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How to Lend Your Boyfriend Money Without Regretting It

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Here’s what you need to know before you lend your boyfriend money. Financial loans are one way to show your love and support – but you need to protect yourself! Typically, I’d say it’s never a good idea to lend a boyfriend money. But sometimes you just can’t or don’t want to say no.

If you decide to help your boyfriend with a loan, protect yourself. Below I describe how a contract or financial agreement is a good idea (even though it’s often difficult to ask a guy you’re dating to sign a loan agreement). If you already know you could never ask your boyfriend to sign a loan agreement, read How to Deal With Money Stress After a Breakup.

Another way to protect yourself is to learn about your own “money personality.” Are you a saver or a spender? What is your relationship with money? The more you learn about you and your financial perspective, the wiser you’ll be when it comes to making and spending money. More often than not, the financial choices we make are unconscious and fear-based because, when it comes to money, most of us feel out of control. Some of us – like your boyfriend – have out-of-control relationships with money. And their problem compounds and affects others.


Financial loans can be a kind and thoughtful way to support your boyfriend when he’s having money problems, but money often causes problems in relationships. If there’s another way to support your boyfriend, find it. Bringing money into a love relationship rarely brings joy or happiness to couples.

How to Lend Your Boyfriend Money Without Regretting It

Here’s a good way to decide if you should lend your boyfriend money: would you let your grandmother or mom give him a financial loan? If the answer is no, then you know you shouldn’t lend him money. You know your boyfriend is asking you for money because he doesn’t handle money well. He may be a great guy, but not someone you or anyone else should lend money to.

If you do decide to give him money, these five tips will protect you. A little. They won’t guarantee you get your money back, but they will show your boyfriend that you’re serious about wanting your money back.

1. Know why your boyfriend needs the money

Before you lend him money, find out what it’s for. This may help you decide whether or not you should lend the money. Only lend your boyfriend money to help him survive. I’m talking about paying the rent, buying food, paying bills, taking care of children’s needs, buying food for his hungry dog. Never lend money for plastic surgery, vacations, financial investments, gambling, or video games. If you don’t trust your boyfriend to spend your money wisely, say no. Find other ways to support him.

2. Ask your boyfriend to sign a financial agreement or contract

Memory “hiccups” and bouts of forgetfulness may be normal in everyday life, and are practically guaranteed when it comes to financial loan agreements and repayments! It doesn’t matter if you’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for three months or three years; you need to take certain precautions when lending money.

Even thinking about a contract or signed agreement raises questions about trust and love relationships — but you have to get your financial agreement in writing if you’re lending money to your boyfriend or girlfriend. A moment of discomfort while you and your partner agree on the loan terms and signs the contract is much better than not remembering how much money you loaned to your friends or family members later! You don’t want to get stuck with debt later on.

If you’re afraid to ask your boyfriend to sign a contract, read How to Ask Your Boyfriend for What You Want.

3. Put everything in the financial agreement or contract

Even if you’re convinced that you can attract financial abundance even if your boyfriend never pays you back, you need to do everything you can to ensure your money returns to you.  This tip for lending money to someone you love involves being very specific:


  • How much money you’re lending
  • Whether you’ll be repaid in full or with a payment plan
  • The dates of the loan repayment or payment schedule
  • What will happen if your partner doesn’t pay the loan on time
  • What – if anything – you’ll take in lieu of payment (a car, housekeeping or renovation services, etc)

These tips for lending money to your boyfriend will help you stop fighting about money in your relationship.

4. Know that emails and texts are legally binding contracts

You can lend money to your boyfriend even if he is in a different country; he doesn’t need to be physically present to make a loan agreement legal. As Judge Marilyn Milian says, a contract written on toilet paper with a crayon is legal and enforceable! That said, however, it’s also helpful to describe the terms of the loan in your email or text message. Make sure your boyfriend responds with an email or text message agreeing to the loan terms.

