confusing at the best of times – but when your boyfriend is sending mixed signals, it can be frustrating and mind-boggling. Here’s what to do when you’re confused about your relationship.
These tips are inspired by a reader’s comment and question…
“I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs space…he doesn’t need me around 24/7. He gets upset with me if I go home at night. We have been shopping for cars, furniture, but then he turns the other way. His phone is always connected to him. I would love to look through it but I don’t want to be that person. I respect his privacy even at my expense. Please help!”
It sounds like her boyfriend is sending mixed signals, which is so confusing! He wants her to be around, yet wants his space. Sometimes this a normal part of building a relationship, and sometimes it’s indicative of a more serious problem.
What to Do When You’re Confused About Your Relationship
This reader left her comment on my article about knowing if your husband is cheating. I assume she’s worried he’s cheating on her – and that’s why she wants to look through his phone. A big part of me thinks that if you think your partner is cheating, then he probably is. Your subconscious is picking up on things that you don’t want to admit to yourself or to others.
Are you confused about your relationship? Here are a few steps to take…
Is it time to start shopping for cars and furniture together, or is it time to take your relationship one date at a time? We SO often rush into relationships, which is what makes them confusing.
How long have you and your boyfriend been dating? If it’s less than a year, then it’s too early to start meshing your finances, children, and furniture. It’s far better to take your time and really get to know him before you dig into his life – and his phone.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Trust your gut
Why do you want to look through his phone? Because you don’t trust him for some reason. What is your gut telling you about your relationship? Is it confusing because there’s something wrong?
If your instincts are screaming at you, do yourself a favor and listen to them. Trust them. Follow up on your hunches. This means TALKING to your boyfriend about how you feel when he turns away. And LISTEN to what he says both verbally and nonverbally – because he is telling you the truth about your relationship.
Or, maybe your boyfriend is simply moody and unpredictable. Here’s an article I wrote for a reader whose boyfriend has extreme emotional swings: How to Cope With a Moody and Unpredictable Boyfriend.
Give your boyfriend – and yourself – room to breathe
Are you smothering him? Are you forgetting to take time and space for yourself, to stay connected to who you are? If you’re not giving your boyfriend space, you’ll lose something precious.
Part of giving your boyfriend space is NOT checking his phone. In the dating stage, people need their privacy! After you’re married – or when you get engaged – then you have the right to check his phone and have his passwords. Before then, it’s just an invasion of privacy.
What do you think – how will you handle your confusion about your relationship? You can ignore it and hope everything works out, or you can tackle it head on. There is no right or wrong way – it depends on where you’re at emotionally, physically, and even professionally!
If you don’t feel confident about your relationship, read How to Gain Confidence and Create Healthy Relationships.
I welcome your comments below, but I can’t offer advice. You may find that writing does help you gain clarity and insight, though…especially if you’re confused about your relationship! Writing can help you figure out how you feel and what step to take next.
Follow your heart. But take your brain with you.