Finding the best breakup advice after a relationship ends is tricky, because what worked for me may not work for you. These tips for getting over your ex range from acceptance to counseling, with a couple of practical ideas in between.
One of my best tips for healing from anything is to read about it. Maybe it’s because I’m a voracious reader — or maybe it’s because the relationship breakup advice you find in good books can make a huge difference in your life. If you need help getting over your ex, read Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You.
These tips for overcoming a breakup are from a reader who said: “It’s been a couple years since our breakup and now she has a new guy to be with, I’m happy for her but disappointed at the same time,” he commented on Letting Go of Someone You Love.
“I care about her and I admit that I still have feelings for her. I’ve been trying so hard to forget about her. I apply for a job, meet new people, delete her from my Facebook friends list, anything that help me forget about her. But it seems it’s not working.”
5 Ways to Get Over Your Ex
My reader said his ex broke up with him “out of nowhere.” She didn’t even tell him the reasons why they broke up. That makes it so much harder to heal – when you don’t even know why the relationship broke up! I suggest making absolutely sure you aren’t hiding from the reasons for the breakup. Sometimes we know things, but don’t accept them.
1. Hear and accept the reasons for the breakup
Sometimes we refuse to hear what others are telling us because it hurts too much, or we think they’re wrong, or something is stopping us from really hearing what they’re saying. Being as honest as possible about the reasons for the relationship breakup may help with getting over your ex.
2. Ask yourself two questions
Instead of obsessing about your ex, ask yourself: 1) What was my role in our relationship breakup? 2) How can I work on my issues – is there anything I can read or do to deal with my foibles? Let’s face it: we all have issues, weaknesses, and flaws that make us hard to love. Some things can be worked on, others are just part of who we are. It’s important to find the balance between self-acceptance and healthy growth. Getting over your ex can be about getting emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy.
3. Remember what you did right in your relationship
Remind yourself of the times you were loving, attentive, generous, kind, and compassionate in your relationship. Your relationship was full of good, bad, and neutral times. Don’t make the good times bigger or more meaningful than they were. Rather, look at your relationship objectively: the good, the bad, and the ugly! And remember that you did the best you could…but your relationship simply wasn’t meant to be. Don’t fight the breakup. Accept it.
4. Remember that the relationship breakup happened for a reason
You and your ex weren’t meant to be together. This isn’t the easiest breakup advice to hear, but it’s the truth. You and your ex are not supposed to be a couple at this point in your lives. You have to stop wishing things were different, stop yearning for what you think you’re missing.
5. Consider getting professional help if it’s been longer than six months
If you were together for years, it’ll take longer than six months to get over your ex. But, after six months, the worst of your heartache “should” be over – but it does take different people different amounts of time to heal! You may never be “done” getting over your ex; you may always have love and regret in your heart about the relationship. But, you shouldn’t be obsessing about your ex after six months has passed. If you are, I encourage you to talk to a counselor in person. Find out what’s holding you back from healing.
Imagine TEXTING your way to a better relationship - or even getting your ex back! Text Chemistry: A Simple Way to Use Text Messages to Strengthen Your Relationship.
For more tips for getting over your ex, read Can’t Get Over the Break Up? How to Move Through the Pain.
What’s the best relationship breakup advice you ever heard? I welcome your thoughts below.