Should I Give Him a Second Chance?


Your boyfriend cheated on you, and now he wants a second chance to prove he loves you. You’re confused and scared he hasn’t changed.

Should you give him a second chance?

Here’s what a reader says, on 7 Signs Your Marriage May Be Over: “We were married for six months when he started cheating on me. I’m his second wife and I thought that things would be different for us. I found out through social media that he cheated on me, and I hid it from everyone including my family. I was protecting him. He went back overseas, and since then has been calling and wanting me back. I’m confused about whether to give him a second chance. I’m scared he hasn’t changed at all, but at the same time I’m still hoping for a miracle. Do I give him the chance to come back?”


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Can you trust him again?

The first thing to decide is whether you can rebuild your relationship and learn to trust your boyfriend again. This is incredibly difficult! It’s hard enough for some women to trust men in general, much less a man she loves who lied and cheated on her.

Take a deep breath, and think about it: can you trust him not to cheat on you again? If so, then maybe you should give him a second chance.

If you’re confused, read How to Forgive and Trust Your Husband After He Cheated on You.

Why did he cheat on you?

There is never a “good” reason for cheating, but some reasons are more understandable than others. It’s like on Friends, when Ross cheated while they were on a break in their relationship. That’s not “cheating” the same way it is when you’re actively married or together.

What was your boyfriend missing – why did he cheat on you? Knowing his reasons for cheating may help you (and him) determine if he’ll cheat again.

If you’re still confused, read 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Will Cheat on You Again.

When you should NOT give him a second chance

I don’t think the reader who wrote the above comment should give her husband a second chance to prove himself because she herself said she’s “hoping for a miracle.” There are things she knows about her husband, signs that she can’t trust him not to cheat again. Her gut instincts are sending her red flags. She is confused and afraid – and I think that’s a HUGE sign that she shouldn’t give her husband a second chance.

Also, he didn’t tell her that he cheated. She found out by accident. He would’ve kept lying and hiding his affair for as long as he could, and he would’ve cheated with someone else when this affair ended. I think it would be a mistake for her to give him a second chance…but who am I to give advice?

In Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back?, I list 16 questions for people trying to decide if their relationship is worth a second chance. Have a look – it may help you make this decision.

What do you think – what is your gut telling you about giving a man a second chance after he cheated?

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