Sometimes an affair is “just” a short-term fling, never to happen again….but not always. Here are five reasons to believe your boyfriend will keep cheating on you. These tips are inspired by a reader whose boyfriend cheated; she wants to know if she can trust him again.
“I just found out that my boyfriend of almost 3 years cheated on me,” says Viv on Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship After a Secret Love Affair. “I found a video of him and some girl, I am so sickened. I have a 7 month old baby with him, and he’s known to have a long past with other women. He claims he did this because he was filling a void, he said I didn’t pay him enough attention when having sex or initiate it enough. Now we have sex more often, but I hate this feeling of being betrayed. My biggest question is ‘Will he cheat on me again?’ I want to trust him but I can’t.”
While there are no surefire signs that a boyfriend will cheat again, there are certain indicators that he isn’t the most trustworthy or reliable man to be in a relationship with. One is having a long past with other women; another is blaming his girlfriend for his own choice to cheat. If you’re wondering if your boyfriend will cheat on you again, these five signs will help you see your relationship more clearly…
In the rest of her comment on my article about rebuilding trust, Viv said she and her boyfriend are trying to work on their relationship. “I KNOW I am probably just asking for more heartache,” she says, “but I wanna believe people can change and I am worth that change. I guess I am just looking for hope. Can people really change and we will I be able to trust him again? Should he let me see his cell phone if that would help me trust him? Please help!”
I think Viv should trust her gut. She says she knows she’s probably just asking for more heartache if she continues this relationship. She believes deep down that her boyfriend will cheat on her again. She is trusting her gut instincts, and she’s hearing that still small voice that is telling her the truth about her relationship.
What about you? What is that still small voice telling you about your relationship? Feel free to share in the comments section below. Better yet, work through your fears and truths in your own private journal. Writing has an almost magical way of helping us discern the truth and be honest with ourselves.
5 Signs Your Boyfriend Will “Repeat the Cheat”
The problem isn’t her worth and value as a woman. She’s smart, loving, kind, compassionate, and invested in her relationship with him. The problem is her boyfriend, and her inability to see the signs that he will cheat on her again.
1. Your gut is warning you that he will cheat again
This is the most important sign your boyfriend will cheat on you again: your gut instincts or intuition.
Your intuition is almost always right, but you ignore it most of the time, don’t you? Your gut instincts are picking up on things that your brain and heart aren’t ready to accept. In this case, the most important thing to do is learn why your boyfriend cheated on you.
If your boyfriend blames his affair on you, read 8 Reasons People Cheat in Relationships.
You want to believe he won’t cheat on you again, but I can’t give you that hope. Not because I know the future, but because I trust you to tell me what you really think about your relationship. You are smarter than you realize, and you know the truth. It may be buried deep, but you know what’s true about you, your boyfriend, and your relationship.
2. Your boyfriend blames you for his affair
He’s not going to change if he doesn’t accept responsibility for cheating on you. Abusive men do this, too – they blame their partners for their violence and anger. They don’t admit to themselves or others that their cheating is THEIR fault, not their girlfriend’s fault.
If your boyfriend is saying that he cheats because of things you say or do – or things you don’t say or do – then he will keep cheating on you. You will never measure up, never be good enough. Why? Not because of who you are, but because the bar will always be changing. You’ll never be able to keep up with what he wants.
3. You don’t trust your boyfriend
Do you trust your boyfriend? No. If you did, you wouldn’t be searching for signs he will cheat on you again. Other indications that you don’t trust your boyfriend include looking through your boyfriend’s cell phone so you can check his messages and conversations. Snooping through his coat pockets, rooting through his closet or dresser drawers.
Spying and checking up on your boyfriend isn’t a way to stop him from cheating again. It will just introduce more paranoia and distrust into your relationship! I think it’s good and healthy for couples to have access to each other’s phones and email accounts, but not for the purpose of checking up on each other.
If you think he’s being dishonest, read 9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating.
4. Your boyfriend has a history of cheating on women
I don’t know how old my reader Viv’s boyfriend is, but she mentioned that he’s been with a lot of women. He has a history of emotional and physical affairs, and he’s cheated on his other girlfriends. This is a clearcut, surefire sign a man will cheat again. I may have said there are no “surefire signs” that a boyfriend will keep cheating, but history tends to repeat itself. So if your boyfriend has cheated in the past, he will probably cheat on you again.
It hurts. There are no easy ways to heal the pain when a boyfriend has been unfaithful. It’s important to remember that learning to trust a man – and yourself – takes time. My friend’s husband cheated with her best friend; it took my friend five years to trust her husband again. They have rebuilt their relationship, but it took a lot of hard work, time, and energy.
5. You don’t think you’re enough for your boyfriend
Your boyfriend’s one night stand isn’t about you or what kind of woman you are. It’s about his lack of respect, love, and control. He blames you for his affair, but it’s all his fault. Don’t let him pass the buck to you.
You need to accept that you can’t change your boyfriend, but you can change how you see yourself! Don’t accept his perspective of you. Create your own vision of who you want to be, and how you want to raise your child. Be the woman you deserve to be – and don’t settle for life with a boyfriend you’re scared will cheat on you again and again.
If you need concrete proof of your boyfriend’s affair, read Is He Cheating? How to Be Your Own Private Investigator.
I welcome your thoughts on your boyfriend – and if he’ll cheat on you again – below. I can’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share your story. Sometimes it helps to write about what happened, why you think your boyfriend cheated, and if you trust him to not cheat again.
Help Deciding if You Can Trust Your Boyfriend
In I Love You But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, Mira Kirshenbaum describes how to restore trust in your relationship again, regardless of how it was damaged. She also explains how to know if you can trust him after cheating, and if your relationship is worth working on.
Kirshenbaum is a couples therapist; she helps people understand the stages by which trust is restored, and how trust increases when the rebuilding process is allowed to take place.
In After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Dr Janis Abrahms Spring teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from the shattering crisis of an emotional or physical affair. This book will take you beyond the “signs your boyfriend will cheat again” to the more in-depth affair recovery process.
Dr. Spring has practiced as a clinical psychologist for over 35 years, and offers a series of original and proven strategies that address such questions as:
- Why did my boyfriend cheat on me?
- Once love and trust are gone, can I ever love or trust again?
- Can I – should I – recommit to my cheating boyfriend?
- How do we become emotionally and physically intimate again?
- Is forgiveness possible?
- What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?
In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, Dr Abrahms is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To.
May you find healing and wisdom in your life. May you experience love and forgiveness in your relationship – whether or not you decide to stay with your boyfriend. And may you experience the peace that surpasses all understanding.