Wouldn’t it be awesome to stop playing the “he loves me…he loves me not” game? These signs he loves you will help you see your boyfriend’s love (or lack of it) more clearly.
“My boyfriend totally runs hot and cold on me,” says Tamra on 5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You. “One day he’s all lovey dovey and wants to hang out all day and night. The next day I can’t find him anywhere. I want to believe my boyfriend loves me but sometime I think he’s just using me because he’s bored or something. How do I know if he loves me? He’s never said it but that don’t mean anything.”
Different people show love in different ways – which is why Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. That book is about giving and receiving love in a way that is meaningful and unique to you. But, there are universal signs of true love, all of which involve how he treats you. Reading the signs your boyfriend loves you is the first step; the second is learning to speak each other’s “love language.” First, here are the signs he loves you…
“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct,” writes Chapman in The 5 Love Languages. “I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.”
Do you feel loved by your boyfriend? Do you feel like he’d choose you again, if he had the chance to ask you out on a date again?
I know I love my husband because if I had the chance to marry him again, I would! In less than a second. So, ask yourself this: do you love your boyfriend? Maybe that’s the more important question. Choose wisely, my friend. Instead of trying to figure out how to make your boyfriend love you, focus on discovering whether or not you really love him. A man can make or break the rest of your life.
5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love With You
Trust your intuition. You can take all the relationship tests and love quizzes in the world, but the only test or quiz you need is your gut instincts.
If you’re like Tamra and you think your boyfriend is just using you, then you are right. You think he’s using you because he IS using you. You are smart and perceptive, and you need to listen to that still small voice inside of you that is telling you the truth.
Be strong. Don’t waste your time wishing these “signs he loves you” into existence. Instead, admit the truth to yourself and move forward if you need to.
You are worth more than you know.
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1. He treats you with respect, gentleness, and love
When I was dating my husband before we were married, I was told to pay attention to the way he treats his mother. If your boyfriend or husband treats his mom poorly (by disrespecting her, arguing, criticizing, ignoring, even abusing, etc), then he’ll probably treat you just as badly.
If your boyfriend insults you and calls you names, it’s not a sign he loves you. If he picks fights with you or criticizes you, then he doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. If he hits you, he doesn’t love you. You know the signs of love, and you know if your boyfriend is in love with you or if he’s just using you.
2. Your boyfriend listens to you – an obvious sign he loves you
Sure, we all drift in and out when someone is talking to us; it’s normal. If he misses stuff you say here and there, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. But, if you never feel heard because he is watching tv, playing video games, hanging out with his pals, working all the time, or never home, then it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. You need to re-evaluate your relationship. Both of you need space – your boyfriend needs his time alone, and so do you. But you also need to communicate and have conversations that make you feel like you’re emotionally connected as a couple.
Are you staying with your boyfriend even though you know he doesn’t really love you? Get out before it’s too late! Read the comments section of 13 Ways to Get Money to Leave Your Husband – you’ll see how painful and sad it can be to get stuck with a man who doesn’t care about you.
3. He encourages you to be healthy and happy
I’m reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay right now, and I love it. It’s about becoming a whole, healthy, happy woman – and that’s the first and most important step to being in a good relationship. Honestly, if you don’t love yourself, it doesn’t matter if you find all or none of the signs he loves you.
Before you keep searching for signs he loves you, it’s important to figure out whether you love yourself. Are you happy and whole by yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you honor your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? Can you stand up for yourself? If you can answer “yes” to those questions, you’re more able to discern whether or not he really loves you. The problem comes when we don’t love ourselves.
If you don’t love or respect yourself, you won’t be able to recognize the signs that your boyfriend or anyone loves you.
4. He wants to make you happy
A sign my husband loves me is that he tries really hard to make me happy.
How does he try to make me happy? He talks about our relationship (even though he’d rather just let things hum right along), he goes along with all the changes I propose (even though he’d rather stick to the routine), and he cares what I think about him. He does things to make me happy. He thinks the world of me, and would do anything in his power to make sure I feel safe, loved, and cared for.
How does your boyfriend show his love? If he truly loves you, one of the best signs is his willingness to make you happy.
5. Your boyfriend cares about how you feel
For me, it’s not about gifts, flowers, chocolates, or even chores around the house. I feel loved by “words of affirmation”, which is one of the five love languages. Do you know how you feel loved – how you receive love? If not, read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. If you don’t know how you receive love, then you’ll have a hard time determining if he really loves you.
If you don’t recognize any of these signs he loves you in your relationship, why are you still with him? If he doesn’t make you feel loved or show his love, then it’s time to learn how to be happy single.
Are you confused and unsure? Read How to Stop Going Back and Forth in Your Relationship.
And, take Louise Hay’s advice: “Think thoughts that make you happy. Do things that make you feel good. Be with people who make you feel good. Eat things that make your body feel good. Go at a pace that makes you feel good.”
It’s so easy to forget how important these “little” things are! Yet if we can’t remember how to do things that make us happy, then how can we expect our partners to make us happy? At some point, it’s not about finding signs he loves us…it’s about loving ourselves cleanly and freshly.
I welcome your thoughts on these signs he loves you. I can’t give advice, but sometimes writing about how you feel can help you move forward and become happier, healthier, and stronger.
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If you need relationship help, get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage - and FREE advice, no strings attached.