Is it time to break up, or work harder on your relationship? Here are three signs you should start the process of breaking up with your boyfriend…
Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can and Should be Saved by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi is an excellent place to start. I can’t give you all the answers here – you need to figure out if you’re being realistic about your relationship. And, you need to learn how to listen to your heart and soul. Is your boyfriend a good man?
I was inspired to write this article because of a reader’s comment. She asked if she should leave her relationship or keep trying, after reading my article about codependent relationships. From her comment alone, I saw three signs I think it’s time to break up with her boyfriend.
Here’s what she says: “I don’t know whether to give up on this guy or stick it out. We haven’t been together long but so far it had been great, he seems to really be into me … We just had a big fight for three days about a scare with a STI, it was just an overreaction on his part, just a rash. I know he was scared but he ignored me for 10 days instead of communicating with me. He says we’re fine now but it feels like I’m the only one putting in any effort. We haven’t seen each other since the fight a couple days ago. It makes me sad that he doesn’t act the same as before. Do I move on or wait it out? I try to talk to him but he just gets frustrated and I feel like I’m nagging. How do I make a choice?” on Should You Give Up on Your Relationship or Try to Make It Work?
I don’t know how long they’ve been together and I can’t tell her if she should break up with her boyfriend. But, I can share what I think based on her comments alone…
3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up
Unrealistic expectations. “We haven’t been together long, but so far it’s been great.” My friend, it’s almost always great at the beginning of a relationship! Of course he’s really into you: you and he are in the throes of new love. If a guy is attentive and loving at the beginning of a relationship, it’s NOT a sign he’ll be attentive and loving after three months, a year, or 10 years. It’s unrealistic to expect him to change.
Everything is roses at the beginning of a relationship. If it’s not, then it’s time to break up with your boyfriend. Relationships get more difficult as time progresses, not easier. (Well, in some ways they get easier IF you learn how to communicate, compromise, and respect each other).
If you really don’t want to break up, read 5 Ways to Deal With Relationship Problems.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Lack of communication. Conflict and arguments don’t mean a bad relationship. But, feeling like you’re doing all the work and not feeling like you’re connecting enough are signs of a bad relationship. Not communicating for days isn’t a good sign, and feeling like you’re a nag is even worse!
If you and he aren’t communicating, then you need to invest the time and energy it takes to learn how to communicate better. You both have to be willing to work on your communication skills. Maybe this means reading relationship books together, or going to workshops as a couple. My husband and I took the Nonviolent Communication course – it was fabulous. Taking workshops like that will help you see if it’s time to break up.
Contradictory views of your relationship. If you think you’re the only one putting effort into your relationship but he thinks everything is hunky dory, then your perspective and views of your relationship don’t match. This may be a sign you should break up with your boyfriend if you BOTH can’t change your expectations and meet in the middle. If he’s happy with the way things are (which is common in relationships) but you aren’t (again, this happens a lot), then you need to talk about how to align your perspectives.
I think the bottom line is this: if you aren’t happy with the way your relationship is right now and if he isn’t willing to work on it to make it better, then you should break up with him. To make a relationship work, both partners need to make concessions and sacrifices. One person can’t do all the work.
That’s my opinion about whether it’s time to break up with your boyfriend. What do you think of these signs it’s time for a breakup?