Of course you need to be loved – we all do! But you also need to face signs he doesn’t love you anymore. Here’s how to know if your boyfriend or husband’s feelings have changed, and what to do in response.
The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can break free and fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.
And you do deserve to be in a healthy, happy, strong love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve something better? Are you allowing yourself to believe your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you because you’re not good or interesting enough? If so, it’s time to change how you think about yourself. Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect…and we let our partners treat us badly. The first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
Before you scroll through these signs your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you, know that there is no “correct” way to show love in a relationship. Some couples are closer than others. Some couples are happy being glued at the hip, while others need distance, time, and space.
Distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy. “Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”
If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level.
That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.
8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You
Your first step is to consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Don’t be afraid of accepting that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself.
Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom.
Men come and go, but your relationship with God and yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend or husband loves you; what’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life.
1. You’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you
You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your partner, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you figure out if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want to be loved.
What is the truth about your relationship, and are you willing to face the idea that he’s not in love with you?
The other possibility is that he IS in love with you, but he doesn’t show love the way you want to be shown love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband just loves you differently than you want to be loved.
2. You don’t trust him
If your boyfriend or husband cheated on you but you can’t forgive him, then your intuition may be picking up on signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before it’s too late.
Are you sure he’s not in love with you? Read How to Find the Strength to Get Out of a Bad Relationship.
3. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough
How do you feel when you’re around him? Do you feel secure, cherished, and valued? That’s a sign he loves you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.
This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for over 10 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure as a beloved, precious, lovable child of God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.
When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you – which is how he “makes” you feel – be open to the idea that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.
4. He isolates you from your friends and family
This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous practice that men who are abusive do to their partners.
Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s a sign he doesn’t love you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship, and it’s a sign you should leave him.
5. He steals from you – and uses you
Did you know that borrowing money without paying you back is stealing? So is using your car, gas, and other items without some sort of fair trade arrangement. If he uses your body, mind, and possessions without giving anything in return, then he doesn’t love you.
Listen to the still small voice. Don’t allow your wishes to carry your imagination away! Don’t let your yearnings control you. Be aware of the signs he doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about how your boyfriend or husband treats you.
It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with love.
6. He doesn’t support your dreams
If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If he doesn’t want you to succeed or achieve, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.
Are you and your partner supporting each other to grow emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? Another sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together, you’re more likely to be happy as a couple.
7. He lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you
Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.
I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I believe YOU know.
You might be afraid to face the truth. However, I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you! Here’s an article I wrote about men who “talk the talk” but don’t “walk the walk”: When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.
8. He doesn’t listen to or respect you
Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your partner listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe it should be one of the first signs he loves you: he respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.
What do you do if you recognize your boyfriend or husband in these signs he doesn’t love you? Talk to him.
“Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”
How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You
If you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after losing my sister; I needed help letting go so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I learned how to break free from the past and find peace in my life.
Don’t ignore the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and believe that you are worth love. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.
Do you need to make changes in your relationship and your life, or are you content to stay where you are? If you’re content to stay where you are, then you might have to pretend you never saw these signs he doesn’t love you.
I welcome your thoughts below, but I can’t offer advice about your relationship or these signs he’s not in love with you. But still, I encourage you to write about how you feel! Writing is how we process our emotions, how we find and listen to the still small voice that knows what we need to do.