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How to Know When to Give Up on Your Boyfriend

These three big signs you should give up on your boyfriend will help you see it’s time to stop wasting your time on a guy who doesn’t care about you, and start honoring and valuing yourself for who you are.

If you’re asking if you should give up on your boyfriend, then I think you already know the answer. You deserve better, don’t you?

Here’s what a reader said on my article about lending boyfriends money: “My boyfriend keeps asking me to lend him money. The first time I loaned him $50, then $120, and then $50 again. Now he wants to borrow $200. He says it’s to pay his rent, but I don’t believe him. I don’t think our relationship is going anywhere. Should I give up on him? What about the money I lent him, will I get it back?”

I don’t know if this boyfriend will repay his loan – did she ask him to sign a promissory note? Even a text message that says, “Hey, when will you pay back the $200 you borrowed?” and a reply from him that confirms the loan will back the claim that he owes his girlfriend money.

Watching People’s Court, I’ve learned that many, many women do many, many, MANY things for their boyfriends out of “love” when they should instead be asking this question: Should I give up on my boyfriend because he takes and takes and takes without giving anything back?

How to Know When You Should Give Up on Your Boyfriend

There are many signs of a bad relationship, but if both partners are willing to make an effort, then love can save the day! These signs you should give up on “love” are for women whose boyfriends aren’t willing to make the effort.

Your gut tells you something is wrong

This is the first and most important sign that you should give up on the relationship. If your Spidey senses are tingling and you know your relationship isn’t right, then you need to pay attention to yourself. Stay true to you! Be strong, courageous, and smart.

I already know you’re a strong, smart, brave woman because you had the chutzpah to click on an article called “Should I Give Up on My Boyfriend?” It’s really hard to accept that your relationship isn’t working, and that you have to disconnect, detach, and derail. It’s heartbreaking to let go of someone you love, to break up with someone you’ve been intimate with. It sucks, it hurts, and it’s also embarrassing.

But, it’s better to give up on your boyfriend than keep lying to yourself.

Your boyfriend mistreats you

It breaks my heart that my most popular articles are often about abusive relationships. I’m astounded by how many men walk all over and even abuse their girlfriends and wives. It’s terrible – and these are only a few hundred women on this Quips and Tips blog! Can you imagine how many women in the world are being badly hurt by men, who we never hear from?

If your boyfriend is treating you badly – and that can range from breaking promises to hitting you – then you need to stop asking “Should I leave my boyfriend”, and start reading articles about finding the strength to end  your relationship.

You feel alone in your relationship

when to give up on boyfriendAre you and your boyfriend a team? Do you love and trust each other? Is he willing to work on his issues and the problems you have as a couple? Does he talk to you about how he feels and what he thinks? Is he honest, dependable, and emotionally available?

Give up on your boyfriend if you feel alone or emotionally disconnected – and if he isn’t willing to try to improve your relationship. Give up if you’re tired of doing all the work, and getting nothing in return. Give up if you know in your heart you don’t want to be in the same place next year, wrestling with the same problems, lies, and disappointments.

How does it feel to give up on something – whether it’s a relationship, school, job, pet, or family member? Sometimes it’s a free-ing experience, and other times it’s painful beyond belief.

Read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” – William Shakespeare. Where will you direct your destiny?

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19 thoughts on “How to Know When to Give Up on Your Boyfriend”

  1. You’ll know when it’s right! .. if you’re anything like me your on Google to tell you it’s ok! .. you already knew – TRUST YOURSELF .. you are worth more than anyone you will ever know!! .. Xx Xx

  2. It’s true – some men just can’t or won’t stand up to their adult kids. Other things get in the way and it can be a sign that you should give up on your boyfriend. It really depends on your expectations for the relationship, and what your boyfriend is willing to give and do for you.

    Sometimes men — especially good fathers — need to put their families first. Sometimes their biological children are their first priority, and it’s not about you and your boyfriend…it’s about him and his kids. So there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to make this decision.

    But, Sue, I am sorry your relationship with your boyfriend was destroyed. That is painful, no matter what the reason is.