5. Get a friend, family member, any type of witness to sign the contract

If you have a contract signed by both parties, you don’t actually legally need a witness…but it can’t hurt! If you end up having to sue your boyfriend in court for the loan repayment (which happens all the time), a witness can be valuable in helping you win your case.

Another consideration is how long you and your boyfriend have been together. If you’ve only been dating for a short time and he’s already asking for money, read 5 Relationship Mistakes You Might Be Making.

In peace and passion,

Laurie

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12 thoughts on “How to Lend Your Boyfriend Money Without Regretting It”

  1. My boyfriend wants me to take out a $22,000 personal loan so he can buy a Jeep. He has been having financial difficulties. He has his heart set on it, and I feel bad saying no. My fear is that this is a large sum of money and a big loan to have on my credit. We’ve been arguing about it, and he’s taking it as though I don’t trust that he will pay me back.

  2. We’ve been friends for 8 years but been dating for 2 months. He is financially challenged at the moment but I know he’s a hard worker. He is outstanding with his kids school fees, he didn’t even want to tell me but I could see something was wrong so I insisted that he tells me whats going on and he send me the kids school statement. Should I assist him?

  3. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Victoria,

    Yes, you should start saying no when your boyfriend asks to borrow money! You should only lend money to your boyfriend if 1) you have a contract with him that stipulates when he’ll repay you; and 2) you’ve been dating for more than a year.

    Do not lend your boyfriend more money. Tell him you like him alot, but you can’t afford to keep giving him money. Also, ask when he can repay you the money you’ve already loaned him.

    By the way – how WILL he repay you? What are his plans for getting his own money?

  4. It’s 9 months since I’ve started to see someone new. I Love him. I’m convinced that he loves me.
    It’s obvious that my job generates more income than his and he also has a son that he has to support.
    Within the 9 months, I’ve lent him money more than 9 times. Sometimes small amounts, sometimes a lot more. There’s always a reasonable explanation as to why the cash is needed. There’s always a promise to repay but none of the loans has been repaid so far.
    My question is: should I start to say no? Should I start to worry that I’ll never be repaid?

  5. I recently started working with women who are leaving abusive relationships, and am learning that money is almost always involved! Think twice about lending money to your boyfriend, because his financial problems might be a sign of deeper issues in his life.

  6. I wish you luck, Joy, as you loan your boyfriend $24,000. GET IT IN WRITING, and keep track of the payments he makes.

  7. I trust my bf so much that i didn’t hesitate to lend him $24,000. I will get a good timing so we can have written agreement about the loan. Wish me luck.

  8. I don’t think it’s smart to lend boyfriends money, even if you have written agreements in place. I’ve been watching Judge Marilyn Milian for too long – I see girlfriends lose money every day!

  9. I am out $20,000 because I have nothing in writing, My now ex boyfriend told me he would repay me and only made one payment of $1000. I was in love with him at the time and it was so he could live in a condo he didnt qualify for the mortgage and I helped him out and then he got fired and had no job. Years later he is working at a very good job and I emailed him to see if he would pay me and he said I would have to wait he has to pay the taxman first. Seriously never ever lend a boyfriend money without a legally binding agreement or better yet dont lend any friend money ever.

  10. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    A written agreement has nothing to do with trust issues! A written agreement is the smartest thing you’ll ever do if you lend money to your boyfriend or girlfriend. You can trust someone all you want, but you need to have the details of the loan written down.

    Why?

    Because you forget stuff, he forgets stuff. Why trust a faulty memory when you can jot it down and forget about it?

    Also, write down all loan payments, and keep a record of them somewhere safe.

  11. I think that if u have to create a written aggreement to lend money to your girlfriend or boyfriend then u have trust issues. Have a look at your relationship. I give my girlfriend money when she is skint and I dont expect it back because I love her and she would do the same for me. If u have written out a aggreement for the money then rip it up and put your trust in your partner. If you cant why are you together?

  12. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Even though I wrote this article about lending money to your boyfriend or girlfriend, I really don’t think it’s a great idea. I think it causes more problems than it solves, and can even lead to a breakup.