    – Laurie

  3. Some men will not stand up to their adult children to tell them that their invasive actions are totally unacceptable. Fathers are authority figures and must demonstrate that to their kids. My wonderful new relationship was destroyed because of his selfish and manipulative kids.

  4. I. Was. In. A. Relationship. With a. Man for3 years. He. Drained. Me of. 24000. Dollars. AND still. Ask. For. Money. I. Found. Out. He. Is. A. Scammer.

  5. The trick is being strong enough to make that decision when you know damned well another and better man should be walking in the door right then, to make leaving the rotten one easier, but instead, God holds the better man back until you risk everything, let go of the douchebag, then wait for ten years for the better one to come. By which moment you’re happy alone and can’t be bothered even to LOOK at a man anymore… this is my dilemma. I gave up on men, met an apparent soulmate, found out he’s just a douche and in fact a gay closeted douche…

    And now I am reading this online article, building enough strength to dump gay douche and wait yet another ten years for the next douche to come along :(

  6. I think that anyone searching the internet for advice on if they should give up on their boyfriends already knows the answer in their hearts.

    You deserve better.

  7. Dear Jennifer,

    Yes, I think this is a huge warning sign that you should leave. It sounds like your boyfriend wants you to leave and has asked you to leave, but can’t seem to make you understand that he wants you to leave.

    If you and he were meant to be together, he would not ask you to leave. If this was a good relationship, he would do anything to make you want to stay with him.

    My advice is to give up on the relationship, and let him go. Here’s an article that may help — it will be painful and sad, but it is the best thing to do:



  8. Hi Lauri when a man and a woman is living together and the man tells the woman to leave his resident many times because of agruements and the woman dosn’t leave, but when everything calms down the woman ask him did he mean it when he told her to leave and he says he meant it every time he told her. When she says she will leave him, then he tells her she won’t leave, is this because she didn’t leave before or he won’t let her leave? Do i have anything to worry about? is this a warning sign for me to leave, when he’s telling me i’m not going nowhere and don’t threated him telling him i will leave him? I leave with him it’s been 3 months now.

  9. Hi Valerie,

    Not only am I married, I’m also very happily married! :-) I agree, that both men and women can be users.

  10. Hi Laurie you didn’t answer my question about what are signs that a man is addictive to a woman sexually? And im not a married woman, i never have been married, im single, im just in a relatinship.

  11. Laurie I’m surprised that you’re married to a man everything you talk about is how bad they are, that they are evil spirited monsters. There are going to be guys that are complete users then there are woman who are users as well. Its a two way street when it comes to these issues my dear.

  12. Dear Jennifer,

    I’m not sure what you’re asking. Do you want to be with your boyfriend? Can you accept him for who he is? It sounds like he’s been jumping from woman to woman for a long time. If I were you, I’d give him time to heal and process the end of his last relationship. I wouldn’t want to be the next stop in his line of women.

    What do you want from him, and from your relationship?

  13. I been involved with a man for over a year. He just told me this august he’s in love with me and wants to be with me. He will be 50 years old sept 20 this year. He had an older woman paying his rent every month and his bills. Ive meet her on two bad occasions this month in august. She’s bought him a car, 5 years ago, that he still drives and most of the funiture in his apartment. They been knowing each other for 6 years, he’s told me he wont be in contact with her no more and he also told me this month, another boom shell that he is married and been separated since 2004. We recently went to a paralegal, he paid 200 dolars to start the divorce which will take 6 months. He will pay the last 250 dollars soon. I’ve accepted all this and we still have been arguing alot. I’ ve been living with him for 3 weeks now. What shall i do? Please someone.

  14. Thanks for your comments. I really hope this article helps women walk away from relationships that aren’t working, and save themselves for true love!

  15. It is to long time ago that I had a boyfriend, I am married for almost 50 years and stil very happy, so it is possible just find the right one and get rid of people You do not trust.

  16. Miriam Slozberg (@msmir)

    It is easy to get sucked into bad relationships because you are so afraid to be away from it, and therefore you are “blind”. This is a great post but for those who are not willing to wake up, they will not want to hear it until something pushes them into reality.